Sober Sunrise – Chris S. – Wilmington, DE – 2022
AA speaker Chris S. from Wilmington shares his journey from chronic alcoholism and isolation to spiritual connection and service work through the 12 steps and fellowship.
Chris S. from Wilmington, DE spent a decade as a chronic alcoholic—blacking out every night, losing his family, his jobs, his friendships—before walking into Alcoholics Anonymous in 1989. In this AA speaker tape, he walks through how the steps rewired his spirit, reconnected him to others, and transformed him from someone consumed by self-centeredness into someone whose life is centered on service.
Chris S. describes his journey from childhood anxiety and discomfort with himself through ten years of chronic alcoholism to finding spiritual connection and purpose in recovery. This AA speaker shares how working the 12 steps, making amends, and engaging in service work gradually awakened his spirit and shifted him from toxic selfishness to a life centered on helping others. He breaks down how the promises in the Big Book—fellowship, connection, purpose, and the ability to be useful in crisis—manifest when alcoholics commit to the program and live according to spiritual principles.
Episode Summary
Chris S. opens with a stark contrast: the person he was as an active alcoholic versus who he’s become in recovery. Growing up in the 1950s and 60s, he was an anxious, uncomfortable kid who never fit in—high-strung, preferring isolation to group activities. When he first drank alcohol in his teens, it broke open what he calls the gates of freedom. For the first time, he could connect with others, feel okay with himself. The problem was, he was alcoholic.
Within the first drink, he blacked out. Within a decade, he was a chronic alcoholic—poisoning himself every night, waking up in clothes soaked with vodka or bourbon, working terrible jobs while barely functional, making promises every morning he wouldn’t drink, then heading to the liquor store by afternoon. He understood the consequences intellectually, but couldn’t stop. That insanity—knowing better and doing it anyway—is why Step 1 demands powerlessness.
He showed up at meetings in 1989 in Basking Ridge, New Jersey, broken and skeptical. The early meetings felt bizarre—people talking about their gardens and grandchildren while Chris was dying of alcoholism. But every once in a while, someone would share something real, something that cut through his selfishness. He realized he was in the right place. The one thing he didn’t do was stop coming back.
Exposure to people with real working knowledge of the program changed everything. He listened to workshops and spiritual talks, became inspired by speakers like Joe H., and started actually working the steps—imperfectly, but genuinely. As he moved through the steps, his spirit began to awaken. The Big Book teaches that selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of the trouble. Manifestations of that self—resentment, fear, and poor choices—block us from the Divine. The steps are designed to clear away those blockages.
His spiritual awakening wasn’t a single dramatic event. It was educational, slow, earned through consistent step work and amends. He made direct amends to people he’d harmed—his family had moved six states away, he’d lost jobs, destroyed friendships. When he started working with other alcoholics, he experienced reconnection to the tribe, which he describes as deeply healing. This is what spiritual awakening means to him: connection restored—to others and to God.
The promises in the Big Book’s “A Vision for You” aren’t hype. They’re cause and effect. Work the steps, receive the benefits. Lifelong friendships in the fellowship. A sense that life means something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Among the crazy AA members, you’ll escape disaster together, commence shoulder to shoulder in a common journey, learn what it means to give of yourself so others may survive.
Chris digs into the history of the Big Book’s spiritual roots—how Bill W. was influenced by new thought teachers like Emmet Fox, how the Oxford Group shaped early AA—and recognizes that Bill W. created Alcoholics Anonymous as a non-religious pathway to spiritual experience. It throws the door open wide. No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed.
The change in Chris is remarkable even to himself. Where he was once among the most selfish and self-centered people he knew—making funerals about himself, isolated, miserable—he now spends most of his hours engaged in activities helpful to others. He’s a million times happier. The math doesn’t make sense: give it away to keep it, let go to hang on, but it works. Service work has changed him at depth.
He shares a recent example: his daughter suffered a stroke while vacationing in Colorado. He flew out, spent four days in the ICU, coordinated with hospital staff and family, arranged visits and support. He was calm, focused, not scared, and didn’t make it about himself. That’s the person recovery builds. Someone awake, useful, present—not drowning in emotional turmoil because he’s connected to something larger than himself.
Notable Quotes
The first time I drank alcohol, what alcohol did for me was it made me feel okay with all that stuff. It broke open the gates of freedom.
If I think I can still do something about alcohol going in my body, I’m going to do that and not this. That’s why when I come into Alcoholics Anonymous, I must admit to powerlessness.
I became so preoccupied with alcohol that really that started to become the most important thing—the day I started drinking is the day I turned a corner.
Selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my trouble. I have to throw alcohol on it because I got to have a vacation from that toxic emotional disturbance.
When I’m doing what I wanted to do, doing things that are going to be good for me, I was miserable. Now I’m really trying to figure out ways to be helpful to other people and I’m really happy. The math doesn’t work on that—but God doesn’t care about math.
What is a spiritual awakening? It’s somebody that sees things as they really are. For me to get whacked out emotionally would have taken away from my effectiveness.
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Steps 8 & 9 – Making Amends
Step 12 – Carrying the Message
Spiritual Awakening
Service Work
Big Book Study
Hitting Bottom
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Steps 8 & 9 – Making Amends
- Step 12 – Carrying the Message
- Spiritual Awakening
- Service Work
- Big Book Study
- Hitting Bottom
People Also Search For
▶
Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
welcome to sober Sunrise a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience strength and Hope from around the world we bring you several new speakers weekly so be sure to subscribe whether you join us in the morning or at night there’s nothing better than a sober Sunrise we hope that you enjoy today’s speaker hello everybody my name is Chris I’m an alcoholic it’s really it’s really good to be here this this specific event you know I’ve got so many friends here and you know all the all the speakers are are phenomenal and and I’m just really really glad to be here um you know my topic tonight is a vision for you um reading a little bit about the history of the writing of the big book I think it was one of the first chapters that was written it was it was put in the end of the book but it was one of the first chapters written um a vision for so what I want to do is I want to give you a vision of what it was like for me as an alcoholic because the the difference between the vision of me today and the vision of me as an alcoholic is drastic I’m not even the kind of person I would have liked you know when I was drinking today you know what I mean it’s just it’s like just a Quantum shift but um but I grew up like a lot of us I grew up just not really feeling comfortable with this thing called life I I had a lot of internal turbulence about you know people and situations and responsibilities and you know what was going on I I never was okay with like like what was going on I felt I felt off and I would look around at at the other kids or the other young adults and they they just seemed like everything was fine and so so I learned to act as if everything was fine but but it wasn’t you know I best way for me to describe it is I was uncomfortable with myself and I was uncomfortable with my environment and if you if you uh you know this this is like the the 50s and 60s right so they didn’t throw kids in front of the psychologists or the psychiatrists back then you know they they sent you to Camp or something but but but if you were to put me in front of a a psychologist or a psychiatrist back then they probably would have died diagnosed me with something like childhood anxiety disorder or something you you know what I mean I was a little high strung and U and you know no you know nothing I I just always wanted to just be by myself I felt the most comfortable in my room where you you know nobody could mess with me I didn’t get to go for team sports or you know boy scouts or any that like dancing class you know all that stuff I just couldn’t wait to get out of now now I you know I knew that something was different about me I had no clue what it was but I did notice that the first time I drank alcohol what alcohol did for me was it made me feel okay with all that stuff like like I started I started drinking Four Roses whiskey with a couple of my buddies and and and just moving into the second drink I this is great this is great I want my two best new friends you know this is so cool this is so cool we’re going to do this every day you know and and 10 minutes before you know I was worried about what I was going to say am I going to say something stupid you know so so what alcohol did was it broke open the gates of freedom for me and now I had a connection to you I could connect and I the problem was I was alcoholic right so I would become over served and you know become a violent lunatic or something you know and it would ruin the whole thing but there was a window you know with alcohol where where it did for me what I couldn’t do for myself and it gave me this artificial sense of connection with you and you know from the first time I drank it I became preoccupied with it and the first time I drank it I went went into a terrible blackout came to in a field uh you know with lost time you know you ever have lost time you know it’s just concered you know you’ll you’ll come to in the back of a cop car handcuff and you’ll be like what you know excuse me officer uh you tell me what’s going on you know it’s it’s disconcerting so that’s what happened to me the first time I drank so so you know I so from that day forward I tried to manage my alcohol consumption and it never went well you know I I was I was an abject failure you know managing that now I tried really hard you know I went I went from Four Roses whiskey to what the stuff the kids drink you know the Boon’s farm and the MD 2020 there was some identification there uh Blackberry Brandy Southern Comfort all the stuff that you would never touch once you become a full-blown alcoholic it’s like so much sugar in that stuff you know just give me give me vodka so but so but but that’s the kid stuff right you know and then I I went to beer and I started drinking a lot of beer drank a lot of beer and and and I could somewhat manage you know you know my my blackout experience you know when I when I uh when I drank beer it didn’t always work but but uh for a couple years there went all right and and you know I’m I’m looking back on it and I am captured by this stuff like like I come from I come from a smart family I got a brother and a sister who are both you know five beta cap of PhD from like Caltech and Holy Oak and all this St just you know so I come from a family they were all burdened with minds and uh and you know my mother and father were you know five five baed Kappa whatevers and uh and I come along and and I start drinking right and and so so I I didn’t you know there’s so many things that happened you know beyond my perception one of them was is I became so pre- alcohol uh preoccupied with alcohol that really that started to become the most important thing you know stay after class to get some extra help for the quiz tomorrow uhuh you know I’m I’m going to smoke a couple of joints with my buddy John you know on the way home I just I you know so so like so so looking back on it you know the day I started drinking is the day I I turned corner and and you know I I was I was not able to accomplish really anything I mean I did go to college I’ll tell I’ll tell you this I went to uh uh I went to a college down in Florida the University of South Florida and uh I you know I’m pretty damn I went there for three and a half years and I’m pretty damn proud of the six credits I got I I I still got the paperwork for those um so so you know like you know alcohol and partying I party you know do you party what are you lame you know I party you know what’s wrong with me I I want to have fun I party and that’s really what I thought it was for say the first 10 years and uh you know look looking back on it I mean it you know in alcoholics in Alcoholics Anonymous one of the things that is is absolutely necessary is is is for us to do uh self-appraisals you know you do you do it in in step four you know you do it in Step 10 we’re we’re really supposed to you know uh adequately assess what’s really going on with us and through many decades of doing that that’s given me such a perception of just how screwed up I was and how much trouble I was in but if you would come up to me you know in 1978 said you know you know Chris your uh your alcohol consumption is you know getting a little bit out of control you know you know you’re you’re not doing well in college and you’re probably not going to amount to a whole lot and uh you know you really should take a look at that I’d be like what are you talking about who are you who let you in the party you know I mean it it it just was beyond me so so about 10 years into my drinking I you know I became chronic a chronic alcoholic and what that looks like is that looks like it that looks like blackout drinking every night that is a painful place to be so so this this would be a typical day for me a TP the the vision for Chris you know in in in the80s I’d come to wearing the clothes that I passed out in the night before that didn’t fit me right you know and I’d be stinking of vodka or bourbon it be coming out of my pores because i’ had drank a fifth of it the night before you know and it’s just like I’m poisoned and I you know it’s just it’s just trying to get out of my body all this ethyl alcohol and i’ stagger into the bathroom and i’ throw some water on my face and you do some I I smok non-filter Palm all so I do some vomiting you know that was traditional and and and I’d stagger out to my $100 car and go off to my terrible job you know just shattered shattered right just as illen as you can be and you know the boss would say I want you do this I want you do this I want you do this I’d be like okay by the time I get to the truck what the hell did you tell me to do you know God damn it you know I always have to tell you three times so so like you know my mind isn’t even working and and and the only reason I had a job was because I was working for an alcoholic you know he he was he’d yell out the window and tell you what to do from the second floor go to so and so’s house and try not to start a fire this time I I was an electrici and so so so you know this is going on and and and and I would be feeling so awful that I would be I’d say listen you know God damn it today is the day today’s the day you know I’m I’m not going to drink tonight as a matter of fact I’m I’m going to quit drinking you know that’s what I’m going to do because I don’t want to feel this bad anymore you you you know it’s folks it’s not even a hangover when you’re like a chronic alcoholic it’s alcohol poisoning you know hangovers are for amateurs we get poison you know what I mean so so I’m poisoned and and I’m swearing to God I’m not going to I’m not going to do this anymore and and here’s the strange thing if you would to take if You’ take a lie detector and wrap it around my wrist and say Chris are you going to drink tonight no uh are you even going to quit drinking you know forever yes that NE that needle on that live detector would go to true cuz I meant it with every every fiber of my being that’s a sane and Sound Decision to not poison yourself and and be and have yellow eyes and projectile vomiting and and and lack of cohesive thought you know it that’s a same decision not to do that and and I would mean it and and you know I’d be I’d be doing bad electrical work on somebody’s garage or something and and halfway through the day uh I’d get a half a sandwich down and I’d rehydrate cuz you you always got to rehydrate when you drink like that you got half a gallon old just about do it you know and you know to get rehydrated and I start to feel a little bit human and I start to think about that decision I made you know I made a decision this morning to to quit drinking I got to look at that you know wait wait a minute with that um that that that might be overreaction you know and and so by the time I’m by the time I’m leaving to go home from work I’m on the way to a liquor store now that’s what I’m up against and and the lie I keep telling myself is I changed my mind yeah I know I quit drinking this morning but it was kind of an overreaction I thought more deeply about it and I’ve decided I’m going to go to the liquor store but knowing what I know about putting alcohol in my body and knowing the consequences of what happens when I put alcohol in my body it can all that that decision can only come from a place of insanity it can only come from a place of insanity so so that’s why when I come into alcoholic synonymous I must admit to powerlessness because if I think I can still do something about alcohol going in my body I’m going to do that and not this you you know what I mean so so I I’ve got I’ve got to uh I’ve got to come to that conclusion and I show up in Alcoholics synonymous after 10 years of just ragged drinking and um and I show up in the meetings and it it really was a bizarre experience for me I got I got I got I started going to meetings in early 1989 in a town called BAS Burell New Jersey and they had what was what was discussion meetings okay I didn’t know any better uh you know I I had the meeting book you know they gave me that in treatment so I picked the closest meeting figure it’s an AA meeting what’s the difference right all all these meetings are probably pretty much the same so there’s one at the top of my street I’ll go up there well it was packed with the the the craziest lunatics you’ve ever seen they would just sit there and talk about themselves you know oh here’s what I did today and you know I did some gardening and I made made some cookies for the grandchilden and it was great and then somebody sh yeah you know I the grass was a little high I cut the grass today you know and all there was a good game on TV and you know it was really good and I’m sitting there dying of alcoholism going what the hell is going on first of all I don’t care what you do I don’t care about your day I don’t care about your kids you know I don’t want to hear about any of it what does this have to do with my alcoholism you know what it had to do with my alcoholism nothing it was a close-minded wacky discussion meeting but here’s what happened in that meeting okay you got me every once in a while every blow Moon an alcoholic would share in this in this in this discussion right it wasn’t walking but but every once in a while you know that I was living in a box you know and Sh blood you and I’d be like that’s my guy and and I and it slowly dawned on me that damn it I’m in the right place you know you know yeah I’m 50 times worse in these high bottom you know lawyers and and hedge fun guys but I’m still in the right room you know I’m still in the right room and uh and and I kept coming I kept the one thing I didn’t do was I did not stop going to meetings do you know how many people I watched blow through Alcoholics Anonymous in the last 30 some years you know uh coming in all Gang Busters oh yeah I’m going to get my life together I’m sober you know 6 months where you know where’s bummed out Bob you know where where’s he you know he was he he was going to a meeting every night you know three months you know the inconsistency is the one thing that I did I got right I I I stayed consistent and what happened was I was exposed to some people who had a real working knowledge of the recovery program that’s laid out in this wonderful book alcoholic synonymy and I got inspired you know uh uh Peter you know uh Beth Scott a lot a lot of us have been inspired by these these uh these amazing communicators who they were able to communicate a spiritual recovery process with English language it’s it’s not that easy you know and and I I became really really uh really really inspired by these people I started to to listen to uh to to workshops and spiritual talks and and and the first thing I did is I started to sound good you know I started to give really good share and uh you know spiritual share and and luckily I hung around long enough to be inspired enough to actually uh actually start doing some of this stuff you know what I mean because I think that’s key you and uh and listen these these people like like like Joe Joe Hawk was was one of the guys that I really got inspired by and what he was really good at was explaining why you need to take a step explaining exactly how you take the step and then explaining what’s going to happen after you take the Stu now that’s like reol I wasn’t hearing that in the discussion meetings you know that’s the last thing somebody would talk about in a discussion meeting so I was getting all this stuff off off the tapes and I was becoming inspired and I made a run through the steps very imperfect you know doing it myself uh you know with the big book and some tapes and and you know and and I did a a bad job but here’s the good news you know we we can do a bad job on this stuff you know what I mean you can do a crappy job with the steps because it’s it’s a way of life and and these are principles that we practice and and you know we’ll get better you know we’ll get better at this stuff if we if we stay at it but what happened what happened was I started to change you know as I went through these steps um my I came in to alcoholic synonomy us with an absolutely crushed spirit and I think many of us you know can claim that that same that same thing I had behaved so abysmally that I had lost my family they they they they not only left me they moved six states away so I couldn’t travel in a blackout you know and show up uh I lost like 11 job jobs in in in like 10 years uh friendships that I had from high school we I had a ton of friends in high school you know every one of them is like you know you know do not do not do not come over my house don’t call you know if you’re if you see me walking down a sidewalk cross the street you know uh so I blown up all these all these relationships and and and the sad thing is is I believe deep within me I long for connection I long for connection to you and I long for connection with the Divine I think it’s it’s it’s been instinctually implanted in Me by God you know we’re we’re tribal people listen for for for for a 100,000 years before the modern era we lived in little tribes right we were H 100 gatherers and there’d be about 20 adults and about 40 children and we just try not to get killed and you know try to get stuff to eat and move around we were tribal so it’s instinctual with us so when we destroy the fabric of relationships you know it it hurts it hurts our our spirit and and and and I’m lonely like you cannot be L only the alcoholic could understand this loneliness you you know it’s just just like it you’re on you’re all by yourself you know and and you know no one’s ever you know going to you’re never going to be close I mean just that that toxic loneliness and how do I treat that toxic loneliness with isolation how else would you treat it right I’m drinking you know don’t call me you know I’m start drink don’t call me don’t come over and ask me to help you move or something you know are you kidding me drink it so so you do enough of that stuff and and you crush your spirit your spirit gets crushed and you show up in alcoholic syis you know I’m new and and and and you’re in so much trouble you don’t even know how much you’re 50 times more trouble than you think you are you know when you walk into the rooms of Alcoholics I know that by looking back you know and and uh and I start going through these 12 steps and what happens is they they talk about the spiritual awakening in the 12 step you know our spirit will awaken you know what what is that you know there’s many ways that everybody can probably describe their own Spiritual Awakening experience differently you know what’s a spiritual awakening experiencing all the all the promises you know what’s what’s a spiritual awakening the conscious contact of the presence of God you know what’s what’s a spiritual awakening there’s many many ways to to look at it and to describe it but what it was for me was it was a connection connection back to you I made my amends you know what I mean I started to work with other people and all of a sudden I’m not I’m now back I’m now back in the tribe we’re hunting and gathering together you know I’m back where I belong and and this is very very healing for me and always always I had this deep desire for connection with the Divine connection with God connection with the spirit however you wish to to describe it uh I had experienced bits and pieces of it throughout my life so probably the first time I could feel connection to the spirit was when I was a child and Christmas was coming right you know Christmas is coming you know it’s about two weeks away you know Santa Claus going to get under the tree all these presents you know and I would start to really feel good inside you know instead of cut off I’d start to feel good inside and and that was maybe my first experience with connection to the Divine and then I became a vomiting alcoholic Pig and you know it was all over but but there was always been something in me that that has wanted me uh to have that connection now the book alcoholic synonymous talks about it like this selfishness and self-center is the root of my trouble selfishness and self-center my problem is being being toxically selfish and self-centered causes so much emotional disturbance with within the Continuum of Chris that I have to throw alcohol on it cuz I got it I I I got to have a vacation from that you can’t be that selfish and self-centered without some form of uh uh anesthesia so so that really is the root of my problem now you look at the steps it’s funny you look at the Steps step step three is a decision to seek the Divine to to to take take these steps and seek the Divine and and and get connection to the Divine and then there’s another line in there that says various manifestations of self are what had defeated us so there’s manifestations of my selfishness and my self-center that’s defeated me and blocked me off from the cated Spirit uh caused my failure at life and immediately that needs to be looked at and the the major manifestations of self are resentment and fear and And the emotions that come from poor cont DCT uh I need to look at that I need to share that with somebody then I need to become willing to embrace the Divine and ask the Divine to give me the power to to overcome these manifestations of self because I can’t just do it myself and then I humbly ask God to remove the manifestations of self that have defeated me and then I put a list together in Step eight of the people in the institution that have been harmed through the expression of my manifestations of self and then I go out and I make amends to the people in the institutions that that uh that my manifestations of self have harmed and then step 10 I got to continue to inventory my manifestations itself and you know when I’m wrong promptly admit it you know when I have to talk to somebody and do inventory it right and in Step 11 I need to seek through prayer and meditation a deeper connection to the divine because that’s the only way out of self that’s the only way out of self is that deep and abiding connection to the Divine and that takes that takes work you know well some people have you know uh uh spiritual experiences that blow their mind and they’re you know they’re different I had the educational variety slowly over the course of time because slowly over the course of time I did the steps so the only reason slowly over the course of time so uh so anyway this this this deep and aiding connection with the Divine is what’s going to solve my problem now now the tricky part of of this whole thing is is when you’re a brand new alcoholic that don’t look good you know what you know what what what’s the solution God you know are you kidding me so we have to kind of approach that slowly with some of the newcomers but but but that’s that’s the ultimate solution the ultimate solution is God now my I got to start doing my job here which is uh to talk a little bit about the vision for you you know Peter’s here so he’ll fix everything I break tomorrow we’ll be we’ll be all right um uh you know what I’m going do I’m just going to read some promises out of the vision for you this book is packed with promises so so Bill Wilson used that you know as convincers bait you know however you want to see it but he knew we were we were not going to want to do this stuff you know made direct amends to the people we’ve harmed all of them no so so so he puts a ton of promises in there and the and these are all pro these are all promises that manifest if we do the step work we get the promise I’ve never had anybody come up to me and say I did this step and I didn’t get any of those promises uh well you know how how exactly did you do that step you know because because it’s my experience and my experience working with others that that it’s cause and effect you know you you you take the step you you receive the benefit of that step which are these promises so now we’re wandering around out there we’re working with others you know we’re home group members we’re alcoholic synonymous members in good standing and and this is kind of where the vision for for you kind of picks up um so is there a substitute for the camaraderie of the bar you know is there going to be a substitute because there were some good times in the bar you know before drink 11 when things kind of got so it says yes there a substitute and vastly more than that it’s a fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous there you will find release from your care boredom and worry your imagination will be fired life will mean something at last these are significant promises uh the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead of you how about that how about next year is going to be better than this year and the year after that’s going to be better than next year I’m I’m up for that you know what I mean sign me up I’m up for that um among among these crazy AA members cuz we are crazy among these crazy a members you will make lifelong friends I’ve done that there’s some of them in this meeting here right now I know I’m going to be friends with them for the rest of my life you know I know that you will be bound to them with a new and wonderful tiese for you will you will escape disaster together you will commence shoulder toosh shoulder your common Journey then you will know what it means to give of yourself That Others May survive and ReDiscover life you will learn the full meaning of love thy neighbor as thyself um the age of Miracles is still with us how about that you know the listen these early AAS they were inspired in many ways certainly they were inspired by mainstream Christianity they were they were inspired by the Oxford Group which was a breakoff of the Episcopal but you know a lot of Bill Wilson and and Dr Bob’s spiritual advisers were mainstream religion right and there and there’s there’s been a lot of study about the early origins of alcoholic synonymous and how Christianity kind of helped really play a part in that right but there’s also another uh another influencer that I truly uh I truly believe Bill Wilson was the main architect of all of this so I like to look at like what was he influenced by and Bill Wilson was influenced by the new thought people who you know what was new who was new thought well EMT Fox is a new thought guy right so the new thought movement kind of started with this guy finniest Parkhurst Quimby okay he he he he looks like like a like a bad Char a bad evil guy in a Charlie Chaplain movie or something right and in the 1850s he was a clock maker and he made clocks and people would go to him because he became a Healer he became a Visionary healer and people from all over the country he healed like 20,000 people and he started this thing called the science of Christ or Christian Science the Church of the Church of science or whatever it became new thought well one of the people he worked with was a woman named Mary Baker Eddie you know you you look at you you look at Mary Baker Eddie and you know she credits Phineas with everything now one of the people that was influenced by m Mary Baker Eddie was EMT Fox so in New York Ruth Hawk the secretary of the alcohol alcohol Foundation when uh when Bill Wilson was writing the big book and stuff used to go see EMT fox in Madison Square Garden and guess who she’d drag with him Bill Wilson you know so so there’s all these spiritual influences all these influences that are impacting Bill Wilson and he’s having a real experience and he understands it a very level that that’s the solution to alcoholism that spiritual experience and what he did was he built alcoholic synonymous in a way that really is non-religious that that that throws the door wide open it’s he takes every spiritual principle from all of these disciplines and all of these religions and he makes them accessible to alcoholics and that’s that’s ultimately our solution you know not making meetings it’s it’s it’s a deeper answer than than that let’s see if there’s any more promises in here um it says here life among alcoholic synonymous is more than attending meetings Gatherings and visiting hospitals uh cleaning up old scrapes there’s something deeper in alcoholic synonymous and I believe it’s the connection I believe it’s the connection we have with each other uh and for people coming in no one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially if he means business I’m personal friends with Five bank robbers okay now I wouldn’t share that at The Rotary Club but you get it right and some of these bank robbers are the most spiritual people they’re working with they’re the coolest dudes you know what I mean I’m proud to be a friend of this oh and it says thus thus we grow so we’re going to grow remember when this book was written there was maybe 6070 sober alcoholics some of them only for a couple of days at that time you know this is a prophetic book this was writing about stuff that hadn’t happened yet but he knew it was going to you know Bill Wilson Bill Bill Wilson was prophetic so it says thus we grow and so can you though you be what but one man with this book in your hand we believe uh and hope it contains all you will need to begin so it it does if you’re a sober alcoholic and you move to to to some place where there’s no meetings and no AA you have this book and you look for alcoholics to help and you can begin that way you can begin by take taking people through the steps uh it says here God will constantly disclose to you and to us ask him in your morning meditation that’s assuming we have morning meditation you know a great thing a great thing Dr Bob wrote and Dr Bob and the good Old-Timers he goes attendance in meetings is good but morning meditation is essential you know that’s Dr Bob um ask yourself what you can do each day for the man who is still sick the answers will come if your own house is in order but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got see to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass how can you how can you ensure your your your relationship with God Is Right the step that’s the steps are about steps are about clearing away everything that blocks me off from the sunlight of of the spirit Spirit you know just to finish up um the the the the change in me that is remarkable to me you know I used to be told things like a tiger doesn’t change their stripes you can’t you know you can’t change you you can’t change an you know I used to just hear all that stuff and and and and kind of even believe it you know people are kind of the same you know I maybe acting a little different but well here’s the good news there is enormous change available in alcoholic synonymous I you know I I would I would rank up there with the most selfish and self-centered of of anybody in this room when I was drinking I mean it was all about me you know if if a family member died I’d be like some died on me you know now I got to get it dressed up in a suit and go to a w W I don’t like wakes you know I’d make a funeral about me and and so there’s been a shift there’s there’s been a shift in in my life and and if I if I inventory the hours I spend throughout the day I see that most of those hours are are engaged in activities that will be helpful for somebody else you know and and and I’m I’m a million times happier so when I was just doing what what I wanted to do and doing things that were going to be good for me I was miserable when now you know I’m really trying to figure out ways to be helpful to other people and I’m really happy the math doesn’t work on that you know what I mean but but listen God doesn’t care about math and that’s that was good news for me cuz I failed in anyway but but really you know you got to give it a away to keep it there’s there’s all there’s all these you know contradictory statements in alcoholic synonymous how do you hang on you let go you know there’s all these crazy statements but but being of service to others is is you know the most impactful thing in my life and it’s changed me it’s changed me at dep you know I got a I got a phone call uh about 10 days ago and it was uh the F the phone call was from Meathead uh my my uh my daughter’s husband and and he he goes uh and he goes oh you know Dan Danielle’s in the hospital she she’s had a they say she’s had a stroke right and he’s giving me this stuff you know the doctor say this the doctor say I go I’m getting on a plane you know so I get on a plane and I go out to uh I go out to Colorado and they were on a they were on a vacation they were on a trip and and she had a stroke and she ends up in Grand Junction Colorado you know it’s on the far side of the Rocky Mountain so I fly in and I walk I walk into the I walk into the uh emergency room it it’s the Intensive Care Unit and I walk in and there’s more machines than I’ve ever seen in my life you know my my my daughters there’s hoses everything’s beeping there’s like nurses and there’s the there you know there there’s respiratory teexs and and it was I’m I’m like oh my God and and I stayed there for for 4 days um I stayed there until she was scheduled to to get off the vent now I I want to share this with you because it’s amazing to me I was calm I was not scared and I didn’t make this about me I was focused I was communicating with all the hospital staff I was setting up uh group chats to be able to communicate with the extended family you know we were putting we were putting together uh ways for the family to be able to come and visit because none of them have any money you know and so so so I’m putting all this stuff together and I’m actually useful I’m actually useful in this situation and that’s amazing to me and there there there was almost no emotional turmoil around this I saw the S I saw the situation for what it was you know you know what what’s a spiritual awakening what you know what is an awakened spirit it’s it’s somebody that sees things as they really are you know and I saw the situation as I really as it really was and for me to get get whacked out emotionally over this whole thing would have taken away from my Effectiveness I was much more effective and and focused and she’s you know she’s doing she’s doing much much better now uh for anybody that that’s going to ask but but being the type of person that can be there in those situations is invaluable you know and and we learn that we learn that in alcoholic synonymous we learn that from our sponsors we learn that from saying yes we learn that from our experience with service commitments for God’s sake and and uh and I got to tell I am unbelievably grateful for alcoholic synonymous you know I the best way to describe me in the 80s was pathetic you you know what I mean and uh and it’s just the change has been extraordinary and you know I’m really really glad to be here in Wilmington I’m glad to be able to hear some of my friends uh uh do some talks this is going to be a really good weekend uh and thank you all for thank you all for coming thank you for listening to sober Sunrise if you enjoyed today’s episode please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message until next time have a great day