AA Speaker – Mark T. – Medicine Hat, Alberta – 2019
AA speaker Mark T. from Medicine Hat shares his story of recovery through sponsorship, the Big Book, and a three-part solution to alcoholism: recovery, unity, and service.
Mark T. from Medicine Hat, Alberta spent seven years in and out of AA before finding a solution that worked. In this AA speaker talk, he breaks down what actually brings alcoholics together—not war stories, but a common problem and a common solution found in the Big Book. He walks through his physical allergy to alcohol, his mental obsession, and the spiritual malady that drove him to drink, then shares how working with others and living in the center of recovery, unity, and service changed everything.
Mark T. explains alcoholism as a three-part problem: physical allergy, mental obsession, and spiritual malady—not something caused by war stories or external circumstances. He emphasizes that unity in AA comes from a common solution outlined in the Big Book, and that recovery happens through a three-part program of recovery (steps and meetings), unity (fellowship), and service (sponsoring others). As an AA speaker and Big Book sponsor, Mark teaches that the obsession can be removed and that people can recover quickly by following the Big Book instructions, working with a sponsor, and immediately helping other alcoholics.
Episode Summary
Mark T. opens with the “set aside prayer,” a practice he uses before any Big Book study or sponsorship work—a reminder to release assumptions and stay open to truth. His central message: what brings alcoholics together isn’t the drama of our drinking stories, but a shared problem and a shared solution.
He walks through the three-part nature of alcoholism as described in the Big Book. First, the physical allergy: when alcohol enters his system, something different happens than in the average person. He uses the analogy of a food allergy—it’s not caused by childhood trauma, but is genetic, running through his family tree. The allergy led him from alcohol into cocaine, gambling, and a lifestyle of chaos—alone in his house with a baseball bat, paranoid, using anything to manage the internal pain.
But the physical allergy alone doesn’t explain why he couldn’t stop. The second part is the mental obsession—the piece that actually makes someone an alcoholic. This is the loss of choice. Mark shares brutal examples: multiple DUIs where he made deals with God, a polygraph test with an RCMP officer, getting busted by Mexican federales with cocaine. Each time he meant every word—he would have passed a polygraph test. Yet within hours or days, he was back at it. The Big Book calls this loss of the power of choice, and Mark describes it like a dog returning to its vomit: the dog knows it’s a bad idea, but does it anyway.
The third part, rarely discussed, is the spiritual malady. This is what Mark calls the core of the disease. Without alcohol, he felt restless, irritable, discontent, separate from others even in a crowded room, full of fear. The Big Book describes it as the “bedevilment” state: trouble in relationships, trouble controlling emotions, full of misery, can’t make a living, useless, terrified, unhappy. Alcohol solved all of this—for a time. From age 12 to about 25, it worked like a charm. But eventually it quit working, and that’s when real trouble began.
Mark shares a striking story: he sold 44 condos for an NHL ownership group while running his basement business in Alberta. They flew him to an event with Hall of Famers, honoring his success. Sober, at the dinner table with these men, he felt worthless, terrified, crawling out of his skin. He poured wine, drank it, and suddenly could breathe and talk. The spiritual malady doesn’t care about external success.
He was in and out of AA for seven years. Meetings alone didn’t touch his spiritual condition. Ninety meetings in ninety days—he wanted to put a gun to his head. Nothing shifted until he found a different approach: an online meeting that assigned sponsors and pushed people into working with others immediately. His first sponsor, a woman from New York, worked with him at rapid pace and got well quickly. When he’d call with relationship problems, her question was always the same: “Did you help another alcoholic today?” If the answer was no, the conversation ended.
That taught him his pathway: if selfishness and self-centeredness is the root problem, then getting out of self is the solution. He brought this back to Medicine Hat—doing the work quickly, sponsoring people through the steps, announcing himself as a recovered alcoholic. He got pushback, went out again, came back, and launched into sponsorship. He’s now sponsored or co-sponsored between 50 and 60 people, many of them in the room today.
Mark describes the three-part solution: Recovery (meetings and steps), Unity (fellowship and community), and Service (sponsoring, helping others). He draws a circle with a triangle inside—if you live in the center, he promises his sponsees, you will not drink again. When he calls his sponsor in Texas, before discussing anything else, his sponsor asks: “Where are you in the circle? Are you getting to meetings? When’s the last time you took a newcomer through the steps? Are you doing prayer and meditation, step 10 and 11 at night?” When he’s in the center of that circle, all the problems seem to leave town.
He works the program the same way he drank and drugged—for the effect it produces. He likes the effect of feeling okay in his skin, of going through the world sober and excited about recovery. That’s why he does it with the desperation of a drowning man.
His bottom came in Maui with everything he thought he wanted: a beautiful woman, money, status. He hit an internal bottom—30 days of spiritual sickness, convinced he was dying, eyes swelling, full of fear. Blood tests came back normal, but he wasn’t okay. He’s not sure he was really an atheist or agnostic; he’d pray when scared of overdosing, pray in courtrooms, pray for women to come and go. During those 30 days in Maui, he started saying the Lord’s Prayer at night because he didn’t think he’d make it through.
A click of a mouse changed everything: an online meeting with a sponsor who didn’t care how he felt, only that he take action. That opened the door to three major influences: Chris R., a man he became a “sobriety stalker” for, listening to tape after tape until he asked him to sponsor him (which took a year of emails before Chris said yes). Dale, an old-timer in Medicine Hat who validated the message he was bringing—that people could get well quickly through good sponsorship and the Big Book. And Greg, a pastor who’s since done 50-60 fifth steps, helping people go full-honest with their inventory.
Mark shares what “recovered” means: it doesn’t mean cured, and it doesn’t mean he can ever safely drink. The physical allergy never goes away. But the mental obsession—the constant thought about drinking—does. He’s been through hard times: his mom died, his dad died, his family fell apart, a long-term relationship was destroyed. Not once did he obsess about drinking. That’s the message of hope: recovery means a solution for the bad times too, not just the good ones.
His life now has purpose. He can travel to Las Vegas six times in a year—something that would make an addiction counselor’s head spin. His sponsor tells him, “Trigger is the name of a horse, and it’s dead.” If you work a good strong program, you can do things. He creates solution before he travels, helps someone with their steps, and his spirit is lifted. He’s created “Solution to Recovery,” a network sending Big Book audios and articles to 250 people worldwide.
He finishes with an article from someone in his sponsorship lineage called “Confessions of a Big Book Sponsor,” which defends the approach of teaching the Big Book thoroughly and sponsoring newcomers quickly, while acknowledging that he’s been called a “step Nazi,” thrown out of groups, and even blamed for killing people. But he claims spiritual progress, not perfection, and focuses on the results: watching suffering people recover from a seemingly hopeless state and then help others do the same.
Notable Quotes
It’s the allergy can be looked at like having sex with a gorilla—once it starts, it ain’t over till the gorilla says it’s over.
We have discovered a common solution. Not my solution—a common solution.
If selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my problem, then getting out of self is my answer.
Recovered means the mental obsession is removed. I can never safely put alcohol in my body, but I do not obsess about drinking.
The more people I work with, the more power I’m given. I don’t even know how this thing works, but it’s bizarre sometimes.
Trigger is the name of a horse, and it’s dead.
Step 12 – Carrying the Message
Sponsorship
Spiritual Malady
Recovery, Unity, and Service
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Big Book Study
- Step 12 – Carrying the Message
- Sponsorship
- Spiritual Malady
- Recovery, Unity, and Service
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
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welcome to sober Sunrise a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience strength and Hope from around the world we bring you several new speakers weekly so be sure to subscribe whether you join us in the morning or at night there’s nothing better than a sober Sunrise we hope that you enjoy today’s speaker room good evening everyone my name is Mark torus and I’m a recovered alcoholic oh you guys nervous I am uh it’s been a while two months ago brownie come and chatted with me about uh coming to do this talk so I’ve had two months to think about this it would have been a lot nicer if someone would ask me at 9:00 this morning I think that would have a lot better for me I have a mind of an alcoholic and I like to think so but before I get into anything I’m going to start with a prayer here it’s called to set aside prayer dear God please help me set aside everything I think I know about myself my disease the big book the 12 Steps the program the fellowship the people in the fellow Fellowship in all spiritual terms and especially about you God so I may have an open mind and a new experience with all these things please help me see the truth amen amen that’s uh that’s called to set aside prayer I do that before I do any work with any sponses I do it before uh before I do any kind of big book uh study what it does it in I think one of the biggest nooses around any of our necks is to think we already know everything whether it’s uh for me it’s because I I I I work with a lot of people and sometimes I think I I know more than I do right and sometimes it may be someone that has a lot of time in the program might be some ideas you might have from a sponsor it might be some ideas from uh things you might hear in the government who knows right so anyways this this invites us to have an open mind and a new experience with all these things uh first and foremost I would like to thank the committee again please everyone I’m going to pre-apologize uh I may uh I may offend a few people tonight it’s not going to be my intent um I may the odd swear word might come out of my mouth not sure here’s where my alcoholic mind took me last night I wasn’t sure what I was going to do um I’ve been taking notes Here for oh God for weeks on this talk right I’d take a few more notes take a few more notes and and last night I was trying to put this all together I was trying trying to tie it all together and I had about 30 pages of notes so watch for the uh upcoming novel uh Memoirs by Mark and what I realized is uh about midnight last night I had a little meltdown um I’m looking at these notes and I’m looking at these notes and not liking what I’m seeing not at all right and I had this little meltdown about midnight last night I threw them all in the garbage and I kicked the garbage C I’m like cursing Brandon cursing AA and uh I didn’t like any of it right I’m going to take a a bit of a different approach with everything here tonight the reason why I didn’t like my notes is I was looking at them all and it was just a to me it was just another uh it was just another drunk AOG right and and I don’t like drunk aogs I I’m going to share a few things tonight that have to do with my story but it’s not my War stories that make me an alcoholic and that was a really confusing thing for me when I first came into these rooms I’d hear one person say well I’m an alcoholic cuz I got four DUIs like well I don’t have four DUIs maybe I’m not an alcoholic then I hear someone else say well I’m an alcoholic cuz I spent 15 years in prison I’m like well I didn’t spend 15 years in prison maybe I’m not an alcoholic I can not hear the next person say well I’m an alcoholic because I live under a bridge well I’m not living under a bridge maybe I’m not an alcoholic right and uh what I realize is is these War stories that don’t actually bring us together I think they separate us right what I wanted to talk about tonight and here’s here’s me at midnight last night after having my little meltdown and kicking my garbage can and being all Angry throwing my notes in the garbage then about 12:15 I realized like what the hell am I going to say all right I got nothing so I got driven back into what I was taught which was prayer and meditation and I thought about what the topic was tonight which is unity and recovery and I was like okay well what brings us all together you know like sometimes we don’t we don’t even like each other right um but what actually brings us all together and it brought me to page 17 of our big book and um I am going to read from the big book tonight so for you those that don’t believe the message comes from the book this is going to be a long talk for you and this is has to do with unity and Recovery the feeling of having shared a common Peril is one element in our powerful cement which binds us but that in itself would never have held us together as we are joined the tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution right not my solution a common solution we have a way out in which we can absolutely agree precisely how we have recovered right we have a way sorry and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action so just bear with me guys I am nervous so it’s going to take a while to kind of shake off some of this Jitters um I have a a real common or a real special bond with this particular group um as Dan said I was here when it was a god directed intuitive thought you know it was basically two men having a conversation on the phone and he was coming off a really hard relapse and uh he was uh he was hurting and we’re going into the big book and we’re walking through some stuff and and uh finally said he goes we should really start a big book meeting I’m like yeah you should right and uh and he’s not the first newcomer to have um a lot of enthusiasm let’s just say in early recovery and most of the time it pters out but me as a sponsor I’m I’m there to match those efforts and I got a hold of my sponsor in Texas and we got some uh information and and he went for it he got going right and uh it’s really cool to see the big book making a comeback in this city because this is the only big book meeting in in our city and I do believe that to be quite important just going to share a couple of cool little uh notes that I wrote in regards to the big book there’s been uh 50 million copies of this sold which I think is a really cool stat 227 Anonymous fellowships have picked up the 12 steps and the 12 traditions right so this has been the the driver of so many other fellowships name by Time Magazine is one of the most influential books written in English Library Congress named it as one of the books that helped shape America aru arguably the most important thing to happen in the 20th century millions of lives have been saved by the the message it’s in this book so that’s a pretty cool deal so the topic of unity I want to talk about what brings us together like we’ve just read in the page 17 we have one common problem with are common we come from all walks of life here right we we’re normally people that wouldn’t mix we all have something called alcoholism and we all have something called a common solution as described from the big book but what I want to talk about today is and and I’m going to be I didn’t want to get into my War Stories at all and I’m going to say a few things tonight that I would never say in a meeting uh you’re going to hear me talk about drugs and you’re going to hear me talk about a few things that uh that don’t belong in the meetings frankly cuz they just don’t belong there but I was told they do belong from a Podium around a 12-step call so I will say some stuff tonight I wouldn’t normally say uh where do I want to go with this what does it mean to be an alcoholic so again as I talked about before I was never really sure what it meant to be an alcoholic right I always thought it had to do with the war story and uh what I learned as per the big book is is and I’ll share my experiences with each of these uh is I have a three-part problem the first part of my problem is a physical allergy to alcohol and it’s something that doesn’t get discussed that much in our rooms right with that basically means is when you take alcohol ethyl alcohol and you put it in my system my system reacts differently than the average person this only applies to about 10% of the population 90% of the people people can safely drink right what that looks like for me is is um I plan on having one or two drinks and I have significantly more right I can look back at my drinking experience over the years is you know I planned on having one or two but I get thirsty after the first drink not before right I want more um has anyone does anyone here have a food allergy what happens when you uh what’s your food allergy gluten gluten What happens when you have it I throw up you throw up so let me ask you this do you think childhood trauma caused your food allergy probably not right um I I could make that argument okay well let’s use a let’s use a different anal using an allergy strawberries being allergic to strawberries right um a high likelihood that uh my allergy to strawberries wasn’t caused by childhood trauma you know I know that uh a lot of people have suffered child childhood trauma in recovery and I think it’s important that you visit that and I think it’s important you get outside help with that uh but not everybody it’s I don’t believe that to be the cause I believe this to be genetic in nature I believe this to be handed down through generations for me if I look at my family tree and give it a good Shake there’s alcoholics littered absolutely everywhere right I actually had a good upbringing you know uh here’s the funny thing is I went to a treatment center years ago and uh spent a lot of money to be there but they came from the idea that all addiction all addiction is a result of childhood trauma and they weren’t going to let me leave until I came up with something and um and I did by the time I left I blame my parents for for it right and again I don’t want to uh dismiss anyone that has had childhood trauma I think it’s it’s something that’s really important to deal with right I’m a big believer in outside he but for myself um I didn’t come from that you know I had a good family I had a a good upbringing I had good parents you know they’re alcohol or my dad was an alcoholic but he was a good man right my life wasn’t perfect but it it was uh it was good the allergy I believe to be is genetic in nature um and what’s happens with me and the allergy is it LS me in leads me into different things in my early drinking the allergy would uh sometimes I’d plan on one having one or two drinks and I’d have one or two drinks you know but as a as I my drinking career progressed pretty much every single time when I planned on having one or two I would have significantly more right and then that led me into into a world of drugs as well um I did a lot of cocaine and I did a lot of other stuff I slept around a lot there was a a lot of gambling there was a lot of things but everything always started with the first drink right and I would never really know what was going to happen it’s funny cuz there was so many people that would say to me it’s like Mark we didn’t even realize you were that bad you know we didn’t realize that you’re that bad they they would see me at 9 10:00 you know uh earlier you know but what would happen to me is is I’d Disappear and I’d take off alone and I’d go buy a 40 of whiskey an eight ball of cocaine um go home um per ccoet sleeping pills um I spice the night up with a Viagra right so and I’d wander around with AIG baseball bat alone staring out my window looking for cops in my trees you know that’s what I would do that’s where the allergy took me that uh that was no longer fun you know so the physical allergy to me was uh I like analogies and I like the analogy is uh is it’s the allergy can be looked at like sex like having sex with a gorilla once it starts it ain’t over till the gorilla says it’s over it’s a three-part problem that’s only one part of the problem the next part of the problem because here’s a deal if I got an Aller allergy to strawberries pretty simple solution just quit eating strawberries right but the second part of my problem or in any other alcoholic problem as per the big book is I have a mental Obsession of the mind and that’s where my alcoholism lives I have a mind that always wants to take me back to the first drink basically a sober blackout I can’t remember all the bad stuff that I’ve Done Right what goes through my head is somehow someday this time it’s going to be different uh some examples I’m I’m actually just going to read something from the big book here and bear with me which I think truly helps explain the mental Obsession the fact is that most alcoholics for reasons yet obscure have lost the power of choice in drink our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent we are unable at certain times to bring into our Consciousness with sufficient Force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a month a week or a month ago we are without defense against the first drink that’s what makes me an alcoholic anyone that tells me in the past that they chose not to drink today uh there’s a pretty good chance you’re not an alcoholic right what the big book’s telling me is that I have lost the ability to choose I’m drinking against my will I was drinking against my will some examples of that would be my first DUI and uh I remember making a deal with God it’s like oh God please just get me through this and I promise I’ll never drink again right and I was drinking again shortly after I got a second DUI it’s like please God just help let me get through this one and I promise I won’t drink again and I was drinking again and then there was another time I’m wired up to a polygraph test to see if I’m going to be spending seven years in prison not a fun experience and uh RCMP officer about 6’4 he’s there to break me and I’m just praying right it’s like God please just get me through this and I promise I will never drink again and I got through it and someone else went to prison as a result and I was drinking again there was a Time in Mexico I got uh can’t believe I’m saying this on M in Mexico I got uh busted by the Mexican feds with a whole bunch of cocaine and uh that doesn’t go over very well down there and I’m making a deal with God again it’s like God please just get me through this one and I promise promise that’s most scared I’ve ever been in my life right I promise I won’t do this again and um and meant it each and every one of those times I would have passed a polygraph test that’s how much I meant it you know and I quit for my kid before I quit for a woman before I quit for a job before every time I meant it so much that I would have passed a polygraph test now thank God the Mexican feds are crooked and I was able to buy them off and um but again within 24 hours I’m back at it right I’ve lost the ability to choose or whether I drank or not a good analogy for the mental Obsession would be this it’s like a uh like a dog rur to its vomit you know it’s like the dog knows it’s a bad idea it’s like if you were to say to him like if he could talk he’s like Yep this is a really bad idea but here I go and I’m not sure why right I’m really not even sure I don’t even know why I’m doing this but I’m going to do it you know and that’s that’s the crazy part of this illness I got a physical allergy I got a mental Obsession and at the root of it all and it’s a part that we don’t talk about that much is the uh the spiritual Melody I have a melody of the spirit and this is how I feel in a sober State I started drinking at the age of uh 12 and I think I needed one at the age of six um um that’s about how far back I can remember where I didn’t feel okay inside I felt separate from other people I felt alone even in a room full of people I would feel alone I was absolutely full of fear right um alcohol took all that away my relationship with alcohol was absolutely wonderful and amazing and it worked for me for a really long time the big book uh clarifies this with three terms Restless irritable and discontent this is how I feel in a sober state right that’s actually what drove me into alcohol it it further clarify clarifies it with some stuff it’s called the bedevilment S on page 52 and and I’ll just read them here it asks me were you having trouble in personal relationships were you having trouble controlling your emotional nature were you pray to misery and depression were you having trouble making a living did you have a feeling of uselessness were you full of fear were you unhappy were you having trouble being of real help to other people I that explains me without alcohol when I quit drinking that’s when my problems start so alcohol worked for me for a really long time we had a love affair it uh I liked myself better when I was drinking and from ages about 12 to about 25 worked like a charm you know it worked great I I was better with Boo and then it quit working something happened along the way it actually quits working and that’s where my troubles really began for I think that’s the thing that uh people that aren’t alcoholic will never really understand about us it’s like why can’t you just stop it’s like if you knew how I felt inside when I wasn’t drinking you wouldn’t ask me that question yeah you know it’s the only thing that ever took away the pain so for me just quit drinking is like a form of torture and that’s for me it’s I mean I would try to hang on for dear life in this program or even just in sobriety right and I never could for very long you know uh for me sobriety was a form of torture I needed a replacement I needed the 12 steps and I needed God right for me just going to a whole pile of meetings didn’t treat it um I always had the idea that outside stuff would treat my spiritual malady and I chased money I chased women I chased power my uh really good example of this is and I think as alcoholics we’re really mislabeled sometimes we’re driven the alcoholics I know are absolutely driven people we are got all sorts of willpower in every other part of our life right and a good example of this for me was uh I got involved with a group out in Victoria BC bare Mountain condo project and I uh I wasn’t even a real estate agent and but I got involved in this project and I was able to through this obsessive crazy mind of mind I was able to sell 44 condos in a really short period of time from my basement in Alberta right and that was as much as their entire staff combined on site so the ownership group was a group of NHL players and they had me come out there um in honor of what I was doing and these guys are household names two of them in the Hockey Hall of Fame big deals right and uh and they have this dinner in my honor and I’m thinking I have arrived you know this is it this is my moment and I’m sitting there with dinner with these guys and it’s about six or eight NHL players like I said a couple of them are Hall of Famers and I’m sober and I’m crawling out of my skin I feel absolutely worthless I feel like I shouldn’t be there I don’t feel like I deserve to be there and the only thing I’m looking at where’s the wine right that’s all I’m staring at they’re talking to me and I’m just like oh coming out of my skin right the spiritual Melody coming out of my skin in a sober state pour myself a glass of wine guzzle it they’re looking at me right like are you okay and about halfway down into my second glass of wine I’m like yeah I can breathe I can talk right and they then I became the man that they had known before I was just a scared frightened 12-year-old child sitting there with a bunch of men thinking that uh I’m something that I’m not you know the spiritual Melody so I believe that’s what we all have in common three-part problem I don’t believe that uh our war stories bring us together I believe that they push us apart what else do we have in common what we have in common I believe is a three-part solution a three-part problem a three-part solution one is recovery which is the meetings and the 12 Steps two is Unity which is meetings and fellowship service which is sponsoring other alcoholics helping this kind of stuff sharing meetings Sharing Hope right I was uh I was in and out of meetings for I was in and out of AA for seven years trying to get sober and I wasn’t getting it I wasn’t getting it I wasn’t getting it you know and I’d go to meetings I remember getting drunk right after a meeting I was in a church basement and and I’m new and I’m hearing one person after another after another after another one guy’s complaining about traffic next guy’s complaining about his wife and next guy’s complaining about his job and everyone’s just complaining and complaining and complaining right I’m like if this is recovery I’m Taking My Chances out there you know and the thing is I kept coming in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and the only thing that I was being told just go to more meetings go to more meetings more more meetings more meetings more meetings 90 and 90 and I remember doing about 100 meetings in 90 days and wanting to pull put a bull at my head um meetings was not treating my spiritual malady I need to do the full program and that’s the promise that was made to me by my sponsor real early uh promise that I make to anyone that I work with is I draw the circle in the Triangle recovery unity and service my promise to anyone that I work with is if you live in the center of the circle in the Triangle you will not drink again whenever I call my sponsor out in Texas and usually to whine about relationship issues um he always asks me he goes before he gets into anything it’s like where are you plot yourself where are you in the circle in the Triangle are you getting to meetings are you when’s the last time you took a newcomer through the steps are you starting your day with prayer and meditation are you doing inventory step 10 11 at night right are you doing the deal you know what I find that is when I’m living in the middle of the circle in the Triangle all the seem to just leave town you know this is a disease of perception it really it is you know my perception changes completely when I’m doing this whole deal when I’m doing this whole program and why do I do it I do it for the same reason why I drank and drugged I like the effect it produces in the doctor’s opinion it tells us we drink and drugged for the effect it makes us feel better until it quits working and I needed a substitute for that so that’s why I work this program like the desperation of a drowning man you know I do the whole deal because I like the effect it produces I like to feel okay in my skin right I want to go around this world in a sober State I want to be excited about recovery I want to go live a really cool life I think that’s what God meant for us to do right and that’s what I do is I try to live in the center of this I certainly do not do this perfectly by any means but I have a program that can get me back on track I welcome the suffering now this program is easy when life is good you know but the suffering it always drives me deeper back into it I knew I was coming up here a long time ago and you know last last week I went and did another step five with my sponsor cuz I’m trying to clear the channel I’m trying to clear the channel as a little twisted up right you know I’m just I’m doing the deal I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation the last couple of days you know because I like the effect it produces I needed a substitute I’m going to talk about hitting botom and some of the important players in my life I uh I hit my bottom when I had everything and didn’t make sense to a lot of people I hit a uh external bottom in my early 30s I was broke I had a business that was on the verge of bankruptcy I was living in a friend’s basement on a blowup bed and life was not good that to me was my external bottom right but I had it in my I in my in my mind that I had a case of the only if I could only just get the girl if I could only just get the job if I could only just get the house if I could only just get a nice vehicle right through my 30s and maybe a little bit of luck and a lot of hard work I uh I got everything I thought I wanted and I remember being in Maui looking in the mirror and staring at myself I’m like it’s still there you know it’s still there I had everything I had absolutely everything I was there with a beautiful woman I had money I had everything I think bottom can come on a park bench or Park Avenue you know you see millionaires blowing their brains out all the time the external stuff does not solve my spiritual Mady I went uh about a 30-day stretch I was completely spiritually sick and I had no idea what was going on I’ve been in and out of the doctors for a long time and I was labeled as PTSD manic bipolar depressed right all these different things and I was given all these different meds for all of it along the way and at the end of the day I got to find out I’m just a garden variety alcoholic right you know I haven’t done anything for a long time but there was a period of time that 30 days and the bottom hidden Maui and I went for about 30 days and it was really hard to explain but I uh I thought I was going to die every minute of every day for about 30 days and my eyes were all swelling there was uh there was a lot of fear I remember going to the doctor and I’m like there’s wrong I’m dying I was actually right in my obituary right and I remember getting these blood tests done I’m fully expecting them to be fatal right and the doctor’s going you’re okay like I’m not okay clearly I’m not okay but it’s funny that and I I was a self-proclaimed atheist and a self-proclaimed agnostic but I really wasn’t I would pray if I had too much drugs and I felt like I was going to OD I pray when I was in the courtroom I prayed for a girl to come into in my life i’ pray for a girl to leave my life so I don’t know if I was really agnostic or atheist after all but the funny thing was is I knew exactly where to go and what to do during that period of time in Maui I started doing the Lord’s Prayer at night cuz I didn’t think I’d make it through the night you know know I thought I was going to die and a few things happened shortly after that I think with with all of us there’s a a defining moment whether it’s a a conversation a phone call wandering into a meeting a chance conversation a Facebook post whatever it may be there’s a uh a defining moment which changes your entire life uh for me it was a click of a mouse I was dying in the rooms of AA seven years in and out in and out in and out and I clicked on to an online meeting and it was not like a meeting I had never been exposed to before everyone was very friendly to me at first and um but they were a group that they really didn’t care about how I felt they really didn’t care about what I thought the only thing that they cared about was me taking some actions and the deal was with this group is that you were going to be assigned to sponsor that day or leave right and I was pissed off because didn’t they know about my feelings and how important I was but I was intrigued it was the first group that uh that would rather step on my toes and stand on My Grave and um I got my first sponsor there and it was a it was a female out of New York and she took me through this work and she took me she was saying some stuff that I’d never heard before and she took me through this work at a really rapid fa pace and and I got well quick something happened it was almost abnormally simple didn’t make sense to my intellectual mind and it went really good and I remember they really pushed us into get working with other people really quickly right and I remember calling this lady after the fact again wanted to discuss relationship issues and uh and this lady was very blunt with me and the question that she would always ask whenever I’d call is did you help another alcoholic today and if the answer was no click convers was over now I personally don’t do that I’m harsh but not that harsh but what it did is it taught me my ultimate pathway out of this right if selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my problem then getting out of self is my answer to this and I was a skilled manipulator and I was a skilled liar and it was the first person that told me the truth and it launched me into sponsorship is what it did you know and I was absolutely frightened I was frightened to sponsor people and I was scared you know but I brought these ideas back to Medicine Hat about doing the work quickly announcing yourself as a recovered alcoholic following the the instructions of the big book as predescribed and I was welcomed with open arms and that’s the rest of the story so no that’s not what um I got a lot of push back and I end up going back out one more time and then I came back in again and I launched into this program right I started sponsoring in two months and I have not looked back I’ve taken God somewhere between 50 and 60 people through this work either in a sponsorship or a co-sponsorship position you know cuz I like the effect It produced and unannounced to me is a lot of these people are staying sober a lot of them you a lot of you are here today you know and and and thank you you’re you’re the ones that have keeping me Silber there’s been many times I’ve uh I’ve thought about leaving this Fellowship you know it’s uh there’s been some Old-Timers that have made things fairly difficult and there’s been a lot of gossip and there’s been a lot of slander and uh but when you start seeing people get well quickly you know man there’s not a drink or drug like that there is absolutely no drink or drug like that out there so thank you for all of you that have stayed there’s uh there’s three people I want to draw attention to that have been influencers in my recovery um since my original sponsor who I’ve moved away from uh around four months sober I started listening to the audios of a man uh Chris rmer and he was talking in a fashion I’ve never heard before he was very blunt he was critical he told the truth and I listened to him and tape after tape after tape after tape I kept listening to him he’s a he worked at a treatment center in Texas and I became a sobriety stalker I uh I listened to one of his tapes quite clearly and and I listened to where he worked at and I found out the treatment center he worked at so I went online and I found his email address and I emailed him and he answered and I emailed him again and he answered and we started talking on the phone and then about one year sober asked the big question like will you sponsor me and he’s he didn’t say yes right away he says let’s talk about what that’s going to look like you know the last thing he needed he speaks all over the world uh from the podium and the last thing he needed was a high maintenance spony and I’ve been with him for 5 years now and uh he’s been a huge influencer in my life you know he’s a he’s a cool cool guy a lot of a lot of you I know have listened to him uh Dale Dale’s been a big influencer in as well I remember when I came back to the to the meetings here and I was sharing the message out of the big book and that you could get well in this program quickly I’m like oh Dale’s going to be pissed right cuz he he intimidated me cuz he knew what he was talking about and I was already taking a lot of heat and I’m like you know what screw it I’m just going to say what I’m up to and I remember him saying very specifically to me he goes That’s all a product of good sponsorship that’s all directly what’s in our literature you’re doing things right I’m like oh thank God I got an ally finally you know and Dale’s been a big influencer and you know I don’t talk to Chris that much I talk to Dale quite often you know and the word sponsor is actually nowhere in our big book it’s not in there you know I have different mentors I have a variety of mentors that I go to and third guy is here right now Greg uh Pastor Greg I met Greg when uh I think I was about eight months sober and one of my friends kids just died uh or do do an overose and he spoke at the funeral and he spoke really well and uh I listened to him when I heard him and the next day I’m driving I’m still in the oil patch at the time and I’m driving home I swear I’m driving to Brooks I pull over on the side of the road and I call the Dream Center I’m like not even I didn’t sure exactly why I’m calling you but uh I heard you speak yesterday and I’m involved in AA and and what I’m finding is I’m working with a lot of people and and I’m finding a lot of them have a difficulty being fully honest with me on their step five would you be willing to get involved and he’s like absolutely and uh he made some calls to some other priests and some other pastors and and Greg’s gone on to do 50 60 step fives yeah so he’s been a huge huge influencer in recovery in medicine house here I know some of you have done your step FES with them I know I have too and I remember going to see him with my step five because I didn’t feel comfortable there’s a couple things I held back on right and and I remember going to see him to do my step five nervous as nervous as I was tonight maybe more and uh I’m holding this document like the secret CIA document and I let it all go that day you know and he’s like if there’s a name for it someone else has already done it and it was good but I remember a conversation that I had with him I showed up with a big book and I gave it to him and he’s like can I be honest with you I’m like absolutely he goes I got a bit of a beef with your program like oh what is that he’s like you got to tell everyone you’re sick for the rest of your life like that’s not true I opened up the big book and I showed him the very first promise on the big book which is a story of many how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism and then I showed them what why the book was written so this say precisely to show how alcoholics how we re we have recovered and then I showed them on page 90 the book it’s like we are to draw attention to ourselves as people who was recovered he’s like you know what he goes I didn’t know any of that he goes I was under the impression that you had to tell everyone you were sick for the rest of your life I’m like that’s not a message of Hope right I’m well today you know my life is good and I think that uh that’s a message I want to give to the newcomer is you can get w well then you can get well quickly the obsession can be removed right I have a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition I can never safely put alcohol in my body abstinence is my only answer that is not what recovered means does not mean cured right I can doesn’t matter how much spiritual work I do doesn’t matter how much time I have in doesn’t how doesn’t matter how many people that I sponsor I can never safely put alcohol in my body due to the physical allergy we talked about that that physical allergy never goes away recovered has to do with the mental Obsession I do not obsess about alcohol I’ve went through some really hard times in sobriety I uh I know some people they their life has become absolutely on fire in sobriety and I welcome that I because it’s absolutely I love hearing those stories um I’ve been challenged a lot in sobriety my my mom has died my dad has died my uncle has close to my aunt close to my family’s been torn apart I had a long distance relationship long distance long term basically get shredded you know but my story from the podium is during all those times of hardship not once not once did I obsess about drinking and I think that’s the message of hope that the newcomer needs to hear is that we have a solution during the bad times right not just the good times recovery is easy when things are good what are you going to do when the tide turns right what are you going to do when she leaves or he leaves or when you lose a job or a family member dies right this program this this book gives me a solution for that oh what’s my life life like now I can walk this Earth a free man you know I couldn’t do anything before I was so riddled in fear I uh I went to Las Vegas six times in the last 12 months now that would make an addiction counselor’s mind explode right my sponsor tells me that trigger is the name of a horse and it’s dead you know if you work a good strong program you can do you can do stuff you know I’m not Reckless my my all my trips are based in recovery I’ve got tons of friends in Las Vegas in recovery now I think that’s what we’re meant to do is go live a really cool and exciting life in recovery right I don’t think it’s supposed to be dumb dull and boring you know and what I find is the more people I work with lack of power is my dilemma the more people that I work with the more people that I try and help I’m giv power right I don’t even know how this thing works it’s just bizarre sometimes to me but before I go on a trip I’ll make sure I do some work with somebody right and I’m lifted up my spirits are lifted and I can go do that work and I can go travel and I can go go do some really cool things uh my life has purpose before my purpose um was making money chasing women power right all external stuff there was a uh there’s a a group that I created uh a few years ago called solution to recovery and uh basically what it was is is we’re having such a difficult time sharing the message and it was originally me and Ryan H that just started sharing a few audios and few more people and there was a few more people and a few more people and and then I created uh I didn’t want me to be known as The Trusted Authority and and middle of the night this name just came to me solution to recovery and I went and registered the domain and started uh sending some audios and stuff from there and and this thing just something really crazy started to happen and my sponsor sponsors uh 35 men from all over over the world and he had these 35 men added to it and and what of happening is these articles I was sending out uh Google started to block me because it got too big they thought I was spam you know this thing just kept on growing there was a real need a real want for a solution right so uh this this girl out of Calgary gave me a hand and we got this thing up and going and moved it over to MailChimp and and this thing is uh I’ve got 250 people on this list here now from all over the world you know and I didn’t see that coming I didn’t see anything like that coming that wasn’t my plan and it’s uh it’s pretty cool cuz with MailChimp you said a you send an article out and you can see where it goes right throughout the world so I’m looking at this and I sent an article out some are more popular than others and you can see this this world map start lighting up as these for these articles get forwarded and forwarded and I’m staring at my screen like a little crackhead right watching this across the world so but it’s uh you know it’s it’s cool right I didn’t see any of this kind of stuff coming my life has purpose my life has meaning I’m going to finish with with an article here I think I got time right this is uh someone from my sponsorship lineage that lives out in Toronto and I condensed this articles because it was fairly long but I want to finish with this I I like the article and maybe I can mend a few fences that I might have burned down here it’s called Confessions of a big book sponsor and I’ve uh I condens this I remember asking someone in the fellowship a few years ago are you working your program he he replied yes I went to a meeting today I responded no that’s not what I’m talking about are you working with someone he said yes I have a sponsor I replied no that’s not what talking about are you working with a newcomer he said I’m just a few months sober I’m only a newcomer this is a selfish program I need to work on myself first I never saw him again who am I I’m a big book sponsor I practice a 12-step program as outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous the original the original recipe for Recovery as practiced by the original 100 who recovered from a seemingly hopeless State of Mind and Body you you can recognize me at 12-step meetings because I’m the one who brings my own big book to show other alcoholics precisely how I have recovered is the main purpose of this book I carry a common solution a way out in which we can absolutely agree and upon which we can join together as brothers and sisters in harmonious action my department shouts that I am a person with a real answer I carry no attitude of holier than now I do not talk down to the alcoholic from any moral or spiritual Hilltop I ask for no payment I have no waxes to grind nor people to please you can expect to endure no lectures from me my only desire is to be helpful I offer friendship and fellowship what do I do you will find me at 12-step meetings armed with the facts about myself as an ex- problem Drinker you will see me making an approach to the newcomer looking for someone who needs and wants to hear about our common solution someone with an honest desire to stop someone who wants what I have and is willing to follow instructions as outlined in the big book someone who wants to be joyous and free of active Al alcoholism working with other alcoholics I’ve carried the message to the big book to many alcoholics and rarely have I seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path untreated alcoholics are unlovely people my struggles with them are strenuous calic and tragic those who could not or would not see our way of life are often consumed by their Temptations which leads them to the gates of insanity or death I have worked hard with many alcoholics on the idea that only an alcoholic can help another alcoholic I have had many failures I once asked another big book sponsor about their success rates and she replied I’m 100% successful astounded I asked how is that possible she replied I’m still sober to me that’s one of the best kept secrets in our fellowship today I often hear that this is a selfish program but whenever I put my sobriety first I could never stay sober as Dr Bo Dr Bob once remarked strenuous one-on-one work with another alcoholic was vital to permanent recovery love and tolerance of others is my code in the 12-step rooms I’ve been accused of being a step Nazi a big book Thumper a Holy Roller a zealot a big book page Pusher and recently I was called a steep I have been thrown out of groups and asked not to come back I have been asked not to bring my big book into some AA meetings I’ve been physically and verbally threatened by members of the fellowship for teaching the 12-step program can be learned in a week I have been blamed for killing people with the big book when confronted with such animosity my program tells me to look to look at my part have I been crusading righteous or critical have I been engaging in frothy debates or windy arguments have I been demonstrating an attitude of intolerance yes there have been times when I have been all these things but I claim spiritual progress not Perfection I am no saint I confess that I am a big book fundamentalist I work my big book like a recipe of recovery when I follow the 12 Steps instructions as outlined in the big book it awakens my mind and I make conscious contact with a higher with a higher power I must remember that when I focus my mind on what is wrong with the fellowship and the meetings today then I become more Restless irritable and discontent I must be remember that the meetings are filled with many suffering and untreated alcoholics many of them with long-term sobriety time therefore I practice to AC I practice acceptance and focus on what is good about the meetings and the fellowship I try to see how I can positively add to the meeting my only desire is to be helpful sometimes I have been charged the meeting sometimes I have charge the meeting makers of killing people with her don’t drink and go to meetings Mantra in return the meeting makers make it sect have accused me of killing people with my big book thumping attitude what I’ve learned is this it is not the meeting makers that are killing people nor is it the big book Thumpers it’s a 20 to 30 years of Abus of drinking and using drugs that’s killing alcoholic Antics I must remember that I have no Monopoly on recovery but I do know that the big book solution works why do I continue to work with other alcoholics over the years I’ve witnessed a fellowship grow up around me I’ve watched a spirit grow in the eyes of a suffering individual and seen them recover from a seemingly hopeless State of Mind and Body I’ve seen them make a 180 degree turn in life only to help some other suffering alcoholic do the same this is the experience I would not miss I know you will not want to miss it either frequent contact with newcomers of the big book sponsors is the bright spot in my day a vision for you thus I grow spiritually and so can you with a big book in hand it contains all you will need to begin working with the alcoholic who still suffers I know what you were thinking I’m only a newcomer myself I do not have enough sobriety time to be use of to anyone what could I possibly offer another you newcomer maybe I should wait a year or two rubbish by working the big book solution you will tap into a source of a power greater than yourself to duplicate with such backing what I have accomplished is only a matter of willingness p patience and labor remember your alliance is always upon your higher power it will show you how to create the fellowship you crave ask in morning meditation what you can do for the alcoholic who still suffers the answers will come if you work your program but if you’re on Shaky Ground You’ better work with another alcoholics instead remember you have recovered and you’ve been given the power to help others you will soon find out that when all other measures fail work with another alcoholic will save the day G give freely of what you have been shown and join us in the broad Highway of fellowship and spirit you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road to happy Destiny trust God clean house and help others that’s it thank you for listening to sober Sunrise if you enjoyed today’s episode please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message until next time have a a great day