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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> There you go. >> Very good.

Very good. Hello, Lake Jackson. >> I just wanted to make sure y'all were out there.

So, the Mouth of the Brazes conference. How cool. I found myself wondering today though, if this is the mouth of the Brazes, what would they call a conference at the other end of the Brazes?

And then I said, "Well, wait a minute. Which way is that river running? This is where it dumps into the Gulf, right?

>> I think the other end is the mouth of the Brazes. Yeah. I wonder who makes these decisions.

It's a good thing it's not me. Cool. I want to thank the committee for uh welcoming us out, my wife and I.

Personal invitation to the to the conference. That's great. And then not only that, like the guys said, they drove out, had four bikers come out, they heard we was coming to town on our Harley.

They come out and met us and escorted us the last 100 miles in. That was really cool. And um so uh my wife here is she'll be doing a workshop with me Sunday morning, a prayer and meditation workshop starting at 8:30.

You all get a chance to meet her a little more there. But I want you to stand up, Norma, and and say hi, wave. So y'all get to hear her some Sunday morning.

And uh you can also hear her. We have a little website where we put up things. You know, people used to ask us to mail them tapes and all, but with modern technology, we just put it on a website and say, "Go there and you can download all you want, you know." So, just davidanorma.com.

You can find her stuff there and you can find some of mine there, too. >> Or you can buy it from the tape guy. >> Or you can buy it from the tape guy.

So, anyway, uh here we are at the Mouth of the Brazes conference kicking it off and I'm honored to be here. Thank you very much. I'm blind Dave and I am an alcoholic.

Amen. And my sobriety date is July 9 of 98. So uh coming up on 11 years here in about two months.

Very good. In uh 1972, I turned 70 uh excuse me, I 1972, I turned 24 years old that year. And I was already uh full-blown into my alcoholism and my drug addiction.

And I was hitting bottom for the first time. In 1973, I went to church looking for God. I was already convinced that that was probably my only hope.

And um I found God there. I really did. And I had a very powerful spiritual experience which freed me from drugs and alcohol for a little while.

The next 25 years, I pursued my faith and I served my church with zeal. I even became a small-time preacher. I had dreams of a growing ministry.

But during those years, the predominant story of my life was I became a chronic relapser which kept smashing my dreams. Why couldn't I stay stopped? I was baffled.

And after 25 more years, I was hitting bottom again. Now, I had encountered Alcoholics Anonymous along the way, and AA looked inviting, but I was afraid to admit I had a drinking problem. I felt that it would somehow discredit my faith and disgrace my God.

But as I became more and more painfully aware that all my unhappiness and grief seemed to be connected to alcohol, I finally was willing to admit that I was an alcoholic. I took step one and admitted that I was an alcoholic. And I opened my heart just a little bit to the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And that was step one for me. And step two, I had a little problem with step two. It says, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." Well, I I had come to believe 25 years ago and had not been able to stay sober.

Why should I expect it to be any different in AA? I wasn't going to change my God or change my fa I still have my same faith. I still have my same God, my same Lord and Savior and all that kind of stuff.

I wasn't going to change that when I come into AA. So why should I expect anything different out of AA? And what about this word sanity here?

Are they saying I'm insane? So I got stuck on step two there for a little bit. Uh, but you know, I was reading my big book and and I I discovered they're talking about the insane moment that precedes the first drink.

They're talking about that insanity. Oh, I've related to that. And as I sat in meetings and heard people uh share and particularly those who share from the big book and put the big book into perspective for us.

Thank God for big book thumpers in the meeting. And they put it in perspective for me. And I was found myself going, "Oh, oh." And one day it dawned on me that my same old God that I'd had for 25 years was now going to talk to me through the language of the big book.

And he was going to use the voice of other alcoholics. And I was going to hear my same old God in a brand new way. And I came to believe that and that was step two for me.

And I opened my heart fully to this fellowship. I understand that God is able to I came to believe that God is able to do something very unique for alcoholics through alcoholics. And I understood what they meant by it's a Wii program.

It's the collective spiritual experience that we find together. and I open my heart fully to the fellowship and to my God as he comes at me through this fellowship. And I'm going to share with y'all a little bit tonight about me getting established uh building an archway through which we shall pass to freedom.

I'm going to talk a little bit about me getting established in my recovery and uh you know share a little bit of that with you because something interesting happened to me early in my recovery after I had fully surrendered to AA and to this way of life. I remember when I got that big book and and you know at first I was just kind of thumbming through it. You know how it is.

And and and and that was after I had this surrendering experience. I took my big book and thought, "Okay, I I I need to read this." So, I started uh started from the beginning and just coming right through that big book, you know, and u I read all the the uh prefaces and the forwards and uh chapter the doctor's opinion and chapter 1 and chapter 2 and chapter 3 and I was at about chapter 4 and I thought, you know, I hear some of these people talking about highlighting their big book. I I should have been doing that.

You know, I I knew there was at least a good half a dozen passages that were really really good as I was coming through there that I should have highlighted. And I thought, well, I'm going to highlight from here on. You know, I'm in chapter 4.

And so, I I I wanted to mark those special passages as I went on. And I thought, well, you know, I don't want to just highlight my book starting at chapter 4. So, I decided just to flip back to the front of the book.

And now I'm coming right back through the stuff I had read in this past week or so, reading that same stuff. But the difference is now I'm coming back through it looking for those half a dozen really good passages that I wished I had highlighted. I want to find them again.

And I've got my little flashlight on, you know, and I'm coming through there searching for them. And you know what? I I highlighted 22 passages in chapter one.

And I highlighted uh 18 passages in chapter 2. And I highlighted uh somewhere uh uh 23 or 24 in chapter it. And I thought they're everywhere when you're looking when you've got your little search light on.

And I I'd read those little things that would jump off the page at me. You know what I mean? And uh and I would go to the meetings then and I found myself sharing those things in the meeting.

I found myself becoming a contributor just like the people that God spoke to me through and people started coming up to me at the end of the meeting and saying, "Man, that really helped me a lot, Dave. That thanks. That felt good." You know, the big book says though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they remain sober, that motive became secondary.

It was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others. Giving back to the program is when you really hit pay dirt. So, I learned to read with my flashlight on and ask God to give me things to share to help other alcoholics.

And I've discovered that God gives me stuff to share. And so I've learned to tag you onto the the end of my reason for why I'm sober. And I'm going to share with you some thoughts I got one time while I was just meditatively reading the literature.

I was reading in the in the 12 and 12 one time in chapter 8 and it's talking about making a list of all persons we had harmed and it says every AA has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake. I want to bring your attention to the statement this new adventure of living. Did you know that AA is a way of life?

And why not? Drinking was a way of life, wasn't it? In fact, the big book says that alcoholism annihilates everything worthwhile in life and engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer.

Drinking not only became my life, it became drinking became bigger than us and it became bigger than life. So when the big book says, "Have you a sufficient substitute?" Yes, there is a substitute and vastly more than that. And it started right there at step two where I found a power greater than myself.

And I came to step three and made a decision to turn my will in life over to that power that was greater than myself. And all of a sudden, I found myself having uh an experience of living that was bigger than life. Bill Wilson said, "My friend promised that when these steps were taken, I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator and would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems.

All of them." That's a bold statement. A way of living. I would have the elements, the tools of a way of living to face all my problems from here on and answer them.

Did you know in the doctor's opinion that is a bold statement, people? It's hard to believe. It's one of them things in a big book you can read right past and it just bounces off of you.

This is an all-inclusive program. It goes far beyond staying sober. Sobriety is not the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

It's the pot of gold at the beginning of the rainbow. It's the first thing we find when we pass through that archway to freedom. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs.

In the doctor's opinion, it says the message that can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. As we used to say in the 60s, it's heavy. And this program has depth and weight, I want you to know.

And uh you know, too many people stay in the shallow end of the pool. You want to really find God and experience God, jump into the deep end. >> I was talking at a treatment center one night and and I get pretty excited about uh talking about the program and my God experiences along the way.

And uh when I came out of there that night, the guy who gave me a ride, you know, we're walking to the car and he says, "Dave, uh don't you think you're talking over their head a little bit?" And I said, "No doubt. I don't expect these people in treatment to be able to grasp everything that I'm saying, but they can feel my passion and they can say it. It says the message that can interest them has got to have depth and weight.

It they got to not be able to fathom it. They got to say, "Man, this is over my head." The big book says that the ex problem drinker who has found the solution who obviously knows what he's talking about, whose whole department shouts at the new man that he's got the answer can win the confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. That's our responsibility to project the answer in a way that leaves them with no doubt because they're desperately saying, "Can you help me?" Or are you another one of those who made promises and could not help me?

Our department is supposed to shout at them that we've got a program here that's depth and weight. I tell you, we've got a big solution. They got a big problem.

We've got a big solution. Is there a sufficient substitute? You better believe it.

And it's a way of life. In chapter 2, it says that these spiritual experiences are phenomena. They seem to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements.

Ideas, emotions and attitudes which once were the dominating forces of these people are suddenly displaced and replaced by a new set of conceptions and motives. That's the principles we live by and we learn to live by them and we learn to have a spiritual experience and transcend. that said back there it was transcended by the happiness they found.

We're talking about an experience here that will rise me above life's challenges and solve all my problems. I have the elements to apply to any situation and transcend it. The big book says here are thousands of men and women worldly indeed who flatly declare now that that means pretty bold flatly declare that since they've come to believe in a power greater than themsel to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things that's our steps that a revolutionary change has occurred in their in their living and thinking.

In the face of collapse and despair, they found a new power, peace, happiness, and and sense of direction float into them. That's our program, particularly in the deep end of the pool. Step three says that notice it says a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking.

This is a way of life. And it it started at step three there when I made a decision to turn my will in life over to the care of this higher power that was bigger than me. Fred said the same thing in chapter 3.

He said, "Quite as important was when I discovered that these spiritual principles would solve all my problems. It's taking my program and applying it to all my life and experiencing God in all aspects of my way of living. And so that's what step three is about.

Me deciding to turn my will in life over to that power that I came to believe in. At step two, when we sincerely took such a position, it says all sorts of remarkable things will follow. We have a new employer being all powerful.

He provides what we need. It says he provided what we needed if Oh, there's a stipulation. If we kept close to him and performed his work well.

He asked us to think well before taking that step. make sure we're ready to abandon oursel utterly to him. God's asking us to enter into a um a a a relationship with him.

It says on page 28 of the big book that we form a relationship with our creator upon simple and understandable terms. There are terms and conditions to this relationship with God. And they're right here in step three.

He is going to bring all his power to bear upon my life to do remarkable things and provide what I need if I am willing to agree to the terms to keep close to him and perform his work well. That means to stay sober and help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety is what that means. Our primary purpose.

And so right there now I have found a big purpose. I have found a big power and a big purpose and I'm having an experience of living that's bigger than life. Now the big book says we are now on a different basis.

Well, what basis did I used to be on? Well, I used to live life in this dog eat dog world. And it was every man for himself.

And may the best man win. Y'all know that world. It's the world where there is no God.

It's a dog eat dog world. And we all grow up and are thrown into adulthood into this dog pit of snarling dogs. And everybody's fighting for their piece of pie.

And there's more dogs than there is pie. And we're all gripped with fear. And you have to learn how to deal off the bottom.

We learned all that stuff there about the play actor. All them manipulative techniques. We have to learn them to survive in that dog eat dog world.

I'm driven by fear. I'm self-centered and driven by fear. But now I'm on a different basis.

I'm in a different world. The 12 and 12 says on page 105 that once we catch a glimpse of God's will. We are no longer deeply disturbed by all the seeming evidence to the contrary which surrounds us.

Am I still surrounded by snarling dogs? You bet. But it says that when that now I know that when I turn to God, all will be well with me here and hereafter.

And that's been my experience because I've entered into a relationship with my creator upon clear and understandable terms. And I know that when I do this, he does this. And and I know exactly how to engage the power of God.

Thank God for the 12 steps who taught me that. Bill Wilson said, "My friend promised that when these steps were taken, I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator. It's not a dog eat dog world anymore.

It's a it's it's I'm in God's kingdom now and I have the elements of a way of living which addresses and answers all my problems. A way of living that's aa. Now let's go back to what we read earlier in the 12 and 12.

Every AA has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living. I want to bring your attention to the word adventure. Because what we have here is not only a way of living, but it's an adventurous way of living.

It can be when you learn how to read your big book with your flashlight on and watch God give you stuff to take to your meeting and to and to go help your sponsies and and and to start helping others when you get in. See, that's what he asked me to do. I will bring all my power to bear upon your life to provide what you need and do all kind of remarkable things if you will agree to stay sober to help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety.

So I started learning that that big book is my tool. That ex-pro drinker who was armed with facts about himself, he armed himself with those facts from the big book. Did you know the big book says that the central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous?

There's another bold statement for you. Miraculous? Does it really mean that?

All my problems, does it really mean that? I found myself wondering, you know, one time I read this thing about in a way which is indeed miraculous. I thought that sure is pretty.

I'm going to highlight that. And I and I thought, do they really mean that or is that just uh you know figurative speaking? Were they literal or just speaking figuratively?

Was it just a metaphor, pretty words, poetic license? Were they speaking figuratively or did they mean that literally? So I read it again and it says, "The central fact right there at the beginning of the sentence clarified it.

The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. four adjectives in one sentence to make sure you understand that the miraculous is indeed an absolute certain fact in this way of living. Now, does that sound like it might be an adventure?

Do you think the big book was kidding when it says we have found much of heaven and were rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence? They meant that. We blasted off into the world of spiritual experience and they meant it.

And it began for me back at step three when I made a decision to turn my will in life over to the care of my higher power for a bigger purpose. And he is going to uh display his power in my life. The miraculous remarkable things.

It said if I will keep close to him and perform his work well. And so the big book promises us on page 100 that both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. See that's what I've committed to do.

I learned to tag you on the end of my reason for being here of my reason for going to meetings of my reason for getting up in the morning and asking God in my morning meditations what I can do today to help the the man who is still sick. And I also say and those who are in recovery, both you and the new man are to walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen.

There it said it again. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands. When did I do that?

It's step three. The things that have come to me after I put myself in God's hands was better than anything I could have planned. That that said back there rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.

Better than anything we could have planned. And it says follow the dictates of your higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances. Goodbye dog eat dog world.

Hello kingdom of God. Follow the dictates of your higher power and you will be rocketed into a new world. No matter what your present world looks like.

I've had people say to me, Dave, you don't understand. Dave, you didn't have it as bad as I did. Dave, you make it look so easy.

I say, what does it matter? Read this. No matter what your world is, God can rocket you to where I am.

No matter what your starting point is, that's irrelevant to God. The only stipulation it says is follow the dictates of your higher power. What are those?

To keep close to him and perform his work well. To be of maximum service to God and the people about you in this fellowship. To stay sober to help another alcoholic to achieve sobriety.

Both you and the new man walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When you look back, you'll go, "Wow, look what all came into my life when I let God manage it and gave myself over to just helping other alcoholics and letting him run my life." The big book says, "We have been given a great sense of purpose." There it is again, our primary purpose.

It's big purpose. We have been given a great sense of purpose accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives. The more I began to be conscious of my responsibility to help other alcoholics, the more I became conscious of the power of God right beside me.

And it says, "The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead." Y'all read that? It's a great promise. I thought it was a newcomer promise when I first come in.

You know, we tell the newcomer it'll get better. And I read the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. And I thought, cool, that that sounds good.

You know, when I was a newcomer. But I want you to know that when I was about 5 years sober and I had experienced this being rocketed into a a a new and wonderful world. And I was really digging on these morning meditations and and guided meditation things.

And we're going to talk about that some Sunday morning. I mean I mean this Sunday morning, not Sunday. We're going to talk about that some this Sunday morning.

There you go. Anyway, so I was, you know, I was kind of doing that meditation thing one morning and I I mean I thought I felt God say the most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. I was a little confused.

I said, uh I I said, God, I thought that was a newcomer promise. I'm 5 years sober now and and it's been great. you know, better than I could have planned, you know, more than I could have dreamed and uh why are you telling me that now?

Does that promise still apply to me? Is that still true for me today? And I thought I felt God say to me, "The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead." And that will always be true.

Think about that. You mean that as good as it is, the best is yet to come. And when I get there, the best is yet to come.

And when I reach that, the best is yet to come. There is no ceiling to your experience with God in the deep end of this pool. Does that sound like it might possibly be an adventure?

>> They meant that when they said, "This is an adventurous way of living." So now I got to get rid of anything that might be blocking me from that step three experience. So I started out on step four. Next we made a uh next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, you know, to to um uh to remove the things that are blocking me from this experience.

So, we do that step four and then I come to step five, you know, the step five, the dreaded step five. I remember when I was ready to do my step five, you know, and uh called my sponsor up one Friday and said, "I'm ready. I'm ready to do my step five." Of course, I I I had left one thing off.

I mean, everybody does, right? I mean, and so I called him up, you know, and and then uh um he says, "Well, Dave, I I just put my house on the market here and I'm getting a lot of calls and I'm going to be kind of busy showing the house this weekend." He said, "How about we meet over at the club Monday after the noon meeting?" And I said, "Okay." But the only problem with that, see, he left me the whole weekend. And I kept hearing this voice in my head going, "We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.

We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start." And I said, "Okay, okay." Sunday night, you know, I get out my little braille writing thing and and I'm punching these dots and this little dude pops up on my shoulder over here. Y'all know who I'm talking about. And he says, "Don't worry, he can't read that.

Now they I thought, "Yeah, you're right. You know, you're right." And uh so when I pushed through the door over at my a club Monday afternoon meeting, I walked through the door going, "Ain't no way I'm going to tell him that one." And he can't read it. So I got in the back room, you know, and I sat down and he we're getting ready.

I'm unfolding my little paper and I'm fixing to read him all that easy to say stuff, you know, and uh and he grabbed my hand, said, "Just a minute, Dave." And he said, "God, I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start." And uh freaked me out. I thought, "Is he reading my mind? Was it his voice I was hearing over the weekend?" You know, you get all them thoughts.

I thought, "What's going on here in this aa deal?" You know, I tell you, it's a collective God experience. I don't even know if he knew that God blew my socks off in that moment, but he did. Scared me.

I felt like I came face to face with God for a moment there. And I was afraid not to read him that whole list. And I'm glad I did cuz I got all the way down to that last thing.

And I hadn't felt a thing yet. But when I uh and puked out that last thing, something wonderful happened. I hadn't felt anything up to that point.

But in that moment, I felt like I had lived my life in a dark gray bubble and it just popped and I was in the sunlight of the spirit. Have you ever been in a room that's dark and someone walks in and flips the light on and you kind of go, "Oh," you know, it kind of you kind of went. I used to could see so I know what you're talking about.

And you know what I'm talking it felt like that. It was a startling experience. It I went from the sudden inrush of the conscious presence of God.

Now I've talked to a few people who have had that. Most don't. But everybody who does their steps real good up to this point and particularly at step five will tell you that over the next few days or the next few weeks uh the lights drastically come up for most people and that's the way it was for me.

I got in touch with something I'd never felt before. And that feeling right there has become the guiding star of my whole program to, you know, I have no light perception today. But I I know instantly when I step out of the sun into the shade.

I know instantly when I step in the sun. I know instantly when I step in the shade. And I can tell you today that I know instantly when I let a shadow fall between me and my conscious contact with God.

I went in a treatment center one time and this dude said, "Uh, Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power." And I said, 'Well, you don't need be trying to contact your higher power. He said, "I I don't." I said, "No, no, you're supposed to work the steps." I said, "And pay close attention to steps four through nine where we remove the things that block us." I said, "If you'll do a good job removing the blocks," I said, "He'll contact you. And this other dude is sitting there kind of sassy.

He said, "What if I don't believe in God?" And I said, "Well, you will then." We are now on a different basis. The big book says, "We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves." That's a different basis, isn't it? >> Oh, yeah.

>> Infinite God is in control rather than my PE brain. It's a good thing I didn't name the conference. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.

We are in the world to play the role he assigns. Did you know we've been given an assignment? We got it at step three.

He said, "Here's what I will do if you will agree to do this to keep close to me and perform my work." Well, keeping close to him is continuing to do that inventory and and keeping that conscious contact with God. You know why? so that he can direct me to help other alcoholics.

Oh, I thought he was going to direct you how to run your life. No, he can do that without any help from me. I keep a conscious contact with God so he can direct me helping other alcoholics and and addicts.

And that's my assignment. And I am now in the world for that reason. Everybody says, "I know I'm here on in this world for a reason." I say, "Are you in aa yet?" Well, here's your reason.

Whatever, you know, you might have thought you were going to be a brain surgeon. You might have thought you were going to be a rock star. You whatever you might have thought, and you still might be those things, but I want you to know that it's not your primary purpose.

The only hope we have in an all powerful God solving this unsolvable problem that we have is that I agreed to make this my primary purpose in order for him to manage my life. And I must make darn sure that I don't let anything else to think that that's my assignment. It says I am now in the world for this assignment.

And if I want to experience that kind of power, that sort of remarkable things, that sort of being rocketed into another dimension, to suddenly find myself in a new and wonderful world, I must keep the primary purpose in the crosshairs. And don't lose sight of it. He would do this.

If I would do this, he would bring all his power to bear upon my need to perform miracles and remarkable things if I would just simply make my primary purpose to try to see what I can do to help another alcoholic addict. And and does that sound like an adventure? It does to me and it has been.

We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. See, we did that inventory stuff and got into this contact with this power and now we vigorously commence this way of living since we've cleaned up the past. It says, and we have entered the world of the spirit.

Oh, there's another the the miraculous uh fourth dimension. uh all them words that we tend to just think is just poetic speech. No, they meant it.

We have entered the world of the spirit. I remember I skimmed right past that right past that one time like I do everything else. I thought, "Yeah, the world of the spirit." Uh but I tell you when it gripped me and I knew I was in it.

See, I'm I'm I'm still kind of new in recovery. I'm telling y'all about my first few months and first year, first year and a half in recovery as as I'm uh you know growing in this experience and uh so I read that we have entered the world of the spirit and I thought that's sweet highlight that and I got up one morning and had a nice morning meditation time and uh was off going to the early morning meeting 8:30 that morning and I and I remember saying God I I would like a new person to work with today. I'd been having some experience sharing in the meetings and people saying that I was sharing some things that helped and I was enjoying that depth of my recovery and my uh contribution.

And that day I I wanted to I wanted to get out a little bit deeper in the water and I said, "God, I I wonder if I could have somebody maybe to sponsor or something." And I went off to that meeting and I shared in that meeting and when I come out this this guy come up and said, ' Man, I I really liked what you shared. He said, 'I uh he said, "I I'm an alcoholic addict." And he said, "I I'm having a hard time quitting the heroin." He said, "I wonder if I could have your phone number." I said, "Sure." And I gave him my phone number and I went home thinking, "Yay!" You know, God answered that prayer. And uh now my wife had told me that her sister was going to be coming by that day to bring us some homemade egg rolls.

Well, now her sister used to be one of my uh pill connections cuz she she's a hypochondric and has a medicine cabinet full of stuff that I love. And and uh and I used to tell her about my bad back all the time. And and she, you know, she kind of kept me with a little bit of stuff here and there.

She was one of several people. you know, we all have a several people. But now, I hadn't told her that I was in recovery.

I I I hadn't seen her in a while. And Norma told me she was going to be coming by to bring some egg rolls. Well, I came back from that meeting.

That guy got my phone number. I go home and and I decided to lay down, take a nap, and I'm laying there trying to go to sleep and I hear a knock on the door and I said, "Who is it?" "Well, it was her sister." I said, "Oh, yeah." So, I went to the door and opened the door and I let her in. And we walk in the kitchen and I open the refrigerator and she hands me a pan to put in the refrigerator and I set it in there and she said, "Here's something else." And I reached over and she handed me another pan with tin foil on it, you know, and it was some, I don't know, rice or whatever.

And I put that in the refrigerator and she said, "Here's something else." And I put my hands like this and she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand and my heart started beating so hard I was afraid she was going to hear it or see it or something. And she said, "There, that ought to hold you for a while." Looked to me like one big gulp. So, I was in a hurry to try to get her out the door, you know, and uh and so I finally shoved her out the door and closed the door, and I'm heading back to the refrigerator to get the water jug, and I'm thinking, "Wait a minute.

No, no, I'm not supposed to do this. I'm not supposed to do this." And and now I'm going walking around the house fighting with my hand. Yes.

No, yes, no. Oh, God. It was torture.

It was torture. And and I and I think put him in the drawer and tried to take the nap. I put him in the drawer and laid down.

Haha. You can't go to sleep when something is screaming that loud. So I got up and got him out of the drawer.

And I'm walking around the house again, you know, saying, "Yes, no, don't. No way. I can't.

I'm not supposed to do this." And uh and finally Norma came home and went in the bedroom to change. And I said, "Go tell Norma." And I'm running down the hallway and this dude popped up again and he grabbed me by the shirt and said, "Hold on there. Let's uh talk this over.

He usually wins them talks. And and and I'm just getting tired of being ripped in half. Ripped in half by the yes and the no.

And I said, "Heck with it. Heck with it. I'm just going to take them and then talk about it later." Y'all are familiar with that.

And so I turned around. I'm heading back down the hallway to go get that water jug as quick as I can. And as I'm going through the kitchen door, there's a little table right there with a phone.

If I would have been a step past that phone and it rang, I would have said, "Norma, can you get the phone?" Because I didn't want to be stopped now, you know. And if it if it would have rang with me a step or two ahead of ahead of that, I I would have had time to think and said, "Norma, would you get the phone?" Uh, but it rang at the precise second that I didn't have to think at all. I just grabbed the phone as I went by.

I said, "Hello." And this dude said, "Dave, I'm about to go use man. Would you talk me out of it?" And it was just like when my sponsor said, "God, I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough." I came face to face with God. It was like a phone call straight from God.

Hey Dave, help this boy. And I said, "I have entered the world of the spirit." And I knew they weren't joking when they said, "You have entered the world of the spirit. I signed on for this job.

I tied myself to a power greater than myself. And as long as I'm actively trying to see what I can do to help you, you let me have one of them bad moments that the the big book calls a moment of insanity or the mental blank spot and God will reach in and grab you and it's the only thing that keeps us sober. So we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.

And when they crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. We make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone.

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. I've got to stay there in the sunlight of the spirit. And boy, I remember when my sponsor told me, "Dave, I'm signing you up to go to the treatment center and talk at the detox.

Which day do you want?" I thought, "I don't want either. None of them." And he said, "I'll put you down for this one." And I had to grow through that. Go in there and stumble a little bit.

And then I started coming home and opening my big book and say, "God, give me something to say." And it started happening. And I'm getting caught up in this thing of experiencing God as I'm uh making myself available to help other alcoholics and addicts and feeling the contact, the conscious contact with God. And and there's moments when it's loud and clear.

There's moments when he just reaches out and grabs you. And there's moments when he's, you know, just spins you around and says, "Tell him this." this and you go, "Where did that come from?" Y'all know it, the experience. Get on the firing line.

God is out in the deep waters. And so, I'm starting to experience the deeper end of the program of recovery and what they mean by in the trenches. And and and uh man, what an experience it is.

All my God stories come from there. Now, let me tell you one more. I had a skull habit that started when I was 11 years old.

And uh I want you to know that it was by far my hardest addiction to ever kick. I had a 40year skull addiction. I've heard that one dip of skull has the nicotine of a pack of cigarettes.

And I dipped stole from the moment my eyes opened. I guess they were open until way past midnight cuz I stay up at night and probably just to dip skull. I don't know.

But I mean I dip skull all day long. And uh but when I had that fifth step experience back there when that bubble popped and I felt that in rush of the presence of now let me tell you I had tried to quit school many times through my life. I didn't get very far but as I started getting older and seeing what my dad's health breaking down because of nicotine and all this stuff I thought I don't want to grow old and still be addicted to nicotine.

I want to be able to serve God and be uh you know useful or something uh into my old age. And so one time I made a serious attempt to quit. By God this I met a girl in this uh that she used to go to a little home uh prayer meeting that I used to go to and she was bimic and she couldn't quit that.

And one day I had this bright idea. I said let's let's enter into a covenant with each other. I said, "I will quit skull if you will quit doing that." And she said, "Deal." And we shook hands.

And for two months, I didn't take a dip of skull and my skin like to peeled off. I've never been through that much hell in my life. And she must have been having a hard time, too, cuz one day we met each other back at church and we released each other from our promise.

And I went, this was years ago, I went and got myself a can of skull and put a big load in my mouth and patted myself on the back. Said, "Dave, don't you worry. I'll never put you through that again.

I'll never do that to you again." And I meant it. I will never put myself through that again. But I started getting older and started wishing I could get off of it.

And it was not possible. But I had this experience when I came into recovery. It start with that fistep when that bubble popped and I felt that inrush of the presence of God and I was just startled by it.

And uh and I went outside that room and I was just leaning against the wall in the hallway there at my AA club. And this boy came up and he said, "How you doing, Dave?" And I said, "Man," I said, "I just did my fist." And I I said, "I'm just taken by the conscious contact of God." I said, ' Man, this is so awesome. I said, 'If this experience keeps growing as I go through these steps.

I said, 'I could actually conceive of the possibility that someday I might have the courage possibly to to maybe perhaps think about asking God maybe to help me quit school. And I told this boy, I said, "So, you hold me accountable. In 6 months, you asked me if I've quit scope." He said, "All right.

I forgot all about that." 6 months later, he called me. Thank God for the collective uh spiritual experience that we have in AA. He called me said, "Hey Dave, I'm thinking about quitting smoking.

Did you ever quit the skull?" And I said, "Oh, oh, no, no." I said, "I forgot all about that. No, that that no, I'm not there right now. Don't don't scare me with that today.

I said, "No way." That was on a Monday. Tuesday, I got my 18-month chip. I went off to that 8:30 morning meeting cuz I wanted to get my I wanted to go to aa early that morning to get my 18-month chip, you know.

And uh so I'm excited and I'm pumped and I'm waiting for him to give out the chips. And during the meeting, this lady said, "My 5-year-old favorite niece just burned up in a house fire." And she said, "I'm grieving so bad it's killing me." And the meeting got quiet. And then this other guy, this old man sitting back behind me said, "Yeah." He said, "I I came in here a couple of weeks ago.

I've had my own business all my life and I came in here a couple of weeks ago and told y'all that I made a bad business decision and it looks like it's going to put me out of business. And he said, "I am so scared cuz at my age now, I don't know how to start something new." And he said, "And I'm still uh in terror." And nobody said anything. Nobody knew how to answer them.

And then this other fellow said, "A buddy of mine who never could whip this disease committed suicide this weekend." Said he left a note for his kids and he read us the note. It said, "I'm sorry I've never been able to show you the love you deserve, but you can find comfort in that this is the last mistake I'll ever make." and he blew his brains out and that was the end of the meeting. It was left like that and then they started to give out the chips and I'm sitting there saying, "God, God, nobody in this meeting knew how to answer them or give them any hope or any any vision of God in these kind of situations.

Don't you have somebody in here that can h answer them? It wasn't me. I was I was too new.

I It was too big for me. God, ain't there somebody in here? They're hurting God.

And I said, "God, could you ever make me be that man that could that could help them?" I said, "If you could do that, if you could make me that man, God, that's all I want out of life. That's all I want, God. That's all I want.

And I got up to get my chip and I said, "Did y'all nope." I said, "Did y'all hear these people?" I tell you it, God is serious. He needs us to latch on to him and experience his power so that we can help others to have courage. And I took my chip.

I said, "Would y'all pray the sevenstep prayer with me today?" And I had the whole room bow their head and ask God to please remove from me every single defect of character and remove from me everything that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and hurting people like these. And I took my chip and went home. That evening, Norma came home from work and we went to the grocery store after dinner and I bought all my cans of skull for the next week.

We came home, she's going to bed cuz it's late and I'm putting up the groceries and uh I'm putting I just got me a fresh dip of skull, you know, my my last one for the night when she goes to bed and I don't have to feel guilty. And so I'm getting ready to groove on this uh this big dip of skull cuz I love them, you know. And uh and and and I'm putting the last can up in the cabinet and all of a sudden just like back there at that fifth step, it felt to me like I had been standing in a pool of gasoline and I did not even know it and someone leaned around the corner of the kitchen door and flipped a match into that and it went poof and there I was again engulfed in the presence of God and it took my breath away and I just froze and I I say I heard God.

There was no voice. You feel God's voice and you know what it says. And he said, "Spit that out right now and I will free you from this addiction." And I thought, "Free me from this addiction?

What about in the morning when I wake up with that craving, God?" I thought, "Well, what about that God?" And he didn't say nothing. And I said, 'Well, maybe if he's going to free me from this addiction, I won't wake up with a craving. Is that true, God?

And he didn't say nothing. He just started to go away because I hung a little too long. I hesitated and he started to go away.

And I said I said, "Wait a minute, God. Don't go. Don't go." I said, "Don't go.

I'll take the deal. I'll take it." And I ran over to the sink. I ran over to the sink, spit out that skull, got me a mouthful of water, rinsed out my mouth, and stood up.

And I was in another world. I was in a world free from the addiction of skull that governed my life. My daily schedule was governed around my dips.

And it wasn't no more. I knew it right then. I knew it was gone.

And I knew it was gone forever. I walked around the kitchen going, you know, it was right close to Martin Luther King's birthday. And I was going, "My great God almighty.

I'm free at last." You know, I I mean, and and you know, and I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. And and then the as the reality of it settled in on me, I sat down on the kitchen floor and cried.

I just sat there and cried. I couldn't believe this had happened. And then I got up to write about it in my journal.

It's late at night, you know, and there's no one to call late at night. I just, well, I'll write about it. And I get out my journal and I'm saying, "Boy, for no reason, I don't know why God picked today to just come in here out of the blue and free me from this addiction." I said, "Oh, so and so just called me yesterday and asked me if I quit." And I said, "No way.

I'm not anywhere near that. I ain't even thinking about that." And then all of a sudden, here I am the day later and God comes in and says, "Spit that out." And boom. And I said, "I don't have a clue as to why he picked today, but I'm free at last." Then I closed the book and got up and started to walk around.

I said, "Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. I picked up my 18month chip this morning. I need to write about that in my journal, too." So, I sat back down and opened it back up and I said, "PS, today I also got my 18-month chip.

I went early to the morning meeting this morning." And then I remembered the meeting and I remembered that lady and I wondered if she was home somewhere crying herself to sleep because she had lost her favorite 5-year-old niece burn up in a fire. And I wondered if that old man was somewhere pacing the floor, ringing his hand, saying, "Oh god, what am I going to do?" And I wondered if that other guy was wondering if the disease was going to come and get him cuz nobody told him for sure that you can beat this thing. And and I remembered asking God to take away from me everything that might stand in the way of me being of maximum service to him.

And all of a sudden, I knew that it was not just an accident that God came in here today and said, "Spit that out right now, and I will free you from this addiction." I learned from that day forward that every miracle I'm going to experience in this program is somehow going to be connected to my burning desire to help other alcoholics and addicts find the power of God. And that was the night uh at my 18-month shift that I was blasted free and launched into a new dimension of existence of which I had not even dreamed. And I can promise you that if you will make this a way of life, God will make it an adventure for you.

So continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. Continue to set right any new mistakes as you go along. Then resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help and get ready for a new adventure of living.

God bless y'all. Thank you. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

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