Don M. spent years cycling through institutions, wrestling with the idea that he could control his life. In this AA speaker tape, he reflects on the irony of being asked to serve on the state bar ethics committee—a position that once terrified him. His story isn’t about climbing his way to respectability; it’s about what happens when you finally stop trying to steer the log and let the river do its work.
Don M., an attorney in recovery, describes how he went from cycling in and out of institutions to being asked to serve on the state bar ethics committee, a role he once feared deeply. The AA speaker emphasizes that this transformation wasn’t possible through human effort alone—it came from surrendering control and accepting that he couldn’t steer his own life. His central insight is about the futility of trying to control outcomes, using the metaphor of an ant on a log thinking it’s steering, when the best thing it can do is pay attention to what’s right in front of it.
Episode Summary
Don M. opens with a story that captures the absurdity and grace of recovery: a call from the president of the state bar offering him a seat on the ethics committee. The irony isn’t lost on him. In his first ten years practicing law, sober and white-knuckling it, the ethics committee was one of the few things that terrified him more than the IRS or FBI. He had spent his early life cycling through institutions repeatedly—a pattern that shaped his fear of authority and judgment. And now, decades into recovery, the institution he once dreaded was asking him to serve as a guide, to be the ethical authority that lawyers in Kentucky could call with their hardest questions. If they followed his advice, they would be protected from disciplinary action—completely insulated—even if he was wrong.
The absurdity of this is what Don M. emphasizes. God, he says, has such a sense of humor.
But underneath the irony is a deeper recovery principle: the role of surrender and letting go. Don M. spent so much of his life trying to steer the log. He uses this metaphor—an ant on a river, gripping and clawing and convinced it could control where the current takes it. That’s how he lived. Frantic, exhausted, driving himself crazy trying to manipulate every outcome, every relationship, every situation. The ant believes it’s steering the log. It’s not. The log floats where it floats. The river decides.
What changed for him wasn’t willpower or determination. It was a fundamental shift in how he understood his role in his own life. When he finally stopped trying to steer the log—stopped trying to live his life as that little ant convinced it could control everything—something opened up. He could actually pay attention to what was right in front of him. Not the grand vision of where the log should go. Not the elaborate plans to avoid disaster. Just the immediate, present moment work that was his to do.
That shift, he suggests, is what made everything else possible. Not because he became more capable or more trustworthy, but because he got out of his own way. And when he did, others—non-alcoholics, judges, the state bar president—somehow saw something worth trusting. They extended a kind of forgiveness that, Don M. says, passes all understanding.
The talk captures what happens when someone truly grasps Step 3: not as a one-time moment, but as a working principle. Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It means giving up the pretense that you’re the one driving. It means showing up for the ant work—the small, immediate, available work—and trusting the river.
Notable Quotes
God has got such a sense of humor.
The forgiveness of non-alcoholics for when we finally try to do the right thing passes all understanding.
There’s no human way to get from where I was in April of 1981 to what I just described. It’s just humanly impossible.
If he had just be still and pay attention to the little ant crap that’s right in front of him that he can do, the log’s going where it’s going anyway and the ant be a whole lot better off.
When we start trying to do the right thing and we quit trying to live our lives by being an ant floating down the river on a log thinking he’s steering the log.
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 3 – Surrender
- Letting Go
- Acceptance
People Also Search For
▶ Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
And God, God has got such a sense of humor. When I was about or it was about 14, 15 years ago, I was sitting in the barber chair and my cell phone rang. It was the president of the state bar.
And he said, "Don, we've got a vacancy on the ethics committee." The first 10 years I practiced law, the only people on earth I was more afraid of than the ethics committee were the IRS and the FBI. And they put me on the ethics hotline. So, if a lawyer in Kentucky has an had an ethical dilemma, they could call me and ask me what to do.
And if they did what I told them to do, they were 100% insulated from disciplinary action even if I was dead wrong. That's a lot of trust to put in a guy who's spent his asylum 18 times. The point I'm getting at is two points.
Number one, the forgiveness of non-alcoholics for when we finally try to do the right thing passes all understanding. And the other thing is there's no human way to get from where I was in April of 1981 to what I just described. It's just humanly impossible.
But when we start trying to do the right thing and we quit trying to live our lives by being an ant floating down the river on a log thinking he's steering the log. And I lived so much of my life being exactly that. Going just like an ant little ant driving himself crazy.
I got to steer this log, man. This log's not going the right place. I got to steer it.
When if he had just be still and pay attention to the little ant crap that's right in front of him that he can do, the log's going where it's going anyway and the ant be a whole lot better off.


