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Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> Hello Danish people.

I'm Steve and I'm an alcoholic. >> I'm concerned about that introduction cuz I don't know what the heck he said. He could say this is Steve.

He's on the run from the Federal Bureau of Investigations in the United States. He's here hiding out in Copenhagen. He'll be back.

I don't know. Yes. It's always gets I always get when they do that too.

I always never know what they're saying. They're probably telling their story. So cuz mine's boring.

Well, I've uh I've been in Denmark about uh a day and a half. So I think I can tell you all about it. Uh cuz I'm an alcoholic, right?

Uh on the the 21st question on the 20 questions is, do you need to have facts in order to have an opinion? If the answer is no, you're an alcoholic, right? Cuz I could ask any of you, come up here and give a 45minute lecture on the Russian economy.

You know nothing about it. You could do it right now, right? Cuz you're alcoholics.

Cuz you had to learn how to tell stories like where you'd been since October and it was May. You know, you know, in October in the States, of course, we have Halloween and alcoholics wake up in their Halloween costume in January, so they have to kind of explain why they've got that nun in the front and hooker on the back little outfit still on. That's just in LA.

Uh my my sobriety date is May 25th, 1979. And uh I have not found it necessary to take a drink since that time. I uh uh I I I'm sort of an atypical member of AA.

Uh I haven't had a relapse. I I don't think that's normal. Uh most of the people I know have.

It's good if you don't. You don't have to. I'm so worried about that table in the back.

I just know halfway through my talk it's just going to fall. You guys break so many. You know, I gotta tell you, you'll notice I digress, but I feel like such a wimp.

You understand word wimp? Okay. cuz I'm just okay.

Wimp being here, especially the bicycles. I got to talk about the bicycles for a minute. You don't wear helmets.

Everybody in the states wears a helmet. All the kids wear and now and and there's nobody on the streets where And then you got your kids in the front in a cardboard box in front of they'd have you arrested in the States for that. And then, oh my god, where are these those women dressed like they're going to the opera riding a bike?

And I'm sorry to say appropriately. You know, they're looking good doing it. I I think there's like this blonde factory of just I mean, I know you guys are doing this cuz that's all I've been doing all day is watching the bikes.

Watching the bikes. watching the bikes go by. Oh.

Oh, a brunette. Okay. Okay.

One. One. All redhead.

At the redheads, I want TO YELL, "THEY STOLE YOU FROM IRELAND." Because you're lucky you don't have to make up for the resentments from the uh from your ancestors. Uh but uh I tell you, it's just an amazing thing. And the bikes are so tall.

And then I realize and I'm I'm thinking, okay, do they look better coming toward you or going away from you? This is See, I'm spending too much time alone. It's really good to be at the meeting.

This is what happens when you're alone in my head. He talks to you. Hello.

Hello. Hi. Hi there.

Does he talk to you? Hello there. How are you?

We'll be having a day today. Probably a crappy one. So, you should just stay in bed.

If you're new, he talks to you a little differently than he talks to me. To me, he says, "All right, you got 28 years. You got 28 years.

You could have one drink. You'd have just one drink. You have just one drink.

Just have one drink. One drink. One drink.

One drink." You were very young when you got very very very very young. You were 11. Everything he says is true.

You could have just one drink. Just one drink. How about a non-alcoholic beer?

What's that? What's a Zema? What's a moosey?

What's a what's a what's what's what's stoly vanilla like? You know, now I know if he ever ever talked me into taking that one drink, the minute it had hit my stomach, boom, he'd be right there going, "You rotten stinking loser, you." You just threw away 28 years. Why don't you drink your miserable self to death?

See, because that's the way he talks. So now, if you're new, talks to you a little differently. He goes, "Okay, you got 90 days.

You got 90 days. Is 90 days a big deal here? 9098 chip.

You get a 90-day chip here. Okay. 90 days.

You got 90 days. You got 90 days. Now, this is alcoholic logic.

Listen. 90 days. 90 days.

You got 90 days. You better drink soon or you're going to have so much time you can never drink again. Right?

You get the NOW SEE NOW BECAUSE REAL LOGIC real people other Danish people logic is not drinking life better if I continue not to drink life should probably get a little better or continue the way it is. THAT'S NOT ALCOHOLIC REASONING. NOT DRINKING life better drink, right?

Or or he's saying, "All right, I know what let's drink tonight and we'll get sober tomorrow." Somebody back there said it with me, right? Cuz his voice is in your head. Because he always wants to get sober tomorrow.

Today is just not a good day to get sober. I'm hung over. It's Monday.

It's Tuesday. It's dark. It's cloudy.

She left me. She stayed. I got TO MOW THE GRASS.

I DON'T HAVE TO MOW WHATEVER. YOU KNOW, I HAD THIS shrink who was trying to help me get sober and he went, "Why do you drink? Everything." You know, I I never If I was in a rehab and my relapse prevention program would be like five minutes, what makes you relapse?

Everything. I can drink over anything. What?

Oh. Oh, I Oh, I Oh, work. I was stressed at work.

That's why I drank. Yeah. Or I don't have a job.

The relationship. It's too much. I can't handle that.

I don't know if she's the right girl. I don't have a girl. The kids.

No kids. You guys are having a lot of kids here, too. Besides bikes and girls, I've been counting kids.

There are a I don't know if there's a population thing here, but you're trying to make up for time. Or maybe it's just the winners. I don't know.

So, this guy this guy is always trying to get me to drink. And the reason he's trying to get me to drink is I'm an alcoholic. And I didn't understand that until I came to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Now, I I came I said I'm atypical because a I loved Alcoholics Anonymous from the minute I got here. This is the greatest show on earth for whatever it is you put in the basket. You know, I mean, where else can you see one old-timer getting a fist fight with another old-timer over gratitude?

You know what I'm saying? Date in your first year. Don't date in your first year.

Now, that's always a big controversy. cuz the men's sponsors are going, "You can date in your first year, but don't get serious." See, that's where all the you can't have a relationship. That's that's where the conflict comes.

So, I loved AA from the minute I got here. I mean, it was just it was just crazy. And and all the guys that I got sober with were World War II vets with third grade educations.

And I was a nice college educated kid. And one of them, I don't remember, he was about this big. He stuck his finger in my chest and he said, "Steve, if it's your mother's fault you're drinking, why ain't you waking up sick?" And I couldn't answer him.

I'm still 28 years later trying to find an answer cuz if I ever can, I'm going to dig him up and tell him why it's her fault. Cuz if I COULD BLAME IT ON SOMEBODY ELSE, I WOULD. The other thing that I came to Alcoholics Anonymous with which uh I have in common I believe with all the people we read about in the book.

I desperately wanted to stop drinking. And that's okay if you're here tonight or and you don't. In fact, I think a lot of people come to AA because somebody sends them here or because if you have a drinking problem, you're supposed to go to AA.

Whatever reason, whatever gets you here. If you come here for whatever the coffee cuz it's free and I've had three cups. So I've had caffeine and I freebased two cigarettes before we started the meeting.

I'm just ready to go. It's probably a few drug addicts in here, too. I I I'm not a drug addict.

I I I I just never never could be one. I couldn't wait. Uh, drug dealers make you wait.

They do. They're like rock bands. They make you wait.

Uh, you know, they just can't start on time. I don't care what what time it's supposed to be. Concert starts at 8:00.

It's going to be 8:30 before they get there. And that's the way that must be in the drug dealer union thing. And I always knew when the liquor store was going to be open.

Now, I've done a few drugs, but I just I am to drugs. what a heavy drinker is to alcohol. It says in our book, we have a very radical definition of alcoholics alcoholism in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

It says that there is a heavy drinker who in many respects looks like an alcoholic who may even die a few years earlier from his drinking. He is not an alcoholic. Say what?

I don't know. Let's just all get up, go down to the hospital, take one of you, say, "Hey, this suffering Joe, he's drinking a lot. We think he's going to die a few years early from his drinking." What do you think he is, doctor?

And the doctor's GOING TO GO, "HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC." NO, NOT alcoholics anonymous. Dying from drinking is not good enough in AA to make you an alcoholic. >> It just makes you a wussy drinker.

No, this a and I can't remember who said it, but this is what makes you an alcoholic in my opinion an alcoholics anonymous. And all of this is my opinion. Of course, it comes out of the book.

It is right. It is correct. But it is only my opinion.

Look, it's what I, you know, it's what I've based my sobriety on. Some of it for a very long time, some of it since uh 2 hours ago. Uh it's liable to change.

Some of it has never changed. I was very lucky. I got into a group got me into the book.

Uh I came into Alcoholics Anonymous. I never ever wanted to do anything the normal way. Can you relate to that?

Anybody here? Never wanted to do it the regular way. No, no, no.

Not the excuse of profanity. Average way. The average way was for those average, dull, lame people, not creative, autumn tone people like myself.

When I was 8 years old, my father was in the army. We were st stationed in Alaska. They told me something wet stuck on metal in cold weather.

It was 30 below. I took below zero. I put my tongue on the monkey bars.

Who knows? They could have been lying. I only did it once.

I've talked to people who have done it more than that, you know. So, something happened besides the desire to stop drinking, which is where I sort of started this. I wanted to do it the average way in AA for the first time in my life.

I wanted to do the steps. I wanted to do the steps, the fourth step, the way it was out of the book, the way everybody I knew had stayed sober. I just wanted to do it that way.

I wanted to do it the way the people said that worked. And then I got to be creative in the rest of my life. And and I have to tell you I I have found that to be true that if I will take that program that those drunk ruined bankrupt crooks that founded this program, they were crooks.

They they sold bogus stock in the book. Uh if you know our history, uh I mean these guys these guys were not saints. That's what I love about them.

They called us pigeons. A newcomer was a pigeon. You know what a pigeon is?

Pigeon is somebody a salesman is selling to set up something, sell something that ain't very good. It's a pigeon. So, I wanted to do it that way.

And so, I came into Alcoholics Anonymous with a great desire to stop drinking. And if I don't say anything else tonight, I I some of you are very lucky or unlucky. you've been able to go 30 days, six months, a year, some amount of time without drinking.

I never got one day once I started drinking alcoholically and the time I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. So, my great blessing was that first day I got was the first day I had ever gotten. And I couldn't deny that.

I couldn't deny something's happened here. I I went and hung out with these really strange people and heard some really strange stuff about God and some steps and not drinking and one day at a time and call me. Yeah.

Call you, right? Call her, but not you. No, really.

I WAS VERY FORTUNATE WHEN I got sober, everybody was older. You couldn't do that 13step thing, you know. And if you're here on the 13th step, God bless you.

Whatever it'll I I tell the guys, the guys I sponsor that are new, I say, "Get right into a relationship. It will help you with your step work. IT'S 9:00.

SHE DIDN'T CALL. WHERE IS SHE? You told her not to call you today." Oh, yeah.

Click. IT'S 10:00. SHE DIDN'T CALL.

YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST AMAZING. You know, do does she like me? Do I like her?

Do I like her more than she likes me? I mean, and these are the calls you get at 4:00 in the morning, and they've been thinking about it since 9, you know, but they couldn't call you at 9. They have to wait till 4:00.

So, I walked in there and and see what I didn't understand was this is that as I was saying that there there's a certain kind of alcoholic who will die. There's a certain kind of heavy drinker who will die early but given certain certain circumstances life whatever they will alter or quit or modify their drinking. They are not an alcoholic.

What makes me an alcoholic is everything in my life is right there. every good, loving, kind thing I have in my life, everything that makes life worth living. Forget the stuff.

Although the stuff was important, stuff's still important. But you know, if you hang around here for a while, it starts to be about the inside stuff. You are beautiful.

You are God's snowflake. God loves you. You know, all the stuff your sponsor tells you when you hate your own guts.

Sounds like your mother. And if you take so much as one drink, you're going to lose it all. And you cannot not drink.

That's what makes me an alcoholic. Yes, I have the physical allergy to the drug ethyl alcohol that when I drink it, I want more. And and and when I realize when I say that in a room full of alcoholics that when I drink ethyl alcohol, I want more.

I get flatline, right? Because in your head, you're going, "Well, of course you want more. That's why there is more.

I If there isn't any more, we'll go get more because once you drink, you want more." I mean, this is what a normal drinker does. I don't want any more. For those of you on tape, the very tall blonde speaker, put that on XA.

All right, but this is what a Noo. That's right. I love to play with people on tape listening to it.

AND YOU'RE IN THE CAR. STOP THAT. OKAY.

WATCH the road. All right. All right.

So, here's what a non-alcoholic does. They go, "Uh, I don't want anymore." And then then watch this. THIS IS THE MAGIC PART.

THIS IS WHAT THEY DO. They walk away and they leave. We were talking ABOUT THIS EARLIER.

THAT'S alcohol abuse. Watch these idiots when they go to dinner. There's four of them.

They order one bottle of wine. And I've been watching them. They've been not I've been hitting the bar going to the bathroom.

No, no, no, no, NO, NO. THAT'S ALL THE booze they've had all night. So they each get four a bottle of wine if I remember correctly and I do is FOUR 6 GLASSES OF WINE with a little bit left over.

Am I right? Anybody that's a server? Yeah.

Right. That's about right. Right.

Okay. So they d THEY'RE SITTING THERE FOR HOURS WITH THAT ONE GLASS OF WINE. Why do I know this?

Cuz I'm over in the corner with my Diet Coke monitoring them. I'm a retired professional, but I can watch. AND THEN THEY GO, "OH, time for the movies." And they get up and they leave it.

And you don't know these people, but you really have to fight going over to them and going, "Wait, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

You didn't notice there's wine left in your glass. Don't you just finish that and then you can leave the restaurant? You know, I'm going to finish that for me.

Okay, I'm right here. I'm in charge. Okay, there you go.

Just finish it for me." AND THEY GO, "NO, I'M DONE." THEY'RE DOING THE THING. THEY'RE WALKING AWAY. I'M DONE.

THE WALKING AWAY THING AND THEN WELL, COME ON. LOOK, I tell you what. Just finish the drink and there won't be any trouble.

Okay, cuz you're not LEAVING WINE ON THE TABLE. THAT'S NOT GOING TO IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. They go, "Well, WHAT SHOULD I DO?" WELL, JUST CHUG THE THING.

JUST DO THAT AND CHUG IT. And then THEY SAY SOMETHING STUPID LIKE, "WELL, IF I DID THAT, I'D GET SICK AND YOU ALREADY DRANK." That is a normal relationship to the drug ethyl alcohol. When you've had enough, you're done.

See, I said that word. You don't know what it means. Enough.

You're going home tonight. Is there an English translation I missed? Enough.

What is enough? No. No.

No. Because see when I when I take 6 8 12 ounces of ethyl alcohol and it hits my stomach. The sun rises.

It goes down my legs, up my chest, flushes my face. Careful, boys. Hold on.

We're not there yet. All right. Hold on.

Don't go before me. All right. It comes out my hands and fingers and my whole body goes, "Ah." Now, if your sphincter got a little tighter or there's a little bit Oh, sphincter doesn't translate.

I see. Or there's a little sweat on your lip or he's talking to you now. Hello.

Uhhuh. You understand the kind of alcoholism that I have? Because for me, alcohol fixes everything when it's working.

I understand it. if you want to drink tonight. It's been 28 years since I've had any ethyl alcohol and I understand what it will do.

In fact, I had a guy I sponsored the scariest one of the scariest things I've ever heard in sobriety. I sponsored him. He had about 38 about 13 years when he went out.

He went out on coke crack. Another drug I don't understand. There may be a few crackheads here.

I I don't understand it. It's a strange addiction. Uh, apparently you can't do it in your own home.

You have to rent a motel room or a hotel room that has porn on it and get a hooker that you can't do anything with. And you can't buy all the Coke Crack at once. You have to buy it like at $40 increments.

And so you're constantly too much trouble. Give me a big bottle of booze. Settle in me and Ethel Ethel alcohol.

Ah, see and I so I that's they explained that to me. They explained to me that I the one of my problems was I had a physical physical allergy to the drug ethyl alcohol that if I drank it I wanted more that I craved more. They explained that to me.

I'm going all right great. I just won't drink. And they said, "But you can't do that." Huh?

Said, "See, you can't not not drink. That's your real problem." Because if it was just the fact that you had an allergy, I mean, there's no such thing as strawberries anonymous, right? Right.

People who eat strawberries and bust out in hives. We don't have meetings for that, do we? There's nobody standing up in front of What do we got?

50, 60, 100 people in here going, "Yep, it's been 28 years since my last strawberry." Yeah, I haven't had a damn desire to go out and eat a strawberry and break out in hives in 28 years. IT'S A MIRACLE OF GOD, THE STEPS OF MY SPONSOR. I just want to thank you people for every good loving kind thing in my life.

That happened, DOES IT? PHYSICAL ALLERGY TO STRAWBERRIES. THEY just don't do them.

I'm allergic. HOW ABOUT CRAB? ALLERGIC TO THAT, TOO.

Don't do it. Peanuts make me swell right up. Don't eat peanuts.

Alcohol. Oh, I'll drink that. Lose everything I've got.

Little drink. It cost me my wife, my kid, my job, my car, my self-respect. Every good, loving, kind thing I ever had in my life.

I'll give you one more chance. Now, SOME OF YOU HAVE THAT SAME problem with other things, you know, and and God bless you. Uh I I didn't.

Anything that got in the way of ethyl alcohol went, you know, I got tired of doing this, so I stopped LSD. I got stopped smoking. Oh, come please.

And you know, and then when I I love to do, you know, amphetamines and go to those bars, so I drink more, but when my hand looked like Gene Wilder in Blazing Saddles, I switched to Downs, you know. anything, anything that would allow me to keep drinking. And then I walk in here and you people tell me I cannot not not drink.

And then if I do drink, I'm going to have this craving to drink more which will ultimately kill me. Have a nice day. Cuz that's the first step.

powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. Now I I got to when I talk about the steps I usually talk about them and and not in an hour pitch but in in three ways. One the first time I went through them.

The second way is the way they've sort of manifest themselves in my sobriety through them throughout my sobriety and hopefully I will share with you the way they are today because the way they are today are is not the way they were 5 years ago. That's why I keep coming to meetings. That's why I still have a sponsor.

That's why I still make calls. I I I don't know how to do tomorrow. I don't have the same pro.

They didn't tell me you're going to get old, you know. They didn't tell me that I could get 28 years of sobriety, but I was going to get 28 years older. I I don't know what I thought was going to happen.

I didn't think at all. I I just thought about not drinking that day. I never dreamed about having 28 years.

I never dreamed about having 28 years and speaking in Denmark. I never none of that ever occurred to me. I just didn't want to die drunk.

And I wanted, you know, see this is the problem. When you make love to a gorilla, you're not done till the gorilla's done. And that was the problem when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Some of you have never thought about quitting. I've met people with lots of times, 20 years, walked into a meeting for some reason. I have no idea why.

He said, "I had never in my life thought about quitting drinking. Walked into a meeting, haven't had a drink since." I I've se I' I've met those people. I know they exist.

I know some of you have come to a meeting with no intention of quitting drinking cuz we all came to our meeting because there was a little heat on, right? Nobody just walks in here to be spiritual, you know? There's a little heat on at home.

There's a little heat on at work. There's a little heat on from the heat. There's a little heat on.

There's a little heat on somewhere. There was a little heat on for me, you know, my uh soon to be ex-wife. And I absolutely have no idea how I did my first year of sobriety.

If I look back on my first year of sobriety today, I say I couldn't do it sober. My ex-wife who had she put a and I wasn't a violent drunk. I was a put a lampshade crazy haha drunk.

You know, the kind you really like to take out in public, the kind that when they're drunk has never met anybody they didn't like and thinks everybody else is drunk, too. So, so, so she just I the book says it that that that the alcoholic is sort of more or less always insanely drunk. That was me.

Now, I could get a little snarly, but for the most part, she just left cuz it was crazy. But the good non-alanon co-alcoholic that she was when she left she just moved across the street. That's what we call in the United STATES from the co-alcoholic to the alcoholic BECAUSE EVERY DAY I HAD to come out and look at my shoes to get to my car to make sure I didn't see what guy's car was parked in her driveway because she made sure it was parked where I could see it.

I don't know how I did that. She lived across the street from me for the first six months of my sobriety. Have no and of course I didn't want her till she left and then I wanted her.

Right. Cuz an alcoholic's always wanting out till he's out, then he wants in. >> I mean, you know, when we exit, we're not going nowhere.

They don't know that. They don't We won't ever tell the non-alcoholic that. BUT WE GO, I'M LEAVING.

Of course, they throw themselves. No, you can't leave until they go to an Allenon meeting. But if THEN YOUR STUFF'S PACKED.

BYE-BYE. ALL RIGHT. But had they not known that, had they just let us go, we would be outside the door.

I made my exits. She's supposed to stop me. Cut.

What do we do now? She's not stopping me. So, I have I have no idea.

And see, and what's so strange is because I honestly believe and this is this is my belief that the reason I don't drink today is I have had a spiritual experience brought about by the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, the God of my understanding, that have expelled the obsession to drink. and that for this alcoholic, anything else, I would still be drinking. I don't know about you.

I I know people who are sober a long time that say they've never had that, and that's okay with me. Anybody who comes here with a problem with ethyl alcohol and gets help, God bless you. I'm glad you're here.

But if you're an alcoholic like me, and if it's 1 to 10, I'm a 10. I'm I I've got the worst form of this disease that is possible to have. I was the very first person in my family to get sober.

My grandfather died of this disease. My grandmother and my grandfather had four daughters. 50% of them died of this disease.

I'm adopted. I've had two mothers, two fathers. 50% of my parents have died of this disease.

I was the very first one to get sober. And my aunt who passed away at 82 a couple of years ago at with 16 years of sobriety was the very first person in her generation to die of natural causes. If you don't consider smoking die of natural causes primarily because of the delight that Alcoholics Anonymous brought into her life because of me carrying the message to my cousin who carried the message to her.

So, but that didn't happen at first. All I know is I started going to meetings, no steps, no sponsor, didn't know what the hell you were talking about, no nothing. And I'm not drinking.

And I'm like this big proponent steps, sponsor work. But there's this other thing that happens before and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just grace.

But I don't know what the difference was between me sitting in that meeting May my very very first meeting was May and I don't want to give any wrong impressions. My very first meeting was May 1st 1979. My sobriety dates May 25th 1979.

The reason I didn't get sober on May 1st 1979 was I had another plan. You probably have a plan too. I've never met a newcomer without a plan.

I don't know about your plan, but my plan has no recoveries. There are zero people sober on the Steve Border plan. Maybe about two million people sober on the AA plan.

Whatever you think that is. My plan was this. And it was a good one.

He told me it was a good one. This is a good plan. I was going to drink Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and I was going to give you Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

I was only going to take three and give you four. I thought that was incredibly generous of me. But you see, we call it surrender.

And when you're surrendering, YOU DON'T GO. I WILL GIVE YOU THREE. OH, you've got the big gun in my head.

Okay, I'll give you two. All right, you do whatever you want. You got the big gun in my head.

All right, just take me, you know. Well, so for about 3 weeks, I tried that plan. And of course, the uh Sunday drinking turned into Monday to Tuesday, the hang and and when I was at the end, I was so sick, I drank two or three days just to get well enough to get drunk again.

You know, I found the morning drink, throw up two to hold down one. You know, the whole deal. You know the deal.

You know the deal. You know what it's like. So, I just I don't know.

I don't know. I just said, "Okay." Okay. Whatever you say.

Whatever you say. You know, you ever notice that with alcoholics? If I told you you had like stomach cancer, but if you went out here on the street and stood on your head naked for two hours a day, you'd live.

Boom. You'd be out there. Yes, whatever.

I DON'T WANT TO DIE. YOU TELL THEM YOU GOT ALCOHOLISM. It kills almost everybody that gets it.

You got to go to meetings. I don't know. Might want to do it.

A sponsor to call and TALK TO FOR FREE. Now you're asking a little much. get to know people.

I don't know. I don't know. No.

And then there's some steps you MIGHT WANT TO DO. I'M OUT OF HERE. SO, all I know is I was willing I was willing to listen to those sergeant majors with seventh grade educations tell me what to do.

And one of the greatest gifts I have been given besides sobriety is sponsoring guys. Guys are the greatest thing that women I'm so sorry you don't get to sponsor them. Some of you might eventually.

I have sponsored women occasionally. You've never heard of fifth step. Don't plan to.

We said listen you get to the fifth step, go tell somebody else. I'm not listening to that. I'm not that spiritual.

I'm afraid I might not react to your sexual inventory the right way. All right. So, JUST BEING HONEST.

SO, BUT GUYS, GUYS ARE GREAT BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SIMPLE. I mean I MEAN IF YOU'RE HERE and you're new and one of your goals is to be a guru and aa it ain't it it ain't hard. This is not the men's society.

say you just can say the simplest stuff and they will just think you are great. I mean it's like you go she'll go she says she says she she she says she she's cheating with my best friend and and she doesn't want me to go I shouldn't like me anymore. What should I do?

Don't go out with her anymore. Wow. She's so zen cuz see I would never HAVE FOUGHT THAT.

WHAT? She doesn't like me? SHE'S CHEATING ON ME?

OF COURSE I GOT TO KEEP DATING HER. You mean I CAN BREAK UP WITH HER? I have that guys call me UP AND GO, "HOW CAN I MAKE THE FIGHT WITH MY WIFE GO BETTER?" AND I have to really literally say stuff like, "Well, I think if you don't start the fight, look, it will go better." And they look at me and they go, "You sure?" If I didn't say that, what would I say?

Well, how about honey, darling, sweetheart? Something like that. And don't talk about her family.

That doesn't go well either. YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER. DON'T SAY THAT.

I mean, I've learned all that stuff here. Uh I don't know. Do you guys tailgate here?

Tailgating? Tailgate? Do they tailgating?

Does that translate tailgating? where you get really close to the car in front of you because they're not going fast enough. >> Cuz you think, huh?

>> It's bikes in the >> bikes. Oh, you tailgate the bikes. Oh, that's real sweet.

Good. 2,000 lbs of steel and 35 lbs of bike. Oh, I got to go now.

All right. And the bikes with the kids in them, right? Okay, good.

Without the helmets. But I had to learn that you could just back off and let them go. Or if they were tailgating you, you could get over and let them pass you.

I learned if somebody didn't like you, you didn't have to have an opinion about it. That actually if you're going to be in a look, if you're in a home group, don't change your home group because of a resentment. Cuz if you change your home group and go to another group because of a resentment, they'll just follow you.

Now, it won't be the same people. They'll have different names and different little earth suits, but it's going to be the same resentment because I found out that if I have a the whole lesson, listen, my whole lesson, well, my whole lesson, I can't say that. One of the lessons that I've had to learn in 28 years of Alcoholics Anonymous is how to get along with you, people, places, and things.

All right, places. I I'm in this great place. I don't know what that park's about.

It's a little dingy. I think they were taking LSD when they made that park, but it's a little wacky in there, especially at night. But okay.

And there's some spires in this town and some architecture. I'm not sure. I think somebody was doing something.

But places. DON'T LIKE THE PLACE. I'll be back in New York soon.

Things. Buy things, lose things, get things. Everything.

All of that takes it takes care of itself. It's the people. I'm sure if I stayed here long enough, I would find with you the same things that make me mad with them back there.

That made me mad with them back there, back there, back there. Cuz people tick me off. Not this group, of course, them.

Many of them need to die. The world would be a better place if they were out of the pool that is going to reproduce. They'd have no business reproducing.

I I don't know if they do it here. Actually, you don't have them. In the States, we have this little If you want to cross, you push a button.

Now, any of you that know anything about electricity, well, you do this with an elevator. Once you push the button, the circuit is set. No matter how many times you push the button, that elevator is not going to come any faster.

And yet, what do they do? They keep doing this. I want to kill them.

I don't know why I'm sitting there. I'VE BEEN HAVING A GREAT DAY. I'VE BEEN IN COPENHAGEN.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AROUND. SOME LITTLE OLD LADY FROM IOWA IN MY HOTEL IS DOING THIS AND I just need to take her out in the back alley and the body will be found. You know 28 years.

Yeah. You think you think you're going to get well, huh? Maybe they get a well speaker next time.

Not this one. AIRPLANES. I HAD TO RIDE AN AIRPLANE HERE.

All right, airplanes. OH MY GOD. ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

Here's what happens in an airplane. The ticket says 37A. Your seat, you who are in front of me, is 37A.

All right. So, you get on the airplane, you stop at the first row. Now, I'm a big humanitarian.

I'm going to give you that one. Maybe the architect designed the plane that the first ROW IS 37A. MAYBE THAT IS THE TRUTH.

MAYBE THAT HAPPENED. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? OH, NO, IT DIDN'T.

IT'S NUMBER ONE. WHAT A SURPRISE. The first row is number one, not 37A.

OKAY, SO THAT'S ONE. THAT MEANS LET'S MOVE it a while. All right.

No, no, not you. YOU GO FROM ONE TO THE NEXT ROW THINKING IT'S 137A. I need to kill you before we take off.

JUST THINK IF SOMEBODY GAVE ME SOMETHING REALLY to be irritated about cuz listen, I've in my sobriety it's two things. The ducks of trivia pecking at your ankles that I mean brushing your teeth three times a day. going to work.

The boss liking you. The boss expecting you to be there because you usually are there. The boss expecting you to do a good job.

The wife expecting you to actually pick up what she told you to pick up at the grocery store and be home sometime close to when you said you. All of this stuff is new. I never did any.

It's a lot of pressure. That's a WHOLE LOT MORE PRESSURE TO EXPLAIN WHY I'M DRUNK. You know, so so this sobriety thing.

So it's the people and and and and I will tell you I said I like to talk about the steps because now I'm really on the third step. You know, powerless over alcohol. My life was unmanageable.

came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. For me, that was the alcoholic group. It was the group, if that's your higher power.

At the beginning, those people were sober and I wasn't. Man, I could not argue with that. That is just one and one equals two.

You know what I mean? That was real simple. They were sober.

Some of them were sober a year. Some were sober 5 years. Some were sober 30 years.

And the ones who really impressed me and the ones who are going to impress you tonight if you've got one day is a guy that had 30 days. 30 days. How do you get 30 days?

Oh my god. Tell me how you got 30 days. That was my hero.

That I heck with the old-timers. I didn't know they were talking quantum physics. They would get in those tradition meetings and I think Bill New York bad the good of AA depends on we're all going to get drunk.

THE WORLD'S GOING TO GO TO HELL IN A HANDBAG. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah blah blah blah blah. How'd you get 30 days?

You know, cuz we do. Boy, we you know, you get some time AND YOU AND THEY ARE THE TRADITIONS. I CAN give you a tradition talk.

I can tell you what's threatening AA today. The threats to AA today as Steve Border sees it. OH, MAN.

HOW DO YOU GET 30 DAYS? How do you get Well, we got to get one day first, Steve. Okay.

One day. All right. And that that 30 days happened.

And then I got that coin. And where I got the coin, it was a metal coin. All the rest of them were plastic.

That 30-day was a metal coin. And they told you that if you took that coin, you had to agree to a couple of things. One is you had to agree to break the chip before you take a drink if you didn't call somebody.

And they suggested one of three ways of breaking it. Put it on your head and hit it with a hammer or put it one of two places and let it dissolve until it you take a drink. Right.

I Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I believe that. See, I was stupid enough to believe anything.

I was believing people who were drinking. I found out later some guy told me something saved my life. Oh, he'd been drunk the whole time.

It didn't matter. See, didn't matter cuz it was still the truth. I ran into a guy one time.

I was, uh, first two years I was sober, I was, uh, I was, uh, staying with my drunk cousin in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, cuz I was working there. It was not a smart thing to do. And so, uh, he'd get he'd have come home from work, he'd have a couple drinks, he'd go off to the bar, and go to the AA meeting.

And I met a guy and and and he was sitting in a bar one day and he went, "I got to do something about my drinking. And the guy on the stool next to him turned to him and said, "You really want to do something about your drinking?" He said, "Yeah, man. I really do." He said, "Go to AA." And he did.

And he got sober. And and because he's such a wonderful guy, he went back to the bar. And that guy's still sitting on the same stool.

And he said, "It works. Why don't you go?" Guy said, "I'm not ready." Not ready. So, so it doesn't matter who uh that's one of the the great things you've taught me is it doesn't matter who the messenger is.

Many times the messenger in the meeting is the guy I can't stand. You know, the guy whose program I don't like. Guy that doesn't do the fourep the right way.

you know, guy that's not big book, maybe even as an agnostic or an atheist that doesn't believe in God and yet it's the truth. That's a great blessing to learn to hear where the truth comes from. You know, I I I one of the things that happened in third step, turn your will in your life, be very careful.

I I believe that is the crux of the whole thing because once I do that, see, once it was you, you guys, you guys were my higher power. You were telling me, you were going and then you kept saying, "Well, you got to do the third step, third step, third step." Now, the first time I did the third step, I only did the third step so I could do the fourth step cuz everybody said if you didn't do a fourth step, you got drunk. Now, I don't know if that's true or not, but that's what they said.

So, I believed them. And my turning my will in my life over to care of higher power was simply doing the rest of the steps. And at the end, I had a spiritual experience.

I had no concept of a God. Today, I could talk about God for a long time because it's probably the most important thing in my life, more important than my sobriety. I can't separate the two.

I believe that relationship with that God is going to go on forever. And when I die, I don't believe I'm going to be an alcoholic anymore. I believe it's a disease and I'll be healed.

But I believe that you gave me something that will go on forever. And I wasn't even looking for it. And if you're not looking for it, that's okay, too, because lots of people here aren't.

But for me, you know, it says in the doctor's opinion that what we tell the alcoholic must have weight and depth if it's going to replace the kind of relationship I had with alcohol. And what can have more weight and depth than that? Whatever made all of this has got his wallet out, her wallet out, its wallet out right now with your picture on it going, "See this?

This is my favorite kid. I love this kid more than anything in the world. I'd do anything for this kid.

I've been there for this kid its whole life. I've even let this kid hurt itself because I love it so much. And now, now it's come home.

You know, in the story of the prodigal, you guys know that story. Jewish kid goes off, hangs out with pigs, drinks up his inheritance like a good alcoholic when he runs out of money, GOES HOME. DAD'S GOT A FEW BUCKS, GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

BUT WHAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU IN THAT STORY is that it's really the story about the loving father because it says that while the prodigal was still a far way away, the father apparently is on the porch waiting for this kid to come home. And when he sees him, he runs to him. And at that time a Jewish man would have worn long robes and he would have had to lift up his robes to run which meant he would have had to expose his knees which would to have shamed himself.

The father was willing to shame himself to get to his drunken son faster. That's the kind of loving God that I found here in Alcoholics. And I've been mad, don't get me wrong.

I God and I right now are uh we're having a wrestling match. He's going to win. He's going to win.

But about 3 years ago, I went I don't know how I missed it. I don't know how I missed it, but I went to work for some really mean people. And that's not just me and my perception, alcoholic perception.

Everybody I worked with, non-alcoholic, alcoholic, they've all been scarred by this particular place. And I didn't know this crap went on. Now, I know some of you knew this since you were this high.

I didn't know you could have an idea and at the next meeting somebody took credit for it. I didn't know that happened. I didn't know that people would look you in the face and lie to you.

I didn't know that that people would motivate you with fear and never with an attab boy. That's just not I didn't know it. And all of a sudden, I ran into this whole world I hadn't experienced before.

AND ALL THIS STUFF YOU taught me, all this stuff about being honest and showing up and being responsible and not being mad and not keeping a resentment and putting it on the forep. That forep. That fourth step.

I'll tell you right now, I got some people I'm resisting putting on a fourth step. And that's never been the case before because I believe promptly. You know that fourth step.

It's simple, isn't it? It's the greatest step on the face of the world. I see my life out there is kind of complex.

But when I got sober, now I don't know what you got here, but we got some other stuff in the states. But the four step, I only got four character defects. I'm selfish.

Mine. All mine. I don't know what they are, but they're mine.

And you can't have any. mine self-seeking. All right, I'm going to give you one, but one day I am going to ask a favor of you.

See, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING, BUT I'M GOING TO EXPECT SOMETHING BACK. SEE, I NEVER DID anything for free and for fun. I never did anything just I I mean and and that's the first time I've ever had that experience in Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

You'll have it. You're sitting there and somebody takes a year chip, cake, whatever it is you give here and all of a sudden you're as happy for them as if it was for you and you don't even know them that well. Never had that experience before.

Was never happy for somebody else getting something that didn't include me. Self-seeking. Dishonest.

I wasn't there. I know you have videotape and your sister will confirm it, but it wasn't me. See, and I thought dishonest was just lying, but there's another kind of dishonesty that I found about in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And that's where I'm mad at you, but I never tell you. I never tell you. I never give you a chance.

I never say, "Let's go have a cup of coffee and talk about it." I never You're just dead, man walking. I'm leading a meeting. Your hands up.

Don't see it. Sorry. Just didn't see your hand.

Didn't see it there. Guess God didn't want you to talk, huh? DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DIDN'T GET INVITED TO MY PARTY.

DON'T KNOW HOW that didn't happen. SEE, THE FACT is I just cut you off. So, what I found out was honesty was giving you a chance to to even know that I'm mad at you.

Selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened. Frightened of living, frightened of dying, frightened of everything. I can still be frying the day if I don't do the steps.

Life scares the hell out of me. I I you know getting older. I don't know if the new 60s, the new 30, the new 20, the new 12.

I don't know what it is. I just know that I wake up and this stuff it hurts and that thing done. And the guy I used to be able to beat at tennis I can't beat anymore.

And I used to be able to beat a guy that was 26, now they got to be 36, you know, and it's like, wait a minute, I didn't sign up for this. girls I look at across the meeting going, "She's cute." Go, "Remind me just of my dad." Say, "I got sober in 1979, and it will not make me feel better if you come up to me after the meeting and said, "You got sober before I was born." >> I was born. >> That's right.

The year I was born. THANKS A LOT. I LOVE IF YOU TELL alcoholics not to do something, cuz they'll do it.

They're just like children. And if you stick around, I promise you that uh life will break your heart. Don't mean to be a bummer here.

We're laughing and having such a good time, but it will. You know, all the people when I came in alcoholics anonymous, I had spiritual grandmothers and grandfathers. One was Alabama Kathers, grateful alcoholic, spoke all over the world.

She was my spiritual grandmother. She's gone. You know, uh all the old-timers that were old-timers when I was young are gone.

And and I'm kind kind of, you know, there'll be a day 10 20 years from now when my seat will be empty and somebody will be in there. And about two generations later, nobody, you know, it's the way it is in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I miss them.

I miss them. I miss having those people in front of me. I miss having those people who could reparent me, who taught me how to show up, who taught me what to do because I was willing to listen to them.

And who taught me that it's okay to be human and have time. Please don't ever put anybody with time on a pedestal. There is no room to dance on a pedestal.

Old-timers will lose it in a second. Well, if I had 25 years, I'd never do. Yes, you would.

Why not? You scratch me deep enough. There's just an alcoholic inside of me.

I didn't come here to get well. If I get well, I'm out of here. I got to come and have permission with as much time as I've got to be the sickest person in the room someday.

That doesn't mean you got to co-sign it to go along with it. It just means I've got to be able to come in here and not pretend, not do the thing I've done my whole life, which is act like it's okay all the time when it isn't. Yeah.

Used to see all my pictures as a kid. I HAD AN ALCOHOLIC MOTHER TRYING TO KILL HERSELF. SHE finally did.

I'm just smiling all the time cuz I can look at that elephant and never see it in the living room. You know, I married a woman at 16 years of sobriety. She was having an affair when we got married.

That'll quiet her room. YEP. YEP.

I WANTED TO GRAB HER AND TELL HER the rules of cheating. I She misunderstood the rules of cheating. You don't cheat at the marriage.

See, you don't do that. That's It's just wrong. That's wrong.

It's not that it's wrong that she's cheating. It's when she's cheating that's wrong. I do believe cheating is wrong.

Don't get ME WRONG. BUT THAT'S not when you cheat. YOU YOU MARRY someone thinking they're the love of your life.

They fail you miserably. then you cheat on them. If you cheat at the wedding, you've got no place to go.

Now, THIS IS WHAT I CALL THE bomb going off. It may happen in your life. Maybe it's over a relationship.

Maybe it's over your children. Maybe it's over your job. Maybe it's over a dream that doesn't come true.

A guy in LA said that if you stay in AA long enough, you're going to get everything you ever came to get in AA. You're going to find out you're never going to get what you came to get in AA. And then why are you going to stay sober?

All right. So, I don't know what the bomb was in your life, but this was a bomb cuz I've been married a couple of times. This was the only ceremony.

We had a ceremony. We had all our friends there. It was just this boom.

See, one day you're standing out in your yard. It's a normal day. The sun comes up and bammo and the bomb goes off and all of a sudden you're standing there and it's just moonscape.

You're naked and your hair is on fire. And there is nothing that you recognize as anything. 16 years.

We dated for three. I DIDN'T MOVE HER IN TILL AFTER WE GOT MARRIED. FIRST TIME I'D EVER DONE THAT.

I tried to do it. I found out that you can do it all right. It can still turn out all wrong.

They thought they could rest satisfaction and happiness from life if only they managed well. That's the big book talking about sober alcohols. But what HAPPENS WHEN THE BOMB GOES off is after you kind of come to you notice there's this little bomb shelter down there and in my mind it's big book blue and you kind of stagger down there cuz it's the only thing left and in the window there's these old guys playing cards, drinking bad coffee, having a meeting and and you knock on the window.

Now remember, you're naked. Your hair is on fire. Most normal people would go.

They just kind of go, "Yeah, come on in. Come on." Bomb went off, didn't it, Steve? Somebody want to put a Steve's hair out and give him a blanket.

Uh, AT 16 YEARS OF SOBRIETY, I WALKED INTO my home group totally shattered. And all those people did was love me. Nobody said, "What?

16 years? Is your picker broke, Steve? What step were you on?

Steve, DID YOU ASK GOD ABOUT THIS? STEVE, nobody in my home group tried me to make me responsible for her cheating. What a surprise.

She did, of course, but that's another story. Oh, God. God got me out of that relationship.

So, oh God, thank you. Thank you. But at the time, it was a very difficult lesson.

And I'd sit in that meeting and sometimes I'd just start crying and all of a sudden a a one-year-old arm would come around my shoulder. And I didn't go, "No, I'm sorry. I have 16 years.

You must have 17 years." SOMETIME IT WASN'T EVEN AN ALCOHOLIC ARM. IT WAS A DRUG ADDICT ARM. And I go, "I'm sorry.

Can you identify as an alcoholic before? No, man. I just took the love.

I took the love and I hurt and I healed and I sat in that meeting and I allowed myself just to be an alcoholic, which I think is one of the hardest things to do once you've been around here for a while. Cuz people people I mean I've had people come up to me and I expected more of you. HOW CAN YOU I ACTUALLY HAVE A GUY I was sharing about a relationship problem and he said you can't have relationship problems.

You're my hero. I sorry that my life's interfering with your program. Talk to her.

SHE'LL JUST STOP IT. I'LL BE FINE. UH, I've had chances to make amends to people who were dead.

My dad died my first year of sobriety. Um, I had a chance to change him and feed him cuz he was paralyzed. And I ducked it cuz my father was the greatest man I ever knew and he's a big strong guy.

And when I was in his arms, I was the safest I'd ever been except for my mother, the alcoholic that he went to Vietnam to get away from. But besides her, he protected me from everything. And he died.

And I knew I owed him an amend. And one day, there's a place in LA, County General, and uh the 6,000 ward is where the alcoholics go to die. And there was a guy getting out of his bed to go to the bathroom.

Now, if I come to your house, uh if I have to go in your restroom, I'm the water's running. I'm very shy about certain things. But all of a sudden, I was helping this guy get off his bed onto the bedpan, doing whatever I had to do.

I was calling the nurse. I was in I was in the hall. And then it hit me.

Oh my god, he even looks like my father. Cuz I guess God knew that I really needed somebody who looked like my old man to make that amend to. I promise you, whatever you are, and I know if you're a guy, you've got it.

I I I I know the guys in this room have got some stuff that are saying nobody's ever going to know and there's no way I'm ever going to tell anybody and there's no way I'm ever going to be able to make up for this. And I promise you, you can because this is a spiritual program and one and one equals three. I promise whatever it is, if it needs to happen, it can and it will.

And if it doesn't, something else will. I know a friend of mine, his son died of AIDS. He sponsored all these kids with AIDS, you know, and he sponsored them when they were still dying before the cocktail came along.

Now they're starting to live. He sponsored them for a long time. One in one equals three.

This is the magic kingdom. I I I can't tell you the the miracles that I've seen happen. And right now, it's a struggle.

I moved from LA to New York 5 years ago and I still haven't settled in. You know, I I I just California was sort of me and um I moved for some very good reasons, but it's very different. And it's not them.

They've been sober there a long time. In fact, I'm 5 minutes from Bill Wilson's house. I run tours there.

you know, they've been there longer than the only place longer is Akran. So, it's not them, it's me. And I've got to learn to fit in because there is a problem.

I can uh I'm going to finish this up. I see some seats moving. I told them I said, "You can go as long as you want." I said, "I go until the tushies start moving.

Once the tushies moving, even Jesus can't save souls." Um, look, here's the deal. God's got us in a double bind. I can either work the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or I can work the 12 steps of alcoholism.

But what I cannot do is not not work a program. That's called a double bind. Now, I don't know what the 12 steps of alcoholism were that you worked before you got here, but the ones I worked went something like this.

One, I declared I was in complete control of my drinking and my life was fine and dandy. Thank you very much. Two, I always knew there was no power greater than myself, but all of you needed to be restored to sanity.

Three, turned my will in my life over to care of alcohol because it was the only thing that understood me. Four, made a paranoid and immoral inventory of anybody but me. Five, admit nothing to nobody ever.

Six, became entirely willing to have God punish you for all your defects. Seven, humbly asked HIM TO GO BUG somebody else. Eight, made a list of all persons who had harmed me and became willing to take revenge upon them all.

Nine, took direct revenge whenever possible, especially when to do so would injure them and others. 10, CONTINUED TO TAKE YOUR INVENTORY, and when you were wrong, promptly told you so. 11.

Sought through alcohol and medication to improve my unconscious contact with myself, praying only for what I wanted when I wanted it, and the power to get it. and 12. Having achieved spiritual death as a result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to other alcoholics and take just as many of them with me as I could.

Only one tradition in that program. Do whatever you got to do to get through the night, right? Cuz you're going to do it.

Doesn't matter. Over, under, through. If you got to drink, you're going to drink.

And you might as well do it. There's no rules when you're drinking. That's the great thing about drinking.

No rules because you're going to drink. Now, let me tell you just the kind of miracle that happens in a ninth step of this program. The reason I got to New York was I had owed an amend.

I owed an amend to a girlfriend. I my college girlfriend from 32 years ago, not because of my drinking, but because I was a real crap head at 21 when I broke up with her. And I always felt like, you know what, if I got in touch with her, I need to make an amend.

Well, she'd come over here. She was a ballet dancer. She drank she danced in uh Netherlands.

She's danced in this city. She danced in Frankfurt 25 years. I didn't see her.

She also when she retired, she had a child. The umbilical cord was around Jessica's neck. Jessica physically operates at 2.

She's 17. She'll be 17 on Friday. Friend of mine called me up and said, "THERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU ON THE INTERNET." I said, "Why is there a picture of me on the internet and how did you find this out?" He says, "Well, sometimes I type people's names in and that's came up." It was a picture of my old college and there her picture was popped right out of me.

Went on the alumni website. She's living in a place called Mount Kiscoco, New York. So, I call I email her, "Hi, Steve.

Probably don't remember me. A lot of people don't that I dated." Of course, I don't remember a lot of the ones I dated, but anyway, I do remember you. I something I'd like to tell you.

She wrote me back. I said that. Her sister had been involved with it that she understood what I was doing and she said, "Look, that was a long time ago.

I got to talk to her. She talked to me. We got on the phone.

AND THEN THE STAR BARKS STARTED TO FLY. Then I was going to Minnesota, so to speak. I went to New York, too.

Then she came to LA. Then we had this coastal relationship. And then now Jessica's got all these doctors.

I got to go to New York cuz she can't move Jessica to LA. Jessica's in this wonderful school for kids just like her. So, I moved to New uh to New York 5 years ago.

When I moved, my girlfriend was not an alcoholic. I think I'm a carrier. She went to the program two years ago in July.

She She did the craziest thing and she felt bad about it. She had in two years one airplane bottle of alcohol, drank it, and then went right back to her sponsor. I said, "Are you out of your mind?" I don't know about you.

If I'm going out over an airplane bottle, it's going to be a big airplane bottle. You know, it's going to be like off the Russian airline airplane bottle. I'm not taking one drink and going back.

She got a year this month. Jessica's got a sober mom. Her father died of alcoholism.

My mother died of alcoholism. Their children today are sober because of you. Because of this.

Because of this everywhere. One and one equals three. I couldn't have gotten to New York.

I don't like New York all that much. If I I prefer to be someplace else, like back in California. But you know what?

It's so obvious to me that God wants me in New York. I'd have to spit in his face to leave. So, I'm going to stay.

And you know what? I've done this long enough to know if I stay, something's going to happen that I don't even know is going to happen. It maybe already has.

I mean, if nothing else happens, just Kathy getting sober, that wonderful, talented, brilliant woman not having to drink herself to death is one and one equals three. If you do the third step, the drunk is coming home and he's sick and he's hurting or she's sick and she's hurting and she's hung out and she's torn up and she's magic moment of surrender and they run into God and God's got something in his hand. Her hand.

Its hand. And the drunk goes, "What's that?" And God God goes, "Well, this is sobbriety." And the drunk goes, "How much does it cost?" See, the drunk only understands buying stuff. And God being manipulative goes, "Well, h how much you got?" And the DRUNK GOES, "WELL, I GOT ABOUT $50." AND THE GOD, "OKAY, FOR YOU SOBRIETY COSTS $50." AND THE DRUNK TRYING TO BACK OUT of the deal goes, "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

IF I GIVE YOU ALL $50, I WON'T HAVE ANY GAS FOR my car." car. And God goes, "Oh, you have a car." Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to mention that, but uh so is going to cost you your car.

HE SAID, "WHOA, WELL, IF I GIVE YOU MY CAR, HOW AM I GOING TO GET TO MY JOB?" "A JOB? You have a job? I'm sorry, but I didn't mention." No, no, sobriety cost YOU YOUR JOB.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY HOUSE? HOW A HOUSE? You have a house?

I mean, your list. I thought you were in the cardboard docks by the railroad tracks. No, no, no, no, no.

Sobriety cost to your house. Well, what about my family? Oh, a family.

Family? No, no. Sobriety, I'm sorry.

Sobriety is going to cost you your family. Says, "Well, if I give you all that, what good's my life?" And God goes, "That's right. Sobriety will cost you your life." And the drunk because he's at she's at that magic moment of surrender is willing to give God her money, car, house, job, wife, kids, husband, life.

And God gives the drunk sobriety. Then he looks him deep in the eye and he says, "All right, I give you money back, but it's not your money anymore. It's my money.

You get to spend it for me. Give you your car back. It's not your car anymore.

It's my car. You're going to drive it for me. I'm going to give your house back.

It's not your house anymore. It's my home, but you're going to live in it for me. I give you family back.

It's not your family anymore. It's my family, but you're going to take care of them for me. I'm going to give you your life back.

And it's never your life ever again. It's my life, but you get to live it for me. And maybe, just maybe, I'll give you the pleasure of passing it on to somebody that's got one minute.

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