Sponsorship Is the Cake – AA Speaker – Chad B.
AA speaker Chad B. shares how working the steps with a sponsor transformed his early sobriety, from powerlessness through Step 12 and the miracle of lost obsession to drink.
Chad B. got sober on January 1, 2006, after a DUI landed him back in AA for the second time—this time ready to actually work. In this AA speaker tape, he walks through his complete journey working the steps with his sponsor, starting with the moment he asked for help 30 days into sobriety and ending with understanding that sponsorship itself is the heart of the program.
Chad B. describes his bottom as a young man—blackouts, DUIs, and the obsession to drink—and how he finally got willing to work the steps after hitting rock bottom for real. Working through the Big Book with his sponsor, he discovered powerlessness in Step 1, found a God of his understanding in Steps 2-3, and completed a thorough Fourth Step inventory that changed how he saw himself and others. By Step 12, Chad learned that sponsorship—helping another alcoholic work the same steps—became the true icing on the cake of his recovery.
Episode Summary
Chad B. opens with his sobriety date of January 1, 2006. He shares honestly about his first drink at 17—at a graduation party where he drank at a bonfire, ended up in a wheelbarrow, and poured straight up in the air. He keeps drinking, progresses to DUIs, and the night of his last drink, he nearly aced a sobriety test, laughed at a cop who stumbled, and ended up in handcuffs. The cop didn’t jail him that time but impounded his car and dropped him at home. That’s when Chad called his father—his dad was back in his life by then and had been sober around 20 years himself.
Chad came to AA before, but he judged people at meetings, sitting in the back and comparing his story to theirs. He thought he was different, too young for the program. But this time, at 30 days sober, something shifted. He couldn’t live with the thoughts in his head anymore. A man at the meeting kept approaching him after the meeting, asking how he was doing, genuinely showing he cared. At 30 days sober, Chad asked this man to be his sponsor. That’s when the real journey started.
His sponsor suggested they meet once a week at his house and work through the Big Book together, the same way his sponsor had been taken through it. Chad was eager—he wanted to jump straight to the Fourth Step. But his sponsor slowed him down: let’s start at the beginning. While at work, Chad listened to eight AA speaker tapes a day on headphones, which gave him hope he couldn’t find sitting in meetings while judging other people. When he showed up for his first sponsorship meeting with pencil and paper ready, his sponsor redirected him. They started with the Doctor’s Opinion and the Forewords, which Chad thought were boring. But then they hit page 21 of the Big Book, and everything shifted.
Chad realized he wasn’t a moderate drinker who could moderate. He was the real alcoholic—once he started, he lost all control. He drank vodka and orange juice while driving to work, drinks at lunch at a nearby restaurant, a case at home each night, and a beer in the shower every morning. He was powerless, and Step 1 became real.
Step 2 didn’t demand he become sane instantly, only that he believe a Power greater than himself could restore him to sanity. Step 3 led to the moment that changed everything: Chad and his sponsor got on their knees, held hands, and Chad read the Third Step Prayer. When he read “Relieve me of the bondage of self,” he realized self—not alcohol—was his problem. He prayed this sincerely, terrified of the consequences: a second DUI, jail time, losing his job and condo.
But something shifted. Fear drove him to walk down to his boss’s office and tell him everything—the second DUI, the rides he’d been getting, the possibility of 10 days in jail. His boss didn’t fire him. He said Chad was a good employee and offered to pick him up if needed. The judge dismissed the DUI after police didn’t show up three times. What Chad thought would destroy him didn’t happen. Step 3 became real through action.
For Step 4, Chad worked through his resentments, fears, and sex inventory. He had his father at the top of his resentments list—his dad had abandoned him at two years old—but Chad forced himself to look at his own wrongs first. He had called his father in blackouts from the side of the road, borrowed money, created worry and chaos. He did the same Fourth Step work with everyone on his list, realizing he’d been selfish and dishonest in every relationship.
Step 5 meant reading his inventory to his sponsor, who had 10 years of sobriety to Chad’s three months. His sponsor shared some of his own inventory too—stuff worse than Chad’s—which helped Chad understand that carrying secrets alone had been killing him. Once he shared it, he felt like he knew God better.
Step 6 was one paragraph: Are you ready to let God remove all these character defects? Chad was. Step 7 brought another prayer, another moment on his knees, asking God to take him good and bad. Chad stopped trying to analyze which defects to work on and trusted that God was handling it.
Step 8 and 9 were about making amends. Chad’s sponsor used 3×5 cards. Chad wrote each person’s name, then “I was wrong,” then listed specific harms. He showed up at his father’s door, read his amends, asked what else he’d harmed him with, and listened. His father said, “You’re doing it.” Chad offered $20 as a payment plan toward what he owed, committed to paying it all back, and eventually did.
Step 10 became his daily tool: watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When they crop up, ask God to remove them immediately, discuss with someone, and make amends if needed.
And then came the miracle Chad talks about most: the obsession to drink was lifted. He woke up one day and wasn’t fighting alcohol anymore. He could drive past a liquor store and not be tempted. Before, he’d had to consciously tell himself not to drink every single day, and he always failed. Now, it just wasn’t there.
Step 11 was prayer and meditation, done his own way. Step 12 came with a realization: when Chad thought about helping another drunk, he imagined sponsoring someone down the road. But as he worked the steps, he understood that sponsorship—actually helping someone else through the same book, the same prayers, the same process—was the whole cake, not just the icing. He’s now sponsoring others, giving out a two-year token to a man he’s taken through the steps. He gets to sit with them at their Fifth Step, hear their inventory, and watch grown men cry with relief.
Today, Chad has kept the same job, received raises, and made amends to his ex-wife after four years of separation. He talks about seeing her child and understanding what his mother must have felt—having your heart walk outside your body. This program has given him a life he never thought possible.
Notable Quotes
When I first read that, I thought, ‘Wait, I want to be relieved from bondage of alcohol.’ But then after seeing all this stuff, I realized that self was my problem. It still is today.
Once I gave all that stuff to God, God said, ‘Okay, Chad, here’s your $50 back. It’s not your money. It’s my money. I’m going to let you spend it.’ And then he gave me that car back. It’s not your car. It’s my car. I’m going to let you drive it.
About 90% of those fears never happen, you know? I thought about them, but they didn’t come true.
Sponsorship—that is the cake. It’s the cake, the icing. It’s the whole deal for me because I get to help somebody else. And they help me just as much as I help them.
I woke up one day and I wasn’t fighting alcohol anymore. That obsession to drink was gone from me. It just blew me away. And it hasn’t returned.
Step 3 – Surrender
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Sponsorship
Big Book Study
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 1 – Powerlessness
- Step 3 – Surrender
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Sponsorship
- Big Book Study
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. If you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-rise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> All right.
The reason we're here tonight, uh the gentleman that I've asked to come and share his experience, strength, and hope, you know, uh they say if you keep coming back, more will be revealed. And I was talking to him uh just recently before the meeting started and he shared with me that his father was Tom B. that used to go to the Trotwood group and uh uh his wife was Maryanne.
I don't know many people might have known them but uh they were very instrumental to me when I first came to uh into recovery and uh he said that he was the son of Tom B and how great that was. Tom B certainly helped me a lot and I remember he uh asked me about a computer. He tried to help me get a computer and he was real good on computers and everything.
So I thank Tom B today. But uh this particular guy is Tom B's son and he goes down to the uh West the uh uh what's the name of the group? Brown Baggers Group.
Yeah. Downtown on West at 12 noon. And uh the thing I like about him is he always shares something and he backs it up with something that's in the big book, you know, and uh when uh he uh listens, we all when he talks, we all seem to listen to what he has to say.
And uh never heard his lead before, but I'm sure it's no different from any of the rest of us. So uh let's give a nice warm uh welcome to my friend and yours, CHAD. CHAD.
CHAD, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. >> UH, my sobriety date is 01 01 of 06. Thank you for that.
After seeing that guy get 19 years, that doesn't even impress me anymore. But it really does. I I never imagined I'd be up here with three years.
Yeah. Just a couple months ago. Um, uh, this book, Alcoholics Anonymous, mine doesn't have a cover.
This is what it used to look like, but, uh, it it definitely saved my life. You know, there's no doubt about it. And, uh, what it says on page 58, it says, "Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now." That's what I'm here to do.
I'm going to try to do that. Um, I I don't go into uh the whole drunk log. I'll tell you about my first drink and my last drink and maybe one in between.
What what happened was uh my mom always warned me. So when I read Bill's story and it it said in there that he forgot those warnings of his family concerning drink, I could relate to that cuz uh my dad like Raymond said, he's an alcoholic. You know, he just celebrated like 20 years sobriety, but he wasn't around when I was a kid.
uh two years old and he he scooted and mom went one way, he went the other way. So there was five of us kids and uh she's my hero. You know, she kept us together.
There was no doubt without her I wouldn't be here. And uh I don't know how she knew this, but whenever we'd ask about him, she'd say, "Your dad's sick." And little did she know that's that's that's it. You know, he was he was sick.
And um you know she warned me and uh she knew what alcohol could do because she she lived through that. And 17 years old I took my first drink. It was a next door neighbor had a graduation party and there was a cake there and I had never taken a drink but I was pretty excited about the cake party.
You know all the high school girls were going to be there. I was going to be there. Seemed like the right thing to do.
So, it was uh we lived out in the country and they had a bonfire and right next to the bonfire they had the keg and there was wood there and it lit the fire and uh you know once I took that first drink something something changed and it was just me. You know, I felt comfortable in my own skin and I I never felt that way before. I used to uh spend a night at this best friend's house and I wouldn't say anything to his parents.
You know, me and him would talk, but I was just shy. But that night, I took that first drink. It couldn't shut me up.
You know, they tried. I mean, they really did. I was telling his sister what she should do about her marriage.
I was telling everybody what, you know, I was 17 years old. I didn't know anything, but I thought I did. And what happened later on that night was uh the wood got put out of the wheelbarrow onto the fire.
I ended up in the wheelbarrow. My buddy came over, put his hand on it, almost burned himself. He's like, "Chad, you got to get out of there.
You know, you're going to catch on fire." But I was having a good time. He said that he never saw anybody puke straight up in the air before. But that's what I did.
I accomplished that and I kept on drinking, you know. That didn't even slow me down. And that that was my first experience, you know, and then later on, a bunch of experiences later, what happened was it was uh New Year's Eve and I just wanted to get that goodn night kiss.
I didn't know who I was going to get it from, but I I I went to the club, you know, cuz that's that's what I used to do. And um so I get to the club and I did I got that goodn night kiss and uh ended up I had a bottle of champagne at the house and I knew that I had been drunker before. Yeah.
So I was okay to drive and I got pulled over, you know. And uh the police officer, I don't know if you guys ever saw Family Matters, Steve Urkel, >> but he looked just like that cop, you know, big guy. And uh he asked me to walk the straight line.
And I did that, you know, cuz I I really I was intoxicated, but I'd been pulled over before in a blackout where the cop actually had to put my car in park and tell me about it later. So So this time I felt pretty confident. So I'm walking a straight line.
I did that fine. He said, "Say your ABC." So I'm doing that. Okay.
And then he he he did one of these numbers where he was trying to stand on one foot and he almost fell over. And so I started laughing, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE I mean YOU GOT TO LAUGH AT THAT. And uh he looked at me and I looked at him and I I I was still laughing.
I said, "Can you show me that again?" And that that was when he said, "Put your hands behind your back." I said, "Yes, sir." You know, I've done that before. So yeah, that was uh that was it. That was that was the last time I drank.
And uh I I don't know how this stuff works, but he he had me uh do the breathalyzer deal. And uh he said that he wasn't going to take me to jail this time. Yeah.
He he impounded the car. He said, "I'll drop you off at your house." So he did that, dropped me off at the house. So once again, yeah, I'm calling dad.
Yeah, cuz that's what I used to do. By this time, he was back in my life. And um yeah, we I I don't know.
I it was uh it was all first step stuff. And I I had no idea about this book or about Alcoholics Anonymous or that I had a problem. You know, um Fred's story on page 42 gives a a real good description of of where I was at.
If you haven't read this story, really helped me. It says, "Well, just that did happen and more. For what I learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all.
I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that willpower or self-nowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated.
I knew then it was a crushing blow. And for me, that's what it was like because before I wanted to solve his problem, you know, whatever the problem was, I I didn't want to be powerless over anything. And I I just I wasn't real excited about the first step.
You know, that was just my experience. I it it was something that I didn't know, you know, I ran out of answers. And um I came to AA before this and I I heard a guy up here talking and and I judged them, you know, and that's that's what I used.
I'd sit in the back and I'd say, "Well, I never had this happen. I never had that happen." And uh you know, I'm too young for this. So, but but this time I was lit.
Yeah. That that that was where I got. So, I came back to A again.
And um this time it was around 30 days sober is where I was at. And uh I I couldn't I couldn't live with those thoughts in my head anymore. And uh if you don't know what those thoughts are, then that's good cuz they weren't pretty.
And and I knew that I'd be drinking again if I didn't find some kind of solution. And I was coming to the AA meetings and I was listening and I was still judging, you know. Um, and today I'm pretty sure some of you guys out there are going to be judging me, but it's cool because what I do is I judge you all here.
No, I'm but re really uh what happened was after 30 days there was this guy after the meeting and he would come up to me and we did that you know they pass out the meeting list things and they give phone numbers and they say give me a call and I still wasn't calling anybody that just wasn't what I did and uh he would he would run me down after every meeting ask how I was actually showed like he cared about me, which was beyond me. And uh that day, 30 days sober on my own, I I just said, "I don't have a sponsor. Will you be my sponsor?" And he said he would.
And that was when the journey started for me. And what happened was uh we agreed that I'd meet at his house once a week. And he would take me through the book like his sponsor took him through the book.
And I was I was at work. I had to have my dad actually drive me to and from work because I didn't have a license. And while I was at work, I went to a website and it's uh www.xa-speakers.org.
And I would listen to about eight leads a day while I worked. So I sit behind a computer all day and I draw. So, you know, I I I was listening and I actually got to hear some hope in those me messages and something I couldn't do at a meeting because I was judging, you know, but when I'm sitting there with headphones on just listening to a message, I didn't know what these people look like and I just I listened and I listened and I heard hope, which was something that I didn't have at the time.
So, uh, we agreed that I'd meet at his house. And through listening to all this stuff, I got to hear how other people work the steps, which was pretty cool stuff. So, when I showed up at his door, I had my pencil and my paper and I was ready to start a fourep.
Yeah, let's get this ball rolling. And he had to slow me down. He said, "Chad, let's start at the beginning of the book and then we'll work our way up to the fourth step." And and I, you know, my ideas never work.
So I I I just I closed my mouth for one time and just listened to him. It took some direction. So we did.
He started reading and I don't know if you ever read the beginning of the forwards to the additions, but I was ready to fall asleep. I was like, "Come on." Yeah, there's got I know there's more. Can you read faster?
I was trying to get him to help me let him read so we can get through that. But uh the doctor's opinion once we got to that I started to see what what the problem really was and and it opened my eyes you know and the more we read the more I saw where I was powerless over this alcoholism. Yeah.
I just I never knew before. Um on page 21 it says moderate drinkers have little trouble in giving up liquor entirely if they have good reason for it. They can take it or leave it alone.
And that's what I thought I was. Yeah. Because I could remember my past and my history and and there was a time where I could just drink on the weekends when I first started.
Yeah. And that those were the good times. That's that's where I wanted to go back to.
And then it it when I read on it says, "Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time.
If a sufficiently strong reason, ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or warning from a doctor becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate. Although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention. So, I think I crossed into that stage, you know, where I was a hard drinker and I knew if I drank on the job, I'd lose it.
So, I I kind of tried to not do that, you know. And then the next paragraph says, "But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker.
He may or may not become a continuous hard drinker, but at some stage of his drinking career, he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption once he starts to drink. And that's where I ended up. You know, I'd always said I'm never going to do this.
You know, I'm never going to actually drink and drive. You know, to me, that was having the can of beer in my hand. You know, while driving.
So, what I would do with, you know, orange juice and vodka, that's not really drinking and driving, is it? You know, that's how I drive to work. Yeah.
And then lunch break would come around and we had a we had a BW3s right next door. So I go there for lunch and and I drink there, you know, and then after that it was get a case for home and then the next morning I wake up and start the morning in the shower with a beer, you know. Most people don't drink beer in the shower.
I I figured that out later on. Took me a while, but but I got I got to see where I was powerless, you know. So that step one for me, it was an eye opener.
I wasn't real excited about it. But then we went on to step two and it says, "I came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." And it didn't say it was going to restore me to sanity right then and there. You know, it said all I had to do was believe.
And there's a whole chapter we agnostics and we went through that and it asked me a real important question. You know, do I believe there is God? Is he everything or nothing?
You know, what was my choice? My choice was everything. And and I I don't know.
I heard somebody else say if he understood God, then he probably wouldn't do him any good, you know. And that's that's about where I'm at. I know there is a God, and I know I don't understand how he works all this stuff out, but he's there, you know, and I and I believe that today.
And then we went on to step three. It's made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood them. and and that you know most meeting places have that on the wall but when I reading this book when my sponsor was reading this to me there was just so much more to that step and uh there was actually a third step prayer in here it's on page 63 and this is what I did it sounds corny yeah but this is what we did we we held hands and we got down on our knees me and my sponsor in his house yeah and I read this prayer and it says God I offer myself to thee to build with me to do with me as thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self. And when I first read that, I thought, wait, I want to be relieved from bondage of alcohol. You know, I thought alcohol was my problem.
But then after seeing all this stuff, you know, I realized that self was my problem. It still is today. And it says, "Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will.
take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always. And I love that take away my difficulties part because I never uh I had a a prayer program before I got here and it was basically at night when I was trashed.
I would get down on my knees and I would say, "God, please don't let me wake up tomorrow." And then the next morning I'd wake up and I'd get back down on my knees and I'd say, "God, you did it to me again. I'm alive." You know, and that's where I was at. Spiritually bankrupt is what they say.
And that that's where I came in. So when it says take away my difficulties and and I did this prayer sincerely and I was meeting with the sponsor, I had I had fear that you wouldn't believe, you know, I I I really thought I was going to go to jail cuz it was my second DUI. I I knew for sure my boss was going to fire me and I knew I was going to lose the condo, the car, everything.
You know, that that's where my fear took me. And I'm listening to another speaker. I'm still listening to things at work.
I'm listening to AA, you know, trying to hear some hope and uh he's talking about fear and he's like, you know, there really isn't anything to fear. All you have to do is just walk through that fear. So, I push pause on that recording that I'm listening to.
I walked down to the boss's office. I said, "Okay, here here's a situation. I got another DUI.
That's why I've been coming in an hour early, leaving an hour late because I'm getting dropped off. I can't even drive anymore. And I said, I might be going to jail for 10 days, you know, and uh I'm pretty sure you're probably going to fire me, but I I just can't live with this fear.
And uh the darnest thing happened, and it seemed to always happen, was about 90% of those fears never happen. You know, I I thought about them, but what my boss said was uh he said, "Yeah." He said, "Okay, yeah, what are you doing about it?" I said, "I'm I'm going back to AA. You know, I'm about 30 days over now or 40 days.
I can't even remember." And he said, "I'm glad you're trying to get help." And uh he said, "We'll deal with you going to jail if and when that comes." He said, "But you're a good employee and and anything I could do to help you." He said, "If you need a ride to work, I'll pick you up." Yeah. And that was so far from what I thought would happen, but but that's like one of those difficulties being removed. So then we have court dates.
Yeah. I'm going to court and uh the police officers aren't showing up and it's the second time now and I'm just wanting this to be over with and the police officers didn't show up again, you know. So, I go back for the third time and the police officers didn't show up the third time and that's when the judge said, "We're just going to go ahead and throw this out.
That DUI never happened." And I'm like, "This and I'm talking to people after a meetings and they said, "Nah, that'll never happen. You know, you'll have to pay reinstatement fees. You'll have to do this, this, and so I just trusted in God." Yeah.
Uh, I had to pay $20 to get my picture taken and my license back and that was it. And it didn't show up and and how that happened, I don't know. One of those speakers I listened to was out in uh California and he does a real good description of the third step.
And he compares it to a drunk. What he says is there's this drunk and he's crawling kind of like I was. And he looks up and he sees God.
And God's got this shiny thing in his hand. And the drunk says, "What do you got in your hand, God?" And God says, "Well, this is sobriety." Yeah, that was something I needed. And the drunk starts thinking, you know, I've been drinking 3 days.
I'm muddy laying in the gut. He said, "God, I need some of that sobriety." And God said, "Okay." He said, "How much money you got in your pocket?" And the drunk's like, "Huh?" He looks down. He's got $50.
Yeah. The drunk says, "I got $50, God." And God said, "For you, son, the price of sobriety is going to be $50." And the drunk's like, "Okay." But then he starts thinking, you know how I do. I start thinking, "Uh, God, can I give you 30?
I need 20 for gas." And God says, "Wait a minute. You have a car?" He said, "I'm going to go ahead and take your car, too." And the drunk's like, "I can't give you my car. If I give you my car, how am I going to get to work?" And God says, "You have a job.
I'm going to take your job, too. The drunk's like, "Whoa." He said, "If I give you my job, I'm gonna lose my house and my family." And God says, "You're right. I'll take your house and I'll take your family." And the drunk's like, "Wait a minute.
If I give you all that stuff, I won't have a life." And God said, "You're right. I'll take your life, too." You know, and I had to be right at that point where I was ready. Yeah.
And this drunk was and and he said, "Okay, God. I'm going to give you my life. Here you go." Yeah.
And uh what happened for me and what happened for this guy was the minute I gave all that stuff to God, God said, "Okay, Chad, here's your $50 back." He said, "It's not your money. It's my money. I'm going to let you spend it." And then he gave me that car and that license back.
He said, "That's not your car. It's my car. I'm going to let you drive it.
You got to give people rides and meetings and and do stuff like that." I Okay. And uh that job. Yeah.
It's not your job. It's my job. I'm going to let you work there.
try to treat those people like I treat you, you know, and that was huge for me. Okay, I'll try that. And that family and that home, it's not yours, you know, it's mine, but I'm going to let you take care of them.
I'm going to let you live in it. And then he says that life, I'm going to give you that back, but it's never your life again. It's my life, but I'm going to let you live it.
You know, and that's what I've been able to do through AA now. I actually get to live a life which I I never thought was possible. But I love the way this book is because after the third third step on the bottom of page 63, it says next we launched out on a vigorous course of action.
The first step of which is a personal house cleaning which may which many of us had never attempted. And it's like as soon as I get done with one thing, boom, it's it's shooting me right into the next step. And that fourth step for me wasn't a big deal.
wasn't real hard because I I had all that stuff in my head. It wasn't anything I had to study for. It was all about me, you know.
So, when I met with the sponsor, he gave me the directions and they were laid out in this book and if I had a question, I could ask him and I knew exactly who I was resentful at. I carried around that list of names for as long as I could remember. And dad was number one on my list, you know, and the cause.
He deserted me when I was two years old. It affected my self-esteem, my relationship, my pride. It, you know, I wrote all that stuff down.
And I started with the names first. I wrote down all the names because if I would have started writing across this way, I'd probably still be writing about dad, you know. So, I wrote down all the names first and then I wrote down the causes.
And um after that in the fourth column what it what it says is referring to her list again putting out of the mind putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done. We resolutely look for our own mistakes. So I had to forget and just put out of my mind the things that these people had done to me.
And I had to start looking at me, you know, the things that I did that I'm at fault for. And what I found out was that, you know, I made him worry about me. I'd call him in blackouts on the side of the road and it it was pretty bad.
You know, the weather was bad and he'd say, you know, don't don't go out on the interstate cuz you might get killed. And, you know, just just things that I did. And then all the times I would uh call him to bail me out of jail, all the money that I owed him, you know, all that stuff.
That that's what I did, you know, forgetting what he did to me. So I got all that stuff down, you know, and I got I got a list and I went through each person and I did that with them also. And then there was a fears list.
So I got out a sheet of paper, wrote fears on it, wrote down everything I was afraid of. I was afraid of drinking again. I was afraid of being alone for the rest of my life.
You know, all that stuff. I just got it down on paper. And then the uh sex inventory.
I got a new sheet of paper. I started writing down a list of all the names. And then I I started asking myself the questions that are in this book.
And uh I found out that I was selfish, dishonest, inconsiderate in each one of those relationships. The names didn't matter. You know, I treated them all the same.
They all ended badly. So, I I got to see me and it wasn't wasn't something real pretty to look at. Wasn't anything I I want to brag about, but that's who I was.
And uh what's cool though is that there's a couple prayers in there. And it says, "In this way, we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for a future sex life." It says, "We subjected each relationship to this test. Was it selfish or not?" Mine were pretty much all selfish.
So then it says we asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them because when I came here I had no idea no idea what I wanted in a relationship. I really thought Pamela Anderson was my answer. You know if I just had her everything would be okay.
But a after asking God and saying that prayer I found out I just I want a woman who's honest, loving, and caring. That was the answer that came to me. So I wrote that down.
And what I figured out was in order for me to get that kind of relationship, that's what I had to be to that person, you know, because I always had everything backwards when I came in here. And the uh St. Francis prayer, if you haven't read that yet, it it's in the 12 and 12.
But my problem was I was always trying to get somebody to understand me rather than trying to understand them, you know, and that that hurt my relationships more than anything because they never understood. But today, I try to take time to understand somebody else, you know, and that that's what makes my life worth living, you know, and the love thing, she never loved me enough, you know. If she loved me, she'd never do that.
That that's where I was. But today, I found out that, you know, what I got to do is love. If I can love somebody, then it really doesn't matter if they're loving me enough.
You know, I always had a scorecard and it it always came up short on her end. So, today I'm just I'm trying to practice this thing best I can. Um, the next thing was a fifth step.
And what I did was I met with the sponsor. I wasn't real excited about sharing all this stuff with somebody else. But that's that's what the book said to do.
Yeah. He said he did it. He had been sober 10 years.
I'd been sober what 2 3 months. So I figured he knew what he was talking about. So okay, let let me read this to him.
So I did. I met I even rewrote it. I thought he was gonna grade it.
I didn't know. I had no no idea. And he didn't even look at it.
You know, he had me read it to him. So that's what I did. I I went through and I read all that stuff and what was cool was he shared some of his stuff with me, you know, and some of his stuff was worse than mine.
Yeah. But that's okay. And uh but it but it was good to just let somebody else know that stuff because I had carried it around with me forever, you know.
And and I got all that out. And then there was more direction on the bottom of page 75. It said, "We thank God from the bottom of the our heart that we know him better." And and when I did that step, I actually felt like I knew God better, you know, cuz all those secrets were gone.
And and I don't know how it works, but it did, you know, and then and then we moved on to the next step, you know. Step six was is one little paragraph in this book. It says, "We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.
Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can he now take them all everyone? If we still cling to something, we will not let go.
We ask God to help us be willing. So looking at that step and looking at my life, I I was ready. Yeah.
I was ready for God to remove all those defects of character. And once I told my sponsor, I was ready to do that. He said, "Okay, let's do a seventh step." So once again, I'm back down on my knees.
Yeah. Page 76 has a sevenstep prayer and it says, "My creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove for me every single defect of character which stands in my way in in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.
Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding." Amen. And this this was something that I had never thought of on my own because I the God of my misunderstanding. I I I never thought I could go to him bad.
But when I read this here, take all of me, good and bad, I I realized God would take me the way I am, you know, good and bad. So that just opened up my eyes, you know, and and he loves me, you know, just just the way I am. So, I don't I don't spend a lot of time going over what my defects of character are.
I just trust that he's got to remove them or he's not. And if he doesn't, maybe they can help somebody. I don't know.
I heard a story. There was an old grumpy guy in the back of the meeting and he cussed all the time. And people were judging him like he can't what what's his problem?
Yeah. He He shouldn't be cussing. He's sober 2,000 years.
Yeah. And uh a newcomer comes in. Everybody's trying to hug on him and he's pushing him away.
He's like, "I don't want to talk to these Froot Loops." Yeah. They're trying to hug. And then he goes sits by that old crusty guy and they speak the same language.
You're cussing at each other. You know, next thing you know, he's sponsoring him and he's okay. Yeah.
So, I don't know what a defect of character is. I ain't going to work on mine. You know, I'm going to trust that God's doing what he's supposed to do and I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do.
And after I got done doing that, there was an eighth step. You know, there's always another step. So, in that eighth step, uh, my sponsor had 3×5 cards and we went back to my fourstep list and I got to write dad down on a card and then I flipped it over and then I wrote I was wrong.
Wrong. I don't know if you guys ever said wrong before or saw a happy days with Fonza on it, but Fonzi couldn't say wrong. Yeah, I used to say I'm sorry a lot.
Yeah, the the wrong thing was what got me. But I wrote that down. Dad, I was wrong for calling you uh in blackouts.
I was wrong for borrowing the money, not paying you back. And I just listed all that stuff. And I did that for each person on my list.
And then I wrote, "Was there anything else I did to harm you?" Because sometimes I couldn't remember the harms that I had done. And then after that, I asked I wrote down, "What can I do to make this right?" So I showed up at dad's house. He was the first one on my list.
He was actually on the drive home and the way I knew I was ready to make that amends was I heard this noise. It was me knocking on his door, you know, and then he answered the door and I I went in and I said, "Dad, I owe you an amends." And he said, "Okay." And I I already had the card memorized. I was doing that on the way over and I always prayed before I I did any of these amends cuz I didn't want to screw things up anymore.
I already had. But I told him what I was wrong for and I asked him if there was anything else I did to harm him. And then I got to shut up and listen, you know, he got to tell me.
And then I asked him what I could do to make it right. And he said, "You're doing it." He said, "Don't even worry about it." But I pulled out $20, you know, and said, "Here's payment plan." Yeah. I I don't have it all right now, but I want to keep paying you.
And uh he said, "Don't worry about the money." I said, "I I don't worry about the money. I'm worried about drinking again. and I got to pay you back, you know.
So, he did. He accepted the money and then I continued to pay him and he's all paid off now. Woohoo.
So, then uh after that ninth step, the there's a 10 step and uh 10 step for me is pretty much like steps four through nine all wrapped up in a bow. You know, if I on page 84 it says this is not an overnight matter. should continue for a lifetime to continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear.
Yeah. So, these are things that are still going to come up. I'm still going to be selfish.
I'm still going to be resentful. I'm still going to have fear. But it tells me what to do.
When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. So, that's a little prayer. I say, "God, remove this fear." And then it says, "We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone." So, it's good to have a sponsor I can talk to.
It's good to have friends in AA and family. You know, I can talk to people about things that are going on. And then it says, then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
Love and tolerance of others is our code. And they read the ninestep promises here, but the 10th step promise for me when I first had this happen. I was just amazed.
What it says is, "And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor.
If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sly and normally we will find that this has happened automatically. And I don't know why they said automatically cuz I had to do the first nine steps to get that.
But when it did happen, it was automatic. You know, I woke up one day and I I wasn't fighting alcohol anymore. That obsession to drink was gone from me.
You know, just blew blew me away. and uh and it hasn't returned. You know, I don't know how that happens.
It says uh we will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us with any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That is the miracle of it.
You know, for me that was a miracle because every day before when I would try to stop drinking on my own, I had to consciously think about it and say, "Chad, you're not going to drink today." and and I would always end up making the wrong choice. Yeah. That's just how I was before.
But now today when I woke up, I say a prayer, I go to work. Yeah. I don't think about not drinking throughout the day.
I could stop at uh Speedway and they got alcohol in there and I'm not tempted. Yeah. Which just something that I've never experienced before.
And then step 11, I suggest prayer meditation. And everybody has has their own thing that they do there. So I won't bore anybody with what I do.
And then the uh seventh step is uh having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps. We try to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all of our affairs. And when I was going through these steps, I thought, okay, once I do the first 11, that'll be like the icing on the cake.
I might go help another drunk. That's where I was at. You know, they wrote a whole chapter on how important it was for me to help another alcoholic.
And until I did it, I didn't know. And that was like all the rest of the steps. I I thought I knew, but after doing it, you know, I figured out that sponsorship that is that's the cake.
It's the cake, the icing. It's the whole deal for me because I get to help somebody else. Um, and what's cool is they help me just as much as I help them.
I got one here tonight. Yeah. I got to give him a two-year token, which just blew me away.
I didn't think I'd get a two-year token and then I'm giving one out. Yeah. Just amazing.
And we we did the same deal, you know. It wasn't I didn't have to reinvent a wheel. I didn't have to think up anything on my own to help somebody else.
All I needed was this book. Yeah. And I would meet at his house and it was pretty pretty corny.
Yeah. We both got down on our knees, held hands, you know. He said the third step prayer.
I said the third step prayer. I'm walking out the door and he says, "This is pretty good." You know, and I said, "You're right. This is pretty good." And I knew he was going to be okay after that.
I don't know how, but he he was, you know, and I more importantly, I knew I was going to be okay, you know. Pretty awesome. I I've heard fifth steps before.
I get to share all my stuff with them. They're probably thinking some of my stuff's worse than theirs, you know, that's cool. But, you know, to to see grown men cry, you know, and just I was never going to tell anybody that, you know, and they share with me and I don't tell anybody, which is something just that's amazing.
Um, so step 12 for me is real important. Uh, all the steps really, they they saved my life. What it's like today, we got like four minutes.
Um, I still have that same job, you know, make more money than I ever thought I would. Uh, boss actually pulled me down a while back. I used to get pulled into the office for other reasons.
this time he pulled me in his office and he said, "Uh, how about a 10% raise?" You know, I said, "Okay, yeah, I'll take that." Um, what I I listened to other speakers outside AA, you know, motivational speakers and and one of them said, "You help enough people get what they want, you'll get what you want, you know." So, I try to do that at work today, you know. I try to not wait for him to give me a raise and then do more work. I try to do more work and then maybe those things will come and and that's what happened.
Uh had to make an amends to an ex-wife. She was on my list after 4 years of being separated. Last night I got to see her.
You know, uh she had a a child by somebody else. Um this kid's just awesome. You know, he's he's four years old.
And uh there was something that I read online and it it was a definition of a mother. And I knew my mother had to feel this way. And it says uh what a mother is.
It's like having your heart walk outside of your body, you know. And uh my mom always said that we were the most important thing to her and without us, she didn't know what she'd do, you know. and uh to care that much, to love that much about somebody else, you know, I didn't think it was possible for me, but when I see that little kid walk around, you know, I don't know.
It's just uh it's amazing. This program is amazing, and I thank you all. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.
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