Don’t Warm the Seats: AA Speaker – Julie H. – Dallas, TX
Julie H. from Dallas shares her 13 years struggling in AA before understanding the Big Book and steps. Now 20+ years sober, she speaks on sponsorship, step work, and carrying the message.
Julie H. from Dallas, TX spent 13 years in and out of AA, relapsing repeatedly, until she finally grasped what the Big Book was actually teaching. In this AA speaker tape, she walks through why meetings alone don’t keep people sober, how step work creates a spiritual experience, and what it really means to carry the message to the next alcoholic.
Julie H. describes her 13-year struggle in recovery before learning to properly work the steps from the Big Book, explaining that meetings alone don’t create sobriety—only action on the precise directions does. She emphasizes the mental obsession and physical allergy described by Dr. Silkworth, and details how sponsoring others became the key to her spiritual awakening and lasting recovery. Julie explains the difference between “warming seats” in meetings and actually working the program as written, stressing that sponsees should complete step work within weeks, not months, and begin carrying the message immediately.
Episode Summary
Julie H. from Dallas walks into this talk with a sharp edge and a clear message: AA has drifted from its original purpose. For 13 years, she cycled in and out of the rooms—getting sober for months, then drinking again—while everyone around her said she “didn’t want it bad enough.” The truth was harder: nobody had ever actually shown her what the Big Book said.
She opens by acknowledging her great-grandfather, a West Virginia moonshine drinker who died on railroad tracks, and jokes that she comes from a line of serious alcoholics. At 15, she drank six tall boys in 45 minutes and knew immediately she’d found what she was looking for—a way to stop caring about anything. From age 18 to 23, she didn’t go three days without a drink. Two kids and a divorce didn’t fix her. Neither did her first decade in AA.
The problem, Julie explains, was that her sponsors and home groups didn’t understand the book themselves. They told her to “keep coming back” and “come early to decorate,” but never sat her down and said, “You have an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.” They never read her the Doctor’s Opinion. She would get eight months sober, feel better, think she had it figured out, and relapse—over and over. Her husband watched her transform after one drink: suddenly chattier, nicer, more at ease. That ease was what she was chasing, and the book explained why.
At age 36, with a good marriage, children, and a full life, she still couldn’t stop. She stood on the edge of the bed and told her husband the truth: “I’m going to drink and I don’t know why.” He didn’t know either. Neither did her sponsor. That’s when everything changed.
Julie found a sponsor who actually knew the Big Book and worked it precisely. She got sober on September 16, 2003, and has stayed sober by following the book’s exact directions. She breaks down key passages—the Doctor’s Opinion on allergy and obsession, page 25 on being “seriously alcoholic,” Bill’s statistics showing 50% got sober at once while 25% came back after relapse. The ones who returned said it wasn’t judgment; it was Bill’s promise: “The day would come when you would drink again and have no defense against that drink.”
The core of her talk is this: the steps work fast when you actually work them. She completed her first five steps in weeks, not months. Her sponsor sent her out to do twelfth-step work at two months sober. The joy didn’t come from attending meetings—it came from helping another alcoholic, from getting connected to a power that could relieve the obsession. She carried the message to treatment centers, hospitals, jails. Her sponsees complete step work in one to three weeks and immediately begin sponsoring others.
She’s blunt about what doesn’t work: coffee, friendships, volunteering, drama in meetings, pink clouds, and “meeting makers.” What does work is the design in the book—the precise instructions on steps 1 through 12. She reads directly from the text, highlighting how the first 164 pages haven’t changed since the 1930s because they contain the solution. The stories in the back were added for identification, but the plan stayed the same.
Julie talks about the responsibility of sponsorship. She requires her sponsees to commit to working steps and then immediately carrying the message, or there’s the door. No gathering numbers, no egos, no drama. She sits with women one-on-one and is compassionate but unyielding: you will do this, or you won’t be part of this group. She respects her husband enough to set a schedule for service work. She studies the book at home group three days a week. She’s carried the message for over 20 years and credits that work—and that work alone—with her spiritual awakening.
The emotional arc moves from her frustration at wasting 13 years to relief at finally understanding, then to purpose in helping others. She laughs at herself, cries about families broken by alcoholism, and expresses deep gratitude for a sponsor who told her the truth. By the end, she’s describing a life of freedom and connection—present with her family, respected in the fellowship, and certain that without this work, she’d be drunk.
Notable Quotes
I tried to get sober in Alcoholics Anonymous for 13 years and most of my story is in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The problem is nobody was telling me what the directions in this book were. Nobody ever sat down and said, ‘Baby cakes, you have an allergy and a mental obsession. When you start, you won’t stop.’
We don’t need people warming seats in here. We need people saving lives.
How many meetings does it take to have a spiritual experience? Zero. It takes work in the steps.
The book talks about approaching them. Approach, approach, approach. It’s still the same today. There are people in jails, hospitals, institutions that have never been approached.
The joy, the relief, the freedom didn’t come at step two, three, or five. It came when I started helping another alcoholic.
Meeting makers do not make it. Who makes it are the people in the meetings that are working the steps.
Step Work
Sponsorship
Step 12 – Carrying the Message
Denial
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Big Book Study
- Step Work
- Sponsorship
- Step 12 – Carrying the Message
- Denial
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> Hey guys, my name is Julie Harvey and I am a recovered alcoholic. >> I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since September 16th of 2003.
And for that, I'm absolutely blessed. And it's only because I followed some directions that was laid out so simply in this big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that I've been able to do that. Um, I have to tell y'all, I am so happy to be here.
I am so giddy. I'm just It's just the coolest thing ever. I My home group is a primary purpose group in Dallas, Texas.
And um, when I started there, I was like one of eight women and and I've watched it grow. And there's like 50 women there now. And it's the coolest thing because they're out carrying the message and they're out doing um the deal.
And and and what a difference it makes in our life. And what a difference it's made in mine. Um I I called my sponsor, Cliff.
Um Cliffy Crusty Cliffy. Yes. And yes, I have a old old male sponsor.
And gosh, if you don't like it, talk to your sponsor. Go to a tentep. That's all I can tell you.
Um, I I caught them up and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, Cliff, like I got to spend two hours in the car with with Larry and Paula and I want to take them home. I want to wrap them up and take them home. They're so awesome.
Thank you so much. Thank you all for having me. Thank you for all the work that it takes to to get these deals together.
I understand. Um, it's such it's so cool. Uh I I was listening to you talk and and it's so cool to be such a little part of such a big thing, you know, and I think in Alcoholics Anonymous, we always come in here uh you know, thinking that we're the most important person in the room and then we work some steps and we realize we're so low on that totem pole.
Um and and and the longer we work the steps, the the more we realize that's the truth. Um, Cliff said hello to everyone and and he's just so delighted that y'all are here and I can't tell you how delighted I'm here. I actually um have been to meetings uh in in Beckley, West Virginia um back in uh 93 92 91 92 93 um I would come up and visit my grand all my family's from West Virginia.
So, let me tell you, my great-grandfather died from um getting drunk and um on his little moonshine and laid on some tracks and passed out and a train ran over him. That was a, you know, but I think my great-grandmother was so tired of of opening the cellar and throwing them in there and locking it up. So, maybe she was all right with that.
I don't know. I mean, true story, like I come from like the drunks, moonshine, West Virginia drunks, and I freaking love it. Like, I love being here.
I can't even tell you. I just want to go out there and go in some hills and climb trees. I do.
That's just me at heart. Um I I'm a I'm a tree girl. Um let me back up just a little bit.
Let me tell you a little bit. Um just a little bit about myself. And And um the thing is is that I tried to get sober in Alcoholics Anonymous for 13 years and most of my story actually is in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Um I started drinking at the age of 15 and and not like everybody um but I drank alcoholically the first time I drank. First time I drank um we had uh packed up and my dad moved us to Houston thinking it was a better place to be raised I guess or around his family. Um and uh and so good life.
My dad was awesome. My mom was uh great as she could be. I grew up with three brothers who I absolutely love to run around with and um life was good.
And then at the age of 15, I um took my first drink and I ate I drank six tall boys in 45 minutes. It was like I couldn't get enough. Like the first one I'm like, "Oh my god, my cousin's looking at me like going, "Buddy, you're like 85 pounds, you know, so this is not going to be good." good.
He was taking me to this this deaf leopard concert. So, yes, they were in then like brand new, you know, like fun times. And so, that's that I always say alcohol kind of preserved me.
Um, and so I I proceed to get sick through the whole entire concert and and I and I uh miss everything, but all I know is I woke up and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, when do I get to do that again? That was so much fun." Like for the first time in my life, I did not care what I said. I did not care how I looked.
I did not care about anything. All of that was gone. And for the first time in my life, I felt at ease.
And whether if it was just for that first two and then oblivion came later, right? That's all I needed cuz because I was like, "Oh, that's it." Like that's it. um going back home and and I'm not a bad kid.
So, I wasn't one of those kids that snuck out all the time. I wasn't I didn't want to be in trouble. My mother was mean.
You did not cross my mother. And so, I was pretty I I tried to stay on the straight and narrow. Um, so I learned really quick how to control it because at that at 16 till 17 out I got out of high school 18 I could control it when I want like like control meaning I could say weekends only right now once I started I couldn't stop.
So, I got out of high school and the and the drink was on. And from the age of of uh 18 to um 23, I hadn't gone more than three days without a drink. And at the age of 23, after having um after getting a divorce and having two children, that didn't keep me sober because I thought if the first one doesn't, like then maybe the second one will.
And no, it doesn't. Kids don't keep you sober. Dang.
Like, I thought it would. So, I enter the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and um and and and and it was a cool thing at the beginning, right? Like I'm sitting in there and I'm listening to this guy share and I'm like, "Oh, heck, man.
He's got it bad." Like, if he can do this, I can do this, right? I'm third day and I'm like, h, you know, but I make it through and and I get in there and I do whatever they tell me to do and I keep coming back and I'm I don't know what they told me. They told me a lot of stuff.
Um, and so I I'm working with sponsors and and stuff is not sponsors, right? Sponsors, that's not working. Let's go find another one.
That one's But the problem is is honestly these guys weren't even telling me what the was in the book. There was nothing being said from what was in the book. Nobody ever read to me the doctor's opinion.
Nobody ever sat down and said, "Baby cakes, you have an allergy." So when you start, you won't stop and you have a mental obsession. If this is your truth, welcome. No, they just said, "Keep coming back." Of course, you're an alcoholic.
You entered the room like really? There was no qualifying. There was no nothing.
It was sit down and share. Share what? Whatever I wanted to say.
Shame. Shame on them. And I thought it was me.
I thought it was me. I thought, "Okay, because you know you you hear these stupid people tell you, um, well, they just didn't want it bad enough. She just didn't want it bad enough." Maybe I didn't at the age of 23 when I first came in.
Maybe I didn't. But let me tell you what happened. Because you take the booze away from me and I get worse.
I don't get better. So what starts happening is I start looking at your man. I don't care if you're right there.
It's going down like this. And I'm going to take you hostage. Get out of my way.
Right. Cuz I'm going to need something. I need a solution.
If booze isn't booze has been my solution for a long time. And if you take that solution away, I'm not happy. And until I get something else to fill that solution.
So, I got pregnant and um and and had had this little beautiful girl. Um some stuff kind of went down in that AA group and I thought, you know, this isn't for me. So, I'm peace out.
And um I and I happen to meet this wonderful man at this point and and and he's just a normal human being, like normal. And uh he falls in love with me for some reason and um actually does want to marry me. So we whisk off and um and we're actually still married today.
But the next seven years of of the first seven years of our our marriage was hell because two years into it, like I'm not one of those people who like to come in here and pick up a chip and go woohoo and and then relapse and come right back in the next day. I'm like, "Woohoo! This ain't working back out for two years.
Another two years. Another two years." Um, I just didn't like y'all. I find it very interesting in the front of in in the forwards.
Uh, and if you haven't read them, please study them also. But in the forward, how how they talk about it on page 20, Roman numeral page 20, and he says a 50% got sober at once and remained that way. those who came in and really tried.
50% that's half the room getting sober and staying sober. Is it like that today? And 25 sobered up after some relapses, right?
And and here's the cool thing. Bill pulled these guys. And he's like, when they came back in, he said, "Hey buddy, why'd you leave?" Some of them said, "Because I didn't like you." Huh?
Been there. Peace out. Right.
Some of them said, "I couldn't accept that spiritual thing that you were trying to offer." Um, that sounded a little too extreme for me. Um, and then he said, "But why did you return?" And they all said the same thing. They all said, "Because you told me that if I had a mind like yours, the day would come and I would drink again and I would not have a defense against that drink." And that's happened.
The clear thing is is when they walked out that door, they already had an inkling of what the problem was. They already knew what the problem was. for 13 years in Alcoholics Anonymous.
I did not know that because at the end of my drinking, I am sitting on the edge of our bed to my wonderful husband. And I said to him, I cannot make you any more promises. I can't.
I'm done with the promises. I'm going to drink and I don't know why. And he didn't either.
He did not know why either. But he knew he couldn't help me because he had tried. I was done with AA.
I was done with all the stuff they were saying. I was done. It wasn't working.
I'd come in and and and get eight months and and and not be able to stay sober happy. My husband used to say, "Julie, I can always tell when you've been drinking because you're nice. Things are pleasant, right?
Like I come home and you're like talkative. That's just not me. That's not my normal nature, right?
Like I'm okay sitting in a corner by myself. I'm really okay with that." I was talking to someone before the meeting and they're like, "You know what?" I'm like, it doesn't ever have to go away. I'm really I you just get okay with that.
Like, I don't have to be someone I'm not today. And that's the coolest thing. I don't have to make decisions based on what you think I need to do.
Make sense? This is the coolest thing. On page 25, because I know that we're kind of um I I just have to read this on the bottom of of of that page.
It says, "If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, I think that's the question. I think that's the difference of someone coming in here and really trying and someone coming in here thinking they're just going to get hot coffee and a piece of cake. I love it.
I love it in the doctor's opinion where he where he talks about the well-known stages of a spree. Meaning, we don't just wake up one morning, we go, "Oh my gosh, I think I have a problem." No, we wake up with another firm resolution not to drink again, and we drink again, and then we can't quit. And another one, and another one, and another one, and it's repeated over and over and over.
All those attempts and all those failures, and we think, you know what? Maybe maybe I can do it like this, or maybe I can do it like that, or what the heck, forget it. Peace out.
I'm done. It's kind of like we always want to look at the alcoholic as as as this way or this way and they lost everything. And I always hear this this bottom word.
Well, when they reach their bottom, guys, bottom is in the grave. That's where a bottom is. So, quit looking for a bottom.
You know where a bottom is? Go read page eight where Bill talks about that. It's that loneliness and despair that we find is when alcohol is our master and we can't beat it anymore.
Because there's a lot of times when we wake up and you go, "Well, when? Well, if I ever get like that. Well, well, well." And then all of a sudden, okay, yes, I need to.
Oh, sh I can't quit. And with all the resources that we pull up and all the all the everything we have out our disposal, we can't stop. We're great quitters.
We can't stay quit. Make sense? So he goes on to say um we believe there is no middle road um no middle of the road solution.
No means no. I mean it's not a well maybe there's a door number three. There's the door number three out.
Go try to beat the game again on your own because if you can why would you be here? I don't know about y'all, but I didn't wake up and say, "Please let me sit in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous." No, I tried to wake up and not choose to drink, right? I'm like, "Choose not to drink today.
Choose not to drink today. I'll never It's It's like standing in front of the refrigerator. This was my daily.
This was my day. This is me daily." Standing in front of the refrigerator, rocking back and forth. Sometimes tears coming down my face going, "Please not don't do it.
Please, not today. Please help me. No, don't.
I don't. Not today. Open the refrigerator.
Hand on the bottle. Can I not just do it today? Can I not just do it?
Can I wait till after carpool? Can I wait till after carpool?" No. And I'm drunk again.
And that's what's repeated over and over. We are in a position where life was becoming impossible. And if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives.
We're not talking about where where life was impossible with everything else. Like, oh my gosh, I can still get dinner on the table. Oh my gosh, I can still get this.
Like, when I was 23 and I first entered Alcoholics Anonymous, I had lost my job. I had been evicted. I I had a car that I couldn't even pay for.
I had lost everything. I had absolutely nothing. Guess what?
That's not what kept me sober. You fast forward to when I'm 36 years old and I have everything that anybody could ever want because I have a incredible husband. I have incredible children.
I I volunteer. I I do this, I do that, I do do and I'm drinking and I can't stop. I remember my husband was like, "Julie, why don't you just volunteer some more?
Find something else to do." Right? And I'm like, "I volunteered out." He's so funny. Like he didn't tell me half the stuff he did until I got sober.
He's like, "Yeah, sometimes I would wake up in the morning and just kind of like um pour some I'm I'm a beer, wine, vodka drinker." That's me. I'm a case a day. And so he was like, "I get up in the morning, I just pull pour a few of your beers out." And I'm like, "Why?
Why'd you do that? You you know I'm going to go back and buy more." He's like, "It just made me feel good." I bet there's some people in this room tonight who can understand that. God bless you.
I love I love my families. If it weren't for the families, some of us wouldn't be here. Bless each and every one of you.
Thank you for being and supporting. If it weren't for my husband today supporting me in this program, I wouldn't be here. But there again, you know how you get the support from that Alanon or that family member because they've seen it and they know they have no human power over this just like we know we have no human power over this.
I'm going to cry tonight. Okay? Because there is no return through human aid.
We had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could. The sad thing is is that's what people do.
This is absolutely fatal and a devastating disease. And we want to come in here and we want to act like it's just a social event. It is not a social event.
If you need a social event, go to the nearest I don't know what they have down the street, but I'm sure you can get hooked up with some nice people. It's the one thing that irritates. I did not come to Alcoholics Anonymous for friends.
I didn't. I came here to find a solution for my problem. And all I was hearing and all I was being taught back then was to come early and decorate for the party, to come and and and go play baseball and and and go let's go bowl and let's go have coffee.
I cannot get sober with coffee. I wish I could. And I'm not saying I don't like my coffee, but it's not keeping me sober.
I I'm gonna say it. I am going to say it. Women are the worst.
We like to come in here and we like to fix our our people up. Like, we have the power to do that. Sorry.
Sorry. Sidetrackm. It's not our It's not ours.
quit having coffee. Start working some steps. Um, okay.
So, and the other So, here's another here's another to accept spiritual hell. Oh, that seems extreme. Now, it's kind of like Bill was talking about some of these guys left because of the spiritual program.
And I don't care where you are in this. I don't care if you're atheist, agnostic, or or or I'm over here. And I'm like, I believe, right?
I so believe. I believe more than you. So, you can't help me.
There's the problem. I'll never forget standing up in a in a meeting and going, "Well, if this is a spiritual program, I'm so good. I don't need y'all." Like, right?
And I walk out the door and I'm drunk again. Clearly, there's something I don't have. It's all what we think we know.
It's all what we think we know. We come in here with what we think we know. And if and and if logic and reasoning were were it and and if if just some some great self-help books were it and and and doctors and therapists were it.
And I I tell you, I love the doctors. I love therapy. I love it all.
I do. But it's not going to get me sober and keep me sober. There's this um I read this thing the other day and it says what it takes to sustain sobriety is quite different from what it takes to initiate sobriety.
And isn't that the truth? Dr. Silkworth, I got to pull this out too, guys.
I'm I'm all in my notes tonight. But here's here's a thing that Dr. Silkworth was quoted saying.
The alcoholic who learns some of the techniques or the mechanics of AA but misses the philosophy or the spirit may get tired of following directions. Not because he is an alcoholic, but because he is a human. And we all come in here smart.
We all come in here w- with brains, right? But we're so darn smart, we're going to figure it out one more time. We're going to go out there and we're going to try to beat this game one more time.
One reason is because no one really wants to be an alcoholic. I mean, come on. Who Who said when you were a kid, "Please, can I join that club when I'm later in life?" No.
I'm like anything but aa do not make me go back there. Right? Part of the reason was because I didn't even know what was wrong with me.
And if you don't understand the problem, how are you going to surrender to the solution? If you do not understand what's in this book, how are you going to learn how to live by it? So why is the book getting put on a shelf and all of a sudden we're sitting at a round table singing kumbaya like that's going to keep us sober?
It amazes me where we come up with this. Where did we come from following direction in this book to thinking that we were so darn smart we're going to keep each other sober? Let me ask you a question.
Do you not love your family more than the person sitting next to you? Absolutely. So, if you can't stay sober for your family, why are you think you're going to come in here and stay sober for another drunk?
God, I wish it were that easy, but I'm glad it's not because I would have missed out on everything else that this program has to offer. And that was my problem for those 13 years. Nobody was telling me what these directions was.
Nobody were Sorry. Oh, my husband hates it when my English is bad. Nobody's gonna Nobody's I'll never forget going I was I was eight months sober and um and and and we come in here and and we get we get smelling better and feeling better and looking better and yes I start getting a little poke pokey again and everything's good in the house.
Sorry. I know. Um that's just me though.
So, so like all of a sudden I'm like going down the street once when I used to like dodge those. Okay. And here's another thing that used to get me.
Those chicks with the Coors light like big signs and and it's all sweating and they're all hot and I'm like, "Dang, dodge it. Don't look." Right? And the next thing you know, I'm I'm grabbing a few hands and singing Kubayan.
I'm like, "Hey, look. I can look at that." You know, I have what it takes. I I I I I And the next thing I know, I'm absolutely miserable.
I hate everybody around me. I hate my husband. I hate my kids.
I hate my life. I hate everything. And I finally go to the liquor store and I finally get a drink.
And I finally have an ease and comfort that I needed. We're all looking for an effect. Why does it Why was it that I kept going back to that drink?
Why was it? Because my mind tells me it's going to give me an ease and comfort like nobody's business. And that's what it does.
I mean, come on, guys. We can we can be without the booze for we can all detox. We're all great detoxers.
We're all great quitters. The problem is is we can't stay quit. So, we get all detoxed and and everything's driving and and you start wanting that drink and and I mean in no minute in a minute we're in the car on the bicycle on got foot whatever, right?
We're headed to the liquor store and I mean as soon as we pull up or open that door it's like just a little bit better, right? I always say there it's like this is me every single time. I have so many amends to make to these little liquor stores because I would yell at them.
Like I'd have my booze and I'd be like in and there'd be three people in front of me and they're all buying lotto tickets and and they're cashing them in and I swear I would yell at them. I'm like, can you how hard would it be to get a little store next to this that says lotto only? Like and then you could put someone there and that could profit, right?
Like how hard would that be? I get my booze. I get to the car.
I sit down. I don't even start the car, right? I'm like, pop.
I can go back in that same store. I can stand behind those same people and they are now my best friends and we're swapping numbers. That's the effect I'm looking for.
That's what booze has been giving me. The problem is is once I start, I can't stop and I'm off to the races again. My husband used to say, "Julie, I'd be on my fourth and you're on your fourth and and I'm done.
Like, I want to go to bed and you're just getting started." And that was so baffling to him. And what was more baffling is that I would make a sincere, honest oath to him, to me, to whoever that I was done and I meant it and I'm doing the work that this sponsor is asking me to do. But bless her heart, she doesn't know what the work is.
She doesn't understand these steps. She doesn't have these precise instructions. She's only doing what she's been taught.
I can't blame her, but I want to say get out. Because if that's what helps you stay sober, why are you here? If you don't have to come in and do this, why are you here?
If I don't come in and do this, I don't get an I don't get that personality change. I will find a personality change or I will kill my husband. Period.
I love to um to go on on page 155. We were talking about Dr. Bob and he said, "He had a desperate desire to stop, but he saw but saw no way out for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape.
Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal. The man did not fully realize what it meant to be an alcoholic." How many of us have come in here and raised our hand and said, "Hey, I'm so and so and I'm an alcoholic." and then walk out that door, drink, and have no idea why you drank. That was me.
That was me over and over and over again. I had no idea why I took that first drink. I used to hear, "Oh, the first drink gets you drunk." That's the only thing I'll say today because it does.
Like, it is the first drink because it sets off the physical craving and then we're off to the races again. And I'm drinking till midnight, 2 am, whenever whenever it says. Whenever it says we've had enough, let's go to bed.
I c I I I I I couldn't pass out anymore. I I couldn't pass out. I I I'm a I We were talking earlier, little Larry likes to go down to the the store or the the the bars around here.
I go to my backyard. I am a backyard drinker. We don't go anywhere.
I hold it down to the fort. If I go out, oh my gosh, clothes are coming off. Nobody wanted to see it.
I mean, it's just not pretty. Keep it at home. And that's what I learned.
Keep it at home. So, that's what I did. Um, I'm sorry.
Go back on page 20. Um, on on 25, if you have Here's the coolest thing. I actually saw a whole bunch of people in here with big books.
Like that is so delightful. I can't tell you. I can't You come to our home group and and and we have this little bucket just in case you forgot your book.
Um and there's like 150 people sitting around tables and maybe three people come in. These new guys come in and they don't have their books, but everybody's carrying a book. Everybody's carrying a book and we carry it everywhere we go because we never know when we're going to be called to do a 12step call.
We never know when we're going to need it. So glad. I'm so glad um that my sponsor has taught me what what he's taught me.
On page 26 where it says we did this because we honestly wanted to and were willing to make the effort. So here's the thing. It's a little it's effort.
It's effort. And he goes on and talks about Roland hooking up with Dr. Young and um and the coolest thing here is like you know Dr.
Young worked with this guy and and worked with them and worked with them and um and he said above all he believed he acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. I hear that all the time, Julie. Uhuh.
I ain't going to relapse. I know what's going to happen. I know it's not good for me.
I know I can't drink anymore. Okay, honey. Well, let's get together.
Let's follow this up with some action. Okay. Right.
And they trickle out of the little detox places and they come home and all of a sudden um um you know, oh well, he's he's got me back. He I got back with him. Oh, oh, my job brought me back.
You don't understand. It's okay, right? There's nothing else to do.
Um, so he was drunk in a short time. Oh, darn. It baffling still.
He could not give himself he could give himself no satisfaction explanation for his fall. Reminds me of not a cloud on the horizon and of a perfect day. Don't wait for to be ir irritable discontent and and and and restless, right?
Don't wait for a shoe to drop because see, when I think about drinking, the sun is shining. It is pretty outside. I just want to get in the pool and get my inner tube full of beer and sit there for the rest of the day.
That's it. No thought. No thought.
No thought comes except drink. So, if you take this rolling guy and he's been all fixed by one of the well-known psychiatrist out there and he couldn't fix him and all of a sudden you have a Dr. Young saying, "Oh my gosh, don't I can't help you.
I think you have to have a spiritual experience." Best thing he could have ever told us. best thing he could have ever done for us. Think about this wellrespected doctor.
How many wellrespected doctors do you know that finally throw their hands up in the air and say, "Gosh, buddy, I can't help you." And that's the honest truth. And see, that's where we all get. Nobody, no human power is going to relieve our alcoholism.
No human power. I love my sponsor. He always says, "How many meetings does it take to have a spiritual experience?" Zero.
Absolutely none. Right? It takes work in the staffs.
So why are we putting the emphasis on 90 and 90 and keep coming back and just go to a meeting? Oh, you're miserable. Double up.
Oh my god. I was going to three meetings a day in Houston, Texas. Three meetings a day.
Meeting makers don't make it. They don't. Meeting makers do not make it.
Who does make it are the people in the meetings that's working the steps that has worked the steps. If you're taking more than three weeks to work some steps, what is wrong? I mean, I can understand if you've just come out of a treatment center, then you better take three days.
I had a girl right now and we've worked the steps in a week. It's possible. Like Larry said earlier, guys, it's just inventory.
It's just sitting down and qualifying. Is just sitting down and saying, "Is this your truth or not? And are you committed to this or not?" I'm not looking at getting anybody sober for a freaking 30-day chip.
I want you in here and I want you sober for good and all. I want you on the firing line with me. I want you to be a part of if I understand that as we're working these steps, it's not like we can go out and sponsor, but there's the coffee pot.
Get here early, clean the coffee, become a part of your group, but don't take your group hostage. Do not sit in your group and think that you are the most important person, so you need to share your miserable day. If you don't start pulling these guys with a vision, then they're all going to go.
And the problem is is guess where we see them? We see them in the treatment centers. And that's why they're getting so darn full because AA quit doing their job of sobering people up and they had to start going to treatment centers because they don't believe AA doesn't work.
page 18. Sorry. But the ex-prom drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours.
Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished. want to highlight. It's in squiggies.
Everybody who has their book should have that highlighted. If you mark in your book, mine's so marked up. Highlight it.
Circle it. This is our job, man. This is the coolest part of this.
I came in here to work some steps so that I could be helpful to the next woman who walks in the door. Why do you want to wait on that? Like, how long does it take to have a spiritual experience?
How long do you want to take to get through the steps? Period. Get through the steps so that you can get connected to that power.
So that power can relieve your mental obsession. But the thing is is that you've got to be convinced that you can't relieve your mental obsession. And nor can your family and nor can your group.
God can. But you're going to have to take some action. All through the book it says seek action.
Do do next we launch. What? How much more clearer is that?
I know when you've done a third step because your pen is hitting the paper. You've already said, "Oh I can't. Everything's I'm out of options.
Get through the steps. We don't need people warming seats in here. We need people saving lives." I didn't understand that.
I didn't understand it until I did it. I understand if you're sitting here and you're going, "Julie, you're a stupid and you really want to leave. I get it.
I would too." Because if you haven't done it, it's like, "Oh, I can't. Never mind. There's kids in here.
Sorry." It's like having something spiritual and you don't know that you've had it till you had it. And once you have it, you want more of it. I think I'm funny.
My daughter hates it. She's like, "Please don't laugh at yourself, Mom." And we come in here and we have a responsibility. And the whole thing is it's like alcoholism hasn't changed.
Alcoholism hasn't changed. The labels have changed. Things have gotten a little different, little fancier.
How many of y'all have relapsed because you're like, "Oh my gosh, I hadn't had that before." Right? Like that must be not so bad. Me when they came out with that ice, I don't forget what it was.
I'm like, "What is that? Alcoholism hasn't changed. We haven't changed.
So why has the responsibility of the sponsorship changed? Why has the responsibility of membership changed? I love our home group, man.
We keep all of our meetings open so that people can come in and study with us and learn. And when we crack open that book when I mean I am I tell you we were I am the sweetest thing. No, I am very compassionate when I'm one-on-one with my women.
But I'm also very you're going to do this or there's the door. You will not come in. You will not be disruptive.
This will not be about you. You will not affect this group as a whole. So if you want to start drama, baby, there's the door.
You will not gossip. You will not criticize others because resentment is our number one offender. You don't have to like everybody, but you sure better love them.
when you when when when I accept the responsibility of taking someone through the work, I better have the time in the next couple weeks to take them through the work. It is not about gathering numbers. It is not about saying, "Oh my gosh, I sponsored this many people." It's about accepting the responsibility of trying to help somebody get connected to a God of their understanding so that they can go out and do the same thing.
And I require my girls that I work with to go out and do the same thing. And if they're not willing to do that, and I ask them at step three, because if you're not, there's the door. I'll never forget I was two months sober.
My sponsor looked at me and he said she needs her fistep done to go do it. Like excuse me, I have two months. You do not understand this.
He's like, you go do it. Yes, sir. Riley, there's no talking back.
Okay. Okay. Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh. I'm gonna tell you, I couldn't wait to do another. That's where the joy came in.
That's where the understanding came in. That's where the relief, release, the freedom came. It didn't come at step two.
It didn't come at step three. It didn't come at five. We get its bits, pieces of it, but the whole gets put together when I start helping another.
Why in heck would I be here if I wasn't going to be helpful to the people about me here? Listen, I tell you what. I love my husband.
I enjoy being around him. I have four children. I enjoy being with them.
So, I would be home if this didn't work. I didn't spend 13 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous because um I didn't want to do it. I didn't know how to do it because I didn't have somebody teach me.
And yes, maybe I'm that stupid that I have to have somebody sit down and say, "Here's what this means. Here's what this looks like. Is this your truth?" Maybe I am.
I had this old-timer say, "Well, you didn't read the book." H, you know, I tell you, I I don't know how they got it back in the day when this book was mailed to them. I I thank God that they did. I thank God that they did.
But I tell you one thing, I guarantee you, they weren't sitting there running everybody's lives. They weren't sitting there tiring themsel down trying to get someone sober. If you're trying to get your protege sober, who got you sober?
Did your sponsor get you sober? Or did you come to your sponsor going, "Oh my gosh, I'm out of ideas. I don't know what to do.
Help." Right? Like, "Sign me up for that." My sponsor and our as I was doing my fist up um right after I was done, he said, "Okay, now I want you to go to the board and I want you to find a place to carry the message." said, "Okay." So, I went to the board and and we're we're lucky enough to be in the middle of Dallas, Texas. And it's so cool that you get to go out and go out to the places that y'all get to go out to here.
Um because the book talks constantly about approaching them. Approach, approach, approach. And I'm going to tell you, it's still the same today.
You may have AA on every street corner today, but there are a lot of people in jails, hospitals, institutions that have never been approached or that have been here and will never want to come back. So that's why we go approach them. Most of our pe our members of our group are from treatment centers that we've been able to go out and approach.
It's the coolest thing. Um, so I I found this windup joint and um and started going and next thing I know I picked up another one and the next thing I know I picked up another one and and and the next thing I know I'm off carrying the message to four different places during the week and and I've got home group three days a week and and my husband is at home with our babies every night by himself. That's hard.
That's hard on the families. But here's the thing. He was willing to let me go and and and I get I I get to work at this little hospital and and and I and I get to do these family lectures and um and and it's and I just I'm going to tell you, I just love the families because I'm I I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be sober if it weren't for my husband.
My husband has supported me more than anything. supported me out the door to another drunk. My my my daughter watched girls my house was a revolving door with girls coming in.
I think I'm gonna donate my picnic bench that's in my backyard to um this little treatment center and just put like this has seen a thousand fists, you know, and I'll never forget my daughter was maybe 11 at the time and and um and and and it was I I was a couple few years sober and or a couple years sober or something and and beer we had just had a Christmas party or something had some beer in the refrigerator and my daughter opened it and she's let me tell I got sober when my daughter was nine. This is two years later. Kids are more reluctant than than the spouses are.
And that's just the truth. And if you read to the wives and family after, you'll see the the experience along with that. That was my experience as well.
And so, um, she's sitting there and and she looks at that and she's like, "Mommy, I I don't like beer in the refrigerator." I said, "Why, honey?" And she said, "Because I I don't I don't want you to drink again." And I said, "Okay, we can take it out." And then it hit her. It hit her like a ton of bricks. And she stood back and it was like a little light bulb going on.
And she said, "That's why all those girls come here cuz you help them with this and then it helps you." Yes, honey. I'll never forget getting a year sober, my husband sat me down. He goes, "Honey," and I said, "Yes." He said, "Can we look at your schedule?
I just need to know like cuz I'd be like, "Oh, wait, wait, look, hun. Can I go carry the message over here? I know it's Friday night.
I know it's usually night I'm home, but like they all want to go to Fort Worth." and and he's like, "Okay, okay." And then at one and then he's like, "Honey, can we talk?" I love it. Absolutely. So, in respect for him, we set a schedule.
What worked for him, I got some babysitters to help him out and and it all worked out. Guys, I love what my sponsor says. It's okay to disagree.
It's not okay to be disagreeable. And it's so the truth. We sat down with each other and we read the family after and to the wives.
he got to learn a bit little bit more. Uh my husband does not go to Alanon. Um he's more than willing to talk to any man that that has to deal with his wife being gone a lot.
Um but he just, you know, he never really tried to get me sober. And and the funniest thing is even today if I bring up something more than once, he says, "Um, that sounds like a resentment. You need to call Cliff.
He just keeps or if I'm like grumpy, he's like, "Have you talked to Cliffy?" I'm like, "Will you be quiet with that?" Oh, he so knows the drill. Um, and so, but we sat down and we read that and and and and came to some some enlightening stuff. And what I love about this book is is it's based on the experience of the first guys, their experience.
It's not opinions. It's ex based on ex true stories of experience. And with that, I get to either do what they did and and and get a little easier way or I can go my way and have the same experience they struggled with.
Right. What time did I start? What time?
Okay. Okay. So if these guys got together and put their blood, sweat, and tears into a book and came up with the perfect plan to get us sober and remain sober and happy.
Like how many of us can get sober but not happy or free? My husband said, even though I was gone all the time, he said to me, he said, "Julie, you may not be with us as much, but when you are, you are present. You are with us.
And I'm okay with this." Because every time before, even when I was with them, I was like, "When are they going to leave? How am I going to leave? Who needs to go?
How am I going to get it? What do I need to get done to get it? Oh my god." And it was that constant thought, that constant thought in my head of needing a drink.
We're not drinking because we want to. We are drinking because we need to. It is not a luxury.
It is a necessity. I am not saying, "Hey, let's go for a party." I am saying, "Come or not. We've got it here.
I'm stocked up." I love these women that um and it's usually women. The women that like get get the little fourack wine things. What What's that about?
You know, you're going back. Just load up. You know, you're the ones that get those DUIs.
your little happy ass is right back to the store. So the thing is is that even if you look in the front of the book, it you know how it talks about how how the first 164 pages the first 164 pages is our plan of of of recovery and and how it's been left untouched. Left untouched.
The revisions were in the back because they started seeing more young people come in. Um, they started seeing more women come in and so the stories in the back were changed for that identification purpose. I have Can you relate to Bill or not?
I know I could. That's all I needed. Oh my gosh.
Yes. Page one. Highlight.
Highlight. Highlight. That's me.
That's me. I'll prove to the world I'm important. That's me.
I may be drunk doing it, but I'll prove it. Ego. Ego.
Ego. So, why is it that we think we need to be smarter than this book? Why is it if they've been sober up drunk since the 30s and they didn't even change anything in that first portion of this, which is the program of recovery, why do we think we need to take our own twist on it?
Why do you think we need to think smarter than it? I love people in meeting and and sometimes and and they're like, "Well, I think this is what Oh, baby, you need to stop right there. We do not need to think.
We need to know. We need to know what they're saying." Right? I And you know, it's so funny in my in our home group, people get freaked out because they come and nobody says I.
Nobody said I did I I. It's all they they they get experience. They they they did this.
They saw this. They This is what we study. We study the book.
I'll tell you what, if I hadn't had this, I'd be drunk because I lived on people's opinions in here. I lived on what you said. And I'll tell you one of the worst for me.
And the one of the one thing that just grains me, like if I hear it, I'm like, "Oh, you don't know how I want to come across that table and slap you right now." So if you say it, I'm so sorry. Don't tell me. Pink cloud.
Pink cloud. I love how our old-timers love to tell our new people in here that they're on a pink cloud. What the heck?
What does a pink cloud look like to you? Pretty light. Pretty fluffy.
Pretty I don't know. There's no grounding there. Going to fall at any minute.
So, what you're telling me, old man, is that you're waiting for my ass to fall and you're waiting for me to drink. That's what you really just said to me. But you know what the book says?
The book says in that third step, I might get an effect. In fact, it says I might get a great effect at once. Maybe that's what they're getting.
Maybe it's not a pink cloud. Maybe they're getting an effect by working the steps and you don't like it cuz you don't have it. So, you're going to have to bust everybody's bubbles around you.
It also goes on to say that it will be permanent. Oh my gosh, did you know that it'll be permanent? Oh, wait.
There's a kicker. You got to follow it up by a strenuous effort. meaning that four step.
So if you want that effect, right, like all of a sudden I start feeling good, like things aren't so irritating me so much and I'm actually starting to think about you. Like can I get you a cup of coffee? Can I show you to the bathroom?
That's new behavior for me because I'm all about me me, right? This world centers around me. All of a sudden, I start getting this effect.
I'll never forget. Sorry. I had always been told about that pink cloud and I think that's why that it scared me because all of a sudden I I I got this effect and and and and I went up to my buddy Myers and I'm like Myers Myers like am I going to lose this?
Like is this going to is this going to go away one day? And he looked at me and he said, "Julie, it will never leave you as long as you continue to work at it." I said, 'All right. And I'm going to tell you, eight and a half years sober, I still have that effect.
And it has never gone. My husband had cancer. It had never gone.
Sat in our hospital bed with him. It did not leave. I had girls still calling me.
I'm like, "Don't you stop calling me. I need you now more than you need me. There's only one thing that I know that can keep me sober and it's another alcoholic and helping them and pulling them with a vision and working the steps with them and the coolest thing is all of a sudden their eyes start lighting up.
They start changing their whole everything starts changing and they're calling you and they're going, "Yes, oh my gosh, I was so selfish." I'm like, "You know this? You see it? Yes, I've done my job." See, God is going to show you everything.
All you have to do is seek. My sponsor doesn't tell me when I'm selfish. My sponsor doesn't tell me nothing.
My sponsor expects me to admit when I am. That's it. So that I can stay humble.
That's the most humbling part about this. I'll tell you what, I've been in a place in my sobriety where I was admitting nothing. It was the most lonely place to be.
And once you start looking around the room and going, "He's wrong. She's wrong. They're both wrong.
Can't believe they're doing it like that. Can't believe she said that." And then I go out saying, but I'm not telling my sponsor any of this. It's a miserable, lonely place to be.
And I thank God I thank God that I got out of it and I was able to humble myself again. And I've had to humble myself many times because I am not the easiest learner at this. I am I will hang up on my sponsor.
I'm like, uh-uh. No, I don't hang up on him. He hangs up on me.
Let me get that straight. I tell him what it's like. He's like, I don't want what you have.
Click. Like, I don't I don't We're we're not arguing. I don't need to argue with you.
Oh my god, that man has put up with me and I'm so grateful that he has. I have I have I have I've been able to be such a small part of such a great whole and to preserve the integrity of Alcoholics Anonymous. We have to remember that's all we are because it's not about us.
It's about the new guy walking in the door tonight. It's about the one that needs our help. About the one that needs to be told to be quiet, get through the steps, start working with others.
If you're through the steps, start working with others. No, you're not going to know everything. And that's why you have a sponsor.
You can call them, ask. Please call them and ask. Like, I thought I knew it already.
Call and ask. It's okay. God, the more the more sober I get, and I used to hear that, the stupider I get.
It's so true. I'm going to try to find something. Um, I have no idea what time I started.
I have no idea what time it is. Um, on page 153, actually, I'm going to just on page 152 on the bottom of there, it says, "You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties. You will escape disaster together and you will commence shoulderto-shoulder your common journey.
Then you will know what it means to give of yourself. See, it's not about just coming in here and taking. It's about coming in here and commencing to go shoulderto-shoulder with us.
It's about getting in here and getting on the firing line. It's about getting in here and doing the work. About getting in here and getting to be helpful.
And only then will you know what it means to give of yourself. that others may survive and rediscover life. Because what happens is we start seeing how fatal this is.
We start burying these people. You bury enough of them and you will see the devastation that alcohol causes. goes on to say down there another paragraph.
It says, "Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeater defeated drinkers will seize upon it to follow its suggestions, not the ones I made up. I'm a good talker. I got great opinions, but they will not keep you sober." Many we are sure will rise to their feet and march on.
They will approach. There's that word again. Still at their sick ones.
And fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet. Havens for those who must find a way out. How cool of that.
Like that was their goal. That was the vision that they're carrying us with with this chip of a book in our hand. So where's the chip of the book gone?
Why did we put it on a shelf? And I love my home group because we quit putting it on a shelf and we started studying it and learning what was in it and being good practitioners of it. And what we have is a design of living.
It truly is so that I can come in here and be okay with the group of people around me. I don't know about y'all, but I kind of prefer just to be at home all by myself. I like being alone.
I never had a hard time being alone. Being loner was not my problem. Being with you was.
And today I can come in here and be with you and respect you. And I can be respected. And that was all I wanted in life.
To be normal, which is a 10-step promise. and to be a respected woman in Alcoholic Anonymous because I wasn't that the 13 years before I came in here. I so love you guys.
You don't even know. I so appreciate you guys starting this group studying this book. And if they don't want it now, I promise you they will.
Thank you for being here. Love you. >> >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.
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