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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> My name is DJ. I'm recovered alcoholic.

>> And that is very possibly the most important thing words that are going to come out of my mouth here today. The book says to burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. And I heard these ladies talking earlier this afternoon and one of them said one of the most important things that the book follows it up with, you know, the only conditions were to trust God and clean house.

And as a result of God's grace, the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, the program, I'm pretty well today. I think that's a pretty important message because I I'm one of those guys, you know, I don't understand people who want to um stay sick. You know, I hear people sitting around talking about, "I'll always be a sick alcoholic." You know, I'm just a poor alcoholic.

And I don't get that. >> I'm sure that there's a lot of folks out there who would like to keep us sick. You know, doctors and therapists and treatment centers because they make a bunch of money off of us.

And uh but I know that that's not the message that was in this book that was carried to me by men who went before me. It's like this tie that I'm wearing. This was not my idea.

This is the idea of men who went before me in Alcoholics Anonymous. And it's like most of the good things that came to me in my life. It was passed on to be by men who went before me who were working the spiritual program of action that's outlined in this book.

I am as grateful as I know how to be to be here today. It's an honor to get to speak and get to know you guys. You know, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is a wonderful thing.

The people that I've got to meet and I've been around the country. I've gone to different AA in different places. I was um thrilled with riding over with Cliff this morning going by y'all's AA Club and I was like, "You guys got to be doing something right because this is like the Buckingham Palace of Alcoholics Anonymous." I mean, this place looked great, you know?

I mean, I was thrilled. I was like, "Man, these guys got to be doing something." People having jobs, living, celebrating life. I mean, those are the things they showed me what Alcoholics Anonymous was about.

I My story is not that much different than anybody else's. You know, I could probably sum it up real quick. I was pretty unhappy.

I started drinking. I got real happy. I kept on drinking.

I got pretty miserable. And I came to Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm happy today. You know, that leaves us with about 45 minutes to kill.

So, I'll probably fill in a couple of the blank spots in there. There was a time that when I had 12 years of sobriety and uh then I turned 13 years old. You know, I had I had white knuckled it for just about as long as I could.

You know, the truth is I could have used a shot of whiskey on my first date to kindergarten. You know, I was an irritable, restless, discontent little kid. You know, I'm having trouble in my personal relationships.

They want me to play with the blocks. I'm over here in the finger paint. You know, and and that's the story of my life.

I have a I'm I'm grateful for the anonymity in this program because I'm fixing to have another admission. You know, I was also born a Yankee and I'm and I'm hoping you guys are going to keep it here with us today. You know, I got down here as quick as I could.

When I was uh growing up at home, you know, I I really appreciated some of the things that were said today. There was no weird stuff going on in the home I grew up in. My mom and dad love me.

They're still married today. You know, my dad's a drinker. The fact is he's an alcoholic.

Not because I say he's an alcoholic, not because my mom said he's an alcoholic. Not because anybody says he's an alcoholic except that he says he's an alcoholic. But they loved me.

You know, they provided for me. They gave me good things. You know, there was nothing that weird going on.

I truly believe I was born this way with that spiritual malady that the book talks about. My mom, she thought that u that geographic change that so many of us do would solve the problem. And so when I was about 13 years old, they packed all our belongings in a truck and they had a neighbor that built houses in Harlingtonen, Texas.

And I grew up in upstate New York, which is it's kind of like out here. I mean, I grew up in the boonies. Everybody thinks New York State's one big city.

Well, I got to tell you, they got some hillbillies up there, you know. Um, I said that when I started, you know, my last name Shay and uh I come from Irish Stock and they like to drink whiskey. When I moved to Texas, we moved to Real Hondo, Texas.

I don't know if any of y'all know where that's at. It's down in the valley about as far south as you can get. I was quite confident that they had passed the United States border somewhere around San Antonio, but they kept on going.

And when I got down to Real Hondo, I was 13 years old. I am thinking, you know, I just don't fit in down here. I wasn't fitting in real well where I was at.

When they moved me down there, I'm thinking, I really don't fit in now. And I'm pretty uncomfortable. It took me about two weeks to seek out some guys who were looked like they were having fun.

They were smoking cigarettes over behind the schoolhouse. And I kind of s gravitated toward these kind of guys, you know. And it wasn't too long after that that I took my first drink.

I was out in a little reservoir out there outside of Real Hondo, Texas. I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable. I'm trying to fit in.

My life to me seems like it's a wreck. My parents are moving down here. They've moved me away from the things.

I'm scared is what it boils down to. And I'm The book sums it up so well on page 52. It says, "We were unhappy." You know, and that was that was where I was at.

And we're sitting out there in this reservoir and um first time I ever took a drink and I were smoking a little bit of weed. I don't know if it was the weed or the alcohol or what exactly was going on, but it happened for me. And and I know that a lot of people in this room probably know exactly what I mean when it happened.

You know, everything just kind of went, you know, I had a spiritual experience. That's what it felt like to me. You know, I started to experience the 12 promises.

You know, I wasn't having trouble in my personal relationships. I'm bonding with close personal friends, you know, in a matter of moments because that's what alcohol does for me. Changes my perception of reality, you know, makes I drink alcohol because I like the effect produced by it.

That's what the big book says. And that was my experience. I don't believe that uh I caught this thing off a toilet seat, that I got it from the kids I hung out with.

I don't think I got it from any of those rock and roll records. Not even the Black Sabbath. my way.

You know, I was born this way. The book says our alcoholic lives seem the only normal one. It doesn't say drinking seemed the only normal thing.

It's talking about being alcoholic. I truly believe the message in this book is very clear that um alcohol is not the problem. You know, I heard these I've heard these terms about drugs of choice.

I my sponsor sponsor says something and I I can relate to that. My drug of choice is eedrin. You know, I can take two of them and put the bottle away.

You know, that's what drug of choice means to me. The reason that I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, how I got here, was because I had lost the power to choose and whether I would drink or not. It's really that simple.

Because if I was one of those guys who could put the plug in the jug and just stop drinking, I would put the plug in the jug and just stop drinking. I'd be with um Nancy Reagan's Merry Band of Men. Just say no.

You know, but the truth is my experience is I'm the guy who drinks no matter what. Whatever consequences were coming down my way, those consequences were never able to stop me as a result of Alcoholics Anonymous and working these 12 steps. See, because what the 12 steps did for me was they created a circumstance in my life and put me in a position where God could touch me because that that was what I was missing in my whole life.

You know, I know that I heard that lady say that and I've been around alcoholics anonymous long enough to know that some people do have a problem with God. And I've heard the old-timers say, you know, that that's okay. You know, if God chases you out, alcohol bring you back.

It's that's just the truth. says on on the first page of we agnostics that you may be suffering from a illness that only a spiritual experience will conquer. In other words, that's all we got to offer here in Alcoholics Anonymous is a way of life that's going to create a spiritual experience.

I started getting in trouble around alcohol pretty quickly. You know, I didn't know what blackout drinking was. I thought starting drinking in one place and ending drinking puking in somebody's toilet somewhere else was Friday night.

You know, I didn't I didn't never thought about that as being blackout drinking. My parents, they my mom, like said, she'd make a great Alan. And I'm as grateful for Ellen as I know how to be today.

This lady, I love you, Jan. She's got me over here in the shade. I'm appreciating that, you know.

I'm appreciate that. And not only that, but the most beautiful thing she said was she called me a kid. I love this lady.

I love this lady. Um, like I said, my mom was a pretty big fan because I had no idea what alcoholism was, you know. And if you'd asked me a long time before I got sober if I was an alcoholic, I'd have told you, "Yeah, you know, absolutely.

My last name, like I said, I'm Irish. Of course, I'm alcoholic." But the truth is, I didn't understand what that meant. And until I did, consequently, I never got sober.

at the age of within six months to a year of when I started drinking and drugging. Um that day when I was coming home from the reservoir, I remember that very clearly. I'm riding home on a Honda 50 motorcycle and I tip that thing over in the gravel and I'm skinned up from my knees, skinned up on my elbows, and I get up and I'm just laughing.

And the guys that were with me, they're laughing too. And I heard Diane say it earlier, I believe it was said that because it was the first time they weren't laughing at me. They were laughing with me and I made a conscious decision right then that I was going to do this stuff a lot.

In fact, I never wanted to be without this stuff again because it works for me. You know, I've had people over the years of my drinking and drugging tell me that um they were always talking about what the consequences of what alcohol was going to do to me. And the truth was I was trying to explain to them what alcohol did for me.

You know that and that is the truth. Alcohol was my solution to my problem. And I and I do, like I said, the people who have gone before me and have taught me what the messages in this book, it's pretty clear what the root of my trouble is.

You know, the book talks about selfishness and self-centerness is the root of my trouble. I did not know that till I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. I I was convinced that if you had my wife, you'd drink, too.

You know, if you I work in construction. If you worked in construction, you're going to drink, too. And not only do I work in construction during the day, but I play the guitar at night.

I'm in a rock and roll band. If you're in a rock and roll band, you're going to drink, too. You know, these are the I was so convinced that my external circumstances were the things that made me drink.

I know that um about 14 years old, my mom sent me on my first geographic cure. She decided that um I was going to go live with my sister. And I'm thinking this is not too cool at the time because I'm just now starting to fit in with these guys.

I got a new way of life started, but I decided that I'd go along with it. The only problem was my sister lived in Hawaii and so I learned to smoke better pot quick, you know, and and I I know this is alcoholics anonymous and I and I truly believe in singleness of purpose. I I will try to keep my talking around other things is how they related to my alcoholism because I started changing the way I felt with alcohol and alcohol was the last thing I used to change the way I feel before I got in the program and I learned that the only thing that was going to change the way I felt and make my life better was God, you know, and that's what they taught me.

I go over to Hawaii and I'm over there and my brother-in-law, he lives on a military base and he's an MP. He's been married for a year. I've known my brother-in-law since I was 10 years old.

Him and my sister are high school sweethearts. They were kind enough to bring me into their home. I get over there, like I said, he's a military policeman on the base.

And I'm I start getting in trouble almost instantly. You know, you you guys ever see those oldfashioned coke machines where you could open the little door and pull the Cokes out of them? Well, down there in the bowling alley on the base, they had one where you could pull beers out of there.

You know, I developed a strong affinity for bowling quick. you know, I I got a place where I could get my supply and I and I just started doing things where we can the book talks about we're a tornado roaring through the lives of other people and that and that is the the truth. That was the root of my trouble.

I when I got to make amends to my brother and sister. I'm sitting down over dinner and I'm making amends to those people about what I had done when I was 15 years old and uh you know one of the most surprising things about it was they felt bad cuz they thought they had let me down you know and that's the way we affect the elean the other people in our lives you know they're feeling like they had let their little brother down. They didn't know what they had done wrong.

And and that's my story is full of that. That's how I affect I inflict myself on other people in my natural state. You know, about the time I'd been there for about a year and a half, they were done.

They sent me back home to Haring, Texas, which was a little bit closer to the United States, about six miles. And when I got there, I was to fall in love with one of the most wonderful women I've known in my life. One of them.

She was a nice girl. We were high school sweethearts. I captured her as my hostage right then.

You know, I spent the next 20 years of my life inflicting myself on this woman. If you'd asked me before I got sober how much I loved her, I'd have told you, you know, because I I really believed that in my heart that I did. What I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous is I didn't know what that word meant.

You know, in Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned that love is an action. you know, that there's things that I must do, that gratitude is an action. You know, I thought I thought my feelings were incredibly important before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I thought that what I felt and what I believed and what I thought was who I am. And what I've learned by working this program with a sponsor, I've had a sponsor since first day I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, is that the world perceives me is what I do. And they see what I do is who I am.

And when I had to get honest with myself and look back over that, that hurt. You know, I was able to see the things, the truth about my life and what I had done to other people. I truly wanted to change.

I could sit here and tell you a bunch of good stories about crazy stuff that happened to me and there was a lot of it. I believe that God was with me the entire time. If I got what I deserved, I'd be in prison today, you know, or I'd be dead.

One of the two. That's and that's the lot of alcoholism. But God saw fit to to bring me to Alcoholics Anonymous further down the road.

I think probably two of the most important events of my my particular story that that ties into what Alcoholics Anonymous is about is in the home life I grew up in. My mom and dad never talked about God. Wasn't God wasn't good.

God wasn't bad. Just was never talked about. And as a result, I grew up thinking when when I found out Santa Claus wasn't true and they were fibbing to me about that one, I just kind of put God right over there in that category with Santa Claus, you know, and and that was just I don't I don't think it was really even a conscious thought of that.

It just almost happened automatically at that same period of time. I think I asked for something. God, if you're real, prove it.

You know, that kind of attitude. I'm probably about five or six years old and it didn't happen. So, I'm like, okay.

And it's and it's done. didn't believe in God at all. Got married at about I got married at 19 years old and at 20 years old, a friend of mine that I went to high school with, she was killed by a drunk driver.

And my wife wanted me to go with her to the funeral. The only funeral I had ever been to in my life was my grandfather's. I was about six or seven years old.

It was a bad experience. I did not want to go. But because she's my wife and I'm thinking she's my new wife, I'm supposed to be responsible.

I'm going to go with her. And I'm sitting in this church where they're having an open casket funeral. And another girl that I went to high school with stepped up to that casket and she sang Amazing Grace.

And every what I remember very clearly was everybody in that room was crying except me. You know, I'm sitting there be just being uncomfortable thinking I don't want to be here. I don't get this.

They're talking about God and all this thing because my thoughts are that God is an idea for people who are afraid of death. You know, if I have any concept of God, that's that's basically where my thoughts are going with this. And when that girl stood up to that casket and sang Amazing Grace, I had a revelation.

I mean, I have had spiritual experiences previous to Alcoholics Anonymous. Not vital enough to bring about recovery, but from that moment forward, I knew that there was a power greater than myself. I knew it.

And I've known it all my life. Ever since that day, I've never doubted the power of that moment. Now, it didn't have anything to do with getting me sober.

The thought of getting sober never even occurred to me. I don't believe that this illness has anything to do with belief in God. You know, you can believe all you want to and you can pray all you want to.

I prayed before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and I believed. Seven years later, I was sitting in a church again at another girl that my wife went to high school with. And uh I was sitting in that church and for the first time, I picked up the New Testament and I read it and I saw something in Jesus that I've held dear to me to this day.

That's who I wanted to be like. That's what I wanted to be, you know, and I accepted Christ into my life that that day. It didn't change my alcoholism.

Didn't stop me from drinking it. Well, that's not true. It did stop me for about two weeks, you know, and then the thought comes to my mind, well, Jesus drank wine.

I'm going to drink wine. And I'm back off to the races, buddy. And that's when the guilt really started to come down on my life because then I'm thinking, I'm a bad person.

I'm knowing there's something wrong with me because I don't want to be hurting the people in my life. I can't tell you how many times I promised this woman I would stop doing that. And I meant it.

I heard that today. I meant it. I wanted to stop for a couple of days and I'd be coming home and it was the book says the great obsession of every abnormal drinker is the idea that someday he will control and enjoy his drinking.

And I don't know about any of you guys, but if I'm controlling it, I am not enjoying it. >> And if I'm enjoying it, I am not controlling it. Those those things do not make sense to me.

So, those were those two experiences around God were a huge relief to me when I got to this program. You know, I believe that what I'm going to try and do to serve you guys today to the best of my ability is keep the commitment that I made to bear witness to what God has done for me in my life. That's all I have.

That is my what I have to share with another alcoholic. You know, they taught me about things. >> Well, I'm going to tell you a little bit of right before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous.

I've been over in my studio playing the guitar for about 3 days cuz when I I moved to Austin, Texas when I was 20 years old and I discovered the solution to blackout drinking. It was called methane amphetamine. And methamphetamine gave me the illusion of control over alcohol.

That's exactly what it did. It gave me the illusion of control. It probably kept me from reaching a bottom for a few more years than I would have.

I was um been over in my studio playing the guitar for about three days and I decide I'm gonna go home and grace my wife with my presence. And I get home and she ain't there. And I'm thinking this is pretty rude.

You know, I'm just not approving of that behavior whatsoever. And I couple hours go by and I start getting a little angrier and a little more upset and and I'm just thinking she just this ain't right. The truth is the reason I went home to begin with is because I'm out of dope.

I'm out of alcohol. I'm thinking I might get something from her that I'm not going to mention from the podium. And uh those are my ideas of why I go home.

And the longer I sat there that night and she didn't come home, the matter I got. So I go back out. I I mean because the idea of just laying down and going to sleep and forgetting about this till tomorrow, like um you were lovely talking about earlier today, how a healthy relationship would be.

I got to stay up and chastise her on her bad behavior, you know, about so I go out and I get me a little bit more of that methane and fetamine so I can stay awake and tell her how the cow ate the cabbage. And about six o'clock in the morning, I have an epiphany because, see, she works at an HB and that this epiphany occurs to me that she had taken her clothes to work with her when she left. So my thought is, aha, not only is she behaving badly, but this is premeditated.

>> You know, I've got her now. 9:00 comes around. I go rushing down to where she worked at HB and I asked her to step outside and talk to me.

She comes outside in front of HB and I started to chastise her on her bad behavior. And the next thing I know, the APD, Austin Police Department, there's a gentleman tapping me on the shoulder and he wants to see my driver's license. He didn't want to talk to her.

He wants to talk to me. and I end up pulling out a driver's license out of my back pocket that's about seven years expired because I have I don't pay my tickets, you know, I don't I don't upkeep my car because I get pulled over for having, you know, my stickers out and stuff like that. And then I don't pay my tickets and it's just this vicious circle of outstanding warrants for your cuz cops are funny like that, you know?

They give you that piece of paper and they like expect you to show up in a minimal amount of time, like two weeks or something. And um I haven't been doing that too well. And this guy being the sleuth that he was immediately deduces that there could be a problem here.

And he asked me, he says, "Mr. Shay, do you have any warrants out for your arrest?" And I said, "I don't think so, knowing full well that I do." Make a long story short, by the time that little engagement was over with me and Mr. Police Officer, I'd been arrested for possession of methamphetamine, possession of cocaine, possession of marijuana, and outstanding traffic tickets.

And you know, the first thing that hit my mind is, look what she's done to me now. Yeah, that's that's where I'm coming. I'm like, now I'm really upset.

I ended up going to I'm sitting down in jail. I get out after about 30 hours and I've gone and hired me a criminal defense attorney. First time I've ever had to do that before, but now I'm having that lovely experience.

And I told him the same story I'm telling you guys. And he looked at me and he said, "Mr. Shay.

He goes, "Do you have a problem?" drug problem. Right. And uh I said, "Yeah, I got a problem.

I consider two felony constant control substance problem." And he was kind enough and wise enough and had seen enough. He said, "No, what I'm asking you is, do you think you have a substance problem?" And for some reason, I don't know why the words came out of my mouth. Yeah, I think I do.

See, because I thought there was one thing I wouldn't have wanted to be in the world is an alcoholic. Because like I said, my dad my dad was a drinker. He went to AA.

If I had any ideas about AA, it was that it didn't work because my dad went and he still drank and I did not being a drug addict didn't seem as scary to me, you know? I mean, I grew up in the 70s and Nancy Reagan hadn't come along yet and that's just what people were doing back then. So, it didn't seem like there was a stigma attached to it like there was an alcoholic, you know.

And um so I'm going over there. I got signed to Travis County Short Program. And I don't know what any of you guys know what that is.

It's a drug diversionary program. And one of the things I like to talk about at this point is uh in the original 100, if you go back in the archives and stuff, I mean, we're not talking, we're talking the original 10. Alcoholic number five was court-ordered.

You guys might want to keep that in your hearts when you see guys come in with those little cards to be signed, you know. Um, Ebie was taken out of a courtroom and went and carried the message to Bill. I mean, this stuff's been going on as long as Alcoholics Anonymous has been going on.

That is the truth. I got brought to this program. Originally, God used a power greater than myself, the state of Texas.

Texas has decided, DJ, it's time to sober up. And this short program deal, see, they got a pretty fair deal there. They say, if you can stay sober for one year, we will expunge the crimes against you.

And I'm thinking, this sounds like a pretty fair deal. Sign me up, right? Because drugs are bad.

And the next thing I know, they got this little fine print down there, and this is where the story ties into alcoholism. It says, "And no alcohol." And I thought that was pretty drastic because you see, I need to drink. And I'm thinking, uh, I mean, I'm 35 years old.

You've arrested me for these charges over here and all this stuff, but what is this about not drinking, guys? You know, I'm just not digging it at all. The thing is this this drug divers diversionary program is run entirely by recovered alcoholics and addicts right all the way up through from the um intake to the judge.

And what does that mean you might ask? Well, what that means is you ain't going to BS these people, you know? I mean, they they had a they knew me before I knew me.

And they said, "Well, DJ, this is the way it is. If you want in here, you want the crime expuned, you got to sign on the dotted line and uh no alcohol. That's what it means." And I'm like, "Okay, I can outsmart these folks, you know, I'll stop doing the other stuff, but I'll just drink." And I mean, they're not going to follow me around, right?

But they got some requirements. They want me to go to three of those ANA meetings a week, and they want me to go to two groups a week, and they want me to go to intensive outpatient, and they want me to um random your analysis twice a week, stuff, stuff like that. You know, I'm thinking, this is a lot of stuff.

And by the way, they got a little little line down there in the bottom. says, "If I cannot stay sober for one year, please lock me up." And I end up and I sign this piece of paper. I don't go to any of those ANA meetings.

I don't go to those two groups. I ended up in intensive outpatient about 3 days late. And it was the first time I'd ever heard that term.

This lady I experience walking into the rooms of recovery. I walked in there and this lady walks up to me and she goes, "Hi, my name's Pam. What's your drug of choice?" And I said, looked at her in the eye and I said, "What do you got?" You know, I thought she was talking about getting loaded.

I'm like, "This this outpatient might not be bad. They're getting us all together in one spot." You know, she got a little bit frustrated and she's like trying to explain to me what this thing's about. And she's like, she goes, "No." She goes, "What what do you like to do?" You know, I'm like, "I ain't a choosy guy." Because that's the truth.

I'll do whatever it takes to change the way I feel inside. Alcohol does something for me more effectively than anything else. But if I don't have it, I'll do whatever it takes to change the way I feel.

That's that's just me. Finally, she gets she's getting a little bit upset at this point. And she asked me, "If you could do anything at all, what what is it that you want to do?" And I was like, "I'd like to go out in my truck and finish off that half a beer I was drinking on the way here." And she turned out to be my case manager, you know, and she said, "Buddy, you need to come sit right next to me." And I was talking to some people earlier today and um the big book says we think treatment would be wise.

You know, Bill Wilson got sober in a treatment center. I think a treatment center is a really kind word for a nutouse personally. You know, it's, you know, cut down to the chase.

You know, they sent me to the booby hatch. I couldn't get a sorbet date on the outside because like I said, I'm now I'm facing the consequences of going to prison. And the book says, "Given a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, perhaps a relationship with Bubba in the future would be a good enough reason for me to stop drinking." You know, and this does not even slow me down, you know.

That's why I don't get to put the plug in the jug thing. I wish if I could do that, I never would have showed up at the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous because I'm not a child. I got an idea that this ain't going to look good when I go talk to the judge.

You know, I know that bad things are happening in my life. My wife is leaving me. I've My job is trash.

I'm looking at going to prison, guys, you know, and I just don't think I'd do well in there. I don't know. I got a sneaking suspicion that my life is not on an upswing here, but I'm unable to stop drinking.

I'm unable to manage the decision to stay stopped. So, because of this particular program and God's grace, God saw fit to send me to the booby hatch. and before they sent me to prison.

And I I ended up there on November 3rd, the year 2000. That's my sobriety date. I have not had a drink or any mindaltering substance since that day.

I walked into that place. I you know, I got to tell you, coming from playing music background, I mean, I I just figured that's where all rock and rollers end up. You know, eventually we all end up going to rehab.

And I got this idea that they're just going to lock me up in a little room for 30 days and let me go and everything's going to be okay. If I can just get away from the drugs and the alcohol, I'll be okay. Because that's what the problem is.

So, I go there, you know, I got my Star Wars books packed up and my guitar, and I'm I'm thinking I got a 30-day vacation coming. You know, when they dropped me down off there at SCU, I took my last drink going up the driveway. I I will never forget the feeling of sitting there and it's out it's kind of out in the country like this just it's beautiful being out here today.

I mean if if anybody's wondering if there's a God. I mean I can just look behind me and I can see it, you know. And I'm sitting there on this little bench and I'm staring through the trees and I know that there's a store about a mile and a half away and I'm thinking I can make it.

You know, I can crawl through those bushes like Rambo and get to the store, slam a couple briskies, and make it back to the bench and nobody will know because that's the way my thinking is, guys. You know, the book talks about insanity for 22 pages. You know, my grandmother will do some crazy stuff after she drinks a bottle of Jack, but she is not an alcoholic.

the insanity the book talks about is the thoughts that go through my head before I ever take the first drink, you know, and these are the kind of thoughts that are going on. And by God's grace, for some reason, I just kept going back and sitting down. One thing I probably couldn't have made it pretty sick by that by that time.

I'm feeling pretty bad. I'm detoxing. I detoxed for three days.

And these people tripped me out. They they wanted me to do stuff like get up early in the morning and they expected me to participate and they and they took me up to this place where I met a man who changed my life. >> You know, he's my sponsor today.

His name's Chris R. I love Chris as much as any man walking the face of the earth. You know, because when I first saw this guy and he was talking about this spiritual program of action in God, I knew that, you know, the book says, "Here's a man whose whole department shouts that here's a man who has a solution." And when I first saw this guy, I was like, he's either crazier than I am, he's on something, or maybe he's on to something because he sure as hell was excited about something.

And what he was talking about is this, the 164 pages in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. He was talking about a thing called a spiritual experience. And he was talking about how his life had been changed.

And I started listening to this guy and I started hearing about what the symptoms of alcoholism were because he he didn't say, "Guys, we don't know how this works." He said, "We know exactly how this works. We know exactly how this works and we know exactly how to recover from it. That this disease is 100% recoverable from people who will do certain things." You know, they they talk to me about the physical craving.

You know, DJ, do you have do you experience the physical craving when you put the stuff in your body? Can you control how much you're going to drink? And my experience is hell no.

You know, absolutely not. I was first able to hook it up with this idea in my mind. I think the first idea I saw about this physical craving thing was changing my mind.

You know, I come home, I'm going to drink two beers, and I change my mind. I end up going back to the store and getting me a 12-pack. and alls I'm going to drink is that 12-pack.

And I get home after that's gone and I change my mind. And I'm gone to the liquor store buying me a fifth. And that's what my experience tells me back in my life.

When I put the stuff in my body, no matter what I have decided how much of it I'm going to do, I end up changing my mind. And I do more than I intend to. You know, that's my experience around the physical craving.

And then they ask me about this mental obsession thing. You know, the great obsession that every abnormal drinker has that someday he will control and enjoy his drinking. And um they talked to me about losing the power of choice on page 34 in the big book.

And this is one of the things that grabbed me was it it says here it says for those who are unable to drink moderately the question is how to stop altogether. We are assuming of course that the reader desires to stop. Period.

Says uh whether such a person can quit upon a non-spiritual basis depends upon the extent to which he has already lost the power to choose whether he will drink or not. I had to look back on my experience. It's guys, I mean, I I swear I could I can I can do that today knowing that there were times when I looked my wife in the face, when I looked my mom and dad in the face, and I meant it when I wanted to stop.

I can assure you when I was looking at going to prison, I did not want to walk down that road, but I was unable to stop. That your analysis I was talking about, I can't make it from South Austin to North Austin without drinking three beers on the way. That's how I got caught and got sent to treatment.

you know that's and that it was real obvious for me to see that yeah I think I probably lost the power to choose and whether I'm going to drink or not and then they started talking to me about the spiritual malady and they gave me a real simple question you know DJ how do you feel when you don't have any alcohol in your body whatsoever and I'm like I'm crawling out of my skin the book says I'm irritable restless and discontent and unless I can again experience a sense of ease and comfort that comes from taking drinks that I see other people taking with impunity. And that's what and that's what I didn't under I had to see if I was I bodily and mentally different from my fellows because see when the drinks removed from me then the alcoholism begins my problem is not solved and that's what they told me and they said DJ unless you can come about a complete psychic change unless something revolutionary is going to change in your attitude there's very little hope for you to recover and I and I and that day when that sank through to me and I was able to understand what having alcoholism meant. I was given the gift.

God gave me the gift of desperation. It's exactly what it was because I knew I was a walking bomb. It wasn't a matter of if I was going to drink again.

It was a matter of when. And I didn't know how big the explosion would be. And see, then I became real willing to look at those other 11 steps when I understood the three symptoms of what it was.

And they also, by the way, they said, "By the way, that information will do you absolutely no good whatsoever. And then they took me to step two, the insanity. What kind of thoughts go through your head that precede the drink?

Going to have to have a power greater than yourself, DJ. And like I said, I didn't have a big problem with God. I knew that God was there.

When I got to step three, I stayed I stayed there and listened to Chris for 28 days, 26 days, whatever it was. I was in treatment. You know, I wasn't one of those guys that started working the steps in treatment.

I stayed there and I listened to the message and understood what alcoholism was, which was more to me than an admission of saying I was an alcoholic because I'd have said that years before I got sober. But as soon as I understood what it was, I became willing to go to any lengths because I saw what was on the line at that point. The day I got out of treatment, I was straight and alcoholics anonymous and uh got me a sponsor.

I he asked me about the questions about what the first step, second step were. I was able to explain to him and he said, "That's great." He goes, "What about the third step?" And I said, "I don't know what it is. I ain't got a clue how to do it.

He sat down with me and read this book up to page 63. Told me to get down on my knees in the morning and say this prayer. And uh that's what I did.

So I was talking with Bob before this meeting started that um that's when I started to get well. When I finally just started saying yes. You know, I didn't ask questions anymore.

There were people there offering me solutions and I just said okay because I realized see they taught me things like this that I'm here to work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know they said DJ we don't want to hear about your program because that's what got you here. You know they said there's only one program and it's right there in that book and this is what we did to get well.

And I was like okay. you know, when they put it real clear for me like that, they they didn't give me much wiggle room. You know, I'm very fortunate.

I've not because I'm smart and not because I'm special or any of those things, but because there were men who went before me that knew how this deal worked. I've only had to pick up one desire chip. And see, when I picked up a desire chip, it wasn't for to stop drinking for 24 hours.

They showed me the four places in the book. They asked me, "DJ, do you want to quit for good? Do you want to stop forever?" They then they told me that picking up this chip was a commitment to work the 12 steps >> and that I worked the 12 steps to get connected to God.

That the 12 steps alone would not keep me sober, but they would create circumstances in my life that would allow God to touch me and I would have a spiritual experience and God would get me sober and keep me sober. And I'm like, whatever you say, okay. You know, I didn't understand it.

Didn't really believe it. Thought it might have worked for you. Don't think it's going to work for me, but okay.

And that's when I started to get well. They he took me through the fourth step. I had a day to start it and a day to finish it.

You know, it's like you're going to start today, you're going to be done over here. Worked on it for about 12 days. And then 12 days is December 17th of the year 2000.

I remember that day as well as I do any day in my life because I began to have a spiritual experience. I went to do my fifth step and when I was leaving there, I was on my way home to do six and seven the way it's outlined in the book. And see, the book talks about that that we may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but at this point, we begin to have a spiritual experience.

And what that looked like for me is I'm driving home, I stop, I walk into a 7-Eleven, and I'm buying a bottle of orange juice, and I'm liking it. I feel good being who I am, doing what I'm doing, without the need to change the way I feel. And it blew me away.

See, it's the first time I've ever felt like that in my whole life. definitely my whole adult life since I started drinking. You know, there's some guys out behind the 7-Eleven and they're doing their thing and everything and I'm just thinking this is weird.

You know, not wanting to get high changed the way I feel. That got me motivated in this program. You know, it wasn't too long after that my wife, it's not one of those stories that uh she she didn't come back.

She was done by the time she had had enough. By the time I got sober, she was like, I'm going over here and doing this. She had her boyfriend.

I moved out of my house at about 30 days sober. Well, probably about 45 50 days sober. I moved out of my house because I didn't think there was room for me, her, and her boyfriend.

Thought that I probably ought to get my own place. I'm working the steps. I'm I'm going out making my amends and and these promises start coming true in my life.

I didn't work this program to experience those promises because I didn't those were so foreign to me that I didn't have any idea what they were. They just happened as a result of doing the stuff that I was asked to do, you know. at probably about 90 days 90 days sober, I end up breaking my leg.

I can't work. So, I'm going to lose my new my new little house. I'm thinking, I got some I got some problems here.

You know, you know, I got some problems. And one of the things I am so grateful for, the men that mentored me in this program, and it was talked about earlier today, is they taught me, DJ, you don't go to Alcoholics Anonymous to get something. You go to Alcoholics Anonymous to give something.

You go to AA to get something, and what you're going to get is sick. So, I'm thinking I got some problems. If men weren't there to mentor me and tell me how this thing works, I'd have gone in that meeting sharing about my problems because I got something.

Things are going bad for me. You know, I'm losing my house. In fact, it's on the day that I'm going to be evicted.

I remember walking into Alcoholics Anonymous. The meeting's 10 minutes late. Nobody's there to chair it.

I'm thinking, I want to share about the problem of my day, but I got these guys in the back of my head telling me I'm here to give something. I got up there. I chaired that meeting, picked out a topic out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm going to leave my problem outside like they said. And um after the meeting, this guy come up to me and he asked me if I would sponsor him.

And I'm like, "Well, let's go back in the 12step room and talk about it." And uh he gets back there and I start asking him some questions that were asked by to me about sponsorship. And he goes, "But first off, I got to tell you, I got a really big problem." You know, he goes, I'm fixing to I got arrested. I'm in trouble with the law and I'm fixing to go into treatment tomorrow and I need somebody to watch my house for 90 days.

>> And see guys, and it's stuff like that rocketed me into this fourth dimension of existence that I never dreamed existed. Because what happened was when I realized when I was when I became willing to submit to God and serve you guys that God's God's going to solve my problem. It says on page 45, it says God will solve my problem.

It doesn't say God's going to help me solve my problem. It says God will solve my problem, you know. But I had to be taken through these steps rapidly and get brought to a point where I they immediately had me working with others.

You know, I'm grateful that I got into a club where they didn't say, "No, you got to be your a sober for a year before you can work with other alcoholics." As soon as I was done working the steps, they pointed me out and they said, "Go get that guy." And see that guy that I'm talking about, I was probably about three months sober, maybe four, I think, probably more accurate, about four months sober when this guy, this happened to me that he was going into treatment. He's still sober today. You know what a blessing that that that was to understand with this program was about love and service.

Just like Dr. Bob said, I've never been tempted to drink again since then, save one day. And it was right around that same time, right before I went to that AA meeting.

And uh I thought I wanted to drink when my wife was left with another man. And I walked into this 7-Eleven thinking that I wanted to drink. Walked up to the cooler and found myself unable to lift my hand and drink pull the alcohol out of the cooler.

You might that might sound crazy to you. It would have sounded crazy to me. I would not have believed it.

But it is exactly what this book says on page 85 because I heard somebody say something earlier today about don't leave before the miracle happens. And thank God I knew men who knew exactly what that miracle is. And it says on page 85, "For we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol.

For by this time, sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interest we will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as if from a hot flame.

We we react sainely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes." That is the miracle of it.

And when I experienced that, man, I was rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence. You know, I came back to this alcoholics anonymous thing with everything I had because I I saw in my own experience, my own testimony that all these things these guys were saying were absolutely true. You know, that alcoholics anonymous is about a better way of life.

You know, and it's and so many good things have happened to me as a result of just suiting up, showing up. I'm surprised to be speaking here today. It wasn't something that I planned on, you know, but who am I to turn down the blessings that God puts in front of me, you know, and they taught me that when Alcoholics Anonymous asked something, the only answer was yes.

To go, you can they told me you can think whatever you want long as your mouth goes okay, you know, stuff like that. And and I started doing these things and God has blessed me. Two years ago, I met another of the most wonderful women that I've ever known in my life.

And um we've been together for two years now. It's uh kind of I like I said, I related to a lot of the things that the ladies talked about that that talked to me before. It's been an experience for me.

It's been hard learning how to work this program in a relationship. Um, another guy that I have a tremendous amount of respect for, he says that um, I got problems in areas where I didn't even used to have areas, you know, and uh, but I get to keep growing and learning how to do this thing, practicing these principles in all my affairs because they tell me that you don't grow, you're going to go, you know, and my sponsor always asked me that. He says, DJ, don't you smell more?

Isn't there something more out there for you? And to keep pushing the envelope, you know, and keep doing this thing. And God just keeps blessing me.

You know, life's wonderful today. When you when you start getting jobs that you shouldn't have and you're buying houses that you shouldn't get, that's what blows me away. I I moved down to Hunt Ingram, Texas, actually from Austin, Texas.

I lived there 20 years. And um within living there for two, three months, Ann and I are buying a house. I mean, I've had a job for two months.

She doesn't have any job. People don't usually sell houses to people like that, you know, and and I've experienced stuff like that over and over again. Stuff that I wouldn't have things I would have never even dreamed of or I thought were possible.

You know, I am, like I said, as grateful as I know how to be to get to be here and talk today. It's truly a privilege and an honor. It's not something that I, if you'd asked me three and a half years ago, my dream was to play the guitar at Madison Square Gardens.

You know, I was um negotiating a record contract with EP Epic Records about six months before I got sober. And if uh Harvey Leeds was to call me back up today and say, "DJ, you know, I was listening to that CD back there and we'd like to put that back in motion," I'd have to turn them down. I got the most wonderful, incredible job in the world today.

I got a beautiful woman that I love my life with. I have a beautiful house. And I know those things are external, but who am I to to not bear witness to the things that God has blessed me with?

You know, I'm not one to go into an AA meeting and feel bad about saying the good things that are happening in my life, man. That's what I'm supposed to be doing, celebrating life. That's what they told me.

This thing was about getting back into the mainstream. You guys have got a great club up here. I think that it's wonderful that a lot of you guys couldn't show up today because you had jobs.

I mean, that is too cool, you know? Oh, that is a healthy alcoholics anonymous clubs. You guys are doing some great stuff and I am so honored and privileged to be here.

Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day. >>