AA Speaker – Carrie B. – Concord, CA – 2018
AA speaker Carrie B. from Concord, CA shares her journey learning what a home group truly means in recovery and why group conscience matters more than individual will.
Carrie B. from Concord, CA spent her first year in AA running around to multiple meetings, trying to fix everything and everyone—until a service sponsor handed her a manual and forced her to learn what “one among many” actually means. In this AA speaker tape, she walks through how misunderstanding home groups, service work, and group conscience almost kept her from real recovery, and how humility finally arrived when she stopped trying to save AA and let AA save her.
AA speaker Carrie B. describes her early sobriety obsession with being needed by every meeting she attended, and how a service sponsor’s intervention taught her about the home group concept and group conscience. She shares multiple stories of joining and leaving different groups—New Horizons, WFS, and eventually Three Legacies—learning that the group’s will expressed through group conscience is more important than any individual’s opinion, even when that individual thinks they know better. Throughout her recovery journey, Carrie learned to respect the Traditions, especially Tradition 1 (group welfare comes first) and Tradition 2 (God expressing himself through group conscience), which shifted her from controlling sponsor behavior to becoming a responsible member.
Episode Summary
Carrie B. arrived at AA with no interest in what the fellowship had to offer. She wanted the secret to not waking up drunk, and then she was leaving. What followed was a nine-month period of coming and going—she couldn’t put together more than a few days at a time. After one particularly brutal relapse (23 days sober before waking up in Mexico), something shifted. She saw a pattern: they were staying sober and she wasn’t. She decided to stop just showing up to AA and actually *do* AA—even if she had to fix the whole organization to make it work.
What Carrie didn’t realize was that her biggest character defect—the need to control everything and be essential to everyone—would become the subject of her most important recovery lessons. She threw herself into service work with a vengeance, hitting every business meeting she could find, removing the Lord’s Prayer from multiple meetings because she’d done her research on the Traditions, and spreading herself so thin across Central Oregon’s AA groups that no one could function without her.
Then her service sponsor handed her a service manual with pre-highlighted sections on “one among many” and the home group. She didn’t understand it. But something shifted. The manual gave her a peek behind AA’s curtain—she saw that people had given their lives to protect and preserve this fellowship, and for the first time in her sobriety, she felt a tiny bit of humility. AA didn’t need her. She needed AA.
She eventually settled into New Horizons, a group that met six days a week with different topics each night. Here she started learning what it meant to be one member among many, to respect a group’s conscience, and to participate without needing to run things. Her sponsor explained the home group concept like a household: when you come to dinner at someone’s house, you don’t dictate the menu, you don’t demand they change their house rules, and you don’t ask them to help pay your mortgage before you leave. You respect their group conscience—just as every group deserves respect for theirs.
But pride and ego weren’t done teaching Carrie. Years later, she encountered WFS, the group she’d publicly mocked for years (the acronym stood for something crude in her mind). When circumstances pushed her to join that very group, her sponsor had her inventory every reason she hated it. Every single objection came down to pride and ego. She made amends, started from the bottom as a coffee maker, and learned one of AA’s hardest lessons: the group has the right to be wrong, and God expresses himself through group conscience—even when you’re certain you know better.
She watched this principle play out dramatically at New Horizons when safety issues emerged. She had a plan to fix things. The group voted her down. She left. While she was gone, things got worse—much worse. But out of that bottom, real solutions emerged. A workshop was held, a safety plan was implemented. The group grew stronger than ever. Only then did she understand: her quick-fix plan might have been a Band-Aid. Sometimes the group, like the individual, needs to reach its own bottom.
Today, Carrie’s home group is Three Legacies, a new group they started four months ago. It’s structured, it has a podium, it invites outside speakers—it’s different from other meetings in her area, but that’s precisely why it was needed. She doesn’t know if it will succeed or fail. What matters is that she’s doing God’s will, going where she’s put, and serving without needing to be in control. If the group fails, she can return to any of the amazing groups around her and be one among many. That’s the gift the home group has given her: the ability to participate appropriately and let go of the outcome.
Notable Quotes
I didn’t realize that I would fall in love with the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
AA didn’t need me. I needed you. I needed AA.
The group comes before any individual. The group is more important than the newcomer, more important than the long-winded old-timer—the group has to go on functioning.
I know what’s best, and then here’s God or higher power rising up out of the group patting me on the head saying, “Down girl, I know what’s best.
The group has the right to be wrong because I don’t always know the plan.
Sponsorship
Home Group
Traditions
Group Conscience
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Sponsorship
- Home Group
- Traditions
- Group Conscience
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
welcome to sober Sunrise a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience strength and Hope from around the world we bring you several new speakers weekly so be sure to subscribe we hope to always remain an adree podcast so if you’d like to help us remain self-supporting please visit our website at sober-remix than a sober Sunrise we hope that you enjoy today’s speaker at this time please help me welcome our main speaker Carrie B from Ben Oregon on the topic of Home groups hi I’m Carrie and I’m an alcoholic I’m I always have been and I probably always will be um so I brought my purse up here with me not because I don’t trust Rick or Jerry but um but because um I am kind of a a literature a literature packing geek and I um feel more comfortable with my big book and my 12 and 12 and my pamphlets and my uh you know mini everything so so uh in in case I need to reference anything I have it down there um I’m going to try to keep away from the literature today and step out of my comfort zone and maybe even share a little bit from the heart please higher power help me with that so I am so excited to be here I have to tell you though I am a little bit nervous too um for one I don’t know if um any of you guys were here on the first conference um the first year where the talk of the Home Group which is the one I was given this year thank you Kent wherever you are for interesting me with such an amazing topic um was given by Don L from Bellingham huge hero of mine and wow that talk was amazing seriously I would not be the member that I am today had I not listened to that talk like 10 times so so that’s kind of um so I’m trying to stay out of you know pride and ego and self around that because Don’s Home Group talk was probably the one of the best AA talks in general I’ve ever heard um not just about the home group so if you haven’t heard that talk I I’m pretty sure that Kent I’m pretty sure that the unity and Service website has past Year’s speakers on there and if you have any problem you know downloading or whatever um my email address is J andc Blake gmail.com and request a copy from me and I will pay for shipping I will send you a CD um I will email you an MP3 last year at this conference Bob D from Las Vegas gave a Traditions talk which I think was the best Bob DET talk I’ve ever heard which is saying a lot if you’ve heard Bob DET talk and then Billy n talked about myths and misconceptions and that talk last year was probably the most informative AA talk that I’ve ever heard with more good information straight up out of the literature not as opinions than probably any you know 6 to8 hour Workshop that I’ve ever sat through condensed in 45 minutes so those three talks here’s my pitch okay um if you haven’t if you haven’t listened to any one of those three talks please um I I have my phone number on me email address I will send those to you because those three talks as a kid is probably single-handedly if every AA member listened to those three talks I think that AA would be in good hands for the future and the future alcoholic not yet born we wouldn’t be able to help but have a whole new respect for Alcoholics Anonymous so with that said I’m humbled to be up here you know talking from the same Podium that those those talks were given from and it’s an honor and a privilege and I I want to thank I want to thank my host Kevin um on the way here from the airport it was a long drive because of the traffic but Kevin made it very short he is a talker and um I I had a I had a spony who flew here with me and she’s going man he he even talked you under the table like he even gave you a run for your money I’ve never seen that before and um so I can’t wait to come to this and service conference and when he’s asked to be up here because you guys will be very entertained so that’ll happen that’ll happen real soon I’m sure because um it’s people like this like my host Kevin with under a year who have so much passion for alcoholics annonymous and these are the gifts that I get in this program these are the gifts that I get from attending these conferences and stuff like this is those needles in the hay stack you know those needles in the hay stack that I get to experience um this thing for the first time all over again through the passionate Newcomer’s eyes and th those are the gifts of this program for me how many newcomers do we have in the room anybody under a year of sobriety can I see a show a hands oh awesome oh my God oh my God let me just say if you stick around this thing you are in for the ride of your life for sure um I hope that you keep coming back I hope you hear something this weekend that um opens your heart to um how beautiful this thing that you belong to really is um I I didn’t realize what an honor it was when I first got here to be um a part of AA at first I was around AA you know um then I got a sponsor and I Thanks to tradition 3 and thank you for for your your lead um I I eventually was in AA you know and then um and then I started uh learning about the traditions and I got a home group and I became part of AA and those are distinctions that have been very important to me and I’ll tell you why um so when I first got to AA um I didn’t want what you had I’m just going to be honest um I didn’t I didn’t want what you had um I didn’t want to do what you did to get what you had and um I I didn’t care about any of this like stuff that you would read like the promises and well those ninth step promises um you know they were I don’t use the word trigger very often because I mean once we recover it’s like you know it when I was new Tuesday was a trigger right so um so I don’t buy into all that I mean I I don’t I don’t have to stay sober one day at a time anymore I I get to live life on life’s terms one day at a time now but um I you know ever since I acquired my permanent sobriety date which is the word that the big book uses and I love our literature um I I haven’t had to deal with with that type of thing anymore but um I will tell you that if there was such thing as a trigger for me those ninth step promises being read were a trigger you know they they said you’ll know a new happiness and a new Freedom well I knew how to get that it came with about probably one and a half beers is when I would start experiencing that new happiness and New Freedom um you know and and it said that um I will lose the fear of people and inse and financial insecurity um that was at about you know two beers um in and you know even if I was broke it’s like I would lose that fear of uh Financial insecurity drinks on me you know know um I would lose interest in self and gain interest in my fellows yeah so um I did know how to experience you know a new sense of Peace and Freedom and that those nightstep promises if anything they triggered me you know and and um and I didn’t want that stuff I didn’t care about that stuff I was so selfish and self-centered that all I cared about was you guys telling me me the secret I just wanted to know the secret I just wanted to know how not to wake up drunk or hung over the next morning wondering what I had done last night who I had done it to what I had said um and having to retrace my footsteps and find out you know the horror story that would again land me in that feeling of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization and so I I just was looking for the secret I just wanted you guys to tell me the secret and and once I found out I wasn’t going to I wasn’t one of you I didn’t need all the help that you guys had I didn’t have the Character defects I didn’t I mean it was great for you just wasn’t for me and and so I just needed the secret or you could teach me how to drink like a lady that would have worked too um I would have been okay with that uh but I was going to get sober thank you for your time and and be on my way and that you know obviously didn’t happen I didn’t realize that I would fall in love with the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous but I was coming in 5 minutes late CU I didn’t want you to hand something to read I didn’t want to talk to you I had friends thank you I don’t need to be friends with a bunch of drunks um I would leave 5 minutes early um because I didn’t want to pray with you I didn’t want you to hold my hand I didn’t want you know again to talk to you um and for some reason it just wasn’t working for me this AA thing um I did get a big book that I didn’t read I got a sponsor that I didn’t call I got you know I went to meetings that I didn’t really attend because all I was thinking about was me me me um and once I did start opening my mouth in meetings I wasn’t listening to your experience strength and hope I was sharing with you my problems feelings and opinions and and that’s about it um so let’s see I didn’t want anything to do with God I didn’t want anything to do with that old outdated book um that was written by men um uh I didn’t want anything to do with you um but it took me doing this it this way took me about nine months actually nine months to the day to acquire my permanent sobriety date I could put together about 2 to three days sometimes five um in that nine months one time I actually put together 23 days it was the day after Halloween and I woke up yet again in that state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization swearing it off forever saying I am never going to I’m never drinking again and I meant it you could hook me to to a li detector test and I would have passed you know um yet here I was in Mexico waking up you know 23 days later um and I uh and that’s when I kind of went you know what I see a pattern here they’re staying sober and I’m not so maybe I ought to start going to more than uh one meeting every two weeks which was my schedule so I I um made I made the decision that um you know I was going to start doing this Alcoholics Anonymous thing I was not just going to be around AA I was I was this is my transition into AA right still wasn’t a part of AA but I’m I’m getting into AA and and and I decided okay I’m going to I’m going to make the sacrifice here for all these people um if I am going to do this AA thing if this is going to be my part of my life you know some things are going to need to change around here first of all the big book needs to be updated the meetings need to be upgraded and y’all were going to need to start acting right and this was going to take a whole lot of work on my part but I was willing to make the sacrifice for you and for the good of AA as a whole and that’s when I started doing alcoholic synonymous alcoholically threw myself in with both feet um I don’t know how anybody in that town stayed sober see this is how big of an ego I have um I was at service of service at probably every meeting I had um service positions I had uh I was in attendance it would have been really difficult for me or for you to find an AA business meeting that I wasn’t in attendance at um because you needed a lot of help and and I had no concept of what it meant to be one among many I had no concept of um of of what a home group was right I mean a home group I I have every right to be part of every meeting I attend thank you very much they need me and so I was at what was probably my third or fourth business meeting of the of the month um and I’m sitting there at the table and my soon toe service sponsor my first service sponsor came up to me um and he put uh now let me just say I was making some I was making some improvements okay I was actually making before this happened I I had spread myself all over Central Oregon um and I didn’t think that the Lord’s Prayer was appropriate in meetings this is back then um you know it broke tradition 1 it broke tradition 10 I had this big Spiel you know I did my research um and and I had successfully gotten it removed from most meetings in Central Oregon and to this day two groups in that town of Bend are left saying that prayer that is so special to so many of us and uh and and and that’s not the only story I could tell you uh so um I think they just didn’t want to deal with me so they went ahead and voted whatever I wanted you know I was uh I like to talk um so I I got my first service sponsor now this isn’t that it was a mandated service sponsor he elected himself for this position I was sitting at what was probably my third or fourth business meeting of the month and he comes over and um and this is a gentleman who actually lives around here now um we called him California Shan because he he came from California and then now he’s back living here again but uh I was sitting at the table and he comes up and he puts a a service manual down in front of me he dropped a service manual down in front of me on the table and uh he said that he had pre taken the liberty of pre highlighting the places in that that I needed to read first um and introduced me as his as my new service sponsor and I was um well I was appalled first of all but I I I’m not going to lie I was intrigued because this book that I had not seen before um you know it said 12 Concepts on it and I went well I I know it’s a 12-step program and the Traditions back then were of course just something to give the Oldtimer something to complain about um but but the 12 Concepts I had not heard of this how could me huh at almost a year sober not have heard about this so I took it home and I studied it and it took me a couple of days um to get through it and and to be honest I didn’t understand a word in there I didn’t understand what they were talking about I didn’t know where the committee was like I didn’t know anything and I didn’t walk away from that experience really learning anything more about the the service structure in Alcoholics Anonymous than I had before I was given the book oh and do you want to know what part he had taken the Liberty to preh highlight anybody want to guess it was the part about the home group and it was the part about being one among many one member one group one vote I I had not heard of this before I know nothing about being one among many I thought every group that I attended needed my help um and so um so I read this thing that I didn’t understand but at the end of that experience even though I didn’t understand anything more about the service structure than I did is there somebody with a time card is there like are you supposed to be like telling me how much time I have left 10 minutes I’m okay um wait I have what four 40 minutes left well I thought this talk was only a 45 minute talk okay all right so I got 40 I’ll try um so um so I realized that I have to I realized that I I just read this book it didn’t it didn’t give me any more Enlightenment or information really I didn’t understand the service structure still any more than I did the day before I was given that book but one thing that that that service manual did for me was it gave me this amazing deep appreciation for alcoholic annonymous and it it gave me sort of a peak behind the curtains into just how big this thing was and into how people have given their lives to protect this thing to protect and preserve this thing so that I could have get got sober and for the first time in my life not just in AA I think I felt a tiny bit of what you guys call humility um it was an emotional reaction it was a physical reaction that I had and I I knew that that day the AA was much much bigger than me and that it could have possibly be that you guys were actually fine before I got to AA and it was humbling um it was humbling and that was the first time that I guess I realized that AA didn’t need me I needed you I need AA um I did finally I did get sober once I threw myself in AA um you know uh and started doing Alcoholics Anonymous alcoholically um I did that is when I acquired my my uh sobriety date now I just want say before I talk about more hom group stuff and service stuff um just kind of as a disclaimer service only could have not kept me sober because I was freaking crazy that first year and it’s part of my story part of my recovery story which I’m not here to share with you today that’s for another time that I reached my my bottom in in my second year sober um and I created more wreckage in my first year sober than I did my last year drunk to be honest because you take alcohol away from an alcoholic like me and that was my coping mechanism like that’s what I had to calm this crazy and then that got taken away and I really quite frankly I took that out on all you for a year um so uh so I I finally did what my best friend calls I picked a side and pick a side and ride she said okay I dropped all my other groups and I stayed with with with one group um and this group was perfect for me it was a group that met six days a week um they’re called New Horizons um and uh and this group it it was amazing because they had six different topics every day of the week that we meet they meet Monday through Saturday it’s not my home group any longer um but it was for a long time and um and Mondays was a newcomer meeting Tuesdays was Daily Reflection Wednesday was uh big book study today it wasn’t back then when I joined it was grap Vine but today it’s um big book study Thursday 11th step study Friday 12 and 12 and Saturday is kind of their open participation meeting um and uh and it was great because I started learning how to be one among many I started learning how to start attending other meetings and respecting your group conscience um and not thinking that I knew what was best in your group which was really it was new for me um you know and I had an an an amazing service sponsor a few years back that she gives a lot of talks um in AA she explains it like this and this was what really how it really sunk into me she says you know we have to each group and I don’t know if you’ve ever read the long form of the seventh tradition but the first line in the seventh tradition long form is each group not AA as a whole has to be fully self-supporting by the voluntary contributions of their own members now Suzanne used to say this is monetarily and physically um and I she used to say that it you can compare it to so at my house you know there’s three of us my husband my 13-year-old daughter and myself and we have a group conscience right that when you come over you take your shoes off but you don’t have to watch your mouth like we have our our rules whatever but when I’m coming to your house I might be able to leave my shoes on but you want me to watch my mouth because you might have a 2-year-old or a three-year-old or you know whatever and I have to respect that I don’t have to say well at my house we do this so I’m going to do this at your house um and and I got to kind of respect that and started understanding that and I started actually respecting the way that you guys do things in your group’s meetings even if it was different than what my you know I got a vote and I got one vote in one group and that’s it and and I started appreciating the concept of that so the other thing I really appreciated was that I didn’t have to do service at your guys’s group um so monetarily and physically right so um when I have somebody over for dinner right I have you over for dinner um you’re not going to tell me what to serve for dinner you’re going to eat what what I serve um and you’re going to you might bring a a loaf of bread or a bottle of sparkling cider or whatever you know um throw a couple of throw a buck in the basket if for coffee or whatever at a meeting but um on your way out I’m not going to ask you to help to contribute to my electric bill and to my mortgage and I’m also not going to say hey before you leave will do you mind going and making my bed and vacuuming my office thank you you know you’re my guest and and we have chores in our house between the three of us um that you know my daughter’s chore service position is to unload the dishwasher and sweep the kitchen floor we have those and and those all in place because we are fully self-supported through our own voluntary contributions uh later on I left New Horizons and I’ll get to that the the group that meets six days a week there was a fire at arson and um I didn’t realize how entangled I was with that facility that the group met in I mean by this time my higher power had evolved a little bit higher than what I would have thought was just the group but it really it I mean it could have taken me out if um if I didn’t stick close with my sponsor and the women I sponsor which by the way I’m going to qualify even though what was said last night because I think that this is very important my sobriety date is I don’t even 32520 March 25th 2010 okay my home group is three legacies that’s important and what else is important is I do have a sponsor who has a sponsor and I sponsor women who sponsor women and that’s what keeps me in the middle of this thing um and there’s nowhere else I would rather be there’s nowhere else I’d rather be today than right here in the middle of this thing with you guys um and so I need those things and I need to hold myself accountable to those things um it’s very important to me this group New Horizons the church burnt down um it was very I took it not I would have never expected me to take it so hard but um but I did and there was also some things going on 13 step issues and safety issues and stuff like that that I it was probably time for me to move on anyways at that point and so I joined this group called uh wfs um I’m going to get into that too um wfs met three nights a week and um and while I was a member of that group they needed I guess funds we were low on we weren’t going to we didn’t have enough money for all of the different entities and so they decided it would be a good idea to start announcing that we needed um you know people should put in $2 instead of $1 and the whole a gallon of milk was this cost back in 1935 and today it’s this cost and things have changed and you got to hear that whole Spiel at every meeting and um I started judging you know I’d look and I’d be like oh they’re only putting in a dollar and you know and I started judging right and and again my beautiful wonderful service sponsor at at the times she she reminded me that it’s not up to our attendees our guests at the meeting to support the group it’s up to me and she says how much are you contributing and I told her my lump sum of what I contribute into the seventh tradition baskets now I was going to 10 meetings a week back then okay and if I’m contributing to $2 okay into the basket every meeting and I’m going to 10 meetings a week that’s $20 a week and I don’t care how much you contribute that’s not the point I’m just going to the point is coming that is um $80 a month right is my math right so $80 a month I’m contributing to the seventh tradition and how much of that is am I contributing to my home group 20 so $60 of that is is going into baskets around town that I have no idea if you guys are contri if those groups are contributing to gso if those groups are contributing to the area to the district to the whatever or if you’re just buying expensive cookies and coffee creamer I don’t know and so that’s where the concept of responsibility started coming into me you know where where am I responsible with my money with my AA contributions and that’s when I started actually contributing online I have a reoccurring contribution you know taken out of my account every month that goes to some different entities um but then I also contribute to my home group and that’s where my and that’s where my um my money goes and I had a woman who I sponsored a couple of years back and her one of my requirements for sponsorship thank you one of my requirements for sponsorship is that um you have a home group that is connected to AA as a whole and I realize that that could be controversial whatever but if you if your home group doesn’t have a GSR if you’re not being in AA as a whole in the different entities and um attending sending someone to attend the area assemblies and and getting the information back and forth then I I just feel like you’re missing out on a well one of the three legs of the triangle and so um this woman says well I really like this home group and this is you know this is my home group it’s been my home group group for a while and and I said well why don’t you just make a motion that you guys get a GSR and she’s like okay and and then they got a GSR and and she they couldn’t afford to go to the area assembly they couldn’t afford to send the the the GSR to the area assembly I said well what’s let’s let’s take a look at that let’s do some inventory and she we did some inventory and it’s a once a week meeting right it’s a meeting that we once a week in that group so there’s not a whole lot coming in but the ladies there they could afford it um and so um so what I did was I encouraged her I gave her that same scenario that my service sponsor had given me and I said how much are you contributing she’s like well $2 and I’m like how many meetings are you going to and she’s like six and I said so six a week and you’re only contri so that’s $112 a week that you’re contributing to AA and only two to your home group and she caught on pretty quickly she went back to her group next business meeting she gave that scenario and now those ladies are all fully self-supporting through their own contributions and they have been sending a GSR to the area assemblies ever since they just haven’t been giving their money away and again the same scenario goes with at home you know if I have a mortgage and I’m falling short and I’m getting notices on my door I’m not going to go to my neighbor and help them pay for their rent I’m going to take care of my responsibilities first you know and and I didn’t understand that um aspect of the home group for a long time so wfs when I joined my second home group um it was very difficult for my pride and ego because this is a group that my first sponsor was a home group member there and she did not appreciate the noon meeting that I went to and um um all of the meetings that I was attending and she one of her requirements was that I attend a real AA meeting with her her group once a week she’s like you don’t have to come to all three of the meetings but once a week you have to come and actually hear the message you can go run around to all the counterfeit alleged AA meetings you want to during the for during the day um but but once a week come to my group with me we meet three nights a week I hate needed that group oh my goodness I let me tell you they they didn’t let me be of service there and mind you that I’m in my first year again you know I’m going back in my story I’m in my first year and they didn’t let me be of service because I had so many home groups and and I was you know and I wasn’t just a member there so I had no loyalty and how dare them they didn’t let all my non-alcoholic friends share like I was bringing my non-alcoholic friends in with me for a long time cuz I didn’t want you guys as my friends and I had plenty of friends so you know they were coming with me um for support um and and you know and and some of them you know they I thought well drug is a drug some of them had problems with other substances but they weren’t alcoholics and and um and and this group had a problem with that they had something called singleness of purpose and and I hate it and and so they were Nazis you know and um and they called on people they didn’t open it up until five five minutes at the end of the meeting for burning desires well the newcomer is the most important person in the room right now I I still to an extent I still believe that today there were about three years of my sobriety where every single time I shared an AA meeting I would start my share by saying um if you’re new or nearly new uh welcome because you are the most important person in the room today I’m not saying that I don’t believe that today on some level but having acquired a working knowledge of these Traditions mainly number one um which tells me that the group comes before anyone individual um the group has to be more important than me the group is more important than you the group is more important than the long-winded old-timer who goes past the timer the group is more important than the newcomer the group is more important than the newcomer and for a codependent alcoholic like me that was a hard pill to swallow but it’s true the group has to go on functioning in order for the newcomer to to to recover um and I love this pamphlet I’m going to start pushing literature I’m tried not to do this the so tradition one out of the traditions for dummies which I love because it’s a cartoon version um the noisy drunk affords the simplest illustration of this tradition if he insists on disrupting the meeting we invite him to leave and we bring him back when he’s in better shape to hear the message we’re putting the common welfare first but isn’t it in his welfare too if he’s ever going to get sober the group must go on functioning ready for him um so that wasn’t a concept that I always knew either and this group uh wfs that I that was the ter most terrible group in all of Central Oregon um they you know only had five minutes open for the newcomer to share and and I just couldn’t get I couldn’t understand why they did what they did well by the time my the church that my home group met at had burnt down and there were issues going on you know outside of that I it became very honest I I had acquired a working knowledge of these 12 traditions by then and I had acquired quite the respect for that group that I once hated um I realized that that’s probably all those things that I couldn’t stand about the group is probably one of the reasons why they’re the oldest group in Central Oregon they just celebrated 58 years um and um and they’re the strongest group and the biggest group and you know and I couldn’t understand it I so I had already been telling people for my first two years that wfs which is because they meet on Wednesday night Friday night and Sunday night right wfs stood for we effing suck and and so by the time it became apparent that my next phase of my development was to join this group that I had been saying this about pride and ego was going to be hurt and I uh did some inventory work around this my sponsor had me write a list of all of the reasons I had hated that group and everything that was wrong with it every reason why I couldn’t join that group leaving New Horizons to go to this group that I had always hated and um by the time I got done writing the list which was a couple of pages long we did inventory and at the end of the inventory every single one of them almost pride and ego pride and ego can’t join the group because I threw a fit when they wouldn’t let me be of service can’t join the group because I tore up the um singleness of purpose problems than alcohol pamphlet in front of them when they shut my addict friend down I couldn’t I I I couldn’t join the group because I’ve told everyone that wfs stands for something that it doesn’t and um so by the time we did the inventory on that the only reason that was keeping me from joining the group was pride and ego and I it was a hard pill to swallow but I wrote my amends well first my sponsor said the last thing on there that I still was kind of stuck on was only 5 minutes for the newcomer um and so my sponsor said well the next time you go in and it it happened to be the the night after this talk um that I went in and I was to pray I was to get to the church and pray find this quiet place I have some outside issues myself I got ADHD squirrel cage and um and I uh I was to find a quiet place and pray for either acceptance or understanding of the way they do it accepting that maybe they do things wrong and that’s okay or understanding of why they do what they do um I wasn’t even to be selfish and pray for both of those things and I did I went I went in they have this little room in the women’s bathroom well they don’t anymore cuz it’s remodeled but they used to have this little room where you could close the curtain and kind of be by yourself on this little bench and I went in there and nobody was in there and I prayed and I prayed earnestly that day for acceptance or understanding of why things were done the way they were and that night oh my higher power hit me over the head with a brick so first of all that meeting that night was a really good meeting the leader her name is Lauren she’s still a member of that group she read something beautiful out of the big book something out of the first 164 pages about accept and it was amazing and um you know it was pretty much about the topic that night was pretty much about accepting the things we cannot change right in this serenity prayer and every single person that she proceeded to call on said just what I needed to hear and everybody was talking to me and I hadn’t been emotional in an AA meeting for I don’t know how long and I just sobbed through that meeting it was just the best meeting and at 10 minutes before the end of the hour she makes the announcement that she’s opening up the meeting for anyone who hasn’t yet had an opportunity to share because uh there had been a group conscience at their last business meeting that um that they were going to start opening up the meeting 10 minutes early instead of 5 minutes early um and then my higher power who is a sarcastic sometimes just like me and so that’s why I you know we we’re supposed to try live in our Creator’s image so then my sarcastic higher power proceeded to give me up close and personal loud view of the next 10 minutes was a nightmare it seemed like everyone who had a complaint about their probation officer or drug court came out of the woodwork that night I got to hear about somebody stepping in dog mess on their way to the Chevron to get their maros um it was very loud my higher Powers message that night and so not only did I was I granted understanding of why you know and so then for me it’s like oh my God the newcomer needs to hear hope a message of how we recover a message that there is life in sobriety life after drinking not somebody stepping and so I finally got it I finally got it why they did things the way they did it and of course now today they still have 10 minutes this was years ago and still today that group has 10 minutes um instead of 5 minutes and that’s the most painful 10 minutes so my higher power has ways of teaching me so I uh I I finally put my tail between my legs I went to the business meeting the first business meeting since they kicked me out you know a year prior and I made an amends you know and I stood up there in front of everyone and I admitted you know where they got their nick name and I and I humbly asked for forgiveness and you know and and they showed me Grace and they showed me love and they showed me acceptance and and they showed me the 12 traditions in action and um and they were a wonderful Home Group uh I started from the bottom I even how though I had time I wanted to be a coffee maker they needed a literature person I said no I need to serve this group as a coffee maker first and then I served as the birthday person and I didn’t take secretary I I wanted to earn their respect so they were a good group for me few years later you know I was I was a home group member there for a couple few years and uh I was in the midst of a divorce and I needed to be at home with my daughter at night this is a nighttime group so it was time for me to try to I was going to be a single mom um my husband my ex-husband had been out was out of the picture and um so I needed to find a group that met in the daytime because nighttime wasn’t going to work for me anymore so I don’t know if I was ready yet to go back to New Horizons um for one of the reasons is because of who I was in the beginning of my sobriety and because of how involved I was in that group and it met six days a week and I was a permanent fixture there six days a week everybody kind of looked to me as the go-to and I had kind of made myself you know I don’t know the one ultimate Authority in that group um and and it wasn’t good for me it wasn’t good for me and it was wasn’t good for anybody else so I I didn’t go back to that group because it hadn’t been long enough and people still kind of looked to me for the answers and all that and um and there was this other group that had a lot of old- and a lot of time and it was you know well no it was a meeting not a group see there’s a difference and this is where I learned the difference so I knew that they didn’t have monthly business meetings they didn’t participate in general service they didn’t participate in anything like that uh and so I kind of thought that they were not a group that I could be a member of um but I had heard through the grape vine that they had group conscience I had a couple of service sponses call me up and say this group just um elected that they were going to start having monthly business meetings and elect a GSR and I’m like can’t be and so I thought that maybe I would join that group Well turns out the one ultimate Authority in that group group was out of town that weekend and um and so she comes back and voids that decision and um she does not like the idea of monthly business meetings and she did not like the idea of having you know somebody participate in GSR and um and she made it very clear she voided out that business meeting she planned another business meeting um but instead of having a business meeting the meeting the actual AA meeting was just stopped halfway through and it was announced that we were just going to take a quickie vote I had no idea why there were over a 100 people in attendance on a Monday at this meeting that usually only has 45 to 50 people but I was soon to find out why and so then they took a quickie vote um the first thing that was said was there’s going to be no discussion everybody who wants this group that’s been perfectly fine for all these years to stay the same um please raise your hand and everybody raised their hand and the next thing that was said was everybody who wants um this meeting that’s been perfectly fine for all this time to change um raise your hand and um of course no one raised their hand including me because I wasn’t a member so I don’t get a vote right so they made it very clear to me that that they just wanted that to be a meeting it’s not a group and I love Tom I’s definition of uh the the difference between a group and a meeting is a meeting is what takes place between the serenity prayer and the Lord’s Prayer while a group is everything that happens between the Lord’s Prayer the end of the meeting and the next 24 hours or the next week or however long until the next meeting which includes you know could it include barbecues could include uh 12-step calls could include GSR meetings committee meetings whatever um this meeting didn’t like that stuff so they just wanted to be a meeting I had learned about the fourth tradition you know that was what they want wanted so um I did end up going back to New Horizons the group that meets 6 days a week and I learned um another really valuable lesson it was one of my first experiences of the second tradition and God being speaking through the group and me being okay I’m going to start over I I’m really trying hard not to pull out pamphlets but this picture this illustration is wonderful um if you don’t know I’m not a speaker I I like I do workshops I like having a clicker and like so um that’s where I’m comfortable I like to talk about the Traditions so here’s here’s the group the little business meeting down here and here’s me and I’m standing up and I know what’s best and then here’s here’s God or higher power rising up out of the group patting me on the head saying down girl like I know what’s best right this this is amazing um I remember one of the first times that I put uh group conscience will above my own which was very uncomfortable it was early on in New Horizons when I was still in my first I don’t know couple of years and the vote was and I’m sure none of you can relate to this somebody wanted to not have AA related announcements the secretary was only going to read the announcements and no AA related announcements from the floor well I didn’t think that was a good idea for one we have this guy come in Big Mike he was a Corrections chair for our district and he did a lot of good work in he always had applications that he brought in with him for people to do uh jail work and he was always making announcements really fun and making it fun and saying if you want to come go into the jail you know here’s here’s your ticket or whatever and he did that every day and and um and I was the only one I was a minority opinion in that um everybody else wanted to close down announcements and only what the secretary reads well I’m part of this group now you know I’m starting to learn about the second tradition I had seen this illustration and I was trying really hard to to abide by it and Charles the secretary that day um passed up the all open the floor for AA related announcements part and Mike was there this is the first meeting after the business meeting and and Big Mike was there and he’s like oh wait I got an announcement and Charles is like oh I’m sorry we and Mike’s like well I wasn’t part of this and I said Mike you weren’t at the business meeting our group decided that this is the way we’re doing it from now on I was on his side 100% but that’s like saying to God I hear you I know what you’re saying that we should do but I got a better idea you know and so I use that illustration in everything the group now uses a timer a three minute timer for shares um there was a secretary who didn’t like that timer so they were just not going to use that timer I got an opportunity to give them that demonstration oh okay well yeah if you think you you know know better than than God then I’m sure you know the group the group conscience is God as he may Express himself through the group conscience and so toward the end of my first round at New Horizons before I left for wfs there were some safety issues like I had mentioned earlier Big Time 13 step really gross stuff going on and I used to get pretty when it came to the women I sponsor I used to get pretty defensive and um and I I had a plan of how I was going to fix that and I I I did bring it to the business meeting um and it was voted down I was a minority opinion I knew in my heart of hearts that I was right and the group was wrong right but the group has the right to be wrong because I don’t always know the plan right well I left remember to go to wfs for a few years and I was still attending the meetings at New Horizons which was awesome for me because I got an opportunity to just be one among many and to be a guest but while I was gone they these safety issues that yeah I’m pretty sure I knew a plan of how to clean up what was going on right then but possibly maybe that would have been a Band-Aid fix because the group like the individual sometimes needs to reach a bottom and things needed to get worse and in my absence things got way worse um the three I don’t know Predators they definitely liked me being gone that progressed and by the time everything you know hit the fan I wasn’t part of the hom Group business meetings I wasn’t part of that stuff and um I missed all of it but by the time I had come back to New Horizons because I actually left wfs to come back to New Horizons again thank you I experien that out of that bottom that the group had to reach things had to get bad enough to where out of that came a safety and AA Workshop meline came over and she you know did an amazing job on that um a new safety plan put in place and today that group even though I’m not a member there today but that group is stronger than it has ever been and it’s pretty much women dominated now which is weird because by the time I left the first time it was pretty much men and women were afraid to go there but so I didn’t know what God’s plan was I didn’t know why the group voted that way um and so I get get to respect the group’s conscience even when I think I know better because ultimately I don’t know better and God expresses himself through the group conscience so let me just get to all right my home group I have today it’s a new group we started it four months ago um I had started meetings in the past a lot of meetings in my busy days in AA right we didn’t have an LGBT meeting so I had to get in on that we didn’t have an agnostic meeting so I had to help to start that we I I helped to start a women’s meeting I helped to start uh young people’s meeting because we we needed all of this stuff even though I wasn’t young I wasn’t gay I wasn’t I anyway um I was busy though um you’re welcome so I had helped start a lot of meetings but a group is something different um so it took the last couple of years I was a member of New Horizons but I had been planning to start this group that I don’t think it’s better than I don’t think it’s worse than but it’s this group that um it’s called three legacies and uh we don’t have a group like that in the area um I’ve been lucky enough and fortunate enough to visit some amazing groups like like like this one love and Service Group and um the West Portland group is amazing and that’s kind of what we got our format from and but in our little town we have and I think everywhere you go it’s pretty much the same you have this end of the spectrum and this end of the spectrum and that’s what’s beautiful about autonomy right you can go to these meetings and have people sitting on the floor in a circle in their flip-flops and cut off shorts talking about their heroin addiction getting their topic from a tarot card right and then and then you go to this end of the spectrum and then there’s a whole bunch in between and what we have where I live is a whole bunch in between and um I got enough people who came up to me from out of town or new to the area or whatever and and started asking where is that meeting and I’m like oh we don’t have that meeting and so I realized well we have a that’s my time um I don’t trust my timekeeper I guess control issues um so anyway we we created uh you know and my home group only consists of seven people right now but we created a meeting where you know it’s structured it’s a speaker meeting uh you stand up to a Podium like this one and that’s new to my area that’s doesn’t happen there um there’s no voluntary participation it’s like I said it’s a speaker meeting our format is um a 5 minute presentation on the step of the month a f minute presentation on the tradition of the month and then somebody sharing their experience strength and hope and we always invite somebody from outside of the group to do that part the the the story and I don’t know if it’s going to succeed or fail but I know that thank you I know that today um I’m doing God’s will and I’m I’m going where where I’m put and I’m going to where I can best be of service and provide something that we don’t we don’t have and you know what is so is the meetings around where I live are so good and there’s so many good groups that even if even if this group that me and a few like-minded individuals um are starting fails I can go back to any number of amazing groups around my area and I can be one among many and I can participate today appropriately so I’m going to close with this my service sponsor usually says that when a big book is given out it shouldn’t be given out without this in it I have to take that because I love this I love this pamphlet um I think that these three pamphlets are a kit uh for if anybody hasn’t read one you know I have sorry problems other than alcohol which I needed to rip up a few of them before I started understanding that one um the many problems out of the the alcohol for for the condensed version um for people like me who want to rip up the big one um the AA Home Group and uh this one just got reconf approved so the newest version looks a little different than this um but I have plenty of all of these pamphlets on me and problems other than alcohol problems other than alcohol excerpts Traditions Illustrated and the group pamphlet and I actually have some uh not many but the group pamphlet some preh highlighted ones for you if if you would like again you’re welcome thank you unity and service for having me thank you for listening to sober Sunrise if you enjoyed today’s episode please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message until next time have a great day