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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. And it sure is wonderful to be back in Arkansas and here in Eureka Springs and uh to be able to come and participate at the silver anniversary, the 25th annual springtime in the Ozarks conference. Thank you very much.

I appreciate the committee and and Mike's phone calls and letters and Lloyd. A really good friend of mine spoke here last year, Matt G. And right after Matt got back, I called him up and said, "Tell me all about it." you know, and he said, "Oh, he had a fantastic time and how great it was to be here and everything." I said, "Who else spoke?" He told me who spoke.

And I said, "Well, I guess that's one of those committees that likes to have at one at least one rotten, nasty, stinking, sorry, lowown alcoholic on its uh on its program." He said, "Yeah." You know, I said, "Well, that's just great." And about a week later, I got a call from Lloyd. And now I'm convinced you're This is one of these kind of outfits that likes to have at least one rotten, nasty, stinking, sorry, slow down scumbag lion alcoholic. You know, my kind of alcoholic.

And I really do appreciate you uh your invitation to having me here. I've got a lot of friends here this weekend. Uh, and it means a lot to me that Joe and Charlie are out here tonight.

They know how much I think about them and Scott and Linda. And what a talk Linda gave today. Man, if you missed that Alanon talk, you can still get that tape.

That was absolutely fantastic. Uh, and Jean Jean and I quit saying amen a long time ago. And it's good to see Marcy from the Western Club.

And uh, and Larry is a special friend of mine. Larry's the only guy that I know from my past that's sober and we've got a friend that we just both love and we don't know what happened to him. And I was talking to Larry today about that and Larry said I guess everybody just loved him too much.

I said, "Boy, that's that can happen." And you know the uh but it's always so so so it means so much to me to see you and to see you here in Alcoholics Anonymous and doing well and I love you so much. The uh it was good to see Rick and Kay who do a fine service for Alcoholics Anonymous. David A said there's three kinds of alcoholics.

Drinking alcoholic, sober alcoholic, and dead alcoholic. And today I am a sober alcoholic. And I know and there's no doubt in my mind that the only reason that I am sober is because of a program called Alcoholics Anonymous.

I tried everything. I uh when I drank alcohol, I could not control the amount of alcohol that I would drink. And when that caused me enough trouble, I quit forever.

And I found out that I could not quit. And I was licked and I could not do it without your help. And Alcoholics Anonymous has given me full provision, a complete program that I know that can keep me sober for the rest of my life.

And I love Alcoholics Anonymous. And I love you. And I know that I cannot make it without you.

My sobriety date is November the 20th, 1984. I did not pick that day. If I could have picked one, I would have picked a better day than that.

I would have picked Christmas or the 4th of July or something like that. But who gets to pick their sobriety date? You know, that's one of the things we don't get to do around here.

I picked a whole bunch of them. You know, they just didn't take. My home group is the central group on the corner of Highway 50 in Broadway and downtown Orlando.

Uh we have 51 meetings a week. Uh just to give you an idea of the character of my home group. Uh I was down in Vero Beach a couple of years if you will some time back and I I attended a meeting and the topic was the gifts of sobriety.

And the first lady shared she said serenity, you know, and and she talked about serenity and how how much it meant to her to have peace of mind and and to be able to relax and be content and be satisfied from within herself and stuff. And next guy shared and he said integrity and what it meant to him to be able to hold down a job and meet his commitments and and be where he says he's going to be and do what he says he's going to do. And next lady shared she said fulfillment you know and how much it meant to her to work with other alcoholics and what it meant to her to be significant in the lives of other people and things like that.

And I said, "Boy, what a fantastic topic. When I get back to the central group, I'm going to bring that topic up." And my first opportunity, I was at Central and I said, "We're going to talk about the gifts of sobriety." And the first little lady over here said, "Tey over here said, early parole." Fell over here said, "Pants." the one next to him looked at him and said, "Dry pants." And you would love the central group. And if you're ever in Orlando, please come and visit us.

I had a thinking problem a long time before I had a drinking problem. My earliest memory in life as a child is laying in bed at night and having imaginary conversations and practicing these conversations and thinking that if I say this that this kid, you know, maybe they'll say this back to me and when I go to school tomorrow, I'll try this out. And I would go to school and I would try these conversations out that I practiced in an effort to try to fit in with others and to uh communicate with others.

I was someone that always felt less than inferior to and fearful of everything and everybody around me. And you know, as a result of coming here to Alcoholics Anonymous and receiving the education that we receive here, I can identify my problem as complete selfobsession. I was just obsessed with myself and the complete self-centerness that we have.

And of course, we have an answer for that today. And today, I know that when I walk into a room, you know, I have tools that I can use and I can I can look around and try to find some way I can make a contribution to whatever group. Maybe it's in business or shake someone's hand and try to do something for someone else, make someone else feel comfortable.

and I can immediately get out of that. But I didn't have any tools then. And there was always some kid around that was just perfect in every way.

He just seemed perfect. He would he would dress nice. He made good grades.

The teachers all loved him. He would say appropriate things. He had blonde hair.

I just hate this kid's guts. And I was really mean to him, you know. And uh I'd like to say I grew out of that, but I didn't because when I was in uh junior high, I played football, basketball, baseball, ran track, you know, in an effort to try to fit in with a group of people.

And I was big so I could play all these sports. They used to tease me and tell me you were born big. You were born on the 18th, 19th, and 20th of June, so I could play all these sports.

And you know, I made some accomplishments. I My football team came in all conference one year. I came in fourth place in a 20-mi marathon once and a third place in a 440 yard dash in a state event, you know, but in spite of the accomplishments, they were not sufficient for me to overcome this this problem I had with myself.

And there was always some guy on the team that would never drop the ball and and he was just perfect in every way it seemed like. And the teachers all liked him. He always got the girl, had blonde hair.

I just hate this guy's guts. When I was in high school about 15 years old, I became very interested in girls and uh I lived with my grandparents. The reason I live with my grandparents, my mother and father had a lot of trouble.

Uh I've lived long enough to make a lot of the same mistakes that they made and I understand it so much better today. But living with my grandparents there, uh in the community we lived in, there was a little girl that lived nearby that I was just nuts about. And she was just gorgeous.

And I would see her, you know, I'd be at school and I would know that I would see her there at school, you know, and I would I would uh be talking to a buddy of mine, maybe in class, we'd be standing there talking and she would walk in the room, you know, where we were at and she would come over, maybe stand right next to me, you know, and uh out of the corner of my eye, I could just kind of see her skin, you know, I could see her hair. I could smell her. My mind would start racing.

I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe, you know. I'd have to run out the door.

I couldn't stand to be in her presence. and and we would have these uh ball games after these dances in the gym after uh after uh the games and stuff and I'd be there and I'd be at the dance and I'd see her there and I would look over at her and say, "There she is. Oh boy, I love her so much.

She's so good looking." You know, I'm going to go talk to her tonight. Tonight I'm going to talk to her. I'm gonna ask her to dance, you know, and I'm gonna hold her in my arms and we're gonna walk outside and walk in the moonlight, you know, and I'm gonna tell her I love her and it's going to be great, you know, and that song would end and I'd say, "Well, maybe after the next song I'll ask her to dance, you know." And that song would end.

I'd say, "Well, maybe after the next one, you know, then some guy with blonde hair would walk over there and ask her to dance." Screw the whole deal up for me. You know, I'd be at my grandparents house and I'd peek through the windows and I'd watch as she would drive home, you know, and she was a couple years older than me and was a cheerleader and had a car and she'd get out of that car with those pompoms and run inside her house and I'd look at her and go, "Wow, you know, one day, one day, you know, and it just never came, you know, and you know, I guess I would still be that kind of guy today. I would still be someone that was just unable to communicate or talk to anybody.

But one day, a magical and wonderful thing happened to me when my grandparents were gone. A buddy of mine came over with two bottles of Brunes Farm Strawberry Hill. And I drank one bottle and he drank the other one.

And in a matter of 10 minutes, I was standing out on the roof of my grandparents house screaming out my declaration of love. You know, for this girl, you know, all that fear was gone. I felt like I was 10t tall and bulletproof, omnipotent, and that's the way I always wanted to feel.

And I stood up there and I just screamed out, "You make the sun shine. You make the stars come up at night." And just when my grandfather came home, he drugged me off the roof and put me in bed. And when I came out of that the next day, I said, "Oh, boy." And I'd found what I'd been looking for.

And and uh I made a point drink alcohol every opportunity I had since then. And I was still in school, you know, and I'd meet with my buddies on the way to school in the morning. We'd pull our lunch monies and you get a case of Boon Farm for $7.20.

And we would start drinking on that first thing in the morning. You know, why wait until evening to feel so good and we would hide it in lockers unsee the cars and stuff like that. And you don't get to drink that way in high school and not get into a lot of trouble.

So, of course, I I immediately started getting in a lot of trouble. And I drank a lot and I loved it. I thought it was a compliment.

People would come to me and say, "Boy, you sure drink a lot." And I'd say, "Oh, thank you." You know, I had an unquenchable thirst for alcohol. I had an unquenchable thirst for alcohol. From the very get-go, you know, I don't know when I became an alcoholic.

All I know is that I added alcohol to my body. And alcohol did something special for me from the very beginning. And I I would lay out for two or three days at a time and worry my grandparents, you know, and I'd come home and my grandmother would say, "Leave.

Where have you been? You know, I've been worried sick. You know, why don't you call us?

you know, uh, we just want to know if you're alive or dead. The, uh, and I would sit with my grandmother, and many, many times I've sat with my grandmother and she'd throw her arms around me and be crying. I'd say, "That's it, grandma.

No more. It's those guys I'm hanging out with. It's their drinking is what's getting me drunk." And it's, "I'm not going to do it again." You know, the first day would be okay, and the second day would be okay.

And on that third day, I'd be pacing the floor back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Walk outside, walk around the house 10 times, come back in. My grandmother would say, "Lee, are you hungry?

Can I fix you a sandwich?" I'd say, "Get off my back. You know, stop watching me. You're smothering me.

You're bothering me. How do you expect me to have any kind of life or go anywhere or be anybody with the way you treat me?" And I just boom, blow out the door. And I did not know that when I would leave that I was headed toward a drink of alcohol.

I did not know that. And I would go and I would drink and that alcohol would cure that madness and I could be at peace again. Uh the guys I hung out with, they wanted to drink the same way I wanted to drink.

We didn't have any money. And so we would steal. And I know that when I first started stealing, it really bothered me.

The men in my family did not steal. That was not my example. The men in my family worked and took care of their families and were responsible.

So when we first started stealing, boy, I felt real bad, you know. But later, I learned to just accept it. And still later, I got to where I just loved it, you know, and I wanted to steal something from everybody.

And uh I was when I was 16 years old, I was in juvenile court. My grandfather heard about that and ran down there and said, "Oh my god, we've got to help that boy." You know, and when I was 17 years old, I was in civil court. My grandfather heard about that and ran down there and said, "Oh my god, what will the neighbors think?" When I was 18 years old, my grand I would walk down the road where my grandparents live.

My grandfather would see me and run inside the house scream to my grandmother. Oh my god, he's coming back. You know, and he'd run inside and warn my grandmother and grab his tools and his guns and start locking those things up and hiding those.

My grandmother grab her purse and her jewelry. By the time I would hit the door, she'd be clutching her purse to her like this. And my grandfather would be standing over his arm with a portable television set.

And that was the last place I would ever go. I would go there when I was just sick and hungry and dirty and tired. No place left to go.

But I would go there because I knew my grandmother would feed me and I could just try to regroup. I drank until I had to get sober and I stayed sober until I had to get drunk. And I do not know why at such a young age my life became that kind of life.

Uh, I take a meeting every Wednesday night into a men's halfway facility and there are fellas there, young men, young men 22 and 23 years old that have been drinking seven and eight years just the way I had been drinking. And uh, there's an invisible line for each and every one of us. You know, mine was just very early in my I was one of the sicker quickers, I guess.

When I was 19 years old, I caught my first prison bit. I was not ready. I thought I was pretty tough.

I'd had a few fights in those alleys. I was green. I was very green.

Uh for you that have been, I don't have to tell you. Uh for you that haven't, take my word for it. You don't want to go.

The uh it's no picnic. Every so often I'll hear some tough guy out here say something like, "Boy, if anybody down there ever messed with me, I'd just whip their butt." Well, guess what? That's not the game down there.

and they're not playing whip your butt. And uh the first thing they did was give me a job that I didn't want that I couldn't quit, you know, and uh and they worked you down there. The half a day to those people is 12 hours.

And uh I said, "My god, the uh I made a fantastic discovery there, too. You could get anything you want in that place." and I hooked up with my buddies and that's how I spent my time. And alcohol helped.

It would uh make that place endurable. Uh many, many, many times I'd sit and say to myself, if I ever get out of this place, I'm going to get a job. If I ever get out of here, I'm going to I'm going to go to work.

I'm going to be the man that my grandfather is, and I'm going to make everybody proud of me. And the day I got out, my grandparents picked me up, and I could not have been happier. I was filled with joy.

Uh I was free. Uh my life was going to be different. I knew I'd never have to have an experience like that again.

And we were driving down that old highway and I looked down the middle of the road and I saw those stripes. And I thought to myself, what are those there for? And I know those mean something.

And I could not remember what the stripes down the middle of the road were there for. And it seemed like just one thing after another like that was happening. And my second day out, I hooked up with a pint follow Jose Quervo.

Two weeks later, I was with the same guys doing the same old things. And two months later, I was back in again. And you could take the next 12 years of my life and just stick them in the garbage can cuz I was in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out.

Every time I got out of jail, I thought I was free. Every time I got out, I said, "I'm never going back. I just want to be a regular guy.

I just want to have a job, have a car, live somewhere, have some clothes, you know, maybe go to school, have a girlfriend, what I thought anybody could have. But I'd get out and I'd have a drink and I was back in there before I knew it. And I was absolutely clueless.

Alcohol to me was not a problem. Alcohol helped. Alcohol would help me stay together.

It helped me forget. It helped me to pull together another day. I took a job on the river.

Uh 30 days on, 15 days off. I made it 28 days. I wanted to kill everybody on that boat.

I'd go into my quarters, I'd sleep with a pipe. I'd say if anybody comes in here, I'll kill you. I'll kill you.

You know, and I jumped the boat at 28 days, got just as drunk as I could get. Call those people back two weeks later and just begged them for that job. And of course, they wouldn't give it to me.

There's always people that want to help us. Uh, somebody suggested to me, Lee, what you need to do is get married. You find you the right woman and she'll settle you down.

And I know this is hard to imagine, and you've really got to stretch your imagination here. But believe it or not, there are women who are looking for guys that don't have jobs or cars, drink a lot of alcohol, and sleep with five. and I found me one of them.

And she broke 13 pairs of glasses right off of my face the first 18 months we were married. She'd never heard Alanon. She was more like an alligator.

I was watching Oprah once. Oprah asked the lady, "What is it when a man strikes a woman?" Lady said, "That's an abusive man." Oprah asked, "What is it when a woman strikes a man?" Lady said, "That's a woman standing up for herself." My wife stood up for herself. You know, I'd get a job.

I'd get a job and I said, "Man, I'm going to make it every day. I'm not going to miss a minute." And I would go in there and I'd really try and really try and I'd make it all week and I'd get that paycheck on Friday. And boy, there's something special about Friday drinking.

And I'm not going to do it again. I know I'm not going to get into the trouble I had last time before I'd go in that bar. And I drag in two or three days later again, you know, and and I'd try again, you know, I'd get another job and make it Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Wednesday.

Oh boy, hump day. I'm not going in that bar to get drunk. I'm just going to have a couple.

I've got to unwind. I'd have one, two, three, I'd never remember four. And I'd drag back in again two days later.

And she wouldn't understand these things. One time I was speaking with her. I said, "Honey, I know I haven't been the best husband, but I want you to know one thing.

I'll never abandon you, you know. So, she packed all her stuff and left. I moved all over.

They said, "Leave, go someplace else. Start over." I said, "That's it. Happiness is Arkansas in the rearview mirror." You know, I went to Michigan.

I went to Oklahoma. I went to New York. I went to Texas.

I went to Florida. You know, in an effort to start over. And the first couple of times I moved, I knew that it would be better.

I knew it would be better when I got to Oklahoma. I knew it would be. But the last couple of times I moved, I didn't expect it to be any better at all.

I just had to get out of town. I went to the first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous I ever attended in New York City. My wife had left.

Most wives when they leave, they go to the other side of town or move in with her mother or something like that. Well, she didn't do that. She She went all the way to New York.

She wasn't planning on coming back. And I found out how to contact her and I called her up and just, you know, when she would leave, I'd say, "Good, you know, get lost. Who needs you?" But a couple of weeks later, boy, I' I'd get hungry and man, the rent would be due, you know, and this kind of boy, I'd really start missing her.

see uh and I called her up and just baby, you know, we we can't throw away this love we've got, you know, we got all this love happening, you know. And uh she said, "If you come up here, you're going to have to do what I tell you to do." I said, "Anything, you know," and I jumped in the car and boom, 23 hours later, I was in New York City. I jumped out of the car and I ran in the apartment building.

I grabbed her in my arms. I said, "I love you. I love you.

I love you. I loved you. It's going to be great.

We're going to be so happy. She said, "Le, if you stay here, you're going to have to go to AA." I said, "You rotten witch." You know, how we're going to make it with your attitude. The uh that's how I got to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

It was in the basement of a church. We walked in, the meeting had already started. It was just like this.

just not this many people. There was a guy standing up there speaking. We walked in and just before I sat down, I looked over at him.

I I knew he was a liar the second I saw him cuz he had blonde hair. Boy, I wouldn't listen to that guy at all. And uh anyway, after the meeting, two men came over to me and and talked with me and really tried to reach me.

And they talked about their drinking. And you know, all my life, all I'd ever heard from from uh everybody I knew in my family was, "Le, we don't understand. We don't understand.

We don't understand. We don't understand." And I was talking with this guy and I shared a little with him and he stopped me. He said, "Le, we understand." And I'd never heard anything like that before in my life.

It scared me when that guy said that. And I took a couple of steps back and I just listened to this guy talk about Alcoholics Anonymous. And he said that his family was together and they were happy and that his life is working and all these wonderful things about Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I told this guy, "Things have got to get better for me cuz they just cannot get any worse." And boy, I was wrong. And I did not know that this was a progressive illness and that it always gets worse. Uh wasn't long after that that I moved down to Florida.

Uh the last three years of my drinking, I know it's only by the grace of God that I'm here at all. I cannot tell you how many times emergency vehicles came out. I have a hazy memory of flashing blue lights or red lights, somebody picking me up off the ground, my head being busted oak, or police trying to straighten me out somehow.

The last three years of my drinking, I tried everything anybody ever suggested or I could think of. I uh I checked into a hospital once. The uh I didn't have a nickels worth of insurance.

I begged these people, "Please help me. You got to help me." And they took me and 3 days later I was kicking that nurse's desk and cussing her out. You better let me out of here right now.

And I walked straight out of that place and got as drunk as I can get. My wife took me to a minister who counseledled with us and talked with us and prayed for us and things. We went to this big huge crusade deal and we went three nights in a row and each night I sat in the top of the back balcony in the back of the top balcony there and at the end of each one of those services they would say if anybody if anybody here needs God's help, God wants to help you.

If you'll come down here, someone will pray with you and we know God can help you. And each night I would walk from the back of the top balcony all the way down the front and I'd pray with anybody that'd pray with me. And I was serious.

And I wasn't trying to con my wife or fool anybody. I really meant business. And I knew I needed something.

I knew I needed help. I knew I needed God's help or something. But I was drunk in a very short time anyway.

I went to a psychiatrist. I paid her $55. I told her the truth.

I told her everything, you know. I told her about uh my drinking, you know. I told I talked about the violence in our home.

I told her about all my illegal activity. God, everybody knows you don't tell them that stuff. She said, "Okay, okay.

It'll be fine. You see, it'll be all right. You just come back.

Call me. Come back next week. Everything will be great." You know, I walk out the door.

I just heard a lump that dead bolt. She locked the door immediately after as I walked out. I probably scared that woman to death.

She probably prayed more that hour than she had in a long, long time. My last really bad trunk I uh came to on the living room floor. Uh there was glass all over the floor.

I'd push the television set through the window. Uh my wife came back to get some more of her things and I was talking with her and trying to get her to listen to me, but she'd had it. And as she was leaving, she reached into her purse and took out a little piece of notebook paper and just zinged it to me.

And uh unfolded a little piece of notebook paper. And what it was was a prayer that someone had written, someone had taken a piece of notebook paper and written a prayer in pencil and given my wife trying to encourage and help her. And for the next two weeks, I just laid up in that apartment and would I'd read that prayer over and over and over again.

And I did not know where to go and I did not know where to turn. It was two weeks later that I was captured again and I wound up in the Simino County Jail down there in Central Florida. It was there that I was separated from alcohol and I was sick.

Uh very sick. I was 21 days worth of sick. Every day they take me out and arraign me on more charges.

I uh very often we come here to Alcoholics Anonymous. Unwanted, unwelcome anywhere. I was not unwanted.

I was wanted. I was wanted in Orange County, Valuchia County, Simino County, New York, Arkansas, Missouri were very interested in me. I must have been pretty interesting guy.

I had charges in front of five judges. The uh one of my sentencing judge leaned over the bench and said, "I've just sentenced you to every year I can give you and I'd give you more if I could. And you are despicable." And when I got back to my cell block, I found a dictionary and I looked that word up, despicable.

It said worthy of being despised. And I said, "I know that. I've known that all my life.

That's no secret. I've always felt that way. I didn't know anything at all about being through with alcohol, but I knew one thing.

I was through with me. I'd had all me I could stand. And I couldn't stand another second of me.

And I think, why was I born? Why was I even born? You know, why live here?

You know, I'm not close to another human being. I don't have I don't have anyone that's interested in me. Why even be here?

You know, my grandparents, every move they made in life, every thought they had was in some kind of effort to try to make me happy. And they could not make me happy. My wife, every thought she had, every move she made in life was in some effort to try to make me happy.

And she could not make me happy. Every thought I had, every move I made in life was in an effort to try to make me happy. and I couldn't make me happy.

And I thought life didn't mean anything. It wasn't going anywhere. And what's the use anyway?

I heard there were meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous there available in the Simino County Jail. And remembering the understanding I'd once found, I thought I'd just go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. A guy by the name of Jerry W would bring the meetings in every week.

And Jerry never been in jail. He's just an AA member that wanted to go to jails. And I've been in a few jails.

And I know that only God's people go to jails. And I can appreciate anybody that work in facilities or institutions today. And I I love Scott's talk so much last night.

You know, I'm here today. I know I'm here today because a man came to a jail. Jerry came in there to save himself.

But Jerry would bring a meeting in every week and he'd bring somebody with him and Jerry would get up and he'd open the meeting up and he'd talk a little bit and then he'd have this other guy get up and this guy would tell his story. And I'd listen to these guys, you know, and they talk about their drinking and they talk about a solution that they found in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I just went week after week after week after week after week.

I didn't know if AA was for me or not, but I was certainly looking for something. They shipped me over the Orange County jail to get them charged over there. Boy, I couldn't wait to get those and uh they had a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and I went to that meeting and uh I went into that meeting.

There was a guy standing up there and he was speaking as a black guy and now this is a guy that had done time serious time. boy, it really got my attention. And he was talking about uh his life and his drinking.

And uh then he started talking about Alcoholics Anonymous, what Alcoholics Anonymous meant to him. And and as he spoke, he had the book Alcoholics Anonymous with him. And as he spoke, he would just wave this book over his head like this.

And I looked at that book. I said, "My god, that's a big book." You know, they'll never get me to read that big book. But this guy, he talked and he said that his life that his life was working and he didn't have to drink one day at a time and and uh that he found a real answer and a way out for him, you know, and all this kind of stuff.

Anyway, the next night they uh asked if anybody wanted to go to the library and I wasn't a big library kind of guy, you know, we didn't hang out around libraries, but I said I'll go to the library for absolutely no reason at all. I wasn't thinking anything and uh I just, you know, went out and uh they're at 33rd Street, Orange County uh jail there and went to their library and what it was was just a big room full of books, you know, and you walk in for no reason. for no reason.

I turned to the left and I walked right up to the books and right at the end of my nose was the book Alcoholics Anonymous and hopelessness makes this a very exciting book. Alcoholism, losing and failing and doing everything but dying makes the book Alcoholics Anonymous very exciting readings. And when I got back to my cell, I opened this book up and I started to read and I saw my life.

It was just like the lights came on for me. I uh I remember reading in the third chapter two paragraphs about a jaywalker and I said, "This is me. This is me.

This is me. And I connected with Alcoholics Anonymous at that time. I believe I I continued reading through the book and I came to page 63 and I found a prayer that I'd sat in a dark apartment for two weeks and read over and over and over and over again.

When I saw that prayer, to me it was like God himself was speaking to me. And uh I thought, you know, all the meetings I'd been to and all that I'd read and the prayers I'd said, I think the combination of all those things is I I began to have a desire within to try to make Alcoholics Anonymous work for me. And I wanted it.

And that was 16 years ago. And I want to tell you this, I want it today. And I want it more today than I've ever wanted it before.

And it's more important for me today to do the things contained within the pages of this book than ever before and to unite with you people than ever before. And I've been different since that day. And when they shipped me back to Simino County Jail, I came back ready to do whatever it took to be one of you.

And I would give Jerry and I said, "Jerry, just please tell me what to do. Tell me what to do. Tell me what to do." And Jerry said, "Lee, I cannot tell you what to do, but I'll show you what I did." And Jerry pointed me again to the book Alcoholics Anonymous and said, ' Lee, we have a program.

Jerry said, he told us all, all the guys that were at the meeting. You fellas, there not going to be 90 meetings in 90 days where they're taking you. You're going to have to have the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Jerry said, "I can't promise you a good job. Maybe one of these days you'll get a good job. Maybe you won't.

I can't promise you a wonderful relationship. Maybe one of these days you'll have a wonderful relationship. Maybe you won't.

He said, "Lee, what we can promise you that if you would do the things in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, that you can have a relationship with a power greater than yourself that can make your life mighty wonderful." And I talked to several new people just before the meeting tonight. Man, I'm so happy to know that there are so many new people here at this conference. I think it's tremendous that we had some people that are relatively new in sobriety get up and read tonight.

I know I had 5 years sobriety. I got up to read something once in my heart. I felt like it was going to pound out of my chest.

It's an absolute miracle that you guys were able to get up here and stand erect the whole time. But I want to encourage you new people. You know, I would go to Jerry and I'd say, "Jerry, I'm a goner.

There's nothing that can help me. I've tried it all. If you're in this room tonight and you feel that way, if you've exhausted every avenue of hope.

If there's no place left for you to turn, if you've used up everybody, every resource, if there's no place left for you to go, that makes you an excellent candidate for sobriety and Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'd get Bo Jerry and say, "Jerry, I don't believe I can do this thing. I'm not smart enough to do this thing.

Jerry, I've never even read a book. And let me assure you of this, too. This deal is not dependent on individual skills or abilities or intelligence that you may or may not have.

This deal is for everybody. This truly is God's deal. We come in here with what we've got and a whole lot of what we don't have.

And we do the best that we can do. And my best was just like that. But when I applied my best to this program, God took this and he made this out of it.

And I see him do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I can't explain it. I don't want to explain it.

All I want to do is do it. Alcoholics Anonymous will not work for people that need it. Alcoholics Anonymous will not work for people who want it.

Alcoholics Anonymous can only work for people who do it. I heard a story recently that really is the best third step story I've ever heard. The uh especially pertinent for you new people here tonight.

It's about a family and they're they were laying in bed and they were asleep and all of a sudden they heard crash. Boom. Bam.

And they woke up and they raised up in the bed and it was just the room was filled with smoke and crashed their door to their bedrooms came falling down and firemen ran into their room with their goggles and masks on and carried them picked them up and were grabbing their children out of the other rooms and ran outside of the house through the flames and everything. And when they got outside they they looked around and one of their children was missing and they looked upstairs and there was just smoke bellowing out of this room this window from the child's room. And the father called up and said, "Son, son, son." And he could hear, "Daddy, daddy." He said, "Come to the window.

Come to the window." And he could just see his little arm stick out of the window through that smoke like this. And he said, "Son, jump. Jump." And the son said, "Father, I can't see you.

I can't jump. I can't see you." And the father said, "Jump, son, because I can see you." Let me tell you, if you're in this room and you're new and you hadn't done the things in this book yet, I want you to know that your house is on fire. Here is a way out.

Run for it. Run for the door. If you're new, I want to encourage you.

Don't waste any more time. How much more time do you think you have? And it's what you're holding on to really worth dying for.

I'd like to tell you I got down to business with the plan of recovery in this book. Jerry, he led anybody that was willing to do it through the process of recovery in this book. And uh I did the best that I could do with each of these steps where I was at including the amend steps.

And I had plenty of time to do it there. The uh I'd like to tell you that when I went before the judge that when I told him all about AA and how well I was doing, he just looked at me and said, "Boy, that's great. You go home right now." that did not happen for me.

He said, "We're going to give you a little something to help you think about what you did, you know, and he gave me some time." And I got my first two years of uh sobriety in a correctional facility. And I look back at that today and I thank God for it. I needed every minute of it.

I needed every day of those two years off the street. And uh God used every second of it in my life. the uh but when I got to my final my permanent camp, it had been two weeks since I'd been in the county jail and seen Jerry and been two weeks since I'd been to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Had contact with another member of Alcoholics Anonymous and when they brought us in off the bus, we're all chained together on the bus, you know, and uh there was a guy in there mopping the floor and I said, "Hey, could they have AA here?" And he goes, "Yeah, I think there's a meeting tonight." I said, "Oh boy." you know, and they put us in a cell block and they said, "You men are all in orientation for the next 72 hours. We're going to keep you here isolated in population. Everything you do will be in here, and we're not going to let you mix with anyone else." I said, "Man, I want to go to that AA meeting tonight." And I watched one guy walked over, the co and he said, "I need to go to the telephone.

I need to call my attorney." And he said, "No." I said, "Wow, I want to go to that AA meeting tonight." Another guy walked over and said, "I'm out of cigarettes. I need to go to the commissary." He said, "No." I said, "Boy, I want to go to that AA meeting." I put my head down. I said, "God, I'd sure like to go to that meeting tonight.

I'm just going to put it in your hand." And I got up and I walked over to the correction officer and I said, "I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I need to go to that meeting tonight." He looked at me and said, "Well, go ahead. God will give us what we need. You know that.

We don't always get what we want, but God has always, always giving me just what I've needed. My job in this deal is to want what he wants for me. And I think back, you know, I think back about that, you know, and it's a nice cool evening there in Florida tonight.

I would imagine that that officer, maybe sometimes he thinks back, too. I can just see him right now sitting on his porch swing smoking a cigarette reflecting back. I can just hear him thinking right now, why did I let that guy go?

You know, but I see stuff like that happen all the time around here in Alcoholics Anonymous. I got very active and busy in in the meetings that we had there. On the meeting we had there on the compound, we had one big meeting a week.

There was always 75 or 80 guys there. I said, "Wow, Alcoholics Anonymous is popular here." And we had cake and coffee. And then the two outside female sponsors would come in, you know.

Wasn't very long I figured out why the meetings were so popular, just good cake, I guess. the uh but boy they would let me participate and they would let me chair the meetings and and I would get up and chair the meeting and sometimes none of the guys would want to share or no one would want to be involved at all and when that would happen I'd just bust the book open and start reading. Boy, they didn't like that very much.

But it helped me a lot and I stayed sober. me and some other there were a few guys there that were serious about AA and really wanted this deal and uh we got together and we were talking you know we could meet two three and four guys out on that compound but they do not allow numbers of people to meet you know and there's good reasons for that and but we wanted another meeting you know I was at Tom's correctional conference there in Area 51 a few years ago and uh what a fantastic conference that is too the uh after three days of sharing ing and going to meetings and panel meetings and discussions after the meetings and and really talking about this thing. There were two things I I became very clear to me.

One is that more meetings are needed inside our facilities. And the second thing is that a guy wait a guy will wait until he gets out before he start doing something about changing his life, he will not make it. And what we wanted was another meeting.

So we talked about it. And we said, "Well, what we'll do is we'll ask we'll go all around the compound and ask everybody here and maybe we'll find somebody that will help us do this." And we asked everybody there and they said, "No, no, no, no, no." You know, and we would get together and talk and they'd say, "We've forgotten where we're at. You know, we're just numbers.

We're convicts. They're not going to do anything like this for us." And one of the guys said, "Well, hey, let's pray about it." You know, and we don't know what prayer is. We only know that it is.

And we started praying about it. And it was about a couple months later, they came to us from this department there and they said, "You know what? We thought about it.

We got a night. There's nothing going on. If you guys want to have that meeting, you can have that meeting." And boy, we had our meeting.

And we said, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." You know, and uh boy, I I got some books and some literature and found a room and straightened the chairs.

I named the meeting. I kind of felt like I was in charge. the uh we had the first meeting and boy I you know I was standing up there and a guy said something.

I said, "Hey, you can't say that here. That's against tradition." He said, "Well, which one?" I said, "I don't know. It's got to be against one of them." He jumped over the table on me and was going to fire me up.

It was a mess. Just a complete mess. And all the next week, I prayed and prayed about it.

I said, "God, what am I going to do? You know, I can't let these guys uh deal with idiots take over this thing. You know, they'll ruin it." the uh so I prayed about it all week and the next week I went to the meeting I was standing there in the doorway thinking what am I going to do what am I going to do and some of the guys came over to me and said Lee we've talked about it and we've decided that if you'll sit right over there and be quiet we'll let you stay and they did okay and at that time in my I there's nothing that meant more to me than that hour and those men and that we could be together.

Let me tell you what happened to me as a result of putting into practice a program of recovery explained in this book and being involved in service in Alcoholics Anonymous. just any way I could be used. On Saturday mornings, it was real quiet on the compound.

Most of the guys would sleep in. Now, I prayed every day, but this was my opportunity to get out really early on that on that yard and I would have a little privacy and I could practice my 11th step and I'd get up really early. And I was out there one Saturday morning and I was out there.

I was just talking to God, you know, and I could I could feel a breeze, you know, coming by my face. I could feel the warmth in the sun and I could hear the birds, you know, and I was talking to God and I realized that I was happy and for the first time in my life, I knew that my life was really going somewhere and it was okay to be me. I mean, I was in prison and I felt like a million bucks.

And you're not supposed to feel that way in prison. You're supposed to be filled with despair. You're supposed to know that there is no hope.

You're supposed to be lost. You're supposed to be alone. You're supposed to be filled with fear and filled with hate.

But my roots had grass new soil. And inside of me, there was a willingness to believe that God was guiding my life and taking me to something better. I was not happy to be in prison, but I found happiness in the midst of prison because he was with me.

Augustine wrote, "Thou hast made us for thyself, oh Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in need." They suggested that the day you get out, you go straight to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the day I got out, there were two men that I'd been locked up with that were out working programs came and picked me up and took me straight to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was scared to death.

I felt like I had prison written across my forehead. I walked into that meeting, little discussion meeting. They were all in a circle.

I had my head down. When it was my turn to share, I had my head down. I said, "I just got out of jail." And I was I was I couldn't set prison for anything.

They said, "Well, we're glad you're out of jail, man." Sharing the meeting. He said, "Uh, that's good. That's good.

And if you really mean business about doing something about your drinking, you've come to the right place. You didn't care where I'd been or what I'd done. All you cared about was what I was willing to do about my recovery and how you could help me." And that's all I've ever found in Alcoholics Anonymous was people that wanted to help me no matter what.

I've never been asked to leave a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've never been told I was too bad that I couldn't make it here. I've always heard Lee, if you'll do it, it'll work for you.

If you put forth the action necessary, it'll work for you. And if you don't drink today, you'll never have to take another drink cuz it's always today. And if you don't drink, you can't get drunk.

I went to 110 meetings my first 90 days out. 100 the next 90 and 90 the next 90 and I just lived in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and people would pick me up and take me to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. I walked to a lot of AA meetings and I rode a bicycle to a lot of a meetings and everybody just got around me and tried to do everything they could do to make sure that I had the best opportunity at this thing that I could have.

You know what I did? I caused trouble immediately. I was only out a couple of weeks.

I was in the meeting and we all stood up to close with the Lord's Prayer and I put my hand out and I felt his little tiny hand slip itself into mine and whoa, you know, I felt something I had felt in a while. The uh now everybody knows that after the meeting you're supposed to go to the Golden Lamb for coffee and uh but that night this woman and I we went someplace else. Now I was so dumb.

I did not realize that just anything could happen if a man and a woman went off together alone. And it was that evening that anything happened, you know. And so when I the next day I got up, boy, I had a big grin across my face.

The uh went to work, worked all day, got to the meeting. They were saying the serenity prayer. I raised my head up.

There were 30 people around two big tables. I looked down the other end. I saw that woman.

I said, "There she is, boy." And I looked at her and I said, she was crying. And I said, "My goodness, she's crying. She's upset.

Something must have happened today to upset her. I was just with her last night and everything was great, you know. And they asked, "Does anyone have anything to share?" And she said, "I feel like I feel like I've been used." I said, "Oh, you know what I said?" I said, she said, "I feel like I've been used by him." I said, "Oh my god, they're going to throw me out of alcoholics.

I've flown it now. They're never going to let me come back." There was a little old-timer there by the name of a lease. Said, "Honey, if you don't like the way it feels, don't ever do it again.

It probably saved my life. I don't think I ever could have come back. After the meeting, guy from the halfway house came over to me and said, "Le, how'd that feel?" I said, "Boy, that didn't feel very good at all." He said, "Guess what?

If you don't ever do that again, you'll never have to feel that way again." Boy, I wish I'd gotten that lesson the first time. The uh they suggested a sponsor. I looked around the room.

Everybody else had one. It looked like the popular thing to do. I certainly wanted to be popular.

So, I asked this fell named Butch. Don't ever ask anybody named Butch to be your sponsor. It might be him.

Don't ever ask anybody named Butch or Killer to be your sponsor. Boy, that guy was something else. I went to him one time.

I thought he ought loan me a little money. He told me to shut up and he said I was stupid. He said, "Get in there and go down and sit on the front row.

That's where the stupid people sit. No offense. I went to Butch another time.

I had I had some complaints. I said I said, "I think I'll write all my complaints down. I'll share this with Butch." You know, and I wrote them all down, you know.

I I said, "Butch, look at this. I've done a lot of work. I want to show you this." And uh I said, "I don't like this and I don't like this and I don't like this and this stinks and what do you think about that?

Look at this guy, you know." And he goes, "Wow." You're not very happy what you found here. I said, "No, I'm not." He goes, "Well, maybe you ought to just go get drunk. See how you like that." I said, "Boy, I don't want to get drunk." He goes, "Well, you're not very happy with this.

You You probably will get drunk." So, I got happy. I said, "Boy, maybe this stuff ain't as bad as I thought." You know, for me, gratitude is the hinge on which the gate of sobriety swings. I've never seen a grateful alcoholic get drunk.

And never had I ever seen a person fail that thoroughly enjoyed this path. And boy, what a path do we have here in Alcoholics. You could never have explained to me what I was going to find when I came in here to be with you.

I didn't know if I wanted what you had. All I knew is I didn't want what I had. September the 12th, 1986, I was released from the penitentiary for what I know to be the last time.

March 30th, 1992, division pardons and pros released me out off paper after 15 and 1/2 years early. By the way, that's after having spent 17 and 12 years of my life in the correction system, either inside or on some kind of paper, waiting to go back, knowing I was going to go back, knowing that was going to be my life. And I did not bring anything here with me that could have produced that for me.

You know, I mean, I came here with a shoe box, with some letters, few pencils, one change of socks, and one change of underwear. But everything in life that I needed to have any success at all met me at the door when I came here. I had 11 jobs the first 18 months that I was out.

I wasn't any better at that sober than I was drunk. Every job I had had one thing really wrong with it. You know, they wanted me to work.

I was having a terrible time. And uh you know, I'd go to these meetings, these guys, they're they really mistreat you. You know, they don't give any breaks at all.

They were really putting a lot of pressure on me. And I was walking in the jail meeting one night and uh late one evening and afternoon and the guy was walking out and we were talking and he said, 'Well, you know, you could work where I work. You work where I work.

Hand me this guy's card and said, "Call him tomorrow. I'll put in a good word for you." You know, I said, "All right." Now, I went to that meeting and then later I went to my regular meeting that night and I got there and those guys said I said, "Look at this card. You know, maybe I'll get this job, you know, and you know, get a job." Okay.

Okay. So I called this guy the next day. They said, 'Yes, we need some people immediately.

Come down here tomorrow, 10:00. Bring your resume. Click.

I said, 'Res? What am I going to put on some kind of resume? Bad big mistake, you know.

You know, state prison, state prison, state prison. I can't go down there, you know. I went to the meeting that night and they said, "Did you call that guy?" I said, "Yes, I called him." Big mistake I almost made.

They wanted a resume. They said, "Well, we think you ought to go down there and talk to that guy. We think you ought to go down there and tell him the truth." I said, "I can't do that." You know, anyway, they suggested they might not want to even bother with me anymore if I wasn't willing to go down there.

And so, boy, I went home that night and I just God I said, "What am I going to do?" And I prayed about it and I said, "God, I've got to go down to this place tomorrow. I mean, you know what? This is going to be awful.

You know, you I can't go down there. you know, you're going to have to go with me. You know, and if I'm going, you're going with me.

You know, I got up the next morning. I said, "Okay, we're going down to this place. We're not going to be there very long." You know, I walked into that guy's office.

He had a phone in each hand and hung those phones up and told me, "Sit down over there." I sat down. He said, "Where's your resume?" I said, "I don't have a resume." He said, "Well, no big deal. Do you have any experience in sales?" And the moment he said that, it's like a light went off in my mind.

And I said, "Well, yeah. I've sold microwaves and stereos and guns and clothes and cars and post and jewelry. He said, "Wow, you got a lot of experience.

Think I get you a star tomorrow?" I said, "Yeah, man. I sold that guy's product like popcorn. I didn't have to sneak down the alley with it and keep it covered up with a blanket and I hide it in the trunk of my car.

You just walk up to anybody. You know, I don't think God minds it at all that we have a little something and do pretty good here in Alcoholics Anonymous. I take God me where I go today.

I'd rather walk in the dark with God and walk alone in the light. It is better to walk with God by faith than to walk alone by sight. Listen to this.

I've become a regular guy. I have a job. I have a car.

I have clothes. I live somewhere. I went back to school.

I was down in a group office one day and they said asked me if I wanted to be on the service committee. I volunteered for the service committee. Man, after a year on the service committee, I felt so confident.

I said, "Man, this is important. I must be important. You know, this is valuable.

I have value. Man, I felt so good about myself. I said, "I'll go back to school." You know, and I went back to school and got an education.

I was in a meeting once and I heard a lady say, uh, I woke up at 4:00 this morning and I love what I do for a living so much that I just laid in bed and thought about going to work. Going to work, you know. I said, God, I don't feel that way at all.

You know, and I was praying about it. I said, "God, isn't there anything I mean, I'm grateful to have a job and to be able to live and and have tires and stuff like that?" I said, "But isn't there anything out there for me, something that I I would like doing that might make a contribution or something like that or be helpful to other people?" And you know, early on in AA, when I first started coming to AA, I heard a guy in the media say once, "Lee, if you take care of God's business, he'll take care of your business." And I thought about it and I said, "Well, God, I don't know anything else to do. I'll just work with all these new guys I can and take every job in AA I can take and I'll just stay as busy in AA as I can.

You know, my experience is if you take care of God's business, he'll give you a business cuz he did that for me. I'll tell you this, sometimes I wake up at 4:00 in the morning and I'm so excited about going to work and I just lay in bed and I cannot go back to sleep. I love what I do so much.

And what a blessing that is. Every day is a vacation when you love what you do. The uh I'm going to close the uh before I do, I want to share a little bit about my ninth step.

The uh the guys I work with, there's several areas of this program fellas seem to have a lot of problems with. hand up. One of course is the God thing.

Boy, these guys, they have a lot of trouble with God. You know, they don't like the idea of that at all. And I like what Dr.

Bob says about that. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride, which might interfere with you being able to accept what we have to offer here, I feel sorry for you. You know, it's a pretty easy door that we need to crack open just the fairest minimum.

Your own conception, anything you want is okay. You can have it any way you want right there. But you have to believe something or be willing to.

Another area the guys I work with have trouble is with the fifth step. and very difficult to really get serious with that sometimes. My experience with the fifth step, I did my first one in in a county jail and you know there were guys that came in sometimes that would say don't do that.

I'm going to tell you do it you know big deal. Most of my stuff was a matter of public record anyway. The uh I'll tell you what's hard to share in jail is fear.

You know, it's easy to talk about the people you hate, but it's hard to talk about being afraid. You know, that was just something that telling people you're afraid, being vulnerable in some way. But, uh, I was willing to do it and I did it.

Now, I I can't say my first fifth step that I really identified a lot of defects of character or anything like that, but all my life, I'd been one person on the outside and someone else on the inside. I'd always had a secret lead that nobody got to see. After I did my first my first fifth step, for the first time in my life, I wasn't two halves anymore.

I was one whole person. For the first time in my life, the uh another area of course is the mass step. A lot of people look at that step and it's just they probably felt about feel about the same way I felt about it.

I you know, my sponsor, he didn't let me lay around very long at all. He said, ' Lee, you'll never get over alcoholism until you've done all you can to clean up your past. And he sat down with me and we did an astep list together.

And uh you know, I was out in the world and working, having jobs and stuff like that. And boy, he said he just gave me the boot. He said, "You get out there and start trying to clean up this mess you've made.

You pick out the first one or the second one or the third one on that list and you get out there and get started now." And one day I just grabbed the bull by the horns and I went out try to clean up the mess I'd made. And you know, I'd look at that list and I'd say, "How am I going to repay whole communities or or cities, you know, for the harm that I've caused him?" And boy, but uh there were several things on my list that were a real problem for me. You know, uh my father, you know, I couldn't go to my father.

My father had been my father was dead. You know, my father had been killed. I could not go to him.

You know, in our book, it says, like Scott said last night, you know, there are people that we cannot see and we write them an honest letter. And uh so I wrote my dad an honest letter and I visited my father at his grave site and I read him the letter. And uh every time I'm in that area, I go by my father's day grave and I visit my father and I speak to my father.

There was a time in my life well I didn't have good thoughts about my father and I felt like I've been kind of done wrong or something like that you know but just just from going and doing what the book says you know I don't feel that way about my father that changed today you know when I think of my father today I I see a completely different picture than I used to remember as a small child my father uh getting on his knees with me and having me get on my knees and trying to teach me how to pray and I think of that and I Wow, what a great father I had. You know, few people have a father like that. And uh so I have a completely different idea of my father than I did at one time.

Another area was I'd committed a lot of crimes. I'd committed many, many, many crimes and I didn't have any idea what I would do about that. My sponsor referred me to a fellow that had been sober a long, long, long time.

Oh, Charlie L. uh who was known as the Arkansas Traveler. At that time he was over well over 40 years.

He passed on a couple years ago with 52 years of sobriety. But I went and talked to Charlie and Charlie said, "Well, you know," I said, "Charlie, look at here. You know, the book says maybe we need to go back to jail.

You know, sometimes we got to be face jail and stuff." And Charlie said, "Well, let's talk about this." You know, and he said, "You know, Lee, I believe there's other ways to clean this stuff up, too." And uh I was at the meeting one night and what I did there was a fellow his name was on the board uh he said wanted to go to meetings you know and so what I would do is I started picking up Saul and taking Saul to meetings. Now on Saul's last drunk he lost both his legs. That's what happened to him last time he took a drink.

So what you do is you go and you get him and you pick him up and put him in the front seat. You wrap the wheelchair up, put it in the trunk, drive to the meeting, get the wheelchair out, pick him up and put him in the chair and take him into the meeting. When I first started doing that, I said, "Boy, this is kind of difficult.

I'm not too sure about this." But after 30 days, it was like the richest part of my life. And I couldn't wait to get over there and get that guy and take him to meetings. After 9 months, we were all fighting over taking him to the meetings.

You know, you had to get there real early to get him. you know, the uh we'd run him in the meeting there and he'd he'd share the same thing every week. We'd read that third chapter.

We were like men who lost our legs. All new people would lean over and look at Saul. You know, Saul would say, "This is what happened to me the last time I took a drink." Boy, what a powerful powerful powerful message that guy had.

There's no telling how many people he saved with it. Uh I come from a very large family and on my men's list is of course my family and uh my grandparents loved me more than any any two people in my life. And uh I'd hurt them so bad over and over and over and over and over again that the rest of my family, my uncles, they had watched me do this and they were very skeptical of my recovery and they weren't too sure about me at all and they were very reluctant to have anything to do with me.

But after I was out of prison for one year, uh I flew to Little Rock and visited my family, uh my grandparents, and I would come in on a Friday. And uh Saturday morning, I got up and I would go out in the community and make a few amends. Uh some place I used to work that I would steal from or an apartment where I lived that I destroyed.

And I would also visit my older relatives who could not get out. and I have a handicapped cousin. I would visit him and on Saturday I'd go down to Wolf Street to a meeting.

Sunday morning I'd spend all day with my family and I'd give my grandparents all day. You know, and I'd done that for several years and I'd come in on a Friday. Saturday I'd get out, make a few amends, visit my older relatives that couldn't get out, my handicapped cousin.

Sunday night, go to a meeting. Saturday I go to a meeting. Sunday morning, I would uh I'd be at my grandparents and one of my uncles would come by or my one of my aunts would call or something like that and speak to me.

I'd been out of prison for eight years and I'd been coming to Little Rock for seven years and uh I was 10 years sober and I came out on a Friday. I got up Saturday morning, visited my older relatives, my handicapped cousin. Saturday night, went to a meeting.

But on Sunday morning, 40 members of my family came over to my grandparents house to be with me. One of my uncles came over to me and said, "Le, there's just something about you that makes people want to be together." And I thought to myself, I know what it is. It's Alcoholics Anonymous.

I really appreciate what Alcoholics Anonymous has done for me. I cannot fit AA into my life. AA is my life.

I've said that sometimes and people say, "Well, boy, it's not my life. I came here so I can have a life." And I say, "Well, good for you." But that's not what I want. I want this.

And I want to go anywhere Alcoholics Anonymous can take me. I'm going to close with a quick story. is one that really helped me for anybody may be having a problem with this high power thing.

In 1989 in Armenia, a father walked his son to school one morning. He took his son to the steps of the school and then he walked several blocks to where he was working. That day in Armenia, they had an earthquake and that city was absolutely destroyed.

And that father miraculously drugg himself out of the rubble of the building he was in and ran to to that school past fires and people screaming and emergency vehicles. And when he got to the steps of the school was just a pile of stone. And he ran to the top of the pile and started throwing rocks and throwing bricks and screaming out his son's name.

Armand Armand. And people would come to him and say, "Let us help you. You're you're wounded.

Let us bandage you." And he'd say, "Help me find my son. help me find my son. And they would they would say, "He's delirious.

We can't do anything for him." And they would go and help someone else. 36 hours later, he was still there throwing rocks and throwing bricks and screaming out his son's name. After 36 hours, he heard something.

He said, "Arond, is it you?" He heard, "Yes, father, it's me." He said, "Son, are you all right?" He said, "Yes, father, I'm all right." There are 13 of us in here. I told them that if my father is alive, he will not rest until he saves me. And after he helps me, he'll help you too.

You new people here in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, we have a father. In the fifth chapter, Bill wrote, "He is the father. We are his children." In the closing of Dr.

Bob's story, Dr. Bob wrote, "Your heavenly father will never let you down." Here in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, you have a heavenly spiritual father who will not rest until he saves you. He will not rest until he reaches you.

And after he's helped you, he's going to use you to help somebody else. I love all of you and thank you for helping me stay sober today. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day. >>