>> Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. If you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-sunrise.com.

Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> >> Well, my name is Lou Fennimore and I'm a recovered alcoholic.

I'd like to thank the committee for inviting Linda and I over here. I'd like to thank them for giving me that bottle of cheap wine and my fruit. >> >> At least somebody here is reading the big book.

It says any scheme to shield the alcoholic from temptation is doomed for failure. I don't know how you get one of these started. I always say I sort of feel like Elizabeth Taylor's seventh husband.

I know what to do, I just wonder how to make it interesting. I uh I was telling that deal today here, you know, I In the book it says if you want what we got and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it. I was telling the joke that I heard a while back of this young teenager, the son of a pastor.

And he said to his dad, he said, "When can we talk about me driving the car?" And his father said, "Well, when you bring your marks up and I see you reading the Bible on a regular basis and you get that long haircut, we'll talk." So, about 2 months later he got his dad cornered and he said, "Now, what do you think about me driving the car, Dad?" Well, he said, "There's no doubt you have brought your marks up." He said, "I've seen you reading the Bible on a regular basis. But, you still got that long hair." And he said, "You know, Dad," he said, "Jacob had long hair." He said, "Moses had long hair." And he said, "Jesus had long hair." And his dad said, "Yes, and you notice they walked everywhere they went." So, if you want what we got, and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it, above all, you'll get your hair cut. I'll tell you that.

But, anyway, uh these uh this this theme here is uh is something different than I've ever seen. It It really gets down to what this thing is all about. New roots and new soil.

Cuz the themes that I see, like I hear people say that alcoholics have above average intelligence. And the only place I ever hear that is at AA meetings. I'll tell you that.

I have been at AA conventions from Johannesburg, South Africa, to Auckland, New Zealand, to Whitehorse, in the Yukon. And I have never been at a roundup where the theme is the keen alcoholic mind. >> >> You know, I think a lot of us I listen to more people come to AA and they'll say, "You know, I I just puzzles me how I ever wound up here." It's not a puzzle.

It's the simplest thing in the world. You know, it's like this guy that died and went to heaven. And God ushered him into this magnificent room, and he said, "Now, look, you get unpacked.

And when you're done, I'll come and get you and show you around. So, while he was gone, this guy looked down in the clouds and here was a whole bunch of young people drinking, dancing, rock music going, having a ball. And God come back and the guy said, "I was looking down here in the clouds and I see all these bloody young people down there drinking, rock music going, dancing, having a ball.

What's that?" He said, "That's hell." Well, he said, "You sent me to the wrong place. That's where I'm supposed to be." So, they gathered up his gear and sent him down and he arrived in this stinking, dirty, grungy, hot hole of a room and Satan come in and the guy said, "What's this?" He said, "This is hell." Well, he said, "Then what's this I see up here in the clouds?" He said, "Whole bunch of young people, rock music going, dancing, having a ball." Satan said, "That's our marketing department." And that's what got us to Alcoholics Anonymous was a number of marketing departments. And if you're talking about sobriety, you're sitting in the finest marketing department in the world right here.

You don't need to go any further. Above and beyond, over, below, or anywhere else, it's right here. This thing walks, talks, and shakes hands and it's real.

I I It says we tell in a general way what we were like. I read eight pages out of this big book every day of the year, 365 days a year. I read one story every Friday.

I read it 52 times a year. It's the last person that's alive today of those stories in the big book in the originals, uh Freedom from Bondage. And in a few weeks, Linda and I are heading down south and I hope I can spend a uh a few hours with her in Fort Worth cuz she's quite old now and still fairly alert, but I think sometimes that these people have left us a legacy.

And I think it's so important to read AA Comes of Age, so you'll know what you belong to. And I read this story of hers every Friday. But it's interesting when I read the book uh I always had to have somebody interpret it for me.

Now, this is what Bill meant and this is what Dr. Bob meant. And I can't find that anywhere where they want me to get someone to interpret it.

They wrote this in a pretty simple manner. If a mariner like me can understand it, anybody can. And it says, "We tell in a general way what we were like." Not what I drank like.

What was I like when I drank? What happened and what am I like today? Not what I own, how much I've made, the expensive car I drive, or I just got an airplane.

That's not what it's about. And that's what I did for years in AA. And when a guy sat in my front room one time, about 6 months after my first meeting, some people will remember old Bert Bingham, he's dead now.

And 16 people from the 4th Avenue meeting, including my wife, and he turned and looked me in the eye and he said, "You know, furthermore, you're the phoniest bastard I ever seen in Alcoholics Anonymous." And as stupid as I was, I didn't need a second opinion. And I didn't have to turn to this guy and say, "Dave, what did he mean by that?" You see, today when we're talking to a new person, we try to speak in a fine spray of generalities, but nothing concrete they can put their finger on. This book is self-explanatory.

It says it's our basic text. When I went to school, I took math 5 days a week and I took science 1 day a week. I'm much better at math than I am at science.

And that's what this thing is all about. And for me to tell you in a general way what I was like, it don't take long. Like going down into the South, speaking at roundups has helped me a great deal.

Cuz they don't want to listen to no 40-minute dissertation of my drinking from Halifax to Vancouver. They want me to I believe that everybody that come here came here to find out how not to drink, not how to drink. And there's new people here today that are relatively new that can tell me something about drinking.

My last drink was November the 16th of 1963 when I came up via the Skid Road of Vancouver and and came into this fellowship. But I was born on the East Coast in the province of New Brunswick in a little town right on the American border, the state of Maine. Now, I know the Bible says the wise men come from the east and I've been wise enough to stay the hell out here.

There was no wisdom where I come from, I'll tell you. But I look back on a number of things. And I was talking to some people here today.

I was taken away from my real mom when I was 3 months or 4 months of age and turned over to the people who raised me, mom and dad. And apparently they gave me back to my real mom when I was about 7 or 8 months of age for about a month and it didn't work. She was a drunk >> >> and they gave her back to the people who raised me, mom and dad, the only parents I've ever known.

And my mom had a railroad or a a hotel, it wasn't hers, but a hotel that she ran and I I lived in a railroad divisional town and she worked in this hotel not up there, down in in Perth New Brunswick. And from what I can gather, she supplied a lot of men who stayed there with everything, food, loving, and lodging. And she was a beautiful woman, absolutely gorgeous.

And I met her when I was 11 years old. And she she wore the big floppy hats like Olivia de Havilland and she was a gorgeous lady. But when I got in school and kids started to finding out what my real mother was, they started teasing me.

And I was a skinny kid. There's a fellow here Norm who knew me and my mom and dad real well, my family. But I was really skinny.

And you know, I had about 4 lbs of ears and I used to have them boils all over my neck. And they started teasing me and I started fighting. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that if you can fight.

>> >> Took a good man to beat me. Didn't take him long, but it took a good man. I had a lot of fights and by the look of my face, most of them were split decisions.

>> >> And I get seen lots of guys when I had a store up on Kingsway, they used to come in from back where I'm from and they'd say, "Now he's a good fighter too, Lou." They got scars going in 17 directions and I said, "I I hate to ruin things for you your age in life, but good fighters got no marks." And they never caught on to that. It's amazing. We are the only people in the world that some till this day still think they were good at what they failed at.

>> >> Every company from Halifax to here that ever fired me is still doing well. And I used to think, "You'll regret it." Well, maybe they did, but they've not informed me. I've never seen so many brilliant people unemployed in my life till I come to AA.

Absolute geniuses. And we have a quality that not everybody has. We're the only people I've ever met that can walk into a room like this of 400 people and pick the idiots out just like that.

Never even took a course. It's just a built-in feature to recognize a jerk. You see, I find today I have to be very, very careful what I call anybody else because I must have the same qualities or I'd never spot them in you.

And so, these are the things that I look back at today. Just about 16 years of age, I was away on a drunk from Friday until Wednesday with three guys. And these are the things I had the privilege of having my mom with me for the last 8 and 1/2 years, but I was just about 16 years and 1/2 old, something like that.

And I come home on the Wednesday and I was still drunk. My dad worked for the railroad. And I had I had had a job working for a construction company there part-time and on weekends, but I come home drunk.

And these are the things that you can make all the amends you want, but they're things that are very lasting. My mom was a short little lady. I can see her yet standing by the kitchen when I come in.

And she started to give me a lecture. And I hauled off and hit Mom in the face. And she went down in front of our kitchen sink.

And I grabbed some clothes in a bag and took off before Daddy got home, and I went to Halifax, Nova Scotia. 1985, Mom phoned and asked if I'd come back home and see her. She was 72 years old the next time I seen her and I'm a tough guy, too.

In 1991, she phoned Linda and I and asked if we'd come get her and bring her out to spend her final years with me. And 9 weeks ago, I wasn't able to kneel by her bedside and hold her hands as she took her final breath and left. So, AA has has given me a lot of blessings.

And it's allowed me to see me as I really am. Not as I was. Not as how tough I was.

Coming across this country, I left Halifax, from there to Saint John, New Brunswick, from there to Montreal, from there to Elliot Lake, Ontario, from there to Winnipeg, Winnipeg to Calgary. And in 1957, I wound up in Vancouver. Me and a guy from New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, and a Newfoundlander.

Left Port Arthur, Ontario and made it to British Columbia. Now, that is a miracle. >> >> Being in here is not a miracle.

For the three of us, drunk all the way, we'd get right out beside the car and have a fight. Not for any reason, just fight. And we made it here.

My first night in British Columbia, I stayed in the Arco rooms. For any of you who know where that is, I had a room overlooking. It didn't have a window, so I didn't know what, but it's a it's right above where the old Pender detox used to be.

That was my first night here. And I liked the downtown area. I liked the Skid Road.

Uh when I first went down there. When I went across Pender Street, I'd gone south. I was on holidays.

And I liked it down there because nobody asked you nothing. Kids didn't bother you? Well, I didn't have any then.

Creditors didn't bother you? Relatives didn't bother you? Wives didn't bother you?

It was It was an ideal place. Then I met a guy I used to do a bit of singing in the legions and beer parlors and I met another fellow who was a singer. And him and I tuned up and then I met a friend of his from Edmonton.

And him and I were in the New Fountain Hotel downtown. And he said, "I know a lady up here in Vancouver." And he said, "Come Come with me." He said, "We'll drive up and see her." And we went up to this lady's house and she had just been evicted from a house on Wall Street and she moved two doors up on the same street. And we walked in and I was probably as drunk as I had ever been.

And she immediately threw him and I both out the door. And we went and slept in this car of his somewhere all night and the next morning when I woke up I said to Chuck, I said, "Where was that house we was at last night?" Oh, he said, "It's over on Wall Street." I said, "Take me back there." And on the way back we stopped at a a grocery store. And I got a pound of eight bacon, a dozen eggs, and a loaf of bread.

And he took me back to this house and we walked in and I threw them on the counter and I said to the lady standing there, I said, "Cook me breakfast." And she did. And I was there for the next 11 and 1/2 years. Winnie's regretted this ever since.

>> >> I'm just like a dog. You feed me and I don't leave. I just stay there.

Well, I want to tell you this woman got an introduction to life that she had never known before. She thought welfare was bad. I got a was I'd had a job for Johnson Terminals at that time and I looked around this house of hers about a week later I after I'd been there and I said, "This is not good enough for my family." When he had four children and we had two more, we have six now.

And she got her first introduction to bailiffs and repossessions. I started buying furniture. And what is interesting is that the first bit of furniture I ever bought from in Vancouver from the fellow's son is sitting here today, Bob.

It was from his father who had a furniture store. And there's a quite a story that goes on with that particular family. He's the man that actually gave me my first work when I sobered up.

His dad and Bob and Vi. And I became very close to them. And I have so much to be grateful for in little things.

But Winnie and I split up and I went back downtown. And on November the 15th of 1963, I got thrown out of the Rainier Hotel at Caroline Cordova and what I pray to God was my last drunk. And I got back up to the house where they lived and how I got there, I don't know.

I have no idea what time it was. But I I'll never forget it. I knocked on the door and Winnie come to the door and she was always famous for asking stupid question.

She said, "What are you doing here?" How the hell would I know? I don't even know how I got there. And she let me come in.

And I slept on the front room floor. And I'll tell you the situation that this family was in when Einstein returned. The lights shut off and phone disconnected.

A percentage of the furniture had been repossessed. I owed $7,300 at 51 different places in the city of Vancouver. Not a lot of money, but 36 years ago that was a hell of a pile of money.

I was in small debts court 41 times my first 2 years sober. The next morning when I got up, I had about a half of bottle of wine. And I went to take a drink and then voice as clear as anything could be said, "Lou, your drinking days is all over." And I asked Winnie what the number was for Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I have no idea where I ever heard of that name. And she said, "If you want the number, look it up." And that's the most she'd said to me in months. And I thought, "Now, she's thinking of reconciliation.

I can tell you that." So, I looked the number up and we had no phone. It was disconnected. I went next door to Bill Brown who worked for Molson's Breweries and I phoned up and Lucy in them days was on the phone.

She never asked a whole bunch of questions like they do now when you phone in and you fill out a sheet of paper. She asked me where I lived and how old I was. She said, "I'll send two guys up to see you." And I got a whole bunch of intellectual questions ready.

And they sent two of the dumbest bastards I've ever met in my entire life. And you talk about a born loser, they were from Nova Scotia. >> >> And I thought, "We're going to get somewhere here." And Happy Don and his brother came in.

And Happy Don was sober 21 days and neither him nor I have ever had a drink since. But they come in and I started tearing people apart. And his brother he'd say, "No, Lou.

Live and let live." And every now and then he'd poke Don in the ribs and he'd say, "Ain't that right, Don?" He'd say, "Yep." And that's all he said all afternoon. Every time he got hit in the ribs he'd say, "Yep." And I'd get going again he'd say, "No, don't worry about Christmas. We do her one day at a time." About 5:00 they'd had all they could take and he said, "We're going for dinner.

We'll be back at 8:00 and get you and take you to a meeting." And as they was leaving the smart guy, the four-word fellow he said "Just remember, if you don't take that first drink you'll stay sober." And I thought, "Man, he got something." I'd never thought of that. Never dawned on me. If you didn't take that first drink you'll stay sober.

And and I thought he was smart. Like you just talk common sense to a drunk and he won't know what the hell's going on. Stay away from this theory.

Just talk common sense and you got him right where you want him. They went out the door. I went across the alley and this is the part from here on that I don't ever want to forget of my first day.

I know none of you people have ever done this. But I went across the alley to a fellow's house and I was drinking downtown with him the day before. And I walked up his back steps and across his patio and into his kitchen.

And Roy was sitting there. He was the with electrical workers union. And he took a whiskey and he went to take a drink.

I said, "Put that down. It'll kill you." >> >> Well, you can't describe a look. You have to personally see it.

He said, "What happened to you?" I said, "I quit drinking." He said, "When?" I said, "Must be 6-8 hours now." >> >> I hadn't even been my first meeting. He said, "Will you leave?" And I did. The Oral Roberts of AA had hit the streets of East Vancouver and haven't been to a meeting.

And I left. Now, we can laugh about that, but that'll be 37 years this November. And he's never uttered a word to me from that day to this.

What's the book say? Interesting stuff in here. I don't want you to start reading it right away cuz it's pretty heavy.

But he says the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, not Alcoholics Anonymous, can win the confidence of his fellow alcoholic in a matter of hours. Until this has been done, little or nothing will be accomplished. It says nobody wants to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.

We wouldn't even tempt do temperance drinking any good. And isn't that interesting? I hear people go to their first meeting and they'll say, "Boy, I got a brother-in-law that could use this and this sister.

Wait till I have a talk with her." And I'm thinking, "I hope they move the hell out of British Columbia. She'll drive them crazy." Leave them alone. Get them to follow you here by your example.

That's what this book tells me to do. So, they took me to my first meeting and this is the thing I want to remember above everything else. I had a black shoe and a brown shoe on.

You still can't get shoes like that in the same box today. I got brown ones and I got gray ones and I have blue shoes. But I walked into my first meeting, 28 years old, 6 ft tall, 130 lb, 4 lb of ears.

I had them wine sores on me. And Jerry Ecklund, who's dead now, was at the back door and he said, "Welcome. You're in the right place." And I thought, "28 years, the first time anyone's ever said that to me.

First time anyone ever said I was in the right place. I had some magistrates tell me where the place I was should be in. But boy, I'll tell you, he impressed me.

And they took me up and set me right in the front row, the second one over from the end. Every speaker that come up was about my age now, hearing aids, a cane, and they'd shuffle up say, "If you want what we got and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it." I thought, "Hell, I can't wait. Where is it?" You know.

They made it so exciting. And then I swore they gave every one of them about $25 worth of change, and they'd stand there and rattle at. And them old guys, they they had them suspenders, you know, and they could lean way over till their head touched the floor.

>> >> And the soles of their feet would never come off of the floor, and they'd come back up. And they'd rattle that chain, and they'd say, "Material things don't mean nothing." I thought, "If I look like that, they wouldn't mean a hell of a lot to me, either." And it's interesting how things transpire. Material things mean absolutely bugger all to me today because I got them.

I think it's important to don't tell a guy that's got nothing that that something isn't important cuz it's very important. Everything is important. To have my wife say she love me.

To have my mom look at me every day and take my hands and her head in her face and look right into my eyes and say, "I love you, Louie." And that was the same woman I hit. Everything is important. I am so grateful for all the problems that Alcoholics Anonymous has given me.

Like standing in a bank lineup. >> >> Driving in traffic on the highway. I never had a car when I come here.

I couldn't go in a bank. When I listen to what we bellyache about today. I drive in from Chilliwack.

I I just traded in a car a vehicle 2 years old exactly 184,000 km and nobody's ever heard me blow the horn at anybody in traffic. If you don't want to be in traffic stay the hell off of the road like this. That's the simplicity of life.

But I see people going by me every day on the freeway and their finger up in the air and their fists are going their mouths going they pull in front of me and says easy does it live and let live. Put them on your dash. That's where we've always kept vital information where we can read it.

Everything we know that's good is for someone else. Behind me. And so I think the thing about it we realize is the drunk watches the show, he hears the the lecture, he listens to the sermon, but he didn't hear it.

It's like the old guy went to the doctor. I tell this story all the time cuz I think it's good. And he said to the doctor he said no the wife and I have married 45 years and our sex life is just shot to hell.

He said I don't know what to do. The doctor said I'm going to give you this prescription. Said when you go home tonight he said and you're having your tea before you go to bed he said just drop a couple of these in your tea.

So they were sitting in the kitchen he said sweetheart look at that beautiful moon. And she looked out and he dropped two in her tea and he thought the hell I'll put two in mine too so he did. They both went to bed and fell sound asleep.

About 3:00 in the morning she woke up out of this dead sleep and set up in bed and threw her hands up and said, "I need a man." About 2 minutes later, he woke up and set up and threw his up and said, "Me, too." >> >> You don't need to wish nothing bad on a drunk. Leave him alone. He don't learn.

It's like the two hunters in Ontario, the the this plane flew them into this lake hunting and he taxied up to the dock and let them out and he said, "Now, okay, I'll be back and get you this next Tuesday and two moose. That's all we can take out of here on this plane." They said, "Okay." Next Tuesday, he comes back and he taxies up to the dock and they're there and they got three moose. And he said to him, he said, "I told you, with this plane, we can't put three moose, you two hunters and your gear on and get out of here." They said, "Look, we heard that nonsense last year from the other pilot and we gave him $500 and he took our moose three moose out of here." So, the guy went for it.

He took the money, loaded the moose, the hunters and their gear and they went down the lake and cleared the lake and cleared the trees. They went about 10,000 yd and crashed. When they come to, one hunter said to the other, he said, "Where are we?" He said, "1,000 yd further than we got last year." And that's the way we've operated.

This is the way we've operated. You see, and and so, we come into this program and the reason it becomes difficult because this program tells you tells me not to think of me, but to think of you. It's not what I can do for me, but it's what I can do for you.

And it's like the young guy just before Valentine's Day. He was setting on the bus and he had a card in his lap. And this old guy got on with a beautiful arrangement of flowers and sat down.

The young fellow said, "Boy, somebody's going to get a gift this Valentine's Day." And the old fellow said, "Yep." He said, "Have you got a girlfriend?" He said, "Yes, I do." He said, "I'm giving her a card this year." He said, "That's all I can afford to give her." And the old fellow said, "That's okay." Little while later, the old man reached up and pulled the cord to get off of the bus. And just as he before he get up, he reached over and he put the arrangement of flowers in the young fellow's lap. And he said, "Give these to your girlfriend." He said, "My wife would like that." And the young fellow watched as he get off the bus and walked through the gates into a cemetery.

So, you know, sometimes that with the alky, his thinking is just like cement, well mixed and firmly set. And he has no time to think of you cuz he wakes up with the gimmies and goes to bed with the wants. And it's all I I I I I.

And I is the smallest word in the English language and carries the least amount of importance. And I look back today on my time when I come into Alcoholics Anonymous, the things I've done, a lot of them that I'm not really happy about. And I have a lot of people say, "Well, I can remember Finnemore when he was this and I can remember Finnemore is that." And I'm glad they can because I pay no attention to it.

And if I'm ever doing an inventory and I need the information, I know they got it. So, you know, I need that type of safekeeping. What people think of me is none of my business.

It's none of my business. Dr. Paul said, "When I get in my head, I'm outnumbered." And isn't it amazing?

That's where we stay all the time. 230 lbs all in here. Wonder why it's crowded.

It says in our book, "The main problem with the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body." And you can talk about any portion of a man's anatomy. He'll even brag about some, but don't discuss his head. He don't like anyone in there unsolicited telling him he's nuts.

You don't win friends and influence people that way. So, I was sober >> >> 4 weeks. And I found one sucker left who'd loan me $200, and I started a trucking business.

And I mean that is a story in itself, me and my in Citywide Cartage moving and storage. You know, I was so busy looking for the second truck, a little later on they repossessed the first one. And I thought every successful trucking company owner should have a Cadillac.

So, I got one. I ain't going to tell you how I got it. The important thing for the drunk is to get a set of wheels.

And I had this big white Cadillac. And you know what happened. I've only ever had two real big expensive cars since I sobered up, and they repossessed both of them.

But Bob, who's here tonight, Bob T, his father gave me my first work up on Renfrew Street. And it's interesting how this all transpired, these things. And what happened in the process.

When they talked about deflation of ego in depth, you see today we got so many facilities where we're teaching and treating that sometimes I think we fail to tell people the truth. I ran around AA talking about all the money I owed, and old Gordie Janz, who's passed on now, he tried his damndest to talk to me in the nice way, and I didn't hear. One night at the Pleasant Group, he got up in the in them days, about 135, 140 people at the Pleasant Group.

He said, "You know, Finamore, you've been talking about all this money you owe. Have you ever considered repaying it?" And I thought, "Hell, that's a different approach." I'd never even thought of that. And so, what a genius of an idea.

And now I know, from being in business myself over the years, where the word stress comes from. It's telling people how much you owe, but with no intention of paying it. That's very stressful.

If you don't intend to pay the guy, for God's sakes, don't admit you owe it to him. That's trouble. And so, my old sponsor sat me down one day and he said, "We have two primary purposes in Alcoholics Anonymous." He said, "One's in the book, one isn't." He said, "Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other people to achieve sobriety." And that's the first time I ever realized that staying sober was an achievement.

The second one he said is to get a lifestyle together that's open for inspection 24 hours a day. And today, I can say that. Who I'm with, where I live, what I do, how much I got, my life is an open book.

And so, I think these are the things that that I look at today that that start to make sense to me as a result of these steps as they're printed, not as I interpret them, cuz when you look up interpretation, it says avoidance of truth. So, don't get my interpretation of something. This is laid out pretty simple.

And so, I think these are the things that I look at today. Is is just this. And it says, "Here are the steps we took." And it doesn't say how long.

And it says, "If you want what we have and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps." And these are outlined pretty well. I think these steps are quite simple. I was saying today, one and two, you fess up.

Three, you look up. Four, five, six, and seven, you clean up. Eight and nine, you pay up.

And 10, 11, and 12, you keep it up. And that's about as simple as you can get it. But the minute you mention that to somebody, you know what they say?

Yeah, but. I've got a good a book. And it says God never says, "Yeah, but." There is no yeah, buts.

There is no yeah, buts. I've had a lot of things that's happened in my life that's got me to where I am today and to see things as I see them today. And this made me aware of the fellowship I belong to, the legacies that have been left to us by people much wiser than I that were here long before I.

I just received a copy just recently of the life history of Clarence S, Clarence Snyder, who passed on. And this is a book and a half to read. And all of a sudden it opens your eyes a little bit more of what went on.

And 3 years ago when I was asked to serve on the board of Dr. Bob's home in Akron, I really got I really got much more interested in what Alcoholics Anonymous is. What do I belong to?

There's nothing in this big book anywhere that says if you go to meetings, you'll stay sober. I can show you people every day that's going to meetings getting drunk. So I think there's a whole structured program here.

And it says this is a design for living that works. And so I think it's important when I'm looking at myself to use a mirror, not a telescope. Try to get a close-up, you know, so I recognize the guy looking in the mirror.

And I think we sort of want to sometimes get a far away look at ourselves. Because just about everything that's ever been said about Lou Finamore, negative or anything else, there's been a measure of truth to it. And that's good.

Not that it's right, but it's good there was a measure of truth. But Dr. Bob said to Bill he said, "Bill, we must watch our errant tongues." And it's comforting to know that from that day to this there's never been a word of gossip in Alcoholics Anonymous.

>> >> But you know, the tongue located in a damp place has a tendency of slipping when moving fast. And so I have to be very careful of what I say. I have no right to stand up here and get my laugh at anybody else's expense.

If I want to get my laughs, get them at my expense. If I want to tell a story up here, tell mine. Not my wife's, not my children, not my ex-wife or ex-girlfriends or anything else.

It says for me to tell in a general way what I was like. It's important that I see the I. What happened and what am I like now?

And and to me, I was 15 years sober before I recognized all that. Some people catch on to that quick, like four or five days. I was a long time.

Because somebody mentioned here this morning, you know, you come in and you see the Cadillac and the blonde and the nice home and I wanted all them. I got them, too. Maybe not in that order.

And isn't it interesting? I lost them all, too. But the interesting thing about it, that these people like Winnie and Vera that I lived with and Sharon, these people are all good friends of mine.

You don't hear me running them down and they don't run me down. I don't play games anymore. I like to play games, I just hate losing.

And these steps get me out of playing games. And I had to look at the step, the first one where it said, "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol." Alcohol's last word. It's the last word.

Like it's no Every skipper is a good skipper on calm water. We're all great members when everything's going great. But, what was I powerless over?

I was powerless over saying yes when I should say yes, saying no when I should say no, being with the people I shouldn't be with, going to the places I shouldn't be. I was powerless over that. Why?

Because of the insecurity and and what went on in my life. I was teased as a little boy. I never felt as good as, worthy of And so, I was powerless over alcohol.

And it said that our lives had become unmanageable. It didn't say that it's on the way. It told me that it's arrived, Lou.

It's here. And the steps are all in past tense. It said we admitted, we came to believe.

It doesn't say we'll admit, we'll come to believe. And I think these are the things that that really become aware of me. And then we looked at number two and it said we came to believe not in a power greater than ourselves.

It said that a power greater than ourselves. I hear people say, "Well, I really have trouble believing in this God stuff." They don't give me that choice. They took that right away cuz they knew I'd question that.

They said we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And in the big book they define that the sanity and insanity as positive and negative thinking. It has nothing to do with mental hospitals.

And when I looked up to the meaning of the word restore, it said to return to original form. And it said that I was being returned to what God had me as a little boy, that I believed, that I trusted, that I had faith, that I forgave. You know, you can give a little kid a spanking when I was little boy and an hour later they crawled up on Daddy's lap and said, "Daddy, I love you." That's what I was restored to, that I could forgive you.

Regardless of You know, it's amazing that all of the things that I hear people talking about someone else, 90% of it is, "Do you know what I heard?" And isn't it amazing that I will form an opinion based on, "Do you know what I heard?" And then try to convince somebody else that I'm getting better. Anytime I form an opinion on any man or woman in this room based on what I heard, I'm a long way from home plate. I'm a long way from home plate.

You see, when you hit a triple in baseball, you didn't score a run. You got to third base. And I think that the purpose of this thing is for me to cover all the bases in order to score a run and help my team win.

Out of all the 12 steps, only one did they ask me to make a decision. They know that's not one of our strong points. Agreeing with them, yes, but not making them.

I hear people say, "Oh, I turn it over to God every morning." I said, "What's it?" No, I do. I turn it over every morning. I said, "I heard you.

I did not question." I said, "What is it?" I've turned a lot of things over to God and he pulled a chair up and he'll wait me. I turned my bills over to him and he turned them right over to a bailiff. Many things he's very unreliable in.

>> >> Very many things. Said, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives, which is my thinking and my actions." And it doesn't say I turn them over to God. Doesn't say that at all.

It says I turn them over to the care of God. And that's a big difference to me. When I turn something over to you, I expect you to do something.

But this is saying I turn it over to the care of God when it's something that I can no long can't cope with or handle at this given moment. And he will keep it in good care till I'm able to take it back, straighten it out, and cope with it. And we've got I sometimes believe that we just turn everything over to God.

I hear people say, "When God wants me to have a job, I'll get one." And I'm saying, "Who in hell are you praying for to?" I've been looking for God's employment agency for 65 years. I needed a drink to go apply for a job. Once I got the drink, I was too good for it.

God will give me the courage to go apply for a job. That's what he will give me. But I think this candy-coated rationalization that I see sometime, and I I realize why people they relapse.

It's because these steps are outlined precisely how I'm supposed to live. Not tell you how you should live. I am not a dictator.

I'm not a controller. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern.

And this is what the steps has got me to do today. Is to allow my wife to live her life, my kids to live theirs, my 14 grandchildren to live theirs, my four great-grandchildren to live theirs. I just be there if I can be of help.

But we're like I was saying today about the lady walking down the street, and she's got a little boy in each hand, and meets a neighbor, and she's holding the boys. She said, "The doctor's four, and the lawyer's six." We don't control. No.

We're extremely grateful people. Extremely grateful. It's like the lady who lived in New York, and her son lived in Florida, and he had two little children, little boy and a little girl, her grandchildren.

He wouldn't let her come down cuz she was a drunk. Finally, she sobered up. And he said, "Okay, Mom, you can come down and see the children." She went down the first day she was there.

She took them down by the ocean, sat them by the water. All of a sudden, a wave come in and picked her little grandson up and washed him right out in the ocean. And she looked up and said, "Dear God, if you've never done anything for me before in your life, would you bring my grandson back?" And in the next moment, a wave brought him in plunked him right at her feet.

And she looked down, looked back up and said, "He had a cap." And I think in many cases, that's how we operate. That's precisely how we operate. Is we just we we we see and yet we don't.

We just gratitude is a is something that's very fleeting. And we just don't get the message. It's like the story I tell of the psychiatrist who went to this nut house to see some of his alcoholic patients.

About 10:00 he went out for a coffee break. He walked out and here was one of these patients with a wheelbarrow full of cement and a bunch of bricks building a wall. And he said, "Pray tell me why you're in here." Well, he said, "My family resented me, so they had me committed." Well, he said, "I've never seen brick laying like that in my life." He said, "It's a piece of symmetrical beauty." He said, "I'm on the board of this hospital.

When it meets on Thursday, I'm going to stand on your behalf." He said, "I'll have you out of here on Monday." And he turned to walk away and this idiot threw a brick and hit him right in the back of the head and down he went. When he finally come to from this clout in the head, he got up and he turned and looked at this guy and he said, "Now, why did you do that?" He said, "I just didn't want you to forget Thursday." And that's the way we've gone through life year after year wondering why in the hell society reacted the way they reacted. And that's why they got me to take a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself, not a fearful immoral.

A searching and fearless moral of myself. And when you look at some of the basics, uh with most every human being has 26 assets and they have 26 defects. So, the good are half bad and the bad are half And I think it's important that I find something to build on.

I know today that when they build a large building, they put a form in the ground and uh and they and they put some structural steel in it and they fill it full of cement and they build a foundation. Now, as they go up, they may use a some used plywood or a used door case or whatever. But, the foundation's always brand new material.

They never put used cement in the form. And I think sometimes that that we're scared to restructure our life with brand new material. Brand new thoughts.

Brand new values. It says this program is spiritual in nature. And spirituality, when I looked it up, it says the opposite of materialism.

God has never let me down. Never once. And never have I accused him of ever letting me down.

I think that sometimes it says spiritual principles will solve all our problems. Isn't that a promise? Isn't that a promise?

Isn't it nice they say we got 12 promises on page 83 and people keep reading them and keep reading them. The fear of economic insecurity will leave. It doesn't say economic insecurity's going to leave, just the fear of it.

I think the greatest promise that's in any of our literature, the greatest promise, is on the third page of step five in the 12 and 12, not the 12 by 12, that's a piece of timber, but the 12 and 12. It says this is the vital step whereby you will get the feeling that you can be forgiven no matter what you have thought or done. Man, that's a promise for a drunk.

When I can be forgiven no matter what I have thought or done. If you only knew what's gone on in this head that nobody else has known about, top secret. That is a promise.

To know, I don't care what you've done. >> >> I don't care who you done it to. God will forgive you.

What a promise. Who wouldn't want a promise like that fulfilled? Who wouldn't want a promise like that fulfilled?

I think that's the thing that we have to do. And we've gone through all our life trying to be as people and to let let people believe something other than what it really is. And it's so sad.

I lived that life for a number of years when I first sobered up. And I paid dearly for it, emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, and spiritually. And so I think that it's important today that I get a lifestyle together that's open for inspection 24 hours a day.

And that it says it that we made a in in step five where it says we admitted to ourselves and to God and another human being the exact nature. And I was thinking back several years ago I done a retreat, the one that Father Barney started in Oregon. And they had four brothers there that listened to step fives.

And they allowed 30 minutes for each step five. And I never given this any thought before and I'd been involved in step meetings for 30 years. They allowed 30 minutes.

And I so I got talking to one of these brothers and I said, "Man, I've listened to step fives at the treatment center three, four, five hours." And he said, "How would how could that be?" And I said, "Well, the exact nature of our wrongs." And he said, "Yeah, but he said the word nature's got no S on it. It's singular." And he said, "I'm not here to listen to your wrongs. I'm here to listen to the nature of them." And I thought, What does our book say?

Talk to your priest. Talk to your rabbi. It says they have much to offer.

They have much to offer. And like I could say, "Well, I was unfaithful to my wife." Most people they A could say, "We know that. We want to know why." And I thought, "Ooh, they're really getting personal." I was a liar.

Everybody knew that. Why did I lie? You see, we want to sit down and tell people for 3 hours all the things we'd done wrong and what we'd done, but we do not want to get down to the nature of the wrongs as to why we did it, why we said it, why we thought it.

And you know, this book here strips the britches right off you. And we're looking at the exact nature of the wrong. And I never ever never ever was aware of a whole lot of these things.

And so I think it's important for me that that I look at these steps as they're printed, not as I interpret them. And so I think when it says we were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and humbly asked him to remove these shortcomings, I'm looking at two areas where it goes way back where it says the main problem with the alcoholic centers in his mind. My defects is is is what I'm thinking and what I'm saying.

If I can stop it before it gets here, I don't have to worry about making lists to make amends. If I can stop it before it gets here, and you know, that's the most comforting thing to me that that everything is up here, 10 square inches, like an American Express card. I never leave home without it.

Take it wherever I go. And I think these are the things that that that start to make some sense to me. It said we made a list of all persons we have harmed.

it doesn't say hurt. Doesn't say hurt. Big difference.

Big difference between harm and hurt. And I always connected them all together. You see, I can leave here today and I can tear Bob or I can tear Frank or I can tear Pat to shreds all over this island.

Four years from now it comes back to him. And they'll say, "How could a friend hurt me like that?" Now it's been hurt. But for four years it was where Dr.

Bob says, "We must watch our errant tongues." And I have to ask myself, "Why do I want to criticize someone today?" Do you know why I criticize people in in Alcoholics Anonymous? Do you know why I resented people when I my first few years in AA? I never resented you because of you.

I resented what you represented. If you were successful, I resented success. If you were happy, I resented happiness.

If you were popular, I resented popularity. Ah, that phony SOB, I can tell you something about him. Uh why would I do that?

Why would I do that? All my life I wanted to get my licks in. I've been given more than my share of chances in life and everything that you'd want.

And from the time I've been a little boy, every place I've ever wanted to go, I've been. And everything I've ever wanted to do, I've done. And everybody I've ever wanted to meet, I've met.

I've had a fabulous life and no qualifications to do a whole lot of it. It's just that you people I've had nine jobs since I sobered up and I never asked for one of them. People would come to me and said, "We we got a business.

We'd like to know if you'd manage this or if you'd do that or you'd do something else." And isn't it interesting that these people seen something in me that I never thought I had and I couldn't see him in myself. And when Winnie and I split up, I was 11 and 1/2 years sober. And a fellow who I brought to Alcoholics Anonymous who owned four of the largest custom design jewelry stores in Vancouver, phoned me up one day and he said, "Lou, he said, would you have lunch with me?" And I went to have lunch with me and he said, "You know, he said, I've watched you an ad and he said that I don't know what the hell you're doing driving a truck." Well, that's all I'd ever done, so that's why I was driving a truck.

He said, "How would you like to manage my main jewelry store?" And I said I'd love it. And why I said that, I have no idea, so don't ask me. I put an ad in the paper and I sold citywide cartage, moving and storage and about 6 weeks later, I was sitting at 12th and Granville as manager of Ragnar Jewelers, custom design jewelries.

And he went to the to the bank that first morning and a lady come in, she owned Sabbas Brothers ladieswear, Mrs. Sabbas. And she dumped some gemstones out on a burgundy pet felt pad and said, "What can you do with these?" And I felt like saying, "Puke." You know, I thought, "How in the name of God did you get yourself in this mess?" I didn't know an emerald was green or a ruby was red and I'm in this bloody jewelry store.

And Ragnar come back and he straightened this mess out. And that night we were leaving, he said, "You forget about any AA meetings tonight, Lou." He said, "I want you to write down every possible reason why a lady wouldn't want to buy a piece of jewelry in this store." And what he was talking about was handling objectives. You see, we don't like no.

We love yeses, but we don't like no. And so I worked there and he worked with me my first month and our first month at the end of it, they totaled up their sales and his was $7,800 and mine was $33,471 my first month and I've been selling something ever since. And I think it's great.

And I worked there 3 years and I quit and I went selling Electrolux vacuum cleaners in North Vancouver to get some experience in rejection. I'll tell you you sure as hell get it there. >> >> They still tell that They still tell that story apparently.

I am there, but uh around Electrolux sometimes about me and this lady in North Vancouver and why I did it, I don't know. Don't ask me. But they'd give them one of them pep talks, you know, they give you in the morning.

I flew out of there like a bullet and out to Deep Cove and I rang this lady's doorbell. And she came to the door and I gave her my card and I said, "Good morning. I'm Mr.

Finnemore. I'm your Electrolux representative in this area now." And I never knew a door could be slammed that how hard and a house still stay upright. Honest to God, that whole thing just vibrated.

And uh I don't know why I did, but I ran around the back of the house and rang her doorbell in the back and she came there and I said, "God, I hope you're not as unhappy as the lady who was just at the front door." >> >> She just stood there looking at me. She said, "Would you like a coffee?" I said, "I'd love one." I never sold her a vacuum cleaner. I didn't have to.

I sold lots of them. But I got to talk to her and we broke down a barrier. You know, Alcoholics Anonymous went to Russia and they invited us.

We broke down barriers that they said would never be broken down. And we never pushed it on anybody. I think this is so important.

I think this is so important is that we learn to break down the barriers. And it said, "We made direct amends to such people wherever possible." It doesn't say whenever possible. I think it's important that I see what it says.

You see, I read that step and it says, "I owe Bob an amend and when I see him, I'll make it." That isn't what that step says. It says, go find him. Oh, all together different.

There is not a loophole here at all. You know, it's like the story of old W.C. Fields who used to was claimed to be the world's greatest atheist and they caught him reading the Bible one day.

And somebody said to him, "W.C., what's a guy like you doing reading the Bible?" He said, "Looking for loopholes." I think that's what's what most of us do, regardless of what we join, get into, or what we're involved in. We look for the loopholes, the easier, softer way. And the easier, softer way here is called relapse.

>> >> Yeah. And and actually, that word is sort of isn't cruel enough. It's sort of got a ring to it.

I had a relapse. >> >> When I drank, I never relapsed, I'll tell you that. And someone says, "I got a new babe pigeon here tonight.

You dump a gallon of that wine in me and you got a wild pigeon on your hands, I'll tell you." So, I think these are the things that I have to look at. And I have to continue to take a personal inventory and it says, when we are wrong, not if we are wrong, promptly admitted it. It doesn't say explain it.

>> >> And you see, I'd say to Fred, "I'm sorry for what I said to you last Saturday night at that party." And if he doesn't say something back, I said, "And I'm going to tell you the reason I said it." And give me 4 minutes and I'll have him apologizing. He wasn't even at the party. That's what I want.

I want to twist this around in my favor. And that's what the whole thing is all about. And then they tell me in step 11 that we sought through prayer and meditation.

There is no other way. There is no other media. That's the only two we have.

And do you know why that never worked for me? When I got done praying, I got up and went. I never stayed for the answer.

It says prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him. Praying only for knowledge of his will and the power to carry that out. And then the 12 steps says, "Having had a spiritual awakening." What is a spiritual awakening?

It says in the book. Way in the back of the book. It tells us.

It says he finally realizes he has undergone a profound alteration in his reaction to life. That such a change could hardly have been brought about by himself alone. And isn't it amazing that he has gone through a profound alteration in his reaction to life, not in his life, but his reaction to it.

See, we have a chapter called into action, but they've never printed one called into reaction. And we read chapter five every meeting, but nothing's mentioned about into action. So many things that we don't want to talk about in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It's sad. It really is. We don't want to talk about money.

The group that I Linda and I belong to in Chilliwack. You know, I find it I find it embarrassing for me. Maybe a lot of people don't, but I'm just telling my story.

To walk up to a pastor and a three or four million-dollar church and say, "Can we get a room here for a meeting?" And Oh, he said, "Sure. I We'd love to have you in here." "What do you charge?" "Well, I don't know. What can you pay?" "Well, we don't have much, just our collections." And uh you know, I don't know.

We're usually around $10, $15 a week or something. He said, "No, that's fine." And the first night he goes out to the parking lot while our meeting's on, and there's seven Lincolns, four Cadillacs, eight motor homes, six $35,000 and we're looking for a $5 million church for 15 bucks. And we're so proud of our fellowship.

>> >> I mean, I I just I find it amusing. I really do. That we can't that we can't take it and it says like, you go to all the meetings I go to a a pile of them in the deep south, just regular AA meetings.

Boy, when you when they pass the collection down there in many of them, they'll say, "If you're a visitor or not a member of this group, please refrain from putting any money in our collection. We are self-supporting through our own contributions." And we do that in July now. I put five bucks a week every week of the year in my collection if I'm working steady and I got an income.

And if I'm away six weeks holidays, when I come back, it's seven times five. I pay my mortgage every month. They don't care whether I live there or not.

They could care less. But I want I want my rent paid in my group so if you ever come to visit, the doors will be open. And I think it's important that the new person is made aware of where their money goes.

And so these are the things that AA has has got me to look at. Is the full spectrum of our fellowship. What it's all about.

And you see, I I think that the that the biggest thing is is that for many of us is we do not want to recognize the things that that has come about to to make us where we really are and what we really are. There's something I was looking for here in the book and I I just can't find it. This tells me quite a bit about where I stand today and I found it in the book here quite by accident.

It says this latest part of my life has had a purpose. Not in great things accomplished, but in daily living. Courage to face each day has replaced the fears and uncertainties of earlier years.

Acceptance of things as they are has replaced the old impatient chomping at the bit to conquer the world. I have stopped tilting at windmills and instead have tried to accomplish the little daily tasks. Unimportant in themselves, but tasks that are an integral part of living fully.

I'm rated as a modestly successful man. My stock of material goods isn't great. But I have a fortune in friendships, courage, self-assurance, and honest appraisals of my own abilities.

Above all, I have gained the greatest thing accorded to any man. The love and understanding of a gracious God who has lifted me from the alcoholic scrap heap to a position of trust where I have been able to reap the rich rewards that comes from showing a little love for others and from serving them as I can. And I think that's what it's all about.

You know, 9, 10 years ago, 1990, I was supposed to be speaking at a round-up and I couldn't make it. And then at the last minute they phoned me in Cranbrook and a speaker had backed out and couldn't make it and they said, "Can you come up?" The same thing that happened here with the Al-Anon speaker. And it's interesting.

I went up to that round up and around in Cranbrook. And there was a lady there who wasn't supposed to be there. She was supposed to be at a birthday party in Brooks, Alberta.

But she drove out to take a drunken nephew or to this round up to see if he might hear something. Well, he's still drunk and I'm married to her. >> >> And what's interesting is that after I was done speaking this little blonde come up and give me a hug and said I really enjoyed what you had to say.

And I gave her my card and I said if you're out to Vancouver, give us a call. And she when I said that she thought I was married and it was the one one moment when I wasn't. >> >> Drunks don't fall in love, they just come in heat.

And >> >> So about 2 months later she wrote me a she wrote a letter. And she said I've been listening to some of your tapes and she said it's opened up a whole new world for me. And her husband had just died the year before with multiple sclerosis.

And she said but if you're in a relationship or you're married, you can let me know. And she said that don't let this bother you. So I phoned her back and I said no, I'm not in a relationship.

I love receiving letters, but I don't write. And now I do. But anyway, she started writing and I started phoning and I thought this is not a good investment.

She'd have about $20 a month in writing and stamps and I had $900 a month in phone bills. And that's the story of my life. So she phoned me up and she said, you know, Dan and I had saved for 24 years to go to Australia on our 25th anniversary.

And I said, well, I think you better get your ass in gear and get your luggage together and head out. So she took off for 3 months and went to Australia and Tahiti and Fiji and Suva and over to New Zealand and she wrote a a letter to me and said she was getting back in Calgary on February 23rd the following year and if I wasn't doing nothing could I meet her plane and I went back and I met that plane and I went back 3 weeks later, I stayed one night, went back 3 weeks later and and offered her a ring. And uh she took it.

Well, I've never met one that didn't take one, but Uh it says if you want what we got and you're willing to go to any lengths to get it. And Linda come out the following June and we were married in October. And I think this is probably been the greatest thing I've accomplished more, accumulated more, and done more in those last 10 years than I did in the previous 55.

We've traveled the world. We've had a lot of fun. We've never had a fight or arguments or never have.

She's sitting here and if you say, "Well, that's a bunch of crap." No, she's right here. I wouldn't want to change a thing about her from what she wears to her hair to I think all our life we're trying to change somebody else. This book is all about me changing me.

I wouldn't want to change a thing about her. When she was in New Zealand, she jumped off of that original bungee bridge in Queenstown 491 ft down the canyon and then I always say that's my dope on a rope. I uh I don't need to get gonorrhea to know I don't want it.

I just I And and we have we have so much fun. And I when I say, "What am I like today?" I'm supposed to be home at 5:00, I arrive home at 6:00. She don't say, "Did you you forget how to use the telephone?" I know I should have phoned.

We don't make an issue out of these things. We just don't. Every single morning of the year, she wakes up at 10:00 to 5:00 and rolls over and puts her arm around me and says, "I love you, sweetheart." Every day, without fail.

3 years ago, a guy I sponsor when we come back from Portugal, he breeds Jack Russell dogs and he gave us a little Jack Russell, gave Linda one for Mother's Day. And that's one of our children today. And if you think you have an inactive life, get a Jack Russell.

And I'll guarantee you there will never be a dull moment. Our life has gone to the dogs. She sleeps right between us under the blankets.

And I don't know if Linda put her up to that or not. Cuz my mind makes contracts my body can't keep and >> >> I don't know if any of you people gone through these things, but like a rabbit, this won't take long, did it? But you know, I think that that when we look back at the at all these things, the message is yesterday, I went to see a couple who were very good to me.

Had a lot of meals at their home. They live in Campbell River now and he's third on the list to going to a home with Alzheimer's and dementia. And she was serving us tea yesterday.

And she had these little napkins. And isn't it interesting, the messages. I know I'm not perfect.

I just wish I knew where I wasn't. >> >> You say people don't know you? I think these are the things that that we're looking for.

That we're looking for. I I look back at my life today. And my life today is is to make your road, my wife's road, my kids' road as easy as possible to tread.

How I live in my home today. We were talking about it earlier. My wife is not my servant.

She's my buddy and she's my friend. When I get out of a shower in the morning, I wash the walls down, I clean the glass doors. I clean the taps and the sink and the mirror in the bathroom, and when I walk out of it, you'd never know anyone's ever been in there.

It's not her job to clean up after me. You know, I was That's This is all new to me to to become aware of other people. And to become aware of other people's time.

And other people's preferences and other people's choices. These are the things that I have today. When I look at the traveling I do today, I sit in my den today and I look around and sometimes I get pretty choked up when I think of where I came from.

I think of my background. I think of how I've treated people even after I sobered up. And I sit and look around my walls and I see a scroll all framed signed by President Bill Clinton to Lois Fennimore.

I see another one in a big oak frame where Governor Patton of the state of Kentucky made me an honorary colonel in the state of Kentucky and they only do six a year and two of them was Colonel Parker, Elvis Presley's manager, and Colonel Sanders, uh who died, a very active member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I I look at all of the things I've had the privilege of having dinner with the Prime Minister of Canada. And I'm not bragging.

That's just I want to tell you it's a long way from a to the blessings that has come my way and that we share our experiences, strength, and help hope with each other. Don't ever say that you can't do this or I couldn't do that. You can do anything you want.

It's just the impossible takes a little longer, but you can do anything you want. Anything you want. And do you know, but when you read the book, when you see an AA movie, if you ever get the video Dawn of Hope, watch it.

It's It's lovely. The vid and they've just done a new video now pertaining to Bill and Bob that was finished about 2 weeks ago. But I often think of the story of when the Pope was at BC Place and he had given his service and he asked anybody if they would like to come forward and be prayed for.

And you have to remember this is a story. And a person came down with crutches and he prayed for him and blessed him and they walked away. Threw the crutches away.

And a blind person come down and he prayed for them and blessed him and they could see. And a person in a wheelchair come down and he prayed for them and blessed him and they got up and walked away. And that night he was going to his hotel room in the Vancouver Hotel.

And he walked across the foyer to the elevator and pressed the button and the doors opened. There was a guy standing in there and he's on crutches and he seen the Pope and he said, "Don't touch me. I'm on workman's compensation." And I think many, many times we see we hear the sermon, we see the story, we read the book, but didn't get the message.

And I think that this is what it's all about is did we get the message? I often wonder because you know, the poor old drunk for some unknown reason, he does what he's told sometimes whether he knows what it's about or not. And it's the same as as as the the drunk, he made this kite and he never put that long tail on the end of it.

And he's trying to fly it. And he goes out and throws this thing up in here and he runs like hell and it goes about 20 ft and piles right into the ground. And he picked it up, and threw it again.

And it run about 20, 30 ft and piled right into the ground. His wife watched him do this about three or four times. I don't know if she was an Al-Anon or not.

And she looked up out at him and hollered at him and she said, "You bloody dummy, you need more tail." He said, "Make up your mind. Last night you told me to go fly a kite. So, I mean >> >> I think that's what happened sometimes is we hear the story and we see the message.

But we just don't get the message. And I am so grateful for all the blessings that's come my way. I just retired at the end of December as the program director and the counselor for the alcohol drug program for the British Columbia Racing Commission Thoroughbred and Standardbred horse racing.

There's over 292 people sober on the two tracks now. And in 1994, our program in Vancouver was adopted by the Jockey's Guild as the role model program for all 54 racetracks in North America. So, I feel good about what you people have given me and allowed me to go out and carry the message to somebody else.

I I say this with all humility that I really don't have a lot to crow about. But I have a lot to be grateful for. And I feel sorry for the people who come into Alcoholics Anonymous and got the wrinkle out of their belly and a set of wheels and a beautiful wife and three homes and don't have time to carry this message.

I don't have any trouble whatsoever getting in my two, three meetings a week. Everyone in Alcoholics Anonymous is given 168 hours a week. And yet you'd sound like I only get 40 and someone else gets 200 or whatever.

We all get the same amount of time. Arranging of time and what we do with it to me is vitally important. And they don't ask too much from me.

I get a chance to go to a lot of these. I get a chance to meet a lot of people. And I get a chance to laugh at myself.

And I think that's the greatest gift there is is when I can learn to laugh at my own mistakes. I've allowed society to punish me for them. And God has allowed me to see the humor in them.

We I was speaking at a a convention in Mobile, Alabama a few years ago and Linda and I and there was a a colored couple, George and Elizabeth and they fell in love with Linda and it was about 114° and she was sitting out by the pool all afternoon on Saturday and that night George looked at her and he was really dark and he said, "You know, you really confuse me." And Linda said, "Why?" He said, "You lay out by that pool till you get red and then you go up in your room stay there till you get brown and come down here and call me colored." >> >> You know, sometimes we get so serious about nothing that we scare hell out of ourselves. God will never let you down if you're sincere and earnest about what you're asking for. He will never let you down.

He will always be there. I'm scared to pray for anything for fear I'll get it. I really am.

And I'm going to close with a little story. It It's one that's said so much. And we do it usually after meetings.

And yet maybe we don't even think past that. But it's the story of the couple who had a farm on the prairies. In the fall it was pretty cool one night and they walked out to look over the fields after they'd harvested and they had a little boy and they took him with them.

And that night he he ran off and got lost as children sometimes do. And they went back to the farmhouse and they phoned the reserve army and this man said to him he said, "Our little boy is lost out in our fields. Can you send some men out?" He said, "We'll have an officer and some troops there at daybreak." And at daybreak they arrived.

And they went out to the field where they were the night before. >> >> And the officer said to the man he said, "Line up across this field." And they did. And he said, "Join hands." And they did.

And he said, "Go across that field." And they did. And they found the little boy and he was dead. He'd perished.

And his daddy reached up and held him in his arms. And he looked at his wife. And he said, "You see, sweetheart, if we'd held hands last night, we wouldn't have lost him.

I only pray that I can be the type of friend you've been to me. Good night and God bless you." >> >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day. >>