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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> My best friend, my mentor, my prayer partner, my little brother Keith L. Damn you, Mike.

>> My name is Keith Lewis and I'm a profoundly grateful alcoholic. >> I'm a member of the Midtown group of Alcoholics Anonymous. We meet on Mondays and Thursdays at 7:00 in Wilmington, North Carolina.

If you're ever there, please come and visit. I really want to thank my dear friend uh and older brother Mike. Maybe he'll let me use his car.

Um and uh and I want to thank my lovely wife, Julia, who who is at home. She she isn't well, but I know exactly what she's doing right now at this moment. She's in our prayer room praying for me because every hour that I speak, wherever I am, she prays.

And uh she told me to tell Mike that she had prayed for him this morning. And I told her if anybody needed it, it was Mike. And uh and I want to thank uh Charles and Betty for asking me.

I've looked forward to coming here more than than you know. And and Paul and Anne and and I also want to thank them for uh a little thing they did not too long ago. Uh uh when they discovered that my friend Mike was u winning over cancer, they got in a car and drove from Texas to Maryland to wish him well.

And that would only happen in Alcoholics Anonymous. Um I want to thank uh all the red shirts for everything they did this this weekend and uh I really appreciate it. Uh, you know, nothing shows Alcoholics Anonymous like selfless service.

And I was up early in the morning um if you get up about 4:00 and uh I um I walked down here to get a cup of coffee and they're already up and getting ready and uh or maybe they didn't go to bed. I don't know. I And um Mike and Joelen for picking us up.

It it was just wonderful. They they're terrific. Mike let me drive his PT cruiser around the block.

And uh and by the time I got back, I was talking like Jim's Kagny. Um and and I want I want to thank Lesie and uh and Octavia Jack. God, what a wonderful message that was today.

I want to thank my brother Mike and and uh Charles's brother Mike for the wonderful job he did. And uh and I look forward to hearing Susan and uh Father Peter. And I want to thank uh Father Peter for having mass today and that that uh beautiful message he delivered.

And the theme of this uh this conference is uh is that it's in the giving of the love and uh and you've done that here as well as any place I've ever been. I've been doing this for a pretty long time. I know I don't look that old, but but I've been doing it a long time.

And uh and I've never felt better than I felt here. There's something very sacred and holy about this place. And and that's something for a Catholic to say about a Baptist retreat center.

And uh there really is. And I know what it is. It's the love that's that's here and and was brought here.

And and what's extraordinary about that for me isn't that it's here that I recognize it. Uh what's extraordinary is that I'm actually able to receive a little bit of it. And uh I never had the humility to receive love.

I was a kid. I was born in a small town in Ohio. Um, I was Irish.

I was uh the eldest son and the the um second child in a family of 11 children. I won't tell you what church we went to. Um, it has something to do with bingo, but I won't say much else.

And uh, and you know, I would have told you that uh that we were poor and uh, I would have been dead wrong. Uh, it's true, we didn't have any excess material goods, but uh, but we were anything but poor. You know, I had a mother who every day I let her would hug me and kiss me and tell me she loved me.

And and I had a father who every day I let him would spend time with me. And there was something about me uh and and I don't understand it to this day. I don't understand it.

And it's not important to understand it. It's just important to know that it's true. And and the thing about me was that that um I was isolated.

I was a secretive kid. And there was absolutely no reason in the world for me to be isolated, but I was. And uh and what being isolated meant to me was I couldn't experience a tremendous amount of love and caring that existed in that house.

Uh you I had a mother like I say and she you know she had never finished high school and she was an illegitimate child and uh and began singing in bars at age 12 to make money and had an alcoholic mother and uh extraordinary woman in in every way. Um and um every night uh every it was funny. Every dinner we would have to have grammar lessons before we eat.

First we we'd say we'd bless the food. We'd say our grace and then we would have to listen to a grammar uh lesson or a word. Uh we had to learn a word a week and we had to learn the definition.

We had to use it during the course of the week. And um that's what this uneducated woman did for us. And you know, some years later, she was going in for heart surgery and they had already given her that joy juice and we were all up in Pittsburgh and uh they were ready to wheel her in and she said, "Wait, wait just a moment." And they stopped and the surgeon and everybody was there and she got up on one elbow and she said, "Look at me, boys.

Look at me." And we said, "Yes, mother." She said, "Never, never, never end a sentence with a preposition." Okay, Mom. surgeon looked at me and he said, "I never heard anybody say that before." And um just an extraordinary human being and um and and you know, I couldn't experience it and and it it's the saddest thing because it was there and for some reason it wasn't there for me. We have a friend, Mike sponsored him and he was a dear friend of mine.

His name was Bob Brown and uh if Bob had been here, he would have won the golf tournament. is incredible golfer and uh he's gone now but u Bob used to say the problem with alcoholics is they're never loved the way they think they need to be loved and that was certainly true for me um and I was always uh and I challenged everybody in my life to love me and God they love me and I couldn't experience it and I was a kid who for whatever reason was totally alone and isolated and I was a kid who had something lived under his bed and uh and I you know at night I'd put my little ear against the mattress and I'd hear it moving around down there and I knew what it was there for. It was waiting for me to dangle my little legs over the side of the bed and I was history and I knew that, you know, and I also knew I couldn't talk to anybody about it.

I expected one day they'd all be at breakfast and they'd say, "Where's Keith?" Oh no, the thing under the bed got him. And uh and I just knew that, you know, and I was a kid who who and my mouth I had a horrible speech impediment, but my mouth was always getting me into trouble. This morning I got I was I got up about 4:30 or something.

I was sitting out on the out on the uh little bal balcony and and I was saying my rosary this morning and and I was watching there was a skunk running around out in the field and um and I was remember I was in the second grade and and I never meant to say these things. it it just came out and you know the nun was talking to us and she said you know our friend the skunk has almost no natural enemies and I said he doesn't have any friends either and uh I don't know where that came from he just came out you know so I had to write brother skunk 500 times you know and uh and I remember watching mom make sandwiches in the morning. It was like she looked like a dealer from Vegas.

She'd deal out their bread and deal out their baloney, you know, and you know, a large family, every kid always wants something different. And um and so my brother Henry came home one day and uh and he said, "Mom," he said, "I told you I only wanted one sandwich and you gave me two sandwiches." Well, what she had done was she cut the sandwich in half. And um now Henry's not the sharpest tool in a box, but uh so uh so she said, "Uh, Keith, you know, I'm the eldest brother in an Irish family, so of course it falls to me to train and teach." And she said, "Keith, would you please explain to your brother Henry?

I don't have time." I said, "Yes, Bob. I'll take care of it. Don't worry." So the next morning, I fixed Henry's lunch.

And I took a half a sandwich and cut it in half. It was an experiment. And um he brought a quarter of a sandwich home.

really hungry and um that's the way it was in our house. Um and you know what was crazy? I didn't realize it but I I yearned.

You know, Bill says that there's and Aquinus said it too that there's something inside of every man and woman that yearns for God. And and I yearn for God and I yearn for my father's approval. And I yearn for him to tell me he loved me.

And and I never heard it. I'd have to be blind not to see it, but I never heard it. And and I grew up one of those guys who hadn't gotten it right with dad.

And I'm convinced. It's just my my theory. And I got my sponsor to agree with me.

And uh he's smart. Uh Tom I. And and you know, if a guy doesn't get it right with his dad, he just doesn't get it right.

Doesn't get it right with his God. He doesn't get it right with his wife. He doesn't get it right with anybody.

And uh and I couldn't get it right with my dad. And it was all because I couldn't hear what he was saying to me. Um I was a kid who who tried to be good and I wasn't very good at it.

So I decided I'd be bad. So uh so I I became what they call mischievous. And um I went to a a little central Catholic high school and the school board was made up of all the pastors of the parishes.

And uh and I got a call one time and it was my senior close. And uh and he said, "Keith," and he used to call me little potato. I served mass for him.

He said, "Little potato?" I said, "Yes, man. Senior." He said, "Are you all right?" And I said, "Well, yes, I am." And he said, "Oh." He said, "I'm so glad." He said, "I was at a schoolboard meeting. Your name never came up.

I thought perhaps you were ill." And uh, you know, and it was, you know, it's just, you know, and like I'd get into trouble. I um, you know, I'd have to serve detention. And when you served detention in my high school, you know, you had to serve with Sister Victoria.

And Sister Victoria was the the nun who ran the library. Now, this tiny little library, some old dusty books, you know, and she'd walk around like it was a library at Congress. She'd think she was doing God's will, the way she acted.

And um and she would say odd things like, "Every boy is a prince and every girl is a princess cuz we have a father who's a king. We'd look at each other and call each other Prince Keith and Princess Mary and things." And and um and when you served detention, you had to go be with Sister Victoria. And you had to make rosary beads.

Those are things that Catholics pray on. and they give you wire and and beads and pliers and all this stuff and you had to make rosary beads. And um I spent a lot of time with Sister Victoria and u she used to put me behind a magazine rack because she said I was a prince but I was contagious.

So I I'd sit back there and make rosary beads and uh and mine were different. You know, your standard rosary bead has 10 beads on each decade. And uh and I made them with 11 beads on each decade.

and uh and they'd take these rosaries and they'd send them around the world to missions and things like that and and you know and uh you know after 4 years there are hundreds of mutant rosary beads out there and and it was you know and she never caught on and you know you you can't leave without them knowing it would be like wasting four years of your life and uh so uh I uh I went to tell her what I'd done and um I said you know what I've been doing over the last four years sister she said yes I do you sly little prince She said, "You've been putting extra beads in all the rosaries, and I know why." And I remember thinking, "I hope she tells me cuz I have the foggiest notion why I do these." And and she said, "People all over the world are praying extra prayers and God's going to give you all the credit." Don't you just hate people like that? Then she did something that terrified me and um she took both of my hands and her hands and she looked deep into my eyes. You know, she was a spiritual person.

You know, she was an eye person. I was a shoe guy. I looked at shoes, but she looked at eyes and uh and she looked deep into my eyes and she said, "You're a very special child of God, and one day you're going to go around the world and tell his children how very much he loves them." And so, in honor of Sister Victoria, if you don't know it, God really does love you.

Okay, sister. Okay, got that over with. Um, you know, I graduated from high school, much to everyone's surprise.

And um, actually, I I was a merit scholar with deplorable conduct grades. That that's what I was. And uh, and uh, and I I didn't know what I was going to do with my life.

It seemed to me everybody in the world knew what they were going to do but me. So, I knew I had to leave because if I left, they would think I was doing what it was I was going to do. And uh and the only way you left back then was you went to college and the it wasn't in the cards because I had a sister in college already and my brother Denny was a year younger and Denny had a madic heart and uh it was very clear he had to go to college and uh old dad was working as hard as he could already raising 11 of his own kids and then he raised kids who had no place else to go.

Uh never owned an automobile or anything. I remember one time I said to him, "Dad, why can't we have a car like other people?" And he said, 'Well, he said, uh, which one of your brothers and sisters do you want to trade in? And I said, 'Well, this is a union area.

I guess we ought to go by seniority, Dad. And, uh, he never got it. But, uh, but I I took my very first inventory.

I I stood in front of the mirror and I took my shirt off and I flexed my muscles and I turned sideways and stuck my chest out and I was 5'1 in tall and I weighed 113 lbs. And whatever else I was, I was a born killer. So uh so I went over to Willing, West Virginia and joined the Marine Corps and um the problem with that was I had failed to share that with my parents and uh I wasn't yet 18 so so they uh had to sign for me and uh and I the recruiter showed up with the papers and my mother almost died a poor thing and I remember she cried all night.

She kept saying Scott they'll kill him and my dad kept saying don't worry Pat they won't take them. So with that vote of confidence, the next morning we got on a got a taxi cab and went over across the river to Wheeling and uh and got on a bus and went to Pittsburgh and it was the second longest trip I'd ever been on. It was 60 miles and once I had gone to Cleveland, but the game was rained out and um and I knew nothing about anything.

I was just a terrified, frightened little kid who didn't know he could ask. And uh the only thing I knew about the Marine Corps is they took a certain number of young men down to South Carolina and drowned them in a swamp. That's the only thing I knew.

And uh and uh and I knew I couldn't ask. And that's what was crazy about this whole thing. I just knew that I couldn't ask.

And um and it was a bad year and they took if you had a pulse. So that afternoon I I was sworn into the Marine Corps and uh there were three guys from Pittsburgh and uh and we had about 8 or 10 hours before the train left and they said, "Hey kid, we're going to go over and have a sandwich and a few beers." And I said, "That's just what I was thinking. I was a I was a guy who guested stuff.

Uh I I had no earthly idea what was going on. And so what I did was I'd watch you and I'd do it so quickly after you did it would look like we were doing it together." And uh and so I followed him over to this bar and uh and that's the second time I drank. The first time I drank I it's important to talk about your first drink, I think, because you know if if you you don't drink it's hard to get into Alcoholics Anonymous.

Uh Jack can attest to that. Um and um first time I drank I was five and uh I was at home. I didn't go out a lot when I was five.

And uh and my brother Denny and my dad and I were at home and we were sitting around a table playing cootie or some game. And uh mom was either uh it's a bingo or having a baby or something. And uh and and I guess dad just thought it'd be fun, you know, and it was rarely alcohol all around our house cuz both of my parents had parents who were alcoholic and uh and but dad just took three beers out of the refrigerator and gave one to me and one to dumb Denny and he took one and uh and I drank it.

Nothing happened to me. Nothing. I was perfectly fine.

And Denny on the other hand was having a spiritual awakening. And uh he was rolling around under the table singing Mary had a little lamb and other drinking songs. And uh and dad panicked and he wrestled him to the ground and he took his clothes off and put his jammies on.

He took him up and put them in his little crib. And I'll never forget this, you know, then he's singing and carried on having the best time and and he stood up in his little crib and he urinated on the floor. >> >> And I remember thinking, you know, there's a kid who's powerless over alcohol and whose life has become unman.

And and you know it the saddest thing. Uh Denny just never made it. Now, we're not proud of this, but the truth is the truth.

Uh Danny did some strange things. Uh he grew up reminds me a lot of Jack, actually, but but he he grew up And well, Denny went to one college. Oh yeah.

Yeah. It gets worse. He had one major.

He graduated in four years. I never heard of such a thing. Graduating in four years.

You know, he went to one graduate school, graduated first in his class. And he was offered like eight jobs. He took one.

About six years ago, he gra he uh retired. He's a senior vice president, a large international corporation. The strangest thing of all is he married one woman.

Now here's the guy who had the world in the palm of his hands when he was four years old. He let it slip through his fingers. You know, I had to work at this thing.

I was 21 years old before I urinated on the bedroom floor for the first time. But the second time I drank was at night in that bar in Pittsburgh. And anybody who's alcoholic knows what happened to me.

Somewhere between the second and third drink, my life changed. And it changed in a way was to dictate the terms of my life for as long as I lived. And um all those things that happened to us happened.

You know, I became brilliant and magnificent. Um you know this place I remember was filled with a bunch of men when I went in and I was intimidated and fearful you know and all the men had real women with them. You know how they are you know and uh you know real women hang around real men and guys like me used to get what was left.

And uh uh and and the bartender came over and he said, "What do you want?" And my first thought was, "Oh my god, a quiz." That's just it's the way I felt about life. I thought when you least expected it, they somebody was going to say, "Take out a blank sheet of paper." They were going to ask a bunch of questions. And um I studied all the time.

I just never studied the right stuff. And um so um I didn't know how to answer that question. So I did what I always did.

I watched the other people and I did what they did. And then they came back asked the same question and I watched them and they'd said the same thing so I did too. They came back the third time I ordered first.

I'd become a leader and uh it was magnificent. I stood up. I I I didn't mean to stand up.

I couldn't help it. And the floor was 6' 4 in below me and my right shoulder was out and my left shoulder and the muscles were rippling through my body and a mind that had been filled with terror and fear boom was crystal clear. And I remember thinking it's so simple.

Why didn't I see it before? And for the first time in my life, I saw the big picture. I understood what it was all about.

It was amazing. I knew about God. I knew about women.

I knew about everything. And I looked around the room and my heart broke cuz the room was filled with a bunch of pathetic sniveling little men, you know. And all of them had women with them or looking at me with their hungry eyes.

You know how they do it. And uh you know, my sponsor said to me, you know, you could have quit drinking then. I said, Tom, who would have wanted to?

That's the first time in my life I felt that good. And um and and and you know and I drank till till the till we had to go catch the train. And then I I went to the train.

I think I went to the train because I woke up on the train. And I think that's logical. And um and I was lying on the floor of the Pullman coach that the Marine Corps had provided for me.

And someone had wet the floor I was lying on. And whoever it was, they had wet me too. And u so I got up and changed clothes and uh got off the train.

And the guy said, "What took you so long?" that I didn't share. And um and they said, "Where you going?" I said, "I'm going to get something to drink." And uh we're in Washington DC and I found a bar and drank breakfast. Got back on the train and I drank till we got to South Carolina and I fell off the train and uh I don't know what happened.

They moved the bottom step or something, but I fell across the next set of railroad tracks and a very rude man they had sent the greatest was there and he was shouting obscenities at myself and the other young men who went down there to die for their country. and and and I got up and I brushed myself off and I tried to explain to this cretton that he'd get along a lot better if he treat us with a little respect. And he never seemed to grasp exactly what it was I was trying to get across, you know.

And you know, they say you learn from every experience. And what I learned from that experience is you can do a lot of push-ups drunk. That's what I learned from that experience.

And I don't mean to be indelicate, but you can do you can throw up while you're doing push-ups, in case you're interested. And uh and uh the next the next day uh with a very large head they put us on a bus and took us across the bridge to Paris Island and I was welcomed to the Marine Corps. And I must tell you I loved I loved it from the first day.

I the craziness and the screaming and the carrying on wasn't all that different from my house. And uh and I mean it I loved it. I fell right into it and and u and I made up my mind I was going to spend the rest of my life in the Marine Corps if they'd have me.

and uh and I won dress blues award and outstanding man's award off of Paris Island and every promotion I ever got was a meritorious promotion. I was the youngest NC on the Marine Corps one time and and and I worked hard and I received an appointment to Quantico to OCS and I would have been the youngest commissioned officer in the Marine Corps. I would have been commissioned before the guys I went to high school with completed college.

The only problem was I was an alcoholic. What being an alcoholic I think means to me is that you know there's an enthusiasm about us that's unbelievable and if you don't believe that just look around and u we're terribly enthusiastic about life and then gradually and not so gradually I began to violate every principle associated with that life alcoholism is a is an illness in me that made me violate everything that meant anything and you know shortly before I was to go to officers at his school. We're in Santa Domingo in 1965 and I led a patrol of men into town in a blackout.

We took fire and returned fire and by the grace of God, nobody was hit. But I woke up the next morning and I wasn't supposed to have taken a patrol out that night. I did it every other night.

So I began the night I didn't go out, I began drinking as soon as 5:00 or so. The night I went out, we'd come back, then I begin drinking. And I woke up, I was fully clothed.

I had my 45 automatic in my holster. There were three rounds missing. It was a rounding chamber and the hammer was back.

I almost never slept like that. And um and they were waking me up to so I could go over and report on the patrol that the night before and I didn't even know I've been on a patrol the night before and it terrified me and I turned down the commission and got out and then I blamed them for what happened to me. And that's a story of my life.

I drifted from pillar to post. I ended up living in a Jesuit theologian at Georgetown or at uh Woodstock College in Woodstock, Maryland. And I went to work there for a man who was a geneticist and uh began drinking alone there.

And uh and my alcoholism just continued to progress and I ended up uh uh directing genetics laboratories as supervisor at Georgetown University. And uh and I had captured some poor woman and married her. And we had our first daughter, Kelly.

It was gorgeous. Just a love of my life, Kelly. And uh and then we had our second daughter and uh and she was uh 3 months premature and and her father was passed out on the living room floor watching a test pattern in his underwear when she decided it was time to join us and her mother couldn't wake me up and she finally threw water on me and still couldn't wake me up.

And in a panic, she got our neighbors who came over. And so when I opened my eyes, I was lying on the floor in my underwear, soaking wet from the water my wife had poured on me, trying to wake me up. And I was outraged.

I knew that if this kid would have come on time, I'd have been all right. If they'd have waited till I was all right, she'd have carried her for three years. But uh I got up and I put her in a car and uh sped across Washington DC and took her to the hospital that I worked in and demanded they take care of her and I was a drunken embarrassment and um and this little thing was born and she weighed less than two pounds and I couldn't handle it.

I could so relate. I couldn't handle it. I just went home and my wife called me and said, "Please come back.

Our baby's going to die. Please come back." And I was in a rage and I got in a car and drove back across Washington and and I went in and and uh the um chief resident was a woman named Mary Kate David. And uh I had been she she and I were to uh classmates in high school back in Ohio.

And here she is a chief resident on the neonatal nursery. And uh and she pulled me aside and she said, "Keith, we have an experimental machine." She said, "We just got it a few days ago and we put it together yesterday. We'd like to put your little girl on it.

We don't think it'll make a difference. We think that she'll be if she lives, but we don't think she'll live. I had to be honest with you, but we'd like to put her on the machine.

And I said, "Have you talked to her mother?" And she said, "We can't." And I looked and my wife was walking back and forth in a state of shock with a thousand yard stare. And I said, "Do whatever you think you have to do." And she explained to me how important it is that these kids be touched and that they be loved. And and I was terrified to go in there.

I' I'd long since figured out that if God decided figured I wanted something, he took it away because everything that was important to me was disappearing from my life. And I went in and and when I had to, I didn't do it because I was a father and I didn't I did it so I wouldn't look bad in front of the people with whom I worked. And we had an office across from the neonatal nursery and I would sit in there at night with the light out and I'd watch my wife pace back and forth.

And 72 hours is particularly critical for these kids. And I watched my wife go in and baptize our infant child because they didn't think she lived through the night. And I knew what to do cuz I watched my father and my father was the greatest father and the greatest husband I ever saw in my life.

He'd have gone in and he'd have put his arm around his wife and he'd say, "Pat, with God, we can do anything." I knew all the words. I knew all the actions. I just couldn't do it.

There was nothing left inside of me. And I ran down to the chapel. You know, Georgetown's a Catholic university.

and I ran down to the chapel and I hadn't been in the chapel in a long time. I'd long since given up on God and I went in in front of the tabernacle which was my favorite place as a kid. I I'd never go by St.

Mary's that I didn't go in and spend time in front of the tabernacle and even on a ball game I'd run by and say, "Jesus, I'm going to go down and play. You can come if you want to." And and u it was my place and uh and I hadn't been there in a long time. And I went in and I got on my knees and I wept and I begged God to let my little girl live.

And I said to him, "If you'll let her live, I'll do anything. If you let her live, I won't drink." And I was drunk in 12 hours. I never want to forget that I drank when I thought drinking would kill my baby.

You know, I love Bla1 Pascal, the French philosopher and theologian. He said, "God created man under in in his own image, and unfortunately, man returned a favor. And I had created a a god who would kill a little girl because her dad was sick." and that's not the God I know today.

And uh she lived. It was an amazing thing. And um she went on to graduate with honors from Auburn University.

And she's got two beautiful little girls of her own now. And uh I was speaking down in the panhandle of Florida a couple years ago and and uh I called her and said, "How you doing, baby?" And she was crying. And she said, "Daddy," she said, "I have kidney stones and I'm I'm having contractions and the baby might come early and I'm afraid if she comes early, she'll be just like me." And I said, "If she's just like you, you'll be the luckiest parent in the world." And I borrowed a car from an AA friend and drove about four hours up to her and uh was able to sit with her and talk to her and pray with her and turn around and ride back and just in time to speak and uh my heart was full, you know.

So, um, you can't live like that and uh and uh and be married. And and one day my wife finally said, "I I can't live like this anymore." She said, "I can't I'm afraid you're going to burn the house down with the kids in it and all that." And I knew she was right. And and I packed two suitcases and I left.

And there's a tremendous amount of relief in that. I I you know, I think with our spirit and with our heart goes our courage. And and and and I was a complete coward by this.

I wish there were another word, but I just can't think of one. I was a coward. Life had whipped me.

I was overcome. And and I went to where I needed to go. And I went to the Skidro section of Washington DC and I was living in the basement of a house.

And uh and um I won't go into the details, but May the 13th, 1973, I went in to wet past for a bathroom to end my life. You know, a lot of people think that suicide's a big deal. You know, it's not for an alcoholic.

for an alcoholic is just the next deal. And um you know, it's like like I spent 12 years trying to go back to that night in Pittsburgh. I just wanted to get back to Pittsburgh.

And uh you know, one day I I I went into the NCO club and I ordered a double scotch and they said, "Corporal, that'll be uh 70 cents in your career." And I thought, "That's about right." And I paid it anything to get back to Pittsburgh. And then uh you know one day I went for a bottle with Jin or something and they said it'll be $7.75 and uh your wife and your two daughters. I thought that's about right.

Whatever it takes to get to Pittsburgh. And then one day I went to buy something. God knows what.

And it was probably 79 cents and uh your life. And I thought that's about right. And and I went in and uh an extraordinary thing happened to me.

I um I looked in the mirror and I said you're 29 years old. at least it'll be over. And I had a bunch of pills in there.

I never took them. I know some of you think it's the saddest story you ever heard, but I I just never I thought if God made anything better than Boozy, he kept it for himself. And uh and I was just not interested in anything else.

And uh and um and a woman spoke to me. Now, you you got to know I'm not happy with women uh at this stage of my life. And a woman spoke to me and told me it was just starting.

It was like a bolt of lightning. I'll never forget it. All of a sudden, my mind was crystal clear and I remembered that my aranged wife had given me some phone numbers and said, "I can't help you.

Maybe these people can." And I ran out and I pulled a drawer out and it fell all over the floor and I was crawling around on my hands and knees sobbing like an idiot. And I found a phone number and I called it and it was to a treatment center. And I know there are people who say bad things about treatment centers, which strike me as odd because we don't have opinions in Alcoholics Anonymous, but uh but uh I called and I talked to an alcoholic.

I talked to someone who knew how to talk to someone like me and and she called me down and and got my number and called me back. And I know now because she knew how suicidal I was and and she um she uh told me that uh that I could come out there in three days and did I need help stopping and you know the only time I'd ever stopped was one day I came out of a blackout and had blacked my wife's eye in a blackout. I just loathed myself and I tried not to drink for a while and I didn't drink for a while and it was so bad that she asked me to drink again.

That's how bad it was. And uh and I said to her, "No, I can stop on my own." Had no idea what I was saying. And uh and uh I hung up the phone and I looked and it was almost a full bottle of scotch on a draining board.

And I didn't know a existed. I didn't. And but I I knew what the problem was.

I knew that that I would drink the stuff that was in that bottle. I knew I had no say over it. And I went over and began to pour it out.

And I knew I would. And I knew I was powerless over alcohol. And I stood back and in a panic I threw the bottle and it hit the sink and it burst.

And you know if the bottle had bounced I don't think I'd be here. And uh then I proceeded to spend the next three days not drinking. And and I heard those things.

I heard Beethoven's fifth symphony for 18 hours. It was coming out of uh the radiator in my car, the parking meter. Uh I had to go borrow $300 to get into this place.

And uh and I'm listening to Beethoven's fifth symphony and stuff crawling on the seat of my car. Oh, it's amazing stuff. and and um somehow I knew when the 3 days was up and I put stuff in this car and I took off.

It was a 30- mile drive and it took me 6 hours to get there and I would drive about a mile and a terror would set in and I began to shake and I began to cry and I I ended up wetting my pants. some change in my pants beside my car on route 29 outside of Washington DC and my FTHEA cap key fell out of my pocket and uh and I thought they were wrong. I mean I was a kid with a potential and I was a member of the World Congress of genetics and I was published and all this stuff and here I am changing my pants beside my car outside of Washington DC and and I got to that place and I got there just in time to learn two things.

number one woman told me I wasn't bad, I was just sick. Now later my sponsor was to say she was wrong. I was sick and bad.

And um the next thing that I learned was I was to get on a bus and go to a place called Alcoholics Anonymous. And I knew nothing about Alcoholics Anonymous. I knew it was an organization that used to exist, but I thought that once we had gotten so scientific, we no longer needed that.

I mean, I thought AA went out when God did. And um and uh but I got on the bus cuz I was desperate. And I rode along and I and I went to the Alcoholics Anonymous and uh a man greeted me at the door.

He was an eye guy, too. And he said a strange thing to me. He said, "Son, if you keep coming here, you never have to drink again." And I wanted to say to him, "Buddy, you don't know me.

I'm a guy who drinks when he thinks drinking will kill his little girl." But you know, he did know me. He knew me better than I knew me. And more importantly, he knew what was wrong with me.

And he knew what would fix me. And I began, I think, what has to be the most exciting journey in the world. And you know, for the gentleman who has 13 days, God bless you.

We're so glad you're here. And for the gentleman who got the book, fasten your seat belt. If you'll stay with this gang of lunatics, I promise you more excitement than you ever knew in your drinking days.

Ever knew. And uh it's incredible what happens in Alcoholics Anonymous. And you know, I hit the road running.

I I um I knew I didn't even know for sure I was an alcoholic for quite a while, but I knew that wherever I was, the only place I seemed to have any hope was in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'd be crazy all day and I'd just keep watching my watch and and I'd leave leave the hospital and and I'd drive up to make sure I knew where the meeting was and I'd look at a calendar to make sure I knew what day it was and and I was still confused and and some days I'd say to myself, "If you go home, will you come back?" back and the answer was yes. I'd sit there from 5:30 to 8:30 when the meeting began.

And um and and I just I just fell in love with you folks. You know, I was out of that treatment center and and I went to a meeting and I bumped into a man named Dick L. And Dick greeted me at the door and he said to me, "Is this your first time in our meeting?" And I said, "Yes, it is." And he said, "Well, you're most welcome." him and he asked me my name and he asked me where I worked and he asked me the names of my children and you know a bunch of questions and I thought it was like cocktail talk.

You know, the next week I went back and this man who I vaguely remember came up to me and said, "My name's Dick, remember?" And I lied and said, "Yes." And he said, "Uh," he said, "Keith, how are you?" And I said, "I'm fine." And he said, "How are things at the hospital?" I said, "Well, they're fine." And he said, "Have you been able to talk to Kelly and Kimberly this week?" He remembered the names of my children. And I was hooked. I was hooked.

I discovered that you people aren't phony. You really mean it when you say it. And I was launched into an exciting exciting life.

And I was insane. I mean, the first year I was there, I was absolutely crazy. I couldn't sleep.

And and at the end of the meetings, they would say, "Is anybody here like to bring something up that might make them drink?" And I'd put up my hand. I'd say, "I can't sleep." And they'd take turns, you know, saying, "Nobody ever died from not sleeping." You know, and one day I jumped up and screamed, "No, but people died from saying nobody ever died from not sleeping." And I never got any more feedback after that. And uh and I remember I I had to go shopping, you know, I had to buy groceries, but I couldn't be in a grocery store for any period of time at all.

I'd go crazy. So what I I learned to shop in a little red basket. And so what I do is I go up to the Safeway on Wisconsin Avenue.

I park my car and I gather all my courage. I'd run in, grab that red basket. I take off.

I go up and down those aisles like I was in that contest, you know, where you go shopping and and you know, and I grab, you know, and you're allowed 10 things, right? So I'm going through the line and by this time I'm sweating, right? And I guess it was a slow day or something.

The guy said, "Pardon me, sir. You have 11 things." And I said, "You're right. You're right.

I don't deserve to shop here. You're right." And he said, "It's just just a joke. Just a joke." And I turned around as a woman standing.

and her eyes are about that big. I said, "This man caught me sneaking 11 things for a 10 item line." And uh you know, she just wanted to buy a few things and go home with her family. She didn't want to diss.

And and uh so the manager came over and said, "Uh what's the problem, sir?" I said, "You got to promote this, man. He caught me sneaking 11 things that I don't like." And I did what any normal person do. I burst into tears and ran out of there.

And um now the problem with that is I told my sponsor, "Never tell your sponsor stuff like that." And uh my sponsor had a saying, you know, it wasn't get in a car, it was you're where you did what? Get your ass over here. That was my sponsor.

So I drove over to his place and I explained my side of the story. And um and he said, "Well, this isn't this this is easy to fix." So we got in the car and I thought he was going to go up and punch the guy out or something. And uh we go up to the Safeway and he said, "Go on in, make amends." So no, please go in there.

You know, so I went in and you know the the manager came running over. He said, "Sir, are you all right?" I said, "Well, almost died from alcoholism. Mother had a square nipple and dad never told me he loved me or something like, you know, I had a whole string of reasons." And um and uh uh you know, and so the guy came over and and and I had to apologize to him.

Then I had to pay for the groceries and they had them there and then and I had to I had to shop there for the next 6 months. And uh so I go to the line the guy looked at me and go 1 2 3 4 haha you know it was awful. And then it was the day I got up and I got all dressed up and to go to work.

The problem was I couldn't remember where I worked. You know here I'm driving around. I look pretty good and I couldn't remember.

And I mean I couldn't remember and I panicked. And so I always carried a card. My sponsor had taped a dime to his business card and wrote his home number on it.

And so I didn't I mean how do you call your sponsor and tell them you don't know where you work and uh because I knew I was crazy and when you found out you weren't going to let me come to a anymore and uh so but I I was just panicked so I called him. I went to a phone booth. I called him and I said good morning Dan.

He said morning Keith. How are you? I'm fine.

I'm wondering how you're doing. He said I'm all right. And he said what's all that noise?

I said I'm calling you from a phone booth. And he said your car break down. I said no car is fine Dan.

I was wondering how you're doing. And he said what's the matter buddy? He said, "Well, Dan, it's not a big problem.

I just can't seem to recall where I work." And u and he said what he always said. He said, "Oh, you you got the old I can't remember where I work problem." I said, "A lot of us have had that." Well, I never met another person with that problem. But so then he the minute he told me, I not only knew where I worked, I knew what I did.

It was like it was all in one package, you know, and if you got any of it, you got it all. And uh and I was terrified. And he said to me, he said, "It's scary, isn't it?" And I said, "Oh, it sure is." And he said, "You know, our book says that to pour alcohol in our brain is a very unnatural thing." And he said, uh, he said, "It'll take a while for your thinking to straighten out." And I said, "Dan, um, do you think I might have brain damage?" And he said, "I'll be honest with you, Keith.

It's a little too early to tell." And uh, and he said, "But I'd like to make a suggestion." I said, "Anything. I'm honest, willing, and open-minded." And um he said, "If you ever have this problem again," he said, "Try to remember to look at the front bumper of your car cuz you have a parking permit for the university." And I was thinking, "Where do these people learn these things?" I I mean, you made life look so easy, you know? It was just amazing.

You know, one day I was over three months, I got a letter from a man named Jerome Learner, probably the greatest cytologist that ever lived, at least the greatest one I ever met. and he was in Paris, France and and he asked me to come and study staining techniques with him. He developed a staining technique for chromosomes and uh and I couldn't believe it but I knew that if I took it to my sponsor, see I figured out this sponsorship stuff.

Sponsors are people who figure out what you really want to do and tell you you can't do it. That's what sponsors do. And uh and I knew that I couldn't go to Paris.

I knew that. So I wasn't even going to give him the satisfaction. But finally I decided so we went to lunch and I showed him the letter and he looked at it.

He said, "This is wonderful." I said, "You mean I can go?" He said, "You have to go." He said, "This isn't about you." He said, "The best you can do is crap your pants over there on Skidro. This is alcohol." He said, "No, that's what this." And I I said to him, I said, "Dan, I didn't think you'd let me go." He said, "Look at me." As my mother used to do that, you know, said, "Look at me." And I looked at him and he said, "I want you to remember this." He said, "You can do anything in Alcoholics Anonymous if you prepare properly." And you know, that's the truth. I found that to be true.

For almost 30 years now, I've been able to do anything and everything if I prepare properly. So, if you're kind of new and think your life's over, oh, you are so wrong. You're going to go places and do things that you never imagined possible.

You're going to plum the depths of a spiritual existence and you're going to laugh and you're going to do things that you're going to become close to people because you're going to learn that wonderful, wonderful gift of receiving love, the ability to receive love. Um, you know, tonight the homaly at mass was about about receiving forgiveness and and so much of that is about receiving love, the ability to receive love. That mother who loved me so very very much.

You know, I took her to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and she loved you immediately. And uh she said to me, I I said, "Mom, is there anything I can do? It must have been awful having a son like me worrying.

I I was discharged from the Marine Corps. Took me 10 days to go from North Carolina to Ohio. And they had a welcoming home party, of course.

Now, they're all pre-alanon, so they left the balloons and everything up, so I'd know. And um and you know what happened to me was I I was doing all right till I got to Charleston, West Virginia, and I went to the after hours joint. I always visited.

And uh and there was a guy there with three ladies, four ladies. And um he was a businessman, and he'd been caught soliciting prostitution. And uh these were his business partners.

and um and they were having a going away party. He was uh going to go to Moundsville State Penitentiary to serve 2 to 5 years for solicitation. And they asked me to join them.

I mean, I was raised to be polite. And um so I joined them and uh began to drink and and the next three or four days were like a haze. I was in and out of a blackout or gray out or whatever it was.

And I remember one time I'm driving this guy's Cadillac convertible up to the gate of Mountainsville State Penitentiary. And the thing that was and all these girls were all crying and uh saying goodbye to them. And what was interesting was I didn't know I knew how to drive cuz I sure didn't have a license.

But uh I guess I could drive drunk and I couldn't drive sober. But uh but it was crazy. And I finally got home.

I was just insane. I mean that's the way my life was was just absolutely insane. And and I'd done these things to this poor woman.

And uh and she she said, "Honey, you just keep staying with those people. That's all I want from you. you just keep hanging around with those people and you do what they tell you.

And uh and I got a four-year token. It was the first token I got. North Carolina, they invented the chip system.

And uh I hadn't yet gotten to Washington DC. And uh and um she we were driving home from that meeting and she said, "You know, I'd really like to have one of those uh coins one day." And so I gave her my token. And every year on May the 13th, I'd send she and my father a token.

And she loved it so. and she loved you so. And you know, um, they had never been on a vacation, never been on a honeymoon, never owned an automobile, never done anything except give everything they had to their children and the other kids they raised.

And, uh, and I, in my sobriety, had wandered upon a little beach house down in Carolina Beach near where Mike lives now. And, uh, the name of the beach house was Sezy Does It. I thought that I'd lay out a little hint.

And, um, and my parents had never seen the ocean. and I invited them down to see the ocean and they fell in love with it. And and I said to him, I said, "I wonder if maybe you wouldn't keep an eye on my house for a while." They kept an eye on my house for six years.

They kept an eye on my house and uh and we bought dad a car and uh he drove for the first time in over 40 years. And uh and my mother took up painting and within six months was a brilliant artist. Uh she had gone back to finished high school and then she took her college entrance exams and she outscored all of us.

and she said, "It's not a big deal. I've been through high school 12 times." And um and they just flowered. And Mike and I would we we often talked about, you know, we'd walk up on a porch sometimes and he'd be sitting on his swing and and he'd have his arm around his honey sitting on his swing watching the waves of the ocean.

And I stopped down there one day and uh you know this man who never told me he loved me, I tried like crazy to get it right with him and I did all the things I could and we didn't agree on anything. And I remembered something I learned in the second grade and uh I was approaching it all wrong. I was trying to figure it out.

I was trying to to meet him halfway. I was trying to do all that crazy stuff I learned in those self-help books. Then I picked up the big big book and I realized what I was supposed to do is honor him.

And I began to honor him. I began to honor him the best way I could. I did I no longer had an opinion different than his.

I learned from an Alenon friend that I could say, you know, I never really looked at it that way before, Dad. So, when he'd say these things were patently and absurdly wrong, I'd just say, you know, Dad, I never really looked at it that way before. And it was true.

I never had. And um and this magnificent man and I began to develop a relationship. And then one day, we're sitting we're sitting in a rocking chair rocking looking at the ocean.

And he said, "Son, remember the first day you went to work?" And I said, "Yeah, I worked in a bowling alley." He said, "Yeah, you were 12 years old." And he said, "Uh, do you remember that I took you to lunch on your first day?" I said, "You know, Dad, I don't think I remember." He said, "Yeah." He said, "I took you to Louis hot dog stand." He said, "Do you remember what you had?" And I said, "I'm going to go out on a limb here, Dad. Did I have a hot dog?" And he said, "Of course you did. You loon." He always called me a loon, you know.

He said, "Do you remember what you drank?" And I said, "I probably drank orange pop. I always drank orange pop." He said, "Not that day." He said, "That day you drank root beer." He said, "I drank root beer, and I think you thought men who work drank root beer." And he said, "I explained to you how to do a good day's work for a good day's pay." He was explaining to his 12-year-old boy how to grow up. And he said, "I walked you down to the bus stop because it was in the next town." And and he said, "Son, do you want me to come with you on your first day?" And you said, "No thanks, Dad.

I'll do it alone." He said, "I watched the bus till it was out of sight, and you never looked back. And he said, "From then on, you never let me help you." He said, "All your brothers and sisters let me help them go to college, and you did it all on your own." He said, "You put yourself through high school, and you never let me help you." And I thought back to our book, and it says that people treat us the way we make them treat us. And I had robbed this man of the of doing what he did better than anybody in the world, and that was to be my father.

And a week later, I borrowed $1,000 from him and I put it in the bank. And a month or two later, I paid him back. And from that day till the day he died, we were best friends.

I let him be my father. I started stopping by and taking advantage of the wisdom of this incredibly spiritual man. He'd always say something odd like, "What do your friends and Alcoholics Anonymous say about it?" He said, 'You know, I believe with your friends in Alcoholics Anonymous and God, you can't go wrong.

And I remember I was an officer in a corporation and I just hated it. But I you're supposed to do it. It was a lot of money and and I just hated it.

And um and uh I stopped by to see him and he said uh he said, "You know," he said, "I've never seen a happier man in my life than you since you met those people and they turned your life around." What would they say? I was always struck by his incredible love for you. You know, in the year 2000, I had a three-week stretch that was beyond belief.

We were supposed to have our family reunion and and I was asked to speak at Founders Day, and it's got to be one of the greatest honors in the world to speak in Akran, Ohio. You know, AA was founded in Akran. I think if it weren't founded in Akran, it would have been founded in Texas.

I really mean that. Yeah. Now, you know, it was found in Akran, but I say it because there are people from California here who don't believe it was found in Akran, but I just thought it and uh and um so I called up my dad and I said, "Dad, I said, I'm afraid I said, I'm going to be home, but I I may miss the reunion because I'm going to be in Akran, but we'll leave Akan and drive home right away, and I'm going to spend a week with you." and he said, so he he hung up and he told the rest of the family, "If Keith's not coming, we're not having a reunion." Now, you know, 28 years before that, they wouldn't tell me when the reunion was for fear I'd show up.

And they moved it a week. Now, I mean, I have brothers and sisters traveling from all over the place. And they and I said to them, I am really sorry about this.

They said, "Look, whatever make dads happy makes us happy, and we want you to be there, too." So, I spoke at Akran. The following week I had a picnic with my parents. My mother had gone by the passed away by then, but my dad.

The week after that I spoke at this West Virginia state convention in Whitting, West Virginia. And uh two miles from my home and uh my whole family was there. And when my father heard me speak for the first time and uh he came up to me and he hugged me and he kissed me on the cheek and he told me he loved me and he said, "I'm so proud of you." He said, "I want to thank you for everything you've done for so many people, especially the people in our family." And I hadn't realized how many of my brothers and sisters and cousins and nieces and nephews are members of AA and Alanon now.

And I didn't say anything to them. I just got sober. Thank God I didn't say anything to them or they wouldn't be members.

And um and I was overwhelmed with the the circle that happens in Alcoholics Anonymous. Once I permit myself to accept the incredible amount of love that God and people have always had for me, you know, uh my mother was an extraordinary extraordinary human being. And uh you know, when she died, she died a what she called a beautifully painful death.

She suffered from cancer for 6 months and took as little medication as she could because she believed that suffering was a prayer if she offered it and she asked she used her suffering. She told me I'd go at night and she loved the rosary and I I'd pray the rosary and she'd wake up and pray with me for a little while and I'd read scripture and she'd wake up and smile and she loved poetry and I'd read read her the vision of Sir Longfall. You know the part about not what we give but what we share.

The gift without the giver is bare. She read that to us once a month from the time I was a year old until I left for the Marine Corps. And um and she would we would pray together and um and uh she she offered her suffering as a prayer that all her children would come back to God.

And one by one all of her children have gotten sober and come back to God. And you know my sisters, God bless them, took such good care of her and they they put pictures of all the children and they had uh 11 children. They had 20 grandchildren and 30 great-grandchildren and they they put them all with all the in-laws and you know it's daughters-in-laws and son-in-laws all over the wall.

My mother would wake up and look at that and smile. And my brother Larry who's in the fellowship and I were up to visit her and and my niece came in and she was all excited and said, "You have to come. You have to come." And my sponsor speaking.

And I said, "Well, I'd love to hear your sponsor." I said, "But I said maybe another time." I said, "I thought I'd spend the evening with mom." And my mother said, "Boys, boys, look at me. And uh we looked over there and she said, "You go to that meeting. Always go to those meeting.

Those are the people who brought my boys home to me." She loved you so much. And you know, she listed the things she wanted in her coffin. And to the very top of the list was my 23-year token.

The very top of the list. How can I thank you for that and for everything else? You know, my uh my father passed away in December and I went up to see him in October and he was very lucid and we talked and we had those talks and I said to him uh before I left, I said, "Dad, is there is there anything we need to say to one another and he said, "No, son." He said, "I know you love me and you know I love you." And I started to leave and he said, "There is one thing." I went back and I took his hand and he squeezed my hand and he said again I want to thank you for all you do for so many people.

He said, "You keep giving what you have and you keep getting more." And nobody knew that better than my father. And you know when uh when he passed away, we're we were around his bed, my lovely wife Julia and a bunch of us, we were around his bed and I was holding his hand and we prayed the Hail Mary and then we prayed the Lord's Prayer and I was I told him it was okay to go. I said, "Go be with mom." And my brother Terry had passed away and I said, "Go be with Terry and mom and it's okay.

We're okay." And I promised him. I said, "I'll pray for everything you pray for every day. You can pass it to me." because he prayed for everything every day.

And I held his hand and we prayed the Lord's prayer. And when when we said amen, my father squeezed my hand and went into eternity. And I left that room and I said to my wife, Julia, I said, "This isn't supposed to happen to me.

I'm supposed to be down the street trying to drink up enough courage to come here. I'm not supposed to live like this." Of course I am. And I live like this because of you.

Just because I'm one of you. Not a better one or a lesser one. Just one of you.

You know, u when um um I I had a lot of amends to make and and this the theme this weekend certainly has been spiritual and I'm profoundly grateful for that. And you know, the book says that we don't apologize for God. And uh and you know, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous and I was one of those religiously anti-religious people.

I sat around waiting to be offended. And um and when my ASEP list came up, I mean, I just loathed religious people. And because they're all hypocrites, we know that.

And um and when my my on my Astep list, I had religious people. And I decided that uh I had to make an amend. So I went looking for a religious person.

And I went to a retreat center, a Jesuit retreat center where Mike and I have been to many, many retreats over the years. And and I went down and and I found I was looking for this young theology professor. I'd gone back to school and taken a degree in philosophy and theology out of Georgetown.

And um and I was looking for this young professor because he would understand the significance of this deeply humble act I was about to perform. And um you know, I couldn't find him. But there was an old man sitting in a in a in a room rocking in a rocking chair reading his bravery.

And I knocked on the door and I said, "Father, may I speak with you?" I said, "Of course." His name was Father Jim. And I went in, I sat in a rocking chair and we sat and rocked. And I told him why I was there.

I told him how ashamed I was of the way I had talked about people like him. And and what I had done and I told him about going to Skidro. I told him about about my baby Kimberly.

And I told him about all those things. Then I got halfway through and the most astounding thing happened. This man, this this man of God got up and he pulled me out of the chair and he put his arms around me and he began to hug me and he said, "God sent you, son." I said, "Excuse me?" He said, "God sent you." He said, "I have an illness is going to allow me to go home soon." He said, "I was just sitting here asking God, as I understand, my higher power where I had missed it." He said, 'I've been a priest for 50 years, and I asked him, 'Where have I missed it?

And he said, 'I realize now that too often I didn't do what my higher power told me to do. He said, he said, 'I stayed with the 99 who agreed with me. And he said, I'm sorry you had to be out there all alone.

God used me to go talk to a holy man so that he could be healed before he went home. me a walking blasphemy. Me, you know, if uh if you don't want to watch miracle after miracle after miracle happen, you better leave Alcoholics Anonymous because, you know, it's my great privilege.

Uh Mike and I do book studies in prisons and in halfway houses and Mike does a book studies. I carried the book and uh and if you heard him today, you know why. And uh and you know, it's just I'm going to step way out of line um this week.

Mike and I discovered that Mike's cancer is back. And um that means a lot to me, but it doesn't mean anything to Mike. And u and I've watched this man over the years do extraordinary things.

I mean, he'll people with his wit and his heart and his knowledge of the 12 steps of alcoholics synonymous, his knowledge of God. And he's challenged me constantly to do the next thing. And he's led me places that I didn't think it was possible to go.

I absolutely refused to discuss God. And he drew me a picture. I told him there's no such things as angels.

I I was just nuts. And And he told me about my guardian angel. I told him that was a myth that I was crazy, you know, that was a crazy man with a degree in theology.

Now, you don't get much worse than that. And uh and he drew a picture and he told it was an Amish woman playing a piano and an organ and he said that she was singing to the angels and I wanted to throw it away. Of course, it's one of my prized possessions now.

That's the kind of stuff he did. He he encouraged me constantly throughout my life. And uh one night uh in 1979, we got a I'll end with this.

There was a gas shortage and um and um and I got a call from the intergroup office to take a 12step call and and my car was absolutely empty. It was parked in front of the pump down at the service station and I and the guy said, "I don't know. I can't get anybody.

Nobody can go on a call." I said, "Look, I'll take care of it somehow." And the call was over in Bethesda. We lived in Tacoma Park. And so I went to two doors down where Mike lived and I knocked on the door and I said, "Mike, let me borrow your truck.

We got I got a 12step call." He said, "My truck's totally out of gas. We had to push it in the parking thing. We talked about it and we prayed together and I said to Mike, I said, "I'm going to go on the 12step call.

If I run out of gas, I'll run out of gas on the 12step call." And he said, "I'll pray for you." And so I took off and and the needle was gone. It was buried. And and I drove over to Bethesda and I got to the man's house and uh and I went and I talked to him and this guy was shaking apart and we couldn't get an ambulance.

It was it was a mess. And so I said to God, if you'll just get me to the emergency to the hospital, I won't ask anything else. So I pile this guy in the hospital and he's close to DTS and and I run him down to the hospital and it took me about two hours to get him in.

Back then you had to actually go into DTS or convulsions before they'd believe you. And u and so we you know we get him in finally it's like 3:00 in the morning and u and I figured well I'll just drive someplace and park and sleep. And so I'm driving up old Georgetown Road and I crossed Wisconsin Avenue and the lights were on in the service station.

It was an ESO station and I drove in and the guy ran out and said, "Sir, sir, we're closed. We're closed." And I said, "Well, that's okay." I said, "I'll just park here until in the morning cuz I'm not going to get home. I don't have any gas." And he said, "Look," he said, "Don't park here.

They'll line up." And uh he said, "I'll turn the lights out. I'll fill you up." He said, "But then get out of here." I said, "Okay." So turn the lights out. And he filled me up.

And he came to me and he said, "Sir, there's a mistake." And I said, "What's that?" He said, "I put 23 and a2 gallons in your car." He said, "Your car only holds 21 gallons." And I said, "Well, I want to pay you for him." He said, "No, no, don't." He said, "No, no." He said, "It's impossible." He said, "Your car doesn't hold that much gas." And I said, "Look, pal, God loan me a few gallons of gas. I want to pay for him." Now, you He took the money and got me out of there. Now, I went back to wake Mike up to tell him, but of course, Mike was awake praying, so uh I didn't have to wake him up.

And you know what amazes me? He wasn't surprised. He wasn't a bit surprised.

I love you so very much. And I ask you to please pray for my dear brother Michael. And because whatever comes, it's going to be God's will and we're going to accept it gladly.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for who and what you are and what you made us. Thank you. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

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