AA Speakers – Joe & Charlie – “Bill’s Story”
AA speaker tape featuring Joe and Charlie breaking down Bill Wilson’s story from the Big Book. A detailed look at alcoholism’s progression, powerlessness, and spiritual recovery.
Joe and Charlie, two of the most respected Big Book teachers in recovery, walk through Bill W.’s story—the foundational narrative of Alcoholics Anonymous. This AA speaker tape breaks down how Bill went from successful stock speculator to hopeless alcoholic drinking for complete oblivion, and how a spiritual experience in a hospital room changed everything. Their teaching illuminates the physical allergy, the obsession of the mind, and the exact steps Bill took that became the framework for all of recovery.
In this AA speaker tape, Joe and Charlie deconstruct “Bill’s Story” from the Big Book, showing how Bill W. demonstrates the core problem every alcoholic faces: the physical allergy to alcohol combined with the obsession of the mind. They trace Bill’s progression from fun drinking and financial success to complete powerlessness, despair, and his spiritual awakening in the hospital after taking steps one through three. The teaching emphasizes identification—that newcomers can see themselves in Bill’s experience and begin to believe recovery is possible, just as Bill came to believe after meeting his friend and accepting a power greater than himself.
Episode Summary
Bill W.’s story is the spine of AA, and Joe and Charlie know how to unpack it so every listener can see themselves reflected back. They start where any good AA speaker does—with identification. Bill wasn’t some untouchable figure from history. He was a hardworking, optimistic, self-made man who believed he could think and will his way out of anything. Sound familiar?
The progression they walk through is textbook alcoholism. Bill starts with liquor as excitement—war, romance, adventure, the thrill of being alive. Then it becomes part of his success story as a stock speculator in the roaring 1920s. He’s making money, earning respect, living the dream. But the drinking never stays fun. Joe and Charlie show how Bill’s consumption escalates from social to serious, from exciting to necessary. By the time the 1929 stock market crash hits, Bill isn’t drinking to celebrate—he’s drinking to survive. He can’t hold a job. His wife is exhausted. He’s stealing from her purse for gin. He’s contemplating suicide. He’s drinking for complete oblivion.
This is where the teaching gets sharp. They emphasize that Bill—brilliant, capable, willful Bill—tried everything. Self-knowledge didn’t work. Willpower didn’t work. A hospital stay and understanding the physical allergy didn’t work. Understanding alone never cures alcoholism. That’s critical: information is not recovery.
Then comes the moment. Bill’s old school friend shows up sober, glowing, talking about God and the Oxford Group. Bill hates it. He resists the religious language, the talk of personal God, all of it. But his friend makes one statement that changes everything: “Why don’t you choose your own conception of God?”
Joe and Charlie linger on this moment because it matters. That single idea—you get to define it yourself—melts Bill’s intellectual resistance. It moves the conversation from religion to spirituality. And suddenly Bill can take Step Two. He can come to believe.
What happens next in the hospital is where the steps become real. Bill takes Step One fully—admitting complete defeat. Step Two comes through accepting a power greater than himself. Then, lying in that hospital bed with his friend, Bill takes Step Three by turning himself over to God as he understands him. He moves through Steps Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, and Nine—examining his sins, listing resentments, becoming willing to have them removed, confessing to another person, and expressing willingness to make amends. He touches Steps Ten and Eleven—testing his thinking by this new God-conscious awareness, sitting quietly and asking for direction.
The spiritual experience that follows is sudden and profound. Bill doesn’t gradually improve—something electric happens. Peace and serenity flood in. He feels lifted up. When he tells the doctor, even the skeptical physician recognizes something real has occurred.
But here’s what Joe and Charlie emphasize: Bill doesn’t stop there. His very first thought is how to carry this to other alcoholics. He immediately understands Step Twelve—that his own recovery depends on working with others. Faith without works is dead. He has to give away what was freely given to him.
The teaching shows why Bill’s story still works nearly a hundred years later. Any newcomer reading it can see themselves in Bill’s selfishness, his pride, his intelligence that couldn’t save him, his progression into despair. And then they can see a way out that doesn’t depend on their own strength—it depends on turning to something bigger. They can believe it’s possible because Bill proved it’s possible.
Joe and Charlie make it clear: Bill’s story isn’t just history. It’s a design for living that works in rough going. It’s why the Big Book works. And it’s why identification, belief, and hope still change lives today.
Notable Quotes
If we look for the way Bill thinks and the way Bill acts and the way Bill drinks, if we’re a real alcoholic there’s not an alcoholic in this room that cannot identify with Bill Wilson.
The remorse and horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable… my brain raced uncontrollably… there was a terrible sense of impending calamity.
Despite the living example of my friend that remained me, the wages of my old prejudice—the word God still aroused a certain antipathy when the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me.
Why don’t you choose your own conception of God? That statement hit me hard. It melted the icy intellectual mountain in the shadow of which I’d lived and shivered many years.
While I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me. Perhaps I could help some of them.
Faith without works is dead. If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.
Step 1 – Powerlessness
Step 2 – Higher Power
Step 3 – Surrender
Spiritual Awakening
Step 12 – Carrying the Message
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Big Book Study
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Step 2 – Higher Power
- Step 3 – Surrender
- Spiritual Awakening
- Step 12 – Carrying the Message
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
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welcome to sober Sunrise a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience strength and Hope from around the world we bring you several new speakers weekly so be sure to subscribe whether you join us in the morning or at night there’s nothing better than a sober Sunrise we hope that you enjoy today’s speaker last night we spent quite a bit of time talking about the problem talking about the physical allergy that ensures we can’t safely drink talking about the obsession of the mind that ensures that we can’t keep from drinking and the ultimate conclusion to that was if you can’t safely drink without getting drunk and if you can’t keep from drinking then you’ve become absolutely powerless over alcohol and most certainly our lives have become unmanageable if not at that time may we just keep on drinking and after a while they will be for sure so this morning we’re going to look at an example of a guy that had that problem a good textbook never tells you anything anyhow but what it don’t back it up with more information and we’re going to look at Bill’s story this morning and Bill story is a classic example of an alcoholic who had the allergy and had the obsession of the mind now we got to remember back in the 19 1930s Bill learned very early on the value of sharing your story with another alcoholic when he went to see Dr Bob and immediately Dr Bob could see his problem also they went to see Bill dson and they shared their stories with Bill doson Bill doson could see his problem through their stories and they learned very early on that it was necessary for one alcoholic to identify with another in order to be able to get their interest and get their attention and when the big book was first published they knew they wouldn’t be able to sit down with the first person out here in California and share their story one on-one so the big book had to be complete enough to do that so they said we’ll put Bill’s story in here at the very beginning and another alcoholic in Reading Bill’s story will be able to identify with Bill and if we can identify with Bill and see his alcoholism see him make a recovery from that condition we we can begin to believe and we can begin to hope that we’re enough like Bill Wilson that if he could recover from that condition then just maybe we could too now a lot of people have said well we don’t we have trouble identifying with Bill Wilson cuz after all he was a night school lawyer and we were not after all he was a New York City stock Speculator and we were not and a lot of the women say we can’t identify with him because he’s a man and many people say well he was an older fell and we couldn’t identify there either but if we look for the way Bill thinks and the way Bill acts and the way Bill drinks if we’re a real alcoholic there’s not an alcoholic in this room that can identify with Bill Wilson so as we go through Bill’s story this morning we’ll look for identification we’ll look for the progression of alcoholism we’ll look for him drinking finally for the sickest reason of all complete Oblivion then we’ll look and see how Bill recovered from alcoholism and if we’ve identified with him then we can begin to believe that if he could do it just maybe we could too identification the beginning of belief the beginning of Hope Joe see I too didn’t think I could identify with Bill Wilson because I’ve seen pictures of him he was an old man I thought turns out he was a 43 years old when this book was written so relatively young man but as I began to study and read Bill’s story I began to see that he was a very optimistic person hardworking had lots and lots of willpower he was a self made Man became very successful in his own right and through Bill’s story we’re going to see how he learn uh how he was what he was like then we going to see how he uh learned that he was sick and then we’re going to see how he affected a recovery so the total story of Alcohol Anonymous is contained in Bill Wilson’s story so let’s go to page one Bill’s story he said war fever ran high in the New England town to which we knew young officers from platsburg were assigned and we were flattered when the first citizens took us to their homes making us feel heroic here was love Applause and War moments sublim with intervals hilarious anybody ever have any moment Sublime with intervals hilarious I have I love the way Bill rights said I was part of life at last in the midst of excitement I discovered liquor I forgot the strong warnings and prees of my people concerning drink in time we sailed for over there I was very lonely and again turned to alcohol we landed in England I visited Winchester Cathedral much move I wandered outside my attention was caught by a dog on an old Tombstone said here lies a Hamshire grimed de who caught his death drinking cold small beer a good soldier has never forgot whether he dieth by musket or by pot now when he said or by pot he’s not referring to this wacky weed he’s talking about a pot of beer that’s the way they used to drink it over in England at that time he said ominous warning which I failed to heed 20 two in a veteran of foreign war as I went home at last I fancied myself a leader for had not the men of my battery given me special token of appreciation my talent for leadership I imagined would one day Place me in the v head of vast Enterprise of which I would manage with the utmost Assurance he said I took a night law course and obtained employment as an investigator for the shity company the drive for Success was on I proved the world that I was important I already identify with Bill Wilson that seems to be one of the main characteristics behind every alcoholic I’ve ever known that great drive for Success was on that proved to the world that I’m important also that seems to be the driving force behind each one of us he said my work took me about Wall Street and little by little I became interested in the market many people lost money but some became very rich well why not I I studied economics and business as well as law potential alcoholic that I was I nearly failed my law course at one of the finals I was too drunk to think or to write though my drinking was not yet continuous it Disturbed my wives I can identify with B so we had long talks when I was still her for boings by telling her that Men of Genius conceive their best projects when drunk I have no trouble identifying with Bill Wilson that the most majestic construction of philosophic thought were so derived Charlie said last night we make our living selling fast talk to slowth thinking people and Bill’s trying to do some of that here but we all know the lais didn’t buy that he said by the time IID completed the course I knew the law was not for me the inviting mream of Wall Street had me in its grip business and financial leaders were my heroes out of this alloy and R speculation I commenced to forge the weapon that a one day turned in his flight like a boomerang and all but cut me to Ribbons living modestly my wife and I saved $1,000 it went into certain Securities then cheap and rather unpopular I rightly imagin that they would someday have a great rise I failed to persuade my broker friends to send me out looking over factories and managements but my wife and I decided to go anyway I had developed a theory that most people lost money in stocks through ignorance of markets I discovered many more reasons later on now bill is referring to a time back in the 1920s when the stock market was on a roll just about everybody that dealt with stocks was making money all you had to do is buy them and hold on to them let them go up in price sell them take your profits buy some more everything was done on about a 10% margin everything was pure speculation Bill really became one of the first investment counselors on Wall Street he began to say look sooner or later this bubble is going to burst sooner or later we’re going to have to start making our decisions based on fact rather than speculation he went to the people who had the money and he said I don’t have the money to do this but if you guys would back me financially I’ll leave New York City and I’ll start visiting these companies and I’ll look at the plants and I’ll talk to the employees and I’ll examine the books wherever I can and I’ll write up reports and send them back in here and we’ll start making our decisions whether to buy or not based on fact and they said nah Bill we don’t need that kind of information we’re making about all the money we might we want to make anyhow and you know how we alcoholics are if we get a good idea stubborn as hell we’re going to carry it out one way or the other he said to hell with them I don’t need them anyhow I’ll just go do this on my own he said we gave up our positions and off we roared on a motorcycle the sidecar stuff with tent blankets a change of clothes three huge volumes of a financial reference service our friends thought a lunacy commission should be appointed perhaps they were right I had had some success in speculations we had a little money but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small Capital that was the last honest manual labor on my part for any a day we covered the whole Easter United States in a year at the end of it my reports to Wall Street procured me a position there and the use of a large expense account the exercise of an option brought in more money leaving us with a profit of several thousand for that year Bill and Lois traveling on the motorcycle living in the tent went up and down the Eastern Seaboard of the United States and he wrote up reports on approximately 100 of the largest companies in the eastern states sent them into New York C City the guys that had the money saw them and they said oh yeah man this is great information immediately they put bill on a payroll gave him a large expense account he exercised an option made a good profit for the first time in his life he’s got something he came from a little town called East Dorset Vermont he had never had anything before in his life here’s how he feels for the next few years Fortune threw money and Applause my way I had arrived God how many of us have done the same kind of things build it my judgment and ideas were followed by many to the tune of paper Millions the great boom of the late 20s was seething and swelling drink was taking an important exhilarating part in my life there was loud talk in the jazz places Uptown everyone spent in th in thousands and chattered in millions scoffers could scoff and be damned I made a host of fair weather friends and here’s bill now back in New York City on top of the de he’s making money for himself and a lot of other people he’s drinking also but drinking is not a problem right now it’s a very exciting thing and Bill is really really really becoming a success at what he wanted to be we also know though that if Al if he’s alcoholic his drinking is going to get worse because it is a progressive thing let’s see where he goes now from the top of the Heap he said my drink consumed a more serious proportions coning all day and almost every night the remon of my friends terminated and around I became a lone wolf how many of us have done the same thing bill but people going to say to Bill you’re drinking too much Bill you’re costing us money Bill why don’t you cut back Bill why don’t you quit and once again rather than even consider that Bill said to hell with them I don’t need them he begins to operate on his own now I have no problem identifying with Bill Wilson so there were many unhappy scenes in our sumptious apartment there had been no real infidelity for to my wife helped at times by extreme drunkenness kept me out of the those trpes and I’ve always believed about everything Bill wrote but I’m not sure about that you see we have a book in AA called as Bill sees it and alanon they have a book called as Lois remembers a whole lot different they’re not exactly the same either let’s go over to page four first paragraph here’s old Bill he’s making lots of money to doing well he’s got lots of willpower lots of Hope for the future hardworking optimistic self-made man on page four it said abruptly in October 1929 hail broke loose on the New York stocking change after one of those days of Inferno I wobbled from a hotel bar to a brokerage office it was 8:00 5 hours after the market had closed the ticker still clattered I was staring at an inch of tape which bore the inscription XYZ 32 it been 52 that morning he said I was finish and so were many friends the papers reported men jumping to the death from towers of High Finance he said that disgusted me I would not jump I went back to the bar Bill had a solution for that didn’t he my friends had dropped several million since 10:00 was so hot tomorrow was another day and I as I drank that old Fierce determination to win came back how many of us have done the same thing could come out of the jail house the divorce court the hospital or wherever low sad depressed stop off in the bar have a couple of drinks and as the alcohol course sisu our vain we say we’ll show them by God they’re not going to treat us that way and we’re off and we’re running again at Old Fierce determination to be somebody to show them next morning I telephoned a friend in Montreal he had plenty of money left and thought I’d better go to Canada you know bill was a drunk he wasn’t stupid he knew where the money was so he went to Canada by the following spring we were living in our custom style I felt like Napoleon returning from Ela no s Helena for me but drinking caught up with me again my generous friend had to let me go and this time we stayed broke now we see our drinking progress to the point where we can no longer even hold a job we went to live with my wife’s parents I found a job then lost it as a result of a brawl with a taxi driver mercifully no one could guess that I was to have no real employment for 5 years I hardly draw a sober breath my wife began to work in a department store coming home exhausted to find me drunk I became an unwelcome hanger on at brokerage places people at where he used to be the fair-haired boy where he used to make lots of money for lots of people he goes in there now and they saying Bill we’d rather you didn’t come in here today you’re about half drunk and you don’t look good and you’re smelling bad you’re embarrassing in front of our customers please move right on down the street certainly certainly we can see the progression of alcoholism we’ve gone from excitement to now then we’ve gone to the point where it controls us completely no longer hold a job nobody wants us around anymore it starts to get worse liquor ceased to be a luxury it became a necessity now we’re drinking for an entirely different reason we’re drinking now because we absolutely have to drink in order to live no fun left anymore no excitement drinking in order to be able to live bathtub chin two balls a day and often three got to be routine sometimes a small deal would another a few hundred doar and I would pay my bills at the bars and delicate Ence now this went on endlessly and I began to waken very early in the morning shaking violently a tumber full of gin followed by half dozen bottles of beer would be required if I were to eat any breakfast never less I still thought I could control the situation I remember last night Dr silor said we really couldnot differentiate the TRU from the false to us what we’re doing is normal we see Bill’s life going to hell in a hand basket already Bill can’t see that he thinks he can still control the situation let’s see where he goes on control things are real bad in Bill’s life but it says gradually things got worse the house was taken over by the mortgage holder my mother-in-law died and my wife and father-in-law became ill he said then I got a promising business opportunity stocks were at a low point of 1932 and I had somehow formed a group to buy I was to share generously in the profits then I went on a prodigious vendor and that chance vanished this is a story within itself the people had the money knew how good bill was at putting these deals together and they came to Bill and they said Bill we’ve got a proposition for you we’ve got an opportunity to not only make money for us but make money for you and if you can stay sober we’d like for you to handle this thing and Bill said don’t you worry about that drinking he said I’m through with that drinking you’ll not have to worry about that and he worked for a matter of months putting this deal together and a few days before it was to be successfully completed one night they’re all sitting around in a hotel room talking about this somebody passes around a bottle of Apple Jack this was back during the days of prohibition it came to Bill and he said no thank you I’m not drinking anymore after a while it came back to him and the guy next to him said bill you don’t understand what this is he said this is the finest Applejack in the world it is called Jersey lightning you better have a drink and Bill’s mind said hm I’ve never tasted any Jersey lightning no more thought than that he reached out grabbed the bottle took a drink triggered the allergy couldn’t sober up blew the whole deal now the importance in it lies within the next statement he said I woke up this had to be stopped I I saw that I could not take as much as one drink while I was through forever before then I’d written lots of sweet promises but my wife happily observed that this time I meant business and so I did for the first time Bill could differentiate the true from the false for the first time he could truly see what alcohol was doing to him and he did just like all the rest of us he trotted out his willpower and he said sick them will we’re through without without drink and we’ll never drink again as long as we live you know they tell try to tell us we are weak will people people don’t you believe that we are strong will people weak will people do not become alcoholic third time they vomit they quit drinking alcoholic knows there’s got to be some way to drink without puking we damn near kill ourselves you know we got lots of willpower see but Bill doesn’t know what we learned last night anytime there’s a battle going on between the willpower and the obsession of the Mind the obsession of the mind is stronger than willpower and it’ll always win that’s how strong it is let’s see what happened to him on Willpower he said shortly afterward I came home drunk there had been no fight where had been my high resolve I simply didn’t know it hadn’t even come to mind someone had pushed a drink my way and I’d taken it he said was I crazy see if his willpower is not working then he begins to question his sanity am I just crazy is that it he said I begin to wonder for such an appalling lack of perspective seem near being just that now renewing my resolve I tried again sometime past and confidence began to be replaced by cockness he said I could laugh at the G Mills now I had what it takes one day I walked into a cafe to telephone in no time I was beating on the bar asking myself how it happened and as a whiskey rose to my head I told myself I would manage better next time but I might as well get good drunk then and I did anybody in here identified with Bill Wilson huh he said the remorse and and hopess of the next morning are un forgettable can you guys hear him from the back can you hear back there okay okay uh my voice is a little low here this morning okay where am I all right the Lin Nevada I got a one yeah I I got a wonderful memory it’s just short so the remorse and horor and hopeless of the next morning are Unforgettable the courage to do battle was not there my brain raced uncontrollably there there was a terrible sense of impending Calamity I hardly D cross the street L I collap be run down by an early morning truck for it was scarcely daylight an all night Place supplied me with a dozen glasses of Ale my writhing nerves was staled at last and morning paper told me the market had gone to hell again was so had I the market would recover but I wouldn’t that was a hard thought should I kill myself no not now then a mental fog settled down Jen would fix that so two bottles in the Oblivion see Bill questioned his he used his Willow and that didn’t work he began to question his sanity and that didn’t work and then he began to contemplate suicide and then he was drinking for the sickest effect of all total Oblivion and that’s where we find Bill at this time he said the mind and body are marvelous mechanisms for mine endured this Agony two more years sometimes I stole from my wife’s slender purse when the morning Terror and Madness were on me again I I sway dizzily before an open window or the medicine cabinet where there was poison cursing myself for a weakling they were flights from City to Country and back as I and my wife and I saw Escape then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I’d burst through my window Sash and all sometime I somehow I managed to drag my mattress to a lower floor L I suddenly leap a doctor came with hey heavy sedative next day found me drinking both Jin and sedative this combination soon landed me on the Rocks people feared for my sanity and so did I I could eat little or nothing when drinking and I was 40 lbs underweight so now we find Bill drinking for Oblivion not eating very often I can identify with Bill he’s dying of malnutrition and I I can identify with Bill because when I was drinking those last years of my drinking occasionally I’d eat a blony sandwich cuz I knew you supposed to eat something rather than just drink and that’s what bill was doing at this time dying of malnutrition my brother-in-law is a physician and through his kindness and that of my mother I was placed in a nationally known hospital for the mental and physical rehabilitation of Alcoholics this is the town’s Hospital in New York City and this is the summer of 1933 under the so-called belladon treatment my brain cleared belladon was a drug that they used to fool the body into thinking it had alcohol in it it was used for withdrawal purposes it’s what they use valum for today hydrotherapy and mild exercise help much hydrotherapy is a water treatment we saw some of that in a treatment center in Australia back in the 1980s they would put the alcoholic on a gurnie roll him into the shower room and they had shower heads all the way around around the shower room alternating hot and cold water be in there for about 30 minutes doesn’t cure alcoholism but it makes a clean drunk out of you I’ll guarantee you that those guys had come out of there and their skin all wrinkled up and shriveled up he said best of all I met a kind doctor now this is Dr silkworth Who explained that those certainly selfish and foolish I’d been seriously ill bodily and mentally silky sat down with him and explained his ey is about the physical allergy and the obsession of the mind and here’s the effect it had on Bill he said it relieved me somewhat to learn that an alcoholic the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor though it often remains strong in other respects my incredible behavior in the face of a desperate desire to stop was explained understanding myself now I fared forth in High Hope for three or four months the goose hung High I went to town regular and even made a little money surely this was the answer self- knowledge for the first time Bill understood his problem he knew it was not willpower he knew it wasn’t moral character in sin he knew it was a physical allergy coupled with a Obsession of the mind and that’s what made him absolutely powerless and he said now that I know what’s wrong with me I’ll not have to drink any longer let’s see where he goes from here the information we learned last night about the doctor’s opinion and the illness of alcoholism very very important information but you know it’s just information it will not solve alcoholism just because we know what the problem is as Bill found out but it was not for the frightful day came when I drank once more the curve of my declining moral and bodily Health fell off like a ski jump and after a time I returned to the hospital now this is the summer of 1934 A year later we go back into the towns for the second time he said this was the finish the curtain it seemed to me my weary and despairing wife was in point that it would all end with heart failure during delirium trimens or I would develop a wet brain perhaps within a year she would soon have to give me over to the Undertaker or the Asylum bill was laying in the hospital room there all sick he overheard Lois and Dr silkworth talking she said Dr silkworth is there any hope for him and he said no I don’t believe so Lois we don’t have to give him over to the Undertaker of the Asylum cuz there’s no solution for Bill and he said that didn’t they did not need to tell me he said I knew and I almost welcomed the idea it was devastating blow to my PR I who had thought so well of myself and my abilities of my capacit amount of obstacles was cornered at last now I was to to plunge into the dark joining that inless possession of solitude gone on before I thought of my poor wife there had been much happiness after all what would I not give to make commends but that was over now bill was a very hardworking optimistic individual and now we see Bill he’s hopeless he is without hope and we all know you can’t live long without hope you got to have hope but Bill is hopeless at the moment now let’s look at this next statement very carefully he said no words can tell of the lon and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity quick sand stretched around me in all directions I had met my match I had been overwhelmed alcohol was my master I’ve never seen a better description of step one no step one written in those days but surely this is where Bill took it he admitted complete defeat alcohol had whipped him in a fair fight he was completely powerless over alcohol now if that should happen to you and I today chances are we would say well that being the case I guess I better go to AA the bill didn’t have any AA to go to he’s in the best facility he knows of so even though he’s admitted his powerlessness even though he’s taken what we know is step one the only thing he can do is leave that hospital try to stay sober on his own trembling I stepped from the hospital of broken man fear sobered me for a bit then came the Insidious Insanity of that first drink and in ours day 1934 I was off a again everyone became resigned of the certainty that I would have to be shut up somewhere or would stumble along to a miserable end how dark it is before the dawn in reality that was the beginning of my last debouch I was soon to be catapulted in what I like to call the fourth dimension of existence I was to know happiness peace and usefulness at a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes near the end of that Bleak November I sat drinking in my kitchen and I imagine it was a pretty bleak November he started drinking on November the 11th triggered the allergy couldn’t stop been drunk now for about 3 weeks with a certain satisfaction I reflected there was enough gin concealed about the house to carry me through that night to the next day my wife was at work I wondered whether I dared hide full bottle of gin near the head of her bed I would need it before daylight my musing was interrupted by the telephone the Cheery voice of an old school friend asked if he might come over now this was EBY Thatcher and Bill and EBY had gone to school together when they were younger did lots of drinking together and Bill knew about EBY and he knew how EBY drank and he said he was sober and if you’ll notice that’s in squiggly riding squiggly riding in the big book is very important this really amaz Bill EB’s sober he said was years since I remember coming to New New York in that condition I was amazed rumor had it that he had been committed for alcoholic Insanity the last Bill had heard about eie is eie was going to be committed to the state insane asylum in the state of Vermont for alcoholic Insanity that’s what they used to do with people like us before we had the treatment centers that hul us in front of a judge the judge who would commit us to the state insane asylum for Al alcoholic Insanity for an undetermined period of time till you got well you will stay there until you got well and that’s the last he had heard about eie he said I wondered how how he’ escaped he was amazed that eie was out of this treatment center or Sint Asylum excuse me the same thing same thing yeah they’ve renamed everything you know these days they talk about D dysfunctional families today well mine was just crazy as hell but Abby Abby come from a very prominent family in Aly New York in fact his father was the mayor of Aly very prominent family and EB’s drinking was embarrassing the family so they called eie in one day said eie said you’re embarrassing the family with your drinking we would like for you to just basically get out of town and going over there to Vermont and stay at the old summer place and we’ll be over there this summer and while you’re there you might as well sober up and if you get sober you might as well make yourself useful and paint up and pick up the old Summer Place because we’ll be using it so eie went out got out of town and went over to Vermont he be began to fix up the old Summer Place painting and fixing up and one day he finished painting this wall and he looked at and he was admiring that and he noticed that some pigeons were doing some things on the side of his wall that he didn’t like so he went in the house and got his shotgun out and began to shoot at the pigeons blowing holes in the side of the wall well the no the neighbors they don’t like that at all so they called the police and they had him arrested and they took him before the judge and they were going to commit him for alcoholic insanity but eie got real lucky Two Fellas interceded on his behalf one guy’s name was Roland Hazard the other was cbra Graves and they asked the judge if they might release eie to their care because they were going to the Oxford Group and they felt if they took EBY to the Oxford Group meetings and if he would apply the tenis of the Oxford Group to his life maybe he too could stay sober as they had well Abby began to go to the ORD group meetings and he began to stay sober and a couple of months later he goes to New York to the calvary mission was the headquarters of the Oxford Group at that time and he began to stay there in that mission and after a while he decided that he remembered his friend Bill he said I think I’ll go over and talk to Bill maybe I can help Bill stay sober as these Two Fellas that help me now Bill didn’t know any of this though he said I wondered how he’d escaped of course he would have dinner and I could drink Op with him unmindful of his welfare I thought only of recapturing the spirit of other days there was that time we chared an airp PL to complete a Jag his coming was an oasis in this dreary desert of futility the very thing in Oasis drinkers are like that the door opened and he stood there fresh skinned and glowing there was something about his eyes he was inexplicably different what had happened I pushed a drink across the table and he refused it disappointed but curious I wondered what got into the fell he wasn’t himself come what’s all this about I queried and he looked straight at me simpy but smilingly he said I’ve got religion now I’m damn glad that didn’t happen in my kitchen I have no idea what I would have done but here’s what Bill did he said I was a ghast so that was it last summer an alcoholic crackpot now I suspected little cracked about religion he had that story eyed look yeah the old boy was on fire all right but bless his heart let him rant besides my Jin would last longer than his preaching but he didn’t know R in a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court persuading the judge to suspend his commitment they had told of a simple religious idea which is step two and a practical program of action which is steps 3 through 12 that was 2 months ago and the result was self-evident it worked so now then Bill knows all three things he got the problem from Dr silkworth he got the solution here referred to as a simple religious idea from e he got the Practical program of action from eie so now he knows all three things but Bill is also just like so many of us he did not like this simple religious idea you know Bill’s thoughts and his ideas about God and about religion and Etc were enough that made him resent what eie had brought to him he said he’d come to pass his experience along to me if I cared to have it I was shocked but ented said certainly I was interested I had to be for I was hopeless he talked for hours childhood memories Rose before me I could almost hear the sound of the preacher voice as I sat on still Sunday way over there on the hillside there was that profer Temperance pledge I never sign my grandfather’s good-natured contempt of some church folk and their doings his insistence insistence that his fears really had their music but his denial of the preacher right to tell him how he must listen you know Bill’s Grand father grandpa Griffith raised him from 12 Years on and Grandpa Griffith believed in some power greater than human power but he wouldn’t let anybody tell him how he had to to believe in it he had a his grandpa had a great problem with the world’s religions he’d passed that along to Bill his Fearless as he spoke of these things just before he died these Recollections welled up from the past and they made me swallow hard that wartime day an old Winchester Cathedral came back again and where Bill’s having a problem now with this religious idea that EB’s talking about we’ve seen him take step one in the next couple of pages we’re going to see him take step two let’s see how he came to be able to accept this religious idea and bill has already took step one so now he’s between steps one and two he hasn’t took steps two yet he began to ponder these things he said I always believed in the power greater than myself I’d often pondered these things I was not an atheist few people people really are for that means Blind Faith in the strange proposition that this universe originated in a cipher and aimlessly rushes nowhere my intellectual Heroes the chemists the astronomers even the evolutionists suggest vast laws and forces at work but despite contrary indications I had little doubt that a mighty purpose and Rhythm underlay all how could there be so much precise and immutable law and no intelligence he I I simply had to believe in the spirit of the universe who knew neither time nor limitation but that was as far as I had gone now here’s where I really began to identify with Bill Wilson with minister in the world’s religions I parted right there when they talked of a god personal to me who was love superhuman strength and direction he said I became irritated in my mind snap shut against such theories to Christ I con seeed the certainty of a great man not too closely followed by those who claimed him his moral teachings most excellent for myself I had adopted those parts which seemed convenient and not too difficult the rest I disregarded anybody in here identified with Bill Wilson huh you bet you we can see that Bill’s having a terrible time with this religious idea now let’s go down to the middle paragraph but my friend set before me and he made the point de back declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself his human well had failed doctors had pronounced him incurable Society was about to lock him up like myself he had admitted complete defeat then he had in effect been raised from the dead suddenly taken from the scrap Heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known had this power originated in him obviously it had not there had been no more power in him than there was in me at that minute and this was none at all this is where the identification process is so important bill knew about eie he knew how eie drank and he knew that if Ebby had been sober two months some power greater than eie had to be working in EB’s life whether Bill likes it or not is absolutely beside the point eie is living proof of it that’s what you and I offer to the newcomer you know we said they talking to a newcomer we’re living proof that some power greater than human power is working in our lives also whether the newcomer likes it or not beside the point we are the proof of it eie was the proof for bill now I I’d like to have been there that day sitting in a corner watching them Bill’s about 2third drunk Abby has come out of the Oxford groups and they were a group of people practicing first century Christianity to the best of their ability the terms they use were highly religious in nature eie is on fire and he’s talking about God and Bill don’t like it at all and they’re sitting there arguing with each other about who God is and what he is and Bill said don’t give me that religious crap oh yeah I believe in a great mind a spirit of nature but don’t give me that other kind of stuff and EB’s trying to put it on o Bill and they’re arguing back and forth back and forth back and forth let’s go over to page 12 first paragraph he said despite the living example with my friend that remained me the vages of my old Prejudice Bill still doesn’t like this idea the word God still Ares a certain antiy when the thought was expressed that there might be a god personal to me this feeling was intensified he said I didn’t like the idea I could go for such conception that c intelligence universal mind or Spirit or nature but I resisted the thought of the are of the heavens however loving his way might be I have since talked with scores of men who felt the same way in other other words bill was saying there’s got to be a harder way to do this what you’re saying is too simple now I guess eie finally finally got tired of this deal let’s look at the next statement very carefully if you’ll notice in it’s in squiggly writing my friend suggested what then see the novel idea he said well why don’t you choose your own conception of God in other words he said Bill what are we arguing about what difference does it make what we call him why don’t you choose your own conception of God and we’re no longer dealing with religion now we’re dealing with spirituality you see religion says this is the way you have to believe spirituality says it really doesn’t make any difference how you believe the only question is are you willing to believe so we’re we’re through with religion now we’re talking about spirituality and here’s the effect that it had on Bill that statement Hit me hard it melted the icy intellectual Mount new Shadow i’ lived and shivered many years I stood in the sunlight it l it took all arguments away from him he couldn’t argue with that statement he said it was only a matter of being willing to believe in a power greater than myself nothing more was required of me to make my beginning I saw that growth could start from that point upon a foundation of complete Welling I might build what I saw in my friend would I have it of course I would surely this is when Bill took step two no step two written in those days but here’s where he came to believe in a power greater than himself based on every simp a little statement why don’t you choose your own conception of God and that statement has opened the door for countless millions of we alcoholics who were having trouble with religion and I think the reason it really works is we’re allowed here to have our own conception of God and you know as I look back at my lifetime I realize I’ve never had any problem with my own conception of anything you bet you let me believe the way I want to and I’m ready to go now bill is now taking a step two isn’t that something isn’t that something when he made the statement I saw that growth could start from that point upon the foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my friend would I have it of course I would this is Bill’s first reference to a wonderfully effective spiritual structure and he’s going to start painting a picture in our mind using words eventually he’ll tell us what the structure is and show us where we’ll pass through it to Freedom now his first reference to it is is upon a foundation of complete willingness I might build what I saw in my f in my friend the foundation of this structure is willingness that came from step one when we could see that what we were doing would no longer work period we became willing to change later on we’re going to see where believing step two is the Cornerstone of that structure and eventually he’ll tell us exactly what it is a beautiful way to teach painting pictures in our mind using words if we are willing and if we believe then we’ve already started the road to recovery bill has now taken steps one and two immediately Abby starts taking him to Ox for group meetings but remember Bill’s still drinking triggered the allergy on November the 11th he can’t stop on about December the 10th probably 1934 bill was put back in the hospital for the third time for withdrawal from alcohol by Dr silkworth Abby comes to visit with him they begin to apply the little Oxford Group program of action and Bill had his spiritual experience let’s look on page 13 let’s see if we can’t see the last 10 steps of alcoholic synonymous he’s taken one and two let’s see if we can’t see the last 10 he said at the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time treatment seemed wise so I showed signs of delirium tremin there I humbly offer myself to God as I then understood him to do with me as he would I placed myself unreservedly under his care and direction I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing that without him I was lost the first tenant that the Oxford Group had was surrender now bill later on when he wrote the steps he realized that no alcoholic would like the word surrender so he changed their first step into our third step where we made a decision to turn our will in life over to the care of God as we understand him we see him there taking the first Oxford Group tenant which turned out to be our step three he’s now taken one two and three he said I ruthlessly face my sins I ruthlessly face my sins their second tenant was examine your sins and Bill knew that no good alcoholics going to do that so he changed that into made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves he’s taking step four there and became willing to have my newfound friend take them away rooten Branch I’ve not had a drink since became willing to have new friend take them away root and Branch you’ll notice friend is capitalized this is one of the words that bill uses for God and that little statement became willing to have my new found friend take them away root and Branch later became step six and seven we became willing to have God remove these things and humbly asked him to do so there we’re dealing with six and seven my schoolmate visited me and I fully acquainted him with my problems in deficiencies he’s taking what we know today as step five there in the town’s hospital with where they be we made a list of people I’d heard and toward whom I felt resentment I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals admitting my wrong never was I to be critical of them I was to write all such matters to the utmost of my ability they had an Oxford Group tenant called restitution and Bill you no self-respecting alcoholic is on a due restitution so he took that and made two steps out of it step8 and nine where we made the list and became willing and then made amends there he is dealing with eight and nine he said I was test my thinking by the new God conscious within Common Sense would thus become Uncommon Sense that statement later became step 10 where we continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly explained it I mean admitted it that’s the new Step 10 I would sit quietly when in doubt asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as he would have me never was I to pray for myself except as my request B my usefulness to others then only might I expect to receive but that would be in great measure and there we see all the elements of Step 12 where we sought through prayer and medic meditation Step 11 to improve our conscious contact with God so on and so forth there he’s dealing with Step 11 I’m sorry Step 11 my friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my creator that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems it’s got to be the first part of Step 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps so we see bill in the town’s Hospital applying the Oxford Group tenants which later he made into the last 10 steps of Alcoholic Anonymous and this is why he was able to say and how it works these are the steps we took which are suggested as a program of recovery Bill took them in the town hospital with the help of EBY now let’s see what happened to him believe in the power of God plus enough willingness honesty and humility to establish and maintain the New Order of Things where the requirements simple but not easy a price had to be paid it meant the destruction of self-centeredness and I must turn in all things to the father of light who presides over us all poal alcoholics got to give up the two most important things in our lives and the first thing is our alcohol and the second thing is our self-centeredness the two things very difficult to do very difficult but very simple yeah he said these were revolutionary and drastic proposals but the moment I accepted them the effect was electric there was a sense of Victory followed by such a peace and serenities I’d ever known there was utter confidence I felt lifted up as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through God comes to most men gradually but his impact on me was sudden and profound and for a moment I was alarmed and called my friend the doctor and asked if I was still saying he listen and wonder as I talked you know Bill overheard Lois and and Dr silkworth talking so he thought he’d gone crazy he thought he’d check out with Dr silkworth to see if he had gone crazy finally after he told me his experience finally he shook his head saying well something’s happened to you I don’t understand but you better hang on to it anything is better than the way that you were the good doctor now sees many men who had such experiences he knows that they are real now we don’t know what happened to Bill that day we were not there to see that but we know this was probably about December the 14th of 1934 we do know that bill didn’t die until January of 1971 we do know that it was never necessary for him to take another drink from this day until the day that he died something profound took place in his life that day Bill always said I had a vital spiritual experience as the result of these steps during which old ideas were cast aside and replaced with a new set of ideas and I was La able to live the rest of my life without drinking now here’s a guy that went in the hospital selfish and self-centered to the extreme always doing what he wanted to do whenever he wanted to do it that was his attitude when he went in there let’s look at his attitude now that he’s had the spiritual experience he said while I lay in the hospital the thought came that there were thousands of hopeless alcoholics who might be glad to have what had been so freely given me perhaps I could help some of them they in turn might work with others Bill had that gigantic exp spiritual experience and then he immediately begins to think how he can give it to other people something profound happened with Bill he said my friend and this time you’ll notice it’s a small F he’s referring to eie now my friend that emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my Affairs particularly was it imperative to work with others as he had worked with me faith without works was dead he said and how appallingly true for the alcoholic for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead if he did not work he would surely drink again and if he drank would surely die then Faith would be dead indeed and with us it’s just like that thank God Bill knew that and accepted that fact cuz when he was acan about to get drunk he remembered how back in New York City even though he’ never helped anybody else that he himself had felt better that’s why he got a hold of Dr Bob to try to help Dr Bob not necessarily to sober up Bob but to keep bill from getting drunk and thank God it kept him from getting drunk and Bob sobered up and from there we had the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous faith without works is dead and you no just about anybody I see drink today that’s been in AA for any period of time usually they have quit working with other people and when they quit working with other people they start thinking about self only and after a while all the old problems come back and we end up getting drunk all over again always working with others will help us when nothing else will he said my wife I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasms the idea of help helping other alcoholics to a solution to their problems it was fortunate for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half during which I found little work I was not too well at the time and I was plagued by ways of self-pity and resentment this sometimes nearly drove me back to drink but I soon found when all of the measures failed work with another alcoholic would save the day many times I’ve gone to my old hospital in despair on talking to a man there I’d be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet it’s a design for living that works in rough going we’ve took a design for living that works in rough going and turned it into a non-drinking society I’m afraid this is designed for living and the work is really really hard but the pay is really really good too we manag to stay sober isn’t that something now if we’re brand new alcoholic out here in California no Fellowship around us first Contact we’ve ever had is this book called Alcoholic Anonymous we’ve read the doctor’s opinion we’ve been able to see what our problem is we’ve read Bill’s story we’ve been able to identify with another alcoholic we’ve seen him go from fun drinking to drinking because of absolute necessity going finally to the sickest of all complete Oblivion then we’ve seen him recover from that condition now surely surely we could say to ourselves we’re enough like this guy that if he can recover just maybe we could too the beginning of belief the beginning of Hope by now we could probably hardly wait to see what really did take place in Bill’s life and how he recovered and I don’t think it’s by accident the very next chapter is title there is a solution there is a solution to the to the thing that bill has really described in his own story here and to what Dr silkworth has talked to us about it now if our problem is powerless which we should be convinced of that by now then obviously the answer is going to lie within power we do know that it was never necessary for him to take another drink from this day until the day that he died something profound took place in his life that day Bill always said I had a vital spiritual experience as the result of these steps during which old ideas were cast aside and replaced with a new set of ideas and I was lab able to live the rest of my life without drinking now here here’s a guy that went in the hospital selfish and self-centered to the extreme thank you for listening to sober Sunrise if you enjoyed today’s episode please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message until next time have a great day