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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> Thank you, Ronnie. Hi, everybody.

My name's Edy and I am an alcoholic. >> Uh I can't tell you uh I want to thank Mary uh first of all and I want to thank the committee. Uh this is a tremendous honor and privilege for me to be able to be here and share with you.

Uh I attended my first uh spring fling in uh 1980. So that was 19 19 years ago was my first uh and it was over at the Woodlake Inn. Uh my my aunt uh who's uh got sober about a couple of years before I did brought me to the spring fling and uh a lot has changed in 19 years.

Uh uh so uh I you know I I'm of course you know I'm a little nervous today but there are some people here that I really want to acknowledge that have come from my work and uh it just touches me that they're here and they're in the back of the room and uh Mickey and Andrea and Cindy, thank you so much for for being here for me. Thanks. It's great.

Andrea, I was telling Andrea, you know what I'm up to and I I'm only going to talk for 45 minutes. Mary says I have to quit at 12:30 or she'll shoot me. I I told Andrea I was going to speak for an hour and a half just I was just playing with you.

At any rate to tell you a little bit of uh what it was like and uh uh what happened and what it's like today. Uh they talk about uh they talk about me and the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous when they call seeking lower companionship. Uh Jesus Christ.

Would you turn that off? >> Is it time? >> Yeah.

>> I'm just kidding. It's uh You know what? It is the '9s and information technology is the way of the world.

We're not being beefed. We're getting paged or rung, aren't we? It's nothing like throwing you off your train of thought, though.

So, where was I? I'm uh seeking lower companionship. I grew up with the kind of people that they they they talk about in the big book.

Uh uh I am the product of a mixed marriage in the early 50s. My mother uh who's American Indian and uh Hispanic married my father who uh is uh uh French and English. They were I am the product of a mixed marriage and uh uh there were challenges growing up with that and because not only I think that do do we have difficulty fitting in as alcoholics, we have difficulty fitting in as people and you know in my family my I'm always I'm always so honored to be able to share at a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous because I absolutely know that I am a miracle.

Uh my mother uh Henrietta never made it to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And uh and I've learned from the old-timers uh in AA that uh the disease of alcoholism is is cunning, baffling, and powerful. And uh it is very destructive in our families.

And uh my mother uh never made it to an AA meeting and uh it took me a long time to be grateful for the fact that I made it to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was a retread in AA. Uh, but I want you to know that that how my mother quieted her madness and what happened for her is that in 1958 and I don't know what was going on in my mother's life and I'll probably never know but I know that she wasn't blessed with a with a program of AA and I you know I was told that she had been on a a twoe drunk and uh that she seemed to be troubled but my mother was the kind of person that didn't talk about what was going on.

I come from a family of of silence. We don't talk about those problems still today in the Valdez family. They don't talk about my mother or what happened with my mother.

I've gone back and I've tried to find out information because I'm very curious about my mother. But what my mom did in in uh 1958 on on a Monday afternoon is uh she walked down the hall, she walked into her bedroom, she sat on the ed edge of the bed and she shot and killed herself. And when I was three and a half years old, I was the one that found her.

So, if you think that I got here with some issues about abandonment and and and those things, I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous and Wrangler jeans and flannel shirts and two six-packs of beer and forget you. I had a little bit of an attitude. Uh I the first spring fling I ever went to, I went to because uh my aunt put me in a car and hauled me there.

I sat in the back of the room at the old Woodlike Inn. That's where it used to be. And uh there was a woman there by the name of Liz, Liz S.

that spoke. And you know, I think that that that we we keep coming to the the meetings long enough that we we get to hear our story. And I'll never forget hearing that woman.

And I was sitting in the bath of the room and in in that big ballroom that they had and it was uh sat I think she was Saturday night and uh and she talked about living in Downey, California and being poor and having the having the church uh bring food over to their home. And uh she got home and she found out what was going on. and she was a young teenager and she said she she found out that the that the food was donated from the church and she took the cans of food and she started throwing it out the front door because it wasn't starving to death wasn't half as bad as letting anybody know.

So what I know is that you get to Alcoholics Anonymous and you get here with a lot of secrets. You you know I walked through the doors and I I was somebody that was incredibly my spirit was incredibly wounded. I was wounded and uh uh it took a long time.

My journey in AA has not been an easy one. Uh I'm a warrior. I'm a fighter and I ask why and I want justice and can you imagine that causes a little bit of conflict.

Uh uh as a child growing up uh I think that we get here with a lot of uh of the things that were told to us. the re what I'm going to talk about today and what what I want my topic to be. Are there any new people here in their first year of recovery?

>> Would you mind telling us your names? >> I'm Lee. I'm an alcoholic.

>> Hi Lee. >> I'm Ray. I'm an alcoholic.

>> Hi. >> Hi Ray. >> Welcome.

>> I'm Marty. I'm an alcoholic. >> Hi.

>> I'm Dave. I'm an alcoholic. >> Welcome.

Yeah. >> Hi Dave. >> And you're all in your first year.

And there's another >> Well, welcome to all of you and I I hope that that the ones of you that identified yourself will find in Alcoholics Anonymous what I have found and I found a home here and uh what I can tell you about the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is it's a wonderful experience. What I what I recommend that you do is is you find a home group. My home group is group three.

I think it's the greatest meeting in in all of Sacramento. Uh, and I know today that I am sober by the grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and great sponsorship. So, I hope you find here what I found here.

Uh, I I uh I was a kind of drinker that uh was a blackout drinker. I was a blackout pug and drinker. I uh start had my first drink of alcohol.

And I think that you learn to mimic the people that you grow up with. After my mother died, I lived with some relatives, various relatives, and they were those uh uh bar- drinking people. Uh they used to go to the bars and say they'd park the car and they'd say they'd be right back.

And four or five hours later, they'd show up with a with a Coke and a bag of peanuts and say, "We'll be right back." Right? You know, it's they but they would disappear. And after a while, and I don't know if any of you had bar drinking uh people that come from families or parents that were bar drinkers that had you after a while, you'd have to lay down.

you'd have to lay down in the car because the authorities would be suspicious and uh you know I don't know why this day or this evening and it was night time why it was any different but I think you'd learn to mimic the people that you grow up with and the people that I was growing up with at this time in my life were not people that took alcohol and put it in a glass with with uh with ice and had a cocktail. I didn't grow up with cocktail drinkers. I grew up with the kind of people that pulled it out from underneath the seat.

They cranked off the lid and they took a big drink and they grunted and they handed it to the people next to him. Now, I thought the grunting was a was a cultural thing. Uh because my cuz my Tata used to always go to my Tata, which means grandfather, used to uh go to the refrigerator and get a drink of water out of the jug and always take a big drink and grunt.

So, I thought it was just a Hispanic thing. Uh uh. But this night I discovered why they grunted because I pulled that bottle out from underneath that seat and it's a bottle of Sigram 7 and it had about this much in it.

And uh I cranked off the lid and and I I kicked it back and I took a huge gulp of whiskey. You know it it it just like it it came out of my tear ducts. It made my ears pop and I went Yeah.

And now I realize what they were gring about is that it hurt. But it, you know, the the magic of of the magic occurred in just a a short period of time because I felt that burn go all the way down and and when it got to my belly, it just spread out and went, "Wow." And for the first time in my life, I thought, man, that you know that warm feeling that uh that that that just kind of comes over you and you get that feeling like it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay.

And for a long long time, alcohol did that for me. I could get that I could get that medicine and I could make that magic happen. And I would like to tell you that when the magic went away and when that warm feeling went away and when that when I couldn't no longer take that that that that swig of whiskey or whatever it was and that and that magic didn't happen.

I wish that I was somebody that could say to you that I went and sought help. But that's not that's not my story. I'm one of those people who knew a long time before I got to Alcoholics Anonymous that it had not worked for a long, long time.

Alcohol and drugs. I'm not going to get into the other part of my story because I I absolutely believe in the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. And what I'm going to tell you is that little white stuff just sped me up getting here for that.

I'll be forever grateful. And that's what I'll have to say about that. But I was fortunate, you know, I look back and I've been thinking now what am I going to talk about today?

You know, I walked through my first spring fling. I was 24 years old, you know. I mean, I just uh I just turned 45.

I'm 45 years old. I'm 16 years sober. And I don't know that it gets any better than that.

You know, I mean, uh the promises of Alcoholics Anonymous have come true in my life. And uh you know, the women in the back of the room, uh you know, uh Andrea is my mentor at work. And let me tell you, I work at UC Davis and I am not an easy but I have not been easy.

The and you know these three women in the back of this room have been such an incredible example. Such an incredible example to me about leadership, about dignity, about respect, and so have people like Louise and Mary and Ronnie, you know, and Patty K. You know, I was in a recovery facility down in Modesto called Reality and and Patty Kay was our Patty Kay was our uh our speaker and uh Patty, I'll always remember that night.

You know, you came and you were dressed in this really really lovely chiffon red dress >> and these little spiked heels and you look wonderful. you know, you come in and she gets up there and she starts talking and she goes, "Well, you know, I've come to tell you the difference between a rich or oi and a poor oke. A rich oi, a poor oke is oi that only has one mattress tied to the top.

And I'm here to inform you that a rich oke is one that's got two tied to the top of the car. And that's who I was when I got here. And from that moment on, I loved her.

So, I had my first drink in in uh Jesus. Yeah. Boy, you know how long it took me to get ready today?

Cuz I wanted to look my best today. Well, thank you. Thank you.

Uh I was uh I went to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous in uh oh, I don't know, 79, something like that. my younger brother uh we got out of the VA hospital in Menllo Park and he said he came to live with me in in Merrced and he said you know Edie uh I have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous but they won't let me go unless a blood member takes me. Now I don't know what the prerequisites for the membership of Alcoholics Anonymous are but I can tell you this.

I thought it was a good idea. So I I you know and I didn't think that I was an alcoholic you know I just didn't think that I was an alcoholic. I you know the the woman that I lived with after my mother died is uh when we go when we went to live with her she was in the chronic stages of alcoholism chronic stages of alcoholism.

Really what happened is she took my hand and she took my little brother's hand and she she took us to the places that women alcoholics go where women alcoholics go to get their medicine. So without going into great detail in a general way, what I'm going to tell you is a little child that I went to places and I seen things and experience things that little children shouldn't auto experience. So when when it got to that when I got to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and it was presented to me that the possibility is is that I could be an alcoholic.

I'm like contr contr you know I have a card that's registered. You you know one of the most spiritual things that'll happen to you in Alcoholics Anonymous and I could I I remember running to Primary Purpose and bragging about the fact that I had the checks the address on my checks the address on my registration and the address on my driver's license matched. It matched.

Can you remember that day? You know, you sit in a meeting that day and you look up at that first step and we're talking about my life is beginning to look manageable. You know, and that's a far cry from when you get here and you think there's no real problem, right?

Well, I you know, I got a little drinking problem, but other than that, man, oh, manageable. I don't know about that. That that insane thing.

Oh, please. It takes a long time for some of us to get it. It takes a long time.

So, in this first meeting that I went to, uh, I don't know if any of you in your first meeting of Alcoholics and I make up made up anything, but I make up stuff. I am the queen of contempt prior to investigation. I walked into that meeting and they had a sign-in sheet.

So, I made up Well, I grew up in foster care. I know about government issued food cuz you know in the foster care in the early 60s you know through the the early 60s and 70s the foster care uh providers or foster homes you got the the amount of food was given to you contingent on how many foster children were there. So, doesn't it make sense that if you go to an AA meeting and they have a sign-in sheet and you grow up with a bunch of dopamine alcoholics that I made up that you turn the list in to a social worker and contingent on the number of people on the list, they then allocate coffee.

So, I'm a thinker. I'm a thinker. Okay.

Now, uh, people, you know, I mean, I'm I'm a thinker, but I got here with low self-esteem, thinking I didn't have the ability to think because, you know, we're told a lot of things when we're when we're growing up due to the fact that that Mary was a a lady of the night. Occasionally, she'd get picked up for her profession. She didn't quite manage herself well in this area and occasionally she'd get put in jail for prostitution.

So, what would happen is we would get put in holding homes and when we get put in holding homes, we used to be evaluated. Now I had a man evaluate me when I was like 9 10 years old and I'm 9 10 years old going on 30 right and they used to like to take me in a room and they had a file see I was really the ward of state of California until I was 18 years old after my mother died and uh the file was very thick about my you know my file was thick because I was quite a festive child. Uh anyhow, he would take me into this room and he used to like uh he was a child psychologist, child psychologist.

He's an overweight man with sweat beating out of the top of his head. And he asked me questions that I felt were inappropriate. He wanted to ask me questions about my mother's death.

He wanted to ask me questions, questions that the truth of the matter is that I didn't talk to anybody about. So at the end of our little interaction, this man informed me that I was uh I was angry. I thought, my this is a really bright man.

Uh we will hand that to him. He is really bright. He told me that due to my anger and uh hostility that I'd probably spend my adult life incarcerated in prison because I had the inability to adapt.

Now I felt, you know, that's a reachable and attainable goal. Right. You know, I come from the kind of people that take pride in their tattoos.

Uh, you know, the the people in the Valdez family could, you know, I was I was probably eight, nine years old when I realized, you know, you can tell I could spot a a county t county tattoo from a state uh uh you know, the system the system, if you've been in the county, you're not really a good convict. and they and they haven't been there long enough to really get the technique down. But after they spend time in the state penitentiary and federal penitentiary, they get better at tattoos.

So I was taught at a very young age I can look at somebody and tell well there he's not even a good convict. >> A real one. >> Yeah.

You know, a real one. Yeah. These are the things that I got to you with.

I knew that when I was uh 11 years old that I didn't want to live uh you know, I had some goals in life. I knew that I didn't want to be a I knew I didn't want to be an alcoholic. And I knew I didn't want to live in a fort.

I mean, these, you know, I mean, I I'm clear that I'm an a goal oriented gal right now. When I was in high school, how I got to Cha Chilla and how I met uh uh Ronnie is uh I was relocated. It was only supposed to be for the weekend.

Uh what happened is uh the woman that I live with uh Mary uh the alcoholism started to take over in her life and now uh we're living in Watsonville. She's doing the labor camps. She has cerosis of the liver.

She's she's really, you know, the effects of alcoholism were running rampid. We lived in a hotel above an old bar. The furniture in the place that we lived was a box springs and mattress with artichoke crates and that was our home.

The reason it was so hard for me to to accept that I was a woman alcoholic was I in my mind's eye. I think you get pictures and in my mind's eye that picture. Die, you need to do something with that thing.

Like just turn it off. Thank you. >> Well, while while she's doing that, does that thing have an off button?

>> I realize that you're a doctor and they're wanting you to come to the ER, but >> it's okay, Daddy. It just screws up with my train of thought because I'm thinking, my god, there's an urgency over here. >> And where was I?

>> I was Where was I? I was >> asparagus or oh okay the >> so uh with Mary as a child growing up with her uh you know I want you to know that she died when she was 33 years old and who took care of her was me. You know it got to the end uh through the last days of her life.

She drank Carlo Rossi wine out of the out of the gallon jug and I was the one that would pour it in those little shrimp cocktail glasses, right, that you eat the shrimp out and then you get the little glass. You remember those? >> Right.

And and in the morning what I would do is I'd pour that wine into that that little cup and I would take it over and I would give it to her and usually take two or three of them before she could take keep it down to get the sickness off of her. So when I got to AA and they told me that I was an alcoholic, I said, "No, I don't think so." See, I know what a woman alcoholic looks like, and that's not me. So, part of my process of surrender was is that I thought you had to be a lot worse than I was.

So, I had to do a lot more research. What I want you to know is that uh I went to live with my father two weeks after I went to live with my birth father. My birth father came back into my life and he took my brother and myself to live in San Jose and two weeks later Mary died in that hotel.

She died alone. Her esophagus ruptured and she bled to death and she was 33 years old. So, I know that I have I'm I'm clear about the disease of alcoholism and what it can do to you and how quickly it can do it to you.

So, I know that I'm blessed to be able to be here. Uh you know, uh uh I went to live with my dad and uh we, if you can imagine, we had a little bit of a a challenged relationship. I hated him.

I hated him. I just hated him. And what I want you to know is at uh by 4 4:30 or 5 o'clock today, my dad's going to be at my house, my birth father, because I have forgiven him.

I know that he did the very very best that he could do with what he had to work with. He He isn't in my life as a father figure, but he's my friend. He's my friend.

and I'm going to bring him to the spring fling and uh and he's going to get to see what what celebration is about. I want you to know that my father has not had a drink of alcohol since 1972 and he does not go to Alcoholics Anonymous. I joined Elanon so that I don't have to, you know, Jesus.

I just wish he'd worked the steps. You know what I'm saying? It's just like my God.

the other day he was telling me about, you know, being in the grocery store. He's 76 years old. He hasn't had a drink in all these years.

And he's standing in the grocery store in Bakersfield, California. And he sees this little girl who has this curly brown hair and these big brown eyes, and he becomes paralyzed because he thinks about me and how awful it must have been for me. And he's telling me this on the phone a week ago, and I said, you know, Dad.

And I I listened to him and I said, "You know, Dad, this is what I want you to know. I didn't have the greatest childhood, but I want you to know that I absolutely believe today that is the biggest asset that I have in my life." Dad, if you would have stayed, if you would have stayed and say we would have had the life with a little white picket fence and I would have graduated from high school and you would have gave me a BMW and I would have went to school at UC Davis. Do you think they'd be calling me from all over the country to go share my experience, strength, and hope?

No, Dad. The truth of the matter is is that I'm a woman of color that's 16 years sober that has an incredible message of hope. Dad, so you know what I want you to know, Dad?

I want to thank you for that because as a little kid, you know, I've been through, you know, how many years of therapy I've been through, how many groups I've been through. I've been through it all. I've, you know, I've burnt sage.

I've, you know, I did rebirththing. I've I I've done all sorts of things. And believe me, every bit of it, every bit of it helped me.

And I worked the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. and I got into service and I and I take new people to meetings and I, you know, I pour coffee and I wash cups and I take down the Christmas tree because I'm a member of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I asked my dad, you know, he told me he'd he'd like to come and visit, but the only weekend would be this weekend or and I started to say, well, you know, I don't want him to come on this weekend because, you know, I'm going to be going to the spring fling.

And I thought to myself, look, what like a light went off. Hey, Dad. I think I want you to come during the spring flinging.

I'm going to take you to the spring fling. And so, he's going to come and you're going to notice. And if any of you see me with this this white-haired guy who's very proper, he's very well read, highly intelligent guy who's uh writing a book on the history of theology.

>> I'd like for you to sit down and talk to him about AA. I think he could pro, if he did a force, I think he'd get some freedom from that little girl in the grocery store. Uh, but that's not for me to say.

Uh, I'm jumping around here and you know, I do that. It's five minutes after one. I got five minutes after one.

What do you all have? >> 10 after. I got 20 minutes.

You You cannot believe what I can get done in 20 minutes. Andrea, you're going to be amazed what I can get done in 20 minutes. So, I didn't tell you a lot about my drinking.

The kind of drinking that I was was, you know, Ronnie can tell you all about it cuz Ronnie and I used to drink together, but I love to drink in those sleazy little chicken bars that play country western music and have pig knuckles. I don't know if any of you are old enough to remember pig pickle pig's feet, but I love to like, you know, I love to go into those bars that you can smell two blocks away, right? Kind of a little bit dark, you know?

You get in there and you start drinking a few cold ones, you know, and and and and then you start playing, you know, uh Merl Haggard. I'm always on a mountain when I fall, you know, and and you know, you're you're like sucking on a knuckle and it's 11:30 at night and you look across the bar and you've made a new friend. And I'm going to tell you, it doesn't get any better than that, right?

And and it what happens is all that goes away. All that goes away. And you know, uh I started, you know, uh I was telling you about my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I went there and after the meeting, after I told them all about my younger brother, they uh they came up to me and start and the women gave me their telephone numbers. I was offended. I was offended.

I thought, my god, you know, I've got a job and I'm here because of him. It took me a long, you know, I've only been in Alenon a little over a year, a year and a half. I don't know what took me so long to get to Alanon.

I think it's denial. Uh I think it's denial. At any rate, uh I become a retreat in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I started going and and hanging out at AA because I I knew, you know, uh I learned in that first meeting that that blackout drinking is what occurs for alcoholics. See, I thought that my when I drank and and it went away, the the memory I thought was because I had a low IQ because when I was in high school in Chailla, uh there was a guy by the name of Mr. Welk that took me in in your sophomore year of high school.

Uh he took me in uh to to uh look at my file about preparing me for Harvard. Uh and he, you know, opened up the he opened up my file and he kind of looked down at my file and looked at me and looked down at my file and then looked at me and just closed my file. And he said, "Based on your low IQ, we don't have to do any preparation for you." actually based on your low IQ, I don't know how you got in general population.

Now he's got me curious. And I said, "Well, how bad is my IQ?" And he says, "Well, you got an IQ of 83." And I said, "Well, well, how bad is 83?" And he says, "Well, you know, people with IQ of 83 usually have trouble holding spit in their mouth." And I'm like, "Well, golly gee, I guess I'm stupid." So, you got the guy telling me I'll spend my adult life incarcerated in prison. You have Mr.

Welp telling me that that uh I have a very low IQ. He told me that maybe I could try a technical school that, you know, that would be the best I could do. It seems that I'm very, you know, I was in art and I did a lot of stuff in Mr.

Langren's class. I hung out with him because you could smoke pot. Uh and uh he told me if I ever got a D in g in in general my general education classes that I should really look at as as like a major breakthrough.

So in the next foster home I was in uh you know I got D's and Fs, right? And they were you know the the the woman Birdie Hargus is the the foster home that I was in at the time said uh you've really got to do something to improve your grades. And I said, 'Well, you need to go talk to Mr.

Welk. He said if I ever got a D that was a breakthrough due to my low IQ that I shouldn't uh even be in general population. I shouldn't.

It's amazing. I hold spit in my mouth. And so she went and had a talk with Mr.

Well, and she said that that she didn't want to have that in my record. So they actually she uh brought a man in to test me uh to test my IQ. And what I want you to know is is that I don't have an IQ of 83.

I have an IQ somewhere like in the low 130s. Okay. I'm kind of highly native intelligent, but as as Andre and Mickey can attest, I do not know how to spell even to this day.

Most most communications that I send out to campus, I send to them so that they can edit them because, you know, the words that I write, the spell check says no suggestion. But that doesn't mean that I'm stupid. It just means the girl can't spell.

Uh uh you know when he was testing me, this this man was testing me. He gave me all of there's lots of different things that they test you and that they give you pictures and and you put puzzles together with pictures and I'm like off the scale really intelligent over there. But then he asked me about the Vatican.

Now I want you to know being a good Hispanic I was uh baptized and ears pierced at six months. I'm a Catholic, but I did not know the Vatican was where the Pope lived. He says, "Do you know what the Vatican is?" And I thought, "Well, Vatican, I thought." And I said, "Well, you know, there's a lot of wineries around here." And I, you know, these those big rubber things that carry wine.

I'm thinking, well, you know, it's like a vat. Maybe they line it with cans. Vat a can.

You got to vet a can. Yeah. Well, I guess you had to be there.

At any rate, At any rate, what I want you to know is that that little girl that was told all these things is who walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. And when I got to you, I believe that I couldn't read or write. I had uh a lot of hostility, a lot of hate, and a lot of shame.

So, it's taken a lot of work with people like Louise and other people. I've had great mentors. I have great great love for the for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And the truth of the matter is they tell you that when you get here that Alcoholics Anonymous, that they'll love you and tell you they can love yourself. And you know, you don't really understand that while you're here, when you first get here, you don't really understand the distinction of that. You don't understand what that really means.

But what I can tell you is that I was taught when I was new. You know, my my home group was the primary purpose. And uh the primary purpose put on this spring fling for the first five years until we turned it over to the greater Sacramento.

I was uh on the the spring fling committee for the first eight years of my recovery. And when I became a member of primary purpose uh only the primary purpose people it was were a lot of them I think we pretty much dominated control of the committee but we have surrendered that pretty much uh but you know I wasn't a long enough sober I wasn't long enough sober to uh hold any position so why created a position I was the very first historian for the spring flood and uh they said they said well we'll just create this position if she doesn't follow through it will not negatively impact at the conference. But I had, you know, I got these mannequins.

I got these mannequins and I put they used to the Spring Fling used to have the hostesses and wear these little unbelievable dresses, right? I got a mannequin that had it. You remember that?

Yeah. It was just I had all this stuff. I don't know what happened to it.

We put it in a box and somebody has it. I wish I would have held on to it. But I was able to to be a part of the spring fling for the first eight years of my recovery.

And I absolutely believe that immensely contributed to me learning how to be in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. So if you're new and the people that identified themselves, what I recommend is that you get involved in AA that you become uh part of the fellowship. I'm going to read something uh to you because it's my favorite page.

And when I was publicity chair, I had actually put it in the program because I could because I was publicity and uh it I just love this part and I'm going to read it because you know in the time that we have I don't have a whole lot of time. So I'm going to read this. The last 15 years of my life have been rich and meaningful.

I've had my share of problems, heartaches, and disappointments because that is life. But also, I have known a great deal of joy and a peace that is handmade and of an inner freedom. I have a wealth of friends and with my a friends and unusual quality of fellowship.

For to these people, I am truly related. First through mutual pain and despair, and later through mutual objectives and newfound faith and hope. And as the years go by, working together, sharing our experiences with one another, and also sharing our mutual trust, understanding, and love, without strings, and without obligations, we acquire relationships that are unique and priceless.

There is no more aloneeness with that awful lake so deep in the heart of every alcoholic that nothing before could ever reach. God, I just love this page. The ache is gone and never need return again.

Now there is a sense of belonging of being wanted, needed, and loved in return for the bottle and a hangover. We have been given the keys of the kingdom. And that has been what's been given to me in Alcoholics Anonymous.

You know, when I was three years sober, I was self-employed. That's because I was hanging out at group three with a lot of potential in noon meetings. I was just I had a lot of potential and it was uh I don't know Louise, you remember all of you that got together and filled out that application for that state job?

Do you remember that? I couldn't you know I mean they put together this uh this this resume for me resume. I mean, they like sat me down and you know how old numbers in a they they they talk and take notes and they put this thing together and I got this, you know, the application and they helped me fill it out and I sent it off to the state of California and they they sent me back a letter saying I had a test date to be a inspector, a project inspector for the state architect's office and and I and uh I don't remember who it was.

I think it was Patricia and somebody else. Uh, Patricia C, that took me down and let me off at the at the community center downtown and me and 700 men took a test. Uh, you know, and what I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, a lot of it is just completing the process.

It's like starting out on step one and going through and, you know, finding someone, finding a sponsor and somebody that you can do the work with, somebody that you can do that fourth step with. Because you know I absolutely believe that the power of the fourth step is what it does is like the only thing in front of me in my life was my past. And I think what the four fourth step does for you is in distinguishing those things, identifying those fears and clearly getting in in line in the columns.

And if you do it as it states in the big book, I absolutely believe that tremendous freedoms available. And what happens what happens in the process what happens in that process is is your past gets taken and it gets properly filed in the past. And what opens up is a possibility of your future.

And and there's so much possible. I mean so much possible. Well, you know who who got to you was a broken, hostile, angry little girl.

And when I went into that to take that that test, you know, there was some, you know, of course guys give you a little bit of a hard time. Um, some guy said, "You, you know, did you come to take the test for your dad?" And I said, "Well, yeah, you know, he's drunk at home. Somebody's got to do it." Uh, you got to have a sense of humor.

You know what happened is it you were only allowed four hours on the test. And I took the test right up until the point they told me they kicked me out, >> you know, and I don't at the time of of my taking that test, I don't know inside, I didn't feel like I was going to pass it, but I sure felt good about completing the process. And a lot of what life is about is facing your fears.

Facing your fears and and and and going beyond that what you think you can do, that what you think you can do. And it doesn't hurt to reach out there and and do it because us in Alcoholics Anonymous and the FE fellowship will always be there to help carry you. And you know what happened is I passed the test.

This, you know, I passed the test and I was the first woman ever hired to do industrial inspection for the state architect's office. You know, is that like close to astonishing? It's absolutely close to astonishing.

You know, I got HERE AND I BOUGHT all my clothes in the feed store. I I had no self-esteem to go into Macy's or do any of those things. I didn't feel good about myself.

And I thought the best I'll ever be is a carpenter. I joined, you know, when I took Mr. Wel's advice when I got out of the house high school.

I joined the carpenters union in 1979. I turned out at a journey level and I thought, gosh, you know, this is pretty good. This is going to be pretty good for me.

You know, I went on after a after uh I was sober a few years and I got my general contractor's license and I went to work for the state architect's office and I went to work on the on the prisons and uh I was located down in Southern California and you know, God, I was like four four years sober and alone in San Diego and and scared, you know, and and it was a whole different distinction for me on on that job because what happened is uh I was no longer carrying my tools. I was somebody with authority. I want to tell a little bit of a story about what happened because I think it's really I think it contributes to what you get taught in Alcoholics Anonymous and uh you know I was I was the first uh day that I was on that job guy by the name of Al was assigned to me you know Al been an inspector for 28 years wore his Dickies starch to the tea he took inspection so important he wore his hard hat inside the car and that little Dodge Dart you know, it's like a hard, you know, driving with that hard hat inside the car.

I, you know, I never knew what that was about, but, you know, I thought, "This guy is significant." And we're driving, it's 900 acres, and we're driving down. He's supposed to familiarize me with the site. And he he looks over at me and he says, "Well, we knew them minorities are going to show up.

Just didn't know when." So, you know, you think, "Golly, I got no banana nut bread. So, we know what are we going to do? I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, I'M not going to like attack him, which was really an oddity.

This is the time where, you know, God is working in your life far beyond anything that you would have ever done because I'm a junkyard dog, right? That comes from the streets and there's plenty of things I wanted to say to that old man. So, I said, "Well, what other minorities are coming besides me?" Now, for you older people and for a lot of people, I'm going to tell you exactly what Al said because I want you to get the true essence of Al.

And if I don't tell you exactly what Al said, you just are not going to get the true essence of Al. And you're not going to get how AA's really worked in my life. Al turned to me and said, "Well, we're going to have two an Indian, and a Now we're just waiting on the two and the Indian." Yeah, you get you.

Now, now this now this is when you're sitting in the dodge dart and you think I think that the old-timers taught me that this is where I practice the principles of the program. Not that I want to practice the principles because see there's uh somebody living inside of me that had plenty to say to Al. And I don't know where this came from, but I absolutely know that sometimes God does for you what you cannot do for yourself.

And I turned to Al and I said, "I really get that you must have resistance in my being here. I've never talked like that before. I get that you must have resistance in my being here.

But it's not okay that you ever talk to me like that again." And I learned that from the women in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I went on to I was on that job a couple of years and uh I learned to go before everybody got there and I learned to leave after they had gotten there to just avoid the contact. And it wasn't long before I I filed a uh I learned to file a grievance.

I went through this whole thing. There's a lot of other things that I'm not going to go into that. The most important thing is is that what I learned to do as a woman in a work environment is I learned to stand up for myself.

And when I stood up for myself, I didn't stand up for myself because I'm going to sue them. I stood up for them myself. So that you know the measurable result that I produced out of my standing up is no woman goes to work for the state of California and is located in a remote area that is not given a packet of instruction of where to call or what to do.

Sensitivity training was given to all the inspectors that that had to do with remote work. And that is something that I learned in Alcoholics Anonymous. And for that, I'll always be grateful because I absolutely believe that when we get here, it's our responsibility to be all that we can be.

Not just a little bit. All that we can be. You know, I went to work for the for UC Davis and it was like I I I couldn't believe that that I got a job out at UC Davis.

You know, I came here the spring fling. I was living down in San Diego and they invited me to come to be a 15-minute speaker. And when I came up here, I saw in the paper there was a a a job out at UC Davis and I thought, well, I'll apply for that job and we'll just see what God has in mind, right?

Let's just see what God has in mind. And I, you know, I went through the process and I filled out everything and uh I I mailed it off and I got a letter saying that I needed to come for an interview. Now, I've never had an interview.

The state of California doesn't have interview. Take a test and then you get hired off of a list. So, I went to to to physical plan at UC Davis and uh they gave me the job description which is five pages.

They said, "Why don't you go ahead and review this if you have any questions for the committee?" I didn't know anything about a committee, right? But I thought, well, you know, I'm here and there's a woman by the name of Alabama that I used to love to listen to her tapes and she says, you know, you just get dressed and God will do the rest, honey. And I figured, >> you know, I was dressed, so I figured, well, I'm already here and it seems like this job description is a bit out of my capabilities, but we'll just go through the interview process for the experience.

And I, you know, five people interviewed me and I looked them down, you know, I looked them in the eye and I I was the best person I could be in that interview and I answered the questions about best of my ability and six weeks later they called me and told me that I got the job. Right. It's it it's like it's it's amazing.

I was just almost like five years sober and and and I got this job and you know the the thing that I find the most entertaining is that they gave me all the grandmaster keys to UC Davis and you know being the alcoholic that I am I went and tried them all out and you know uh a lot has occurred for me in in in my career out there. about uh about four years ago uh there was a job for a development team and you know in the middle of all of this Andrea and Mickey of you know Mickey is the chair for uh said the staff of American Indian descent and and I met Andrea when she was the chair of the Hispanic staff association and today I'm the chair of of uh SADK which is staff uh SADC staff diversity >> and diversity campuswide adversary committee I'm a tear of that. Can you believe that?

I mean, you wouldn't believe the things that I get exposed to, but it and of course they they help me a lot with all of that. As you well can tell, um, let me tell you this one story and then I'm going to close. Uh, there was this a possibility of a it was called a development position.

They create creating a new department and I thought, you know, I'd like to I'd like to apply for that job and I thought, you know, it's really way out of anything that I could ever do. But I thought, well, you know what? I'm just going to go ahead and try.

I'm just going to try. Why not? I love practice in life.

If anything, Alcoholics Anonymous in the steps have taught me is we get to practice life here. You know, in AA and in the meetings and when we get to share and when we get to be in fellowship, this is where we dive for those balls. Yeah.

You know, you see that ball coming, it's like, are you going to go for it and just kind of put your mitt out there? Are you going to dive for that baby? Right.

And what I've learned to do in Alcoholics Anonymous is I've learned to dive for those balls. I did that's it. That's what I do because I like to live I'm very self-expressed and passionate about life.

So I went to this interview and I walked in. It was one at the MU. is in this big conference room with a you know in a fancy conference is in the MI room and this room is you know really the room the room itself is intimidating because it's so large and it's got a real beautiful wood table and it's a kind where you can see the reflection of people's suits in the table and >> and there were like 12 or 13 people on this on this committee and they asked me a lot of really hard questions a lot of really hard questions and I did the best I could to answer them in the end the last question they asked me was, you know, if you get if you're the successful candidate in this position, you'll be interacting with a lot of highly educated people and and and we want to know, you know, what is it that you do in your community that is a contribution back to the community that you live in?

>> Now, you know, I thought to myself, well, self, >> you can't tell them that you're an alcoholic, >> right? you can't tell them that because they'll think, you know, what will they think of you? And then that other part of me said, you know, if it wasn't for Alcoholics Anonymous, I wouldn't even be here.

So, I looked at him and said, I have a little bit of resistance in sharing with you what I what I do in my community. Uh, but I want you to know that I'm a I'm a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I'm very involved in service work. And and I told him about the H&I work that I've done over the years and the things that I've been involved in.

And I said, you know, and I realize that based on this information that might might be detrimental about the possibility of me getting this job, but I want to really thank you for the opportunity to be here because from where I came from, this is nothing short of a miracle. So, I want to thank you. And I left and I never thought that I was going to get that job.

And do you know what? I got that job. And today, I'm a superintendent in facilities at UC Davis.

And that is, you know, where my last drunk was. My last drunk on July the 11th was in the medical center on Stockton Boulevard. They had me stra they had me strapped to a gurnie, right?

They had me strapped to a gurnie. I had IVs in my arms and hoses up my nose and I was flopping around like a deb cart, right? So when you when they say what's possible in AA, anything's possible because we've been given the keys to the kingdom.

And they say that if you're willing to do that, that great things will come to pass if you're willing to do the deal. and I've been willing to do the deal and great things have come to pass in my life. I'm going to tell you a story about an Indian and then I'm going to sit down.

Uh I went to uh to the uh Las Vegas conference for American Indians uh about eight years or nine years ago and uh in instead of having marathon meetings they have uh talking circles and in a talking circle you stay for the whole completion of the circle and the communication and there was a man that was leading that that was uh 15 years sober and 90 years old. Check that out. He's 15 years sober and 90 years old.

And he was a a medicine man. And he says, "You know, as young people, it's very important that you go to far away places." He says, "You know, as a young child, I used to live on a reservation and the medicine man always carried rocks." And I knew that the rocks that the medicine man carried were spiritual healing rocks. I knew that.

But I couldn't speak to the medicine man until my shoulder was my head was at top of his shoulder. And he said, 'When that day come, I went to him because I wanted to be able to get these powerful healing rocks. He said, so I went to him and I asked him, medicine man, you know, where do we get what are these rocks and where do you get them?

And he said that the medicine man put his arm around his shoulder and he said, well son, I'm just moving that rock. I'm just moving that mountain one rock at a time. He says what we do in Alcoholics Anonymous as American Indians is it says in the first step that we that we get to do this thing together and on some days you know my rocks I can't carry them by myself so you get to help me and over a period of time it doesn't matter how big that your mountain of rocks is the remorse the problems with your family the the the dreams that you never fulfilled on the things that you never did because you just it got to be a place where it's too overwhelming in Alcoholics Anonymous it's a place where you get to come and every day you can move a rock and when you're tired somebody else helps you move that rock and I thought that was a beautiful story and then he said you know the other thing is young people you love to go to far far away places my my nieces and nephews and always want to go to Hawaii and Jamaica and Mexico he says it's good to go to far away places he says that I ask of you that when you go there that you that you you get the soil and you take the soil and you you hold it and you feel the texture of the soil and you smell the soil and know the vegetation.

It's important to know the to know Mother Earth and all the different things that Mother Earth provides. He says, "But I want you to know that the longest journey that you'll ever take will be from your mind to your heart." And that's the journey that we get to take in Alcoholics Anonymous. So, I want to thank you.

It's been an honor and a privilege to be with you. I can't tell you what a wonderful day it's been for me. Thank you.

Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.