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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. I get to go first. That way, Myers can come up here and tie up all the loose ends and stuff, all the all the crap that I forget.

Um, all right. I'm John Kelly. I'm a grateful recovered alcoholic.

And my sobriety date is September the 4th, 99. and I am very very grateful about that and so is my mama. Um, so we do a little, you know, we're going to cover a whole lot of ground today.

It always warms my heart to see people that sacrifice a Friday night and a Saturday night and a Sunday to come hear knuckleheads like me talk, you know? I mean, that's pretty impressive cuz I know we all have lives and families and kids and jobs and stuff that we like to do on Saturday, just screw around and and we're here. So hopefully we won't disappoint.

I am like a participation guy. So do I have like is there anybody here with like more than five desire chips over the years? Y'all can be honest.

No one don't look around. Just raise your hand. Anybody with more than 10, more than 15 or 20?

There's my knuckleheads. I love it. I love it.

I'm not making fun cuz I am that guy, too. Um, and I told you last night in my story when I was about dead in detox and homebound and and these guys came and talked, they blew my mind. I didn't get sober that time, but they said stuff that I never ever heard.

Maybe I heard it in 11 years in AA land, but I never heard it presented this way. And so, we're just going to kind of kick it off. I'm going to do a lot of step one stuff, but just to get my mouth going right, I'm just going to kind of start where I always do.

And in the title of the book, title page of the book, it says, "Alcoholics Anonymous is the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism." All right. Not recovering. I'm still in recovery.

I'm always recovering. I mean, that's like a sniveling, whining person. I worked 12 steps.

I had a spiritual experience. I have recovered from the deadliest illness known to mankind. Alcoholism.

an illness that kills people that don't even have alcoholism. Right? This is their story, their experience.

It's not ideas and opinions. It is experience. And this is what this book is about.

And if you flip the page over past the table of contents to the preface again, you flip me a book, I go to page one and start reading, right? I am a reader. I like to read, but I typically don't spend a lot of time.

There's a lot of information before we get to Bill's story. That's vital. And in the in the preface in the second paragraph, it says that this book has become the basic text for our society.

So, right off the bat, the authors are telling us, they're qualifying this book. And they're telling us that this is a textbook, right? A textbook is totally different from a novel.

I may read the latest John Gisham novel and get blown away and give it to Myers. I'm like, "Dude, you got to read this. This is awesome." I will probably never read that novel again, no matter how great it is.

Right? A textbook is different. A textbook is something we study.

We refer to it, right? It's like in little first grade in math class, a little teacher passed out math books. You know, unless you were the freaking genius of the class, you didn't go to the end of the book, start working long divisions, right?

Each chapter in the mathematics book builds upon the previous chapter. First, we got to learn the numbers. Then, we're going to do simple addition, 1 plus one.

Then, we're going to move on to the next chapter and do some subtraction, then multiplication, and then division. Right? Each chapter builds upon the previous chapter.

Each chapter gives us a problem. It gives us a solution and it tells us how to get from problem to solution. They're calling this book a textbook.

Why is this book a textbook? Why did we study the flip the page? It tells me why.

Forward to the first edition. We of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than 100 men and women who have recovered. I like that word.

Recovered. All right. from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

Well, what the heck is a hopeless state of mind and body? Well, how about this? I can't get through the day without drinking and it's killing me.

In order for me to live, I got to drink and it's killing me. The most powerful desire for me to stay away from booze is absolutely no avail because I drink no matter what. I can't live with the booze.

I can't live without the booze. Right? Seemingly hopeless state of mind and body to show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the purpose of this book.

Precise, right? You dig that? Precise instructions.

What does precise mean? >> Exact. Right.

Precise is no gray area. The book tells me how to take the steps, when to take the steps, with whom to take the steps. It gives me prayers and promises, consequences all along the way.

If I read through the pages of this book and I get inspired and I get hopeful and I want to get what they got, I got to do what they do, right? Precise instruction. I'll give you a little story about precise so we can tie up.

Let's just pretend that it's my my my lovely bride's birthday coming up, right? And I want to do something special, right? And I got my friend Angie here and Angie make is a baker and she likes baking cakes.

She wins prizes at the state fair all the time, right? And I plead with Angie to give me one of her prize-winning recipes so I can make a cake for Melanie. Right.

And after some Himmon and Sahans, she gives me their best recipe she's got. And I go down to the central market and I buy the best ingredients that are on that recipe list cuz I want to make a good impression on my lovely bride, right? And I get home and I get all those ingredients out and I start to mix them up, following the directions.

And there's a knock on my door and it's a little old lady from down the street and she comes in and she inquires what I'm doing and I tell her Melany's birthday's coming up and I'm making her the cake of all cakes. And as I'm mixing it all up, she's looking over my shoulder and she says, "Baby, you're doing that all wrong." And I said, "Well, I'm following the the recipe here." She goes, "Baby, I've been baking cakes longer than you've been alive and you need to use a little less cocoa and you need to do this and you need to do a little of that and not a little of this." And I'm thinking, "Well, God, she's older and you know what? She may know what she's doing, right?

And I do what she says and I can keep making the cake. And I'm getting ready to put it in the oven and she stops me. I'm like, "What are you doing?

I got to bake the cake." She goes, "Baby, you're going to burn that cake up." And I said, "Well, that's what the recipe says. Cook it at 350." Baby, I've been cooking cakes longer than you've been alive. And I said, "Well, what do you suggest I do?" She goes, "You need to back off that heat.

You need to cook that cake at 90° for 90 days. Now, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question.

Is my cake going to turn out like that prize-winning cake? >> No. >> No.

Why? Cuz I didn't follow instructions, right? They're going to give me instructions in this book for him.

For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. AA puts out a lot of books. I got them all.

I got a lot of additional books. There's some great books on alcoholism out there. I encourage you to read them.

The only place on God's green earth where there are instructions on how to take the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is in this book and in this book only. I know we got another little book. A little thinner, easier to carry around.

Written by a man who is 15 years, 16 years sober on what the steps meant at that point in his life. That's like me getting a showing up September the 4th, 1999 and Cliff telling me this is how it is. Great.

I'm coming out of the gutter. How do I get from there to there? That's why I need this book.

And if you don't like what I just said, go read page 17 of the 12 and 12 and they'll tell you the exact same thing. We hope these this account of our experience will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person.

We got a lot of ignorance and misunderstanding out there. They think it's my willpower. They think if I just love them more, I could quit drinking.

They think if I could just pull myself up by the bootstraps, right? So, we've got a chapter called, we got a section called doctor's opinion that we're going to go over in a couple minutes. We've got chapter to the wise, to the employers, right?

The family afterward. Why? To let those cats out there know what is killing me.

Right? And it says, "And besides, we're sure that our way of living has its advantages for all." The short the small picture is I got sober and guess what? I can be part of my family again.

I can hold a job again. I can pay my taxes again. I get to mow the lawn, right?

I get to maybe in my circle help some some new guys. The big big picture is look at all the people that are now sober. Look at the state of Texas doesn't have to pay for me to go to Parkland Hospital and drain resources.

The state of Texas doesn't have to pay for me to go to jail. The state of Texas doesn't have to pay for me to go to home or bound. Right?

It has its advantages for all. All right? And that's the forward to the first edition.

I ain't going to spend too much time on the forward to the second edition because it was written in 1955 and it tells in very broad strokes how a started out very very slowly. Bill met Dr. Bob.

They finally got around to alcoholic number three and they grew slowly. Right? Some key articles were written.

You had the meeting with the Rockefellers, the Saturday Evening Post, Fultoners thing. And after that Saturday Evening Post article, AA blew up exponentially, year after year, wild growth. And the home office of AA is in New York City.

And then when they were writing forward to the second edition, they wanted to get some find out some general facts about their membership around the country. So they questioned the, you know, what's the name of your group? You know, it's not like some scientific empirical evidence, but they asked them, well, you know, when did you start your group?

How many people did you start with? How many you got now? There were groups back then that kept darn good records.

The controversial part of the program is right here. Roman numeral 20 x for those who are Roman numerally impaired. Inner Group in Dallas hates when we do this and they've hated it for years and years and years.

Five lines down. This is what they generally found to be true in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1955 of alcoholics who came to AA and really tried. There's that keyword really tried.

50% got sober at once and remain that way. That's pretty good. 50%.

Half. 50 out of a 100red. 500 out of a thousand.

Pretty good, right? Don't you think? Just to let you know, there's not a treatment center on this planet that sniffs 50%.

Okay? So, something they were doing back in the day, they were doing pretty good. They got half, right?

25% sobered up after some relapses. So, you had knuckleheads back in the early days, right? They got to AA, they may have got a sponsor, they got a little fired up, but for whatever reason, that's like Jim the car salesman, they failed to enlarge their spiritual life, right?

They went back out and did some more drinking. says 25% of them went back and said, "Hey, Jason, what is it that you do again because I'm dying here, right? They got busy." Says, "Out of the remainder of those, two out of three returned as time passed." And like Myers referenced last night, I mean, there's groups with documentation from the 30s and 40s and 50s where they were knocking out eight out of 10, nine out of 10, right?

Fast forward to today and AA worldwide estimates that less than 5% of the people coming to Alcoholics Anonymous will achieve long-term soiet sobriety. I got 12 years. Less than 1% of the people coming to Alcoholics Anonymous worldwide get 12 years.

Where Myers is at. I mean, it's like infantessimal. Strikes me as odd.

What the heck happened from 50%, fast forward 50 years and now we're less than 5%. I mean, what's different? What drugs?

Okay, they had drug towns hospital world famous for sobering them up alcoholics and heroin addicts. You dig? They had problems.

They were in the Great Depression. Rotten nagging spouses are still rotten nagging spouses. Jobs still suck in the IRS, you know, right?

Problems haven't changed. Has booze changed? Last I checked, 80 proof vodka is still 80 proof vodka.

So, what the heck changed? Well, let me break it down how they did it back in the day cuz we all been to AA land. Let me break it down how they did it back in the day and see if that matches up with your experience in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And we'll use my brother Myers here as the the guinea pig. And here's here's Myers Rymer. He's in Homewardbound Detox one more time.

And Myers comes from a good family. And they have tried everything to help Myers in his alcoholism. He's been to Betty Ford.

He's been to sobriety by the Sea. He's been down to Laha Siende. He's been to the Windup joint.

He's been on the Dr. Phil show with his inner child doll. They have tried they have tried everything under the sun to get Myers sober and Myers has tried everything and yet he's in Homerbound detox chewing on his tongue dying one more time.

Well, back in the day the cats from AA we go visit Myers while he's detoxing and we sit down with Myers and we identify with him. We tell him our story. We find out all we can about him and we leave.

And we come back the next day and we sit down with Myers and we go through the same spiel again and we leave. And on the third or the fourth day, I go visit Myers and I sit down with him. And by this time, he knows a couple of things.

And one of those things is I drank as much or more booze than he ever dreamed of. And I'm going home to my hot little wife and he's in a busted up detox. And he says, "Man, I'm just like you.

How in the heck do you stay sober?" Now I got him. Now I get to lay out the program of action that's outlined in this book. Myer says he's a he's a real alcoholic and he'll do anything to get sober.

I become his sponsor and we go through this in a rapid fashion, right? And in a short amount of time, he has gone through the 12 steps. He has recovered from alcoholism and now he is helping the new guy.

Not once did I say they sat around talk sat around a damn table talking about their day their way. Not once. That's the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

So, let's find out what it means to be a real alcoholic cuz I spent a lot of years in AA land and I didn't know what it meant to be a real alcoholic. Oh, I got a disease. Oh, my disease is acting up again today.

You know, so doctor's opinion was written by, you know, the the bulk of it is Dr. Silkworth, Dr. William Duncan Silkworth, the little doctor who loved drunks.

That's a great book. You can get it on Amazon.com. It is awesome.

Dr. Silkworth, like so many people, lost it all in the stock market crash. Needed a gig.

Knew Charlie Towns. Silkworth had a little affinity for alcoholics. He got a job running Towns Hospital.

He had every intention when the market turned around, when he got on his feet again, he'd go back into private practice. It never happened. He loved drunks.

Town's Hospital was world famous, Central Park West, world famous for sobering up alcoholics, right? And Silkworth over his time there, I mean, he worked with like 50,000 or so drunks during his time there. But he couldn't figure out why is it why is it that the guy or the gal who's drinking themselves silly?

Who's going to lose it all? Who's going to lose their family, their reputation, their job, their business, perhaps their life. They go to town's hospital and they get the treatment, the town's Lambert treatment or whatever that was, the hydrotherapy and all that stuff.

And they counsel them on alcohol abuse and they get them eaten right again and doing all that stuff. And this person scared to death, doesn't want to drink again, doesn't want to lose their sweetie pies, they leave the hospital and leave half live happily ever after. And then you had a certain part, certain percentage, 10% or so, who go into the hospital, who get the same lectures, the same treatment, the same warnings, the same everything.

And when they leave the hospital, not only are they drinking again, but they're in far worse condition than the previous time. And so Silkworth came up with the theory. And if you look on Roman numeral XXVI or in a fourth edition XXVI, Roman numeral 28, let's find out what it means.

And it says, "We believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol in these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of a allergy." All right. an allergy, an abnormal reaction to something I eat or drink, right? Got pe I got a little nephew who's allergic to peanuts.

We discovered that when my nephew was like 3 or four years old, reached into a candy dish at at Christmas time, ate a handful of nuts, and darn near died. Had to rush him to the emergency room, pump him full of whatever they did, darn near died. Fast forward today, little Doug is now like 30ome years old.

Guess what? He don't eat peanuts. We could call him right now.

Hey Doug, I'll give you $1,000 to eat a handful and he doesn't want to eat peanuts, right? He has the allergic reaction. I can eat peanuts all day long.

I love them. Right? How does the allergy manifest itself in an alcoholic?

That the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class. It never occurs in the average typerate drinker. So he's saying, the doctor is saying that if I'm a real alcoholic, I have an allergy to alcohol.

It sets me apart from the rest of mankind, right? My body is physiologically different than those normal drinkers. When I drink alcohol, it manifests itself in a form of a craving.

The only thing that one drink has ever done for me is convince me that the next one's going to be better. I cannot control how much I drink cuz once I drink it, I've triggered this allergy. It's beyond my control to stop.

I am powerless over that reaction, right? And I'm off to the races. Doesn't matter what my intentions are.

Doesn't matter if I'm just gonna watch the basketball game with my buddies, have a couple of beers. Once I start, bad stuff happens. Wear a helmet.

All right. I don't like I don't like break into hives with this alley. I've broken into some stuff, but never broken out.

Right? That's the phenomenon of craving. That does not happen in my brother or my couple of brothers.

They they can take it or leave it. They take a drink, whatever. That's not me.

So, there's a question I got to answer in my heart of hearts. Can I control how much I drink? Can I step over to the nearest bar, have a couple of drinks, and stop abruptly and go home?

Ain't going to happen for me. Never. It does not happen, right?

The other twisted experiment is I'm a vodka guy. Put a nice big bottle of Absolute Vodka in your freezer. Let it get really good and cold and go over there and pour you nice a nice big slug and don't drink anymore for the rest of the weekend.

Good luck. That'll be gone before you know it. That's We think, well, God, that's bad, right?

Because if that was my problem in step one, if this allergy is what's my what's my cousin's solution with the peanuts? Don't eat peanuts. Makes perfect sense.

He can even walk by a pile of peanuts and he doesn't freak out, right? I got I know people a lot of people who's allergic to penicellin. What do y'all do with all the CVS's and Walgreens around?

Y'all like freak out when you No, they're allergic to penicellin. They don't take penicellin. Right.

If this allergy to alcohol was my problem, then my solution is very simple. Don't drink. How'd that work out for you?

Uhhuh. Something else. Something else involved in here.

And it says, "These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all." I got to read the labels. Go read Nyquil. Alcohol.

Go read vanilla extract. Lots of al vanilla extract will get you where you need to go in a pinch. Listerine.

It'll get you where you need to go in a pinch. There's a whole bunch of stuff. I got to read the labels.

Now, treatment center number one, this next part is controversial sometimes in AA cuz treatment center number one said this next part that I'm going to read is why my life's unmanageable. Let's test that theory. This book is like mythbusters.

You dig? It'll help you out a lot cuz the way I was taught, if it ain't in this book, it ain't a right. That's the way I was taught.

says, "And once these allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all, and once having formed the habit, once found they can't break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them, and they become astonishingly difficult to solve." And there's a whole lot of people out there will tell you that's why your life has become unmanageable. I beg to differ. You drink like I do.

From the time you come to till the time you pass out, day in day out, problems pile up. They become astonishingly difficult to sol. It's very hard to problem solve when you're blacked out.

Jobs suffer. Relationships suffer. You drink like I do.

That stuff happens. Those are consequences. My life is unmanageable because now that I know I cannot control my drinking.

And at some point in my life, various points in my life, I swore on a stack of Bibles, I will never ever pick it up again. I've made a firm resolution. In a short amount of time, I'm picking it up again.

I'm going to come back to the doctor's opinion. Look at real page 24. Because here's the bad news of step one.

Oh, you thought the allergy was the bad news? No, no, no, no, no. Here's the bad news of step one.

It's an italics. And my sponsor says, "If it's in italics in this book, underline it cuz it's important." Says, "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink." I like that. I've already lost control.

Now they're saying, "I got no choice in the matter." Well, let's see how this plays out. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. Sometimes my willpower is sufficient.

I'll never forget getting out of Homerbound one time and I was at was at the grocery store one day and somehow I made a wrong turn in the grocery store and was on the beer aisle and I had to get back to like the cheese or something was at the and I made it down the gauntlet of the beer aisle and I got what I needed to get and I got out of the store and I was like staying sober is pretty easy, right? My willpower was sufficient. Here's the tricky part, the cunning, baffling part.

We're unable at certain times, not certain times, sometimes, occasionally, usually the worst possible time, were unable at certain times to bring into my consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. Treatment centers 1 through five are telling me, "Play your tape.

play. Think the drink through. Right.

That just is telling me I'm not I I don't remember all the I mean I have not forgotten about all the horrible things alcohol did to me. Believe me, I haven't forgot about him. What that is saying at some point left to my own devices that will be insufficient to keep me away from booze.

Fear soers me a bit. Okay, so let's do a little test. Everybody close your eyes.

I want you to think of the worst, most painful, degrading, humiliating experience that alcohol has ever done to you. Okay. Okay.

Myers, we'll start with you. What was it? I'm just kidding.

I know that one. Fists of fury. But that's um Okay.

So, everybody got that in your head? What were you doing a couple of days later? Oh, you too, huh?

So you'd think like putting my hand on a hot I touched a hot stove when I was little. Guess what? I don't do it no more.

I don't sit there and obsess on today I'm going to touch the piping orange hot stove and not get burned. But alcohol is a whole different matter, right? Alcohol got me to do things I never dreamed I'd do.

And I cannot. That is that memory that is not enough to keep me away from it. left to my own.

What they're saying here is the day that I stop drinking, the clock is ticking. I stop on whatever the day is, January 21st, 2012, the if this is the day I stop, the clock is ticking. And what he's saying was is in a short amount of time, a week or a month or something like that, left to my own devices, I will be unable to stay away from booze.

I will drink no matter what. And for me to drink is to die because I can't control how much I drink. And that's why alcoholism is an illness.

Because left untreated, what do you do? You drink yourself to death because of it. Simple.

Left untreated. What does cancer do? It continues to grow and to multiply until it consumes the host and the host dies.

Left untreated. That's why can alcoholism is no different. Let's go back to the doctor's opinion.

Frothy emotional peel seldom suffice. Did your little loved ones, your little sweetie pies give you some frothy emotional appeal? If you come home again, I'm leaving.

I'm thinking, well, s being single doesn't stink. You know, I didn't like this job anyway, right? Frothy promotional pills seldom suffice.

The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight. Had a lot of great people in Dr. Dr.

Bob's life in the Oxford group giving him some appeal, some frothy emotional appeal, right? Whose message had depth and weight for Dr. Bob.

It was Bill Wilson. Why? Because Bill Wilson was just like Dr.

Bob. Bill Wilson had been in the same hole as Dr. Bob and he knew the way out.

He had a message of depth and weight. Cliff Bishop had a message of depth and weight. Right?

That's it. says their um in nearly all cases their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves if they are to recreate their lives. Let's look at the bottom of the page because I'm probably running out of time.

Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol, right? And that's a true statement. Why does the normal Joe out there like like a beer or a glass of wine now and then?

I mean, you got Soma up the up the road a few hours, right? Why do they like that? What?

God, it's great, right? You get have a long day at the office and you come home and the wife's there. This is sexist.

I know we're so much more advanced, but this is the wife's making dinner and the the 2.2 kids are do doing their homework and the husband comes home and he's had a long day and he grabs the paper, his iPad or whatever. He sits down in his big chair. He's got a glass of nice red wine that they picked out of, you know, and it just it relaxes them, you know, and they they feel good.

It's a maybe a social lubricant. They It's just cool. They Let's twist it around a little bit.

Alcoholic men and women drink essentially cuz we love the effect. Why did you do you drink for the taste only? I want that effect.

I told you about my effect. 15 years old at tennis camp. I want that effect.

And for many, many years, I got that effect. I don't know if it was the first beer, the third beer, the fifth glass of vodka. I don't know, but I want that effect.

Remember trying to go it alone or maybe you're in aa land and you're not being successful staying sober. You're just newly sober and things start to turn around and you start to get a little hopeful, right? And then as the days go by, that newness starts to wear off and you realize the relationship is kind of in the tank and and the job you have really stinks and your puppy is sick and it's raining in Southern California and it's just not working out, right?

How'd you feel when you had a couple of drinks? Did it fix any of those problems? Nope.

But I want that effect, right? But I can't stay in the effect because it says the sensation is so elusive. Cuz what is that effect?

I mean, if we if we scientifically discovered that it was three glasses of vodka got me to the effect, the problem therein is I can't stop at three glasses of vodka. Why? because of the phenomenon of craving.

Once I get to the effect, the craving is tricked in and I'm off to the races. I will overshoot the mark each and every time. The sensation is elusive.

I can't get it. It's like trying to catch water. It's going to slip away.

The sensation is so elusive that while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after time differentiate the true from the false. We've all got injuries, right? Too many times in AA land, we get a new new guy or gal coming in.

Oh, we got a newcomer. Let's tell them how we got here. And now our AA meeting has turned into a big fishing story cuz this guy tells about this and I can beat that, right?

And now I'm going to tell my god aful little story and then this guy's going to tell his. And now the little old lady who came into Alcoholics Anonymous is like thinking, I've never been to a I've never ate out of a dumpster. I've never sold I've never done and she leaves, right?

I got injuries. My injuries don't have to be injuries. I have been to many, many hospitals, injuries.

Treatment centers, injuries. I've wrecked a whole bunch of cars. Most of them not mine.

Injuries, right? I have harmed a lot of friendships, a lot of relationships. My family, right?

I've been to jail. I've had to pay attorneys. Right?

We could go on and on and on about the injuries. I got one we can probably all come together with. How about dignity?

You, too. Huh? Yeah.

Alcohol got me to do some crap I never dreamed I'd do and end up with folks I never dreamed I'd end up with. Hell, I'd go home with Beyonce, wake up with Bigfoot, you know. But those are some injuries and I didn't int you know when I was first grade they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I can assure you being 35 years penniles unemployable unlovable unh wholesome was not on the was not on the table. I had dreams, you know, but alcohol took me to a whole different place. Says they cannot after time differentiate the true from the false.

The truth is as I drink, I get drunk, those things pile up in a hurry. That is the truth. I learned that the painful tedious way of running all my plans.

But that is the truth. If I leave here right now and walk down to that little liquor store I saw on the way in and start start off with a pint, I assure you I will be in jails, in hospitals. I will d annihilate relationships.

You dig? That is the truth. What's the false today?

It'll be different. Knowing what I know now, I couldn't and hearing these guys sad story. I could never possibly go there.

Therefore, I won't. It'll be different today. Today I'll control and enjoy it.

Today I'll drink like a gentleman. Let's not confuse oursel with the facts that I have zero experience drinking like a gentleman, but today I'm going to drink like a gentleman. All right, that is flat out insane.

My brain is trying to kill me and make it look like an accident. You know, says to them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. The way I was living in the late 90s had become normal to me.

It was normal for me not to have work. It was normal for me not to have friends, not to have good clothes. It was normal for wherever I happened to be crashing.

It was normal for when I left, you know, it was 50/50 at best if I were to ever arrive again. It became normal for my family to shun me. It became normal.

Like I was talking to a guy out there in the parking lot. became normal for him to walk however many miles it was to go beg for money from the nuns. That just became normal.

He says, "I become restless and irritable, discontent." So alcohol kicks my brains in and maybe I go to aa, maybe I go to church, maybe I just say I'm never ever doing it again. And for the short term, the goose hangs high. For the short term, a week or a month or whatever the case may be, my times always got smaller and smaller and smaller as the years went by.

But for the short term, I felt better. I slept better. I worked better.

I was hopeful. You see me at the grocery store, you'd ask me how I'm doing. Tell you I'm doing great.

Been sober a week. This is the best thing. My life has changed.

It's It's different this time. You can't sponsor like you hear that a bunch. It's different this time.

I'm doing it for me. this time at some point that little newness, that little that little thing kind of goes south. And it's not like people dying in my life that knocks me off track.

It's just mundane crap like waking up. I go to bed and I'm okay and I wake up the next day and it's like I'm on the wrong side of the universe, you know? I realize I'm watching my favorite team play a football game or something and I realize it's halftime and I don't even know what's going on.

Why? Cuz in my head I'm spinning and spinning and spinning. Why do you think they laughed when I walked in the room?

I think my mama loves my sister more than she loves me. My head restless, irritable. I'm just fidgety.

I'm sketchy. You know, restless. And I'm irritable.

One minute I'm okay and the next minute you call my name and I'm like bite your head off. Just a little jumpy, a little tense. And I'm discontent.

Poor me. I don't have a good job now. I drank up my car.

I think my mama loves my sister more than she loves me. Doesn't anybody love JK? Discontent.

I could have 25 years now, but now I only got 30 days. Discontent. Poor me.

Sober. Look at page 52. I ain't going to go there now, but read those bedlments.

Having trouble with personal relationships. Can't seem to be of real help to other people. Feel of misery and dep.

That's me in my normal state. Stone cold sober. And if that's me in my normal state, what happens?

Unless we can't again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drink. See, I get restless, irritable, discontent. long enough, my brain comes up with, "Hey, this sucks.

I'm just glad to be sober today." And I play that game long enough, which is for me is not too I I'm always amazed at Myers's story how he made it six years in AA land. I make it like six months and I'm ready to I'm looking for a tall building and a sniper rifle cuz this is We're going down, baby. All right.

And so I drink, right? Restless, irritable, discontent. Unless I can't sense the experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks.

Drinks they see others taken with impunity. After we have succumbed to this desire again, right? As so many do, the phenomenon of craving develops.

We passed through through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful with a firm resolution never ever to do it again. I promise. And this is repeated over and over and over and over.

And unless this person can't experience an entire psychic change, you're screwed. I got these cats at home. They still need to do life stories.

Yeah. I say, "Well, read that. Write that down.

Plagiarize cuz there you go, buckaroo. Because that's the way it goes. You know, what I thought was bad in 1988 got infinitely worse by 1999.

And if I wouldn't have got sober in 199, it would have got worse until I died from it. Welcome to step one. I got no control over the booze.

And the worst part is is I cannot manage the decision to stay away from booze to save my life, to save my job, to save my health, to save that relationship. I am unable to manage the decision to stay away from booze left to my own devices. I'm screwed in step one.

It's all I got. what John was talking about and stuff. We we um what I want us to do is try to see how much of a conflict and a contrast there is between um what he's talking about and and what we do in our meetings.

Um the the I'm going to switch gears on you a little bit like this. We're going to talk about step one as it relates to sponsorship uh and and come at this thing a little bit um a little bit of nuts and bolts. Now listen, um, if you talk to anybody in AA land that's been in meetings for very long, the very first thing you're going to find out is that they spend a lot of time talking about the drama that got them here.

You see what I'm saying? And so, you can spend years and years and years in AA talking over and over and over again about the drama. There's nothing wrong with it.

All we all have the drama. The problem is is that it doesn't make any it doesn't describe what alcoholism is. And look, guys, I'm I'm I'm adamant about this stuff.

If you don't understand your own disease, you can't teach it. And if you can't teach it, you're useless. Okay?

Yeah, I said it. The U word. I mean, you we're here to teach this and you have to be able to understand.

But let me tell you something, guys. I know I know a host of men that I've worked with over the years that don't have a clue what their alcoholism looks like. I say, "Well, tell me why you think you're an alcoholic." And they go, "Well, well, there was this DWI and my wife left." And I go, "No, no, no.

Stop. Stop. Pause.

start over. Tell me again what you think. And then they'll try it again.

They try to go straight to the drama and I keep going, "No, no, no. Let's look back." So, go back and look at the doctor's opinion. 98% of everything in the doctor's opinion talks about what?

The physical allergy. Why is it Why is it that once I start drinking, I cannot stop. It addresses everything there.

Everything from the doctor's opinion all the way over to page 44. We agnostics. So, you got from 23 to 44 talking about what?

The mental obsession. Why is it stone cold sober? Do I find myself going back to drink again?

Guys, let me tell you something. Your wife and your your family is not baffled by the fact that you drink too much. I promise you they're not.

What they're baffled is is why it is stone cold sober with no booze anywhere in you. Do you decide to pick up a drink again? You look like a fruit cake.

And you are. You I mean, doesn't it even baffle you? I mean, you just go like, "Holy with all of the knowledge in front of me of what booze has done to me." You see?

I mean, I wrecked the cars. I lost the job. I touched things I swore I'd never touch.

I just You understand what I'm saying? I mean, it just You could always tell the dope fiends in the room cuz they all they always get that. You just, you know what I'm saying?

You just It's just It just baffles me. And so, God love us everyone. Um, and so there it is.

This is this is the reason why we spend so much time in AA talking about the drama and talking about our stories. They're all important, guys. But dang dang, the the new guy begins to instantly think, man, this is this is what it's all about.

This is it. I I got to get a drama story together so they can tell the drama story. Look, let's pretend this.

We we got a brand new guy. He walks in the door and he sits down in the room and we're going to sit at some point in the evening. We're going to sache up next to him.

We're going to talk to him a little bit. We're going to find out a little bit about him. He's going to find out a little bit about us.

Now, all this I'm talking all of this could be done out of the context of the meeting. It doesn't have to be done in the meeting. It could be done anywhere.

Okay? And so, um, uh, what we're going we'll do is, uh, flip over to page 44 in your big book and let's break this down real quick before we go scratch. What?

People go, "When I get a brand new guy, when I get a brand new guy, I want to I'll sit him down and over a period of time, we're going to read through the whole book." Terrific. Read it. I Please don't I read it.

It's terrific. But but let's what I want to do is I would like to if we don't do accomplish anything else today, what I'd like to do is move us to a place just move us around so that we're looking at this thing for what it is. We're talking triage here.

I got a little guy in front of me that's bleeding out on the floor. I mean, he this guy may not make it. He doesn't have days, weeks, months.

He doesn't have a lot of time. I know it's but it's such a threadbear idea in AA. It just makes me want to I just It just makes me want to scream.

The idea that we have an unlimited amount of time once we get here to get this deal is ludicrous. Listen, guys, my experience doesn't bear that out. Nor does this text bear that out.

Everything that we read and everything that we experience says something completely different that we got us a little ticking time bomb when Janine she's sitting there right now. She's okay now. She's sober now, but how long will she stay that way?

And I don't have a bunch of time. I'm going to get her on firm ground first. I'm going to get her healthy first.

And then as we work through this work, we'll go back and collect up the pieces parts of the book and the text and the rest of the stuff. It's it's not in Texas. It's a big It's a huge thing to to take people a year.

It's a big deal. We'll work a step a month. Page 24 says, "I won't remember the pain and suffering even a week or a month ago, and you guys know exactly what that's like." I mean, stop and think about it, guys.

How many of you guys have ever talked to guys coming out of treatment? You you you see them when they go into treatment, you maybe do them on your little H&I thing and you see them and you meet them and they're just just jittery and they're all they'd eat a handful of spiders if you want. I mean, they do anything to stay sober.

They're just compliant as they can be. Give them 27 days of good food and checking out great-looking women and and and exercising a little bit. The heat's off of them for the blowtorrch backed away from their butt for 27 days.

Yeah. And then you walk back in and the kid's got his hat on backwards and he's leaning back at the back wall. He sees you walk in, but he's ignoring you completely.

Why? He's he he doesn't need you now. He doesn't need you now.

He's okay. His head's already sold in the idea that he's just been making a bad time of this, right? You know, that works that way.

He's just I just made some bad decisions, but I'm okay now. I'm okay now. I get the job back and I can get the girl back and then I can get the car back and I can just I mean, we all kind of It's all from God.

It's all going to be good. And we just kind of, oh my gosh. So, listen.

So, I got this brand new guy and he's sitting there like this and I'm going to say, "Listen, buddy. Let me let's talk about a couple of things. Let me read you this paragraph and then and then you will you tell me what you think about what I'm just going to read in the preceding chapters.

This is the first 51 pages we just read. You've learned something of alcoholism. Now, we hope we've made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic.

That's what we're trying to find out. This is the dreaded qword, guys. We're trying to qualify our prospect.

The book says it in a dozen places. We're trying to qualify him. I know some of you guys just go, "Oh, you can't do that." Yes, you can.

The book asks you to do this. We're not supposed to let him flounder trying to figure this out. We're supposed to help him.

I can't label you alcoholic. That's not my job. But I can lead you into a position to where you can see based on your own experience where you stand with this.

Right? And it's groovy. Okay.

So, here it is. If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely or when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. Two things, choice and control.

Have you lost the power of choice and control? If you guys that still are lucky enough to have wives, if you told your wife that you're going to um leave work and you're going to go home and you're going to uh drink a beer with the guys and then you're going to come home, start dinner. I'm there.

I'm I'm heading that direction. And then you go and you drink a beer and then another beer and then six beers later, eight beers later, whatever the deal is, you come home. You've lost the power of control.

Once you start, you cannot stop. It manifested that like that. She gets pissed, throws the food in the trash can, walks out the door, and you go, "Okay, look.

I promise. I promise I will never ever do this again. I won't do it." And then two weeks later, you're driving home from work, 7-Eleven's over there like this.

You know, man, what a fine day. A beer, man. Wouldn't that be the coolest?

And you walk in and you buy this beer and you drive it. You drink it on the way home, you've lost the power of choice. Choice and control.

And that's it. We didn't, you notice, guys, in this illustration, we didn't talk anything about the DWI. We didn't talk anything about the busted relationship, the fact that you can't hold a job, the fact that you, we didn't talk about any of that stuff because it's not important.

And we must get our fellowship back on that track. It is not important. It's important to you because you lived it, but it has nothing to do with identifying who you are.

Your drama does not define you. And you must be clear on that. It's important that you know your story because you're going to want to engage this guy at some point in time on a 12step call.

Nothing's more important than a good story. You're going to have to be able to do that. But once he's in the room, once he's here, we have him.

This is the reason why I get so amazingly un I just get I want to just explode when I see how much quality time recovery time in AA is spent just telling stories like it means anything. It doesn't. Why don't we spend our time helping these cats qualify themselves?

So we we I say well you know look at what it says right underneath that. If this be the case you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. Wow.

Could it be any clearer? You guys that flounder around with the idea of sponsoring guys, if you did nothing more, nothing more than learn that paragraph and to be able to take a brand new man or a brand new woman that comes shakily into your room and be able to read this to him and help him understand this, you would be doing our fellowship an immeasurable service. Imeasurable.

Because you're just helping them see quickly. Why is it that so many of us have to wait years and years and years and painful years before we finally hear this message like this? Why is that?

Why is it that for some of us the worst time of our entire existence was after we got here? Shame on us for allowing that stuff to happen. You see, it just shouldn't be that way, guys.

So once we get this little guy qualified. Oh, one one more thing and then we're we're for sure going to smoke this last little sentence which only a spiritual experience will conquer. It's interesting.

Okay, I'll ask it. I I did I just I always say I'm not going to do this, but I would do it because everybody always seems to get offended and I'm not trying to be offensive. I'm just trying to ask you a simple question.

How many meetings do you have to go to to have a spiritual experience? >> None. >> None.

None. You could effectively do this at Denny's. Seriously.

And get this guy right here. Um the the I'm not Again, everybody always goes, "Well, he just hates meetings." >> No, for you too. Therapy is the only thing that's going to help.

Therapy and lots of meds are the only thing for you guys like that. I But you guys understand what I'm saying. I'm just saying all I'm simply trying to do is back us away from the idea that that in itself is the solution.

Keep coming back. Meeting makers make it. Well, let me tell you something, guys.

From my own personal experience, there are a lot of us that were meeting makers that died slow and very, very painful deaths. How many times how many how many times have we heard people who left meetings and killed themselves? If meeting makers make it, how come there's so much drama around that?

God love us all. We'll get uh when we come back, we're going to take a little 15-minute break and then uh you guys be responsible with them butts and we'll be back. Thanks.

Howdy again, y'all. Um, you know, um, it's we always spend a bit of time, um, on this first step stuff because it's so so dadgum important that we get it and that we understand kind of, um, I think sometimes in in our fellowship, we've made it we've made it uh, a lot harder than it needs to be. Uh, the book went to great lengths to make it as as easy as they can.

But I think sometime in our own defense, I got to tell you, let me let me u I'm going to I'm going to cover just a little shred of of first step stuff that that I wanted to do in the in the the last hour and then u we're going to do a piece of two and three and then John will come up and sew up all my loose ends and um what we're trying to do is get this stuff set up for inventory stuff that we're going to do right after lunch. um we're going to address it right before lunch, but we're going to actually get into some stuff and try to bat down some of those crazy ideas around inventory um uh in the early part of the afternoon when you're in some kind of food funk and and nodding off like that. We'll get everybody and and then what we're going to do is we're going to um we're going to um kind of move rather briskly through the rest of this thing so that we can spend a little quality time in 10, 11, and 12.

Um because everything uh sometimes I in in in workshops all over the world, you you have guys that spend so much time in the middle of this stuff and in the in the center part of this and I'm not discounting any of it, but they get down to the end of it. And so they get down to the end of it, there's no time to do it. If they're they're on a on a full weekend thing like this, I've heard guys go, "Well, we sort of ran out of time, but you know, step 12, it's real important, too.

Y'all have a good weekend. We'll see you next year." It's like that. And you're kind of going like, "What?

What? What?" I mean, what what we really ought to be doing is spending all of our time talking about step one stuff and step 12 stuff, and we would I think we would do everybody a better service if we could concentrate on that. Um, step 12 is kind of this lost step um that so many in our fellowship uh will ignore uh for various reasons, and we're going to kind of break down some of those reasons why people would do that um um in a in a bit.

I want to uh I want to mention something real quick that in the in defense of all of us who sat in meetings sharing our story for so many years and and in defense of some of the things that we've allowed happen guys what what what goes on here is that sometimes it's the format itself the format of our meeting itself that allows some crazy stuff to go on and and so sometimes rather than rather than than being too critical with ourselves I think sometimes we need to go back and be a little critical of how we set the meeting up in the first place that allows that freewheeling goofy stuff to go on in in in the deal like that. Just a little piece of information here that might be interesting to note that when we were talking about the number of people that came to AA another John was started talking about this stuff this morning. I always thought it was really interesting that between 1935 and 1971 right before the Hughes Act was enacted.

Remember the Hughes Act for some of you guys that have been around a while. Hughes Act was enacted in in in ' 72. It was the last thing that uh Nixon did before he left office uh writing into effect law that made uh alcoholism what it is so that treatment centers could come in and treat it as a disease.

And so what you ended up with is is this amazing growth. It took us 36 years to get the first half million people as members of Alcoholics Anonymous. From 35 to 71, it took us 36 years to get 500,000 people.

from 1971 to76 for that's the next five years we added another 500,000 another half a million people came in in five years and and and within those within those people there was there was a sea of well-meaning warm kind gentle is there any other accolade I could put I mean these are cool people that came in these weren't evil knuckleheads from hell that were coming in to destroy our fellowship the problem was is that is that by the time that a lot of these guys started getting here, we had already started shifting our view and our ideas about alcoholism, the the the the steps had been watered down, the idea we we began to take a a a program that look we had a big a program over here which included the the life-saving steps and we had the fellowship over here which included silver bowling uh cards uh whatever I mean coffee after I mean it all the stuff over here but so what happened was is is that over the years we began to drift more and more and more over to the fellowship side of the deal at the great expense of the program side of the deal. And we had sponsorship became something that was this, we talked about it a little bit last night, got just sort of um uh flipped over to the responsibility of the group itself rather than the sponsors themselves. We weren't being taught to be strong sponsors anymore.

We were taught to be unified members of Alcoholics Anonymous and members of our home group and this kind of stuff. And it has not there's not anything wrong with any of that. Don't get me wrong, okay?

There's nothing wrong with that. The the problem that over a period of time, let's say, see, it's a lot of it started in the 80s when I sobered up. I mean, the the there were a lot of things that we could have checked in the mid 80s to the late ' 80s that we didn't check.

It just it just went on. People would talk about weird stuff and the meetings would get weird and we would just go, "Okay, that's I guess that's just the way it is." again because we're too lazy to study. There's nobody there's not there's not a concerted effort among the old-timers to hold it on track.

But but I'll tell you right now, guys, you know, in your own home groups, if you ever get the old-timer aside and you can talk to him for a couple of minutes, what they'll tell you in all honesty is that AA in those days bears little resemblance to AA today. You see? And so it's it's fairly dramatic the difference between the two.

And so all I'm trying to do is I'm not saying they did it perfect then, but I'm just saying why would it be so difficult just to simply pour meeting back around a little bit. So it was a little more focused on the solution and a little less focused on just just fellowship. You see that's not too much to ask.

And in groups where we see that happening, let me give you a great example that that were that worked on this thing. In um in uh the greater metropolitan area of of um London, in Great Britain 10 years ago, there were no book studies anywhere out there. I'm telling you, there was none.

It was an absolute crazy nightmare of non-stop discussion meetings. We our hope for years had been that when when the Europeans picked up the the the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that they would pick up the best that we had to offer. And what they picked up was non-stop discussion meetings.

That was it. And it was wheels off. Yes, there was some success.

The problem was is that there was also some some really really tragic things going on. No literature stuff got in there. So you had people staying sober in the rooms that didn't know any doctrine.

They didn't know any big book. And so they couldn't pass that stuff along. And so generationally it just got weaker and weaker and weaker until it was just crazy.

Well, we started talking to these guys about starting big book studies over there. Let's this is 10 years ago. And and they started at one point in time there were six or seven brand new book studies in the metropolitan area.

Some were using study guides, some were not using study guides, but they were all had the big book as the focus of their meeting like this. And guys, I'm telling you, I've got copies of the letters that these guys sent me during that period of time. And it you would I mean you would go from elation to just weeping because you you just the the lives changed by simply being a little more dogmatic about what we're teaching in meetings rather than just letting people just share non-stop about their experience in treatment or whatever they happen to be sharing that day.

I don't it's it's all good sort of you understand. And so um um but let me tell you but an interesting thing u a couple years ago the the cult watch guys got involved with a thing and if you if you have not been around very long if you've not been on go sometime Google UK cult watch UK cult watch and uh a crazy bunch of guys I'm saying right here on tape I hope they hear it I wish they would spend nearly as much time helping drunks as they do trying to destroy what the rest of us are building. That's my statement.

These guys have have printed and said things over the years that that were were pretty unkind. And if my skin wasn't thick Texan skin, I would have said, "I'm stopped." But they ran a bunch of these book studies out of out of out of business overnight. They'd go sit in their meeting, be disruptive, talking about all this other kind of stuff.

And their big deal was that these guys were studying the text and that's what rankled them. They were studying and they didn't have a place where people could share. Man, I'm telling you what we need in this fellowship is a lot less sharing and a lot more talk about the text and we would we would all be healthier.

I promise you. Um um you also there's also on that website some letters that they wrote to me directly in the in the guise of death threats. You should read them.

It's interesting. I've been to last year I was in Europe five times and and you should read the letters that I get the day I leave. Don't come you know this kind of stuff.

It's ugly. It's really ugly and you wouldn't think it would be that way. I mean, look at me.

I'm no threat to anybody. Never mind. I I was shoot.

So So here's the deal. The this idea around around this step one stuff once we get in our head and we understand what it is that we're that we're we're we're teaching. So, let's take this same kind of guy, this guy that we just shared this step one stuff in before or after the meeting and we've talked to him about this stuff and he's going, "Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh." Like this. Listen, we're not trying to force this guy through this stuff that don't misunderstand me here like this.

But if the guy is answering the questions, right, and he goes, "You know what? Sounds just like you." And I go, "Yeah, it does. You know, when I when that happened to me, I had to come to the conclusion that I was an alcoholic." And he goes, "Yeah, it sounds like me, too." Now, I've saved this guy.

I think I've saved this guy maybe years floundering around AA scratching his head wondering if he's one of us because listen guys here it is this the pain gets us here and if left unchecked the pain will go away and then we wonder why we're here. That's the reason why we have so many people coming in and going back out again. Why the relapse rate in this deal is so is so goofy.

This is the reason why we got so many people getting hooked up in meds that didn't need to get hooked up. They they they they came in hurting the the pain drove them in here. They got here, they didn't do any step work, they didn't do anything.

They just got into this Sharon mode. They doing anything like this. The the the spiritual malady starts kicking their rear end.

The their ego starts reasserting itself. Selfishness and self-centerness comes back full force and all of a sudden they're so uncomfortable in their own skin. They go, I I mean, how can this happen?

I got to go to a doctor. The doctor's heavy in the United States, heavy with his prescription pad and all of a sudden they got a bunch of meds. Listen, I'm not making light of anything and I' I'm not getting into that controversy about meds.

We can talk about it anytime you want to. I'm just saying, guys, there are a lot of times that we're prescribed meds when a spiritual malady could have been treated. What the meds are supposed to be treating is untreated alcoholism.

And we had a way to treat it. Now, listen, I am a I am a firm, Golly, don't misunderstand me here. I believe that when meds are necessary, they're necessary.

Take them. I'm not saying don't take them. And I'm not I'm not make I'm no doctor.

It's not my job to diagnose that kind of stuff. I'm just saying when 50% of the beds in the United States today in treatment in treatment beds are filled with people who've relapsed on pain meds, we got to we got to start looking at this stuff, guys. We got to start paying attention what's happening within our fellowship on this.

It's pretty it's pretty pretty weird. So, here's the deal. We got this brand new guy.

He says he's an alcoholic. What's my next question? This is the number two thing that I would ask a brand new guy if he came in.

Okay. The number two thing I would ask him is, "Tell me what you think about God." That's a pretty simple question. I mean, it it could get theological, but I just want to know where this guy is.

Guys, what I'm trying to find out, what I'm trying to find out is, do I have me an atheist? Do I have me a little agnostic sitting in front of me? Do I have me a guy that had religion shoved up as, you know what, as a kid, and he's real grindy around the idea of religion?

I mean, I want to know what I'm dealing with here so we can know. Listen, at the center of everything that we do, guys, if the center of everything is God, our program is unapologetically about God and that relationship. And if that's a problem, it could be a real problem.

You see what I'm saying? Now, listen guys, I've worked with all kinds of guys. I've worked with crazy I work with men that absolutely hated God.

But at least it gives us a place to start. Okay? And this this they're they're clear on this.

Bill Wilson knew this was going to be a problem and that's the reason he wrote that whole chapter. Chapter four, we agnostics. He wrote the whole thing because he understood what a sensitive topic this was.

And and listen, if you're if your life is full of drama and chaos around booze and dope, trust me, trust me, somewhere along the line, you've probably taken God and set him aside because you couldn't figure out a way to put him in the same picture with the things that you were doing. I mean, most of us get there like that. And and I I understand that.

And so what what what they were trying to get us to understand, let's let's look at something real quick. If I got my brand new guy and we're talking to this guy and he goes, "Uh-huh. Uhuh." And he gives me a little reader digest condensed version of where he is theologically on this stuff.

Uh um this normally takes 10 minutes in this conversation. And he's going to say something like this. I I'm okay with God.

Blah blah blah blah blah. Or I hate God's guts. Blah blah blah blah blah.

And I but I know where my starting point is. You see, people say, "Well, we we we have to read all of we agnostics and then we'll get like I'm" I'm going, "Well, maybe not." If your guy already likes God, he's already hipped to the idea of a of a higher power controlling what's going on here like this. There's no reason to waste the time.

He's ready to do this stuff. Listen, how many of you guys sat in meetings for years and heard people say this stuff? Well, I'm working on step two.

And five months later, well, I'm still working on step two. I'm just having trouble with So don't do that. Don't I mean the the the because the idea here guys is that I have to have a full formed idea of what God is before I can do step two.

And it never said that if that was the parameter if that was the the prerequisite for that there was none of us be here. You see what I'm saying? I mean none of us would get here yet.

I mean it just they might there's there's two theology students in here and they probably would get it. the rest of you. I mean, we just we just struggle with this stuff for a while, but it they were really clear in the beginning of this stuff.

Let's let's read something real quick. Uh let's do um let's do let's do 45. I just want to skip across the page from what that stuff that we just read.

Lack of power. That was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live and it had to be a power greater than ourselves.

So your brand new guy, he's clear at this particular stage at stage of the game that he has no power to keep himself sober, right? If you can keep yourself sober, you don't need to be here. The book's clear on this stuff.

You don't need to be here. If you're here just because you like the fellowship, I can suggest a number of places that have excellent fellowship, too. Serious.

I I I just I'm I'm delighted you're here, but it's more than just that. I mean, the the the the fellowship treats one thing that alcoholism has lots of, and that's loneliness. I understand why people come and just hang.

I I'm not judging any of that. I mean, that kind of stuff was really important when I first got here. But if you think that the fellowship will treat your alcoholism, man, man, man, doctrinally, we need to we need to break that stuff up and look at it and see kind of where we are on the thing, obviously.

But where and how we were going to find this power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. its main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.

And then and then and then Bill frogs off into this this eloquent talk about about God. I don't know about you guys, but how cool is it that this guy that three years before this thing was written was a card carrying agnostic and then three years later he writes one of the cleanest, clearest theological pieces that you're ever going to read that conflicts with no religion, that conflicts with nothing else. It's just it's just pretty pretty amazing stuff.

Um halfway down the page on 50, go over a couple of pages. On one proposition, however, these men and women are strikingly agreed. Every one of them has gained access to and believes in a power greater than themselves.

Okay, now listen. And in the power has the has the in each case accomplished the miraculously, the miraculous, the humanly impossible. Look at that sentence, guys.

Before we move on, I want to break down this one sentence on this thing because it's interesting. in sponsorship land. This sentence gets to be real interesting.

Every one of them has gained access to and believes in a power greater than themselves. Listen, we can believe in a power greater than ourselves and still not have access to that power. Okay?

It's important to understand that. This is the reason why the steps that we take is so important. I can believe that there's a God and he can still be I mean, come on guys.

How many of you guys said in church on Sunday morning that you were never going to drink again? You walked up, somebody laid hands on you, somebody taught talked to you. I mean, whatever the deal is, like this.

And by kickoff time, there's a 12-pack of beer sitting right next to you. You see what I'm saying? I bet I did that a thousand times in Houston when I lived in Houston.

I mean, it's just like crazy crazy that we we can un we can believe in God all we want to. the the the trick here and the caveat here is that we have to figure out a way to gain access to that God. And that's what that's what I I I can't play God and and draw near to God at the same time.

I've got to figure out some way to get clear of all that stuff. And that's the stuff that we're going to talk about in the early part of the afternoon. How do we get clear of all of the stuff that keeps blocking me from that sunlight of the spirit?

And believe me, there's a ton of it. And unfortunately, talking about things won't remove it. there are other things that we must do in order to get there like that.

Um, just for the fun of it, let me point out one thing. On page 50, count them. Not now, but sometime when you're just marking your book, power is mentioned six times.

Lack of power is my dilemma. I don't have the ability to not start drinking again. At some stage in the game, untreated alcoholism is going to rear its head and I'm going to find myself in such an uncomfortable position that I have two choices.

Kill myself or drink. That's a horrible, horrible place to be. But that's what they keep telling me.

This power that we're seeking is the power that connects up and deals with that insane idea that comes into my head that perhaps I was just making, you know, maybe maybe a bad bad decision or two that maybe I just rushed into this deal. I mean, how many times, guys, have you have you told your loved ones that you were never going to drink again? I'm listen, I'm a 48 hour wonder.

For 48 hours, I can stay clear of anything. I promise you, I could have resolve. I'll clean up pretty good.

I bounce back really fast. I look pretty good. Well, I mean, as good as I can look.

I I can look better. And And then And then it all falls apart 48 hours down the thing. And And it always starts like this, I'm not going to I'm not going to drink again.

I'm not going to drink again. And then by like noon, I'm going, "Well, um, maybe, well, maybe I I'm just going to I can change my mind. Maybe I just rushed into this deal." You see what I'm saying?

The funny part about it is guys is that we don't ever connect up that maybe our mind was changed for us. And once we do, that's the scary part. That's the part that always terrorizes me.

When I finally understood that that I'm not making the decision to drink. Let me let me ask you h how many of you guys, you remember the story about uh uh uh the the cats in the Bible that were signing their name in a Bible with blood? I can't remember whether it was Bill or Bob that that that signed his name in their family Bible that he wasn't going to do it again.

Do do you think that they were making this up? Or do you think that they were just playing games with Annne or Lois about this thing? Uh-uh.

Let me make it personal. How many of you guys told your family crying sitting at your kitchen table that you were never going to drink again? Yeah.

Everywhere I go, it's exactly the same thing. Me, too. Me, too.

I meant what I said. And yet, what did I find myself doing later? drinking.

You see, I got I got in a in a in a deal in Houston one year when I when I was a kid and I got got raped in a jail cell and and it it it was a it was a a goofy it messed me up like nothing you've ever seen in your whole life. And I remember getting home and I was sitting there and my my um about 12 hours after I got out of jail, I'm sitting at a kitchen table and I got a beer bottle sitting in front of me and my wife walks in and she goes, "What? What the hell?

What are you What are you doing?" And I said, "Well, I don't I don't know." And I she said, "You I mean, this is what got you in this mess in the first place. What are you doing?" And I go, "I I just I just don't know. I guess you you understand what I'm saying?

And I'm fighting for my life trying to figure out why I would do something so stupid. I'm drunk in a drunk tank and I get raped and and and and now I'm I'm back doing this again 12 hours later. You see?

I mean, this is this is the crazy stuff. But this is the stuff that we have to realize, guys. If you can make the decision on your own that you that you can stop, you're not one of us.

Go read page 34. You ain't one of us. And that's okay.

I love you anyway. But I'm telling you right now, if you find that you follow this same scenario just like me and you find yourself in a situation where you keep going back and keep going back and keep going back, even when you tell people that you love, I heard this lady say, "Well, you know, drunks always lie about that kind of stuff." Screw you. And if you're thinking that, screw you, that's crap to think that cuz I guarantee you I know enough of you and I know your stories and I know that when you told your loved ones that you weren't ever going to drink again, that you meant it.

So, what kind of insanity made you drink? Well, insanity that centers around lack of power. And that's the reason why this idea, this concept that we're going to let something else deal with this is both novel and effective.

I sometime I can't even hardly explain it sometimes. I mean, it's just like one of these kind of things that I'm just going I don't know logistically. I mean, you're logistically I can't make it line up.

Wait a minute. this guy that I just barely understand that's out there is going to save my bacon. Uh-huh.

Could be a hard sale. But the pain will keep them here until the experience happens. The pain will keep get them here and force them to do the things that's necessary to do.

We we're we're clear on that stuff. One more real quick thing and then this this this second step stuff. Um I'm going to let John slide into step three stuff.

um he started talking about that stuff on page 52 earlier. He mentioned the bedments on on on this deal. Guys, there's one more point that I want to make and I think it's important to understand.

If um if booze is my is my problem, then the solution is always just stop drinking, right? If if that's the problem, all I need to do is take the booze out of the picture and I'm going to get better. And for the normal everyday rank and file heavy drinker that the book describes in two different places like this, that's okay.

You would get the booze out of the thing, everything gets better. You you you drank with people just like that who were able to do that. They got married and they said, "You know what?

I just don't drink anymore." No kid. And this is the guy that fell off the same bar stool as you did, caused the same kind of commotion you did, but they were able to do that kind of stuff. Let me as a as an aside, every one of us has an Uncle Joe in our in our past that could do this exact same thing.

It's family legend. Oh, Uncle Joe. He was a real alcoholic.

And one day he just stopped. I would question Uncle Joe's alcoholism. I would.

If you can make the decision and just stop on your own, I would question that. The text is real clear on it. If you want to read it, I'll show you where it is.

So what this brings us to is a situation where I mean why is it that that that as we as we get downrange from our last drink for the real drunk or the real little dope that follows this path. What happens and why is it that that as we read this stuff on page 52 we find ourselves agreeing with this? Why is it that our life unravels the farther we are away from our last drink?

And you got to ask yourself the question, guy. Guys, I got to tell you, between me and you, getting drunk today doesn't I don't even think about it. It's It's been so long since I thought about being drunk.

It's not even something that's on the horizon for me. However, often I think about this stuff on page 52, the bed's in the center. We had our had to ask ourselves why we shouldn't apply our human problems to the same readiness to change our point of view.

We were having trouble with personal relationships. Yeah, I was. We couldn't control our emotional natures.

We were prey to misery and depression. We couldn't make a living. We had we had a feeling of uselessness.

We were full of fear. We were unhappy. We couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.

Guys, how many of you have had those feelings in AA? Yeah, lots of us have. I mean, this is this is this is why so many of the drama around those questions right there.

I mean, come on. I mean, I'm a card carrying member of that club. I mean, I'm just I just I'm sober that when I got to to Cliff Bishop, I'm sober almost seven years or dry for almost seven years.

I've talked to a couple of you in here since I've been here that are exactly the same way. We didn't drink and yet our lives are unraveling around this bed situation. And if you can't address this through step two stuff, then you're going to be in trouble.

I mean, you you you just this is the this is the specific reason why so many other other ways to quit drinking fail because they address the booze issue, but the real alcoholic unravels and gets worse the farther he gets away from the booze. You see, this is why why why it gets so so off ugly for so many of us. And I'm think one more thing, I'm done.

Scouts honor. Step two, came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Listen, if they ever rewrite the big book, and I hope that they come and say, "Myers, how would you rewrite that step?" Listen, if they had asked me, I'd have said, "Hm, let's see.

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us. Let's see. Could maybe take away the the the desire to drink." You see, I I'm trying to figure out a way.

I'm trying to move everything around booze. And Bill Wilson as quickly as he could took us out of that idea that this was about booze and moved us over to this camp which talked about what? Sanity.

Cuz I'm telling you right now based on your life that I understand the life that you lived, the fact that you would go back and drink or drug again. You're insane. You're as insane as me and your family thinks you are.

Your therapists think you are. Your pastor thinks you are. Everybody that knows you thinks that you're insane.

You're a nut job for doing what you do. And they're closer to the truth than any of us want to admit. It's pretty amazing stuff.

This is the reason why when they start this talk about step two and we agnostics, they initially introduce us to the idea of lack of power. If I had the power to deal with this insanity, I would be okay. I could deal with this stuff.

The problem is is that the booze becomes the secondary issue and the foremost issue becomes how do we deal with a head that won't let me re know won't let me recognize that I'm in trouble. How? How?

Okay, John boy. Rock on. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

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