The $3 Amends That Changed My Life – AA Speaker – Cecil C. – Blackstone, VA
AA speaker Cecil C. from Saskatchewan walks through all 12 steps, sharing how a simple $3 amends taught him about honesty and freedom in recovery.
Cecil C. from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan came to AA after nearly getting killed in his 17th bar fight. In this AA speaker meeting from Blackstone, VA, he walks through all twelve steps in detail, explaining how working them in sequence gave him the spiritual awakening that had eluded him for years. His story about a seemingly small $3 amends reveals how even minor dishonesty can eat away at our peace of mind.
This AA speaker talk covers all twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in sequence, emphasizing the importance of working them thoroughly rather than just discussing them. Cecil C. shares his military background, multiple failed attempts at sobriety, and how a group decision to actually work through the steps transformed his recovery. The talk includes practical guidance on taking moral inventory, making amends, and maintaining spiritual fitness through daily practice.
Episode Summary
Cecil C. brings both humor and hard-won wisdom to this comprehensive walk through the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Speaking at Blackstone, Virginia, this Canadian AA member from Saskatchewan shares nearly two decades of sobriety built on thorough step work rather than just fellowship attendance.
Cecil’s story begins with teenage rebellion that led him into the Canadian military at sixteen. His first drink did exactly what alcohol does for alcoholics—it made him feel like the person he wanted to be, bigger and more confident than reality allowed. This pattern of drinking to escape responsibility followed him through multiple military discharges, failed businesses, and a marriage that nearly crumbled under the weight of his alcoholism.
The turning point came after his seventeenth bar fight, all of which he lost. After being beaten unconscious by a 265-pound poker opponent and left on a cement floor while acquaintances stepped over him, Cecil found himself in a hospital bed. The doctor who treated him didn’t just patch him up physically—he brought AA members to visit and insisted Cecil needed the program to survive.
What makes Cecil’s recovery story particularly valuable is his emphasis on actually working the steps rather than just talking about them. Early in his sobriety, he joined other members who admitted they’d never actually taken a thorough fourth step inventory. When an older member named Ernie volunteered to chair meetings focused on step work, everything changed. This group commitment to working through the steps in sequence, regardless of who walked through the doors, transformed Cecil’s understanding of the program.
Cecil’s approach to AA speaker talks on step work and resentment inventory is refreshingly practical. He offers a simple method for fourth step inventory: write down everything you dislike about the person who irritates you most, then put your own name at the top of the list. This exercise reveals how our resentments often reflect our own character defects.
His famous $3 amends story illustrates how small dishonalties can create disproportionate guilt. After stealing a case of beer from friends who had generously paid his way to a hockey game, Cecil spent months avoiding their knowing grins. Making this seemingly minor amends required admitting he was both a thief and a hypocrite—he’d complained about other people stealing while being guilty of the same behavior. The freedom that came from this simple honesty taught him that amends aren’t just about money; they’re about integrity.
Cecil experienced what many long-term members face: spiritual complacency. After ten years sober, success and material pursuits had pulled him away from the spiritual principles that initially saved his life. A cousin’s pointed question—”You look good on the outside, but how are you really on the inside?”—prompted a spiritual inventory that brought him back to active participation in the program. This experience echoes themes found in Chris C.’s story about needing all of AA, not just the fellowship.
His discussion of Step 11 prayer and meditation emphasizes practical spirituality over religious dogma. Cecil learned humility through the simple act of kneeling to pray, initially using a trick borrowed from another AA member who kicked his boots under the bed each night as a reminder to get down on his knees. He advocates praying for God’s will rather than personal desires, sharing how this approach helped him accept not being selected as an AA trustee.
The talk concludes with Cecil’s perspective on Step 12 and carrying the message. He’s made approximately a thousand twelfth-step calls over his recovery, considering each one successful—not because everyone stayed sober, but because making the calls kept him sober. This viewpoint reframes service work from outcome-focused to process-focused, reducing the pressure many feel about “successful” sponsorship or twelfth-step work.
Cecil’s presentation style mixes storytelling, practical instruction, and gentle humor. His military anecdotes and self-deprecating stories about Canadian pronunciation keep the audience engaged while delivering serious messages about spiritual growth. He emphasizes that working the steps and making amends requires willingness over intelligence, often saying he was “stupid enough” to follow directions without overanalyzing.
The universal themes Cecil addresses—responsibility avoidance, spiritual complacency, the courage required for honesty, and the freedom found in making amends—resonate across different backgrounds and circumstances. His message that spiritual awakening comes through step work, not just meeting attendance, challenges both newcomers and old-timers to examine their own commitment to the program’s fundamental practices.
Notable Quotes
I was stupid enough to do it this way and it worked. I’ve seen so many people who are so intelligent that they’re stupid and they don’t know it.
Usually what we dislike in other people is really what is wrong with us.
The toughest amend that I had to make was a lousy $3 amend. I had to admit that I was a thief and I was a phony.
You look real good on the outside, but how are you really on the inside?
I’ve made probably a thousand 12-step calls and every one of them’s been a success. Some of the people are still drinking, but the reason I say that everyone has been a success is the fact that I am still sober.
Steps 8 & 9 – Making Amends
Step 10 – Daily Inventory
Step 11 – Prayer & Meditation
Step 12 – Carrying the Message
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Full Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-sunrise.com. Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker.
Gentlemen, oh, it is my privilege to introduce to you tonight who is your speaker for tonight. I just met Thursday or Friday morning rather. He didn't get in till Friday morning. And when I've ever had this job of introducing somebody, if you want to find out about a man or a woman, go around and ask other people. He's going to tell you all the nice things about him when he talks. So go around and find out. And gosh, I didn't like this character before I met him. Everybody told me what a wonderful guy he was, what a great talk he made. And so I looked him up and then when I saw how nice looking he was, I hated that man. Something off, and how he dressed, you know, like I've always wanted to and always been too old and too broke to do it. And I talked to him a little while. I found out that he has been a delegate from up in Canada, that he was one time up as a trustee for AA up in Canada. He's been in this AA thing for a long, long time. I thought he was brand new. He looks brand new, doesn't he? And the people that I talked to told me what a nice guy he was and what a wonderful talk. Some of you have heard him before and I look forward now to hear him. So now I give you Bab's husband Cecil C. from somewhere in Canada.
Back in Canada, we usually fill the glass for the speaker.
My name is Cease and I'm an alcoholic.
I'm from Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada.
Couldn't say it.
The MC couldn't say it, so he asked me to say it. Julian had a lot of faith in me. He took the collection up before I talked. But I knew it was a success the moment I saw Isaac coming down the way with that grin on his face. Really and truly, folks, it's nice to be here and I understand that my wife Babe was yakking at the Alanon meeting this afternoon, shooting her mouth off again. And I thought I was big in this area up until such time as I walked in tonight and everybody said that I was Babe's husband. That's a sort of a degrading thing.
Every time I am invited to speak, and thank God it's once in a while, I'm not like some of the speakers down here. I usually take my watch off to find out what time I start. And it reminds me of a story. No, that's really not true. It doesn't remind me of a story because I intended to tell it anyway.
Story of a little Methodist boy and a little Catholic boy that were discussing each other's churches and they just couldn't get through to each other what it was all about. So finally a little Catholic boy said, "Well, look, how about coming to church with me next Sunday and I'll explain it to you." The little Methodist boy went along and he explained. The little Catholic boy explained to him exactly what was happening and he was quite impressed and he invited the little Catholic boy to the Methodist church the next Sunday and he explained everything that was happening. And finally the minister went up in a pulpit and he took his watch off and the little Catholic boy says, "What does that mean?" Little Methodist boy says, "Not a damn thing."
So I hope that my watch will mean something. I've been roaming around here for a couple of days and people would look at my badge and they would look the second time and they'd see Saskatchewan written on it and they'd look at me kind of funny. And I heard different people say, "Who is the Canadian speaker? We understand we have a Canadian speaker." And I tried to introduce myself a few times and people would say, "Welcome to Blackstone." And I can understand why you're impressed with Blackstone. They never let me tell too much about Canada. They just told me about Blackstone. And it brought to mind another story.
But a dear old lady—and our beautus didn't understand this story when I told it in Texas three weeks ago, so I'm telling it again—about a dear old lady that bought a parrot. And she bought this parrot. She paid a lot of money for it and she took it home and she found out that the parrot couldn't talk. And she set about trying to teach this parrot how to talk. And finally, she got the parrot to say three words. And those three words were, "Who is it?" And all day long the parrot would talk, but all it would say is, "Who is it? Who is it? Who is it?" And the dear old lady, she got a little uptight once in a while about this. But she was so proud that she had taught this parrot how to talk. She didn't say too much about it. She was kind of proud of herself.
One day she went downtown and while she was downtown a knock came to the door and the parrot says, "Who is it?" The voice came back and says, "It's the plumber." Parrot says, "Who is it?" He says, "It's the plumber." Parrot says, "Who is it?" And he said, "Look it. It's the plumber. P-L-U-M-B-E-R. Plumber." Parrot says, "Who is it?" And the dear old plumber, he said, "You asked me to be here today. I told you I couldn't come until tomorrow. You told me there's an emergency. Now open the door and let me in. Let me get the job done. Let me be on my way. Parts wizard."
And the dear old plumber, he wasn't on the program. He didn't know much about serenity or anything. And he got so mad and so uptight that he just fainted dead away. And he's laying down there in front of the door. And the dear old lady comes home and and she looks down and she said, "Who is it?" And the voice comes out from in the house and it says, "It's the plumber."
Now our beautus, I hope you understand it. I first of all would like to thank the board of trustees for inviting me here when I received a phone call about four weeks ago asking me to pinch hit for Chuck Chamberlain. I was quite impressed with myself. In fact, they thought I was good enough to do that. But I was supposed to come in the spring and Chuck was supposed to come in the fall or something and he couldn't come and I'll go anywhere if they let me speak. So I'm here. But I'm very grateful and I'd like to thank the board of trustees on behalf of Babe and myself for inviting us to Blackstone. And anything you say about Blackstone is true. It's just been a wonderful experience for both of us and I want to thank each and every one of you for making our stay just so wonderful. And from the moment that we arrived here late at 2:00 in the morning on Friday morning, everybody has treated us so wonderful.
I don't know whether or not we want to go back to Canada because they know us back there and they don't treat us that well. And then when the program started last night and Phil talked and did such a magnificent job this morning, our beautus and Dave and I know that every one of us live those moments with them. I've had a certain feeling and tonight I went out and I sat for a moment out under the cross. And if any of you haven't had that experience, please go out and sit there for a moment because it's an experience that I believe people in AA are privileged to have and privileged to understand because it just gives you that certain something that I've heard so much about what happens to you in Blackstone and now I know. And I only hope that about two hours from now, you people will be glad that I came and that they will go on saying such wonderful things as they've said about me.
I guess what we have to do in Alcoholics Anonymous is to tell you what we were like, what happened, and what we're like today. I came from a very good home. I came from a poor home, but I came from a spiritual home. When I was 16 years of age, I became very unhappy and I rebelled against everything that was happening to me, the discipline of the home, the discipline of the schools, the discipline of the church. And I ran away from discipline and I ran into the army. That shows you how smart I was. I ran right into discipline.
I had never drank before that. And the first night that I was in the army, I went downtown with the rest of the boys in that big uniform. And I had my first drink. And it was wonderful because it did something for me that had never happened to me before. It made me somebody that I wanted to be. It made me bigger than anybody in the crowd. It made me so that I could talk louder and faster and longer about any given subject.
Unfortunately, the next morning when I woke up, I was still that little farm boy that I'd been before I took the drink. I didn't think too much about this. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, but I know today that I was an alcoholic from the first moment that I started to drink.
I became an instructor in that Canadian Army when I was only 16 years of age and I drank with people who were much older than me and I had a big capacity and I thought I was smart. I got kicked out of the army when I was only 17. I went back to my hometown. I worked in an aircraft factory. I got too much responsibility. I made too much money and I drank too much booze. And I ran from that responsibility.
And today I know that that was what I was doing all of the time. That was the reason that I ran the first time because I didn't like the responsibility of anything. I ran back into the army. I told them I'd never been in before. And this time I was a genius. I became an instructor again. I got recommended for my commission. But I got kicked out of the army once again before I got my commission.
I went back to my hometown. I worked for a newspaper and once again I got that responsibility that I couldn't face up to and I ran once again and I ran into the Navy and in the Navy I settled down to a bit of serious drinking. I went through officers training. I would love to stand here and tell you that I was an officer in the Canadian Navy, but I wasn't because I got kicked out of officers training and I didn't get my commission. I think I was glad at that time that I didn't get my commission because I don't think I wanted the responsibility that went along with the commission.
However, I stayed in the Navy. I sailed all over the world. I drank all over the world. I got drunk all over the world. And I laugh at people today when they tell you the difference between beer or scotch in different countries. To me, it really didn't matter. It didn't matter the brand as long as it was something to drink. And I think that's the difference.
I got married when I was in the Navy. Thank God to the same little gal that's with me on this weekend. And I wish that I could tell you that I led her a happy life, but I didn't. While I was in the Navy, and I have to tell this story because Millie asked me to tell it, and I'm scared of Millie. Isaac I can fight with, but not Millie. And I can tell the story in the United States because you people are part of it.
I was a gunner on a merchant ship and I sailed down into the South Pacific. And one of your ships was torpedoed down there in Melbourne, Australia. It was towed back into Melbourne, Australia. And we were the only ship that was empty. And the government ordered us to take your tanks up to New Guinea. And we went up there and we'd taken a cargo of liquor down to Melbourne, Australia. And we had stolen a lot of liquor. We had a lot of liquor on the board ship. And we went up there. And those of you who were in the South Pacific know that those Japanese people didn't appreciate us coming in there. They were a little narrow about it. And they even shot at us.
But we delivered your tanks and we started back from Melbourne, Australia. And when we got almost to Melbourne, Australia, our own aircraft come out to meet us. And we'd been drinking a lot, the whole crew. And we thought it was the Japanese planes coming back. And our gunnery officer ordered us to open fire. And we started shooting at our own planes. And I was in charge of this big forward gun in the forward gun deck just below the bridge. And we were firing like crazy. And suddenly the captain of the ship realized that we were shooting at our own planes. And he got real panicky. And he took this big megaphone. And you have to visualize he's up about here and I was down there and I'm just firing like crazy.
And he took his big megaphone and he screamed down at me, "Cease, fire." And so I fired. I got kicked out of the Navy, became an alcoholic. And you're stuck with me, Millie, and I'm going to tell it again. And thanks for asking me to tell.
I'm not allowed to tell that story back in Canada anymore. They're a little tired of it, but I'm sure glad I got a different audience.
After the war, I went back to my hometown and I kept on drinking. I was celebrating the end of the war. I got a job and I got fired from that job. I got another job and I quit just before I got fired from that one. I went in business for myself with a partner and it was probably the shortest lived business in the history of Canada. It lasted for four months and I can remember the day that Babe took our two little girls and she left and I was 25 years of age and I went down to tell my partner about the horrible thing that my wife had done to me and he kicked me out of the business.
And I hope I never forget that day because I stood there on a corner of this little town and a guy came along and he said, "Which way are you going, Cece?" And I said, "I don't care. Just get me out of here." And I went back to the little town that I had been living in before I'd moved to this town to go into business. Babe had left me and we got back together because I promised her that I would stop drinking. And I did stop. I stopped for about four days.
And it's no use telling you people that story because many of you have done the same thing. But I want to tell this because I think this part of the story is very, very important because I went to my first AA meeting at that time. Nobody took me. I just knew where there was an AA meeting and I walked in. And I heard these people talking about how much they drank, about how many jails they'd been in. And I have nothing against this other than the fact that it almost killed me because I felt I wasn't ready.
And when the young people come into AA today, and if there are any of you here tonight, please don't think that you came too soon, because some of us came too late. Just remember it that way.
I got some literature from that AA meeting and I can remember going home and telling my wife and I can remember a chap next door coming in to talk to me and I told him about joining Alcoholics Anonymous. I was going to join Alcoholics Anonymous and he told me just exactly what I wanted to hear. He told me I wasn't bad enough to do that. He was a friend next door who criticized me when I drank, but he didn't want me going so far as to join this horrible thing called Alcoholics Anonymous. And he almost killed me.
I went back to drinking. Thank God I only lasted for two years. The last year of my drinking, I became a fighter. That year, I think I had 17 fights, 17 knockouts, and I lost them all. None of them were in rings. They were all in bars or anywhere I could find somebody to fight with because I was a negative thinker and I was a rebel and I was mad at the world. And you people know what I'm talking about.
I talk about fighting because it was fighting that brought me to Alcoholics Anonymous. The last night that I drank, I got in a fight with a man that weighed 265 lbs. I was in a poker game with him. He didn't like the fact that I didn't have enough money to pay off a debt. He was a little narrow about that. And he looked pretty small to me because I was drunk and he almost killed me. And to show you how I was respected in the city at that time, he knocked me down on the cement floor. And the people, the people that I know today and associate with and rub shoulders with, they just left me laying there. And none of them picked me up. They just stepped over me.
The next day I went to a doctor and I know that some people criticize doctors but this doctor saved my life. He put me in hospital. He built me up physically and he sat down beside my bed and he said, "Cease, I have done everything that I can do for you. I have built you up physically and now the rest is up to you." And I said, "Well, what should I do?" And he said, "I would suggest that you join Alcoholics Anonymous."
That was January the 16th, 1952. He didn't only suggest that I join Alcoholics Anonymous. He went and brought Alcoholics Anonymous to me. and I'll be ever grateful that he did this. And I can still remember the two guys that came to see me. One of them was the sloppiest drunk, I'm sure, in all of Canada. And he was dressed up and he was clean and his hair was combed and his shoes were shining. He had a silk shirt and bow tie on. He didn't have to talk. All he had to do was stand there. But he talked and he told me what two people had. The other chap was a chap that I'd been in the army with. And he'd received 5 years in a penitentiary for robbery with violence. And he'd found Alcoholics Anonymous in that penitentiary. And he too told me about Alcoholics Anonymous.
Two days later, I got out of hospital. And I'll never forget that morning. It was cold. I had given the sister at this Catholic hospital a bad check for a private ward that I wanted to have, and she wouldn't let me out of hospital until such time as I paid this check. Meanwhile, the Alcoholics Anonymous boys had talked to my wife. The Alanon girls had been up to see her. I don't know what they told her, but she didn't come to see me in the hospital. She left me there.
Didn't have a razor. Buttons were all ripped off my shirt. And it's hard to not have resentments for this, you know, with my wife. But she did the right thing. I wished you could have seen me that morning, and I hope I never forget it.
I had to phone my bootlegger to get me out of hospital because he was the only one that my credit was any good with. And he drove me downtown and at that time there were about seven or eight, nine or ten, I don't know how many people in Alcoholics Anonymous in my town and they had an emergency meeting on a Saturday morning and I was sitting there with a big overcoat on. It was about 30 below zero. No buttons on my shirt. It was warm in the cafe where I was supposed to meet these people. And they came in with their smart remarks: Welcome home, Cease. You know, happy new year. We've got a seat for you. And I didn't really appreciate what they were saying, but I was happy that somebody cared, that somebody would meet me and show me that they did care. And they took me home. And that was one of the first miracles that I had in Alcoholics Anonymous because Babe wasn't mad when I got home because you wonderful Alanon gals had been up to see her.
And I couldn't believe it because this had never happened before. But it happened that morning and I knew that something was happening to me. And that night we went to our first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, Babe and I. And I can remember that night like as if it's tonight. It was a Saturday night. And I can remember those dear people playing stupid games like pin the tail on a donkey. They had a little social and they were doing all of these stupid things. And really and truly I thought some of them had been drinking. I even sniffed some of them.
After the social they had a meeting and it was a good meeting. And after the meeting, it was about 2:00 in the morning, they took me in another room, two of them, and they said, "Cease, there are no musts in Alcoholics Anonymous, but there's a meeting tomorrow morning at 8:00 and you must be there." And I'm glad they talked to me like that because I believe that's the only language that I understood. And thank God I'm still going. I've never stopped.
I was the youngest member in Alcoholics Anonymous in our town. And this was good for my ego. They patted me on the back. I broke my anonymity many times in a small town of 28,000 people, telling the people how bad I was and what had happened. And I got some more pats on the back. The older members would say, "See, you're doing real good. Just keep it up. Everything's going to turn out fine." And I was real happy. And then all of a sudden, something happened. Some newer members start coming to Alcoholics Anonymous and they forgot about Cease.
And this is a horrible thing to happen to you. And I know it's happening to some of you right now. I became what is known as a middle member. You're like a hole in a donut. You're nothing. The young members go right by you and they talk to the old members. And the old members go right by you and they talk to the young members. They don't even let you make the coffee. You're just nothing. And please don't let that happen in your group because it is a real bad feeling to be nothing in Alcoholics Anonymous because I was nothing for too long.
And just about that time, none of the people in our group knew too much about Alcoholics Anonymous. And we used to talk about how much we drank. And I used to have to tell some horrible stories to keep up with these old-timers. I used to even have to lie a little bit. But I stayed with them. But suddenly there became a void in my life. A void that I couldn't understand and I didn't know what was happening to me.
Thank God just about that time we had a chap in our group. His name was Ernie. Ernie's now dead. He died two years ago of a heart attack. And we asked Ernie if he would chair the next group of meetings for 3 months and Ernie said, "I will chair if we will do what I want to do." And we said, "What is that?" And he said, "I want to go through the steps. I want to start at step one and I want to go through the steps and I want all of the group not only to go through the steps. I want all of the group to take the steps. And he said, I don't care if the Queen of England comes into Alcoholics Anonymous. We are not going back to step one. We are going to sponsor them until such time as we get back to step one."
And we thought he was a little bit punchy, but we let him do it. That is the greatest thing that ever happened to me because I took a look at step one. We admitted we're powerless over alcohol that our lives had become unmanageable. I knew that I was powerless over alcohol. But I had never looked at the unmanageability of my life. And I'm not talking about when I was drinking. I'm talking about when I was sober.
When I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, I owed $6,200. I didn't owe $6,200 for a car, a house, a Chesterfield. I just owed $6,200. I had nothing to pay it back for. I had a boss who was very good to me and he took me to the bank and he endorsed my note and he made Babe and I sign a paper that we would never charge up anything again. We'd pay for everything by cash. This fellow wasn't an alcoholic. And we signed the paper and about two years later he bailed us out again for about 7,500.
For you see, I was trying to buy my way back into society. I was trying to buy my way back into my family. And I had an unmanageable life as far as money is concerned. Now, I know this never happens to anybody in the United States, but I mentioned that this happens to some alcoholics up in Canada. And I had that unmanageable life and I learned it by studying and doing step one the way it's supposed to be done.
And we went on to that beautiful step two. And it said came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And I was one of these people. I told you I came from a spiritual home. I'd gone out in this cruel old world and I'd started to run the show by myself. I had lost faith. Thanks to those people in that group, the people that were older than me, both in age and in Alcoholics Anonymous, they took me by the hand and they explained this step to me when we studied it from the book.
I didn't like the word restore me to sanity because my idea of being restored to sanity was I must have been in a mental hospital. I'd never been there. So why should I try to come back from somewhere I'd never been? And this bothered me. And then one of the dear people in my life, he said, "Cease, think of your insane thinking. Think of your negative thinking." And he said, "I think you will realize that you were and still are insane." And to show you how insane I was, I can remember one time going to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Now, that's something if you want to practice that's about 100 miles from where we live. And I can remember going there for an interview for a big job. I always got big jobs. And I went to another hotel, not the one where I was supposed to have the interview. And I got drunk. I never had the interview. I went home and Babe said to me, "How did you make out?" And I said, "Real good. I just have to wait for a letter."
Now, there's nothing wrong with telling a little white lie like that. You've all done that. But when you start going to the mailbox every morning looking for the letter, I would suggest that maybe I was just a little bit insane.
And then that third step said made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand them. I didn't like that step because they mentioned the word God. And once again, this man came to me and he said, "Look, Cease. You had an unmanageable life. In step two, you found a manager. In step three, all you have to do is turn your will and your life over to the care of this manager." Thank God I was stupid. Thank God I didn't try to figure anything else out. And please, if any of you are having problems, whether you're an Alanon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alatine, wherever you are, please be stupid and do this because it saved my life and it's got me here tonight because I've seen so many people who are so intelligent and they're so intelligent that they're stupid and they don't know it.
I'm not taking anybody's inventory. I'm trying to clear up a point because I know that I was stupid enough to do it this way and it worked. And after all, Dr. Bob asked us to keep it simple. And so I went on to that fourth step and it said, "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." And I heard so many people I would ask people, "How do you take the fourth step?" Some of the old-timers said, "Don't worry about that. Easy does it. You get yourself drunk worrying about those things."
And I find out why they couldn't tell me about them because they had never done them themselves. And so when we came to this step four, Ernie said, "We get a pencil and a paper." And you know what? That is the toughest part of the step four in Alcoholics Anonymous is getting the pencil and the paper. There's a lady going to take a four step already. Didn't realize I was that powerful. But this step four, I love to talk about it because so many people push it aside and it's so important because every one of us can go out tonight and we can take everybody else's inventory and we can do a real fine job of it. But we can't seem to get that little old pencil and paper and do it for ourselves.
Now, I'm talking to Alanon and I'm talking to alcoholics and all of you. I'm not letting any of you off the hook. And I'm going to give you an easy way to take your step four if some of you are having problems. And I hope that you've all taken it tonight when you go to that sweet little room. And we might as well do it when we're in Blackstone because we say we get all of these things here or I'm sorry, Blackstone. We might as well do it right now.
Get a pencil and a paper and think of the person that you dislike most in the world. You know, the brother that got all the money, the sister that got all the breaks, the guy at the job who got all the promotions. I don't know who it might be, but there's somebody out there that you dislike. And start writing down what you dislike about them. And don't be easy on them. Write down everything that you dislike about them. And then when you're all finished, put your own name up top. And I guarantee you'll come pretty close to taking your own inventory. Because usually what we dislike in other people is really what is wrong with us.
And I can promise you that it works because I did it. And then that beautiful step five, admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. You know, the toughest part of step five, the toughest thing about step five is step four. I guarantee if you take step four, you will want to take step five because you've taken two-thirds of it. You've admitted to God, to yourself, and now all you have to do is go and open up to somebody else about how great you are, how bad you are. And if you haven't done it, please consider doing it because it will give you freedom. And it will let you walk hand in hand with everybody in a free manner. And it will let you let go and let God. And I can say this because I know because it happened to me.
And then it comes to step six and it says we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Now they're getting a little tough. We really haven't done anything. We've come here because we got a problem. We've admitted we got an unmanageable life. We've turned it over to a manager. We've written down what is wrong with us. We've gone and opened up to somebody else about it and now they give it to us and they say we're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
If you go to your 12 by 12 and read it, it says this is the step that separates the men from the boys. Try it. It's beautiful. And then step seven says, "Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings."
I didn't know what they meant when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous when they talked about humility. I hope I never really know what they do mean. I found out my own little definition and it is the ability to stand and the willingness to kneel. For you see, I was one of these people that came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I told everybody how to pray. I told them to pray standing up, walking down the street, riding horseback, riding in airplanes, driving their car, driving their tractor, whatever they might be doing. But I never ever told anybody to pray by getting down on her knees because I couldn't get down there myself.
Thanks to dear old Shai Walker, good friend of Willard Eyes. I imagine that many of you people knew Shai. He's now dead. Shai was a New York delegate with us when we were delegates to a general service conference, I believe in 1957. And Shai told us about how he had a difficult time getting down on his knees. And he told us how he came out of a prison. And he told us how he had these high top boots. And he told us how one night by mistake he kicked the high top boots underneath the bed. And when he got down in the morning to take these high top boots from under the bed, he thought he'd better say a few words while he was down there. And he told us how every night he used to kick the high top boots under the bed.
Some of you may laugh. Some of you may think this is ridiculous. That was the greatest words that I ever heard up until that time in Alcoholics Anonymous because Shai taught me how to get down on my knees and I know that it works. And that's all it says. It says humbly asked him, but I would imagine that if we interpreted it some other way, it would mean that humbly prayed to God, humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. And I know if we do it that way that it will work.
And then it says made a list of all the people we've harmed. It comes with another list. And became willing to make amends to them all. I can imagine that when you ladies go to the grocery store that you make a list. Why is it when we're operating in the greatest business in the world, the business of living? Why is it that we want to argue with this? Why is it that we say we've made a mental list? All it asks us to do is to make a list of all the people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. Just become willing. They talk about willingness again.
I would suggest that you don't look at step nine when you're doing step eight because step nine says made direct amends to such people where ever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. You know the toughest amend that I had to make. I didn't have any problem paying that money back. I had a good job. When I first went to AA, as soon as they found out that I had a good job, they made sure that I was started to pay it back because they phoned me every day. I don't deserve any credit for that.
The toughest amend that I had to make was a lousy $3 amend. And I'll tell you how it happened because I'm sure that some of you people here tonight may have one, too.