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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> I'd like to thank uh the committee for bumping me up to this position tonight. Um it it it's been a wonderful weekend for me so far.

But yesterday I uh was moving around and and I was looking for the speaker. um hadn't seen him yet and uh one of the gentlemen that was working at the front table came and found me and said, "Hey, the speaker's looking for you." I said, "Okay." So, he took me to him and I had the most wonderful afternoon with Paul and his wife. And I've enjoyed our dinner together.

We've encountered each other throughout the day. My first impression of Paul and and his wife Christina, warm and wonderful, committed and involved in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Tonight at dinner, I found out that we have a whole lot of other things in common, not just Alcoholics Anonymous.

But I do know that I and and firmly believe with all my heart that you're in for a treat tonight. So, could you please help me welcome Paul G from Breckville, Ohio? >> My name is Paul Gok.

I'm an alcoholic. Uh my sobriety date is September 15th, 1991. Uh my home group is the Newberg group.

Sunday nights 8:00 uh in Cleveland. And um there's no other place I would rather be on a Sunday night, you know, and before I get into this thing, um these guys have done a you know, I don't know if the people in the back can hear this stuff, but these guys are having a good time up here. You know, there there's a whole lot of undercurrent going on that doesn't make it much past the front two rows, but uh and maybe shouldn't.

One of them's looking for a date. The other one might get some turkey calls later on, I understand. And um and and it's clear they love love to have fun in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And it's uh you know and I've been a co-chair on a a conference committee and a chair and a couple others on a couple of committees and this is a a multi-year commitment that it's a big deal and and I'd like to thank now for for this wonderful weekend the people that put in that commitment and that work for it. All right. I'd also like to thank Butch for asking me and and for the committee for honoring that honoring that choice.

Butch was uh I met him one afternoon. Um he was talking in Cleveland and and we just had the best time just like tonight. You know, we just uh sat down next to each other and it's and it's um it was like right off the bat and Alcoholics Anonymous is the only place where total strangers can reminisce.

you know, like like you've known each other all your lives, you know, and and we're so accepting of each other and and the new people here, you give them a round of applause. And it's it's the ironies in Alcoholics Anonymous are um never they always strike me, you know, it's um yeah, I hurt my I hurt my family. I lost my job and I burned my house to the ground.

Yeah, I got fired last week and uh my dog ran away and uh my I got flattened all my tires and and and and if there there's probably about 15 or 20 people in this room that were in the restaurant on Friday and and um we were over there and um you know the waitresses were really up against it and there was they pro they seemed like they had an influx of people they weren't um expecting and I was trying to get the waitress's attention, you know, and as she was walking by, I was trying to tell her, "Well, bring us uh Liz was uh gracious enough to invite us to join her." And I said, "Well, bring us our checks cuz we had to get here for the early meeting on Friday." And and she keeps on walking. Oh, yeah. And give us three more uh uh to- go baskets.

And she keeps on walking and and maybe a glass of water. And at that last one, I overbalanced in my chair and and I took I I went flat over backwards on on my right in the middle of the restaurant floor over there and and only in alcohol. I get up and and I I go like this and I look around and am I right, Liz?

I I I And it's been a long time since I took a header like that. And and so I and never done it sober is much less in a restaurant. Oh, I love alcohol.

I mean, you know, and I really it's um the bottom line is it's a real serious deal here. you know, there's people uh saving their lives and changing their lives and getting their dreams back, you know, the dreams that then that they had lost and and replacing those with new ones and vital ones, you know, and um right off the bat, you know, I got to say I love Alcoholics Anonymous uh more than anything in my heart. Is is there anybody here that likes it?

Also, we got common ground. we got common ground then and the new people if if you heard that that was like a moderate reply but inside they're going yes you know really um most of them they'd like to do that you know and um you know but I wasn't always like that I didn't I didn't jump into it right away I I really didn't feel it um you know early on I kind of recognized there was something going on here that I'd like to be a part of but but not right off the bat you know there's a few things that happened and it kind of illustrates this uh what we're doing here now, we're relating and it's the spirit of identification in Alcoholics Anonymous, which which to me is is um I've been I've been grinding on that for a while and thinking about how important that's been to me and to a lot of other people, you know, just just relating our experience strength and hope and and meeting having a meeting of the minds. We're not that much different, you know, and and um what showed me that early on is I I went to my home group one night and there was this little black lady stood up there.

She's about this tall and she got up behind a podium telling her story and she one of the stories she related she says you know uh back in the 30s I used to come home from those uh from from the bar at 3:00 in the morning and I'd sit in front of my Vic Troll and I' I'd listen to those Billy Holiday records and those tears would come streaming down my face she said and I can understand that and a little a couple of weeks later I'm sitting in a meeting guy stands up at the podium and says you know back in the 50s They developed hi-fi stereo and I can remember coming home at 3:00 in the morning uh drunk from the bar and I put those stereo speakers together sit on my living room carpet and put on those Frank Sinatra records and those tears would come streaming down my face and I'm starting to think now I'm starting to think you know and I can remember back in uh ' 69 I'd come home and for 3:00 in the morning put on them big class headphones turn on that Jimmyi Hendris to attend and and those tears would come streaming down my face really. And if you're new here in the program and you got a iPod with the earbuds, you know, and you come home and it's Nickelback or Merl Haggard or something and and those tears come you belong here, you know, and and a couple weeks ago a guy come up to me and said, "I do the same thing with Pearl Jam, you know, intense. Intense." Yeah.

And yeah, but we come in different sizes, shapes, flavors, and colors and and but uh what's underneath a lot of that is the same deal, you know, and that's what we that's what we're celebrating here tonight. Total strangers reminiscing, you know, we share a common bond and a common ground that that that changed my life, changed these people's lives, and and a whole lot of others in this room. Buckle up, you know, cuz uh as they told me, it keeps getting better.

uh drinking, you know, I was uh but but you know, I was a I was a big kid, you know, for my age, and I jumped off drinking bottle of Corby's 13 years old with my buddies. And if there's one thing I remember about that first big wham bam drunk is that I got more than my share. and and and I pay the consequences for getting more than my share that night is that in that I was in a a lion sick in the weeds while my buddies were snug in their sleeping bags, you know, and and uh man, if there's one thing that was the follow my life, it's paying consequences for trying to get more than my share out of life in one kind of way or another, you know, and and and looking back on it, I would I was always paying some kind of consequence for doing that.

My parents tried hard. They were uh good people. Um you know, I I didn't go hungry.

I had clothes and shoes on my feet and they tried to bring me a Christian upbringing and but I was big for my age. I was a little wild. My dad My dad was a law and order type of guy.

He used to be Elliot Ness's bodyguard. Uh really uh Elliot Ness used to be the safety director in Cleveland and the younger people maybe know it. He was the untouchables, you know, but uh he was his bodyguard.

He's a real law and order guy, trained interrogator, and I was a liar, you know. So, that was he told me once he never asked me a question he didn't already know the answer to. And and I thought that was a little unfair.

That wasn't playing right, but but he um but a good man. A good man nonetheless. And they tried hard.

Mom, I believe she single-handed me prayed me into this program. And uh um you know, she she did her best, too. But like I said, I was big and I was wild and and um and I was uh a little bit on the headstrong side, you know, and so to speak, I lost my driver's license by the age of 14 when um through a a strange series of events and uh and and you know, and they were trying to do right by me.

So in uh in 1967, they they sent me to visit my brother uh at college uh which was in Berkeley. Keep Yeah, that was a game changer, you know, um my and they were trying to instill an appreciation for higher learning in me and uh Berkeley in ' 67. That was, you know, and and he was he was on campus there.

And while he was on campus, I was over at Hate Ashbury uh in the city and the um you know, riding those buses around and and I came back I lasted a year. I lasted about a year and a half actually uh in high school uh before I packed my guitar, packed a suitcase, bought a one-way ticket to San Francisco for 60 bucks, you know, and and I was fully intended on spending the rest of my life out there, you know, and and that's what I was going to do. And I I got on I got off of that plane and I went straight to the beach, you know.

I'm thinking California, palm trees and hula skirts and stuff like that. Northern California coastline is not quite like that. You know, I I went to that beach and it was freezing and the the fog was coming in.

I was trying to sleep above in those woods above Cliff House over there on a coastal highway and the the sea lions were barking down and the waves were crashing on the rocks and the fog and the f the o ocean liners out there and stuff. Um, I had to get out of there. That wasn't going to last.

I moved down to the Embaradero and and that's where I found my home. That was the San Francisco waterfront. And and really that was when it was a real waterfront still.

You know, they had the wooden wararfs and you could hear those wararfs creaking and stuff when the the tide would come in and it had big wararf rats and wos beating themselves up in the street all night long and and um neon signs. It was great. It was I I loved it.

I was having the time of my life out there. And I I made these friends and they were um they taught me how to drink that wine, you know, out of a paper sack, you know, uh you roll it up tight around the neck and and you hide it and you you know, you just pull it out and um mad dog wine. M nectar of the gods.

Right on the label, if if some of you probably remember, said the wine of the century. I don't know what that means, but um it was um boy and you take it and it was warm, you know, and you take a hit of that and the first the first hit wasn't good, but you take the second hit, it's oh yeah, you know, something something happened, you know, something happened between the first and the second and it's and then it's on and the third hit it's Yes. Uh it was it was good stuff and and um and really I was having fun.

And on Friday nights we go up to the little dance hall above the Cadillac dealership up on Filillmore Street to hear the house band. And his dance hall uh was called the Filillmore. It wasn't the Filillmore West yet, but at that time it was the Filillmore.

And the house band was called the Grateful Dead. And they they'd start playing about 6:00 in the evening. They wind up about 6:00 in the morning.

And more often than not, we'd be sleeping on the on the floor all night. and and it was um and on on on Sunday afternoon we go over to Provo Park in Berkeley and listen to Country Joe uh do his thing over there with the fish and and it was it was a a real heady experience, you know, uh for a 16-year-old kid. And these are the the impressionable things that I brought back with me when they kicked me out of the state.

You know, they they they put me in jail and they kicked me out of the state, the nerve of them. I was I was uh in in in the state without a legal guardian, you see. and they found me over there.

So, they sent me back on a plane, you know, and on on Friday night, I came back and and my parents loved me, you know. I used to think, well, gez, I beat them. I had beat when I was a kid, I thought I'd beat him, you know.

I I I my will prevailed, but they love me enough to let me go, you know, and and as a as a as as a parent and as a um that's got to be a lot of love. I know that's got to be a lot of love. uh and and and I didn't realize that, you know, at the time, but they loved me enough to let me go, which which meant to me I could go out on Friday night and and that's what I did.

The first Friday night back off the plane, I went out and I got blasted and and and um or wasted or obliterated or or like Natasha said, blot, you know, and and and really and I love these are the adjectives we used to describe our drink and there was nothing moderate about it. there was obliviated, you know, or um just uh pedal to the metal, drink it as fast as he can and and and go get some more. And and really um you know, I might quote a couple of the speakers here because gosh, did they do some good work.

Uh I mean, there's there's the diversity of the speakers here. this. I'm I was struck by the diversity of the speakers here that there's something here for everybody, you know, and and I might quote because that was some good stuff.

I might end up quoting some of these guys. I hope they excuse me and if I don't call out their name, but um uh every one of them was Could we have a round for them guys? You know, so you know, my wife said what a diverse what a diverse group of speakers they had here.

And really it it was it was um you know something for everybody. There's uh there's bulldozers and alcoholics anonymous and there's um people with the kid gloves you know and it's everything in between. But uh yeah she was Natasha was blot and I picked that up from her.

That's a while back. And but we were getting obliviated and messed up and and and that's what we would do. And I ended up uh graduating from high school and uh after going to five different high schools, you know, and uh they tried they tried and uh but I graduated and I ended up the same thing started happening with my jobs, you know.

I started going from job my my first job was um uh on this uh in the pharmaceutical industry, so to speak. And that's all I'm going to say about that. Uh uh the second job was on this night this uh cleaning crew.

I was working on this night cleaning crew and I saved every nickel and dime I could and with my first $775 I bought myself a Harley-Davidson and and um and that was it. You know, with that I bought myself a lifestyle. It wasn't a means of transportation.

It was a lifestyle. And for years afterwards, I I led the bike biker lifestyle. Uh building and drag racing Harley-Davidson is really what I I um devoted most of my talents, energies, and adult life to.

And uh and and uh I ended up getting fired from that job, too. I ended up on another job, you know, and I consider and it was a night cleaning crew job. And I considered this to be menial labor.

You know, I thought this stuff was beneath me or something. I didn't yet know that all work is honorable. You know, if we're carrying our own weight in in the world, it's it's it's a good, you know, we're making a contribution.

We're we're not freeloading anymore. We're doing something, you know, but I thought it was beneath me, you know, and they thought I was working there, but really I was casing the joint. And on Friday night, I was going to steal all their auto body tools or micrometers.

I forget what, but I was going to steal everything they had on Friday night, but I never made it cuz Thursday found me in jail for assaulting a police officer with a deadly weapon. That was the charge, you know, and and I wasn't a wasn't really a at heart a violent type of person. I certainly wasn't brought up that way, but I remember on that particular day, I perceived this police officer to be getting between me and my drink.

You know, the party was on that evening. I knew where we were going to go and everything was set. I didn't want anybody interfering with those plans, but this guy got between me and that.

And um something snapped inside of me and I became willing to go to any lengths to avoid capture that day. Any lengths, you know, it it didn't matter. And it it was there were a lot of lengths I went to.

And and um I just had to get away. And and you know, I'd seen Bullet and Steve McQueen and those the Shelby GT Cobras, you know, riding through those streets and car chases and stuff like that. And and and and this involved one of those.

And it was um man, it was just like you see on America's Wildest Police Chases, you know, uh through to except they didn't have the helicopters, but it was through suburban streets and on two wheels over people's front lawns, turf flying in hot pursuit. My escape vehicle was a 66 Volkswagen Beetle with a slip and clutch. They'll never take me alive, you know.

Ponytail flying out the window. You know, I didn't have the best judgment. Another hallmark of my uh uh um uh early life is I was always overshooting.

overshooting or undershooting the mark. You know, I didn't I didn't know what a measured response was to any given situation in life. You know, somebody might tell me that your uh his brother-in-law died and I'd laugh or something like that.

I just I didn't know how to respond appropriately to to to people in life um uh no matter what it was. And that was one of them, you know, but you know, I ended up getting a break on that one, you know, and and if there's one thing I got a lot of breaks uh over the years. And if there's one thing that I had in common with all my breaks is I didn't learn a thing from any of them, you know.

I never learned nothing from a break. And there's a guy Marty W from my home group. I I had two years sober.

He stood up on the east side over there at a meeting and I happened to be listening to him and he said that that night, I never learn nothing from a break. And um he's got this voice like that and but he um it just sunk it just sunk right into me. It was a moment of clarity in my sobriety.

You know, I come in these rooms and I could hear people say the same thing a number of different times. But that night that that got through to me. I never learned nothing from a break.

It was consequences. Consequences that drove me into these rooms, you know, and I was um I was I was trying to avoid consequences. So, I got sneaky, you know, and I I ended up going through a bunch of other jobs and eventually I got a job in a steel mills down there in Cleveland and and I became a steel mill electrician, you know, and then and then I got my first line of credit, you know, I got a bar tab and that was like, you know, and I felt like a real adult almost, you know, line of credit and all that stuff.

And I so I'd go up to that and 3 weeks later it was maxed out. 3 weeks later, I was taking my check up there, giving them the check, and uh they put me in a new card and and my life started revolving around the bar, the bar at the top of the hill above the steel mills. And it was always the last place I'd uh stop on the way down the hill and the first place I'd stop on the way back up.

And usually there wasn't a second stop, you know, because once I started uh I was I was in my elements. I was I was where I wanted to be, you know, and I was s sitting in there and um working on that bar tab and I used to like these bars that had a dark corner and I I always start in this dark corner and I'd order one and I order two and and maybe a third and I as as I had a few in me, I'd start to move up a little bit. I'd feel a little bit better, a little more comfortable cuz I was extremely uncomfortable around people.

Uh four, five, six, I'd start to move up. And by the time I had six, seven or eight, I'd be up by the cash register telling jokes, shooting pool, putting quarters into the juke box. You know, I was human, being just being human.

And this is the way I wanted to uh feel in life and and the way I woke up every morning to feel. And and my humanness was uh in in life, looking back on it, was somewhere between maybe five and eight drinks. And uh truth be told, if I could have kept that little window opportunity open when I was shooting up my rocket, I might not be standing here tonight, you know, but I couldn't.

And I knew no moderation. And uh eight drinks turned into 12 drinks and 12 drinks turned into 15. And by now I start my uh my pool shot got unsteady and my tongue would get thick.

my jokes were falling flat and I'd start working my way back down the bar to that that dark corner down at the end of the bar, you know, and and and to spend the rest of the night there and really the rest of my um uh and that was that was that was kind of the definition of a lot of my drinking. I mean, the the the the place has changed and and 2:30 in the morning, you'd find just like when I was a kid, 2:30 in the morning, you find me in the back getting sick. Well, the other kids were snug in their sleeping bags, you know.

It's uh the age changed, but the situations uh really, if you look at them, are all the same, you know, and I thought uh you know, I was I thought I was a musician. I had this guitar uh career going and and I thought the key to successful drinking is the same as it is in musicianship. You know, practice, practice, practice.

So, I practice, practice, pra and it it's it just got worse. You know, I ended up um you know, my friends were dying. Um my friends were dying.

You know, I had I had a bunch of road dogs. We had all my close friends. We grew up together.

We were like a tight-knit bunch. We all got our our bikes together and all uh went on our first dates together and and did did a whole lot. We were very tight, but um you know, Donnie died uh um was beat to death behind a bar and Butch was beat to death on Carnegie Avenue down there and and Stanley died from uh a pancreatitis.

Frankie died from cerosis of the liver. Um uh Benji died. We don't know how he died.

We just know he did. Pat died on the Mexican border. You know, 17 of them, 17 of my closest friends, a few of them died at 100 miles an hour on the back of a Harley.

And that's the way I wanted to go. And I was already making my plans, long range plans. And and uh and really, I wasn't making any new friends.

So, more and more I'm becoming alone in life. And more and more it's uh I'm just a loner. And I could I can remember looking through those bottles and sitting at that dark corner of that bar, just looking through those bottles.

Uh looking in that mirror at those hollow eyes, you wondering um sometimes in more my more lucid moments, I would wonder what am I going to do? You know, how am I going to get off of this thing? You know, how what's going to change about this?

But uh more often than that, it was just a blank stare in oblivion. And I would get obliviated. Um, and I kept on like that, you know.

Eventually I I I got in some trouble. Um, I guess you could just say I know what it means when they say make a federal case out of something, you know. I didn't see what the big deal was, but they did, you know.

And if if you there might be a couple people in here that have seen a federal indictment, but if you never seen a federal indictment, comes on this real this real thick heavy uh parchment, you know, and it's gotten this gothic fancy Gothic lettering across the top. It says the United States of America in a big arc across the top and underneath that it says in plain aerial font says versus Paul Gay. You know, bring it on.

And I'm thinking, bringing it a worth a worthy opponent at last, you know, in my in my ego and my uh my cockiness, you know. I was like, yeah. Yeah.

I felt like D John Dillinger or somebody, you know. I was I was just I was just a two-bit punk criminal, you know, and and um but now I'm waiting for my break, you know. I always got a break and I'm looking for my break to come.

And I'll tell you what, these guys dot their eyes and they cross their tees and they took their time with this deal. And and for a year or two, I'm riding around with this big basketball behind my behind my belt. If I didn't have a bottle of Mad Dog on the back of that Harley uh down my behind my belt, it was this big empty space inside that um it didn't feel good, you know.

And now I'm starting to feel this sense of impending doom. In the in the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous, they have this concept called impending doom, you know, and I knew the end was coming. I didn't know where it was coming from or which direction or when it was going to arrive, but I I knew my life as I knew it was going to stop.

I began to feel like a juggler. You know, I was juggling all this all these problems in life. You know, my my rent payments and my landlords and the my court cases and and my jobs and or my lack of jobs and uh you know, I got to get tires.

my my car doesn't have any gas. What whatever it was, I'm juggling all these balls and knowing that I can't keep going on with it. One of these days soon it's going to stop, you know, and I'm out of control.

And I and I sense that, and I didn't like that. I didn't like that. Anyway, long story short, I got I got um uh I stood up there in front of that judge and I stood up as straight as I could and uh and my my my lawyer ended up getting me some kind of probation on the deal.

You know, I was looking at five years in in the federal penitent federal penitentiary, but they said to me at the at the uh investigation deal over there that they had uh before they were going to sentence me, they said, "Uh, do you want to get help or you want to go to jail? You can't keep going like this." They says, "You want to are you going to get help or you going to go to jail?" And I said, "Give me a week to think about that." And really uh really I I swear to God, it sounds like an exaggeration or it sounds silly or anything like that, but that was my mindset. That's exactly what I told him.

Give me a week to uh consider this because I didn't want to make any rush decisions on that. Um cuz and truth be told, in my mind, the the the concept of getting help, I didn't know what that meant, but it was a terrifying type of thought, you know. I I remember going to uh just anything normal was a terrifying type of thought.

you know, they they'd send me from the steel mills, techn I was an electrician down there and technology was uh coming into the workplace and uh the computers and and they would send me down to uh the local college to u for continuing education and it was terrifying. You know, it was it was extremely stressful to have to uh be amongst normal people and and it was extremely stressful uh being in that courtroom amongst the normal people and uh this uh trying to get any kind of help was was a terrifying proposition. But finally I I I made a um a brilliant decision and said, "Sure, I I'll get your help." And in my mind, I'm thinking, I'll do your jail bit afterwards.

You know, when the help fails, when whenever they want to do it with me, I'll do your jail bit bid afterwards. and uh and and and that was it. And they I they told me to make arrangements.

I they told in a week and it took me three weeks and and uh you know dragging my feet to the last and I hope I never you know for years I I had led that lifestyle and for years I I drank to excess and and I was going down all the while. My friends dying and and uh personal hygiene had long since gone by the wayside. I hope I never forget the state of my life.

You know, I was living like an animal in a cave. I was um uh my utilities were all We heard that. That's a common thread this weekend of having trouble with your utilities.

Um my car had bald eagles on all fours around it. You know, if I had a running car, you know, either the phone was turned off or the the electric was turned off or the gas and and uh the rent was always uh months behind. I had I remember I had uh bags of garbage lined up by the door waiting uh to take it out.

I was just uh too lazy, forgetful, or uh in another place to to remember to take it out. On garbage day, dirty dishes were piled high in the sink, you know. The toilet was stopped up.

I used it anyway. The the shower was stopped up. I didn't use it, you know.

And at any given time, you know, a full day's meal would be craft macaroni and cheese, you know, 79 cents. Put in a bowl, a little water, salt and pepper, and and that was my full day sustenance. or or Morton pot pies, you know, anything under a buck.

You know, if I had a little extra money, I get the kind with the crust on the bottom, too, as a treat, you know. We're uh you know, and and blankets covering the windows. We heard that, too.

Blankets covering the windows. And when when a knock had come at the door, I'd run and hide and peep out the bathroom window to see who was coming to get me. You know, I was I was uh had this paranoid mentality going on.

And it wasn't um it was just from a consequence of the way I was living, the way I was uh alienating myself from the world. You know, I didn't want to be around people and and I was hiding and I was driven by a thousand forms of fear, self-d delusion and shame, you know, all that stuff. And and all the while I'm I'm riding around in this Harley in these leathers and chains and boots and stuff with this Marlon Brandle look on my face, you know, trying to keep people away.

You know, I didn't find this stuff out till I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, a lot of what was driving me was was was the fear underneath. And that's that's that's the way I was um and that's the way I left my life and arrived on your doorstep basically cuz they they I ended up at one of those um hospitals and um out by the Pennsylvania border over there and and they said you know it was uh I I guess it was a um I remember intake in the place and they gave me the MMPIs and the psychological evaluations and then they had all that stuff going and and really I don't it uh I don't remember a whole lot about it but they were they seemed to be professional you know and there were a lot of professionals in there true enough and as the days wore on um you know they had the college educated uh counselors and they had Jiari's window and and to keep the uh uh keep their license with the state they had the the chalk talks and like I say the psychological evaluations and all that stuff but looking back on it the the course of treatment that they offered after that was was done was Alcoholics Anonymous.

It was uh the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was the 12 and 12 and the 24-hour book. And it was group surrounding around that, you know, and I I recognized the difference uh sometime early on, you know, and the professionals uh true enough, you know, they they talked a good game and everything they said made sense, but um there was something that was missing.

You know, these people didn't really know what it was like to live without hope. They didn't know what it was like to wake up in the morning uh um at rock bottom just uh with terror, frustration, bewilderment, and despair and all the rest of that. They didn't know that.

and and and uh however uh fortunate for uh me there was another subset of of counselors in the place that were all members of Alcoholics Anonymous and with years of sobriety and and I knew these guys when I would listen to them talk and when I would talk to I I knew these people knew what it was like to live without hope you know I knew they felt my pain and and knew what it was like when they when they related things to me and they say I know what you're feeling I knew they did you know, and that was a big deal. I remember that to this day, you know, and that's that that it's back to that spirit of identification and uh that we have in Alcoholics Anonymous. It was important to me.

It made me listen. It perked up my ears a little bit. I don't remember a whole lot that went on, you know.

There were two pivotal things that happened in this place for me, you know, and one of them was um I don't know, I had uh some 10 or 15 days sober and my counselor caught me. It was one of these chance encounters uh that we have so often in Alcoholics Anonymous. One of these chance encounters.

Uh uh Dave caught me in in one of the upstairs hallways on his way out the door and he had all those books, all those MMPIs and evaluations and stuff. And he pulled me into this an empty uh room on the side, an empty office. And he said, "Come here.

I want to talk to you." And he seemed real intense about this. You know, I'm like, "What did I do now?" You know, guilty consciousness. puts down all those books and he he says and I can still see the sunlight coming in low through the window.

It was it was uh uh October uh 1991 and and uh it was 5:00 and I could see the dust, you know, I could see it like it was yesterday. It was a moment of clarity and he says, "You know, first day out of this place, first night, I want you in Alcoholics Anonymous meeting." And he got real intense about it. I said, "What's the big deal?" And no, he says, "I want a promise out of you right here and now." First day out of this place, first night, I want you in Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Promise me now. Okay, Dave. All right.

If that's what you want, I I'll promise. And I promised him that. And there there was honor amongst thieves.

And he's a thief and I'm a thief. So, I intended on keeping that promise, you know, and and that was it. He picked up his stuff and he went out and I went down to child.

And uh simple as that. The man might have saved my life right then and there. might have saved my life right then and there in the space of 30 seconds.

The other thing I remember about the place was um I went to my first meeting there. you know and at this time by this time uh uh Tony might remember this you know by this time I was a senior pier so I about 17 days sober and a senior pier was kind of like an old-timer in treatment center talk and and uh as a senior pier I had responsibilities you know and I it was senior peers's responsibility to welcome uh the AAS that were bringing in outside meeting from the surrounding community so I I I did my duty I went to the door and I was shaking I shook the one guy's hand who came in the door, welcome. Shook the next guy's hand that came to the door, welcomed our facility.

And um and up the up the aisles come this beautiful woman. You know, she's tall and statuesque and she has these clear eyes and a this flashy white smile and and wow, she was pretty and and she was uh cleareyed and she looked me in the eye and she grabbed my hand and she shake shook my hand, you know, firm hand grip and all that. Oh, wow.

you know, we ended up filing into the meeting room. Turns out she's the speaker that night, you know, and I and really I've been in enough groups now and they had by this time they had pointed out to me where my most cherished beliefs were false. You know, everything I thought was uh white turned out to be black.

Everything I thought was up turned out to be down. They pointed out where I was uh every everything my most cherished beliefs and my my dreams were hollow. you know, they my whole world was turned upside down and I believed them and I saw that, you know, and I'm I'm sitting in that uh meeting room in my first meeting with a plastic tag around my wrist and my pajamas and slippers 3 days from a good bath.

But the only thing I knew for sure at that moment was that she wanted me. But typical new guy, you know, I knew it. I could tell by the look in her face.

She did her job that night. She did her job. She She carried a message of strength and hope from the heart.

Her God gave her the words uh to throw out there that um that changed my mind in the space of an hour. uh uh uh her messages just changed my mind totally about who she was, about what how I viewed people, about how I viewed her. And walking out of that place, she was uh I saw her as a child of God, worthy of my respect and um and and uh uh and and more, you know, it was it was a deep experience.

It's another moment of clarity, you know, and I and I learned that that So, I I walked out of the place and they they turned me out on the street and they dropped me off at my car. I had my keys. I I I had 10 bucks in my pocket.

It was um I had 22 days sober and it was sunny. And I started thinking, you know, I 22 days sober and it's sunny and I got this 10 bucks and I got the car. It's 2:00 in the afternoon.

What more natural thing would be to celebrate, you know, and and that's what I did. And I a half hour later, I'm walking in the back door at a Finn Cafe up on Broadway, you know, to celebrate. That's how long I lasted, you know, uh uh no mental defense whatsoever.

No mental defense. And I I open up that back door and the smell hits me. And boy, I'm already sensitive to the smell of alcohol.

And I could smell that. my mouth starts watering. I I I'm walking up that back hallway and and the stuff starts going through my mind, you know, after all those people did for me, after all they told me, after all they pointed out to me, you know, after all their efforts, here I come.

I'm still walking up and and and I approached the bar. Am I nuts? Why am I doing this?

And and I really I couldn't stop myself. And I I sat down at my bar stool and and I I ordered my wash. the bar mate comes over.

I said, "Well, give me a ginger." You know, and when she when she comes back, I'm going to I'm going to get a double jack. And and in the time and I can still I remember like it was yesterday. In the time she walks away, she um that little excuse me, that little squirter thing, she's she's pouring uh my glass of wash and I'm watching her pour that little squirter thing and and on her way back and a couple thoughts cross my mind.

You know, I I'm thinking I wasn't physically ill. Uh, I had promised Dave that I was going to a meeting on my first night. Maybe I better go sober cuz after all, I had to keep the feds happy.

And I'd never been to an outside meeting. I didn't know whether you guys had breathalyzers here or what. Maybe I better just scope out the lay of land and I can always celebrate.

And wasn't I man enough to make it one day without a drink? And and at that last thought, I thought, well, since all those other things were and really this whole this whole conversation in my head takes about three seconds, you know, I guess I couldn't make it one day without a drink. And and I put a buck up on the bar and I got up and I walked out.

And I got in my car and on the seat next to me was the books they gave me walking out of the treatment center was the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous and the local meeting schedule. And I picked up that meeting schedule and I found out where there was a meeting where I knew where it was and I drove over there around the corner from the place overlooking the railroad tracks over there and uh uh looked at those railroad tracks for 5 hours. I didn't want to move.

I didn't want to move. I think I knew how close I had come. I I didn't want to uh touch anything.

I didn't trust myself. I just let me go to this meeting tonight. Just let me scope out the lay of the land.

Just let me see what it's this thing's about. you know, and at 10 at 10 to 8, I started up the car and I drove over to the meeting, you know, and and I parked the car and I walked down the meeting and and they had these long steps down there and they had people down at the bottom greeting greeting the people that came down the steps and I'm clamped down in my fry boots and my jeans and my chains and my leather and my long hair and my Marlon Brando look on my face. And there's this little blondhaired, blue-eyed kid about 21 years old.

looks me up and down, says, "Uh, are you new?" I don't I don't know. Yeah. No, maybe.

I don't know. I guess whatever. What's You know, I Yes.

No. Maybe. Uh, he says, "Listen, go get grab some coffee, grab a donut, meet us by the table over there." So, I did.

I grabbed a coffee, grabbed the donut, met him by the table over there. And you know, and I don't know, I'm sitting there surveying my surroundings in this meeting and and the meeting starts and there's uh five other people sitting at the table around me and and I don't know, I don't know what it was, but there was some kind of vibe I was picking up at this meeting. And I don't know if it was anything the speaker said or the looks of the people in their eyes or the tone at their voices or uh or or like we were talking before at a meeting just the the the the happy the the general happy sound of the the clamor of happy voices or whatever about it.

You know, there was something the people were demonstrating ease and comfort in life. You know, they had they had clear eyes and they were um comfortable in their own skin and that was totally foreign to a person like me. That was is a foreign concept and there was something attractive about that.

I felt safe that night. There was something uh some little thing of safety going on there too. And I got I got number.

You know, the people did their jobs that night. This this is a guy I'm going out and celebrating the next day. I'm just scoping it out.

I'm giving you one chance. You know, one shot. You got one shot.

Better better make it a good It was just another Tuesday night to these people. They ch they ch they saved my life. You know, they made me feel welcome.

They did their job in Alcoholics Anonymous that night. They made the new person feel welcome. I haven't had a drink since.

I haven't had a drink since. I've never found it necessary to go out and have that celebration cuz based on that one night, I decided I'd try it again the next night, you know. And and the next night, I did my job.

You know, I had a few they told me to get phone numbers. So, I got I don't know what I'm going to do with these phone numbers, but I got these five phone numbers and first guy on the list, Bill. So, the next night on, let me let me see if I if these meetings really feel the same.

So, the next night I I call Bill and and his his wife answers the phone on the other line and I say, "Yeah, you know, I I met Bill at the meeting the other night. Um, is he home?" And she says, "Uh, are you new?" I don't know how they know it. I don't know.

I don't know what is it with these people, you know. Yeah. I said, "Yes, no.

Maybe, you know, I guess, you know, whatever." I met Bill the other night. Is he home? She said, "No, he went out for some pizza.

I'll have him call you as soon as he gets in." I hung up the phone. I said, "I knew it. I knew it.

I knew this thing was too good to be true. I knew this thing wasn't going to work like I thought it was. I knew the the feelings were fall.

I was looking for a way out, I think." Anyway, I was putting on my jacket getting ready to head for the door and the phone rings and and I pick it up and it's Bill. He says, "Sure, come on over. You know, I uh we have a big book study in the in the living room here on Friday nights.

That's what I got the pizza for. After that, we go to the midnight meeting up the street and you could stay over if you want. On Saturday mornings, we go down to the Carter Manor downtown for the breakfast meeting.

Some uh greasy eggs, uh uh greasy bacon, and a good a good lead." And and he had me hooked up for the the whole weekend. already and I had just met the guy two nights before. You know, it was inclusive.

They they drew me in. You know, as much as I tried to keep people at arms length by the looks on my face and the way I carried myself in my speech and and and they drew me in. They saw through that.

They saw through the fear and they they just they sucked me in and set me to walking. You know, we were uh and I was getting active. you know, I got ended up getting a sponsor and the more meetings I went to, the better I felt.

So, I started going, you know, and I started doing things and and and um uh they they got me active. I was going every night and and before too long, I was going uh pretty darn often. You know, my sponsor, he ended up uh I I ran into this guy at a meeting and I'll tell you what, the just the chance, as long as I'm thinking about it, just the chance encounters and the Natasha was uh talking about we all carry our own set of miracles when we come into here and boy that resonated with me you know cuz looking back at it I had a set of miracles and I believe everybody in this room has a set of miracles that are destined for them.

All we got to do is walk walk the path that we're supposed to be walking, you know, uh uh let go and let let a higher power possibly show us the path instead of being self-directed for once, you know. So, so when a suggestion was made to me to go make coffee at a meeting, I ought to go make that coffee at a meeting cuz I don't know what I'm supposed to hear that night. and and uh time after time I've proved that to myself and continue to this day that I might hear something pivotal, you know, and looking back I I heard maybe three, four, five things pivotal, a snippet of a conversation or observe somebody doing a kind act or a good deed to somebody in a corner that's literally changed the course of my life in moments.

In moments. I was on the elevator with somebody I believe and we're talking about it's a program of uh uh uh inches and seconds or moments or something like that but uh boy how true is that you know uh how how true is that I but for any one of those given moments I might not be standing here today you know and so I I found my sponsor like that and my sponsor gets me active he believes uh gratitude is action he believes gratitude is not talked about gratitude is demonstrated You know, I was riding down the the street with him. Uh I I dug up a 12step call.

I wanted to get active. I had heard about this concept and I found a guy that wanted to get sober. So I pick him up and I wanted to see the way he's he does this stuff, you know.

I said, "Let's go. Let's go. I got this guy's hot.

He wants He wants it. Want. We're riding down the street." Says, "Man, I was just I was this high." I said, "Man, I I could talk some gratitude, Tim." And and his head turned around like that exorcist girl.

and he and he stopped dead and he says uh-uh says gratitude is not talked about gratitude is action gratitude is demonstrated it's not a not a noun it's a verb and he said it in in such a way that it was a heavy duty thing I remember it to this day and so so I I I picked up on that I picked up okay me active he says all right we'll go pick up uh Bill and Tom on Friday night and take them down to the West Clifton group which was our home group at the and a big group Friday night in Lakewood, 225 people every Friday night. It was a show, you know. So, and so I picked up these two guys and took them down uh that that Friday night and and I felt pretty good for doing that.

I was doing something useful in life and and the next next week he says, "Well, go pick up Tom and Ellis and take them down to West Clifton on Friday night." So, I go, I do my duty. I pick up Tom and Ellis and and take them down to West Clifton on Friday night. And I felt pretty good for doing that.

And the next week he says, "Uh, go pick up Jim Jim and Dan and take him down to West Clifton on a Friday night." So I go pick up Jim and Dan and I'm driving back to West Cliff and I start to think, you know, he's down there in the back row eating coffee and donuts, joking with all his friends, smoking cigarettes. I'm out here riding my gas around, picking up all his these new guys for him and stuff. I walked down the steps that night.

I said, "Hey man, I'm doing your footwork for you." His head turns around like that exorcist girl says, "You're doing God's work." Says, "You're doing God's I don't know how he comes up with you're doing God's work." I mean, it was like he was waiting for me. There's no there's there isn't much of a comeback for that. And I knew I had read it somewhere in one of these books that we had a new employer.

Yeah. I guess I'm working for the big guy now. I felt a little bit better about that.

I Okay, man. What do you want me to do next? He says, "Go to Serenity Hall, local uh treatment dry out joint.

Go to Serenity Hall and visit Carl." I'm like, "Tim, I got two two months sober. What am I going to tell a new guy in a treatment center?" He says, "You got eight buck 10 bucks, take him a carton of cigarettes." Okay, I guess I could do that. So I went and I bought a carton of marbles and and I took it up to the treatment center to visit this guy Carl and really this place had these white hallways and these um uh marble floors and this real institutional feel about the place made me nervous, you know, and and I'm approaching the uh the detox place up there and there there's this big bench and the these two burly looking nurse ratchets uh up there guarding the doors of detox, you know, and uh and really they're There are women.

I'm not comfortable with women, figures of authority or um people in uniform. And they're all three. I approached the bench and and with my I said, "Ma'am, I'm here to visit Carl." And and they said, they looked down at me from up there.

They said, "Uh, are you a relative of Carl?" And I said, "No, ma'am, I'm not." They said, "Well, we only allow relatives to visit the patients and detox." And I said, "Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am." And I turn on my heel and I'm walking away and I'm five steps down the down the corridor and I hear, "Hey, hey, you." And and I I turn around and off to the side there's this little there's an open doorway and there's this little red-haired lady about this this tall um about 100 lb sticks sticking her head out there. She says, "Hey, you are you a member of Alcoholics Anonymous?" And I'm like, geez, all these people around, you know, it's everybody looks.

And and it was it was put up or shut up right then and there. It was put up or shut up. And I said, "Yes, ma'am, I am." And she gets up off her chair and she comes out there.

She grabs me by the arm. She walts me past that nursing station. HIPPA be damned.

bust busts open the doors to detox and leaves me there and she goes back out. The door swings shut. The guys look up from their uh whatever they're doing over to who's this loser until they spot my cigarettes carrying the message.

And I and I'll tell you what, I walked out of that uh those doors of detox 2 hours later and and my feet were this high off the ground. You know, my feet were I just I just it changed my life. Alcoholics Anonymous opened up doors for me that day and and really truth be told, Alcoholics Anonymous been opening up doors for me ever since in one kind of way or another in in big ways and in little ways, but opening up doors nonetheless.

And and really the beautiful part about this whole story and the back end to it is that it's 18 years later right now and that little red-haired lady turns out to be my wife's sponsor, you know, and is and is just uh been such a I can't say enough about the synchronicity that we find in alcohol and that stuff happens all the time. Our own set of miracles, you know, h how does this stuff happen? You couldn't write a script that' work out like this sometimes.

And and it and and uh we just we it's just a gift. I can't say enough about it. Opening up doors.

So I'm I'm going on through life and and really I'm going to 18 meetings a week and I jumped on the bandwagon and and things are getting better and my my uh I got uh rubber on my the wheels of my car now. I'm taking these new guys to meetings. I went to a right out of this hospital.

I went to a 3/4way house. I stayed in this threequarter way house for four years really. It was uh four years till the uh people in the community said move on dude, you know, make room make room for the new guy or something, you know.

But I was loving it and but uh we um you know I was I was feeling pretty good and I was getting active in Alcoholics Anonymous and doing good stuff and and I'd be sitting uh every now and then somebody would get up in the at the podium and say, you know, my 10th year was my worst year in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'd be sitting in the back row in the inventory section uh judging these people and I'd say, "Dude, if your 10th year is your worst year in Alcoholics Anonymous, you're missing something, right? you you got to you you got to pick up more new guys.

You're you better revisit that third step. Uh and then the next week somebody get up there and say, you know, I I was going on through life and I was saying my prayers and and and doing all the right things and my 10th year was my worst year in Alcoholics Anonymous. And there it is again.

I said, what's wrong with these people? You know, can't they get their lives together? Well, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, you know.

Well, I'm here to tell you my 10th year was my worst year in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was picking up my do, guys. I was saying my prayers.

I was doing my steps. And I, you know, the steel mills closed down. I lost that job I had for 27 years.

They just pull the rug right out. It was that sucking sound from down south, NAFTA. What?

Anyway, that's something else. I I apologize for that. Any they shut down.

You know, I went I had to go some wreckage of the past cropped up. I had to go through a year of those interferon treatments. This is basically chemotherapy and a whole bunch of other stuff happened, you know, and but never once was there any thought of any other way to live but within the sphere of alcoholic synonymous, you know, and never once it, you know, and and really the I just kept on doing the basics, the things that I learned when I first came in and I I went right through that and I walked through that and I I kept on picking up my new guys and I kept on saying my prayers and I I I tried to do the next right thing, you know, and uh sometimes uh a moment at a time and and I I ended up getting through that and I ran towards my fears, you know, they they told me that early on.

Some guy some guy told me, "Run towards your fears. Don't run away from them cuz they'll be nipping at your heels the rest of your life." And and invariably, they're not what I my fears are never what I always built them up to be, you know? So, and so I did that and I and I got through that stuff and really I I eventually started up electrical business and and that ended up taking taking off became a um entrepreneur so to speak and that um is something I always wanted to do.

It was a little personal dream of mine that came up and the steel mills came back and you know and those interferon treatments turned out pretty good and and so far I'm negative on all that deal and and I got out the back end of that thing and I kept on doing it and and and I keep on doing that to this day. You know, life kept on going, you know, my um uh and I just kept on doing the things that I was taught early on. What more to do?

It was it wasn't that simple. It wasn't rocket science. It was just as simple as that.

Just keep on keeping keeping doing it. And if the the new people that are here, man, that's that's a lot of what it is. Just doing the next right thing.

Um, and the constant activity bought me time to put the steps in my life in a real fashion, you know, developing faith and reliance in a higher power. They told me to do, you know, and I immersed myself in in the in the fellowship, you know. I'm I'm proud to be a member of this fellowship.

I am proud to be a member of this fellowship. There's nothing like this, you know. I've been around been around the world a little bit.

There's nothing like this, you know. Um my dad, Elliot Ness, his bodyguard. He passed away last September 18th at the age of 99.

Um what a man. Uh you know, it took me to get sober to realize the man he was. and and it was only through the uh examples set most notably by my sponsor.

If you haven't got a sponsor who's been through the steps and is active in Alcoholics Anonymous, get one, you know, but but uh most notably through the efforts of my sponsors and watching the way he handled these types of things and through the examples of other people like you and Alcoholics Anonymous uh uh uh was directly proportional to the level of care that to being there for my dad. you know, he ended up in a nursing home, a protracted illness, and and it was um uh but I was able to be there for him. I was able to suit up and show up and do what I need.

I knew what was right. You know, years ago, I I I couldn't have imagined, you know, years ago. I I used to wish harm on my parents.

Um it's all changed. You guys changed my mind about everything. and I I was there, you know, he passed away and and you know, my my little mother, she's my mother's 97, she's 96.

And I'll never forget it. She looked up at me uh after he passed away and we're making the funeral arrangement and she looked up at me and she says, "Who's going to come? All our friends are dead." You know, you guys came.

You guys came. the members of my home group came, you know, she was she was just beside herself. She could I mean what what what kind of gratitude do I have to have for that?

Where do I pay that back? Where do I pay that back? What do I got to do?

I'll do it. You know, you guys came one one of the people in the in the room uh come up and whispered in my ear throughout the middle of this um uh the funeral says uh something to the effect that we get sober together and we bury our dead together. you know, I'm proud to be a member of this fellowship.

I'm proud to do this stuff, you know, uh where do you get that, you know, and and really uh stuff I continue to go on and I and life went on and and uh we're doing fine now, you know. I ended up getting um gifts and alcoholics. I just quit blowing my money.

You know, material things is just a natural byproduct to quit blowing your money, right? Uh you know, I ended up getting a few houses. You know, I got um I got three dogs, I got uh three houses, I got one cat, I got two jobs, I got one wife.

I've been blessed with a wonderful wife. Uh blessed. And I never thought I'd have any of this.

I never wanted any of this, you know. I was just a loner, a selfish, self-centered. I didn't care about anything or anybody.

I I My life is full today, you know. Uh what do I got to say? Where where do I say thanks for all that?

You know, we got this wonderful AA household and really I sit there I listen to her talking to a new girl and I don't know if the new girls hearing anything, but I'm sitting there with a pad and pencil. This is good stuff. This is good stuff.

You know, I got to tell my guys this. We don't talk about feelings, you know. It makes sense.

Uh it's uh every day brings uh you know uh and it's really truth it's not all lollipops and rainbows you know but it's but it's sober living you know it's um it's real life it's vital and it's uh it's the way I always wanted to feel it's what I was looking for in those bars look uh looking at all them colored bottles look all that it's and and it wasn't to be found there at all it was to be found here uh in this blue book we got here and in this fellowship where we get together and we share this stuff uh from from the heart and and um and and that's that's where it comes from and and most notably from faith and reliance in a higher power you know that's what you told me for uh develops and also known as God you know develop a faith and reliance in a higher power and I was I was raised Christian and all that type of thing and I didn't know anything about that until I started developing it in these rooms and and trying to trying to just follow your stuff you know uh your examples you know I want the I want the um the the uh ease and comfort that the people in the back row at my home group exhibit. And and that's where they get it. That's what they tell me.

And I got to believe them because everything else they've told me was true, you know. And even if I don't believe it, I'm going to try it. I'm going to fold my tickets the same way.

I'm going to laugh when you laugh. I'm going to get up and pick up your new guys and I'm going to uh go to my meetings and say my prayers and do everything I can because I want what you guys got. you know, I I want to be able to be the be the um uh be the the the strength that's exhibited to me from people doing the right thing.

Even even when they're uh their peers look down on them, but but men, real men, real men and real women, uh living a vital life and doing the right thing in life is all I ever wanted to do. I wanted to be the man I always wanted to be. And I found that example in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, thank you guys for that.

You know, it's and it's uh really it's the um there's a story about the search for diamonds in Africa, right? Uh they were looking for these diamonds and they went out into the fields and and they dug into the yellow clay and they found diamonds and they they picked up these diamonds and they took they uh took it back to the village and and it was great. You know, they were ecstatic at the wealth of their f find.

But uh eventually the wealth runs out and they had to go get more. And this time they went out into the field and they dug deeper. They went through the yellow clay into the blue clay.

And if you know anything about diamonds in Africa, it's in the blue clay where the true mother load is found. And that's what they found. They what they found made what they previously found pale and insignificance.

And that's kind of like spirituality in this program with me. You know, just taking away the drink, my life improved a thousand%. And truth be told, it probably would have been good enough.

But uh I want I want the I want the blue clay, you know. I want that. I want to dig a little bit deeper.

And that's what I'm after today. I'm trying to dig a little bit deeper and I'm trying to uh dig farther and I want to see get that uh that spirituality that I see exhibited in those guys at my home group uh in doing the next right thing and being courageous. Um and I'm not talking about up here at podiums and and it's the quiet things they do in the back row and talking to the new guys and the the kind acts and the good deeds and going through uh the ups and downs of life gracefully and having the courage to do that.

Uh they're real men and and that's what I want to be. You know, there was a um uh speaking of my home group, there was anonymous guy by the name of Dick Poutney who um you know, I wanted it all right away. And as the story goes, you know, uh Dick was a very uh a very influential person.

He helped hundreds of alcoholics. He was a very um uh he started a school. He was uh and a very accomplished person and highly respected.

and and a new guy came up to him at a meeting one time uh envying his years of sobriety and all his life's uh good things he did in life and said, "Wow, Dick, 30 years." And Dick slammed down his hand like a gavl says, "I'll trade you even my 30 years for your 30 days right now." You know, because Dick knew what the new guy had yet to learn was that true happiness is found in the journey, not the destination. It's found one day at a time, living this life sober, the good and the bad. we wouldn't know the good but for the bad.

Uh, one, I'll trade you even right now. I didn't understand that at first, but I do now. I'll trade you even my my 30 years for your 30 days right now cuz I'd love to go through this ride again.

It's been a wild ride. New guys, buckle up. You know, if you climb on this train, buckle up cuz uh they told me it keeps getting better.

I didn't believe it, but they're right. You know, I used to think it was just I keep putting the buck in the basket. Mm-m.

you know, and and really on a very real sense, that's that's really one of the most important things we do is what we did here tonight or on a small scale, we come to the meeting, we take up a chair, put a buck in the basket, and and that's where it happened for me some 18 years ago when those people did their job that night. They came to the meeting, took up a chair, put a buck in the basket. Thank God for that.

To a guy who's going out and celebrating the next day, and I've never had to, you know, am I grateful enough for that? So, I'd like to thank you guys for coming and uh in this celebration of sobriety, uh doing what we do, uh enjoying life and and being the examples that we are. And I heard it walking down the hallway here, man.

It's just, you know, the conferences and the Cook Forests and and the Founders Days and the World Conferences and all all the all the celebrations, you know, the there's just so much. It's such a rich um I used to wonder what the heck am I going to do sober, man? I'll tell you.

you don't have to worry about it. Nature of horror is a vacuum and man it just uh but I I love it. I love it.

And I'd like to thank you guys for coming. Once again, I'd like to thank the committee um uh for for all the activity that they they do here and putting this thing together, all their hard work. And um I'd like to thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous and that old-timer that told me humility is the key.

>> >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.

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