Sober For Keeps – Steps 1-7 Workshop – AA Speakers – Audrey C. & Julie H.
AA speakers Audrey C. and Julie H. lead a “Sober for Keeps” workshop covering Steps 1-7. They break down powerlessness, finding a Higher Power, and inventory work.
Audrey C. from Austin, Texas and Julie H. from Dallas, Texas present their “Sober for Keeps” workshop, a comprehensive guide through Steps 1-7 designed to help alcoholics achieve long-term sobriety. In this AA speaker meeting, they methodically break down what it means to be truly powerless over alcohol, how to find a Higher Power, and why working the steps with brutal honesty is the only path to permanent recovery.
This AA speaker workshop covers Steps 1-7 with emphasis on understanding true powerlessness over alcohol and the phenomenon of craving that occurs in real alcoholics. Audrey C. and Julie H. explain how the mental obsession differs from physical allergy, detailing why willpower fails and spiritual help becomes necessary. They walk through the decision of Step 3 and the practical mechanics of Step 4 inventory work, focusing on resentments and the four-column approach to finding one’s part in conflicts.
Episode Summary
Audrey C. and Julie H. deliver an intensive workshop that cuts straight through common misconceptions about alcoholism and recovery. Their “Sober for Keeps” approach isn’t about getting sober temporarily—it’s about establishing the foundation for permanent sobriety through rigorous step work and sponsorship.
The workshop begins with Audrey breaking down the medical reality of alcoholism as described in the Doctor’s Opinion. She emphasizes that real alcoholics suffer from both a physical allergy and a mental obsession. The physical component—what Dr. Silkworth called the “phenomenon of craving”—means that once alcohol enters the system, the body demands more regardless of consequences or intentions. But the more insidious problem is the mental obsession that drives alcoholics to pick up the first drink despite devastating past experiences.
Audrey challenges participants to understand what “powerless” actually means. It’s not just inability to stop once started—it’s the complete loss of choice about whether to start. She describes how alcoholics can clearly remember the pain and humiliation of their last drunk, yet find themselves pulling into a liquor store with no memory of making that decision. This isn’t willpower failure; it’s a diseased mind that cannot defend against the first drink.
The speakers stress that many people drink too much and need to quit, but that’s different from being a real alcoholic. The distinction matters because it determines the solution. Someone who drinks too much might be able to quit through consequences, therapy, or willpower. A real alcoholic requires spiritual help because human resources prove utterly insufficient.
Moving into Step 2, Julie addresses the two types of people who enter AA: those with religious backgrounds and those who reject spiritual concepts entirely. She explains that both groups typically suffer from the same problem—they think they know better than everyone else. Bill Wilson’s story illustrates this perfectly: even after seeing clear evidence of spiritual transformation in his friend, Bill still harbored intellectual resistance to the God concept.
The key insight of Step 2 isn’t developing a complete understanding of God, but simply becoming willing to believe that some power greater than oneself might exist. Julie emphasizes that this power doesn’t need to be understood or defined—just acknowledged as a possibility. The step asks only: “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a power greater than myself?”
Step 3 requires conviction based on the previous steps. Before making the Third Step prayer, one must be utterly convinced that self-will doesn’t work and that spiritual help offers the only viable alternative. AA speaker meetings on surrender and Step 3 often emphasize this decision point, but Audrey and Julie stress that it must be backed by honest admission of personal defeat.
The speakers warn against moving people through steps too quickly. Julie shares an example of sending someone home to try controlled drinking when they weren’t convinced of their powerlessness. Two weeks later, the woman called back ready to work—having discovered through painful experience that she truly couldn’t control her drinking.
The bulk of their presentation focuses on Step 4 inventory work. They explain that resentments block spiritual connection and must be examined systematically. Using the four-column approach from the Big Book, they walk through how to identify resentments (column 1), causes (column 2), how self-esteem, security, ambitions, or relationships were threatened (column 3), and finally—most importantly—one’s own part (column 4).
The fourth column work represents a revolutionary shift from victim thinking to personal responsibility. Instead of focusing on what others did wrong, the inventory process reveals how self-centered fear drove the alcoholic’s reactions and decisions. This isn’t about blame or minimizing others’ harmful actions, but about finding the part of the conflict that can actually be changed—oneself.
Both speakers emphasize the crucial role of sponsorship in this process. AA Big Book study speaker talks and workshops like theirs demonstrate how thorough text knowledge enables sponsors to guide others through the steps effectively. They argue that recovery meetings focused on daily sharing rather than step work fail to produce lasting sobriety.
The workshop challenges comfortable recovery concepts. They dismiss “pink cloud” experiences and “meeting makers make it” philosophies as insufficient for long-term sobriety. Instead, they insist on rigorous honesty, immediate action following the Third Step decision, and comprehensive inventory work that reveals the self-centered nature of alcoholic thinking.
Their approach reflects old-school AA methodology focused on text study and sponsor guidance rather than group therapy dynamics. They emphasize that the Big Book provides specific instructions that shouldn’t be modified or softened for comfort. The choice, they argue, is simple: follow the program completely or remain vulnerable to relapse.
Throughout the presentation, both speakers share personal examples of how self-will manifested in their lives and how the steps revealed patterns of thinking that kept them spiritually blocked. Their teaching style combines compassion with uncompromising adherence to Big Book principles, reflecting their belief that thorough step work offers the only reliable path to permanent sobriety.
This workshop serves as both instruction for newcomers and a refresher for sponsors who want to carry a clear message based on the original AA program rather than contemporary interpretations that may dilute its effectiveness.
Notable Quotes
The first promise of the big book—recovered, past tense, which means I got well. I took some necessary action and the obsession to drink has been removed.
We are without defense against the first drink. If you’re looking for some solidified truth in this textbook, that’s it.
If they want it, you can’t beat them off with a stick. If they don’t want it, you can’t give it to them with an enema.
Are you done? Are you done for good? Because if you’re not, I’m not wasting my time and I’m not wasting your time.
The needed power isn’t there. Just like I used to wake up and say, ‘I wish to be good. I wish to be the best mom ever today.’ The needed power isn’t there.
Step 2 – Higher Power
Step 3 – Surrender
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Big Book Study
▶
Full Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Guys, my name's Audrey Chapman. I'm a recovered alcoholic.
Hey, Audrey.
Good morning. I'm from Austin, Texas, and this is Julie Harvey. She's from Dallas, Texas. If we didn't get to meet you tonight or last night, excuse me. Welcome. We're absolutely honored and delighted to be here, and really kind of taken aback by the amount of effort and engagement and what you guys have done to bring us out here. We're absolutely honored.
What we're going to do—the driving force of this workshop is called Sober for Keeps. We're looking at what does it really look like for me to get set on a path that ensures long-term permanent sobriety, right? So that's going to be the goal and that's what we're going to keep coming back to.
We're going to take you through the book. We're going to take you through all 12 steps. We're going to look at this from the standpoint of going through the work and then also what it looks like to take other people through the work. Because here's the question: if you want to stay sober for good and all, you need to learn how to sponsor. You need to learn how to carry the message. Because that in and of itself is what takes you to people picking up 15, 20, 25, 50 years of sobriety and having healthy sobriety, good sobriety.
So everybody's got a book, right? I'm going to make a big assumption and assume everybody's got a book. If you'll turn in your book to the title page that says Alcoholics Anonymous, it should be a fairly blank page looking like this. I'm going to take you to the first promise, and then we're going to roll into the step work.
On that title page where it says Alcoholics Anonymous, it says "the story of how many thousands of men and women have recovered from alcoholism." If you don't have that underlined, get your pen out. Recovered—past tense, which means I got well. I took some necessary action. I took some necessary steps and the obsession to drink has been removed. That is in fact what that means. That's the first promise of the big book.
I've got a note in my text from Cliff Bishop and it says, "Protect the integrity of this message." And so that's what we're here to do. We may ruffle a few feathers and that's so okay. But we're going to talk about the text and what this really looks like. So bear with us.
What I want to get started talking about in step one this morning is knowing your truth. There's been a lot of people that have sat in a lot of meetings and said, "I'm Audrey. I'm an alcoholic." And don't have a clue what it means to be alcoholic. There's a lot of people in this world that are drinking too much and need to quit. That's pretty evident. But what does it mean to be an alcoholic? To suffer from a disease of the mind and the body. What does that really look like? So we're going to delve into what it means to know your truth.
One thing I want to do is take you into the doctor's opinion. Julie mentioned last night, if you haven't read the doctor's opinion, my goodness, this is the synopsis. This is the snapshot. A couple pages in on page 28. Why they put Roman numerals in a book for drunks, I will never know. But they did. We're going to look at what Dr. Silkworth gives us.
He went out on a huge limb in that day and age. People weren't looking at alcoholism as a disease. They were looking at it as some sort of a behavioral defect, a character issue. What he found through working with a number of us, namely Bill Wilson, is that we suffer from a disease of the mind and the body. He's going to go into detail. I'm not going to read the doctor's opinion to you, but I want to hit a couple highlights.
On the top of that page, the top left-hand line should say "craving for liquor." It says, "We believe and so suggested a few years ago that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy."
What we're driving at is when it says we're powerless over alcohol, what does that really mean? We want to get down to the causes of it. I've got an allergy of the body. It says the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average tempered drinker.
What that looks like is there's a couple of components to alcoholism. One is choice, the other is control. What we're talking about right now is control. Once I put it in, can I stop? No, I can't. But why? I need to understand what this is really about.
It's saying I've got an allergy of my body, which means that every time that liquor gets in this system, every time alcohol of any kind gets in the system, my body begins to do something called a phenomenon, which means it couldn't be explained. Back in the day, they didn't understand why that was happening. They called it a phenomenon of craving.
You ever been on the floor trying to shuffle to get the next one? Anybody have the experience of telling the bartender, "You know what? I'm good. Thanks. I don't need another." No. Nobody in this room knows what that's about, right? Because our bodies—once I get one shot in, I'm going to have another and another and another whether I want to or not. That's the baffling feature of alcoholism. This need to stop, this desire to stop and not be able to put the brakes on. Can't do it. Can't do it.
It says I've got this phenomenon of craving. I have to ask myself the question, did I ever get enough? The answer is infinitely no for this alcoholic. I could never get enough in my system.
Then it goes on to talk about never being able to use alcohol in any form at all. Guys, we got to get real clear about that—any form at all. Your body will not register alcohol as medicinal, right? Just because it's in Nyquil, just because it's in a pain pill. It doesn't work that way. I've got to be really, really careful. Or recreational. Just because they poured some bourbon on top of a really yummy dessert, your body won't know the difference. You're not trying to get loaded, but you will.
The problem is any form at all—it gets in this bloodstream, it will trip the phenomenon of craving and I'll be at the liquor store that night with zero intention to do so. I see a lot of you guys relapsing around prescription pads. You've got to be careful. If it pours, read the label. Whose responsibility is this? Well, the doctor prescribed it, right? Did he know? No. Then that's on you, right? I've got to be real, real careful and accept some responsibility for this stuff.
It goes down to the bottom of that page. It says, "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol." Well, absolutely. Why else would you drink?
I remember my mother said to me one time, "I just thought you really, really like the way that it tasted." I said, "Mother, would you drink a beer that had a cigarette butt floating in it?" She said, "God, no." I said, "I will if it comes to it, ladies. I'm telling you, I strain it out. I've got to have more. It doesn't matter. I'm not a gin drinker. Never have been. It's the most disgusting. But you run out of what I'm drinking, I'm on it. Right? That's about an effect."
This is not about a party. It's not about having fun. It's not about being social. It's about a need to get loaded. Once it starts, it's not going to stop. I've got an effect produced going on.
It says that sensation is so elusive. While I admit it's injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. That's a lot of big words to say this: the internal shift that happens when alcohol hits the back of my throat. The magic, the sensation where your shoulders drop and you go, "Oh, no matter what's going on out here in your external world, it just got right. It just got okay."
That sensation is elusive, which means I can't always catch it. It's like a delusion that I can step up. Anybody here throw darts in a bar? I remember stepping up to that line and being convinced I could hit the bullseye every single time. Now, early on, I could, right? But as you get more loaded and more loaded, you start hitting the wall, you're hitting people, right? But the delusion is I can hit that bullseye.
The same thing—the obsession of my mind works in that very same manner. I'm convinced every time I pull up to the liquor store, every time I pull up to the bar, I can control it and enjoy it. That I can maintain it. That is a delusion that hadn't happened in years, but I'm setting it on fire every single day, right? Elusive. It's like trying to catch a fish and hold on to it. You're not going to be able to. And it looks silly while you're trying to do it, right?
It talks about it being injurious. This is a question of consequences. This is a question of things that happen as a direct result of my drinking. This is where some people chart off the path and want to talk about amenability being the drama and the consequences and the nonsense that happens in our lives. I'm here to tell you, I know a lot of people that have drank too much in their lifetime, had a lot of consequences, had a lot of drama, and they stopped because of it. That's not unmanageability. That's about being too drunk, right? And having some bad stuff happen.
What we're talking about is while I admit that there are injuries, I can't tell the truth from the false. You want to talk about unmanageability? That's it. My mind tells me, Audrey, you got this. Audrey, don't drink and drive and you can manage this. Audrey, eat a little something beforehand. You won't get so loaded. Audrey, only take $15 to the bar.
That's the delusion in my mind—that there's some avenue that I can come at this deal. Clearly, you need to stay away from bourbon, go back to drinking beer. Anybody else done the beer experiment?
That is a disaster waiting to happen, right? But I'm trying to control it and enjoy it. The delusion of my mind is that I can do it, that I can pull it off. Because early on in my drinking career, I could pseudo control this thing. More often than not, I didn't, but I thought that I was.
The false is every time I put liquor or alcohol in any form in this body, it triggers the phenomenon of craving, I get loaded. Bad stuff happens more often than not. And this is what we're talking about.
The insanity that precedes the first drink. It says to them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one, right? You ever watch those of you guys that have been around a minute? You watch some of the newcomers come in and their stories are horrifying and they're completely like, "Oh, this is my life. This is how it rolls." And you had forgotten momentarily what that looked like. If we'd have come to you at seven and said, "Darling, here's how it's going to play out," you would have said, "I don't think so. Surely not. I would never let it get that bad."
Let's do this. Who's got an alcoholic in the family? Anybody? Do you ever look at people like that and say, "Man, if it ever got that bad, I'd quit." Then you surpass them, right? Or you set those barriers for yourself. If I ever get—if my kids ever see me loaded and I scare them, I'll stop. If I ever get in trouble at work, it becomes an issue with my coworkers and my boss, I'll stop. If there's a legal problem, I'd never let it get to that point.
And you begin to set these bars and every time you bust your butt on them, you lower it a little bit more. Well, that really wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't loaded at work. I was just hung over, so I'm going to let that one slide, right? And you begin to make excuses and justifications for yourself before you don't know who you are anymore. Can't look myself in the mirror. That's my alcoholic life became the only normal one.
Waking up saying, "I'll never do this again." By lunch, I'm loaded or planning to get loaded. Set it all in motion. The next morning, I woke up with remorse. Dang, I can't believe I let it happen again. That is my normal life.
It's not even really about the drama because there's more pain than drama, is there not? I mean, certainly some of us step in it more than others, but what they're talking about is that sickness of I want to stop so bad and so desperately, but I absolutely cannot. That's my only normal life.
It says they're restless, irritable, and discontented unless they can again experience a sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks. What are you like without a drink or a chemical in your body untreated? Are you happy, joyous, and free? I'm sure not. I'm irritable. Everybody and everything is on my last nerve. The sound of your voice is like nails on a chalkboard, right? I don't really know why you're breathing so loud.
[laughter]I'm irritated at everything. Hypersensitive. Hyperaware of everything. Everything's being done at me. Y'all with me? Right. People are looking at you and you're going, "What?" They're looking past you. They're not even looking at you.
Restless. Anybody here have sleep problems? Right. I absolutely. And when you do sleep, you don't wake up rested and the mind's always racing.
Discontent. Nothing and nobody's good enough, right? I'll be happy when. I'll be okay if. Wow. Wow. What a darkness.
Sense of ease and comfort. That's why I drink. See, I want to connect the dots to make it about an external deal. I drink because of him. I drink because that job is so much pressure. I drink because of the childhood stuff. If you had my life, you'd drink too.
That's false information, absolute delusion. I drink because I sense some ease and comfort in the bottle. And even when it's gone, I'm drinking it anyway. Are you? Welcome. You are in the right room. Okay. This is what we're talking about.
The control piece is probably the easiest one to get your mind around. Once I start, I can't stop. That's obvious to everybody else in the world as they watch us, but it can become fairly obvious to you. The hard thing to wrap your mind around is this choice piece because it looks like a choice, doesn't it? Who drove to the liquor store? Who bought the booze? Who went home and immediately poured it down their throat sometimes on the way without somebody holding a gun to their head? Right? Me. It looks like a choice. Who said they were never going to do it again? Me.
Welcome to drinking against your will. That's what that looks like. And that is the major component of step one. Because see, if the allergy is the problem, if I can't drink without getting drunk, what's the obvious solution? Don't pick up the first one. Thank you very much, Nancy Reagan, right? If I could get with that, if I could wrap my hand around going, you know what? No. I'll just say no. Then I'd be perfect. I'd be golden.
The problem is you can do that from time to time. You can do that. Let's flip to page 24 and talk about what that looks like.
On the preceding page, they're talking about this idea of people waiting on us to kind of pull it together. This idea of them waiting on us to pull ourselves up and go enough is enough. I choose not to drink anymore and I'm going to kind of get it together, right? And at the bottom it says, "The tragic truth that if the man be a real alcoholic, the happy day may not arrive. He has lost control."
We're at the top of 24. "At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail."
Stop for a moment. Did you catch it? The most powerful desire to stop means nothing. How many times you heard that in a meeting? You guys, you just really got to want to. You got to really want to. My book just said it doesn't matter how much you want to, you're going to. You will drink again. That's the truth. And that's the death sentence for the real alcoholic.
And you're going to hear Julie and I refer to that all day long. The real alcoholic. Not the hard drinker, not the moderate drinker, not the guy who got in trouble and his wife suggested he come sit in a meeting. No, I'm talking about the real alcoholic.
It says, "The tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it's suspected."
If you haven't read Bill's story, my goodness, go get you some Bill Wilson. Go back and read that story. There's a line in there that reads this: "Alcohol ceased to be a luxury and it became a necessity." Liquor. Liquor ceased to be a luxury. It became a necessity. Can you guys get with that? This isn't fun. This isn't a party. This isn't about anything. This is about I have to drink to live and it's killing me.
Quite the paradox, is it not? Right? Happens long before it's suspected in every situation.
Now it goes into some italics and it looks like this: "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice and drink."
I—you want a good definition of unmanageability. There you go. No matter what looms behind me in the past, I don't want that to repeat itself. No matter what dreams and aspirations I've got ahead of me that I can't seem to connect with because liquor's in the way, I can't choose not to do it. That in and of itself is alcoholism. I can't stop no matter what, right?
"Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent in this area."
There's some men and women in this room that I know have some strong willpower. You don't believe me? Try them. Get them to do something they don't want to do. It won't happen. We'll not do it just despite you, right? We have willpower, but when it comes to combating alcoholism, it's diminished, right? The loss of choice and control around this is taking me to a point where willpower is no longer sufficient in this area.
"We are unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
And that's it. At certain times, I can't recall the drama, the pain, the sickness of hours, days, weeks, months ago with enough force to keep me from pulling in front of the liquor store, to keep me out of the beer store, to keep me out of the bar, to keep me from drinking alone at home. I can't recall that.
Now, here's the funny thing. The day it happens, sometimes it's enough. You ever had one of those moments? Think about this. Let's play this game. Nobody say it out loud, but think about getting dicey. Think about this. What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you as a direct result of alcohol? The absolute worst thing. And a lot of times it'll turn your own stomach just to think about it. The moment where you said to yourself, "I can't believe it got this bad. I swore I'd never be this person." Right?
How long was it when you made that resolve, that firm resolution? How long was it before you picked up a drink again? A day? Some of us hours? Some of us a week? Some of us a couple months, kind of held it together and it finally broke, right?
Sometimes it's sufficient for short periods of time. But the truth is, the further away I get from the pain, the easier it is for my mind to go, "Well, that was then. That won't happen again. I need to not be in that part of town with those people at that hour. I need to not drink alone. That's not a good deal. Let's make this a social thing." Right? It goes to work on you.
"The main problem of the alcoholic centers in the mind, not the body."
We're all trying to stay away from the first one, but the problem is we can't. We're all trying not to trigger the allergy, but we can't. That's what the deal is. I can't not do it.
At certain times, it says, "We are without defense against the first drink."
Let me tell you what—if you're looking for some solidified truth in this textbook, that's it. We are without defense against the first drink. I hear a lot of people in the treatment centers when we go to carry the message, go, "Well, you know what? I've got some babies at home and I'm just not going to do this anymore because I want to be a mom." How commendable. How cool. I get that. Guess what? Not going to work. Were your babies not important enough six months ago for you to stop? It's not about that. It's not about them. It's not about the love you have for your child. It's about an utter inability to cease what you're doing. No matter how great the necessity or the wish. Can you all get with that?
No matter what. No matter what.
Ever has anybody ever had the experience of having a consequence put in place before it happened? If you get loaded again, dot dot dot. It's from a judge, from an employer, from your spouse. I'm out the door. And you think that that's what I've been waiting on. I've been waiting on the reason, the good one. And then you find yourself picking up a drink going, "Am I crazy?"
And you begin to wonder. Bill Wilson used to contemplate that. Am I crazy? Am I of weak will? Is this a character issue? Is this low moral? The answer is absolutely not. Absolutely not. I'm diseased in my mind and my body and I can't stop no matter what. And that's the truth. That's the truth.
Now, a lot of times, if we want to look at this from a sponsorship perspective—trying to drive somebody into the first step, trying to get them to see facts and see truth, right? You can only present the book. You can only share your experience around the step. That's when war stories are appropriate. When you're one-on-one with another drunk trying to draw a connection, right? Bill called that language of the heart. It's so important. It's so necessary to identify. That's when it's appropriate. But you can't get somebody to see their truth. They're either willing. They're open to say, "Oh my god, I did that. I drank like that. I felt like that. I'm desperate like you were. What did you do?" You can take them to certain places in the book and outline it.
But let me show you something. On page 48, because this is when people begin to bulk. On 48, about seven lines down from the top, it says, "Faced with alcoholic destruction, right?—meaning step one, the truth, the reality, the facts. Faced with alcoholic destruction, we soon became as open-minded on spiritual matters as we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect, alcohol was the great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness."
Now, in this context, they're speaking about some prejudgments towards spiritual matters, but I'm telling you, you can fill in the blank with anything. I don't really know if I'm like you because I'm a beer drinker and you're a liquor, right? They'll bulk at all kinds of ways. But here's the driving truth: Alcohol is the great persuader. Not your sponsor, not your home group, not somebody branding you an alcoholic.
Think about your own experience. How long did people tell you you were a drunk and you were resistant? Or how long did you sit in the meetings and go, "I'm Audrey. I'm an alcoholic," having no connection to what that meant? Because see, when I talk about you've got to find your truth, I have to know that when I sit in this room with you guys this morning and say, "I'm Audrey Chapman and I'm an alcoholic," I am utterly convinced on a gut, visceral level that that's my truth. And that's what drives me to continue with the work.
There's a great handout that we'll have up here later for you, and it talks about this idea of finding the truth in the first step—will propel me into doing the rest of the work. And if I don't find my truth in step one, my goodness, nothing's going to happen. This is where you feel like you're dragging proteges through the work and it will become exhausting.
If they know their truth—I don't want to say this on tape, but Cliff has a great thing. Cliff is my sponsor, Julie's sponsor, Cliff, who I think hung the moon, by the way. But he says that, you know, if they want it, if they absolutely want it, you can't beat them off with a stick. You just can't get rid of them. They are chasing you. They're following you. And if they don't want it, you can't give it to them with an enema.
And I've never seen something more simplistic be more true. You know, if you can get a new guy, get a new girl to see the reality and the facts—because here's what you're doing. You're taking their experience. You're taking the knowledge that you have of the text, right? Armed with the facts. You're matching them so that the big book comes alive for them. Because otherwise it reads like a novel to people that can't connect with it. It becomes boring. They don't connect. The meeting is a drudgery, right?
So we're looking for some sort of a connection.
I'm going to flip back to page 25 real quick. I'm totally not understanding the schedule. Okay. All right.
So then there becomes, once I can kind of see and identify with this choice and control piece and I can kind of look at it, then I've got to look at what are my other options. This will become vitally important not only in your own experience but in the experience of the men and women that you're going to be sponsoring as you go out from here.
At the bottom of page 25, it says, "If you're as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle of the road solution."
Let's pause and get clear on what middle of the road solution looks like. Self-sponsorship. Some of you guys have embarked on that fun little journey, right? Where you sponsor you. You make all the shots. That's middle of the road solution. Going to meetings and not working the steps. That's middle of the road solution. Working part of the program and leaving the rest of it to rest because it's not comfortable. That's middle of the road solution.
Now, I don't know about you, but when I got loaded, I got all the way loaded. I didn't do any half measures when it came to getting drunk, right? But what makes me think that I'm going to be able to shift gears and do it differently in recovery? You either want to get all the way free or you don't. Was a little ever enough for y'all, right? Not me neither. Me neither. No middle of the road solution.
"If you're the real McCoy, it says we were in a position where life was becoming impossible, which means we're living in that first step. Can't live with it, can't live without it. Jumping off point."
And if we had passed it in the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had two alternatives. I circled that word if in my book because it's important. I've got to know, am I without human reliance? Have I burned all that up? Or do I have a back pocket plan?
You want to be mystified by somebody doing really well in the program and then burning off? That was about a back pocket plan. That was about a reservation. That was about, "I'm gonna do this for a minute while I get my marriage in order and once I'm good with him or good with her then I'll be good to go and I won't have to drink this." That's about a misunderstanding of the first step, right?
So if I've passed into the region from which there's no return, meaning I can't get sober for the man, the woman, the parent, the job, the judge, the babies, nothing. If nothing stands between you and the alcohol, then I'm faced with a decision.
And you know, I was told very early in sobriety by some phenomenal people, "If there is a job or a man that will fix you, go get them. Run at it 100 miles an hour, like your life depends upon it because obviously it does."
If you're out of options and you're out of plans and desperate, you're at a perfect place. It doesn't feel that way. It feels absolutely hopeless because there's no hope in step one, right? If you're absolutely hopeless and you're in a position to accept something better, it says, "One was to go onto the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could, and the other to accept spiritual help."
So it's kind of like being at a fork in the road. I've got a couple different avenues. That's an easier sell when I'm convinced of the truth. When I know that left to my own devices, I'll drink until I die, facing some spiritual bumps in the road became a very easy choice when I'm out of options and I've got nowhere else to go.
Now it says, "We did because we honestly wanted to and we were willing to make the effort."
That's conditional. See, a lot of people want to tell you, you can kind of breeze your way through Alcoholics Anonymous. You absolutely cannot. There are musts in the text. There are conditions. There are suggestions. You ever want to find out what a suggestion meant in 1939? Look it up. It's a subtle command. It's very different than that. We're going to, you know, skip through this and it's just no big deal. That's not the truth.
So I'm going to take some time as a sponsor to go through. I'm going to read this text with you, not page by page. I'm going to ask you to read it and then we're going to get together and we're going to hit the highlights and see: is this you? Is this not?
We talked a little bit last night about the principle of honesty, right? This is the point in which I'm going to learn to be honest. Maybe for the very first time, right? Is this me or is it not?
Now, none of us know how to come in here being honest. I was telling people in treatment I was an author, right? The dumbest thing. I mean, thank God they didn't ask me what I wrote. I mean, I had nothing to go on. But I did not understand what it meant to be honest.
But this is why as a sponsor, you must be armed with the facts. You have to know to ask the questions. You have to know where to drive them back to in the textbook. Sharing experience, strength, and hope is a phenomenal deal, but if it's not backed with the facts from the big book, you're in a lot of trouble. Because what it will do is set you up to give this drunk a lot of opinions.
And from what I heard last night, a lot of you were in and out for 7 years, 9 years, 13 years, couldn't get sober, couldn't hear a message. That's about being surrounded by a fellowship that is driven by opinions. What a detriment. I won't get off on that tangent too much, but if you ever want to go look at the success rates back in '39, go clock what they were doing. They weren't chatting. They weren't sharing experience, strength, and hope. They actually knew what that meant back then. And it wasn't about talking about where you're at today.
Experience was what happened. Where does your experience line up with the text, the facts about alcoholism, the disease of the body and the mind? That's experience. Strength—what did you do? Worked the steps, solidified with a sponsor, made some decisions, understood this textbook. Hope—what does your life look like today? Where are you on a spiritual plane, right? Not how did you pull yourself out of your own problems.
So, not impressed. Self-reliance causes fear. Fear causes self. We won't even go on that tangent. That's for inventory. But I've got to understand the truth about this text. I've got to understand this.
Okay. So I'm Julie Harvey, alcoholic.
Julie Harvey, recovered. Thank God.
Okay. So here's the deal. We're not looking to get anybody sober to watch them pick up a 30-day or 60-day or 90-day chip and then leave. Like, we're here to get you sober for good and all. And if you look through the text, you will see where it asks you again and again: are you willing to go to any extremes? Are you willing to go to any lengths? Are you ready to quit for good and all? It asks you over and over and over.
So why is it that we come in here and we sit around and I will say something about that. Because you know what? I sat in meetings for 13 years and I raised my hand and I said, "Hey, I'm Julie. I'm an alcoholic." And I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea what that meant because what I heard was a lot of BS and sharing in meetings, people's