“I Fell 30 Feet, Got 4 DWIs… and Still Couldn’t Quit Drinking” – AA Speaker – Troy N. – Elgin, TX
Troy N. from Elgin, TX shares his AA speaker story: a 30-foot fall, four DWIs, jail, and the moment he finally surrendered to the steps and found sobriety in 1999.
Troy N. from Elgin, Texas spent years chasing a high he couldn’t find and running from consequences he couldn’t escape—four DWIs, a catastrophic fall from a 30-foot warehouse, multiple arrests, and a collapsing marriage all failed to stop him from drinking. In this AA speaker tape, he walks through how desperation finally cracked him open enough to actually listen, work the steps, and discover a God he’d rejected his whole life.
Troy N., an AA speaker from Elgin, TX, shares his recovery story spanning from early drinking in Houston through four DWIs, a severe fall that should have killed him, and the moment of surrender that led him to sobriety on January 27, 1999. He details how working the steps and finding a spiritual connection through Alcoholics Anonymous transformed his life after treatment, sponsorship, and genuine commitment to the Big Book. Troy discusses the importance of sponsorship, Big Book study, carrying the message to others, and the spiritual awakening that came from truly surrendering to a Higher Power.
Episode Summary
Troy N.’s story is one of escalating consequences that somehow never quite escalated into the moment he quit—until they did. He opens with the wreckage: a normal childhood in Houston, a father he drifted away from, early drinking at fifteen, the first DWI at twenty-one, and a trajectory that looked less like a life and more like a series of close calls he kept walking away from.
The pattern was brutal and predictable. By his early twenties, Troy was working multiple jobs, going to university, and drinking every morning before class. Each consequence—legal trouble, a lost job, a girlfriend whose father (a drug dealer) first told him he had a drinking problem—registered for a moment before sliding past. He would get arrested, go home, and hit the bar in the backyard. His then-girlfriend left him when he couldn’t show up emotionally after her mother, father, and two sisters died in a car accident. His response: relief that she was gone so he could drink more.
The fall came in 1996. Drunk at a friend’s warehouse party, Troy decided to climb the interior I-beams of a thirty-foot structure. He fell, hit a metal chair and a steel ship rudder on the way down, shattered his wrist into pieces, dislocated his elbow. He woke in the hospital in terrible pain. When they released him days before Christmas, he walked out of the hospital, past the concerned friends waiting to help, through the backyard, and straight to the bar for a beer. The incident convinced everyone around him he was suicidal. He was just an alcoholic.
By 1997, Troy had lost his house, burned bridges all over Houston, and his parents finally said, “Come to Austin.” He went to a treatment center, hated it, walked out and drank immediately. He got a job with a landscape company, drank every day, got his truck on fire on the side of I-10 while driving cross-country with a bottle of tequila, and picked up his fourth DWI on Burn Road—ironically while heading to an AA meeting he’d already decided he didn’t believe in. He spent ten days in jail and got 120 days of work release, six-year probation, and an interlocking device on his truck.
For a moment, he tried. He did the 120 days sober, got out, told himself it would be different, bought a half-pint of tequila on the way home, and escalated from a week of half-pints to a week of pints to weeks of liters to two liters a day. He was lying, isolating, miserable, working for a landscape company, drinking tequila hidden in Gatorade bottles while operating tractors.
On January 26, 1999, something broke. He called the treatment center from his truck—not to make an excuse, but to say something bad was about to happen. Impending doom. He checked back in. This time, he listened.
He got introduced to the Big Book and a sponsor who told him to read it to an old man without reading glasses. They argued about God. Troy wasn’t convinced there was one, certainly not one interested in him. But he took the position that there was a God and kept reading.
When he left treatment that second time, a man said something that stuck: “For good and for all.” Troy came back to Austin and started going to meetings at Northland. His work took him to Lake Buchanan, where he camped alone on 12,200 acres for the first five months of sobriety, coming to meetings and Big Book study on weekends. He worked with a sponsor who showed him that this wasn’t about quitting drinking—it was about a spiritual awakening. The mental obsession lifted. Where he used to lead the charge for alcohol, now he didn’t want it. The effect he used to get from drinking paled against the effect of God working in his life.
Troy discusses the chain of recovery that started with Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob, and how he’s committed to keeping it going—through his home group, his Tuesday night Big Book study that’s been running for three years, his Wednesday meeting at the treatment center where he sponsors newcomers, and most importantly, through his sponsor relationship and his own sponsees. He talks about how recovery isn’t just about stopping drinking; it’s about service, about being willing to carry the message to the next person, about knowing that your job in the rooms is to help the next drunk find what you found.
He closes with passages from the Big Book’s original edition—Dr. Bob’s Nightmare and Our Southern Friend—reading about gratitude, the power of God, and the symphony of creation that opens up when you’re truly sober. Twenty-five years later, he’s remarried to the woman he abandoned at the altar, he surfs, he works, he goes to meetings in small towns in Mexico and finds fellowship. Most importantly, he’s not drinking, and the obsession is gone.
Notable Quotes
I fell and I remember waking up in the hospital. I got home, went in the front door, went out the back door, and went through the backyard through that hole in the fence to the ginger man and got a beer. I damn near died, but you know, the drunk goes—I got to get what I need.
They said, ‘Troy, can you control your drinking?’ I got pretty abundant experience that says I cannot. I put this little bit in my body, next thing I know, I’m drinking more than ever in short order.
If I don’t go to AA meetings, if I don’t work the steps, if I don’t have a relationship with God, there is no vacation. It’s more like jail, hospitals, maybe death.
You find somebody who’s been doing it and get them to show you. I can take you and let you in the passenger door of my truck and drive your ass there. You go with somebody who knows.
What we thought was a flimsy read has turned out to be the loving hand of God. And to even get to come out and testify to that stuff, to the power of God working in my life—man, I work with a lot of guys today.
There are periods of darkness, but the stars are shining no matter how black the night. Fears, resentments, pride, worldly desires, worry, and self-pity no longer possess me.
Hitting Bottom
Sponsorship
Big Book Study
Spiritual Awakening
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Hitting Bottom
- Sponsorship
- Big Book Study
- Spiritual Awakening
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
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Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-onrise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. Hi y'all.
My name is Troy Nixon. I'm a recovered alcoholic. And um that brought tears to my eyes.
That brought tears to my eyes, brother. I've been sober since January 27th of 1999. Um, thanks to all the cast that came before us, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the God that I found by working those steps and and hanging with you people.
It's a real honor to be here today. Um, I came out to the Fellowship of the Pines Tournament last year. At the last minute, I called called Janice and Rudy and um, I couldn't get a hold of them because they were at an AA meeting, you know, late at night the night before.
and I finally got a hold of him and I went out and played and and Janice was kidding me that day. She said, "I'm going to get you to come out and speak out there in Bassrop sometime." And uh and then she called me about a month and a half ago or something and uh and I like Carla said yes. Um, uh, I was at birthday night in April when, uh, she and a bunch of her litter mates and a bunch of their sponsies and their grandponsies and their great grandpies and we're all there and I was thinking, man, there are a lot a lot of people here that she could have picked.
Um, but she was kidding me. She said, well, I've been watching you. I've been watching you.
And, uh, so it's a great honor to be here today. It's a beautiful day. Um, I, you know, I had a pretty normal childhood.
I had loving parents. Um, I had one brother. Um, you know, I used to get to go, my dad was a scout leader and we went to the beach a lot.
He went fishing a lot. Um, I got to tag along with the boy scout troop and, you know, go on these camp outs even though I was too young to, you know, be a boy scout. But got to go to some cool places.
We built the teepee at our house and took that. He was an order of the arrow leader. It was just cool stuff.
Um, I grew up in Houston. We moved to uh, West Texas for a little while, then went back to Houston. And, uh, you know, I was thinking about what Carlo was talking about, our first first drink.
You know, mine was somewhere. It was pretty early, but I remember we had a neighbor who had a my best friend's dad had a one of those keg refrigerators in his garage and we'd go out there little kids and we'd like, you know, it was probably more the novelty of the little handle and that something came out of and it was cold more than, you know, I knew what it was. Um, I started drinking.
I did some other things first that uh are not part of this fellowship at around 13. And then I started drinking pretty much a good bit after school when I was about 15. Um drinking beer.
I had a buddy and he was 16 and he had his parents' car and we would go and get a six-pack after school. You know, we'd ride around, drink some beers and then we'd go home like three each. No big deal.
Um, but it started then and uh there were a lot of parties on the weekend in high school and and I went to those and I remember just getting pretty lit right from the get-go. Um, on the weekends I uh I always worked I made good grades in school. Um but around you know 16 17 I I used to go spend the week the summers and a lot of other times with my grandparents down in the Rio Grand Valley and I learned to surf down there and I would always go um that way.
And so as I got a little older I I was doing that stuff more and I started peeling away probably from my father and my brother a little bit. You know they hunted and fish together and I you know as soon as I was old enough to say I wasn't going to church I was I was going to the beach on the weekend. um living in Houston was an hour away and we would go and you know we'd drink down there and we'd do other things and and um you know but I I know that I started peeling away from my family a little bit you know 16 17 18 um at 18 I actually got in a big fight with my father and moved out.
Um, I had finished high school at 17 and moved out and got my first apartment, you know, then it was free run and uh and I worked and I paid my bills and I uh decided to go to school a year later and I I enrolled at the University of Houston and I I started going to school there and and was partying pretty good. I was doing all right in school. um wasn't really applying myself that much, but uh that was the first time I ever drank in the morning.
I uh a friend of mine had got me over at this uh fraternity house and I was just sort of hanging out with these guys. I was playing some sports. I was playing lacrosse at University of Houston and uh I was riding a bike a whole lot and playing a lot of tennis and uh you know these guys thought there there's something they could use out of that for like competitions and so I didn't have to do all the the crap that I thought was involved with the fraternity.
But the other bonus was they had a beer. They had a Coke machine that was a beer machine that one of the alumni, you know, put in this place. And so you could go and get a 50 cent pine out of this thing.
You get a 50 cent St. Paulie girl. Um, you know, and I could remember a few times getting up in the morning and being hurting from the night before and and uh going and getting those beers and drinking them before I went to class.
And that was that was the first I started drinking in the morning. I started having consequences um right around that same time, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. Pretty much every year there was some sort of legal run in from PI um taking my dad's big Bronco and and uh getting busted in Belair, Texas.
Um you know, at that point, I was more scared about what he was going to do to me for taking his his Pride and Joy hunting truck and, you know, high and and drunk and getting pulled over. Um, but I had that and then, um, I got my first DWI at age 21 or so. I was working I was in school.
I was working a couple of jobs. I was working in a restaurant. I was working for a real estate company.
And I had a Texas real estate license. I was young. I was wearing a suit to school, suit and tie.
Um, and going to this real estate company at noon every day and working. Well, you know, I had always heard honesty is the best policy. And so when I got this DWI on the weekend, you know, it didn't have anything to do with the job.
I went and told my boss and he told me, you know, the good Baptist that he was, God bless you if you're, you know, sorry. Um, but these guys were really into that. They were all Baylor guys and they had Baylor football players working there and and he said, "I don't think we can have you around here anymore." And that sort of blew that principle of uh being honest right out of the water.
you know, it's like I went to this guy and said, you know, approached him and I was hours away from a Texas state broker's license, you know, at 22 years old. And so that was a that was a big blow. Um, so I went full-time into the restaurant business and just abandoned the real estate thing.
That was really hopping in Houston at that time. And uh, I um, you know, there was just so much part of that that whole little period of my life was pretty much a blur. I ended up getting my degree at about age 25 and I was dating a girl whose dad uh turned out I thought he was a some ranch or farmer guy but he was actually a drug dealer and um moving lots of u drugs around and fancy cars and sort of you know I peeled off from my family a little bit more along this time because I couldn't very well go to mom and dad and say you know Rachel's dad's a drug dealer you know and that's why I'm driving this Mercedes and that's why I got this gun in in the car with me all the time and that's why I'm doing this and doing that.
Um I got my second DWI while I was on probation for the first and I went and spent 11 days in uh Harris County Jail and I um somewhere right after that I also got pulled over at Houston Intercontinental Airport for waving a gun at a guy who who spit at us. Um and uh I got busted for that and I somehow got out of that deal. Um, I spun her uncle's Porsche on I 10, Porsche 930.
Lo, lo loaded, loaded. And spun that thing out and got in some trouble there. I mean, this was all like quick, rapid fire stuff.
And her dad told me when I was about 24, right before I graduated, he said, you know, Joy, I think you got a drinking problem. And and I just looked at him like, who the hell are you to tell me that? you know, he was drinking Crown Royal and smoking weed every single day and doing piles of cocaine and I'm just thinking, you know, buddy, you know, I was feeling bulletproof and I was not buying it.
But he was the very first person who ever told me, Troy, you might, you know, give some serious thought to the idea that you got a drinking problem. Well, I ended up breaking up with that girl. Um, still working in a restaurant.
And I met my my future wife um around that time. And there was a lot of chaos involved in that too because this other girl was coming around and starting trouble and um but Laura and I uh who became my wife and who today is my wife and I'll get back to that. Um we got married.
I chased her around. I thought, you know, I thought she really has it together. You know, she's going to be good for me.
Um I didn't give a a stitch of thought to the fact that I would be terrible for her. And she had no idea the extent of my drinking problem. When we finally got married, I left her at the altar one time.
You know, the the wreckage that I put this woman through just today, every time I mention it, flips me out. I'm sort of glad she's not here today. Um she's at home.
Um you know, she says, "You go hang with your people." Um yeah, but uh I left her at the altar. Her whole family came down from Ohio. her mom had made the bridesmaid's bridesmaid's dresses and I just was having second thoughts cold feet and I split and I went to Mexico for a month and went surfing and and left her.
Well, I came back and we ended up getting married. It was a small service cuz they didn't come back that second time. And uh she was one of 11 kids, hardworking family up in Ohio.
and they uh so we got married on our like a a week the new our anniversary was December 23rd 99 on uh December 31st of 1990 now the book talks about um he has a a a genius for getting tied at exactly the right moment especially when some important engagement must be kept New Year's Eve our friends had opened a fancy Italian restaurant we were going to dinner it was a big deal invited some friends and it was going going to be cool. Well, I had gone with the people I worked with at this point, a landscape company. The bosses were out of town.
They had called me and said, "Toy, why don't you pick up a bottle of Crown and meet us? We got this and this and this." And I met him. And uh that night on my way home to this important engagement, I almost uh crashed into a stopped Houston Police Department cruiser that was at the scene of an accident on the West Loop of Houston.
I came zipping around there and I was blurred to say the least. And the next thing I know, I'm getting jerked out of the truck and uh arrested. So that was DWI number three in 19 in uh 1990.
I got home. Laura still didn't know the extent of things. You know, we we did some other things that night.
I walked home from downtown Houston to our house and uh showed up, you know, four or five in the morning and uh they let me out sometime after midnight. They were still a little lenient in those days. And I got home and and went on about business.
Well, there were no more legal troubles for a little while. Uh there were lots of fights with us. She would uh always drive me around because uh we had a nice little Volvo and and I would pass out in the car a lot of times.
I'd wake up, I'd be in the car in the carport behind our house and she'd be gone and there's the drunk husband in in the carport, you know, and I get get up and go in the house. And once again, you know, the devastation that we put our loved ones through or the ones we say we love. Our actions don't exactly show that.
I don't guess. Um, so that was 1990 and and on beyond and and uh in 1994 her mom, her dad, and two of her sisters, her two youngest sisters were killed in a car accident um on the way home from vacation and I was working at a job down in Clear Lake and I was I was drinking all day long. Um, my boss back then used to find the little wine bottles in my truck, you know, he'd find them under the seat and stuff and, uh, he had had talks with me about this stuff.
He would he would put a little message in the bottle, right? He would and I'd find it on my, you know, I knew it was it was left under the seat or behind the seat, but I'd come back to my truck and it's on the seat with a message talking about M. You know, he would call me Mr.
Happy. Oh Mr. Happyy's here, huh?
You know, that's when I was drinking, Mr. Happy. And I hated that.
Boy, it pissed me off. But he um he gave me warnings and whatnot. Well, I got home.
I knew the parents had been killed. I knew this stuff. And uh she wanted me to go to the grocery store with her one evening and I didn't go, you know, I couldn't be bothered.
She was hurting and I couldn't be bothered. and uh she went by herself and there was a guy at the grocery store apparently who saw that she was hurting and sent her some flowers and uh took her, you know, I gave her away, he took her away. Whatever you want to say, she left.
Um and my first thought was, "Thank God the is gone and now I can, you know, I can get back to business." And so I had the house, she was gone, and uh you know, I had friends over and I was partying. I had a bar right out my back door. Really popular bar in Houston.
I could go through the backyard through a little slot in the fence under the parking garage into the bar. There was no driving involved. A lot of partying.
So I went on and I had a new girlfriend. I had people hanging at my house all the time. Um in about I got fired from that job and then I sort of got rehired.
Some people went to bat for me, you know, cuz cuz you know, like like if the book says, he has, you know, he can build up a bright future for himself. You know, he possesses certain aptitudes. You know, the guy, you know, I had some I had some things going for me.
I had some things against me, but I had some things going for me. And they went to bat for me and I got my job back. That was also the time that I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
And it was down in the in the Montro in Houston, Texas. And it was a very lowbottom club with a lot of homeless guys in there. And I went into this meeting with a guy.
He was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And he had nothing that I wanted to be quite honest. He was glum.
He was just I it just pained me to even get in the car with him to go. And I went and I saw a bunch more that looked just like him. And I thought, "You got to be kidding." And he would take me home and I would go in the front door and I would drink soon as he dropped me off.
You know, it was just like that, dude. That's not for me. I'm pretty certain that a that alcoholics anonymous stuff is not for me.
So shortly after that, I was with my boss and our landscape architect and some people in downtown Houston and we had gone skating and we were rollerblading and bicycling and at this time I had another friend who was giving me a lot of volume and so I was sort of doing the what Carla my friend talked about except I was drinking with um and I was looped up and we went to this friend's warehouse this big 30 foot tall artist warehouse that this guy lived in and I got the grand idea to go up the side of the building. There's some I beams inside, you know, the structure of this building. And I started climbing up one of them.
And I started going across the eve and they're yelling at me. They're like, "What are you doing? What are you doing?
What are you doing?" And I'm not listening. I'm going. And I get across the peak, you know, I'm going back down.
I'm hanging by my hands and feet and going. Had no plan of how to get down. I just went up.
And so I'm going along and my feet are above my hands and I'm hanging on and I'm going and my feet came off. You know, I vaguely remember this. My feet came off and I tried to kick them back up and catch back on and catch back on and my hands came off and I fell and I hit, you know, a couple of they showed me later because I don't remember a thing after that.
I remember falling and I remember waking up in the hospital and I had shattered this wrist a million pieces, dislocated this elbow, which are still not right. They're a nice little uh first step reminder to me every single day. Um and I woke up and I was in terrible pain and I they they told me, "Troy, you hit a chair, a big metal chair, and it broke some of the fall, but also right near there, there was about a 5 foot tall steel ship rudder sticking up like a blade.
And I I got sick the first time they took me over that building." Few months after that, I had one of those big external fixator things in my arm that just disgusted me to even look at. You know, I had to clean it. I had some people come by and and clean it.
And uh all my friends at that point were convinced that I was trying to kill myself because this woman had left me and I was despondent and you know, poor bastard, suicidal. That wasn't it at all. I was just stupid.
I was drunk and I you know, I was an idiot. Um, so I got out that I got out of the hospitals right before Christmas um of 96. I think I said 97.
It was actually 96 because 97 is when I came to Austin 96. And uh I you know the alcoholic. I went I got home.
I got dropped off. I went in the front door. You know they're like, "You need us to come in?
You need us to come in?" "No, no, I'm good. I don't need anything." And I went in the front door and I went out the back door and I went through the backyard and through that hole in the fence to the ginger man and got a beer. I mean, I damn near died, but you know, the drunk goes I I got to get what I need.
You know, they took the morphine away, you know, after 5 days in the hospital. And so I went there and then I walked I had my backpack, little backpack on. Then I walked to the liquor store and got a bottle of rum, which is what I really needed.
And I went around behind this, you know, I'm in a high dollar part of town and I walk around in the alley and chugging this rum to get okay to go buy some Christmas presents for my family cuz Christmas is coming. That was a that was a really that was a dark time. And I uh I lived with some friends for a little while.
I lost the house. I got another house. I lost it.
I uh ended up some friends who who love me, who I partied with, but they said, "Troy, you got to do something." And and my buddy Jerry, who I love to this day, he's a normie. He said, "You got to go." I didn't have any, you know, I burned every bridge in Houston. And uh my dad wouldn't have anything to do with me.
And my mom and my stepdad, who I really didn't care for too much, said, "Why don't you come to Austin?" And I came to Austin. And about three days later, my mom proposed, "Uh, perhaps you should go to a treatment center. We got this place all picked out for you.
And I said, "Can I take my bike?" You know, I called the place to see what I, you know, can I can I bring my bike? And they're like, "No." "Can I bring my skateboard?" "No." "Tennis racket?" "No." "You know, just come on up." And I did. And I hated it.
You know, I got introduced to the big book. I'll say that. I got introduced to the big book and I had this guy and he was telling me, you know, I guarantee if you do what we were telling you to do, you'll never have to drink again.
You'll never want to drink again. And uh and I stayed there for 30 days and I walked out and I drank. I walked up my parents' driveway out there in Bave and I went up to the little store and got a beer.
I got a job the next week. I was drinking every every night during the day. I'd get on my bike.
I'd ride and get tequila and hide out. All my life's possessions were in a storage unit out there off BK and 620. And uh so I got this job with this landscape company in Austin and got I think I worked for him for two weeks maybe.
It was coming up on Christmas and uh I was going to Christmas. I had my I'd gone down and got my truck back from Houston. Finally got it running, picked it up, brought it back.
I was driving down to see my dad, my uncle, and some folks on Christmas Day. couple liters of tequila in the truck and uh passed out. I got lost between Austin and Houston and passed out on the side of I 10.
Don't ask me why I'm on I 10 going I mean out by Columbus. Um I don't think that's on the way. And and I pulled into this gas station and a lady comes up to me.
The gas station's closed. There's some other people in the in the lot though. And they said, "Uh, young man, do you know your truck's on fire?" It had been running shitty, but now it's it's on fire.
And so I got the gifts. I got the stuff. I run to the truck.
Anybody guess what I'm going to get? >> Tequila. >> Tequila first.
Get that out. Secure my cargo. Then I go back and start getting presents and stuff.
The truck burned up there on the spot. Gone. My stepdad came picked me up.
Took me back to Austin. I hung around, you know, the next few days on New Year's Eve, I think. No, no, it was like the 27th 28th of December of 1997.
I'd gone to treatment in November of 97 the first time and December 97, last few days of it. I got DWI number four on Burn Road, right near where I live today. I was on my way to an AA meeting, believe it or not, uh from B cave and I was in my my stepdad's little truck and uh you know, and I thought, blank those people.
You know, I've been going to some meetings in Austin after treatment. I would go drunk. I would fall out of the chair.
I'd probably I I don't even want to know what I shared in there because I know I opened my mouth and and people would just glare at me. Um but I just said, "Screw those people." And I went and got, you know, what I knew worked, a big ass bottle of rum. And uh and then I got what didn't work was the DWI.
And I was pretty certain that I was going to prison. Um my folks had said, "We can't help you." Um I stayed in Dell Valley for 10 days. I celebrated New Year's in there.
That was quite a quite a fun little deal. And uh and then I got out and and there was just a little glimmer of hope there. But I was drinking every day.
I was drinking every day. This lady from the treatment center was calling all the time. Um, I ended up getting 120 days work release, six-year probation, interlocking my vehicle for three years.
Um, all this stuff, 240 hours of community service. Um, and for a brief while I, too, had been suicidal. I thought about going down and hanging myself on the creek out at my mom's house.
Beautiful little place, you know, selfish bastard that I was. I would have ruined it for forever. You know, find her son hung by the creek.
You know, I think about that sort of often today. What a what a horse's ass I was. They're just trying to help and I'm going to go ruin it.
She still lives there to this day, thank God. Um, so I went the first night I checked was going to go check into Dell Valley. I I walked in or I went to Northland, you know, I had a few bucks.
I had a job I was starting on Monday. Few bucks. I'm going to go check into jail.
I'm I drink the whole day at Northland. I can't start the truck. I'm out in the parking lot asking people to blow into this thing.
get it started cuz I got to go to jail. Some guy finally does. I go to jail.
As soon as I get there, they say, "I don't think this is what they had me blow there. Not good. It's the longest weekend of my life." The guy said, "I don't think this is what the judge had in mind when he sentenced you to probation, young man." He said, "I'm not sure if you are going to work.
We may roll you to TDC." And that was a long weekend. But I got out. I went to work.
Um I did the 120 days. I didn't drink. I went to a couple of meetings.
The night I got out, I thought, "This time it'll be different." And I got a little half pint of tequila on the way home to my mom's house. I didn't drink it in the car. I got home, I drank, and it was good for about a week.
And then it was a pint a day for about a week. And then it was a liter a day for about a week or two weeks or three weeks. And then it was two liters a day until the day I quit drinking.
January 26th of 1999, I was working for the same little company, landscape company. I was down on Brody Lane. I drank some that morning.
I would put it in a Gatorade squeeze bottle, you know, and I had these bottles in my truck and I was I had gone and got one at lunchtime. I was climbing on the tractor and I heard, "What in the blank are you doing?" And I mean, I was lying to everybody I knew, isolating, miserable, and I pulled the phone out and I called this guy at the treatment center. Is so- and so there?
No. Is so- and so there? No.
Is so- and so there? No. I need some help.
Finally, he comes scrambling on the phone and I said, "Bud," my parents had set it up that I could go if I would decide to. I said, "I got to come back. Something bad's getting ready to happen." Impending doom.
It was on. I knew it. I I just feel it.
They came, got me, I went. This time, I listened to everything they told me. I got into the big book.
They told me about, you know, spiritual malady. They told me about mental obsession. Told me about physical allergy.
They said, "Troy, can you control your drinking?" And I said, I got pretty abundant experience that says I cannot. I put this I put that little bit in my body. Next thing I know, I'm drinking more than ever in short order.
You know, given sufficient reason, can you stop? If a near-death thing falling out of the building wasn't enough, I I don't know. Jail, wife leaves, fired.
I had all that stuff. Couldn't quit. They said, 'Well, if you, you know, do what we're telling you to do, work these steps out of this little book we're going to give you, you can get better.
And he told me, he said, "Go talk to those young people over there." I said, "Well, hell, I just got here." He said, "Yeah, but you know what not to do." And so I did. I went and talked to these young people. And then they got me hooked up with this old guy who didn't have reading glass.
And they said, "Joy, we want you to read the big book to him." And I remember arguing with this old guy about the existence of God. I was not thoroughly convinced myself. But for some reason in the grand, you know, this what Bill Wilson talked about is a benign conspiracy.
I I took the position of there is a god. And so I'm arguing with this guy and and you know I could see and you know the wonder of nature and stuff and being at the beach and seeing the porpuses and I I always thought there was something out there. I just didn't think it had a lot of use for me.
And so, you know, it really touched me what Wayne said because I did I grabbed this thing when I left treatment that second time. That guy came up to me. It was a Sunday afternoon and I will never forget it.
Hopefully, as long as I live, he said, "Gee, Troy, for good and for all this time." And uh I mean, he said it was crystal clear. And some of y'all know who that was. And and I was like, you know, for good and for all.
I like that, you know, and it hit. It stuck and I came back and I started going to Northland. Now, here's where my stuff parts a little bit from some other people.
You know, I I was not able to make a lot of meetings early on because my work took me out to Lake Buchanan. I camped on 12,200 acres by myself for the first five months. I was sober.
I would come to meetings on the weekend. I worked the steps on the weekend. you know, there's a guy uh Johnny I and he said he said, you know, meet me here tomorrow and bring a lunch and I met him in the big room at Northland and work the steps in there and you know and then that the end of that day he's like he thanked me for being there which you know I still wasn't clear on all that stuff yet you know that why he's thinking me but then he said I'll see you here tomorrow and bring a lunch and and we got through the work quickly quickly.
Um, you know, the book talks about we saw we sought a way out with desperation of drowning man. You know, I've been in the water a lot. I've been held under.
There's no taking your time about that deal. I want out. I need air to I need air.
Um, I'm I'm a mammal and I need air to live. I needed a way out from from alcoholism. Um, I was thinking last night, um, and I think about it a lot.
I don't know why, you know, I I don't want to make anybody mad, but you know, that guy, the the first guy, he told me, Troy, you see that first page where it says the story of how many hundreds of men and women have recovered from alcoholism. He said, underline that word recovered. That was like the first promise in the book to me.
It's not that I'm not an alcoholic, and I think my actions show that today. I don't believe that I'm I got to do some stuff to stay recovered. But the deal is I can go hang out in Mexico like I was for the past 10 days.
Every other person there with me drank and I don't want to drink. In the old days, I'm leading the charge when it comes to getting alcohol. And I'm probably taking yours if you leave it sitting there like my friend talked about taking from her brother.
thing is I don't suffer from the mental obsession to put that crap in my body today. You know, like it says in the doctor's opinion, I used to like the effect produced by alcohol, even though it's injurious to me. What I found early on in sobriety is that I like the effect produced by God working in my life.
You know, and I had some guys around who said, you know, and they tell everybody this, they said, you know, AA meeting ought to be about the power of God working in your life. ought to be a cheerleading session for the power of God working in your life. I'm a satisfied customer of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I found a lot of people that, you know, like the book says that I wouldn't normally mix with. I got something right here with everyone who's doing this stuff, who's really doing it, who's had a spiritual experience. You know, that same guy told me, he said, you know, I heard someone ask, "Well, how do I know if I got if I had a spiritual experience?" He said, "Well, it's sort of like sticking your finger in a light socket.
You either been shock, you know, you know, you've been shocked. You know, something's different. If you're obsessing about alcohol every single moment of every single day, and all of a sudden you're not, you're probably there.
You're probably on the path. Welcome to you, young man Scott. It's it's just the best.
You know, there was a chain of people that started with Bob and Bill and Henrietta Cyberly and Ebie, and it's still going, man. And it runs up through this one and through that one and through all of us. Wherever we fall in that chain, it's still going.
And I watched a bunch of guys I went to treatment with, and you know what? They just stopped. They got theirs.
And I see people like that all the time. They got theirs. What do I need to do?
Well, you need to keep that chain going. You know, hopefully it's going to be there for for Carla Sud if he ever shows up or for some of our little young, you know, that are coming up. My one of my buddies over there has three of them who who could be coming along.
You know, we don't have a monopoly on the sobriety stuff. My brother's an alcoholic and he's over in a Christian ministry in East Texas. And you know what I say about that?
God bless him because he's not drinking a day. You know, it may it does my heart good to see him do it well today. I don't care how you do it.
All I know is the way I did it is with the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the God that I found here, the people that I found here, and I love the people here. I was down on a little dirt road last uh Monday night in on the Pacific coast of Mexico in a little town called Trone. You know, it's real funny little place.
They got all these cool house. There's one surf camp down there and their bumper sticker says, "A quaint little drinking village with a surfing problem." Yeah, that's for normies. That's for normies.
Everybody I was with was drinking, including my wife. She's a norm. She'll have two beers.
Big deal. She's done. But I left everybody.
I said, "I got to go down." I knew where the AA meeting was there. Only thing is, you know, the hours that they have painted real nicely on the building are their wetter hours, which is 7 to 8:30 in the evening. Well, I found out I I got a cab.
>> These two guys, I tell them, I'm looking for the the dubla the honta. And they said, "Oh, really? Da." And both of them reach around the front seat and they've each got a beer in their hand.
And they're like, "Yeah, we drink." I said, "Oh, good. Let's go. Doesn't work for me.
You know, I can't be like y'all." And so we went and they took me down there and I talked to a couple of people and found out there was no meeting that night, but I checked it out and then I went back a couple days later. I got another cab. Well, this guy's name was Ruiz.
Ruiz had three friends who were members of Alcoholics Anonymous in this little village and he took me to one of them's house and we asked his wife. The guy wasn't there, but we asked his wife, "When's the meeting?" You know, they said Monday, 8:30. So I'm standing out there at 8:30.
Nobody's there. And a guy comes up to me and he says, "You need a cab." I said, "No, man. I'm waiting for this." And I pointed at the AA Club, little cinder block building with a corrugated metal roof, a big circle and triangle painted on the front of it, you know, and I went in and looked before and there's a picture of Bill Wilson inside in Spanish, of course.
And uh the guy said the guy said that uh he is the founder of a group in Ziwatjo which is about 20 kilometers away that's called the four and five four and five plus the fourth and fifth step group and they do retreats down there where they take drunks up onto this hill and they work the steps up there with them like that. and he spoke English and he took me around the store to his little house, little court, you know, it's not a courtyard, it's a dirt lot, you know, it's a dirt lot and some trees. He's got a phone in this box on the tree, you know, that's his like cabbie dispatch thing.
And a lady walked up and her name was Terry and she was a little Mexican lady and she said, "The meeting's not here tonight. It's over in Pontla um a few miles away, but I got to sit with this guy and talk with him and I gave him my little blue big book in English." And he said, "Good." You know, because I meet some guys that speak English. He said, "I got him in Spanish." I said, "Well, here, you know, take this." And you know what he told me?
He said, "Troy, you've got a home here." I mean, 1100 miles away. I got a home in that little town right now. I could go there again.
I know where he lives. I go tap on the door. Jose Ortiz is there, you know, carrying the message.
I was telling somebody last night, you know, God showed up on that dirt road there outside that place. God showed up and I wasn't even wearing a tie. You know, I wasn't in church and God showed up.
And that's how it's been for me in Alcoholics Anonymous. Um, you know, the book says we found we found God to not make too difficult turns for those who earnestly seek him. It's been my experience, but I do continue to seek.
My sponsor says keep sought. I think his sponsor said that to him. I'm not exactly sure where that came from, but he says, "Keep sought." You know, and I had guys like they're like Steve and Terry that taught me stuff like if you need five cups of coffee during an AA meeting, then bring five in with you and sit your ass down, you know, and show up on time.
And and I had other guys that said, you know, you might want to bring a big book to an AA meeting. You just might because you might hear some stuff that uh you know, you might want to check out to see if it's especially when I was new. But you know what?
My sponsor at 15 years carries a big book all the time and sometimes I look over at him in a meeting and he's got a new book and it's all clear and he'll like do this and you know what he does? He starts taking not he starts making notes and stuff just stuff. It's just part of the experience.
You know it's an owner's manual for a good life. We I got some tapes. I went to this reunion thing.
I've got some committed meetings I go to every week. Monday and Friday I'm at my home group. Tuesday night, I have a bunch of guys.
Some of them are here today. We have a big book study. And then we did the 12 and 12.
And then we did Dr. Bob and the good old-timers. Then now we're back in the big book.
And we've been doing it for two and a half years, three years now. Every Tuesday night, some guys have dropped off, but the core group is still there. And we hold each other accountable and we help each other and we can count on each other.
It says in the book, you know, the doctor talks about you may rely absolutely on anything they say about themselves. I have a Wednesday meeting that's a an offshoot of that treatment center group. It's in Austin.
It's a big group when I start, you know, those guys were there for me when I showed up. But I remember hearing one guy who got sober about a month before me and at a year he said, you know, I really wasn't getting anything out of that meeting anymore. And I thought, isn't that some buddy?
Isn't that Isn't that something? So, I've stayed there. You know, I I'm the guy who's been going there the longest out of anybody.
I've been go I was going there before I was sober. As long as I'm in Austin, Texas, I plan to go there because there are new people showing up every single week, fresh out of treatment. They may not be comfortable enough to walk into an AA meeting right at first, but you know what?
We can hold their hands. We can direct them where they need to go. we can we can you know what I like to tell people about is how good your life can get.
They're like, "Well, damn. You're going surfing again?" I said, "Well, yeah. And you go to AA meetings while you're down there?" I said, "Well, yeah." They said, "Why do you do that?" Said, "Well, because if I don't go to AA meetings, if I don't work the steps, if I don't have a relationship with God, there is no vacation, you know, it's more like jail, hospitals, you know, maybe death." When I was three years sober, I remarried that ex-wife.
How about that? And there was a lady in AA and she said, I remember when I mentioned that I was engaged again to this woman. Um, she came up and she said, you know, are you crazy?
Are you crazy? You know, I don't know. She's not married, so why the hell am I going to listen to her about her experience?
Why? That's something they told me early on. You know, they said, "Find somebody who's had a spiritual experience that is the result of working the steps and hook up with those people." I was watching a movie recently.
It was a a murder on the Oregon Express and a detective, you know, super smart hero parro is there and they're talking about taking him across this this sea, right? And the guy's like, "Oh, the Bosphorus is really calm this time of year." And Pero looks up from what he's doing at this guy. said, "You've crossed the Boserus." And the guy's like, "No." And he just looks away from him.
>> It's just like that with us. You know, you find somebody who's been doing it. There are a whole bunch of people here who have been doing it and get them to get them to show you.
You know, I use that with sponses sometimes. I say, "Buddy, I could draw you a map on this little piece of paper and tell you how to get where I'm going in Mexico and go surfing. Or I can get a real map made by a ctographer, you know, somebody who makes maps, and and outline it and give it to you and say, "Go." Or I can take you and let you in the passenger door of my truck and drive your ass there.
You know, how do you think you got to, you know, what's what do you think's the best chance you're going to get there? You go with somebody who knows. You know, you go with somebody who knows.
And and I I'm just blown away by by alcoholics and I I can't even say I was such a I was such a prejudiced individual coming in and looking at at you people. Not this particular batch here of fine looking individuals, but the ones that I first met in Houston at that first meeting and I thought, you know, and and I even looked at the book and thought, you know, I have a college education. This stupid looking little book, how could there be any, you know, I glance at it and just be like, you got to be kidding.
You know the solution to this terrible problem that I'm facing in my daily life is in this. I think not. But it was and and you know I was stupid.
Every time I ever wanted to learn to do something in my life I would go and find people who knew how to do it and I would listen to them. I love listening to my elders. I would sit with this old guy who planted the trees at the Sano monument for hours.
He was 90 something years old. The other young guys didn't have time. They were too cool for that.
I would sit and listen and soak up knowledge with the sole exception of trying to get sober. Then I did not believe you guys. But as uh my sponsor talks about a lot, one of his favorite passages is, you know, what we thought was a flimsy read has turned out to be the, you know, the loving hand of God.
and to even, you know, to be to to get to come out and testify to that stuff, to the power of God working in my life. Man, I I work with a lot of guys today. I have those committed meetings.
I pray and meditate. I especially, you know, when I when I go places that are beautiful outdoors, I really feel connected in the springtime. You know, I get out in my yard.
I grow a lot of plants because I'm a landscaper. And I I look at God's packaging, you know, call it mother nature, if you will. I look at God's packaging as the buds start unfolding, things start popping and I'm just blown away.
Sometimes I have bl, you know, just stuff. And I watch these normies that I was with down there. I would see stuff on the trip and I go, "Oh my god, do you see that?
That is beautiful." And they'd like, "Yeah, >> yeah. Let's get another beer. Let's get another beer." I want to read something and then I'm shutting it down.
There's something in uh this original. This is a reprint of the first edition. And there's a Our Southern Friend is in some other books, but there's a different version in here.
Um, and it talks about God. Actually, I'm going to read two things because one of them is from Dr. Bob's Nightmare.
It is a one most wonderful blessing to be relieved of the terrible curse with which I was afflicted. My health is good and I've regained my self-respect and the respect of my colleagues. My home life is ideal and my business is as good as can be expected in these uncertain times.
I spend a great deal of time passing what I learn passing on what I learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons. Sense of duty.
It is a pleasure because in so doing, I'm paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me. Because every time I do so, I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip. Now, this part is not my experience, but if it's yours, it was Bob's.
Unlike most of our crowd, I did not get over my craving for liquor much during the first two and one half years of absence. I personally think I would have shot myself if that had been the case. It was almost always with me, but at no time have I been anywhere near yielding.
I used to get terribly upset when I saw my friends drink and knew I could not. But I schooled myself to believe that though I once had the same privilege, I had abused it so frightfully that it was withdrawn. So, it doesn't behoove me to squawk about it, for after all, nobody ever used to throw me down and pour any liquor down my throat.
And this is my favorite part. If you think you're an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have some other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. If you think you're strong enough to beat the game alone, that is your affair.
But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails if you go about it with one half the zeal you've been in the habit of showing when getting another drink. Your heavenly father will never let you down.
I mean, that's some pretty strong stuff. Pretty strong language right there. It never fails.
You know, I believe this book was divinely inspired. I mean, that's my personal opinion. You know, I think God got some drunks together and a couple of, you know, what Bill Wilson called the benign conspiracy.
How did these people all show up and get on the same little path and run into each other? How was Henrietta Cyberling, you know, the 10th on the list or the 11th on the list there and knowing Bob and Bill, you know, who's about to give up, calls her and gets a hold of her? And I heard him talk on this tape that I picked up in his voice tell that story.
And it's just amazing. just flips me out. Um, our southern friend, this is the last of this first edition version.
Sensuality, drunkenness, and worldliness satisfy a man for a time, but their power is a decreasing one. God produces harmony in those who receive his spirit and follow its dictates. Today, as I become more harmonized within, I become more in tune with all of God's wonderful creation.
The singing of the birds, the sighing of the wind, the patter of raindrops, the roll of thunder, the laughter of happy children add to the symphony with which I am in tune. The heaving ocean, the driving rain, autumn leaves, the stars of heaven, the perfume of flowers, music, a smile, and a host of other things tell me of the glory of God. There are periods of darkness, but the stars are shining no matter how black the night.
There are disturbances, but I have learned that if I seek patience and open-mindedness, understanding will come and with it direction by the spirit of God. The dawn comes and with it more understanding. The peace that passes understanding and the joy of living that is not disturbed by the wildness of circumstances or people around me.
Fears, resentments, pride, worldly desires, worry, and self-pity no longer possess me. Ever increasing are the number of true friends. Ever growing is the capacity for love.
Ever widening is the horizon of understanding. And above all else comes a greater thankfulness too and a greater love for our father in heaven. Thank you all.
>> >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.