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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. I make it a point never to try and put words in the mouth of another alcoholic, but having just met Robbie, I uh I can imagine that at some point in time, somebody may have told him to go to hell. And that when he got off the aircraft and stepped out into the balmy, South Dakota weather, he could imagine that it finally came true.

Robbie Hails from the wonderful state of New Jersey and I think we're particularly fortunate and blessed tonight to have him here as a speaker. So I'm asking you all to help me and provide Robbie with a warm Wednesday night welcome. >> Good evening everybody.

My name's Robbie and I'm an alcoholic. >> Let's try it again. Good evening everybody.

My name is Robbie and I'm an alcoholic. >> There you go. Bring that right spirit into the evening.

Uh I am so grateful to be here tonight. Uh so grateful to be um hanging out with other recovering alcoholics and and friends of ours. And uh so grateful um I haven't found it necessary to pick up a drink, a drug, a moodtering substance since November 1st of 1983.

And that's through I was like this guy's age over here. I was like Elliot's age. But anyway, um and that's through the grace of God, the fellowship of AA, strong sponsorship, and that's why I'm still here today.

It's good to see Lisa R here. I served with Lisa R up in New York, a little service position we had back in 1998, 1999. And I want to so thank my boy in the back, Johnny G.

Mandy, what what a great job he did. I don't think he was ready for me, but uh he thought he was just going to like call me once and email me once and once I said yes, it was over with. But I I sort of like I kind of liked him.

So I took him hostage for a little while for a few months and emailed him a lot, called him a lot. He's like, "Yeah, I'm still here and you had a meeting still going on." But uh and uh I just wanted to know a few things and I watched the weather and all that stuff. And I left New Jersey was 51° and sunny.

What was I thinking? And I know what I was thinking. I was thinking uh you know I was coming out to hang out with you guys.

Um the neat thing about being up here, you know, my best part of Alcoholics Anonymous is being a worker, is being a trusted servant. For many, many years, that's all I did. I I did what you guys did here tonight.

I made the coffee. I drove speakers around. I I set up tables and chairs for assemblies and conferences and roundups and and whatever my sponsor told me to do, I did.

Who's here? because our sponsor told him to come tonight. Anybody?

Good. Good. That's great.

Good. Yeah, I met all these guys from where you guys from Jamesburg. Is that how you say that?

Where you from? James Town. And And they're all like, "Yeah, we're glad we're here." And one guy said, "I don't want to be here." So, I appreciate that.

Good honesty, dude. I like that. And uh that's how I would have been, man, but all right, I'll go.

Where you going? Another diner. You got to be kidding me.

You know, I'm an exciting guy. I want to go to diners. Let's um just for a moment, why don't we just all bow our heads just for a moment.

I like at this time to ask our higher power, our loving God to come into the room. Um I if we haven't done that already, I'd just like to ask him to come into my heart so that I can speak the language of the heart here this evening and as well to come into your hearts so that we can all listen hopefully uh to a message of of hope that AA can deliver. And we'll meet back here in just a few seconds.

Thank you everybody. Um, it takes the pressure off of me. Now hopefully I'll speak the language of the heart that uh Bill W talked about.

I'm from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. So I can speak the language of the gutter like that. Remember remember Rocky?

Yo, Adrian over here. Your your sister's over here tonight. You know, I like that.

I can talk like that. I have no problem with that. I'm a Philadelphia Eagles season ticket holder.

So, if any of you guys are getting text messages about the game, just let me know. Go 73 or I'm okay with that. My birds are playing.

I'm a season ticket holder. I have a good time. I love sobriety.

That'll probably come out tonight. Um, just the way I am. There's actually a lot of people on a that don't like me.

You know what I mean? Some sponses that don't like me. And uh uh because I like to answer the bell.

I like to do whatever whatever I had to do for victory over alcohol, you know. And sometimes that means doing the mundane jobs. Sometimes that means sitting in smoke filled rooms, at least where I'm from.

Sometimes that means going to business meetings, you know. Sometimes that means listening to a newcomer after a meeting, you know, instead of going home to my wife and baby, you know. Sometimes it means whatever it has to take, you know, to to stay away from that first fatal drink.

Um, tonight I I I really believe tonight I'm going to give you really God's story. Sometimes people say, "I'm going to give you my story." Well, it's not really my story because my story would have ended up in a penitentiary or would have ended up dead somewhere in the gutter, you know. So, really, this is this is, you know, God's story took over on October 31st of 1983 when I asked to come into AA, you know.

So, hopefully that's what I'm going to give you here tonight. Um, I don't it's so cool because I don't have any big shotism. I really don't.

Like, I'm one of those guys that I'm just like I'm still amazed that people call me and ask me to speak somewhere. Every time they do that, I'm like totally amazed. Um, I tell my sponsors, you know what I mean?

And and most important, I I you know, this is just another way of carrying the message. I just assume be home at my home group tonight with my guys. I belong to the stage coach group of Alcoholics Anonymous.

We're from a little uh short town called Ocean View, New Jersey. All right. My group meets five times a day, Monday through Friday.

And on Saturday and Sunday, we meet six times a day. We're serious. You know, you can't belong to my home group and say, "Uh, I couldn't make it to a meeting today." You know, I mean, you could work, you could be in a great relationship and all.

It don't matter. You can still make a meeting. You know, we got them from 10:00 in the morning till 10 at night.

You can make a meeting if you need to make a meeting. And that's and that's the way I drank. I drank and did all that other stuff all the time.

I don't know about you guys, but there was never a bad time for a drink. Any anybody can relate to that? Okay.

The two Alons, you don't relate. That's okay. Um, but there was never a bad time for a drink.

Just like there's a never a bad time uh for a cup of coffee, man. My wife My wife thinks I'm crazy. My wife's like one of those Alanon people, like just normal, you know what I mean?

She doesn't really get sometimes like I go to conventions and conferences and I'm up at like 5 in the morning to go to the early bird meeting. She's like, "What are you doing?" It's like we're out here at this nice resort and you're going to a meeting at this Alleno club. What are you thinking?

You know, but that's just the way I am. I I I enjoyed the Allen Oo club uh uh today at 12:00 noon at Alberine cuz I got sober at an Allen Oo club in uh Kalamazoo, Michigan. You'll hear about that.

Uh it was great. Johnny and and Jimmy p me up at the airport. You know, I saw I was looking for I get off the plane and I'm dressed like this cuz I worked that day.

I had to work half a day on Friday. So, I got his suit on and I got my overcoat and I guess I didn't look like an alcoholic cuz these two guys are just stand there like looking around and I'm looking at him and I saw Jim and I said, "Oh, that must be them." And uh and what? And uh at what?

No, no, cuz he was looking at me, you know, you guys are bad. And uh love you. I told you I was going to get you.

And uh and so then anyway, I get into Albert Aberdine. I got to say that right. I got into Aberdine.

Is that right? At 10:30 at night. Was it 10:30 or 11:30 at night?

Friday night, long day in the office, and these guys are like, "Hey, we're going to go out to the diner." I was like, "All these people want to meet you." And I'm like, "Whoa, this is weird." So, I go to the diner and and and all these guys were here, you know, all these crazy guys and just hanging out and drinking coffee, guys. And that was really cool. It really reminded me of my home group.

So, that that was great fellowship. And finally, at about 5:00 this morning, I I I got to sleep. And uh man, we had like 12 pots of coffee at 11:15 at night.

Wow. Some things don't change. You know what I mean?

But uh but it's really been a great time. I want to thank the hospitality of everybody here and it's so great to be here. Um carrying the message of Alcoholics Anonymous.

This isn't my message. I have no axes to grind up here. I'm not one of those guys that have any statements to make that isn't already in my big book or in my 12 and 12.

If you came here to hear anything profound, you might be in the wrong place. I I I belong to a fellowship called Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's perfect just the way it is. You know, my way was so bad, man.

When I came in here, when I came crawling in here on October 31st of 83 on Halloween, man, I was drunk. I hated myself. I wanted to kill myself.

I wanted to die and all. So, who am I to try to change this deal? You know, it was working just good in 1983.

And it's and because I look at things through a new set of glasses, it's working even better today. So, I'm not going I don't think I'm going to ruffle any feathers here. Unless you're not one of those people that really love Alcoholics Anonymous, then you might not like me too much and just call your sponsor and get over it.

I love what Bill says in our big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And there is a solution. He says, "We're like the passengers on a great ship liner.

The moment after shipwreck, okay, where joyousness, camaraderie, and democracy pervade the vessel." I think what Bill's saying is a lot of us were out there and we're beaten and battered by the storms of alcoholism, you know, and but then all of a sudden we land on this island called Alcoholics Anonymous. And isn't that great? Wouldn't that be great if Bill just ended that part right there?

We made it here. Wouldn't that be great? Hey, did you drink like me, Don?

Yeah, I did. GOOD. YOU'RE GOING TO a meeting tomorrow?

Yeah. You going? Yeah, I'll be there, too.

Could you imagine if that's all it was? That we just had a common denominator that we were major drinkers and we ruined we our parents hated us and we and we we we drank away great lives and we did all wouldn't that be something? But that unfortunately Bill put another paragraph in there and what he said is that is only one of the powerful elements of cement that holds us together as we are here today.

Our stories. I'm going to tell you my story. Okay, I'm going to tell you my story and that but that's only one of the powerful elements of cement.

That's the catalyst that gets us all here to meet together to allow God to come into our lives somehow. But then he says the tremendous fact is that we found a common solution, one in which we can agree and join in brotherly and harmonious action. And that's what I seen here tonight.

That's what he says. That ain't me. So I got to talk about that tonight, too.

I got to talk about the, you know, how I joined AA, how I learned how to go to these diners with you people, you know, how I had to learn to go to these business meetings, you know, that I really didn't like. Anybody here not like business meetings? Be honest.

Good. Good. You're in the right place.

Oh, by the way, um, everybody in the front row, raise your hand real fast. Okay, Lisa, a little. Okay, that's the sick row.

Everybody say hi to the sick row. Now, everybody in the back row, raise your hand. That's the inventory row back there.

Thanks, guys. We appreciate that. And uh look at all there's always seats up front whenever I share.

It's so funny. But you never get a seat in the back, man. They're all packed back there.

I'm a front row dude, man. I just am. I'm always afraid I'm going to miss something.

I don't know what it is, man. Could you imagine? Now, listen to this.

Now, just stay with my logic for a second. Say you, whoever your favorite group is, like say mine is the Rolling Stones. Could you imagine if I got two tickets to Rolling Stones and the ticket agent said?

The ticket agent said, "You could sit anywhere you want. You think I'd sit in the back row?" I don't think so. I'd be right up front, baby.

I don't want to miss nothing. So that's when I come to Alcoholics Diamonds, man. I'm a front row dude, man.

Straight up. So if you ever see me at a a convention or a conference or a roundup or even in my home group, I sit up front. They know that, you know, so it's all good.

So if you're up front, man, I like you guys. Good job. um my story or God's story, man.

You know, I come from Philadelphia, okay? I come from a you know, I told you where I come from. I come from a a a Catholic family.

You know, we're all different. My mom and dad, man, my mom and dad didn't have a problem with booze or any of that other stuff. My god, my mom and dad hugged me.

My mom and dad loved me. I know not everybody's stories like this. We're all different, man.

I come from a family that just loved me to death, man. I went to eight years of Catholic schooling. I was an altar boy, man.

I rang the bells when the priest raised the chalice in the host. I was a good kid. I sang Kumbaya, my lord.

I mean, I did all that stuff, man. I I clapped the erasers for the nuns. I'm not like a recovering Catholic.

I love Catholic school. I really did. Everything was great that this is pre-alcohol, mind you, right?

Then all a sudden something happened. I was 8th grade summer and I was on the way down to a Yes concert for all you people over 45. That's a rock and roll group.

Okay. I'm on the way to a yes concert, right? And uh and what were we doing?

We were doing shots of southern comfort and eating nacho cheese Dorito corn chips. Oh, great going down but not good coming up. It's just that simple.

And so I first drunk, man. First drunk on the way to a Yes concert. Everything was going great until Roundabout came on.

Remember Roundabout? Roundabout Roundabout came on and I projectile vomited on this dude right in front of me, man. And he didn't think it was funny, but um and I passed out like a lot of us do.

See, I'm not like one of those like social drinkers. I just drink like more, you know, more means like, okay, you got more. Yeah.

It's like like like 1:00 in the morning, the party's over and like I'm one of those guys like where are we going? You know what? You got you're going home.

Like why would you go home? So I'm one of those guys. I just drank my first drunk.

I got sick. I got home and my mom looked at me. I'm I'm I'm I'm eighth grade to ninth grade.

I'm I'm a 12 and a half year old. And my mom looked at me and she said, "What's wrong with you?" And and the sad part was I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I was drunk. See, I got another different part of my story that's not like a lot of alcoholics.

I fit in growing up. I was the quarterback on the football team. I was the shooting guard on the basketball team.

I played shortstop on the baseball team. I fit in. I on hockey, I was right winger, man.

We played street hockey in Philadelphia. I fit in everywhere. I HAD FRIENDS AT my You know what?

I didn't have any problems. You know, SOME PEOPLE SAY, "OH, LIFE WAS HORRIBLE. I never fit in.

I picked up a drink and ah, not my story. I fit in. I had friends." Here's my story, though.

Here's what happened when I picked up a drink. I picked up a drink and and I and I love that effect. Can anybody relate to that?

That's in That's in the doctor's opinion. I drank for effect. So, what did I have to do when I finally got here to AA?

I had to I had to get some effect from you people. And thank God you guys gave it to me. It says on page 151 of the big book.

If that bothers you, I know a page. Just get over it. But it says on it says on 151 of the big book, you know, ever hear some people say, "Well, I don't want you to think I'm a big book thumper, but I'm not afraid of nobody in here." You know, this these books saved my life.

So, if I quote them, I might quote them. So, on 151, it says it says, "Uh, yeah, I know I'm consigned." This is a newcomer speaking. It say He says, "Yeah, I know I'm consigned uh to a life of having to stay sober." kind of like when we know we got to be here but we don't want to be here.

It's like, "Okay, I'm here. Whatever." I'm not smiling. I'm not laughing.

I'm not sitting up front and I'm not drinking that horrible coffee, but I'm here. Okay, just leave me alone. You're Don't push it.

Well, so this dude's like that. And he says, "So, so, but am I cosigned to to being a stupid and boring and having a horrible life? Don't you have a substitute for the exciting life I had?" That's pretty much what he says.

And the guy answers and says, "Yes, we do. We have a substitute. It's called alcohol.

It's called the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Here you will find release from care, worry, and boredom." And then it says, "Here, your imagination will be fired." I don't know about you guys, it took a while, but finally my imagination got fired. I started having fun staying sober, and I so needed that.

I so love coming to AA no matter where I'm at. And and like last night, honestly, guys, when I came to that diner, what diner were we at? Whatever the >> Millstone Diner.

Thanks, dude. We were at the Millstone Diner and I went in there and I saw you guys laughing and having a good time. There you go.

Good to see you. Car is here and and and you guys were having fun. And I'm like, "Yes, I found my people." You see, because that's what attracted me when I was new.

If you guys were just sitting there, like I said, when I was you just sitting there like, you know what I mean? Like a click group of people that won't let others in. See, we're not a click and alcoholics anonymous, you know?

We're a bunch of people that that if you come in like, "Hey, how you doing? Who are you?" A lot of times you're like, "We're a little too nice to newcomers." The newcomers like, "Okay, leave me alone." Okay. Okay.

The court sent me here. Leave me alone. I'm cool, but don't push this crap on me.

You know, you're all smiling and smelling good and gez. But, uh, so I love that. But I love when I come here and I see I see a flame of Alcoholics Anonymous and I see that, you know, I see that smiles.

I see the laughter. And guess what? We see the crying.

Of course we do. We see we smell the alcohol on on members sometimes. And hopefully it's at those times that you're one of those members that are willing to go sit with that person, whether it be a man or a woman.

You know what I mean? But I'll tell you, man, when I was out there, man, I'll tell you what, I would have drank. You ever hear some of those people saying, "I wouldn't have drank with half you people.

I had a drank with all of you. Everyone here, male, female, you're not sure what you are. Let's have a drink and figure it out.

Yeah. You're like, I I WASN'T I WASN'T PREJUDICED. I drink with anybody, anyone, at any time, for any reason, all the time, you know, and uh that's just the way I was.

So, I try not to be like that in here. I try not to be like, well, I won't go to that meeting, you know? I try to get Hey, sometimes I go to meetings and I'm like, oh god, look who's here.

That's okay, man. you know, we we bring the right attitude towards AA. And uh so my story, I'm growing up and I'm drinking all through high school.

Now, I changed from the from a I was straight A student, first 8th grade, and then in high school, I went to a private Catholic high school, prep school, cuz I was smart and with all guys, and that was no good. And oh man, and a lot of these guys were all dressed nice and today they're attorneys and doctors and all that stuff. And like all I wanted to do was like take like courses like science fiction four and typing three.

Yo, is that a B, buddy? Where's the B? You know what I mean?

I'm all drunk in class, man. I don't care. I don't care about trigonometry, physics, and calculus.

I can't even spell that crap. I I want to have fun cuz I'm drinking. Now, if you can relate to that.

Now, if you're a newcomer and you're sitting out there, how about anybody working on like say their first six months of sobriety? Anybody here? Raise your hand.

Um, good good to see you guys. And I see some of you is laughing and and usually I see somebody sitting out there like when I speak and that's okay because we understand. We know there's nothing funny when you're brand new.

We know how you feel 100%. I know there's nothing to laugh about, you know, and that's good that you're here and it's good that you feel that. You know what I mean?

We've all been there. Don't give up, you know. Don't quit before the miracle happens.

You know, sometimes um we think that laughter and cheerfulness make for happiness. It says in the big book, in our big book, Bill says it says we are not a glum what? He says we absolutely insist on enjoying life cuz if the newcomers could see no joy in our existence, why would they want to stick around?

There's plent out there. There's plenty of unhappiness out there. There's plenty of that irritability and restlessness and discontent right out there back where we used to be.

Right, Raj? Right. Right out there.

Right, man. That dude sat next to me in the diner. Uh, never do that again, will you?

But um um but the reality of it is, man, you know what? Today, man, it's okay to come here and to be willing to let AA come into your life, to let people come in your life. It's okay to be a little enthusiastic with sobriety.

Um, I got taught by a a speaker that enthusiasm, the Greek word of enthusiasm is enthos and enthos in Greek means the god within. So when you see an enthusiastic member, whether he he's at work or whether he's a ball player or whether he's an alcoholic synonymous, he or she, it's because you you are w you're looking at their god. I'm sponsored by a guy named Reverend Edm from uh uh Davenport, Iowa.

Okay? And one time before he knew who I was and who I and I knew who he was. He got done speaking.

I'm balling. I'm bowling. I'm bowling.

I'm crying. I'm a crier. Sometimes I cry.

And And he just gave a killer message one night in New Jersey at our convention. I was a newer guy. Had like 10 years.

AND I'M CRYING. THANK YOU. YOU KNOW, ANTHONY, you meant so much to me.

And I said, I felt your God. And he looked at me and he pulled me out and he says, you felt my God because that's what you were looking for. You see?

And I like that. See, when I see in you your defects of character, when I see in you your shortcomings, when I see you in you your flaws, I believe that's what I'm looking for. You see, you know, today I got taught in alcoholics.

That's too easy. Stop looking for the flaws in alcohol economics. Stop looking for the flaws in our parents.

Stop looking for the flaws in in in the society at large. Look for what's right. It's a lot harder to do.

But I'll tell you, when you're happy and you're joyous and you have a respect for other people's viewpoints and opinions, it makes us much more useful to others. That's in the big book as well. So, in high school, I graduated.

All right. I went down to a place called Wildwood, New Jersey. That's called senior week.

We're all a parochial school senior week. And uh me and all my boys, now I'll tell you what my boy my my buddies uh nicknames were. I just could tell you I was a drinker.

Bones, Lumpy, and Killer. All right. I was Weasel.

was so funny. So, here it is. WE I HAD ON MY COAT, WEASEL ON MY COAT.

I JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS GREAT. And anyway, so me me, Bones, Lumpy, and Killer go down to the shore, right? Down to Wildwood, New Jersey for senior week.

You know, we're 18 years old. We're going to sew our wild oats. We're going to drink, right?

And all our girlfriends go down. Now, my little girlfriend's name was Barbie. Okay.

A and Bones, Lumpy, and Killer. They all their girlfriends were all Barbie's girlfriends. And so I remember I went to Barbie's hotel room the first night and I knocked on the door and she said, "Come in." So I go in now, my hat's on backwards.

I'm listening to AC/DC in the walk, man. On the highway to hell. Remember that song, MAN?

ON A HIGHWAY to hell. And I'm just on that road. I'm on that highway, man.

I'm a drinker and I'm just feeling no pain. I'm I'm leaving a keg to go get my girl to take her to a bar. And she looked at me in the eye and she said, "Sit down." Now, I don't know about you, but when I when you're in a jackpot, you kind of know it.

Even if you're drunk, you know what I mean? So, I sat down and I looked like into that room and like four of her girlfriends were all like peeking out and I'm thinking, "This is not good." You know what I mean? You know, you girls when you support each other, man, that's not a good thing, man.

You know what I mean? So, yeah. You know, so so I sit down with Barb and she looks me in the eye.

She's 18. I'm 18. And she says to me, "Robbie, you drink too much for me now.

You girls can all help me with the end of this. Okay, please. And I'm going to have to go in a different direction.

That's right. Who said that? Yeah.

Very good. Very good. Yeah.

Good. And that's what she said. I'm going to have to go in a different direction, you know.

And and I said, now I wanted to say I thought about saying, Barbie, we've had so many special times together. We've experienced a lot of things for the first time. We've been to the junior prom, the senior prom together.

I really love you a lot and I'm going to stop drinking this week for you. And instead, what I said was, "Really?" And I just walked away like a country song, man. You know what I mean?

And I walked away and I was downtrodden, man. I got back to bones lumping killer. And I said, and I said, "Guess what?" And they're like, "What, dude?

What's going on?" And they're like, I said, "Barb broke up with me. She's going to go in a different direction." And they WERE ALL LIKE, "YEAH, GREAT, MAN. THAT'S AWESOME.

LET'S PARTY. NOW, if you're my age, if you're in your 40s, you remember Animal House. Yeah, man.

And I was like, John Bolution, Animal House. I'M LIKE, COOL. LET'S PARTY, MAN.

SO, a four-year relationship in 4 minutes was gone. Why? My upper my my my inner child.

I don't think so. It was because of booze. I didn't for one sec.

And we do it to our parents, okay? We do it to our girlfriends or our if you're a woman to our boyfriends. We do it to our husbands, our wives, our kids.

You know, anything that comes in front of alcohol ends up uh anything in front of alcohol becomes a distant second because alcohol is always up front, you know, and that's just the way it is. And we don't mean no disrespect. We don't, you know, we doesn't mean we don't love you.

It doesn't mean we don't care about you. It just means what we read and how it works. That fellow came up here and read how it works.

You can help me with it if you like. I like getting you involved. It says, "Remember we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, and power." Let's try it again.

It says, "Remember, we deal with alcohol. Cunning, baffling, and powerful, and without help, it is too much for us. But there is one who has all power.

That one is. >> May you find him now." Alcohol was so cunning, baffling, and powerful. I wasn't stopping for Barb.

I wasn't stopping for the teachers. I wasn't stopping for the priests. I wasn't stopping for my mom and dad.

And I wasn't even stopping for my little sister because I'm drinking just the way it is. And uh yeah, sometimes un you hear in in the rooms about denial and all that sounds good, but it's a little it's a little bit of a light word. Okay.

What we talk talk about in our big book is delusion and illusion. There's a difference. See, denial means that you kind of know it's wrong in the back of your mind, but you're just denying it.

Delusion is you're doing it. You have absolutely no idea how messed up you are. And that's the difference.

And that's what an alcoholic is. Straight up. I was in a delusion.

I just thought that man, this booze, that was everything. I did not see that it was taking my education away. I did not see that it was taking my girlfriend away.

I did not see it was taking my parents away. I didn't see that it was taking my ambition away. And in the end, I did not see that it was eventually going to take my sanity.

You know, all I saw was fun and a drink. That's all I saw. And I can't explain that, you know.

I'm not a psychologist. I can just tell you my story. And this is what happened.

So, I got a job at a bank. You can see this is going to go in a bad direction, can't you? I had good SATs.

I'm a smart kid. So, I had good SATs. And my my guidance counselor in high school got me a job at a bank.

Now, I'm 18 years old. I'm a graduate of high school of a Catholic private prep high school. And I'm a bank teller.

And on the first day, the vice president sits down and he says, "Robbie, good news. Um, we like your marks. We've got good reports from you from your high school counselors." On and on and on.

And, uh, better news, we're going to send you to Temple University at Broaden Colombia in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And, uh, if you get A's and B's, we're going to pay for it. And in fact, only thing you got to do is make it for 90 days probation.

I was doing good until he said that. And I but I was happy. I went home and told mom and dad and I'm going to go to temple.

Good good learning, higher learning. Man, I was excited. And I was 18 years old.

Okay. And uh but I'm an alcoholic. So everything was going good till like that Friday.

All right. And then that and and on that Friday, I was working with I don't know about you guys, but you can relate to this. I was working with four bank tower chicks and one was prettier than the next.

Man, stockings and skirts. And I just I'm 18 years old. Hormones are racing.

What a job, man. I was living large, man. And uh so I'm a bank teller and these four girls looked at me and they were like, "Hey, Robbie, we all go over to Froggies after work.

Would you like to go?" Now, allow me to explain. At 70s in Walnut in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, right across the street from this this uh financial institution I worked at was a a a green neon frog going across the sign all day. And it said, "Froggies, leap on in." I never leapt on out.

BUT UH BUT I WAS DYING TO LEAP ON in with these girls, especially with these girls. You know what I'm saying? So after work, I went over with these four cute girls and man, everything going everything is going great till about 7:00.

And then that really weird thing happens to non-alcoholics. They're like, "Uh, we're going." And I'm like, "Oh my god, you got to be kidding me. Where are you going?" They're like, "Um, we're starting to feel it." And you know how we are.

We got to drink right past that feeling. You know what I mean? That's like amateur stuff.

And I'm like, you got to be kidding me. Like, oh no, we got to work tomorrow and we got to, you know, blah blah blah. Like, oh my god.

So, anyway, see you later. And and I'd stay all night. I'm a last I'm a last call thing.

You know, I belong to this big group that I told you about. And after the 10:00 meeting, we had this one guy that used to go over to that light switch and turn the lights on and off until I went to the business meeting. I said, "Yo, that guy's giving me a bad head with that light thing." Flashback there.

Last call. But, um, I'M A LAST CALL GUY. I leave a bar at 1 in the morning and I'm 18 years old.

I'm not drinking now to impress the girls anymore. I'm not in drinking to impress the guys on the football team anymore. I'm not drinking for the camaraderie.

I'm not drinking for the tunes. Yeah, man. Zeppelin, you know, Daz the confused.

Yeah, not anymore. I'm drinking by myself at the bar. It's not good.

Um, but not with me. I got to be careful that Sorry about that, Mr. Taper.

I usually bond with the taper, but anyway, um I'm drinking all by myself and I'm puking and I'm I'm urinating in bushes and I'm just, you know, I'm I'm puking on people on the subway in Philadelphia and it's just a bad thing. But again, alcohol is starting to take over my life. That's why I'm telling you my story.

I'm I'm showing you the progression of this illness or this malady we call alcoholism. And again, my mom would just look at me when I come home from the from the uh from the bank and say, "Robbie, what is wrong with you? You're doing so good.

You're going to go to school. Would you stop it?" And my even my little sister, who was a freshman in high school now, who is like perfect, by the way. I don't know what that's about.

Never smoked, never drank, you know, smoke a joint. Why? Why would I want to do that?

She said, I'm like, I guess if if I got to explain, I guess it ain't going to work. And and she just never did nothing. nothing with she's a she's an attorney in New York and she's a great girl but even she would plead with me Robbie stop it we all love you brother you're my big brother would you stop it and as much as I want to and perhaps I even would make a decision to do it every once in a while alcohol was too cunning baffling and powerful and that's just the way it is just the way it is my story is real simple I don't bring a lot of stuff into it you know I talk about booze I talk about a I talk about God I talk about these wonderful steps and these wonderful dreams traditions and and what happens when we get involved in service and what happens when we have a wonderful fellowship around us, you know, no new dynamics from this guy tonight.

So, I started giving myself gradual raises at the bank. That's not a good idea, is it? No, THAT'S PROBABLY BAD if you work at McDonald's.

It's really bad if you work at a federal depository. Okay. They actually have a crime for that.

They they they actually named that something. So anyway, I'm doing good for the first few weeks, you know what I mean? And eventually um it caught up with me.

Don't get me wrong. Everybody knew me at Froggies and I was drinking real well. And see, I don't I can't think I can't think of what the repercussions going to be.

All I can think about is drinking. And that's just my story. I can't explain that.

I did not, you know, as a junior in high school sit in home room and say, you know, someday I want to go to prison. I want to go to jails. I want to go to rehabs.

And by golly, someday I want to see what it's like to be in a mental hospital. You know, I want people to look at me. I want people to spit at me.

I want people to look at me with disdain when they see me. I want my own mom and dad when I call home to say, "You don't have a home near here no more." I want to hear my little sister in the background crying when I call home. I want to get to a point where I hate myself so much that I want to commit suicide.

See, I never said that. See, that's why I believe this is a is a major disease. That's why I believe I was in a delusion and illusion.

See, alcohol never if al if alcohol had told me that that's what it was going to do to me, you know, and right up from the beginning and and just maybe just maybe I would have listened. I don't know. But I know that once I put it in me, man, there was no stopping.

So, one day I show up for work and I'm dressed like this and I'm ready to go to work and I'm happy, joyous, and free, man. I'm an alcoholic boy and I just I'm doing well. And all a sudden there's two guys with hair like mine, but unlike me, they got guns on their side and and handcuffs coming out the rear end.

And they said, "Is your name Robert Walker?" And here I thought it was a temple intake. You know what I mean? And I said, "Yes." And they said, "Hands against the thing." And they patted me down.

And they were they were from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Okay. And it was one one of going to be my first of many lockups.

And I never got fired from that job. They just took me out of there. like and so they took me out in handcuffs and I went to a federal building and I got a year I got a year in prison at 18 years old.

Okay, at that time I had I had I had real light blue eyes. I had sandy blonde hair. Remember Bruce Jenner?

He went away with the wings and all. I had wings. I had a good tan from Wildwood.

That's good with the girls in high school. It's not good with the prisoners. Okay.

Everybody that laugh hasn't been to prison apparently. One guy's back there. Yeah, I hear you, dude.

And uh and man, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MAN. IT WASN'T I I mean that seriously. It might came off as a joke, but I It's not funny.

You know, when men are flirting with you and they want to get to know you. You know what I mean? You know, I remember every night in that prison, man, I swear I make a joke about this, but it ain't funny.

Every night in that prison, I said the practicing alcoholic prayer, and you can help me with if you know it. Oh dear God, please help me get out of this one and I'll never I said it in the Alanon convention and like but uh that's what it is. Oh dear God, please help me get please help me get away from Bubba Jose and Spider and I promise I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

I WENT TO Bible classes. Anybody ever been been in jail? You don't have to raise your hand, but I've been to jail Bible classes.

Seventh Day Adventist. I wash guys feet, you know. Praise the Lord.

Hallelujah. You know, and I get out. What do you think I did?

I DRINK CUZ THAT'S WHAT we do. We can't with sufficient force bring into our mind the day, the week, or the month before. Who in here knows somebody that's an inner outer in Alcoholics Anonymous?

And their story is probably worse than yours. I know plenty of them. Their story is probably worse than yours.

Okay? But they just won't accept our spiritual principles. They won't take some simple actions that we have to do.

You know what I mean? We've been doing all weekend with these guys like Elliot and and Johnny and Jimmy and just hanging out and and Estelle hanging out and and and not drinking. You know what I mean?

And and and and drinking coffee and and working. Yeah. It's a you know, I'm going to say a curse word and we got to do some labor.

Yeah. I don't curse. But um uh so anyway, so now I'm out of jail.

I'm living on the streets. I mean, you know, so what I I don't think about like I'm not the type of guy that says like, well, I can't drink anymore because I might go back to prison. See, that does not come into my mind.

I find out different ways how to try to stay out of there and and I don't get a real job cuz all I want to do is drink. Okay? If I got to go to soup kitchens, I'll learn how to do that.

If I got to go to Salvation Armies, I'll learn how to do that. At the holidays, I always got to give that Salvation Army money cuz I stayed at them. I can't ever walk by.

You ever see you guys have the Salvation Army with the buckets here? Oh, yeah. Kills me.

But um so anyway, I've been to all those places. WHY? BECAUSE I'M DRINKING.

I'm not stopping. And I've seen you guys from AA. You came to my prison.

You came to my jail. You came to my rehabs looking good and smelling good. Didn't impress me.

You know what I mean? I don't have a problem. I'm all right.

Really, I'm all right. You know, I just had a few bad bad nights. You know, I never wanted to stop.

Never wanted to stop. Why would I want to stop? I'm having too much fun.

That's what that's why I they say it's cunning, baffling, and powerful. So, I'll bring you to my last drunk. My last drunk.

I'm at Xton Square Mall in Xton, Pennsylvania, if anybody's from the East Coast. Okay. Now, when you're a guy like me and now I'm remember I started when I was 17 at least on that big run there.

And now I'm 22 years old. Okay. 5 years in and out of jails, prisons, rehabs, detoxes, uh uh salvation armies, soup, gospel missions.

I mean, I'm you name it. I've been there. Lived on the streets, slept in cars, you know, abandoned or registered.

It didn't matter. I mean, I did it all. Nothing.

Didn't matter. I'm drinking. So, you have to learn how to case out a joint at that point in your life.

If you're a criminal, what does that mean? That means you just know when they open, when they close, who has the money, you know what I mean? Uh uh do they have security?

What's their systems like? Okay, get sophisticated, right? So, all of a sudden, I walk into this Hickory Farms, okay?

And there was this there was this little girl. She was about 5'2, blonde hair, blue eyes, about 85 lbs. And I looked at her and I said, "I can take her.

I cased out the joint." And so I went in there. I put the salami and cheese down my pants, right? You know, the little round things.

I'M JUST HUNGRY. I'M NOT A REAL THIEF at this point in my life. I'M A DRUNK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I'M NOT I GO FROM bank job to a hickory farms, the downward spiral. So, I put this salami and cheese in MY PANTS AND I'M WALKING OUT AND THIS 5 FOOT2, 82lb young, pretty petite blonde tackles me. That ain't the worst part.

She held me down until the mall police got there. When I was a delegate, I I I mentioned to George Dorsey guy up there. I mentioned I said, you know, in the fourth edition, if if and when it comes out, I think there should be a line in there.

He said, what is that, Rob? And I said, I think it should say if you've ever got locked up by mall police, you belong here. It didn't make it, but um but I got locked up by mall police.

Man, that's bad, man. You ever seen mall police? If you're one, I'm sorry.

I spoke in San Diego. The dude come up to me after y' I'm a mall police and I'm in a get over it. That's not good.

But uh you got to be careful. You're always going to step on somebody's toes. So anyway, got lucked up by mall police and now I'm in Chester County Farms Prison.

Tough stuff if you're from up my way. Tough stop. Real tough stuff.

But now I'm an alcohol. I'm an alcoholic and I know how to do time. I know how to wear the boxers and and the muscle man t-shirts and the shower shoes and play spades.

I'm getting ready to beat these guys in poker afterwards. And uh you know I know how to DO ALL THAT STUFF. I KNOW HOW TO HAVE A SMOKE HANG out my mouth.

I know how to talk that language of the gutter. You I know how to hang out my with my guys. You know why?

CUZ I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I AIN'T STOPPING. I'm going to learn how to do time.

It's the way it is. So what I think one of the worst messages we can give to alcoholics when they come into AA is when they come in and we say you keep on drinking the way you're drinking and you're going to die. Very weak.

Cuz when I came in, if you had told me that I have said when when help me out when how about a better message? If you keep on doing what you're doing, you're gonna live and it's going to get worse and worse and worse. How about that?

Much better message as far as I'm concerned. And I'll tell you what, ladies and gentlemen, at that point in my life, it was horrible. And I tried to fake it and I tried to act like I was having a good time.

And I really wasn't. When I would be alone at night in my cell, man, I'm telling you what, man. I cried myself to sleep.

And I wondered what was wrong with me. you know, how could I be 22 years old, 21 years old? A and in this prison, you know, what happened to me?

Where did I go wrong? And sometimes I would cry out, but I wouldn't cry out to the right person. I would just just The only thing I ever had was alcohol, you know.

I never had a real God, even though I had 12 years of that stuff. And so, one day I got in a little beef inside of prison. I don't I don't jail well.

I don't know about you. Maybe some of you guys do. I don't like being in a in a place with all men and being told to do.

I just don't jail well. So anyway, I got in a little beef with a dude that was in there and I and I ended up Ben and when you get in a fight inside a prison or whatever, you get in a little altercation. You a prison guard?

You look like one. And well, when you when you when you get like, "Yeah, I know." And but when you get in the beef, you you get put on maximum security. And so I got put on maximum security for stealing salami and cheese.

Go figure. And and I'm on maximum security. God bless you.

In Chester County Farms Prison and and and and I had a beef with the uh correction officers. I just didn't like them, you know? I mean, they're my jailers.

I don't know about you. I didn't like jail. I didn't like bosses, you know?

I didn't like authority figures. So, I did some inappropriate things. It doesn't how it works.

We share in a general way. So, I did some inappropriate things with these prison guards at Chester County Farm Prison. And the next thing you know, they bumrushed me.

They opened my cell up. They beat me within an inch of my life. This is the end of my story.

And I ended up in the hole at Chester County Farms Prison. Now, the hole inside of prison. If you're they're taking criminal justice, you'll find out that the hole is just a hole in the floor in a prison cell and that's all that's there.

That hole is to defecate in and uricate in urinate in. There is no toilet paper. There's no rack.

There's no sink. There's just a hole in the floor and it's always in the dungeon or it's always in the basement of a prison. And each and every prison in the world, as far as I know, has one.

And that's where I ended up because of my drinking. Okay? Wasn't because I was a bad guy.

It wasn't because I saw wrong things when I was a kid. It wasn't because I was abused. It's because I drank booze.

That's why I drank booze and I didn't want to stop it. And for a guy like me that drinks, something crazy stuff happens. And it's just my story.

And I know you guys can relate to that. And inside this hole, I did uh the only thing that I could do. It says in our big book, there's going to come a time in our lives where the only thing, okay, between us and a drink, it might not be a sponsor, it might not be a meeting, okay, it might not be a loved one.

You better have a God, okay, and uh and get one, you know, may you find him tomorrow. No, may you find him now. That's what it says in how it works.

And I'll tell you what, I didn't have him. And when it came time and I needed him and I was just I just hated myself so much. He wasn't there.

All I had was booze. And if you're like that, if you're one of those people that all you got is booze, there's going to come a time in your life and it might not be tonight and it might not be next week and it might not be next month and it might even not be next year. IT MIGHT BE FIVE years from now.

God bless you if you got to go through this. There's going to come a time in your life where if all you got is booze, you're going to probably die. It ain't going to say that in the paper in the obituary, but you're going to probably die.

And what happened was this guy put a a tray into my cell and he said, "Chow." And I was again naked, beaten up by these guards because of stuff I did. I did a four and fifth step. I knew what part I played in that.

I got this food and I'm just crying in it. And I took this spork and I cut my arm up and down right here. I still got the scars and I wasn't trying to get any anybody's attention.

I didn't want any I I wasn't trying to get out of the hole. And I and I passed out. And as far as I was concerned, if I had passed into the ages at that point, it would have been okay.

See, alcohol had won the battle. When I needed something the most and when I needed John Barley Quinn the most, you see, he just wasn't there, unlike a god. And when I woke up in the infirmary at Chester County Farms prison, I remember being tied down to the bed.

This is my story. And I had cameras on me and I was shaking like a leaf. And when I woke up, I I I I wasn't happy.

They had they were put had an intervenous thing in me. so I wouldn't, you know, have some infections or whatever. And man, if you had seen me at that point in my life, I was just a wreck of a young man.

And the sorry point about that story is I wasn't done. I wasn't done drinking. See, there's not an alcoholic today in Alcoholics Anonymous or or or or a human being alive that can convince me that alcohol is not cunning, baffling, and powerful because I know it is firsthand.

I don't debate that with no one. You hear my story. It's that simple.

And when I got out of that institution, I continued to drink. They took me out in out of that institution and took me to a state mental hospital called Harford State Hospital. And in there, I know what it's like to be held down by orderly and have stuff shot in my rear end in rubber rooms.

See, that's where alcohol takes a guy like me at 22 years old. You know, if you're younger than me and you haven't gone there yet and you're considering to drink, please hear my story because it's no respector. It doesn't care where you came from, you know, what color you are, how rich you are, how smart you are.

Boy, it's still out there waiting for you. So, do yourself a favor, man. Don't don't do it.

And one day, I woke up in a drunk in Kazoo, Michigan at 22 years old, and you guys had planted the seed. As much as I hated you is the way you looked with those jackets and those ties and those pins and those shoes and those and and hair nice and you smelled good, you look good and you sounded good. I hated you and one day I but I knew you were there cuz you kept on planting that seed.

Don't ever stop. All you people that carry the message into jails and prisons and rehabs, you might think you're not helping nobody because there's a lot of guys in there smoking and joking and girls, but don't stop it because there's guys like me in there listening to you and storing it. So I when I finally in Kazoo, Michigan, looked up into the heavens and I did the AA entry prayer.

I said, "God, please help me. I know you're up there. I heard from you your your your your apostles or your your saints or your messengers, your AA people.

I knew you were up there. I knew you're here. And I don't know what happened to me, ladies and gentlemen.

It was October 31st of 1983. But I just knew I had to go to AA. And I knew if that didn't work that I was a goner.

And I went to the Allen Club on 933 South Berdick Street in Kazoo, Michigan. And I walked in there and I asked them if I could have a cup of coffee. And I didn't have any money.

And they poured me a cup of coffee. And they gave me cream and sugar. And they said, "Sit down." And I sat down.

And whoever would listen, I cried to them. And I told him how I was doing and how I know I can't make this. My mom and dad don't want want me around.

Nobody wants me. Nobody out there wants me. And I don't know what to do.

I can't even think right anymore. You know, I just hate myself. And they said, "We understand.

You're in the right place." Well, for some reason, I somehow I stayed sober for three months. I was working step none. All right.

That's tough. When you're working step none, it is tough. By the way, if you're new, we got 12 steps.

it might be a good idea to to make a decision to start on that first one because I was WORKING STEP NONE. I WASN'T DRINKING GOING TO MEETINGS AND I WAS a lunatic. I just was man I was a sober lunatic.

Right car can relate. I WAS A LUNATIC. I WASN'T DRINKING.

I WAS GOING TO MEETINGS AND I DIDN'T WANT YOUR GOD. I didn't want your happiness. I didn't want your faith.

I didn't want your hope. I JUST WANTED TO STOP HURTING. YEAH, I wanted my mom and dad back.

Yeah, I wanted my little sister back. Yeah, I wanted to have a half decent life. But it didn't.

How could this work? HOW COULD THAT WORK? WHAT DO YOU MEAN just don't drink?

Come on. Don't insult me with that. I'm too intelligent for that.

And you guys said, "No, really. Just don't drink and go to a meeting. Just just for now.

You don't want to worry about anything else." Remember when Dr. Silky, you remember when Bill was trying to get the new guys like really just, you know, catapulted into heaven right away and he went to spiritual angle and he and he said, "It's not working." And Silky told him, "Bill, tell him about your drinking. Tell him how you drank." And that's what happened with Bill D.

My favorite part in the big book is when Bill and Bob went to the I think it's the Akran City Hospital, and they asked the nurse, Dr. BOB ASKED THE NURSE, "HEY, YOU GOT ANY DRUNKS IN HERE?" And the nurse said, "Well, Bob, have you done anything about your drinking first?" He didn't think that was too funny. He said, "Yes, I have." He said, "WELL, WE HAD A SOCK COME IN HERE LAST NIGHT.

SOCKED ONE of the nurses and blackened her eyes and he's back there yelling. You hear this guy in the background and and so Dr. Bob sent him some sedatives and and and once it took over him and him and Bill went back, this is Bill D, number three.

And uh and he tal they talked him the first day and all of a sudden Bill, this is what I always do too, but I do a 12step. Bill said, "Would you like us to come back tomorrow?" You see? And he said, "I'd love that, guys." Okay.

And he didn't think there was any hope for him. And that night he had some epiphany. That night Bill D, if you read the story, Bill had an epiphany.

He just knew that somehow this thing was going to work. And when his Henrietta, his wife came in the next day, he said, "Henrietta, these two guys coming down the hallway, they're the guys I told you about. Those are the guys that understand me." You see, and that's what we're about in Alcoholics.

And I'm we're about carrying this message to others. It's not about how much we know in the books or, you know, what we know about the traditions or the concepts or or, you know, or how our AA works or our group's better than your group. My God, you know, it's about, you know, are we here when that alcoholic shows up?

Is our group a bright shining flame or when or when they come in, are they seeing people bickering and and yelling at each other and worrying about is it going to be a smoking meeting or a no smoking meeting? You know, let's get over that stuff, man. Let's let that newcomer see a great hope.

So, I was new in three months and I was again step none and I'm fulfilly. So, like every other word, like there's a like 18 Fs in each sentence, you know? I use the F word as an adjective, a noun, a conjunctive verb, a participle, a preposition, a noun, a verb, the whole deal.

I could use it, man. You know what I mean? Like the Sopranos, you guys watch the Sopranos?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And and and and and in Kazoo, Michigan, they talked about like soda pop.

and guy would say, it would take him like a minute to say, "My name's Don and I am an alcoholic." AND I WASN'T LIKE THAT. I'M LIKE, "YOU GOT TO" AND I meant well, guys. I really did.

I wanted to stay sober. I knew you guys had the answer. But I again, I was just a little I was a little rough around the edges.

I I wasn't dressed in a suit with a nice haircut and and a hanky coming out. The hanking that matches the tie. I wasn't, you know, and so after three months they I came in into the Kazoo Kazoo room.

They said, "Sit down." I sat down. I know that's not good, man. And they said, "Your attitudes and behaviors are unbecoming to this Aleno club and you got to go.

Me got to go." And so I didn't know what to do. And I walked out of the room and I remember sitting to this moment as if it was yesterday. I remember sitting on the stoop outside the Allen Club.

I remember sitting there and I'm not letting them get to me. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm good. I'm from Philly. I'm good.

I'm okay. I'm good. And then the floodgates opened up and I just started crying.

And I knew I'm never going to make it anywhere. I can't make it in jail. I can't make it in prison.

I can't make it on the streets. My own mom and dad don't want me. And now, as far as I'm concerned, I can't make it in alcoholics nons.

What's wrong with me? And about that time, my ael showed up. His name is Don C.

He's a pig farmer from Comtock, Michigan. Never even never even recognized him. He walked out of that club.

He saw those guys like some of you know we got some Don C's in this room. I know it. He saw those guys tell me to leave at 3 months sober.

And he came out and HE SAID, "ROBBIE, GET IN MY TRUCK, BOY." OH, and uh and he had like tattoos. He had guns, man. He had guns.

He had big arms and tats. And he had tats on each knuckle. I never asked him what they meant, like initials.

I never asked him, man. Tough guy. If he was a dog, he'd be a pitbull.

You know what I mean? Look, built like ly a big big old boy. And he got out.

I got in his truck and this boy was a pig farmer and he also cut down trees and he had like like a chainsaw hanging around his mirror. We're going down Kazoo Avenue and I'm looking at him in his old Chevy and I'm thinking I made a bad move. YOU KNOW, YOU EVER WATCH A&E?

ANYBODY WATCH A&E? ME, MAN. I'M THINKING, "OH, MAN.

THIS DUDE GOING TO CUT ME UP AND STUFF, MAN." I'm thinking, "Oh, I'm going to become dinner and stuff." I seen that crap. You ever see that children in the corn? I'm thinking, "OH, MAN.

I'M IN TROUBLE, MAN." AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, WE GET OUT TO HIS HOUSE AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S A BIG PIT BULL. I'm like, "See, there it goes, man." HE SAID, "COME ON IN, BOY." AND YOU'RE NEW, MAN. You know, when you're new, you just do what they tell you to do.

AND I FOLLOW him in. And the next thing you know, his wife comes up to me. Her name's Rhonda.

She's a nurse. Uh, and she says, "Hi, I'm Rhonda. I'm Don's wife." And and two little boys come up to me, Brian and Dallas.

They said, "Hi, Robbie. How you doing? Dad's told us all about you." He had it all set up.

He had it all set up. He knew I was living on the street, but staying sober, he had it all set up. and he invited me into the home and he told everybody Robbie's going to be staying with us for a little while.

And for the next nine months, this gentleman in Alcoholics, this beautiful aa Angel, my own mom and dad couldn't put up with me anymore. The authorities couldn't put me up with me anymore. The Alano Club couldn't put put up with me anymore.

And Don C took me into his home and he said, "Welcome home, son." Every night he would take me out in his backyard and it's cold in Kazoo, Michigan, man. It's almost well, it's not as bad as this, but man, it's cold. you guys, you must be serious about, hey, hey, you live in South Dakota and you stay sober.

God bless you. But man, it was cold. WE GOT IN HIS BACKYARD AND HE'D TELL ME, HE HAD his arm around me and he said, boy, you know, cuz he wasn't really eloquent like, BUT HE SAID, BOY, HE SAID, you going to stay sober and someday you going to be somebody.

He said, "You're a smart boy. You're a city boy, but you're a smart boy." And he kept on talking me like that. He said, and he said, "We're going to get you to meetings where they're going to put up with your nonsense." And he'd take me to meetings.

He'd take me to stores and get me nice little jeans and shirts, you know what I mean? And and and and he'd help he let me go to work with him. I was never too infu, you know, enthused about that to be honest with you, but uh I know you guys out here hunt rabbits and and feeasants, so I guess you guys would like it.

I wasn't into that stuff. So anyway, MAN. SO ANYWAY, I'M 6 MONTHS SOBER, RIGHT?

I'M 6 MONTHS SOBER, ELLIOT. I'M DOING GOOD. NO COMPLAINTS, MAN.

I'M STAYING SOBER NOW. I'M FEELING GOOD. I'M GOING TO STEP MEETINGS.

I'm on step one, man. I'm banging it, man. And I'm reaching for that life preserver like only the downing with like the drowning with I'm I'm banging these principles, man.

I'm I'm first step. I'm doing good. AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, DON SAID, "NOW you're going to have to go to work." Man, I was doing so good.

You know how these sponsors are. You're doing so good and you know they they bring this crap on you. You got to And so I said, "All right." And he got me a job.

Now, IF YOU'RE A NEWCOMER, DON'T GET A JOB FROM YOUR SPONSOR. That's my experience. Just get a job on your own.

Try at least. cuz my sponsor got me a job at a dairy farm. Now I'm six months sober.

I'm from Philadelphia. I like milk. I never wanted to get this involved with it.

You with me? SO I'M 6 MONTHS SOBER. MY SPONSOR SAID, "DO IT." SO I DID IT.

I'M A GOOD AA MEMBER. That's why I'm HERE TODAY. SO I GO to this farm.

I show up at 5 in the morning. You farmers. Who's any any farmers in here?

God. Oh my god. God bless you guys.

You guys really work. And I GOT THERE AT 5 IN THE MORNING. SO I FIGURE, you know, and they said, "Ask for Claire." Now I'm new and aa probably haven't had sex in like two and a half years and I mean with somebody else and uh ALL THE NEW GUYS ARE LIKE I DON'T DO THAT.

I DON'T DO THAT CRAP. Sorry guys. BUT ANYWAY, SO I'M THINKING I'M GOING TO BE CLAIRE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I SHOW I I GET THERE AND I SHOW UP AND THERE'S THIS GUY WITH RED HAIR and three teeth. He said I'm Claire.

YOU THE NEW GUY? I'm thinking to myself, it never happened in prison. It's going to happen here.

>> You know what I MEAN? I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M THINKING, "THIS GUY'S LOOKING AT me the WRONG WAY." I GO, "This ain't right, JIMMY." I GO IN THIS BARN AND I'M THINKING, "WELL, WAIT a minute. I'm 6 months sober.

I'm sure my sponsor told him I'm 6 months sober, so maybe I'll just be an apprentice, right?" So, I go in there and the only thing I see is cows and pales and and stools. And so, this dude, he says, "Watch me, boy." And so I watch him and he sits next to this cow and and and he starts going like this. It's very humiliating.

I'm grabbing these things and and and milk's coming out and I'm thinking, "Okay, that's cool." And then all a sudden he says, "Okay, you're up." I'm like, "Really?" And I'm 6 months sober, man. I think I'm on the third step by now, man. I'm I'm I'm turning my wool in my life for the care of God.

I'm sure he doesn't want me to milk cows. You with me? I really I'm I'm sitting here milking this stupid cow thinking, "What am I doing, man?" Now, I'm from Philly and I we had a dog growing up and out back we had a little yard and when Choo Choo had to go to the bathroom, well, you let them out.

It made sense, right? So, there's big pastures. What do I assume?

I assume the cows after you milk them and they ate their oats or hay or whatever they eat, they would go after the pastures. Little do I know once I'm I'm milking this cow, it's freezing in Kazoo, Michigan. There's hornets going around my head and next thing you know, here it comes out number one and number two and it comes out.

Cows, they pee like it's like a fire hose, man. You know, I mean, I'm sorry to BE SO GRAPHIC, BUT IT COMES OUT AND I'M SOBER, MAN. I DON'T WANT THIS.

AND THERE'S STEAM coming up and I'M LOOKING AT CLAIRE. I'M SAYING, "DUDE, HE'S LIKE, "IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

KEEP GOING." I'M LIKE, "OH MY GOD." AND uh at 6 months and one day, I got a job at McDonald's. And I've been a member of the workforce ever since. And and I love it.

And that's some of my early sobriety, man. I will tell you in a year of sobriety I came home and I uh I I turned myself in the authorities into the authorities at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania um because of an outstanding burglary I had and I was one and four and I did that ninth step. I made a direct amend to the Philadelphia police department and I went into a prison for a year in the house of correction.

I did a year flat and when I got out with three years of sobriety I haven't looked back, man. I I walked my time off and I did the next right thing. So, I got a pretty I got a I got a I got a federal police record.

So, there's some things I can't do. I I I I sponsor an attorney. My Trust me, if my record could be expuned, it would have been it can't be.

I sponsor a guy that has his own firm. There's nothing you could do with with some certain federal offenses. Uh when you take money from the federal government, they don't say it's okay.

Just keep going. So, so and always surprised. There was a lot of things I couldn't do.

I'm from Jersey. Okay. I I moved down to Philadelphia.

They didn't want me back. So, I I I moved to the next state down, Jersey. And and and so, um I couldn't work in the casinos.

We have big prisons. I couldn't work in that. That's a federal place.

And so, finally, um one day at four years of sobriety, I got a job at what I do today. I know you would have never guessed it, but I'm a car salesman. I do our ads on TV.

I know you would have never known that, but um uh AND AND I AND AND I LIKED IT. I I liked it. You know, I don't steal his money.

I don't steal our cars. cars. I used to steal cars before AA, but I don't, you know, I don't steal cars today.

I sell them, you know. I have a great I got I got I got all over southern New Jersey. They come and see me.

You know what I mean? There's people when I come in on Monday, there'll be messages on my machine. Hey, Robbie.

Hope you had a good time at the convention. I'll be in the night, you know, or whatever. It's just the way it is.

And I love what I do. I've been there for 18 and a half years. You know, they like me.

They talk well about me. They send me away to like Dale Carnegie stuff. and and I train the new guys and girls, you know, I mean, they always bring my name up usually for good things, you know?

That is sobbriety and I just love that. So, it's six years of sobriety, man. I'm in I'm in AA now, man.

I'm one of those guys. I I do alathons, you know, I mean, uh my name's on the board, you know, uh if it's a pig roast, I'll turn to pig, whatever you guys want, man. I'm an AA member.

I don't want to drink. I'm willing to do anything for Victor over alcohol. And it's six years over, but there's one thing I haven't done yet, and that was to get back with my loving parents.

You see, I did a lot of um damage. It says the the road ahead. There's a long road of reconstruction and we got to get down to that fourth and fifth step.

And it's not fun. If anybody's ever did a fourth and fifth step, it's not fun. It's a lot of work.

And so, it's time to do the fourth step. And my sponsor said, "You could do it. I want you to call your mom and dad." I said, "No, I've called them a few times.

I wrote some letters and they know I'm okay. They know where I'm living. They know I'm doing pretty good.

They know about my new girlfriend, whatever." They said, "No, no, no, no. I want you to call your mom and dad and I want you to ask them if they're willing to let you come home and I wasn't willing to do that. I was too embarrassed.

I was too ashamed of all the things I had done to them. I knew that I was just I just couldn't do it. I was just so ashamed and I just couldn't do it.

And I and I don't know what that's about, but I but I kept staying sober and and one day I finally did on December 20th of 1989. I called home and my mom answered the phone and she's the most loving woman that you'd ever want to meet in your life. She's and she's still alive today and she's awesome.

And I said, "Mom, hi. It's your son." She says, "Hi, Rob. How you doing, son?" I said, "I'm doing good." She, "Yeah, I've heard a few things." He says, "Good.

I'm glad you're doing well. How's the car dealership?" I said, "Oh, it's going great, Mom. I'm doing got a new Mustang and all.

I'm doing good, man." She said, "Ah, it's great." And I prayed and I was praying, man. I knew I was going to ask it. I couldn't do it.

And I finally said, "Mom, would you mind if I came home for Christmas?" And there was a sil silence at the other end of the line just like there is now. and I heard her breathing and out and she said, "Son, we were just waiting for you to ask." And on December 25th of 1989, I went home to my parents. I hadn't seen them in uh probably 10 years.

I had been inside of jails and prisons and rehabs and mental hospitals and living on the streets and and yeah, I'd been a good member for six years in AA, but I just hadn't gotten to that part of my fourth step yet. And when I went home on December 25th of 1989, my mom and dad opened the door. I met my uh my uh my uh my sister's my my brother-in-law for the first time.

My sister, the last time I had seen her, she was 12. And now she must have been 20, 21, 22 years old, and she was married. She turned into a beautiful woman.

She hugged me. She was so grateful to see her big brother again. MY DAD WENT UPSTAIRS AND HE came down with a whole bag of gifts.

And inside that gifts was a was an Eagles jersey with my name on the back of it. And he kneled in front of me and said, "Son, welcome home. I don't know what this deal that you're in is about, but welcome home.

We're so glad to have you." See, he gave me that ticket at Sisters of Sobriety to realize that I don't have to be afraid of making amends. I don't have to be afraid of doing these things that you guys say to do. These simple these simple set of rules or or principles.

And after that, man, life just took on new meaning, man. I started becoming a big brother. I started becoming a son.

And next thing you know, I was at one of these AA weddings. You ever go to a wedding where somebody's getting married and everybody there's an AA and everybody's happy and you know, everybody's trying to talk the guy out of it, whatever. But it's a good wedding.

And uh that's a joke. And uh and and the next thing you know, there's my future wife, but I didn't know it. There's this young girl.

She's 15 years younger than me. There's some hope for the new guys. And uh her name's Bunny.

So, uh and I WAS HOT ON HER, don't get me wrong, but I didn't think she was going to want me, you know. I was, you know, 33 years old. I'm an old guy at this point, you know, whatever.

And uh and she looked at me and she started flirting with me. And that's all you got to do with me when I'm new, you know. And uh and the next thing you know, man, I I got to do all those things.

I got to I got to ask her. We were on a ski weekend at AA ski weekend. I and I asked her uh uh if she'd be willing to marry me, and I got on my knee in front of all my buddies with a ring, LIKE A $6,000 RING.

I WAS SICK. And um but I loved her. And uh and I asked her father for her hand.

And uh and on on October 12th of of 1996, I got married to my loving wife, you know. Uh since October of 1994, um I haven't been with another woman. That's the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I don't just come here and try to look good and sound good or be some great AA member and then do whatever I want, you know? You know, I do what I'm supposed to do. I'm married and I try to act like it.

How about that? Nice concept, huh? and and and it's alcoholics anonymous.

We don't just stop drinking. We take these principles, we take them off the walls. We try to be a good example of the big book to people when they see us.

You know, we try to give hope, you know, uh to people that this thing can work, that you can actually work this program in all your affairs, you know, the 12th step, the joy of living, the 12th step, you know, practice these principles in all our affairs. So, life kept on going on. I I got to be one of those delegates, you know.

I started I started I was a GSR. I was a DCM and all a sudden one day my sponsors the chairman of the area that's not a good thing and cuz they always say oh you should do this and do that and next thing you know I'm I was an older delegate for a couple years and when you meet these people the greatest thing about them is they all love AA and and yeah it's a lot of Sundays at assemblies and it's a lot of going to district meetings want a boring day go to a district meeting oh but you but I went to them I stayed sober and next thing you know I'm in my first year of being a delegate and guess where I'm going it's April and I'm in 1998 and I'm I'm going to the general service conference. I got all my suits packed in that thing, man.

I'm excited. I'm probably 14, 15 years sober. And all of a sudden, my wife looks at me.

We got a house now. We're married. And she said, "Sit down." I'm thinking, "D, this ain't good, man." I said, "Honey, I'm getting ready to go to the big agenda.

Sit down. Stay right there." I'm thinking, "Oh." She runs in the bedroom like, "Oh, what did she find, man?" You know what I mean? And she comes out and she said she she got on her knees and she handed me a plate and on that plate was a rattle and she said, "I just want to let you know you're going to be gone for a week and there's going to be two people here that are going to miss you." And I never thought that was going to happen.

And that's the way she told me that I was going to be a daddy. Our little girls named Allison Anne, her picture's right in my big book, all over my big book. I'm a little weird.

And uh and I went out to the to the general service conference that year on a Monday night. And I don't know if you were a delegate in ' 989, but in 1998 they had a shower for me Monday evening in a big room like this. The whole general service conference, Gary Glenn and and all those guys up there and Greg Muth and uh and they had a shower for me that that gay chick thing you girls do, you know what I mean?

Like they gave me gifts and books cuz I'm having a baby. I didn't I didn't get it. But uh but uh but the neat thing about it was I got to experience this kind of stuff.

I remember when my wife was coming out of the hospital with the, you know, they put her in a wheelchair and she's got my little baby girl Allison an in her hands and I remember I'm trying to take a picture and I'm and finally nurse said, "Honey, give me the camera." And she said, "Get in the picture." So I got we got this picture on our wall. My wife and baby are like this and I'm crying my eyes out like a real wimp. But it's just the way it is, man.

It's what happens when we stay sober. So if you're new here, how am I doing, Mr. Taper?

Where am I at? About 60 minutes. Usually about this point.

How am I doing? >> Okay, we want to wrap this up. So, ANYWAY, I'M HAVING TOO GOOD OF A TIME.

IT'S WARM IN HERE. NO. ANYWAY, so the lawyers, let let's try to close this up.

Um, life has just taken on new meaning. But guess what has never changed? What has never changed is my enthusiasm for helping a newcomer.

You know, I don't care about this stuff. This is great. If it stops tomorrow but coming to don't get me wrong I love just coming to other areas and meeting new people meeting new friends for life.

I know I'll meet you guys again as we trudge the road probably at internationals or wherever other conventions when I come back this way or when you come my way. But the reality of is that we get to meet new people. We get to meet people that we can tell you guys this thing really works.

I know sometimes we we don't always convey that because we're in our heads and we're we're living and we're going through relationships and we're going through college and we're going through things, but this thing really works. It really works. I like to end with a story.

I like to end with a story about this little boy. This is a new one. This ain't nice story, you know, dude.

Uh the this is about a little boy named Bobby. And Bobby lived with his parents out in the country kind of like out, you know, out somewhere in like Montana or whatever, you know, South Dakota. So anyway, he's out in this little country with with mom and dad.

And and mom was out working on a Saturday afternoon. He's just with dad. And and dad made him a nice big watering hole in the back, you know, a nice big little pond.

And Bobby liked that. He was a guy. He was a boy.

You know, he liked he was 10 years old. He liked to fish and, you know, shoot feeasants and and and all these things you guys like to do out here and and and and just go out and and but he could never go out with his father's permission. So one day his dad's out in the garage doing things that dads do, you know, making stools or doing something and all of a sudden he hears Bobby out in the out in the water and he's not supposed to be out there without permission.

And so all of a sudden his dad says, "Ah jeez." And he goes out, "Bobby, Bobby, come on in." AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, you know, he sees he sees the the uh the alligator. He sees the nose coming towards Bobby. He's like, "OH MY GOD, BOBBY, BOBBY, A CROCODILE.

A CROCODILE. LET'S GO." NOW BOBBY SAYS, "OH NO, MAN. DAD, he don't he knows something's wrong.

He doesn't know what's going on, but he starts swimming towards his dad. He knows he's in trouble. He starts, "COME ON, COME ON." DADDY'S HIS DAD'S AT SHORE.

COME ON, COME ON. AND THE CROCODILE IS GETTING closer and closer to this kid, right? Little Bobby and say, "COME ON, COME ON." HE'S TRYING TO GRAB HIM.

NEXT thing you know, um, a hunter's gone by, a farmer's gone by, guy like Lyall's going by and he sees what's going on, and he stops his pickup truck, GRABS HIS RIFLE, STARTS RUNNING towards the shore, seeing what's going on. Just about the time the hunter gets ashore, just about the time that Bobby grabs onto his his dad, grabs onto his arms. ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE CROCODILE COMES UP BEHIND him and grabs him on by by the rear end and by the front of his legs and he starts trying to pull him back out to the water.

At this point, his dad's got him by the elbows and he's trying to pull him back to shore. And finally, the farmer's looking and he's looking and he grabs him and he grabs that gun and he goes pow and he and he hits the gator right in the and and in the side and the gator goes down and Bobby is just mangled. I mean, his legs are hanging off and his dad still holding on.

His dad's hurting and and the former calls the the medic and the med EMTs come and Bobby gets taken to the hospitals. Cameras, it's all throughout the papers for weeks and weeks. The poor kids getting skin grass and going through tremendous pain.

Finally, a couple months later, he's finally home and his dad agrees to a uh a little interview with his son and the gazette comes over. The local gazette, the South Dakota Gazette comes over and there they are. interviewing Bobby and Bobb's the hero and he's he's on TV and everything and finally the reporter says and the cameras are on him says Bobby can we see your scars and they know he's scarred for life and all a sudden he pulls down the he pulls down the blanket oh and it was just an atrocious sight folks and you could see the the scars that the the gator had left and some of his legs weren't there and it was just oh it was atrocious and but it was he on and he was just a a strong courageous boy and all of a sudden they they said okay turn the cameras off thank you so much Bobby and started to leave.

He said, "Sh, excuse me, sir. Can you can can you turn the camera back on?" Uh, okay, Bobby. Well, we're really Yeah.

He said, "No, no, no, sir. Please turn the camera back on. You said you wanted to see my scars." And he took his took his shirt off and he went to the back.

He said, "I want to show you the scars in the back. Let me fix that." I got a little too graphic there. So, he took his his shirt off and and and he turned around.

He says, "I want you to see the scars on the back of my back." And you could see four or five fingerprints coming down his back where it just had dug in two or three inches in his back. He said that that guys and the cameras are rolling. That is where my father wouldn't let go of me.

That crocodile was so strong. It hurt so much. But my daddy would not let me go.

And ladies and gentlemen, I say to you, if you are sitting here tonight, I don't care if you got two days or seven days or 17 years, please realize the only reason that I'm here and the only reason you're here is because your heavenly father would not let go of you. You see, when you were out there and you didn't care about nobody or nothing, not even your own parents, not not even yourself, when you didn't care about anybody and you were doing whatever you had to do to get another drink, your God loved you madly every single second. Don't you ever get so down on yourself that you want to take your life.

Don't you ever get so down on yourself or hate that God because all he did the whole time, just like in footprints, is he loved you madly. Please remember that as you go about back out to your back home to your areas, back home to your home groups, back home to your loved ones, those loved ones that care about us. You know, keep in mind that he's got a job for you to do.

And that job isn't to look good. Your job isn't to sound good. It isn't to smell good.

Your job is to be there with a smile, a handshake, perhaps a warm cup of coffee when that alcoholic comes into your room or your aleno club or your meeting and he says or she says, "I need help. We all got to be there." Thank you for letting me share. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.