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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> I'm going to bring my cheating books here. Morning everybody.

I'm an alcoholic. My name is Mike Way. >> Hi Mike.

>> And be before we get into steps four, five, six, and seven, I know there's some serious sobriety here. So, it's going to be like preaching to the choir, but I'm going to do this thing anyway. And I'm just delighted to be here.

Uh D was talking this morning. She said this conference is developing a theme, she said, and it's a uh it's honesty. Well, I'm here to louse that theme up.

But, uh wonderful things. There's spiritual things. This is a spiritual place.

I was here nine. Before I get into steps, I want to just share a few things. I think what the theme of this thing really is is is love and uh honesty is part of that.

Unfortunately, I didn't know that when I was growing up. I thought that was something you faked, this love thing, but I was here nine years ago as a speaker and one of the guys I met was the head of the red shirts, Paul A. And uh we just hit it off.

He was sober a little over a year and I was just a kid of 23 or so and uh we were in contact ever since then and I I got to go out to his the Shauny Bigbook group and speak for one of their anniversaries. got to meet Tommy and and some and I got to meet uh the beautiful Anne who later had the misfortune to marry Paul and we stayed in contact with uh I met uh Charles and Betty before in Waterl Iowa where we went to the boys and I Charles new sponsor and I went to a used tool uh auction that was a lot of fun that before I came here but that was nine years ago and we've all stayed in touch. And a couple years ago, I I moved up to Emittsburg, Maryland to Mount St.

Mary's. I was going to become a holy man. And uh instead, I got sick.

And guess who came to visit me? Charles and Betty. Paul and Ann.

Now, excuse me. Uh, if you don't find love here, go home. I mean, Keith and I were Keith and I were talking yesterday.

You know, we we've gone to a lot of things. We go to a lot of things together. And and of course, he's he speaks every weekend somewhere.

I get to introduce him tonight. And I haven't been able to do that since last Sunday. But you know we go to some places and sometimes together and try to stay.

We don't stay out of trouble very well. But the thing is in this particular conference here in Brazis River conference they love you coming in not after you've spoken. And that's the deal here.

If you don't want to get love don't come here. >> And if you're new that's the scary part of it is if you're like me I thought love was something that you had to earn. That's something you had to qualify for.

And I brought that into my alcoholism. I thought, you know, if I if I'm okay, then people will love me. Now, nobody taught me that.

I made this up myself. But what the deal is here is that you are lovable and you are loved. This is hard for an alcoholic like me to to understand.

It takes a while for me to to to comprehend the fact that it's not something I earned. It's a gift that you are willing to give. If I if I'm okay, then people will love me.

Now, nobody taught me that. And I made this up myself. But what the deal is here is that you are lovable and you are loved.

This is hard for an alcoholic like me to to understand. It takes a while for me to to to comprehend the fact that my sponsor is Bill M. I'm a active member of the Carolina Cury Beach Group of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Been my home group for the last 12 years. My buddy Keith Lewis and I uh have been prayer partners for about 28 years of his almost 30 years of sobriety. We met in 1974 and somehow God has kept us together.

Two lunatics in uh in cohabitation in sobrieties as it were. So a lot of what I know about Alcoholics Anonymous I learned from Keith and his sponsor Sandy B cuz I'm a big book guy and they told me that there's this book and there's this book. And what happened to me is that I discovered over the years the big book will tell you how to do the steps.

But when you get in six steps six and seven, as we're going to be doing this morning, there's about a half a paragraph that covers both of them. And uh I'm going to talk longer than that on six and seven. Uh they couldn't have written it if I were around in those days.

They would had to have a lot more pages in the big book. And that's why we have the 12 and 12. The big book tells me how to do the step.

And the and the 12 and 12 written 15 years or so later after the big book was it was in print tells me what's involved. For instance, in the step four as we begin made a search and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Isn't that amazing?

If I got a big book here that falls open to step four. I've used it with a few guys that I sponsor. Amazing.

And the first what's the first thing we do? We take a searching and for fearless moral inventory of everybody else. Bill's psychology there is kind of strange.

You know, we make a list of our resentments. I didn't have any resentments. I was a walking resentment and I didn't know it.

See, I was able to live in this fantasy world of alcoholism for so long that I had no idea how angry I had been at how many people who loved me and whose love I was unable to receive because I didn't think I deserved it. I was my own worst enemy. When the big book says that the problem centers in the mind, that's exactly what it means.

The mind, not the brain. That's where the phenomena of craving sets in. which means my makes my mind unusable.

My mind they tell me consists of three major powers or faculties. The memory, the intellect and the will. Now you see until I was able to surrender my whole self including my will in the third step I didn't have a chance to go any further because when I was drinking one drink and what happens my whole self is drowned my memory I don't remember oh give me a bottle of that stuff at the damn you killed me yesterday it's not going to happen this time my memor is gone my will is gone because that thing in my brain that Dr.

Silkworth talks about the go button, the phenomenon of craving overrides my will, my memory, and my intellect. They tell us that for every drink you take, your your IQ drops a little bit. Well, I didn't have that much to start with.

So, by about an hour of drinking, I was about, you know, had the intellect of a of a uh ringtailed baboon. And and I I excuse me, I didn't mean to in insult the baboons cuz The fourth step is about taking inventory. And Leslie came up this morning and and gave me out of her angel bag, pick one.

I picked transformation. I said, that's no small that's no small uh incidental happening because that's what this is about. See, if I'm going to be changed, I have to be really changed.

not just changed but transformed. Ray O'Ky old man who's now a member of my home group so I could save his life. Calls the first three steps the emergency room of this of this program.

How many times I wasn't going to do this fourstep stuff. I was happy to do the third the three step walls. You know one hey what steps you want?

I'm doing one two three one two three. I hadn't obviously read the book and you hear this and made me stuff about oh it says you made a decision there's three crows sitting on the logs I'm like I say if you make a decision and then don't do anything you've made a decision not to do anything that's the decision you've made it says down here the third step in which we you know if you're at a meeting and they they read the portion of chapter 5 like they do they don't read the next line says being convinced of A B and C steps one and two we were at step three. Then three pages later, it says, "Now we're at step three." I said, "What the hell's going on here?" Bill is trying to tell us 24 times in those three pages that self selfishness, self self ego, self self-centerness, egotism, 24 times might be a problem.

And we get to that wonderful prayer where he throws us another another curve. God, I offer myself to thee to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I better may better do thy will, oh hell.

Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help. All of a sudden, it's not about me anymore. That happened clear back in the second step.

All of a sudden, somebody else is important. those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always.

That's a heavy step. And then Bill after we've done this, he says, "We found it desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person. Uh we thought well before taking this step.

I've already taken it. Now he tells me to think well." The psychology of steps three and four are just wonderful cuz we go to step four and he sets us up again. Gets me taking everybody else's inventory.

But says though our decision oh decision was a vital and crucial step. Step three, it could have little permanent effect at less at once. What does that mean?

Well, later on when I feel better, followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Is there any clearer language in that that if you sit on the third step, you're going to fry and nothing's going to happen. So, what we do is move on.

Therefore, we start upon a personal inventory. Of course, you've all read this, but and then then we see this list over here. I'm resentful at the cause affects my I thought that was all the things there were was those three columns.

Bill lies to us again. Resentment is the number one offender. You know, the things that talk about making me dead catch my attention.

Clear back in the self thing in the third step. Way to get rid of this self. We got to get rid of it or it kills us.

That got my attention. You know, we must or it kills us. Oh my.

The number one offender. It It lets you know right here in the big book that I too suffer from PMS. From it it destroys more alcoholics than anything else.

From it stem all forms of spiritual disease. S for we've been not only mentally M and physically P ill, we have been spiritually sick. And here's the key.

When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. Okay? So the spiritual thing has to come first for me.

But what's spiritual about taking everybody else's inventory? There's a theme that comes up in step two. Lack of power.

Way back in the chapter, the agnostic, which I believe is all about step two. Lack of power is our dilemma. We have find a power outside of ourselves, greater than ourselves, which would solve our problem.

The problem I discover very late in the program is me, self, me, will, me, me, me, me. Dear God. Me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me.

Now now now now now now now now now now now now now more more more. Amen. That's kind of the way my prayer life went, you know.

Or if you'll do this, I won't do that again. I lied every time. Bill calls it a grudge list.

I call it a hit list. I'm more modern than Bill was. I've updated the program a little bit.

Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, or our personal or sex relations which had been interfered with? All of the above by everybody. But the thing I've noticed in this this underlying theme of lack of power is our dilemma is carried through into this.

For instance, the big book a lot of people stumble at step four because of the list thing. The list thing, the list thing. The underlying thing is in step four, three very grave problems are addressed and the solutions given if we're doing step four according to the big book.

Of course, in the 12 and 12, it says the thing that's going to keep me from doing step four, pride says we need not pass this way. Fear says we dare not look. So self again manifested in pride and fear were keeping from doing this because I I'm a I was grow raised Catholic.

I don't think I made a good confession after age 13 until I was able to do step five and talk to another human being about the act exact nature of my wrongs. And by the time I got to the program, there were one or two. But what we do is we put down our resentments, the cause of the resentments, how it affected me, and then Bill slams the trap shut on us on the next page to conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got.

Oh, hell. And that's true. That's where I was.

Displaying that life, which includes deep resentment, leads only to futility and unhappiness. This business of resentment is infinitely grave. Grave jumps out at me.

We found that it is fatal. That jumps out at me. If I don't do this stuff, I'm going to be dead.

Is that you pick up on that? He talks about being dead a lot. For in harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit, the insanity of the alcohol returns, and we drink again.

For us to drink is to die. Now, this book has made me seek other places. You know, a lot of things ring a familiar bell like uh not my will but thine be done.

That's a steal. You know that, don't you? Faith without works is dead.

That's a steal, don't you? You know that. So, uh I know you Baptists know it, but some of the Catholics know this, too.

Now, trying to teach Father Peter some Latin this morning for God's sake. But the amazing thing that happens is when he really slams the door shut on us, the thing I discovered, I was reading about a guy by the name of I got really interested in in the the mystics. I was reading by a guy by the name of Jon of the Cross who lived in in uh Spain around the same time of Theresa of Avala and he wrote a thing called uh uh what was it Peter?

>> No, that was Thomas Merin wrote the seventory mountain. >> Huh? >> The cloud of unknowing.

the cloud of unknowing and this the dark night of the soul, the ascent of Mount Carmel. Thank you. And he quotes a lot of scripture in there and he was quoting one.

He said uh where uh says when the blind lead the blind both shall fall into the pit. And he said what we're talking about here is emotions. When I let my emotions lead my intellect, I cut myself off from the sunlight of the spirit and my soul is darkened.

So I'm blind. My intellect, my memory, and my will are darkened by my emotions. So what we're here is to try to get the the spiritual thing first.

Then the emotions will come along and we'll get better physically. See how it jives? Cuts us all from the same horse, sunlight of the spirit.

So when I let my anger, my fear, all these things run my life, I'm no good to anybody cuz I am now being led by something that is blind. Blind rage. Remember hearing about that?

It's exactly what it is. And that's the way I lived a lot of my life. Anyway, thought I'd throw that in there.

I'm not going to teach you anything. I just give want to give you some things to think about and it gets you a chance to rebut later. We turned back to the list for it held the key to the future.

Now here's the problem. As point out, we saw that these resentments must be mastered. But how?

We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. What were we to do? Lack of power is my dilemma.

Huh? This was our course. We realize that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

Though we did not like their symptoms in the way these disturbed us, they like ourselves were sick too. Here's the solution. We ask God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.

When a person offended us, we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him?" God, listen to this. Talk about lack of power.

God help me. No. God, save me from being angry.

Cuz lack of power is my dilemma. I can go from sweet Mikey to rage in 40 seconds to left to my own devices. God save me from being angry.

We avoid retaliation or argument. Oh, this is hard. We wouldn't treat sick people that way.

If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. I yel me to help that. Yeah.

Love and tolerance. That's what's going on. Love and tolerance.

What did father what Dr. Bob say? We know love.

We know service. Oh gosh. We cannot be helpful to all people.

At least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone. Lack of power. My dilemma solution is this loving higher power that I found in the second tradition of alcoholics anonymous.

If I tap into that source of love, I've got it. I've got it. I can do this.

referring to our list again, putting see what's happened now. If we do this step without the fear of all this list making thing and we do the list like we're supposed to, we'll see that uh we have to ask ourselves again some things. Referring to our list again, here's where he slams the trap shut on us.

Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. Oh, this slimy jerk. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened?

Though a situation not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? Now he's meddling.

The inventory was ours, not the other man's. Slam. The trap has been slammed shut on me.

It's my deal. I'm the problem. Oh, hell.

And I don't know how many people have been to rehab where they force you to step five before you get out of rehab and then they burn your fourth step. That's the bastards of burning your eight step list, aren't they? The inventory was ours, not the other man's.

I have to point this out to the guys I sponsor. When we saw our faults, we listed them. Our faults, we listed them.

We placed them before us in black and white. Now, Keith makes a mistake. He gives his guys lead pencils, which are gray, and and yellow legal pads.

He does it wrong. It's black and white, but it means you write it down. Now, we admitted our wrongs honestly.

And there's the theme that De was talking about this morning, the honesty thing, you know, and how it works. The first paragraph is honest or honesty three times. I knew I wasn't going to get this program.

I'd been to see a psychiatrist in St. Louis in 1962 cuz I knew I was a chronic liar. I came out of there saying, "Well, psychiatry doesn't work." I couldn't tell the poor man the truth about why I was there to see him.

We admitted our wrongs honestly and we're willing to set these matters straight. This ain't eight steps up. This is four steps up.

New guys, I want to tell you, as fearful as four and five are, this is just practice for eight and nine. It's all it is. Okay?

It's all it is practice. Notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs.

Jones, the employee, and the wife. Did you notice that uh Mr. Brown's a real jerk?

This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. Fear. It was an evil and corroding thread.

The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did what not we ourselves set the ball rolling?

How was I responsible for my fear? Man, fear was a marvelous, marvelous thing in my life. I was so scared from the day of birth until a long time into Alcoholics Anonymous that I had no idea how fearful I was, how terrorized I've been my entire life because for me that was a a way of life with me.

Nobody could get through to me because of the fear. I hear people say from the podium, "Man, I felt like I was an outsider." Was like a kid at the candy store looking inside with my nose pressed against the window and everybody had all this information that I didn't have. Hell, I was too proud to ask.

I assumed I was supposed to know all these things. So, I never asked anybody even about the birds and the bees in uh I never was. I'll tell you a story about that.

I went to prochial school in South Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 1943. I was 8 years old and heard the f-word for the first time.

I didn't know what it meant, but I liked it. So much so that I wrote a little song which I shared with the family at the dinner table. My dad was 6'4 and an ex-Marine.

Normally, he would just drop kick me across the living room, but he looked at me in shock and he said, "We got to talk." Now you know what people say. You notice when people say to you we got to talk that you have not been consulted on this matter about the week. So afterwards we went for a walk.

Said boy he said that's a terrible word if you ever used again I will drop kick you across the living room. I believed him because he done it many times before. He said and when you're ready one of these days I'm going to tell you about the birds and the bees.

Time goes by. It's 1998. I'm 63 years old.

Got five grown kids and 10 grandchildren. I'm at my father's bedside. He's invited me out to Winkle City, Arizona to help him die.

I'm 63. He still calls me boy, you know. And I said, "Dad, we had a good time sending him away." We really did.

It just was fun. Watched my dad die, if that makes any sense to you, because I knew where he was going. And he was through.

He He'd had a great life. Helped a lot of people, including me, when I let him finally after all those years. But I said, "Dad, do you remember 1943 when I said the f- word at the little he?" Yeah, boy.

I remember that. I said, ' Do you remember taking me for a walk afterwards? Tell me you're going to tell me about the birds and be I remember that.

He said, "You going to do it when I was ready? Am I ready?" He says, "Nope. I'm 67 years old.

I still don't know about the damn birds and the bees. I don't know what this but fear was part of the whole deal that kept me from asking the questions about this life business. So I was afraid of this business of being alive and I wasn't aware of it till I got good sponsorship right away.

Three hairylegged old men who dragged me around when I came in to the program. I thought the first step was get in the car Yankee. We went to meetings of places I never heard of before since I think they just created them for me to go there.

And uh but this fear thing is perhaps there's a better way. It says here we think so. If we're now on a different basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God.

There's that God thing again. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. Once again, self is the problem.

We in the world play the role he assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think he would have us and humbly rely on him does he enable us to match calamity with serenity. And that's the name of the game here.

Serenity. We pray for it all the time. And then I go say, well, I'm going to go be seren now.

Same way in the 11th step of St. Francis prayer. Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Well, I'm going to be an instrument of his peace now. I'm going to bring light where there's darkness. Huh?

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength.

Spirituality, real men get spiritual. Now, the third step isn't let's get spiritual. Third step is let's start relying on God.

The spirituality comes when I get out of the way is the verdict of the ages that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God.

We never apologize for God. Instead, we let him demonstrate through us what he can do. Now, I heard I was I went to It's amazing what happens in AA.

I was working for Pat Robertson for a couple years doing television news for the 700 Club. Isn't it amazing how a blasphemous person can end up working for the Christian Broadcast Network and uh funny thing happened there. My wife left me, second wife left me.

First it was hell. I mean, I divorced a couple of times, couldn't hold down a job. That was after I got sober.

Uh but I was down there and uh a guy come up to me and he said, "Mike, you know how it is. It's kind of like it happens in sobriety sometimes, but down when you're working with new Christians, they get saved on Tuesday, start preaching on Wednesday." I'm walking down the hall. I'm This boy comes to me.

She says, "Brother Mike," I said, "Yes, Brother Billy." He said, "I'm talking to the Lord. He had I I got a message for you from the Lord." I said, "Now wait a minute." I said, 'I'm an alcoholic and I got to talk to the Lord every morning and seek his will. What is it you think that he held back from me that is saving for you to tell me?

Or might I say, what is it you want me to do and stop blaming God for it? So, I don't get these word acknowledges real quick about what everybody else is doing. But there's something here that I want to share with you.

And because I've heard it in the room sometimes, fear is a lack of faith. And I say to that, BS. If we didn't have any faith, we wouldn't pray the serenity prayer, which asks us for asks for courage.

Nowhere in this book do I see that fear is a lack of faith. And I checked the big big book, too. It says, "Perfect love casts out all fear." Fear might be a lack of love, but not certainly not a lack of faith or a lack of the ability to receive the love that's available in my case.

And that's what it was. That was my fear. And I was afraid of everything.

And now the solution, and I pondered this for years, we asked him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us do. No, be. What would we have us be?

And I was pondering that. I was working in the prison system down in North Carolina a few years ago and I took had to take a little time out for uh open heart surgery and they were kind enough to give me two months off without pay. So I had plenty of time to sit around and wonder where my next meal was coming from and deal with a big book in the 12 and 12.

And although I'm Catholic, I have a good strong concordance. You'll be happy to know you Baptists. And I was sitting there pondering this that I had for years.

And what would you have me be? And three words popped into my head. I looked them up in the concordance.

Those three words pop up 37 times in the Old and New Testament. So when something magnificent, everybody falls on the floor and the words coming from the entity there is be not afraid. That's what God would have me be is not afraid.

That's what this step is about being not afraid. At once the proof is the building is we commence to overcome walk through beat up no outgrow fear which means the fears that I brought into my alcoholism are the fears I had when I was a kid. I was a 35-year-old man reacting as a child.

All the old fears I placed in anything that happened to me and I reacted with those fears of authority of anything of lack of love of being inconsistent of being incapable of being not worthy. All those fears I dragged in from my childhood and they weren't given to me. The ones I developed by myself.

Self is the problem. The solution is this loving God that I found in the second tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous. The solution here is God.

The problem is fear. The solution is God. The problem is anger, resentment.

The solution is God. Can it's in this book. I'm not making this up.

So, let's move on to see X. I told you I grew up not knowing anything about that. So there was another book talk about fear.

Oh man, we do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. This is what I like about AA. They're not going to make any judgments on me or me.

Just kidding, folks. We all have sex problems. Oh god, I wish I had a sex problem today.

I I haven't been married in 19 years. I got these stinking sponsors who think that fornication and adultery are not part of my recovery program. But I remember, so I can do this.

We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about them? Once again, here's the problem.

What can we do about our sex problems? We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. And all we want to know is where had we been?

Doesn't care who with, how many times, what, you know, you know about the zebra and the steely jaw and the whip and all that. Doesn't care about Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate every time? It was all about me.

Was it good for me, too? Yeah. Whom had we hurt?

Well, I've never been accused of hurting anybody, unfortunately. Hurt emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Whom had we hurt?

Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness? Now, women are better at that than men cuz they look better to come out looking hot and go somewhere and look over the table and you see nine guys are looking at your chick arous fear. What a fear.

She's leaving. She's leaving tomorrow. And what I did, I had so many fears.

I made it sure that they all left eventually to prove myself my inadequacy. I would drive them out. See, I knew you'd never stay.

Where were we at fault? What should we have done instead? Here we go.

We got this down on paper. You know what that means? It's like writing it down in black and white.

We got it down on paper. On paper, that means write it. Same way with the fears.

We write them down. So we got three lists so far, don't we? But what we've got is three solutions as well.

I love I work with young guys. In this way, we try to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. Well, I'm willing.

But an ideal is not a person. An ideal is my behavior. How am I going to be?

I have many, many intimate relationships with women that do not conclude sex. It's kind of scary when your reputation is shot. I did a big book study with seven women.

They asked me to lead a big book study. They asked me to lead this. And towards the end of the meetings when we kind of they would talk women things as though I was one of them.

And I heard some stuff that I didn't know women knew about. But the blow to my ego was that that they had no fear of me as a sexual being. I call them my support hoes.

Oh god, I'm glad I'm getting old. And here's the solution again. It's God.

God wants it. Of course, as the 12 and 12 points out, and we'll talk about briefly in the sixth step, all my desires for sex, security, and society are God-given and therefore good. What I did with him was not swell.

But this is what we're as we're beginning the transformation begins. If you notice, we have to be changed. And the change doesn't begin up in step six and step seven.

It begins in the second step when we finally decide that there might be something outside of ourselves which can help us. That's the beginning of the transformation process. God does not make too hard terms with those who earnestly seek him.

My job is to do the seeking. That's all. My job is do the seeking.

And the thing that I learned about this loving God, he is not going to force his will upon me. He has perfect all power and perfect humility. He's willing to wait for me until I ask for these things and he's too just quickly uh to respond.

Girl came up to us this morning. Father Peter say I've lost my car key. She says pray to St.

Anthony. What? She walks up to she said oh.

30 seconds later she had her key. She came back say who is that guy? But prayer is a big thing for us alcoholics.

And it's no longer dear God, me me. It's thy will. What is thy will?

And God wants me to have a good time. Have you noticed I'm having a good time? I don't feel guilty about that.

I can be in the midst of loving people and accept it now cuz I don't deserve it. That's never been part of the deal with the love thing. You don't have to earn it.

You just have to learn how to receive it. This is a good place as any I've learned to learn that. is right here in the Brazis River Conference and the people here.

Well, we ask God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remember always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good. Neither to be used lightly or selfishly.

Here's that selfish again. or to be despised and loathed, whatever. I I I work with young guys.

And I love to torture them. God alone can judge our sex situation. I say to these young guys, "Isn't that great?

God alone can judge your sex situation." Isn't that good news? Oh, yeah. Yeah, man.

Yeah. Here's the bad news. God will judge your sex situation.

Of course, to say that it doesn't, but I just like to torture you. And there's nothing about meditation. You hear people say, shows up several times in this book, that prayer is talking to God and meditation is listening.

says here we ask in meditation we ask God what we should do about each specific matter the right answer will come if we want it only if we want it but this meditation thing I found is kind of a silent nonverbal communication with this loving higher power that I found in alcoholics anonymous and I can go in there with a bunch of questions and not ask them and have them answered if that makes any sense to you all of a sudden I think it goes like this meditation thing goes starts with prayer, meditation, contemplation, like contemplating some of the words in the big book. We asked his protection and care with complete abandon. Where's the gray area there, Lord?

Uh there isn't one, but I can ask it. But that's followed occasionally by illumination. All of a sudden, we Oh.

Oh. This is part of the transformation process. We become to rely on this loving higher power.

This loving higher power including our sex thing. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice.

I love that. So what we've done here in the four step, we've we've built a little a little thing that we've got to work on. We've got solutions to three problems.

I've gone from a hater to a lover. Okay, that's a transformation. I've gone from a victim to a perpetrator.

That's a transformation. I've gone from a fearful person to a man of courage. I'm I know who to ask for help in my fearful times.

And I've gone from a deviated prevert to someone who is willing to understand that there are two people involved in sex. Selfishness is not part of the deal. Oh, hell.

And this is this is part of the transformation process. It's taking me out of this isolation that I've been in all this time. I've rambled on for a long time about the fourth step cuz I think it's a kick-ass step.

Then we come to the fifth step, which I was never going to do. Like Dr. Bob, I wasn't going to air my dirty laundry in public.

But I knew once I read this thing that I might not get over drinking unless I did this or what it says in this book. But what happens in step five is you just do it. And what's wonderful about the the uh the 12 and 12.

It helps you break down all your resistance to doing this step as it does step four. It just helps you break down the resistance to doing this step. And it's very very helpful.

But how do we do it? Here's what the big book says. We pocket our pride and go to it.

How about the time factor here? Uh what do you mean go to it? It means go to it.

Means like right now immediately once you've done your fourth step. And uh nowhere in this literature have I read where we once again take our pride out of our pocket. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.

Every Does that mean there's some wiggle room there? No. All of it.

Which tells you I've done more than one fourth and fifth step. Cuz my first one, I was still crazy. And the thing is, as long you stay sober, the more will be revealed to you that you were screwed up in some areas that we just never even looked at before.

So, I've done more than one, fourth, and fifth step. And when I take these people through the big book, I'll be starting my fifth one this year in a next in a couple weeks. We don't just read or study the 12 the big book.

We do it. We do the suggestions in the first 106, which means I will embark on my fifth, fourth, and fifth step this year because I'm not going to ask somebody else to do something I'm not willing to do myself. I'm happy to say that the fourth step gets a little smaller.

If you do it five times a year, it'll get smaller. And here are the promises. Once we've taken this step on withholding nothing, we are delighted.

We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us.

We begin to feel the nearness of our creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.

We feel we're on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. That is not how I entered Alcoholics Anonymous. Walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe.

But that can be dangerous. So there's a caveat in step five in the 12 and 12 which I think is really important and it tells us that going it alone in spiritual matters can be dangerous. And I'll find it here.

Yes. How many times have we heard well-intentioned people claim the guidance of God like the kid that told me he had a word for knowledge for me? When it was still all too plain that they were sorely mistaken, lacking both practice and humility, they had deluded themselves and were able to justify the most errant nonsense on the ground that this was what God had told them.

It is worth noting that people of very high spiritual development almost always insist on checking with friends or spiritual advisers the guidance they feel they have received from God. Surely then a novice ought not by lay himself open to the chance of making foolish perhaps tragic blunders in this fashion. While the comment or advice of others may by no means be infallible, is likely to be far more specific than any direct guidance we may receive while we are still so inexperienced in establishing contact with a power greater than ourselves.

That's why I have a sponsor. That's why I got my friend Keith, the prayer partner. And that's when it's matters of my personal spiritual beliefs, my religious beliefs.

That's why I have a pastor. I don't confuse the whole deal. I get my AA stuff to my AA people.

I take my personal beliefs to someone who's an expert in that matter. But I don't go it alone. That's scary, man.

I was alone my whole life. And I can be wrong. It's nice to know when I hear the, "Oh, I got a word of knowledge.

Oh, look out." It's usually the clamoring of my own spirit. This is what Mikey wants today. Okay, God.

I've learned the difference between God's permissive will and God's perfect will. They're very far apart. I can crash and burn.

Can I crash and burn? Well, sure. Go ahead, son.

Now, this brings us to step six. Now, if you read the book, when do you do step six and seven? Within an hour after doing step five.

What has happened to step a month club? You know, if you read the big book backer, Bill, the the third the third alcoholic member of AA that was to become AA did the third step while he's still in a hospital bed. And if you read the stories in the back, these guys within just a few weeks and months were out carrying the message.

They must have done something like they were given the gift of desperation. And if you're not desperate, get that way if you're new, cuz this is going to save your life. And let's get on with it.

Let's get on with it. Let's do these steps. Let's Why would you not want the gift of a spiritual awakening?

The transformation that's going to allow us to live a soul, a sane, whole, and happy existence regardless of what's going on. Uh this is wonderful. taking this book down from the shelf and of course most of them have to put it back up on the shelf and take it down again following instructions.

Turn to the page page 58 59 60 uh which contains the 12 steps carefully reading. So we check it out right. Have we got have we done this fifth step right?

Then we're into these step six business. We got two small paragraphs. If we can answer to our satisfaction we then look at step six.

We have emphasized willingness is being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can he now take them all?

Every one. If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. Willingness is a key.

We're told through this whole thing. I the guys I sponsor, I do not let them do a fifth step until they have read the six and seven step and the 12 and 12. It's full of good stuff to tell you not how to do it, but what's really involved in this thing.

It takes another review of the seven deadly sins of which I am prone to be guilty. Pride, anger, lust, envy, greed, gluttony, and sloth. We take a look at those things and say, "This is what I want to do." But the beautiful thing in step six and the 12 and 12, I think, is that I overlooked for a long time until Keith and Sandy and those guys got me really reading this thing and meditating on what these words are.

This is the step that separates the men from the boys, the women from the girls. I mean, this was all inclusive language in those days. And what does that mean?

Well, as we go through here in step six, one, let's check this out. Sex, security, anxiety. My problem was these were God-given things, but I was trying to overdose on them.

Since most of us are born with an abundance of natural desires, it isn't strange that we often let these far exceed their intended purpose. Story of my life. When they drive us blindly, there we are.

The blindly thing again, emotions, okay, by needs, they drive us blindly or we willfully demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible or do us more than I deserve, more that's possible. I was out there. Give me more, you know, more younger women, faster horses, more money, whatever the hell it went, you know, that kind of thing.

Or was it looser women? I don't know. It is at the point when we demand that they supply us with more satisfactions or pleasures than are possible orders.

That is the point at which we depart from the degree of perfection that God wishes for us here on this earth. That is a measure of our character defects. Or if you wish, here's a word you never hear anymore, our sin, which is just falling short of the degree of perfection God wishes for us here on earth.

It was my separation from God that kept me drunk. My problem was not drinking. My problem was self.

I had never surrendered my will to this loving higher power. And when I did that, wonderful things happened. When I began to surrender on a daily basis, when I began to ask for the help with these drives, sex, security, and society on a daily basis, they were no longer running my life.

My share is plenty. when and if I no longer need all that stuff to satisfy my overaggressive desires and wants and needs all perceived perceived need is something the guy told me a long time ago that the name of the game in the spiritual life is try to get your wants and your needs as close together as possible if I ever get to the point where I want what I have and nothing else I will have arrived I will float you'll be able to see through me I'll be yet. So, I'm kind of winding down on this and step six is all it is is getting ready to be not changed but transformed into in I've got this just my own theory.

So, it's not in the big book but I believe as Thomas Merin said when he in his book on contemplative prayer said who am I? And I think he was referring to Genesis and when God spoke everything into existence. God said let there be this and there was that and it was very good.

Right? And I think what we're doing now is one day God said let there be sansancy and there was sansancy and it was very good. But somewhere along the line it was a big book in the 12th and 12.

I took a jarring shock to whatever I was became something else. I became this guy who is not a guy who's acting like he was created in the likeness and image of his creator. So this transformation for me is not going to something new but was something that I started out to be at the beginning which was not junk.

He said I believe is who am I? I am a word uttered by the mouth of my creator. Could anything spoken by God be insignificant?

So, if you're new here and you think you're insignificant, you're wrong. You're here on purpose. You are a creation, a loving creation, a loving higher power.

And all you have to do is soak up this love here. And I'm going to wind this thing up by uh doing uh having prepared ourselves. The sixth step is always about getting ready.

It's not a gimme like some people say. Takes a little work to do the six step to be prepared to be changed by this loving higher power. Put myself in a changeable mode submitting myself to this loving higher power.

And the nice thing at the back of this thing of what it means about separating the men from the boys. Check this out. Therefore, it seems plain that few of us can quickly or easily become ready to aim at spiritual and moral perfection, which is what the step suggests.

We want to settle for only as much perfection as will get us by in life according of course to our various and sunundry ideas of what will get us by. So the difference between the boys and the men and here's the difference is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective. I'm like this.

I don't be like this. I want to be like that. I want to be like her.

I want to be like him. Give God a chance here. He might want to take me further than that.

Further than my self-determined objective. I want to go on this ride. We're willing to grow along spiritual lines.

Where am I willing to stop? I'm not. And these steps help me not be willing to stop.

I'm willing to go wherever he takes me. So the difference between the boys and the men is the difference between striving for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of God. That loving higher power that I found in these rooms in these people and that I depend on every day of my life.

Uh this is an amazing thing. So, what I'd really like to do is wind up if I can figure out where I am. I know it's in here.

Oh, yes. When ready for the seven step. I don't want to end on something I say.

I want to end on something the big book says. My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad, incomplete. I pray that you now remove for me every single defect of character, sin, which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.

Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding. Amen. We have then completed step seven.

Thank you. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day.