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And friends. Hi everybody. I'm an alcoholic.

My name is Wesley Parish. >> And you know it's it's just wonderful to be back in Akran. You know, I thought I'd never be asked back.

But you know, 44 is a lucky number for me. I remember very distinct. I was I was singing here as I and he said 44th anniversary.

I said, you know, that used to be the number I played in the numbers, you know, not that I could afford it, but in my drinking days, I always put $20 a week on number 44. Never missed it. And one day I hit.

One day I hit and and they brought me a bag full of money. I had a $20 bill on 44 at 70 to1. and and they brought a bag full of the dirtiest money I've ever seen.

And I asked Reena, I said, "Do you want it?" She said, "Yes, we'll keep it." And so that's the way actually we got started after after coming in Alcoholics Anonymous was by playing number 44. And so here I am again. I'm lucky again with number 44 is having the opportunity to come back to Akran on the 44th birthday, 44th Founders Day.

And you know I'm deeply grateful. And you know for years I I didn't understand the word grateful. I didn't word understand the word thankful because every time I heard it now call it synonymous.

It seemed that they were synonymous. And and I just never would use them because I knew there must be a difference between the two words. And so one day by chance I picked up a book and this was only a few years back and and I opened it up to a page and it happened to say thankful grateful and I started reading and it explained the difference to me between being thankful and being grateful.

It said that whenever you are thankful for something is when you're directly benefited from it. I'm thankful for this invitation to talk to you this morning to tell you to tell you about Alcoholics Anonymous and what it's done for me. I'm thankful for my family.

I'm thankful for your friendship. These are all benefits that I've directly benefited from the food I eat and the love that you give me through this program. These things I'm deeply grateful for, thankful for because through the grace of God.

These things, the word grace means an unearned favor. These things I am not entitled to because I never did anything to be entitled to such as this. But through his grace, he's gave me these wonderful things and I'm thankful for.

And this Adam went on and said that the editorial went on to say now to be grateful means that you are willing to reciprocate for those things that you're thankful for. to make payment thereof to be as good to God as God has been good to you. And only through his grace am I standing here.

Only through his grace. And the only way that I can show my gratitude is for what he has done for me in the last 32 years is to tell you about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and what it's done for me. and tell you that God has done for me what I could not do for myself through this program.

And so you see I am indeed grateful this morning to be here. I mean I'm indeed thankful for the opportunity to be your friend. But only through this program have I shared this with you.

I love you and I know that you love me. The program alcoholics anonymous says that we tell a story what it was like what happened and what it's like now. But it doesn't say where you have to start.

It doesn't say you have to be uh uh tell a drunk what it was like what it was like what it was like when I've had two or three changes since I've been in a I've had the wonderful opportunity to live this program through the prime of my life. I've used this program in with my family. It worked.

I used it in business. It worked. I used it in politics, it worked.

I used it in my community, it worked. This program has worked for me since November 13th, 1947. It has been just as important to me since that day as the blood in my veins because without it, I could not have survived.

And through his grace, again, an unearned favor, I received this program on a silver platter. And I misused this program for 4 and 1/2 years. I wanted everybody else to live the Alcoholics Anonymous program and I was going to see that they did it, but I wouldn't do it myself.

I don't know. I know this doesn't happen in Ohio, but it did it. And I was the type of alcoholic in the first 4 and 1/2 years that still lied, cheated, stole, run around on my wife, and I was a no good father.

I wanted everybody else. I preached in this program. I want everybody else to live this program.

If you would just live the 12 steps of alcoholic violence, your trouble will be over. And I went down to see my sponsor one day and he told me what was happening. And he says, "Wesley, I'm ashamed of you.

I'm ashamed that you're a member of Alcoholics Anonymous." He said, "My bird dogs come here and tell me about what you're doing and living and and how you're treating your fellow man." And he says, "I don't know how you stayed sober, but he says, "You've stayed sober. I'll give you credit for that." And I says, "Well, Chris, what am I going to do?" He says, "You better get busy with the program." And I said, "What? How do I get busy with the program?" He says, "You start working the 12 steps in your everyday life." And I said, "Well, I do.

Do I use the cafeteria system?" I said, "Some of them I don't like." He says, "That's the ones you want to try the hardest." He says, "You take them in the stuent they are written." He said, "Have you ever seen the steps in print without them being numbered?" I said, "No." He said, "Well, I won't for a reason." I said, "Why?" He says, "To keep screw balls like you for messing them up." That's exactly why. And he said, "If you take them in the secrets that they are written, and if you will take them in those secrets, he says, things will happen to you beyond your fondest dreams." Beyond your fondest dreams. And you know, I thank God that Chris took the time, my sponsor took the time with me this day to instruct me about this.

And he was unkind to me because he said things to me that really embarrassed me. There was the truth though. I had a sponsor that told me the truth.

He didn't he wasn't meaty mouth. If you've got a sponsor that's meaty mouth, get rid of them. They'll kill you.

I'll tell you that right now. Get one that you don't like. every time he opens his mouth said, "I'm going to get rid of him.

I can't take this no more." Now, this guy will save a gal will save your life. And this is the type of sponsor I had. I would have never made it.

I would have never made it. And so, I got busy on the 12 steps. And I found out that when when Bill W put these pro these steps down, he and I went into this book here that's very seldom read in.

And I know it's very seldom read in AA because I get the conference report every every year. And I find that last year in 1978 there was only only 14 less than 15,000 of these books sold. And it's over 30,000 groups in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And so that's a half a book per group. So I know it's not many alcoholics read this book. And I find it very enlightening.

This is a history of alcoholic synonymous and this is so important to me as a member of alcoholic synonymous because this book tells me what happened to Bill and how Bill got his spiritual awakening and and it tells me that uh how he found out that he had a spiritual awakening. He found out through William James through the book a variety of religious experiences that a spiritual experience was deflation death. deflation death that if an if an alcoholic was going to stay sober, he had to have a rearrangement.

He had to have a change of attitude. He had to get rid of selfishness and self-centerness. He had to become selfless if he wanted to stay sober.

And I find that Dr. Bob too was full of this too, our other co-founder because in a book that's not used too much in AA because everybody thinks the little 24-hour book put out by Hazelton is aa but it's not. This book here as Bill sees it is very important.

As Bill said on page 212, he said, "Dr. Bob did not need me for for his spiritual instruction. He had already had more than I.

What he did need when we first met was the deflation of depth. The deflation of depth. That the understanding that that only one drug can have for another.

You see, Dr. Bob also needed deflation of death. As I understand the story and if I if I read it correctly and he comes of age, Bill had a a spiritual experience in the most man measurable time.

He was deflated and he had no more trouble with Bill Wilson. He went out on the streets of New York and worked for for 6 months without having any success whatsoever. But his spiritual experience kept him in a in a mental state of attitude where he he took failure and he went to see Dr.

Silworth and Dr. Silworth says well Bill he says your trouble is that you're preaching to these drugs and you can't preach to them. He says you got to develop a program where you tell them how you think and how you feel and they tell you how they think and how they feel and through this identification you will seal a bond of friendship and through this friendship then you can start talking to them about the spiritual part of this program and Bill said I think you got something there doc and Dr.

The Silworth went on and said, "Belis is very few people have spiritual awakenings like you had, spiritual experiences like you had. Very few." And he came to a here and he found Dr. Bob through Henry Simon and we know the story and he said, "Now Dr.

Bob and Dr. Bob said, "Now I got 15 minutes. That's all I got.

I'm a busy man." Dr. Bob wanted to be sure that he could have a drink in 15 minutes. That's what he wanted.

And he said, "Well, because everybody had been preaching it, Dr. Bob, I know he had because, well, didn't people always try to take away from you the privileges and the rights to drink alcohol?" Oh, God. He had preached at you.

But Bill sat down and for the first time, for the first time, Bill told Dr. Bob how he thought him, how he felt. And Dr.

Bob said, "Well, Bill, I think and I feel just like you do. you're the you know something. He says, "I've read all types of books." All types of books.

And he says, "I never heard anybody express this saying about alcohol like you do." He says, "You've got something." Well, he said, "I'll go along with you." Because Bill told him, how he thought and how he felt. And Dr. Bob told Bill how he thought and how he felt.

And at 11:00 that night, they broke up. And Dr. to Bob though, you see, he wouldn't deflate.

He was ashamed that he was an alcoholic and he suffered the thing, this fang of being an alcoholic for 3 weeks and finally he got drunk. It's all on the in the big book on page 153, I think it is. And he went to Atlantic City and got drunk and he come back and and then when he got back, he knew what he had to do.

And Dr. Bob made had the operation, made the operation that he was supposed to do that morning and then he went out and he made restitution and he never had any trouble with alcohol since then. But he had a phenomenal craving in his stomach for alcohol and he went for 2 and 1/2 years as I understand the story with this phenomenal craving for alcohol and the only way he could get rid of it was by working with others.

He was the greatest 12 stepper that's ever been known. Him and sister Michigan, they've sponsored, I think, 5,000 alcoholics and alcoholic synonymous in in the Cleveland Aland area. And finally, after 2 and 1/2 years, Dr.

Bob, Dr. Bob had a spiritual awakening. It was a slow process for Dr.

Bob, this deflation at death. And so as Bill says when he wrote sit down and wrote the 12 steps this night, I think he had all this in mind and and he laid these steps out in such a way that if you and I will take them in the sequence of their written, we will get rid of our greatest enemy. My greatest enemy is self.

S E L LF. You see, my way is the wrong way. My way is the wrong way.

Every time I take over, there's devastation. I a lot of people don't like to hear this, but I believe this very strongly in my own heart, and it's so true in my particular case. It may not be in your case, but it is in my case, is that I feel that alcoholism is a self-inflicted disease.

I inflicted myself with alcohol and I ca I became addicted and became an alcoholic because I drank alcohol and I know what causes alcoholism. Alcohol. Is that simple?

I have been drunk for 32 years. And you know why I have been drunk? I haven't taken a drink.

That's all the reason. So alcohol must call alcoholism. What?

I know they're still searching, but that's what caused it. And so so they'll sit down and he laid out a program of the 12 steps of alcoholic synonymous. And if we will take these pro these steps in the sequence they are written, we will go through a process of deflation.

And you have to take them in the sequence that they're written because you have to eliminate self self-nowledge. You can't stay sober with self-nowledge. That's all there.

The big book tells us that it's impossible. We cannot stay sober in self-sufficiency. We have to have God efficiency.

And the only way that we can find God efficiency and get this God consciousness that we have to have to maintain this program is through the 12 steps to get this spiritual awakening. There's no other way that I know of. I don't know no other way.

And if man has found out any other way, I haven't been told about it. The first thing Bill said that you had to stop drinking. That one drink was too many and a thousand wasn't enough.

That you was powerless over something. Who ever heard of telling an alcoholic he was powerless over anything? But Bill sat down and told Dr.

Bob how he thought and how he felt. And he told him it was the 20th drink that got him drunk. It was the first one.

And Dr. Bob said, "That's the same way with me, Bill." And so therefore, they agreed that it wasn't the 20th drink that got him drunk. It was the first one.

And if they knew they left the first one off, they didn't have to worry about the 20th one. And they started off from there. And then and then Bill then then he said that our lives are unmanageable.

Who ever heard of telling the alcoholic that his life was unmanageable? The great I all the great things I've done in my life. Well, if I was so great, I would have never become an alcoholic.

Is there anybody in the sound of my voice this morning said when they took their first drink of alcohol, I'm going to drink this stuff until I become an alcoholic so I can be qualified for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous. Is there anyone here? I never heard of such thing.

But yet we could not manage. That's the reason we became alcoholics. We could not manage our own lives.

And so therefore, we lost. Our way is the wrong way. If we're alcoholics and this is what we have to deflate.

We cannot rely on self-nowledge or self-sufficiency. And then he says that we have to came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If you're restored from sanity, where you have to come from?

It's a good question. And then he says to us, you have to surrender to self just like you surrender to alcohol. When you come in alcoholic synonymous, you're in two states of bondage.

You're in the bondage of alcohol and you're in the bondage of self. And so therefore, you you you get rid of the bondage of self by just not take alcohol by just not taking a drink. That's it.

But you get rid of bondage of self by trusting God. There's no other way. Trusting God.

It says somewhere about page nine in the big book, it says, "Brand on every man's mind that he can stay sober regardless of anyone. The only thing he has to do is trust God and clean house. It doesn't say clean house and trust God.

It says you can't even start cleaning house until you trust God. Because you have to eliminate your greatest enemy and that is self. Because self is creating all the insecurity inside of you.

It's it's the all the inner fears that you have, inhibitions. And so therefore, you have to turn your life and your will over the care of God because my way is the wrong way. And I've got to do God's way if I want to stay sober.

And then I become one of God's children. And when I come to one of God's children, I have no fears. And I have courage for the first time in my life to look at myself exactly the way I was, not the way I pretended to be.

All my life I pretended to be something that I wasn't. Something that I wasn't. But through courage, through my trust in God, through the first three steps that I found, I had courage to get out a piece of legal piece of paper and start writing and putting down the exact natures of my wrongs.

Making a list, making an inventory. And I didn't turn my head. I looked at myself as a way I was.

And it wasn't but one man in my life ever heard put it into words exactly what I found after I took the fourth step in alcoholics anonymous and his name was Howard Benhoff of Cleveland Ohio. How many of you knew Howard? a greater a never was born and I would said he found out that he had gangarine of the soul and that's what I had but the greatest thing I ever ever found out about me because I was willing to take the medicine for it and 12 and 12 tells me that step number five can be taken only one way you've got to be honest with yourself you've got to be honest with God and you've got to be honest with your fellow man.

There's no other way. And if that's not deflation, I don't know what deflation is. And then it says number six, that we have to make a become willing to all remove all our defects of character, our sense of commission, the things we know that we shouldn't do every day that we do that we become willing to change these things, our attitudes toward this.

We are willing to get rid of our old ideas. The big book says we try to hold on to our old ideas and the results is nil until we let go absolutely and so we have to let go and this is deflation. And then it says that we humbly ask him to remove our shortcomings.

We humble ourselves before God. You know it used to be an old guy from Michigan called Sai Walker. S used to say, you know, he said, I had a hard time getting down on my knees, but he said, one night I thrown my shoes underneath the bed and my boots underneath the bed, and the next morning I just got down there to get them out, and I said to myself, "Well, while I'm down here, I think I'll say a few words, you know." And he says, "It's an amazing thing.

I started throwing my boots under the bed every night." And he said after a while you know he said I got comfortable down on my knees humbly as I'd remove all these short shortcomings the sons of sense of omission the things that we don't do every day that we should do I got a jigion of them and then it says to make amends you see in the process of this deflation make amends to people that you harm but tonight says that be careful now don't make amends at at the expense of others for the first time. Here brings in other personalities and you start giving. You're not in the bull's china closet anymore.

You start reasoning things out and you don't hurt people anymore. And then number nine say number 10 says that although you've come this far, although you've come this far, you're still a human being and you're going to make human error. So when you lay your head on the pillar at night, you take an inventory.

And when you take this inventory, if you've done anything through that day, that's not right. You probably admit it. You clean the slate every day.

Don't let these little things pile up on you. And then it says through through through prayer and meditation, through talking and listening to God, through talking and listening, you get a better understanding of God and ask God for his will, not your will. God's will, not my will.

My will is wrong. And I said to God, I says, "God," he said to me, he said, "Build a better world." And I said, "How you ask me to do these things? How can I build a better world?

I'm so small and you say Sam. And God in all his wisdom says, "Well, all you've got to do is just build a better you. That's all." That's all God expects of each and every one of us.

For each and every one of us, just to build a better you. You know, the greatest 12step work anybody can do in Akran, Ohio or Papao Beach, Florida or Troy, Michigan or wherever it might be is just walk the streets of our hometown so with this lips of a smile of a on our lips. This is God working in our hearts and showing love to our fellow man.

And when we do this then having had having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these steps as the result of what we've gone through we've had a spiritual awakening and then now we've got a God conscience you know we and self-nowledge is out the window no more self-sufficiency we depend upon God and we find that God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and then we have something to carry. Then we try to carry this message to other alcoholics. You know, this is still a program of attraction, not promotion.

The L tradition of AA says we don't brag on what we've got. We let our friends recommend us. We don't go out here and tell our friends what they're going to do with alcoholics.

That's promotion. But we attract We are we we we cooperate but we do not affiliate and this is deflation because I see a lot of these people having alcoholics. I don't like the way they're having them.

Don't you? You feel that way sometimes? Well, it's not our business.

It's not our business. We try to carry the message to the alcoholic and to practice these principles and all our prayers. practice the truth.

The truth and this is the truth. That we are layman and we have a program that we can offer an alcoholic that if you will follow our path of the 12 steps, he will receive what we have. Now I've been aa 8 years.

I'm in 8 years. I'm getting the epitome of this program. the apex.

You know, I'm in tune with the world and the world's in tune with me. I became part of the universe. Have you ever felt that way?

Part of the universe, but you know, I'm got a life ahead of me to live one day at a time. And it's an old cliche and a says, you got to grow or you got to go. Did you ever hear that?

And so, therefore, you have worked the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Did you know that the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is only onethird of the program? You know, Bill knew better than this and Bob knew better than this because, you know, they went on and they knew that they had to go farther.

They had to grow farther than just the 12 steps. They had not only learned to live with themselves, they had to learn to live with others. And so what did they do?

They knew if we stopped growing, self-importance would creep back in our lives and we will become egotistical just like we were the day we came into alcoholics anonymous and we would inflate not deflate. And so therefore they had to find some way to keep this deflation in progress in an alcoholic mind a way to grow. And this I'm so true of because on page 136 and aa comes of age it says this and I want to read it to you.

It says therefore each of our 12 traditions is really an expression of the inflation that each of us has to take of the sacrifice that we shall all have to make in order to live and work together. Just because we have had a spiritual awakening. Just because we've made a few 12step calls, just because we have sponsored a few people, there's no sign that we can rest on our laurels.

I know nobody here is guilty of that. But I want to call it your attention only. Well, I did.

I made this mistake. I made this mistake. I made this mistake.

And how did it all start? Well, it started this way. One day, cunning and baffling as we alcoholics are, I became worried about my life, my future.

I had not made any good arrangement for my retirement. I I uh I I was going to be a poor man one of these days. I was going to be old and I wouldn't have anything to live in my golden years, twilight in, you know.

Social Security, yes. would not be enough. Inflation had set in.

And so therefore, I thought I said now I have been great service to Alcoholics Anonymous. Now I've got to start taking and putting in consideration my future. Forgetting that God has done for me what I couldn't even do by myself and not relying and trusting God, God would have kept that on Dolly Papa.

You know what did I have to worry about? I'm one of God's children. But you see, I quit growing.

I let self get back in the way. And I started to inflate. I became start getting selfish all over again.

And up to this time, I was very religious about my group. Yes, sir. I was at my group every every week.

My group couldn't open up without me being there. And so one day the telephone rang and this man, it was Wednesday. my group met met Wednesday night and the telephone rang and he said, "Wesley, I'm going to be home tonight.

The only night uh during the week and he said, "I would like to air condition my home and won't you come out and and talk to me about it?" And I said, "Well, now this is a good chance, you know, cunning, this is a good st chance for me to start my retirement plan. I'll do a little extra work knowing in my mind that this was meeting night knowing it, you know. And I said to myself, I said, "Well, now I've been wanting to go over here to this group of meets on Thursday night for a long time, and I just haven't been get able to get over there.

Now, I'll just go to out and sell this air condition tonight, and tomorrow night I'll go over to this other group." And so this I I justified it. And so that night, self-justification, I went out to sell this air conditioning job and I sold it. And how sweet it is, you know, had a wonderful day.

I had such a good day. The next day I wanted to do it all over again. And I forgot about going to meet on Thursday night.

And then, you know, the old devil got after me. You know, let me tell you something right here. You know, we talk about the higher power all the time, but what do we ever say about this lower power?

You know, he's always sitting right up there whispering in your ear. Come on, boy. Let's do this.

Just like the play yesterday, you know, bad attitude or whatever. What was that guy made yesterday? >> Oh, that's so true.

And I enjoyed that play and I want to thank the actors for it. It was a great thing. Miguel put on a good show.

This is so true. And we don't pay attention to this to to this lower power. We always to pay attention to the high power.

Listen, I was one of his chief lieutenants. And he wants me back in full, I'll tell you. And so he gave me a chance, Lois, and he started whispering that ear, "Boy, you're doing a good job.

You going to get retired and real for him. Boy, you just keep this up." Well, he whispered in my ear so strong. I didn't go to A for a week.

And next Wednesday night, I went to my group. I walked in and you know not one soul missed me. I said I hear for years I've been coming to this meeting and I went home discouraged.

I said I don't mean too much to that group after all. And I then what happened when what happened? You see I was at the apex of this program I started getting complacent.

You know what complacency means? a quiet pleasure inside. I started justifying and what happened was I would look around and I would justify what all I had done in alcoholic synonymous because I would pick these individuals out and say if it hadn't been for me he would have never made it.

And I started taking credit taking credit in other words I started playing God all over again. complacency, a quiet pleasure inside of what a tremendous job I'm doing. And I started missing meetings because I wasn't important in my meeting anymore.

It was time for the newcomers to take over. You know, I had worked long and hard. You see, I quit growing.

And from there, I went to apathy. I became indifferent. And I said to myself, well, it I'll go there once a month.

I'll sit on the back row and if the newcomers wants a few pearls of wisdom, I'll slip it to you know and that went on for a while and then I started then I made the mistake of dependency. I started depending entirely upon my own individ myself. Now an alcoholic dependent on himself that is the worst mistake an alcoholic can make.

And I started depending upon Wesley Parish. I forgot about my family. I forgot about my group.

I forgot about my sponsor. I forgot about my friends. And the worst thing of all, I forgot about my God.

See, I was deteriorating. I was inflating all over again. And my sponsor at that time grabbed me by the bootstraps and he pulled me out.

said, "But boy, do you know where you're headed?" And he explained it to me in those uncertain words. And he was right. And through the grace of God, I didn't go back to bondage again.

You see, AA is a vicious circle. It starts off in bondage. You start off in bondage.

From bondage, you go to faith. From fa faith, you go to courage. From courage, you go to freedom.

You get the freedom of self. No greater freedom can man have than freedom of self. If anyone should know what freedom is, it's an alcoholic who's free of his old alcoholic thinking.

He's in tune with the world. And then he starts to get the abundance of this program. He gets material abundance and he gets spiritual abundance.

God does for him what he cannot do for himself. And this is where he works the way he's got to work the hardest. When you're on top in this program is where you got to work the hardest.

You can't slack off because if you slack off, what happens? You become complacent. From complacency, you go to apathy.

From apathy, you go to dependency. And from dependency, you go right back into bondage again. Dr.

Feebo, a great friend of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 249 and he comes says this. It is common knowledge that the return of the full-fledged ego can happen at any time. years of sobery has no insurance against this reoccurrence.

No AA, regardless of his veteran status, can ever relax his guard against the encroachment of a ri revising ego. Recently, one AA writing to another reported that he was suffering he feared from halotosis, a reference to the smuggness and self-complacency that so easily can trigger to an individual with years of sobery behind him. You understand why you have to work this program one day at a time?

Am I getting that over to you? This is it. Well, as I read you before, the traditions is a continuation of the 12 steps of deflation as far as I'm concerned.

Now, this is what I found out. And if I had not found this out, I wouldn't have been sober for 32 years. Now, I don't care what you think, but that's an important figure to me because anybody that stays sober for 32 years, if he's a real alcoholic, he's had to do something right.

That's all he's doing. So, this and you've got to follow this program. Well, by chance I found the 12 traditions and I started using the 12 traditions in my everyday life at the eye level.

Now, I'm not trying to change the program, but what I'm doing, I'm using this program to me to find a way that I can live and be happy without alcohol. And this is what I think the program's all about is learning to be happy. And if you're one of God's children, you've got to be happy because that's that's his formula.

He gives us happiness within ourselves. And so therefore, I went to using the 12 traditions at the eye level. And I'm going through a few of them here and show you what I mean.

So that you might take this home and you might try it. You might one of these days find a use for them. And if it does, I hope you that you'll remember me and use them because these things have things have happened to me beyond my fondest dreams since I started applying.

The first tradition says I my common way I want to read them at the eye level. Not trying to change them, but I'm going to put them to West Parish. I said my common welfare comes first.

My common welfare is to stay sober. I am an alcoholic. I have an incurable disease called alcoholism.

I can arrest it, but I can never cure it. And so therefore, it's got to be the biggest business every day of my life. I need the program more today than I need it 32 years ago because 32 years ago, I had nothing to lose.

Today, I've got everything to lose. And so therefore, it has got to be that way. It's got to be that way.

I never want to forget that. That's my common welfare, staying sober. Because without me is being sober.

I am nothing. My personal recovery depends upon aa unity. My personal recovery depends upon me living in unity with you.

Not you living in unity with me. That has nothing to do with it. I've got to live in unity with you.

Whether you live in unity with me or not. I've got to love you whether you love me or not. I've got to accept you just the way you are, not the way I want you to be.

If I want to be happy now, if I want to be unhappy, what do I have to do? I just have a personality clash with you. And you and I start arguing with each other.

And my big book tells me that resentments are fatal. And so therefore, I have to love you whether you love me or not or I destroy the very same thing that I'm trying to acquire in this program. So I have to live in unity with my fellow man.

The greatest teacher once said, "What is what is it to love those who love you?" That's nothing. But to love those who hate you is something. And so therefore, for my common welfare and for me to remain an alcoholic synonymous, I have to accept you just the way you are and I have to live in unity with you regardless.

This is what it says and this is what I have to do. I have a one ultimate authority. A loving God as he expresses himself in my conscience.

I have a one altar of authority. And this aluminum of authority is the same God that I turned my life and my will over to in the third step when I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to him. And this little authority has to go with me and be with me continuously.

It has to be just like part of me as as my own mind. This loving loving you know the reason I was attracted to alcoholic synonymous was through love and I didn't know what love was but it's a word it's a Greek word called a capee or a gap it means the divine love of god it it design it defines a certain type of love as the Greeks have in their language and it divine it defines this love it's called agape it's a love that's spontaneous it's unlimited and it's unmotivated now when you come to alcoholic synonymous you somebody approached you and made a 12step call on you. Now, it seemed that to me when this person started to talking to me, it was spontaneously there was something different about this guy that he wanted to he wanted to shower me with love that he he wanted me to be part of what he was part of.

And nobody treated me that like that in a long time. And it seemed as he talked, it was unlimited what he wanted to offer me. And I knew it was nothing about me that would motivate such a thing.

Was anything about you that would motivate love the first time you was approaching our false none nothing about me that motivated love. But this is what attracted me the divine love of God. And this is the loving God that we're talking about here that I have to show to you.

I have to show to you every time you see me spontaneous, unlimited and unmotivated love. the divine love of God. God loves me in spite of me and it's just the just the minut of time he lets me know if I will just offer myself to him and this is the way it is and this is what I have.

>> You have reached the end of site one. Please turn aside to for the continuation of this program. Thank you.

Well, none of them ever none of me motivated love. But this is what attracted me, the divine love of God. And this is a loving God that we're talking about here that I have to show to you.

I have to show to you every time you see me. Spontaneous, unlimited, and unmotivated love. The divine love of God.

God loves me in spite of me. And it's just the just the me measurement of time he lets me know if I would just offer myself to it and this is the way it is and this is what I have. And it says that I do not govern.

I'm only a servant. I I don't I don't I'm only a servant and I'll call it synonymous. I came to get but I stay to give and that's it through the grace of God.

The only requirement for a membership is desire to stop drinking. That's it. It doesn't say anything about nothing else.

I don't get all confused anymore about what AA is all about. Ahea is about a desire to stop drinking. It's about alcoholics.

Anybody that's got a desire to stop drinking is a member of Alcoholics Anonyms if they so want to be. Did anybody tell you that you was an alcoholic? Nobody told me I was an alcoholic.

They said, "That's your business. You diagnose your own case." Did anybody say, "Why? Why don't you come join us?

Uh, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't ask nobody whether I could join it or not. Did you?

I just became a member. How many times have I did this? He'll never make it.

He'll never make it. He's too educated. He's not educated enough.

That's how about you. They took book on me. Who am I to say that somebody will not make this program?

Who am I saying that somebody can't be a member? Uh-uh. I don't take people's inventory like that anymore.

And it gives me more time for my own. And so therefore, I'm happier. I should always be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or any as a whole.

I should always be autonomous. The word autonomous is self-governed. I should always be self-governed.

I've got a doctor's degree in negative thinking. I know right from wrong. The reason I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous is because I know what is right and what's wrong.

And my program tells me that anything just about right is wrong. Can we say that over again? Anything just about right is wrong.

And if I do something wrong, I've got to hear the hounds of heaven marked at 4:00 in the morning. I'm the guy that's got to pay the penalty, not you. And so, I've got to stand on my own two feet and be an individual.

That's all. I'm one of God's children, and I never apologize for that. And that's what the book Alcoholics Anonymous says.

You never apologize for believing in God. Never. Every his group ought to be fully self-supported and declining outside contributions.

Woo. You say, "Well, what's that got to do with being happy?" That has everything to do with being happy. You show me a person that don't meet their responsibilities and I'll show you a person that's not happy.

That's the simple. You have to meet your responsibility. You see, we are mature individuals in Alcoholics Anonymous.

We are members of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's my and your responsibility to support Alcoholics Anonymous. We decline all outside contributions. Now, I don't say to give till it hurts, but I do say give till it feels good.

I do say that. You know, I wouldn't belong to a group. I'm I mean this.

A lot of people say, "Well, you're too damn gunho." Well, I'm gungho enough to believe what I believe. That's all I'm gungho about. I wouldn't belong to a group that didn't support in a group or I wouldn't belong to a group that didn't support GSO.

That's my business. It's just that simple. your inner group.

Uh if they only do one thing and that's distribute you literature but hey that's enough just that one thing but they do a thousand things more and if GSO the only thing they did was just to keep the literature like it is today that's all right I'm entitled to but I get a lot more benefits from that as a member of a have you ever offered a piece of AA literature to an alcoholic and you doubted that literature every te is crossing I every eye is Got it. This is worth $3.65 a year to me. What about you?

>> Absolutely. So, I have to meet my responsibilities if I want to be happy. And so, therefore, I don't want no strings attached to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And as long as I meet my responsibility as a member of AA, there will never be any strings attached. Period. We've got something.

We've got a program that the world wants, but they don't know how to get it because they are mixing money, power, and prestige. We are taking away money, power, and prestige. And that's what makes our program work.

Deflation at depth. We don't brag on what we've got. We let our friends recommend us.

We have a program of attraction. That's promotion. Just the opposite the way that world works out there.

And it works, does it not? It saved your life. And the last one I'm going through, it's time to quit and go home.

It says each group has but one primary purpose to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Now I've been so for 32 years and I suffer every day of my life from disease of alcoholism. Now I'm going to ask you a question.

Do you still uh suffer from the disease of alcoholism? Are you here? Are you here today for your disease?

Has this weekend been medicine? >> Well, listen to what this thing says. It says one primary purpose to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

It is my responsibility every time I see you to 12step you or to love you. Right. And it's your responsibility every time you see me is the 12step me and love me.

You see everybody in May a needs love. This is what this thing is all about. Love and service.

That's what Dr. Bob says. But for us as individuals to appreciate this, I know what Dr.

Bob was talking about. He had put the traditions in his life. He was living in unity with you.

Are you living in unity with your fellow man? Are you trying? Are you knowing what you're doing?

It's not a n a sound of my voice or sound in aa membership that don't live the 12 traditions in our everyday life. But how many of us know what we're doing and how much better off we would be if we knew what we were doing. Right?

So make these traditions part of your life along with the 12 steps. Oh, and if you do, things will happen to you beyond your public dreams. And then you are ready to serve.

Because when Bill, I'm quite sure he had this in mind when he made up the third legacy and give us the legacy of service. He wrote the third legacy and and he wrote it in such a way that when we picked our servants for Alcoholics Anonymous, we picked the best we had. Up to that time, we were picking GSRs and we could say to ourselves, "Well, now this give it to old Joe Blow so it'll keep him sober." Who ever heard of such thing?

I don't want nobody representing my group that just because he's a GSR, he's staying sober. I want my GSR to be part of the group and a part of the AA program and win this program where he will serve me the best. The kind of man I want to ser my group and Bill gave us the third legacy to give us a way that we could select our servants in AA without politics.

Now I know politics is people and if you want to get rid of politics you got to get rid of people but you can at least dilute it right and the more politics you keep out of the way hey the happier we are you know this is the truth. So therefore, so therefore for us to practice this, so whenever we get to our assemblies or wherever we might be where we will eliminate politics in our everyday life or in our in our AA, well then we have to practice it every day of our lives. And as we get up and we meet people along the street or in our business or whatever we might go through through the day, the people that we meet, let's show everyone the same love, the same kindness, and same consideration.

Let's show no partiality to no one. Let's love everyone. And this is the AA program.

And this is what this program's all about. This is the program that I have found. And I hope I've explained it to you.

you understand how I feel. And if you want to find out about whether I'm lying or not, if this is not Florida propaganda, I would recommend you reading these books. Big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, 80 comes of age 12 and 12.

And there's Bill C. I don't need this other stuff. I I read this other stuff just for fun.

That's just for fun. For a little enlightenment, what the rest of the world is doing. I I I I know now I don't mean this catty and I'm not saying anything but you know I found out when I didn't wake up in the morning and start reading my big book or conference approved literature I was diluting my program and I don't want my program in aa diluted I want the real McCoy first things first and that's conference approved literature I believe that strongly in my In closing, I want to close with two poems by Helen Steiner writes.

The first one is named where can you find him? And the second one is the windows of gold. And I'm going to mix them up a little bit if you don't mind.

And I want to dedicate the windows of gold to my dear friend Rita. She asked me to say that, right? Where can I find him?

Where can I see his only son? Why is men asking I'm asking still? Where is this man of goodwill?

Is he far away in some distant place ruling unseen from a throne of grace? Is there no place on earth that I may see to give me proof of eternity? Have you ever said that?

There's a God showing from it. There's a legend that's often been told of the boy who searched for the wonders of gold. The winters of gold he saw far away as he looked in the valley at sunrise he say and he longed to go down in the valley below.

But he lived up on the mountain all covered with snow. And this is a trip that he wanted to make. So he planned by day and dreamed by night of how he would reach this great shining light.

And one morning as the dawn broke through and the valley sparkled with diamonds of dew, he started to climb down the mountain side with the winds of gold as his gold. He traveled all day all weird and worn and bleeding feet and clothes that were torn. And finally he entered into this little peaceful valley town just as a golden sun went down.

But lo, he lost his shining light because the winters were dark and it wasn't bright and tired and hungry and lonely and cold. He yelled, "Oh please, oh please, won't you show me the windows of gold?" And a kind hand touched him and said, "Behold, how on the mountain is the window of gold, for the sun going down in the great golden ball, it vanished the windows of his cabin so small." Now the kingdom of God with this great shining light is like the windows that shine so bright. It's no far distant place somewhere.

It's just as close to you and I as a solid prayer. Your search and my search for God will end and begin when we look for God and find him within right in here. So you see it is true.

It is true that I have never seen his face but his likeness shines forth from every place. The hand of God is everywhere along our last busy fair affairs. The things we see and touch and feel.

This is what makes God so very real. Solid stars and timeless size. The wonders in our children eyes.

The golf's mere wing of a hummingbird. The joy of the kindly word. The autumn haze.

The breath of spring. The checkering song. The cricket sings.

A rose budding a vase. A smile upon a friendly face. In everything both great and small, we see the heaven of God in all.

For who can watch a new day birth? I feel the warm lifegiving earth. I look at skies through lacy trees.

or feel the softness of the breeze and say that you have never felt his grace or looked upon his face. I can't because I have been a member of alcoholic survivors. Thank you.

>> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.