“It Came Out of Every Hole in My Head” 😂 – AA Speaker – Rick W.
AA speaker Rick W. describes hitting rock bottom through a graphic moment of physical degradation—and his shocking lack of shame about it. A stark portrait of denial.
Rick W. is an AA speaker whose story cuts straight to the heart of how denial works in late-stage alcoholism. In this talk, he describes a moment on the side of a road where his body physically rejected alcohol in one of the most humiliating ways possible—yet he felt nothing but inconvenience. That gap between what should have been a turning point and his complete inability to see it as one reveals everything about how the disease operates.
Rick W. shares a shocking moment from his drinking days when he vomited so violently while driving that the physical reaction came out of every opening in his head, yet he felt no shame—only inconvenience about having to clean up. The AA speaker uses this graphic story to illustrate the power of denial and the alcoholic’s obsession with continuing to drink no matter what. Rick’s inability to be mortified by absolute degradation shows how far the disease will take someone before surrender becomes possible.
Episode Summary
Rick W. opens this AA speaker talk with one of the most visceral and unflinching descriptions of late-stage alcoholism you’ll hear. He’s driving down the road, drinking whiskey, when his body begins to reject it. What follows is a moment of such complete physical breakdown that vomit comes out not just his mouth, but his nose, ears—everywhere. His fingers go up on the windshield. His clothes are covered. And in the same moment, he fills his pants with wine. It’s degrading beyond measure.
But here’s what makes Rick’s story stick: he wasn’t mortified. He wasn’t shamed into action. He was *inconvenienced*.
That one word—inconvenience—is the entire disease right there. Rick had just experienced something so physically revolting that it should have broken through any denial. Instead, his brain calculated only one thing: *I need to get home, clean this up, and get back to drinking.* Because what he got from alcohol—the relief, the escape, the numbing—was worth more than dignity, worth more than his body rebelling against him, worth more than anything else.
This is the cunning part of alcoholism that newcomers sometimes don’t understand. Rock bottom doesn’t announce itself with shame or horror. For many, it arrives quietly, or not at all, until the moment they finally stop. Rick’s moment on the side of that road had all the ingredients of a turning point. Instead, it was just another inconvenience to manage around the real priority: the drink.
The AA speaker uses this story early in his talk to set up a fundamental truth about the disease: it doesn’t care how low you go. It doesn’t care how degraded you become. It will rationalize anything, reframe anything, minimize anything—as long as the drinking continues. That’s the power of it. That’s why willpower doesn’t work. That’s why people need the fellowship, the steps, and the God of their understanding to stand a chance.
Rick’s delivery is matter-of-fact, almost darkly funny in places, because he’s looking back at it from the other side. He’s not wallowing in the horror of what he was—he’s showing you what the disease actually looks like when it’s in full control. And for anyone who’s been there, who’s experienced that same gap between what should have broken them and what actually did, this talk lands hard.
Notable Quotes
It came out of every hole in my head.
I’d like to be able to tell you that I was mortified. But I was inconvenienced—because I needed to get what I got from alcohol.
I was going to go home, clean this up, and continue on with my life the way that it was.
If you’re an alcoholic, you know what I’m talking about. I needed to get that.
Denial
Alcoholism
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Hitting Bottom
- Denial
- Alcoholism
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
it would have a loosening effect on my bowels and um and whiskey always wanted to make me throw up till I get some in me. Right. So, I was headed out.
I think it was a Wednesday night. I don't know why I remember that. But I'm driving down the street and I'm trying to drink whiskey and I'm going to have to throw up and I pull off to the side of the road and I did get off to the side of the road, but I didn't get the door open and I threw up.
And um I didn't want to get it on the inside of my car, so I I uh seemed like a good idea at the time, but uh it um it came out of every hole in my head, you know what I mean? Threw my fingers up on the windshield, all over the front of me, out of my ears. I really believe I think there is a tube that goes there, but it was just a horrible mess.
And um and at the same time, I filled my pants with Boone Farm Apple Wine. And and I'd like to be able to sit here tonight or stand here tonight and tell you that I was mortified. That that was a humiliating point of my life.
And I got to tell you that I was uh inconvenienced is what I was, you know, um because this meant I had to go home and I wasn't going to stop doing what I was doing. I was going to go home, clean this up, and continue on with my life the way that it was because I needed to get what I need what I got from alcohol. You know, I you know what I'm talking about if you're an alcoholic.
I needed to get that. And so I threw up a little bit, you