AA Speaker – John K – Fort Worth, TX – 2006
AA speaker John K from Fort Worth shares his experience with Steps 1-3, explaining powerlessness, finding a Higher Power, and making the decision to surrender in recovery.
John K. from Fort Worth, Texas got sober on September 4th, 1999, after 37 previous attempts at AA spread across more than a decade. In this AA speaker tape, he walks through his sponsor’s methodical approach to Steps 1, 2, and 3—breaking down the Big Book’s explanation of powerlessness, the nature of a Higher Power, and what it actually means to make a decision to turn your will and life over to God as you understand Him.
John K. explains the three foundational steps of AA using the Big Book as his guide, starting with the reality that alcoholics are powerless over alcohol and their lives have become unmanageable. He describes Step 2—coming to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity—through the lens of practical examples and personal experience. He covers Step 3 in detail, including the Third Step Prayer, and illustrates how making a commitment to follow the program with a sponsor transforms the alcoholic’s life from self-directed chaos to service-oriented recovery.
Episode Summary
John K.’s talk is a methodical, Big Book-grounded exploration of the first three steps—the foundation upon which all AA recovery is built. He doesn’t philosophize; instead, he reads directly from the text and explains what each passage actually means for the alcoholic sitting in the room.
He starts with Step 1 by describing his own history: 37 desire chips between 1988 and 1999, dozens of treatment centers, hundreds of AA meetings—and nothing stuck until one night a sponsor sat down with him and painted a very specific picture of the problem. John was powerless over alcohol (once he started drinking, he couldn’t stop), and his life had become unmanageable (he couldn’t manage his own decision to stay away from the first drink). The sponsor didn’t lead with solutions or hope. He led with the hard truth: “You’re screwed.” John explains that this is exactly what the Big Book prescribes—laying out the hopelessness before offering hope.
He then walks through the key passages from the Big Book, including the test on page 44: Can you quit when you want to? Can you control how much you drink? If the answer is no, you’re probably an alcoholic, and only a spiritual experience will fix it. John’s sponsor asked him directly: “Are you a real alcoholic?” When John admitted yes, the sponsor said, “Well then, what the hell do you have to lose except your life?”
For Step 2, John explains the concept of a “power greater than ourselves.” He points out that alcohol was already a power greater than him—it got him to do things he never dreamed he’d do, landed him in strange towns with no memory. The task isn’t to find God; it’s to find *a different* power, one he can live by instead of die by. John uses the analogy of prejudice—his fixed ideas about God, AA, the program, and spirituality had blocked him from seeing the solution. He reads the promise from page 46: “As soon as we are able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commence to get results.”
He describes that first night with his sponsor: no big theological conversation, just a simple direction—go home, look at your ceiling, and say thank you to God (or whatever he called it) for another shot. John did it. He called his mother afterward and told her he’d gotten a new sponsor. She broke down crying—she’d been praying. That night, lying on his sofa, one thought crowded out all others: “I don’t ever have to have another drink.” He had nothing left. No more plans, no more escape routes. He had laid aside his prejudice and expressed even a willingness to believe.
The bulk of the talk covers Step 3—the decision to turn his will and his life over to the care of God as he understood Him. John emphasizes that this step is about *making a decision*, not about somehow managing to change his nature. He reads the Big Book’s description of selfishness as the root of all troubles—not alcohol itself, but the self-centered, self-willed way he’d been living. He goes through the character analysis on pages 61-64, showing how fear, self-seeking, self-pity, and the need to control everything had destroyed his relationships and his peace.
John explains the Third Step Prayer and describes his own experience: kneeling with his sponsor, arms around each other, admitting he’d tried to get sober since 1988 and was scared and didn’t want to die drunk. His prayer was simple and direct, without reservation. When he stood up, his sponsor hugged him and said, “You just did the Third Step Prayer.”
He then reads the promises that follow Step 3—the core of which is: “We have a new employer—God. He is all-powerful. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well.” John’s sponsor underlined that sentence and said it was his job description until the day he died: stay close to God and perform his work well. John has added to that: “Today. No matter what happens.” If God provides everything he needs, then what else does he need? Nothing. He may *want* a lot—a fast car, more money, more security—but he has everything he needs right now.
The final section of the talk illustrates Step 3 in action through two stories. The first is about a man living in a beat-up Winnebago, broke, alone, his wife and kids gone, who had been in AA for 15 years but never had anyone explain the Big Book to him. John worked with him, and when he finally understood Steps 1, 2, and 3, “his life changed like that”—snapping his fingers. The second story is about John, three weeks sober, feeling sick, wanting to stay home, but remembering that he’d committed to work with some newcomers at a meeting. He went anyway, worked with five guys (including some rough characters), and they all did their Third Step Prayer together on a filthy concrete floor. Six guys who normally wouldn’t mix got on their knees together. It was the kind of experience he says he could never create on his own—it came from showing up and doing the work.
The through-line of John’s message is that the steps aren’t mystical or flowery. They’re precise instructions. Do them with a sponsor who’s been where you’ve been and knows the way out. Stay close to God (however you understand Him) and do the work. The promises follow. That’s it.
Notable Quotes
My job is to get off my rear end and take this message to somebody who was dying just like I was—that’s how I show God I’m grateful.
Selfishness, self-centeredness—that is the root of our troubles. Alcohol is a symptom.
When you’re convinced of Step 1 100%, you hope in Step 2, and you’ve got a prescription for a miracle—the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
With this attitude you cannot fail. I did it. Seems to work.
My job today is to stay close to God and perform his work well, today, no matter what. No matter what happens, if I do that, God provides me with everything I need.
I spent years and years trying to get out from where I was right at this moment, trying to get somewhere else, and I can be right here, right now in perfect peace and ease.
Step 2 – Higher Power
Step 3 – Surrender
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Sponsorship
Big Book Study
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Step 2 – Higher Power
- Step 3 – Surrender
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Sponsorship
- Big Book Study
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
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welcome to sober Sunrise a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience strength and Hope from around the world we bring you several new speakers weekly so be sure to subscribe we hope to always remain an adree podcast so if you’d like to help us remain self-supporting please visit our website at sober-remix than a sober Sunrise we hope that you enjoy today’s speaker pardon youy what you Debbie no she’s not around long gone if anybody knows her I need making amends you know wow that was thank you Walter for that introduction I’ll probably lay a dud here tonight you know uh my name is John Kelly I’m A Grateful recovered alcoholic and my sobriety date is September the 4th 1999 and for that I am very very grateful and um you know I’m not just one of these dudes that walk around going oh I got me a little job today I’m you know God is so good you know I got me a car today look what God’s doing for me I got me a girlfriend today look what God’s is doing for me God don’t want to hear that from me he wants to see me in action so what better way for me to thank that God of my understanding then I get off my rear end and take this message to somebody who was dying just like I was that’s how I show God I’m grateful because for without this I would not be here tonight that’s for sure um so we’re doing the steps I spent all last week in case you missed it last week I spent all last week dwelling on the Hopeless of the situation the hopelessness of the situation that’s what the big book tells me if I’m a sponsor it tells me you know Pages 92 through 96 it tells me exactly lays it out how I’m supposed to take people through the steps what I’m supposed to talk about when I’m supposed to talk about it and you notice when I dwelt on the hopelessness of the situation I didn’t offer you an inkling of what the solution was right and that’s what I’m supposed to do as a sponsor right and um you know if you if you look at the history of it you know Bill got sober and and and he was like for like for 5 and a half months he was going around the batteries of New York City going up to every drunk he knew tell him about his hot flash experience in Town’s Hospital right can you imagine him sitting down he’s sober he’s got the little twinkle in his eye and he’s sitting down with a with a drunk right and he’s telling him wow and he tells him about this hot flash right and not a one of them stayed sober and Legend has it that he was home home kind of frustrated talking to Lois and she’s like you know like you dope You’re Sober you know so then he goes back to silkworth and talks to silkworth and silkworth says hey man you’re putting the cart before the horse lay out the hopelessness of the situation lay out this allergy to alcohol give them the scientific facts about alcoholism then if they identify with you and they ask you how you stay sober then you can lay out the solution but not before right so that’s my girlfriend says I do a pretty good job dwelling on the hopelessness of the situation um so what did I learn last week I learned you know I learned in step one that I’m screwed that’s the short that’s the short form of step one I’m screwed you know but who better to explain that to me was was someone who was at one time dying just like I was and he has recovered and been given the power to help me he is properly armed with the facts about himself right he’s been where I was at and he knows the way out and so he painted that picture for me that first night September the 4th 1999 and that wasn’t my first night in AA that was like my 37th or 38th desire chip that night been trying I was trying to get sober since 1988 been to hundreds and hundreds of Alcoholics annonymous meetings listen to all the stories you know but that man that night Disturbed me greatly on the problem of alcoholism and he did it in masterful I mean it was like in just a couple of minutes as near as I can remember I was in pretty bad shape that night um he kind of painted me into a corner a corner and he he shared with me some of his experiences he asked me some questions about mine he talked about the allergy that loss of control that once I start drinking I am powerless to control how much I drink it doesn’t matter what my intentions are my intentions were that I was going to drink like a normal person now that’s a that’s a crazy thought in itself since I never have any experience of drinking like a normal person but you know I spent years and years trying to drink thinking I was going to drink like a normal person once I start I cannot control how much I drink and that’s some bad news right but that’s not the bad news of Step One the bad news of Step step one is that my life has become unmanageable the bad news of Step One is that left of my own devices on my own power I am unable to manage the decision to stay away from the very first drink can’t do it tried tried every trick tried every self-help you should see the my you should see my library at home and I got everything and I I can hook you up if you want to try some of that Tony Robbins ta Chi you I can I can show it’s just in case you haven’t tried Tai Chi it’s it’s hard to do when you’re hung over to get in those 44 positions you know it’s hard and so he painted me into a corner and he asked me the question am I a real alcoholic if you look on page 44 if you have a big book as there’s a little test it says if when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely well I quit hundreds of times I desperately didn’t want to end up the places that I was ending up I quit but I couldn’t stay quit so I failed that one or it says or if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take well once I start it’s damn near impossible for me to stop and at the end of the time at the end of my drinking career the only time I did stop is when I winded up in jail or in the hospital that’s how I stop you know it says you’re probably an alcoholic if that’s the case you’re suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer now there may be some people in this room going you know I’ve been around in AA and I think it sucks and I don’t believe in this spiritual experience crap really well remember back when you were drinking when you were having one of those bad days I mean the bad days where like the the job’s not working out the relationship’s not working out the family stuff’s not working out the kids are screaming your puppy’s sick the car don’t start you got to catch the DART bus the DART bus sucks nobody loves you remember having one of those days how’ you feel when you took a couple of drinks changed the way I thought and felt didn’t it didn’t fix any of my problems but I had a psychic change right so now we know one exists we know it exists all right and it says later on it says to be doomed to an alcoholic death or live life on a spiritual basis are not easy alternatives to face so there I was I was going to drink myself to death or have this experience those are my two choices that’s where I was at that you know and I love page 45 in the big book now you’ll have to pardon me I could sit up here and I’m not like some of these speakers that go around and and pontificate on my great wisdom on my great Insight on the steps all right my sponsor is pretty cut and dry he says read the damn book you can’t screw it up so if you have a problem with what I say contact the author you know cuz I’m coming straight out of this book right but I love what it say says at the end of the first paragraph on 45 it says our human resources as Marshal by the will were not sufficient they failed utterly that means each and every time me trying to fix a situation fails utterly always happens I always drink so now they give us a a real lightning bold here it says lack of power that’s our dilemma step one says we’re powerless that’s my dilemma lack of power I ain’t got no power on this and it says we had to find a power by which we could live and it had to be a power greater than ourselves so let’s break that down maybe sitting there thinking I don’t believe in this higher power I don’t believe in this stuff well let’s put it let me put it to you this way how about booze was that a power greater than you did booze get you to do some things you never dreamed you’d do end up with people you never dreamed you’d end up with end up in did anybody ever wake up in a different town or a different state thinking where where in the heck am I you know I read that book million little pieces you know the opening P the open anybody who’s read it you know the guy wakes up on an airplane comes to and he’s bleeding and stuff and I’m thinking who hadn’t done that you know you know so now we know that there is a power greater than me booze was a power greater than me some people say hey hit a cop you’ll find out a power greater than you you know but now says it says we had to find a power by which we could live so we already know booze is a power greater than me but it says I had to find a power by which I could live could I live by booze anymore no booze was killing me so I know a power exists and it ain’t booze right so I got to find another power and it says and it had to be a power greater than ourselves so I got to find another power and it ain’t me I’m not the power I can’t fix the situation it says obviously but where and how are we going to find this power that’s what this book is about it main object is to enable us to find a power greater than ourselves that will solve our problem why do you think they wrote the book why do you think there’s 12 steps lead us somewhere steps lead us from one point to another point right I’m powerless over here in step one I’m going to take these steps that are guaranteed to get me to the power I said to guarantee last week and I I’m going to show it to you this week There’s a couple of them in here but that’s why they wrote the book the steps the precise instructions in this book tell us how to get to the power that’s going to save our life now we got to get to the power right and they talk about that’s why they it goes on the rest of this page they talk about why they wrote this book right is to give us instructions and I love I love this part you mean don’t be a dope like me the first time I was first time I got my first big book and I started thumbing through the chapters and stuff cuz I like to read a lot I got to we agnostics and I thought well I’m not an agnostic and I just blew right through it you know I didn’t read it you know don’t do that but what they’re going to talk about in this chapter is you know there’s lots of stuff that block us from this power there’s lots of stuff that blocked me from getting sober all those years I had prejudices you know I had fixed ideas of what I thought AA was what I thought higher power was what I thought God was what I thought this book was about what I thought the program was about I had all all sorts of ideas and prejudices and Bill goes to Great length in this chapter to talk about why is it that we’ve done so much in this last century when it took all those many many centuries to get us to that point were are we that much smarter no I mean think about Columbus you know but he sailed sailed East to go west or sailed West to go East right you know there were some suckers back in in Italy when when or Portugal or wherever he took off from you know they were sitting there on the beach going as soon as that so gets across the Horizon he’s off the edge of the Earth you know they had prejudices right I had lots of prejudices blocking me but I was convinced on that first night back in AA in in 99 I knew the seriousness of the situation my sponsor told me I was screwed right and then he asked me another question he says do you believe that it works for me and I can remember look at him right in the eye and his little eyes sparkled and stuff and I knew it worked for him I’d heard his story several times before this was a bottom of the barrel drunk and something worked in his life and he says does it work for the rest of those people out there in that meeting and I’m like well yeah I know it works he says well then what the hell do you have to lose except your life and that’s what he informed me that he was going to be my become my sponsor and I was supposed to call him at 8:00 every morning he was going to tell me where to be what to read and where to show up to and it was my job to to follow his lead if I want what he’s got I got to do what he does right he gave me some instructions that first night and he told me to when I got home that night we didn’t talk about God that first night we didn’t talk about higher power or anything like that he told me when I got home to look up at my ceiling and say thanks and and you know tell my ceiling if I had to thanks that I have another another shot thanks that I met a big book dumper who was awake thank you God for giving me another shot he said you’ll sleep like a baby and I doubted that very seriously I got home that night and I had to call my sainted mother you know and I called her on my little cell phone and and I I don’t know if I told y’ all the story last night but I’ll tell it again and you know my mom like we do you know I put my family through all sorts of stuff they hit their alltime loads as a direct result of me and my actions and my alcoholism and they don’t even drink and she’s heard every con every lie in the book and she knew I was going to that meeting that night and she knew I was supposed to meet my other SP my older sponsor and um I called her and she says did you go to the meeting I said yes ma’am I did and she goes was Matthew there and I said no he wasn’t and you could just hear her little voice sink on the phone and I said well his wife is having a baby tonight so he couldn’t be there but I got another sponsor and she said who is that and I said Cliff bishop and she started crying and I said well why are you crying and she says because I’ve been praying and I said well I’m scared of the old man and he told me to read some stuff and and and I need to say a prayer and and I I just got to follow his directions all right now look what it says here and I follow those directions right and right in the middle of page 46 cuz this is a huge promise right in the middle of the page it says we found that as soon as we’re able to lay aside Prejudice and express even a willingness to believe and a power greater than ourselves here’s the promise we commence to get results even though it’s impossible for us to fully Define or comprehend that power which is God it’s a whole mouthful I didn’t read that that night I came across us a few days later or a few weeks later but that night after I said that prayer and talked to my mom and all that stuff and I laid down on my little sofa that I that’s the only piece of furniture I had in that house I knew one thing and I remember this as clear as day that first night back in AA desire chip number 38 or whatever it was I knew one thing it crowded out all other thoughts I don’t ever have to have another drink ever didn’t know how that was going to work but but I had that feeling you know seems like I laid aside Prejudice and expressed even a willingness to believe that what worked for him could work for me I had no more bargaining chips I had nothing else to to no more plan B’s you know I was convinced for all those years that if I just got the right job the right car the right girl that everything would be okay if I just got the heat off my back it would be okay and I’m one of these that you know if you read on the on at the bottom of 47 I like this it says besides the seeming inability to accept much on faith we found ourselves handicapped by obstinacy sensitiveness and unreasoning Prejudice many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to Spirit spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism o man I used to go to those meetings and I hear people talking about spiritual this spiritual that and it was like somebody with their hands on the chalkboard you know why cuz I figured you know I’ve done so much crap in my life and I’ve told so many lies and I’ve hurt so many people that there is no way for me to get out from under had some Prejudice says this sort of thinking had to be abandoned though some of us resisted we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings you want to know why read on it’s it says faced with alcoholic destruction we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters as we tried to be on other questions and this respect alcohol was a great Persuader it finally beat us into a state of reasonableness I’m one of those knuckleheads I had to go to The Bitter End you know I had to I had to have alcohol beat my brains in before I was willing to accept your help because I always had a plan always you know and for years and years my plans work to some extent but as alcoholism took its toll my plans quit working and I kept trying you know it’s all I got to know for step two I just got to hope you know I’m going to back track a little bit if you go back to page 25 it says there is a solution and I’ll skip on a couple lines and it says but we saw that it really worked in others there is a solution it works for you whatever I’m trying ain’t working and it says and we’d come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we’d been living it when therefore we’re approached by those with whom the problem had been solved there’s nothing left for us but to pick up this simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet that’s some pretty cool stuff it’s pretty easy now we’re going to flip on I mean there’s some great stuff in here a guy pointed out to me a long time ago he goes you probably know what the solution is already but you just are too boneheaded to believe it and he walked away and I didn’t really get that at that time and he didn’t explain the Deep spiritual significance of what he just said and I kind of left it at that but if you read on into we agnostics on page 55 the second paragraph it says actually we’re fooling ourselves for deep down in every man woman and child is the fundamental idea of God and if you don’t like me talking about God I’ll talk about higher power they’re saying that every one of us has this fundamental idea so let’s take a test let’s I love tests y’all know that from last week I love test so everybody think of a situation in your life where you screwed up I mean screwed up you got caught stealing from work you got caught with the flash the the cops are behind you and you got a trunkload of outside issues or you were cheating on your little relationship or whatever it is right you look over at your corner court appointed attorney looking at that dip and thinking he ain’t going to get me out you know we’ve been in those situations to some extent right did anybody in this room ever kind of just do a little timeout in your mind and say if you will get me out of this I swear I will never do this again right anybody ever do that who were you talking to a I got you oh I’ll get you on this one too more importantly who taught you how to do that nobody my mama didn’t pull me aside when I was 5 years old and says hey when s hits the fan look up and say if you get me out nobody told me that I instinctively knew why did I know that because I was desperate they weren’t going to get me out of it they weren’t going to get me out of it I sure his heck wasn’t going to get me out of my back was against the wall I had nothing else to turn to so I pleaded to the emptiness of the air please get me out of this and I’ll never do it again most of the time that worked I got out of it to some extent in some cases did I hold up my end of the bargain no why cu the heat was off as soon as the heat’s off I go back doing what I always do right alcohol beat me into a state of and it says we found the great reality deep down within us I searched out there all over the country and all over the Caribbean I looked for something out there to fix what was wrong in here more jobs more cars more girls More Money More this more that you should see how much how many Nikes I have I got every fraking pair of why CU they make me feel good you know I searched out there he’s saying I’m going to find the power in here huh it says we can only clear the ground a bit if our testimony helps sweep away Prejudice they mentioned the word prejudice over and over and over in this chapter enables you to think honestly encourages you to search diligently within yourself then if you wish you can join us on the broad highway now here’s the guarantee says with this attitude you cannot fail sounds like a guarantee hey look there ain’t no treatment center on this planet offering a guarantee hey come to Betty V we’ll cure you they ain’t offering that they’re telling me if I go here with no Prejudice go here with an open mind I cannot fail sounds like a guarantee to me and I’d go out I’d go as far as say you can bet your life on that I did it seems to work I love reading how it works so I’ve come to two conclusions at this point I’m screwed I hope says now we’re at the turning point right and it says tells us in how it works Walter just read it says rarely have we seen a person fell who has thoroughly followed our path right you look at the statistics from old oldtime EAA they were doing at least 50% for years and years and years there’s groups today still doing 90 Dr Bob’s group today still meets one night a week they still do 90% or better why because they are good sponsors they qualifying if you ain’t willing to do the work go away don’t waste our time all right they’re 90% successful all the guys that I’ve sponsored all the guys who are thoroughly following the path guess what they’re sober today day the guys who didn’t thoroughly follow the path all bets are off so it’s still a pretty true statement then it tells us who’s not going to get it those who do not recover people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program cannots and will Nots I know a heck of a lot of will knots know a ton of those I was a willnot for years would not see your way of life would not get a sponsor would not read the book would not follow directions would not cannot of those people I don’t know go to Terell go to Souls Harbor you know men and women look just like us went to the bottle that one last time and they ain’t never coming back never ever you know and it says constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself and the preface it says that inside this book this is a textbook in the four to the first edition it says there’s precise instructions on how to recover if I’m convinced of Step One 100% And I hope it works in step two and I’ve got a prescription for a miracle right here the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous today if I’m being honest with myself I will do absolutely anything to follow these principles to the best of my ability that’s being honest with myself I wake up tomorrow and I choose not to pray and I choose not to call my sponsor and I choose not to help another junk and I choose to run the show myself guess what I ain’t being very honest with myself and the clock starts ticking and with a hopeless chronic relapser like me the clock don’t have to tick very long before I pick up a drink it says our stories disclosed in a general way what we used to be like what happened and what we’re like now that’s how you tell your story right bill story is a great example of how you tell your story and here’s a little condition here for taking the step it says if you decided you want what we have right I want what you got I was never willing to because here’s the next part and you’re willing to go to any length to get it there’s what always got me for those years oh I wonder what you got I ain’t willing to do anything about it I just try to get it by osmosis I’ll just come to a bunch of meetings I I just go to meeting after meet I’ll be a meeting maker they say meeting makers make it all right so there’s a condition if you want what we got and you’re willing to go to any length to get it then you’re ready to take the steps all right I’m not going to read that whole part but I like that I like that part um says half measures Avail us well it says we stand at the turning point right we stood at the turning point and here’s the mother of all prayers we ask this protection and care with complete abandon the mother of all prayers I don’t know how it’s going to work I just hope it works please help me I’m at the Turning Point what am I going to do am I going to do what I always did be a little meeting maker hang on for dear life I’m just glad to be sober today you know be miserable or am I going to follow these directions right ABCs gives you a short recap of steps one and two that were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives check B that no human power could relieve my alcoholism my mom couldn’t fix it the judge couldn’t you know I mean I know you guys aren’t in I mean I speak at a lot of treatment centers and stuff so I always ask him how many have y’all given you a dirty UA and all these hands go up I say well hell the judge couldn’t keep you sober either no human power could keep me away from the bottle and it says that God couldn’t would if he were sought if you’re sting something that means you’re taking some actions right you’re looking right and it says being convinced of those we’re now at step three two conclusions and now I’m at step three it’s not rocket science we’re performing here folks says which is that we decide to turn our will in our life over the care of God as we understood him got the little steps on the wall there I used to think it was like a First Cafeteria step one yeah got I’m an alcoholic step two sure I believe in God step God you can have my Will in my life right if I knew how to turn my will in my life over to the care of this God I would have done that years and years ago I have no idea how to do that that’s why they’re going to explain to us how to do that that’s what the steps are for the steps are in place to get us to turn our will and our life over to this God right and he talks about being he says he says the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success I my life was no success running it on my own I’d lost every job I had lost every friend I ever had pissed off every family member I had did things I knew I shouldn’t ended up places I knew I’d never be in my right mind my life was not successful so Bill goes on to use an analogy he says that an alcoholic is like an actor who wants to direct the movie right he says I’m like a little actor who’s got one line in a movie and I show up the first day of shooting right and I start telling Martin Scorsese how to do the lights the scenery the ballet the Caterers right cuz see I’m convinced if my mama would do this and get off my back and and this girlfriend would do this and get off my back and the boss would ease up on me and I can get the heat off me I’m convinced if I can get all these things put in place in my life I would be very very happy and so would you well that’s pretty arrogant don’t you think you don’t need me me bossing you around finally see in order for me to get my way to get you to do what the way I can be very very nice to you I can pay you a compliment flash you a little smile I can do that and if that don’t work F you I’m going to get what I need to get why because I’m convinced if I get these things that I’m going to be okay well in trying to make these Arrangements I piss you off you don’t need me bossing you around all the time now you’re going to retaliate against me now I hate you see how simple that is that’s me running the show I am very very self-centered left Tom M the I’m self-centered now you know that’s me running the show and that’s what he’s saying to us little alcoholics are we’re self-will run Riot Arrangements the bottom of page 61 he calls us egocentric right it’s a kind of Flowery word if you flip the page of 6 too he just cuts right to the Chase he says selfishness self-center that is the root of our troubles wait a say I thought alcohol was the root of my troubles no no no no alcohol is a symptom my problems go a little bit deeper than the bottle of food well let’s see if that’s true I’m going to hold my finger on that page I’m going to flip back to page 52 right in the middle of the page Stone Cold Sober back in the day left to my own devices here’s what I feel like I’m having trouble with my personal relationships and y’all have some of those says I can’t control my emotional Natures now that doesn’t mean I cry when I see a little Easter Bunny and stuff how do I react when it don’t go my way I get pissed I’m happy one minute and I’m yelling at you the next right can’t control my emotional Natures says I’m aey to misery and depression po me why does my mama love my sister more than she loves me I don’t have a good job I got a record now I don’t have a car I got to catch the DART bus the DART bus sucks prey to misery and depression couldn’t make a living had a feeling of uselessness full of fear unhappy Stone Cold Sober spiritual malady that’s me left my own devices untreated alcoholism right there selfishness self-center there ain’t nothing I just read on page 52 that’s not selfish any of you guys go to treatment centers and carry the message you see those little things on the wall it says on the beam off the beam I challenge you to find one of those things that are off the beam that ain’t selfish they’re all selfish selfishness self sinness that we think is the root of our troubles driven by aund forms of fear self- delusion self-seeking self-pity we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate fear is selfish anybody think of the last time you had a bunch of fear heaped on you right maybe it was about the job or the relationship or somebody sick well maybe not somebody sick but the job something personal right what were you thinking about you I was thinking about me I make horrible decisions based on fear thought my way way back in the day thought this one girlfriend was cheating on right just knew it knew it in my heart it just tore me up you know tore me up just knew she was cheating on me so I went out with her best friend bad decision based on fear she wasn’t cheating on me she retaliated bad decision based on self-seeking oh I may do you a favor but it ain’t really a favor I’m doing you a favor cuz maybe you’ll think you’ll I’ll think you’ll like me better or I may do you a favor but I’m going to hold that favor that I do for you an escrow to be collected at a later date self-seeking self-pity poor me next paragraph he says so our troubles we think are basically of our own making they arise out of ourselves and the alcohol is an extreme example of self-will run right though he usually doesn’t think so I didn’t think so oh as chaos in my wake and I’m like the guy coming up after the tornado look it ain’t blowing it’s great you know it’s crazy it says now I don’t know about y’all I’m sure y’all don’t say that at this group but I have all those hundreds and hundreds of AA meetings all over the place they used to always tell me that there ain’t no must in the big book I’m going to read you two musts followed by a promise that’ll kill you so if anybody ever throws that at you tell them to read the damn book there’s 67 of them in here all right but it says above everything we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness we must or it kills us there’s twoo much followed by a promise I got to get rid of this selfishness but guess what I can’t fix my selfishness I can’t do that that’s like throwing more me at the problem I can’t fix it I got to have God’s help and they’re going to go on to explain that right God’s going to be my director I’m just the actor right God’s going to be the father I’m just the kid the kid gets his instructions for his father God’s the principal I’m the agent the agent works for the principle right follows their lead some pretty good concepts of a higher power right there this is some pretty cool stuff in the middle of page 63 we got the third step prayer and it says it’s it’s very very simple says God I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thou wil relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power thy love thy way of life may I do thy will always exclamation point so that’s the third step prayer pretty simple so I’m a few days sober and I go over to my sponsor’s house and he’d give me stuff to read and we sat down in his office as his house house and we went over in detail doctor’s opinion and all that stuff again and we went over and we talked about this this higher power concept this God thing do I got a problem do I got do I got God stuck sideways in my craw you know do I got anything that might be blocking me so we talked about all that and we read up to page 62 and we talked about all that and he says you ready to do the third step prayer and I said I’m ready to do anything and he said well we’ll see about that and we said come on get your big book and we went got my big book and we went into another part of his house and we got he said we’re going to his prayer bench and looked like a little coffee table to me but I didn’t dare say anything to him and um we got down on our knees and we open our book to this page and just like i’ done it in previous attempts we got on our knees and we open the book to page 63 and we’re getting ready to do a third step prayer and I’ve done it before the AA Walts step one yeah step two yeah step three say the prayer go get drunk you know very simple this guy is leading me on and I mean leading me to this point you know and and I believed in what he said you know and I and I was willing to do whatever he said and so we open the book to this page and we get on our knees and we put our arms around each other and I’m still I still kind of got the shakes cuz I’m a few days still off from my last strength and I’m still kind of shaking a little bit and we bowed our heads and he says before you do your third step prayer I’m going to say a little something to God make sure God’s with us then you can do your prayer I said all right so I got my arms around him and the old man starts to praying I have no earthly idea what he says because in my head I’m praying like my life depends on it and I guess there was an uncomfortable pause when you know after stop praying and I’m sitting there like a dope still praying in my head and finally he nudges me and he says I need to hear what you’re saying to God and this is my third step prayer this is what I said and I said dear God I’ve tried to get sober since 1988 and I’m scared and I don’t want to die drunk I need your help please give me the willingness to do whatever I got to do to get what’s in this book amen and Clifford said stand up I thought I screwed up you know and I stood up and he gave me a hug and he says you just did the third step prayer see I followed directions I voiced it without any reservation you know I had no more lurking Notions it was either this is going to work or I was going to drink no more bargaining chips or they call it ego deflation you know from the bottom of my heart I ask a Supreme Being for help and I meant it you look at the top of page 63 and this is some cool cool stuff it says when we sincerely took such a position all sorts of remarkable things followed it’s a promise says we have a new employer being all powerful he provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well and the old man said underline that sentence he goes there’s your job description till the day you die what’s my job description my job is to stay close to God and perform his work well what does the book say that God’s going to provide me everything I need he says John if God’s providing you everything you need what else do you need nothing he says great this is pretty simple ain’t it so yeah I’ve since added a little on to that I don’t want to rewrite the big book this is what I tell my guys today my job today is to stay close to God and perform his work well today no matter what that’s my job you know that’s my job I got a purpose and to stay close to God and do this work no matter what happens if I do that God provides me with everything I need and if God’s given me everything I need I don’t need anything else I want a hell of a lot of things I want so many things you know I want a fast car so I can get to the meetings faster you know I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know I want a lot of things you know but um I got everything I need today everything I need if you saw my bank account you’d think you’re on you’re nuts you know my bank account is looking pretty slim today but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that I have everything that I need today you know I spent years and years and years trying to get out from where I was right at this moment trying to get somewhere else and I can be right here right now perfect peace and EAS I’m cool I don’t know what the hell’s going to happen 10 minutes from now but I’m okay right now and that’s good and it says let’s read the rest of these promises it says established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves our little plans and Designs more and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life me a contributor I spent all those years trying to suck everything I could out of you out of my family out of the meetings right and now they’re telling me what I can contribute what can I contribute I asked my sponsor that he says get a dollar get your big book go to 24-Hour Club get a cup of coffee and talk to every son of a gun that walks in that door stay there for a couple hours call me when you get home click got something to offer don’t know didn’t really know what that was but I got something to offer right as we felt new power flow in as we enjoyed peace of mind as we discovered we could face life successfully there’s a concept as we became conscious of his presence we began to lose our fear today tomorrow the Hereafter we are reborn he said you get a big do over and you don’t got to move just get to get a fresh start you know but I got a job to do I just made a commitment with God see we spend a heck of a lot of time or at least in in in from my Ancient Memories of what I used to hear in discussion meetings about you know step three is made a decision we talk about the three frogs on a log and all that stuff and that’s all great stuff right all I’ve done in step three is I’ve made a commitment with my sponsor and the god of my understanding that I’m going to get off my rear end and take these actions it’s a commitment when you were sitting back when you were still back in your drinking days and you were sitting on your couch and you needed some beer you made a decision to get beer you made a commitment to go get beer you didn’t just think it you thought it and then you did it right same thing with this I make a commitment in step three with my sponsor that I’m going to follow these directions right I’m gonna I’m going to do whatever I got to do to get what they got it’s pretty specific specific it’s pretty plain it’s not all flowery I ran into a guid treatment center the other day and I kid you not this is honest to God’s truth this guy is employed by a treatment center and he says if a man needs to work on his step three his third step for a year that’s quite all right with us and these people have a lot of Alcoholics come through their place and they got a boatload of crack addicts and that crap like that is annihilating those those men and women the big book is very very specific on how to take the steps when to take the steps with whom to take the steps gives me Prayers and Promises all along the way if you got another idea go do it I don’t care but if you want what I got we’re going to do what they did it’s pretty simple it was a very tedious process to get me to that point but once I was there there ain’t no turning back says we found a very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person such as our wife best friend spiritual adviser who better to do my third step than my sponsor he’s been where I’m at and he’s where I want to get to so he’s going to hear my third step he’s going to be the judge you know right I got to tell you a little story about that I’ve done I’ve done boatload boatloads and boatloads of third step prayer since I’ve been sober and they are just they still blow me away it’s an awesome thing you know it’s an awesome thing to hear and most of the Knuckleheads that I sponsor are guys that are just like me guys that have been in and out of treatment centers in and out of AA groups all over the place they’ve tried they’ve got their butts kicked they’re desperate they’re dying they’re hopeless and they hear us talk and they hear they St they they see a little hope and they get to this stuff but I I just talked to this cat today it’s what a good friend of mine he lives down in Austin now he moved he moved away a few months ago and I’ll never forget he was at 24hour Club a couple years ago and I do a meeting there every Sunday at 6 o’clock big book study and this guy came up after one of the meetings it was just like his first Sunday night there and he came up to me afterwards and he says God you’ve got to help me he goes I like what you had to say you’ve got to help help me and we went outside and we talked for a little while and I found out all I could about him and he’d been around AA his brother’s a you know pretty big speaker in his own right goes around and he had heard it he’ tried it he you know been in the church done everything under the sun this guy was just hopeless he had a winnabago an old winnabago not a nice one like a real old timey one it was like beat I mean it was we joke about it now but it was trashy that’s like parking the 24-hour Club parking lot all he had in the world right got a couple kids wife left them me they just couldn’t stand him and this guy was living there he had like a dollar to his name and I started to work with him and I gave him some stuff to read told him I’d come up there and see him in a day or two and well long story short I come up a few days after that after our first after our first Contact and and we went to this little coffee shop it’s right by Baylor Hospital down there and you get there in the afternoon no one’s in there and we go way in the back so you’re not bothered and everything and we’ve each got a big book and we start going through this information because I he he had read some stuff and I’m going through the doctor’s opinion and there’s a solution and more about alcoholism and we agnostics and we’re going over this stuff that I just read he’s asking questions along the way and then he gets quiet and I’m looking at my book and I’m talking to him and he looks up and he’s got tears rolling down his face and he says my god I’ve been an Alcoholics Anonymous for 15 years and nobody ever explain this stuff to me nobody that’s how we did his third set prayer we did it a couple minutes after that that man’s life changed like that like that had nothing to do with me I just read the damn book you know but it’s stuff like that I don’t want to miss you know another little third step story I wasn’t sober too long I wasn’t sober too long I spent years and years and years of my other attempts at AA sitting on the back row trying to think of something witty to say so you’d like me right literally dying in Alcoholics Anonymous miserable right so I get this little sponsor and we we start going through this steps and my life changes like that and I’m doing this work and I’m at homebound listening to Myers and Kurt and those guys do the meeting on Friday nights and it was I’m like three weeks sober right it’s like my third Friday night to be at this little meeting and I worked late that night and I in and out outside all day long it was kind of cool and kind of rainy and I was starting to get a little cranky and my throat hurt and I had a headache I didn’t feel good and I got home at like 700 to meeting at 8:00 and I’m thinking man I just need to take a shower and eat some soup and lay on the couch and relax so I don’t get sick and everything and I remembered while I was taking a shower I remembered that that Tuesday previous I had met some guys from home rebound I had talked to them and I’d give them some little red books and I asked him to read some stuff and I told him that I’d be there Friday to work with them and I mean I’m like cursing myself in the shower like God I don’t feel good come on god I think I’m getting like the flu or something Ebola or something you know it’s got It’s bad it’s bad and I remember getting out of the shower throwing on some clothes putting on a hat getting on my knees and asking God say God please I don’t feel good make this hour go by quick so I can come home and rest so I don’t get sick and I left and I went up to that meeting and I get out of get out of my car and my buddy Kurt comes running up to me and he goes dude I just got off the cell phone with Meyers they’re coming in from Louisville there’s like a 18wheeler jack knife they a they’re not going to make it you and I got to do the meeting and I said man I can’t do the meeting I’ve got to work with these two guys right here and Kurt said oh my God he goes I got these three guys right here he says I know what you can do you sit down you work with all five of these guys and I’ll go do the meeting I said Kurt I’ve done this one time before he says well we better pray and so Kurt Kurt said a little prayer and he said he said just do steps one two and three like we do I said all right and his guys were mean man they’re like gang bangers I mean they were like mean and tall and got kind of snarled and stuff and I’m like oh my God they didn’t have a smile one and we sat down men who normally wouldn’t mix normally wouldn’t mix sat down they all got big books they all got them already started getting highlighted and stuff and I opened my big book and I started to lay out steps one two and three and I did it in under an hour and the hour’s winding up and we get to the part of the third step prayer and I tell them how me and my sponsor had just done my third set prayer a couple weeks previous and these guys that hour these guys that normally wouldn’t mix that had a snarl they’re marking in their books and they’re uhhuh and they’re asking questions and they’re they’re hookline and sinker and they’re the real deal and I ask these guys are y’all ready to do a third step prayer and they said you bet you I know y’all probably hadn’t been the Homer bound but the concrete is pretty filthy cigarette butts everywhere and these Five Guys plus me make six six guys that normally wouldn’t mix got on our knees and put our arms around each other and bowed our heads and I said a little prayer to make sure God was with us and then to a man it went went around the horn and each man did his third step prayer it wasn’t a dry eye in the house we commen the hugging cheerful little sparkles in their eyes and I ain’t telling you that story to brag I’m telling you a story for one important reason my job is to get off my rear and take this message to someone who was ding left to my own devices I probably wouldn’t have drank that night I could have stayed home taken a shower had some soup and gotten to bed and made it to my meeting the next night the moral of that story is is my job is to help drunks my job is to get off my rear end and take a message of recovery to somebody who was dying just like I was and for that I got an experience that I will never ever forget and it happens a lot thank you for having me thank you for listening to sober Sunrise if you enjoyed today’s episode please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message until next time have a great day