From Party Life to Purpose: AA Speaker – Mark C. – Studio City, CA
Mark C. from Palmdale shares how he went from 9 years of party life, cocaine use, and homelessness to finding purpose through AA sponsorship, the steps, and service work.
Mark C. from Palmdale, CA spent nine years chasing the party life—from the San Fernando Valley to Denver to Chicago to Florida—before his alcoholism and drug addiction spiraled into homelessness and desperation. In this AA speaker tape, he describes the moment his cousins’ sobriety caught his attention, how a sponsor and four commitments saved his first year, and the specific actions that transformed his life from isolation to service.
Mark C. details his nine-year progression from weekend parties in 1970s California to full-blown addiction in Florida, including cocaine use and working in topless bars. He shares how witnessing his cousins’ sober lives gave him the attraction to get sober on January 1st, 1990, and how a sponsor who gave him commitments kept him engaged. Mark emphasizes that sponsorship, working the steps, making amends, and staying active in service work have been essential to his recovery and rebuilding relationships with his father and family.
Episode Summary
Mark C. opens with a straightforward statement: he loved drinking. For years, it worked perfectly. He grew up in the San Fernando Valley in a large Irish-Italian-Cherokee family where alcohol was everywhere—his grandfather and uncles drinking whiskey and playing cribbage before school, open keg parties every Friday and Saturday night, cruising Ventura Boulevard with his cousins Kirk and Gary. When Mark started drinking in sixth or seventh grade, everything clicked. He had found his answer.
For nine years, that answer took him across the country. He moved to Colorado at nineteen to work in the waterbed business with his uncle, which was booming and lucrative. Denver led to Chicago, where bars stayed open until 5 a.m. and he could drink all night in jazz clubs, then pass out in his showroom. By Florida, he was a daily drunk—hitting happy hour at noon with a corporate credit card, smoking crack, spiraling. He lost that job and ended up working as a bartender and bouncer in a topless bar, working off debt, until he left on the run with a woman and her two-year-old son, feeding her lies about getting work in the studios.
Back in Los Angeles after nine years away, the first thing Mark wanted was to reconnect with his cousins and party. Instead, he walked into his cousin Gary’s birthday party—where Gary was five years sober and Kirk was six or seven years sober. Both were members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Mark had no idea why anyone would ever get sober. He continued drinking for another year and a half, but something gnawed at him: his cousins’ lives were good. Gary had a painting business, a new wife, two kids. Kirk’s life was stable. Mark was on his dad’s couch with no license, no way to make a living, his life completely in the toilet.
On New Year’s Eve 1989, Mark couldn’t get drunk. He’d lost the ability to recapture that high he’d chased for so long. The last two and a half years of his drinking, every time he drank, the obsession for cocaine hit him so hard that he’d lock himself in hotel rooms, stare out windows, and sweat. He couldn’t differentiate truth from falsehood anymore. It wasn’t until seeing sober members—his cousins—that he found the inspiration to change.
Mark got sober January 1st, 1990. He went to meetings obsessively but made a critical mistake: he had no sponsor and wasn’t working the steps. At eight months sober, convinced AA didn’t work for him because he wanted a drink, someone told him to go to a men’s stag meeting. The old-timers asked him point-blank questions he couldn’t answer: Who’s your sponsor? What step are you working? How many commitments do you have? They told him if he wanted a drink, go get drunk—but don’t kid himself that he’s been doing AA. That night, they appointed him a sponsor, made him a door greeter, gave him literature duties, and assigned him a cookie commitment. He left with a sponsor and four commitments.
Mark is adamant: sponsorship and commitments have kept him sober and in good standing ever since. Fifteen and a half years without a break.
What crushed him, though, was watching his cousins drift back into drinking. He saw money, property, and prestige pull them away from their primary purpose. Gary lost his house, his family, his business. Kirk’s relapse ended in a car accident with his daughter in the car. Kirk spent nineteen months in a coma. It scared Mark into deeper involvement in AA.
When Mark moved to Palmdale at three years sober, he found a culture shock—meetings that started late, no commitments, no structure. His sponsor told him to grow where he was planted. He got involved, worked the steps, did his inventory on resentments and fears, and saw the core of his selfishness. His sponsor made it clear: he’d die drunk if he didn’t shift from taker to giver. Mark got involved in service work.
He describes a moment four years sober when he came down with Bell’s palsy—half his face distorted, drooling, unable to talk. He wanted to isolate. His sponsor sent him to a panel where he was in a room with two other people struggling. He laughed at himself that night and realized he couldn’t save his ass and his face at the same time. That’s what sponsorship does—it gets you to do the hard things you don’t want to do.
Two years ago, Mark and others started the High Desert Big Book Group in Palmdale, meeting Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 8 p.m., because their area needed structure and emphasis on sponsorship. Today, Mark has a host of guys who call him sponsor. His life is full. He married the woman he brought back from Florida. Her son, the two-year-old, is now nineteen. They have a thirteen-year-old daughter. Both went to Al-Anon and Al-Ateen. His wife has never complained about his involvement in AA—she understands its absolute necessity. Mark attends five meetings a week, has time for his wife and kids, works in North Hollywood, lives in Palmdale, and does the commute because, as he says, God makes room for everything.
Through the steps and amends, he rebuilt his relationship with his father, who is now seventy-four and spends two nights a week in Mark’s home. For years, his dad didn’t know if Mark was dead or alive. Now they do things together. A couple of his sisters have tried to get sober—in and out of the program—and Mark can only be an example.
Mark shares a turning point story: two years sober, he was asked to be best man at a friend’s wedding in Denver. He was terrified—all his old friends would be there, doing the stuff he used to do. At a speaker meeting where he was a door greeter, Johnny H. from Long Beach spoke about getting sober in 1959. Johnny reached him not with a similar story, but with a similar feeling about how Alcoholics Anonymous changes lives. Johnny gave Mark the hope that he could go to Denver and not drink.
Mark’s sponsor told him this was the perfect chance to make his Ninth Step amends with his old waterbed company boss—he’d stolen from them for three years. Mark was terrified. When he got to Boulder, everyone at the hotel was doing shooters and smoking in bathrooms. His head told him if he just got loaded, he wouldn’t have to make the amends. But his feet had been trained in AA to do what his sponsor said. He’d already arranged to be picked up. At the meeting that night, he found out there was an entire AA convention happening across the street at Boulder University. He got a seat in the front row of the main meeting. Out walked Johnny H. as the main speaker.
Mark realized there were no coincidences. God was working in his life. He sat with Johnny afterward, and Johnny told him to go to dances, have fun, then go back and make the amends. Mark did. He sat at his old boss’s house, told him everything he’d stolen, and asked how to make it right. Before dropping him at the airport, the boss told Mark he had a job waiting for him if he ever came back.
Mark came back to Los Angeles on fire with AA in a way he’d never been. The amends didn’t turn out to be as dramatic as he’d thought, but they gave him the courage to take action regardless of what his head told him. That’s the lesson.
His son and he didn’t get along for years. About four years ago, his son—now six-foot-three, 350 pounds—got right in his face and said he wasn’t afraid of Mark anymore. Mark did the manly thing and called his sponsor. Today they get along pretty well.
Mark closes with a message to newcomers: it’s not a requirement to go back out and drink. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. He hasn’t had to take a drink since his first AA meeting. But he knows without a shadow of a doubt that if he backs off, if he lets money, property, and prestige get in the way, the drink will be waiting. His favorite part of the Big Book is the passage about working with others—how life takes on new meaning, how you get to see people recover, watch loneliness vanish, and see them help others. He has to be smack dab in AA to see those miracles. He can’t see them sitting at home watching TV.
Notable Quotes
I loved everything about drinking. Drinking worked real well for me for a lot of years.
Once I take a drink, there’s nothing that’ll get in the way of my drinking. That’s where the selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of my troubles.
It wasn’t until coming to California and seeing sober members, seeing my cousins, knowing what kind of people they had become—that gave me the inspiration to get sober.
Sponsorship and commitments have kept me sober and kept me in good standing ever since. Without a shadow of a doubt, those two things saved me.
My sponsor told me if I don’t go from being a taker to a giver, I’m going to die drunk.
There are no coincidences. God was working in my life.
If I back off what I’m doing and let money, property, and prestige get in the way of my sobriety, the drink will be right there waiting.
Step 9 – Making Amends
Service Work
Early Sobriety
Hitting Bottom
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Sponsorship
- Step 9 – Making Amends
- Service Work
- Early Sobriety
- Hitting Bottom
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-onrise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. Uh tonight, it's my pleasure to introduce our speaker.
He's a guy I met um when I first visited his group, and it was one of the most powerful groups I've ever been to. It's a he's a good example and a fine uh fine member. Thanks, Mark, for coming out.
Mark C from Palmdale. Hi everybody. I'm Mark Coffee.
I'm an alcoholic and uh I want to thanks thank Jeff for inviting me out. And uh oh, I see a lot of familiar faces in this room. And uh I got sober in the San Frernando Valley and uh went to meetings in uh in Northridge, Granada Hills.
And uh at about 3 years of sobriety, I moved up to the Analopee Valley and uh was in culture shock and about what AA was about. and uh you know uh but I'm I'm proud to say that uh today I'm a member of the High Desert Bigbook Group and uh we believe in the sponsorship and the program of action is outlined in our book and uh I'm real grateful that uh I hooked into a group that's uh it's an active group that uh we meet Monday, Wednesday and Fridays at 8:00 and if you're ever in Palmdale we invite you to come join us you know and uh it's on Palmdale Boulevard at Crazy Autos restaurant. we take over the banquet room and uh it's a good deal.
My sobriety date is January 1st, 1990. Uh I told you my home group and uh my sponsor is Bob Fiser and uh those are the three most important things in my life today. And uh you know I uh I have a sobriety date and uh and I love life today.
I love Alcoholics Anonymous and uh when I got here I didn't think I'd like Alcoholics Anonymous. I thought I was around a bunch of lames and uh had no idea what I was doing here. And uh I thought my life was over.
I thought there would be no more fun. What am I going to do? You know, and uh and now my life is so full and so rich that uh that I don't know.
I don't know, you know, life is good. But uh I grew up in the San Franando Valley. I'm a I'm a product of the of uh of the valley, you know, and uh I'm from a large family, Irish, Italian, and Cherokee Indian.
And uh we uh we like to drink. And uh you know my dad had six brothers and two sisters and uh most of them uh have either died from alcoholism or drug addiction or uh you know are related causes and uh for somehow it skipped my father but uh boy my uncles and uh and my grandfather sure made up for it you know and uh I don't know I you know uh when I was uh when I was 8 years old we moved from Englewood to the San Franando valleys in Northridge. My dad bought a house and uh and my mom had just given birth to my little sister and uh just out of the blue uh some she had she died suddenly and I was eight and my sister was an infant and my father uh was there with uh with me and an infant and he had a job that was uh kept him busy a lot you know and uh so he moved in three of his three of his brothers and my grandparents into the house and instantly uh you know for I had an uncle Jerry that was uh my uncle who was my dad's youngest brother and he was like an older brother to me and he was uh he was my idol, you know, and uh and he was uh the guy that uh was in the car clubs and the low riders and uh you know I just like to hang out with Jerry and do whatever Jerry said to do.
You know, we'd wax those KGER rims and we shine that car and we'd we'd just do everything we could to to hang out with my with my uncle. you know, he was about 5 years older than me. And uh, you know, I had two cousins that were one year older than me and one a year younger than me, Kirk and Gary Coffee.
And, uh, you know, we just we were like the coffee guys. And we, you know, I don't know. I grew up in a time when, uh, going to Nobel Junior High School, went to Our Lady of Lords Catholic School, you know, and I I felt out of place there, you know.
I've always been a big kid. I've always been teased about my weight and and all that stuff. But when I started to drink, it didn't bother me anymore because I took, you know, once I take a drink, I don't care about what you think, you know.
And uh and my uncle Jerry got my cousin and I cousins and I loaded for the first time. And I'll never forget he was we were at their house on Bryant Street and uh got years later that that area just got completely gated off, you know, and uh but uh he gave us a a bag of that outside issue stuff and uh and we uh we were smoking that and uh and drinking uh drinking old English 800, you know, and uh I was uh I think I was in seventh grade and sixth grade or something. And man, I just uh I loved everything about it.
And uh and so my cousins and I continued to do that. And we were like brothers together. We ran around the San Franando Valley.
You know, that was the time when the San Franando Valley was all about open keg parties. You know, every Friday and Saturday night we'd go get a a list of we'd have a list of parties. We'd go from party to party.
There'd be live keers going on, live bands, you know, and uh when the parties all got busted by the cops, we'd head for County Line Beach. And uh I loved it, man. I loved everything about drinking.
Drinking, I'm not an alcoholic. That uh drinking worked real well for me for a lot of years. I enjoyed it.
Uh my alcoholism continued to progress though. And uh you know uh I come from, like I said, a big family. And my aunts uh they all my aunts and uncles, they you know, they love to drink too.
You know, my earliest memories of my grandfather and my uncle were getting dressed for uh Our Lady of Lord's school, you know, and getting my little uniform on, sitting down at the breakfast table and having a bowl of uh cereal and they're drinking Old Forester and slits and playing cribage. And uh that was the norm in our household. So, when it did come time for us for me to pick up a drink, it was just norm.
And uh you know uh there was no uh my dad was a single father and uh he was not around. He worked for the news and was always gone and uh you know and uh we just did whatever the hell we wanted to do and uh I ran around with my cousins and uh never became much of my sister's life and you know but drinking was a lot of fun then. It was Wednesday night Van Ice Boulevard.
It was Bob's Big Boy on Saturday and Friday night. you know, cruising in the cars and, you know, I would just hang out with my uncle Jerry cuz he was in the low riders and, you know, there was something uh that just attracted me to that. You know, that the the girls with the ratted up hair, the miniskirts, and no underwear.
And it was just a, you know, we're just, you know, my I'm for I'm 14, my cousin Kirk's 15, my cousin Gary's 13, and Jerry's letting us hang out, you know, and uh he'd pick up hitchhikers and throw them in the back seat with us, and we'd uh and tell us what he would do to us if we didn't at least try to make a move. And uh I don't know, you know, alcohol was a lot of fun for a lot of years for me. Um but as my alcoholism progressed uh you know I I started to take these uh my aunts and uncle some other aunts and uncles they were always had a weight problem.
So they were always uh having they always had diet pills and those were the kind of things that allowed me to drink the way I wanted to drink cuz I hate passing out. I always feel like I'm going to miss something. And uh and we would uh we would eat those escatrols and eat those dyres and go out and drink all night.
And man it was a lot of fun. And uh you know Kirk and Gary and I just ruled the roofs in the valley you know and my my uncle Jerry had a house at Napa and Rita and we have big kegger parties there all the time and it was a lot of fun and uh I don't know you know somewhere along the line after I just getting out of high school uh my uncle Jerry moved to Colorado and uh and I was with this girl through high school you know and uh I you know she lived in the semi valley I lived in the San Frernando Valley she thought we were going to get married. You know, she was engaged the whole time through high school.
I was just a dog. You know, once I start to drink, there's there's no such thing as a bad idea. And there's, you know, and uh I uh at any rate, I'm supposed to be getting married right out of high school.
And uh and I wasn't going to get married and I split and left her behind. And you know, I went to where my uncle Jerry moved to. He moved to Colorado.
And uh and I started working for this company that he was he was part of, you know, and uh it was an industry that was fueled by drugs and alcohol. And the the entire industry, this was the waterbed business. And when the water beds were booming in the uh in the late '7s and ' 80s, you know, most of the uh the first place I ever saw a water bed was in the black light poster room through the beads at the head shop.
And and it turned out, surprisingly enough, most of the water bid store owners were ex- head shop owners. And I was in the wholesale end of it, and we were just we couldn't go wrong. The everybody seemed to have to have a water bit.
So, there was a lot of money being made. I was in a young company. The company was brand new.
There was only five of us in the company. And uh it was making money handover fist. And I'm in Denver, Colorado.
And and life is getting good. And you know, I'm really enjoying my enjoying life, you know, and my roommate's a jazz drummer in one of the hottest jazz bands in the in the city there. And we're doing the hanging out at the clubs and going up to the ski resorts in the winter time.
And my alcohol is just I'm really enjoying life now. And uh you know, I'm I'm 19 years old and uh I'm making decent money and I got this life going on in Colorado. And you know, I left my father.
My father ended up uh eventually meeting another woman and getting married and uh she had two kids and then between them they had another another kid and uh so I got four younger sisters that uh sad to say I haven't been much a part of their life until sobriety you know and uh but uh you know those two cousins of mine Kirk and Gary though you know when I left California I was 19 and Gary Gary was uh almost homeless he was homeless living in North Hollywood Park at the time when I left and uh and my cousin Kirk was making the rounds of all the couches and when you have a big family like I have you takes a long time to get through all the couches and uh you know and I left and I and I was gone for for 9 years and uh uh moved to Colorado like I said uh the business was going good. They want to open up a new location. Uh I'm I'm single.
I'm ready to go. I'll be the warehouse manager. I'll go open the new the new office up.
And uh they send me to open the new office in Chicago and Chicago is my kind of town to drink in because bars are open till 5 in the morning and it's a lot of fun in Chicago and they got the blues and the jazz and I love just drinking and hanging out in those bars and man alcohol was working good and uh staying up all night, you know, no bosses to report to. Uh I have a big giant showroom that are full of beds. So, I'd come back after the bars closed or when I whenever I'd leave the bar and go to my showroom and pass out and uh tell my secretary in the morning, "No calls until noon." And it was just uh man, it was a it was a good life, you know.
and uh it was in Chicago, you know, and of course, you know, as as I'm moving around the country, my my alcoholism is progressing and I'm you know, I'm doing a lot of other things, you know, a lot of uh a lot of drugs and uh you know, I'm I'm the kind of alcoholic that likes the kind of things that keeps me awake, that keeps me going, that allows me to continue to drink the way I want to drink, you know, and uh and so living in uh living in Denver, I'm, you know, I'm with the my roommate. He's in the band and, you know, I'm the supplier for the band and we're just having a good time and uh moved to Chicago and uh at the party just moved with me, you know, and um I met with some people there that uh that did the same thing I like to do is drink and get loaded, drink and get loaded. And that's all I continued to do.
and you know but uh as as it was progressing I I started to get you know I I wasn't be I became less accountable uh I didn't care about anything other than myself you know I I remember uh that my dad had had a massive stroke and heart attack and my father and I have always been very close and my sister called and uh you know and told me dad just had a massive heart attack and and you need to get on a plane and come home right away and you know it was a Friday night and we were going up to W the Wisconsin Dells and we had already started the party and it was like I just turned it off in my head and uh you know later to find out through my inventory process that you know that selfishness and self-centerness is the root of my troubles and and I'm so selfish and self-centered that that once I have a few drinks I don't care about anything but that once I take a few drinks there's nothing that'll get in the way of my drinking and uh and I just left town and you know came back on Monday and and called home to see you as if nothing ever happened. And uh you know, I uh thank God my dad didn't die that day cuz him and I are very close today, you know. But as my uh alcoholism progressed and going living in Chicago and uh you know I'm doing a lot of the other outside issue stuff and uh I'm getting uh in more and more trouble and I can't perform at work and uh my bosses in Colorado are wondering what's going on with me and uh you know but the business doesn't no matter how hard we tried the business just kept making money cuz everybody had to own a water bed.
It was like if you didn't have a water bed you weren't cool. when everybody in the world seemed to have to have a water bed. Anyway, um we're going to open up a third location and uh and I want to go I want to get out of uh Chicago now cuz I'm getting in trouble cuz I'm doing a lot of that other stuff and I'm staying up for days and and I'm not performing at work and I'm in trouble all the time and uh you know they're going to open a new location and uh I'm the prime candidate.
I've got the experience on how to open a new location. So, they send me to the new location, you know, and uh I need to get away from Chicago to get away from the cocaine anyway, you know, and uh you know, they send uh they open the new location in Clear Water Beach, Florida. And uh Florida is not a good place to go to try not to be around that other stuff.
So, um, as I'm in Florida, my disease is really progressing in my alcoholism and now I'm now I'm a daily drunk, you know, and I'm in sales and I have a company credit card. I'm in a corporate apartment with a company car, company credit card. Every day I'm hitting happy hour, you know, every day at noon I'm running to the bar.
I'm I'm a daily drinker now. And uh, and I don't know what's going on. And um, you know, I uh, I get introduced to uh, a new form, a new way to do that outside issue stuff.
and I start smoking it and now my life is starting to spiral like a like a big dog and uh and I don't know what's going on and I can't stop drinking and I can't stop doing the other stuff and everything around me is falling apart. Uh and I'm just a mess, you know, and I I I end up losing that job and uh end up getting a job uh working as a as a bouncer in a topless club. Uh I'm a bartender.
Uh and I'm I'm in a biker uh clubhouse showing up in my OP shorts and tank top, you know, every day. And uh and I just uh I felt that I had to drink. That was a license to drink for free because I was the woman that owned the bar.
I owed a tremendous amount of money to for some of that stuff. And uh so I was just working off of debt. And uh you know, in that bar, I met a woman and uh ended up uh having to leave Florida on the run real fast and uh took her and her 2-year-old son back to California with me, you know.
I fed her a bunch of lies and told her that I would if we came to California, I could uh I could go to work and get a job in the studios or some crap, you know. And uh uh and she believed it. and we came to California and I got back to LA and and uh this was you know it' been 9 years since I've been in Los Angeles and uh the first thing I wanted to do was to go hook up with my cousins and start partying and have a good time.
I hadn't had any contact with my cousins for all these years, you know, uh you know and and uh Gary invited me over to a party, you know, and uh I went to this party on uh on Ventura Boulevard. But it was at a Mexican restaurant and I went there and uh God there was a whole bunch of people in this banquet room and I started ordering uh shots of 1,800 gold and and uh drinking margaritas and and uh pretty soon I some you know nobody else was drinking and they and they and they started singing happy birthday to my cousin you know and uh and they walked out with a cake with a five on it and uh my cousin uh I wouldn't be surprised of Arty was at that at that birthday party, you know, and uh uh my cousin was 5 years sober and uh and my cousin Kirk was his older brother was 7 years sober or 6 years sober at the time. And and I had no idea what the hell anybody would ever get sober for.
And the places I hung out in, if you didn't drink and use the way I did, then I I wasn't around there. I never heard about sobriety. I never heard about Alcoholics Anonymous.
Uh it it just didn't compute. You know, you take away the only thing that makes my life function and I got nothing left. And uh but my cousins were both sober members of of Alcoholics Anonymous.
And uh you know what, their lives were going good. You know, Gary had a a thriving uh painting contracting business. He had a beautiful new wife with two gorgeous kids.
My cousin Kirk's life was going pretty good. and uh you know, and I'm I'm uh I got my uh my girlfriend from from the strip club uh with the with her 2-year-old son. We're living on dad's couch, you know, and uh my life's in the toilet.
I got no driver's license. I got no no means to make a living. And uh you know, and uh but their life was going good.
And that that was the attraction that brought me to the idea of possibly getting sober. And uh for Kirk and Gary, they both were sober and having a good life. And my life was in the toilet.
And I continued to drink for another year and a half after that though, you know. I I just uh I couldn't fathom the idea of not drinking, you know. And uh and on January on New Year's Eve of of 1989, I I couldn't get drunk.
I couldn't I was sick and tired of the way I felt. I couldn't take enough of anything. I couldn't drink enough of anything.
And I couldn't get to that place. See, I I had lost the ability to get to that place where I'd gotten to for so many years. You know, the last two and a half, three years of my drinking, I could no longer recapture the high I used to get cruising Vanise Boulevard on a Wednesday night or being in that club just getting down and and with the blues in Chicago and having a good time, you know, being able to dance and shoot pool and have fun, you know.
Now, every time I'm drinking those last two and a half years, the obsession for everything else comes on. so strong. I'm completely isolated.
I find myself locked up in hotel rooms, in closets, staring out windows, and sweating a lot, you know, and uh you know, when I when I lost that job in Florida, you know, I man, you know, here I am 250 lbs. Uh it's August in Florida and I'm riding a 10-speed in a suit to work after being up for 2 or 3 days, you know, and it's uh it was just one big sweaty mess. And uh and you know, I tell you, I you know, I but my alcoholic life had become my only normal one that I couldn't differentiate the truth from the false.
That was Isn't that the way everybody got loaded? I mean, I couldn't see anything wrong with it. And it wasn't until coming to California and seeing sober members, seeing my cousins, knowing that the people that they were and that they now have become gave me the inspiration to get sober.
And uh I'm forever grateful for that, you know. And uh I got sober, like I said, January 1st of 1990, and I started going to meetings and meetings and meetings. I loved what I was feeling in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.
And I loved the people and I could relate to the people. I found something here that really touched me and I knew that you people have been where I had been and uh you know but the most important thing that ever happened to me in my first year of sobriety I was going to meetings and meetings and meetings and going to dances and meetings and dances and I was about uh 8 months of sobriety of just doing meetings just doing meetings and not I didn't have a sponsor I'd never opened that book of Alcoholics Anonymous was thank God that I I was just attracted and kept coming back and uh but at about 8 months I was ready to drink and I was convinced myself that because I wanted to drink that alcoholics anonymous didn't work for me and uh and somebody told me to go to this men's stag meeting and let the old-timer there know all the things that I'm doing in AA like going to the dances, going to Millies, going to Lulu's and I did that that night and they told me that uh they asked me questions like who my sponsor was, you know, what step I was working, how many commitments do I have. I had no qu no answers for any of that.
And uh they told me that if I wanted a drink to go drink and get it on, you know, but don't ever kid yourself that you've been doing AA and that got my attention and they told me to get a sponsor that night and they said we meet over at the uh at the Kokos after the meeting and uh and I went over to Kokos after the meeting and they said, "Did you get a sponsor?" And I said, "Well, I'm I'm checking a few guys out." And they said, "No, he's your sponsor." And they appointed me a sponsor that night. And they appointed me a they made me a door greeter at the Mason Alassen chaser speaker meeting. And and they made me a literature person at the book study, you know.
And uh and then they said then Saturday night, I had a I had a cookie commitment at the uh at the Saturday night CA meeting back at the uh over by next to Stanley's in in Woodland Hills. Um, and then I, you know, and I had, uh, I left that night with a sponsor and four commitments, you know, and and I'm I'm positive without a shadow of a doubt today that sponsorship and commitments have kept me sober and kept me in good standing and feeling good about myself ever since. Uh, it's been uh 15 and 1/2 years and I' I haven't been without a sponsor, a home group or commitments.
And and to me, that's so vitally important for me. That first year went by and uh I watched my cousins uh drift away from Alcoholics Anonymous. I thought I was going to come in and we're all going to be going to meetings together, but I watched what later on I s seen many many people do.
I watched money, property, and prestige divert them from their primary purpose. And I watched my cousin Gary drink again. And I watched him lose everything, his house, his family, his business.
And he's been struggling ever since. And I watched my cousin drink, Kirk drink again, and it tore my heart apart. You know, they were they were very close to me.
And uh and uh it scared the heck out of me and got me more active in Alcoholics Anonymous than I had ever been. And uh fortunately, my cousin Kirk drank again and continued to drink. And then uh and then one day at Super Bowl Sunday, he was drinking and uh ended up, you know, getting in a bad car accident with his daughter in the car.
And almost 19 months later, we had to pull the plug. You know, he was in a coma for 19 months. And uh you know, jails, institutions are death.
And and my cousin Kirk uh had to go to the death route and it scared the hell out of me. And my cousin Gary, you know, he's I talked to him about a half hour ago and he's trying to get sober again. But uh you know, I got real busy in Alcoholics Anonymous.
And uh you know at 3 years of sobriety I moved to the Analopee Valley like I said and and the meetings weren't uh there was people in the Analopee Valley. Nobody was you know the idea of having a commitment or starting a meeting on time was like nowhere to be found and uh I was uh in culture shock and uh I got involved with a group out there for 10 years. I was an active member of the group called the Palmdale group and uh I helped be a real you know I just I just have I got to my sponsor told me that I have to grow where I'm planted and uh and I you know I got involved there and uh you know and uh I started you know life just started to get better you know and uh through the process of the steps through the inventory process I was able to see what kind of person I'd become you know through doing the resentments and the fears and the sex conduct I could see where I was such a selfish, self-centered son of a gun my entire life.
You know, I never did anything for anybody if I didn't get nothing back. And uh and my sponsor made it real clear that I'm going to die drunk if I don't go from being a taker to a giver. And he got me involved in service work.
And uh and I've been, you know, I don't know, you know, I I was four years sober and uh I came down with something called Bell's palsy. And uh half my face it was like I had a stroke and half my face was was uh distorted and and drooling and and I and I couldn't uh I couldn't talk and I wanted to isolate and be away for meetings. But thank God for the wisdom of sponsorship.
He sent me to a panel over at Glendel Advent in the nut wart and and I was in that panel that I was in a room with two other slobberers and uh and I I laughed at myself that night and I realized that I couldn't save my ass and my face at the same time, you know, and uh you know, thank God for sponsorship to to get me to do things that I don't want to do. And uh you know about 2 years ago uh we started a new group in the called the high desert bigbook group and uh it was just uh it was just a necessity in our area that uh there'd be some group with some kind of structure and something to do with sponsorship you know it wasn't it was just uh and it was a good thing you know and uh and today my life is very full. I've got a host of guys that uh that call me sponsor and we do a lot of things together.
We're real active members. You know, we just had our roundup last weekend and you know, and uh I don't know, you know, life is so full and good. You know, I that woman I ended up marrying and uh you know, and uh and that 2-year-old son, you know, grew up to be a a 19-year-old monster and and uh you know, but him and I are getting along today better than we ever had.
You know, they went to Alatine and my wife went to Alanon and my my daughter got my daughter uh we had a b had a girl. My daughter's 13 now and I know that that it's it's just starting to come with her, you know, and uh but life got real full and real busy and I've never, you know, the one thing that I'm so grateful to Alanon for and for my wife is that she's never complained about my involvement in Alcoholics Anonymous. She knows the absolutely necessity for me to be an active member.
I'm a five meeting a week guy. I have to be, you know, and uh I have my time for my wife and kids. I have time for work.
I I work over here in North Hollywood. I live in Palmdale. I do the commute, you know, but you know, God seems to make make room for everything.
And I don't know how that happens. You know, I know on page 88 it talks about if I when I stop trying to, you know, do everything that revolve around me that things just take place, you know, and uh you know, and I don't, you know, the thing with with for me is that through the inventory and through the the amends, I was able to re rebuild some of those relationships, you know, and and I have a relationship with my father today that is very precious. is and he's he's in my grandchildren's in his grandchildren's life and two days a week he spends a night in my house and and you know we we do a lot of things together my dad and I and he's 74 years old and uh and it's a precious deal for me to be in his life cuz I was away from him for so long and I didn't he never knew what if I was dead or alive for most of those years and uh and today I'm I'm an active in his life and uh I have a couple sisters that are you know been trying to get sober they've been in and out of the program and uh you know uh I don't know you know I can just be an example I I can't do anything other than be an example of how Alcoholics Anonymous has worked in my life and uh you know it uh it's a good thing.
I was so over uh I was so over uh two years and uh my old roommate from Colorado wanted me to uh to be the best man in his wedding, you know, and uh and I was scared to death to go back to Denver. And I was going to go back to Boulder, Colorado, and be in that wedding. And uh I'm I was scared.
I don't I didn't want to go there because I know what's going to be there and all my old friends are going to be there and everybody's going to be doing the stuff I used to do. And um it was coming time and uh you know I had a I had a commitment as a door greeter at the Mason Lassen meeting uh speaker meeting and uh a man came up there to talk and uh and it was the first speaker that really reached out and got me. You know it was a speaker that I really although we had nothing in common with his story in mind I related to the his feeling.
I related to how he felt about Alcoholics Anonymous and how his life was changing had changed over the years. He got sober the year I was born. You know, he was sober in 59.
And uh that man was Johnny H and from Long Beach. And and I heard him share that night. And uh he gave me a lot of hope.
And he gave me the hope that I could go and do this deal in Colorado and not have to drink. And uh anyway, I uh I'm going to go to Colorado. I'm going to be in this wedding.
And uh my sponsor says, "You know what? wonderful opportunity because you're on your ninth step and uh what a great time to get together with that old employer of that waterbeck company and and go over everything you stole from them cuz I stole from them for about 3 years and uh and so I was going to go to Colorado and be in this wedding at the same time knock off this big giant ninestep amends and uh I was scared to death and uh but with some of the things Johnny had told me and things my sponsor had told me I felt comfortable that I could do it you know but when I got there it was a different story. I got to the hotel in Boulder and everybody's doing shooters and there's all that stuff being smoked and the bathroom doors closed and I know what's in the bathroom.
I just know I just people are going in and out of the bathroom and I'm and my head's telling me if I just get loaded I don't have to make the damn amends and uh you know and uh you know and I was trained trained my feet have been trained in Alcoholics Anonymous to do what my sponsor said and I'd already pre set up somebody to come pick me up from central office before I even got to Colorado and I went to they they came and got me actually I called a cab and I went took a cab down to to where this meeting was at in Boulder and uh you know there was they were just wrapping the meeting up and there was no there was no meeting that night and and I was scared to go back to that hotel room you know and uh they said don't worry you're going to come with us and I went with these guys and we drove right back in front of my hotel room which was right across the street from the Boulder University and we walk we go into the parking lot of the Boulder University and we get there and and there's a full-blown Alcoholics Anonymous convention going on and uh I get a seat in the front at the main speaker meeting and out walks Johnny and he's the main speaker and it was that night that I knew there was no coincidences and that God was working in my life and uh and I talked I sat and talked to Johnny that night and he said, "Man, just just go to some marathon. Hell, go to those dances you talk so much about and enjoy, you know, and go back and and and go back and take care of business, you know, be the only sober member at that wedding and go back and and make those amends, you know, and uh and I was able to do that that night. And uh you know, and and I and I and I made that amends to that boss of mine.
And I I asked him, you know, I was sitting at his house and told him everything I had stolen from him and asked him how I could make it right. And uh you know by the time I left there he had taken me to the airport and he told me before that if I ever want to come back to Colorado he's got a job waiting for me. And uh you know I come back to Los Angeles and I was on fire with Alcoholics Anonymous in a way that I've never been.
I mean it was just something else. You know I thought all those amends were going to be that great but they weren't. But uh you know what uh it gave me it gave me the courage to take the action regardless of what my head told me.
And uh you know uh I don't know my life is uh is is full and uh you know my wife has been in Alanon now for for a while and and my daughter's an alatine. My son my son and I didn't get along. We had a really hard time you know and uh about four years ago he he crossed that line.
He's 6' three and he's 350 lbs. and he he crossed a line where he got right up in my face and said that he's you know regardless of what I think he's not I'm not afraid of you and uh so I did the the manly thing and called my sponsor and uh but he hasn't had to grow up in a house of violence or a house of alcohol abuse or alcoholism and today him and I get along pretty good you know uh I'm forever grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous and if you're new I want to welcome the new people here today and and tell you that, you know, it's not a requirement to go back out and drink. You know, I'm convinced that if I keep doing what I'm doing, I'll keep getting what I'm getting.
It hasn't been necessary for me to take a drink since my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I back off of what I'm doing and I let money, property, and prestige get in the way of my sobriety, if I put anything in front of my sobriety, the drink will be right there. And uh you know I my favorite uh thing that that I I can't quote it verbatim but in in working with others in this in the second paragraph it talks about life will take on a new meaning and life has taken on a new meaning for me and to have a host of friends to see people you know to to see people recover.
It says to watch loneliness vanish, to see them help others. For me to watch and to see those things, I got to be smack dab here in AA. I can't do it sitting at home watching Law and Order, you know?
I got to see the miracles happen. And I hope you stay around and see them, too. Thanks.
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