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Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. I love the passage you selected out of the big book because it describes everything that I know about Chris.

And uh with that, please help me welcome Chris S. >> My name's Chris. I'm an alcoholic.

as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and uh I love Alcoholics Anonymous. Uh Alcoholics Anonymous has given me everything I have in my life today. It's it's given me a life.

I've been reborn in Alcoholics Anonymous and I I can't say enough about it. I love AA and it's just the best thing that's ever happened to me. Um my sobriety date is November 19th, 1998 and I'm a member of the Miracle Group in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.

We have a great group. We uh meet at 8:00 at St. Mary's Church Cafeteria in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.

And we get there to the 8:00 meeting at 6:30 and we uh we get busy doing what we do. We uh read from the book Alcoholics Anonymous and the women usually pair off and the men pair off and whatever with sponses and sponsors and we and we we study the book Alcoholics Anonymous and we usually have something to eat and make the coffee and everybody gets together in the fellowship of the spirit and then by 8:00 we're ready for a meeting and we laugh and we joke and we kid around. But at 8:00 when the bell sounds, we're drop deadad serious about staying sober.

And I'm very grateful to be a part of that. It's um why I'm standing here, you know, uh strong sponsorship, a strong home group, commitment to service, all these things have uh helped keep me sober and and got me sober. Um I'd like to thank the committee for having me over.

Um, you know, I I feel like I used to live in uh southeast Louisiana. Well, kind of. I lived in Dest and in the summertime, every other tag in Destin is Louisiana.

You know, you guys kind of live over there in the summertime. And so, uh, like every other weekend, Jimmy's over. Um, but thank you for inviting me and it's a it's a honor and a privilege and, uh, what a deal.

You know, I' I'd like to uh to say that Norm uh had a great story last night and we were talking so many losses and so many things that that that were tragic and and and how uh he's been able to take that to put in God's hands to help other people is what a what a tremendous power of example. And I thought I I was thinking like, you know, I I never had all these reasons to drink and, you know, excuses. I just drank.

And uh I got to thinking, wait, that's Norm's story. My story is my story. So that's what I'm going to talk about.

Um on on the page 20 of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous, um it says that um you may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. Doubtless you're curious to discover how and why in the face of expert opinion to the contrary. We have recovered from a hopeless condition of mind and body.

If you're an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking, "What do I have to do?" It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions specifically. We shall tell you what we have done. And that's why I'm here this morning to tell you what happened with me.

I remember um I was sitting in the Okaloosa County Jail and uh I had uh done a 5-year prison sentence of a 10 5 years of a 10-year sentence and and moved to Florida after being released. And uh I was sitting in the Okaloosa County Jail for my second parole violation on that. And and I knew I was going to been out a year and violated my parole twice.

I was going back to prison in in Georgia. had an interstate warrant for that. Come back to Florida and do a 2-year suspended sentence and then facing a another charge, which they were going to give me 1129, which is a year, another year.

So, I'm facing 7 years. I knew I was going back to prison, going back to jail one more time, but I had made a commitment to stay sober. I got to the point of desperation and asked a power greater than myself for help.

And here I am sitting in the Okaloosa County Jail and and I'm doing what I had learned. Uh you know, I'm I'm trying to study the book. We're having these little meetings in the jail.

Um they didn't have AA in the jail. So we a few of us got together and would sit right there in the cell or the day room and do do have an AA meeting. And I remember looking at a flyer and the flyer had a uh correspondence uh with different people.

Uh you it said treatment, contact so and so corrections uh contact Mark B. He uh and and I had heard this guy's story and uh I was at a detox pretty well mangled up and uh he came in and shared his story and he shared about being released uh from prison on parole and violating it and going back and being released on parole and violating it and going back and being released on parole a third time and going back. I couldn't dodge or duck all that cuz I was sitting in detox, you know, under the radar from a parole violation.

But there was a a guy in the cell with me and I told him I I got out the flyer and I said, "When I get out of here, this guy's going to be my sponsor, Mark B." And he said, "Oh, no." He said, "Don't do it." And that guy was my sponsor. And uh and he said, "What happened is I got drunk and he came over to my house and he beat me up." And uh and I just shook my head and agreed with him. But inside I was thinking that's the guy for me.

If I have any hope of staying sober when I get out of here, it's going to have to be a guy that'll come a big guy. He's kind of big like Paul, you know, this guy will come over and beat me up if I go to start drinking. Maybe I'll be able to stay sober, you know.

And that's how I I knew I was pretty hopeless. And that sounds crazy, but that was my my mindset. And come to find out, most of you guys know Mark and and and Dealty and they're they're uh such a blessing in our lives and here and where we are and and uh there was a little more to it than the story.

Mark went over to pick this guy up and he had been drinking and doing some other stuff and he was in a rage and he swung at Mark then Mark beat him up, you know, and uh so there was a little more to it than that. But when he said that, I I I made a commitment that was going to be my sponsor. And uh and that's what I did.

I remember when I got out, that's exactly what I did. But what got me to that point was um you know, I I began drinking at a very early age. And uh and I think um I was lured into uh drinking.

I couldn't find my regular big book, so I brought one of my substitutes. And and here it is on the front on the first cover. My mother gave me this picture.

I looked at the date. I'm nine. I'm wearing a Budweiser shirt, you know.

And it was because all of uh it was the late '60s, early '7s. All my cousins and older brothers and sister and neighbors. We grew up in South Miami, kind of a ethnically diverse neighborhood.

We had Greeks that lived next door with 11 kids. Say no more. We had uh Cubans live next door on the other side and they were always having a party or siest or whatever it was for anything they'd find a reason to have a big party and that's what everybody did you know and is is I think at an early age like this I thought well this thing called life is tough you know relationships marriages uh um work school all these things are tough but you have a big blow blowout party on the weekend.

Everybody gets drunk and they're pushing each other in the pool and dancing and having a good time and it makes everything okay. As a kid, that's what I saw. You know, we'd we'd watch it every weekend.

You know, they go to somebody's house. My parents had a pool, so they'd come over to our house and they'd get drunk and throw each other in the pool and midnight they'd be skinny dipping and we'd be looking through the fence and, you know, it was just the lure of that had me before I even drank. And uh like a friend uh Bobby says, I was just sitting duck for alcoholism.

And uh what happened is uh is a buddy of mine went down to the local golf course and uh we called ourselves helping the golf pro clean up golf carts and police around the area. What we really did was we went in and unlocked the back window cuz so we could come in later and steal beer. And uh Richard and I stole a case of Miller Highife beer, 16 cans, and uh we gave 12 of them away.

But Richard and I sat down to get drunk with these 12 12 beers. And uh Richard drank one, I drank 11. You know, that's just the what what happened.

I I don't know what that was all about. From the very first time I drank, I drank 11 beers before he probably even had the one down. You know, I just that's what I did.

I I don't know where that came from. A lot of things developed that first night that I drank that followed me for the next 20 years. I was 14 years old.

Um I woke up in a sand trap at 2:30 in the morning, vomiting my hair, black eye, shirt torn, missing a shoe. I have absolutely no idea what happened the night before. I was laying on a tennis court watching the whole world spin around.

It was the last remembrance I had. And I remember waking up in that sand trap and shaking the sand off and thinking, "Wow, that was cool." And and I couldn't wait to do it again. I had no idea what I did, but I, you know, I knew I had a good time.

And uh and it wasn't long, it was the summertime and it wasn't long after that uh a day or two maybe we have a case of Black Label beer and we're up in the woods and we're just getting smashed. And I did not, you know, I came to AA. The reason I drank was my father was a this and I you know and I blamed everything.

I was a big victim. But I had a good upbringing and if anything my parents uh had older I had older siblings and you know they they uh had to work and do all that. If anything my parents spoiled my little brother and I rotten you know gave us everything they didn't have and um but I can't blame all that on my my parents cuz I had a a good upbringing.

Um, but what happened for me is I just took a drink of alcohol and and and Bobby also said alcohol brought out the alcoholic in me immediately. I mean, I've got alcoholism on both sides of my family and and just chalk full and then a lot of reasons why I'm an alcoholic. I, you know, um, doing doing the family tree thing and trying to figure out, you know, uh, what was my origin?

I'm the classic American. Hines 57. I I'm a mut.

But I'm every ethnic group that should not drink, you know. I'm American Indian. I'm Irish.

I'm Italian. I'm every uh, ethnic group that shouldn't drink. That's me genetically, you know.

But but what happened is I just love the effect produced by alcohol. And up until that point, I was a pretty good student. A's, B's, occasional C.

And when I went back to school after the summertime, D's, Fs, occasional C. And you know, and that's just what happened. I I played baseball and football and track and all these things.

I went back to school. I quit track. I got thrown off the baseball team.

I got thrown. That's just what my drinking did. And and um in the solution chapter, it talks about what we have to have to recover from alcoholism is a is a whole new way of thinking, a spiritual experience of take attitudes and actions and emotions and push them to one side and a whole new set of motives and conceptions begin to dominate us.

That's what happened when I drank because I was a like my aunt Polly says, "You're a good little boy." And she'd question me, "You're not going to do this and do that and end up like the no ma'am." Cuz I was a good little boy. But when I took a drink, ideas, emotions, and attitudes that were once the guiding force in my life were pushed aside and a whole new set of attitions and motives began to dominate me. And that was doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

and included alcohol. And uh a lot of things happened that night. I say it was like a broken record.

And and and one was the way I drank. And I'm not going to say every time I drank from here that point on out, I drank straight to oblivion. But most of the time I did because that's just I tried to put as much alcohol in my body as fast as possible like they were never going to distill or brew another drop.

And I don't know what that was about. But right past social drinking to oblivion. And uh some other things happened from the first night I drank that followed me for the next 20 years too.

And uh one was the night the first night I drank I got in trouble. The kid we gave the other 12 beers to threw up all over his mom and his mom called my mom and we had to march over and apologize for stealing the beer and didn't do much good. You know, I didn't really care about the consequences, especially that.

But drinking began to cause a lot of trouble right off the bat. And some people develop alcoholism on a bar stool in a period of years. They become al and then others were just a mess from the beginning.

And that's my experience. And uh so I got in a lot of trouble because of my drinking. And uh excuse me.

Right from the beginning um I began to get a lot of trouble and have heavy consequences for my drinking. And right from the beginning, I began to be numb, let's say, or callous to those consequences cuz I love the effect produced by alcohol. You know, I I I say the first time I I um broke a some furniture in your house or groped your girlfriend or fell out in the yard, you you said, "You know what you did last night?

You did this." And I go, "Wow, I'm sorry. I I'm really the 20th time I did that." And you said, "Get out of here." No. And my thought was I didn't want to come over here anyway.

You know, the first time I rode in the back of a police car, I hid my face and didn't want anybody to see me. The 20th time I rode in a police car, I'm waving at everybody. Could care less.

I mean, I just became callous to the consequences that my drinking caused. And um so I I got in a lot of trouble because of my drinking and and and I developed a pattern of like a broken record. It was like bam.

and the record would skip and something would blow up and I would be physically removed from alcohol. That was the only way I quit drinking. I would wake up in jail.

I'd wake up in the emergency room with tubes in my nose and you know and I'd come to and I I was a pretty good old boy sober. I'd say it was a it was a mistake. I got I'll control it better.

What I tell them whatever they want to hear. They'd say, "Well, you need to." and and they would release me. Bam.

And and that's what happened. I'm began this broken record that just followed me for the next 20 years. And and I like to say right here, right now that this is not the comprehensive picture of alcoholism.

You're sitting here saying, "Well, I didn't do that. This has nothing to do with alcoholism." And the the first page of chapter 4 talks about what alcoholism is. If you can't control the amount you take once you begin or if you can't quit, you're probably alcoholic.

And page 30 says the basically the same thing. We're men and women who can't control our drink. And but this is just my experience.

I was just wide open. You know, they was either uh locked down or drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking, drinking. And uh before I had a driver's license, I flipped a neighbor's truck and got a DUI and written all a string of charges.

They said, "Let me see your driver's license." I said, "I'm only 15." I said, "I'm in trouble." I mean, then once I got a driver's license, it was really bad, but I a good student up to this point. I love school. I think about it, I guess.

But I was suspended, suspended, suspended, suspended, expelled, and asked to never come back. And really, I didn't care. You know, I came from a good family.

My parents wanted me to graduate high school. My parents wanted me to be this or that. I I mean, they were professional people.

And here I am, a long-haired little punk that's in jail. And they were ashamed of me. And I'm I wasn't ashamed.

I I just didn't care. I love what I was doing. And you you'd hear nobody I'd hear this a lot when I first got started.

Nobody ever wants to grow up to be an alcoholic or have these problem. I did. I mean I I looked up to all the kids, you know.

My cousin Patty, I was 10 years old, picked me up, took me to see Carlos Santana in the Miami baseball stadium. She had a psychedelic Volkswagen Beetle drinking wine out of a big, you know, I mean, I just looked up to all them. I just, wow, I can't wait.

And so, uh, what happened is I began at our local detox, they have a sign that says, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." There's a story of mine, drinking. Um, I kept drinking. I kept getting in trouble.

I I um and the progression of alcoholism, it they say it's a fatal progressive illness. said, "It gets worse and never better." Well, the consequences of my drinking got worse and never better, you know. Um, I wasn't getting slapped on the wrist anymore.

I was going to jail and I'd go get out of jail at and I'd go to the state work camp. I remember we went to the the the state work camp there. We had moved from Miami to a small town right outside of Atlanta.

And um and and they sent us to the the work camp where we got to basically work out on the road and it's you've seen cool hand loop or whatever. It's it's it's um it should be embarrassing and lifechanging and you should think about things and change. They put me in the cell with a guy we used to hang out at the beer joint with and he said, "Oh, it's not so bad.

my girlfriend will throw out a bottle of vodka and we'll go out and cut bushes on the side of the road, get drunk, have a good time. It was like putting us out in a hunting camp in the woods and saying, "Y'all be stay out of trouble." Now, it it was and you know, um Norm talked about it last night. My sponsor talked about and and this part I couldn't relate to, but in my warp mind, I I kind of could um going into the service.

My sponsor went into the service and served his country. I remember we were standing around a campfire one night and uh this buddy of mine says um says, "Jean, you were in the Marine Corps, weren't you?" He said, "3 years." 3 years. He said, "Hell Tom and Chris and I done at least 3 years in work camp." And that was my thought.

You know, my service to my country was cutting bushes on the side of the road and cleaned up garbage. I mean, that's Marine Corps chain gang, you know. He was proud.

We were proud. I mean, and and so instead of being being humiliated and humbled, it was just like Yeah. Yep.

That's what we did. Yeah. And and so if nothing changes, nothing changes.

Always do what you always do. You always get what you I more DUI. I went back because of more DUIs.

I back then, it wasn't like it is now. Uh now they it's it's I I sponsor a guy with four DUIs in Florida. He'll never get a driver's license ever in the state of Florida.

I had four DUIs before I was 18 years old. I mean I just DUI after DUI. Got two in one night, you know, and cop says, "Don't be driving anymore." And I'm cutting donuts in the high school lawn and we'll have to take you down again.

you know, and and it it was it was just a slap on the most of my DUIs were not, "Sir, have you been drinking?" My DUIs where I'd hit three or four cars in the beer joint parking lot. Three or four miles down the road, the sheriff would finally find me where the skid marks went off by a bridge and I'd flip the car two or three times and they'd arrest me for DUI, leaving the scene, destruction of property, whatever, a string of charges, and that was part for the course for me. And um so I got in a lot of trouble and it got worse and it got worse and it got worse and uh and I got in some big trouble one night.

Uh that I can really relate to my sponsor talked about this is is fight broke out over a girl. I didn't even know the girl but I got right in the middle of you know that's the story of my addiction and uh it got crazy and it it was like it was a a long story. We went to Atlanta about a month ago and I showed my sponsor and Dale, a friend, the scene of the the whole thing and it was like it was shootout at the OK Corral and I got all all of a sudden I got a violent charge.

I got an aggravated assault assault charge. Nobody got hurt or other than their feelings. But I got in some serious trouble.

before I went to prison. And it was humiliating and humbling. And they shave your head.

They put you in there and spray you down and stand in there with a bunch of other guys. And then those couple hours are over and they throw you in the cell block with a bunch of inmates and it's and and it was humiliating for few hours, you know, and then and then it just it's crazy, you know, and and and by this time I'd been in a lot of trouble. I've been been in in a I never talked about this my story and I somebody at detox the other day was talking about being in and out of mental institutions.

I was locked down on a psychiatric they call it an observation hall for 10 months one time and I never talked about being in a mental institution locked down and thored out and then four point restraints and I was like wow I never talked about that before but and that's that's what happened and that's um what continued to happen and you know it was almost like um attorney housewife um whatever that The hand that I was dealt was alcoholic. That was okay. You know, you you got your hand, I got mine.

Sure, it came with trip to jail, whatever. Uh wrecking cars and fighting and all this, whatever. When I get out, I'm going to have a good time.

You know, it was worth the consequences. I I guess that's what I thought. I I couldn't picture life without alcohol.

And and so but what happened for me is um as I got out of more trouble, I got married briefly to a girl I dated in high school. I didn't know how to be married. I knew how to drink and I knew how to do what I wanted to do.

I um we were married a couple years that it was couple years of my life that I stayed out of trouble cuz I had a babysitter. She would drive me around drunk or she'd keep me out of trouble or keep me out of scrapes or whatever. And I remember I was in a a treatment facility, a Georgia state thing, and she came to visit me with divorce papers.

And I was like, "Wow." After all we've been through, you know, later on I got shoved up. I I thought, "How in the world did she put up with it for that long?" You know, I mean, and oh, I hated her mother. You know, my mother-in-law at the time, if I was her mother, I would have had me like knocked off or something.

I mean, I my brother said she was a nice girl until she met you. But, um, I got in more trouble. That's when I I went to prison on this.

Um, I got a traffic ticket. It was the It was the selfishness and self-centerness of my drinking. I was probably spoiled and I was lazy.

didn't want to work. So, I'd do whatever I have to not to work and I would be import export business. I would be stealing cars.

It'd be whatever. I mean, my parents didn't raise me that way, but I it's what I did. And I got in trouble for traffic ticket or trafficking, something like that.

I they gave me a this 10ear sentence in and in in Georgia penitentiary. I And um I I remember my father came over and and visited me. He said, "I've got this connection.

Get you any prison you want to go to that and you ought to go to this one where your grandmother can come down and visit you." And and then so I said, "Okay, that sounds good to me. Whatever." And I remember going back to the cell block and telling the guys, "Yeah, I'm going to Central Correctional Institute in Mon, Georgia." And they said, "Oh, no. That's a disciplinary camp.

That's where they said the worst of the worst. You don't want to go there." you know, and uh I remember you can't write or I mean you can't phone or anything. I remember writing a letter, "Dear dad, please get me sent anywhere." But and then before the letter got to him, it was like EF286829, report to booking or transfer.

And here I go to one of the most violent prisons in the state. And uh I got to visit my grandmother though, you know. I remember I was in the intake and um I heard all these bad things and there was this guy.

He was on the United States bobsleing team and he was bigger than Paul and he's standing there. He was in the goon squad. Keep everybody in in I said, "Is this place as bad as they say it is?" He said, "It's probably worse." I said, "Oh Lord." I said, "Can I transfer out of here?" He said, "Yeah, you can after you've been here 2 years." I was like, "Oh man." It was exactly two years to the day that I transferred out.

Um, but what happened is I was I was parrolled in 1993, 1994. And my parents had moved to Florida. And what do you do when you're 30ome years old and everything you own's half a garbage bag one more time home to mama?

My parents took me in. My father bought me a helped me buy this little car from a neighbor. Helped me get a job over in Sand Destin area.

I went over there. I was out 30 days. Got a DUI on the Mid Bay Bridge.

Deputy said I was scraping one side of the bridge to the other 80 m hour. I don't remember anything. I just woke up in jail.

And uh bam, one more time. And uh the before my parole papers got from Atlanta to Tallahassee to Shalomar, our local office, I'd violated it. My parole officer didn't know what to do.

Remember Animal House? They put them on double secret probation. He said, "We're going to put you on double secret probation or something." I said, "What does that mean?" He says, "You can't get in trouble with alcohol." I said, "What does that mean?" He said, 'If you drink one beer and get in trouble, that's a problem.

If you drink a half gallon of vodka and don't get in trouble, it's okay. You know what I heard? You can drink a half gallon of vodka and you So, I was out another 90 days, maybe.

And I flipped the car, you know, string of charges. My brother was coming over to get me to take me a detox cuz I was on a a run and he didn't show up in time. So, I decided I'd drive myself.

I'm driving down the road in the rain, flat tire, no lights. Deputy goes to pull me over. So, I decide, well, I've had a little bit too much to drink.

I'll outrun him, then get the detox. I about killed myself. if I had flipped the car and and I remember going around the corner sideways and there's my brother and his family coming to take me to detox and my nephews and nieces pointing there's Uncle Chris and they followed the carnage down the street and the deputies were I just I remember floating through the air and thinking I got to get I got to run >> to get the detox.

I come crashing to a halt. I jumped out and I ran through a brier patch. And then when the deputies got me out of the brier patch, you know, they did the the little Rodney King treatment on me.

They like beat me to death before they threw me in the ambulance. And I could remember my nephews going, "Look, Uncle Chris." And um it it was horrible. They remember that to this day.

And you think of Uncle Chris and drinking, that's what they think of. And uh that's a good thing, you know, because um they had seen me drunk in a long time. But um that's that's what got me to the county jail.

That's what got me to the point that you know uh on page um Bill's story, Bill talks about at the very end of his drinking that um that he was there on the the um the bottom of the the the uh staircase and and uh thinking about jumping out the window sash and all. And uh that was it. And it said it said that um the next morning the doctor came with gin and seditive and the next day found him drinking both gin and sedative and it soon landed him on the rocks and he feared for his sanity and others did too.

That's my experience. Right at the end of my drinking, I got involved with some really highowered things that I had done in the past, but it it really came it landed me on the rocks. And uh and I I just got to a point what happened for me is uh what happened uh how it was, what happened, what it what it's like now.

Is is it the theme of this the singleness of purpose over and over and over from the 15 years old when I'm at my first AA meeting I heard what I heard was in AA was all these old people they're about my age um all these old people were talking about this is what we did this is how we drank this is what happened and I could relate to all that and then this is what happened we got to a point of desperation and we finally reached out for help. We asked a God, a power greater than ourselves. We ask a a woman or a man to sponsor us and then our lives transformed.

And I sat there at that meeting as a kid thinking, well, if it ever gets bad enough, I can go to AA, stick that in the back pocket, and you know, and that's what that thank God for that, you know, thank God that they said that's what their experience was cuz all throughout my drinking, that's what happened. I came to AA for all the wrong reasons. They had cookies in prison and it looked good on the for the proport.

But when I got there, you people came in and said the exact same thing. You carried the message to the alcoholics and thanks for that information. If it ever gets bad enough, I'll have to do the same thing, you know.

And but thank God for that because my experience is on page 30, it said we learned we had to fully conceive to our innermost selves. Well, my learning took a long time and I and you know I I hope it doesn't take that long for anybody else, but that's just I'm a hard-headed alcoholic and and it took a long time for me to learn that I had to fully conceive to my innermost self cuz that's the first step in recovery. I could admit, well, I'm an alcoholic.

My life's unmanageable. Give me another drink. And that was in the ninth grade.

I knew all the other kids didn't drink a pint of vodka and go in the home room, but I did, you know, and so I knew I had a problem. And I remember this old guy in detox said, "Do you think if God himself came down of the heavens, stairway out of the clouds, came right down here right now, could he help you with your drinking?" And I wasn't prejudiced against God or whatever. I said, "Well, sure." He said, "Then why don't you let him?" And he had me.

I mean, well, the reason I didn't let him is cuz I didn't really want to get sober. You know, I hear the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is what we did when we got to a point.

You know, my sponsor came in. I'm There was That's a picture below my, you know, the mug shot. I I'm beating up, stitches in my head, my collar bones broken, my ankle's broken.

I'm hobbling around. And my sponsor comes in and tells his story. And he got to a point of desperation that he couldn't go one step further.

He heard a woman share her experience. He went back to a homeless shelter and got on his knees and asked God for help or a power greater than himself for help because he he had left God in in Southeast Asia. I thanks for the information.

If it ever gets bad enough, that's what I'll do. So, I hobble back, you know, and back to jail and back to But thanks for the information. and and it should have got bad enough, but it it I don't know because it didn't get bad enough on the inside.

But what happened is my parents, my family, my everybody on the planet Earth said, "Go away." You know, and I and I went away and I and I I reached a point of desperation. Norm talked about this last night. I got to a point.

I was I I was standing in a a somewhere in New Orleans there's train tracks that go underneath. There's this bridge trestle. and I was going to jump off of it and kill myself.

And I remember thinking, you can always go back to AA. And I was like, not only did AA ruin my drinking, AA ruin every part of my life. Now I'm going to kill myself and can't even do that because AA, you know, and that's where I had to get.

I had to get to this point. You know, my thought my thought um my buddy Tom I from North Carolina says it the best. this thought of joining the Legion of the Damned, Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, wasn't the the, you know, it just this hell on earth experiences the way I thought it would be.

Every second of the day, I'd be wanting to drink, but I couldn't drink cuz I was in AA and you know, no thanks. I likened it to Let's Make a Deal. Remember, what was his name or the Monty Hall?

The long microphone, the lady in the chicken suit, the man with a bag on his head. You know, I'm standing down front and he's like, "Okay, Chris, behind door number one, we've got your sad, pathetic life of alcoholism. Beaten and dragged and kicked and drugged down the street and every horrible thing that's ever happened to you, direct result of, oh yeah, by the way, it's chronic progressive illness that gets worse, never better." or door number two, the spiritual path that we're all taking where every hope and dream and ambition and anything good in your life can ever be imagined behind that door.

What's it going to be? Door number one or door number two? And I'm like, uh, well, what about door number three?

And then he's like, there is no door number. It's door number one or door number two. And and I'm, well, can't I just cash out and go home?

And he said, "No, you you passed that point a long time ago. This is the decision." And and and that's a brutal decision for an alcoholic to to think of, you know, and it says it in the fourth chapter to live on a spiritual basis or die an alcoholic death. H let me think about it.

You know, I remember sitting in detox. I'll die drunk in a ditch before I go to AA. And I meant it.

All those losers up there, my dog died. My boyfriend or girlfriend left me. But now I'm happy.

Joy and free cuz I worked the steps and called my sponsor. No, but what happened is I got to a point where that hell on earth existence and that Legion of the Damn sobriety shuffle was more appealing than the life I was living. You know, the worst thing I could imagine being sober in AA looked more appealing than where I was at.

You know, I remember getting on my knees and just saying, "God, help me." It was a bunch of stuff in a row and I just got on my knees cuz thank God of the singleness of purpose and then I finally took filing cabinet back there somewhere and just said like my wife says it best, driven to my knees said, "God, help me. I can't go on like this." And what happened was I got up and I went to one of those meetings where those losers were because I knew if those losers can't help me, I don't have a a hope. If those steps those losers are are working can't help me, I'm doomed.

If the sponsor those losers say they have can't help me to, it's over. And that was my experience. And I found out I I felt sorry for these old guys that sat around this one meeting.

This one guy drove an old beat up truck and another guy was a I felt sorry for him. Wore the same clothes. Thought they were bums.

One guy was a dean of Dartmouth College. Another guy was a Air Force colonel. He just liked the old beat up truck, you know.

I it. And so what I learned was all these losers weren't losers after all. You know, they were just trying to stay sober and trying to but what happened was parole officer picked me up, took me to the county jail and my journey began because when I got out, I had been to my home group many times.

Our home group is the home group that everybody talked about in the area. Our home group was the one that were all the real alcoholics congregating, those fanatics. I remember I came into alcoholics anonymous in the beginning and there's a big room and on the coffee pot over here there were the fanatics and they were our home group members and they were saying don't drink.

You need to begin to take a you need to start prayer and meditation service work and I'm like whoa. And then over on this side of the room and the other coffee pot, they're saying, "Hey, don't listen to those fanatics." And we didn't come in here to lose our individuality. Just don't drink.

I'm like, "Okay, come hang out with us. You know, we do a lot of fun stuff, you know." Um they were all doing other things and they and I was like, "Wow, this AA isn't that bad." And then there I am on death's door one more time. And I couldn't stay sober with those people.

So where did I go when I meant business? To the fanatics. And I remember pulling up to the meeting on Tuesday night and I I pulled up in this old beat up car and I heard the halties laugh the best.

Everybody's out on the front porch. Like I said, having a good time shooting the breeze. But when the bell rang, they were dropped dead serious.

I knew that. That's why I was there. But they were up on the porch laughing and I just couldn't get from the car to the front porch.

I remember one night getting in the car after hearing her up there laughing and just saying, you know, heck with them. I went and got drunk to spite them, you know, I'll show them. But that's where I that's where I went when I I meant business.

And I got out of jail. My big first miracle in AA. I was going through all these reasons I got sober and all this the other day.

The reason I got sober is I got tired of going to jail. Got tired of going to the penitentiary and the nut house and the places that I went because of my drinking. And but what I did was uh I my first Oh yeah.

My first miracle was the seven years I had to do my parole officer who later came into our home group and got served up cuz he was checking on me so often and he had a you know he wrote a letter for me and the district attorney wrote a letter for me. My seven years turned into 10 months 11 months. I was like wow cuz I knew it was because of my I wasn't drinking.

They were coming in the jail cell from working all day and they'd have booze they'd sneak in and they'd be drinking all around me and I got a sheet over my head doing my forep in the in the jail cell. You sure you don't want any? And I and I knew if I took a drink I was it was over life as I knew it was over.

So I didn't drink and I I stayed sober and I made a commitment to do this because I'd asked God for help before I went and seven years turned into 11 months and I was like thank you God and I ran out. No, I don't know. No, I I made no bones about it.

I knew it was because I had made a decision and I knew that this was my last. I knew, like Tom says, at a cellular level that it was over and that I better get right into this thing or I was going to die. You know, I went straight to to Mark B on the corrections thing and I said, "I need some help.

I'm dying." And he said, "I know you are. I've been watching you for a long time." And he said, "I'll tell you. I don't know if you can get sobered up or not." And that's great news to hear.

Know how Roland felt. He says, uh, he said, "Cuz this is a battle between you and God. And I can't get you sober.

I can't keep you sober. This has to be between you and God." He said, "But if you can do five things every day, you and I, I guarantee you and I can stay sober together." That was a promise, you know. And I was like, "Yeah, yeah.

What are those five things?" you know, and he said, "Get up in the morning, ask God to keep you sober. Go to a meeting every day because you drank every day." He said, "Don't drink. If you think a drink and ask God for help, call somebody.

Get some help. Just don't drink or do any substitute." He said, "You've never been accountable to anybody in your life." He knew knew me better than I knew myself. He said, "I want you to call me every day." I still call him every day, you know.

And he was right. Never been accountable to my parents, school teachers, principles, warden, nobody. And he said, "And thank God at night." And I said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I've heard there's more of their steps, their service." He said, "Just just do those five things." Cuz I've been in and out so much.

He he just watched me in the beginning to make sure I was doing what I was said I was going to be doing. And I remember it was a couple days into it. I was going to drive up to the local.

That's what he said. He said, "Now, let me ask you something." He said, "Do you have a driver's license?" And I said, "Uh, no." He said, "Didn't you just pull up in that old car over there?" And I said, "Well, I only drive to meetings." And he said, "Let me ask. You're on parole.

You're on probation. You're on community control. You don't have a driver's license.

Uh, is it tag in your name? I said, "No, it's stolen." Right. Stolen tag.

No insurance. I'm driving around and he says, "Don't drive." And I think, "There he goes trying to control me." He just didn't want me to go to jail. You know, I have a fighting chance at staying sober.

I remember I got in the car. I was going to a meeting the next day and I could hear, "If you want me to be your sponsor, don't drive." And I went, "Oh man." And I backed up, parked the car, and walked to the meeting. I got there 5 minutes before it let out.

I was mad. I was like, But it dawned on me later. It was the first time in my life I'd followed directions of anything.

And that's what happened. I began to follow directions and grudgingly at first and then and he he my my wife says uh yeah he's up at 3:00 in the morning watching these movies on the cable channel and and I thought I'd be in trouble. My sponsor said how do you get all those channels 130 channels?

I said I used to install cable TV. I said I just steal it. And he said you ask God to keep you sober but you steal your cable TV.

I said I said, "Yeah, I can come over and do yours, TOO." I said, "I you know, until it's objectionable, it's not objection." I had absolutely no idea why he was wanting to tell me to not steal my cable. And what's that got to do with not drinking? He told me, "Start paying your cable bill." And then I had 17 channels instead of 130.

And begrudgingly, I started paying. What happened? Five, six years into sobriety, my wife and I go to buy house.

We didn't even know we had credit. Buddy of mine pulls my credit up and goes, "You got a 750 beacon score." I said, "Is that good?" He said, "Man, that's great." Alcoholics Anonymous, the amends process of paying back what I owed. And the first time I paid an old bill, they all jumped on board.

Hey, you owe us too, you know, but but you know, I I began paying them, you know, and and my wife and I are going to buy a house, a three-time ex-convict, ex gang banger, you know, going to buy a home, a mortgage, and hurricane Ivan, there was a hurricane in the Gulf and and um what happened? They said, "Well, your the lady that did approved it is no longer with us after all these hurricanes. Now we're going to have to redo this whole thing, and we don't think it's going to happen." And we said, "Well, we tried." They said, "Unless you've got one bill that you can show you've paid consistent consistently for 5 years, we can tell you how well you can get a house." So, the power bill was in my name.

And then we moved from Destiny and it was in her name and then this that and the other and then we had the other rent that we paid for the last one. I knew it was in her and my call the cable company. You've been a faithful member of the cable company for 5 and 1/2 years.

I said you're kidding. They faxed me a thing over. He said you're approved.

following directions that I didn't want to follow. I had absolutely no idea why I should follow. I could go over and hook his cable up to Okay, I'll start paying a little $30 every month.

We own a home, you know, twotory house in suburbia, you know, aa, you know, that's that's it. Alcoholics anonymous. It's absolutely nothing know that I've done.

And my people say my best thinking got me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I wish my best thinking could have got me here. My best thinking got me cutting bushes on the side of the road rattlesnakes.

You know, God got me to alcoholics and almonds and God got me sober. I aa is the best thing that ever happened to me. Um I don't know when I'm supposed to stop.

Y'all tell me. Let him >> when >> 5 10 minutes. Terry, when am I supposed to stop?

>> You're doing good. >> Okay. What h what happened was uh my sponsor says, "Um, hey, weren't you in the detox a few times?" I said, "Oh, yeah." Cuz I had started going in with regularity.

And uh he said, "They got a meeting over there on Saturday night. Why don't you go? From the first or second week I began staying sober.

I've been in the detox every week since then. What a what a wonderful thing. It's really hard to take a drink when you're you're sitting in a meeting and you're reading the preamble and somebody falls out in the floor and has a grandma seizure and they stick a stick down his throat and carry him out on a stretcher.

Yeah. I was in there one day and this guy I was sponsoring comes in and I said, "Ray, you look like you got the devil in your eyes." And he said, "I got the devil in more than my eyes." He had a pattern of doing some sane behaviors over and over, and we all warned him against it, and he continued to do that. And I said, "Well, here's my card.

Call me when you get out of detox." I walked out the front door, the detectives busted in the back door, carried Ray away. Hour later, they came and pick me up and want to know what happened that night. And I said, "What night?" And they said, "With Ray." With Ray.

And I thought it was the AA police. I said, "Well, he was sitting back and he looked kind of crazy." And I said, "Yeah, yeah." And and uh then what happened? And I said, "Uh, I told him, you look horrible, man.

You're going to die." And they said, "Yeah, yeah. What happened then?" And and he said, "Uh, Ray just shook his head and started crying." Yeah. And what happened then?

I said, "Then the meeting was over and I left." THEY SAID, "NO, WHAT HAPPENED AFTER?" YOU KNOW, THEY PLAY GOOD COP, bad cop. Rey got drunk and he was accused of murder, killing a girl in a motel. And uh that's what that's what happens.

You know, the nicest guy you'd ever meet, you know, murder, no. Not Ry. Somebody else maybe, but not Ry.

Could that have happened to me? If it could happen to Ray, it could happen to me, you know. I could name 20 people since I've been sobered up, you know, prison dead, you know, maimed, sitting in the in the in the the uh the nursing home wearing diapers.

I was in detox with them, wearing diapers. And so, you know, I tell say that at detox sometimes they go, you can't scare an alcoholic. couldn't scare me.

But that's just the reality with what we're But my sponsor got me involved in service work. I couldn't go in the prisons, you know, when I remember one of the last times I was arrested, the deputy said, "Oh my god, is that guy NCIC still tickering off? Tickered off for 30 minutes.

Thing was going down the hallway." My record was too bad to get into the prisons. They made me the corrections secretary. And uh I started taking notes and I became the corrections chair and I started going in the felony court program and juvenile justice thing and uh getting involved in corrections.

I love it cuz you know I got a message for those guys. I over in Slidell we went into prison over there in the St. Bernard Parish and all those hairy leg convicts out there.

And we all got up and talked to him and Jimmy and Mark and all of us got up and talked to him and they're crying. He was like, "Ah, you're crying. We're fixing." You know, what a message though.

What a wonderful thing to be a part of. You know, what a wonderful thing. Alcoholics and all this to know that it can work in that.

You know, I I correspond with Ray. You know, he went to prison. He a lot of things happened to him in prison.

Now he's at our local prison and we correspond and might even become where we can visit and that kind of thing. And and and I know that Alcoholics Anonymous can work in his life and he doesn't have to spend the rest of his life in the penitentiary. And uh what a wonderful thing to be a part of.

you know, the guys I sponsor. I sponsor guys and and um you know, it's usually the guys I remember I couldn't stand this guy, you know, and he was just so full of himself and knew it all. It was me all over, you know, and he asked Mark, uh, who should I get to be my sponsor?

I respect you and AA. And he pointed at me and I was like, oh, he goes, ask him to be your sponsor. I was, you know, and what he did is the same thing I did to Mark, you know, he had all these theories and how he felt and what he thought and and I just get so tired of hearing.

I go, "Shut up. I don't care how you feel and what you think. I want to know what you're doing." You know, what are you doing?

And he didn't like that, but he started doing it, you know, and and he began to change, you know, and and what a wonderful thing to be. The bright spot of my life. I actually like him now.

You know, other people like him. I mean, you see him coming. It's like that a friend of mine, Teresa, used to say, "When I'd see you walk in the door, I'd clutch my purse." I was thinking, "What me?" >> Go to the bathroom, I carry it with me.

I thought I'm a nice guy. Why? But that was the that's the same thing with a you know what?

And and you know why? Because the first five years of my sobriety, I got to our home group that meets at 8:00. I got there at 6:00.

I put on the coffee and everybody knew that I was going to be there. I was there religiously. 5 years Aaron started doing that.

You can get there at 6:03 on a Tuesday night and it's open and the coffee is being made because Aaron's there. Period. You know it.

And um and that's what we do. You know, our lives begin to change and we pass it on to others and their lives begin to change. And what a wonderful thing to be a part of.

You know, I would say I'm not hurting anybody but myself. you know, drinking. You know, my mother hasn't had to travel three states away to come see me in a penitentiary and be strip searched in 7 and 1/2 years.

That's a big deal. Ask her. You know, they haven't had to take a collect call from me.

You know, I'm be in Baton Rouge or somewhere doing AA and I'll collect call my parents. They'll go, "He's not in jail, is he?" You know, cuz they know I'm okay. you know, I mean, they hated me and uh and we have a wonderful relationship today.

You know, everything in my life that I have today, like my sponsor says, is direct result of Alcoholics Anonymous, being transformed, being reborn in Alcoholics Anonymous. What a wonderful gift. I got married early in Friday and and Dolores and I got married, we've been married seven and a half years, seven years, seven 7 weeks was a long time for a girlfriend or wife or something.

Seven years when I got sobered up, I got a job. I got the same job today, Alcoholics Anonymous. I remember I was sitting in the county jail and this guy said this in the book, but just put every job you've ever had and whether you got fired because of your drinking or not.

I had 42 jobs. I could remember the best of my recollection. Got fired from every single one of them for my drinking.

every relationship I ever had with he said put dumped or got dumped beside it. I I got dumped from everyone cuz of my drinking. You know the patterns of the inventory process and what a wonderful thing to be a part of alcoholics anonymous and everybody talks about the steps.

I can't believe step one. No, I'm just kidding. I the steps changed my life.

I love talking about the steps as it originally happened in my life. But more important as I work them and live them in my life today. The sixth and seventh step just I did them early on.

Whatever. Totally didn't understand. I mean I I guess I did cuz I quit stealing and I quit doing a lot of horrible things and cuz I was helping others.

But later on in sobriety, I I saw where six and seven could keep me sober as things became objectionable and things deep down inside came up that I had to deal with. And I was on the I was on shaky ice. They said 5 years you'll Tom says it the best.

You'll show up, you'll grow up or you'll boogie. And that's what I said. Not me.

I'm going to the prison. You know, on Monday night I go to the prison on Tuesday night. to get there early, make coffee for my home group.

Wednesday, I go to detox. Thursday, I go down to a treatment center with my sponsor. Friday, go to another meeting with my sponsor.

Saturday, go out with my sponsor and f friends. And Sunday, we go to another treatment center. 5 years, I'm not going to have any problem whatsoever.

Woo! You know, 5 years, I found myself on thin ice. And it was it was I can't believe I'm going to another meeting.

I just go to AAA and work and AA and then I had to be reminded this is no joke. This is life or death. And I I got to step six and thank God that my objection had become my behavior had become so objectionable that I had people around me that love me enough to hurt my feelings.

Just like in the beginning when when they uh you don't understand I'm different. Well, the problem was they all understood and they all let me know it. Thank God in sobriety the people around me loved me enough to let me know it.

And it was it was people very close to me that looked me right in the eye and said, "I don't know what you're doing, but you're fixing." No, they said, "You must like jail. You must like penitentiary." It was Dealty. She said, "Because I don't know if you've drank yet, but you're fixing to drink because your behavior is becoming objectionable and it makes me sick." She turned around and walked off and I thought to myself, "Now that's somebody that knows me, you know, because I got to this point in complacency and some things had began to take over my life that I was blindsided with, but I was willing to have God remove them." And I prayed for God to remove them.

And through the seventh step and the 12th step, God removed me. And I had just like from the beginning up in a small period of time, a zest for this thing like I I' I'd always had. And I love it.

You know, the inventory process and our friend Don was so special with that and continuing to do that. And and it's just changed my life and it's a wonderful thing to be a part of. And I I I'll just close with that and say that AA has just been the best.

It's it's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. It's given me everything I have in my life today. And uh that's all I got.

THANKS. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day.