AA Speaker – Doug M – 2008 – Part 3
AA speaker Doug M breaks down Step 4 and the inventory process in detail. Learn how to write your fourth step, face resentments, and move through the steps with practical guidance from the Big Book.
Doug M., an airline pilot with 13 years sober, walks through the Big Book step by step in this AA speaker tape from 2008. In this extended talk, he focuses on Steps 1 through 12, with emphasis on working the fourth step inventory and understanding why resentment is the number one offender. Doug covers the specific mechanics of taking a personal moral inventory, identifying harms done, and moving forward with the steps at a pace that actually leads to recovery.
This AA speaker tape features Doug M. explaining how to work Steps 1-12 from the Big Book, with deep focus on Step 4 (the moral inventory). Doug emphasizes that resentment is the root of all spiritual disease and demonstrates how to break down Step 4 into four parts: resentment, fear, sex conduct, and harms done to others. He stresses the importance of completing Steps 5-9 quickly after taking the inventory, and then maintaining daily practice with Steps 10 and 11 through written inventory and meditation for the rest of one’s life.
Episode Summary
Doug M. takes the audience through a detailed, methodical breakdown of the 12 steps as written in the Big Book. What makes this talk stand out is his refusal to let people gloss over the steps or use shortcuts. He’s done the work himself—13 years of continuous practice—and he’s seen what happens when people skip steps or don’t go deep enough.
The heart of the talk is Step 4, the moral inventory. Doug makes it clear this isn’t something you do once and forget. He divides it into four distinct parts: resentment, fear, sexual conduct, and harms done to others. For resentment, he tells the story of discovering that one of his top salespeople had lied. He was furious—couldn’t breathe. But instead of staying stuck, he did a resentment prayer and asked himself what fear was driving the behavior. He realized the person feared not having enough, so instead of firing them or holding a grudge, he showed them there was plenty. That’s the kind of spiritual shift the steps are supposed to create.
But Doug doesn’t let people off easy. When working Step 4 with his sponsees, he looks them straight in the eye and asks, “Tell me what you were not going to tell me when you came here.” He calls it “the thing”—the secret, the shame, the behavior they think disqualifies them. He had 22 pages of resentment written out. The fourth step isn’t about getting everything perfect; it’s about getting the meaty stuff, the real problems. He writes his sponsees’ inventories *for* them, right there in the session, so they can’t take months to avoid the hard parts. This mirrors how Bill Wilson’s sponsor worked with him in the hospital.
Doug breaks Step 5 (admission to God, to oneself, and to another person) down into a survival issue. He quotes the Big Book: “If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.” He’s seen it happen too many times. People hold back in their fifth step, keep secrets, and then relapse. He uses the phrase “life and death errand” because that’s what it is. When he took his own fifth step, he held back a big secret at first. His sponsor kept asking, “Are you sure? Are you telling me everything? Doug, have you told me every twist of character?” Eventually Doug admitted the thing—something that happened in 1989—and when he told it, he had an out-of-body experience. Then his sponsor said, “Is that it?” and told Doug his own thing, which was equally serious. That’s what removes the shame: mutual honesty.
Steps 6 and 7 are about letting God remove character defects. Doug lists 62 of them—selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, fear. He’s down to 30 now. The point isn’t to beat yourself up forever but to recognize where you’re at and aim toward the vision on the other side: the person you’re becoming.
Then comes the action: Steps 8 and 9. Doug went to lengths most people don’t—he traveled the country making direct amends, armed with index cards listing exactly what he needed to do and say. He even made some drastic amends that involved possible jail time. Because he’s an airline pilot with access, he flew to see people. He knocked on doors. He got doors shut in his face. But in nine out of 10 cases, people were grateful. Some said they’d been playing the situation worse in their heads for years. The ninth step gave Doug his relationship with God, he says. It’s where the rubber meets the road.
Steps 10 and 11 are the maintenance program. Every night, Doug fills out a simple form asking: Was I resentful? Selfish? Dishonest? Afraid? Did I owe an apology? Have I kept something back? Every morning, he meditates for at least 10 minutes, moving his attention through his body, finances, job, relationships, and God. He has an alarm on his watch so he doesn’t get distracted. He and his wife do this together.
Step 12 is simple: do what he just did for someone else. Carry the message.
What runs through this entire talk is Doug’s belief that the steps actually work—not as a theory or self-help program, but as a spiritual path that changes how you think, feel, and act. He tells stories about his own bottom (a pilot with a disease), his resentments (especially about his father’s beatings), his amends (including to his mother, which led to forgiveness and healing), and the life he has now. He’s married to an Italian woman he met after designing exactly what he wanted in a partner. He sponsors women as well as men, which has made him more compassionate. He owns multiple businesses. He gives away a house in Sarasota for free to people in recovery. He wrestles with his kids and takes his wife on vacations. He plays games with the universe, he says, by giving away time and money. That’s what sobriety looks like after the steps.
Notable Quotes
Selfishness, self-centeredness—that is the root of our problem. It has nothing to do with the alcohol.
The liquor is one twelfth of the problem. Step one, admitted we were powerless over alcohol. Get over it. Now we’re going to start working the steps and give you a life that you could never ever have imagined in your wildest dreams.
Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems all forms of spiritual diseases.
If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. I have seen that time and time again. People not doing the fifth step and drinking it. I’m sick and tired of it.
Once the spiritual malady straightens out, we straighten out mentally and physically.
The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.
Step 5 – Admission
Resentments
Big Book Study
Sponsorship
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Step 5 – Admission
- Resentments
- Big Book Study
- Sponsorship
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
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Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-onrise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. All righty.
Are we all doing phenomenal? You all look good. My wife was saying today, it's funny.
She goes, "I feel uh when I walk around this country, I feel like I'm in the uh the next Top Model. Everyone's so beautiful here. We we have this show called The Next Model in America." And that's what I was saying when I used to drink just like that.
All right. We good? Good.
Good. All right. Okay.
Here we go. Page 58. Page 58.
Come on there, young lady. You get a seat. Chop chop.
Page 58. Come back. Bring that up here.
I just want to make sure everyone's seated. Page 58. We have a chapter here that's called How It Works.
Is that amazing? How it works. And it works by the seventh tradition.
And the seventh tradition says that we are self-supporting through our own contributions, right? These wonderful people have paid a lot of money to get me out here. Big bucks.
I'm just teasing, but they did. And they threw on this this wonderful wonderful. And I really want to give them a big hug.
Good job all you guys. Ple, thank you. What's what's the name of your group that's helping putting this on or is this just the whole CBS 12?
CBS12. Okay. I'll put this on.
They've paid for everything for you. So, please please donate because this is going to go to next year's U conference and uh if you all like me, I'll come back out. No, little self-promotion.
I love I love Copenhagen. I love the pork. Now, we got to go for Now we got to go for Venus Schnitle.
And what else we have? H more pork. Oink, oink, oink.
That's all I'm eating is pork over here. My goodness gracious. Okay, seventh tradition.
We're self self-supporting to our own contributions. I'll tell you a quick story about that while we're passing around the basket. Um Rockefeller, the Rockefellers in the 40s, the Rockefellers are very, very, very wealthy people in the States.
And um they throw a party for one good cause every year. Bill Wilson's uh sister was married to a very prominent doctor in Manhattan, New York City. And he got an interview with the Rockefellers to throw the party for Alcoholics Anonymous.
And Bill always wanted to have big Alcoholic Anonymous hospitals and he wanted to have big treatment centers. He always thought big, big, big. Dr.
Bob, on the other hand, said, "Bill, we really need to keep this to ourselves. If any money and stuff comes into this, then we'll beholden to them. Okay.
So, what happened was Bill is going, "We're in the money. We're in." He's singing all the way to the bank, you know, and uh the Rockefellers threw a party for Alcoholics Anonymous. Uh there's a few people that showed up from Alcoholics Anonymous and told their story.
Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob were one. They tell their story.
Standing ovation, everybody loves them. Now, at this point in time, what was happening was we were making the big book, and we were broke, dead broke. Bill hadn't worked in three years.
Dr. Bob hadn't worked in many years, and they were broke. And we had barely enough money to print this big book.
So, they were all done. They walk into the room with the Rockefellers, and they're waiting for this big old check. And they were very excited.
And Rockefeller said this. He said, "Listen, boys. I'll tell you what.
This is a God thing. You have something that's so beautiful here. I'm not going to mess it up with money.
And I could I could just see Bill Wilson now like and Dr. Bob's like, "Bro, right?" What happened was about a couple weeks later, he put a little committee together and that's how we have general service in New York. There are two non-alcoholics on that and then the rest are alcoholics.
Okay. And he gave him $10,000 back in the the 40s or the 30s. I mean 30s that was a lot of money.
$10,000 which helped them pay themselves a very little stipen. I think it was $61 a month for Bill and Bob to continue on because Bill was sleeping in in people's houses every week. Every week an alcoholic would invite him because he had no money and he was just doing aa aa a aaa.
Okay. And that $61 turned into a fiasco in the whole United States. It was crazy what happened.
But so that's what happened. And the seventh tradition is that we support oursel. No one could take us over.
We do all this oursel. Page 58. Page 58.
Chapter 5. How it works. You You know what makes me laugh here?
We actually have a whole chapter that says how it works. And like you know, we read it before the beginning of the meeting. Rarely have we seen a person fail his third follow our path.
those who do not recover are people who can't I mean you can just spurt it out the mouth right and then you say how does it work and everyone's like don't drink go to meetings think think they get all these slogans you know uh no it's not the way it works okay this is how it works are you ready I want you to highlight this page 58 first paragraph rarely my wife's from Italy She knows the English language. What does rarely mean? Almost never.
Almost never. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Rarely.
Do you know there was an argument up until chapter five. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob.
What would happen was this. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob.
Bill Wilson would write a chapter, send it to Akran, Ohio. They would destroy it and then send it back. And then they would destroy it and send it back to Akran.
And it was back and forth. M this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
Bill Wilson wanted to put never never have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Dr. Bob says are you crazy?
People are going to say that they followed the path and they and they went out and got drunk. So Bill took it from this chapter forward. He put rarely have we seen a person fail follow the path.
So the big question to me being the self-proclaimed rocket scientist that I am, I said then, well, what's the path? And my sponsor goes, good question. The path is the big book.
The path is the 12 steps. The path that is the path, the big book and the 12 steps. The meetings are great, but that's just where we find our sponsies really.
Okay. When they used to meet once a week on Friday in Akran, Ohio, once a week, the only thing they would do is they'd go over what was happening in a book, and they would go over what projects they were doing, who was going to what church, who was going to what mental institution, who was going to what detox, who was going and they would they would hand out your assignment for the week. That's what they did.
They didn't sit there and talk about chicken salad. I'm not going to tell you what state that's in. They didn't sit there and talk about their cat and dogs.
Okay. Rarely have we seen a person fail thoroughly followed our path. The path is the big book in the 12 steps.
Okay. Um I want you to uh turn to page 60. Turn to page 60.
Page 60. After the letter C, it says, "Being convinced we were at step three." I want you to circle step three and highlight it. Now, they're going to start numbering where the steps are.
Okay? Being convinced we are at step three, which is that we decided to turn our will in our life over the care of God as we understood him. Just what do we mean by that?
And just what do we do? Question answer. Ready?
The first requirement meaning the first requirement in doing the third step the first requirement for step three was that we be convinced that any life run on self-will was hardly a success. How many people in here have had success when they took I got it God just follow me right it goes miserably doesn't it but this is the word and this is what I want you to do with your sponses being convinced. We at step three well let's get convinced.
Are you ready? Let's turn to page 59. Turn back to page 59 and let's be convinced we're at step three.
So what I do is I go to the sponsor and I say, "Okay, step one, do you admit that you were powerless over alcohol and that your life was totally unmanageable when you were drinking or drugging? Yes or no?" And then they answer yes. Good.
Step two, came to believe that a power grade on ourselves could restore us to sanity about drinking. Not that you're insane people. I hate when people take that out of context.
Well, it says that I'm insane. It's not sanity about drinking. Sanity meaning you went to a 9-month rehab and you walk across the street when you get out and get a drink.
That's insane thinking, isn't it? Sanity about alcoholism. Will you come to believe that a power greater than yourself could restore you to sanity about alcoholism?
And they'll say yes. Some will say no. And then I work with him on that.
Okay. So, now we're convinced we're at step three. Does that make sense?
I do exactly what this book states. All right, being convinced we're at step three. So now I'll put step three up there.
What I want you to do is I want you to turn to page 62. Turn to page 62. First paragraph.
Check this out. Are you ready? Selfishness, selfenteredness, that we think is the root of our problem.
And I said to myself, whoa there, cowboy, what are you talking about selfishness, self-centerness? It's the alcohol that's my problem. It has nothing to do with the alcohol.
Selfishness, self-centeredness. That is the root of our problem. So the question that you all are probably asking is how do I get rid of that?
I am glad you asked. Let's go down to the uh second paragraph on page 62. So our troubles we think are basically of our own making.
And then I would say wait a second. You got to stop right there. Have you not been hearing me for the last 90 days saying how everybody has just screwed me?
It's all their fault. What do you mean that this is basically of my own problem? I had nothing to do with this.
If you had my life, you drink too, right? How many of us said that? So, our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.
They arise out of ourselves. And the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-willrun riot. No kidding.
though they usually don't think so of which I did not. It says here above everything. What does that mean?
Above everything. Above everything, I guess above all. We alcoholics must be rid of selfishness.
We must or it kills us. And how do we make that possible? God makes that possible.
Okay? God makes that possible. When you're living in a God consciousness, when you're living in a spiritual hope, when you're driving down the road like me and you see this beautiful sunrise on the way of going to the gym and you just start crying, is there other could I even think of hate of discourse?
I can't. I'm living in the God consciousness. Sometimes I swear to God, I don't believe that this life is mine.
It is just too magnificent. All right. So, um, it says here, "God makes that possible." Believe that.
Believe that in your heart. I want you to go to page 63 at the top of the page, and I want you to box this in. And I want you to write third step promises.
This book is full of promises that people don't know about. They just read that ninth step. If we are painstaking about this dease of our development, we'll be amazed before we're halfway through.
The only thing I was amazed was that I was still doing these stupid amends when people are slamming doors in my face and you should wait till you hear my ninestep. It wasn't a pretty vision. All right, but it got me to where I am today.
It got me here. When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer being all circle the word powerful and highlight it.
So if you have an employer that's all powerful, how are you going to be powerless? You just can't. It's an oxymoron.
He provided what we needed. If we kept close to him and performed his work well, established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves. Our little plans and designs.
You want to see God laugh? Just make up an idea. Tell him what your plans are.
Now, it's not saying that you don't make up a plan because I just told you that I designed my wife. I did. I put the top 10 things I wanted in a woman and every time I dated after 30 days, I would review that and if she didn't meet six out of 10, I would move on lovingly.
If she wanted to stay, hey, better for me, right? But I didn't lie, cheat, and steal over this. Okay?
And then Miss Italy came into my life and we blasted nine out of 10. I'm like, whoa. Because I believed I was worth it.
And I did not settle for less. All right. Being all powerful, it provided what we need if we kept close and informed his work well.
Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in our plans and our little designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt circle new power, here's more power flowing into you.
As we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of his presence, we began to lose the fear of the day, tomorrow, the hereafter, we were reborn. It says we are now at step three. I want you to work circle step three.
Now, what I would normally do, what I always do is um I invite everybody to get to their knees. you are very tight here and you'd be uh hurting yourselves on this. So, we're going to just do this and we're going to sit and what I'm going to ask you to do is to read the third step prayer with me.
But when you're one-on-one, have your person get to their knees and I'll tell you why. Of course, unless their religion states that they cannot get to their knees, and I've ran into that once, okay? So, it may happen.
That's fine. So what I want to do is I want to take a moment and then it's going to say many of us said to our maker as we understood him and we are going to read the third step prayer everybody out loud together let's take a moment of silence except for the child I offer myself to thee me to build with me and to do with me as thy wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.
Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always with an exclamation point at the end. It says, "We thought well before taking this step, making sure we were ready and that we could at least abandon ourselves utterly to him.
Highlight this. We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person." So that will be your sponsor. Okay?
And that's who you normally take it with. Some people like to go to priests and that's fine. I always talk to my sponsor because I want this person to know the inner part of me at all times.
So that's why I did it. Okay. It says here um such as our wife, best friend or spiritual adviser, but it's better to meet God alone than one with who might misunderstand.
The wording was of course quite optional. I have the honor of sponsoring two atheists and those atheists did not believe in the third step prayer. They didn't like using the word God.
Imagine that. And I was just like them. So what I had them do was write their own third step because it says right here, the wording was of course quite optional.
They wrote the most beautiful third-step prayer that I have ever read in my entire life. It was beautiful. I'm like, "And you don't believe in God?" You know, and then I was like, "Oh, sorry about that.
I'm not teasing you." Yeah. It was absolutely beautiful. It says here, "Voicing it without reservation.
This is only a beginning." Please circle this. How many people have seen that old dance as we call it in a one, two, three, drink. One, two, three, drink.
and they stop at three. They don't go on to the fourth step. They just one, two, three, drink.
You want to come up and dance with me? One, two, three, drink. I see it time and time and time again.
Now is not the time to stop. So it says here, um, it says here, voicing it without reservation. It's only a beginning.
Though if honestly and humbly made, that's why I do it on my knees. How much more humble are you gonna get than being on your knees? Okay.
Humbly upon our knees. In effect, sometimes a very great one was felt. Now, you ready for this?
There are no time frames in AA. Correct? That's what we hear.
No time frames in a Let me dispel that right now. I want you to highlight this. Next, we launched.
How fast is launched? Launched is pretty darn fast, isn't it? I always tell of my roommate from college, who, by the way, I just found, and he's living in my town in Jacksonville.
He's a colonel. He's flying an F-15 um for the Air Force. He's been in there 20, God, a long time, 25 years or so.
And I talked to him once and I said, "What is it like to be launched off a carrier?" Cuz I wanted to make sure I got the definition correct. He says, "Man, you're strapping your butt." And he was using other language, of course. You're strapping your butt to two rockets and it just and it just launches you off.
So next we launched. How fast is launched, right? Like faster than a second.
So it says next we launch at a course of vigorate action. The first step which is personal house cleaning. Under personal house cleaning, write step four.
So now we're about ready to go do step four. Turn to page 64 at the top. It says which many of us have never attempted.
Well, no kidding. I want to look at you. I don't want to look at me.
It says here, though our decision, meaning though our decision to do the third step was a vital and crucial step, it could have little uhoh permanent effect. Permanent effect. There's that permanent word again.
Permanent effect. Unless, here's another time frame. Circle.
At once. How fast is at once? Fast.
at once, followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in our lives which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. Folks, the liquor is one 12th of the problem.
Step one, admitted we were powerless over alcohol. Get over it. Now, we're going to start working the steps and give you a life that you could never ever have ever have imagined in your wildest dreams.
Okay? Our liquor was but a symptom, one 12th of the problem. So, we had to get down to the causes and conditions.
Therefore, we took a personal house cleaning circle step four. Highlight it. Here we go.
You ready? Let's go into step four. We just did step three.
Watch how I could blast somebody through the steps. Here's step four. Step four is broken up into four categories.
Everybody thinks it's three, but it's actually four. And I will show you. And I found this in one of the readings, one of the studies.
I have 16,000 pages of documents between Akran, Ohio and New York. 16,000. And how it all started, how it all got.
I have 700 pictures. Yeah. I'm a freak and I will get a life here sooner or later.
Okay. This is how the four step works. You ready?
Number one. So, I want you to put part one. Bear with me.
If you go to the page 64, third paragraph, circle resentment, highlight it, and put part one. Part one, resentment. Got it?
Resentment. I ask you this question. When you have a resentment, you're just I'm going to kill that son of a I'm right.
Are you thinking of God? You're thinking, "How you going to get that guy?" Right? Ple saw me yesterday.
It is all over my body when I have a resentment. I found that one of my top producing salespeople in the United States states lied. Lied.
I I couldn't breathe. I I really I could I got the email and I couldn't I couldn't breathe. I was so upset.
I just left. And then my wife followed me and we talked about it. And I came back in and I listened to uh this young lady here do a wonderful speech up here.
Once again, I didn't understand a word you said, but I just knew you were saying good stuff and it made me feel better. All right, that's the beauty that we have here. Okay, but I had a resentment and I got rid of it like that.
How'd I do it? Okay, I did resentment prayer. I did a resentment prayer.
I'll show you where it is in here. I did a resentment. I prayed for him because apparently this guy has fear of not enoughness.
He thought he needed to steal because he had not enoughness. Well, guess what I could do now? I could show him that there's plenty and that he's not stealing at all.
Take it. It's yours. Do you see what I could do for people?
I can make them see the light. If he does it again, I'll terminate his his you know what. Do you see what I mean?
I could really show love, kindness, and compassion to this guy. And I got over it like that. Do you think if I was an AA I would have thought of that?
He would have been dead and decapitated right at the head. Okay. Or actually I probably would have gave him a prize because he stole money and I would be like, "Bro, we got them." You know what I mean?
We live on a different lifestyle now. Does that make sense? So it says here, "Resentment is the number one offender.
It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." Ain't that the truth? Okay. It says, "From it stems all forms of spiritual diseases.
For we are not only mentally and physically ill, we are spiritually sick. Once the spiritual malady straightens out, we straighten out mentally and physically." I said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How am I going to do that?
I'm atheist. Have you not been listening to me?" He says, "Well, then you're hosed." He kept on saying that. But I did find my spiritual awakening.
And they are right. Once the spiritual malady straightens out, we straighten out mentally and physically. Now, check this out.
We have a three-fold disease. I just said it. Mental, physical, spiritual.
Right? Mental, physical, spiritual. We have 12 steps.
9 10 11 12. These are the spiritual steps. 1 through three are the spiritual steps.
4 through 7 are the mental steps. 8 and nine are the physical steps. You physically go out.
10 through 12 are daily 1 through nine steps. Voila. That's how it works.
We do the spiritual steps first because now it gets ready to look at a lot of stuff. You know, the first thing I do when we're about ready to do this four step, the first thing I say to the person is I look them straight in the eye. to say, "Tell me what you were not going to tell me when you came here." And I catch them all the time.
I want to know right now what you weren't going to tell me. And then they tell me the thing. Come on, folks.
We all have the thing. The thing, right? We all have the thing.
I had the thing. I had it. I had 22 pages of resentment.
22 pages. Oh my god. But you know what I remember out of that 4hour forstep?
One thing that I said and it was the thing. It was the thing. Okay.
I don't care if someone cussed at you when you were five or touched uh you know didn't go on a date with you when you were seven. And it really doesn't matter. I want to know the meaty stuff like I want to kill my mother.
I want to kill my father. That's a resentment we can work with. there.
It's juicy stuff. You know what I mean? Once you break it down into that, this four steps like nothing.
What kind of insanity are we thinking when I say go home and fill out these steps three months later? How are we doing? And they're still looking at the They're still looking at the page.
Stop it. I want you from this point forward to write the fourth step for them. You will have that in your lap.
You will have a pen and you will get through all the bull right away. Okay. Why do we do it like this?
Because Bill Wilson did this with his sponsor called Ebie. And Ebie, as it says in Bill's story, came to the hospital and Bill couldn't write. He was shaken.
So Ebie wrote it for him. So I just follow that. Dr.
Bob used to do it the same way. He sat there and he got through. And you can get through a four step in an hour.
So people are saying to me, "Well, aren't you missing stuff?" Of course. Why do you think we have daily inventory? Because if you're doing daily inventory, you won't miss it.
You're going to meet with your sponsor once a week. You're going to go over the inventory and oh, by the way, I missed. Oh, by the way, I missed.
Oh, by the way, I missed. Until finally, you're want to watch me float. No better.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Do you see that? I just want the meaty stuff. resentment.
Here we go. It says here, "We straighten out mentally and physically in dealing with resentment." We set them down on paper. You got to write it, folks.
You can't just sit there and smoking a cigarette. Am I mad at any? I'm pretty good today.
You got to write it down. You got to be with a sponsor when you write this stuff down. Okay.
It says we put it down on paper. It says here um uh we list people, institutions, and principles. Mother, father, sisters, brothers.
institutions, your banking, your work, your job. Principles is like the ten commandments, the Muslim religion, the Catholic religion. Principles, laws that your country may have that just drives you crazy.
Okay, those are the principles. And then it says here, we ask ourselves why we had them, the cause, and then it says affects my. Okay, because if you go down to the bottom, it says in most cases, we found that the self-esteem, pocketbook, ambition, personal relationship, including sex.
All right, that's the third column. But you know what? When I'm doing the initial four step, I don't care how it affects you.
I really don't. I want to show you what your part in is it. Because if you were like me, you thought everybody screwed you.
Well, that's not a true statement because I will show you how you're drinking, you're drugging, your choices, and your actions. Why am I going to show you this? Because I like to beat you up?
No. Because I want to show you how much power you have. How much power you have to change this?
You don't have to live your life like this anymore. Okay? So, I go right to where was I to blame?
So, you want to find out because everybody could write a grudge list. So, you look at the guy said, "Give me the top thing you just hate. It's normally mother or father.
Write it down. All right. Give me the cause.
Mine what I said, my father beat me all the time. So my sponsor stopped. He goes, "Golly, man, every time you walked in your house, every time your father beat you." Well, not every I thought I was like three beatings.
I mean I mean they were pretty bad beatings. Okay. So you want to get specific.
Beat me all the time. Always. Always.
Never. Get rid of that saying. Okay.
So then if you turn, it says um if you turn to page uh uh Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Oh, page 66, first paragraph.
Page 66, first paragraph. It is plain that life which includes deep resentment leads to futality and happiness. Stop it.
If you have these deep resentments, get rid of them. How do you do it? Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the only way to do it. And to ask the person when I went to my mother on the ninth step, I would say to her, "Why would you watch this person beat me? Why would you watch this?" That's what I wanted to say.
"Why? Why? Why?
Why?" But I went and I said, "Hey, listen. You know, apologize for putting a knife to your throat. Uh I'm apologize for stealing your car and your money, blah blah blah." And you know, when I was done, she says, "You know, something's been bothering me.
Let me tell you the situation that I was in when you were a kid and your father beat you and I had to watch that. Let me tell you how I felt. Oh my god.
I had no idea. And the forgiveness came back and we loved each other from that point forward. Do you see this?
This this program is unbelievable. Valyria's got a story about her grandfather. She also got a good story about making amends to the Pope.
Yeah, that's a that's a good one. Ask her about that. Okay, I want you to go down five lines from where we just read and it says, "Resentment is infinitely grave.
We found it to be fatal. For when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again.
And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free from anger." That's easy to say. But what happens with me is when I get that anger like I got outside yesterday, it fades away within minutes, maybe an hour, it fades away.
Fades away, fades away because I know how to handle it. I have tools. Okay?
I have tools. And you know what that if I was to write a forep, which I did on that guy, do you know what it said? Had the guy's name, the cause he stole.
And you know what the part my part was? He made me look bad. Is it at all about how we look?
Right. He made me look bad. That was it.
Do I care about him and his needs? Did I call him up and say, "Hey, dude. Are you okay?
Tell me what's going on. How are your finances? What's happening?" No.
Made me look bad now. How selfish do I feel? So now I'm going to call him up and say, "Hey, this is not you.
What happened? What's going on?" Just think about how much I could help him spiritually without him even knowing it. See, this AA stuff kind of just like gets in everyone's life.
Okay, it says here, um, I want you to go to, um, page 67. I want you to go to the, uh, second paragraph, and it says, referring to our list again, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely look at our own mistakes. That's the fourth column.
That's the fourth column. Okay. So, now we're looking at our mistakes.
You want to look at what their problem is. Drinking and alcohol and drugging. How did I get in?
Okay. I want you to go to page 67. No, excuse me.
Uh page uh 68, first paragraph. 68, first paragraph. It says here, "We reviewed our fears." Reviewed our fears.
So, I want you to write part two fear. Now, we're going to look at fear inventory. Okay, let's take a look at the fear inventory.
The fear inventory looks like this. Part two, fear. All right, so it says here, we put them down on paper.
Voila, I got you the paper for you. Okay, we put them down on paper. Even though we had resent, we did not have we had no resentments and connections with them.
We asked ourselves why we had them. Column two. And then two paragraphs down it says, 'What would God have us be?
Not do. Do is an action. Do is a verb.
Being is an adjective in American being. Be. Okay.
I could be a wonderful man. Can't do a wonderful man. Maybe.
But if you're being it, the doingness just comes. It's the being. What would God have us be?
You know what? The first thing I always see on fear is not staying sober. So, let's write down.
So we put not staying sober. So then I would say to him, why do you have this fear? And he'd look at me like, yo, genius.
I've been relapsing. This is my 90th time in AA. Uh oh, sorry.
You're right. I understand why you have that fear now. Okay.
Lack of money. Why do you have that? I'm broke.
Okay. Not staying sober. Okay.
Not finding a loved one. You're going to hear the same thing over and you can get up, go to the bathroom, they can come back, you can come back and you just start writing and it's going to be in the same order. They say the same thing over and over again.
It's the lack of fullness. It's the lack of thinking that you don't have enough of which you do. It's something that you're going to have to realize yourself.
Okay. Fear. Do you have that fear?
That's a big one, too. A lot of people have fear. Fears are big.
fears are real and talk about it. The next thing is page 68, last paragraph. This is the one I like.
Now, about sex, huh? Yeah. Most of the thing the thing is right here.
It was my thing. Okay. In Dr.
Bob's story, it says how many thousands of men and women he brought through the steps. Okay. It says in Dr.
Bob's story here, uh, Dr. Bob to 1950, the year of his death, he carried the AA message to more than 5,000 alcoholic men and women. When I read that and I started studying, I had a girl, a woman who asked me to sponsor her.
I thought about that because it's woo, right? So, I started reading about Bob helping others. He was looking at people as souls.
You are all souls here. And if I could help that soul, whether you're beautiful or not, right? It doesn't matter.
You all have a soul and you all want this love. I talked to my wife about it and I said, "Would you think if I was to sponsor women, if I was to bring them in the house and you would be here to make them comfortable? I mean, you don't have to listen.
You would be in the room." And they talked to me. They talked to me. It has made me so much more of a better sponsor than I ever could have imagined because I became, believe it or not, more understanding instead of saying, "Dude, will you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps?
Come on." Right? You can't do that with women. It's totally different.
But I would hear I would hear fifth steps that would really change my life. And I needed to I needed to start going into prayer and meditation after I would hear a woman's fifth step just to forget what I heard because it was so devastating. And I just wanted to be like, h oh my god.
You know, how do you tell someone life is going to be so phenomenal, so great? And I do. I tell them I said that was nasty, terrible, the worst.
Now, let's take that and we're going to move forward. We're going to move forward, okay? In a loving and gentle manner.
And it takes a lot more time because you all have been devastated so hard, okay? With a guy, a lot of guys, it's some other stuff that they have to deal with, whether um it's it's a lot of stuff. So, it's tough.
So, you want to get that out because this is the stuff that's going to drive you crazy. This is beautiful. It's great.
Play with it. Have fun with it. Okay.
If you decide to have a monogous relationship, it was funny. My wife and I when we were dated for a year, we dated everybody. I Everybody.
She'd say, "I'm going on an appointment." Okay. She worked for me. And I was like, "Wait a second.
You have no appointment today." And it meant she's going on a date. I was like, "Oh, sorry. That's cool." And then she called me up.
She goes, "Hey, this guy's a jerk. Can you call me up and say you got to go to the office?" Okay. Let me get this.
So, you want me to lie? And I was dating a lot of people. We were having fun.
Okay, we're having fun. I wasn't lying. I wasn't cheating.
I wasn't stealing. I was having fun. And then one day about a year, year and a half into it, two years maybe, I said, "Hey, you want to have a monogous relationship?" And she goes, "Sure.
What's that?" She didn't understand the word monogous, meaning one on one. So that's what we chose to do. Okay.
Have fun with it. It's beautiful. God didn't give us this beautiful thing we call sex and you know say well no you got to do it this way and this way and stay away from this and that this you know what I mean please please treat it with respect it's going to be beautiful but that is the thing that draws most people out okay so be aware of it be understanding of it you know some people tell you stuff don't be like oh my god you know you're sick you know you don't want to do something like that get out of my house you freak No, I didn't do that.
Okay. Um, it says here now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there.
No kidding. All right. Above all, which means I guess um above all, it says we try to be sensible about this question.
Turn to page 69. Page 69. Now, folks, okay, the main reason why it's on 69 is not because Bill was some kind of a pervert.
All right? Cuz people are like, "The sex inventory is on 69. Get it?" Yeah, I get it.
What happened was when they moved some of the page numbers back to make Bill's story number one, page one, instead of the doctor's opinion, the the numbers had to fall down and sex landed on 69. And maybe it was a God-given thing. I don't know.
Or maybe I'm the only one that thinks about that. And you probably were like, I never noticed that. So now, don't I look like a jerk?
Pervert. First paragraph. We reviewed our conduct over the past over the years past.
Where had we been selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate? Okay. And you're going to be able to see from my inventory here that I write part three sex.
Okay. Whom had I hurt? Where I have been selfish, dishonest, and inconsiderate.
Where were we at fault? What should we have done instead? What should we have done instead?
Okay, that's huge. Where was I at fault? What should I have done instead?
Okay, let's look at this because now what we're going to try to do is if you see it, it says we get all this down on paper and look at it. All right, I want you to go to the next paragraph on page 69. Second paragraph, three lines down.
We ask God to mold our se our ideals and help us to live up to them, whatever they may be. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob believe that you are worth it.
Do you know what I did? I said, "All right, let's try this spiritual stuff out." What I did is I took a legal pad on the back of the sex inventory and I have everybody do it. W males, females.
It's funny. You do 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. And then let's say I had the females over here.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. So I say this. I say, "Okay, guys, you ready for this?
God is coming down and he's going to touch you on your head right now and say, "Child, I believe you are worth whatever you want to design. And I don't care what it is." You know, I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's looks.
I don't care if it's personal. I don't care what it is. But I want you to design your husband, your wife, your mate, your friend.
I want you to design this person now. Okay? I want you to design this person out.
Now, be very careful. This person will show up in your life. Men, right?
Long legs, you know, blonde hair, all looks for the first four females, sensitive, spiritual. I swear to God, it's like it is so fun. And I did it.
I did it. She's right there. She's smoking hot.
All right. I did it. I did do it.
Valaria is nine out of 10. So, you're probably saying, "Well, what's the one she's missing?" I've I have two children from a previous marriage. They're 17 and 16, and they are they are the love of my life, and they're wonderful, and they love me, and I love them, and we're h we're so very healthy.
It's great. We love being with each other. Valyriia has a son.
I did not want a a woman who had a son or a daughter. It didn't didn't matter. I didn't want somebody.
But do you know what? This kid is my hero. The kid is my hero.
He's phenomenal. He's a gen literally a genius. He talks to me and I'm like, my two kids are like surfer dudes.
They're like, "Yo, dude, what's up?" You know, surfs up, you know, Florida. He's like, you know, he has a book. It's like this bigger than his body.
He's like, "Woo! And then he starts talking to me. I'm like, "Dude, dummy it up a little bit.
I have no idea what you just said. Wonderful kid. Good kid.
Loving kid." H right here. Loving kid. So, what do I know?
Right. Nice. So, really, she's 10 out of 10.
Okay. Once you start dating again, if you decide to start dating again, if you want to wait for a year, that's fine. You know why they say wait a year?
I think it's because if you have six weeks sobriety, you're going to most likely put all your efforts onto that relationship and you're not going to build spiritually. That's what I see. Okay.
But how else are you going to find out about life except by a relationship with another human? How much more intimate can you get than a sexual relationship with another human? Okay.
That's when you're going to find character defects and flaws. She will tell you tonight. All right.
Okay. But I want you to believe that this person that's going to come into your life. Do you hear the way I say never the word might come into your life?
The way this person will come into your life, this person will come into your life. And you'll have a relationship that you could just We pray and meditate together. We work out together.
We travel together. We work together. Our offices have to be next to each other.
People say that is crazy. You know what I mean? That's You never hear that.
But I believe that I was worth it. And guess what? Poof.
Okay. Bella. We got Bella.
All right. Now, I want you to go page 69 and I want you to go one, two, third paragraph. All right.
Third paragraph. This is the fourth part that everybody misses. This is the fourth part that everybody misses.
Part four, harms done others. Harms done others. The harms done others.
And this is what it looks like. Pretty simple. Who' you screw over and what did you do?
Simple, you know. Who did you harm and what did you do? That's all we need to know.
Where did I get that from? I want you to go down to page 69 1 to3 paragraph. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.
That's the sex ideal that we're talking about. But check this out. We must be willing to make amends where we have circled done harm.
That's it. Harms done others. How you going to make amends if you don't write it down?
That's the fourth col that's of part four. Okay, it's part four. All right.
I want you to go to the last sentence on page 69. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge.
So if a female of 6 weeks sobriety, a male of 30 days sobriety comes up and says, "I found love in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous." First thing I'm like, "Oh my god, two sickies don't make a wellie." No, I'm kidding. I'm like, "Oh, that's sweet. Sweet." You know, but let me tell you what my experience is over the years.
This is what's going to happen. And I lay it out. And then I say, "But you and God can be the judge alone.
So you need to do what you feel is right." 10 times out of 10 they're going to date and my phone's going to ring off the hook day and night. And I'm like, "Oh, sugar." And sugar is not the word I use. Okay.
So, that's what we do. Okay. It also states here, if you look at page 70, um, first paragraph, if you go down to about, um, seven sentences down, it starts off with, "If we are not sorry and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink.
We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. There are people in this room, male and female, that use this as a dating service." Okay?
People are getting harmed. We all love each other. This is sacred grounds for us.
All right. Think before you act. Nice.
One standing ovation. But I agree. Okay.
This is sacred grounds. It really is. All right.
Think about it. Talk about it. This is not a dating service.
This is alcoholics anonymous. All right. Now, I've seen people who have dated and got married and have a beautiful, beautiful life.
All right? But they worked the steps first. They sponsored others first.
They pray and meditate first. They became healthy. Then they started dating.
Okay. Does that make sense to everybody? Yeah.
Do I hear an amen? All right. Should have been I should have got the pulpit up here.
I hear an amen. All right. Um and this is the main reason why um we keep that list.
Keep your four-step list because on page 70, one, two, third paragraph down about seven sentences. Page 70, third paragraph down about seven sentences says, "We have a we have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct and we are willing to straighten out the past. These are the people that we have hurt and we're going to straighten out the past." Got it?
You're done with your four step. Now, what I want you to do is I want you to take these things home. I want you to give them to your sponsor.
Hopefully, your sponsor is here. Okay? And if not, find somebody that will listen to your four step just like this gentleman's this evening.
All right? And have them write it. Show them how this is done.
Okay? Grab somebody who has worked the steps. I want you to turn to chapter six and we're going to finish up.
You ready to finish up? Now we go through it really fast. This is it.
Chapter six. I want you to write steps. Pay, did you steal?
You stop stealing my stuff. Bella. I don't know why you did that.
Oh, you got me my own. Oh, didn't you just shove that in my face? Okay.
At the top of the page, this is steps 5 through 11. Watch how fast we go through this. Now, the founding fathers and one sister knew that we were going to come into this stuff with stuff.
The thing. the thing. Okay.
So, they wanted to make sure that we said this thing. And when I came into it and I had 22 pages, I left the thing off. I left it off.
Am I I'm a perfect alcoholic. Okay. So, my sponsor said, "Okay, let's go over this chapter five.
Let's go over this before we do the fifth step. Are you ready?" I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, boss. I'm ready.
I'm ready to go." And we sit down and I'm nervous. He says, "Okay, let's um let's look at uh let's look at the top of page 72, first paragraph." Okay, it says um we have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our creator and discovered the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects.
We have ascertained in a rough way the trouble is we have put our fingers on the weak items in our personal inventory. Circle the word now. How fast is now?
Fast. Now these are about ready to be cast out. Okay, so you got it.
It says this requires action on our part which when completed which means we have admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the fifth step. Circle fifth step.
Circle fifth step. It's going to say nine times in the next three paragraphs. Are you sure you're telling me everything?
Let's write them down. Right? So, I'm thinking I'm getting away with something.
There's no way I'm going to tell him about that thing. I'll tell you the thing now. I could tell I'll tell you the thing.
I'll tell you the thing tonight. Tonight at 8:00 here at the like, is it 9:00? It's like an advertisement here.
Okay. I want you to go to the second paragraph on page 72. I want you to go down nine lines and it's going to say why to do step five.
The best reason first. I guess the best reason first. If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking.
I have seen that time and time and time and time again. People not doing the fifth step and drink it. I'm sick and tired of it.
So, I take these people right from the fourth writing it because I'm writing it and they're saying it at the same time. See how I do it? I knock out two things in one shot.
I get it done in an hour. Oh, well, Susie Lou didn't let me hold her hand when I was Shut up. I don't say that to women.
I'm more gentle. the guys. I'm like, "Shut up.
I want the big stuff, you know." So, it says here, "If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking." Here we go. Time after time, newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts. What?
And then he looked at me. He goes, "Are you trying to keep certain facts?" "No, man. Not me." And I'm thinking, "He's seeing through me, man.
He's seeing through me. He's seeing through me." Right? So then it says here, try to keep to themselves certain facts of their lives, trying to avoid this humbling experience.
He says, "Doug, you're not trying to avoid this humbling experience, are you, man? You're not leaving something out." I'm like, "No, dude. Not halo.
I'm an angel." He goes, "Good." Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they turn to easier methods. Doug, you're not trying to turn to an easier method and leaving something off. This 22page resentment.
No. No. Not me, Greg.
That's That's not it. Okay. Almost invariably, which means almost always invariably they got drunk.
Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wonder why they fell. We, the first 100 people of Alcoholics Anonymous, think the reason is that they never completed their house cleaning. He says, "Doug, have you completed your house cleaning with this 22 pages?" And now I'm thinking to myself, "Oh my god, he does know.
How did he find out?" And I just looked at him straight in the eye and I said, "Yeah, man. I completed it." Lied to his face. All right.
Lied to his face. I want you to go down about five lines on page uh from where we just left off. It says five lines uh at the top of the page of 73.
uh uh where we just left off. It says, "But they had not learned enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty in the sense we find it necessary until they told someone else all their life story." He says, "Are you telling me your whole life story in this book right here?" I had a book. I was like, "Yeah, Greg, man.
I It's all It's tough. It was powerful. I'm leaving this huge block out.
I filled it in with junk. I don't even know what I wrote. Go to the bottom of the page.
73, last paragraph. We must be entirely honest with somebody. Doug, are you entirely honest with me on this?
I'm like, Greg, this is getting old, man. Yeah. He goes, I'm Hey, I'm just following the book.
He's I'm just following the book. I'm doing what the book says. I said, okay.
We must be entirely honest with somebody if we were to expect to live long and happily in the world. Go to page 75. Check this out.
First paragraph. Page 75. This is step five.
You ready? Page 75. First paragraph.
When we decide who is to hear our story, how much time do we waste? How much is that? Like none.
Hey, I may not be like be like the genius of this crowd here, but no time means like no time. Okay. So it says here, when we decided to hear our story, we waste no time.
We have a written inventory and we're prepared to take a long talk. Folks, I give somebody about one or two hours depending on how I think they may be. Two hours on the big side because I can get through all the garbage.
You may want to give two or three hours in the beginning when you're writing someone's inventory. We explain to our partner what we're about ready to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a underline this and highlight it and circle it.
Life and death errand. This is life and death we are working on here. Okay, life and death.
Treat it as such. Most people approaching this way will be glad to help. They will be honored by our confidence.
Here we go. We pocket our pride and go to it, eliminating every twist of character. Doug, have you told me every twist of character in your life?
I'm like, are we on with this? Said, of course I have. And I say it with a smile.
He says every twist of character every dark cranny of the past. Doug, have you told me every dark cranny of the past? Now, he says to me, okay, I'm going to say this one more time, and if you want to get over on me, that's fine, but I just got to make sure that I'm doing my job.
So, I'm going to ask you one more time. Once we take this step, withholding nothing, are you withholding anything? And I was like, "Yes, it happened in 1989." And I tell him that and then I was done and I was like, "Oh my god." I like I had an out-of- body experience.
I told this guy the thing and I and I that's what I said and I looked at him and I I was waiting for a facial expression from this guy like, "You're sick. Get out of my house, Greg." He's still my sponsor to this day. And he looked at me and he's like, "Is that it?" He goes, "Let me tell you my thing." And he told me, I was like, "You're sick." Nine times.
All right? That's what I want you to come away from here with today. On the fifth step, make sure they know this is life and death.
And you're going to ask them nine times. Okay? I also want you to uh look at the fifth step promises.
Page 75, second paragraph. I want you to box it in. These are the fifth step promises.
We park at our pride and we go to it. Eliminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step withholding nothing, we are delighted.
We can look the world in the eye. We could be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us.
We begin to feel the nearness of our creator. We may have certain spiritual beliefs, but we now have a spiritual experience. The next paragraph, returning home.
Returning home. This is what you tell your spons to do. Returning home, we find a place we could be quiet for one hour.
Carefully reviewing the five what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know him better. Taking this book down from the shelf, we turn to the pages which contain the 12 steps.
Carefully reading the first five proposals. So what I do is I go back to page 59 and I look at the sponsy and I say step one, do you admit that you are powerless over alcohol and your life has become unmanageable? The answer to that is yes.
Step two, came to believe a power greater in ourselves could restore you to sanity. Do you believe that with all your heart? Step three, made a decision to turn your will in your life over the care of God.
Step four, made a searching and fearless moral limit of of yourself, withholding nothing. Step five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and another human being the assassinations of your own withholding nothing. They will almost definitely say yes to all those.
So then it says this page 76 at the top of the page. If we could answer to our satisfactions the questions that I just asked you. We then how fast is then?
Now we then look at step six. Okay. This is step five.
Now we look at step six. Folks, every character defect known to man. Welcome.
I got two pages of them. But this is the twist. Look at what I got on the right side.
Okay? Stop beating yourself up. Get to the right side.
Let's start falling in love with oursel. Do you see that? So we get to step six.
It says, "We have emphasized a willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us everything which we have admitted is objectionable?" And I ask them that question and they say yes. Can he now take them everyone?
Yes. If we are still clinging to something we will not let go, we ask God. That's a sixstep prayer.
If you have something that you cannot let go, pray about it. It will help nine times out of 10. Trust me on this.
Okay, that's step six. What I want you to do on your sheets, I want you to put a little mark, little X next to each one of these. You can't beat me.
I had 62. I'm down to 30. Okay, 62 of these character defects.
Click. And then I wrote a little something showing why I'm selfish, why I'm dishonest, why I'm resentful. I want you to do that.
Okay? And then show this to your sponsor. Your sponsor is going to be like, whoa, we got a lot of work.
All right? So, that's what I want you to do on the sixth step. Look, two pages.
Isn't that beautiful? But I also want you to look at the other side. That's what we're going to aim for.
I always give you a vision on what to aim for. Life is a vision. We got it.
All right. Now, it says when ready, we say something like this. Now, the big book used to say in step seven, humbly upon our knees.
So, what I do is I get the sponsy back on their knees and we will take a moment of silence and read the seventh step together. Okay. When ready, we say something like this.
My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding.
Amen. Do you see anything different between the third and the sevenstep prayer? Folks, we are almost done.
We are almost done. Follow with me. Here we go.
This is the stretch. Watch this. 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12.
On the third step prayer, there is no amen at the end of that. Did you notice that? The third step prayer, there's no amen.
Why? It's because at the sevenstep prayer, which it says amen. What happens is you're working all the mental steps.
You have now just looked at your whole life and it probably isn't pretty. And that's okay. And now you look at it and amen means in spiritual terms.
So be it. I've looked at it all. It is what it is.
So be it. If I can go back and change it, I would. And I can through steps eight and nine.
Got it? Step three gets us prepared mentally. Step seven.
Amen. So be it. You're done.
Now let's go out and make amends. Are we ready? All right.
Good. This is going to be steps eight and nine. Now, let me tell you about this card that I wrote here, and I want everyone to stay on the same page.
But it says here, after we said amen, it says we have then completed step seven. We got a new disc, we got a new battery, and I'm ready for another five hours. Yeah.
Okay. So, where was I? Where was I?
Where was I? I No. No.
I was on page 76. We just finished step seven. We just finished step seven.
We said the prayer. Now, normally you're going to take your person on their knees again. It used to say, believe it or not, uh, in step seven, it would say humbly upon our knees.
When we changed that, so they say, well, there hasn't been changes in the big book of the first 164 pages. There actually has and and one is in the steps. Uh, it's used to say humbly upon our knees.
If you look at an original manuscript, it says humbly upon our knees, but they changed it because there's some religions that don't allow that. I just do it because it shows a sense of humility to you and then your humility to me and God. Okay?
So you ain't going to get much more humble than being on your knees. But then the next word is after step seven on page 76 is now. So circle the word now.
Now we need more action. Why don't we find that faith without works is dead. Let us look at steps eight and nine.
Circle steps eight and nine and highlight it. This is where steps eight and nine come in. Folks, you'll hear my story tonight.
This is where the rubber meets the pavement. Yeah, that fourth step is big. Fifth step is big.
Okay, the ninth step is where it really happens. And wait till you hear the lengths that I went to to stay sober forever. Forever.
And I finished my ninth step. Okay, I finished with almost a little jail time, but we'll talk about that later. But what was my part?
I broke the law like 10 times, maybe 20, but who's counting? Okay, so it says 8 and nine. It says, "We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we were willing to make amends.
We made it when we took inventory." Do you remember that? The harms done others list. That's your eighth and ninth step.
So for those people out there in AA land who say, "Oh, well, I went to the beach and I burnt it with my sponsor." Rewrite it. That's what I say to them. Rewrite it cuz it says right here it says we have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we were willing to make amends.
We made it when we took inventory. Your harm's done others list. Okay.
Does anybody want to take a peek at that one again? Well, let me just show you. I'll put it up on the screen here.
Okay. So, it's the harms done others list. And this is the one that we wrote out because this right here is going to be your AEP.
All right. So, you're going to take your AEP right there. And can I go page down?
Oh, nice. Look at that, Bella. Did I do that myself?
I'm so I'm so good at this. Okay, now I'm getting so like techy. Okay, so now um we're at steps eight and nine.
All right, now why did I make up this list? Because I'm anal. Yes, that is one.
But the main reason was is because I was going on doors, knocking on doors all around the United States. Because being an airline pilot, I have access to free flights. So I literally made direct demens everywhere.
It was something I tried to argue with my sponsor saying, "This is no fair. This is no fair. Why can't I just write a letter like everybody else?" No.
I knocked on the door. And then people would open up the door and they'd be like, "What do you want? Will you?" And they would just And I'd be like, you know, I wouldn't know what to say.
So now what I would do is I would knock on the door and I'd have my little cards here. As you can see, the front and the back cards. I'd have the person's name on it and it tells me exactly what I need to do.
But if you notice on here, it says right here there's a little plus and a 13. Do you see that? The plus means I'll do it.
The 13th means you're going to be my 13th amend cuz you're not going to be the first one. I had like I don't know 40. So this one wasn't all that bad.
So this is the front of the card and this is what I put down. This is right out of the big book. Don't delay.
Ask God for strength before implicating others. Secure consent. Do you see this?
All you have to do nowadays is just make copies. I gave it to you. Just white out where it says, you know, Jim, my example, just white that out and make copies of it.
Make it blank. All right. And then the back of the card is this.
It says here, I know and regret that I have caused you the following harms. And then I write the harm. All right.
Is that a bad harm? All right. Then you have three questions you must ask.
These are the three questions. I will tell you a story tonight. You'll be like, "Oh my god, the ninth step from hell." All right.
So, um, but you know, I did this and this is what I did. It's the ninth step. All right.
This ninth step is huge. This ninth step gave me God. This is it right here.
This ninth step gave me God. So it says here we uh we took it when we had inventory. We subject ourselves to a drastic self- appraisal.
The next word is now. Circle the word now. Has anybody seen any other time frame than now, next, then?
Launched. Okay, good. Now we go out to the past.
We go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. If you go down about three lines from there, it says, "If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember, it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol." Remind your sponsy that because his chances of survival are slim to none if they do not do the night.
I I'm I'm just telling you the facts. We're just a factual guy here. I'm telling you the facts.
Okay. Um, I want you to go into uh page 77 at the top of the page. Page 77 at the top of the page.
At the moment, we are trying to put our lives in order, but this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves in the maximum service to God and to their people. That's huge.
And that's what I do. And that's where I'm at right now. Okay?
I want to lay myself with God. And once you get into this thing called the flow of life, life just becomes so easy. And then as it starts becoming more easy, it um it becomes more fun.
You know, like I play games with the universe. I try to give a lot of my time and a lot of my my money to the universe. I mean, as I told you, Larry and I have a house in Sarasota, Florida that we give to everybody for free.
It's beautiful. We get notes saying, you know, my wife and I were having troubles until we stayed at your place and the energy was so beautiful and we're rekindling our love. And I mean, it's just it's great stuff, you know, and then I have some friends like, "Hey, the party was great, dude.
We didn't destroy your house." Whatever. You have to take the good with the bad, I guess. Okay, so that's the stuff that we that we give out.
Um, it's going to tell you, uh, on page 77, if you go to the, uh, first paragraph about four lines down, it says, "The question of how to approach the man we hate." It's going to tell you how to work that. How to do it. It's pretty hard to do it, isn't it?
I had to do it. It's also going to tell you a couple lines down from there. It says, "With the person we dislike, we take the bit in our teeth and that's it.
Get over it. You dislike them. You've done them wrong.
Make amends. Move on." All right, last paragraph on page 77, highlight. Under no condition do you criticize such a person or argue.
I did not go to my mother and say, "What were you thinking?" What were you thinking? All right. I didn't say that to her.
She said it. All right. I want you to read on.
It says, "Simply, we tell them that we will never get over drinking until we have done our utmost to straighten out the past. We are there to sweep off our side of the street realizing that nothing is worthwhile until we accomplish this. All right.
It says here, "If our matter is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the results. In nine cases out of 10, and that has been my experience. I've had plenty of doors shut in my face, but nine out of 10, I've gotten phenomenal results.
People saying,"I can't believe you're doing this. I cannot believe that you're doing this. You know, I didn't even realize that.
Of course, I played the tapes in my head a lot worse than it was like we all do. It says here on page 78, second paragraph, mo most alcoholics circle owe money. Is that true?
Highlight owe money. What to do if you owe money. It's going to tell you what to do.
If you go on on page 78 and the third paragraph, perhaps we have committed a circle criminal offense. This was mine and this is the story I'll tell you tonight. Criminal offense.
So, it tells you what to do in each subject, exactly what you're going to need to do. Um, page uh 79. Page 79, first paragraph, last sentence.
79, first paragraph, last sentence. We may lose our position or reputation or face jail, but we are willing. We have to be.
We must not shrink before anyone. Page 80. And I needed to do this, especially before I went to go do jail time.
I needed to do this because if I was going to go do jail time, number one, the airline I was flying for was going to be minus a captain. That's number one. Number two, child support and alimony was going to stop.
Number three, the reputation of my family was going to be hindered. So, I wanted to make sure I had their permission. I was going forward with this thing no matter what anyway.
And it just seemed to that everybody wanted me to do it anyway because they were saying, "Well, what happens if you go do this and you do surrender yourself?" And I'm like, "Well, supposedly I'm going to get sober forever." You know what I mean? I didn't want to do it. Trust me.
And they were like, "Oh, no. You go. You we're good with that.
You So, at the top of the page, before I did that, it says before taking," circle the word drastic. "Before taking drastic actions which might implicate others, we secure their consent. If we have obtained permission, which I did, uh consulted with others, my sponsor I did, and asked God for help, I did.
Okay. And the drastic step indicates we must not shrink and we move forward. And I did.
Turn to page 82. Turn to page 82. It says on the uh second paragraph, if we have no such complications, there is plenty we should do at home.
Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing they need to do is to keep sober. That is just so not true. That is so not true.
It says here, "Certainly he must keep sober for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the to the wife and the parents of whom years he has shockingly treated. My kids were two and three when I got sober.
So I couldn't make amends to them. They didn't know. But I was the perfect perfect father.
Perfect. I was a perfect ex-husband. No matter what my ex-wife did, I still kept coming.
I still kept being there. Same time. Never missed a ball game.
Never missed a soccer game. Never. I can still say that to this day.
They're 17 and 16. That was my amends to my kids. That was my amends to my ex-wife who I so destroyed.
Okay. Um, it says here, if you go down to page 82, one, two, third paragraph, four lines down. Third paragraph, four lines down.
We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. They said it twice. So don't think you're getting away with something.
You're going to have to do something about it. Okay. It says here on page 83, second paragraph, the spiritual life is not a theory.
We have to live it. So that means when I go to work, I can't screw you over and steal and lie and cheat, right? When I come home, I can't beat my wife.
She'd probably kill me anyway. You little Italian frying pan. I'll kill you.
She says it in Italian. So the spiritual life is a theory. You have to live it.
You have to live it. Okay. Now, page 83.
And lastly, on the third paragraph, three lines down, I want you to circle, "Some people cannot be seen. My father was dead. My brother was dead.
There's nothing I could do about that." So, it says, "We send them an honest letter." And I did. I wrote a letter. It tore up my heart.
I wrote this letter. I walked to their grave. I read the letter.
I pasted the letter. And I left. Some people do some things that are just so so terrible if that if they go see this person, it'll be terrible.
They don't know where they are. So I write God 123 USA Main Boulevard. I put a stamp on it, the letter in it, and I literally send it out.
I put it in the mail and it just goes. That's what I have my people do. Those are people who can't.
And then it says the promises on page 83, which we've all heard if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, so forth and so on. All right, page 84. I want you to go to the second paragraph.
Page 84, second paragraph. Folks, this is where it's at right here. This is where it's at.
The 10th step, 10th and 11th step. Okay? This is what's going to clean you up for the rest of your life.
We still do this 13 years later. Okay? If I could do it, you could do it.
Don't stop. Keep doing it. All right?
It says here in the 10th step, people used to say, "Well, I work the steps daily in my life." I was like, "Really? How do you do it? How do you do it?" I just I don't think and I I think think think and I and they gave me all these slogans and I'm like oh my god this is how you do it.
Are you ready? It says this thought brings us to step 10. Circle step 10 and highlight it which suggests we continue to take personal inventory.
So continue to do the fourth step and continue to set right any new mistakes. That's step 10. Write any wrongs that you have done as we go along.
We vigorously commence this way of living as we clean up the past. as you're doing your fourth step and you're cleaning up the past and you're doing your ninth step, do the 10th step so that you stop the insanity. Because let me tell you folks, when you start filling out this form that I'm about ready to pop up here and show you and you do it on a daily basis before you go do something, you're going to think, "Oh, I got to write that down." And you're going to think twice before you do it.
All right. It says, "We have commenced. We have entered the world of the spirit.
Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for a lifetime.
Not for one year sobriety. Not for 13-year sobriety. For the rest of my life, I will do this.
It says here, "This is not an overnight matter continued for a lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these things crop up, we ask God at once to remove them.
That's steps six and seven. Remove my grosser handicaps. We discuss them with someone immediately.
That's step five. And make amends quickly. That's steps nine.
If we have harmed anyone, then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone else. That's step 12. We have just done all the steps in the one paragraph.
Okay? Now, this is what I want you to do from this point forward. Starting tonight at step at step 11.
I want you to look at step 11 at the bottom of page 85. Bottom of page 85. Step 11.
See that? Step 11 says, "Suggest we take prayer and meditation. Then we are using it constantly.
It works if we have the proper attitude and work at it." I'm on page 86. It would be easy to be vague on this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable questions.
When we retire at night, I want you to circle retire at night and highlight it. This is what I want you to do. You ready?
I'm going to give you a form. This is meditation. I show you how to meditate.
And here's the form. That's the form. I want you to fill out this form every night.
Where do I get these questions from? I just make them up. No, I'll watch.
I'll give. Okay. First paragraph, page 86.
When I retire at night, we constructively view our day. Was I resentful? Was I selfish, dishonest, or afraid?
Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something? Do you see them up there?
There's 12 of them all the way to the end. Okay. If you look in the right hand side, I gave you a little extra.
I want to see what you have done. Good. I want to see what you have done that you're proud of yourself.
Of course, we could beat ourselves up. I mean, you know, alcoholists are good at that. Let's stop doing that.
Let's see what what we bring to the table. Let's see how good we are. This is a daily inventory right out of the big book.
I want you to go to page 86, second paragraph. It says, "On awakening." On awakening. This is what I want you to do.
On awakening reviewer 24 hours ahead. So, let me bring all this together for you in 60 seconds. My wife and I wake up.
Let's do this before I go to bed. Fill out this form. That's what I want you to do.
Okay? Fill out the form. If you're resentful at somebody, write about it.
Put it on the fourstep form. I gave it to you. resentful at.
Find out what you're resentful at. If you're fearful of something, write it in the four-step form. Okay?
If you did a sexual thing, well, you know, good for you. Unless you harm somebody, then that's not good for you. You got it?
Okay. So, fill out the form before you go to bed. You wake up in the morning, my wife and I, we um we go to our meditation room.
We got a beautiful home and we have this great meditation room. It's great. and Valyria.
And I invite you to do this. She will read. So I want you to read.
Uh here we go. First thing we do is we read. So upon awakening, this is what we do.
We read I read a daily meditation. Aa she reads an Alanon book. Alanon.
Hey, she reads an Alanon book. Okay. Then if you look in your packages right here, this is every non-denominational prayer in the big book.
Maybe I do need to get a life. This is every prayer page and paragraph and where to find it. She reads everyone.
you. I want you to read five prayers. Five prayers.
I want you to read five prayers. Okay? Pick five.
Any five. Doesn't matter. I want you to pick five.
Okay? Once we do that, I have an alarm. I have an alarm on my watch.
Why do I do that? So I don't sit there like this. Don't one minute.
Right. When I first 30 seconds, my wife goes, "When I first started this thing, I started off with 2 minutes. I start off with an egg timer.
2 minutes." All right. Now we're up to whatever, you know, 15, 20, 30, 45, depending on what our situation is, what our time frame. Never less than 10.
Never less than 10. And I set it and I meditate. Meditate for I'm going to give you a starting point.
I would like you all to meditate for five minutes. Ready? This is what you meditate on.
Number one, I meditate on my health. First thing I do is I look at my health. I look at my body.
I start off with my toes and I come all the way up to my head. If I have pain, I'm a wrestling coach of a high school also. That's what I do on the side because my son's a wrestler in high school.
So, you know, I'm not one of these guys that teach. I'm like, just get it and come in. And I'm like, you know, stuck.
So, I may be in pain. So, I'll look at that pain and I will bless the pain and I'll put healing light on the pain. Follow me.
From your body, your toes to your head. From there, I go to the infamous finances and I will go into my checkbooks and I will look at them and I will fill them up with love and energy and money so that I may give it away. I love giving it away.
That's my gig, my new thing in life is giving everything away. So, my finances, I look at that. I bless it.
I look at it. I see it. Next thing is your job or your career.
I look at my job. I own I don't know. We lost count.
Five, six companies, different types in the in the states. That's I don't know. That's what I do.
But anyway, so I look at all the companies that I have and I bless them. I bless them. I thank God for them.
I look at all the companies and I bless them. I bless the employees. I all of them.
Okay. Then the next thing I look at is relationships. Relationships.
If I have a problem with somebody, I look at candles in a circle and I put the person in the middle and I will talk to that person. I will talk to that person. And guess what happens when I really talk to the person?
It comes out just like my meditation. Okay, I look at all my relationships now. I don't have many resentments, so I don't have to do that circle thing often.
So, I'll look at my wife and I'll look at my kids and I'll look at my my family, my sisters, um you know, you guys, and just thank God from the bottom of my heart that I know you all. All right? And then the fifth thing is God.
Look at God. Talk to God. Whatever your god may be, if it's energy, okay, whatever it may be, look at your god.
So once I am done with this, we look at the cell phones, we look at the computers, we look at the schedule. We're very techy, we look at it, look at our 24 hours ahead. I'm done.
Now, I have started the day focused. Do you see that? every day.
If you have a loved one you want to share this with, please do. Try it. I'm only asking for five minutes of meditation.
All right. Can you all do that? All right.
You sure? All right. Now, I want you to turn to page 89.
On the top of 89, I want you to write step 12 in big letters. Page 89, step 12. And you know what step 12 is?
doing exactly what I did up here for somebody else. Any questions, you're done. How easy is that?
Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.