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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> >> My name's Chris Raymer. I'm a very grateful recovered alcoholic.

Ah, what what an honor to be here. I I didn't figure we'd have 20 people on a a 2:00 on a Friday afternoon. Don't don't they work in California?

Don't y'all have jobs? Oh, this is so good. I'm honored to be here.

I This is my second trip to California, and um Ah, has Pamela got here yet? Not 30. Okay, well, we're we're waiting.

Y'all think I'm joking. When I get back tomorrow night and I I trust me, I'll have at least three guys I sponsor call me. Did you see her?

Did you see her? Pamela Anderson. I mean, come on.

This is This is Texas. You know, y'all all think we got oil wells in our backyard. We all think Pamela Anderson lives next door.

So, I know y'all do. So, Uh what a hoot. I Thanks, Sandy, for doing everything to get me here and uh anybody else that had anything to do with with asking me to come out here and Dan picked me up at the airport and drove very nicely.

Which is important to me at my advanced age. Uh They usually get some little new guy out of the halfway house to come pick us up with the doors missing from the car, you know, and pick us up and that kind of They think it's cool to drive really, really fast. They got They don't ever remember that you know, you change your perspective when you're looking with one eye, you know?

Every No, don't do that. Uh anyway, I what up? You know, years ago, you know, you'd get to ask to speak someplace and you could I Let me just say it.

Thanks for spending the money to bring me all the way from Texas to do this talk. I I It's just not cheap anymore to do this and um I'm humbled to be asked to do anything in Alcoholics Anonymous, but uh um just I'm blessed to get a chance to do this quite often to to speak in public and um not necessarily because I have a particularly interesting story. In fact, it's boring as spit, but um um I'm a I'm a big book thumper, folks, and I That's where I'm coming from and any of you guys that have ever heard any CDs of mine, you'll know where I'm coming from with this.

I just I just I want to make sure because some of you in here have never heard me speak before and I don't want to I don't want to get I I don't want to get beat up today. You know? You know I could relate so much to what my little brother was saying when he was telling his story, you know, and and um I uh You know, I I I work for a treatment center in in Hunt, Texas.

I'm actually from a little town called Ingram, Texas, about 1,700 people. Uh bunch of bars and eat a bunch of churches. Y'all know how it is in Texas and uh I I I get a chance to sit on that firing line of alcoholism and drug addiction and I watch so many people get well and that's a blessing, but I watch so many more not get well.

And and it's a it's a We know we had a guy left the hospital angry about something. I never got the whole story, but he he he left early, got pissed off, says, "Wife's in trouble and I got to get home and take care of that." And so he left early and some of y'all have been in treatment before, y'all may have done that. But this little guy, you know, the story, we all knew when he walked out that he was going to get loaded.

And the first he did, he got loaded and got in the car and and died 2 days later. Took two guys with him. Three people dead because of alcoholism.

So I get up from the podium and try to speak humbly, but you know, the passion is there and I cannot not get passionate about the program, the fellowship that saved my life. I I was 7 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. Boy, could I relate to what you said, you know, I hear people too say, "I walked into Alcoholics Anonymous and I just felt home." I That was not my experience.

I spent 7 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous hating your guts and was miserable in these rooms. And the reason, of course, I never felt a part of is because I wasn't a part of. I I was doing nothing in the in in the program.

I was just monitoring your meetings. Why should I feel a part of? So, that's I'm going to talk a little bit about that, but I just want to just get real clear right off the bat.

Man, if y'all can't relate to anything I say, just forget it. I We used to have a have a have a preamble. They used to call it the Texas preamble.

I'm sure y'all read pieces of it the same kind of stuff here in in California. And the the the preamble goes something like the towards the end it says, "And if you can't reconcile with what the speaker's saying out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, you might want to hold it suspect. At very least hold it suspect.

You'll follow us? So, I'm not up here to preach. I didn't come all the way to California to tell y'all how to do it.

I'm just here to share my story. And my story may be different than your story, and that's perfectly okay with me. Maybe I I can assure you because I've heard some of the speakers this weekend, their story is different than my story, but I I can't get up here and make up a new story.

Well, I guess I could. So, so so so, you guys don't get tweaky on me. I introduced myself as a recovered alcoholic cuz that's what I am, and that's what the big book tells me to do.

I absolutely bristle when somebody introduces themselves as a recovering alcoholic. It freaks me out, especially when they follow it by their sobriety date and it's longer than 6 months. If you're around the fellowship longer than 6 months and you're still recovering, there's a problem here, folks.

There's a problem. Big book says in the prefaces, it gets quite clear that we're going to show you precisely how to recover. Better than 80 places in the 164 it says we're going to recover.

It never says we will always be recovering. Never. One place it uses the word ing recovering, but that's with our families.

And trust me, we will always be recovering with our families. You know, we've all got our baggage to carry, but this business about every day being the day that I could relapse is absolute rubbish. If you read the big book, and that's what I am, folks.

I'm a big book thumper. And and I I know some of you in here are sober and you're not big book thumpers. I would strongly suggest that you go smoke.

Okay. Well, I it just it'll just save us both a lot of heartache, you know? 70 years ago, Bill Wilson and Dr.

Bob got together with the help of Abby and Roland Hazard and Carl Jung and a bunch of the cats and the clergy and and therapists and counselors that they all knew. And I mean, they got together, folks. We stole a bunch of 12 steps from the from the Christians and we we Christian doc- I mean, spiritual doctrine from every religion I've ever been around and ever studied our steps were embedded in them.

They got this stuff put together and they came up with this little formula that seemed to work pretty dadgum well. Foreword to the second edition said we had a success rate of 75%. Any of us that have been around these rooms longer than 6 months know that we don't have anything close to that today.

There's a reason for that. And no, it's not the crack addicts. I get so sick of hearing that crap, I could puke.

I I'm fixing to tell you why. Because somewhere along the line we stopped qualifying the drunks. Somewhere along the line, we stopped carrying the clear message out of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Treatment centers played a part? Sure did. But guess who Guess who sat there and drank coffee and smoked cigarettes and let it happen?

We did. It's just real simple. Fellowship was developed to treat a fatal progressive illness called alcoholism.

We're not here to help hard drinkers. We're not here to help you with your marriage or your finances. Book it's crystal clear.

When we as a group help the newcomer with all of that, I mean I we all get help with that, but I'm saying when we when we allow the newcomer to start depending on us instead of God, we're doing them a disservice. Make sense? So we've taken this great program, this great fellowship, and I know it works and I'm so excited when I see a newcomer coming in the room cuz I want to make sure he gets the solution the same solution that I got.

If whether he wants it or not, who knows. We'll find out. But at least let's make sure he gets to hear the solution.

And that's that's all I'm about. Every CD I've ever every day every talk I've ever done in the last 18 years has been directed towards that. And I tell you it grinds people up.

You can do this program any way you want. No, you can't. I mean the the absolute arrogance of us to think that.

I I don't know. I don't know. Let me tell you how I got here.

That'll help. I uh I was kicked out of a place just like this, too. Same I it was a it was a wrestling match.

It was a same thing. I what What's up? We we need to talk later.

I am I in fact I've been kicked out of lots of places. I I I started drinking early on not as early as some of the little buckaroos I sponsor today. I was about 17 18 years old when I took my first drink.

In fact, the month that Bill Wilson, the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, passed away, I took my first drink. Boone's Farm apple wine. They got that in California?

Yeah, okay. Well, some of y'all know that Ambrosia. Uh it's just it makes my teeth hurt just thinking about drinking that stuff.

It's all just sugar. And um but it's pretty coming back up. It's green, you know, anyway.

My father was an alcoholic as a periodic and my mother was not and I have an identical twin brother in Dallas, Texas and he's he's an alcoholic in recovery, too, and identical twins and I got a little sister that's not an alcoholic. Uh guys, we know for a fact from especially from the studies that have come out in the last 7 years, alcoholism and drug addiction is genetic. It is not causal.

I know my circumstances can exacerbate the problem and make it worse. Bunch of y'all in here have been through the wringer and that certainly didn't help your drinking. I guarantee you that, but it did not cause it.

We're born this way. Just like being allergic to a food, same kind of stuff. I drives me crazy.

Everybody wants to First thing they Guys do when they come to treatment, we want to start poking and prodding. Well, what caused you to be an alcoholic? It's just Let me tell you my story.

That's exactly what happened to me. I um grew up in the hill country and it's about up kind of around San Antonio and up in the hills and um couldn't wait to get out. It's beautiful little place, but could not wait to get out.

Moved to Houston, got an apprenticeship program. I wanted to be a professional chef and and became one and was pretty successful for a while. Um drinking every day.

Um but I'm not and I'm not getting any trouble. I mean, I was we used to call a functioning alcoholic, folks. I mean, I'm just I do like so many of us in this room.

I'm drinking and I'm I'm doing some dope on the side and a little bit here and there, I'm not getting any whole lot of trouble. I'm not doing anything. Hangovers from hell occasionally, but I'm holding it together pretty well.

But I can tell you what's what what what started to develop in me was this thing called a spiritual malady. So y'all might not be familiar with that term. The big book talks about it.

It's this internal discomfort that is alcoholism. And um the depression started kicking my butt and uh um I was bored. Book book says we're irritable, restless, and discontent.

And that's me. I was the poster boy for irritable, restless, and discontent. I'm You know, I'm just There's nothing going on.

I'm making a little money and I got a little girlfriend and everything's going okay, but I'm just miserable inside. And I'm sitting on All I want to do is sit on the on the couch and watch television and drink cuz it's only time I feel okay inside. And that see that's what normal If we have any Al-Anons in here, but you can relate to An alcoholic is drinking to treat that internal discomfort.

Y'all think we're drinking to party. I suppose there were some times I did that. You know, I'm just sure there was.

But you know, after the party is over, folks, I'm still drinking just to get okay in my skin. And that's what people don't understand. They think the alcohol or the cocaine or whatever it is is the problem.

It's not. It's the solution. The further I get away from a drink, the worse I get.

The most The more uncomfortable inside I get. And a lot of people nodding their head out there, you can relate to what I'm saying. And every It's easy for somebody that's not feeling that way to say, "Well, why don't you just quit drinking?" I mean, I know it sounds like a great idea.

I mean It's like Nancy Reagan. Just say no. Who knew?

I said, "What a great idea." I mean, I was in a dumpsters in Houston, Texas in 1976 and who knew? That's all I had to do was say no. God, do they think we're stupid?

I I there's a difference, folks, between being stupid and being sick. I mean, I I Of course I need this stop. I have stopped a hundred thousand times.

I just started again. And I think a lot of us can relate to that, you know? God, you know, I A thousand times I'd wake up in the morning with that brutal hangover and remember vaguely what I did last night and and uh the ass I made of myself and say I'm not going to do this anymore and I pour it all out and I clean up and that very day go join a health spa.

I'm a health spa joining fool, buddy. Half my financial amends were to stupid health spas that I joined. I don't even In towns I'd never even lived in I joined health spas.

I I don't know. Cuz I'm going to beef up in the home of Arnold. Absolutely.

And uh I'm going to Yes. And about 2 weeks later that internal condition starts to percolate again and I start to feel a little insecure about myself. The book talks about a feeling of uselessness.

And I start feeling doubtful that I have a place on this earth. I feel uncomfortable in my skin. And my little head starts to whisper at me.

Same You could probably smoke a joint. No, shh. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Pot. Smoke a little pot. Go straight back and get some alcohol.

I hated pot. Why did I even Ah. I think I said this the last time I was in California.

I got to ask that question. Some of you pot addicts come talk to me after this talk cuz I want to ask you, what is the What is the the draw to that drug? Pot Who wants a a drug that makes you horny and paranoid all at the same time?

I just wander around my apartment naked peeking through the windows. I I Pizza guy knocks on the door, I run to the bathroom. You know, oh no, please God, don't cuz I can't talk.

I can't think. I can't I just But he even even not liking it as much as I did, if I didn't have something to put in my body, I I'd go to the pot. I'll I'll They They ask him in treatment, "What's your drug of choice?" You know, they always get that perplexed look on their face and kind of their head turns like a little huh?

It's like yours. What What have What do you got? I don't care.

I don't care cuz what I'm trying to do is fix this internal condition. It's the only I don't think people realize that when alcohol and the dope was working for us, when alcohol was working for me, I was a better person because of it. I wasn't drinking because I bec- to to get to get loaded, I was drinking to get right.

I'd I'd have a a few glasses of wine and balance my checkbook and take care of the my stuff I had to do. I It It worked great. And until it didn't.

>> >> You know, the progressive the book talks about the phenomenon of craving. When that stuff starts to kick in, now I can't guarantee you I used to be able to pretty often guarantee you how much I was going to drink. But once I get started and the the disease continued to progress, it was less and less likely that I was going to drink what I set out to drink.

And that's when the problems start piling up. If y'all think for a second that I intended to be in TGI Fridays with a patch on crooked like an earmuff mooning mooning the entire crowd, that was never my intention. I just exactly what little brother was just saying.

We go through these stages. If I could just drink a couple of drinks, buddy, you can't touch me. I am John Travolta and Don Juan all rolled into I mean, I am a stud.

Y'all laugh. You should have seen me in my prime. >> I I Hey.

Don't laugh so hard at that. I got one skinny little Yankee girl at home thinks I'm still pretty hot. So, heck with it.

I The phenomenal craving kicks in and I'm off to the stupid races again. And the stuff's adding up and piling up and and I'm starting to experience some problems and I'm moving around and I'm quitting good jobs and and uh Jesus, it's just it life is becoming a struggle. The book talks about it.

And um life just shouldn't have to be that hard. And I'm seeing a counselor therapist uh late '70s early '80s I started seeing therapy uh on a regular basis uh good good counselors and uh we're we're talking about everything under the sun. We're convinced my wife's convinced my my family's convinced that if I could just find the one thing that I'm freaked out about You know what I'm talking about guys?

We all talk about issue man. You know, if I could find the one little issue that's causing me the problem I could do some good therapy around that and then I'd be okay. And every one of y'all in this room have done it.

Lay in bed and wake at night and say, "Why can't I get a handle on this? Why can't I drink like a gentleman? Why do I have to do that dope?" It must be something deep.

Seven close to 10 years in therapy. And I'm so grateful that I had every minute of it. I learned lots about myself.

Learned a lot about mama, learned a lot about daddy, learned a lot about my twin brother, learned a lot about me and that rock fight that put this eye out when I was 11. In case you were interested, I just thought I'd throw that in there. May it was guys, we learned we learned a lot about my sexuality.

Uh we talked a lot about being gay, a lot about being gay. Every therapist that was first After we talked about mama, we talked about being gay. You know.

I I'm not gay, but we talked a lot about being a I'm not making fun of it. I'm just saying, you know, a lot of people tried to help me. Doctors tried to help me.

They were dispensing antidepressants faster than I could take them. I went to um And let me say this now because I had somebody last time I was recently when I spoke somebody came up after and said that I was given I was being critical of antidepressants. I am not being critical of antidepressants.

If if your doctor thinks you need to take them, take them. I that's an outside issue. Could give a rat's butt.

Y'all Y'all clear on that? Everybody cool? >> Yep.

>> If you think that's going to keep you sober though, you you are full of full of it. You are Let me be the first to tell you from the podium. And I'm talking from experience, folks.

I was taking seven pills a day. Seven pills a day. I'm working for my twin brother up in North Texas.

Things are becoming quite uncomfortable in my life. I'm um living from paycheck to paycheck. I can't cook anymore.

I'm working for him. Thank God for family. And I thank God for my brother that gave me that job.

And um I um I'm miserable. I I I I couldn't get a date with two pockets of cocaine. I It's fact.

And um Believe it. It's the truth. And um The book says in the doctor's opinion is a line in there that says our problems pile up on us and they become astonishingly difficult to solve.

And and that was my life. I mean I I was having trouble making decisions. We were talking the other day, you know, I had I two pairs of Levi's and and six Fruit of the Loom t-shirts in my closet.

That's what I had. I went I worked I was a blue collar worker. I worked in a bindery.

I didn't need any dress clothes for that, you know. And this is what I had. And I would stand in front of that closet for sometimes 30, 40 minutes trying to figure out what to wear.

I mean, it just the simp Y'all know the t-shirts I'm talking about with a little pocket on them, you know, and you wash them a few times and the pocket moves around to the right here. So, you you you look like a kangaroo all the time with a little pouch. Oh, jeez.

It's just nuts, you know. I get to the stop sign and I'm going to turn to left to go to work, turn right go to home and I can't make up I vaporlock, you know. People are honking behind I can't make a decision.

Walk into Kroger to buy a couple of things and I've just it's too much. Guys, I'm starving to death. Moun- I am starving to death because I'm afraid to go in the store.

I've written them so many hot checks in that Kroger I can't I I'm afraid to go in there. And once I get in all the kids and the people and it's too much. I go back out in the car and drink a quart of beer and go back in and get my groceries and leave quickly.

Y'all, that that is no way to live. I don't even have an address book cuz there's nobody in my life, folks. Drove home one night after work uh cold November night and uh picked up a stack of returned checks in the mail and stopped and got a 12-pack, went home, sat on the floor, opened those checks, realized that I'd bankrupted another checking account.

I I don't know how long I sat on that floor, folks, but it wasn't long and I got up to the medicine cabinet and I went and I got a couple bottles of pills and I tried to commit suicide. I just tried to off myself. It was the stupid coward's way out.

Nothing romantic about it. I've said it from a million podiums. I I there's nothing in me wanted to die.

I just didn't want to continue to feel the way I was feeling. You know, people that don't understand alcoholism the these diseases they they again, they just want to make it like it's a behavioral problem. They don't understand it.

When When I told that woman that I was going to stop drinking, I meant it. With every fiber in my body, I meant that I was going to stop. When I told that probation officer, when I told that employer, I meant it.

I just I didn't have the power to manage the decision to stay stopped. I couldn't on my own power. That's what the book tries to tell us in several places in the book.

If you can quit given good reason, good therapy, change of an environment, warning from a doctor, all of which I had. If you could stop or moderate because of that, then you're not one of us. I could stop for periods of time and then I would start again.

That's my MO. And I've let my mom down, my dad, I've let everybody in my family down. I'm even freaking out my twin brother, who's an alcoholic just like me, and I'm scaring him.

You know, it's like it I was done. Ate the pills, drank it down, sat on the side of the bed, and instantly I heard a voice that said, "Chris, don't do this. Go back to AA." Don't know what I heard.

It was a voice that said, "Chris, don't do this. Go back to AA." Hair stood up on the back of my neck. I don't freaked me out.

I'm arguing with the voice. I'm never going back to AA. I did AA for 7 years, in and out and in and out.

I am the I am the classic example that meeting makers don't make it. Again, if you're sitting in this room and all you're doing is going to meetings and you're sober, I'm Rock on, brother. I'm so proud of you.

That's just uh Please don't sponsor anybody. I ain't going back to AA. Chris, don't do this.

Go back to AA. Okay. I made myself sick.

Lay down. It freaked me out. Next morning I heard that voice one more time and I got up and I called the doctor, doctor that had been trying to get me into a treatment center or get me some help for years.

And um he he got me in that morning and got me some doggy downers to start detoxing. And at 6:00 that night, I was sitting outside a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'd never been to this group before.

It was reported that it was a nest of big book thumpers in that AA club. And um I was running late and it's the only reason I was there cuz I was going to go to one of these discussion meetings and maybe get a date. And cuz I was already talking myself, I'm detoxing folks.

I'm already talking myself. Chris, maybe you were a little rash last night, you know? And but I walked in, I think it was the first part of my spiritual experience because I had the courage and the whatever it took to get out of that truck and walk in the back door of a meeting that I did not want to go into.

Guys, when you pick up one desire chip, it takes a lot of courage. You try picking up a couple of hundred of them. It's downright humiliating.

Cuz everybody in the place, buddy, they know that you're not going to stay sober. There ain't any big applause when you pick up your your 200th desire chip. I walked in, they all gave me the high sign.

Welcome, buddy. Welcome. Sit down.

Little girl got hold of me wouldn't let me go cuz I was going to walk out. I walked in and sure enough every person in there had a big book on their lap. I was like, "Shh, this is going to be one long hour." You know, I could just hear it coming.

The chairperson had seen me up in North Texas for years and he had a lot of sobriety at the time and he's still around and he he said, "We've seen Chris around for a long time. Buddy, welcome back. Let's do a little first step meeting, but let's don't do like we ordinarily do.

Let's don't tell a bunch of war stories and stuff in here cuz he's heard every one of them. Let's share some miracles with this cat. Let's Let's talk about some things that have changed in our lives as a result of working the 12 steps.

I thought this is going to be good. And I sat up on the edge of my seat and spilled my coffee for the third time. And they all went around the room and they all started talking about the miracles.

Y'all know the miracles I'm talking about? Getting your credit cards back. Paying off those big debts.

Getting dates. I'll say it. Getting laid.

Hot damn, man. This is good. I just buying houses, getting jobs, going back to school.

They're sharing all this stuff and I was like, "Betty, where have I I I've been in AA for 7 years and never hearing any of this? The The AA meetings that I'm going to up in North Texas are open discussion held. Y'all down with this?

I'm going to tell you, you may have In any area I've ever spoken, in any country I've ever spoken, there's there's there's pockets of these meetings out there and that's all they do. They read how it works, they read the traditions, you you know you're in an AA meeting, and then they do two one or two things. If it's a first step meeting, they start telling those stupid war stories.

And if and if it's not, it's just open discussion, they start the junior therapy sessions. Maybe you may not be able to to identify with this, folks, but this was my experience for 7 years. Guys, don't hear me say that your war stories are not important.

Bill Wilson understood when he went to Dr. Bob, but he didn't walk into Dr. Bob's house and say, "Hey, let me tell you about God." They sit down and talked about booze for a while and this guy said, "Man, you know what you're talking about." And then they set the hook and then he started talking about the spiritual experience.

But we got his identification first. But guys, if you've got a cat in the meeting and he's been around the fellowship for years, why are you going to tell him one more stupid war story? >> >> I just He's here.

In a 12-step call or from the podium like this, let's tell some war stories. Let's share our sorrows with each other. But guys, when a newcomer comes into the meeting, he's looking for one thing.

I walked into that meeting that night absolutely hopeless, less than 24 hours from away from a suicide attempt. The book says on page 24, you're not even going to be able to remember your own war stories, much less mine. When the middle obsession returns, you're not going to When I started drinking again, did I remember that I used to eat out of dumpsters?

Absolutely not. So why do we do it? At the very least, friends, let's use some discernment when we start to do that crap.

I mean, guys, use some discernment. It's a noon meeting and there's a whole bunch of businessmen in there and they're all talking. You know, if they had have talked to me about the spiritual malady and this feeling of uselessness, I could have related to.

But I don't relate to robbing liquor stores. I don't relate to shooting dope. I don't relate to going to jail.

I do relate to wanting to die. Why don't we talk about that? I sat in my first meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and listened to people talk about their DWIs.

I went home and said, "Buddy, I thought this was going to work, but it's not. I'm not one of them. I've never had a DWI.

I eventually got one. Or two. But you know, I hear it in the meetings all the time.

Y'all want to talk about the yet, but I'm telling you, I'm going to go back to page 24. The book says you're not going to remember that stuff. If you're sharing your experience, strength, and hope with somebody trying to help them, that's one thing.

If you're sharing your experience, strength, and hope trying to scare them into recovery, you are wasting your time. It's one of the reasons we can't keep the young adults in our meetings because we got too many people in here trying to scare them into recovery. The book says we're supposed to pull the newcomer with a vision.

That's what the That's what the last chapter is. A vision for you. That's what those people did to me in 1987.

They pulled me with a vision of how cool life could be like in sobriety. Thank God. Thank God.

We finish with the war stories, we start the junior therapy sessions. I I'm not going to stay on this long, guys, cuz I want to have a nice visit with y'all afterwards, and I don't want to get beaten up. But listen, I but I I got Cuz all of us do it.

I've done it. I've been guilty of it. All of us do it.

But I but I'm just I'm going to ask you this question. What are we supposed to be sharing? We read it.

Somebody just read it earlier. We read the traditions. What's our fifth tradition say?

Primary purpose is to carry the message, right? >> Carry this message. >> This What is this message?

What is the message we're supposed to be carrying to the newcomer? >> The message of Alcoholics Anonymous. >> What's the message of Alcoholics Anonymous?

It's the 12 steps. That's the message. The message of the spiritual experience, the message of our awakenings.

Y'all cool with that? So, we go into a meeting. Well, this is your meeting.

Who's got the topic? Nobody bothered to bring a topic. Well, then who's got a problem they need to talk about?

Why? The only common problem that we all have in this room, folks, the only problem that we all have in common in this room is alcoholism. Yeah?

I just I'm the controversial speaker. Everybody goes, "Oh, you're that controversial speaker. You're pissing people off out there." Blah blah blah blah blah.

Yeah? And then you go into a meeting and want to talk about your grandkids one more time, and I'm controversial. I don't understand that.

I think it's okay if you're in a noon meeting and you're got the same 10 or 15 people there, and you see them every day, and y'all want to just talk about your day. That's cool. But if you've got a newcomer coming from one of these jitter joints, one little halfway house cat coming in, or little guy off the street, can it.

I don't know about you guys here in the in the in California, but in Texas, you know, we get a little guy come little fried pie coming off the street and start talking about crack cocaine, they'll shut him down in a heartbeat. Hey, buddy, singleness of purpose. This is AA.

We don't talk about drugs in here. I don't have a problem with that. There's ways to do it gently.

Singleness of purpose. We are Alcoholics Anonymous. Nobody has a problem with that in Texas.

But you can come into the meeting and talk about your stupid divorce one more time. Now, tell me what the difference is. What is the difference?

It's got nothing to do with me, brand new coming in the door wanting to have a spiritual experience. This why I never felt a part of the fellowship for so many years, because I walked in and they I know that they've got these things called the 12 steps and the big book, but nobody will show me where to get one. I was around AA for 7 years and didn't even own a big book.

Never had a sponsor. I'm just coming to lots of meetings. Every once in a while I'd come up and ask somebody, "Well, what are these steps?" Oh, buddy, how long you been sober?

A week? Oh, buddy, there's plenty of time for those steps. Don't worry about that.

Take your time, you know, easy does it. Oh, that's great. I got a guaranteed spiritual experience coming to me when I work all 12 steps and I'm dying of this disease, but you want me to take it easy.

Okay, all right, I think I got it now. And I'm the controversial speaker. Buddies, let's just get this straight right now.

I very seldom take these kind of stances from the podium, but I feel compelled to do it today. If you are telling people in meetings to take their time to work the steps, you need to shut up. Bill Wilson didn't tell that to Dr.

Bob. They didn't tell it to Bill D, number three, number four, number five, number six, all those cats worked the steps rapidly. Guys, getting sober in the best circumstances is a bear.

It's the toughest thing we ever do. It I I had so much health problem it wasn't even funny. I mean I I had a wreckage out there Well, not as bad as yours, but I mean I had a I had a lot of wreckage and it it was it took everything to do.

But guys, I needed God's help to get that done. After the meeting was over that was fast forward back 1987 and and I After the meeting an old geezer that had seen me up there a million times and came up and said, "Chris, are are you are you I just need to ask you, are you done?" I know some people think that's very harsh. I remember saying to him again, the stupidest thing I ever said because I'd been around the fellowship for so long, I knew what I was supposed to say.

I had all the chicken you know what one-liners down pat. Well, you know, one day at a time. He said, "That's what I thought." And he got his coffee and he left the room.

I'm a little freaked out. I chased him. I said, "Buddy, remember me?

The most important person here?" He said, "Chris, you are the most important person here, but we're not here for your enjoyment. We're not here to watch you die. Those people loved me enough to finally tell me the truth.

Chris, my book asked me to ask you point-blank, are you done?" The book says, "Are you finished for good and for all?" Cuz if you're not, and you can't make a commitment to try to do this work, guys, I know we live we live life one day at a time. I know I have a daily reprieve, but it starts with a commitment. But I don't want to live that way anymore.

Not one stupid day at a time. I know that's in subsequent AA literature. It is not in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I didn't get up this morning and decide to stay sober. I hear people from podiums all the time say, "I got up this morning and and and made a choice to not drink today." God help you. I could I couldn't do that.

I am powerless over alcohol. If the obsession to use returns to me, I will use. That's my experience.

Those guys said, "Chris, buddy, we're going to work you through these steps quickly so that you can have the necessary spiritual experience. We're going to get you connected." The next morning we did a third step prayer. That afternoon, they qualified me that night.

They opened the pages to show me the physical allergy, the mental obsession to find out if I needed to be there or not or in another 12-step group. Qualified. We did a third step prayer the next morning.

That afternoon, they gave me a notebook that says, "Let's start working on that fourth step." Day two, detoxing. You're with us on this one? Oh, that's much too fast.

No, it's not. They had me that weekend that I first came into the fellowship, they had me answering the phones at the AA club. They didn't turn me loose.

They said, "We'll be right here, but you're going to help you're going to do something for this club. You're going to give back cuz that's what this entire program is about." They had me cleaning up on the cleanup committee. They had Whatever I could do, they had me and that was the first time I ever felt a part of Alcoholics Anonymous.

They created a monster. You I I would got on that cleanup committee. You couldn't set a coffee cup down.

Hey, get a paper towel for that. Don't spill that crap on my table. You know, this is my group.

It's my club. That was the best. Those people saved my life.

They knew that if I didn't get a job, I wasn't going to stay. This is was just that simple. 2 weeks later, I've got a completed fourth step.

I'm ready to do a fifth step with my sponsor when he gets back in town. I'm sitting on the tailgate of my truck up in North Texas. Cold November night again, except it's real clear outside, big old full moon up there.

And I'm looking around. I got out of my truck after a out of Friday night AA meeting and I got home about 7:00 or 8:00 and and I got out and I sat on the tailgate of the truck and I just looked around and it dawned on me that the obsession to use I'm surrounded by liquor stores, 7-Eleven, Stop and Go. My dope dealer lives in the apartment complex where I live.

It's Friday and I got some money in my pocket. Ain't nobody living with me but two stinky ferrets. They don't care if I drink or not.

You're down with this? And it dawned on me that the obsession to drink has been lifted from me. For the first time in my adult life, I didn't want to drink.

Guys, I've said it before from the podium. I got to wind this down. I I don't know how people can talk about a spiritual experience and not get emotional and not raise their voice.

The I'm a cat that could not not drink. And for some strange reason, because I got off my butt at the insistence of some men and women in the fellowship that loved me enough to make sure I did get off my butt, I had a spiritual experience. That was 18 years ago and not once in 18 years have I wanted to drink alcohol or do any kind of dope.

And I travel extensively and I'm around it all the time. I do not obsess. 10th step promises says we're going to be taken to an a position of neutrality, safe and protected.

Those are not willy-nilly promises, folks. That's what happens as you do the work. I don't care how you work the steps.

I got I talking to a guy on the phone today about it and he's wants me to come do a deal. And how do you work the Guys, I work them I work them quickly. It doesn't seem to matter if you do a three-column inventory or four-column inventory or an extended eight-column inventory.

It doesn't seem to really matter. Clean up your mess. Make the amends.

Go work with others. That's what the book talks about. >> >> On page 129 it says real clear I'm going to read it to you real quick before I get out of here.

Cuz some of y'all will be asking me about it. It's in a chapter called the family afterwards. It's pretty good chapter.

I missed it for years. It is letting It is well to let him go as far as he likes. He's talking about the new guy.

And helping other alcoholics. During those first days of convalescence that was this will do more to ensure his sobriety than anything else. You with me?

During those first days of convalescence. No kidding. What does the big book say the root of our problem is?

Sing it, baby. Selfishness and self-centeredness. That's the root of the problem.

It didn't say alcohol is the root of the problem. Didn't say cocaine is the root of the problem. It says selfishness and self-centeredness.

So, what do we do? We let the little newcomer come in and then we just let him sit. Let him stew in his own juices in the coffee room just while he just gets under you know, gets unbelievable.

Selfishness and self-centered. Then we encourage him to come into a meeting and talk about his how how much trouble he's in. Get out of your head.

How do you get out of your head? Go sit with somebody else that's having a tougher time than you are. And buddy, it's easy to find in our fellowship today.

All you got to do is walk into any AA group, look around, look for the little guy standing over in the corner by himself like I was, miserable, looking uncomfortable, crawl ready to crawl out of his skin. You don't have to go working through the steps. I'm not saying go sponsor him at two days sober.

Go get him a cup of coffee. Tell him where the bathrooms are. Show him what a big book is.

You Anybody can do that. But the the process of doing that will get you out of your head, and you will get taken to a different place. Guys, entire program is about this.

Give in order to receive. Make sense? I'm over here working around and taking care of the little newcomers as best I can and trying to help do what these guys ask me to do.

Guess what God's busy doing? Taking care of my crap. You know how I work I went to an AA meeting one night, and I'm freaked out about the IRS cuz they're they're tired of messing with me.

I I they They're pissed. And they're they're fixing to put a lien on my accounts, and and and I'm There's not much money in there to begin with, and I'm I'm freaked out. And I'm talking to my sponsor about it after the meeting and before the meeting, and that's where we That's where we talk.

That's what the fellowship is about. It's not in the meeting. That's where we're supposed to talk about the program.

But in the meeting before and after, that's where we talk about our day. He knows I'm in trouble with the with the IRS, and we we went to this meeting I'd never been to before, and I sat down, and I'm talking to him across the table about the IRS before the meeting starts. And the guy guy sitting right to my left with Thank God so I could see him.

I was tell He could be on this side, he'd be on fire, and I wouldn't have seen him, but he sits and he says, "Hey, guess what?" He flips a card over there, and I look at it, and he's a he's a tax attorney. Sweet. That's how it worked.

Come on, guys. Why was I at that meeting? How did I end up sitting right next to this guy?

Because I'm not in charge. Because God's in charge. I'm supposed to do my stuff.

The book says third step prayer says, "We have a new employer." A lot of you are nodding your head because you've been there. I don't know what to do in your life, folks. I know that God does.

My only job is to help you get connected to God as quick as possible. You're You're cool with that, aren't you? It's just real simple.

We got people coming out of halfway houses and treatment centers left and right. Walking They They've learned a bunch of cool stuff in treatment. You know what's going to happen?

If they don't come back into meetings where they're talking about the solution, they're not going to stay. They're going to go back out and they're going to use again. Government is squeezing us tight.

Folks, separation of church and state is alive and well in the United States. Most treatment centers out there right now are all having to change their curriculums. I work in one.

I'm telling you, if you are getting any state funding, any federal funding, you will not be able to talk about God in those treatment centers. And buddy, how are these cats going to get sober if we don't talk about God? Higher power, your your own understanding.

How are we going to do this? We're not. They're going to come straight to our meetings, and that's where we need to be.

I'll say it and go, folks. We need some people to step up to the plate. We need some leaders.

You don't have to be sober 18 years to be a leader. You could be sober 3 months and be a leader. We need I was in a rainstorm in Houston not long ago and I'm looking over and it's I'm stopped at the stop button.

And I look over and they got this big trench and they got the two little Mexican guys down in the trench just wet as rats digging their little butts off. And there was 10 guys in slickers, rain coat, rain gear standing out all around the trench watching them dig. Now buddy, I'm sitting there thinking that's Alcoholics Anonymous right there.

Isn't that right? Got a whole bunch of people standing on the sideline while you got a couple of little guys in there doing everything. We need a few >> >> Same people in the group that sponsors sponsors everybody.

That's been my experience. Same people take care of the coffee bar. Same people clean up.

Same people are on the board. Same people are on GSRs. What why?

Come on, it's time to get some new blood in here. It's time to get some cats to step up to the plate cuz I'm telling you folks, your program will absolutely explode as a result of doing some service work. This time next year they're going to be doing this conference, I guarantee you.

To put a conference on like this takes thousands of hours of work and effort. Volunteer. Get involved.

If you don't get involved, you'll go away. And I got to tell you something folks, we need you. Any of you old crusty coots in here carrying your big books into meetings, taking the heat, thank you.

Ladies, I don't think I've talked in 10 years that I haven't said this from the podium. I'm going to end with it. Every woman in this room that has stayed sober and has stayed in these rooms to help us sponsor other women, thank you.

From the bottom of my heart. >> >> We need all hands on deck. Young adults, you are so welcome here.

I know that there's lots of young adult meetings, but you are welcome in mainstream AA. I would love to sit next to you. I got little business cards.

I travel with them everywhere. It's got my email and my phone number. Uh I give my last name when I speak from the podium cuz I want y'all to be able to get in touch with me if you need me.

If I can ever help you in any way, I sit in front of that phone and that terminal all day long. So many of y'all in here I've emailed for years back and forth and it's what an honor to get a chance to put a name with the face and and I'm just I'm absolutely blessed to know you. Uh the good news is 10 years ago when I would give talks like this, uh we would have some fire to put out.

Today, it's not so much anymore because there's more and more of us out there starting literature-based meetings, working people through the steps, more and more of us out there sober kicking but I mean sober. I don't mean dry. I mean kicking butt.

You guys that have helped make that happen by carrying big books in and taking the heat, going into open discussion meeting and the meeting's going down the toilet and you stand up even if you're not chairing saying, "Excuse me, we're off topic. Let's get it back on topic." Thank you. Thank you for for feeling that responsibility.

>> >> I think Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob would approve. Thank you all for letting me come up here and visit.

>> >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.

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