“I Caught Alcoholism in AA Meetings” – AA Speaker – Scott R.
AA speaker Scott R. describes how alcoholism damaged his family before he found sobriety. His sons and wife bore the brunt of his drinking—and recovery.
Scott R. came to AA on April 22nd, 1985, with no real understanding of what alcoholism actually was or how deeply it had already damaged everyone around him. In this AA speaker tape, he describes the wreckage his drinking left behind—sons who were traumatized and struggling to function, a wife broken by years of his behavior—and what he learned in the rooms about the ripple effects of alcoholism that go far beyond the drinker.
Scott R. explains that when he arrived at AA, he didn’t understand alcoholism and was unaware of how profoundly his drinking had harmed his family. His young sons were traumatized, emotionally disconnected, and struggling academically, while his wife was emotionally devastated. This AA speaker describes realizing that the hardwired effects of an alcoholic’s behavior extend to spouses and children, and how AA literature illuminated truths about family damage that he’d never recognized.
Episode Summary
Scott R. opens with a confession: when he walked into AA, he’d “caught alcoholism” but had no idea what that actually meant. He was blind to the damage his drinking had done—not just to himself, but to the people closest to him.
By the time he got sober on April 22nd, 1985, his two sons—ages six and three—were deeply wounded. They were anxious and traumatized, so disrupted by fear that they couldn’t connect with other kids. They tested off the charts intellectually, yet they could barely read or write. There was nothing organically wrong with them. They were sick because of him. His wife had been worn down by years of exposure to his drinking and his behavior—emotionally devastated in ways he didn’t yet understand.
What strikes Scott most is that he didn’t know any of this until he got to the rooms. He hadn’t read AA literature. He didn’t understand the concept outlined in the Big Book about “the blameless lives of the warped lives of blameless wives and children.” He hadn’t grasped that the hard wiring of alcoholic thinking—”the bizarre, horrible thing”—had become embedded in his children’s nervous systems and his wife’s psyche through prolonged exposure to him.
This is the part of recovery that doesn’t get talked about enough: alcoholism isn’t a solo disease. The alcoholic’s family becomes collateral damage. They develop anxiety, trauma responses, behavioral problems—not because they’re broken, but because they’ve been living in the wreckage of someone else’s disease.
Scott emphasizes an important distinction: he’s not interested in recovery talk that isn’t grounded in the Big Book. He’s found that the meaningful insights about alcoholism, the disease itself, and what it does to a family are all there in the literature. The “wacky stuff” you hear in the rooms sometimes? He’s learned to filter it out and stick to what’s actually in the text. For someone new to AA, trying to understand what happened to their family, or trying to take responsibility for the damage they’ve caused, Scott’s clarity here is worth sitting with.
Notable Quotes
I caught alcoholism in AA meetings. I couldn’t even have told you what it was. I had no idea.
The hard wiring of the alcoholic thinking, the bizarre, horrible thing, had become hard wired into my children and into my wife.
The stuff that is meaningful to me, I have never found in the big book of AA. Uh the the stuff that is meaningful to me, I’ve invariably found in the big book of AA.
My wife had just become a tongue-chewing, babbling idiot from prolonged exposure to me.
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Family & Relationships
- Big Book Study
- Denial
- Honesty
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▶ Full AA Speaker Transcript
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I caught alcoholism in AA meetings. I couldn't even have told you what it was. I had no idea.
I um took me a long time to find out what alcoholism was. By the time I get to Alcoholics Anonymous on April 22nd, 1985, my sons were six and three. They were broken.
They were um sick and um cut out from the society of other children, barely able to put together small uh tasks. They tested way off the scale in terms of IQ and could barely read or write. And uh there was nothing organically wrong with them.
They were just scared all the time. They were so disrupted by their fear, they uh couldn't connect. And I didn't know it.
I hadn't read our literature. I didn't know about the blameless lives of the warped lives of blameless wives and children. I didn't know that the hard wiring of the alcoholic thinking, the bizarre, horrible thing, had become hard wired into my children and into my wife.
My wife had just become a tongue-chewing, babbling idiot from prolonged exposure to me. And um and that's not the way it started out. You know.
If you're new here, you're going to hear some wacky stuff about alcoholism now that you're here. And I want to tell you that the stuff that is not meaningful to me, I have never found in the big book of AA. Uh the the stuff that is meaningful to me, I've invariably found in the big book of AA.