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Appreciate it. Appreciate it. I know.

You still got Becky around. Pardon? You still got Becky around?

Becky, what you talk to that Debbie? No, she's not around. Long gone.

If anybody knows her, I need to make an amend, you know. Wow, that was Thank you, Walter, for that introduction. I'll probably lay a dud here tonight, you know.

Uh, my name is John Kelly. I'm a grateful recovered alcoholic. And my sobriety date is September the 4th, 1999.

And for that, I am very, very grateful. And, um, you know, I'm not just one of these dudes that walk around going, "Oh, I got me a little job today. I'm, you know, God is so good.

You know, I got me a car today. Look what God's doing for me. I got me a girlfriend today.

Look what God's doing for me. God don't want to hear that from me. He wants to see me in action.

So, what better way for me to thank the God of my understanding than I get off my rear end and take this message to somebody who was dying just like I was. That's how I show God I'm grateful. Cuz for without this, I would not be here tonight.

That's for sure. Um, so we're doing the steps. I spent all last week, in case you missed it last week, I spent all last week dwelling on the hopelessness of the situation.

The hopelessness of the situation. That's what the big book tells me. If I'm a sponsor, it tells me, you know, pages 92 through 96, it tells me exactly, lays it out how I'm supposed to take people through the steps, what I'm supposed to talk about, when I'm supposed to talk about it.

And you notice when I dwelt on the hopelessness of the situation, I didn't offer you an inkling of what the solution was, right? And that's what I'm supposed to do as a sponsor, right? And um you know, if you if you look at the history of it, you know, Bill got sober and and and he was like for like for five and a half months he was going around the boundaries of New York City going up to every drunk he knew, tell him about his hot flash experience in Town's Hospital, right?

Can you imagine him sitting down? and he's sober. He's got the little twinkle in his eye and he's sitting down with a with a drunk, right?

And he's telling him, "Wow." And he tells about this hot flash, right? And not a one of them stayed sober. And legend has it that he was at home kind of frustrated talking to Lois and she's like, you know, like you dope, you're sober, you know.

So then he goes back to Silkworth and talks to Silkworth and Silkworth says, "Hey man, you're putting the cart before the horse. Lay out the hopelessness of the situation. Lay out this allergy to alcohol.

Give them the scientific facts about alcoholism. Then if they identify with you and they ask you how you stay sober, then you can lay out the solution. But not before, right?

So that's my girlfriend says, I do a pretty good job dwelling on the hopelessness of the situation. Um, so what did I learn last week? I learned, you know, I learned in step one that I'm screwed.

That's the short that's the short form of step one. I'm screwed, you know. But who better to explain that to me was was someone who was at one time dying just like I was and he has recovered and been given the power to help me.

He is properly armed with the facts about himself, right? He's been where I was at and he knows the way out. And so he painted that picture for me that first night, September the 4th, 1999.

Now, that wasn't my first night in AA. That was like my 37th or 38th Desire Chip that night. I've been trying I was trying to get sober since 1988.

Been to hundreds and hundreds of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Listen to all the stories, you know. But that man that night disturbed me greatly on the problem of alcoholism and he did it in masterful.

I mean it was like in just a couple of minutes as near as I can remember. I was in pretty bad shape that night. Um he kind of painted me into a corner a corner and he he shared with me some of his experiences.

He asked me some questions about mine. He talked about the allergy, that loss of control, that once I start drinking, I am powerless to control how much I drink. It doesn't matter what my intentions are.

My intentions were that I was going to drink like a normal person. Now, that's a that's a crazy thought in itself since I never have any experience of drinking like a normal person. But, you know, I spent years and years trying to drink, thinking I was going to drink like a normal person.

Once I start, I cannot control how much I drink. And that's some bad news, right? But that's not the bad news of step one.

The bad news of step one is that my life has become unmanageable. The bad news of step one is that left to my own devices on my own power, I am unable to manage the decision to stay away from the very first drink. Can't do it.

Tried tried every trick. Tried every self-help. You should see the my you should see my library at home.

And I got everything. And I got I can hook you up if you want to try some of that. Tony Robbins, Tai Chi, you know, I can I can show it's just in case you haven't tried Tai Chi, it's it's hard to do when you're hung over to get in those 44 positions.

You know, it's hard. And so he painted me into a corner and he asked me the question, am I a real alcoholic? And if you look on page 44, if you have a big book, ask you there's a little test.

It says if when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely. Well, I quit hundreds of times. I desperately didn't want to end up the places that I was ending up.

I quit, but I couldn't stay quit. So, I failed that one. Or it says, "Or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take." Well, once I started, it's damn near impossible for me to stop.

And at the end of the time, at the end of my drinking career, the only time I did stop is when I winded up in jail or in the hospital. Well, that's how I stopped. You know, it says you're probably an alcoholic.

If that's the case, you're suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. Now, there may be some people in this room going, you know, I've been around an AA and I think it sucks and I don't believe in this spiritual experience crap. Really?

Well, remember back when you were drinking, when you were having one of those bad days? I mean, the bad days where like the the job's not working out, the relationship's not working out, the family stuff's not working out, the kids are screaming, your puppy's sick, the car don't start, you got to catch the dart bus, the dart bus sucks, nobody loves you. Remember having one of those days?

How'd you feel when you took a couple of drinks? Changed the way I thought and felt, didn't it? didn't fix any of my problems, but I had a psychic change.

All right? So, now we know one exists. We know it exists.

All right? And it says later on, it says, "To be doomed to an alcoholic death or live life on a spiritual basis are not easy alternatives to face." So, there I was. I was going to drink myself to death or have this experience.

Those are my two choices. That's where I was at, you know. And I love page 45 in the big book.

Now, you'll have to pardon me. I can sit up here and I'm not like some of these speakers that go around and and pontificate on my great wisdom, on my great insight on the steps. All right?

My sponsor is pretty cut and dry. He says, "Read the damn book. You can't screw it up." So, if you have a problem with what I say, contact the author, you know, cuz I'm coming straight out of this book, right?

But I love what it says at the end of the first paragraph on 45. It says our human resources as marshal by the will were not sufficient. They failed utterly.

That means each and every time me trying to fix a situation fails utterly. Always happens. I always drink.

So now they give us a a real lightning bolt here. It says lack of power. That's our dilemma.

Step one says we're powerless. That's my dilemma. Lack of power.

I ain't got no power on this. And it says we had to find a power by which we could live. And it had to be a power greater than ourselves.

So, let's break that down. Maybe sitting there thinking that I don't believe in this higher power. I don't believe in this stuff.

Well, let's put it to let me put it to you this way. How about booze? Was that a power greater than you?

Did booze get you to do some things you never dreamed you'd do? End up with people you never dreamed you'd end up with? end up in did anybody ever wake up in a different town or a different state thinking where in the heck am I you know I read that book Million Little Pieces you know the opening pick the open anybody's read it you know the guy wakes up on an airplane comes to and he's bleeding and stuff and I'm thinking who hadn't done that you know you know so now we know that there is a power greater than me booth was a power greater than me some People say, "Hey, hit a cop.

You'll find out a power greater than you." You know, but now it says, it says, "We had to find a power by which we could live." So, we already know booze is a power greater than me, but it says, "I had to find a power by which I could live. Could I live by booze anymore?" No. Booze was killing me.

So, I know a power exist and it ain't booze, right? So, I got to find another power. And it says, "And it had to be a power greater than ourselves.

So, I got to find another power and it ain't me. I'm not the power. I can't fix the situation.

It says obviously, but where and how are we going to find this power? That's what this book is about. It's main object to enable us to find a power greater than ourselves that will solve our problem.

Why do you think they wrote the book? Why do you think there's 12 steps lead us somewhere? Steps lead us from one point to another point.

Right? I'm powerless over here in step one. I'm going to take these steps that are guaranteed to get me to the power.

I said a guarantee last week and I I'm going to show it to you this week. There's a couple of them in here. But that's why they wrote the book.

The steps, the precise instructions in this book tell us how to get to the power that's going to save our life. Now, we got to get to the power, right? And they talk about that's why they it goes on the rest of this page.

They talk about why they wrote this book, right? It's to give us instructions. And I love I love this part.

I mean, don't be a dope like me. The first time I was first time I got my first big book and I started thumbming through the chapters and stuff cuz I like to read a lot. I got to we agnostics and I thought, well, I'm not agnostic and I just blew right through it.

You know, I didn't read it. You know, don't do that. But what they're going to talk about in this chapter is, you know, there's lots of stuff that blocked us from this power.

There's lots of stuff that blocked me from getting sober all those years. I had prejudices. You know, I had fixed ideas of what I thought AA was, what I thought higher power was, what I thought God was, what I thought this book was about, what I thought the program was about.

I had all sorts of ideas and prejudices. And Bill goes to great length in this chapter to talk about why is it that we've done so much in this last century when it took all those many, many centuries to get us to that point. Are we that much smarter?

No. I mean, think about Columbus. You know, but he sailed sailed east to go west or sailed west to go east, right?

You know, there were some suckers back in in Italy when when or Portugal or wherever he took off from, you know, they were sitting there on the beach going, "As soon as that sun so gets across the horizon, he's off the edge of the earth." You know, they had prejudices, right? I had lots of prejudices blocking me. But I was convinced on that first night back in AA in in 99, I knew the seriousness of the situation.

My sponsor told me I was screwed, right? And then he asked me another question. He says, "Do you believe that it works for me?" And I can remember looking him right in the eye and his little eyes sparkled and stuff and I knew it worked for him.

I'd heard his story several times before. this was a bottom of the barrel drunk and something worked in his life and he says, "Does it work for the rest of those people out there in that meeting?" And I'm like, "Well, yeah, I know it works." He says, "Well, then what the hell do you have to lose except your life?" And that's when he informed me that he was going to be my become my sponsor. And I was supposed to call him at 8:00 every morning.

He was going to tell me where to be, what to read, and where to show up to. And it was my job to to follow his lead. If I want what he's got, I got to do what he does, right?

He gave me some instructions that first night. And he told me to when I got home that night, we didn't talk about God that first night. We didn't talk about higher power or anything like that.

But he told me when I got home to look up at my ceiling and say thanks and and you know, tell my ceiling if I had to, thanks that I have another another shot. Thanks that I met a big book dumper who was awake. Thank you, God, for giving me another shot.

He said, "You'll sleep like a baby." And I doubted that very seriously. I got home that night and I had to call my sainted mother, you know, and I called her on my little cell phone and and I I don't know if I told y'all this story last night, but I'll tell it again. And you know, my mom, like we do, you know, I put my family through all sorts of stuff.

They hit their all-time lows as a direct result of me and my actions and my alcoholism and they don't even drink. And she's heard every con, every lie in the book. And she knew I was going to that meeting that night and she knew I was supposed to meet my other sp my older sponsor.

And um I called her and she says, "Did you go to the meeting?" I said, "Yes, ma'am, I did." And she goes, "Was Matthew there?" And I said, "No, he wasn't." And you could just hear her little voice sink on the phone. And I said, "Well, his wife is having a baby tonight, so he couldn't be there, but I got another sponsor." And she said, "Who is that?" And I said, "Cliff Bishop." And she started crying. And I said, "Well, why are you crying?" And she says, "Cuz I've been praying." And I said, "Well, I'm scared of the old man." And he told me to read some stuff and and and I need to say a prayer and and I I just got to follow his directions.

All right. Now, look what it says here. And I followed those directions, right?

And right in the middle of page 46, cuz this is a huge promise. Right in the middle of the page, it says, "We found that as soon as we're able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe and a power greater than ourselves, here's the promise. We commence to get results, even though it's impossible for us to fully define or comprehend that power, which is God." It's a whole mouthful.

I didn't read that that night. I came across this a few days later or a few weeks later. But that night after I said that prayer and talked to my mom and all that stuff and I laid down on my little sofa that I that's the only piece of furniture I had in that house.

I knew one thing and I remember this is clear as day. That first night back in AA desire chip number 38 or whatever it was. I knew one thing.

It crowded out all other thoughts. I don't ever have to have another drink. Ever.

Didn't know how that was going to work, but I had that feeling. You know, seems like I laid aside prejudice and expressed even a willingness to believe that what worked for him could work for me. I had no more bargaining chips.

I had nothing else to to no more plan B's. You know, I was convinced for all those years that if I just got the right job, the right car, the right girl, that everything would be okay. If I just got the heat off my back, it would be okay.

And I'm one of these that, you know, if you read on on at the bottom of 47, I like this. It says, "Besides the seeming inability to accept much on faith, we found ourselves handicapped by obstinency, sensitiveness, and unreasoning prejudice. Many of us have been so touchy that even casual reference to spirit spiritual things made us bristle with antagonism.

Ooh, man. I used to go to those meetings and I hear people talking about spiritual this, spiritual that, and it was like somebody with their hands on the chalkboard. You know why?

Cuz I figured, you know, I've done so much crap in my life and I've told so many lies and I've hurt so many people that there is no way for me to get out from under. Had some prejudice. says this sort of thinking had to be abandoned.

Though some of us resisted, we found no great difficulty in casting aside such feelings. You want to know why? Read on.

It says, "Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters as we tried to be on other questions. In this respect, alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonleness.

I'm one of those knuckleheads. I had to go to the bitter end, you know. I had to I had to have alcohol beat my brains in before I was willing to accept your help cuz I always had a plan.

Always, you know, and for years and years, my plans worked to some extent. But as alcoholism took its toll, my plans quit working and I kept trying. You know, it's all I got to know for step two.

I just got to hope. You know, I'm going to backtrack a little bit. If you go back to page 25, it says, "There is a solution." And I'll skip on a couple lines and it says, "But we saw that it really worked in others." There is a solution.

It works for you. Whatever I'm trying ain't working. And it says, "And we'd come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we'd been living it.

When therefore we approached by those with whom the problem had been solved, there's nothing left for us but to pick up this simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. That's some pretty cool stuff. It's pretty easy.

Now, we're going to flip on. I mean, there's some great stuff in here. A guy pointed out to me a long time ago.

He goes, "You probably know what the solution is already, but you just are too boneheaded to believe it." And he walked away. And I didn't really get that at that time. And he didn't explain the deep spiritual significance of what he just said.

And I kind of left it at that. But if you read on into We agnostics on page 55, the second paragraph, it says, "Actually, we're fooling ourselves for deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God." And if you don't like me talking about God, I'll talk about higher power. But they're saying that every one of us has this fundamental idea.

So let's take a test. Let's I love tests. Y'all know that from last week.

I love tech. So, everybody think of a situation in your life where you screwed up. I mean screwed up.

You got caught stealing from work. You got caught with the flash that the cops are behind you and you got a trunk load of outside issues or you were cheating on your little relationship or whatever it is, right? You look over at your corner courtapp appointed attorney looking at that and thinking he ain't going to get me out.

You know, we've been in those situations to some extent, right? Did anybody in this room ever kind of just do a little timeout in your mind and say, "If you will get me out of this, I swear I will never do this again." Right? Anybody ever do that?

Who are you talking to? Ah, I got you. Oh, I get you on this one, too.

More importantly, who taught you how to do that? Nobody, my mama didn't pull me aside when I was 5 years old and says, "Hey, when S hits the fan, look up and say if you get me out." Nobody told me that. I instinctively knew.

Why did I know that? Because I was desperate. They weren't going to get me out of it.

They weren't going to get me out of it. And I sure as heck wasn't going to get me out of My back was against the wall. I had nothing else to turn to.

So I pleaded to the emptiness of the air. Please get me out of this and I'll never do it again. Most of the time that worked.

I got out of it to some extent in some cases. Did I hold up my end of the bargain? No.

Why? Because the heat was off. As soon as the heat's off, I go back doing what I always do, right?

Alcohol beat me into a state of and it says we found the great reality deep down within us. I searched out there all over the country and all over the Caribbean. I looked for something out there to fix what was wrong in here.

More jobs, more cars, more girls, more money, more this, more that. You should see how much how many Nikes I have. I got every freaking pair.

Why? Cuz they make me feel good. You know, I searched out there.

He's saying, "I'm going to find the power in here." Huh? It says, "We can only clear the ground a bit if our testimony helps sweep away prejudice." They mention the word prejudice over and over and over in this chapter. Enables you to think honestly.

Encourages you to search diligently within yourself. Then, if you wish, you can join us on the broad highway. Now, here's the guarantee.

Says, "With this attitude, you cannot fail." Sounds like a guarantee. Hey, look. There ain't no treatment center on this planet offering a guarantee.

Hey, come to Betty Vard, we'll cure you. They ain't offering that. They're telling me if I go here with no prejudice, go here with an open mind, I cannot fail.

Sounds like a guarantee to me. And I'd go out I'd go as far to say you can bet your life on that. I did.

It seems to work. I love reading how it works. So, I've come to two conclusions at this point.

I'm screwed. I hope says now we're at the turning point. All right.

And it says tells us in how it works. Walter just read it says rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Right?

You look at the statistics from old old time EA. They were doing at least 50%. For years and years and years there's groups today still doing 90.

Dr. Bob's group today still meets one night a week. They still do 90% or better.

Why? Because they are good sponsors. They qualify him.

If you ain't willing to do the work, go away. Don't waste our time. All right?

They're 90% successful. All the guys that I've sponsored, all the guys who are thoroughly following the path, guess what? They're sober today.

The guys who didn't thoroughly follow the path, all bets are off. So, it's still a pretty true statement. Then it tells us who's not going to get it.

Those who do not recover, people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Cannotss and will nots. I know a heck of a lot of will nots.

Know a ton of those. I was a will not for years. Would not see your way of life.

Would not get a sponsor. Would not read the book. Would not follow directions.

Would not. Cannots are those people. I don't know.

Go to ter. Go to Souls Harbor. You know, men and women look just like us.

Went to the bottle that one last time. And they ain't never coming back. Never ever.

You know, and it says constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself. In the preface, it says that inside this book, this is a textbook. In the four to the first edition, it says there's precise instructions on how to recover.

If I'm convinced of step one 100% and I hope it works in step two and I've got a prescription for a miracle right here, the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous today, if I'm being honest with myself, I will do absolutely anything to follow these principles to the best of my ability. That's being honest with myself. I wake up tomorrow and I choose not to pray and I choose not to call my sponsor and I choose not to help another junk and I choose to run the show myself.

Guess what? I ain't being very honest with myself and the clock starts ticking. And with a hopeless chronic relapser like me, the clock don't have to tick very long before I pick up a drink.

It says our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we're like now. That's how you tell your story, right? Bill's story is a great example of how you tell your story.

And here's a little condition here for taking a step. It says, "If you decided you want what we have, right? I want what you got.

I was never willing to because here's the next part. And you're willing to go to any length to get it." There's what always got me for those years. Oh, I wanted what you got.

I ain't willing to do anything about it. I just try to get it by osmosis. I'll just come to a bunch of meetings.

I'll just go to meeting after meeting. I'll be a meeting maker. They say meeting makers make it.

All right. So, there's a condition. If you want what we got and you're willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take the steps.

All right. I'm not going to read that whole part, but I like that. I like that part.

Um says half measures of veil. where it says we stand at the turning point, right? We stood at the turning point.

And here's the mother of all prayers. We ask his protection and care with complete abandon. The mother of all prayers.

I don't know how it's going to work. I just hope it works. Please help me.

I'm at the turning point. What am I going to do? Am I going to do what I always did?

Be a little meeting maker. Hang on for dear life. I'm just glad to be sober today, you know, be miserable or am I going to follow these directions, right?

ABC's gives you a short recap of steps one and two that were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. Check. Bum power could relieve my alcoholism.

My mom couldn't fix it. The judge couldn't. You know, I mean, I know you guys aren't in I mean, I speak at a lot of treatment centers and stuff, so I always ask them say, "How many of y'all have given you a dirty UA?" And all these hands go up and say, "Well, hell, the judge couldn't keep you sober either." No human power could keep me away from the bottle.

And it says that God could and would if he were sought. If you're sought in something, that means you're taking some actions, right? You're looking, right?

And it says, being convinced of those, we're now at step three. Two conclusions and now I'm at step three. It's not rocket science we're performing here, folks.

Says, which is that we decide to turn our will and our life over to the care of God as we understood him. Got the little steps on the wall there. I used to think it was like a first cafeteria.

Step one, yeah, I'm an alcoholic. Step two, sure, I believe in God. Step, God, you can have my will in my life.

Right? If I knew how to turn my will in my life over to the care of this God, I would have done that years and years ago. I have no idea how to do that.

That's why they're going to explain to us how to do that. That's what the steps are for. the steps are in place to get us to turn our will and our life over to this God, right?

And he talks about being he says he says the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. I my life was no success running it on my own. I'd lost every job I had, lost every friend I ever had, pissed off every family member I had, did things I knew I shouldn't, ended up places I knew I'd never be in my right mind.

My life was not successful. So, Bill goes on to use an analogy. He says that an alcoholic is like an actor who wants to direct a movie, right?

He says, I'm like a little actor who's got one line in a movie and I show up the first day of shooting, right? And I start telling Martin Scorsesei how to do the lights, the scenery, the ballet, the caterers, right? Cuz see, I'm convinced if my mama would do this and get off my back and and this girlfriend would do this and get off my back and the boss would ease up on me and I can get the heat off me, I'm convinced if I can get all these things put in place in my life, I would be very, very happy.

And so would you. Well, that's pretty arrogant, don't you think? You don't need me bossing you around.

Finally, see, in order for me to get my way, to get you to do what the way I can be very, very nice to you. I can pay you a compliment, flash you a little smile. I can do that.

And if that don't work, f you. I'm going to get what I need to get. Why?

Because I'm convinced if I get these things that I'm going to be okay. Well, in trying to make these arrangements, I piss you off. You don't need me bossing you around all the time.

Now you're going to retaliate against me. Now I hate you. See how simple that is?

That's me running the show. I am very very self-centered. Left to my own.

I'm self-centered now. You know, but that's me running the show. And that's what he's saying to us little alcoholics are.

We're self-willrun riot arrangements. The bottom of page 61s. He calls us egoentric.

All right. It's kind of flowery word. If you flip the page at 62, he just cuts right to the chase.

He says, "Selfishness, self-centerness, that is the root of our troubles." Wait a second. I thought alcohol was the root of my troubles. No, no, no, no.

Alcohol is a symptom. My problems go a little deeper than the bottle of booze. Well, let's see if that's true.

I'm going to hold my finger on that page. I'm going to flip back to page 52, right in the middle of the page. Stone cold sober back in the day, left to my own devices.

says, "Here's what I feel like. I'm having trouble with my personal relationships." Any y'all have some of those? Says, "I can't control my emotional natures." Now, that doesn't mean I cry when I see a little Easter Bunny and stuff.

How do I react when it don't go my way? I get pissed. I'm happy one minute, I'm yelling at you the next, right?

Can't control my emotional natures. Says, "I'm a prey to misery and depression. Poor me.

Why does my mama love my sister more than she loves me? I don't have a good job. I got a record now.

I don't have a car. I got to catch the dart bus. The dart bus sucks.

Pray to misery and depression. Couldn't make a living. Had a feeling of uselessness.

Full of fear, unhappy, stone cold, sober, spiritual malady. That's me left to my own devices. Untreated alcoholism right there.

Selfishness. Self-center. There ain't nothing I just read on page 52.

That's not selfish. Any of you guys go to treatment centers and carry the message that you see those little things on the wall says on the beam, off the beam. I challenge you to find one of those things that are off the beam that ain't selfish.

They're all selfish. Selfishness, self-c centerness. That we think is the root of our troubles.

Driven by 100 forms of fear, self-d delusion, self-seeking, self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Fear is selfish. Anybody think of the last time you had a bunch of fear heaped on you, right?

Maybe it was about the job or the relationship or somebody sick. Well, maybe not somebody sick, but the job, something personal, right? What were you thinking about you?

I was thinking about me. I make horrible decisions based on fear. Thought my way way way back in the day thought this one girlfriend was cheating on me, right?

Just knew it. Knew it in my heart. It just tore me up, you know?

Tore me up. Just knew she was cheating on me. So, I went out with her best friend.

Bad decision based on fear cuz she wasn't cheating on me. She retaliated. Bad decision based on self-seeking.

Oh, I may do you a favor, but it ain't really a favor. I'm doing you a favor cuz maybe you'll think you'll I'll think you'll like me better. Or I may do you a favor, but I'm going to hold that favor that I do for you in escrow to be collected at a later date.

Self-seeking, self-pity. Poor me. Next paragraph, he says, "So our troubles we think are basically of our own making.

They arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run, right? Though he usually doesn't think so. I didn't think so.

Oh, I as chaos in my wake and I'm like the guy coming up after the tornado. Look, it ain't blowing. It's great.

You know, it's crazy. It says now, I don't know about y'all. I'm sure y'all don't say that at this group, but I have all those hundreds and hundreds of AA meetings all over the place.

They used to always tell me that there ain't no must in the big book. I'm going to read you two musts followed by a promise that'll kill you. So if anybody ever throws that at you, tell them to read the damn book.

There's 67 of them in here. All right. But it says, "Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.

We must or it kills us." There's two must followed by a promise. I got to get rid of this selfishness. But guess what?

I can't fix my selfishness. I can't do that. That's like throwing more me at the problem.

I can't fix it. I got to have God's help. And they're going to go on to explain that, right?

God's going to be my director. I'm just the actor, right? God's going to be the father.

I'm just the kid. The kid gets his instructions for his father. God's the principal.

I'm the agent. The agent works for the principal. All right?

Follows their lead. Some pretty good concepts of a higher power right there. This is some pretty cool stuff.

In the middle of page 63, we got the third step prayer. And it says, it's it's very very simple. says, "God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and to do with me as thy wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, thy way of life. May I do thy will always." exclamation point.

So, that's a third step prayer. It's pretty simple. So, I'm a few days sober and I go over to my sponsor's house and he'd give me stuff to read.

And we sat down in his offices at his house and we went over in detail doctor's opinion and all that stuff again. And we went over and we talked about this this higher power concept, this God thing. Do I got a problem?

Do I got do I got God stuck sideways in my craw? You know, do I got anything that might be blocking me? So, we talked about all that and we read up to page 62 and we talked about all that and he says, "You ready to do the third step prayer?" And I said, "I'm ready to do anything." He says, "Well, we'll see about that." And we said, "Come on, get your big book." And we went got my big book and we went into another part of his house and we got he said we're going to his prayer bench and looked like a little coffee table to me, but I didn't dare say anything to him.

And um we got down on our knees and we opened our book to this page. And just like I done it in the previous attempts, we got on our knees and we opened the book to page 63 and we're getting ready to do a third step prayer. And I've done it before.

It's the AA Walts. Step one, yeah. Step two, yeah.

Step three, say the prayer, go get drunk. You know, it's pretty simple. But this guy is leading me on and I mean leading me to this point, you know, and and I believed in what he said, you know, and I and I was willing to do whatever he said.

And so we open the book to this page and we get on our knees and we put our arms around each other and I'm still I still kind of got the shakes cuz I'm a few days still off from my last strength and I'm still kind of shaking a little bit and we bowed our heads and he says, "Before you do your third step prayer, I'm going to say a little something to God. make sure God's with us and then you can do your prayer. I said, "All right." So, I got my arms around him and the old man starts to praying.

I have no earthly idea what he said cuz in my head I'm praying like my life depends on it. And I guess there was an uncomfortable pause when you know after stop praying and I'm sitting there like a dope still praying in my head and finally he nudges me and he says, "I need to hear what you're saying to God. And this is my third step prayer.

This is what I said. And I said, ' Dear God, I've tried to get so sober since 1988, and I'm scared and I don't want to die drunk. I need your help.

Please give me the willingness to do whatever I got to do to get what's in this book. Amen. And Clifford said, "Stand up." I thought I screwed up, you know, and I stood up and he gave me a hug and he says, "You just did the third step prayer." See, I followed directions.

I voiced it without any reservation. You know, I had no more lurking notions. It was either this is going to work or I was going to drink.

No more bargaining chips or they call it ego deflation. You know, from the bottom of my heart, I asked a supreme being for help, and I meant it. You look at the top of page 63, and this is some cool cool stuff.

It says, "When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed." It's a promise. Says, "We have a new employer. being all powerful, he provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well.

And the old man said, underline that sentence. He goes, "There's your job description till the day you die." What's my job description? My job is to stay close to God and perform his work.

Well, what does the book say that God's going to provide me? Everything I need. He says, "John, if God's providing you everything you need, what else do you need?" nothing.

He says,"Great. This is pretty simple, ain't it?" Say, "Yeah, I've since added a little on to that. I don't want to rewrite the big book.

This is what I tell my guys today. My job today is to stay close to God and perform his work well today, no matter what. That's my job." You know, that's my job.

I got a purpose and to stay close to God and do this work no matter what happens. If I do that, God provides me with everything I need. And if God's given me everything I need, I don't need anything else.

I want a hell of a lot of things. I want so many things, you know. I want a fast car so I can get to the meetings faster, you know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I want a lot of things, you know. But, um, I got everything I need today. everything I need.

If you saw my bank account, you'd think you're on you're nuts. You know, my bank account is looking pretty slim today. But I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that I have everything that I need today.

You know, I spent years and years and years trying to get out from where I was right at this moment, trying to get somewhere else. And I can be right here right now. Perfect peace and ease.

I'm cool. I don't know what the hell is going to happen 10 minutes from now, but I'm okay right now and that's good. And it says, let's read the rest of these promises.

It says, established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. Me, a contributor, I spent all those years trying to suck everything I could out of you, out of my family, out of the meetings, right?

And now they're telling me what I can contribute. What can I contribute? I asked my sponsor that.

He says, "Get a dollar, get your big book, go to 24-hour club, get a cup of coffee, and talk to every son of a gun that walks in that door. Stay there for a couple hours. Call me when you get home." Click.

Got something to offer. Don't know. Didn't really know what that was, but I got something to offer.

Right. As we felt new power flow, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully. There's a concept.

As we became conscious of his presence, we began to lose our fear. Today, tomorrow, the hereafter, we are reborn. He said, you get a big doover and you don't got to move.

Just get to get a fresh start, you know. But I got a job to do. I just made a commitment with God.

See, we spend a heck of a lot of time or at least in in in from my ancient memories of what I used to hear in discussion meetings about, you know, step three is made a decision. We talk about the three frogs on a log and all that stuff. And that's all great stuff, right?

All I've done in step three is I've made a commitment with my sponsor and the God of my understanding that I'm going to get off my rear end and take these actions. It's a commitment. When you were sitting back when you were still back in your drinking days and you were sitting on your couch and you needed some beer, you made a decision to get beer.

You made a commitment to go get beer. You didn't just think it. You thought it and then you did it.

Right? Same thing with this. I make a commitment in step three with my sponsor that I'm going to follow these directions, right?

I'm going to I'm going to do whatever I got to do to get what they got. It's pretty specific. It's pretty plain.

It's not all flowery. I ran into a guy at a treatment center the other day, and I kid you not, this is honest to God's truth. This guy is employed by a treatment center.

And he says, "If a man needs to work on his step three, his third step for a year, that's quite all right with us." And these people have a lot of alcoholics come through their place and they got a boatload of crack addicts. And that crap like that is annihilating those those men and women. The big book is very very specific on how to take the steps, when to take the steps, with whom to take the steps.

gives me prayers and promises all along the way. If you got another idea, go do it. I don't care.

But if you want what I got, we're going to do what they did. It's pretty simple. It was a very tedious process to get me to that point, but once I was there, there ain't no turning back.

says, "We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person such as our wife, best friend, spiritual adviser. Who better to do my third step than my sponsor? He's been where I'm at and he's where I want to get to.

So, he's going to hear my third step. He's going to be the judge, you know, right? I got to tell you a little story about that.

I've done I've done boatloads boatloads and boatloads of third step prayer since I've been sober and they're just they still blow me away. It's an awesome thing, you know. It's an awesome thing to hear.

And most of the knuckleheads that I sponsor are guys that are just like me. Guys that have been in and out of treatment centers, in and out of AA groups all over the place. They've tried.

They've got their butts kicked. They're desperate. They're dying.

They're hopeless. and they hear us talk and they hear they they they they see a little hope and they get to this stuff. But I I just talked to this cat today.

It's one a good friend of mine. He lives down in Austin now. He moved he moved away a few months ago.

And I'll never forget he was at 24-hour club a couple years ago. And I do a meeting there every Sunday at six o'clock. Big book study.

And this guy came up after one of the meetings. It was his like his first Sunday night there. And he came up to me afterwards and he says, "God, you've got to help me." He goes, "I like what you had to say.

You've got to help me." And we went outside and we talked for a little while. And I found out all I could about him. And he'd been around AA.

His brother's a, you know, pretty big speaker in his own right and goes around and he'd heard it. He'd tried it and he, you know, been in the church, done everything under the sun. This guy was just hopeless.

He had a Winnebago, an old Winnebago, not a nice one, like a real old timey one. It was like beat. I mean, it was We joke about it now, but it was trashy.

That's like parked in the 24-hour club parking lot. That is all he had in the world, right? Got a couple kids.

His wife's left. I mean, they just couldn't stand him. And this guy was living there.

He had like a dollar to his name. And I started to worry with him. And I gave him some stuff to read.

Told him I'd come up there to see him in a day or two. And D. Well, long story short, I come up a few days after that after our first after our first contact and and we went to this little coffee shop that's right by Baylor Hospital down there and you get there in the afternoon, no one's in there and we go way in the back so you're not bothered and everything and we've each got a big book and we start going through this information because I he he had read some stuff and I'm going through the doctor's opinion and there's a solution and more about alcoholism and we agnostics and we're going over this stuff that I just read.

And he's asking questions along the way. And then he gets quiet and I'm looking at my book and I'm talking to him and he looks up and he's got tears rolling down his face and he says, "My god, I've been in Alcoholics Anonymous for 15 years and nobody ever explained this stuff to me. Nobody.

That's how we did his third set prayer. We did it a couple minutes after that. That man's life changed like that.

Like that had nothing to do with me. I just read the damn book, you know. But it's stuff like that I don't want to miss, you know.

Another little third step story. I wasn't sober too long. I wasn't sober too long.

I spent years and years and years of my other attempts at AA sitting on the back row trying to think of something witty to say so you'd like me, right? Literally dying in Alcoholics Anonymous, miserable, right? So, I get this little sponsor and we we start going through the steps and my life changes like that and I'm doing this work and I'm at Homer Bound listening to Meyers and Curt and those guys do the meeting on Friday nights and it was I'm like three weeks sober, right?

like my third Friday night to be at this little meeting and I worked late that night and I in and out outside all day long. It was kind of cool and kind of rainy and I was starting to get a little cranky and my throat hurt and I had a headache. I didn't feel good and I got home at like 7:00.

The meetings at 8:00 and I'm thinking, man, I just need to take a shower and eat some soup and lay on the couch and relax so I don't get sick and everything. And I remembered while I was taking a shower, I remembered that that Tuesday previous, I had met some guys from Homerbound. I had talked to them and I'd give them some little red books and I asked them to read some stuff and I told them that I'd be there Friday to work with them.

And I mean, I'm like cursing myself in the shower like I don't feel good. Come on, God. I think I'm getting like the flu or something, Ebola or something, you know?

It's got it's bad. It's bad. And I remember getting out of the shower, throwing on some clothes, putting on a hat, getting on my knees, and asking God, say, "God, please, I don't feel good.

Make this hour go by quick so I can come home and rest so I don't get sick and I left." And I went up to that meeting. And I get out of get out of my car and my buddy Kurt comes running up to me and he goes, "Dude, I just got off the cell phone with Meyers. They're coming in from Lewisville.

There's like a 18-wheeler jack knife. They ain't They're not going to make it. You and I got to do the meeting.

And I said, "Man, I can't do the meeting. I've got to work with these two guys right here." And Kurt said, "Oh my god." He goes, "I got these three guys right here." He says, "I know what you can do. You sit down.

You work with all five of these guys and I'll go do the meeting." I said, "Kurt, I've done this one time before." He says, "Well, we better pray." And so Kurt Kurt said a little prayer and he said, he said, "Just do steps one, two, and three like we do." I said, "All right." And his guys were mean, man. They're like gangbangers. I mean, they were like mean and tall and kind of snarled and stuff.

And I'm like, "Oh my god." They didn't have a smile one. And we sat down. Men who normally wouldn't mix.

Normally wouldn't mix. Sat down. They all got big books.

They all got them already started getting highlighted and stuff. And I open my big book and I started to lay out steps one, two, and three. And I did it in under an hour.

And the hour's winding up and we get to the part of the third step prayer. And I tell them how me and my sponsor had just done my third step prayer a couple weeks previous. And these guys that hour, these guys that normally wouldn't mix, that had a snarl.

They're marking in their books and they're uh and they're asking questions and they're they're hookline and sinker and they're the real deal. And I asked these guys, "Are y'all ready to do a third prayer?" And they said, "You betcha." And I know y'all probably hadn't been to Homer Bound, but the concrete is pretty filthy. Cigarette butts everywhere.

And these five guys plus me make six. Six guys that normally wouldn't mix got on our knees and put our arms around each other and bowed our heads and I said a little prayer to make sure God was with us and then to a man it went around the horn and each man did his third step prayer. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

We commence the hugging, cheerful, little sparkles in their eyes. And I ain't telling you that story to brag. I'm telling you a story for one important reason.

My job is to get off my rear and take this message to someone who was dying. Left to my own devices, I probably wouldn't have drank that night. I could have stayed home, taken a shower, had some soup, and got into bed and made it to my meeting the next night.

The moral of that story is is my job is to help drunks. My job is to get off my rear end and take a message of recovery to somebody who was dying just like I was. And for that, I got an experience that I will never ever forget.

And it happens a lot. Thank you for having me. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

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