Walking Hand in Hand: AA Speaker – Dave A. – Denton, TX
Dave A. from Denton, TX shares how spiritual principles solve all problems in recovery. An AA speaker tape on Step 5, Step 9, Step 10, and the God factor in sobriety.
Dave A. from Denton, TX got sober on July 9, 1998, and has spent the past decade learning that sobriety is just the beginning. In this AA speaker tape, he walks through how working the steps—especially Steps 5, 9, and 10—opens up a relationship with God that transforms every crisis into a spiritual experience. He shares stories of near-disasters, answered prayers at exactly the right moment, and the practical power of staying honest and willing no matter what life throws at him.
Dave A., an AA speaker from Texas with 10 years sober, teaches that spiritual principles solve all problems and that the consciousness of God’s presence becomes more important than sobriety itself. He walks through Step 5 (admission), Step 9 (making amends), and Step 10 (daily inventory) as ego-deflating processes that cultivate willingness, honesty, and humility—the conditions that allow God to work in his life. Through specific stories of financial crises, addiction to nicotine, and answered phone calls, Dave demonstrates what the Big Book means by “entering the world of the spirit” and living with the God factor actively involved in recovery.
Episode Summary
Dave A. opens with a reading from Bill W.’s story in the Big Book—the moment Bill hit bottom in the hospital, cornered and broken, facing the darkness of his disease. But then Bill was catapulted into “a fourth dimension of existence” where happiness, peace, and usefulness became available. Dave uses this as his launch point: sobriety is not the destination; it’s the beginning. The real work, he says, is learning to apply spiritual principles to every area of life so that God becomes “the most important fact of your life.”
The heart of Dave’s talk is the relationship between ego deflation and God contact. He argues that the steps are designed specifically to deflate ego—to make room for God. Each step requires letting go of control, admitting powerlessness, and surrendering pride. Step 5 is the first major ego-deflating event: admitting to God, yourself, and another human being the exact nature of your wrongs. Dave shares his own Step 5 experience in vivid detail. His sponsor asked God to help him “be fearless and thorough from the very start”—words Dave had been wrestling with all weekend. When he got to the final item on his list (something he’d been hiding), he felt trapped. But when he finally spoke it out loud, something broke open. He describes it as if a dark gray bubble popped, and he was suddenly “in the sunlight of the spirit like I’d never been before.” That’s the promise after Step 5: “We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We feel we are walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe.”
But the steps don’t stop there. Step 9—making amends—is even more demanding. Dave explains that while Step 5 might take an hour, Step 9 can take months or years because it requires sustained willingness, honesty, and humility. And that’s exactly the point. The longer you live in that ego-deflated state, the more your God experience grows. Dave tells his sponsors that they’re not climbing a mountain of amends—they’re climbing the mountain of God.
The second half of the talk is dedicated to Step 10 (daily inventory) and the supernatural experiences that follow when you stay honest and willing. Dave shares a remarkable story: he’d just asked God for someone to sponsor, and after a meeting a man approached him asking for help quitting heroin. That same day, his wife’s sister dropped a handful of Vicodin painkillers into his hands—pills he used to love. Dave found himself in the kitchen, about to swallow them, when his phone rang at precisely the moment he was passing it. It was the man he’d just committed to sponsor, calling to say he was about to use. Dave had to choose: take the pills or answer the call. He grabbed the phone instead. “I am not in Kansas anymore,” he says. “We have entered the world of the spirit.” There is, he insists, a God factor in this equation.
Dave then shares his own story of addiction to nicotine (dipping snuff since age 11). After his Step 5 experience, he vaguely committed to quitting someday—if his spiritual experience kept growing. His sponsor called him six months later to check in, and Dave panicked; he wasn’t ready. But the next day, while putting groceries away, Dave felt the presence of God again—the same overwhelming rush he’d felt during his Fifth Step. And he heard God say: “Spit that out right now and I will free you from this addiction.” Dave spit it out and stood up. The craving was gone. He felt “like some kind of shadow that had been living in me was just gone.” His sponsor later told him: “God will provide what you need and will take away your difficulties. That victory will bear witness to those you are to help.”
The final section of the talk is a series of interconnected stories showing the “God factor” in action during a financial crisis. Dave’s roof was damaged by hail—$3,200 in damage, $900 deductible. Six months later, a roofer told him the real damage was $5,000 (rotten decking, fascia, two roofs). At the same time, his wife mentioned she could retire five years earlier for $4,250. Dave was panicking. That night, doing his inventory, he felt God ask: “Did you ever finish paying for your seeing eye dog?” Dave had gotten a CNI dog in 1982 and owed money on it—something he’d forgotten about during his divorces. He didn’t want to face it during this crisis. He tried to dismiss it as not being God. But the next day, he turned on the kitchen radio and the first words he heard were a woman introducing a segment about a man who’d recently gone blind and gotten a CNI dog. “There’s a God factor in this equation,” Dave says. “We are not in Kansas anymore.”
Dave called CNI and found he owed $35. He wrote the check, and he felt serenity wrap around him about the entire crisis. Within weeks, a man at a meeting turned out to be a retired roofer. He looked at the roof, said he could do the whole job for $2,300 (the insurance payout), and did it perfectly—with no cost to Dave out of pocket. Then a retirement specialist came by and reshuffled Norma’s accounts, getting her five years of early retirement without extra cost. One problem remained: Dave’s old car failed inspection. A friend suggested getting it inspected in a different county using a waiver. But when Dave did his inventory that night, he felt the little bell go off. He was about to be dishonest. He wrestled with himself—did he have to play by the rules?—but decided to stay in Travis County and do it fairly. The repair bill was $360, which upset him. He thought, “God, you screwed up.” But then he felt God say: “There are no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles.” He believed it, paid the $360, and didn’t feel the pinch.
Two months later, the engine blew. Dave decided to buy a Honda Civic. The dealership didn’t have a cobalt blue one—none existed new in Texas. But Dave decided to wait and “give God a chance.” He found a used cobalt blue Civic with only 1,100 miles, got $2,500 knocked off the price, and the salesman installed XM radio for free—something that should have cost hundreds. Dave heard: “See there, there’s no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles.”
Throughout these stories, Dave emphasizes the principle: when you do what God asks—when you stay honest, willing, and humble—God matches your calamity with serenity. You don’t always get what you want, but you get what you need. The consciousness of God’s presence becomes more real than your circumstances. That’s what living “beyond sobriety” means.
Notable Quotes
This program offers us the tools by which we can convert any crisis into a God experience.
The consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives. Notice he did not say the most important thing in their life today is not to take a drink. That is important. But the most important fact is the consciousness of the presence of God.
When I did step five my first time and got to that last thing, I felt like I had been living in a dark gray bubble. When I puked out that last thing, that bubble popped and I was in the sunlight of the spirit like I’d never been before.
Your job is not to contact your higher power. Your job is to work the steps. Do a good job on steps four through nine—be fearless and thorough from the very start—and if you do, he’ll contact you.
Just to the extent that we do as God asked us to do, he will match our calamity with serenity.
There’s no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles.
Step 9 – Making Amends
Step 10 – Daily Inventory
Spiritual Awakening
Willingness
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 5 – Admission
- Step 9 – Making Amends
- Step 10 – Daily Inventory
- Spiritual Awakening
- Willingness
People Also Search For
AA speaker on step 9 – making amends
AA speaker on step 10 – daily inventory
AA speaker on spiritual awakening
AA speaker on willingness
▶
Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. We hope to always remain an ad-free podcast, so if you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-onrise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. And uh if you don't like anything I say up here today, I am blind Dave.
Feel free. You can stick your tongue out at me. You can hit me with a bird.
So y'all have a good time at my expense. In fact, I used to tell people I said I always had a feeling that someday they were on quue they were going to signal each other and get up and tiptoe out. They just leave me here.
Okay. So, I'm blind Dave and uh my sobriety date is July 9th, 1998. So, this past summer I got 10 years and uh it has been a wonderful 10 years.
I want you to know that. And this past year has probably been the best year of it all. But I want you to know that this past year has also been the most tragic year of my life.
But in the midst of that tragedy, I've discovered God in deeper waters than I've ever found him before. You know, I got to looking back at my u at my journal. I keep a gratitude journal.
I hope some of y'all have learned the value of that. Keep a gratitude journal. It's wonderful.
But I got to looking back at my gratitude journal one time at all my God experiences. I like to keep a record of those things, you know. And uh I started noticing that all of those wonderful God experiences were attached to a near disaster.
And that's just the way it is people. You know, this program offers us the tools by which we can convert any crisis into a God experience. And this past year has been no exception.
It's been an amazing year. And I want to share a little bit about that tonight. Talk a little bit to you.
Um I'm going to start off reading from Bill's story in chapter 1. He said, "My weary and desparing wife," this is when Bill checked into the hospital for the I don't know third or fourth time. He said, "My weary and despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart failure during delirium treatments or I would develop a wet brain.
Perhaps within a year she would soon have to give me over to the undertaker of the asylum." They did not need to tell me. I knew and almost welcomed the idea. It was a devastating blow to my pride.
I who had thought so well of myself, of my abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles. I was cornered at last. Now I was to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of drunks that had gone on before me.
I thought of my poor wife. What would I not give to make amends? But that was over now.
Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had been overcome. I had met my match.
Alcohol was my master. Trembling, I stepped from the hospital. A broken man.
Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of the first drink. And on our mistress day, 1934, I was off again.
Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I'd have to be shut up somewhere or I was going to stumble along to a miserable end. how dark it is before the dawn. In reality, that was the beginning of my last drunk.
I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call a fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, and a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes. What a turnaround.
plunging into the dark, an endless procession of thoughts in the dark, into an incredibly wave, incredible way of living that grows uh incredibly more wonderful as time passes. And I want to talk to you'all a little bit about that tonight. Beyond sobriety.
Beyond sobriety. There there's something beyond sobriety. Of course there is.
The big book says, "We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles of our way of life lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs." You say, "Well, I I thought sobriety was, you know, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." No, so is the pot of gold at the beginning of the rainbow. A much more important demonstration is our God experiences after sobriety along the way.
Fred said that in chapter 3. He said quite as important was the discovery that these spiritual principles would solve all my problems. All my problems.
These spiritual principles will convert any problem into a God experience. What a program it is. Page 51 of the big book, it says, "When so many people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith." Notice he did not say that these people said the most important thing in their life today is not to take a drink.
That is important. But it said that the most important fact of their lives today is the consciousness of the presence of God. I feel I have become one of those.
The 12 and 12 says this in aa we saw the fruits of this belief. Men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend all their pains and trials.
They had a faith that worked under all conditions. Whoa. Would I like to have that?
A faith that worked under all conditions. Well, I want you to know that I feel today I'm entering into that experience. I hope I'm not sounding too bold.
But the big book says, "Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, who flatly declare," That's pretty bold, isn't it? They flatly declare that since they've come to believe in a power greater than themsel to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things, there's been a revolution revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction float into them.
Let's don't just stop with sobriety. Let's learn how to apply these certain simple things to all aspects of our life and watch the power of God and the consciousness of God guide us into the God experience through all our pains and trials. Says they had a faith that worked under all conditions.
And it says, "We soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay, we would pay." When the big book says, "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it," that's what it's talking about. It's talking about a faith that worked under all conditions, that will transcend all your pains and trials. the important discovery that these spiritual principles will solve all your problems.
We soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay to have that we would pay. But it is a price that has to be paid. Bill said this in his story.
He said simple but not easy. A price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness.
That's what humility is. The destruction of self-centeredness. Bill said, "Belief in the power of God plus enough willingness, honesty, and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things are the essential requirements." And that's what the steps do.
Willingness, honesty, and humility are ego deflating attributes. As I deflate my ego, I let God in. If I inflate my ego, I push God out.
And the steps are designed as ego deflating uh is an ego deflating process that that uh cultivates in me willingness, honesty, and humility. No place is that better described than at step five. Y'all know that one.
God. Didn't we all freak out when we come to that one? We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being.
Oh my God. The exact nature of our wrongs. It says almost none of us like the selfsearching, the leveling of our pride in the confession of shortcomings, which the process requires for its successful consummation.
Almost none of us like it, you know. But it is an ego deflating process. cuz I remember when I did step five my first time, you know, and uh so I had got uh my little list.
I I'd done my inventory. I had my little list of things that I needed to get from my sponsor and talk to him about. Of course, there was one thing I was leaving off, but you know, y'all done that, too.
I'm sure some of you. So, I called up my sponsor one Friday. I said, "I got my fist ready." He said, "Listen, I just put my house on the market." And he said, "I'm kind of hanging around the house.
I'm getting these phone calls. I got to show the house." and he said, "How about we meet Monday over at the home group there? I'll meet you after the noon meeting." I said, "Sure, fine." And the only thing with that, see, is he left me with the whole weekend hearing this little voice in the back of my head saying, "We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.
We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I know it was one of you reading how it works. I could hear you." And on Sunday night, I thought, "Okay, okay, I'll write that one more little thing on there." So, I got out my little braille writing stuff.
See, y'all can't read my notebook either, can you? So, I got out my little braille writing stuff and I started punching them dots writing that one more little thing on there. And this this dude popped up on this shoulder.
Y'all know what he looks like, right? And he says, "Don't worry, he can't read that. and if you decide not to tell him, you can still back out at the last minute.
And I thought, "That's right." So, I pushed through the the doors of my home group Monday after the noon meeting and and as I remember going through that door, I thought, "Ain't no way I'm going to tell him that one. No way." So, we went in the back room and we sat down and I unfold my paper and I'm getting ready to do my fist and um I don't know, he just kind of said, "Just a minute, Dave." And he grabbed my hand. He said, "God, I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start." It was a God moment for me.
I don't know if he knew it, but I've been hearing that all weekend in my head. And when he said that, I thought, "This dude's reading my mind. He knows I'm fixing to lie to him.
Kind of. I kind of was scared to hide it, you know. And I got to the end of that list and I hung there for a moment.
He waited. And I want you to know that I hadn't felt anything through my fistep up to this point. And I hung there for a moment.
And then I puked out that last thing. And when I did, I tell people, I said, I feel like I had up to that point been living my life in this kind of a dark gray bubble. And when I puked out that last thing, that bubble popped.
And I was in the sunlight of the spirit like I'd never been before. It was an inrush of the sunlight of the spirit, a conscious contact with God. It was overwhelming, you know.
Um I mean it it almost took my breath away. I' I've talked to a lot of people. Every now and then I'll find somebody that says, "Yeah, it happened like that for me, too." But not most.
But I can tell you this that nearly everybody who's fearless and thorough from the very start on their fifth step will tell you that at least if if not instantly at least over the next couple of weeks or the next month or so that the lights drastically come up. We start really gaining this conscious contact with God. And the promises after that fifth step says uh we begin to feel the nearness of our creator.
We we feel we are walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. That's what step five does. And then you move on, you know, to get on through them steps and you come to step nine and oh god, here's another freak out.
Oh god, you talk about the the deflating that ego. Cultivating the willingness, honesty, and humility to do step nine is even worse than step five. If you want to tell the truth, I can do step five in an hour.
It takes me months, maybe years of sustaining and trying to keep that willingness, honesty, and humility to get through all of step nine. And and because of that fact and because of the ego deflation process that's taking place through all them months of step nine, my my experience with God is even growing. Did you know on page 79 right there in the middle of step 9, it says although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding.
Did you know the first mention of beginning to develop this ability to receive guidance from God is in step nine. Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience. We ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences might be.
We may lose our position, our reputation, or face jail. Oh my god. But we are willing.
We have to be. And if you can be that willing and if you can go and be that humble and sit down face to face and be that honest, I want you to know that your God experience is going to grow through this step nine and you're going to come out the other end of that. If particularly if you ask God for guidance and strength and all them things, help me.
What what should I say? You know, you can louse up and amends. You know that.
But if you'll if you'll prayerfully prepare yourself and ask God for guidance and go out there with and let God get involved in it with you, you'll be amazed before you're halfway through. It says it becomes a God experience. And the promises after step nine say if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, it says we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
This is the first mention of intuition. I'm beginning to develop this ability to have uh the voice to get familiar with that guiding voice of intuition is through the process of step nine. And that's a powerful part of our program.
Don't miss it. I tell my sponsors, I say, "I know you've got a mountain of amends to have to climb. My God, some of us owe lots of money and lot, oh, it's going to take years and you know, it looks like a mountain of a men's going to have to climb." And I said, "But if you'll let God get involved in that with you and you ask God for guidance and strength to do it," and I said, "You're going to be climbing the mountain of God." And my life has been that way ever since.
It's always the near disasters where I have the biggest God experiences. And this thought brings us to step 10, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Keep that ego deflating process working for you.
We vigorously commence this way of living as we cleaned up the past. We have entered the world of the spirit. Whoa.
What does that mean? You know, the first time I read that, I just kind of blew right past it. But I'll tell you when it started to mean something to me.
I was at the point in my program where I felt like I was about ready to start sponsoring or working with somebody. I'd learned to share in meetings and uh and and I I was starting to get some people say, "I like what you shared. That was cool.
Feels good." And I remember one morning I asked God, I said, "God, I I want somebody to work with in my little morning meditations." And I went off to the early morning meeting, 8:30 meeting. And uh sure enough after the meeting this guy come up to me and said I liked what you shared. He said I was wondering if I could get your phone number.
I saidure here I gave him the number. He said he said I also have a drug problem. He says I I I'm trying to kick heroin.
He said I I I might need to give you a call. I said sure. Great.
Here's my number. And I went home saying whoa. Yay.
God answered my prayer. I GOT SOMEBODY TO WORK WITH. REAL COOL.
NOW, my wife had told me the night before that her sister was going to come over that day to bring us some homemade egg rolls. Now, see, her sister is is is a hypocchondric. And uh SHE SHE has a medicine cabinet of all kind of pills that I like.
And so, I used to talk to her about my back all the time, y'all know. And uh and so she used to keep me with pills. And uh I guess I hadn't told her I was in recovery yet.
So, so sure enough, I get home from the meeting. I lay down, take a little nap, and I hear a knock on the door. I said, "Oh, yeah.
I forgot she was coming." I went to the door and it was her sister. She comes in and we walked the refrigerator. She hands me a pan of these homemade egg roll.
Says, "Here you go." And I she put it in my hand. I set that in the refrigerator. She said, "Here's something else." I put out my hand.
She handed me a I don't know, a bowl or a tray with tin foil over it. And I put that in the refrigerator. And she said, "Here, hold out your hands." And I held out my hands and she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand.
And my heart jumped into my throat and was just pounding. She said, "That ought to hold you for a while." Thought it'll hold me till you get out the door. A nice handful.
One good dose. Oh god. And she went out the door and I am fighting with my hand.
I want you to know. Oh god. Yes.
No. Yes. Don't take them.
No. Oh god. It was a bad bad day.
And I'm pacing the floor and I say, "Okay, put them in the drawer. Put them in the drawer and try to lay down and take a nap." I put them in the drawer. you.
Haha. Can you go to sleep? Not when they're talking to you from the drawer that loud.
So, I got back up and I I got him out of the drawer and I and I'm walking back and forth saying, "Take them. No, take them. No." And and then Norma came home from work, you know, and she goes in the back room to change clothes and I thought, "Go tell Norma.
Go tell Norma." So, I'm running down the hall and this guy pops up again and he says, "Hold it here. Let's don't be too drastic here. Let's talk this over." He usually wins them talks, doesn't he?
and he was winning that one. And I thought, "Hell with what the hell is it?" I mean, it was ripping me in half. And I thought, "Hell with it.
I'm just going to take them. I'm just going to go take them." And and so I'm turn around. I'm going back down the hallway to through the kitchen door.
I'm going to go uh get the water jug and swallow this handful of pills. And right, my phone is right by the kitchen door. And right as I'm going through the kitchen door, it went bing.
I want you to know if I'd have been a step past it, I would not have turned around and come back. I would have said, "Nora, get the phone." If I'd have been a step two before it where I'd had time to think, I wouldn't have answered that. I said, "Nora, get the phone." But it rang right as I was passing right by and I didn't even think at all.
It just went ringing and I grabbed it and said, "Hello." And this guy said, "Dave, I'm about to go use man." He said, "Talk me out of it. I thought I am not in Kansas anymore. It says we have entered the world of the spirit.
And that day I got a phone call from God precise to the second when I needed it. I want y'all to know there is a God factor in this equation. And waking up to the reality of that is an awesome experience.
I went out to a treatment center one day. I've been going out there quite a bit. And one day I walked in and this guy said, "Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power." And I said, "Well, it's not your job to contact your higher power." He said, "It's not." I said, "No, your job is to work the steps." And I said, "And uh these u house cleaning steps that we call this steps four through nine." I said, "Be fearless and thorough from the very start." I said, "You do a good job on them steps and clean up, you know." I said, "And remove the things that block you from this experience." I said, "If you do a good job on those steps, he'll contact you." And there was a guy sitting there kind of a smarty.
He said, "What if I don't believe in God?" And I said, "You will then. >> You will then. So we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.
And when these crop up, we ask God, he wants to remove them. We keep this process. I've got to keep this ego thing deflated so that the God factor can be working in my life, the most important fact of my life today.
So we ask God, it wants to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. Make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone.
Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It does not say casually turn your thoughts to someone you can help. The big book says if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self- sacrifice for others, that is not casually.
That means that I'm going to do this on some days when I don't feel like it. I'm going to do this on some days when I think I've got something else more important I'd rather be doing. There's got to be some sacrifice in here somewhere.
resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help. I remember when my sponsor said he was signing up people to go out to the treatment center and he said, "Dave, I've got uh I'm supposed to sign up people to go speak at detox." He said, "I've got two dates here. Which one do you want?" And I said, "I don't want either one of them." He said, "Well, then I'll just put you down for this one." So, I went and did that and and kind of ground through it.
We didn't do a very good job. I came out and he said, uh, he said, "Good. I'm going to have you go back next week." And I thought, "Oh, God." So, I went the next week and and when I came home, he says, "Uh, Dave, I'm real proud of you." I loved my sponsor.
He He always made me feel a foot taller than I was. He made me want to do it for him. He said, "I'm real proud of you, Dave." He said, "You know what?" He said, "I think I'm just going to put you down to go once a month." I thought, hell, I'm going to go get my big book and and start getting some stuff here to carry a message from the book.
The the message is in the book, y'all. So, I I started working at that. He had me going once a month.
And, you know, I want you to know I'm 10 years sober to this day, and I still go two or three times a week now. It's the joy of my life. So, this is where I began working on that, trying to get better, you know, and I was I was working at trying to have a better message to carry.
And that's all I was doing. I was just going to my meetings and and and going to this treatment center and and working at trying to learn how to take what's in this book and present it to them in a way where they could hear it. And and I'm just working along with that.
And I want you to know now when I when I was about 11 years old, I picked up a habit of dipping skull and it was as a bad addiction as any as I've ever had. But I want you to know they say that one dip of skull has the nicotine of a pack of cigarettes. And I dip skull from morning to late night.
I always had a dip in my mouth. And I had tried to quit a few times, but oh it like killed me. There was a time there was a girl in my church.
She was blemic and boy that the church had sent her to counseling and therapy and all that and then I mean she was going to kill herself and u so I had this bright idea one day uh cuz cuz me and her we was good friends and I said listen I make a vow with you I won't dip skull ever again if you won't do that she said deal and I didn't take a dip for 2 months and my skin like to peeled off I ain't kidding it like to killed me and it was killing her too I I remember one day we met each other at church and released each other from our vow. And I went off to the store and got me a can of skull. And I want you to know I filled up my jaw skull and sat down on the curb.
I patted myself on the back and said, "Dave, don't you worry. I'll never do that to you again. I promise I'll never do that to you again." But you know, as I started getting older and watching my dad grow old, addicted addicted to nicotine and his health falling apart, you know, and I thought, I don't want to grow old still addicted to nicotine.
So, in the back of my mind, I still hope someday I could quit. Would you like to quit today, Dave? No.
God, don't scare me with that today. Not today. No.
But you know back there when I came into AA and when I did that fist step and that bubble popped and I felt the inrush of the presence of God that took my breath away. I came out of that back room and I was just leaning against the wall there just feeling the presence of God. And this dude come up said hey what's happening?
And I said man I just did my fistep. I said this is awesome. I said, "Man, if if if this experience, this spiritual awakening keeps growing like this as I proceed on in aa I said, you know, I could conceive of the possibility that someday I might possibly find the courage someday, maybe to think about seeing if maybe God might help me quit school again someday." maybe.
And I said, "So, you hold me accountable to that." I told this guy, I said, "In 6 months, you asked me if I've quit school yet. Don't let me get past it. Get away with that." He said, "All right." Well, I forgot all about that.
6 months later, he called me. He said, "Dave, I'm thinking about quitting smoking. How how'd you do on the quitting skull?" I said, "Oh, God.
I forgot all about that. I hadn't thought about that. No, ain't no way.
I'm not ready for that. Forget that." Yeah, he called me on a Monday and uh I want you to know that um on Tuesday, Norma came home from work and uh we had dinner. We went off the grocery store to buy her groceries and I bought all my cans of stove for the week.
Came home, it was kind of late at night. She had to get in bed. So, I was putting up the groceries in the kitchen all by myself.
I got me a big fresh dip, put it there, clean my gum and cheek and fixing to groove for the night, you know, and I'm putting the last couple of cans up in the cabinet and boom. I said, "The only way I can describe this is if I had like been standing in a puddle of gasoline and I didn't know it and somebody leaned around the corner of the door and tossed a match in it and it just went poof." And I was in the presence of God again just like that day on that fist. And I mean, I just I just froze.
And I was standing there and I I say I heard God. You don't I didn't hear a voice. I felt God and I knew what he said.
He said, "Spit that out right now and I will free you from this addiction." And I thought, "What about in the morning when I wake up with that craving on me?" And he didn't he didn't say nothing. I I thought, "Well, maybe if he's going to free me from this addiction, I'll I won't wake up with that craving. Is that right, God?
And he didn't say nothing. God don't repeat himself much. And all of a sudden, this presence just started to like go away.
Just just started to leave like, "Well, if you don't want it." And I said, "Wait a minute." I SAID, "WAIT, DON'T GO." I SAID, "DON'T GO." I SAID, "I'LL TAKE IT. I'LL TAKE the deal." And I ran over to the sink, spit out my stove, got me a mouthful of water, rinsed out my mouth, spit it out, and stood up. And it was gone.
It was gone. I felt like some kind of shadow that had been living in me was just gone. I walked around my kitchen for a while wondering, is am I dreaming or what?
Then I sat down on my kitchen floor and cried for a while. I just couldn't believe it. You know, my sponsor Ed, I told I called Ed and told him about that.
He's and Ed said, "God will provide what you need and will take away your difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those you are to help." And and he said, "So, you just keep on carrying the message." Now, I'm not I know there's plenty of people in AA that still smoke and dip skull and I ain't saying anything about this was just one of my God experiences. You'll have your own.
That was just something in the back of my head. I hope someday to get free from and it happened. And so I continue to take personal inventory and I continue to set right my mistakes as I go along.
And I continue to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can help so that God might continue to provide what I need and remove my difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those I will help. that there's a God factor in this equation.
Few years ago, I was doing uh my laundry one night about about midnight was in October. Nice time of the year to have the windows and everything open, enjoy the fall weather, and I heard some thunder off in the distance and I thought, "Cool, it's going to rain. I love rain, you know." And uh a little while later, the thunder rumbled a little closer and I thought, "Oh, cool.
It is going to rain." And uh about 10 minutes after that, it didn't start raining. It started hailing. Golf ball size hail.
And I mean, it sounded like someone backed this huge dump truck up to my house and just dumped a load of rocks on my house for about 10 minutes. No rain. You know, I've I've been in hell before where it rains and it's pouring down and all a sudden you hear a ping pang thong starting to bounce off the window in the car, you know, and you go, "Wow, it's starting to hell now." But usually it's been raining for a while first.
Not this night. There was no rain. It hailed solid rocks for 10 minutes before it ever started raining.
It got scary. I went and woke Norm up and said, "We need to pray." And it demolished my roof. So I called the insurance adjuster guy out and he climbed up there and looked at my roof and come down said, "Yeah, you got about $3,200 worth of damage up there." And he said, "You got a $900 deductible." And uh and I thought, "Oh god, $900." And he said, "You got a year to settle this claim." And I thought, "Well, I got I'm going to need a year to save the $900." So, uh, I didn't think anymore about that.
That was in October. We swung all the way around to the next June. And in June, I thought, "Oh, wow.
I've only got a few more months to save up my $900 deductible." So, I called a roofer guy out there to come out and look at my roof and give me a bid on what he was going to charge me to fix it. and he climbed up there and he come down. He said, "You better be about $5,000." I SAID, " $5,000?
THAT INSURANCE ADJUSTER told me $3,200." And he said, "Well, he must not have looked very good." He said, "You got two roofs up there." And u he said, "And whoever did that last work didn't do it right, and water's leaked all under there." And he said, "And your decking is rotten." And he said, "And the two befores that jut out past the wall are rotten all the way around your house and the fascia is rotten all the way around the house." He said, "I've got to pull both them roofs and all that off before I can ever even start putting a new roof up there." He said, "And um that's not hell damage. Your insurance isn't going to cover that at all." Oh god. Oh man.
I was getting scared now. And then Norma walked in and said, "Hey, guess what? I could retire 5 years sooner if we buy back that 5 years of my retirement.
I said, "Well, how much is that?" She said, "Well, it's $4,250." Oh, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING. I'M I'M FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS ROOF RIGHT NOW. AND SHE SAID, "WELL, you know, that's what I can get it for right now.
It's going up in October." I said, "I GOT TO GET THE ROOF DONE BY OCTOBER." I SAID, "Forget that one day." I said, "Oh, God. Ain't no way." So, I go to bed that night. I'm doing my inventory like my sponsor is training me to do as a habit.
And I come across that. Have you fear? Have you were you afraid?
And I thought, yeah, I'm afraid. So I asked God to remove my fear. I jumped in bed and I said, God, I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and report in about my fear.
See, that's that's showing my human side. That's that humility. Yes, I'm scared.
I said, I'll call God. I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and and and you know, and report in. And just as I'm going to sleep, I I thought I heard that voice of God again that I'm starting to get familiar with.
And he said, "Did you ever finish paying for your seeing eye dog?" Oh, God. Don't bring that up now. I've got enough.
But what do you I went and got a CNI dog back in 1982 and uh they used to give them dogs away, but they found out we'd take better care of them if they charged us some. So, and they said, "We don't care how you pay it. You can pay us a dollar a month or $50 a year.
We don't care how you pay it just as long as you pay it and don't get some charity organization to pay it for you." So, great. That sounded easy enough. I went back to Texas and uh went through a divorce.
You know, all of us have a string of those, don't we? Went through my next divorce and walked away from that marriage with a lot of debt. Since he and I wasn't really pressuring me, I think I might have put that one on the back burner and may have forgot it.
I don't even remember. And here I am in the midst of this financial crisis and I say, "God, help me. Did you ever finish paying for your CI dog?
No. Oh, God. That w that couldn't have been God.
God wouldn't be that mean. I mean, that wasn't God. That wasn't God.
I I put my head under the pillow and tried to go to sleep. Got up the next day. I'm walking around the house all day going, "That wasn't God.
That wasn't God. Couldn't have been God. I've been sober now for a while and everything's been going just fine.
That couldn't have been God." By the afternoon, I had myself believing that that wasn't God. And I was feeling okay again. You know, you can talk yourself out of out of missing your blessing too if you want.
And so I had myself believing that wasn't God. And so I'm going to go into the kitchen now and make supper. And I keep a radio on the kitchen table cuz I like to listen to talk radio while I'm piddling around in the kitchen.
And so I flipped on the radio and the first words that come out of that radio, this lady said, "Hi, I'm Jane Doe." Said, "Today we're going to be talking to John Smith." said, "John recently went blind and he went and got a CNI dog and he wants to talk to you about a CNI dog. There's a God factor in this equation. We are not in Kansas anymore.
We have entered the world of the spirit." And I turned off the radio and I looked up at God and I said, "God, I just can't afford to pay that right now." And boom, it came back at me. He said, "You can't afford not to." How do I bring God into this equation? By continuing to set right any new mistakes.
By continuing to take personal inventory. by continuing to make amends and and pay what I owe. And God brought this one up and if I want God to stay in the game, I better do what he said.
I said, "You can't afford not to. You're in a crisis. You want to handle this one by yourself?" "No, sir." "You can't afford not to make these amends.
Don't bog down in your amends." So, I called CNI. I said, 'I think I may owe y'all some money. I don't remember.
They said, 'When?' I said, '192.' He said, 'My God, I don't know if we have records back that far. He said, "I'll have to call you in a few days." So, he called me in a few days. He said, "Uh, yes, sir, Mr.
Archable." He said, "You still owe us $35." Oh, great. Oh, I thought it was going to be the whole thing. I couldn't remember.
You know, I was so glad. And me and Norma wrote a $35 check, put it in the mail. I said I said, "God, you sure you sure made a big fuss out of $35." And I felt like God said, "You didn't know it was $35.
You thought it was perhaps the whole thing." And you sure demonstrated a lot of willingness. And I felt, you know, the big book says just to the extent that we do as God asked us to do, he will match our calamity with serenity. And right there, I felt the serenity wrap around me about the whole mess.
A few weeks later, I'm sitting on my living room floor doing the steps with a new guy. We went outside on the porch to take a smoke break and uh I mentioned to him about my roof crisis that I was in the middle of and he said, "Really?" He said he was an old roofer. He climbed up there and looked at it and he come down.
He said, "How much that insurance adjuster say they'd pay?" And I said, "Well, 3,200 deducting my 900 deductible. He would pay me 23." He said, "I can do all that for 23." I said, "You can." He said, "Sure." He went and got a roofing buddy of his and they came over and took that $2,300 and did the whole thing, the decking and all. The whole thing.
DIDN'T COST ME NOTHING out of pocket. It was amazing. Then a few days after that, I called the guy from the teacher retirement and had him come over.
I said, "Help me figure out this mess about Norma's retirement." And he's looking at all the papers that she's gotten her 403b. That's a teacher thing. And he says, "And Norma, what's this other little deduction they're taking out of your check over here?" She said, "I don't know." He said, "You know, they're putting something in another little fund over here." And he said, "I used to work for that company." He said, "It's it's not a very good company." He said, "That's why I changed and moved to this other one." He said, "Look, here's what we're going to do." He said, "We're going to close out that one and take what little bit you got in that one and roll it over into this one, and then we're going to something another something other.
You know, I don't understand that kind of talk. All I know was he he reshuffled the debt and doubt out and dealt us out a new hand. And when he got through, we had Norma's 5 years of retirement in the bag and it didn't cost me nothing.
I had a new roof. this. Just a few weeks later, I had a new roof on my house that cost me nothing.
And I had enormous 5 years of retirement in the bag. It didn't cost me nothing. I take that back.
It cost me $35. You know, I had this old car. It was paid off and I was digging on not having a car payment.
So, I was just going to drive it until the wheels fell off. But now last year I went to have the inspection sticker, you know, and it didn't pass inspection. In Travis County, they've really tightened up the laws on ammunitions tests and it didn't pass.
And I had to spend 250 bucks to get my car uh to pass inspection. So, we drive it around now to the next year and I take it in to get inspected and it didn't pass again. And I said, "Wait a minute.
I just spent 250 bucks just a year ago to get this car to pass inspection." Blah blah. I'm all upset. So, uh, I was talking to a friend of mine down in, uh, the next county in a little town down there.
He said, 'You know, we don't have all that strict laws down here in this county. He said, "Come get your car inspected down here." I said, "Great. That sound like a good idea." But that night, I thought I remembered that you're supposed to get your car inspected in the county where you're registered.
So, I called him back. I said, "You know, I'm not sure I can I'm not sure I'm supposed to get my car registered in another county." He said, "Yeah, but he said, my buddy over at the garage can fix that." He said, "Call him." So I called him up. He said, "Yeah, that's right.
You're supposed to get it inspected in the county where you're registered." And he said, "I've got this waiver here." He said, "You just signed this waiver that says that that you're never going to be driving that car in Travis County." And uh and he said, "And they don't check up. They don't follow up on that." He said, "Then you just go right next door and get your inspection sticker." I thought, "Great. That sounds easy." So that night, I'm doing my inventory.
Dang it. And I say, and it says on there, "Have you been dishonest?" And the little bell went, "Ding, the little God bell." You know, I said, "God, is that you again?" No, I haven't been dishonest yet, but tomorrow I'm fixing to be. And I had to wrestle with myself for quite a while.
Just like that time when I was trying to decide whether I was going to put that one thing on my fifth step or not. I had to walk around the house going, "Oh god, do I have do I have do I have to play by the rules?" And it took me a while to finally say, "Okay, okay, God, I'm going to stay in Travis County and do it fair and square and honest." >> Got about five minutes. >> Thank you.
Then I had this bright idea. I thought, I know since I'm going to, to be honest, God's going to bless me and somehow they're going to figure out how to fix that car and it's not going to cost me $250. I'll bet that's what's going to happen.
So, I put the car in the shop. Uh they called me a couple of days, said, "Your car already." I said, "Great. What's the bill?" He said, " $360.
God, YOU I SAID, "GOD, YOU SCREWED UP." And I was really upset with God, you I go get the car and I pay him the 360 bucks and I'm kind of upset and I felt God say there's no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles. >> And again, because I did what God wanted me to do, I felt that serenity wrap itself around me. There's no consequences to living by spiritual principles.
And I knew that somehow I wasn't going to feel the pinch of that 360 bucks going out of my pocket. I just believed that. And we drove that old car about two more months and then uh one day uh we didn't watch the temperature gauge close enough and we ran out of water and we blew the heads.
So that was the end of that car. Well, I decided that the next car I was going to get was going to be a Honda Civic. And so a friend of mine said, "Yeah, I got a friend works at Honda up in Round Rock.
He said, "Drive up there and talk to him." So I went and talked to him and and he pulled one around for us to test drive. I said, "Now it's got to have XM radio." I love XM radio. And he said, "Yes, sir.
I've got you one right here with XM radio." And we took it for a test drive. And we said, "Yeah, we like this." And uh so we go back and Norman said, "The only thing is he said, she said, "I don't want white." He said, "Okay." And he came and he went and looked and he came back. He said, "Oh." He showed her the colors.
She said, "I like this cobalt blue." So he went and looked and he came back and said, "Don't have any cobalt blue new ones." The the old eight new ones, you know, don't have any cobalt blue. She said, "Well, how about this darker blue?" He said, "Actually, I don't have any new ones in anything but white." I said, 'Well, then how about a ' 06 or an '07, maybe?' He said, 'I don't have any used cars.' He said, "Just a minute, though." He said, "I've got a computer hooked up to all the dealerships in Texas. I'll go find you one." And he come back a little while later.
He said, "There are no brand new cobalt blue uh Honda Civics in the state of Texas." He said, "There's going to be a couple coming out out of the factory in about 2 months if you can wait that long." No, I don't have a car now. So, we're sitting there trying to talk oursel into getting the white one. And I said, "Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Norman, we had already signed papers and stuff." I said, "Wait, let just stop this whole thing." I said, "We're going to wait. I'm going to give God a chance here." So, I went back home and I thought about this uh Honda dealership in South Austin.
I called them up. I said, "Do you have any uh new Honda 08 Civics in anything other than white?" He said, "Well, I've got a beige." I said, "We're going to come look at it." And we drove out there and he got the keys and we walked across the lot and he said, "Here it is right here." And I said, "Nora, do you like this beige one?" She said, "Here's a cobalt blue one sitting right beside it." And I asked that salesman, I said, "Hey, that dude at Round Rock looked on the computer for the whole state of Texas and he said there were no 08, there were no new cobalt blue ones in the state of Texas." He said, "Well, that's right." He said, "Cuz that one's used." I said, "Well, how used is it?" And he looked in. He said, "It's got,00 miles on it." That that ain't much.
He said, "I tell you what, he knocked $2,500 off the price because of that, 1100 miles." I said, "I can do that." I said, "Now, the only thing is I got to have XM radio." He said, "Well, it don't have XM radio, but it's XM ready." I said, "Cool. I'll buy my own XM radio and have it installed." I figured it'd cost me 300, 350, something like that. But to save $2,500, I can do that.
So, we drive off. I said, "No, I'll get you XM radio for Christmas." The next day, I get up and I think I'm going to call Best Buy and just find out what it is going to cost me to put this radio in. So, I called him up.
I said, "I got a Honda Civic. I want to put XM radio." He said, "We don't have that XM radio." He said, "You got to get it from the from the Honda dealer." And um but he said, "But come let us install it cuz they'll charge you an arm and a leg." So, I went I called the Honda dealer. I said, "I want to order the XM radio for my Honda Civic LX." And he said, "Uh, the LX doesn't You can't put a" He said, "It's not XM ready." I said, "Wait a minute.
That salesman told me this Honda was XM ready." He said, "Uh, no, it's not." He was wrong. So, I called him up. He was at lunch, you know.
I said, "I'm bringing this car back." And, uh, and boy, he found that message and he raced back to the dealer. When I pulled up there, he was standing outside waiting on me. He said, "Mr.
Archb, Mr. Archall." Uh, he said, "I I'll get you XM radio put in that put in that car." And I said, "They told me that you can't put XM radio in this car." He said, "Oh, yeah, you can." He said, "Hond, don't do it." He said, "I got a friend down the road here who installs them." And I said, "I don't want some southern engineered job with wires hanging off." And he said, "Oh, no." He said, "It will be just like a factory installed." He said, "You won't know the difference." And I said, "What will it cost?" He said, "I'll do it for you for free." I said, "How long will it take?" He said about 2 hours. I said, "Get it done.
Get it done." So 2 hours later, I'm driving out of the dealership with my cobalt blue uh08 car that got $2,500 knocked off the price, got the XM radio installed for free, and I hear this voice say, "See there, there's no consequences to sticking to spiritual principles." So I continue to take personal inventory daily. I continue to set new set right any new mistakes as they come up. I continue to resolutely turn my thoughts to who I can help in this program because the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact in my life.
God bless you. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.
Until next time, have a great day.