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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> My name is Nancy Morris and I'm an alcoholic. >> Hi, Nancy.

>> Hi. And uh through the grace of God and good sponsorship and great alcoholics anonymous meetings, I've been sober since May 23rd, 1971. I I was thinking this afternoon that um I really don't want to talk because I get in my own way up here.

So, I really ask God to um I I always say I'll stand up there and open my mouth and I hope the words will come out because I think if I do it, I let my ego and other things get in the way. Chad, thanks for inviting me to speak um at your second anniversary and I truly feel it is a privilege because you are a fantastic group and I feel really proud to be here tonight. I've had a great day so far.

Erica and Heather have taken good care of me. And I love the slideshow. I love the uh panel this afternoon, Joanne and Carla and Wayne.

And I just was so touched when they were talking and looking around at all of us and when the slideshow was on and just thinking that we're all really, you know, we're a bunch of misfits and we should probably be locked up in mental institutions somewhere. And um I mean, you know, here we come from Minneapolis. We have a fake foot with us.

We're planting everywhere. Lisa's got a remote fart thing with her. So, but uh no, other than that, I mean, we're just really people who were so lost before we found Alcoholics Anonymous.

And uh what a miracle that is uh for us. And it's a miracle that we're all here. And as my sponsor always says, some of us will stay and some won't stay.

I think it's when I think of how long I've been here, it's absolutely amazing to me because I can remember when I was brand new. I can remember how I felt. I'm sure you feel that way tonight with 6 days and u my sister got sober a year ago.

And um I had been in the program for 29 years and she um you know just didn't couldn't do it until she was ready to do it. And um my sister went to group therapy for at least 15 years. And she went uh for two things that I know of.

She wanted to get married and she wanted to change jobs. So, she went to group therapy for 15 years and talked about the same problems and kept and wasn't married and had the same job for many of those years. And I'm uh sober now in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I'm on my third husband. And um I've had probably 20 jobs and careers and things because we get in here and we just live life. And uh I never thought that that would happen to me.

I felt very stuck when I was new. And uh my sister got sober last May on May 21st and um she came I met her in-laws back to the town where she lives and went and found meetings there. And I have a lot of faith in Alcoholics Anonymous because when I first found out that she had a a drinking problem and she really was in very bad shape.

I thought I had to run out there immediately and and um I just kind of sat back for a little while and prayed about it and asked God to help her and to guide me and um and it came together, you know, a few weeks after um we first talked and uh she went back to the town where she lives in California and found meetings right away and found people like you and um she she sent me an email and she said, "I just can't tell you how good it feels to be in a room full of people for the first time in my life that I know they know how I feel. And um that's what we do for each other. I know how you feel tonight because I've been there.

And um I never thought I mean I don't know what I thought uh if I was going to make it or not make it. Um many times along the way I didn't have hope. I would get into ruts and along the way and say what's the use and uh nothing's happening and and I'm just thinking nothing was changing and and u what's the point of all this and I've come close to taking a drink from time to time and that thought still passes through my mind and uh I mean I am an alcoholic and I guess it passes through other people's minds too because I've had friends who've gone out and had a drink after 30 years recently a friend of mine went out after I think 32 2 years and when I came into my group she was the woman that we all looked up to and we all she sponsored many women and I I don't know what happened in her case but um I know that I have to stick very very close to this to you to my home group to uh I have to have people I'm accountable to I have a sponsor I've had the same sponsor for about 28 years and I still call on a weekly basis Jesus.

And I have people I sponsor. I think that's a gift that God gave me and put in my life. And I have a lot of people I sponsor.

And I've come to realize I need them. And God knows I need them. I get home by myself in my apartment.

And it doesn't take very long for my head to start going and thinking about how old I am now and all the opportunities I missed and check the flab under my arms and and I I mean, you know what? It just starts, you know? And um I'm very very busy and active and involved.

And I don't know that it was by my doing. I did not come in here and say I found it. I'm going to do everything you asked me to do and um you know I resisted at times and uh and did things to get attention at times.

I'm going to stay away from the meeting tonight and see if people call me. Well, you know, it's a funny thing because I did that and people didn't call and because I was doing it for the wrong reasons and um I mean if I'm sick or something and or something's happened, people are going to call me. But in that case, I mean, I remember that I wanted attention.

I wanted to know if people cared about me. That's what I wanted all my life. But I never knew that.

I never knew anything until I came here and got sober. Um, I just, you know, a lot of you have met Archie and Christine and Jacqueline and Gordon here. They're from Scotland.

And, uh, we met them last July at the international convention in Minneapolis. We met them, alcoholics from Air Scotland. And, um, we hung out with them for a couple weeks and they went back and we email and we phone and um, and I went to visit them.

I went to their home and I went to their home group meetings, their meetings in January and this is their second trip back since July. They just can't stay away. And I didn't even know they were coming this time.

I um just came in. I'm a flight attendant and I came in from a trip on Monday and Joanne was going to come over and we were going to go eat dinner and um so she came over, knocked on my door and I wasn't dressed but I didn't mind it because it was Joanne. I was half-dressed and I flung the door open and they're all there.

Surprise, surprise. So, it was one of those moments. I I stood there and I thought, well, I'm They came all the way from Scotland to surprise me.

I'm standing here with my red bra on and um I feel like running away and hiding, but they're here to surprise me, so I'll surprise them, too. So it's like but you know we just um you know how can you meet people from another country and become you know instant friends and love and we love them and they love us and um Gordon um lives in Scotland too. He's been in uh in the Twin Cities now for about a month.

he uh he just wanted to um come to come to the to America and experience Alcoholics Anonymous in in the in in some place else besides where he was. And um and you know there are just there are people in this room that I just um you know I they're in my life because God put them in my life and they're the greatest gifts that I've ever been given. Truly, they are.

Growing up, I wanted things. And I mean, early in my sobriety, I wanted things like cars and a nicer house and a good job and nice clothes and some more money and things like that. And I and I spent a lot of time envying people who had those things.

And along the way, I've had different things. And um truly I treasure the people that most of them I've saw I've seen them come into Alcoholics Anonymous. I've watched them walk through the doors and get sober and I've watched their lives change and I watched them start sponsoring people and there isn't anything in the world that can take that away from me.

There just isn't anything. And um Joanne and I have known each other since she got sober from the very beginning. And um Lisa, where are you Lisa?

Back there. And Sue with her baby little Molly back there. I mean, Molly, that's uh Lisa's little daughters, Molly and Luke.

And um Sue has Lucy with her, her little baby Lucy. But you know, I saw those girls, these women, I call them girls, they're women, they're all women. And um but you know, we've been through an awful lot.

I Joanne was talking today about things she's gone through and I know one time she said she had just been through so many things one after the other and she said well um the only the only bad thing or the worst thing that could happen or it couldn't get any worse unless the IRS came after me or something. And sure enough, you know, they they did big time, you know, and it had to do with the wreckage of her past and the marriage and everything. But we survived these things.

We can survive anything. And um Lisa and Sue became really good friends when um you know it's really important to have women friends and they became really good friends in Alcoholics Anonymous because um you know they had boyfriend problems and uh and they and uh they just got a place together and um and it it was really out of survival and uh and uh they they and so they became friends and they have that bond, you know, and we didn't know each other. I mean, we just we didn't know each other.

And um but we can I can meet an alcoholic anywhere in the world and feel an instant love and caring and bond with them. And uh so just quickly, you know, I I'll tell you that I um I I drank it seems like pretty much most of my life when I was a young teenager, I started drinking. I have five brothers and a mother and a father and a sister.

My five brothers are all sober. None of them drink alcohol. And my sister, as I said, got sober last year.

My father died of this disease. My mother's still alive. She's a professional martyr.

And she's um truly she is. And you know, there I just came to accept that about her one day. And uh she complained about my father's drinking constantly.

And then my father died of this disease. And uh she the next person she met a man that I had known in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings who just was in and out in and out getting hit by cars and buses and trains and he'd come in beat up and burned up and and my mother, you know, called me one day. Guess what?

I met this man. His name is such and such. Well, it was this man that I knew in Alcoholics Anonymous.

She didn't go to AA. She met him out there somewhere driving down the street. It's like she has radar for that kind of thing.

Complains about it, but has radar for it. And so she was with that man for a long time as long as he continued to drink and have problems. And then he stayed sober and he and so she had to, you know, go find somebody else.

And um that's just the way that she is and that's the way she'll stay. And so um my family was really pretty chaotic growing up. And my neighbors actually the the neighbors told the kids told me that they put their house up for sale because of my family and they were moving because of us because there was just too much going on all the time with all those boys and just a lot of chaos and nonsense going on and and um so I grew up in that family but that's not why I'm alcoholic.

And um Archie and I drove up here together today and we were talking about that sort of thing about, you know, maybe I can look back in my life and and find a reason that maybe um contributes to my my insecurity or my inferiority, but it has nothing to do with why I'm an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic because I am. That's all there is to it.

And I accept that. And actually today, I'm glad about it. And you probably don't feel that way today that you're glad um because we're hurting when we come in here and uh in the in the beginning when I got sober and went to my very first meeting and all the alcoholics were happy to have this newcomer throwing up around them and they're saying we're so lucky.

We're chosen by God. Alcoholics are such lucky people. Yay.

Hallelujah. And um I didn't feel like that that night and I don't think I felt like that for a long time. Um but today I am because I have a way of life and I have tools in front of me and I have learned this is what a lot that we were talking about today that I cannot blame anybody for anything that I'm feeling or doing anymore.

I cannot blame anybody else. And there's quite a freedom in that. For years I blamed people for for the way I felt and um and for things that happened to me.

But I don't anymore. more and I'm responsible for myself and that's a good feeling. And um you know I'm still working on myself and I will be sober 30 years later on this month.

I continually have to work on myself and work the steps and and do writing and mail it to my sponsor and pray and do whatever and work with people and go to my meetings and do just I have to stick to the basics of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's really pretty simple and that's never changed. But I um you know, so I grew up in this family and I just drank and I had consequences from my drinking.

Some serious consequences and some not serious consequences. And um of course at the time I never, you know, I didn't say that happened because I was drinking, but and a lot of things, you know, didn't happen because I was drunk. A lot of things that happened in my life happened because I'm an alcoholic and I have this disease of alcoholism and it makes me act a certain way or I act a certain way because of it because I have this deep sense of inferiority and I want everyone to like me and I'll do whatever it takes for you to like me and that gets me in trouble because I do things I don't want to do.

And um the for I had a uh I got pregnant when I was 15 years old and I had never been on a date in my life and I didn't have a boyfriend. And um and I I tell this story because I think it's pretty indicative of just the way that I felt my whole life until I came here and even for for long after I got here because we don't walk in these doors and get better. We work at getting better and it takes time.

But um you know, so I'm this 15-year-old kid just wanting everybody to like me and doing anything that it will take. And um and and I used to love to ride horses at this stable that was near my house. And I'd go up there all the time and hang out and ride the horses.

And there was a man up there who was a lot older than I was. And he was really a transient. When I look back on on him, he was just kind of a transient traveling through living in this little shack in this stable.

And he dared me to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night. Bet you can't do it. I said, 'Well, I bet I can.

And I had to do it. I absolutely had to do it. There was no question.

And I did it. And I ended up getting pregnant the first time I had sex in my life. Now, you know, to me, that just that shows the the the ism of of my disease.

And also I can look back on that in the way that I was and and that's the way I was for my whole life and I can just thank God that I found this program that I don't have to live like that anymore. I've found things to do in Alcoholics Anonymous for example speaking you know I never I mean I used to hide if if this was my regular meeting when I was new I would be right behind that pillar right there. It's a because we had callup meetings.

I was terrified of getting to the podium. I would be behind the pillar. I would be hiding.

I never wanted to do this. It scared me. But the group that I got sober in told me that I had to walk through my fears and I had to do things like that and I was not allowed to sit back there and say no.

And they made me go up. We were just simply not allowed to say no. If I said no, I just would never go back to that meeting again.

And I wanted their approval. And you know a lot of things that I did in the beginning were it's you know motives don't matter. I heard that a lot.

They just don't matter. Um I did things for your approval and um you know it kept me coming back. But the funny thing about you know not wanting to get called on to come up to the podium.

I would hide and I would come in late. I would do whatever and then in my mind I'd say nobody ever calls on me. you know, it's just like it's a it it was kind of a crazy way to think, but that's that's how we are, I think.

But, um, so I uh, you know, I went through my life drinking or or h, you know, acting the way that I acted. I had a lot of trouble in high school because I acted the way that I did. I um, people would dare me to do things and I did them and so I couldn't graduate with the class and and I never went to a prom or anything like that.

But I just didn't do it. And um I was um my life was pretty um messed up back then. And um and I I didn't pay attention in school.

I didn't really learn anything. I could pass my test to somebody else when the teacher wasn't looking. I' somebody else would fill in my test for me.

And you know, I wasn't interested. I wasn't I was very self-obsessed. And so I just didn't have anything left over to be interested in that.

And I really didn't have any guidance. and nobody, you know, and I used to bemoan that fact. If only they had, um, you know, helped me along in school and sent me to college, things would have been different.

They would not have been different. I'm an alcoholic. So, um, but anyway, I, you know, was doing my thing way back then and I got, I got married the first time, um, because a man asked me to marry him.

And really, it's as simple as that. and um he's a very nice man and he's sober and alcoholic synonymous and we have three children together but um I could you know I did not want to hear the word no. I cannot stand rejection to this day I cannot stand rejection but I'm willing to um you know say things to people where you might say no and I know I'll survive it now.

Um but I couldn't stand to hear the word no. So, um if um somebody asked me to marry them, well, I just had to marry them because I don't want to say no to them. I don't want to hurt them.

And so, um we got married and we had three kids. And that's what I was trying to do when I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was trying to take care of those kids.

I have twin boys and another son who's two years younger. So, I have these three wild little boys running around and I was drinking. And it was at this time in my life that I was really able to or for the first time could could look at my drinking and see that it was a problem because I didn't have people to run around with and and um say, "Well, they drink more than I do." And I was in this house living in a house with my husband and my three kids and it just my drinking just got worse and worse.

I tried not to drink every day. I really it was always on my mind. I'm not going to take a drink today.

And as soon as my husband would leave, I'd fight it off for another hour or two. And then I would find a reason in my mind why I could just take one drink. And every day I said, "Okay, I'm just going to have one drink." And I'd go have it.

And then I don't think I ever realized until I got sober that I had another one and then another one and then another one. I had a drink to take my kids to the doctor. I had a drink to go to baby showers.

I had a drink to go play try to fit in in the community and take the kids to their little groups and play tennis and things like that and and I remember you know women would go somebody's been drinking and I would just feel so ashamed you know and um didn't think any I I didn't know anything about alcoholism and back in 1971 there wasn't a lot of talk about it about treatment centers and this disease like there is today and I just felt so alone and I didn't know what to do about it and I didn't know I was an alcoholic and I just couldn't quit drinking and I started having physical problems and was hospitalized and but nobody ever said you're an alcoholic. It was different. It was just strange things were happening to my body.

And when I got here, I was being treated for diabetes and I was being treated for a thyroid problem. I I don't have those today at all. They just went away after I got sober and I I got healthy again.

But I started having a lot of physical problems and and was spending time in the hospital and um and trying to take care of these kids and I wasn't doing a good job and it really came down to it. Um you know it wasn't on a daily basis but quite often I locked them in their bedroom. I I put a lock on the outside of the bedroom door because I could not chase these kids around the neighborhood and I couldn't not drink and I didn't want people to smell it and that was the most important thing to me.

and I put a lock on their bedroom door and I would sit in in my backyard. We backed up to a mountain. We lived on a culde-sac and more often than not I was sitting on that mountain with a great big green bottle of wine, spinyata wine.

Usually it was a $165 for a half gallon or red mountain wine and it didn't really matter. Um, you know, I couldn't afford anything more and it didn't matter. I just needed what it did for me.

And I was sitting up on that mountain drinking my wine, crying most days. And the kids were locked in the bedroom. And and then I would just try to get it together.

And one time I went in and one of them had pulled a very heavy dresser over on himself and his head was cut open and um he had to be rushed to the hospital. Another time I wasn't watching them in the backyard. One of them drank charcoal lighter and he had to be rushed to the hospital.

And I always, you know, just got out of it. And my my husband tried, I mean, he knew there was a problem. me mark the bottles, but I marked the bottles with new marks.

He never knew which mark was his mark. And and um one time I drank all the vodka and I filled the bottle with water until I could get it replaced. I was busy.

All I did was This is what I was busy with all the time was this kind of thing. And and figuring out how to drink and not get caught and and um but I drank all the vodka and the bottle was filled with water. And we had unexpected company come to our house that night and my husband they drank vodka so they had water and tonic and um they didn't seem to know the difference and they all just sat in the living room drinking their water and tonic and and uh you know I was just I was just sitting there thought I thinking I was caught and that was it and my life was over.

I didn't know about the solution. I didn't know what my problem was. I really thought if anybody found out what was going on in my life, they were probably going to put me in a mental hospital and I would probably spend the rest of my life there.

There w there was a um Camaro State Hospital, mental hospital very near to my house and I used to put the boys in the car and drive over there and I'd be crying and I'd park at the end of the driveway and I'd want to go in there and get help. I just wanted to go in there and ask somebody, "Please help me." And I just wouldn't do it. I'd go back home.

So, eventually I found Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe that um you know, God's grace intervened in my life because I didn't really know anything about it. And um and uh the last day um actually this was in January because I drank once after I came in and that was the my sobriety date now.

But in January of 1971, we had people over watching the Super Bowl. Um I made Bloody Marys. I stayed at the Punch Bowl, made Bloody Marys, gave them their drinks, drank, and all day long I did that.

And um the the the last man leaving our house was by himself. And I just walked out the door with him and got in his car just to be silly cuz I always did silly things. And he drove away and I thought he would just drive bring me back.

And he went somewhere else. We went somewhere else and we drank for a few hours. And my husband didn't know where I went and and I didn't do that.

I didn't normally just leave like that. And um I called my husband and I asked him to come get me and he was really mad and he got someone to watch the kids and he came and got me. And all the way home he was saying, "You would not do the things that you did if you didn't drink so much.

You wouldn't act the way that you did if you didn't drink so much." It was the first time that he was that he said that to me. And I knew that it was over and I knew I could not quit drinking. So that night I made up my mind to leave my family.

I felt bad for the kids. I think the twins were only 3 years old. My other son was one-year-old and I um felt like such a terrible wife and a terrible mother and I didn't want to burden them with that.

And I decided to leave them. We only had one car. I didn't want to take the car.

I just wanted to get out of their lives. So I called this old boyfriend of mine that I had in high school. Now it's like 10 years later, but he's alive in my mind.

You know, that kind of thing. And it's like you can call, "Hi, it's me." And um actually I had had a brief encounter with him was a you know something else I had done when I was drunk and and and and I just did things that I didn't really want to do when I was drunk and then I would wake up in the morning and just have that terrible remorseful feeling in my mind try and trying like to shake it away. I don't want to remember what I did.

But um my husband came in the room and he said, "I don't care where you go, but you can't run away from it." And um I suppose it was just that moment of clarity for me, not consciously really, but it just happened. And um I don't even know what happened. I hung up the phone and I picked it I picked it up again and I called my brother-in-law at the time who is he was and still is a Catholic priest and I thought that he would pray for me.

That was I mean something just made me I thought because he was Catholic he had more influence than I did and he could pray for me. He lived in Pennsylvania and I was living in California and um I got him on the phone. He he just happened to be home, you know, it was just I look back and it was all meant to be and it was just that moment and and um he I I finally was able to say to the first person ever, I can't quit drinking.

And um what did it what what a in a way a relief but how scared I was because I didn't know what that meant was going to happen. I did not know what was going to happen now that I had made that admission. And um he told me he's the one that told me to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

And we did find a meeting that night. It was getting kind of late but um you know it all happened as it was supposed to. My husband got the neighbor to watch the kids.

I was really heavy then. And I drank a lot of beer and wine. And my hair was long and it was dyed all different colors and it was very brittle and crackly and it would just kind of break off and my face was red and I was real heavy and um and I and my husband said he was going to take me to this meeting and um and I guess something inside of me really wanted help.

I know it did. And um I didn't know where I was going, but I went upstairs and um I wasn't really dressing up then. And I didn't think much of myself and I just wore cut off Levis's and a t-shirt all the time.

And I was always peeking out the drapes in my house, my living room, looking at the ladies outside, my neighbors like, "What are they talking about? What are they doing? Why are they dressed like that?" And I just, you know, looking back, I never fit in at all.

And um and you know, I still feel like that sometimes today, but I think we all do from time to time. We just do. And that's why we're all here together.

But um I so I went upstairs and I wanted to dress nicer and I put on my tight per uh orange polyester pants suit and it zipped up the back of the neck and it was really tight and so my face was red already and now it made it redder and I was just bulging out of this thing and um with this crackly, you know, hair that would break off and and I went to we we set off. We finally found this AA meeting and it was just a few minutes before it was over which we didn't know at the time. But we went in and and um on the way there I started thinking about what is happening.

I said where are we going and how you how can these people help me quit drinking? I can't quit drinking. Take me home.

I want to go. I'll go tomorrow. Please take me home.

And then he would drive faster. And um so we got to this meeting and I we went in the back door and sat down and and um the minute the meeting was over, which was only about 5 minutes after I got there, um everybody in that room came to me because obviously I was a newcomer. I thought I looked nice.

They could tell that I was a newcomer. And then if they weren't um quite sure yet, I threw up. I started throwing up all over the floor.

So, I'm back there um because I had been drinking all day. So, um that that was my very first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and that was the night when I I went out to the parking lot right away because I I was throwing up in their meeting and I went I ran outside to the parking lot. I think I just wanted to get away from them and they all came outside.

There were like 30 of them and they all came outside to the parking lot. It's like we have a newcomer here and we're all going to enjoy it. and they all stood around me and they were really like holding hands and singing and laughing and happy and and um that was so that was my very first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

I I went home that night and um they wanted me to stay. The ladies wanted me to stay there with them, but I was afraid and I did not want to stay there with them. I didn't know what they were going to do.

And um so I had my husband take me home. I uh and um the next day I was sitting in my living room and they came um they came to my house. He told them where we lived and these ladies came over to my house and um and they sat in my living room and these were women that I had never met in my life and they sat in my living room and they talked to me about this disease and they shared things with me um that um feelings they had and their stories mostly their stories because you know you're not really into feelings um in the beginning that much and they shared their experience with me and I couldn't believe it because nobody in my life had ever done that.

And I think I felt closer to them, to those women that were sitting in my living room that day, the very first day that I met them, than I did to most people that friends that I had in my life that I had known for a long time. And so that was my beginning. And um we did go to a meeting that night and and I remember when they said newcomers, you know, anybody in your first 30 days, please raise your hand.

and how, you know, because of my self-obsession and all and just all the other things that were going on and how I just felt like it was a big meeting and and I it was so hard to put my hand up and because I thought every single person in that room was just staring at me, you know, you were all like really paying attention to me and um but it was hard to put my hand up and I was so I just felt so ashamed of what I was and um and of course, you know, just by sticking around here And little by little um you know I grew to be more comfortable in Alcoholics Anonymous. And that was in January as I said and I did love it and I loved being sober. Um and pe women gave me their phone numbers and I didn't know how to talk to people.

I didn't really know. It was too hard for me to think of um dialing this number and calling this lady who had her her name written down here and and I would just sit there and think, well, what is she going to say and what am I going to say? And it was just too hard for me to do that.

And that's why we talk about um I think um Joanne talked about it today about um getting new people's numbers and calling them. I'm always going to call people in the beginning. I want to try to make people feel welcome here.

I can't chase people around and make them come and make them stay. I used to think that I could do that when I was newly sober. Then after a while and I started feeling better and and fitting in, you know, I used to just bring strays home to my house.

you know, I'd tell I mean there was a man who couldn't stay sober and um and I thought, "Oh, if I bring him home to my house and he could just stay, you know, with my husband, myself, my children, and be a part of our family, he'd feel really good, and then he'd stay sober, he'd be happy." So, I bring this man home from Alcoholics Anonymous to my husband. Here, I brought this man's going to live with us now. Seriously.

And um and I've had people over the years, I brought uh women to my house to live with me and I've read them the big book and I've played them tapes and I thought they'll stay sober and they stay sober as long as I'm taking care of them in my house and feeding them and reading to them and doing this stuff and then nobody's going to get this unless unless they want it. And if we want it, we're going to get it under any circumstances. Um really um we just are.

And so, um, but anyway, I would sit there with these phone numbers and I just I wasn't making connections at the time. I loved not drinking. I loved the fact that I didn't have to get up and start fighting that urge to drink.

It really was removed when I came here and and that felt really good. And I loved going to the meetings. there were just a couple of meetings out there where I lived um at the time and I just couldn't wait to go to the meetings but people weren't calling me and and you know I mean I it's not their fault or anything but I just um I I hadn't made the connection nobody had come to me and said uh let me be your sponsor interim sponsor temporary sponsor whatever and I know you do that here and I know you're really good about it and I think that's really important because as newcomers We're scared to death and I don't know how to walk up to somebody and ask them to be my sponsor when I'm new.

I don't know how to do that. It scares me. As I said before, they might say no.

And I can't stand that. And um that hurts too much. And and all my life I just felt like I was a bother to people and and then you might say yes, but you don't really want to.

So I'm not going to burden you with all of this. So I really it is important that we reach out and um and I know the women here are trying to do that the girls night and and do different things together and make that connection and you know be there for each other and welcome newcomers and and I just think that's very very important. So, I did end up drinking in, you know, one more time.

It was my last hopefully half gallon of spinyatta wine and I ended up uh face down on this blue shag carpeting in my den in my throw up one last time. I hope that was it. But that, you know, that's I just I just had to drink.

Um things built up, you know, I had feelings build up inside that I wasn't talking to anybody about because I didn't know what I was supposed to talk about. It took a long time after I got here to figure that out what I was supposed to talk about. Um I thought maybe a sponsor was there if if you had a death in your family or something and they could help you through that.

But to talk about these things, the hurt feelings and and resentments and things, you know, I couldn't even identify them at the time because I think we all build up defense mechanisms along the way. I did anyway. And I just thought I was so tough and I had these five brothers and I had to fight with them all the time and I would fight with other people and I swore and called people names and I would just leave and say I don't care and I didn't even know that I cared, you know, because I would just say I don't care and and I would swear at somebody and leave and and so you know it took I mean um it's really it it is difficult when we get sober because that stuff comes flooding in you know on one hand I was very happy to be sober.

I was thrilled. I was thrilled with what I found people like you. But on the other hand, all these feelings that I was having and these thoughts, it was just overwhelming to me.

And um I spent time sitting in this closet in my house with a gun and wishing that I could just uh kill myself because uh I had never um felt this way. It was very intense. I didn't like feeling that way.

I didn't like what I started thinking and feeling. But then I, you know, my poor husband, my first husband, Joe, come home, he'd be, you know, he'd, "What'd you do today, honey?" I said, "I sat in the closet with a gun in my mouth." And um, you know, really, but this group that I was in in California is a great group. And um I am so grateful that they did not give me um attention for my negativity or my they didn't give me you know negative attention whatever it's called.

I did a lot of things to try to to get their attention. And um I um and so I think my husband, you know, he he knew the people in the in my meetings and I think he called somebody and said, "What should I do? she's um sitting in the closet with a gun and they said, "We'll take the gun away from her and leave her alone." And you know what?

That's what happened. And um so you kind of get tired of it after a while. And uh I know one time I remember I threw my furniture all over the living room.

Just started just threw my furniture around, knocked it upside down and broke things. And then I called my sponsor and I said, "I just threw my furniture all over the place and broke things." And he said, "We'll pick it up." And he hung up on me. And um and you know what?

I'm very grateful for that. I really am today. It used to make me mad at the time, but um but I would have continued to act that way if I had gotten attention for acting that way.

And so I'm very grateful that I got sober in that group. in the Pacific Group in California is where I finally um uh right away when I got sober, I met some people um in Thousand Oaks where I was and they took me to the Pacific Group and it was about 40 miles away from where I lived and I I just grew to love it and it became my family and there was a lot of talk about that today and um and um and they be that became my family. I just couldn't wait to go to the meetings.

It was the first place in my life that I did feel like I was fitting in. And um I took commitments and jobs at the meetings and um I remember one night I went home to my husband and I woke him up and I said, "Guess what?" What I said, "A lady asked me to talk to her tonight." I mean, she sat down and said, "Tell me about yourself." I'm not kidding you. I will never forget that because I think I just went through my life before I came here, you know, feeling like I was invisible half the time and just feeling like um like I said, like I was bothering people and no self-worth and no confidence and and low self-esteem and all that kind of thing.

But um but as I said, I didn't recognize it until I got sober. And then and um and so you know, you start dealing with all that and this and a woman in Alcoholics Anonymous just really seemed to take an interest in me. Like she really cared what I said.

And then the next time I saw her, she would ask me a question, well, how are your boys doing? And I think I mean that was a great lesson to me. And um you know, a lot of us are worried about making conversations and talking to people and the trick is just asking them questions about themselves, you know, and we're all ready to go and talk about ourselves.

And so, I mean, people think we're just the most wonderful conversationalists. If you ask a question one week and you remember something and ask about it the next week, they just think, you know, we're smart and intelligent and witty and brilliant. And so, um, but I, my sobriety, it it truly has been quite an adventure.

And I know I spent, um, a lot of time in the beginning. I spent, um, Joe and I got divorced after I was 3 years sober. And, um, and that was it was kind of a it was a it was an awakening to me because it was really the first time in my life that I was on my own.

And um I had to get an apartment and get a job and take care of these kids. And I already thought I knew how to do that stuff. And I found out in quick order that I really didn't know how to do that very well.

And I was scared to death. And um I remember those years and um just working so hard trying to take care of these kids. and we didn't have a lot of money and I had to go to work and I had to take them to daycare and I did laundry in the middle of the night and I packed lunches and I just and you know what though for some reason it was drilled into my head from the very beginning that Alcoholics Anonymous had to be first in my life and I just I went to my meetings.

I mean that's was really my salvation. and I just loved going to my meetings, but it couldn't take a backseat to um this other stuff. But I just remember, you know, coming home finally at the end of a day after going to work and taking the picking the kids up and then getting another babysitter so I could go to the meeting and um coming home late and doing what I had to do.

And then I I spent time under the bed. I was like terrified. I was like a little child myself, eight years old, trying to take care of these three boys.

That's how I felt because that's how I was inside. That's as old as I was really emotionally. And I would just I would get under the bed.

I guess I felt safe in the closets and under the bed, you know? It was like nobody can get to me in here. But you know what?

I just always had this. I always had good strong sponsorship. I always had good friends um and and um and people I could call and I I I could call people in the middle of the night if I had to as long as I wasn't drunk or had taken a drink.

But I remember in those early years just for years just consumed with this self-pity thing and saying nothing is ever going to happen to me. I have no education. I'm a dental assistant.

I had become a dental assistant by that time. I just kind of I don't know wandered into an office one day and got a job and I was doing that for a long time and just said I'll just be a dental assistant sucking the water out of people's mouths for the rest of my life. I'll never have any money.

Just taking care of these kids. Life is a struggle. You know, I'd have a car that would just break down and this lived in these kind of um not really nice apartments just trying to keep it together and I'm never going to go anywhere.

I'm never going to do anything. Poor me. poor me and um and you know I went to I tried to talk to people and they would always I mean they were they just didn't mince words in my group and it's like um gee you're certainly full of self-pity and I go what do you mean it's real what I'm telling you is real it's not self-pity you know this is how I'm living it's real and I didn't get it I didn't get it that it was self-pity but I'm again just so grateful that I got involved with this tough you know tough love but when I did drink that one time, you know, um in May.

I um I drank, you know, that half gallon of wine and I went back to the meeting and somebody said, "How are you?" And I said, "I drank last night." And I remember this woman just looked at me and kept right on walking. And um she uh didn't want to, you know, give me attention for what I did. And um and you know, I'm glad because then maybe the next time I felt like doing it, I would have thought, well, it wasn't so bad last time.

Maybe I'll do it again. But I didn't like being um you know, I didn't I just didn't like that feeling. I mean, they just didn't go for it.

They say, you know, we feel like drinking sometimes, too, but we don't do it. There are other things we can do. There are actions we can take.

We just don't do it. We don't drink. And so um so I uh you know had these poor me for years and years and years and so but in the meantime I was going to my meetings and I was doing commitments whatever it was.

I know this took a lot to put it together and I know a lot of people were involved. that I know takes a lot to to do your meeting on Tuesday night and a lot of people are um you know involved in putting that together and and um and uh and I always just did that stuff I think because deep down I wanted your approval a lot and so I just kept doing that kind of stuff and you know time went on and things changed. I got the divorce and then and I was you know I mean God was always watching over me and I know that now.

It took me a long time, I think, to to try to develop that part of my life. Turning my life and my will over to God. I think the question we ask and we hear more than any other question at conferences and around is like is how do you know when you're doing God's will?

And I used to try really hard to figure it out and um you know, I'd just look for signs and um I'd call somebody and their line was busy. Does that mean I'm um does God's will mean I'm supposed to not talk to that person or call them back or um I mean it was just overwhelming to me all the time just trying to figure out God's will and and today um it's not that difficult but it's years later but it's not that difficult now I get up and I just I get on my knees every morning and I get on my knees every night and I keep my prayers pretty simple. I keep my program pretty simple.

I don't want to spend too much time thinking about myself. I turn my life and my will over to God. I do positive prayer.

I say, "Thank you for keeping me sober today." Anticipating that I will stay sober that day. Um I ask God to put people in my life that I can help or at least let me see who I can help. And I just go on about my day and go on about my business.

And whatever happens now, I just automatically think that's God's will. And I don't think anymore that God's up there, you know, and has this whole thing planned out for me. And there's a maze and I've got to take the right path to get, you know, it's just it's really pretty simple and it's something inside of me and I don't and I don't really believe that if I'm thinking should I take this job or this job, there's a right or a wrong.

I think it's in the attitude of whatever I do once I make the, you know, the decision by talking to my sponsor, by talking to you. Um, I think it's just in my attitude. I cannot or I don't, I mean, I don't even feel like anymore saying, well, that didn't work out.

That was wrong. It wasn't wrong because I learn lessons from every single thing that happens in my life. I can if I want to and that makes me grow.

That makes me stronger. So um so you know these years went on and I was just taking care of these kids and um and one the first time that I really felt a connection with my God um I was probably four years sober and I think I had tried my hand at dating which we all know is really difficult and um relationships and all that. Um, and so I believe that I liked um a guy more than he liked me and it wasn't working out.

Therefore, I was just on the brink of killing myself because that's how you feel. I mean, it just gets to you. It does something to me anyway inside that is not good.

And um so I was ready to kill myself, but I, you know, wasn't doing that. And um I was I was really having a hard time. And um I mean I was just um I would cry a lot and I was trying to take care of my kids.

I couldn't sleep very well. It was it really it really just something went inside and was just pulling my guts out, you know, and it was hurting a lot. And it went on.

I mean, it just went on day in and day out and day in and day out. And I was trying to hold it together and I couldn't sleep. And I wanted every day I just wanted to get in my car and leave.

and my my kids were small and I was taking care of them and I really couldn't go, you know, I couldn't leave them and I wanted to and I would sit on my front porch night after night and rock back and forth. I'd sit on the roof, I'd sit in the closet and just, you know, try to get through this emotional pain. I don't think I ever had I never did have emotional pain like that in my life because, you know, before that I would drink.

So, um, and I was trying to pray. I would get on my knees and ask God to help me. And I was at that time praying, please God, take this pain away and help me to feel better.

And um I just felt like I was praying to my bedspread because I said nothing is happening. But I I did continue to go to my meetings and um as bad as I felt, I mean, imagine where I'd be if I didn't go. Imagine where you'd be if you didn't go when you felt like that.

And um you know what happened after um like 2 or 3 months of feeling like that and just really just feeling dead and empty inside by that time? Um I realized one day that I was feeling a little bit better than I had been feeling. And um and it occurred to me for the first time that indeed there is a God who is watching over me because if there wasn't a God watching over me, I would be drunk because I can't make it through something like that on my own.

And that was really a great feeling because I felt um stronger then and I had the I mean it was a feeling that I had never experienced in my life. This strength this inner strength that I started to get. I never had inner strength in my life.

if I depended on you and um you know him and presents and money and this and that whatever it was to make me feel good and and I never had this this kind of feeling in my life. So that was the beginning and it's not like it just went uphill from that time on. But you know what?

It was never that bad again because I made it through that time and and then the next time I had a a difficult time to get through. I knew I already made it through one and I knew I'd make it through again. And um you know during that time I remember most of the time it seemed like I thought I was never going to get better.

I was never going to shake this feeling. But I went to my meetings and um and when I got home, you know, I would get right back into it, but then but then it would occur to me for the hour and a half or 2 hours that I was gone and talking to you and involved at the meeting that it wasn't over there that that feeling was not there. And so that just, you know, knowing that gave me a little bit of hope that if it wasn't there for the two hours, then there then therefore maybe it's not going to be with me all the time.

You know, I think I mean nowadays I just run into a lot of people. It just seems like, oh, you're sad, you're depressed. Well, you know, uh, here's some here's something you can take and you're going to feel better.

And, um, and I'm glad that didn't happen to me to to this day. I mean, I I feel great. I love Alcoholics Anonymous.

I want to be here, but I have my I still have my moments, ups and downs, and my depressions and my sad times. But, um, I just I think that's just all a part of life now. Um, I have had I mean, my life has been such an adventure.

I talked about, you know, the poor me, I'm just going to be a dental assistant. I used to try to go to college and take some classes and and um learn something new so I could get a degree and then you would think more of me. Um and I've come to realize too that none of you are thinking about me quite as much as I think you are thinking about me.

Um I'm thinking about me and I'm thinking uh about what you're thinking about me, but you're not thinking about me. So, um, I, uh, you know, but I thought that I needed to do that because you probably all, you know, knew that I hadn't been to college and you probably all talked about that fact about me. And so, um, I, uh, you know, I kept trying, but, I had these kids and I was going to AA and I and I just, you know, it was drilled into me from the beginning that AA had to be first in my life.

And so I always, you know, I just I just kept on doing the AA thing and taking care of my kids and going to work. And um I had to get these transcripts recently and after all these years and I had so many withdrawals on there, I had no idea, just absolutely no idea. But you know what?

It's okay. And um and so I never did follow that path. and because of coming to my meetings, because of getting up to the podium when I didn't want to, when I was shaking and I was scared to death, because of um learning to talk to new people in the program when I didn't want to, I told my sponsor, I don't know what to say to new people.

And um inside I if a woman was attractive and was dressed nice and I would think I she doesn't want to talk to me, you know, that that's where I was at the time. and um and my sponsor would just push me across the room because I I didn't even want to talk to newcomers because I didn't know how. I didn't know what I had to offer to newcomers.

Well, the only way I've ever gotten anything to offer to anybody is by talking to newcomers. I learn everything that I know today and everything that I do today just by because I have people in my life that I sponsor. And as I said, God feels that I need these people.

I say the same things over and over and I need to hear it. I just need to hear it because I keep you know I get into those um you know problem areas too and I need to hear it and uh and if I can ask all these other people to do these things I have to continue to do them too. But um I uh where was I?

So I didn't go to college. I just kept going to AA and doing this kind of stuff. And you know what?

I have had I really have had a lot of jobs now over the years. And the first thing that I started doing was sales. And um that's probably the last thing in the world I ever thought I would do.

Okay. Now I'm learning to turn things over to God. I'm getting on my knees and just asking God to show me um you know, his will for me and the power to carry it out.

And then and and I've also, you know, I don't ask for things, but um you know, I'll just kind of say, I I would like to have a new career, do a new job. I don't know what to do. Please guide me.

And things like that. And then I would go talk to people in AA meetings and tell them, I thought I needed to a new job. I didn't want to be a dental assistant anymore, but I don't have any education.

I don't have any skills. I wonder what I can do. And people would say, you should be in sales.

And I'd say, no, I don't want to be in sales. Thanks. And then I'd go talk to the next person and I'd tell them the same story.

And then they would say, "You should be in sales." "No, I don't want to be in sales. Thank you." And then I'd go to the next person. I swear.

And then after about eight people, and it dawned on me, you know, you're turning this over. You're asking God for guidance. Eight people have suggested the same thing.

Why don't you go look into it? And um and so that's what I did. And I started a sales career.

And it was, you know, it was interesting. And um and while I was working at the last sales job that I had, I um I won a trip to Monte Carlo, all expense paid trip to Monte Carlo and I skied in the French Alps and I took my husband with me and and we took a train um from Rome to Paris and we did it's like I'm the person that's saying I'm never ever going to go anywhere. Poor me.

And um my job now is um I've had a lot of jobs in between. I've I've done a lot of different things. You know why too?

Because I've learned to walk through my fears and um and I can go now and try, you know, for a new career or a new job. I even did standup comedy and I've done acting. I have to tell you a little acting story.

Um, I just decided one day that I was going to do acting and in Minneapolis you can look in the paper auditions, the the audition section and you can call and make an appointment to go on and audition. And um, and I did that and and I was driving there and I was so overcome with fear. Why are you doing this?

But also years ago, I worked in a locked mental hospital in my sobriety. I worked in a locked mental hospital for a while and um I was taking care of these people that were never going to get out of there. And I was looking at this lady one day and I was just thinking, I wonder how many things in her mind or if she has regrets, if she can look back over her life and say, I wish I had done that at the time when I could have done it.

And I looked at her that day and I thought, I hope I don't get in a position someday where I I'm sitting in a chair and I can't move and I'm regretting what I didn't do because I was afraid to do it. So that kind of got me motivated to okay, I'm going to go do everything now, you know, whatever. So, um, I did the I was driving though to this acting this audition and I just thought, what are you doing?

And I I really was scared, but on the other hand, you know, I knew it wouldn't kill me if I, you know, acted like a fool or whatever, but Oh, well, the Okay, so I'll finish that story. So, I went on this audition and um and I and I went to the call back. I think I got called back, so that was exciting.

And then they said, "All right, well, we're going to be calling by Friday at 6:00 p.m. if you if you got the part." So, of course, I'm like, "Friday?" You know, it's like, you know how you kind of fool? I do anyway.

It's like, "Oh, it's God's will. Whatever happens happens. Uh, is it 6:00 yet?" "Oh, it's God's will.

Oh, 6:00. Oh, I DIDN'T GET THAT PART. OH, GOD, I think I'll kill myself." And you know, but um actually, I was talking to Lisa on the phone that night later on after 6:00 and and I remember that somebody clicked in or and and I said, "Well, the machine will get it." And I hung up and I got the message and it was the stage manager and he said, "We'd like to offer you the part of Aunt Harriet.

She's the crazy aunt in this play." And um I was so excited and so happy. I got this part for 5 minutes. I was excited and happy and beside myself.

And then it started. Oh, it's after six o'clock. They probably called every other person in the world that could have done this part and nobody wants to do it because it's a small part and you're the only one that will do it.

So, you know, that's just something that I think we struggle with that kind of thing. But this other audition I went on, it was for a nurse or something and I did that and then the she said, "Well, I have this other part. It's for the drunk mother.

Would you read for that?" And I said, "Yes." And I mean it's been a long time, but I read the part and um she was just sitting there and she went good. And um so I ended up being the drunk mother in this little um independent film. But um so you know what, life's an adventure.

I I I uh my job now is I'm a flight attendant. It was kind of a I worked for a different airline. It was like a kind of a fluky thing before I went on the uh interview.

I never thought of being a flight attendant. That's what I'm talking about. It's just kind of like fun to just let things happen.

A woman I sponsor was on her way to an interview to be a flight attendant and I was telling her, "That's great. That sounds like a great job. You'll do this and that." And I thought, "Yeah, that sounds like a great job.

Can I go with you?" And then I went with her and we got hired. And um but um the I work for a different airline now. And just to tie all this together, I um you know, my husband Ed and I um moved to Minneapolis in 1987.

And uh he took it, we were living in California. I had been in the Pacific Group all that time and active and and loving it. And he had an opportunity to take a job in Minneapolis and and he asked me if I wanted to.

And I got out my map since I never learned anything in school and figured out where this place was. And um and I memorized the surrounding states so that if my friends asked me where I was moving to, I could say Minneapolis and um you know it's bordered by Wisconsin, North and South Dakota and uh you know act like I wanted to impress them. And um but any I mean it sounds like it's trivial but I didn't know that.

I did not know that. And then most people said, you know, they'd say, "Oh, Nancy's moving somewhere Indianapolis or so, you know, Indiana or I don't know." But um we moved there and you know it was I mean um we just we didn't really know anybody there and we moved to Minneapolis and um we went to AA meetings right away and um we didn't really like them because they weren't like the Pacific group meetings that we were used to and we just kept searching around and trying to find act people that with a lot of enthusiasm and we would go to different meetings and and um it was you know it was difficult even though I was sober a long time. I had been in my group all that time and I was safe and secure there and now I just had to be out, you know, just meeting trying to meet people again as if I was new.

It was a good experience though to bring that back in my mind how that feels. But after a while of um you know of living there uh in a couple years actually I mean um we started uh starting meetings and so the meetings Joanne was talking about today the central pacific group and and um you know I guess uh our sponsor Clansancy just said you know you can't complain about um your meetings if you just need to start a meeting then. So we started these meetings and um what an experience what a wonderful blessing that was in our life to watch just like it is here in your group in Northern Plains group and this is your second anniversary and I think Central Pacific's about 11 years old now and it's just absolutely amazing to watch this thing happening around us and watching I mean I just love to you know on Thursday night at our meeting and just watch the you know these guys that I've seen come in and they're new and just they have their tie on so they can give a cake and get a cake and do commitments and start you know getting to know each other and just becoming involved and you know and James is sitting back there and I sponsored James and he um you know we went to the got his driver's license not too long ago and um and he hadn't had a driver's license in 10 years and you know what that was just like I just felt so proud and excited for him that day that He got his driver's license because he got confidence from being here and he started feeling good and he said, "I think I want to get my driver's license." And he did all the all the paperwork and everything that there was involved in doing that.

And then, you know, at the meeting I'd say um to people, James has a literature commitment in the back of the room. And I'd ask people, "Have you uh" he got his license in the mail finally. And I'd asked him, "Have you seen James's license?" And they'd say, "No." I said, "Go ask him to show you his license." And I, you know, I'd watch him take his wallet out and hold his license out with a smile on his face, you know, like he was just, you know, I that's I just love this.

I love being a part of all this. It is my life. I just absolutely love it.

And um uh in so we did this, you know, we started these meetings and it's just uh it's just fantastic. And then in uh 10 years later in 97, Ed got tired. We had those two really bad winters.

He said he wanted to move back and we moved back to California. And um I said, "Okay, I'll move back if we can live on a house boat." And he said, "Okay, get a house boat. I don't I didn't know anything about him, but um I got a house boat.

We live on a housebo in California. Don't just don't tell me like, "Okay, go do it, you know, cuz I'll do it." And um but anyway, I was living back in California and I it was I had no idea it was going to be so sad when we did our move from Minneapolis and I had no idea how hard it I it was going to be on me and how sad I was going to feel inside. I moved back and I and I was back in the Pacific group, but it was I was missing it was like my part of my heart was gone.

And so I just every day I would just say, "God, you know, I'm not I just do not feel right and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to act impulsively. I've done impulsive things all my life and made a big mess and had to clean it up and and I said, "I really don't know what to do." I was not working as a flight attendant at the time.

And um and so I this went on and I really was missing these people. I got back as often as I could to um celebrate. they were all having 10 years and I needed to get back to Minneapolis and celebrate their birthdays.

And so I was going back as often as I could and and every day I would just say, "Okay, God, I don't know what to do." And um one time I was back in Minneapolis visiting and somebody said, "Why don't you go to work for Northwest Airlines?" And and I didn't really want to. I just didn't I had been a flight attendant for four years. I didn't really want to.

And besides, how can I you know, I didn't know how it would work out. But long story short, I resisted at first and even my Ed said, "Why don't you go to work for Northwest and and or you know, go interview and I went to an open house and they hired me that day and I'm glad because I think if I had to think it over, I may not have gone back." They hired me that day. So, God solved this problem.

It's absolutely amazing to me because I live in Minneapolis now. I have an apartment there. I'm there most of the time.

Ed lives in California on the housebo. I can fly to California just about whenever I want to for nothing. Ed can fly to Minneapolis when he wants to and when he can for $10.

So um you know it's it's been working this way now for um three year. I've been working for them for almost three years now and it just seems to be working out. I cannot sit down and say I'm going to figure this out.

How is this all going to work out? But if I just turn it over, ask God for help, stay out of the way, go on about my business, things work out. A day at a time, it seems to be working out just great.

Um I my life is is fantastic. You know, one of my sons lives in Minneapolis um or near Minneapolis with his wife and they have a year and a half old son. What a blessing that is.

Uh my other two sons live in California with their wives and and their children and um and we're all doing good and uh it's just um I just continue all this time. All I do is the basics. I just come and I do the basics over and over.

It never changes. When I was 12 years sober, I was screaming and crying that I at 12 years sober, I shouldn't be feeling the way that I was feeling. My life was a mess.

And people kept saying, "Do the basics. I don't know what else to tell you. I thought I deserve something different because I was 12 years sober, but I just had to finally surrender again and go back to doing the basics here.

It's very simple. I really love you guys. I remember you in Minneapolis at our meeting at the international and you were up there in the balcony and um you know what, you're just we can hear you all over the place and um I feel like I'm a part of this group.

I do have the privilege of sponsoring um Heather and um Erica and I love them and talk to them a lot and um and I again thanks Chad for inviting me here because I do um you know I'm I'm like really proud to be here and be a part of your celebration today. THANKS. >> Thank you.

>> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.