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Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. I brought my own bottle in case you people haven't got any.

You know, today is St. Patrick's Day in case you people don't know it. Nobody has said anything about it.

That's except this morning. And that was a lady that said that. So I'm going to start out.

Did you know that St. Patrick was the first member of AA in Ireland? Now just think about that for a minute.

He got rid of all the snakes. And I've had a few of those snakes and I know what they're like. And I'm awful glad for St.

Patrick. And in that same line, I there's a tale goes around about little Patrick. Patrick was an awful drunk.

And this was before a and Patrick finally died in the drink. And they laid him out in the living room. And the mother was bringing the people through to to see them.

And the first one guests arrived and they said, "Oh, poor Patrick. Poor Patrick. What did he die of?" And she said, "Gonarrhea." And everybody kind of ducked and walked away.

And finally, one of the sons come over and said, "Mother, mother, why are you telling everybody dad died of that terrible disease when you know he died of diarrhea?" and she said, "Far better that they think he went out as a sport than the he really was." And that's what started. Now, you'll have to excuse my French, but that's the only one I know. So, sorry about that.

My name is Howie and I'm an alcoholic and I'm old and I'm on oxygen and I don't really care. How's that? I'm pleased about it.

Anybody that can make it this far in life is got to be pleased about it because God's been good to you. And don't ever forget it. He has really leaned us out there and said, "Howard, I'm going to put you through some stuff, but somebody's going to carry it." And and it's been the organization of AA and the fellowship of AA that has carried me through.

And with a lot of prayers from a lot of people in AA, I've gone through quite a bit and I'm not the least bit sorry about it. In fact, I'm grateful. I was uh born and raised in a little town in Alberta called Inisville.

And I'm going to tell you a bit about that story because I think it's important. uh when the war broke out, the second world war that is in case you people don't remember we had one you know uh I was 10 years old and I remember I delivered the telegrams to my father that said report for duty war has broken out and I never saw him again for six years after he left the army and by the time he come home of course I'm 16 17 and I'm well into my cups by then. And I remember the the first night that they got home, I got stinking drunk.

And uh the amazing part about it, my mother used to get really upset and dad never did cuz he just knew, well, it's another soldier. He said, you know, and my mother was uh uh she used to get upset about it, but nobody really said anything. But I knew from the day that I took a drink that I didn't handle it the same way as other people.

I just didn't. Every time I ever took a drink in my life, I wanted another one. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Now, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous in the medical side of it really explains that. It says you can't look at alcoholism without looking at the physical side of it. And I believe I was truly allergic to alcohol.

And in fact, when I was 21 years old, I was thrown at Christmas day in Halifax. I was thrown in a hospital, the Navy hospital. They had me all wired up and my heart was pounding so bad that I thought I was going.

And the doctor told me a couple of days later when they got me settled down, shot full of vitamin B and all that good stuff. He said, "Uh, young man, I think that you're allergic to alcohol and you should never drink. It's dangerous." So, like the typical alcoholic that I was, I didn't drink for two weeks.

I really didn't. And I thought I had cured. This guy told me I shouldn't drink.

I won't drink. And then I I decided that my problem was not what I was drinking. It was the people I was drinking with.

I had to get away from them. So I got away from all my friends in Halifax. I got moved to the West Coast.

And that's where I wanted to go in the first place. So, and I got on the train and the boys had provided me with a whole little Tachi case full of rum and a few other drinks and I got on the train and I was drunk before we left the station. And I got into more trouble on that bloody train than you'll ever believe.

This, let me tell you a few of this tells you the character of of me when I'm on a drunk. I got on, as I said, I got drunk before I left the station. And then I met a girl and I had all this rum.

She liked rum. We got in her bunk. I got thrown out of her bunk.

And the next thing I know, I woke up and I'm I'm in the sleeping parlor or the smoking parlor rather and there's a big black man there that's the porter and he's saying, "Uh, man, you're in trouble. You're in trouble." And I said, "What did I do?" And I said, "Where are my clothes?" And I was in shorts. And he said, "You passed out in the smoking room last night and I threw you in your bunk and I did.

I took all your clothes cuz I thought you might get sick and you did." And I got sick all over the girl down below me. But then I ran down the aisle to make it to the smoker's room and he said, "Some old lady stuck her head out and screamed because I had no clothes on and you're in trouble." And you know, by the time we hit Montreal, I figured I was going to jail for sure. And I talked the girls that I got sick on into me paying for a dry cleaning.

And I forgot to tell you it was her wedding dress I got sick of. She was going to get married. I know this sounds like a sailor's tale, but it's not.

It's the truth. And I talked my way out of it as I normally could. And I got off in in Montreal and got drunk for three days and and rode the rest of the way to Alberta without any meals or any food cuz I was broke.

And they say when you spend like a drunken sailor, you don't take long. You don't take long at all to not have a nickel because when you get making it $46 a month, you don't get drunk too long. And I stayed in the Navy for 28 years.

And I didn't think I'd ever uh get over it. I uh I was single then and I didn't really give a damn. And I and I and I got back and I got promoted.

That's another thing I could never understand. and they promoted me petty officer and uh I was back on the west coast and the first night that I slept in the in the single men's quarters uh I set my sleeve on fire on my pajamas. I was and uh the mattress caught on fire and a few other things and you know I got up just as as smooth as could be.

I put the fire out with a bucket of water and I moved the mattress onto somebody else's bunk and I went in and I went to sleep and that that was it. And I escaped like that a lot and then the Korean War broke out and they they were talking about posting me. In fact, I was supposed to leave the next day.

I was supposed to leave uh for Japan and I was to be the supply petty officer in Japan supplying the ships that were fighting in Korea. And I heard the chief that was in charge of me said, "Uh, are you really sending wind over to Korea, Japan?" And the officer said, "Yes, uh, that's my intentions." And he says, "Don't. he'll drink himself to death.

And it was true. And I got sent to Edmonton. That's where I spent the Korean War.

It's very safe in Edmonton. You know, except if you're the bartender, and I was. And uh and I almost drank myself to death.

And and and in that in that time, I met a sweet little girl called Jesse. We'd gone to school together. Matter of fact, uh Jesse was the brilliant student in in high school.

and I was following behind her about 39 behind her and there was only 40 in the class. So that's got to tell you something. Uh I was into the booze then and I Jesse used to get quite a kick out of me cuz I I disappeared.

I had a disappearing act. Uh I'd go to school, register, sit by the window, and soon as the teacher turned her back, I'd out the window and gone for the day. and I held down a full-time job in between and it was wartime and they needed people.

I uh as I said, one of the things I really discovered that I really was allergic to alcohol and all kinds of things happened to me after that. I uh I started Jesse and I got married and we moved to the west coast and I was on a ship out there called a Stettler and uh things started to happen on the Stettler. I uh I had a very good boss.

He used to send me down to court every once in a while and I was duty-free and I'd get into it and I ended up in Vancouver one night uh ended up in a hospital and I was vomiting blood and I was uh you know hemorrhaging and I always remember those doctors because they they always said uh were you drinking much? You know you're stinking of it but you you can't tell them that you were drinking much. I said, "No, I was at the Legion and had three beers.

Now I'm sticking a rum, so how you going to be able to tell?" But they they let it go at that. And that trip I remember very well because they kept giving me enemas every day that it was in there so they could take X-rays. And I I got so that I got a sore ass out of it.

That's about all I got. And uh I came back and and they said the the diagnosis was suffers from acute gastritis. Now I don't know any alcoholic that drinks at all that doesn't have acute gastritis every morning cuz I always did.

Uh that was the ship that uh and I I know I'm telling sailor tales here, but uh I think it's important that you know just how crazy that some of us are. There there's not just a physical thing to it. There's a mental obsession.

I knew I shouldn't drink physically. I knew that if I took one drink, I was going to get drunk. And yet I kept thinking it'll be different the next time.

And so on on this particular ship, uh Jesse was still in Edmonton and I was to go and get her and we just docked. We'd come around from Halifax to to the West Coast and we had just docked and I was to fly home that night and uh this is where I picked up the name the monkey man. I was going to go ashore and fly to Edmonton.

And I I was going ashore and and somebody had bought a monkey down in Panama. And as I went to go ashore, he jumped on my shoulder, wrapped his tail around my neck, and away I went. And I went out to the airport, and I'm all snapped up on that good rum that we had.

And uh I tried to get on the airplane, and they wouldn't let me. They said, "You can't get on the airplane with that monkey." And I said, "What monkey? You're seeing things." And and uh they didn't believe that.

They wouldn't let me on. And so I went to the Legion down the street and uh and drank the the day away. And and I woke up at 3:00 in the morning in a hotel.

I had no idea where I was. I was in this hotel and sitting on the end of the bed was this bloody monkey. And it was going And if you think you you woke up from a drunk trying to get rid of snakes, try and get rid of a monkey that's been landed illegally in the first place.

So I took the monkey back and then I had to go to the airport and and you know everybody in the airport was saying, "Look, there he is. That's a monkey basket." Okay. And you feel about this big.

And I I remember I met Jesse in the airport or on the sidewalk in in Edmonton. She didn't know I was coming home and I was shaking so bad and I said, "God, it's cold in Edmonton. I'm just I'm just freezing to death." And it was the shakes is what I had.

I was It didn't take much to make me sick. And it got worse and worse and worse. and uh Jesse and I ended up then being posted to Montreal and uh it was supposed to be for 2 years and I arrived down there and they posted me to be an instructor.

Now, one of the things that they said when I was take my training to be a petty officer was that this man is not recommended to be an instructor. And of course, that's the first place they posted me was to be this instructor. And I was terrified.

I'm the guy that in grade one they asked me to read something and I got up and I peed myself. No, I'm not going to do that ever again. I'm I've got a real fear about that.

That's why I like podiums. They're nice. They're very good.

You know, stay away from them. In any event, uh, we got to Montreal and things got worse. Uh, I got into all kinds of trouble.

I remember chasing my car down the the Atwater Drive at about 108 miles an hour. I had a great big Buick and I'm just I'm I got another guy driving my car rather and I'm sitting beside him and telling them to go like hell, you know, get down there. we'll get some.

Well, it got worse and worse until finally one night I came home. Jesse by then was so fed up with me, she didn't know what to do. She uh like all good wives that marry alcoholics thought that she could reform me.

And and I really didn't want to hurt Jesse. I didn't want to hurt her at all. But the last time drunk I was on, I turned from a happy drunk to a physical one.

I was going to throw her down the stairs and we lived in an upstairs apartment. And I I I was mean and cruel and and I woke up in the morning. I didn't know what had happened overnight.

And Jesse said, "Uh, Howard, what are you going to do about your drinking?" And I had heard about AA through another friend of mine in the Navy who had joined it. He tried to talk to me about it and I told him to get lost. But anyways, uh I was faced with this and I said, "I guess I'll phone that ANA outfit." Uh so she said, "Okay, I'll phone him for you." Something like that.

I said, "Wait." And the guy of course on the other end, his name, he was a big Irishman, too. His name was Dan. He was an ex-judge uh defrock, but he was a exjudge.

And Dan said, "Well, if he really wants to talk to us about it, he better get him his rear end down here and talk to me." So, uh, I agreed that I would do it. I always thought I went down by myself. I was always proud that I'd joined AA all by myself.

You know, about four years ago or so, Jesse was speaking and she mentioned that she'd gone down to the AA office with me and I didn't even remember she went with me. But I do remember what happened when I got there. I remember Dan all the way down rather.

I I was thinking up what I was going to tell this guy down at the AA office. And I was going to tell him about if he had a wife like mine or he had a boss like me, mine that I got and all the problems that I got, he drank, too. And I got in the door and he said, "Uh, my name is Dan.

You must be Howard." And I said, "Yeah." And he says, "Well, you can quit lying now. I've heard them all." And I didn't know what the heck to say. I really didn't.

And Dan didn't lecture me like most of us don't. We don't lecture. What we do is we tell our story.

And Dan told me his story. And he'd been on the skids in New York and he'd been in Montreal and he'd been all over the place, but he had sobered up in and he sobered up in a he told me that I don't need to to go on with this suffering any longer. and he gave me those 20 questions, you know, the famous 20 questions.

And I thought I did well. That's the first test that I ever took that I passed, you know. Uh I had a fear of tests, matter of fact.

And and I got there anyways. And uh and Dan said, "Uh, Howard, the best recommendation I can make to you is you go to an AA meeting." And I went to my first AA meeting that night with Jesse and and all the way down it was snowing like mad and I said there'd be nobody crazy enough to go out on a night like this to go to a meeting. And she said, "Well, we'll go anyway." She was pushing a little, just a little, you know.

And uh we got in there and a guy stuck out his hand and he said, "My name is Jimmy and I'm an alcoholic." And he said, "Uh, you must be a new fellow." And I said, 'Ye, how'd you know that, you know, but it's so hard to tell, you know. And in I went and and I I sat down in the back row with him and he bought me a cup of coffee cuz he knew I couldn't handle it. I was not just shaken from from uh booze, but I I was shaken because I was scared.

And there there's if there's anybody new in this room tonight, you'll be scared. It's a big decision. It's a big place to go and you're scared that somebody's going to find out about you.

And anyways, I I went to that first meeting and I and I hit the bonanza. Uh Eric mentioned it the other night that Dave B he was a AA trustee and and he was the first member in in the province of Quebec in 1944 and uh Dave was the speaker for the night and Dave uh was a very small man. He wasn't a big man kind of and his had a little bit Pauly in his arms.

They used to shake a bit like this and I thought he was still drinking because he this arm going until he talked. And uh you know Dave meant a lot to me. Uh he gave me my first big book in the first year that I got in AA.

But Dave talked that night and he talked about feelings. He didn't he didn't talk a lot that night about his drinking days. He he'd been in I don't know how many institutions as I remember.

He's he's number two in the big book if you want to read Dave's story. And uh he he was a terrific man. Dave was so busy in AA at that time that he had an extra room in the basement where he could hide and he couldn't hear the telephone and he couldn't and they would he would have to lock himself away because he was so busy in AA.

And uh I listened to him and and he and he mentioned these feelings and and I I and I knew I automatically knew that this was the kind of guy that I could listen to. And I did. I listened to him.

And that was the last time that I drank really was just the day before that. And uh it isn't that I didn't want to I uh I I can recall in in Montreal going to meetings and going to meetings and and uh I get tired of them because I had a problem and my problem was I really didn't believe was an alcoholic. I didn't really believe that I was like you people.

I was a little different. Most of the people in Montreal at that time were the people that ended up on the skids or they'd been in jail or they'd been they had all kinds of problems and and I hadn't gone that far. In fact, they they questioned me when I first came in.

Are you sure you're an alcoholic? After a while, I began to believe it wasn't, you know. So, one night I I I decided after I got fed up with going to all these meetings, I was going seven days a week.

I decided I was going to go out and get drunk. Give it a trial. Just have a few.

Go nightclubing. I want to live a little. So down I went to the to my favorite nightclub and all by my lonesome.

I sat down. I ordered a Coke and I looked around and this seemed to me that this wasn't the same place that I used to drink in. You know, your your thoughts change a little.

Uh there was dancing girls in this place and they'd all aged, you know, without that drink. They'd all aged the whole bunch. And there was cracks in the wall.

I never saw those before either. And they had the nerve to charge me $180 for a Coke. And I I wasn't going to stay.

And I got up and I left. And I never wanted to drink. Another night I I decided I was going to go to drink and I went to my own meeting.

And after the meeting, I was going to drive the guys home. They saw that there was something wrong and they said, "How you'll drive us home?" So I loaded them in my little car to drive them home. And somebody stepped in and ran out of gas.

I never got drunk. I went home and I went on an AA. Uh I moved to the west coast and I moved all over the place after that and I I I went to a constantly and uh but I I couldn't grasp that thing that people were talking about of serenity.

I kept saying to guys, when the hell do you get this serenity you guys are talking about? because I didn't have any. And what the problem was that I was in an outfit called the Navy and say 90% of them drank and I was the sober guy that was sitting next to him.

And I had difficulty with that. So I kept thinking, "Oh, you're different. You're different than them other guys.

You never really went that far. You're young. I'm 28 years old when I get in here." So I went on that way for about 5 years and things had straightened around at home somewhat but not as good as it should have been.

And I had a lot of problems and finally uh I was at my a meeting one night and it was a kind of a funny group. We had a real mixed bag of people. Uh the book tells us that you know we are a bunch of people that wouldn't normally mix.

Well, that's the kind of group I was in. They had everything in there. And this one old guy was a a professional gambler.

That's all he did. And and of course, being, you know, I was higher than he was. He was just a bloody old gambler.

And uh I spoke and I I I wasn't really speaking. I was whining. You know how you get when you're really not satisfied with things in life.

And I was whining away and and he got up next to speak. And he said, "You know, if that fat boy that just spoke and God, that got my attention right now. I was a great man.

What right he to call me a fat boy even if I was." If that fat boy would just realize that he hadn't done step one, he might get someplace. And I had five years in the program. I'd worked in service.

I'd worked in this. I'd worked in that. I did all kinds of things for the good of AA, but I didn't look after myself and I didn't really accept that I was an alcoholic.

So that night in in the streets of Victoria, I walked the streets. I was so mad at that guy. I had a number one resentment against this old gambler, Pex.

And I decided after two hours of discussion with myself that Tuck's text was absolutely right. And I haven't wanted to drink since and I haven't needed to drink since. And that's the kind of fellowship in this program that reaches out to you one simple statement and says here is the truth.

Please accept it. And I did and I've been around ever since and a heck of a lot happier. Uh, you know, when they first printed the Big Book, they talked about the first hundred men.

We, the first hundred men of this program. And how many we got now? We got over two million kicking around in 150 countries of the world.

And I've been lucky enough by being in that Navy to to visit a lot of those countries and and really enjoy different types of fellowship. Uh I can remember being in England going to a meeting in London or no in Portsmouth rather and uh they they were conducting meetings there. They had never seen a big book.

We brought ours along with us, the seven of us off our ship, and they had never seen a big book yet. They were all sober. They did it differently.

They don't all do it the same way. The the group in Victoria that I used to go to, they call the roll every night. And I didn't realize it the first night that I was there.

I didn't realize what they were saying. They they said, "Well, we're going to call it." And they call out the names and they called out Howard. And I said, "Yeah, that meant you had a drink." I didn't know that.

And they, this was the honesty part of the program where he answered, "Yes, yay or nay." And uh so they're different. Halifax was different. Uh I spent a year in in Fort Churchill, all two of us, you know, was a big group.

And I went we went to the CEO of the base that was loaded with drunks. You could see them all over the place. And uh we said uh we're starting an AA group here and if you have anybody that you'd like to send over to our hall uh we've got this space behind the theater, send them on over.

He says, "Well, that's fine, but I haven't got any drunks in my division." All right. COS wouldn't see it either. So, and uh oh, I went on in the in the program and and did all the things that you're supposed to do in the program to make you keep you sober.

And one of them is service. Service in this program is very very important to all of us. You know, uh, I was on telephone answering not too long ago, and uh, we we have a different system in Edmonton than you'd probably do, but, uh, our group has to take it the 9th of every month, and we get, uh, and we have trouble getting people to take it because they're scared.

And you know, I'm on I'm I'm thinking of giving some lessons on how to answer the telephone because most of the phone calls, if you'll remember, as you you get a new person on the line, you know, you get those phone calls and they you know, like Bob Newber, you get the phone and you say, "Uh, this is a can I help you? You think you have a drinking problem?" Oh, how much do you drink? Oh, not much.

How much is not much? >> Just 26 a day. Oh, that's not bad.

No, you you probably haven't got a problem. And you hang up. Or you'd say, "No, go see ADAC.

Don't see us and get put into your detox." Yeah. And I I think that's wrong. I think that that we have uh changed our part of a that uh that hurts a lot of people because you can't they won't always take you in a detox.

I have a friend of mine in Victoria that was barred from all the detoxes in in in BC. Now he was pretty good. We could probably get him in in Alberta if he was around.

So we needed to to uh get people interested in service. So many don't know what it's all about and they're scared of it. It's not that they don't want to take telephone answering or they don't want to go on a 12step call.

They don't know how to do it. And it's up to the people that have been around for a while to to train. We need to show them how to do it.

And that's what we're doing at any of these functions like this, the roundup. We're showing other people that it works and it works well. Uh, one of the things that I didn't mention tonight was I've got 49 years in the program, but my wife also has 49 years in Alanon.

And she's been sober longer than I have. I can't understand that. I like what Dr.

Bob had to say about that. For some reason, we alcoholics seem to have the gift of picking out the world's finest women. Why they should be subject to the the tortures we inflicted upon them, I can't explain.

And I feel the same way. I don't know why, but they they have stuck to us. And without Allan on our our marriage would have split many years ago.

And we've been married I don't know 54. Did I get that right, Jesse? 54 years I I think.

And uh our two kids uh one was two years old uh when I got sober and and uh the other one was just a baby. And so they don't know anything about uh a drunken father. They know that I was in AA and uh they neither one of them has a problem.

Now sometimes you wonder about that. Do we pass it on to generations? Is this a gene that's in us?

It doesn't make any difference. They'll have to handle it anyways. But I I think I think there is something in that personally.

Uh my great greatgrandfather was a drunk. My uncle was a drunk. Uh, and it might go on, but not probably in this next generation.

And, uh, they they're not interested in it. Another thing that Dr. Bob said that I I believe a lot of us find out the is I come into AA solely for the purpose of sobriety.

who's been here through but it has been through AA that I have found God and you know a lot of us I say a lot of us but particularly me I think in the beginning I think I was ashamed to believe in God you know sailors don't really unless the ship is sinking they don't believe in God then then they swim like mad I always remember we were in the middle of the ocean and and uh one of my shipmates was a little drunk and the ship rolled and he went over the side and there was man overboard and uh we threw him a life boy and they turned the ship around come back got him fished him out of the water his name was Spike Gillis so I shouldn't give his anonymity away like that anyways he came out of there and he was singing a song something about oh God has saved me now and I Not Spike, you never mentioned that before in your life. And uh but I've seen it. I've seen it at sea.

I've seen God in his action at sea and savings people's lives and people hollering for God. And I've also seen it in aa and we don't all of us don't get saved. Just before I left Edmonton, a very good friend of mine, I looked on her as a very good friend, a nurse, uh, about 40 years old, had their first year in AA and went on a slip and committed suicide.

And we wonder why do those things happen? And sometimes it's because we're so carried away with our own self, we don't pay enough attention to other people and we we uh we lose some unnecessarily or there's some judgment goes on and I think that I have to be very careful with uh with that in this program is I've learned that uh you know I even caught myself the other day saying look at that nut got nailed. for driving and drinking.

And I must have drove drunk 400 times and and here I am accusing some guy of being a terrible guy cuz he was driving and drinking. We we we can't judge anybody, but we can sure pay attention to each other and try to help each other. How many people are sponsoring people these days?

you know, you're given this sobriety, but you got to give it away. It says that in the in the book. And I believe this book, by the way, this this big book of ours is is so close to anything that, you know, we talk about our feelings and that everything that's said in there is true.

And, you know, Bill didn't get it all just overnight. Bill didn't pick up this stuff by himself. A lot of it came from other people.

And and I I thought, "Oh, you phony Bill." The first time that I saw that the the serenity prayer in its full length. Anybody ever heard it? It's not just the four verses, but there was a pastor that put this out and it went, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time." What do we talk about in the big book?

enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace, taking as he did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that he will make all things right if I surrender to his will. that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next. Amen.

A terrific prayer that that Bill must have I think he was pretty good at stealing stuff of other stuff, couldn't it? Now, Bill was, you know, was a was quite a man when you study him. Uh Bill was very human.

He was very human. He was just like you and I in a lot of things. He made a lot of mistakes.

And uh and I'm not criticizing, but I met a doctor in Saskatchewan once that had treated Bill. You know what he treated him with? LSD.

That's hard to believe, but that's true. And uh Dr. Hoffer was his name.

And he lives in uh Victoria if he's still alive. Yeah. Is he?

And he's a terrific doctor. He was trying to help alcoholics. And I I attended one of his lectures in Saskatchewan at that time.

I was at a university there. And uh he I was a smoker then and I always remember him because he came in and he he said, "How many of you in this room are smokers?" We all hand out their hands up and he took a count and wondered what this was all about. The next day he came in and he had a bag, little brown bag and it was full of those nipples that they have for for babies and he said, "This is what you guys really wanted." And it's I didn't take kindly to him.

You know, he was a terrible man as far as I was concerned. He was a vitamin kick guy, too. And my my sponsor got a hold of him.

My sponsor believed in vitamins. He was always shoving them at me. Uh his his name was Murray Black.

You might have remembered him. Uh but Murray was always giving me vitamin B and vitamin this and vitamin that. And I didn't believe in them, but you know, I lots of the bags never got home because I'd dump them on the side of the road.

But Murray believed in them. And uh uh he was he was a wonderful man. A lot of people in AA that I've met am I overtime or where am I?

Uh they uh a lot of the people that I sponsored me when I came into a really got to know me and they really told me things that uh nobody else would have told me. One day we were talking about my ego problems. He wanted to talk about him.

I didn't. And he said to me, he said, "Howie, you're about as humble as Hitler." And I thought, "Oh boy, here we go." And he come out with some really priceless stuff that helped me along the line. But he but he taught me the first Christmas I was in AA, he taught me a real lesson that how how to give.

He had another guy that had just got out of jail and he had me over there and he had a basement full of broken toys and he said, "Now put them together." And he had us work on them for night after night after night. And uh then he said, "Now you're going to deliver them." And I had a little Austin car and and uh I was delivering them all over Point St. Charles uh to people that were needy.

And one of them was a a lady that had needed a her husband was in jail and they she had an electric stove and it was broken. So Murray had tracked down a gas range and a brand new one and he said, "How will you deliver this?" So I had this on the top of my little Austin and I'm down in Point St. Charles and that's not a district you want to travel in if you're stealing something.

And I was a little worried and I got down there and I got it up to her place and she tore a strip off and he like I never had done before. She said, "When you deliver something like that, you better be ready to hook it up." I had no idea how to hook it up. I said, "Yes, sir.

Yes." I got the heck out of there. And then I went to my sponsor and said, "What were you doing to me?" Oh, he says, "I never thought of that." So, he got one for and I I learned a real lesson in living in that that area that uh not living but working in that area of Point St. Charles was primarily an Irish district at one time.

So, I should have learned something. And uh my new group that I had in Montreal did not have six months sobriety and any member in it. Now you can imagine what kind of a group that was.

It was you know we read up on our traditions. Each group shall be autonomous you know and uh we decided that we should open a halfway house down in Point St. Charles.

So, we went to the United Church Minister and and talked him into it. This other guy, Richie, he's still sober. He lives in BC now.

He had to leave town. He's he Anyways, we uh we we got this space from the United Church Minister to have a a coffee shop and uh a place where people could drop in. And it's right down in the skids.

and and we we opened this place and and we we got we needed a guy to run it. So, we got somebody off Skid Row that had just sobered up. His name was Jake the Snake.

I don't know if you ever met him, Eddie, but they had some funny names for some of those guys down there. And Jake, it ran fine for the first month or so, but the the the old-timers in in Montreal kept saying, "You guys shouldn't be doing that. You should not do that.

we're not in that business. So, we didn't have it open too long. And and uh the guy phoned and said, "Uh, some of these guys are so badly dressed they feel embarrassed when they go to meetings that they, you know, they don't have any clothes." So, we started gathering clothes for them.

And the best dressed dunk drunks into the meetings in Montreal were the ones right out of that halfway out suit because all the rich guys brought their nice suits down and everything, you know. Anyways, it ended up, you know, talking about anonymity. It ended up that we got a phone call one night from the United Church minister and he says, "You got to get down here.

You got to get down right away." He said, "Jake is drunk and he's got a bunch of women in." Oh, it was a it was a mess. So, we went down and and Richie, this was an ex-military policeman, uh said, "Jake, get out." And Jake said, "You can't tell me I'm the manager here." And Richie drove him in our gentle, kind a way, whack. You know, down he went and we whacked him out of there and kicked the girls out and and closed the place up.

And it's never been opened since that I know of. But we learned the hard way and a lot of us in AA learned the hard way. We we break every rule in the book even when they tell us not to and that's in our nature.

I'm thoroughly convinced that it's in the nature. Somebody mentioned what are some of the things that you did wrong in a well that's one of them but the biggest one that I did wrong in AA was that uh I was a meeting nut. I went to seven meetings a week.

Now, who was at home looking after the place, Jesse? And she got uh I don't know why she didn't leave, but she didn't. Thank God.

And uh I wouldn't recommend that to anybody. Yes, A is important and A comes first when you're first sobering up, but if you overdo it, you're going to pay for it. you know, you'll still end up like I did after five years with with all those meetings.

I still did not have that serenity and I didn't give it to Jesse and for that I truly am regretful. I did my fifth step with a woman minister. That's interesting.

She was a wonderful woman and so did Jesse. She did hers in Victoria and uh she used to go to the prisons at William Head Prison out at uh in Victoria and and and meet with her boys. They were all AA and she was a wonderful woman.

Unfortunately, uh, few years later, while we weren't there then, but she was trying to help out some druggie and he murdered her. And I remember how much that hurt. Why God, why would this happen to such a beautiful person?

And uh, we can get into problems with trying to help people too much. you must also look after your own family first. It's a priority.

And I didn't get that message at first. So, I would pass that on to if you want to if you want to have a a a life with some some good uh spirit in it, then look after the things close to home. It's a it's a pretty big thing.

I uh I had quite a time with the the steps. I I think I tried every way under the book and I ended up back using the big book again. And the fears that I listed down were the ones that had bothered me all my life.

And and I then I thought I had to get rid of them using my own willpower. You know, step six and six and seven are not like that at all. It is not like it says God does it.

And that's where I I was having the problems. I did not get that thing that the power that in my life comes from God and I couldn't seem to get that straight. I I thought I had to do it on my own willpower and I I struggled for years with that.

So, I guess that's why I'm still around. And hey, with 49 years, it someday I'll get in enough time that I won't have to do all this stuff again. But I don't think so.

I love AA. I love the people in AA. I I don't know.

I sponsor eight or nine people and uh I I think they pick me because I don't bother them too much. Not more than once a week, at least, you know. And uh a lot of them of course are are are what keeps me sober is because they uh they do the crazy damn things that I did.

And I and I know that I can give the answer like I'm a compulsive buyer and I have a few people that are sponsor are the same way. I'm the only guy in AA that I know of that went down one day and went into a shopping mall and saw this guy playing an electric organ, spent $5,000 and brought it home with me. And I never learned to play a note.

Not one bloody note. And I was sober a lot of years. So, you're not always, you know, straightened out in the head when you sober up either.

I probably have not yet. But anyways, a good friend of mine, Larry Lawler, was a he's gone now, but Larry always liked to tell the tale about myic organ. He said how he is the only guy he ever met that donated his organs to to the Elano Club.

And I did. I got a receipt from them for income tax purposes and they don't they sold it to somebody. So, and I've done a few other ones like that in my in my sobriety.

The first year I was sober, I bought a milk machine, much to Jesse's dismay, that was going to feed us milk at half the cost. It was a powdered milk and my kids wouldn't even drink it. and and and I was in debt for another couple or six months or a year or something.

I was paying for this damn stuff and and I got sucked right in as usual. And so I am I am slightly compulsive with the money. Uh I was at an A meeting in Montreal one night and a guy was speaking.

Uh it was at Saturday night Eddie Fley's thing that they used to have big meeting a huge meeting just like this. And uh this guy was speaking and he and he pointed right at me and he said, "And if you're driving a big Buick and smoking big cigars, you're not sober yet." So I went right out and I sold my Buick and I got a little Austin. Slightly compulsive, just slightly impulsive, is the word.

And I've done things like that continuously through my life. But the beauty of it is I can learn to love and and and laugh about the damn things that I've done that are so stupid. And I can tell you people about them.

I would never have told you before. I was the type of guy that went into a restaurant dead sober, ordered a cup of coffee, and thought everybody was looking at me and I'd have to leave. You couldn't have got me up to speak in front of a group.

no matter what they did. My sponsor sprung it on me the first two months I was in. He said, "Howie, we Delhausy University wants us a few people to come over and talk about their program." I said, "I don't know anything about a program." He says, "Well, just come along and I'll do all the talking." He lied.

He lied like heck. He had it all set up that I was to be the speaker. And I stood up there like a big well I won't say the word.

I stood up there like a big alcoholic and said something. I don't know what I said. And then he hooked me up in the in the jails at St.

Paul St. Vincent the Paul Penitentiary. He made me an outside sponsor.

Every Sunday morning I was out to the prison. And the first time he went with me and introduced me and he said how you'll be here from now on, you know, volunteers they call them in a you volunteer. All right, you either do it and don't you love the language in AA?

I I just love it, you know. I just love being called a baby. I get a new guy.

I'd like you to meet my new baby. I'm 28 years old. I'm a petty in the Navy and I got more damn pride than Hitler.

and he's telling me that and we do it all the time and the guys get to love it. They like to be called somebody wants me. And that's what I found in here.

I found fellowship where people really wanted me and I found, you know, that the phone used to just drive Jesse up the wall. I'm sure. The phone rang constantly after I was in AA.

People talking to me, people asking my advice. One guy phoned up and said, he said, "Howie, my wife just threw a butcher knife and it stuck in above the door." And I says, "Jesus, she must be crazy." He went right back and told her, "Howie says you're crazy, too." And she's after me now. You know, so you learn early not to make comments about other people's wives.

you uh you learn a lot of things like that. And I uh I had one fell I was sponsoring and he worked in Fort McMurray and he was on his third marriage and she'd drifted off on drugs and married some other guy that she wasn't even married split up with this guy yet and it was a mess. and he used to phone me every night from Fort McMurray to Edmonton and he would talk away and talk away and he tells everybody that I used to go over and have dinner and leave the phone on the hook and he'd still be talking and every once in a while I'd come back and I say yeah and I'd hang up and you know some of that's not too far-fetched but that kept him sober.

We must have that communications. We must have the time, in my belief, we must have the time to listen to what people have to say. Whether it's right, wrong, or indifferent, doesn't make any difference.

They're getting it out there. And man, that's important. Can you imagine being able to go into a beer parlor and sit down and say, you know, my wife doesn't understand me.

And the other guys would say, oh, yeah, yeah, we all got that problem. Yeah, I'm sure they'd say that. They say, "Get out of here, you rotten.

Buy a round or leave." And uh so we don't. So anyways, I've been rattling on here for a long time and I haven't really said much. So I I don't think I got any of the notes that I was supposed to talk about.

Uh, let me see. Most believe that the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind. That's written in our book in case you didn't know it.

That's what it says. And I uh I believed a lot of that. Uh, I I'm allergic to alcohol.

I I I love wine and I was trying to get used to it and and I ended up in the Royal Canadian Navy Hospital in the Pacific Coast with a big rash and uh I got in there and and this young doctor diagnosed me as having red measles and uh and I was in isolation for two weeks. Jesse used to come and sit in the hallway and talk to me and I knew what it was, but I couldn't tell him it was from drinking red wine. I always broke out with a rash with red wine, you know, and and a lot of other people do, too.

They even get sores from it if you drink enough of it, you know. So, the answer is, of course, you change to white wine. That makes it a lot better.

Uh I had the notion once that in changing my drinks before I quit drinking was uh I got the notion that the Frenchmen all drink wine with their meals. They don't drink in between. They just drink it with their meals.

And if I could learn to do that, I'd be able to drink the same as the rest of them. So I went down and I bought two bottles of good wine and I explained it all to Jesse of what we were going to do. Two nice wine glasses on the table for the meal.

I poured them out. She had one sip. I drank both bottles.

And uh you know, I know that if I have one drink, I can't stop. And that's all I really need to know about alcohol. I don't need to know what the strength is or what what'll do it to me.

Uh all I need to know is if I have one drink, I'm on a bender. And I won't stop till I either run out of of alcohol or I get so damn sick that I can't drink or they'll throw me in jail. And that's happened a few times, too.

But in any event, I haven't had to do that for 49 years. And for that, God, I am grateful. And for that, I'm grateful, Jesse.

And for all of you people in this room and all of other people around the world that have helped me. I I thank God and thanks for being here and listening to me. Thank you.

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