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And if you don't like anything I say up here today, I am Blind Dave. Feel free. You can stick your tongue out at me. You can hit me with a bird. So y'all have a good time at my expense.

In fact, I used to tell people I said I always had a feeling that someday they were going to signal each other and get up and tiptoe out. They just leave me here.

Okay. So, I'm Blind Dave and my sobriety date is July 9th, 1998. So this past summer I got 10 years and it has been a wonderful 10 years. I want you to know that. And this past year has probably been the best year of it all. But I want you to know that this past year has also been the most tragic year of my life. But in the midst of that tragedy, I've discovered God in deeper waters than I've ever found him before.

You know, I got to looking back at my journal. I keep a gratitude journal. I hope some of y'all have learned the value of that. Keep a gratitude journal. It's wonderful. But I got to looking back at my gratitude journal one time at all my God experiences. I like to keep a record of those things, you know. And I started noticing that all of those wonderful God experiences were attached to a near disaster. And that's just the way it is, people. You know, this program offers us the tools by which we can convert any crisis into a God experience. And this past year has been no exception. It's been an amazing year. And I want to share a little bit about that tonight.

I'm going to start off reading from Bill's story in chapter 1. He said, "My weary and despairing wife," this is when Bill checked into the hospital for the third or fourth time. He said, "My weary and despairing wife was informed that it would all end with heart failure during delirium treatments or I would develop a wet brain. Perhaps within a year she would soon have to give me over to the undertaker of the asylum."

They did not need to tell me. I knew and almost welcomed the idea. It was a devastating blow to my pride. I who had thought so well of myself, of my abilities, of my capacity to surmount obstacles. I was cornered at last. Now I was to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of drunks that had gone on before me. I thought of my poor wife. What would I not give to make amends? But that was over now. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had been overcome. I had met my match. Alcohol was my master. Trembling, I stepped from the hospital. A broken man. Fear sobered me for a bit. Then came the insidious insanity of the first drink. And on our mistress day, 1934, I was off again.

Everyone became resigned to the certainty that I'd have to be shut up somewhere or I was going to stumble along to a miserable end. How dark it is before the dawn. In reality, that was the beginning of my last drunk. I was soon to be catapulted into what I like to call a fourth dimension of existence. I was to know happiness, peace, and usefulness, and a way of life that is incredibly more wonderful as time passes. What a turnaround. Plunging into the dark, an endless procession of thoughts in the dark, into an incredibly wonderful way of living that grows incredibly more wonderful as time passes.

And I want to talk to you all a little bit about that tonight. Beyond sobriety. Beyond sobriety. There's something beyond sobriety. Of course there is. The Big Book says, "We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles of our way of life lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs."

You say, "Well, I thought sobriety was, you know, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow." No, sobriety is the pot of gold at the beginning of the rainbow. A much more important demonstration is our God experiences after sobriety along the way. Fred said that in chapter 3. He said quite as important was the discovery that these spiritual principles would solve all my problems. All my problems. These spiritual principles will convert any problem into a God experience. What a program it is.

Page 51 of the Big Book says, "When so many people are able to say that the consciousness of the presence of God is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith." Notice he did not say that these people said the most important thing in their life today is not to take a drink. That is important. But it said that the most important fact of their lives today is the consciousness of the presence of God. I feel I have become one of those.

The 12 and 12 says this: In AA we saw the fruits of this belief. Men and women spared from alcohol's final catastrophe. We saw them meet and transcend all their pains and trials. They had a faith that worked under all conditions. Whoa. Would I like to have that? A faith that worked under all conditions.

Well, I want you to know that I feel today I'm entering into that experience. I hope I'm not sounding too bold. But the Big Book says, "Here are thousands of men and women, worldly indeed, who flatly declare that since they've come to believe in a power greater than themselves, to take a certain attitude toward that power and to do certain simple things, there's been a revolutionary change in their way of living and thinking. A new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction float into them."

Let's don't just stop with sobriety. Let's learn how to apply these certain simple things to all aspects of our life and watch the power of God and the consciousness of God guide us into the God experience through all our pains and trials. Says they had a faith that worked under all conditions.

And it says, "We soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay, we would pay." When the Big Book says, "If you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it," that's what it's talking about. It's talking about a faith that worked under all conditions, that will transcend all your pains and trials. The important discovery that these spiritual principles will solve all your problems. We soon concluded that whatever price and humility we must pay to have that we would pay.

But it is a price that has to be paid. Bill said this in his story. He said simple but not easy. A price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. That's what humility is. The destruction of self-centeredness.

Bill said, "Belief in the power of God plus enough willingness, honesty, and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things are the essential requirements." And that's what the steps do. Willingness, honesty, and humility are ego deflating attributes. As I deflate my ego, I let God in. If I inflate my ego, I push God out. And the steps are designed as an ego deflating process that cultivates in me willingness, honesty, and humility.

No place is that better described than at Step Five. Y'all know that one. God. Didn't we all freak out when we came to that one? We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. It says almost none of us like the self-searching, the leveling of our pride in the confession of shortcomings, which the process requires for its successful consummation. Almost none of us like it, you know. But it is an ego deflating process.

Because I remember when I did Step Five my first time, you know, and I had gotten my little list. I'd done my inventory. I had my little list of things that I needed to get from my sponsor and talk to him about. Of course, there was one thing I was leaving off, but you know, y'all done that too. I'm sure some of you.

So I called up my sponsor one Friday. I said, "I got my first ready." He said, "Listen, I just put my house on the market. And he said, "I'm kind of hanging around the house. I'm getting these phone calls. I got to show the house. And he said, "How about we meet Monday over at the home group there? I'll meet you after the noon meeting."

I said, "Sure, fine."

And the only thing with that, see, is he left me with the whole weekend hearing this little voice in the back of my head saying, "We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. We beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start." I know it was one of you reading how it works. I could hear you.

And on Sunday night, I thought, "Okay, okay, I'll write that one more little thing on there." So I got out my little Braille writing stuff. See, y'all can't read my notebook either, can you? So I got out my little Braille writing stuff and I started punching them dots writing that one more little thing on there. And this dude popped up on this shoulder. Y'all know what he looks like, right? And he says, "Don't worry, he can't read that. And if you decide not to tell him, you can still back out at the last minute."

And I thought, "That's right."

So I pushed through the doors of my home group Monday after the noon meeting and as I remember going through that door, I thought, "Ain't no way I'm going to tell him that one. No way." So we went in the back room and we sat down and I unfolded my paper and I'm getting ready to do my first and I don't know, he just kind of said, "Just a minute, Dave." And he grabbed my hand. He said, "God, I think you better help Dave be fearless and thorough from the very start."

It was a God moment for me. I don't know if he knew it, but I've been hearing that all weekend in my head. And when he said that, I thought, "This dude's reading my mind. He knows I'm fixing to lie to him. Kind of. I kind of was scared to hide it, you know."

And I got to the end of that list and I hung there for a moment. He waited. And I want you to know that I hadn't felt anything through my first up to this point. And I hung there for a moment. And then I puked out that last thing.

And when I did, I tell people, I said, I feel like I had up to that point been living my life in this kind of a dark gray bubble. And when I puked out that last thing, that bubble popped. And I was in the sunlight of the spirit like I'd never been before. It was an inrush of the sunlight of the spirit, a conscious contact with God. It was overwhelming, you know.

I mean it almost took my breath away. I've talked to a lot of people. Every now and then I'll find somebody that says, "Yeah, it happened like that for me, too." But not most. But I can tell you this that nearly everybody who's fearless and thorough from the very start on their fifth step will tell you that at least if not instantly at least over the next couple of weeks or the next month or so that the lights drastically come up. We start really gaining this conscious contact with God.

And the promises after that fifth step says we begin to feel the nearness of our creator. We feel we are walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe. That's what Step Five does.

And then you move on, you know, to get on through them steps and you come to Step Nine and oh god, here's another freak out. Oh god, you talk about the deflating that ego. Cultivating the willingness, honesty, and humility to do Step Nine is even worse than Step Five. If you want to tell the truth, I can do Step Five in an hour. It takes me months, maybe years of sustaining and trying to keep that willingness, honesty, and humility to get through all of Step Nine.

And because of that fact and because of the ego deflation process that's taking place through all them months of Step Nine, my experience with God is even growing. Did you know on page 79 right there in the middle of Step 9, it says although these reparations take innumerable forms, there are some general principles which we find guiding. Did you know the first mention of beginning to develop this ability to receive guidance from God is in Step Nine.

Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience. We ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing no matter what the personal consequences might be. We may lose our position, our reputation, or face jail. Oh my god. But we are willing. We have to be.

And if you can be that willing and if you can go and be that humble and sit down face to face and be that honest, I want you to know that your God experience is going to grow through this Step Nine and you're going to come out the other end of that. If particularly if you ask God for guidance and strength and all them things, help me. What should I say? You know, you can louse up an amends. You know that. But if you'll prayerfully prepare yourself and ask God for guidance and go out there with and let God get involved in it with you, you'll be amazed before you're halfway through. It says it becomes a God experience.

And the promises after Step Nine say if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, it says we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. This is the first mention of intuition. I'm beginning to develop this ability to have the voice to get familiar with that guiding voice of intuition is through the process of Step Nine. And that's a powerful part of our program. Don't miss it.

I tell my sponsors, I say, "I know you've got a mountain of amends to climb. My God, some of us owe lots of money and a lot, oh, it's going to take years and you know, it looks like a mountain of amends you're going to have to climb. And I said, "But if you'll let God get involved in that with you and you ask God for guidance and strength to do it," and I said, "You're going to be climbing the mountain of God."

And my life has been that way ever since. It's always the near disasters where I have the biggest God experiences.

And this thought brings us to Step 10, which suggests that we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Keep that ego deflating process working for you. We vigorously commence this way of living as we clean up the past. We have entered the world of the spirit. Whoa. What does that mean?

You know, the first time I read that, I just kind of blew right past it. But I'll tell you when it started to mean something to me. I was at the point in my program where I felt like I was about ready to start sponsoring or working with somebody. I'd learned to share in meetings and I was starting to get some people say, "I like what you shared. That was cool. Feels good."

And I remember one morning I asked God, I said, "God, I want somebody to work with in my little morning meditations." And I went off to the early morning meeting, 8:30 meeting. And sure enough after the meeting this guy come up to me and said I liked what you shared. He said I was wondering if I could get your phone number. I said "Sure, here I gave him the number." He said he also has a drug problem. He says I'm trying to kick heroin. He said I might need to give you a call. I said sure. Great. Here's my number.

And I went home saying whoa. Yay. God answered my prayer. I got somebody to work with. Real cool.

Now, my wife had told me the night before that her sister was going to come over that day to bring us some homemade egg rolls. Now, see, her sister is a hypochondriac. And she has a medicine cabinet of all kind of pills that I like. And so I used to talk to her about my back all the time, y'all know. And so she used to keep me with pills. And I guess I hadn't told her I was in recovery yet.

So sure enough, I get home from the meeting. I lay down, take a little nap, and I hear a knock on the door. I said, "Oh, yeah. I forgot she was coming." I went to the door and it was her sister. She comes in and we walked to the refrigerator. She hands me a pan of these homemade egg rolls. Says, "Here you go." And I she put it in my hand. I set that in the refrigerator. She said, "Here's something else." I put out my hand. She handed me I don't know, a bowl or a tray with tin foil over it. And I put that in the refrigerator. And she said, "Here, hold out your hands." And I held out my hands and she poured a pile of Vicodin in my hand.

And my heart jumped into my throat and was just pounding. She said, "That ought to hold you for a while." Thought it'll hold me till you get out the door. A nice handful. One good dose. Oh god. And she went out the door and I am fighting with my hand. I want you to know. Oh god. Yes. No. Yes. Don't take them. No. Oh god. It was a bad bad day.

And I'm pacing the floor and I say, "Okay, put them in the drawer. Put them in the drawer and try to lay down and take a nap." I put them in the drawer. Can you go to sleep? Not when they're talking to you from the drawer that loud. So I got back up and I got him out of the drawer and I'm walking back and forth saying, "Take them. No, take them. No."

And then Norma came home from work, you know, and she goes in the back room to change clothes and I thought, "Go tell Norma. Go tell Norma." So I'm running down the hall and this guy pops up again and he says, "Hold it here. Let's don't be too drastic here. Let's talk this over." He usually wins them talks, doesn't he? And he was winning that one.

And I thought, "Hell with it. What the hell is it?" I mean, it was ripping me in half. And I thought, "Hell with it. I'm just going to take them. I'm just going to go take them." And so I'm turn around. I'm going back down the hallway to through the kitchen door. I'm going to go get the water jug and swallow this handful of pills.

And right, my phone is right by the kitchen door. And right as I'm going through the kitchen door, it went bing. I want you to know if I'd have been a step past it, I would not have turned around and come back. I would have said, "Norma, get the phone." If I'd have been a step two before it where I'd had time to think, I wouldn't have answered that. I said, "Norma, get the phone." But it rang right as I was passing right by and I didn't even think at all. It just went ringing and I grabbed it and said, "Hello."

And this guy said, "Dave, I'm about to go use man." He said, "Talk me out of it."

I thought I am not in Kansas anymore. It says we have entered the world of the spirit. And that day I got a phone call from God precise to the second when I needed it. I want y'all to know there is a God factor in this equation. And waking up to the reality of that is an awesome experience.

I went out to a treatment center one day. I've been going out there quite a bit. And one day I walked in and this guy said, "Dave, I'm having trouble contacting my higher power." And I said, "Well, it's not your job to contact your higher power." He said, "It's not." I said, "No, your job is to work the steps. And these house cleaning steps that we call Step Four through Nine. I said, "Be fearless and thorough from the very start. I said, "You do a good job on them steps and clean up, you know. I said, "And remove the things that block you from this experience. I said, "If you do a good job on those steps, he'll contact you."

And there was a guy sitting there kind of a smarty. He said, "What if I don't believe in God?" And I said, "You will then."

So we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. And when these crop up, we ask God he wants to remove them. We keep this process. I've got to keep this ego thing deflated so that the God factor can be working in my life, the most important fact of my life today.

So we ask God it wants to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately. Make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It does not say casually turn your thoughts to someone you can help. The Big Book says if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, that is not casually. That means that I'm going to do this on some days when I don't feel like it. I'm going to do this on some days when I think I've got something else more important I'd rather be doing. There's got to be some sacrifice in here somewhere.

Resolutely turn your thoughts to someone you can help. I remember when my sponsor said he was signing up people to go out to the treatment center and he said, "Dave, I've got I'm supposed to sign up people to go speak at detox. He said, "I've got two dates here. Which one do you want?" And I said, "I don't want either one of them." He said, "Well, then I'll just put you down for this one."

So I went and did that and kind of ground through it. We didn't do a very good job. I came out and he said, "Good. I'm going to have you go back next week." And I thought, "Oh, God."

So I went the next week and when I came home, he says, "Dave, I'm real proud of you." I loved my sponsor. He always made me feel a foot taller than I was. He made me want to do it for him. He said, "I'm real proud of you, Dave. You know what? I think I'm just going to put you down to go once a month."

I thought, hell, I'm going to go get my Big Book and start getting some stuff here to carry a message from the book. The message is in the book, y'all. So I started working at that. He had me going once a month. And you know, I want you to know I'm 10 years sober to this day, and I still go two or three times a week now. It's the joy of my life.

So this is where I began working on that, trying to get better, you know, and I was working at trying to have a better message to carry. And that's all I was doing. I was just going to my meetings and going to this treatment center and working at trying to learn how to take what's in this book and present it to them in a way where they could hear it. And I'm just working along with that.

And I want you to know now when I was about 11 years old, I picked up a habit of dipping snuff and it was as bad an addiction as any as I've ever had. But I want you to know they say that one dip of snuff has the nicotine of a pack of cigarettes. And I dip snuff from morning to late night. I always had a dip in my mouth. And I had tried to quit a few times, but oh it like killed me.

There was a time there was a girl in my church. She was bulimic and boy the church had sent her to counseling and therapy and all that and then I mean she was going to kill herself and so I had this bright idea one day because me and her we was good friends and I said listen I make a vow with you I won't dip snuff ever again if you won't do that she said deal and I didn't take a dip for 2 months and my skin like to peeled off I ain't kidding it like to killed me and it was killing her too.

I remember one day we met each other at church and released each other from our vow. And I went off to the store and got me a can of snuff. And I want you to know I filled up my jaw with snuff and sat down on the curb. I patted myself on the back and said, "Dave, don't you worry. I'll never do that to you again. I promise I'll never do that to you again."

But you know, as I started getting older and watching my dad grow old, addicted addicted to nicotine and his health falling apart, you know, and I thought, I don't want to grow old still addicted to nicotine. So in the back of my mind, I still hope someday I could quit. Would you like to quit today, Dave? No. God, don't scare me with that today. Not today. No.

But you know back there when I came into AA and when I did that fifth step and that bubble popped and I felt the inrush of the presence of God that took my breath away. I came out of that back room and I was just leaning against the wall there just feeling the presence of God. And this dude come up said hey what's happening? And I said man I just did my fifth step. I said this is awesome. I said, "Man, if if this experience, this spiritual awakening keeps growing like this as I proceed on in AA I said, you know, I could conceive of the possibility that someday I might possibly find the courage someday, maybe to think about seeing if maybe God might help me quit snuff again someday. Maybe. And I said, "So, you hold me accountable to that." I told this guy, I said, "In 6 months, you asked me if I've quit snuff yet. Don't let me get past it. Get away with that." He said, "All right."

Well, I forgot all about that. Six months later, he called me. He said, "Dave, I'm thinking about quitting smoking. How'd you do on the quitting snuff?" I said, "Oh, God. I forgot all about that. I hadn't thought about that. No, ain't no way. I'm not ready for that. Forget that."

Yeah, he called me on a Monday and I want you to know that on Tuesday, Norma came home from work and we had dinner. We went off the grocery store to buy her groceries and I bought all my cans of snuff for the week. Came home, it was kind of late at night. She had to get in bed. So I was putting up the groceries in the kitchen all by myself. I got me a big fresh dip, put it there, clean my gum and cheek and fixing to groove for the night, you know, and I'm putting the last couple of cans up in the cabinet and boom.

I said, "The only way I can describe this is if I had been standing in a puddle of gasoline and I didn't know it and somebody leaned around the corner of the door and tossed a match in it and it just went poof." And I was in the presence of God again just like that day on that fifth step. And I mean, I just froze. And I was standing there and I say I heard God. You don't, I didn't hear a voice. I felt God and I knew what he said. He said, "Spit that out right now and I will free you from this addiction."

And I thought, "What about in the morning when I wake up with that craving on me?" And he didn't say nothing. I thought, "Well, maybe if he's going to free me from this addiction, I won't wake up with that craving. Is that right, God?" And he didn't say nothing. God don't repeat himself much.

And all of a sudden, this presence just started to like go away. Just started to leave like, "Well, if you don't want it." And I said, "Wait a minute." I said, "Wait, don't go." I said, "Don't go." I said, "I'll take it. I'll take the deal."

And I ran over to the sink, spit out my snuff, got me a mouthful of water, rinsed out my mouth, spit it out, and stood up. And it was gone. It was gone. I felt like some kind of shadow that had been living in me was just gone. I walked around my kitchen for a while wondering, is am I dreaming or what? Then I sat down on my kitchen floor and cried for a while. I just couldn't believe it.

You know, my sponsor Ed, I told I called Ed and told him about that. And Ed said, "God will provide what you need and will take away your difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those you are to help." And he said, "So, you just keep on carrying the message."

Now, I'm not I know there's plenty of people in AA that still smoke and dip snuff and I ain't saying anything about that. This was just one of my God experiences. You'll have your own. That was just something in the back of my head. I hope someday to get free from and it happened.

And so I continue to take personal inventory and I continue to set right my mistakes as I go along. And I continue to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone I can help so that God might continue to provide what I need and remove my difficulties. That victory over them will bear witness to those I will help. That there's a God factor in this equation.

A few years ago, I was doing my laundry one night about midnight was in October. Nice time of the year to have the windows and everything open, enjoy the fall weather, and I heard some thunder off in the distance and I thought, "Cool, it's going to rain. I love rain, you know." And a little while later, the thunder rumbled a little closer and I thought, "Oh, cool. It is going to rain." And about 10 minutes after that, it didn't start raining. It started hailing. Golf ball size hail. And I mean, it sounded like someone backed this huge dump truck up to my house and just dumped a load of rocks on my house for about 10 minutes.

No rain. You know, I've been in hail before where it rains and it's pouring down and all a sudden you hear a ping pang thong starting to bounce off the window in the car, you know, and you go, "Wow, it's starting to hail now." But usually it's been raining for a while first. Not this night. There was no rain. It hailed solid rocks for 10 minutes before it ever started raining. It got scary. I went and woke Norma up and said, "We need to pray."

And it demolished my roof. So I called the insurance adjuster guy out and he climbed up there and looked at my roof and come down said, "Yeah, you got about $3,200 worth of damage up there." And he said, "You got a $900 deductible." And I thought, "Oh god, $900." And he said, "You got a year to settle this claim."

And I thought, "Well, I'm going to need a year to save the $900." So I didn't think anymore about that. That was in October. We swung all the way around to the next June. And in June, I thought, "Oh, wow. I've only got a few more months to save up my $900 deductible."

So I called a roofer guy out there to come out and look at my roof and give me a bid on what he was going to charge me to fix it. And he climbed up there and he come down. He said, "You better be about $5,000." I said, "$5,000? That insurance adjuster told me $3,200."

And he said, "Well, he must not have looked very good." He said, "You got two roofs up there." And he said, "And whoever did that last work didn't do it right, and water's leaked all under there." And he said, "And your decking is rotten." And he said, "And the two befores that jut out past the wall are rotten all the way around your house and the fascia is rotten all the way around the house." He said, "I've got to pull both them roofs and all that off before I can ever even start putting a new roof up there." He said, "And that's not hail damage. Your insurance isn't going to cover that at all." Oh god. Oh man. I was getting scared now.

And then Norma walked in and said, "Hey, guess what? I could retire 5 years sooner if we buy back that 5 years of my retirement." I said, "Well, how much is that?" She said, "Well, it's $4,250."

Oh, you got to be kidding. I'm freaking out about this roof right now. And she said, "Well, you know, that's what I can get it for right now. It's going up in October." I said, "I got to get the roof done by October. I said, "Forget that one day." I said, "Oh, God. Ain't no way."

So I go to bed that night. I'm doing my inventory like my sponsor is training me to do as a habit. And I come across that. Have you fear? Have you were you afraid? And I thought, yeah, I'm afraid. So I asked God to remove my fear. I jumped in bed and I said, God, I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and report in about my fear. See, that's that's showing my human side. That's that humility. Yes, I'm scared. I said, I'll call God. I'll call my sponsor tomorrow and you know, and report in.

And just as I'm going to sleep, I thought I heard that voice of God again that I'm starting to get familiar with. And he said, "Did you ever finish paying for your seeing eye dog?"

Oh, God.