“I Caught Alcoholism in AA Meetings” – AA Speaker – Scott R.
AA speaker Scott R. shares how alcoholism damaged his family before recovery, and what he discovered about the disease in the Big Book and AA meetings.
Scott R. came into AA on April 22nd, 1985, and didn’t yet understand what alcoholism actually was—or how deeply it had harmed his family. In this AA speaker tape, he describes the damage alcoholism inflicted on his wife and two young sons before he got sober, and what he learned about the nature of the disease by working the Big Book with the fellowship.
Scott R. describes arriving at AA without understanding alcoholism’s grip on his life or its impact on his family—his wife and young sons were emotionally broken by years of his drinking. He shares how the Big Book and AA literature taught him about the hard-wiring of alcoholic thinking and how his family had become shaped by prolonged exposure to the disease. Scott emphasizes the importance of actually reading AA literature to grasp what alcoholism really is and how it affects those closest to the alcoholic.
Episode Summary
When Scott R. walked through the door of AA on April 22nd, 1985, he had no framework for understanding what alcoholism actually was. He didn’t know the vocabulary, the mechanics, or the damage already done. What he found when he looked around his home was devastating: his sons, ages six and three, were broken. They were scared all the time—so frightened and disrupted that they couldn’t connect with other children or complete basic tasks. They tested extraordinarily high in IQ, but barely could read or write. Nothing was organically wrong with them. The problem was fear itself, hardwired into them by years of living with an active alcoholic.
His wife was in her own kind of ruin. Scott describes her condition bluntly: prolonged exposure to his alcoholism had left her unable to function normally. And Scott didn’t understand any of it because he hadn’t read the literature. He didn’t know about the passage in AA literature describing the “blameless lives of the wives and children”—or how the twisted, bizarre thinking patterns of the alcoholic mind become hardwired into those closest to him. That hard-wiring isn’t just metaphorical. It shapes how a spouse and children perceive reality, trust, safety, and their own worth.
This is where Scott’s talk takes a critical turn. He’s not just sharing a bottom story about his own drinking—he’s using his family’s suffering to illustrate something he feels is essential for everyone in the rooms: you have to actually read the Big Book and AA literature to understand what you’re dealing with. The wacky theories about alcoholism he hears floating around AA meetings? They don’t match what he finds in the literature. The meaningful stuff—the stuff that explains the disease, the family dynamics, the way thinking becomes twisted—that’s all in the Big Book.
For newcomers especially, Scott’s message is direct: don’t assume you understand alcoholism just because you’re in a meeting. Don’t piece together your understanding from what people say over coffee. Get the literature. Read it. The Big Book explains what the disease actually is in a way that casual recovery talk cannot. And if you want to understand the wreckage your drinking caused—particularly to your family—you need that foundational knowledge.
Scott’s willingness to be specific about his children’s struggles and his wife’s condition shows the real cost of alcoholism beyond the drinker. It’s not abstract. It’s a six-year-old who can’t connect with peers because fear has taken over his nervous system. It’s a wife whose mind has been scrambled by years of unpredictability and chaos. And for Scott, understanding those dynamics through the lens of AA literature became part of his own recovery and his ability to help his family begin to heal.
Notable Quotes
I caught alcoholism in AA meetings. I couldn’t have even told you what it was. I had no idea.
My sons were six and three. They were broken. They were sick and cut out from the society of other children, barely able to put together small tasks.
The hard wiring of the alcoholic thinking, the bizarre, horrible thinking had become hardwired into my children and into my wife.
The stuff that is not meaningful to me, I have never found in the big book of AA. The stuff that is meaningful to me, I’ve invariably found in the big book of A.
Family & Relationships
Denial
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Big Book Study
- Family & Relationships
- Denial
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
I caught alcoholism in AA meetings. I couldn't have even told you what it was. I had no idea.
Um, took me a long time to find out what alcoholism was. By the time I get to Alcoholics Anonymous on April 22nd, 1985, my sons were six and three. They were broken.
They were um sick and um cut out from the society of other children, barely able to put together small tasks. They tested way off the scale in terms of IQ and could barely read or write. And uh there was nothing organically wrong with them.
They were just scared all the time. And they were so disrupted by their fear, they uh couldn't connect. And I didn't know it.
I hadn't read our literature. I didn't know about the blameless lives of the warp lives of blameless wives and children. And I didn't know that the hard wiring of the alcoholic thinking, the bizarre, horrible thinking had become hardwired into my children and into my wife.
My wife had just become a tongue- chewing, babbling idiot from prolonged exposure to me. And um and that's not the way it started out. You know, if you're new here, you're going to hear some wacky stuff about alcoholism now that you're here.
And I want to tell you that the stuff that is not meaningful to me, I have never found in the big book of AA. Uh the the stuff that is meaningful to me, I've invariably found in the big book of A.