When Drinking Stopped Fixing Me – AA Speaker – Scott P. – Dallas, TX
AA speaker Scott P. from Dallas shares how alcohol stopped working as a solution, leading him to sponsor-guided step work and a spiritual awakening that transformed his entire life.
Scott P. from Dallas, TX started drinking at five years old because it made him feel like he belonged. For decades, alcohol was his solution to every problem—until it stopped working. In this AA speaker tape, he walks through how hitting a wall with controlled drinking experiments, finding a no-nonsense sponsor, and working the steps methodically transformed his desperation into genuine freedom.
Scott P. explains why he drank from childhood and how alcohol always seemed to fix the pain of feeling like an outsider. He shares his failed attempts at controlled drinking and what changed when he met a sponsor who made him work the steps thoroughly, starting with understanding his powerlessness. Through step work—especially the fifth step—Scott describes the spiritual shift that lifted the obsession to drink and gave him real relationships and purpose.
Episode Summary
Scott P. opens with a story that sets the tone for his entire talk: at age five, he stole a beer at a fort with neighborhood kids. One sip and he felt like he belonged. He got punched in the face and thrown up—but all he remembered was the relief. That feeling would drive thirty-five years of drinking.
Growing up, Scott used alcohol to escape feeling like he didn’t fit. At twelve, on a trip overseas, he discovered that a drink made him brave enough to talk to people. By high school, he was playing guitar and convinced he couldn’t make music unless he was drunk. His heroes were musicians who drank themselves to death, and he identified with that completely.
College got him busted for alcohol. He quit and moved to Austin, where he worked as a bouncer in bars with free drinks. A friend asked him the “dumbest questions” he’d ever heard: “Have you ever thought about slowing down?” and “Have you ever thought about stopping?” Scott laughed it off. Why would he quit the thing that actually worked?
He tried AA a few times but hated it. The meetings felt like listening to people’s problems, and he didn’t care. He left, convinced that drinking was better than life without alcohol.
Things got worse. He got fired from jobs, moved between towns thinking a new place or new girlfriend would fix him. Nothing did. Every time he quit drinking, life felt unbearable—so he’d drink again. His parents kicked him out. He ended up in Dallas through a coworker, where he met a woman in recovery who kept inviting him to her group.
That first meeting changed everything. Instead of people unloading their problems, a woman at the podium talked about the Big Book and the steps. She explained Step One: Scott had an allergy to alcohol. When he drank, he couldn’t stop. His life was unmanageable not because he’d lost jobs and relationships, but because he was powerless over alcohol. He couldn’t quit—and that was the disease, not a character flaw.
Scott left that meeting and tested “controlled drinking” at a bar. He planned one beer. He drank nine. After another bender a month later, he sat staring at bourbon shots his server brought him—the same server from high school who asked if he’d had enough. He remembered Katherine, a nun he’d met in recovery years earlier, terrified and praying before each shot. He remembered what the meeting had said about Step One.
He came back and got a sponsor—a man with a big gray beard who asked two questions: “You want to quit?” and “You want to quit forever?” Then: “Meet me Thursday.”
His sponsor walked him through the steps directly from the Big Book. After the third step prayer, Scott got his fourth-step sheet with orders to complete it in a week. He finished in three days. But he didn’t get the promises right away—because he was terrified. Without alcohol, he was raw and angry. His sponsor told him to go to the 24-hour club and just talk to another alcoholic. “You’ve got four days,” his sponsor said. “That’s three and a half days longer than most of those guys have.”
During the fifth step, something shifted. Scott realized he wasn’t the victim—he’d done the stepping on people. He’d lied, manipulated, and taken what he wanted. When he walked out, the weight was lifting. He immediately wrote his eighth-step list, not because people were on his resentment inventory, but because he wanted to make things right.
Scott did his amends trip—Thursday to Friday, calling people in three cities he’d wronged. That Father’s Day weekend with his family, drinking Dr. Pepper while everyone else drank, the obsession to drink was gone. His brother asked what was funny. Scott laughed: “All of y’all are drinking and I don’t care.”
Now he has a morning routine right out of the Big Book: asking for his thinking to be divorced from selfish motives, praying for direction, and sitting in silence. He does Step 12 work, sponsoring guys at Homeward Bound and the 24-hour club. He’s back in school. When he lost a job and a relationship, he didn’t drink—because his solution now is helping someone else and letting God handle the rest.
Scott closes with Dr. Bob’s words: if you really want to quit drinking for good and all, there’s an answer. It never fails if you approach it with half the energy you showed getting another drink.
Notable Quotes
Anytime I felt uneasy with who and what I was, I knew what fixed that, and that was alcohol. It always took me to that place where I could finally talk to you and feel a part of what was going on.
Why would I want to quit doing this? This is great.
My life is unmanageable because I can’t stay away from booze. That’s why my life is unmanageable.
Every drunk I was having, every time I drank, this is what I was trying to get. This feeling right here. And this is better than anything I’ve ever felt before.
God either is or he isn’t. Make your decision and go on from there.
When you truly do put your life in God’s hands, he’s going to take care of it.
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Step 5 – Admission
Steps 8 & 9 – Making Amends
Step 11 – Prayer & Meditation
Sponsorship
Big Book Study
Spiritual Awakening
Hitting Bottom
Willingness
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Step 5 – Admission
- Steps 8 & 9 – Making Amends
- Step 11 – Prayer & Meditation
- Sponsorship
- Big Book Study
- Spiritual Awakening
- Hitting Bottom
- Willingness
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-onrise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> It's a privilege to introduce tonight's speaker.
For those of you who may have gotten the message, Scott Parker is speaking tonight, and that means nothing to me, but when they said it was Papoosea, it's okay. I got it. Now, Scott and I um have been carrying out the carrying the message out at Homerbound uh for quite a few months now and uh it's a real pleasure to hear him uh speak to the guys out at Homerbound.
He carries a great message to those guys and uh they get a lot of hope out of hearing him speak. So Scott, if you would please. >> Hey guys, my name is Scott Parker and I'm a recovered alcoholic.
And because of a kind and loving God and a sponsor that uh holds me accountable and keeps pointing me in the direction of that God, I've been sober since May 16th of 2006. >> Oh, wow. Um, no, go ahead.
It's all good. Uh, I guess to start at, you know, my story to start at the beginning of it, it I started at a very early age, I guess. Uh, I had my first beer when I was five and I was with a group of kids on our block and we had this little fort at the end of the road in the field, you know, like little boys are want to make.
And one of the guys had stolen a beer from his dad and some cigarettes. And so we went to the little fort and we we started to drink it and it got passed around a couple of times and then we heard a voice getting called and they didn't know who it was and we had made little lookout lookout holes and it you know whatever army might be invading. Um so we so they looked out of the hole and and they found out it was my dad.
Well, while they were looking I downed the rest of the beard. it's their fault for turning their back. And uh but what I remember about well to continue on with that part, guy got mad, punched me in the face and that would pretty much tell the story of a lot of bar balls to come later on.
Um so I come out of the deal and you know I couldn't tell you the first time I drank a Dr. Pepper or a Coca-Cola or had iced tea, but that was a Miller high life and it was the kind that had the pulloff tab. Am I telling my age there?
you know, where you could actually pull the whole tab off. And and I'm staggering down the street. I mean, you know, one beer to a 5-year-old is, you know, it's pretty detrimental, I guess.
And dad was not too happy. And I caught a whooping for it. But the thing is, I still remembered how I felt when I drank it.
And I it felt great. I got sick and threw up. Caught a whooping, got punched in the face.
But but I'm not remembering any of that stuff. I thought it felt great to be drunk. And so anytime after that, for a while, my parents didn't drink.
And anytime after that for a while, if somebody's parents had a beer out and they turned their back, I was grabbing it and drinking it. And I would make up whatever story. If they left the room, oh, it spilled, but I cleaned it up.
And so that was that was kind of my emmo for a while there for, you know, uh, but I laid off for the booze until I was about 12. I held off as long as I could. Um, and it wasn't until 12 really, um, we had gone overseas with my dad.
He traveled a lot and the trip happened to coincide with the summer at school. We went to the Middle East. Alcohol's illegal there, so if they had it, they don't care how old you are to buy it.
And we went to this place to jump off the pier into the Persian Gulf and they had a little place to get cheeseburgers and whatnot. And I was feeling at that time that separation that, you know, all drunks feel. I I I didn't fit in with anybody.
All the kids were older. They were my brother's friends. Um I couldn't talk to them.
I couldn't communicate with them. I couldn't join in in any of the fun other than just being there. And it wasn't until I was s and I distinctly remember we're sitting there waiting to go out to the pier and I remembered you know I'm not feeling cool but I remember when I was five and I drank and I felt great.
So I started so I went inside to the bar and it was like right up to here and just put my money on the counter and said I'll have a draft and he poured it and they went jumping out on the pier and I stayed there drinking. I mean, you know, I was having the fun, they weren't. And uh and that that kind of started it.
Anytime I felt uneasy, unay with who and what I was, I know what fixed that, and that was alcohol for me. It always took me to that place where I could finally talk to you. I could feel a part of what was going on.
And I wanted that more than anything. And you know, high school standard stuff. I mean, it just partying with my friends in the weekend.
A friend of mine's mom was the one that actually bought the beer. And my first exposure to AA actually was with them because we had to wait for the party to start when they got back from the AA and Alanon meetings. And I was so I always kind of wondered and she and and his mom would drink and I was like I don't get the whole AA thing.
I thought that if you were an alcoholic you couldn't drink but she does. Okay, whatever. And just alcohol fixed me.
And that's what was important to me. It wasn't nothing else was important. I was a budding musician and all my heroes were uh a few of them are alive but most of them dead from from from drinking and and other things.
Um which is why I identified with that part in Bill's story when he's talking to Lois about, you know, men of genius come up with their best ideas while they're drunk. I didn't think I could play the guitar unless I was drunk. I didn't think I could write music unless I was drunk.
And so that was I thought this was all part of it. I'm a guitar player. I get drunk.
That's that's the deal. So I go off to college and I go to this small Christian college out in West Texas. Um and um I got I got busted there for having alcohol.
And I I I made a deal with them. They said, "Well, we were going to send you to this Saturday class about drinking and the dangers of drinking." And I said, "Are you going to tell my parents?" And they said, "Not if you go to the class." And I said, "Then I'm going to the class." I couldn't care less about the dangers of alcohol because it fixed me. And so I quit college just before they kicked me out and decided to So officially I quit, but man, the axe was coming down.
And so I and I moved to Austin thinking I was special in this hot guitar player that uh you know my grades show how much I cared about anything else but drinking and playing guitar. And uh I go to Austin and I start working there. I'm a I'm a bouncer working on Sixth Street.
The bar I worked at. You could have uh you couldn't get every free drink, but all the paps, blue ribbon, and perlite you could drink was for free. And so I did.
And uh and it was at this point in my life where I actually got 12step for the first time. And it was with a guy that was a friend of mine that uh phenomenal guitar player, absolutely incredible. And he was a roommate of mine.
And he was uh you know, go to AA, done the steps, that kind of thing. And we're sitting there one night at one of their gigs. I always went to their gigs and watched them.
And um it was one one of their breaks and I had you know $25 to my name and the margaritas were a buck 50 a piece. I had done the math before I got there. I didn't have I mean I had the standard bachelor fridge.
There was a bottle of mustard and ketchup and that's it. And my 25 bucks was going for booze. And I'm sitting there drinking and I used to drink those drinks like that that had straws because I really never could keep track of how much I was drinking.
And I would just take the straws out and set them on the table. I see that's not a new uh new idea there. And so and and Hail comes up to me and he's sitting there and he's watching me and he's been watching me for a while.
And he said to me, he goes, "I thought these were the dumbest questions anybody had ever asked me before in my life." He uh, you know, he's like, "How many have you had to drink tonight?" And I was like, "Well, let me count the straws." And so, no clue. And he goes, "Well, how many are you planning on having?" And I said, "I got 25 bucks, so however much that's going to get me." And this is the first dumb question. Have you ever thought about slowing down?
And I genuinely I looked at him and said, "Why? Why would I want to do that?" And then he said, "Well, have you ever thought about stopping?" And that was the dumbest question I thought I'd ever heard in my life. I was like, "Why in the hell would I want to quit doing this?
This is great." And as time went on, it kind of got me thinking a little bit. And I I still had the job as a bouncer, lost my day job at the bookstore. It just didn't work out.
They wanted me to be there in the morning. And come on. And I I was in, you know, and I was in three bands at the time.
And and you have to try to get kicked out of bands, you know, and so soon I was just down to one band and then it was just me and and and so I thought maybe, you know, this thing is a problem here. And so I did go to AA and but not very much. And here's why.
I went in there and I sat there and I've lost my job. The the music's going away, which is the only thing I loved at the time besides getting drunk. And I'm sitting in the meeting and I'm listening to these guys talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.
And they're talking about things like, "I can't keep my girlfriend. I lost my job. I, you know, I can't pay my bills and I'm like, maybe it's just this meeting and I can't stand to be here.
So, I left that one. I went to that one maybe six or seven times, went to another meeting across town and it was the same thing there. And they only got about three meetings out of me there.
And I got up in the middle and walked out cuz I did not want to hear about this person's crap. I just I just didn't care. I I I I I was here to stop drinking, not listen to your their garbage.
So, I got up and I walked out and the guy this guy comes running out and chasing me and he's like, "Where are you going? Where are you going?" And I looked him dead in the face and I said, "I already can't pay my bills. Can't hold a job and can't keep a girlfriend and I'm drinking." I said, "You people aren't drinking and can't keep a job?
Can't keep a girlfriend and can't pay your bills. Why in the hell should I stay?" And I left and I and I and I walked out and I I one thing I said to him before I left was I said, "You know what? I drink too much and I'll probably die by the time I'm 30, but you people have 30 more years of living miserable and that's not something I want." >> And I left and decided that Austin was just too much for me.
So I moved back to the Abalene, which is the place I went to college, thinking small town, I'll be cool. Not so much. Did you know they have liquor stores in Abalene?
And and so I was in Abalene and I was and I drinking again. I mean, just the same stuff over and I said, "Okay, I'll try this AA thing again." And so I go back to AA. And I meet one of the coolest people I think I've ever met in my life.
And she was a sweet lady. And I don't know what's happened to her now, but she was this Irish nun. And and I met her at an AA meeting.
And that that was the first time I ever heard anything about God is in that meeting. And I and she was and I talked to her outside beforehand and just thought she was the coolest thing in the world. And they the the the the Catholic church had moved her to Abalene to a small town for the same reason I moved there.
And so I'm talking to her and they mentioned God and I just joke around her, lean over next to her and say, "Oh, this is about God. You got this nailed." you know, you know, and so and we become her name is Her name is Katherine and I don't really I wish I knew what happened to her. I got to go make it out to Abalene and and see what she's doing.
And anyway, what happened one time is is Katherine called me at about midnight one night and said, "Hey, I'm at this bar and I'm about to drink and I need help." And I said, "What can I do?" And she said, "Just please come down here." And I said, "Okay." So, I went down there and I hadn't had a drink in about maybe two weeks, 3 weeks or so. And, you know, I was ready, but I was going in there thinking, "All right, I'm just going to go get her. We're going to leave and we're going to go to IHOP or something and and get out of there." Well, I open up the front door to the bar and that that that smell, you know, the the the stale smoke and booze and zezy top is playing on the jukebox and I'm like home, you know?
And so and so I walked in and I found Catherine sitting there and she's sitting at the bar and she's not having the good time I am. She's staring at a shot and just staring at it and staring at it. And I walk up next to her and I sit down and I say, "All right, what do we do now?" And she was like, "I don't." She's like, "I don't know." I said, "We could leave." And she said, "Well, I'm not ready to leave yet." And I said, "All right, neither am I." And so she had a shot and I thought, "Well, to be fair, I better get one, too." And so I got a shot and we're sitting there and she finally says, "We're going to drink, aren't we?" And and there's a distinct difference between her experience and my experience.
She's scared shitless of taking that drink, and I'm excited cuz the pain's about to go away. We take the shot, and it is ease and comfort right away for me. We order another one and she starts praying before each shot and she and and you know and she's and she's crying at the same time.
She's praying and crying and the prayer she's saying is that she hopes this is the last one. And I didn't feel like that yet. So it had somebody brought me a message at that point how it should have been brought, I don't know.
I doubt I would have taken it at that point because alcohol was still working for me. It was still solving my problem. It was still my solution.
It was still what I did when I had a bad day. It's what I did when I had a good day. And with her, it wasn't like that.
She she wanted to stop desperately and I just wanted the pain to stop desperately and that was the only way I knew how. And so we both get hammered and she doesn't have a car. So I drive her home and I drop her off and I I I saw her I went to a couple meetings after that and we got drunk one more time together and I thought it was kind of cool getting drunk with a nun.
I mean, you know, that's why I laugh every time. You know those calendars that have like nuns doing bad things? I'm like that.
That's why I chuckle every time because I mean, I was part of that. And so, oh boy. And so, so you know, you can so I don't know what happened to Katherine.
God bless her. I really hope that that finally a recovered alcoholic came across her path and offered her a solution to what the deal is. Um, the next several years of my life are very standard alcoholic crap that happens.
Still can't keep a job. I got fired from Home Depot. Apparently, they don't like it when, again, you supposed to be at work at 3 and you get up 3:30, 3:45 and drive their forklifts drunk.
They don't like that. And I got fired cuz I was screaming at my boss cuz I was going to get written up again for being late. And I thought that was just unfair, you know.
And um at this at that point, I had moved around a lot. I've lived several towns in Texas, even moved to New Jersey, thinking every move or the girl I'm moving there for is going to fix me. And none of it ever does.
It's always the same. The same idiot that left one town shows up in the next one. And so, no matter where I went, there I was.
And I My parents living in Houston, fired from Home Depot. They're sick of my junk. And um they did the best thing for me and they kicked me out of the house and I didn't have anywhere to go except to the girlfriend that was living in San Antonio.
Moved out there, ended up getting promoted and moved to Dallas through a coworker of where I worked at that place. Um knew somebody that goes to this group. Try not to stay drunk long because that's not even the good stuff.
It's just so I met this person that goes to this group and we're hanging out and we're friends and we're doing whatever and you know several times I'm like let's go get a beer. Let's go get a beer. She's like no I don't drink.
I don't drink at all. I'm like oh you can watch. I mean, you know, cuz it's happening, but you know, whether you're there or not, but so so what what I what ends up happening and the funny thing is to to I thought I had had this girl fooled and and I sworn off twice to her.
She called me while I was on the couch hurting. I'd taken anti-depressants again and cuz that's going to solve the whatever. And drinking and Wellbutrin, not a good idea.
but still didn't stop me. I decided to stop taking the Wellbutrin because that was really interfering with how much I could drink. So, so anyway, I swore off twice to this girl and finally she says she she tells me after I'm asking to go out to get a beer, she says, "Well, I can't drink cuz I'm allergic to alcohol." And the the thing that kicked me off that she was an AA was because that's what they told me to tell people way back when in Austin.
Tell them you're allergic. But the thing is, they didn't explain what the hell that meant. That was just something I supposed to tell somebody when I told it when I didn't, you know, when I wasn't supposed to go drink with them.
And anyway, so so she brought me here and I mean, thank God for this group and thank God for the fact that people here do the steps and and carry this message because y'all had one meeting and if I had to listen to people's crap, she told me how many people came and I'm like, "Oh, there's there's 150 people I don't want to listen to 150. I'm going to have to get drunk just to deal with the meeting. And so, but she I mean I but I said, "Listen," I said, "I don't want to hear people and moan about their lives cuz I really don't care." And she's like, "That's not what our meeting is like.
Just come. Just come to one." And I said, "Okay." So, I came and I went to a foundation meeting and I'm sitting there listening and I'm telling her that I'm going to be a good supportive friend for her. And that was a lie because my life is falling apart.
I'm about to lose the job I have then. You know, things aren't going well. And the and the thing is when I would stop drinking, life never got better.
Life never got better when I quit drinking. It got worse. And that's me without a solution is an ugly thing.
Ask my parents cuz you know the times that I'm living with them. I mean, why do you think they threw me out? I was either staying out late and getting drunk or screaming at them because I was trying to not drink and I I couldn't deal with anything.
And those poor people, you know, I put them through hell and they still love me and wow, I it's just I love those people to death. Um anyway, so I get here and I and I and I'm in this foundation meeting and I'm thinking again, I better hear something good because if I'm glad one person's talking instead of everybody needing to unload their junk and but you but she started talking about the big book and the steps and what they meant. Talked about step one about what powerless is explained the allergy to me.
explain the reason when I start drinking and I can't stop is because I have an allergy to alcohol. It's because this craving that I break out into is is why alcoholics are powerless over alcohol. Why I'm powerless over alcohol.
My life is unmanageable. I'm sitting there just reading it thinking, "Boy, yeah, it is." My life is not unmanageable because I lose jobs and can't keep a relationship and can't pay bills. My life is unmanageable because I can't stay away from booze.
That's why my life is unmanageable. You know, I would tell you I drank for all different kinds of reasons. I was molested until the age of seven.
Uh that girl I moved to New Jersey for got an abortion and told me after I didn't know she was pregnant. I used all these excuses. I was picked on growing up.
Poor me. You know, I use all these excuses to drink, but that's not why I drink. I drink because I'm an alcoholic.
I drink because I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. Alcoholics drink and I am. So, I did.
And that that whole meeting, I couldn't stop thinking about that. I I vaguely heard about step two and three in that meeting, but I couldn't stop sitting there thinking about and my butt was nailed to the chair. I was like, "Wow, I really am an alcoholic.
I truly am and I can't do anything about it." Until she said that the big book says I can go try some controlled drinking. I you know, the week or a month it doesn't for me 10 minutes and I I've got a good idea. You know, I've got a plan working.
And so after that meeting that night, we went out and had dinner with a couple other friends and I dropped her off back at her car and I went straight to the flying saucer and I said, "Okay, controlled drinking. This is it. I'm going to test myself and we're going to see how it all goes.
I'm going to have one beer. I'm going to have one beer." Well, but I have that flying saucer membership card thing and I'm trying to get that gold plate on the wall and we can apply three beers to that in one night. So, three beers.
Three beers and we're good. So, I decided on three. And so I'm in the bar and I'm start to drink and I'm drinking and I'm chatting with the folks next to me because I can now.
And and then I I stopped and I thought, "Oh, I was supposed to stop at three. How?" And I was like I asked the bartender. I was like, "How many have I had?" And he goes, "Nine." And I went, "What the hell?" Let's go.
I mean, I've already blown it. might as well blow it all the way, you know. And so I and so I got good and hammered then.
And there are several more benders that come along. And remember Katherine and how she felt when she drank. It's on my birthday.
And again, I'm going into this whole thing with a buddy of mine thinking two drinks, two drinks, two beers. I'll even do beer. Not even going to do bourbon.
Bourbon was my favorite thing on the planet. I That was what I love to drink. And I was like, I I'll I'll just do beer.
I'm not going to do bourbon. and I stuck to two beers. It was the bourbon after those two beers that was the problem.
And but the thing is when I got drunk then when it fixed me before it it it wasn't working anymore. And I'm this angry pissed off person because I'm trying to get relief and I'm not getting it anymore. I don't know how much alcohol it would have taken to get to that point like I felt when I was 12 or when I was five and I tried to get there a bunch and it just didn't get get me there anymore.
so much as the waitress knew me from high school. This is back in my hometown where we're at. And she comes up and I she says, "You still drink like you did in high school." And well, you drink more.
And I'm like, "All right, two more shots." And and she comes and she says, "Well, don't you think you've had enough already?" I mean, I looked this woman dead in the eye and I said, "I didn't ask for a commentary on my life. I told you to bring me two more bourbons." And I came out and she called me a few names and uh which she should have. And I got drunked in and I'm staring at these bourbon, these two shots she brought and I'm like, I don't want to drink them.
And then I remembered Catherine. And I remembered what I was told here. And it only took me about another month of trying the experiment again.
Cuz then I was too embarrassed. I was too embarrassed to admit that I was really an alcoholic and I got drunk again. And the thing is when I got drunk at this point over the last several years, I didn't want to be alive anymore.
And I would pray when I was drunk that God don't let me wake up from this one and then get pissed off in the morning when I did. And I'd had enough of that. And it was y'all's smiling faces that I remembered when I came to the last time I had a drink because y'all were happy.
Y'all lived life. You weren't hiding from life. And I wanted that.
I wanted that desperately. So I called my friend back up and said, "Can I come to the meeting again?" And she said, "You can come anytime you want." And I did. And I came.
And again, my mind is already starting. I'm making too big a deal. the headache's gone.
You know, you're making too big a deal out of it. Started reading stuff in the big book about leading a double life. And I was that was me because while I might be able to come off as somebody that was okay some of the time, I wasn't.
And so I uh decided to get a sponsor. And I talked to um this guy with a big gray bushy beard looks like Papa Smurf and it was a threeminute conversation and I and and a friend of mine had been dra dragging people up to me. You want to talk to that person?
I'm like no you know and I was again I was angry very angry and I what about this person? No. And then kind of looked over and saw Myers and I said what about that guy?
You want to talk to Myers? So, you want to talk to Myyers? And I'm like, "Sure." And I go over there and he and I don't know if y'all were here for birthday night.
It was in the closet back there. And I walked up and and he said and my friend said, "Myers, Scott, Scott Myers." And Myers goes, "What's your deal, booze or drugs?" I said, "Alcohol?" He goes, "You want to quit?" I said, "Yeah." He goes, "You want to quit forever?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Okay." And then, you know, I didn't say anything after that. I didn't know what to say.
And he walked off and I and I asked uh Wendy, who is man, my one of my best friends on the planet. I asked her that night. I was like, "Do you have that Myers guy phone number?
I want to talk to him and ask him to be my sponsor. Is he good?" You know, I didn't know who he was. And and and Wendy said, "Well, did you hear God through him?" And I was like, I know when I talked to him.
I don't know. I guess so. And I had heard what he said during the meeting and his comments.
And she said, call him. And I left the 10-minute long conver, you know, message on his voicemail. Uh, hey, um, this is Scott and um, I talked to you last night in the me I don't know if you remember me or not.
Um, big guy goatee. Um I don't I would you um you know the whole be my sponsor and and he called me and he called me the next morning and said and said something that that that kind of shocked me. He goes again are you done for good and all?
And I said yes. He goes good cuz if you're not we'll dust your butt off and let you go get finished and come back when you are. Meet me Thursday.
Yes sir. And so I did and we started from there and working the steps from there. He made sure I understood what being an alcoholic was.
making sure I understood what step one was all about. He said, "How do you feel about God?" I said, "I'm okay with God." He said, "Good. Done with step two." You know, and we and we did this third step prayer.
And then as soon as we got done with the third step prayer, he handed me my fourstep sheets and he said, "You have a week." And I had it done in about 3 days. He had gone out of town. And I, you know, we should all work the steps the same, but my experience with the steps, I didn't get the third step promises right away.
And and here's why. Cuz I wouldn't have been able, if id have gotten any relief whatsoever at that point, I wouldn't able to think of who I resented because believe me, at that point, my mindset, I it was not hard. I hate this guy.
I hate this guy. I hate them, you know, and it was not not hard for me at all to to to make that list of people I resented. And why?
I'll tell you all day long why they're jerks. And so, and I was not feeling all right. Again, my solution's gone and I'm scared.
And I called him one night, one day when I was at work, and I said, "Myers, I I don't feel good, man. I I'm I'm going nuts and and I want a drink." He said, "Well, then go drink." I said, "I don't want to drink. I want to know how to not do that." He said, "When do you get off of work?" I said, "5:00." He said, "Go to the 24-hour club." I said, "What am I going to do there?" And he said, "You're going to talk to another alcoholic or another.
You just talk to somebody." I was like, "What do I tell him? You know, I've only got I think Well, that conversation actually happened. I only had like three or four days." And I said, "What am I going to tell him?
I've only got like four days." He goes, "That's three and a half days longer than most of those guys have. Go tell them about it." You know? And I said, "Okay." And I went and it was it was magic.
It was great. While I mean, I wanted more of it. I'm still grindy.
You know, I'm listening to Melanie do the steps and I distinctly remember this and I'm listening to her do the steps and she's talking about eight and nine and and and the freedom that comes from nine and how how I'm feeling then on page 52 those bedments how I'm feeling then is step nine. a lot of that stuff slips away. And I didn't believe her.
And I'm staring a hole through her through the whole meeting. And she comes up after she goes, "Scott, are you okay?" And I went, "NO, I'M NOT OKAY. Thank you for asking." And she was like, "Well, how far have you gotten?" And and I was like, "I'm waiting to do my fist." She goes, "Well, good.
Just do your fist step." She What was Why are you so angry? And I said, "I think you're FULL OF >> >> BECAUSE you know I the third step stuff didn't happen and so if the fifth step stuff didn't happen I was gone right nothing could have been further from the truth I met that Tuesday we did my fifth step and through the whole thing I'm starting to kind of feel it's starting to go away and I'm like I'm the one here that caused all this I'm not the ones it was because I was trying to get what I wanted when I wanted from them and I did whatever I had to do to do that and they got sick of my crap. And so when I left that, you know, I had this whole kind of this whole shift going on.
And there's this magical hour that you do after your fifth step. At least it was for me. And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking about the first five steps.
What did I forget? You know, did I leave somebody off? Have I been thorough?
Do I know my truth in step one? Do I think am I willing to believe that there's a power greater than me that can do this? Step three to do the decision to get through the rest of the steps.
All right, I've got that decision down. Was I thorough on this fourth step? Did I tell myers everything in the fifth step?
And as I'm doing this, it's this weight is being lifted. And at the end of that and at the end of that hour, I did six and seven and started writing people that weren't on my fourth step. That that list is step eight list already done from that.
I wrote it because of the way my mind had changed. It wasn't hard for me to think of people that I had stepped on that I didn't resent. Well, I screwed this guy over.
I owe this guy money. And I and I screwed this guy over and this person and I really hurt that girl. And my whole outlook on life started changing drastically.
And I went from this guy to just stand there and just what, you know, to just feeling free. Feeling free. I could look people in the eye.
I didn't It was my fault. And guess what? because of these 12 steps, I can do something about me.
I can get connected to a power that can change that. And I wanted more of that, man. I came in at halfway through the meeting on Tuesday after doing my hour and I'm grinning and I and I I'm happy to see everybody instead of wishing I'll just get the hell out of my way.
And and I and so I wanted more. And Meyer says, "Amends. Time to do amends." And step 10.
I said, "Okay." So, I took a Friday off from work and a Monday off from work and I drove out Thursday night after after work down and I'm I called people that I could get a hold of. Everybody could get a hold of from the Tuesday when I did my amends to that Friday. I had done the PE I'd known five people in Dallas at that point.
So, I made those amends before that. And then I called the people and set up appointments in Austin, Houston, and San Antonio. and I drove down to Austin, met with everybody there that I could that I could find.
Drove to Houston, met with everybody there, then came back up through San Antonio. And on that trip to Houston, you know, it it that was uh well, I guess it was a week after I'd done. Anyway, it was Father's Day weekend, and we're having dinner with everybody, my family, my brother, his wife, and her folks, and everything.
and and I don't know exactly when the obsession to drink left, but that's when I recognized it was gone because everybody there's drinking and having a great time. I'm drinking Dr. Pepper and having a great time and I realize in the middle of the meal and I start laughing and my brother leans over, what's so funny?
I'm like, all of y'all are drinking and I don't care. and he and and he's he was like that's great man and it's just been like that ever since the IRS step 11 right out of the book you know every morning that's it's the highlight of my day I mean in the morning I when I get up I follow the directions right out of the book the as soon as I can have a conscious thought when I wake up I think you know for my for my you thinking to be divorced from selfish, dishonest, and self-seeking motives. And then I get out of bed and start my morning and I'm thinking about my day ahead.
And then I get on my knees and I pray and then I pray for direction. And then I sit and I be quiet and shut up and listen for the direction. And that's that time in the morning.
I'm telling you, if if it's the coolest moment because it's just when it's me and God and nothing else and I enjoy that time the most cuz I get off the couch or wherever I'm meditating from and it's like I'm floating at that point. It's just the coolest feeling in the world. Doing 12step work, step 12, you're missing out if you're not doing it.
I'm telling you, it's the coolest thing in the world to get a guy that comes in that was just as scared as me or even more so. And to say, you know what, bud? It's not how life has to be.
Do you want it? And if he says, yeah, you take him through it. And if he says no, here's my number.
Call me when you're done. You know, but and and all sorts of cool things start happening in your life. And it was a it was a time I was two months sober and Myers was doing the steps down at the triangle group and we met up here on Thursday before the meeting and all drove down there together.
And it was on these Thursdays that don't tell we've all signed things saying we're not really going to divulge what was said in the car, but uh that's where I got the nickname Papoosea from, by the way. But um so we're in the car, but you know the time we're having in the car is the greatest. We're I'm laughing so hard I'm crying and it's me, Dale Myers, and a couple of guys that aren't here anymore.
Um God be with them. But they they uh it was the coolest time. And on the last trip back, I'm sitting in the front seat with Myers and I looked over at him and I said, you know, thanks, man.
And he's like, for what? And I said, "Every drunk I was I had, every time I drank, this is what I was trying to get. This feeling right here.
And this is better than anything I've ever felt before. And all I can say is that it gets better after that. I've had plenty of times with friends here carrying the message with Dale and Brad and Meyers and all Wendy and all the other John and there's a bond there you get with those people and it's and it's the coolest thing you've ever felt in your life.
It's this closeness and this and this and this camaraderie that that before because I'm got this this spiritual thing that's I'm disconnected from everything that's taken care of now because of these steps and I can have relationships real relationships with people. I'm not trying to take from them. You know that's done.
That's I don't I'm I can actually give to a relationship and not expect anything in return. And to have those relationships with people are the coolest thing. It's it's it's the best.
And it's hard for me to think of all of cool things to talk about about my what my life is like now cuz there's been just so many. And man, I'm starting back to school. Fourth times a charm, you know, you know.
So, I'm still I mean, and you know, and and about that, I lost I lost my job. The that job that I got promoted and moved up here on, I lost my job. You know, a girl I cared about very dearly.
It didn't work out. I didn't drink because the solution to my problems now is in helping somebody else and letting and getting out of the way and letting God take care of all that stuff. I lost my job.
Myers had been jabbing at me to go back to school forever. So I so I prayed and I said, "God, okay, if it's your will, I want to go back to school and hopefully I'll get a job where I can afford to do that." And I was manhandling it to be honest with you. I had the kung fu grip on it.
And I It's going to work out. This is going to I called Myers and he I was like, "This job thing just ain't working out, man." And >> >> And he said something real quick. He said, "God either is or he isn't.
Make your decision and go on from there." All right, I'll talk to you later. You know, and and that was the deal. And so I I I pray I I hit my knees and I said, "God, th this isn't this isn't my decision.
And whatever you want to happen, let it happen. If I'm supposed to go back to school, great. If I'm not, fine.
It's up to you. Two days later, a friend of mine, company he works for calls up and says, "Hey, we have a job opening here and you know they have tuition reimbursement and go check out the schedule and just come in." And I said, "Okay." And so I knew the schedule was going to be evening time, whatever. And I said, "Myers, what do I keep?
I don't want to miss what do I do?" He goes, "You have a commitment on Wednesday. All I want you one meeting a week and one commitment a week. That's your job." And I said, "Okay." So I go in, my commitment is on Wednesday nights at Homewardbound.
My days off are Wednesdays and Thursdays. I mean, there's my meeting a week in my commitment. And the schedule is perfect for me to go back to school.
So I took it. And again, like I said, it's things like that happen all the time. When you when when when you truly do put your life in God's hands, he's going to take care of it.
Those third step promises don't stop coming true once you start doing the fourth step. Perform your work well and God will give you what you need. And it's been my experience with that.
You know, page one of the coolest things in the book, page 100, it uh it says here, you know, in the middle of that first paragraph there, it says, "When we look back, we realize the things which came to us. When we put ourselves in God's hands, we're better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances.
And it's the truth. If these promises didn't come true, I wouldn't be here. None of none no recovered alcoholic would be here if these promises didn't come true.
And the thing is this, I'm not special. I'm not even that smart, you know? I'm just a drunk that shut up and took direction and did what was out of this book and was so sick of the way my life was.
It was either going to end or something was going to get better. And there's nothing I could do in my own power to make it get better. God's the one that does that.
I I just follow directions. I do what the book says and God takes care of the rest. And if you're here tonight for the first time or new in sobriety um early on and you're kind of wondering or on the on the fence what to do, man, get a sponsor that's done the work and ask them.
The 12 steps says we've had a spiritual experience as the result of doing these steps. Ask that person, have you had a spiritual experience as the result of doing the steps? They got to qualify you.
They should. They got to qualify you to see if you're the real deal alcoholic. Qualify them to see if they're a qualified sponsor.
And if they say, "Yes, I have." Then don't leave them alone. Tell them you want it. and and and because if you've had the spiritual experience, you know, to keep it, you got to give it away.
And if they're worth their salt, they'll give it away because that's where all the fun is. Going to Homer Bound and the 24-hour club, nothing I love more, but that those places have saved my bacon. I'm glad the 24-hour club is open 24 hours a day.
>> >> You know, there's been plenty of times I I'm it's it's 11:00 at night and I'm like, I got to go and I head down there and it never fails. There's always one guy that wanders in that's hurting and he doesn't know what to do. And so I just talk to him to get to know him, tell him my story.
You know, I'm not there to take his inventory and go, "Well, because you drink your D." That's not my job. My job is to go this is my this is how I drank. This is how my life was before.
But it's not that way now. Are you interested? Good thing is his answer isn't dep.
My sobriety is dependent on me sitting there offering it. Not whether he takes it. God bless him if he does.
But if he doesn't, that's okay, too. You know, hopefully somebody else can talk to him that that that that he'll that he'll get it. You know, I again, thank y'all.
I'll Dr. Bob's story. I love it.
I'm going to end with this because it sums it up in that last paragraph, which is where the good stuff is. And uh oh, can we delete that part? Uh anyway, it's the last paragraph there.
And this is again what I would say again to the newcomer. Dr. Bob sums it up in a paragraph the whole thing I've been trying to do this time I've been up here and says, "If you think you're an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what's in this book, I feel sorry for you.
If you think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that's your own affair. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking for good and all, not one day at a time, for good and all, um, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails.
If you go about it with one half the zeal you've been in and the habit of showing when you're getting another drink, your heavenly father will never let you down. And that's the truth. >> Thank you all so much.
I love every single one OF YOU. >> >> THANK YOU for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.
Until next time, have a great day. >>