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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> Hi everybody. My name is Tim Hile and I'm an alcoholic.

>> But since April the 12th of 1990, I haven't found it necessary to take a drink of alcohol or other mood altering substance. And that's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's really good to be here.

really good to be uh in Oklahoma and uh I want to thank uh thank everybody. Bubba, thanks for the introduction. You know, I saw who was uh hosting me and who was introducing me.

I said, "Well, that's the way it would be." They would give the guy from Kentucky the Bubba to to uh to start things off with. And uh he doesn't look like a Bubba, but he said when he gets out of the suit, he looks like a Bubba. But uh and thanks to all of you.

And Papa, thanks to you, buddy. I had no idea. I I drove all the way up here with Larry today and if I had known your birthday, I wouldn't had you spend so much money on me at breakfast.

I am grateful to be here. Um, you know, I was just thinking I know many of you uh from different events in Texas, especially the Texas manto man in Lake Brownwood. Uh, number of you that I met 10 years ago and somewhere in my story hopefully I mentioned that you know 10 years ago in 1999 I was nine years sober.

My rear end was on fire. I was wondering what sobriety was all about and I ended up in Lake Brownwood and I'll talk about that in a little bit. And my life changed.

Uh and ever since then, you know, it's been an interesting uphill deal for me. And it's a it's so so special to be here. I really mean that.

I love being at men's conferences. Uh they've been so important in in my sobriety um uh almost over not the last 19 years. And you know, I I've never ceased to be amazed.

Uh, I haven't been doing this as long as Mike and Gary, your other speakers have, but you know, I still have to pinch myself sometimes to think, you know, I'm in uh where Ardmore, Oklahoma at the Lake Murray. Uh, and and I think sometimes, how does a guy like me get to a place like that? You know, when I think of how I grew up and where I came from.

And you know, I grew up in an Irish Catholic family and from Kentucky. And uh my daddy, I I was about 10 years old one time and he said to me, "Tim, there's only three things you need to know about living out there in the world." Here they are. Keep in mind, I'm an Irish Catholic from Kentucky.

He said, "Football, you pull for Notre Dame. Basketball you pull for Kentucky. And you vote the straight Democratic ticket.

That's it, kid. Now get out there and live." You know, now that's a pretty small world to start out in. And uh I think some of you could just change the names.

you can relate to that because the truth is by the time I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, April 12th of 1990, that small world had gotten so small that it was down to me and if you weren't me, then I didn't want you in my life and I wanted to be by myself and that's where I'd gotten myself in April 12th of 1990. And you know, I I just love that because today, you know, when I need to tell you, my world has gotten so big and I've gotten to go so many places as a direct result of, you know, being an alcoholic synonymous. I just can't imagine it sometimes.

And you know our book says we are people who normally would not mix you know and I love AA you know and I really believe this you know I hate to say this in a bunch in front of a bunch of men but I really believe someday people will look back on AA as one of the greatest love stories you know that God ever created. I truly mean that. I think it's one big love story.

It has been from the beginning and I'm so grateful to be a part of that. But you know the people you meet and the people you don't expect to meet. My home group is the Lampin Street Group and it's in the inner city of downtown Louisville and I just happen to end up there uh because my office is not too far from there.

But as a direct result of my home group being down in the inner city, probably about 75% of the men I sponsor in a are black men. They're African-American men. It's just kind of where I hang out.

And I don't think a whole lot about it. I really don't. It's just kind of where I grew up in AA.

But about two years ago, I was down around there and they changed this oneway street to a two-way street. And I'm going down this street this one particular morning to turn left on the expressway. And evidently this guy behind me doesn't know it's a not a one-way street any longer.

And he pops right in the back of me. You know, we're out in the street and it's it's an elderly black man who hit me and he and his wife. And we're standing out there in the middle of the street while waiting for the police to come and you know, keep in mind I'm about three blocks from my home group now.

But we're standing there and all of a sudden here comes two guys down the side of the street, both black. They run over to me and say, "Hey Tim, you all right, man? You all right?" I said, "Yeah, guys, go ahead.

I'm okay. Go ahead. About that time, here come two other guys, both black.

They run over to me. Tim, you okay? Anything we can do for you, buddy?

I said, no, man. It's okay. About that time, car came off expressway, five guys in there, all black men.

They ran over to me, said, Tim, are you hurt? Can we take you to the hospital? Anything we can do for you, man?

You know, and I didn't think anything about it. I turned around, that old black man was standing there. He went, "Who are you anyway?" You know what?

And I didn't know what to tell this when I say I'm I'm a drunk. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. But, you know, that's the type of thing that happens in our in our world in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Another situation, you know, I'm in Indian country and I was thinking about this. I uh was asked to go speak at a Cherokee, North Carolina a couple years ago on a Cherokee Indian reservation. And I was real new at this and I was still really nervous about it.

And I get there on the reservation and I'm I'm looking I'm the only non-native American speaker, you know. I'm the only non-Indian. Pretty clear.

I don't look like an Indian. 6'4 blue-eyed guy. And I get up here and I'm real nervous.

And I look down there, there's the chief and there's the shaman guy and there's the I don't know. All the head guys are sitting down there. And man, I'm real nervous.

And next thing I hear myself saying is, "Hey guys, you know what? When I was a kid, you know, when I used to watch those Cowboys and Indians movies, I'll pull for the Indians. That's where it is.

I looked at the chief and he started laughing and I started to relax. But after the meeting, he came up to me and said, "You know, we started to wonder about you, but when you told that lie, we knew you were in the right place. Oh man.

So, you know, the world the world in Alcoholics Anonymous is just unexplainable, but it's so beautiful, you know, and I can show up here today and feel absolutely 100% right where I need to be, you know, and that's such a special thing. If you're new, if you're new, stick around and be a part of that. And if you're new, you know, I want to tell you right off the bat, I know there's some new people here.

We can tell. We know who you are. And uh but you know, I want to tell you something before I start cuz when I was new, what I did when I showed up to Alcoholics Anonymous and I would sit where you're sitting and I'd listen to the speaker.

I would listen to what the speaker did that I didn't do. That's what I was really interested in. And I'd come and I'd listen to the speaker.

Let's say Gary was speaking and I'd be sitting there thinking, "Well, I did that. I did that. I did.

Uh-uh. Did not do that. Next night, next speaker.

Did it. I did that. Did it.

Did it. Did not do that. Did not do that.

I was just doing this every meeting and I was at probably six weeks in AA and a lady of all things is speaking. I'm listening to this woman's story and everything this lady did I did. I'm listening to her story going, "Man, I did that.

I did that. Oh man, I did that, too. I did that, too.

I'm screwed. I did that, too." But right at the end of her talk, she said she used to carry a half pint in her bra. I said, "I did not do that." And I remember telling some old guy after the meeting about it and he said, "Sounds like you're getting a little desperate there to me, kid." I said, 'What do you mean?' And I said, 'You know, cuz the deal was I was kind of looking for what an alcoholic looked like.

And you guys said, 'Well, kind of like you. I said, 'n no, you know what I mean, dirty old man, rain coat, and you you guys said, "No, we don't know what you mean." And you know what? It was confusing and still confusing.

You know, I looked around. Couldn't tell you were an alcoholic by looking at you. You know, and the stories, you know what?

The stories were really different. They were all over the board, you know. So, I couldn't tell you an alcoholic by looking at you.

The stories kind of confused me. But here's what I want to share with you is that I kept coming back and as I listened to what your stories, no matter what you did or you didn't do, you know, three things started to jump out at me that trapped me in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. The first thing was being you all were talking about being restless, irritable, and discontent.

The second thing you were talking about being apart from, not a part of. And the third thing you were talking about was being uh progressive patterns of dishonesty in your life. See, man, when I heard those three things, I was screwed.

I was trapped because those three things have been part of my life from the get-go. Those three things, you know, I've wrestled with and alcoholics anonymous for the last 18 and a half years, you know, and you know what, I restless, irritable, and discontent. You know, our book talks about it.

I don't know what it is. Just got it, you know, wake up with it. You know, I've had it as long as I can ever remember.

And what I clearly remember when I was about 14 years old, I put alcohol on it. It took it away. You know, I never forgot that.

Sometimes the most powerful thing I hear any of us share sometimes, you know, you say to somebody, "Hey, how's it going?" And he says something like, "Ah, I don't know, Tim. Man, I I don't know. See, man, I just don't I'm not quite centered.

You know, things just can't quite right. Do you know? Do you know?" I go, "Yeah, I know.

I know. I know what you're talking about. You know, I just never knew what to do with it." And and you know, you heard many people talk about whatever that is, our hole in their soul that the wind blows through.

I just know that alcohol very early on worked very well for me with that. You know, the second thing you all were talking about was being apart from not a part of, you know, and I really need to say this because the only thing I've really done right is you all told me to stay in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. See, because there's a part of me still, I've been doing this for about 10 years.

There's still a part of me that shows up to place like this and goes, "Man, what am I doing here? They have no idea who I am. I'm not like them.

My god, they'll find out I'm from Kentucky sooner or later. You know, there's always that moment, you know, of separation. There's always a part of me that wants to separate from the pack.

You know, I got six little grandb babies and I like to watch old movies with them. And one of my favorite movies of all time is ET, the extraterrestrial. Remember that movie?

when it came out back in the 80s when it first came out. I was out there. It's about 83 84 and I was rip roaring drunk one night and I was taking this girl that I think I was engaged to.

You know, one of those deals out to see this movie. And anyway, I'm in the movie about half loaded. But there's a part in the movie, if you remember it, where OT, the little Martian guy, you know, he gets all green and gray and crinkly, you know, he's drying up.

You know, he's he's dying. He's absolutely dying. But all of a sudden, he looks up in the sky and he goes, "Oh, home home.

Eho man, tears just started running down my face. And this girl I was with said, "What is wrong with you?" I said, "I know just how he feels." And you know what? And you know what?

I could tell that same theme soy in church. Nobody gets it. You tell that in AA, EVERYBODY'S, "OH YEAH, MAN.

I KNOW." Home home. You know, I wanted to be there. didn't know where I was.

Was trying to get somewhere going as fast as I could for many, many years. Wouldn't know when I got there when I got there. But I just know I wasn't where I needed to be.

Alcohol was a great transformer for me. And then the third thing I heard you talking about were progressive patterns of dishonesty in your life, man. And when I heard that, that really grabbed me because what I realized, I was a guy who lied when the truth was good enough.

You know, I remember even thinking back when I was a kid, you know, when I played basketball, you know, and I came home, if I scored 20 points, I came home, you say, "How many points you score?" I'd say 24. You know, got a B on the test, what'd you get? B+.

You know, I can remember thinking even as a kid, why do I do that? And here's what I've come to realize. Why wasn't the truth ever good enough for me?

That was really going to be important to me. Obviously, when I showed up here, I was about 3 months sober, and I'd gotten back with my family. my 13-year-old daughter and I were sitting up watching the Late Show one night and you know out of this three months sober, I couldn't sleep.

And so all of a sudden, my daughter says, "Dad, can I order a pizza?" And I said, "Oh, honey, no, don't do that. It's too late. Your mother will go crazy." She said, "Oh, come on.

Let me." I said, "All right, go ahead." So she orders a pizza. 1:15 in the morning, doorbell rings. You know, it's a pizza, man.

Well, my wife, you know, comes storming out of the bedroom, starts screaming at my daughter going, "What are you doing getting a pizza at 1:15 in the morning?" My my daughter said, "Well, dad said I could." My wife said, "You say she could?" I said, "No." And my daughter said, "Dad, you're lying." I said, "I know it. I do it all the time." You know, and I say all that to say this, you know, restless, irritable, and discontent apart from not a part of and progressive patterns of dishonesty in my life. Now, what I know today, which I didn't know when I showed up, is that you guys were going to give me the total package for of a solution for what I just described as a spiritual malady.

You know, restless, irritable, and discontent. You basically said, "You're going to need to find a hookup to the God of your understanding because sometimes that's the only thing that's going to give you the peace of you're looking for." You know, apart from not a part of, we give you the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. And all you got to do is drag your raggedy old butt in here and stay a part of it irregardless of how you feel, think, or believe.

And the last thing about learning to tell the truth and accept the truth in my life, you know, you gave me the 12 steps. And if you said you continue to practice these, you'll learn that your truth is always good enough. And if you can learn to live in your truth, then you can stay sober and you can stay alive.

You know, so I'm so grateful, you know, that I finally came to understand one thing that, you know, I have a disease of alcoholism, which is body, mind, and soul. And you guys gave me the total package of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm so so so grateful for that.

You know, I grew up uh in an Irish Catholic family. I was the oldest of seven kids. Wasn't if you were going to drink, it was, you know, when and how good were you going to do it.

You know, it's just the way it was. And uh, interestingly enough, I mean, we had lots of drinking going on for many generations. Interestingly enough, I was the first alcoholic, I think, as it turned out.

We had uh, as I could see, we had two groups of types of people in our family. We had a lot of nervous people and we had characters. You guys have any characters in your family?

Man, we had a ton of those guys, you know. I had a bunch of uncles. It would be stuff like, you know, my dad would say, "Well, yeah, you remember Uncle Mike got all drunk up and Uncle Tom was climbing through the window and he was drunk, too, and Uncle Mike woke up and he shot him and everybody laugh and have another drink, you know." And then my dad would say, "Man, he was a character." And I remember being a little kid saying, "Dad, he's a killer.

What are you talking about?" You know, we had we had lots of characters. You know, we had lots of nervous guys. We didn't have any alcoholics.

And I guess you're you're understanding what I'm saying is it was everywhere both sides of my family. You know, my grandpa, my mom's side was an in was a a whiskey drinking in and out of VA hospital. Whiskey drinking drunk, you know, but never could call him that.

I was about 10 years old one Thanksgiving. I remember sitting there. I was watching the football game and I looked and here comes Papa, you know, coming through the front uh lawn and I could tell he was all drunk up.

But I'm sitting there watching the football game. Papa comes in, falls over the lamp, right in my lap. You know, of course, my mom comes in, grabs him, takes him back.

I heard her screaming at him back there. Don't you ever come in here like that again. And but I remember the thing was later on after he was gone, I asked my dad.

I said, "Dad, what's the deal with papa's?" My dad said, "Well, Timmy, you know, he was in World War I, you know, and when he was over there, he got gassed real bad." I remember thinking, "Yeah, he got gassed. That old Yellowstone whiskey underneath that table was gassed him. But anyway, what I'm saying is is that, you know, uh, alcoholism and I grew up in an environment where we all had the ability to look at about the first two or three hours of the drinking episode and and a total ability to forget what happened at the end of the night, you know, and I guess if you're going to if you're going to be alcoholic, that's almost a condition that we all have to develop sooner or later.

And uh, we certainly did it in my family. You know what I would share with you about my drinking? um from this point forward is that alcohol would start to take from me when I was about 17 years old everything that would ever mean anything to me.

And I really say that, you know, because sometimes as I've gotten older in this whole thing, I look back and, you know, to those periods, I got grandkids now and and, you know, I guess we all somewhere in our life, we have hopes, we have dreams, we have the idea of what life should be for us. And and I was like that, you know, uh same thing. I wanted to grow up.

I was an athlete. I wanted to be an NBA player, you know. Other than that, you know, I just wanted to have a nice wife, a house, and they live the American dream, you Now, and I say that because what I can look at as as alcohol came into my life, it quickly prevented any and all that from ever happening until I got to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And that's why I'm so grateful sometimes to see you young people here. Sometimes it blows me away to see people 17, 18, 19, 20 sitting in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous because I think, man, my hope for you, my hope for you is that if you can understand what's wrong with you, you won't have to live, you know, the tragedy of losing the most important things in your life. The very first thing for me was I was a good athlete.

And in Kentucky, if you can shoot a basketball, then you know, that's a good deal. And that's about the only thing I could really do well. And uh I was an all state basketball player.

name was in the paper a lot. The picture was in the paper a lot. And the only reason I even mention that is it was a big deal to me because it's the only thing I really cared about.

It was who I was. It was my whole self-esteem, you know, cuz other than that, I was a 6'4 goofy, pimply, afraid of girls type of guy. The man on a basketball court, you know, that's where my identity was.

And I say that because what happened to me in 1966, you know, I got a scholarship to division one college, uh, St. Louis University. That's really great.

You know, a Catholic college for a Catholic kid. First one in my family to go to school, much less go on a scholarship. Huge deal for me.

Huge deal for my whole family. I left there in ' 66 in all my glory. And what I want to share with you is this is, you know, this is the point in time where I can look back and the alcohol and alcoholism, you know, starts to take from me everything that would ever mean anything to me, you know.

and I showed up to that university and by the first game of my sophomore year because you couldn't play as a freshman in those days. I showed up so drunk that the other players had to hide me on the end of the bench so they wouldn't throw me out of school. And uh so this was division one.

This wasn't YMCA. So this is like going Texas or Oklahoma or uh we played Drake in those days in Witchah State. North Texas State was in our conference back then.

And uh and you got a kid just stone drunk on the end of the bench, you know. When I look back on that particular incident when I got to a one time and I want to share with you there was two things that happened that day that really will continue through the rest of my story and the first thing was this is that you know I had no clue at 17 18 years old about a physical allergy or mental obsession. I certainly didn't have any clue about a phenomenon of craving.

And what happened that particular day of the game I came out of class the guy said you want to go get a drink? I said, "Well, yeah." I always said, "Yeah." And I had a mind that said, "All right, we're going to have a couple beers, come back, get a nap, get a shower, go to the game, be a hero." You know, that's what my mind said. Didn't know anything about physical allergy and mental obsession phenomenon of craving.

And the other part of this equation is, you know, my sponsor is a guy who talks a lot about this being an extreme disorder of the ego. And I really took that to heart and I looked at that because there's a part of me and it happened this day too. There's a part of me that no matter what team I'm on or if I'm working with you, especially in relationship, I come to I come to realize sooner or later that I'm not getting the respect that a man of my stature should be getting.

You know, it just has always happened to me. I don't know about you guys in jobs, in relationships, I start to notice for some reason that I'm not getting the respect that a man of my stature should be getting. It's a really a problematic thing because as you perceive your stature getting higher, it makes it tougher on the other people that you're around.

And that's what happened that day. Two things happened. The coach said the day before who was going to play, who wasn't going to play.

I wasn't going to get in. Hurt my feelings, you know, and that whole deal started. When little Timmy's feelings got hurt, he loved to drink.

And the second thing was I had no idea that the first drink was a problem for me. And so the combination of the two things, I showed up to that game very, very drunk. And here I am.

The most important thing in my life is what I'm trying to say to you. At 17 years old, you know, the only thing I would have told you that mean anything to me. Alcohol is now moved ahead of it.

Used to be an old guy in our area used to talk about alcohol was his friend. It was his buddy. He used to throw it in the back seat and they drive around and have a great time.

And he said then one day he woke up. He's in the back seat. Alcohol was driving and it was taking him wherever it wanted to go.

And at 18, 17, 18 years old, that's where I was. And from that point forward, alcohol would start to dictate for me on a daily basis what I did, how I did it, where I did it, and especially where I ended up on any given day. And it also started to necessitate that I had to start, you know, compromising the values that my family had given me because they had given me good values.

But if you're broke and you need to drink every day, then you need to do what you have to do. So if I had to steal, I stole. I used to take some tests for people because I had some brains, you know.

So the whole moral fiber of this young guy who had left Louisville in all his glory but two within two years you know it was already being deteriorated because of the need to find a way to drink on a daily basis. You know, I uh hung around and as you probably guessed, the basketball came to an abrupt end about in my first part of my junior year. And you know what?

I really didn't even care too much anymore because the alcohol had become the only thing that I had understood was making life viable that made life okay. But I hung around there and in uh in 1970, it came to 1970. In 1970, I had enough credits to graduate.

Uh my grades weren't very good. If you go back to 1970, some of you can. There was only two things you could really do.

You could go to work if you could, or you go to war, you know. And I wasn't too interested in either one. I kind of wanted to keep the party going if I could, you know, was my idea.

And uh and I really say this because as as meager as it may seem to you, it was my life at that time I figured was pretty much in the balance. And there was two ways you could get out of the draft. They had a lottery back then.

If some of you go back to that point in time, my my lottery number was six, you know. So, I'm going, you know, but there was two ways at that time. You could get a deferment from the draft.

You could get married. And I thought, man, that's awful drastic or or you could go to grad school. All right.

So, here I come for the first time, as I remember it, my adult life coming up with a plan for Tim's life. And I thought, here's my plan. Here's what I'm going to do.

Now, hang with me here because as insane as this might sound, some of you are going to understand it perfectly. My thought was this. Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go take the test to get into law school. I'm going to get into law, pass the test, get into law school, graduate from law school, eventually run for Congress, and someday president of the United States. You know, now here's the deal.

As insane as that sounds, that's the way I think. And for me, it's a short trip from street drunk to President United States. That's just the way I think.

And as you might guess, I went and took the test and having been a daily drinker for the last four years, I got an awful score on the LSAT and the law school turned me down. And now, you know, I remember getting that thing in the mail. And in the end, as meager as it may send sound to you all, now I really thought, what are you going to do now, Tim?

Cuz you're going, buddy. It's Vietnam, Vietnam, Vietnam. You're going to be shooting them up.

You better come up with a new plan. And it actually popped into my head. How about this, Tim?

Why don't you stop drinking? Why don't you stop drinking? Cuz you can pass that test.

Stop drinking, study for that test, and pass that test. So, for the next five weeks, I stopped drinking. And it was awful.

I'm going to tell you, because I'd pretty much been a daily drinker. Stopped drinking, got over the shakes, got a guy to tutor me. We worked every day.

I put every ounce of brains and energy that God had given me into studying for this test for the second time. Five weeks of the best God gave me came down to the day before the second test. I made a slight change to my plan.

Test was on a Saturday morning. I came home on Friday afternoon. I said, "All right, here's the new plan.

I'm going to go out and get a couple beers so I can relax, come back, get a good night's sleep, get up, take that test, pass that test. Congress, President of the United States." Same plan, one little change. I went out that Friday afternoon.

I didn't get back to that college the following Tuesday. Found out later on I rode around St. Louis on a city bus about a day and a half of what I know now today is called a blackout.

Had no concept what was going on then. You know, I can particularly remember the guys before I left that afternoon. They said, "Tim, don't man, don't do it.

You're going to blow it off." I said, "Guys, do I look stupid? I will be back. I will be back in this dormatory by 8:00.

You can write it down." And you know what? I believed that in my heart. And if you had given me a polygraph, I'd have passed it because I didn't know anything, guys, about a physical allergy.

I didn't know anything about phenomenon of craving till I walked in the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. Crazy thing happens there. This is how my life was starting to go.

About 3:00 in the morning, I realized I wasn't going to be taking the test. And I went back to dormatory and I found a real smart guy. He was right down the hall from me.

And I paid him $25 to go take the test for me. And I went out and stayed loaded for three and a half days. So this guy takes a test.

About three weeks later, I got the results of the test that the guy took for me. The damn guy got the highest score in the history of the law school. Unbelievable.

And of course, crazy as I was, I remember looking at this guy going, you know what the hell you done to me now? I give you respons. I give you responsibility now.

You got me in a jam. You know, here's what I want to share to you. Here I am, 23 years old now, and I'm thinking, I better get to them before they get to me.

And I called the dean of the law school and I said, "Sir, can I come and see you?" And I never forget this because, you know, I guess there's certain moments that stick with you sometimes. And why this one does, I don't know, but I showed up and the dean was sitting there, you know, and he never said a word the whole time I was there. He just looked at me and I did what you have to do, right?

I started to lie. And I said, "Well, Dean, you're probably wondering about the difference in them two scores." uh the last minute I decided I didn't want to be a lawyer. I let some other guy take it.

How did he do? You know, as if I didn't know. And you know, I knew he knew I was lying.

Don't know if you've been there. I was there many times. But what I want to share with you, and I don't know why I remember this for one moment, as I turned to leave that dean's office, I knew the truth.

But one through my mind was, Tim, you know what the problem is, man. It's the booze. The booze took the basketball away, and the booze took your opportunity to go to law school because you got the brains.

Damn it. And you know it. It's the alcohol, you know.

I don't know why I remembered that, you know, because it did not last long. I walked out of that, you know, dean's office that day. There were two guys that I knew.

They said, "You won't get a drink." I said, "Yeah." That was 1970, you know, and I was off and running. It was going to be 20 years till I got to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, and I came back to Louisville in four short years.

Here's what happened. Here's this young hero kid that left Louisville. In four start years, I'm sneaking back into the city.

My whole life is a lie. I'm going to come back to Louisville and now I'm going to as a direct result of alcohol and alcoholism, I'm starting my whole life on a dishonest basis because I had to come back and tell everybody I decided I didn't want to be a lawyer. And you know, thank God for moms.

The only person that knew the truth about what happened was my mom till I got to Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, and at 23 years old, I'm going to try to build, you know, our book talks about pitiful, incomprehensible demoralization. You know, I think that comes in many packages and it comes in many forms.

And I can look back and I wouldn't have told you that then, but at 23 years old, I was already there. I was already taking away the moral fiber, the integrity that I had, and I was going to try to make it from there to do the best I could. Interesting thing, I came back and took the draft physical and I and I I flunked the draft physical for on a congenital birth defect.

I thought, hell, that would have saved me a lot of trouble, you know, man. But when I came back to Louisville, I got into teaching and coaching cuz, you know, like I got a job coaching and they made me the This is great. They made me at the first job I had, I was a basketball coach and I was the dean of students at this all boys Catholic High School.

That's a bad place to put a drunk as a dean of students because I was in charge of discipline, you see. And u I'll tell you this story and I want to tell you why because there's lots of stories from this era of my life. But I'm the dean of students and so I'm in charge of all these kids coming in in the morning.

And this is back in the 70s, right? And all the kids are out in the parking lot, you know, hitting a few doobies before they come into school and whatnot. And I'm sitting there this one morning as I was many mornings.

So like big old tomato head, you know, just trying to get through that first couple hours, you know, just not one to talk to anybody. But this particular day, I look up and this kid standing up over me. He's got that long army jacket on, you know, had that long hair we had back in the 70s, man.

You could just smell the reefer was everywhere and his eyes were all glassed over and he was just kind of floating over top my desk like this. And all of a sudden he looked down with, "Hey, Mr. Island, you're looking bad, dude.

Oh man, let me tell you let me tell you why I tell you that story and I think I said something to him like by God I'm in charge here and don't you forget it. The reason I tell you that particular story, that particular story, and there's lots of stories from that era, is that that kid that said that to me this that day last summer celebrated 26 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. He lives down in Dest, Florida.

He's a multi-millionaire, I swear to God. And he's a he's a great member of AA. I went down there a couple years ago for a conference and he met me at the plane and he had his kids with him and he ran over.

He called me coach. He said, "Hey, coach, come here." He said, "Look, I ain't ever told my kids about how I was." He said, "I'll make you a deal. You don't say anything about me, I won't say anything about you." And you know what?

That has been such a neat part of my recovery. I did the teaching coaching thing the best I could, you know, with the the the impediment of alcoholism that I had for about seven or eight years. But in my recovery, my recovery for me and God's been so good to me, he's given me the opportunity to redo and to remake up so many of the areas that I fell down so badly.

And one of the things he's enabled me to do is sponsor and work with some of those same boys that I tried to teach and coach back in the 70s. And now I sponsor them in Alcoholics Anonymous. How about this for a special gift?

How about having three brothers that I coached back in the 70s all came into a 90 days apart and I got to sponsor all three of those. I still tend to call them kids and they're all 50 years old. Uh I got to sponsor all three of them and they're all now four years sober in AA.

See that doesn't happen that you know it doesn't get any better than that. You know those are the types of things I've been able to do. Let me tell you very quickly.

Sometimes I share this and sometimes I don't. I think it's great to share in a men's group cuz I like to have fun in Alcoholics Anonymous. I love to laugh, you know.

I thank God for the people that were here that made me laugh when I got here because there was nothing funny about anything when I showed up in Alcoholics Anonymous. But let me tell you about one of those kids u because this has been an important part of my recovery. His name was Chris.

And not only did I teach and coach Chris in high school, I had known Chris since he was a little baby. His family lived two streets from mine. He was the youngest of the family where I was the oldest.

10 years apart. And sure enough, when I was about 5 years sober, he showed up in AA and I became a sponsor and we did the deal, man. We ran and did, you know, did our steps and did the meetings.

And what happened though, all of a sudden, I stopped seeing Chris, you know, he stopped coming to the meetings. He stopped calling me. And once in a while, he'd stop by my office and I'd say, "Man, what's going on?" He said, "Well, you know, Tim, I I uh I don't do AA anymore, but what I do do, he said, I work in the Big Brothers program and I help these little kids, you see." And Tim, Tim, it's a really good thing.

It makes me feel good and I know I'm helping these kids and it's kind of like AA, Tim, it kind of like AA. And I remember saying to him because the old people that, you know, timers that brought me into AA used to always tell me this. And I said, Chris, look, the old-timers told me that I need to be around my own kind.

I'm a drunk and I need to be around other drunks just like me. I said, I'm sure the Big Brothers is a good thing, but man, I'd like to see you back in the rooms. You know what happened to Chris?

His life took an unexpected turn as many of ours do. And what happened to Chris was that he he had a baby by a lady. And for the first year of that baby's life, the mother didn't want it.

And Chris raised this little baby all by himself. He loved that little girl like you couldn't believe. But what happened was the second year, the mother went to the court and came back and just out of meanness took that baby girl away from him and would not let him see that child.

And what happened to Chris is he went into that obsession of mine. He went into that spiral of depression that our book talks about. And he started calling me and he was convinced he was never going to see that baby when I was about seven years sober.

And the reason I share this because it was a pivotal change in my whole way. I saw this program. He called me one day and he said, "Tim, I can't take this anymore.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do." It was two days before St. Patrick's Day.

I'll never forget it. In March, about this time of the year. And I said, "Chris, the only thing I know to do, son, let's get together tomorrow.

We'll get on our knees. will do the third step and ask God to help you with this. You know, that's the only thing that I have to give you.

And what I need to share with you guys is that that never happened because about 2:00 that morning, I got a call from another guy sponsored. He said, "Tim, I'm in Chris's house and he's dead. I want to share with you this message.

I went over there and here's what I saw. I saw this 6'2 blind kid that I'd known since he was a baby. And he was sitting in the lawn chair next to his car and underneath the chair was an empty quarter Jack Daniels and the hose from the exhaust was draped across his lap.

You know, and I never forget this and I can't tell you how important it became in my sobriety because I looked at him and what went through my mind was this. I thought about the big brothers and I thought about all that good stuff he was doing for those kids. But what went through my mind was this.

You know what? You can make me the deacon of 50 churches. You can make me the head of the Boy Scouts of America for everywhere.

You can make me head of the Mother Teresa fan club. You know, the world can make me all of that if it wants to. But if I forget first and foremost what I am and where I belong, you can forget about the rest.

I truly believe that. It was such a message to me. >> You know, such a because, you know, I'm I'm coming up on 19 years sober.

I have guys that I came to Aid with that I never see. And I run into him sometime. I say, "Hey, man.

What's going on?" They go, "Uh, Tim, you know, I can't get to meetings, but you know, I'm coaching little league, real involved in my church." And I always think, "Well, man, I hope it works for you. I hope that works for you." See, because I think about Chris and I think about the message that I got that day that I really believe that there's one thing that's worked for people like you and me, and we're right in the middle of it right now. And if I can remember to keep that first, then God, in my case, has opened up all that to me.

I'm on board of directors as when I I president the board of directors of a halfway house. I was tearing Larry about. But you know, I remember his mother at the funeral saying to me, Timmy, I don't understand.

I said, well, what don't you understand? She said, I don't understand how a life problem can get so bad that you pick up a quarter of whiskey and you take your life. And I looked at this poor lady and I understood that she did not understand.

By God, I did. And I hope you do. I hope you do.

Because see, it was such a message to me and and as I tell Chris's story sometime because what it did for me, it it drove me bl right back into the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous and I have never ever wavered since then. You know, also when I came back from uh from college, I married my high school sweetheart. We could do about two or three workshops on this part of my story.

We got married 1970. We got divorced for the first time in 1983. I remarried in 1985.

We got divorced again in 1987. I remarried in 1990 and we divorced again in 1994. Usually, you know, you tell people at your work that they go, "WHAT?" You share it, everybody goes, "Oh, hell sounds normal to us." You know, and you know what I can tell you today?

What is that all about? Well, I know today what it's all about. It's about alcoholism and everything that goes with it.

You know, I love him. I hate him. He's good.

He's bad. What you really had there were two pretty good people trying the best they could to figure out not knowing what the problem was. You know, that's the best we could do.

Not knowing what the disease of alcoholism was all about on both sides of the fence. I'll say this very quickly. I have a tremendous respect for Alanon and what goes on with that side of our disease.

You know, also we had three beautiful children, you know, that were born during that period in the early 70s. And I know there's a lot of dads in there. And how about as a gift having your oldest son, you know, born on Christmas morning in 1971.

That was God's gift to me. And I missed the gift, guys. I missed the gift.

And I was to miss many gifts like this cuz that morning I was in the hospital, but instead of being in a delivery room where I was supposed to be, I was in the men's room spitting up whiskey. And all I could think about is I got to get out of here and I got to get somewhere to get a drink cuz my head's splitting. I miss the gift.

you know, God almighty, I missed so many gifts, you know, and I really missed that kid growing up because by the time that my little Christmas baby got was 17 years old and I was getting sober, he was on his way off to college and I was 6 months sober and he says to me one day, "Hey, Dad, I want to talk to you before I go and I'm 6 months sober." So, I immediately start thinking, "Yeah, he probably wants to tell me how proud he is of me that I'm six months sober. I'm sure that's probably it." So, we have our little meeting. I said, "What is it, son, you'd like to say to me?" He said, "Dad, I only have one thing I want to say to you." He said, "I hate you." He said, "I hate you, Dad.

Let me tell you why I hate you. Because all you think about is you." He said, "Even you since you stopped drinking, all you think about is you by." Man, I was crushed. I'm thinking, I can't believe this kid said that to me six months sober and I made a critical fatal mistake.

I took this problem to the wrong group of old-timers in Alcoholics 9. They were not kind. But they gave me a lesson that I'd never forget and I always like to share it.

If you're new, here's what they said to me. They said, "You think you're getting credibility back in your life in 6 months? You drank for 27 years, Tim.

It ain't going to work that way. But we will tell you this, Tim. You will get credibility back in your life one day at a time by not drinking and doing the next right thing.

Ooh, it didn't sound too good to me. It still doesn't sound too good to me at times. But you will get it back to him.

Credibility one day at a time by not drinking and doing the next right thing. And you know what I need to share with you? That's exactly been my story.

Eight years into my sobriety. eight years. My little Christmas baby, who was all grown up by this time, called me from Seattle, Washington, and his butt was on fire and he needed help.

But you know what? He knew his daddy was different. He knew his daddy listened to him when he talked to him.

He knew his daddy was helping a lot of people in Alcoholics Anonymous. He knew something was different. And he said, "Dad, can I come home and can I live with you at 8 years sober?" And he did that.

And he lived, we lived together for about a year. And that very gentle healing that we are promised in Alcoholics Anonymous started to happen. And it only had happened one day at a time by me not drinking and learning to grow up in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And today, you know, 10 years after that, you know, 5 years ago, his mom and I helped him start his own business. Uh he has, you know, two little seven-year-old grand daughters who are my granddaughters. And I will promise you, not only does he not mind that those kids get to spend time with me, he loves every minute that those girls get to spend with their paw paws, you know, and that's a long way from dad I hate you.

All you think about is you. But guys, the only way that's come to me, you know, is one day at a time by not drinking and sticking around other men in a trying to learn how to grow up and how to learn to be a father and how to be a friend and how to be a husband. You know, you know, I told you I did the teaching and coaching thing and I did that to the best of my ability through the uh the 70s and then as I remember it, I came to kind of the end of the 70s was starting to notice that I wasn't getting the respect that a man of my stature should be getting.

And so I I I left that and I did what every drunk does sooner or later. I started my own business, you know, and that was in 1980. I told you I got uh sober April 12th of 1990.

Let me talk to you about the decade of the 80s. Well, it's not a good decade for me. I've already told you.

I'll give you a kind of a capsule of it. Already told you. Got divorced in 1983, remarried her in 1985, divorced her in 1987, got back together with her in 1990.

I was engaged to two other women in between time. I was I was in the nutouse on three different occasions. You know, I went through 14 different business partners.

I had I lived 15 different places in the 80s. I got shot at twice. I got cut up with a beer bottle and I lost a quarter of a million dollars.

And I was thinking this is going okay. You know, we're like always the last to know, you know, always. 19, you know, 1980 when I got thrown out in 1983, I was living with my mom and dad.

Don't I know some of you have been there now. Living with mom and dad. I remember running the guys I went to high school with and they'd say, "Hey man, what are you doing?" I say, "Well, I'm president of my own company." They'd say, "No kidding.

Where you living?" I'd say, "Well, mom and dad from 1982 to 1985, I went through five psychiatrists and that was just a simple deal. I kept them till they started talking about alcohol. He started talking about alcohol, fired them, got me new guy." You know, just the way it was going.

You know, that's as simple as it was. I was taking antipressants of all kinds, chasing it with whiskey and beer on a daily basis. If you're using that recipe, I need to tell you it did not work very well for me.

1985, you know, New Year's Eve 1985, you know, the book talks about we get to a point can't live drunk, can't live sober. That particular day, I knew the truth. You know, I couldn't escape it.

The thrill was gone. No matter how much whiskey I drank that day, I knew the truth. And the truth was, Tim, you're a bum.

You're a drunk. You're a wash out. You're the hero child.

You're living with your mom and dad, man. That's who you are. But I didn't know what to do with that, guys.

You know, I didn't know what to do with that. I I'd like to die. I wanted to kill myself, but I didn't know anything to do with that.

And that was the first time they drugged me to the asylum in New Year's Eve in 1985. My brother Tommy, who's thank God, is in this program today. But he drugged me over there.

And I want to tell you this story as I remember it because this is what my alcoholism is all about. They put me in a little detox room. And someday I'm going to find this nurse to get her side of the story.

But here's how I remember it. She sent me down there and she came in and she said, "Well, honey, why don't you tell me about it?" I said, "All right, I'll tell you about it." You know, a couple years ago, 1983, my first wife threw me out with no reason that I can think of. And and then and then I got engaged this other woman and bought her this ring and she took off with a ring before I even paid for it.

And oh yeah, did I tell you my daddy went to prison when I was 12? And and you know, I have to do everything in my work. I I work with a bunch of idiots and oh my family, they're so messed up.

Ma'am, you would not believe it. I just started laying all this stuff out and and and I don't know, guys, how long I'm there, maybe an hour, maybe an hour and a half. And I came in totally to suicidal, but I'll never forget that.

She looked me right in the eye and she said, "Honey, you certainly have a right to feel the way you do." And I thought, "God, you are so right, lady. What was I thinking? If people have messed over you like they messed over me, by God, you'd be drunk and depressed, too.

I went there an hour and a half and I was completely cured. I swear to God, I spent the next 28 days in the asylum trying to help everybody else. You know, I did.

I thought God sent me there on a mission. They made me head of the stress class. I still got a blue ribbon.

I made the best ceramic in the shop. Nuts. Want to hear insanity?

About halfway through that stay, I'm walking down the hall one day and the nurse says, "Would you like a pass out tonight?" And I must have thought she said you want to pass out tonight. I said, "What?" She said, "Yeah, you're doing really great. If you want to go out for a couple hours, as long as you're back by curfew." I said, "Thank you.

That's very nice." Called my best buddy. He picks me up at the asylum. We go right to the watering hoe.

You know, slam down 6, eight beers, get a couple shots of whiskey, got us a big old bottle of wine. You know, I'm telling about all the people I'm helping back the hospital. You know, quarter to 11, we're both drunk, man.

the quarter to 11. I look at my wife watch. I said, "I got curfew back to the nut house.

You got to get me back." So, we both pile in the car drunk and we go back to the to the asylum and he's driving. I'm in the passenger side and I go to get out and I look at him. He's just got tears coming down his face.

I said, "What is wrong with you?" He said, "Tim, you don't belong in there." I do. Oh, man. And I think I think I said something like, you know, I think you're right.

And when I get out of here, I'll help you. And guys, that's 1985. You know, it was going to be 5 years before I showed up in Alcoholics Anonymous.

You know what I did? I did what I always did. I came out of the nut house.

I got me a new girlfriend. I got me a new place to live. I got me a new business partner.

I started over. I was always starting over. In fact, if you listen to our stories in AA, we are the best starter overs in the world.

don't finish much of anything, but we can flat start over, man. And that's what I did. I came back and I got with what I call my most frequent wife, and we uh we we tried it again, you know.

We tried it again. We we got a new house. We we tried the whole deal, and it just got worse.

And she threw me out again uh late 1989. And I spent the last six months of my drinking living in a guy's basement out in the south end of Louisville, you And I can't tell you anything drastic happened there as I think back on it except now I was the president of my own company living in uh in a guy's basement which I thought was a step up from living with your parents you know so I guess I was grasping at straws at the time. April the 12th of 1990 I woke up like I always do out of that basement.

I I finished the night before you know had six seven beers just sitting there watching ESPN. This was the antilimatic end for me. And I don't know what to tell you other than something started to come over me that night and I went to bed.

And that morning when I woke up, I just got dressed and I kind of marched myself into my office just like I always do. And I'm in a business, guys. It's very busy.

You know, the the phones rang constantly. People were in and out of the office constantly. That day, April 12th of 1990, I went in sit down about4 to 8 in the morning.

I never moved a muscle till noon. And that day, the phone never rang one time. Nobody ever came in that office that day.

And I had a sense as our book talks about is that Tim, you know what the deal is, man. And it's over. It's the booze and you know it's the booze.

And I reached in my desk drawer and there was a directory of the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous which a guy had left, you know, give me two and a half years before. It was right there at my right hand. And you know that was the day I went to my first meeting of AA, you know, because I didn't really understand what what what you know, my problem was.

I did understand this. It certainly had something to do with alcohol and my consumption thereof. You know, did I know about alcohol and alcoholism?

Was I willing to call myself an alcoholic? Uh-uh. But somehow God took me to that meeting that day and the journey began.

And you know what I want to share about that? From that day to this moment now, my journey in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, I need to tell you in a general way, it has been at times I have laughed harder guys than I ever thought I could laugh. I have also cried harder and deeper than I ever thought possible.

I have felt pain more acutely than I ever knew was could exist. And see, the reason I say that, and if you're new, I hate to be bring this up, but if you were like me, when I got here, I was really hoping sobriety was going to be about the absence of problems in my life. And you guys said, "Nuh-uh.

That ain't what it's about, Tim. what it's about though, you will be able to be part of life and part of whatever God has in store for you. And thank God that's the case.

You know, cuz guys, what I need to tell you over the last 18 and a half years, you know, I have I've laughed. I've cried. You know, I've had two marital situations sober.

I've watched my mom die. I've watched my dad die. I've had two guys I sponsored in Alcoholics Anonymous kill themselves.

I had a guy that I sponsored in the inner city for eight years got gunned down two years ago right in the middle of the street. You know, I've been able to be a part of life on life's terms. And see the difference is is what I'm trying to say is I've been able to be there body, mind, and soul.

My wife back in the day used to say this to me, Tim, you're not even here when you're here. I'd get so mad. I said, what do you mean I'm here?

She said, no, you're not. And see what I understand today about alcoholism, it is a disease of body, mind, and soul. And the translation to me is that I'm either drinking, I'm thinking about drinking, or I'm thinking about me.

And if that's your problem, you can't be a father. You can't be a husband. You can't be present much anywhere.

And the reason I know that is I got these six little grandkids and guys, I can sit up in the treehouse for two hours with these guys. And Tim Highland did not do that. I can sit for three hours and play board games with these little guys.

a guy like me just couldn't do that. You see, because even if I had my body there, I couldn't give you my spirit. I couldn't give you my mind.

And thank you so much for that because over 18 and a half years, very slowly, I've been able to be present as a father, as a grandfather, as a husband, as a as an employer. You know, I got to Alcoholics Anonymous and and I hung around for about 14 months. And I mean literally hung around.

Didn't have a sponsor. Didn't have a home group. If you would have run into me about that time and said, "Hey, Tim, how you doing, man?

You happy joy and free?" I'd said, "Yeah, you stupid idiot. Can't you tell I'm having a ball?" And my first sponsor was a little guy that I met and um he had this little saying he used to always give me because I couldn't even sleep at night. He would say, "Tim, just repeat to yourself over and over and over that God is love.

God is love. God is love." And I still go to sleep this way sometimes to calm myself down. But I want to tell you 14 months dryer in the bone.

Hadn't done a thing in Alcoholics Anonymous. God is love was not getting it done. And I thought this one day if that little sucker, if I call a little sucker and he gives me God is love one more time, I'm going to crack him.

I am going to go get him. And sure enough, I called him about the issue of the day. And sure enough, he said, "Tim, just remember God is love." I said, "Damn it, I know that.

I know that, but I'm so angry and I'm so depressed. He said, "Good. I think you're ready." I said, "Ready for what?" He said, "Listen very closely to him." He said, "An alcoholic synonymous.

God is love, but love is action." God is love. Steps one, two, and three, your powerlessness, his power. Steps four through nine, your simple responsibility to clean up your mess.

Step 10's a great refresher course for you every day. Step 11 hooks you up with your your God. and step 12 hooks you up with us.

What do you think, Tim? You ready? I said, "Yes, sir.

I am ready because I cannot live any longer, you know, in my skin without doing something." And I say that because at 14 months, he sent me down to what's my home group today, the Lamp Baptist Church down in the inner city of Louisville. And I became the coffee maker in that meeting on Wednesday morning. And he put me in a big book study on Wednesday nights in my office.

and and that big book study is still there today. And I did the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I guess you know what I'm going to say is that guys, I went from the outskirts of Alcoholics Anonymous looking in and all of a sudden I found the greatest secret that Alcoholics Anonymous has.

You know where the fun is. You know where the people that got it going on are? They are right flat in the middle, man.

They are the ones doing the coffee. They're the ones that put this conference together. They are the ones that got their hands all over this.

And I wouldn't have guessed it out there on the corners where I was, but thank God through the pain and the help of you people, somebody drove me in there. And I don't ever want to be on the outskirts again. And if you're there tonight, please get in the middle, you know, get right in the middle.

Get involved. You know, for me, I have to be a hands-on type of guy. You know, I also uh when I I show when I told you when I showed up here, I uh I owed a quarter of a million dollars to people who really wanted it back.

They really did. And they bothered me about it a whole lot, you know. And I remember thinking, "Boy, this is unfair.

A guy trying to get sober and they're just pestering me all the time about wanting their money back. This doesn't seem right." I mean, it was awful, you know. And I would go in every day to my office and of course being a drunk, I'm trying to think of one big deal to come up with a quarter of a million dollars, right?

And I'd get to about 10:00 in the day and I would just get so full of fear I would just shut down, go home, roll up in a ball and go to sleep. So I'm I'm just dying. I'm just dying.

But I met a meeting one night. There's an old fellow sitting there and I start whining to him about my business and about all this money I owe. And he said, "Sit down." He said, "Tell me about it." I said, "What?" He said, "Tell me about your business." I said, "Well, it opens at 8:00." He said, "Good.

Be there at 8:00." He said, "What next?" Next. I said, "Well, I'm supposed to do sales calls at 9:00." He said, "Good. Do sales calls." He said, "What's next?" I said, "Well, I go to lunch." He said, "Good.

Go to lunch." "Tim, come back from lunch." I thought, "That's a good problem." I had a problem with that. What's next? I said, "Well, I come home.

I do my paperwork in the afternoon." He said, "Good. Do your paperwork. What's next?" I said, "Well, work's over at 4:45." He said, "Good.

Go home. Have dinner with your family. Go to your meeting.

Come home. Say your prayers." And then he hit me with a big one. He said, "And Tim, do the same thing the next day." And I remember thinking, man, what a concept.

You know, what a concept. And see, what I'm saying to you is what that old man said to me was what my sponsor calls the stitches. He was telling me this, Tim, you do the stitches and trust that leave the patterns up to God.

You do the stitches and leave the patterns up to God. See, my problem, guys, is when I start stitching, I start thinking, what am I making? Hat, shirt, pants.

what color is it going to be? When's it going to be done? And I'm nuts.

And I stopped stitching. And he said me, "No, you just stitch. You just knew the next thing in front of you and trust that God's pattern is always going to be so much better than you would ever ever figure out." And that's what I did.

I started getting there at 8:00, going on my sales calls, going to lunch, coming back from lunch, and all the time thinking, "This is stupid. I'm not getting anywhere. I still owe a quarter of a million dollars, but I kept doing what that man told me to do." Five years later.

Five years later. Here's the sequel to the story. I come back from my home group one day and I did that for five years.

I come back from a home group. There's five messages there. You know, four of them were from guys in AA and the last one was from the local business paper, you know, in Louisville.

It was a reporter. So, I called my AA guys and then I called this reporter. This reporter, it was a lady.

She said, "Mr. Highland, listen, your business has been referred to us as one of the fastest growing businesses of its kind in the area. We'd like to do an article on it." I said, ' Man, that'd be great.

Then she says this. He said, 'Well, tell me about it. What did you do to really turn your business around?

I said, "See, my business, my office opens at 8:00. I get there on time, you know, and I went right through the whole deal, you know. I do my sales calls, I go to lunch, I come back from lunch, I do my paperwork, and, you know, and and I go home and I do pretty much the same thing every day." And when I finished telling her, it was like silence on the other end of the phone.

And don't get me wrong, guys, there's a part of me that, you know, boy, he's got the story. There's a part of me screaming to say, well, I came up with this incredible idea. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, you know, and through my self-will and incredible knowledge.

I turned this business. I mean, it's screaming to say that. But the other thing is when I hung up the phone and she goes, "Well, I thank you, sir.

We'll see what we can do." And I knew, guys, there was not going to be an article. I knew when I hung up the phone, but I also knew I had told her the truth. See, because that's been the staple of my sobriety ever since is that my job is always going to be to do the stitches.

It took me nine years in my sobriety to pay off that quarter of a million dollars one day at a time. Nine years by doing the same little stitches that that old man had told me, you know, to do. You know, let me share real quickly.

I told you that uh you know we talk we laugh a lot about relationship relationship failures uh those marriages to my most frequent wife uh you know that it was not funny at the time you know especially four years sober when I lost my marriage four years sober it was very very painful and I went on for that point in four years sober and I hung around alcoholics anonymous tried to date boy that was an awkward thing I didn't know how to do it and just it worked with newcomers but you know got itchy figured what I really need is you know somebody who understands me, somebody who's on the same spiritual path that I'm on. And I started looking around the rooms of AA and I found her, you know, I found her. And honest to God, I thought it was the most perfect thing we both did that ever could have happened.

And we dated, you know, for about 6 months and had this big a wedding uh in 1998, I guess it was. And uh it lasted eight months. Eight months.

And you know, you talk about being driven to your knees in a whole different way. You know, I was like nine years sober. I was starting to do this what I'm doing tonight.

I'm sponsoring a lot of guys in AA and I'm asking myself, "What is wrong with you, Tim? What is so inherently wrong with you that you cannot have a relationship with another person?" And ironically enough, there's an old fellow in our neighborhood named Jack Sullivan who Gary probably remembers. And Jack sent me down to Lake Brownwood to the man-to-man Harry Lake conference, and I'm going to be the speaker for God's sakes.

And I show up there about as beat up and battered as I've ever been in my life. And this is way a is guys. I'm the speaker and I go to Brownwood to try to give what I got.

And you know what happened to me that weekend? I got it back from you guys. I had a bunch of hairlegged old Texans down there.

Lift me up. And by the time I left from there, they, you know, they re convinced me that Tim, you're a good man. We all got problems.

Stay sober. Keep doing what you're doing. and walk forward.

It was such a pivotal time and the guys here so much so that from that point in 99 I've been back to that conference you know five or six times. It was very very embarrassing you know and I went on from that point went back and got about business of being uh you know in AA and doing what I'm supposed to do but I want to tell you I was a totally different guy. strange thing happened on my way to long-term celibacy, you know, uh about two about two years after that.

About two years after that, my most frequent wife, the mother of my children, called me one day and said, "What are you doing?" I said, "Well, nothing, you know." And she said, "Well, I'm taking the kids on vacation. Would you like to go?" I said, "Well, yeah, I ain't got nothing to do." So, we went took the kids on vacation. And, you know, it was just totally a platonic thing.

You know, I had my place where I was living. She had her place where we was living. But here's why I want to share with you guys is that, you know, here's two people.

You heard the story. We've known each other since we were 17. You heard that story.

And here we're already 50 some odd years old at this point in time. And we started something really different. We became friends for the first time in our whole whole life.

We actually became parents and co-parents for the first time. We became grandparents and you know, and we built this incredible friendship. And we started to date.

We never had dated in our whole life. and all that mess that you listened and we built a friendship. We eventually I sold my place and I eventually moved in with her, you know.

Then one night we're sitting there, she looks at me and I look at her and I said, "Well, what do you think?" You know, this coming November the 28th, we will be celebrating our 39th gross anniversary. I I have no idea what the net is. No, no idea.

And what I want to share with you, I I remember I remember saying to my sponsor one time is this is pretty crazy, huh? And he said, "Well, yeah." He said, "But he said,"Tim, think about this. If our program is about anything, it's about transformation." Transformation.

You know what about transformation? We don't know when it's going to happen. We don't know how it's going to look and we don't know when it who's going to be involved cuz God transforms.

We don't. And I have to think that's what happened there, guys. Cuz sometimes I look back, the two of us look back and go, what was the problem in the first place and we're having a great ride as parents and a great ride as grandparents.

You know, I'll tell this very quickly. You know, I had some issues, man. And you know, you just don't know till you don't know.

When I was early in AA, I was having so much relationship problems, so much problem getting along with people at my work. I had this little group of gurus in AA, you know, and they said, Tim, what you don't have is any communication skills. They said, we're going to help you out.

So, here's instead of saying screw you to people, he said, here's what we want you to do. When people engage you or she engages you, you just say back to her, well, how can I help? How can I help?

That's one. And then what happened, I started using how can I help? And it didn't take me too long to figure out there were some people who didn't want my help.

So I said told these guys, "What do you say then?" They said, "Well, you just tell them,"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." So I got, "How can you help? I'm sorry you feel that way." And they said, "Okay, invalidate other people by telling them they might be right." Oh man, now I got it going now. I got how can you help?

Sorry you feel that way. Hey, you might be right, you know. And like any good drunk, I am using it way too much, you know.

I'm I'm using it at work. I'm using it at home, but it seems to be working better than screw you. I'm out of here.

You know, one particular night I'm at my men's meeting. We have a men's meeting on Tuesday night. It was a great meeting, man.

I'm spiritually charged up. Kind of flew home on my wings, you know, into the house and sit down at the kitchen just spiritually really up there and all hell's breaking loose in the house. You know, my wife's yelling at my daughter, my daughter's yelling, my sons, and they're all yelling together.

About that time, my wife comes in the kitchen. And I'm sitting there and before I could say a word, she said, "And don't give me that how can you help shit." I said, "Honey, I'm sorry you feel that way." She said, "You asshole." I said, "You know, you might be right." But here here's what I'm going to tell you. Every time I I tell that story after the meeting, about three or four guys come up and go, "What were those things, man?" Here's the deal.

Well, if you write them down, you are on your own, you know. Uh, and I'm sure all those things, the Alanons never like to hear that story, by the way. But all those things used in the right way.

You know, let me finish up with this. You know, I have been so blessed uh to be part of this. You know, I guess sometimes you tell your story and you go, "Wow." I mean, it, you know, we can all laugh about it today.

It it wasn't funny. I had I had three kids. Uh the two boys, the Christmas baby, and my middle son.

And I and I had a baby girl. My my daughter is my baby girl. And you know, from the get-go, I knew that she was her daddy's daughter.

From the get-go, I knew that she was the one. You know, her first little phrase when she was a toddler was, "I'll do it myself." Her second little phrase was, "You're not the boss to me." So that's this child. And sure enough, she was her daddy's daughter.

And uh she got ripping and roaring all through high school. And about seven, eight years ago, she took off on her run and she left Louisville and she went to Chicago. and a very gifted child, very beautiful, very gifted in lots of ways, except she had the same disease that her own man had.

And she left Chicago on a run and she ended up going all the way out to Los Angeles, you know, and about 6 and a half years ago. She came home to Louisville. And I want to tell you guys, I hadn't seen her, but I knew what was going on.

And she came home, she's 5' n, blonde, blue-eyed, and her teeth were falling out, her eyes were sunken back in her head, her cheeks were all caving in. She weighed less than 100 pounds. She was living in her car in the streets of Los Angeles.

And I knew she was dying out there from the disease of alcoholism. But she was okay as far as she thought when she was home. And she left there.

And you know, I went about my business. And you know, we all wait for that call some days. And uh and finally, I got the call.

And finally, it was her one day about six and a half years ago. And she said, "Dad, I I'm in deep trouble. I don't I don't think I'm going to make it.

I don't know what to do." And what I want to share with you by this time I'm 12 years sober in AA and man I'm sponsoring a lot of guys and if you call me I don't have any hesitation to tell anybody what they need to do or what step we need to work on or where we need to go. I want to tell you something. All of a sudden when you're a baby girl and she's 2,000 miles away and you can't get to her it was a whole different ball game because what it challenged me guys all of a sudden I was thinking what do you think about the 12 steps now Tim?

What do you think about the ANA now Tim? What do you think about your God now, Tim? Is it good enough for her?

And man, everything in me, guys, wanted to get on an airplane and go out there and get her and bring her home. Everything, you know, but something within me, and I think it's because I show up in the rooms here every day, had me say to her, "Honey, here's a man's name in LA, and I hope you'll call him." But you know what? I want to tell you, I hung up the phone and I sobbed for about two hours because I knew it was 50/50 whether or not she'd make that call or I'd go out there and bring her home in a box.

But I also can tell you this that when I hung up that phone, I knew I had told her all I had to give because alls I have to give is the same thing you gave me. Alls I have to give is the same thing one guy named Bill gave a guy named Bob. And it's the only thing that I know that's worked for people that have the disease that I have.

And it's the only thing, you see, I had to give her, even though she was my baby girl. And thank God, you know, I'm so happy to report tonight, you know, that this past July, you know, her mom and I got on an airplane. We flew to Los Angeles to help her celebrate, you know, her sixth year in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I'm really grateful for that. And and the final thing I wanted to share is my middle son whose many times I leave out and you know uh again in God's grace and mercy one time back in the early days when he's about 6 months old. His mom who was a nurse went to a hospital and they left me with his six-month old baby.

I took him to a a beer drinking softball game in about 95 degree heat. Got totally loaded and brought him. When I came back, there was a thunderstorm as I remember it.

The bottom line was I dropped this baby. I drunken. I was drunk and I dropped the baby, right?

His name's Terry and I dropped him on his head. He and for a moment he was he was he turned all blue and you know I called her and she came from the hospital. EMS came and they took him to the hospital and of course you know I remember going in like most drunks do.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'll never do it again. I'll never do it again. And you know, no sooner I got home, the first thing, you know, when I found out he was all right was first thing I had to do was have a drink, you know.

Now, here's the story I want to tell you. That was that that was that child. And that was me that day.

But seven years ago, he has four kids now. And my oldest granddaughter was four years old at this time. And we always take him to Colorado on a ski trip in spring break.

And we were there one day. And it so happened was I was in the condominium with him, my son, and this little petite four-year-old and and and a three-year-old son. And all of a sudden, I heard him screaming and yelling.

And I didn't know what was going on. And he was crying and screaming and yelling. I ran in the other room and this little girl, this little four-year-old, had lodged something in her throat.

And she's so little that you just couldn't move it. And all the normal things that you do to try to make something happen there, it just wasn't going to work. and and it was uh you know just chaos and there was nobody else.

My wife wasn't there. There was nobody else around. It was me, him, and a three-year-old.

And we were at a point where there was nobody else around. There was no EMS. There was nobody else.

We just had to do something. So, I mean, we started I picked up this baby and we started running down the hall of this place. And the next thing I know, guys, and I'll never know why, I just stopped.

I just stopped. And I'm not even sure what happened except, you know, I got on my knees and I asked God to guide me. I blew in this kid's ears.

I blew in her nose. I did everything that I could and just ask God, "Please don't let her die here." And something happened and she choked just enough to dislodge this thing where some air can get down in there. And he was able to go from there and get EMS there.

And they took her to Denver and they they saved her life. And I stayed behind. His mom went with him.

I stayed behind with the three-year-old. But what I wanted to share with you when they came back, my son, the baby that I dropped as a little as a drunk, you know, he was 6 months old and almost killed him, came back to me and he said, "Dad, we're at the hospital and the doctors don't understand why you did what you did, but they said, you know, if you didn't do that, she was going to die." He said, "Dad, I am so glad you're sober. I am so glad you're sober." You know, and what I want to say, guys, is that, you know, the deal was is that, you know, I'll often think what I would have done hadn't she had she not lived.

What I know for sure I wouldn't have been alone. I would have had you guys. But I also know for sure is this is that the miracle wasn't that morning that that child lived.

The miracle was is that the drunk like me was able there to be used by God because I sure in the hell didn't do it, you know, in a way that I could give back to to my son. And you know, I need to say that to you because I this thing's about hope. It's about falling down on your nose.

And I've done it time and time again the last 18 and 1/2 years. But through God's grace and your help, you know, I keep showing up one day at a time because the life you've given me is like nothing else I could ever imagine I could ever ever work for. I really look forward to being here the rest of the time.

It's a great group. I look forward to hearing Gary and Mike. I look forward to meeting a lot of you guys.

And um if you see me wandering around here with that goofy look in my eyes or kind of far off, just come up and give me a hug, man. Cuz uh probably starting to think I'm not getting respect at a man that I Thanks, guys. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

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