Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly. So, be sure to subscribe.

We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast. So, if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-onrise.com. Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise.

We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. Say you guys, I'm Audrey Chapman. I'm a recovered alcoholic.

Audrey, >> good morning. Um, what we're going to do is we're going to go through the steps. We're going to go through the big book.

Um, and talk about what this stuff really is. Um, a lot of you have spent a lot of time in AA and CA and various other fellowships and um, a lot of times what we see is that we come in these rooms looking for a solution and we talk about everything but the solution. And so what we're going to do today is all we're going to talk about is these steps, these principles, how to work with others um, from the perspective of a sponsor, taking somebody else through this work so that you understand what what it is that we're doing.

Um, so I'm going to talk about step one, Michael's going to talk about step two, and then we're going to take a break. Um, so if you've got a big book and you want to play along, grab it. We'll start at the beginning.

All right, flip to that title page, Alcoholics Anonymous. I want to say a couple things before we roll into the first step. Um, one of the most important things that that this big book is going to talk about is this idea that you can be recovered, that you can get well, that it can be different, that you're not fighting the obsession to drink or use on a consistent basis.

And the first place it tells me that is the title page where it says the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism, ed past tense. And that's very different than what you're going to hear in mainstream rooms where they'll tell you you'll always be recovering and you'll always be sick. And thank God that's not the truth and that we can get somewhere different.

But first, we have to find out what is the problem. Flip over to the four to the first edition. I want to qualify this book and talk about a couple things.

It should be X and three little eyes. Whoever put Roman numerals in a book for drunks is just beyond me. But flip to the four of the first edition.

Let's talk about a couple things. It says, "We of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered, there's that word again, from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body." So, right off the bat, they're going to set us up for what is the problem. Sometimes all we're talking about is the drama and the consequences.

But step one is really about what is the problem in the body and the mind. says, "To show other alcoholics precisely how we've recovered is the main purpose of this book." For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. The good news is is that if you want to get well, the big book is all you need.

Maybe you get you a 1939 dictionary. That's, you know, can be very helpful, but this is the only thing that you need. So, for somebody that's been searching for a long time in the self-help section of the bookstore, good news.

This is all I'm going to need. Says, "For them, we hope." Oh, excuse me. Says, "We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic.

Many do not comprehend the alcoholic is a very sick person, and besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all." So, right off the bat, um, the thing that that drew me into this was that they used the word experiences. I'm a drunk that that is sat in front of a lot of well-meaning people that tried to draw me into a solution. um having never had the experience of what it's like to wake up in the morning, not want to get loaded, and know for sure you're going to against your own will.

And so what's cool about this is that it talks about the experience is the first 100 that wrote this book that they understand the problem, they understand the solution, and not because they read it somewhere, but because they've lived it. So, it's just an important point. Let's go over to the doctor's opinion.

When you get there, flip two pages in. If you're in a fourth edition, it should be XXV I II. That top left hand line should read craving for liquor because we want to get down to what's really going on.

What is the problem in the body? What is the problem in the mind? And what does this really look like?

Um, and so what what's going to happen is the doctor's opinion is going to set me up for what are the logistics of step one. Um in that top left paragraph it says we believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. So the first thing we're going to talk about is what's the problem in the body that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker.

So what are we really saying? What are they really talking about? Sometimes we hear we have an allergy but we don't really understand what that means.

Um, an an allergy is an abnormal reaction to any food or chemical put in or on the body. So, it means that something different is going to happen. Like when I take penicellin, my throat constricts, my heart races, I can't breathe.

That's not normal. It's an abnormal reaction to a chemical. We give it to somebody else, they get better.

That's a normal reaction. So, what they're saying about alcohol is that the abnormal reaction that happens in my body when I put it in is that my body craves more and more and more and more. I mean, what is it about that 15th beer that's so good you got to have it?

You can only get so loaded. You know what I mean? How much drunker can you get?

But why do we keep reaching for that next and that next and that next? Because my body demands that I do so. And that's about a craving that's beyond my mental control.

Right? It's not normal to crave a poison, but my body does because it's abnormal. And that's what the allergic reaction looks like.

It says these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. Any form at all. Get really clear on what that means.

Anytime that alcohol gets in my bloodstream, no matter how it gets there, it has the ability to trigger the allergy, which sets the craving in motion, which my body wants more and more and more. And so why I have to be careful about this is um see a lot of you relapse around prescription pads, right? Well, my dentist gave me a prescription for painkiller, so it's okay.

My doctor prescribed dot dot dot, so it's all right. Be careful with that. If it gets in your bloodstream and it breaks down with the same components as alcohol, it has the ability to cause you to crave more.

And a lot of us don't understand that. You you can't beat something physically that's already there. I can't, you know, opt out of a shot of penicellin and just take a pill and think I'll beat what's going to happen to my body.

I won't. I won't. So, I've got to be really careful about that.

If it pours, read the label. You know, sometimes there's alcohol and stuff we don't even realize. So, it's my responsibility, not anybody else's for that.

Okay? Says, "And once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it. Once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.

Sound familiar? Right? It's the story of our life.

I formed a habit early on and now I find I can't break it. Lost my self-confidence. You know that ability to look at yourself in the mirror and kind of give yourself a pep talk.

You know the pep talk about how today's the day I'm really going to pull it together. Today's the day I'm going to rain it in knowing good and well it's not going to be today. It's not going to be today because it's never today.

I can't do it on my own. I lose my reliance on things human. My problems pile up on me and the only thing that convinces me of is let's let's have a beer and think about it.

Let me Anybody else in here a thinker? Let me just get alone in the corner with a drink and a pen and a pad and I'm going to come up with something. But what happens is I put one in.

I'm for sure going to put 15 in whether or not I intended to. And that's about a physical allergy. And it says frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices.

Let's talk about that for a second. What is frothy emotional appeal? It's it looks like it comes in so many forms.

It looks like the judge trying to scare you into sobriety. It looks like the coworker threatening to tell on you. It looks like the child begging you.

Anybody Does anybody else in here have kids? I know there's some of you that have kids. Have you ever had your kid look at you with that scared look in their eye?

You didn't intend to do that. Why didn't you stop? Do you love your kids?

Absolutely. Absolutely. And if you could quit for them, you would.

But that frothy emotional appeal is not enough. It can do various things. It can scare me.

Um it can make me feel guilty. It can uh break my heart. But it will never be enough for me not to pull up in front of the liquor store.

You guys get that right? It it might hold me in check for a minute. Bill talks about it in his story in various places.

Fear sobered him for a bit and it will sober you right up until the point you pick up a drink. Right? Frothy emotional appeal.

Me pleading with you or trying to frighten you will never suffice. It just won't. Says the message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight.

Which means you need to have experienced the physical allergy. You need to have experienced the mental obsession for me to hear you. Right?

That that's where that connectivity happens. When one drunk sits down with another, one addict sits down with another, and all of a sudden our stories and they sync up because we've had the same experience. Flip down to that last paragraph.

Says, "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol." Well, yeah. Isn't that why we're drinking? I'd love to delude myself and tell you I drink because I like the taste of bourbon.

But what happens when you run out of bourbon? I'm drinking what you got. There's nothing nastier on God's green earth than gin.

My opinion. But if we run out of my stuff, I'm drinking it. It doesn't matter.

You got right. This is not about fun. It's not about a party.

It's not about tasting good. It's about a need to get somewhere else. And I know what it looks like.

I drink for the effect. Well, what is that effect? What did you give up to recapture those moments of the past when it worked?

When alcohol sufficed? We'll talk about that in a minute. It says the sensation is so elusive that while they admit it's injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false.

That sensation, that magic, when I could put a couple of shots in my system and shift internally, right? That magic that took place is elusive, meaning it's hard to get. It happened every time early on.

The end days of our drinking, typically it's not happening. Not often, but my mind takes me back to a place when it happened every single time. And that's the delusion that I chase over and over.

When you were able to have a couple of drinks, your shoulders dropped, you could breathe. The voices in your mind, the chatter quieted down. That's the effect that I'm looking for.

I'm looking to knock the edge off and get right. See, I wasn't always trying to get loaded. Everybody was here on equal playing ground and I was always here.

I'm just trying to play. You guys get that? I'm trying to participate.

I'm trying to just be here. But because of that phys physical allergy, I always overshot the mark and came up here. But my mind took me to a place where I could control it and enjoy it even though those days were gone.

So it says that it's elusive. And while I admit it's injurious. So, while I admit there's some problems, there's some drama, there's some consequences, um, some of them external, uh, some of them internal, right?

Some of sometimes we get CPS stuff, we get health stuff, finances, legal problems, those problems begin to pile up on us. Um, the internal stuff is often times much more worse. The inability to look at yourself in the mirror, um, the inability to make eye contact with other people, that kind of stuff.

feeling like um you've become the person that you despise. While I admit those things are happening, I can't tell the truth from the false. Now, the truth is every time I put alcohol in my system, I trigger the allergy, I overdrink, bad stuff happens.

That's a fact based on experience. It's a truth. The false is my mind tells me this time I got it.

This time I'll be able to stay within five to 10 drinks, which is where I like to be. But I always overshoot the mark. this time it will work.

This time it'll knock the edge off. This time I won't get in the car. This time I'll eat before.

This time I won't be around those people, right? And your mind will talk to you in various ways. But the point is it's talking to you.

And that's the problem. I can't tell the truth from the false. I just can't.

Um, and people often talk about the insanity that precedes the first drink. Why is it that you keep picking back up? I couldn't tell you at the time, but I gave myself a lot of reasons of why it was okay because I couldn't tell the truth from the false.

This is why people around you will look at you like, "Really? Didn't we just bail you out of jail? Really?

You're loaded again? Didn't your kids just get taken away? And seriously, you're Yes.

Yes, I am. And I couldn't tell you why that was until I read this book." Says, "To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. Didn't yours?

Mine sure did. They are restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. Drinks which they see others taking with impunity.

What are you like without a drink or a chemical in your body? Aside from doing the step work, what are you like? Are you happy, joyous, and free?

I sure wasn't. I was irritable. Everybody and everything is on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.

Restless. Don't sleep. And when I do sleep, I'm not rested.

Always shifting around. Eyes always skin in the room. Restless.

Discontent. Nothing and nobody's good enough. You find yourself saying things like, "I'll be happy when I'd be okay if always setting in motion this external thing so I can line all my ducks in a row so I can be okay so I don't have to get loaded." And what happens?

I line them all up and I get drunk. Why? Because that's about an internal condition.

Has nothing to do with what's going on on the outside. Make sense? All right.

Irritable, restless, and discontent. Unless I can get a couple of drinks in my system. And that's what I'm chasing.

That's the experience I'm trying to recapture over and over and over. And it says I'm watching others do it with impunity, without penalty. You ever look around and see some of these people that are able to sort of keep it together?

They're drinking, but they're able to show up. They're able to do what they need to do. They're able to say no when they want to say no.

And they're able to scale it back when it's necessary. I have zero idea what that looks like. None.

I always always have penalty. So it says after they've succumbed to the desire again as so many do and the phenomenon of craving develops they pass through the well-known stages of a spree emerging remorseful with a firm resolution not to drink again. Guys this is what they mean when they say my alcoholic life becomes the only normal one.

I decide I make the decision today the day not going to do this anymore. I succumb to the desire because I can stand to be alone in my own skin. I pick up one drink and I pick up 15th stuff happens.

I wake up remorseful. God, I let it happen again. Firm resolution.

Firm resolution. This has got to end. I succumb to the desire.

I pick up the drink. It triggers the allergy. I'm off to the races.

I wake up again remorseful. See how that works? This becomes my only normal life.

Now, if we'd have pulled you at 12, 15, wherever it was before you started picking up and doing what you do and said, "Darling, here's how it's going to play out. This is what this is going to look like." I couldn't have convinced you. You couldn't have convinced me.

This is what it will end up like because my case is different. I mean, ask yourself this. How many people sitting in this room have alcoholics or drug addicts in the family?

Close friends, spouses, what, whatever. And you look at them and think, "God, if I ever got as bad as you, I'd quit. If I ever let it get that out of control, I'd scale it back.

And that's a real interesting thing to say because I've said it when it's you and you're coming up right behind them, right? This becomes my only normal life. And this is about a loss of choice.

And we're going to talk more about that in a minute. It says this is repeated over and over. And unless this person can experience an entire entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his recovery.

This is repeated over and over and over. And guys, don't read this like it's a novel. Don't read this like it's just a piece of literature.

Take these words, match them up with your experience, and see how it pans out. Is that your truth? Does this happen to you over and over and over despite your best effort to not let it be so?

Take this and look at it for what it is? Because the problem is that last sentence that we just read is the death sentence of a real alcoholic, a real drug addict that it's repeated over and over when I don't want it to. Because the delusion that fueled me forever was I'll quit when I want to.

When I decide and it gets bad enough, I'm going to scale it back. And it's a shocking moment when you go to make your move and it's not there. You go to exert your willpower and all of a sudden it you don't have it.

And you've got it in various areas of your life, but when it comes to combating alcohol, I it's not there. It's gone. You come up short.

So, let's talk a little bit more about what that is. Um, we've talked a little bit about the allergy and little bit about the obsession, but the the bigger problem is going to be the one that's in my mind. Um, for for this very simple reason, I've got an allergy to penicellin.

Like I said a minute ago, I don't go to penicellin anonymous. It's a non-issue for me. I made a decision not to pick up penicellin because it reacts poorly with my body and done.

Right? See, we can get you past the allergy if it's not in your system through this process called detox. But the problem is you're going to pick it up again if you're like me.

And that's not about an allergy. It's not about a craving. It's about an obsession in the mind.

Often times we hear people in meetings say, "I'm three months sober. I'm really craving a drink today." No, you're not. You're obsessing.

And there's a there's a huge difference. I want to talk a little bit more about the obsession. Flip over to um to the real numbers, the big kid numbers.

Flip over to page 20. Let's talk about a couple things. down at the bottom of page 20.

Um, get clear about about what this looks like because sometimes there's um I'm just going to say this, not everybody sitting in our fellowship, not everybody sitting in our rooms um is a real alcoholic or a real drug addict. And so I want to qualify what that looks like because if you don't have the allergy and the obsession, you're not one of us. You're just not.

And so they're going to talk about what this can look like. Look at the bottom of page 20. It says, "Modderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely.

If they have good reason for it, they can take it or leave it alone." These are people that This is a non-issue. Take it or leave it alone. Can you imagine?

No. No. Me neither.

These are the people that will show up at the bar and when you offer to go buy everybody's shots cuz you're going, they'll say things like this. No thank you. I'm on antibiotics.

I don't need a drink. I'm on antibiotics. Never in my life has antibiotics stopped me from taking a drink.

That makes zero sense to me. But it's just a non-issue. They're they're there just to hang.

They're there just to be with you. No. No.

I don't understand that. These are the people that will show up at the party and when there's nothing left, they'll stay because they're going to socialize. If it's if the supply gets low, I'm looking for exit signs.

Anybody else? Right. Moderate drinkers, moderate users, that's not their story.

They can take it or leave it alone. No biggie. Says then we have a certain type of hard drinker.

And this guy can look like us sometimes. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time.

But here's the hook. Here's where he's different. If a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate.

He can if he decides to, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention, may cause him some problems. may trip him up a bit, but if he has enough of it based on a sufficient reason, like the spouse saying, "I'm done, health becoming an issue, work problems, whatever, fill in the blank. He can stop or moderate." He does not suffer from the allergy.

He does not suffer from the obsession. He can make a decision and has the power to pull it off. Ask yourself this, how many sufficient reasons have you had to never pick up again?

I mean, some of you are just glazing over because the mind's running. The list is coming. That many sufficient reasons.

What do you do with them? I drink right through them. I get a sufficient reason and think it's not good drinking.

Keep on and on and on. Sometimes I use it as an excuse to drink. But what about the real alcoholic?

He may start off as a moderate drinker. He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker. But at some stage of his drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink.

The allergy will never affect people that are not alcoholic. Remember back to the doctor's opinion, we were talking about that. If you're one of us, you know what it's like to put one in and have to have another and another and normal people will never understand that.

A hard drinker, a hard user will never be able to understand that. So, I've got to find myself in what classification do I belong? Because step one, if you want to sum it up real quickly, is about two things.

Loss of control because of the allergy and a loss of choice because of the obsession. Right? Do you identify or do you not?

And let me tell you something. It's going to be real important for you to find your truth. Not I'm a drunk because Michael said I was a drunk.

I'm a drunk because I looked in this book, found these components, and matched them up with my experience. Make sense? You've got to know for you.

You've got to. So, let's talk a little bit more about what that looks like. Flip over to page 23.

It says, "These observations would be academic and pointless." I'm at the top of the page. If our friend never took the first drink, thereby setting the terrible cycle in motion. See, if I could just say no, put it down, and leave it down, we wouldn't be here today.

If we could do those things, it wouldn't be a problem. So, it stands to reason that it says the main problem of the alcoholic center is in his mind rather than in his body. Why is it that I keep picking up over and over and over, right?

Skip to the middle. It says, "Once in a while, he may tell the truth. And the truth, strange to say, is usually he has no more idea why he took that first drink than you have." Isn't that the truth?

I never sat on a bar stool and said, "God, I really hate I'm suffering from an allergy of the body and obsession of the mind. I didn't know. I thought I was a bad person making bad choices and bad decisions." No.

Turns out I didn't know what I had going. Some drinkers have excuses with which they are satisfied part of the time, but in their hearts they really don't know why they do it. You want to talk about pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization?

That's it. having somebody ask you why and you have nothing. You can come up with an excuse.

Most of us have alibis that we can just Johnny on the spot pull them out right there, but they don't really satisfy me because it doesn't really make sense in light of what's happening. Every time I pick up a drink, yet I keep picking up a drink. I didn't understand the truth.

It says once this melody has a real hole, they are a baffled lot. There's the obsession that somehow someday they will beat the game, but they often suspect they're down for the count. See, what my mind tells me is I'm just about to get ahead of this.

I'm just about to reel it in a little bit. I'm just about to set it. No.

Experience shows me that that's a lie. But my mind tells me it's a possibility. It never was.

How true this is for you realize in a vague way their families and friends sense that these drinkers are abnormal. In a vague way. In a large way, for some of us, your families and friends sense that you're abnormal.

But everybody hopefully awaits the day when the sufferer will rouse himself from his lethargy and assert his power of will. See, that's what they're waiting on. Your family members, your friends, your co-workers, anybody in your waiting on you to get it together, pull it in, grow up, make better choices, get responsible.

For a drunk like me, that was never going to happen because it was about something bigger than irresponsibility. This wasn't a party and it wasn't fun. It was about a loss of choice.

But if you don't have that loss of choice, you will never understand that. Because guys, let's be honest for a minute. It looks like a choice, doesn't it?

Who drove to the liquor store? Me. Who went in and bought all the liquor with their own money?

Me. Who drove home and drank every bit of it with nobody holding the gun to their head? Me.

It looks like a choice. But ask yourself this, who said they never ever wanted to do that again? Me.

Welcome to drinking against your will. And until you've had that experience, you will never understand that. Okay.

Says the tragic truth that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control. At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.

That's an interesting statement, isn't it? I thought they said you just had to really, really want it. Didn't you hear that?

You said to really, really want to stay sober, darling. Really? Cuz my book said the most powerful desire didn't mean nothing.

H this tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it's suspected. Go back and look at Bill Wilson's experience. Go back and look at his story.

What is it that he says in his story? Liquor ceased to be a luxury and it became a necessity. I'm drinking to live.

I'm not partying. This isn't because I'm young and this is fun and no, I'm drinking because I have to have to cease to be a luxury. It says the fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice and drink.

Did you catch that? You want to talk about unmanageability? Look at that.

The inability to manage the decision not to pick up the first one. I don't have it. I don't have it.

I've lost the power of choice. It's important to understand that when you're sitting in a room and somebody says, "I'm Audrey. I'm an alcoholic.

I choose not to drink today." Do not ask those those people to sponsor you because if you could choose not to drink or use, would you be here? I'd be at home choosing not to. says, "Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent in this area.

We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." Let's talk about that for a minute. There's got to be a reason that Bill puts this in italics that he's emphasizing this paragraph.

I've lost the power to choose whether or not I'm going to drink. The delusion is always I'll have a choice at some point. At some point, I'll decide because every time I believe that I'm deciding to drink more, that I've decided to pick up a drink one more time.

No. No. Not until I understand what this paragraph means will I ever understand alcoholism at its core.

At certain times, I can't recall the drama, the pain, the consequences of even a week or a month ago. It's kind of like Michael, I love the way Michael talks about this. It's like playing Russian roulette.

At sometimes I pull the trigger and there's nothing in the chamber and it's good to go. At sometimes there's a bullet and you will never know when it's there and when it's not. Sometimes we fall victim to the belief that I'll know what the day looks like when I pick up a drink.

No, you won't. No, you won't. I can assure you.

It's like a bullet in the chamber. You don't know when you spin it if it's there or not. At certain times, I remember walking away from a consequence and and saying, "I will never do this again." And and on that day I didn't drink and I thought told you told you the next day I could still recall was sufficient force.

And when somebody pushed a drink my way I said no didn't you hear me? I said that finally happened to me that consequence I had been waiting on and I'm done and I didn't drink that day. Kind of like Bill laughing at the gin mills.

Look at me please. I can choose. Catch me on day three.

I'm loaded. asking myself how it happened one more time because I couldn't recall it with sufficient force to keep me out of the liquor store. I just couldn't.

Now, did I remember that the consequence happened? Absolutely. But with enough force not to pick up a drink?

No. Because my mind begins to make addendums to my plan. Does anybody else's mind do that?

I just won't drink and drive. That's clearly the crux of the problem. I don't need to be with those people in that part of town at that time of night.

I need to be over here. Wow. Bullet in the chamber.

Didn't see it coming when I spun it. Right. That last line, we are without defense against the first string.

I have got to understand that to my core. Otherwise, I I I say things like this. Well, here's what's going to happen.

And I make a plan of how I'm going to stay sober. How many plans have you made? I'm gonna move.

I'm gonna get away from that person. I'm gonna find a hobby. I'm gonna throw myself into work.

I'm gonna concentrate on my children. Those are all great things to do. But if you don't have a defense against the drink, none of it matters.

See what I mean? It's so hard to convince people of this point until you've had the experience of setting plans in motion and watching them fail over and over and over and playing every card that you have. And until you play every card that you have, you always think you have a better way.

You've got a back pocket plan that tells you, "If I could really get this marriage in order, I could stay sober." I don't know. I don't know about that. My book says without defense.

And I believe that means without defense, regardless of what your circumstances are. Right. Skip down to that last that last paragraph.

It says when this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid and unless locked up may die or go permanently insane. I got to get clear on am I beyond human aid or am I not? Where am I with that stuff?

So, I'm going to have to not take the book's word for it. I'm going to have to pull from my experience and line it up and see where I am. Am I beyond human aid or am I not?

You know, if there's something else that will work for you, try it. If there's a plan you haven't run, run it. Because to come in these rooms and sit and say, you know, I think there might have been a different way, you will never do what what we have to do down range.

You will bulk because you have to know on a gut level your truth. and you either got backed into a corner by alcohol and drugs or you didn't. So, it's time to look at what your experience is.

At the bottom of page 25, it says this. If you are seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there's no middle of the road solution. Let's get clear for a minute on what middle of the road solution means.

Anybody else in here try self-sponsorship? Does anybody else do that? Anybody want to admit to it?

Okay. I I'll go to meetings, but I'm not for sure not working those steps on that wall. Or I'm sort of interested in steps two, three, seven, 11.

Sort of interested in working it my way. That's middle of the road solution. It's an easier way to say that is this.

Anything less than what this textbook asked me to do is middle of the road solution. My ideas, my plans, middle of the road solution. Now, what they're saying is if you are seriously alcoholic as we are, that won't work.

And some of you know that from experience. Middle of the road solution doesn't work. I love how it's so funny to me to to watch listen to some of our stories about how we drank so hard, so hardcore, and then we want to slide in here and sort of do recovery like in this easy laxidasial sort of a way.

Do your recovery the way you drank or the way you used and it won't fail. If you're a real drunk and you had to run at it 100 miles an hour, you're gonna have to do the same thing in sobriety because nothing else will suffice. Nothing else will.

We were in a position where life was becoming impossible. And if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we have but two alternatives. So, if step one is true for me, if I'm powerless over alcohol because of the effect it has on my body and my life has become unmanageable around the obsession not to pick up one more time and I'm in this position where it's impossible.

I've got a body that won't let me drink normally and a mind that demands I pick up the drink anyway. I'm in a sort of impossible situation, am I not? Because we all talk about this insanity being I do the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

I can get with that to a certain degree. But what happens is in the course of my drinking career, I begin to do the same thing over and over knowing for sure what the result's going to be. Isn't that a Right?

Over and over. And if I'm in that spot, if I'm backed into that corner and I've passed into the region from which there's no return through human aid, which means I can't get sober for the judge, I can't get sober for a spouse. I can't get sober for kids.

I can't get sober for anything or anybody. I'm beyond human aid. If you don't know, go try it.

If there's a job or a man that will fix you, go get them. Run at it until you're out of options. If you're in that spot, which is a great place to be, even though it doesn't feel like it, it says we have two alternatives.

Two, I've yet to see somebody not search for door number three, unless they know their truth. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other is to accept spiritual help. So, it's sort of like being at a fork in the road, right?

I can keep on doing what I'm doing, which is whatever I feel like at any given moment, running my plans, my designs, my way. Or I can make a decision to turn and follow the ideas of the people on page 17 who talked about a common solution, something that worked in the good times, the bad times, no matter where you came from, who you were, what your circumstances look like, that worked every single time if I would follow the directions. It seems like that'd be a simple thing to sort of weigh out and decide.

Yet people like you and I, we're tossing that idea around. I don't know. I don't know.

Die an alcoholic death accept spiritual health. That's Give me a minute. Let me think.

Right. That's about a life driven by self-will. And we'll talk more about that in just a minute.

But if there there's a couple of um Let me just finish that. It says, "This we did because we honestly wanted to and we were willing to make the effort. I don't work these steps and live this way of life because somebody told me to.

It's because I ran out of options and I really wanted to do something different. But those are conditional statements because I really wanted to A and I was willing to make the effort B. Two things.

And you'll watch throughout this big book a couple of themes that will run through. One of them is willingness and the other one's action. And for a drunk like you or me, we're used to sitting around rooms and talking, talking, talking.

It's really funny to watch the mouth close and the feet begin to move. Right? This is about doing something differently, not thinking about doing something differently.

Flip over to page 44. I just want to show you a couple of questions. I've had a couple of points and um that I uh was trying to fill out questionnaires um that were supposed to tell you whether or not you were an alcoholic and um it was a series of questions um and what it looked like was sort of circumstantial and and um have you ever had a drink in the morning?

Have you ever wrecked a car? It was asking about a lot of external things um that could be fairly confusing. Um, and on page 44, the big book's going to ask you two qualifying questions to see, do you belong in this room or do you not, which is great.

I love that the big book keeps it simple. It says, "In the preceding chapters, you've learned something of alcoholism, which denotes that you've read the book. You're not taking somebody's word for it, that you've actually read the literature.

We hope we've made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. I've got to get clear on that distinction. Can you quit or can you not?

If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you're probably alcoholic. It's an or question. One or the other or both.

But you got to look at it. Is this you or is it not? When you honestly want to, you can't walk away for good and for all.

I'm not talking about setting it down for periods of time. There are some of us that can do that for short periods of time. I can set the drink down.

Do you always return? I do. I always return.

Or if when drinking you have little control, can you call your numbers? Can you say, "I'm gonna stay right here every single time. I can't.

I always think I'm going to stay in a certain range, but I always overdrink. I always overshoot the mark." And it says, "But if that's the case, you're probably alcoholic." The big book is not going to come out and call you an alcoholic. This is the only disease that that I'm aware of that you have to diagnose yourself.

You've got to look at your truth based on your experience because I got to know when I when I sit in a meeting and I say I'm Audrey Chapman. I'm an alcoholic. I know that to be true.

Not on an intellectual level, but on a gut level, I know my truth. Not because Michael said I was a drunk, but because I can take this book and match it up with my experience. It says, "If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer." So, if you walked in this room feeling absolutely hopeless because you couldn't not drink on a daily basis and you're looking at these steps and going, "How is that going to help me?" I can understand that thought process.

I can understand thinking, "Well, how is a spiritual experience going to over maybe you don't know how I drink? I don't know about a spiritual experience overcoming what happens to me in a bottle of whiskey." I get that. But have you tried every other option?

Have you run every other game plan? Are you beyond human aid or are you not? Get clear on what that looks like so that you can know your truth.

Make sense? Yeah. Step one's not necessarily a fun place to be.

This isn't the point in which I'm going to be your cheerleader. This is the point I'm going to tell you the truth and you either get it or you don't. You can either see the facts or you can't.

And if you've been backed in that corner and you're feeling hopeless, that's okay. That's okay. I can see if I'm hopeless about my condition, then I can derive some hope out of what Michael's going to talk about in step two.

But if I think I can beat this, I'm not interested in what he's saying. So, I've got to understand my truth in this stuff. I don't mean to beat a dead horse, but it's just so important.

We come in these rooms and we treat this like it's um you know, a little infection that'll go away at some point. Like it's not that big of a deal. And that to me says I don't know step one.

I don't understand. Otherwise, I treat this like the condition that it is, which is a condition that will kill me eventually. The truth about this alcoholic is I'll drink until I die.

That's who I am at my core, aside from the spiritual experience, which Michael's going to talk about. Cool. Makes sense.

Okay. >> My name is Michael Kelly and I am an alcoholic. >> Michael.

>> Oh, I can also tell you my other members. I'm actually a member of two different fellowships. Um, both of them had to do with glass and I couldn't stay away from bottle of bourbon or glass stem smoke and crack and I fall into two categories.

Some of you may not and it's kind of neat this experience cuz I am a member of two different fellowships. But the one thing that both fellowships have in common is they each describe a problem. And what Audrey just laid out is the problem as seen in Alcoholics Anonymous.

There's fellowships all around that have borrowed this program and tried to solve their specific problem utilizing these 12 steps. And you will never be a successful sponsor until you understand what your problem is while you're a member of a specific 12step fellowship. It's simple.

We've got one problem to describe. And if we don't know why we're here, we're going to hurt some people. Because so often I grew up around Alcoholics Anonymous.

I go back three generations. My great-grandfather was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1947 in St. Paul, Minnesota.

You know, um I still had no idea what it meant to be an alcoholic. I grew up with an alcoholic. My father And it wasn't until someone walked me through what Audrey just walked through and utilizing their own experience.

I had no clue what was wrong with me. And until I understand what's wrong with me, how will I ever convey it? Because I'll convey it through situational.

I'm an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic. No, it's not true. I have a sister.

Guess what? She's a hard drinker. She'll sit and drink with each and every one of you.

Drink for drink. Guess what she does? Masterfully pulls up, >> chooses not to do it, goes to work, you know, and I've got to understand what what the problem is.

Otherwise, there's really nowhere to go here, >> you know, and and it's all about our experience. And if you don't have the experience by God, don't pretend to, you know, and this book describes it. She left off on page 44, and I'm going to pick it up right from there.

But step one is separated by a hyphen. And they it's an or proposition in the test she just gave you. But to be a real alcoholic.

It's a both situation. It's not an or. And the reason why they ask if you can quit entirely cuz remember that going back there's a story of a man of 30 and they talk in this book about a potential alcoholic.

The potential versus the real alcoholic. If I haven't said I'm never going to do it again, I don't know if I can answer that question. That's why the or there.

Or if you find you have little control over the amount you take, we all, no matter what fellowship you belong in, the loss of control is a common thread through each and every one of us. Because if I can control how much I drink, do I belong in Alcoholics Anonymous? I will kill an alcoholic if I can pick how much I drink when I drink.

Because there's one thing I cannot do. I go in with the best intentions to have one glass of bourbon. And guess what?

I've never in my life had one glass of bourbon. I've wanted to so bad just to cut the edge off, just to get away from the restless, irritable, and discontent. Just give me one shot of bourbon because I know it will do it.

But I'm unable to do that. If I could control it and have that one, my problem is solved. I go from restless, herbal, and discontented to ease and comfort.

I stop at the one shot, and I'm moving on. But I can't do that. And then all the bad stuff happens.

And that's not the bad part. The bad part is every time I say I'm never going to do it again, I pull up. I come to I swear this time it's going to be different.

I'm not going to do it. And guess what I do? I do it.

So if we're sitting in these rooms telling it it's you're, oh, I know you got divorced, that's why you drank again. No. That is not why they drank again.

Doesn't matter if I got divorced or I got married. An alcoholic drinks no matter what. And as long as we begin to convey the same message, you will be a successful sponsor.

But if you start getting caught up in why we drink, guess what it said in this book? We have no idea why we do it. We just do it.

Our bodies are set up that way. It happens. If you're looking for the answer, there isn't one.

We drink no matter what. That's the only answer that you could ever give a real alcoholic, a real drug addict. You get high no matter what.

Whether it be a good, a bad day, it just doesn't matter. The minute we stop, the clock's ticking. And the whole time we say it's not going to happen.

I swear it's not going to happen. And it happens again over and over again. And it never gets better.

It only gets worse. And some of you have been I'm a knucklehead. Anybody have more than one desire chip in this room?

Anyone been to more than one treatment facility? Anyone move halfway across the country trying to solve your problem? Anyone changed their careers as a result of trying to solve your problem?

Anyone swear off relationships as a result of trying to solve your problem? Anyone go searching for the relationship and trying to solve your problem? I picked up my first desire chip in 1985.

My sobriety date is June 13th, the year 2000. I came to Dallas, Texas trying not to ever do it again. I failed miserably and I just told you I came from a long line of alcoholics in Alcoholics Anonymous not understanding what the problem is.

But now that I understand what the problem is and I know what's wrong with me, I can sit down with you and explain to you out of this book what the problem is. And if I can do that utilizing my own experience and relying on the experience of the first 100 because the problem has not changed since 1939, I'll be able to convey the solution. Step two, but if I can't convey the problem, I'm never going to be able to convey the solution because I'll start buying into, yeah, if you just get that woman back in your life, everything's going to be okay.

or if you just sit in enough meetings, everything's going to be okay. Has anybody walked out of a meeting and got drunk that night other than me? So, how do I get a spiritual experience?

I got one through bourbon. I was restless, irritable, and discontented. My life did not get better as a result of not drinking.

It did not get better. >> Mhm. >> And if you start telling people that, you know what, just don't drink.

Your life's going to get better. You're going to kill them. If they're a real alcoholic, you are going to kill them.

As a sponsor, my life doesn't get better. So, I am left with only one alternative. What fixes it?

What fixes restless irritable discontented Michael Kelly is bourbon and I go from restless herbal discontented. I drink bourbon and I go to ease and comfort like that. It fixes it.

The only problem is my only solution in life that I know is killing me. But this book is offering a spiritual experience. Have you ever wonder why they call alcohol spirits?

Anybody old enough to remember seeing it on the on the liquor store signs? Spirits. Well, that's what this book is all about.

You know, look over on page 45. It says lack of power. That was our dilemma.

I always thought dilemma was a problem. Now, a dilemma is like caught in the crossroads. I'm in an at a dilemma.

Which way to go? Lack of power. I have no power over how much I drink once I start.

I have no power over staying away from it to save my own life. What do I do? Which way do I go?

It says we had to find a power by which we could live. See, we all know what a power greater than us is. Whether you realize it or not.

Power greater than me was bourbon. It got me to do things that I never intended on doing. True.

>> Mhm. >> Did alcohol get you to do some things that you really didn't plan on doing? Did it tell you what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and it didn't matter who got hurt?

Could you live by that power? No, I couldn't either. Said we had to.

It said we had to find a power greater or find a power by which we could live and it had to be a power greater than ourselves. Could you keep you sober? Could anyone keep you sober?

Could anything keep you sober? And it had to be a power greater than ourselves obviously. But where and how do we find this power?

Well, that's what this book is all about. Its main object is enabling you to find a power greater in yourself which will solve your problem. Now this book is called Alcoholics Anonymous and wouldn't you think that they'd say drinking problem?

This book is very precise, very exact. There's no shades of gray. It just tells you how it is.

And here they're saying solve your problem. Is alcohol an alcoholic's problem? Unfortunately, we sit in rooms all over the world and that's all I've heard.

Alcohol is my problem. Well, if alcohol is my problem, all I have to do is remove my problem and everything's going to be okay, is it not? See, my problem doesn't begin until once I remove alcohol out of my body and I remove it from my life, then my problems begin.

See, I am unable to live sober on my own. And my life doesn't get better. Early on, it does.

But guess what? Eventually, I become the restless, irritable, discontented guy. This doctor's opinion, guess what?

It was based out of experience. It was written by a non-alcoholic. History is so key here because it's if you're going to be a member of a 12step fellowship, get to understand your 12 steps.

It only makes sense. And the medical estimate came from a a non-alcoholic person. But guess what?

He decided he knew nothing about the problem. So he asked and listened and he listened to a bunch of people. His name was William Duncan Silkworth and he sat at Towns Hospital because he couldn't find another job after he lost his practice through the stock market crash.

And he sat and listened to these people and he was didn't understand. He detoxed these alcoholics and sent them on their way and they had every reason never to drink again. And in a short period of time they're back in in their worst shape they were this first time.

He's like, "What the heck is wrong with you people?" And most of the people, they went off and lived happily ever after. But there was this little group over here that they just kept coming back. >> And instead of being an egodriven, arrogance-driven individual who thought he knew everything, he's like, "I don't get it.

Fill me in." And he listened and he found out that alcohol wasn't their problem. See, their life would go a muk once they stopped drinking and they were left with no other way but to go back to the only solution they knew. So, if you're going to convey to a newcomer that alcohol is bad, if it was so bad, why did you drink so damn much of it?

It's a question you have to ask yourself. Alcohol was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It was a power by which I could live.

But something changed and now I've got to find a solution to how am I going to live now that my only solution has been taken away. How do I live now? Well, that's what this book is all about.

And that's what page 45 is trying to convey to us. And if I don't understand that, I'm going to be very confused. And I'm not going to do this.

And I'm going to look for every other avenue to make life okay now that I'm not drinking. And it gets so simple all of your little complicated minds, including my own, are not going to accept it because I'm going to think it's some quantum physics formula of how life is going to be okay. But it's so simple, it's right at the end of our nose and we don't even know it.

Step one, do I have to believe in God? Or step two, do I have to believe in God? Is it a requirement?

It's a great question, isn't it? Especially in sponsorship. Did anyone come into these rooms not believing in God other than me?

I'm the only one. See, I didn't know if there was a God. I didn't know if there wasn't a God.

Actually, I was kind of sitting and torn on the fence because if there was, I was screwed because of all the things that I had done throughout my life. I was raised to believe in God, but I was like, uhoh. But look at step two.

We came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to to sanity. What is the only requirement in step two? The only requirement is that I am convinced I am absolutely insane when it comes to the first drink.

Period. We came to believe. Does it mean I have to believe in the get from the get-go?

Not a requirement. The only requirement is that I am completely nuts when it comes to the first drink. Would did you give up everything worthwhile in life to experience alcohol one more time several times throughout your life?

Did you question your own sanity in regards to that first drink? Did you play those mental gymnastics? I mean eventually you do this long enough and you actually start questioning your own sanity.

And the fact of the matter is in all other aspects of our life, guess what? We can be completely functional and normal and not insane. When it when it comes to that first glass of bourbon, all bets are off.

My mind will come up with some amazing ideas how everything is going to be okay. When my past has shown me historically nothing is okay with bourbon in my hand. Period.

So what is step two all about? Well, step one is it a happy moment in your life. Step one says I'm condemned to drink no matter what.

Period. In Alcoholics Anonymous, I am screwed. Who's been in a bunch of meetings in their life?

Me, too. All over the United States. I was a mover.

When stuff got bad, I just moved, packed up, and started over. What's the first line and how it works? You all know it.

>> Rarely have >> You can recite it. What's it say? Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

>> It's a bold statement, isn't it? But if I'm screwed and I drink no matter what, guess what that gives me? Hope.

If you want to know the essence of step two, it all equates to one simple word, hope. I don't have to believe it works. I came into the rooms and in June of 2000 going AA doesn't work.

But I was left with no other option. I went walking back into a place that I actually despised. I didn't want to see a crusty old man.

I stayed clear of them. There was a whole bunch of people that I just ducked and dodged, but I went crawling back in there because you know what? I had nowhere else to go and I was dying and I didn't think it was going to work.

But I was completely out of all other options. I had ran every plan that I could and I didn't believe it was going to work. I felt I was terminally unique.

Anybody been there? But I was desperate and I hoped that just maybe I doubt it but just maybe this could work. And that's all step two is.

Let me read you a little story. Anybody know who Abby Thatcher is? Thank God for old Ebie in his two months, huh?

>> Next time you look at somebody and say you don't have anything to offer, you got two months sober. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Ebby Thatcher at two months sober. Each and every one of you.

It would not have happened. You'd be looking at something that did not exist. But here's Ebie Thatcher, two months sober, who've been swooped up by the Oxford group, which is where AA came from.

If you want to read some history and become a better sponsor, go read the book called Not God. And don't let the don't let the titles throw you off because it's kind of gives you a great little history of where Alcoholics Anonymous came from. Very detailed.

>> Yes. >> What was it called again? Not God.

>> God. >> Not God. >> Yeah.

>> Who wrote it? Curts. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> But here's Abby. And he drank with Bill.

And Bill always looked at Ebie and went, "You know what? If I ever get as bad as Abby, I'd stop drinking because that guy's got a drinking problem." Kind of like what Audrey touched on. But if you go to page 11 and Bill's drinking himself to death, Ebie's sitting across the table telling him what happened to him.

Bill's all twisted up about God. And you can read from page 10 to 11. And Ebie mentioned religion.

And Bill just went left because he didn't want to hear about God at all. But here's what's rolling through Bill's head. While Ebie's sitting across that kitchen table and he says, "But my friend sat before me and made a pointblank decoration de declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself.

His human will had failed. Ebie couldn't keep Ebie sober." Anybody been there before? You couldn't keep you sober.

Well, here's Bill looking at Ebie going, "There's no way Ebie can keep Ebie sober. His human will had failed. doctor had pronounced him incurable society about to lock him up like myself he admitted complete defeat then he had in effect been raised from the dead suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known exclaim exclamation point had this power originated in him obviously it had not there had been no more power in him than there was at me in that minute and there was none at all that floored me it began to look as though religious people right after all here was something at work in the human heart which had done the impossible My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then.

Never mind the musty past. Here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. He shouted shouted great tidings.

Bill's looking at Ebie and going, "Eby can't keep Ebie sober. I don't know how he's doing it." Bill's drinking himself to death. He's twisted up about the God idea, but he's looking at Ebie going, "Oh my god, he's sober.

I tried to pass a drink to him and he refused to take it." Just maybe what worked for Ebie could work for me. And if we keep step two as simple as that, you won't run people out of here. But if you do it like Bill did from that moment on, and he shouted about his spiritual experience and blasted God from the rooftops to every newcomer that he could for the first six months, and he was completely unsuccessful.

And he went back and he's like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And they're like, "You got the cart before the horse. If they don't understand the problem, they're never gonna understand the solution." And here's Bill's understanding the problem.

And he's like, "Man, I hope that would work for me." If you want some more hope to convey, go back to page xx of people who came to a from 1930 from 1939 to 1955. 50% of them got sober at once. Now what did they mean when they came to AA?

Those who came to AA had one thing to offer them. Work the 12 steps. Get a sponsor.

Get busy. Do the work. If you didn't want to do that, guess what they told you?

You remember the door you came in? Go try your way somewhere else. They kept it very specific.

Here's what we do. If you don't want to do this, we understand. God bless you.

We're moving on to this man. And of the people, 50% got sober at once and remain that way. 25% sober up after some relapses.

In other words, they c went and tried their way. They came back and guess what? They went back to the 50enters and went, "What are you guys doing again?" And they got on board and they sobered up.

There were groups in Cleveland and Minneapolis that had over a 90% success rate throughout that period doing what we do. If you want to give a newcomer hope, lay it out to them. That's how they came up with that lovely line and backed it up.

Rarely have we seen a person fail as thoroughly followed our path. Does that mean it's just for the special ones? Let's go back to page 46.

Right in the middle of the page, we found as soon as we're able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commenceed to get results. Even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power which is God. I don't have to believe in God.

I don't have to define it. I don't have to comprehend it. All I have to be is willing to say just maybe there is one.

The whole chapter to four we agnostics is all about laying aside any prejudice. I came in the rooms with a great deal of prejudice. I had fixed ideas.

is do you all understand what prejudice is? Is there anyone in this room that's a felon other than me? There's a lot of prejudice when it comes to felons in this world.

There's a lot of people who have a lot of fixed ideas about hiring a felon. As a felon, it sucks when someone prejudges me. There's prejudice in a lot of different ways, shapes, and forms.

And I just gave you a very obscure one, but I'm open-minded in a whole lot of areas. And I love how they talk about in this book, they we, you know, we speak of intolerance when we're intolerant ourselves. I have no problem pointing out how you're intolerant when it comes to me.

But you know who I was most intolerant about? The idea that there is a God and that he'd be willing to help me. I had fixed ideas about that.

And this whole chapter is all about can I lay aside my fixed ideas and pull a just maybe out of my pocket and say just maybe there is a God that I can come to terms with that might be able to save me. Because after what Audrey said, I don't have too many other options, do I? When she pointed out there's no power in this world that can solve my problem.

Where else do I have to go? That's why alcohol is a great persuader. They talk about it in this chapter.

It beats us into a state of reasonleness. The old-timer said, "If God drives them out, it's okay. If they survive, booze will drive them back in." All I have to do is pull it possible existence.

I love how they phrase that, a just maybe. that there is a God that I can come to terms with. Page 47, it says we need to ask ourselves one short question.

Do I believe? And if you don't, it's okay. Are you willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself?

As soon as a man can say he does believe or is even willing to believe, a just maybe, we emphatically assure him he's on his way. Next, moving on. It's as simple as this.

And and I don't know how people can talk for hours on step two because once you It's too many words spoils it. It's all about hope. And in the chapter 4 goes in detail of looking at different ways we have willingness to change.

Good God, how many cell phones have you all been through in the last three or four years? I still don't even understand what this thing does. I It's does everything but a phone half the time.

But when a new one comes out, I must have it and I don't even know what it is. I'm so open-minded on things I know nothing about, but yet I'm drinking myself to guess and there is no God. And I cynically dissect all those who believe.

Yet I'm drinking myself to death. And they're they seem to be living a life and they seem to be okay with it and they're not destroying all in their path yet. I'll cynically dissect them.

It's very sad, isn't it? She's shaking her head like this. And I know, but that was me.

I love this line. And I'll leave it at this. There's there's one line in this book that it just I cannot believe someone had the nerve to write it.

It's such a bold line. Page 55. This is actually we're fooling ourselves for deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God.

That's a bold statement, isn't it? Prior to this, they asked us, we had to choose either God is or he isn't. Is he everything or is he nothing.

And I'm here to tell you, each and every person that you will come across has already played those mental gymnastics long before they ever came to Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's proven by this statement. Has anybody been in trouble in this room before in one way, shape, or form?

Didn't have to be legal. It didn't it whether it be your job, whether it be a relationship, whether it be family member, whether it's just a situation that you got into that was just so hopeless. And you looked around and every plan you came up with sucked and it wasn't going to work.

and you're looking around and no one around you could solve this problem for you. Did you ever do one of those timeouts where you just kind of pulled aside and in that brief moment you kind of had a little conversation like if you get me out of this I will do anything. Has anybody had that conversation in their head before?

Is there anyone who hasn't in this room? I've asked a lot of people this all over the United States and you'd be amazed there. I've met one guy and he's must be the most self-sufficient guy.

I don't know if he was telling the truth, but he said he never did it. And I'm like, "Wow, it's amazing. You are Mr.

Self-Sufficient." Well, the question I have to ask you ask you is who are you talking to? Was it a power greater than you? Did you have to fully comprehend and define who you were talking to in order to have that conversation?

Did you have to believe it was going to work? What caused that conversation? Desperation.

It's the only thing that causes it. hopelessness and desperation. And I reach out like a knee-jerk reaction, like a doctor hitting my knee and my foot goes up.

Each one of us has had that question. Was that a powerful entity that you were talking to at the time? Was it everything or was it nothing?

Was it a coke can, a doororknob? See, we paint these things across as saying, "Oh, it's okay." You know, it can be an inadimant object. Well, as I was sitting in that courtroom, it was not an inanimate object I was having that conversation with.

I didn't believe in a God, but I was talking to one because I was desperate. I hoped that it just might work. And as simple as that, a person looked at me and said, "There, you had a conception of a power greater than you.

You had a starting point. Start from there." And that's the simple essence of what they're talking about of what you're going to come to believe in. And that's step two in its finest.

And each and every one of you has it deep down within you. in whoever you work with if you speak to them in practical terms. And in chapter tw in chapter 7, they're going to walk you through what not to do and what traps not to fall into because someone may have way more religious background than you.

Don't get yourself in trouble. Simple spiritual terms. And I always love getting back to the hopeless desperation moments where you've each and every one of us had a conversation with a power greater than us.

Even though we probably didn't even realize what we were doing, we actually were doing it. And it's a starting point to build from. And that's as far as we have to go in step two.

And from there, we move quickly. But step one and step two are just two conclusions. That's all they are.

Am I or am I not screwed in step one? Do I hope that this possibly could work in step two? That rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.

And that's where we're at. Welcome to the dilemma. I'm screwed in step one and I'm hoping in step two.

And after this break, we'll kind of head off and dive into this thing quickly, but until we understand step one, none of this makes sense. We could spend a day on just conveying what Audrey covered >> and just re-emphasizing it because if we don't understand our problem, you're never going to understand the solution. Period.

And you're going to do nothing but confuse. And there's nothing worse than confusing the already confused. Nothing good comes out of that.

All right. >> Good. >> All right.

Well, we laid out step one, we laid out step two, and now we're now we're moving on to step three. you know, and and how do we convey this? And step three says, we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Probably one of the most confused steps throughout all our fellowships, not only Alcoholics Anonymous, but just about everyone who borrowed this 12step program. It seems we get astray on what this step is really all about. and we think we're actually doing something in step three, you know, but if you flip the page and go to page 60, you know, right in the middle of the page, it says, "Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter of the agnostics, our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas.

A, that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives." very confusing again. For years, I thought the unmanageability was all of the stuff that happened to me as a result of my drinking. Had nothing to do with it.

I couldn't manage my own life. And the only one aspect I couldn't manage it was the decision to stay away from the first one. If you could manage the decision to stay away from your first drink, the question you'd have to ask yourself is, why are you in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous?

Just don't drink. and move on. But if you can't manage the own the decision to stay away from the first one, A applies.

B that probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism. Could anyone solve your inability to control your drinking? Anybody have someone try to control how much you drink while you were drinking?

That's always a good time, isn't it? Is that special someone in your life is limiting your drinks? And it's why God invented Flask, you know, but there wasn't any human power.

I couldn't come up with the power. No one else could come up with the power. And see that God could and would if he ever saw it.

Welcome to the hope of step two. And it says, "Being convinced we are at step three." And I'm a history guy. Never used to be.

Bored me to death. The longer I stay into this 12step fellowship, history becomes more important. Has anyone ever read the original manuscript before?

There's an edit that occurred in the original manuscript that I really wish, and this is just my opinion. Take it or leave it. But Bill said, "If we aren't convinced of these three vital issues, we ought to reread the book up to this point or else throw it away." Because if I'm not convinced of this, I've got no business even toying with step three.

But if I am convinced of this, it says being convinced, we are at step three, which is that we decided. And if you have a book, underline it, circle it, convey it. That's all we're doing in step three.

We decided to turn our will and our life over the care of God as we understood him. If I knew how to turn my will and my life over the care of God as I understood him, I would have in that courtroom as I was about to be handed down to the judge. I when I said, "God, get me out of this.

I'll do anything." If I could have upheld that and pulled that maneuver off, I wouldn't be here today. But me, left to my own devices, I don't know how to turn my will in my life, my thoughts, and my actions over to God. I've tried countless times on my own and failed miserably.

God kept kept upholding his end of the bargain. I didn't like the way it turned out at some times, but I'm here today. God had no problem upholding his end of the bargain.

I failed utterly every time with my best intentions. I did not know how to turn it over. I knew how to try to turn it over.

I would just was never successful at it. Trying to live up to that philosophy or those codes that I always thought that if I just could do this, everything would be okay. But I don't know how to do it.

So, I'm making a decision to learn how I'm deciding to turn my life and my my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood him. Just what do we mean by that? We're going to talk about that.

I'm from page 61 to 63. Just what do we do about it is page 63 to page 164. See, the essence of step three is I'm making a decision to work steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it.

And as a result of working those eight steps or nine steps four through 12, I am going to be taught how to turn my will in my life, my thoughts and my actions over to the care of God as I understand. Not as you understand, not as I was raised, just as the understanding the power that I'm going to get connected to by doing this work. So often we want to break off into page 60 61 and start talking to newcomers and laying this out and all page 61 is presenting an idea.

It says the page 60 and 61 it says the first requirement that we convinced that life run on this on self-will can hardly be a success. Unfortunately this world as we know it everything is geared towards that statement. Your life is run on self-will.

We have go to the bookstore. The self-help aisle is amazing, isn't it? Is has anybody dabbled in that.

It's it's we've all been raised that you know what, if something's got you lick, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and come on, get a hold of this thing. Throw more of me at the problem. Has anyone been successful at that?

That may be for other people, but for alcoholics, it's a tragedy in waiting. You know, it says on that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody even though our motives are good. And the question you have to ask yourself is, how well has your way worked out so far in your life?

you throwing more of you at the problem. How well has it worked out? Because it gets right back to what Audrey laid out.

Unfortunately, we want to convince these newcomers that you know what, their plan is inadequate. Their ideas aren't going to work. But you got to remember, did that did anyone tell you that and did it hold any depth or weight?

You telling me that my idea is wrong means you don't know what you're talking about in my head because as an alcoholic the easiest way to get them to do something is tell them what >> not to do it. We got we have to remember who we're talking about and so often in these rooms we forget who we are. The longer we're away from our last drink, we forget who we are.

And you're never going to be successful at sponsoring anyone if you forget who you are. Because what words magically came out of someone's mouth that made you decide, "Oh my god, all my ideas are wrong." No one was ever successful at that with me ever. Period.

So, it just presents some ideas. You know, it says, "Most people live by self-propulsion. Each person is like the actor who wants to run the whole show." And I remember the first time I read read page 61, I sat back and I'm listening to it and I'm contemplating it.

And it's arranging the lights in the ballet. I'm the actor playing the director. And you know, if as long as everybody is if as long as I am happy, everyone around me is going to be happy.

And I'm sitting back going, "That isn't me. That's the woman I live with right now. because I can see it in other people.

>> And unfortunately, as we try to convince someone of this, we're wasting valuable time. It's we're just planting the idea. If they get it, they do.

Bonus. if they don't arguing with him and trying to convince them that they're their actor, trying to run the whole show, trying to kill him with kindness, and if that doesn't work well, we're going to shift modes and I'm going to roll over the top of you, whether you like it or not. If I see it, I see it.

If I don't, I don't. But remember what I've got looming over my head, what Audrey just laid out. I've given them a horrible case of alcoholism.

So, I've presented out a problem. I've presented out a solution. And I'm giving them a decision to make.

And that's all page 61 is laying out. And page 62 says, "Selfishness, self-centerness, that we think is the root of our troubles." And I'm like, "No, it isn't. It's her.

It's that boss." And again, we forget who we are. And we try to convince people of this. And again it it says, "So our troubles are so our troubles we think." And we forget who that we think is.

It's the authors of the book as they're looking back. And did you think your troubles were basically of your own making as you picked up your desireship? If my daddy wouldn't have been an alcoholic and just been such a terror to live with, I wouldn't have been the way I was.

If my mama would have just loved me like she loved my sister, everything would be okay. I didn't think that troubles were of my own making, but they thought they were. It says, "So our troubles we think are basically of our own making.

They rise out of ourselves." And the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-willrun riot. Though I love this. You can tell an alcoholic wrote this though he usually doesn't think so.

We never think so ever. But it says above everything we must we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us.

And unfortunately in these rooms you hang around here long enough and oh there's no must in the big book. I'm sorry. There are I just read two of them.

Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us. There's two must followed by a really bad promise.

This book is littered with promises. Some are good, some are bad. And it says, "Often there is no way of getting rid of self without his aid.

Many of us have moral and philos philosophical convictions galore, but we couldn't live up to them even though we would like to. Neither could we have reduced our self-centered as much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.

And it gets right back to that same simple question. How well is your way working out so far? And if I don't convey that to the newcomer, I'm missing it.

I'm missing what this whole thing is all about. Because if they think their way is working out okay, do you think you're going to get anywhere? Did anyone ever get anywhere with you when you thought your way was working out?

No. End of story. This is the how and why of first of how.

First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. And I sat back and I'm like, I'm not playing God.

Or was I? Because I everything was dependent on everyone else in order to make me okay. Everything was dependent on external things.

I was trying to treat an internal condition with external things whether it be events, situations, people, places, things, whatever it may be. in hopes that somehow I would somehow be okay not drinking and I wouldn't drink again. Step two is a really or step three is a really simple idea.

It's a simple concept. It's the idea of we're going to let God call the shots. And the question you have to ask yourself is how worse of a job could God do in running your life than you've done up to this point?

And if you're like me, I drove myself into the ground repeatedly and was broke, homeless, unemployed, unemployable, living out of a car, and not a darn thing I could do about it. 35 years old. And that was not what I envisioned when I was 8 years old.

I didn't sit back and go, I just can't wait till I get to that moment where I'm living in Dallas in the middle of the summer out of a car with no air conditioning. That is not what I aspired to be. You could have pulled somebody out of Terrell State Hospital and they probably would have done a better job at running my life up to that point.

But that's what it took for me. other people don't have to go to that extreme because it's all about all of those out external events have to create an internal condition called pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization and once I got to that point where I had enough of much as I could stand my way wasn't working and now they presented an idea just maybe we're going to shift gears and we're going to give this god idea a shot even though you don't even know if you believe in it or Not the simple question is what do you have to lose if you've tried everything else? So it says when we sincerely took such a position all sorts of remarkable things followed.

We had a new employer being all powerful. We covered that. Remember we're not talking about an inanimate object.

We're talking about that conversation that you had with that powerful thing that was everything and not nothing when you were in that desperate hopeless situation. We're going to get plugged into that as the as our new employer being all powerful. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well.

And could you imagine if you got everything you needed from the rest of your life. Wrap your mind around that. Now, it did not say you got everything you wanted.

Wants and needs are two totally separate things. I really didn't think they were. But I am going to get everything I need if I hang on to this simple concept and I follow the hook if I keep close to him and perform his work.

Well, how do I do that? By working steps four through 12 like my life depends on it. See, if I haven't done a fourth step in Alcoholics Anonymous, let me let you in on a secret.

You haven't done anything in Alcoholics Anonymous. Nothing. You have absorbed air in a room and you filled up a chair.

Why would anyone belong to a 12step fellowship and not work the 12 steps? It's kind of a contradiction in terms, isn't it? Although I did it, that was my plan, but guess what the result was?

No. It just got worse. So, step three is I am going to be taught how to stay close to God and perform his work well by making the decision to do what the first 100 did, thoroughly follow the path.

And each and every one of you know how to thoroughly follow a path. If you didn't know where the liquor store was and I gave you directions, specific directions on how to get there, are you going to deviate? I know I'm not.

Why? Because I want to get what I need to get and I'm going to go to any length to get it. Welcome to what step three is all about.

And exactly what Audrey said. If you go at it with half the zeal that you went at, you're going at your last drink. Guess what?

You're in like Flynn. But if you think sitting around an hour once a week is going to solve your problem, did you drink an hour once a week? You're intelligent people.

Don't fool yourself. you had to be to endure what you did, you know, but that's what we're talking about. And step three is this thing isn't a self-help program.

It's all based on experience. I did not understand a word in this book until someone walked me through and explained it. I read it and then someone else walked me through it and it was like they picked up a different book.

If you want to know what a sponsor is, guess what? Go to page 18 and read it. Someone properly armed with the facts can secure the confidence of an individual in a very short period of time.

Sponsor of someone. If like it says, if you want what we have and you're willing to go to any light to get it, you're ready to get busy. Show me how.

And if you think you're going to learn how to fly a 747 by reading the flight manual to a 747, guess what? I'm not flying with you. If I want to learn how to fly, I'm going to get a pilot to show me how to do it.

I'm going to read the flight manual, but I'm going to have someone who knows what they're doing walk me through so I don't kill myself. That's what a sponsor is all about. That's what sponsorship is all about.

That's why it is a responsibility we don't take lightly. And if this person is willing to get busy and do it, we just sit down and say this prayer and it says, "God, I offer myself to you to build with me as you want. Do with me as you want.

You can shake the these and ths out. They confused me and and God here I am. I give up.

It says do with me as you want. Relieve me of the bondage yourself that I may better do thy will. What is the bondage yourself?

Who who is the one that's causing the problem whether I realize it or not? I'm saying a prayer that's saying, you know what, it's me. Take away my difficulties.

Me. Get me out of it. I've got a mind that's trying to kill me and make it look like an accident.

Some of you maybe understand that statement. And that's where I was at. I'm like, I will do anything you tell me because whatever's coming out of here right now cannot be trusted.

And I sat down with an individual. Take away my difficulties. That victory over them are allow me to have a really great day.

No, it's no longer about me. It says take away my difficulties. that victor over them may be witness to those I would help of thy power, their love, and thy way of life.

Do this so someone else can see it in me and go, "Oh my God, this possibly could work." Cuz guess what I saw in the individual who was bringing this to me? My first question was, "You've been sober how long?" Consecutively, like in a row. It was unthinkable to me because he had my story and I that was just something I could not comprehend.

And he bore witness to me and he showed me what the power of God could do. Even though I didn't even know if there was a God, there was something at work in him that I could not explain. Later on as I looked back, guess what it was exactly in this prayer.

I do that way. You know, it says that power that way of life. May I do thy will always exclamation point.

And then they trick you. Sneaky alcoholics. We thought well before taking this step.

Wait a minute. I just did. No, look what it says.

We thought well before taking this step, making sure we're ready that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to him. Has anyone done a really heartfelt third step prayer before and drank afterwards? Anybody in this room other than me?

See, there's one thing that God doesn't take lightly is commitments. And you know what this step will do? It screws your drinking up because you're letting them in.

And there's nothing worse than a headful of knowledge of what the problem is, a headful of AA, and then going back out and drinking. And if you're working with someone like that, that's why that opportunity when they're coming back, time is of the essence because that window is open for just such a short period of time and they aren't having fun. They aren't just partying too much.

But we thought well before we did this because this is a commitment that you know what it is a commitment. It's a commitment up to work the steps like your life depends on it. You're doing it in front of another individual as witness in front of God saying, "I am going to do this." But what is a decision?

How many decisions have you made today that you haven't followed up with yet? A decision is just a decision, isn't it? Because if it isn't followed up with action, then what does it mean?

I can decide to do a million things today. Am I going to get a million things done? So, what does all those decisions mean?

nothing until those words are followed up with actions. They don't mean a thing. It's all you.

Have fun. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day.