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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. Um I met the speaker um uh Karen and uh we had um a little chat tonight. Um I was very impressed when she told me that her sponsor is Clancy.

I've listened to his tapes. Um, so I'm sure that she's going to have a wonderful message. So would you please help me welcome Karen from Pacific uh group in West Los Angeles.

>> Hi everybody. I'm Karen Garrison and I'm an alcoholic. And it's truly through the grace of God and the power of alcohol synonymous that I've been sober since May 30th, 1982.

And that does not make me a miracle. Alcoholics is a miracle. And if you're new here tonight, I want to welcome you today.

And I always call it God's magnificent AA. The program that saved my life and it's going to save yours too if you will take a few quick actions. And I suggest strong you get a sponsor that you get that book alcoholics an economist and you get busy to everybody else is doing around here and you'll stay sober.

So I've stayed sober for 26 years and people like me cannot stay sober. I can guarantee you. My home group is the Pacific Group in West LA.

A group I'm very, very proud to be a member of just as I'm sure you're proud to be a member of yours. And I guess if you're not proud, you ought to get a job and you might change your mind. I certainly have a job mine and I'm proud to have that job.

I want to thank Bob and the committee for inviting me. This is an honor and a privilege. It's one that I do not take lightly.

I'll guarantee you guys, I love Alcoholics. I really do. And I think that it shows.

I make an awful lot of mistakes. They awful lot of things wrong. But I'll tell you one thing that I love, you make no mistake about that.

You know, I've been talked to an awful lot of things before I ever wrote my big mouth. And one thing is talked to my sponsor and Clancy sends you his love, very best wishes. And if anybody in this room is wondering, I have a man for a sponsor.

I have Clancy for a sponsor. It's really quite simple. I did not get sober in California.

Got sober in a place called Lincoln, Nebraska, and was not doing well, Nebraska. I went through 19 sponsors at a rapid clip. And I'm certainly not proud as I stand here tonight.

And thank God for the old-timers a loved me enough to get my current sponsor. I tell you that my life has been done nothing but totally complete terms with all that. I absolutely adore the ground that man walks.

I talked to him a little while ago and he said, "Well, get up there and share your experience, your strength, and your hope and tell those people what it was like, what happened, what it's like now. Ignore the old-timers. They got it.

They don't need your inspiration, my dear." And talk directly to those new people, the life and blood of a and I believe that as I stand here and I welcome you and I hope that you stay. And then I think I did without a doubt the most important thing I can ever do and that's to say, "God, please help me say what you want me to say to these people." God is very much a part of my life now you guys. It nice to be with me.

I can guarantee you. I come from an alcoholic hell. I could not describe it was so bad.

And you know my life is real good today. And sometimes I forget how bad it was. And I can tell you the day I got sober.

I weighed 95 lbs. I was a color of squash. Had alcoholic hepatitis.

I had a liver cerosis. I had rupture esophagees. And if you don't know what that stuff is, you don't want those because you die from that kind of stuff.

And I was standing on Skidro in Lincoln, Nebraska sucking on a bottle of Mad Dog. And if you guys haven't drank Mad Dog, I need to tell you it's not one of your finer wines. I can assure you.

I'll guarantee you one thing, that crap has never seen a grape. Make no mistake about that. Literally could not believe what's going on in my life.

I'd lost my children. I'd lost my husband twice. Although I really care about that, I want you to know.

I'd lost my car. I'd lost my house. I'd destroyed every relationship I'd ever had with anybody.

And I was clearly dying from alcoholism. Then I lost the one thing brought in my niece's disease. I lost my nursing license and you guys I love my profession.

absolutely devastated me but not stopped me from drinking and there's a reason for that and it's in the big book of alcoholics anonymous because I have an obsession that somehow someday I'll learn to control and enjoy my drinking the persistence of astonishing just like a book talks about me gates of insanity and death and I'll guarantee you one thing I was in the gates of appearance I got almost into my coffin and I am so grateful Thomas as I stand here tonight I cannot begin to tell you and you're going to soon see why in a second but you know like I said earlier I am delighted to be here and I'm also delighted you don't have a glass you can to your speaker. I had this terrible experience on the east coast. I was out there giving a talk and my my talk my skirt fell off in front of 3,000 people and I had had this glass come.

You could actually see the speaker and that makes me nervous anyway. And I have this black suit on with this wraparound skirt and a button came and I thought, my god, my skirt's going to fall on the floor and it was too late. It was on the floor.

But you guys, you know what? Alkalis has taught me to wear underwear and thank God I had some on. It's also taught me to take action.

And I just picked up that skirt and kept right on talking. What else are you going to do? But you know, I want all you guys to know I am really not a senior citizen.

I'm really only 33 years old. But I was secretary of the biggest AM in the world last year and I've aged 39 and a half years. Let me tell you.

I have found out things about people I wish to hell I didn't know if you want the truth. But anyway, um you know, like I said earlier, my sobriety is May 30th, 1982. It was not always my sobriety date.

I got my current sponsor. I had to change that date. And there's a reason for that.

I'm one of these people that got smoked dope when I got sober. And you if you're smoking marijuana in this room now, you're not sober now. I'll tell you about this minute.

I don't want to argue about it afterwards. Ask any old-timers if you don't believe me. If I had to change my date, then by God, so do you.

But I I got my current sponsor. I tried to explain to him that I'm from in Lincoln, you can have two sobrieties, one from alcohol and one from drugs. He rather quickly pointed out to me I was in Southern California.

We have one date here to get my date changed. And I was such a smart elk when I got my current sponsor. And I said, "Where does the book mention pot?" He said, "A book does mention pot." And I said, "Clansancy, I have read that book.

It's not talk about marijuana that book." He said, "If I find the word pot in that book, will you change your brain? Never argue with me again." And I knew I was making a bad deal, you guys. But I did it anyway.

And I'll be damned if he didn't flip open the big book of Alonomous. On the first page of Bill Wilson's story, it says, "Dide by muscular or by pot." I said, "That is not what that means." He said, "Quite frankly, my dear, I don't care what it means. You said the book did mention pot.

It does mention pot, change your sobriety date and quit arguing me or find yourself a different sponsor. It also mentions people who are consciously and capable and honest with themselves. Are you one of those people?

No. Then shut up and change your sobriety date. So anyway, I am really glad to be here.

Clancy and myself and and Peggy Martin were here about 12 years ago if I remember correctly. And and I got to tell you guys this funny story. Apparently there's somewhere around here, Jackson Mills, somewhere around this place within a 100 mile radius is a place where they reenact the Civil War.

Am I right about that? But anyway, I can't remember the name of the place, but my sponsor loves this kind of stuff. He loves Civil War stuff.

And and so he's he told Peggy and I, the committee wants us to get up at 5:00 in the morning. The committee wants us, that's the key word here, to get up at 5:00 in the morning and we're go out there and reenact the Civil War. And Peggy and I said, we don't want to do that.

And he said, I don't care what you want to do. You're going to do it. The committee wants us to.

And the committee didn't want us to do that. It was Clancy's idea. But anyway, give it 5:00 in the morning.

We had to drive out to this place, wherever it was, and and oh Christ, it was just disgusting. But anyway, you had to wear you had to wear these paper uniforms and and they shoot you with water cannonballs, you know, and it was cold outside. I think it was your winter conference.

It was cold outside and Clancy shot Peggy and I both in the back with this great big ball that exploded. You know, the water went all over. But anyway, I don't know why I had to tell that story.

I just thought you might want to hear it. But anyway, anyway, you know, I I grew up in Lincoln, Nebraska. I come from one home there in Nebraska.

I want you to know that my mother wants you to know it, too. I'll guarantee that. You know, my mom died 14 years ago.

And God, I miss her so much. I can't begin to tell you guys. And boy, you only get one, folks.

And when they're gone, they're gone. And I made amends to her many, many years ago. We had a wonderful relationship last year of her life and stuff, but I just missed her terribly.

And I could tell you guys a funny story. Not that my mom died, of course. I was back in Nebraska in August, visit my kids and my grandkids and stuff.

And I told my eldest son, I'm going to grandma's grave and put some flowers down. Where's your other grandmother buried? I wasn't there for my ex mother-in-law's funeral.

said, "Well, mom, just mark off 15 rows from grandma's grave. There's grandma's lens." So, I said, "Okay, little tiny graveyard. It was overcast Nebraska.

Been raining all day. Absolutely nobody was at that graveyard but me." And I told my I loan club at 5:30. I really didn't move right along here.

It was already 10 after 5. So, I put their flowers on my mom's grave. I marked off 15 rows.

There's my ex-mother-in-law's grave. I put the flowers down and I backed up and I found myself in an 8ft grave, you guys. And I cannot get out of that damn thing.

Let me tell you, when you're in it, folks, you're not getting out of it. Trust me. And I thought, how in the hell did this happen to me?

Well, apparently Grade Nebraska thought, when nobody's out here, they put a tarp up a caution sign, the thing to hold the cast. It's basically impossible to fall in the grade. And they thought, well, nobody's going to come out here.

Let's go to dinner. We'll come back and do it later. And I come over and I thought, how am I going to gather this?

I don't wish to explain to my sponsor how I missed the Alano Club 5:30 meeting. Well, I was standing in 8oot grave, I got to tell you. But what do you do?

You start screaming, "Help is what you're doing." About 10 minutes later, this old lady walked over the grave. She's old, but I'm not, right? And she she says to me, "I don't think you're supposed to be in there." And I thought, "You stupid woman." I didn't say that.

How I had that one in my pocket that time. I said, "Have you got a cell phone on you by any chance?" She says, "You know, I don't." And I said, "You go up the office, tell them, bring a ladder, call the fire department. What they got to do to get me out of this damn grave?" And and I said, "But tell them not to run the sirens.

Nobody's hurt or anything." And here they come. You guys look at Nebraska fire trucks with their sirens going. Think of Nebraska police cars with their sirens going and reporters of all damn things.

And I said, "Don't you dare put my name in the paper." And they said, "We have to put the fire call. We don't put your name in the paper." And I said, "You better see that you don't." There it was. Monday morning, California woman falls an 8ft grave.

Karen G. I can't believe they did that. But I'll have all you old-timers know.

I made it to my mean at 5:29 p.m. I was there. And the people said to me, Karen, why do you have muddle your dress?

said, "You don't even want to know. Trust me. But you never know what's going to happen.

But I come from an alcoholic home and I don't think that's neither here nor there. I don't do well with people that stand AA podiums and blame anybody for anything." And my father died from this disease on the streets of Chicago in 1979. And you tell me how major in the Air Force dies on Skid Row.

I don't know how that happened. And the fact that he was an alcoholic and whether it found a or not, I do not know. I just know that he certainly did not stay over as a result of it.

So one more time tonight, this is a cunning, baffling, powerful disease that kills people. This is not a game I'm playing over here. This is serious business.

And I would give anything in the world if my father were alive tonight because we would have a lot to talk about. I can tell you. I have a sister who was Miss Rah in high school and homecoming queen and cheery and all that kind of stuff and made straight A's, never cracked a book.

And I made straight Fs, never cracked a book. And that was the difference. My sister was a beautiful little girl.

She's a gorgeous woman today. She looks nothing like I do. I got to tell you.

And she was a model for many, many years for Neiman Marcus in Dallas. And now she's retired and teaches school in the West Indies. And I got to tell you guys, as a direct result of this program, I love my sister very, very much tonight.

And I found out something about her. She's also very beautiful on the inside, too. And I used to know that I have a brother who's a fighter pilot in the Navy for many, many years.

My brother retired 7 years ago, and right before 911 and so forth, and and because of 911 in Iraq, and he's been called back into service. And you know, my brother is really old to be a fighter pilot, you guys. He's 54 years old.

And we were growing up. I thought he was such a dork. I can't begin to tell you.

Straight as an aromite, doesn't drink, doesn't use drugs, doesn't screw around. He was an embarrassment if you know the truth. But tonight, I'm so proud of that man.

I cannot begin to tell you. You wouldn't catch me over Iraq any fighter plane. But neither one of these people are alcoholic.

And I have another sister who's married the public defender in Lincoln, Nebraska, who got me out of a whole bunch of trouble when I got sober. And I'm welcome. They're homeay.

I never used to be. I come from basically a very boring family if you know the truth. They're high successful people and they bore me to tears.

I love them, but they bore me to tears. And I have a couple kids who are 45 and 46 years old. And I know I certainly don't old enough to have kids that age.

And by God, I sure do. And and this is where it really starts getting interesting for me. These kids are anything but boring.

I got to tell you guys, as a matter of fact, they're a couple of jerks from the truth. But those couple of jerks that give me five of the most gorgeous grandb babies you've ever seen before in your life. And those grandbabies have never seen their grandmother drink.

And I hope to God they never do. So things in my family are very, very good tonight. It is only a direct result of this program.

I can assure you. And it took a long time for it to happen. And in my case, that's a good thing.

But, you know, I was a disruptive jerk when I was growing up. Always in trouble, kicked out of classrooms. I hated discipline.

I was very, very rebellious. I hated people telling me what to do. And I like it even less today if you know the truth.

And you know, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. And I hear that a lot from AA podiums. And I'm right on with that 125%.

I got to tell you. You know, I really don't remember my first drink, you guys. But I can tell you, I remember what my first drink did for me.

I could do anything I wanted to do. I could drink be anything I wanted to be. And I drank at any given opportunity after that.

And I was probably about 13 years old. You know, I realize that I'm going to be about like Thomas tonight. And I honor this podium by talking about alcoholism.

I used a lot of drugs to make that a small part of my story. My sponsor encourages me to do that. And you know, in the big book about Thomas and Bill Wilson's story, he talks about and the powerful influence of alcohol and sedation.

He wound up on the rocks. That's precisely what happened to me folks. But you know, I'm one of these alcoholic females and I hate to say this Renee podium, but it's precisely the way there was for me.

And we're supposed to tell the truth up here. If you pat me on the head, my pants, if that happens to me, and I got myself into a lot of trouble when I was growing up. I absolutely love men.

I love everything about them. You name about I love them. The downfall of my entire existence, and they remain the same today, I'm sorry to say.

And I particularly like sick men. There's a room full of them here tonight. I can just feel it.

That's one thing, girls, I love about Southern California. It's got so many sick men. I'm just entertained around the clock 24 hours a day.

And I have to tell you guys a funny story. I was in Nashville, Tennessee, maybe about 15, 16 years ago, giving a talk. And one of the fine ladies of Nashville, Tennessee, a walked up to me afterwards.

I want you to know. And this woman said to me, she said, "You're disgusting." Is what she said to me. And she wasn't kidding you guys.

She meant every word of it. And I said, "Lady, from where I come from, being disgusting is a step up. I can assure you." And furthermore, if I wanted you to sponsor me, I'd flown to Nashville and asked you.

You know, I hear some women get this podium and I wonder if they ever drank you guys. I really do do all the drinking that shoot into the keyhole with an eyropper. I was out there big time.

I got myself into a lot of trouble. I've been taught to share an alcohol economist. And if I offend anybody in this room tonight, I would never offend anybody in the program that saved my life.

And besides that, my book tells me, and this is my favorite part of our book. It says, "Clean to the thought that in God's hands, your dark past will be the greatest possession that you have." And it goes on to say, "Because you can literally avert death and misery for others." So, I found it to be very, very true in my sobriety. So if I if anybody here not I want to hear about afterwards but anyway I got pregnant when I was 16 years old and I had to get married in my day girls you had to get married there was no ifs ends and buts about that's just what we did and stuff and as it must be I married an alcoholic he was 17 I was 16 I couldn't cook I couldn't clean I couldn't take care of a baby nor do I want to take care of a baby and before we know it we had two babies to take care of and and yeah I tell you I found out real quick what caused all that and I put a halt to it but anyway somebody in that family had to get a job and and I found a job as a nurses aid at a hospital there in Lincoln and the magic was put in my life.

I leave fell in love with nursing and I made a plan of myself. I would love to go to school and I'd love to become a registered nurse. That's what I love to do.

You know, they say that alcoholics don't have willpower and I'm here to tell you tonight from this podium that that is a bunch of crap. I have more willpower than 20 elephants. When I want to do well, I'm going to do well.

I don't have one ounce of willpower when it comes to my disease. But by God, when I want to do something, I'm going to do it. And I went back.

I finished junior high. I finished high school. I went to college full-time for three years and I worked full-time for three years.

And I'm talking about 18, 20 hours a day, you guys. And that is hard stuff to do. I didn't drink.

I didn't use any drugs during this period of time. At the age of 27 years old, I became a registered nurse. And if you think I'm proud to stand here tonight and tell you that I got jerked in front of the state board of nursing Nebraska and they tell me, "You are a disgrace to your profession.

You're disgraced to nursing. You're disgraced to medicine. You are no longer working because we just jerked your nursing license." If you think I'm proud of that, you are sadly wrong.

You guys, I love my profession. I really, really mean that. And I would never do anything to jeopardize the people I take care of, know the people that I work with in ordinary circumstances.

And what I have to tell you is a story about how I threw it right down the toilets like a drink. And that is total insanity. It's also called alcoholism.

At the age of 27 years old, I divorced this man. And girls, I got to tell you that a whole new world opened up to me. And it's called men and alcohol.

And I went absolutely hog wild is what I did. I was engaged eight times during that divorce. I never marry these people.

Two of them died from alcoholism. I know nothing about social drinking. I drank, ran with alcoholics, and we do indeed die from this.

And at the age of 27 years old, I went surgery to hospital there in Lincoln. And I had that job for 19 years. I love working in the operating room.

I love taking care of those patients. It's a colorful, exciting nursing position. I drank medical people mostly.

They were colorful, intense people. They worked hard and they played hard. And I need to tell you guys that the instance of alcoholism amongst my profession is tremendously high.

And that law for your sec security level. going to have surgery next week. That has to be very very true.

And and most people are so grateful that I'm sober that they can't see straight. And I'm talking about alcoholics is what I'm talking about. You know, in our book, Alcoholics, it says clearly that we're telling the general what our drinking is like.

And and I can tell you guys about my drinking about 5 seconds flat. You know the truth. Many, many years ago, I was a little concert in upstate New York called Woodstock.

And I'm not talking about that piece of crap they had 10 years ago. I'm talking about the real Woodstock. There will never be another one.

Trust me on that. The kids from the 60s threw a party that nobody will ever match, I'm quite sure. And New York got when they're going to have this big event.

And they told these people, "If you don't get medical coverage, you are not going to have this concert." Started hiring people from Nebraska, but they were responsible. And we were a city lot, I can assure you. And I was the first drunk to sign up for this deal.

And my nine girls I worked with to join me and about 80 doctors from New York. They were Woodstock. I never seen so much alcohol in place in my entire life.

You could have easily filled a bath. No problem whatsoever. the drugs.

It was like a candy store and everybody was sharing we were sharing our drugs with everybody else. But we had this great big semi-truck on that back lot of Woodstock. That was our hospital park there and I recall being that semi the entire week.

But I do recall stand when Richie Haven stand on the stage when Richie Haven singing and Joe Cochran and Country Joe and Santa other scripts that I love. I come from the roaring 60s you guys and I love rock and roll. Let me tell you things have not changed in my life a little tiny bit.

I loved Elvis Presley and Janice Jopin was my lady. Let me tell you, wouldn't Janice shop have been a fine member of Buck like Sonish? You guys, I'd have hung out with Janice.

Let me tell you, I traded Janice for Clancy any day of the week if you know the truth. But that is a big fat lie. Do not tell him I said that, please.

I was just kidding. I would trade my sponsor for 20 jam shops. But drinking for me at one time was a fun thing.

You guys, if you like me, stand out and say anything but that. But I cannot remember the fun. I can remember the pain that it caused me.

And one more time, I am so grateful. act like Thomas, I cannot begin to tell you. And you know, the drunk driving charges, the bad checks, all the stuff that we do, and you know, I divorced this guy when I was 27 years old, went through all these engagements, never did get married and stuff.

And you know, I was getting myself into a lot of trouble. And and my kids were in trouble. And I thought, you know, I need to get married to my ex-husband again.

That's what I need to do. The kids need their father besides to get eaten with him for all the things he's done to me. And those are not very good reasons to get married again.

I got to tell you, and I'm certainly not proud as I stand here tonight. You know, if anybody in this room's thinking about getting married the same person twice, don't do it. You're going to be sorry.

The only way I can describe this like taking a bite of the same turd twice. I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel. And he feels the same way I do, as a matter of fact.

But I danced that man through three of the most miserable years of his life on the face of this earth. And and I love to tell this story. >> >> I love to tell you guys this story I'm ready to tell you and my sponsor always tells me that is not funny and you should not be telling that from any podiums.

I said okay fine then I won't tell anymore. He said no go ahead and tell those people see how sick you really were and apparently how sick you really still are and I'm still sick and I still think it's funny and I'm telling the story I'm married to him again. I told him I said if you ever hit me again buddy I will kill you next time you hit me.

And he said I'll never hit you again ever. And I said you better see that you don't. And he lied is what he did.

Came home drunk one night. And I happened to be sober this night for some reason. And I'll never know why because I usually wasn't.

And girls, you know what guys do when they come home drunk? They want to take you to bed and stuff. And I was not buying it.

If there's anything I can't stand, it's some drunk man mauling me when I'm sober. And really, I will say that when the shoes under their foot though, it's fine with me. And that guy came home and indicated that to me.

And I said, "You get your hands off me and leave me alone. I wanted nothing to do with him, period." And he broke my arm is what he did. And I'm here to tell you guys that I was pissed.

As a matter of fact, I'm still pissed about, you know, the truth. And I told him, I said, "You go to sleep on that couch and so help me God, when you wake up, you're going to wish you'd never been born." He said it for hours, you guys probably open as it must be. He finally passed out.

And I started drinking martinis. And this is a classic example of what alcohol did for me. Alcohol told me what to do.

I didn't tell it what to do. I had about 8 10 martinis and I was feeling no pain. I can assure you and I was sitting there watching this guy and I hate to tell you what this man was doing but I can't tell you the strength to tell you what he was doing.

He was laying on the couch playing with himself. I thought you disgusting man. You make me sick to my stomach.

And the more I drank the matter I got. And you guys, you know, I'm a nurse and I'm very familiar with male anatomy. And I'd be very familiar with male anatomy if I wasn't a nurse.

>> >> I thought to myself, what can I do to get even with this guy for all the things he's done to me? And I came with this brilliant idea in my drunken stouper. That's one thing we should never do, folks, is drink and think at the same time.

This is many, many years ago, you guys, when super glue first came out. And super glue was powerful stuff. You know, in our country in the last four or five years, there's been two or three instances of superglue stuff.

I'm the original superglue person. I wear it like a badge of honor for God's sakes. I got that superglue and I read the directions on that superglue and like I said, I was drunk and I wasn't seeing very clearly.

And what I thought those directions said were, "If this hits human skin, you better get off in 15 hours." Now, why would it say something stupid like that? What it said was, in fact, if this hits human skin, you better get it off in 5 minutes is what it said. And I went this guy, I get so excited.

I tell this story, I could just do it all over again. This guy and I poured super glue all over this guy's groin. And I mean everywhere.

There's not one placement that has superglue. And I laughed about and I went to bed and I woke up in the morning to screams of horror like you cannot even believe. And you know, I didn't mean to hurt this guy as bad as I did.

And I swear to God that is true. But I'll tell you what happened. My ex-husband, this guy never had the advantage of being circumcised when he was born.

And now he clearly was. I can assure you. Terrible.

And we had a we had a telephone by our bedroom in our bedroom link and he called the police and the cops in front of our home with their sirens going. There was an ambulance out there. The neighbors were gawking out of their windows and you know one thing you guys got to keep in mind here they do not see things like this happen in Lincoln Nebraska in California would not surprise me one bit but certainly not there and the cops are laughing which maybe the whole thing was funny and they said lady are you crazy or what why would you do something like this and I stood there and I said what makes you think that I did it anyway I was only standing there with glue on my hands for God's sake and they said you're under arrest for assault and battery and I said you cannot arrest wives in Nebraska for assault and battery against their husbands I knew better than that and two days later when I got to jail I guess I didn't know better than that and they took that man the very hospital that I worked at in surgery and he had to have surgery and one more time the whole staff saw what Karen did and they took me to jail my dad it turned out to be a terrible terrible thing those doctors there in Lincoln couldn't get that glue off and they had to get two surgeons down from Kraton University Medical School in Omaha Nebraska to get that glue off and you there's a paper about that at Kraton and in this room is going to go to medical school you can read about it if you want to I'd always wanted a paper about me but not like this I got to tell you and and I was sitting in that jail thinking to myself.

I am getting out of this marriage when this guy comes home from the hospital. He's going to glue something to mine shut. He would have too.

I got to I'm sorry, but he would have. For those who don't know this, that happened to a lady in Kentucky about 6 years ago. Was on the national news and I was on the 10 freeway.

I had a wreck when I heard. I thought my God better here than me. I got to tell you.

But you know, we had we have an amen step in this program and my sponsor made me get on an airplane and fly to Sacramento, California and make amends with my ex-husband. And I tried to tell my sponsor, I'm not sorry that I did that. Therefore, I have to make the amends.

He said, "I don't give a damn whether you're sorry or not. Get in on that airplane, get there, and do what I'm asking you to do and maybe one of these days you will be sorry." I'll tell anybody in this room tonight, when that guy sees me, he kind of backs up. Let me tell you, but we were able to sit down and talk and stuff.

And I made my mens to him. And I will tell you guys, I walked away from that man. I was free what I had done to him.

I was free of being married to him twice. And I will tell you, for the first time, my sobriety, the promise of the book of Psalmist came true in my life. And you know what else I found about that?

Modies mean nothing here, folks. My motives suck big time on that one. I still got the promises, so go figure.

It's accident here, not motives and stuff. But anyway, I divorced this guy one more time. Oh, I have to tell you guys a funny story.

I went up to I went up to Lombot prison to speak about about 5 years ago. As we all know, it's a men's fellow penitentiary in central coast, California, and they have this monthly speakers meeting. So, they invite folks from LA to drive up and share.

So, I went to Santa Maria and drove up there and you have to go out to the Lampot property out to the guard tower and push the button. They say, "Who are you and what is your business?" And I told them, they said, "Mrs. Garrison, do you have any weapons on you?

Any guns, knives, explosives? And I said, "No." And they said, "Well, Mrs. Garrison, do you have any super glue on you?

For the first time in my life, I was totally speechless. You know, they're in the guard tower laughing. The prisoners put them up to and stuff." And I said, "Well, no, as a matter of fact, I don't." They said, "Well, you can come on in." And the prisoners took me to the meeting room.

They had this big black board with this great big circle with a red slash and said, "No super glue in here tonight. You never know what's going to happen." now Sonos. But anyway, I got involved with the most bizarre man I've ever met before in my life.

This guy told me he was in the mafia. Now, I don't think anybody in Lincoln, Nebraska is in the mafia for God's sakes. And I was lying to him and he was lying to me.

It was a tip off like nightmares what it was. I was drinking on a daily basis. I was taking Valium for severe tremors I was starting to have.

It was beginning to be no more fun. I got to tell you guys, you know, I'm a nurse and I've studied alcoholism. I knew all about before I became one.

It shows me one more time tonight what our book says is so true. Self-nowledge abels us nothing to this disease. It's action that counts.

Nowhere in the big book of Allesamus do we have a chapter called into thinking. We do do have one that's called into action. And that's the only reason I'm standing here 26 years sober.

And the day came to the hospital told me they said Karen you know what? You are absolutely pathetic. You are the finest nurse on this staff.

You have won awards for your nursing ability. What is the matter with you? You have a drinking problem.

We're talking about you in the paper. Drunk driving charges. Bad checks.

Gluing husbands. All the crap that you're doing. Everything you do in Nebraska is in the paper.

I'm sorry to say. And and they knew my game. Let me tell you, they said, "You either going to a treatment center or you are out of here.

We are not protecting you anymore. It's either treatment or you are gone. We're not doing nothing for you anymore." And I said, "You and what army is going to make me go to a treatment center?" And I walked out of a job that I loved more than anything in the whole world.

And I cannot say it enough tonight. And I drank and I drank and I died and I died a thousand times over. I went to work in a nursing home there in Lincoln.

What I'm ready to share with you guys is something I am not proud to discuss from the EA podium. It took me years in my sobriety before I would ever mention this. I found myself still in drugs in that nursing home and what has drugs had I did not do it because I like drugs.

I just want to make that clear. I did it for withdrawal symptoms and I will tell you I couldn't drink at work so I started stealing narcotics. It's just that damn simple.

And I was still on morphine and dmerl and cocaine and valium. I get my hands on and if you think I'm proud of that you are sadly wrong. And the day came and the people that ran that place came up to me and they said Karen what is wrong with you?

You are just weird as what you are. you know, you take good care of the patients. You're a great nurse, but you're just strange.

And I remember thinking to myself, you'd be strange, too, if you had 200 milligrams of Dimmer on board. You'd be strange, too. And I threw my keys at him and walked out the door before they fired me.

And I went to work at Brian Memorial Hospital there in Lincoln. And you guys, it's a fine, fine facility. And I was drunk on that nursing position.

And I'm not talking about falling down drunk. I was just maintaining a certain level of alcohol in my bloodstream that I would not shake and have those violent tremors. That is clearly desperation drinking.

Our book describes it vividly. And I was in hot water up to my yin-yang. Let me tell you, I had to drink.

I had to take drugs. I had no more choice than it. And I will tell you guys right up front here tonight.

The very thought that I might drink again makes the hair on my neck stand straight up. And that's why I'm an active member of like zombas and stuff. And and the day came in, I got caught red-handed some more people in the hospital.

And this has got to be without a doubt the most humiliating day of my entire life. When they say, "You give us your narcotic keys and you get out of this hospital. Don't you ever walk back in in here again.

We're reporting this to the state board of nursing Nebraska." That's exactly what they did. That's exactly what they should have done. My two jobs should have done too, as a matter of fact.

And long story short here tonight, I lost my nursing license. And to make a long story shorter, and show me here tonight, I wound up on the streets of Nebraska is what happened to me. And you guys, I spent two years on the streets and I've traveled the Midwest.

I proed myself. And I'll guarantee you one thing that I have seen and done things that no woman should ever see her doing. I'm still so sick in the head sometimes.

I think to myself, I wouldn't mind seeing some of them again, you know. My sponsor assures me I am still a very ill member of alcohol. But I've been in nutouses.

I've been in detoxes. I've been in jails. I've been in institutions.

I cannot think of a thing in the streets as a practicing female alcoholic. Things happened me I would not repeat in this podium tonight. But I'm sure that you had the general idea.

And two years rolled by for me. And there I was back there in Lincoln standing on Skid Row sucking on a bottle of Mad Dog. And I certainly have better things intent for myself than to be doing that.

Let me tell you, I will never forget that last day of my drinking as long as I live. And I hoped to God it was the last day of my drinking. I apparently was so physically sick I just passed down the streets is what happened.

But before that happened, there was a Hilton hotel adjacent to that Skidro area. And I remember thinking to myself, you know, two years ago, I used to stand on top of the Hilton Hotel and drink martinis with surgeons. What am I doing standing on Skidro drinking with these people?

And I rather imagine those folks felt the same way when they arrived there. And like I said, I can't tell you much about it at all. I woke up in intensive care ward at the very hospital I was born at, the very hospital that I worked at for 19 years.

And I will tell you guys clearly that the alcoholic hell for me start the day I got sober. You know, I'm not a very big person. I only weighed 95 pounds when I got sober.

And I was coming off a quarter or whatever a day and 200 milligrams of valium a day. That is a lot of booze. That's a lot of pills.

And I had a lot of dying. Let me tell you. You know, they say that most alcohol withdrawal is over in 3 days.

And maybe it is for some people. It certainly was not for me. It was going to be a long, long time for us to start feeling better.

I laid that intensive care ward. I had tubes come out of my belly that were draining fluid off my liver. I had IVs going and I found myself in withdrawal that was so bad I cannot begin to tell you guys and I laid in that intensive care ward and I shook and I shook and I died and I died for 30 solid days and I'd scream at those nurses demand they give me drugs for this withdrawal they would not give me drug one there's nothing wrong with your heart it's not throwing any irregular areas you need to fill around those tumors and maybe you'll never do it again and I did not want to hear that let me tell you but let me tell you what these people did for me and I will be forever grateful as long as I'm sober now they got 10 members of a to come and sit with me and you know I just want to say something very quickly because I feel so strongly about this because it saved my life.

Once upon a I hear people say not very many people and I don't hear that often I hear I want to throttle by the neck. They say things like we don't go unless the alcoholic calls us. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm standing here 26 years sober tonight.

I never made any damn phone call. Where'd that crap come from? It's good enough for our co-founders, but by God it's good enough for us.

I think Bill found Bob as the story goes. I don't think Bob found Bill. I hope I never forget where I'm coming around here.

My responsibility statement does indeed say when anyone anywhere reaches out for help, we want the hand of AOS to be there and for that I'm responsible. The nurses reached out, the alcoholics responded and actively as a direct result that I'm standing here 26 years sober tonight. But anyway, I just fell in love with these people and I'll tell you why.

There was not one person in my life that was speaking to me. And for the first time in a long time, people were talking to me again. They said things like, "Karen, just keep breathing." So all you do is breathe.

And I say, "When is this withdrawal going to stop?" And they said, "When it's time, that's when it's going to stop." And that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted a date is what I wanted. And they were absolutely accurate about that when it's time.

And at 30 days of sobriety, I walked in the official treatment of that hospital. I'm a product of a treatment center. I had no opinion on one or the other, but apparently I went to a fine one because all they talked about was alkalamus.

And boy, there's a lot of bad ones out there. You guys, let me tell you, and thank God I went to a good one. And let me tell you what I was like when I was 30 days sober.

I need you so desperately on day one that 30 days later was a whole different ball game. You started telling me what to do and stuff. And you know, when I went through treatment, a lot of people got kicked out of treatment for fratinizing.

I didn't. Nobody wants to have fratin. I was an orange person.

I can assure you. And um they used to bring the patients over the hospital and they say, "Look at her. See what's going to happen if you keep on drinking.

Look at her." I thought, "How dare you be my room and say stuff like that?" But you guys, you know what? In retrospect tonight, I'm really glad they did that. I get to think about that before I pick up any drink.

But I was on a quit studying that inatient 30-day program. You know, my very rotten behavior. I was in there for seven long months.

That's a long time being inatient 30-day program. But I completed that inatient program. I went to an outpatient program.

I want you to an evening care program. I want you an afterare program. And I found myself a very very active buck like Thomas Lincoln, Nebraska.

And I wasn't doing one thing though you teach people now to do it. I would tell the new people, you don't need to read the book and you don't need a sponsor. We can do around here.

This is an individual program. And needless to say, I was not real popular with the old-timers in Lincoln, Nebraska. And you know, you can pull your crap out here just for so long.

And these old-timers are going to start nailing you right out the other. God loved them. the imunomers and alcohol synonymous they saved my life and boy they are dying off right and left I got to tell you guys and they have taught me well and I'll be eternally grateful but so guy with 29 years of sobriety gra a day and he said come outside I want to talk to you he said you stay away from new people how dare you tell the new people in a they don't need to read the book and they don't need a sponsor he said you're like a typhoid marry in aa everybody dies around you but you're able to stay sober somehow he said you stay away from new people he went on to tell me there's going to be a man from California speaking in carney Nebraska this His name is Clancy.

You're going to go up and hear this man speak and ask this man if he will sponsor you. He is a master at dealing with jerks like you. And I heard all about Clancy and I wanted nothing to do with him period because I knew I was going to be in bad bad trouble.

And I got to tell you guys that my fears have been justified 8,000 times over. But excuse me, I told this oldtimer, I said, "Who do you think you are that you're going to tell me going to be my sponsor like Thomas?" He said, ' If you don't get in that car and go this Saturday, I'm going to tell everybody in Lincoln how you stole money from an AA meeting. And I'll guarantee I was in that car going to Carney, Nebraska.

I paid that money back, too, by the way. I did pay I did. And I will tell you guys from a podium in Carney, Nebraska.

That man literally put the magic of alkalis in my life. My life has never been the same since that talk. And there's a reason for that.

For the first time my sobriety, I was identifying with another alcoholic. And as I understand alike, that's what this thing is all about. I know of no finer speaker in the world than my sponsor.

I'm not saying that you need to believe that. It's only important that I believe that. But in that talk, I wanted that man for my sponsor.

That ladies and gentlemen is how God works in my life. I wouldn't have asked that man to sponsor me in a million years. Trust me, I wouldn't have asked him.

Apparently, God does something I can't do for myself. I thought myself walk across that convention floor, ask that man to be my sponsor. And he looked at me and he said, "I don't sponsor crazy people like you." And that's a lie anyway.

He sponsors people crazy I never thought of being. And I thought to myself, what' he say that to me for? He doesn't even know me.

And I sent him my little white dress on, my little white gloves on, acting like an angel. And I wasn't aware of the fact this old-timer had called him two weeks prior to him coming to Nebraska and asked me if he brought me if he would talk to me. He said, "Of course I will." And he knew my game.

Let me tell you. He said, "Karen, I don't just sponsor people on a long distance basis. But I'm going to do this for you cuz I don't do it for you.

You probably go die somewhere." But he said, "I'm going to tell you something, little girl. And you've been listening to me real good cuz I'm going to say it one time and one time only. You're going to call me every day.

I tell you not to call me every day. You are going to read that book. You're going to sponsor people.

become an active army buck like Slamish. You're not going to argue with me, defend your actions to me. You're going to do what I ask you to do.

And if you don't want to do that, then get yourself a different sponsor. And you guys, you want to talk about we stood at the turning point. This is a day in my recovery really beginning.

And I said two words that I almost fell over when I said them. I said yes sir. I don't tell people yes sir.

Trust me I don't. More time God do what I can't do myself. Respect's got to start for me somewhere.

You might as well start with my sponsor now Thomas. And I went back to Lincoln. became very very active name in the right way when I sponsored a lot of women in that town.

I am not bragging about that. It is not that much fun to sponsor 56 crazy women. But I agree to love those women very very much.

And I'll tell you why. They showed me the first four years of my sobriety what to do and what not to do in this program. And every one of those women are so sober today with the exception of one.

And she died in a car accident when she was 13 years sober. But she died sober you guys. And it wasn't because of me.

They were active members of Alexamus. And one of the first directions my sponsor gave me. I want you to get that nursing license back.

I tried to tell this man I cannot get that kind of humiliation. He said, Carol, are you arguing with me? And I said, no.

He said, get the state board of nursing Nebraska and tell those people you've been sober in a for a year and a half. You'd like the opportunity to get your nursing license back. And you guys, I knew it wasn't going to work, but I did it anyway.

And that's without a doubt the most important thing I can say in this room tonight. I did what my sponsor asked me to do, whether I thought would work or not. And I asked for my license back.

And they looked at me like I had just thrown horns on the top of my head. I can assure you. They said, "How many links are you willing to go to?" And I had to do a lot, you guys.

I had to take crap off people for two years that I wouldn't hire to mow my own lawn to know the truth. And I had to keep my mouth shut in the process, too. And one of the happiest days of my life occurred 22 years ago when one more time I was here in front of the state board of nursing Nebraska.

And what they told me brought me to my knees for the first time in Alex Thomas. They said, "Welcome home. You're fully reinstated as a registered nurse." And as a gift from AA, I don't deserve it, but by God, I intend to take it.

I went to California to visit a couple times. I fell in love with Southern California A and I found myself telling my sponsor on the phone one day, I want to move to LA, live on that crazy Venice Beach with all those crazy people, go on the Pacific Group, work at UCLA in the operating room, be on two of their transplant teams, their heart transplant teams. I want this and I want that and every single have come through for me and those are all gifts from AA.

I deserve absolutely none of them, but by God I'm taking all of them. You know, one of the first directions my sponsor gave me actually wasn't really a direction. came for sure.

He said, "You know, Karen," he said, "You know, Alcoholics in it entirety is a spiritual program. What are you doing? What are you doing that?

Are you praying at all?" And I think that was on day two that I had cleansing. And he said, I said, "No, I don't not going to pray. I don't believe in God and I'm not going to do it." He said, "Would you like to get yourself a different sponsor?" I said, "No." And he said, "Get on your knees in the morning and get on your knees at night and you pray for God's will.

I don't care what you believe." I said, "Do it. Just keep doing it until I tell you to stop doing it, which will be never." So there, just start doing it. And he said and he flipped open my book and the big book and he says he pointed out to me where I get a daily reprieve contingent on the spiritual maintenance of the power greater than myself and he said there's going to come a day in your sobriety when I can't help you and AA can't help you and you have better well have a god in your life and be dead in the disease of alcoholism and I said okay what do you want me to do he said I just told you what to do now start doing it and you know I had clansy for four years long distance before I moved out to California but every day I tell him on the phone this is not working for me I don't feel any connection with God and and he said Karen are you stay in so one window at day time and act like Thomas I said well you know that I am he said that's the point of the whole thing are you stupid or what I wasn't playing with the full deck when I arrived here it took me a long long time to get old simple things and in 1985 I found myself in Montreal Canada at the world conference of Athlex Thomas if you guys haven't experienced a world conference I will see you all in San Antonio in the year 2010 and something that none of us should ever miss and stuff but I drove straight from from Lincoln Nebraska with five alcoholic women and myself six alcoholic women quack quack backpacking the whole way.

I would never do it again in a million years, trust me. But Jesus Christ, we only had $100 a piece. We had no place to stay.

We sure couldn't fly. But by God, we were going to that world conference. We had to sleep outside we were going.

So we got the convention center. We found an apartment to rent for the whole week for $100. I could not believe our good luck.

And I found myself in a great big football stadium at that Friday night meeting and there was 65,000 sober alcohol colleagues in that football stadium. And I was in awe about Flex Thomas in absolutely awe of this program. Down in the football field, they were practicing for a flag ceremony.

And you know, I know if you're new here, this all sounds real hokey, the new people, but the longer I stay sober, the corner I get for some reason. But anyway, alcoholics from all the world carrying their national flags. And and you guys, I'm from Nebraska and I was impressed, let me tell you.

And I'm impressed. They have people from all the world now like zombies. And my sponsor was helping him direct that flag ceremony and ran down to tell him hi.

And introducing people from all over the world in AA. And you guys, like I said, I'm from Nebraska and I was impressed. I ran back up to join my friends and that flag ceremony started.

And I will never forget this. As long as I live, I will never forget this. When the United States of America's flag touched the turf of that stadium, I saw 65,000 sober alcoholics go absolutely crazy.

I looked around myself. I don't see one dry in that football stadium. I saw those old-timers sitting around, all the new people, and all the people in between.

And they all seem to be loving this thing so very, very much. And I remember think saying to myself, why can't I feel what these people are feeling? You know, and for the first time in my life, I got tears in my eyes and not trying to stop.

And for the first time with any amount of sincerity, any amount of sincerity whatsoever, I said, "God, thank you for getting me here. Please help me to stay here. Please help me to love this program as much as these people do." And I will tell you guys, in a foreign country, in a foreign land, I came to believe in a power greater than myself by watching the other people now collect anonymous.

I really believe the old adage that we see soon ready to see, we hear, not before. I also the actions my sponsor gave me got me to that point. It's like do it till you believe it.

Just keep on doing this and stuff. But for one solid second my world stopped. And I remember that woman who was standing on Skidro in Lincoln, Nebraska who literally could not get sober, who literally could not quit drinking.

And there she was 2 and a half years sober. You know, I personally believe that alcohol is divinely inspired. How could anybody be around here as long as I have and not believe that?

I think our book's divinely inspired. I think the whole thing is divinely inspired. Okay.

Anyway, you know, and I pray to that God every day sincerely since because I believe my sponsor has taught me. I get a daily reprieve and that's all I get. You guys, I have a fabulous job at UCLA.

I've been there for many, many years years and stuff and I'm on two of the transplant teams, the heart transplant teams and and I have to tell you a story that happened to me about 14 years ago. So many people here tonight have asked me to tell this story and and thank you so much and I get to relive it all over again and stuff that I actually love to tell it anyway, but then I get to relive it again. But you know, my sponsor has taught me.

He said, "Karen, you have got to do what's in front of you." I asked Clinton one time, I said, "What is God's will?" He said, "How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm not God." He said, "I have to believe that when I'm doing what's in front of you, what's on my plate, what God gives me to do." And I thought, "What are you talking about? I do not have a clue, you guys." He said, "Just answer the damn phone when it rings." In your case, just pick up the phone and answer when it rings.

You know, I to this day do not scream my phone calls. If I am home, the phone gets answered. Period.

But anyway, and I know the value of it as I stand here tonight and I'm going to share that with you. So anyway, I started answering that telephone under all conditions. You It took me a long time to get a phone now.

By the time I got one, I sure didn't want to answer it. It was bill collectors. There's a direct result of answering that telephone.

I'm $86,000 out of debt now, Flex Anonymous. So, I know this thing works, you guys. But you got to do it for it to work.

I got to tell you. But anyway, about 14 years ago, we had terrible nursing crisis in Southern California. And we were working our butts off, let me tell you.

You like we're too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I was a is what I was. this, you know, we do most of our transplants at night over there and stuff because of organability and so forth.

But anyway, this one particular night I had off and I worked 72 hours this one particular week and I was just whipped you guys. But and I went to mean early. I went home and I went to bed early and and the phone rang about 2:00 in the morning.

I thought I am not answering that phone. It's either my boss want me to come to work or somebody I sponsor wanted to whine about something. I'm not picking up the phone.

I deserve a night off. And my head told me, pick up that damn phone. Somebody's in trouble.

You know better than that. And I'm so glad I answered that phone, you guys. The most precious thing happened me.

And sure enough, it was my boss. You got 18 people sick over here tonight. We're going to do a liver transplant girl.

It's about 3 years old. I have nobody to do it. Now get over here and help me.

I know you work 70 hours, Karen. I don't want to hear it. I need you to come over here right this minute.

And the phone went dead. Yeah. I just want to call my sponsor.

I'm going to talk to him about nothing at 2:00 in the morning. I knew what he told me. Nobody ever died from lack of sleep, Karen.

On his way back to bed. I just went to work and I'm so glad I didn't. And I got go to UCLA and I sent my orderly upstairs.

We got a little patient, bring her down to surgery. We had a a jet come from New York for the liver for this child with had some time to kill and stuff. And and so he called me back.

He said, you're not going to believe all the people in this family. And I thought, well, that's nice if they had the support. I was so crabby, you guys.

He said, Karen, there's like 80 people in this family out there. How highly unusual at 4:00 in the morning. How high unusual anytime is.

You know the truth. But anyway, he said, come out and get your patient. So went out to front and the first thing I noticed was the mother.

She had the most beautiful blue eyes I' ever seen before in my life. And and the dad was good-look and stuff. And and about 80 people with this family, she was right about he was right about that.

And I did and I looked at in the most gorgeous blue eyes before in my life. That little girl laying on that cart and in her little arm she had a bear and she had a blank wrapped on that bear. Hang on here for dear life.

And I remember thinking to myself, "And you didn't want to be here. You selfish person." I hated myself at that particular moment. Let me tell you, I'm going to be the best nurse before in my life.

And by God, I was too. Anyway, I've been over and I talked to her. I said, "Oh, you brought your little baby bear down to surgery." Tried to tell me her little bear was going to have a liver transplant.

And I said, "Oh, you're both going to have one." And she said, "No, no, just the bear." You know, but we sent the family out the waiting room. That mom was an absolute hysteric. I got to tell you guys, and this baby looked at me and she said, "Why is my mommy crying?

Go tell my mommy not to cry because of alcohol. I've earned this program." I would tell that little girl the truth. And I said, "Your mommy's crying because your mommy loves you so very very much and she's just worried about you and and she wants you to get better and stuff." And that seemed to settle her down a little bit and stuff.

And you know, we have an anesthesiologist at UCLA that loves to play with the kids. He's just a delight to work with. So when when she got her IV start, the bear got an IV start and his bag was called Bear Juice.

She thought that was real funny and stuff. And when she went to sleep, the bear went to sleep. It was really quite painful to know the truth.

But we put that little bear in her plastic bag and he was by her little head her entire surgery and stuff. And I must tell you guys that 6-hour transplant did not go well. We almost lost that baby a couple times due to blood loss.

I have never seen a team people pull together lovely that night for that baby. And 16 hours later, she went to her room with not much hope at all. I got to tell you guys, she lost a tremendous amount of blood and stuff.

And well, we said some prayers on that one, let me tell you. And and I became obsessed with this baby and I had to see her again. You know, we have a rule at UCLA.

You may not get involved with these transplant patients afterwards. They want to know where organs come from. We cannot tell them.

It's best not to see them after surgery. Now, I tell anybody in this room tonight that I'm real good at breaking rules. And I thought, I'm just going to go up and see how she's doing.

I'm not going to talk to anybody. So when she was 6 days posttop that transplant that baby's room and I opened the door to that baby's room and I could not believe it was in front of my face. My God, the power of God.

The power of God. Here was this little baby girl. It was the first time she went through the surgery.

She was jumping up and down her crib. She had diapers around her knees. She had a baby bottle in one hand.

She had that bear in the other arm. And she put band-aids all over this bear. He had band-aids on his eyes, his ears, his nose, and I mean everywhere.

And I stood in that hall and I just cried like a baby. And that whole room full of people were in there. And it is not cool to ball in front of the nursing staff.

I mean, for the nursing staff to be balling, but something caught my eye the corner of my eye. And I'll be damned if our book wasn't sitting on that kid's dresser. And I was in that room like a flash.

And I said to mom, I didn't care if I got fired. And I said to mom, I said, "Whose book is that?" And she said, "Well, that's my book. I'm alexonomous.

So is my husband. Her sponsor was there. His sponsor was there.

And those 80 people driven 500 miles with me with this family. They were not from the LA area. And they showed me one more time what this thing is all about.

It's about love and service and that's all it's about. And I was impressed, let me tell you. And I asked the mom, I said, "How long have you been sober?" And she said, "Five years today." I thought, "Oh my god, her baby up for the first time.

What a fabulous birthday present and stuff." And I walked over this little girl. And she stopped dead in her tracks. And she looked at me and she said, "Go away.

I'm not sick anymore." I had I had my scrub clothes on. It scared the hell out of me, didn't said, "I didn't give up to hurt you. I can't to see how you're doing." And you guys, she gave me her little bear and she said, "You take him home and take care of him.

He needs a nurse to take care of me." And I know why she gave me the bear to get me the hell away from her, but I pretend like she wanted me to heaven. And I told the mom, I said, "I can't take that baby's bear home. My god, that baby, that bear went to that kid's liver transplant.

You need to keep it from a man." And she said, "Karen, please take it. She's got 50 bears in front. She wants you to have it.

Please take it." And I felt like a fool in the hall. That bear that bear became my most prized possession from Bucklex. They got to be too damned important to me.

They got to be too important. We got to get rid of it, folks. My little granddaughter said to me, "Grandma, can I have that bear?" She knows the whole story.

And I said, "It's grandma's bear, Brandy." And and she said, "Grandma, I'm having a slumber party. I'm having a little girlfriends. I want to tell them that story." And I said, "Grandma will buy you 300 bears and a bag of band-aids.

You know, it's my bear." And she said, "But I don't want those bears. I want that bear." And I said, "It's grandma's bear." How bad does that sound? It's grandma's bear.

It got so bad me I talked to my sponsor about you know my sponsor told me give her that goddamn bear right this minute you are the most selfish woman I ever bet before in my life you got to give it away to keep it now give her the bear you got the memory do it now right now and I thought that's the last straw I'm changing sponsors that's I obviously have not done that yet but and I hope that I never do but anyway I just visited my bear in Lincoln Nebraska sits on her dresser she's 22 years old now she has kids of her own and she has taken very good care of my bear but in that hospital room I thought I need a reciprocate here. I obviously was not prepared for a birthday party and I said something that was in my pocket. It was a medallion for 5 years of sobriety.

I was 14 years sober when this happened. I had that medallion for many, many years too long. You know, we say alcohol like Thomas, you got to give it away to keep it.

You got to give it away. And I'm a selfish woman. I'm sorry to say.

I could not seem to find the woman that was special of my opinion to give my 5-year medallion to for my sponsor. And the reason in my pocket not at Worth there's narcotic heap medallion. I tell anybody in this room tonight when I open that cupboard sometimes my eyes light like firecrackers can grab that and remember I'm coming from here but anyway I gave her my idea and she says Karen I can't take that my god cleanse I said no I want you to have it and I really really meant that and stuff and the nurses got wind of all this we got a cake for the mother we celebrated her five years of sobriety I got my sponsor on the telephone within about 3 hours we had about 50 cars in front of UCLA and I cannot begin to tell you how proud I was to take those people to my home group in Akalas and at the Pacific group there's been no more contact with them.

It's got to be that way for many, many reasons. But I know that little girl is doing very, very well and stuff. And you know, the point I'm trying to make here is I could have missed the whole damn thing.

How many times in my life I miss stuff because I wouldn't take a simple action like picking up the damn phone when it rings. You know, people say to me all the time, "Why do you keep doing it, Karen? Why do you keep doing it?" And I know of no greater thing to say to them than where our 12th tradition says long form.

So that this to the end that my great blessings may never spoil me, I may forever live in thankful contemplation of him who presides over us all. And there's more reasons than that for me. You're the ones that walked me when nobody else would walk with me.

You held my hand when nobody else would hold my hand. And you told me that you loved me. And I need you as desperate as you in 1982.

You've taught me how to live. You've taught me how to love. You taught me how to keep my pants up and all those things.

And and I don't do any of those things very well. But I'll tell you the one thing that I do with 200% absolute perfection. That is this that I love this program winning in the whole world.

And it's truly a story from an alcoholic hell I cannot even describe. I have truly been given, just like the big book of about Thomas says, I have truly been given the keys to the kingdom. And I'm going to say one more thing.

I'm going to shut my mouth here right on time. It has been one hell of a walk from Skidmore, Nebraska to where I stand in Jackson Mills, West Virginia tonight. And I think that through the grace of God Alice Thomas, I would have missed it all.

Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

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