12 Step Workshop – Chris S. – Manor, TX – 2008 – Parts 1 & 2
AA speaker Chris S. from Manor, TX breaks down Step 4 inventory work, resentments, and the spiritual principles that separate recovery from sobriety. A deep dive into how the Big Book works.
Chris S. from Manor, TX spent years going to meetings but dying inside—restless, irritable, discontented, stuck in misery and fear. In this AA speaker workshop, he walks through Steps 1–4 and the spiritual principles behind the recovery process, drawing from his experience learning the mechanics of the steps through Joe H.’s Big Book workshops and his own relapse and comeback.
Chris S., an AA speaker, explains the difference between sobriety and recovery, detailing how addiction creates an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body that make willpower alone ineffective. He breaks down Step 4 inventory work, focusing on resentments (which he calls the number one offender), fears, and harms to others, showing how honest self-examination uncovers the selfishness and self-centered fear driving addiction. He emphasizes that spiritual principles and active recovery disciplines—not just meetings—create the personality change needed for lasting sobriety and freedom from the disease.
Episode Summary
Chris S. opens with his story: despite going to meetings regularly, he was dying inside. Not from drinking—he was sober—but from the emotional and spiritual wreckage that sobriety alone cannot fix. This distinction between abstinence and recovery becomes the backbone of his entire two-part workshop.
He credits his turning point to discovering tapes of Joe H. and Mark H.’s Big Book workshops from the 1990s. These workshops shifted his understanding of recovery from “participating in meetings and cleaning up” to actively working the steps with intention and rigor. Through these tapes, he discovered that recovery isn’t about willpower or self-discipline; it’s about understanding the actual mechanics of addiction and applying spiritual principles to heal the psychoemotional damage underneath.
Chris walks through Steps 1, 2, and 3 as foundation work before diving deep into Step 4. On Step 1, he clarifies what powerlessness actually means—not just that he can’t stop after the first drink, but that he suffers from an obsession of the mind (a strange mental blank spot that precedes drinking) coupled with an allergy of the body (a craving that demands continuation). This is why willpower fails. The unmanageability isn’t just external (DUIs, job loss, family abandonment) but internal: a life system based entirely on selfishness and self-centered fear.
Step 2 is about coming to believe that a power outside himself can restore him to sanity. Step 3 is the decision: “Am I in or am I out?” It requires a buy-in to the recovery process, not shortcuts or half measures.
Then comes Step 4—the inventory. Using Bill W.’s metaphor of a shoe store owner taking inventory to clear out what doesn’t work, Chris explains that the fourth step forces an honest assessment of what’s broken inside. He identifies three parts of the step: resentments, fears, and harms to others (particularly around relationships and sexuality).
On resentments, Chris emphasizes the book’s claim that “resentments kill more alcoholics than anything else.” He explains that every resentment comes from something that has harmed, threatened, or interfered with one’s instincts (things he wants to keep) or ambitions (things he wants to get). Understanding where resentment comes from—usually selfishness—is the key to breaking its power.
For fears, he distinguishes between the reckless courage of active drinking and the self-centered fear of sobriety: the anxiety about how others perceive him, the separation he feels from the world, the need for alcohol to feel acceptable. Writing these down matters because “there’s magic between the pen and the paper that won’t happen between the mind and the mouth.”
On the sexual and relationship inventory, Chris is direct: alcoholics and addicts do a worse job with relationships than any group he knows. The step asks him to look at patterns of jealousy, control, infidelity, and using sex as a weapon—then, crucially, to develop a “sex ideal,” a vision of who he wants to be in relationships and ask God for the strength to become that person.
In Part 2, Chris shifts to the spiritual experience. He reads from the Big Book’s appendix, clarifying that a spiritual awakening doesn’t require a sudden white-light experience (though some have them). Most come through the “educational variety”—slow, cumulative shifts in attitude and perception built through the work of the steps.
He shares his own story: after a relapse where he deliberately drank to “remember how bad it was,” he came back desperate. His sponsor told him to go to a meeting every night. For eight years, he did. During this time, he wasn’t transformed overnight. Instead, month by month, as he said yes to service work and took on sponsorship, something shifted. He stopped being so concerned with what others thought. His default perception—that the universe was hostile and he had to dodge and weave—began to change. He felt less selfish, more able to help others. That’s the spiritual awakening: a personality change from self-centeredness to service, from fear to faith.
Chris emphasizes that recovery is progressive, just like addiction is progressive. If he continues the disciplines—working the steps, helping others, living spiritually—his life improves over time. If he stops, the disease returns and worsens. He shares that 95% of people who work the steps as outlined in the Big Book and maintain the disciplines stay sober permanently, not “one day at a time” as a temporary measure, but permanently.
He closes by honoring the Oxford Group, Bill W., Dr. Bob, and others who applied spiritual principles to recovery long before AA, then carried that message forward. The power of God becomes manifest through participation in the recovery process—not through reading self-help books or thinking our way out, but through action, service, and surrender.
Notable Quotes
Resentment kills more alcoholics than anything else. It does not say alcohol kills more alcoholics than anything else.
The obsession of the mind—it’s the ability of alcoholism to blank out and blot out your ability to make sane and sound choices.
There’s magic that happens between the pen and the paper that will not happen between the mind and the mouth.
Recovery is basically going from a life system based on selfishness and self-centered fear to a life system based on love and service.
If you rightly relate yourself to that power, if you participate in the recovery process, the power of God can become manifest in you.
We can’t study our way recovered. We have to act our way recovered.
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Step 3 – Surrender
Big Book Study
Spiritual Awakening
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Step 3 – Surrender
- Big Book Study
- Spiritual Awakening
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
welcome to sober Sunrise a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience strength and Hope from around the world we bring you several new speakers weekly so be sure to subscribe whether you join us in the morning or at night there’s nothing better than a sober Sunrise we hope that you enjoy today’s speaker uh my name is Chris I am an alcoholic um it is it’s a privilege and an honor to uh to be here with you all this morning uh and be asked to share some of my experience on the uh the four step um and to be in Joe Hawk Hall um this is absolutely amazing for me I had the U I had the honor of being able to do some personal step work with Joe about 6 or seven years ago um uh we uh we clicked pretty well he he was a he was a great great guy and uh a recovery genius he he truly was um just to just to tell you where the philosophy and the the mechanics and the eventual experience from the steps came from uh for me I was in uh I was in New Jersey and I was going to meetings I think I think everybody in here is probably experienced the meetings where it’s not a lot of solution it’s a lot of you know Contin continuing to share about the difficulties that you’re having in Life or whatever um I was going to a lot of these meetings and my issue was I was really alcoholic and I was dying inside I was dying inside emotionally on a good day I was Restless irritable and discontented uh a normal day I would be pray to misery depression self-centered fear guilt shame remorse anxiety that that that’s a normal day uh and this is during my period of sobriety well I I got exposed to some tapes I’ve always been a collector and what happened was uh I started to collect recovery tapes and I came across um I came across a set of uh Joe H and Mark Mark H recovery thoughts now in ’95 or so 9495 um uh Joe and Mark went around the country and did a number of uh big book workshops these workshops were seminal they were they were revolutionary they were um they were so focused on the actual mechanics and processes of the steps uh that it shifted my whole perspective about what recovery was about I thought recovery was about participating in the meetings and cleaning up and you know doing the coffee and and you know driving driving people around and going out to the diner and I just didn’t know any different and these uh these workshops that I started to collect um started to talk to me about the actual process of taking the steps I cannot tell you how lucky you are to be here there’s something like Patty isn’t there there’s something like 16,000 treatment centers or or or places that you can go for uh to Aid your your recovery from addictive illness and uh that you landed in here um I can’t even tell you how lucky you are inherent in alcoholism is usually an almost utter inability to recognize how much trouble you’re in okay if you’re alcoholic or if you’re a drug addict you know you’re in trouble but let me tell you you’re minimizing like you have no idea addictive illness is an aggressive illness that doesn’t usually allow you an accurate perception of how much trouble you’re in you you know that your family is mad at you you know it’s hard to keep a job you can’t hold on to your money you’re letting your health go you know all those things but it’s it’s even it’s an even bigger problem than that and and you know when we look at step one I need to go through steps one two and three before I can start sharing on four just to put it in perspective when you look at step one we had to fully conceive to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic and I want to be inclusive if drugs is your problem we need to fully concede to our innermost selves that we’re that we a drug addict what does that mean um I didn’t know what it meant until some very very intelligent experienced people really explained it to me oh and my powerless over alcohol yeah when I drink all hell breaks loose well well that’s not even what they’re talking about and then for a while I thought you know I’m powerless over alcohol I just can’t take the first drink if I just don’t take the first drink everything’s fine that’s not what they’re talking about either they’re talking about they’re talking about someone who uh suffers from an obsession of the Mind coupled with an allergy to the body a little bit a dash that and their lives have become unmanageable what does that look like I’ll share from my own experience what it looks like I know it’s a good idea not to drink for me you know I’m a I’m a pass out blackout violent insane pathetic alcoholic do I know it’s a bad idea to drink absolutely I know it I don’t need help knowing it’s a bad idea to drink I don’t need people to encourage me not to drink I already know that the problem is is the illness alcoholism there’s there’s um there’s a phenomenon that happens and it’s called the obsession of the mind they describe it in the book alcoholic annonymous like this strange mental blank spots that precede the first drink or first drug subtle forms of insanity that proceive the first drin or the first drug what happens with me is for some crazy reason even knowing it’s a horrible horrible decision to make I make that decision and I put booze back in my body it it comes almost from a place of unconsciousness it comes almost it’s like I’m not even there making that decision two or three drinks into it I’ll realize oh my god what have I done I’m drinking again okay that’s the obsession of the mind it’s the ability of one’s alcohol ISM to blank out and blot out your ability to make sane and sound choices that’s a problem like you know if you know that the booze of the drugs are going to kill you why can’t you not use or not drink it’s because of the obsession of the mind and if you’ve gone down the scale far enough and this hits you if this is your experience you’re in real real trouble now the second part of the first part of the first step is the allergy of the body that’s a craving when I took a drink one thing always happened every time the first drink asks for the second drink the second drink insists on the third the third demands the fourth etc etc I want the 10th drink more than I wanted the ninth drink it creates a both a physical and a mental craving to continue to drink now this doesn’t happen with everybody this does not happen with Aunt Fanny and Uncle fud you know they can have two glasses of wine at Thanksgiving and they’re good okay what happens to me is I have the two glasses of wine I’m looking around for beer there’s no beer I’m looking around for whiskey there’s no Whiskey in the house I got to go I’ll see you guys later you know I’ve started the engine and the engine needs fuel and I have little or no control over that now now this is a problem so many of us minimize this situation so many so many of us minimize this experience that we have our ego wants to take responsibility of our drinking our ego wants to take responsibility of our recovery or our abstinence but it’s a deeper issue than that it’s when you admit to powerlessness you admit to not being able to control putting it back in your body and not being able to control it once it is back in your body that’s what powerlessness is so the unmanageability is sometimes the externals you know uh DUIs I’ve had three of them lost my family 13 jobs you know no friends having to move back home with Mom you know the whole deal I’ve experienced all that but that’s not really my unmanaged ability my unmanageability is the emotional uh the emotional state that I suffer from uh my life system is a life system based on selfishness and self-centered fear that I grew up that way I don’t know why that was but that’s the life system that alcoholism was able to live and breathe in so there’s a lot of unmanageability unmanageability that happens when you suffer from an addictive illness personal relation ship problems okay you’re always at odds with the world uh can’t seem to make a living um uh misery depression remorse anxiety all of that stuff that is alcoholism that is drug addiction that that psychoemotional state that you suffer from now that’s basically step one you put all all three of those things together and you know it’s not good news it’s like custers Last Stand and there’s more Indians coming over to Hill you know I I’m doomed is basically what step one is talking about but then comes step two step two is well maybe not there’s a power that you can access that can restore you to sanity and can improve your quality of life to the point where your life is no longer unmanageable um what I learned in alcoholic synonymous and some and some from some very very good teachers is I need to participate in the recovery process with all I’ve got I need to participate in the recovery process I can never go up against booze single-handedly I just can’t I can never fix all of my problems in my life myself just by deciding to that doesn’t work for me but I came to believe that something has been working in other people’s lives you know my sponsor was his bad as I was and now he now he’s got a house he got custody of his kids he’s got a really big job he’s got a nice car you know things are working in his life so I started to believe that that that there’s something there’s something out there that can help me I I I don’t really know everything I need to know about it I want to know more about it but I can’t can’t to believe that there was a power that I could access and what I found out in alcoholic synonymous is that if I rightly relate myself to God and my fellow man if I live life along spiritual principles I gain access to that power that power that can keep me from picking up a drink that can restore some sanity when it comes to decisions with drugs and alcohol and help recreate my life based on spiritual principles recovery is basically this it’s going from a life system based on selfishness and self-centered fear and shifting from that type of a life system to a life system based on love in love and service when you’re in the life system based in love and service you’re in recovery and things are going to go well in your life for the most part things are going to go well in your life you’re going to have an you’re going to have attitudes of gratitude you’re you’re going to you’re going to have spirituality you’re going to know peace you’re going to you’re going to understand Serenity it’s it’s a wholesale shift in perception is basically what recovery is and the second step is just basically asking me to believe that that’s possible alcoholism or drug addiction is your problem Spiritual Living is going to be your solution step three you know and and I’m you know I am U I’m doing this very very brief uh and it’s the cliffnotes version you know you I know I know where you guys are you’re going to get a much more more thorough understanding of the steps that I’m going to give you here today but step three in its Simplicity is am I in or am I out all right I understand I’m powerless over alcohol that my life is unmanageable that I’m starting to believe that there’s a power that if I can access it I can recover and some things can start going to get going good in my life am I in or am I out is step three I need I need to make a decision to turn my will in my life or my thinking and my actions over to the care of God as I understand him or spiritual life so in step three basically I have to come to the conclusion that I need to buy into this process this process of recovery and the Buy in is going to mean participation so many of us want just to you know want want the home study course you know just tell me what my problem is just show show me how not to drink we we all want these shortcuts unfortunately alcoholism and drug addiction are so aggressive that the recovery process has to be aggressive addictive illness is an unorthodox illness it it affects your thinking it affects your relationships it it affects your wallet it it affects your health it affects everything about you it’s an unorthodox illness most illnesses you go to the doctor and say hey Doc you know I’m not really feeling all that great great and they’ll prescribe something for you unfortunately with addictive illness it’s so aggressive that it needs an aggressive recovery process so in step three I need a Buy in I need to buy into this yes I will do this stuff what do you want me to do just tell me and for to the best of my ability whatever that may be I’ll do it because I’ve run out of options I’ve run out of plans here I am in one more place you know what I mean so step three is basically I’m in uh I need to quit playing God I need to redefine my relationship with spirituality and with my higher power and I need to make a decision to continue on with this recovery process and do whatever work is involved to take responsibility for that now in step four well let’s look at it like this any problem uh I like the way Bill Wilson uses the example of a business inventory if you’re running a shoe store and you know you’re bleeding money and you’re not making any money you know there’s there’s shoes on the shelf that aren’t selling they’ve been there for years you know there’s no more room for new stuff that’s going to sell I mean you’re making a lot of bad business decisions and things aren’t going well the status of your quality of life is in the toilet uh as as a businessman with a shoe sure you’re going to need to take inventory you’re going to need to figure out what’s selling what isn’t what works what doesn’t what’s good what’s bad and you need to get ready get ready to get rid of the things that aren’t working the things that are bad in your life the things that are causing problems you need to get rid get rid of those you know to be able to move forward you have to assess what’s going on the the the Brilliance of the book alcoholic synonymous is there’s still there’s still not a text not a text more significant as far as what is addiction illness how does it show up in your life and what is the process of recovery for it there’s there’s been a lot of books written out there on alcoholism there’s been a lot of books written out out there on drug addiction I still believe to in my heart that nothing is more significant than the book alcoholic because it’s been proven time and again to work now I’m alcohol can’t manage my own life I believe that there is a power I can access that can help me with this I’ve made a decision to access that what do I need to do I need to take a personal inventory I need to start seeing what is working in my life and what isn’t what is continuing to hurt me and others what is blocking me off from a successful life look I’m a smart guy why am I living home with Mom you know what I mean what why do I have $2 why have I lost my license one more time you know why am I why am I working in in a job you know that I’m so underemployed what is going on what you know why do I continue to keep getting horrible girlfriends you any number of those questions we need to start looking at all of this stuff now I’m not exactly sure if you have forms here I I don’t know what you do for a four step here exactly I know the principles in the book alcoholics anonomous I know you’re following those cuz I know Mark but um let me just talk a little bit about here resentments resentment is the number one offender it says in the book alcoholic synonymous resentments kill more alcoholics than anything else it does not say alcohol kills more alcoholics than anything else resentment kills more alcoholics than anything else cuz here’s what happens we get really pissed off we get pissed off at the people who are in our room you know our bunk mates or whatever you know this place just pisses me off I don’t like the way they do this I don’t like the rules I’m getting the hell out of here you get the hell out of here you’re back on your own you don’t have sufficient defense against the first drink or the first drug you use again you die the resentment led to your death you understand what I’m saying there’s a there’s a chain of circumstances that’ll happen now in resentment we can resent people we can we we can resent institutions we can resent principles there are just things that we’re angry with now every once in a while I’ll get a I’ll get somebody going through the steps who doesn’t have any resentment they’re not mad at anybody you know that’s that’s a that’s a kind of denial I’ll ask him well have you ever been mad at anybody you ever get pissed off at anybody at any time well yeah I okay well let’s start with all those people we can be we can be upset at institutions we we can be upset at the government we can be upset at the motor vehicle bureau we can be upset at the IRS there’s there you know a lot of these people are not on our Christmas card list when we get in here you know what I mean you write them down we can be uh we can be upset at principles we can we can be principle would be monogamy you know uh uh there’s a lot of principles that we can be upset at there’s some principles in the book alcoholics anous that I was upset at in the 12 and 12 like the spiritual the spiritual axiom you know whenever there’s something wrong it’s wrong with me you know I wasn’t happy to hear that my problems were of my own making I didn’t want to hear that I can I can have a resentment toward those principles cuz I don’t I don’t feel that they fit me you know my case is a little bit different uh so I need to write all of these down and how you write them down you know there’s people in here that’ll that’ll show you how to do that if you haven’t already I know a lot a lot of you guys do uh do multiple footsteps and all kind all kind kind of great stuff for a living today what I do is is I host a web broadcast that um where I interview a lot of people in addictive illness a lot of the people that run the big rehabs a lot of the clinicians you know believe me I I know what goes on out there in the world of uh of addictive illness processes and what happens in this place is probably the most significant course of action you can have to prepare you uh for permanent recovery you know so I don’t want to get in the way of anybody and how they teach you how to do uh do the mechanics of this but I as I have to ask myself why am I angry then I have to look at the areas in myself that are harmed threatened or interfered with I can’t be angry at someone or or some institution or some principle without it seemingly harming threatening or interfering with my instincts or my ambitions let me tell you what I mean by that I Define instincts as the things that I have and want to keep and my ambitions a as the things out there that I want to get and acquire now if something harms threatens or interferes with my instincts it’s going after something that I consider mine if it harms interferes with u with my ambitions that means it’s interfering with me getting something I want you know I’ll get pissed off at a guy in a bar because it looks like he’s going after the same girl I’m going after I’ll get mad at somebody at work because I think they’re trying to take my job you know those are my ambitions and they’ll cause resentment because I have a life system based on selfishness and self-centeredness does that make any sense you know it’s it’s about me and this is this is this is where resentments grow from the roots of resentment so I need to identify the areas itself what does it affect is it affect my money does it affect my personal relationships does it affect uh does it or will it affect my uh my my uh sexual relationship I need to look at there’s about seven areas of self that I need to look at for every single resentment then there’s a line of demarcation it says putting out of our minds the wrongs others have done to us we resolutely looked at our own faults where had we been at fault where were we selfish where were we dishonest where were we self-seeking where were we frightened remember selfish is this is mine you can’t have it self-seeking is I want that get out of my way dishonesty we all know what that is fear we all know what that is too I need to look at this stuff I need to be dead on honest as honest as I can be at any given moment with the fourth column or or the area where I’ve been at fault get all of this down on paper there’s a magic that happens between the pen and the paper that will not happen between the mind and the mouth so it’s very very important to learn the discipline of actually writing this stuff down there’s just a magic that happens between the pen and the paper so I start looking at this you know I’ve put I start to put together the whole Milla the whole series of mistakes and and resentments and all this stuff I start putting it down on paper I get as many of these things down as I can with whom I was angry the next part of the four step is to look at our fears um now a lot of us are we’re we’re courageous people we storm into a bar we pick on the biggest guy we race motorcycles you know we ride with the Harley guys you know to talk to us about fear sometimes is tricky because we’re we’re courageous we’re we’re sometimes we’re insane you know well I I got to tell you I was an absolute nut out there you put some booze in my body and I wasn’t afraid of anything that’s really not the type of fear that I like to look at in the inventory I Look to I like to look at the self-centered fear self-centered fear was the way I perceived myself um I had a general anxiety about I just never felt comfortable with myself or my environment I just didn’t I you know if they said Chris there’s a part party tonight at 8:00 let’s go I’d start drinking at 6:00 so i’ you know I have my fortitude I’d be able to step out at 8:00 well what’s the problem with me going to the party and starting to drink because because the alcohol and the drugs gave me a little bit of Courage it took away a little bit of that anxiety that that that feeling not a part of be feeling separate from the alcoholic in the atdi we suffer from feeling separation we’re separate from from from everything so I have to start listing my fears what are some of my fears and why do I have them and I really need to look at them then there’s the fear prayer it asks us you know it ask us don’t we have this fear because selfreliance has failed us our life system built on selfishness and self-centeredness has failed us otherwise we wouldn’t have these fears and anxieties we we would we wouldn’t have to put alcohol and drugs in our body to feel okay sobriety would be enough for us so I need to start looking at these fears and I need to list them all out Okay the third part of the fourth step is is U harms to others certainly the emphasis needs to be on sex um I know of no other group of people who do a worse job with relationships than alcoholics and drug ad we take hostages you know we we use sex as a weapon you know we’ll withhold sex to get what we want we you know we’ll we’ll bribe coo uh you know we’ll rape pillage we’ll do whatever we can uh to get what we think we need we’ll go after women like they’re a drug we’ll pick one that is attractive to the point where we know they’re going to make us feel different you know I’m going to go after her because that that that would be unbelievable you know so we’re like going after women like like they’re drugs for us you it’s like going after a fix um once we get once we get into a relationship we start acting incredibly selfishly we you know we we it’s like we own those person that person you know we’re we’re involved in every detail what are you doing where you going who you talking to who’s that on the phone I mean we’re we’re insane you know where it comes to relationships so we need to really start looking at our Behavior here with the relationships we’ve had um there’s a review of each relationship I ask my guys to write at least a paragraph just you know painting the picture of the relationship okay then there’s nine questions some of the questions are uh where did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy suspicion or bitterness you know who have we hurt we also need to look at the collateral damage in our relationships that that can be great we don’t ever want to miss that in other words uh you know when I was going after these women and I was engaging them in in my life and you know they were you know they they ran for the hills after being burned three or four times you know who else has been hurt the parents their children you know their boyfriend or husband I mean you know who knows who knows all these other people that could have been harmed you know my wife could have been I I mean I could list all kinds of stuff so that needs to be list Ed and that needs to be looked at then at the end it says with this information because now we’re looking at man you know look at all this stuff we can see what hasn’t worked for us what is what’s this is the stuff that contribut to to our failure at having a successful relationship it says we then we then develop a sex ideal we then try to develop a sex idea I’ll usually tell my guys look go into some prayer go into some meditation ask God you know you already know what doesn’t work you listed it all out ask God for some of the attributes so of of U the type of person you need to be who do you want to show up as at the next party you know what I mean this is really really important um you attract what you are if you’re a dysfunctional maniacal alcoholic who do you think you’re going to be attracting in relationships you you attract what you are are so I would rather start attracting people that have have some kind of qualities so I need to start developing certain qualities in my life and how I show up and how I react in relationships so the sex ideal uh I ask my guys to put at least a couple of paragraphs together uh usually more listing out the attributes and the behavior patterns and uh you know the uh the the type the type of person you need to be or you want to be in the next relationship and then it says we ask God to mold our ideals and help us to be the type of people we would like to be so after we figured out how we want to show up every single day we need to ask God for the strength and the direction uh to become that person and that becomes a spiritual discipline and that becomes a Cornerstone on some significant change in your life being a better person you know I don’t know I don’t know any of you uh uh real well some of you were probably married some of you have girlfriend some of you have families some of you are estranged from families but I know I know alcoholics and I know each and every one of you wants to be the best person they can be with the people that you care about you just haven’t been able to over the last number of years because you’ve been shooting yourself in a foot this Pro process helps us helps us to stop shooting ourselves in the foot so we start asking God to mold our our ideals U and and that’s that’s what we do now um this is an unorthodox treatment or recovery process for an illness you know if you’ve got heart disease or something you don’t go home and inventory all this stuff it probably would be a good idea but that’s not what the doctor’s going to order you to do because alcoholism is so aggressive and so unorthodox it takes an unorthodox recovery process going back to the origins of where did they figure all this stuff out Bill Wilson and Dr Bob were both suffering incredibly from alcoholism uh both of them were exposed to the oxer group the Oxford Group was where Alcoholics Anonymous came from the ox group was basically a group of um uh of people that got together to talk about religious and spiritual principles and actually put them together in their life and they did it with an intensity uh they met almost every night they had weekened House Parties they got together and they were really active and they really got busy talking about how to become spiritual uh people how to become U how to have more faith uh how how to live better lives now um Bill Wilson uh Dr Bob and their wives basically learned everything they needed to know for alcoholism recovery through the Oxford Group principles bill was going a couple of years Dr Bob was going about four years bill was able to stay sober Dr Bob wasn’t the significant fact in this was is here’s how Bill showed up to his recovery process he went every single night he was grabbing people to bring him along he was sharing his experience with other people he was constantly trying to help people every time he was asked to do something he did it he got up in front of people he told his story he was about the business of the auction group or Spiritual Living he was about the business and he stayed so Dr Bob on the other hand wanted to just go come come late sit in the back don’t contribute anything and leave when when he’s done many of us have approached 12-step recovery groups that way we’ll show up we’ll go to a bunch of meetings but we really aren’t going to get active we really aren’t going to get busy the difference between the two was Dr Bob was busy and Stage sober I’m sorry Bill Wilson was busy and stay sober Dr Bob was minimizing and dodging and weaving and procrastinating and he did not stay so Bill gets together with him and says says look we we need to get busy Dr Bob had one more relapse and he stayed Silber after that and for 15 years he helped thousands of Alcoholics and didn’t take another drink now it’s important to see where these principles came from they came from they came from Christian groups that got together to practice spiritual principles I said earlier alcoholism or drug addiction is your problem problem Spiritual Living is your solution uh and that’s absolutely absolutely true good morning everybody my name is Chris I am an alcoholic uh I said yesterday it’s an incredible honor to to be here um what’s happening uh what’s happening at the mar houon Recovery Center is is seminal uh is as far as recovery process is are concerned I uh one of the things I do is I go I go all over the country all over the world and interview people and talk to people who are involved in addictive illness uh treatment and Recovery processes and uh for the most part that they’re not really they’re not really able to to offer you a spiritual experience they’re able to offer you clinical processes they’re able to offer you counseling they’re able to offer you really good information they’re able to teach you uh about uh about your your specific illness uh but when it comes to the transformational experience of recovery uh they’re not they’re not really designed or set up to do that as a matter of fact many of many of their counselors or the professionals that work there don’t understand what recovery is they understand uh they understand the illness they understand uh a lot of things things but they don’t have experiential knowledge on uh on the recovery process what happens here is is the people that you’re exposed to day in day out have experiential knowledge on recovery the difference between that is this you can have intellectual experience you can read about this you can read the big book you can study uh you can study all kinds of things about alcoholism or drug addiction uh and you you can you know you could get a PhD in it uh but the fact of the matter is is unless you experience the recovery process not learn it intellectually but if you don’t experience it it’s it’s not going to become uh something that manifests in you and you’re not going to be able to move forward now one of the things that’s real tricky for us out there is there’s a lot of AA there’s a lot of Na there’s a lot of C there there’s all kinds of A’s out there and you can walk into these meanings I I I want I want you to know something though addictive illness it addictive illness manifests in a scale uh it says in the book no matter how far down the scale you have gone okay then it’s then it says in the book uh whether you can quit drinking by non-spiritual means will depend on how much control you’ve lost in drink so what I get from the big book is I get that there’s actually a scale that we’re all on somewhere now in a lot of uh in a lot of the recovery meetings a lot of people are are pretty high up on the scale I don’t really consider everybody that walks into the uh the fellowships that we all go to uh to truly be powerless I I I believe that a lot of times they still have some power choice and control over over uh taking the first drink um I I believe that because I know the type of programs they work I know the type of behavior that they’re involved in and it you know me personally if I was if I was working that type of a program or if I was engaging in those behaviors I would be drunk as a goat in five minutes so um so I believe that there’s a scale and I believe that you can walk into meetings and you can be uh among a lot of people who haven’t really gone down the scale very far do not really have to get about the business of recovery and they’re going to probably be okay now what happens is when you end when you end up in a place like this you’ve probably experienced relapse anyone that’s anyone that’s really tried to separate from drugs and alcohol and found they couldn’t raise your hand okay now listen we’re okay this is what I I love speaking to people uh uh who’ve had the same experience what happened with me was I signed myself into a 28-day program I didn’t want to go nobody was making me go alcohol had got my attention I was going to check out I mean I was going to die and I knew it so I heard you know you know go to this place it was the only option that I was aware of so I signed myself into this place I I I you know I paid a lot of money uh in this particular um Treatment Center they they they did give me a big book they did give me a 12 and 12 but what they did was that was they they had me watch a lot of movies and you know a lot of lectures they had people coming in from the outside who you know had dubious uh recovery at best and I didn’t get any counselor uh uh one-on-one and and when I left they told me you need outpatient you should probably go to some meetings okay so I did both of those because I you know I was I was scared for my life uh I I started to go to two AA meetings and I went to two outpatient meetings and I was paying money at these outpatient meetings I and and listen you got to understand me as a person I didn’t like crowds I didn’t like lights I didn’t like anybody telling me what to do I didn’t like being somewhere at a certain time I didn’t want to be held accountable you know I wanted to I wanted to dodge and weave I mean that was my my modus operandi so for me to engage in that you have to understand that I was desperate to stay separated from alcohol desperate or I wouldn’t have been doing that I hated every minute of it so I was going to outpatient I was going to a couple of AA meetings uh and what happened was about two months into this uh process somewhere in the summer of 1989 I’m driving to an AA meeting and the thought crosses my mind that you know what I haven’t I haven’t been drunk and you know almost 3 months I almost don’t even remember what that’s like and I heard somebody at a meeting say if you can’t remember your last droke you haven’t had it you know so so I said you know what I’m going to buy a gallon of vodka I’m going to drink it and what that’s going to do is that’s going to remind me how terrible it is to get drunk and I’m going to zoom back into this recovery process with a whole new attitude and out out look okay so what I did was I got drunk to improve my sobriety only an alcoholic can do that and I got to tell you it was a mistake it was a you know um I’m three drinks into that drink uh I’m three drinks into that bottle and all of a sudden I go oh my god what have I done I’ve opened up the cage door to the Beast I’m going to get dragged around by the neck for however long it’s going to be I what a oh I can’t believe it I’m drinking again now now here’s here’s the Crux of the the situation what did the alcohol make me insane no the alcohol actually restored me to sanity the alcohol actually restored me to sanity I realized three drinks into it what a mistake I had made I I had I had that subtle form of insanity prior to putting alcohol in my body now this is really what separates us from the heavy drinkers from a lot of the other people that end up in the 12-step recovery processes we really really want to not do this again and find out we can’t we end up for one reason or another alcohol or drugs doesn’t care what kind of a reason it gives you you you know all of a sudden you’re using again and and you know it’s hard even to explain it to people like what you know you you’ve had four DW wise you’ve been thrown out of the house and there you are with a six-pack under your arm what is the matter with you and you’re like you know it’s not even it’s not even something it’s not even something that computes you you you just you just don’t have the ability to get it okay now this is what separates us and it separates us in the rooms and I want you to know that because you can’t work the same type of program that to with the guy that’s sitting next to you over here or the guy that’s sitting next to you over here you have to be diligent about the business of recovery and you learn you learn that in this place and I cannot tell you how lucky you are to be to be in this specific facility you have to take it from me I go all over the place and it’s absolutely tragic some of the stuff that happens with us you know your chances of ending up in a place with a true answer is is amazing is amazingly low and and and here you are uh addictive illness is misunderstood by so many people it’s misunderstood by people that have it it’s misunderstood by people that treat you for it it’s Mis it’s misunderstood by the sponsor that you get it’s misunderstood by the family it’s misunderstood by everybody you almost have to be the type of person who has EXP experience that level of powerlessness that that I really didn’t want to do this you almost have to be one of those people to really have a clue about what is going on with addictive illness now uh today um I was talking with Patty before the meeting and we’re were trying to decide on a a topic for this Workshop I can pretty much talk on most things but we came up with the spiritual experience in in this book here I think it’s a Edition it’s on page 567 if anyone cares to uh follow along just a little bit of background about where this um where this appendice came from what happened is in the first edition of The Big Book alcoholic synonymous in Bill’s story he tells about the Revolutionary change in attitude and Outlook that he had you know he was on the hospital bed in Town’s hospital and he was getting over his last his last um uh uh detox he he’s he’s in he’s in the middle of you know he hallucinated he’s coming out of that and eie Thatcher is you know visiting him in the hospital and he’s talking to him about a spiritual recovery program it wasn’t really called that back then it was more or less a way of living spiritual principles that EBY Thatcher had used to be able to get sober and on that hospital bed uh Bill Wilson had had a spiritual experience now the way the way I describe spiritual experience and spiritual awakening is like this a spiritual experience is something that it’s a phenomenon it happens you’re you’re transformed by it but you don’t necessarily you’re not necessarily able to hang on to it I think we’ve all had these I the first ones that I ever had were on LSD you know you know what I mean it’s like wa it’s like a spiritual exper it’s like a really a transformational shift in thinking and attitude and outlook on life now you have these in in AA or na you have these when you do step work you have you have a lot of these and again they’re not always permanent the spiritual awakening that they talk about about is truly our Spirits are asleep we’re asleep to a lot of things we’re asleep to a true and accurate appraisal of ourselves a true and accurate appraisal of our place in the universe and there’s a number of spiritual experiences that build up I believe to a spiritual awakening where we we truly have a new attitude and outlook on life our our relationship with the universe with ourselves and with others is on a whole different level and we have I I talked yesterday we’ve gone from a life system based on self-centered fear and selfishness to a life system based on love and service that’s really that’s really the shift to the spiritual awakening I believe the spiritual awakening takes a lot of work I think we can have some spiritual experiences you know each spiritual exercise we take will will bring about a series of promises but I think the spiritual awakening that we’re looking for is the treatment or the recovery y from addictive illness because the people that have had this and that follow the disciplines to be able to hold on to it don’t drink and don’t use again now I’ve sponsored hundreds of people uh in in the in the last 18 and a half years um uh and I’ve if you if you talk about the workshops I’ve probably taken you know three or 4,000 people through the steps I’ve got some experience with this and I pay attention the people who go through the recovery processes as it’s laid out in the big book and do the disciplines to hang on to that Spiritual Awakening do not drink and use again uh very very rarely will they get in trouble The Only Exception being someone who’s had some really serious surgery and put been put on some really serious narcotics I’ve seen a few of those people just just have a really hard time and and end up relapsing but but you know 95% of the people that have gone through this work and do the disciplines to hang on to it stay sober forever okay not a day at a time a day at a time is how we live our life they stay sober forever and permanent sobriety is what we need to look for I understand you know when you’re new looking at permanent sobriety can be challenging like I’ll never ever drink again what what about my what about it my water’s wedding how will I not drink champagne I mean you know we’re like that we’re we’re thinking you know 200 years ahead and sometimes it’s it’s it’s a little easier for us to just take blocks of time and just deal with that but understand that ideally the life Continuum that you want to engage in is one of permanent sobriety um addictive illness is Progressive things over any considerable period of time things get worse they don’t get better every year is a little bit or a lot worse than the one before when you’re drinking and using isn’t that your experience yes I mean you know you’re shooting yourself in the foot a lot more this year than you were last year it’s Progressive and it’s fatal at the end of uh of the progression normally uh recovery is Progressive too recovery is Progressive this way if you continue to practice these disciplines if you continue to um if you continue to work the steps if you continue to work with others find ways to be of service live a compassionate life try you know try to be as compassionate as possible what happens is your quality of life goes this way and things get better every over any considerable period of time things get better it’s been my experience I’ve I’ve uh you know I I know this from uh from my own experience and my experience working with others a little bit about the spiritual experience of pendis is that when Bill Wilson had that that sudden Spiritual Awakening on the bed at Town’s hospital when the wind of the spirit blew through him and a giant white light appeared you know he talks about this in his story what happened was when this book was published people this book went all over the place uh the first 15 20 years or so people were working out of the first edition and they were thinking I need to have that too where’s that bright light I don’t feel any wind of the spirit you know blowing up my butt what’s going on uh so they’re writing letters back to General service and they’re saying you know are we really sober are we really recovered we never saw the light and and Bill had to had to re-explain uh re-explain what the spiritual experience or the recovery process was I’m going to I’m going to start reading here the terms spiritual experience and spiritual awakening are used many times in this book which upon careful reading shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself Among Us in many different forms there needs to be a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery okay A a personality change is like a complete attit a complete change in attitude and outlook on life but no major decisions in your first year just become a completely different person you know um you can tell I’m not a great fan of the slogans anyway uh especially the slogans that came from uh well-meaning but uh uninformed uh uh treatment uh protocols anyway um yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes or religious experiences must be in the nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals happily for everyone this conclusion is erroneous Bill felt that he might have led people astray because he was talking about having that spiritual experience in like a you know a couple of hours on a hospital bed and that’s not really how we have our our spiritual Awakenings in recovery uh I’ve have known a a few people who’ve had those remarkable shifts in perception boom you know they’ve gone from they’ve gone from powerless and hopeless to all of a sudden the light is on in their eyes I I have seen that happen but it’s incredibly rare and again if that does happen to you and you haven’t done any of this work you might not be able to hang on to it it might it might not be something that you’re going to you’re going to be able to use the rest of your life in the first few chapters a number of sudden Revolution Ary changes are described though it was not Our intention to create such an impression many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming God Consciousness followed At Once by a vast change in feeling and Outlook among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of Alcoholics such Transformations though frequent are by no means the rule most of our experiences are what the psychologist William James called the educational variety because they developed slowly over a period of time um my own my own personal experience with this is that I was tentatively hanging on to sobriety when I first when I first got into AA what happened is after that relapse after I decided to buy that gallon of vodka I drank for another 5 and a half months it was absolutely absolutely a horrible experience for me I came out of that with u with a willingness that was absolutely born of desperation ation I was desperate to I wanted to survive I knew I was losing my mind I was becoming increasingly violent when I drank uh I was going to I was going to shoot one of my family or something I mean it was really it was really getting my attention because I I was I was Jeckle and hide you know and and I had some affection for my family you know it would have been inconvenient to shoot one of them so uh and and who and who wants to end up in prison so so I mean that coupled with coupled with just how horrible I felt all the time uh during this during this period of relapse uh I went back I went back to AA and and I did everything everything I could possibly think of to do uh I grabbed the sponsor uh fish food Phil uh they all everybody had nicknames back then I found out in an inventory it was because I was nicknaming them uh but fish food Phil fish food Phil told me he he goes he goes Chris I want you to go a meeting every night until I tell you to stop okay Phil so I was going to I literally I was going to a meeting every single night I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of that every once in a while my boss would say yeah I need you to work overtime tonight I I’d say sorry got to go to a meeting I mean I was absolutely desperate and and I really thought my attachment to those meetings is going to mean whether I live or die or not I you know and that’s what I did I went to a meeting every night for eight years um now now here’s here’s me here’s me sober you know I’m mad at everybody you know I’m I’ve got that self-centered fear I’m like sitting in the back you know I’m you know I’d have to I’d have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the me I’d be thinking you know if I get up and I walk walk out here you they’re going to be looking at me I don’t want anybody I don’t anybody like looking at me you know and if I share if I share and somebody insults me after I share I’m gonna have to go out and kill them so you know you know I don’t want to have to kill anybody in this group you know I that would probably make it hard for me to come back and so so I better not share and and you know I’m repressed with this anxiety and self-centered fear you know and and I’m ashamed of what I had done and I had lost my family and I wasn’t allowed to see my daughter you know my wife moved 7 7,000 miles away just to get get away from me and I’m living at home with Mom and I got a terrible job and I’m driving a 76 Ford Granada with white walls no clutch no emergency break no no heater you know you no Muffler you know I’m just I’m just like oh I was just so filled with shame now this is me sober okay and and um you know month after month after month and uh you know what what would what would happen is people would ask me to do something and I’d always say yes I’d always say yes oh you want me to be the cookie guy I’ll be the cookie guy you know what kind of cookies do you want you know I mean I do anything I would absolutely do anything and and uh I was desperate to not ever put alcohol back in my body but but here’s what I thought I thought this spiritual emotional condition was something that I was going to have to live with the rest of my life I was going to have to live with this I mean you know life is horrible but it would be more horrible if I was drinking now uh I I believe that if if you go to a gazillion meetings and you you all you’re always there to help you you can create an atmosphere of sobriety for yourself O Okay what’ll happen is is you’ll have a tentative period of abstinence but the alcoholism is is that fear it’s it’s that shame it’s it’s all of those psychos spiritual emotional debilitating feelings that that one has you know that was how my alcoholism was manifesting and you know what that’s how my alcoholism would have would have uh made would have made the obsession of the mind uh manifest in me and it was only a matter of time before I was going to I was going to drink or I was going to drug now my my particular story is I was a collector I’m I’m an album collector you know I I do anything to get out of myself because it was such a burden being chis you know let me tell you what I would do like I would come home with a bottle of booze the last couple of years of my drinking and i’ I’d sit it down and I’d start drinking and I’d have the TV on and i’ have the stereo on and I have a guitar in my lap and I’d be reading a book I mean you know I’d be just anything you know science fiction you know anything just I I I need to be away from me you know anything that that pulls me away from me and and and this is this is how my alcoholism was manifesting now because I was a collector I went to a convention and there was a there was the tape booth okay millions of tapes and you know so I bought some tapes and I got some tapes from this guy and that guy and you know I liked it and I I grabbed the catalog and I started ordering from the catalog and and here’s here’s what happened uh I see I see this name it’s a big book Workshop okay and I see this name and it says Joe Hawke uh Salvation Army talks okay so I go I wonder what an Indian would have to say about about it I I did you know so it’s like anybody with a name Hawke you know he’s got to be an Indian so so I I order these tapes and I start listening to these tapes and it’s and you know anybody that’s listened to the to the Salvation Army tapes knows what uh what a paradigm shift you’re going to go through when you’re listening to this stuff it’s like whoa I’ve been going to meetings like till till till it you know I’m making coffee till the grinds are coming out of my ears and uh and and I’ve never heard heard this now you get upset at first okay here’s what happens you get really upset like why didn’t anybody tell me you know you want to go back to the meetings like well you guys are trying to kill me you know that’s that’s usually the reaction that you have and uh you know you go through that Evangelical stage where you know you’re you know I made like 700 sets of those tapes and started handing them out to everybody and you know some people responded to those tapes usually the real alcoholics a lot of people are like whoa where’d you get this stuff uh but um but what happened was you know the truth will haunt you if you’re alcoholic if you hear the truth the first stage of hearing the truth is you’re going to be pissed off at whoever is telling you okay but you have to deal with that information somehow you you you have to internalize these these uh these Concepts and and if they’re if they’re true for you if they come from a place that you can recognize as your own experience you have to deal with it so how how I dealt with it is I started listening to these tapes and you know I started doing uh four column inventory and the things that were explained uh in these tapes now in my area no one was doing that you would you would say something like you would say something like you I went to step meeting Galore there was just a million million 12- 12 meetings and when I found out you know through experience at 12- 12 meetings there are places where people go to talk about the steps share about the steps read about the steps philosophize about the steps and rarely do them you know it’s that’s just what these 12 and 12 meetings were in my area and I was going to four of them a week remember I’m going to a meeting every night now um my sponsor and I thought would probably be a good idea for me to start on a four step okay and um this is prior to me hearing the tapes and you would say something like you would say something like you’d raise your hand in a meeting and you say something I remember this happening I’m not even sure now if it was me asking the question or somebody else but the question was how do you do a four step because in the step book it’s not really clear they talk about the seven deadly sins and you know all this other stuff and and you know assets debits it gets confusing so I remember the question being asked at a meeting and one of the old-timers goes kid you do a four step with a pencil well thanks for that that’s very very helpful you know I mean and I’ve learned through experience that someone says something like that because they really don’t know now when I got a hold of these tapes I I really started and it was it was kind of a bastard I you know when I look when I look at this recovery process today I did the best I could with a set of tapes and and uh and putting inventory sheets together but what happened was is when I started to take these spiritual exercises as they were laid out in this book a shift started to take place in me uh a recovery shift started to take place in me now the educational variety they talk about in here that’s basically what happened to me I don’t like the way they describe it as the educational variety it’s more the experiential variety uh because what happened was as I was doing these spiritual exercises of the steps certain pieces of my psychospiritual emotional condition started to become treated no longer was I so attached to what you all thought thought of me I mean I would sit in a meeting just just worried about you know how are people what are people thinking about me I mean you know this this burden of self what happened was that started to heal and I didn’t really recognize it as such in the beginning but over the course of time through the experiential variety I started to heal from alcoholism I started to recover from alcoholism I started to know a new freedom and a new happiness my my whole attitude and outlook on life started to change I started to become less selfish and less concerned about myself and more concerned with you things like that and this this happened this was part of my Spiritual Awakening um quite often friends in the newcomer are aware of the differences long before he is himself he finally realizes that he has undergone a profound alteration in his re reaction to life my reaction to life was it’s a hostile Universe it’s a hostile universe and I got to dodge and weave you know they are they are you know they’re out to get me everybody those bastards you know that’s really what my my perception on reality was and my reaction that such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone certainly something was starting to work in my life there was a power if if we have to admit that we’re powerless over alcohol or drugs then the solution would be to find some power find some power again because alcoholism is an unorthodox Stillness and the recovery process is a very unorthodox Stillness it’s very very difficult to understand PRI to prior to having experience with it that’s why they ask us you know they say we need to come to believe and then we can come to have faith and then we know you know you’ll know when you have experience with it but prior to having experience with it you know sometimes you just have you just have to hope but I knew that it wasn’t me it could not have been me that was creating this change I was participating in the recovery process I needed to take responsibility for these exercises and for my participation in recovery but this was a shift that was so profound I knew I knew that I could be making it happen you know I I could I couldn’t I couldn’t get my car inspected you know what I mean my my best thinking got me hospital plastic on my wrist every time you know what I mean so I knew I knew that that there was something really at work here and many of us start to call that God that power God uh you know I believe that uh I believe that there’s a lot of latitude in how you perceive that how you name it the attributes you put on it but you do have to understand that it’s a power greater than yourself it’s something it’s something that um uh that we can make ourselves ready for but it it manifests through us and it’s something of a divine nature what often takes place in a few months could seldom have been accomplished by years of self-discipline anybody in here read self-help books oh man I had a library of them I had a library of them when friends and influenced people through intimidation you know hide a dagger behind the smile you know I mean I had a million of them uh you know I had a million of these books because I was always looking for an answer I you know I knew that you know there was something just totally fundamentally wrong with me I didn’t know what it was but I thought maybe there’s a book you know maybe there’s a way to to to overcome this you know I’m I’m a terrible I’m 32 years old I’m a bad electrician you know with no money I’m blowing things up all the there’s just got to be there’s got to be some answer uh my I can’t be this pathetic you know uh so so I had a million self-help books and we we can’t study our way recovered we really can’t we have to act our way recovered we we have to change our behaviors we have we have to place ourselves under the care and protection of spiritual teachers and Recovery processes and you know what we’re not going to believe it’s going to work for us you know I don’t know about that inventory stuff and you know pay the money back are you nuts they don’t even know I took it yeah why why the hell would I pay it back I mean we’re going to come up with every excuse in the world to not do this because because we don’t understand why we would have to you have to be at a point of desperation sufficient to just forget about why you shouldn’t do it and just do it and I was at that point I you know I had a willingness born of desperation I you know sometimes I almost hoped it didn’t work so I could go back and say it didn’t work you know but but it but I did it I did this stuff and and and you know there’s tons of promises in this book uh I really don’t like it at meetings where somebody has to read the 12 promises there’s a lot of meetings oh Harry will read the 12 promises well you know they’re they’re they’re really really really selling you short there are so many promises in this book every every part of the action process leads to a series of promises a Ser a series of changes in your attitude and Outlook a series of changes that reflect directly to your quality of life and and I you know and I think offering a newcomer promises that are going to come halfway through the ninth step is just not a really great way to do great way to do it and so we don’t at our group but what we do we do we talk about the spiritual awakening we talk about that shift in perception that shift in perspective that happens through a recovery process with few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner res source that they presently identify with their own conception of a power greater than themselves the power of God folks is Alive and Well if you rightly relate yourself to that power if you participate in the recovery process the power of God can become manifest in you that is a remarkable promise how about we read that promise at some of these groups because it’s absolutely true but it doesn’t happen because we’re sitting in a chair it happens because we get busy about the recovery process so many things have happened in my life uh I talked a little bit yesterday about 2008 being my year I I I cannot believe the things that are coming my way uh in 2008 it is absolutely remarkable now you got to understand I come from a place where no one wanted to have anything to do with me I was I was the type of alcoholic who had just become isolated I couldn’t go out it was me in the bottle you know I’d sit there and i’ talk to my bottle of uh I I used to drink George dickl you know it’s me me and you you know it’s me and you against those bastards I mean you know and and and really truly you know everybody left you know she left me when I needed her most and you know I mean I had this I had this just dark troll tragic perspective on life you know the the shift the shift in perspective and the shift in my ability uh to to to work in the universe to to be of service in the universe has become incredible to me this year you know be just being asked to to speak here is just one of a whole series of things that have just completely blown my mind the power of God can become manifest in us all we need to do is rightly relate ourselves to this power through work and self sacrifice for others how weird is that you know we we need to be helpful to others and through being helpful to others we’re going to have a have a shift in attitude and outlook on life and all of a sudden we’re you know we’re going to grow in understanding and Effectiveness we’re going to be able to accomplish unbelievable things I always thought that you needed to work you needed to like you know everything’s about you all those self-help books one of my sponsors said one time Chris why do you have all these self-help books where are the help others books well I don’t know Phil you know why don’t you pay attention to helping some other people once in a while you know that’s where it’s at this is part of the unorthodox recovery process from from addictive illness now who would have thought thank God for the oord group for Bill Wilson uh for the Emanuel movement for the washingtonians for the jacobe club there’s a number of organizations who got it you know between 1860 and you know 1930 there was a number of organizations who got it and basically what they did was they applied the spiritual principles and religious principles that have worked for a gazillion billion years they learned how to actually apply them to actually do them to create that Spiritual Awakening and thank God that bill and Bob and Ann Smith and all of these people were exposed to this process and then carried that message back to us you know there’s a number of people that um that recovered from alcoholism and had that Spiritual Awakening uh back prior to Bill Wilson uh there’s a number of books that uh they’re hard to find now but they were written by members of the Oxford Group and others who used to be drunks and they they underwent this course of action in the oxer group and some of the other groups uh and you know were reborn I mean that’s the terminology that they would use back then and they wrote they wrote some great books the big Bender I was a pagan for Sinners only these are these are a number of books that were written you know telling the stories of people who had recovered from alcoholism so so thank God that that bill decided to become the architect of these principles and lay them out in a book and then try to carry that message to other alcoholics a lot of people had gotten sober and you know never thought of that on his hospital bed during his last detox the thought cross his mind that I am going to lay out these principles I’m going to carry the message of these principles to Al holics that that one idea laying on his his detox bed has led all of us to be in this room today I believe that and it and it’s through such it’s through such shifts in P perception uh that uh uh that amazing things can happen and they can happen in all of our Lives most of us think this awareness of a power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience our or religious members call it God Consciousness most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in light of our experience honestly facing your problems in light of our experience with these recovery principles applying these principles to your own life your own problems your own your own emotional condition um provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual ual Concepts he can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial intolerance belligerent denial allowing ourselves to be resented out of uh the recovery process is what kills so many of us uh we’re not we’re not running on all cylinders when we get into into you know the rooms we’re not we’re we’re you know you get you get secluded during recovery treatment for a reason you know we’re we’re not you do you know we’re not we don’t play well with others there’s a lot of things that that are are really going on uh with us there’s so many things we know that are wrong there’s so many behaviors that we we continue to use that have failed every single time you know well I’m going to do this well hasn’t that failed like a 100 times before yeah well this time it might be different you know we’re we’re we should be locked up you know we sometimes sometimes just to protect ourselves and other people around us we are in real real trouble if we’ve gone down the scale in addictive illness you know we need some real help we need a spiritual awakening and it’s it’s something I mentioned I mentioned earlier a lot of people will come into the 12-step rooms and they’ve relapsed how many of us have heard people I’m coming back I’ve got you know 4 hours uh well what happened well she left she did that’s why you drank well yeah you know or I decided to drink you know I said the hell with this and I decided to drink now think about this for a minute knowing what you know about what alcohol does to you knowing what you know about what drugs do to you how can you make a decision based in sanity to put that stuff back in your body you can’t that decision has to come from a place of insanity it has to come from almost an unconscious part of part of uh part of your your personality because none of us here’s what I would have to do if I was going to relapse today let’s say there’s a bar across the street I’d have to go over there and I have to go bartender you know I’m going to order a whiskey in a minute but I just want to tell you a little bit about me before I do that you know for about 20 years I drank my I drank and like like an absolute fish every single morning I was unbelievably ill I became so Psy Psychopathic and so dangerous that my family disappeared from the last drunk I had I pulled a handgun on my family at Christmas and threatened to kill them all I mean it’s the the emotional torture that I’ve felt through drinking is just on par with nothing I’ve ever experienced again I was I was lucky to struggle into AA and and find the right message and the right people just by chance I found the right people and the right message and I struggled for years to get to the point where I could look myself in the mirror when I shaved and I’m finally at a point where I’ve got an incredible quality of life an incredible quality of life and by taking the drink I’m about to order I’m going to go right back to the depths of absolute hell um could I have a double you know I mean that’s what I would be doing by going across the street to the bar but that’s not what we do we go over there unconscious of all of this we go over there powerless we go over there suffering from the obsession of the mind that strange mental Blank Spot that subtle form of insanity where H what’s a drink you know maybe if I put some milk in it you know I you know I won’t get ingestion I mean that’s all we’re thinking when we pick it up we don’t we don’t we don’t see the series of consequences that’s going to happen now there has to be a serious shift in attitude and Outlook there has to be a serious change in your perspective on life to be able to achieve recovery I’m going to talk a little bit more about that perception after we have a break uh there’s Donuts there’s some really great stuff over there grab yourself a cup of coffee we’ll be back at 11 11:05 okay thank you for listening to sober Sunrise if you enjoyed today’s episode please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message until next time have a great day