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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> Now, I'd like to introduce our main speaker for tonight, Don C from Colorado Springs, Colorado. My name is Don C.

I am an alcoholic. Well, I'm never for going to forget this experience. You guys are awesome.

I remember when they first got the call to come to Ikipa, I thought I was coming to a tribe. And it's true. I did.

I know. I was sitting up here watching um all of you and I was thinking you made a wish pop in my head and I thought if I could hit our young people in Indian country, it would be awesome to see them like you. >> >> to see you sober and having fun and dancing and laughing.

And when you stand up, you can actually feel that energy come up here. Have you noticed that? It's just like it hits you.

I thought, "Wow, what is this power these guys have? It's pretty awesome. I am my name is Don C.

I am a member of the Moikin nation and our nation is made up of clans. Thank you. And I was born for the turtle clan on my mother's side.

That's a ojuay back there. No, I'm kidding. And my Indian name is Tantanka Wambi.

You guys are You guys are just awesome. Uh I have uh eight children. I have six daughters, two sons.

I have 17 grandchildren. My oldest children, they were in Alatine and now thanks to you, my daughters come through and they still are a member of that. >> >> But I was uh I was taught that when you whenever you do this, you just share your experience, strength, and hope.

And so uh to tell a story of what happened, what that was like, and what it's like now. And maybe the best way I could explain that story is to tell a story. The story originally I heard it from a man named Don P out of Denver.

He was one of my first sponsors and I didn't get sober. I didn't stay sober when I first came to AA. I slept a number of times.

And one night um this man he said there's this Indian guy speaking up in Estus Park which is a little town outside of Col outside of Denver. And uh so I went up there and Don P was speaking there and it was one of those situations where uh like in our language we have a word when some uh something connects in in our language we call it nashha and it means like when you look someone in the eye then there's a feeling goes across that connectedness that's what I felt from you tonight you're all connected with this natashni Yeah. And it's very strong when you're all connected together.

Anyway, Don P and I, we looked at one another and he got this big smile on his face and that connectedness was there and it stayed there forever. It never never went away. But he told a story.

And in our culture, if somebody uh has a song and they give you that song, then you have to say where that song came from. Otherwise you lose the spirit of it. So I can't say this is my song.

So it's like this story I have to tell you how I got the story and I got it from Donkey K. But it was a story about this uh boxing match and there was this arena and in one corner was in the white trunks was alcohol in the other corner in the black trunks was me. And we sat in an arena and people started to come into the arena and fill up the seating.

And of course what they do in those types of events is they put a ribbon, a reserved ribbon and they put this reserved ribbon in the first row. And that is usually a space that is reserved for your family so your family gets the best view. And so my family came in and they all sat right in that first row and uh there would come time to start the match and the referee he called us both out to the center and uh I was looking at his alcohol and somehow right from the beginning I was attracted to it that I was connected to it and the referee explained her some rules.

He said, "When you when when you do this," he says, "There's no heading below the belt." And when I say break, break. And uh this alcohol had this look on its face and I just kept staring at this alcohol. And so we got done listening to the rules.

We all agreed, went sit down. And so the bell rang and we got out and we started dancing around and boxing at each other. And uh first round or two that wasn't too bad.

It was actually a lot of fun. And so, uh, it was all right. And so, by the third round, we got out there and I don't know how it happened, but I must have ducked the wrong way, but the alcohol took a swing and it punched me right in the face and it stung.

And uh, I looked at the alcohol and he says, "Oh, that was just a lucky punch." He says, "You can whip me." And deep into my innermost self, I knew the alcohol had just told me the truth. I knew I was going to be able to to um win that contest. And so the next round come out, we're dancing around, boxing around, and all of a sudden he snuck a couple of punches and it stung.

Kind of swell up my eye a little bit. And um as I sat down there during a break, I looked at that alcohol and uh I was trying to figure out there was something going on with me and that alcohol. And as I looked, I kind of noticed up the side of my eye, people started to leave, I guess, because they could see what the end result of that was going to be.

And so by the time we got to the next rounds, the alcohol was hitting below the belt and the referee didn't call him on nothing, punching away. My eyes were swelling shut. I was bruising.

And each time the alcohol punched like that, he said, "You can whip me." and he had this look on his face so convincing and I knew I was going to be able to do that. And so I was sit down by time around 8 or nine or so and uh I'm trying to strategize now. I'm trying to think of what my moves are going to be cuz I got to whip this alcohol.

And as I sat there strategizing, I was staring at him and I felt this tug on my arm. And I looked down and it was my son. And uh I said, "What?" He said, "Dad," he says, "Mom, mom says to tell you, just come down.

Let's all go home. Just come on." He said, "Come on, Dad. Let's go home." He said, "Your your bruised are pretty bad." And I looked at him and I said, "You go back and you tell your mama, you your brothers and sisters, you just tell them one more round.

I'm going to make my move in this round. I want you guys to watch." So, I got out there and by this time the alcohol is stomping and my knees are weak and it's kicking and the referee isn't saying anything and uh uh I was very wobbly. And so the bell rang and I come back and I sit down and uh I look at the alcohol and it's like he he was lip syncing you know like you can whip me and I said I know I can you know and uh so as I'm sitting there really thinking of what my moves are I felt the tug of my arm and I looked down there and this time it was one of my daughters big tears in her eyes And she said, "Dad," she said, "Mama says to tell you, just come down.

Let's all go home." But she said to tell you, "If you don't, we're going to leave. We're not going to watch no more." And I looked down at her and I said, "You tell your mama, and I want you kids to watch." I said, "I got some Indian moves I'm going to make." And so I got out there and uh to the best of my ability, I made those Indian moves and uh it didn't work. And I was crawling on my hands and knees out there and alls I could see of the alcohol was just the alcohol's tender shoes.

I couldn't even raise up. And he's screaming, "You can whip me. You can whip me." I don't know for sure the moment during that round when my family left, but when I looked, there was no one left in that arena.

There was just me and alcohol. And so I crawled out of that arena and I started going to Barnes & Noble. I got me some good self-help books.

And I started to exercise and I started to meditate and I started to feel good. Then one Saturday this idea popped in my head. I said, "You know something?

I know another move. I think I'm going to go back in arena and just see if the alcohol is there." And I went back there. Sure enough, the alcohol is standing in that ring.

his arms on the ropes. I say, "Alcall, I'm back." He said, "I knew you would be. You just come on in here." And this time, the alcohol, he didn't even let me in the ring.

Just pounced on me as I was coming through the rings, put me on my knees right away, and I was looking at his tennis shoes almost instantly. So, I crawled out of that arena again, and I got thinking. I went to the wrong bookstore.

So I went to a different bookstore and I got some different books and I did different exercises and I was really in shape and I got thinking. I said, "I think I know another Indian move. I'm going to go back and I'm going to show the alcohol some old traditional stuff." But I got back there and you know the story.

You didn't let me in the ring. Just put me down right away. And so on August 10th, 1978, I crawled out of that arena and I haven't back been back in there since.

All the things I had tried with the drinking, there was one thing I had not tried. I had heard some things about it and that was aa and I didn't want to go to AA that time. I was living on Colorado Springs and there's a street there called Tahhon Street and I went down there in the afternoon.

I spotted where the meeting was. It was upstairs and in those days they parked the cars diagonal and so I didn't tell no one I was going. So I went down scoped it out.

So about4 to 8 I drove down there and uh there was one parking spot right in front of the AA door and I said to myself, I'm going to drive around the block and if that slot is there, then that's a sign I'm supposed to go in there. And so as I come around the block, that slot that was still there and everybody seemed to be parking on other darn side. So I stopped my car.

At home when you got a old beat up car, they called it a res car, like reservation car, duct tape and all that stuff on it. You call it res car. So I had a res car then.

So I stopped that res car and uh I thought, you know, I'm going to drive around the block just one more time. If that slot is there, then it's really a sign I'm supposed to go in there. So, I drove around that block just slow as that darn rest car would go.

Sure enough, I come around. That slot's empty. So, I parked in there and I went into the AA room and I walked in that room and uh they had a greeter.

I think that greeter wasn't there. I I I wouldn't have went in because I looked in that door and I I said I says, "Oh my god, this is all white people in here." And as I was backing away, this big old grooer grabbed my hand and before I know it, I was sitting in a chair with a cup of coffee in my hand and I couldn't figure out how to talk my way out of that. So I sat there and I said, "Okay." I said, "Uh, I ain't going to tell these white people nothing." So, I remember uh there's first they go around say, "My name is so and so, I'm a alcoholic, whatever." And when they come to me, I say nothing.

I just sat there and they kind of waited and pretty soon the next guy just took over, you know, and went around the room. And uh I was really analyzing that meeting, I think. And there was a couple of things went on there I I really I really got I almost got resentment about sitting there watching them.

One was is they were telling on themselves I'm I'm self-centered and I'm self-righteous and I'm judgmental. And I thought to myself, what the hell is the matter with these guys telling on themselves like that? Where I come from, you never told nobody nothing about being weak.

you didn't do that. The second thing I got a resentment about in that first meeting was the laughter. They just laughed like hell in there all through that meeting and there was nothing was funny as far as I was concerned.

But the third thing was in that meeting, and I didn't know it for probably a couple years, is there was a feeling in there. I couldn't understand what that feeling was cuz it was coming from white people. But whatever that was, it made me want to come back.

Whatever it was, it made me want to come back there again. And so I did. Alcohol made me willing.

That's what made me willing to come to AA. And by the time I had made those slips, I was willing to do anything. I was dying.

I was just freaking dying from this. Lost everything that my grandpa told me I was supposed to love and take care of. But I chose a bottle before them all.

So, one thing I knew I had to do was to get a sponsor. I knew that was one of the things I had to do. And there was no Indians there, so I'm going to have to ask some white guy to be my sponsor.

So, I watched this one man and uh he was about 65 or 66. He actually was an attorney. He was sober a long time.

His face was all scarred up and I think he was hit with ugly stick when he was a baby. That man was ugly. So I I but he had something about him that was appealing to me.

I don't know what it was. And so I went I asked him to be my sponsor. And he said after the meeting he said we're going to talk about it.

So we had this cup of coffee. By then this was in York Street in Denver. And so we sat there and uh I guess he he kind of had his attorney stuff, but it's like he was sizing me up.

He was, you know how they look down and he look up you like he was looking up and down me like this, you know, and uh he was shake his head like that and his eyebrows was down, you know, and he said, "I don't he said, I don't I don't know what what's with you Indians." He said, "I've been in this 15 years." And he said, "You guys just don't you don't get it." He said, "You guys are really really weird. You sat way in the back room." back of the room. He said, "And you never say nothing.

Just pass." He said, "That's all you ever say is just pass." And he said, "I don't know." He said, "You you" and he was talking like this. You know, you guys are weird and you don't get it. And I don't know if you've ever had this experience when you're a little kid, your parents bought you a puppy, and then you tease that puppy.

You know, it's like you you rub it in the face to try to get it to growl. you know, you just keep playing with it and keep playing with it, then it starts to That's what I felt he was doing to me. You know, you Indians don't get it.

And uh you and I remember I just raised my head and I looked him in the eye and I connected with a tashiha, you know, really strong. I connected to him. I didn't say it out loud cuz it's so big, but I thought to myself, I thought, "You white son of a I'll show you.

I will get it. >> >> But later on I found out how wise that man was because the only emotion that he had to work with was my anger. I didn't feel nothing about nothing or nobody.

But the anger, I had the anger. And so he just like kept me mad on the verge of being mad. And I never liked him.

So he told me, he said, he grabbed this big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and he opened it up and he showed me how many pages was 164 pages. and he was holding those pages in his hand and he said, "I just decided right now," he said, "I'm going to be your friend for the rest of your life." He said, "I don't care whether you like me or not. It's got nothing to do with you.

I just decided I'm going to be your friend." He said, "But if I'm going to sponsor you, I'm going to tell you some things I'm not." He said, "I'm not your banker. Don't ask me for no money. I'm not your hotel.

You can't stay at my place. I'll tell you that right now. And he had this list of things that he said he was not.

And he said, "But I will be your friend." And then he showed me this these pages in that big book of AA. And I had I seen I'd read that book. It was the most boring book I ever read.

I was always looking there for these instructions you guys was talking about. Could never find them. And he said to me in this book, this is aa and he said if you are willing to do exactly what's in these 164 pages, he said you will never have to drink again.

And I tried all kinds of things not to drink again. But to have somebody tell you that there was a way, that if you did exactly this, you would never. He said, "This program is not about slipping.

This program is about getting sober and staying sober no matter what happens in your life." That's what it will tell you how to do. So he had me look at these pages that had the 12 steps on it, the 12 proposals. And he said, "Before you even do the work," he said, "I want you to look at each of these 12 steps, and you're going to come back to me and tell me the answer to two questions for each of these 12 steps." Read the step.

Then this was the question. Are you willing to go to any length to do that step? The second thing is, do you want to do that step?

And I remember when he was explaining this to me, he was uh I was over his place and he was making some lunch and uh he was making me a peanut butter sandwich. He knew I like peanut butter sandwiches. And uh he said, "You know, AA is like," he said, "Aa is like a banquet and one end there's like steak and lobster and then you can move down and then there's like meatloaf and down to cheeseburgers and and I'm eating a sandwich, you know, and uh and talking." He says, "Way on the on this end." He said, "Where you're sitting?" He said, "That's where they call peanut butter sobriety." And there I'm chewing this sandwich, you know, sitting there sick as hell.

you know, sponsors, uh, you know, they're always, at least mine, he was always tweaking on me all the time. I remember we'd be in a meeting together and you ever have that when your sponsor is trying to get your attention, you know, they're trying to connect that with that Natasha or whatever and you you look all, you know, you do everything you can not to have them look at you. And so, finally, you got to look at him because that feeling is so strong.

And I look over at him and he take his tongue and you go, We always said that peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth, you know, cuz it was his belief. He said half a they don't work no steps and they stay sober. He said that's why you don't you you don't have to work steps, stay sober.

But he said, "If you want the steak, if you want the lobster, and you're willing to go to any length, the instructions are in his 164 pages." So then he took a meeting schedule in Denver and um he circled six meetings. I had to go to a meeting every night. Big book meeting, tradition meeting, certain discussion meeting, step meeting.

Sunday was my meeting of choice. And he said, "You go to these meetings." And he said, "When you get in there," he said, "you just say your name is Don. You tell them you're alcoholic." And then he says, "You shut up.

Don't say nothing until you've taken a third step. Then you can share." But before that, he says, "Shut up. You got nothing of any value to anybody." And so I did that.

I went and I was uh I I knew I was talking about my life. I was talking about whether I live or died. I I got that.

I started to understand in a book where it talks about the day will come when you have no mental defense against that first drink. I know what that means. I know that one.

No matter what the loss, that day comes. It's scary if that statement is true. And I was doing really good and I was in that book and I was doing the work and um there was a meeting there in a place called Eagle Lodge.

That was a meeting I went to and I I I made coffee. I come and I sit down at the table and who walks in this meeting but this Indian gal. Nice.

And she was looking at me that way. In Indian country that look we call it snagging she had that snagging look in her eye. I could tell and uh boy my mind was just racing you know and I said you know you're not going to make any progress here if you just say your name's Don the alcoholic and that's all you're going to say.

you're going to have to do something. So, it come my turn time of speaking, man. I was on 449 and boy, I was page 86 and uh I was quoting that big book and that Indian gal got the big old smile on her face.

She knew she had a winner. I could tell she was looking. And we did go for coffee.

And I did give her my phone number and she took it. And so anyway, that night I was walking back to this little apartment that I had and uh I was walking down a sidewalk like that movie where John Travolta is, you know, that one I I and I walk in the door and I open up the phone's ringing. I said, "She couldn't wait.

Baby couldn't wait. She wanted me." So, I pick up that phone and I'm trying to be really cool, you know? Hello.

You know who it was? Frank, the sponsor. What the hell you're doing moving your lips?

Sponsors are like the internet. They're just everywhere and they hear everything. You ever notice that?

But with his cop, he started to show me the instructions that was in a big book. First 43 pages had to do the first half of step one where I was to look at my issues around powerless over alcohol. And myself, I had to read that.

He made me read it 25 times. So I had to like read it, put a mark, four marks, draw a line through. He said, cuz he said, "What's in there?" There's not much.

He used to call my mind, he said, "In your mind," he said, "you have," he said, "you live like an inner ghetto." That's what he called my mind. And he said, 'What we're trying to do is to get you to not go in there alone, cuz every time you do, you mug yourself. And so then we got to that and then he showed me the instructions on page 52 of the big book was the nine instructions for the second half of step one concerning unmanageability.

He showed me this paragraph. We were having problems with emo with relationships. Then I had to take that and flip it into a question.

And I had to take a look at am I having issues with relationships? Not them, but when I'm in the relationship, how am I acting? Do I shut up?

Do I run? Do I put them down? Do I get even?

And as I went down my list of personal relationships, I couldn't see a human being in there that I wasn't manipulating or that I knew how to get along with. I didn't know how to get along with people. I wouldn't even know how to try to use them.

Couldn't control our emotional nature. So, I had to take a look at my emotions. When I'm in anger, how am I acting?

When I'm in self-pity, how am I acting? And I begin to see I was an emotional basket case. I didn't know I I didn't know how to feel.

I didn't know what that meant. And so I had to take a look at those nine all nine of those areas and go over that with him. And when we got that done, then I had to take those nine areas cuz the way he explained it to me, even though the steps there's 12 of them, they're all interconnected with each other.

They're not separate. It's a big interconnected process. And so I had to take those nine areas from step one and I had to take them to step two.

And then I had to create nine little mini visions, personal relationships. Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore to sanity. And what would it look like if I was effective in relationships?

If the creator said this is how you could be in relationships. So I had to make nine mini visions in each of those areas. And when I got that done, he said, "This vision, this is what will be your spiritual awakening in step 12." And that's all you get.

No more, no less. Additions to the vision will be made in inventory, in the fear inventory, and in the sex inventory. And so I did as I was instructed.

And then we went on to step three. And he was a believer that every sentence in that big book was an instruction. If there was a question, you had to answer the question.

But I had to relate that to my experience being convinced we're at step three. So I had to take a look at was I actor? Was I manipulating people?

Did my life run on self-propulsion? And so as I looked at that, but I had some problems that I didn't really discuss with him, but I had some problems with this concept of God. I was uh I was raised on a reservation.

on that reservation there was uh we went to the boarding schools and uh there was one church on the reservation and whoever church had the missionaries and that's who did the deal right and so they always gave you watermelon and clothes and food but you always had to hear the sermon first then you got to and so the parents they would send us all to these schools you know and then you you had to do their ceremonies, I guess. So, some of them we go there and you had to learn and you you all look at one another and you had to do this, you know, and then you go in there and get the clothes and cookies and stuff like that and that's fine. Then, of course, they'd run out of money and then month or so one would come in there.

They get everybody together and they say, "Boy, you're lucky those guys aren't here cuz they're all going to hell. were the ones here that's got the way for you to go. And so then pretty soon you were the next religion, but they always had something common.

You didn't get the clothes or the watermelon or the food till after the sermon. So then pretty soon you you didn't do this anymore, but you had to, you know, be doing this other one. And you know, if you're a little Indian kid, a nun is really scary.

In those days, they wore those habits, you know, they call them habits like that. And they kept rulers up their sleeves and they they would try to teach you about God, the concept of God, I guess. And they would say things like, uh, they say, "You ever been burned with a cigarette?" Yeah.

Well, when you go to hell, your whole body is going to be burning like that. Now, you want to see God, you say, "You bet I do." You see, I do. You know, or they say, uh, you ever been thirsty?

Well, there ain't no water in hell. Your body is going to be blistering. There ain't no water.

And so, man, you would just Well, that was a concept that God I had and I I didn't see God like how you taught me. It was like I had the flames of hell licking my ass. You know, you you you bet I do.

Then of course I come to you guys and you're saying to turn my life over to it. So I don't think so. You know, I didn't know what you guys were uh but anyway, the way I was sponsored, he told me that whatever meeting you go to, you listen from the step that you're on.

It's the only problem you got your life is the step that you're on. I had no other problems, he used to say. And so I'd always listen from the point of view of step three.

And I remember in York Street, this guy come from Cal California and um he uh he he told this story that allowed me to take step three. And some of you heard it, but I'll tell you to anyway. He said there was this pond and in this pond there was a log and there was four frogs sitting on that log on a on a in a pond on that log.

And he said one of those frogs made a decision to jump in the water. He said, "How many frogs are left? four.

But I said three. He said, "No, no, the only difference is one of the frogs made a decision to jump in the water." But he said, "What the third step means is that when you make that decision, then God makes you an orange frog." So you three green frogs, one made the decision to become an orange frog. And he said, "Once you decide to become an orange frog, that's it.

You're orange frog." And it used to get me mixed up because coming into AA, I I'd hear this stuff, you know, about the will. Well, I turned it over and I took it back and I took it back and I turned it over and I turned I turned it over and I took it back and you go, you know, how the hell do you take a third step when you keep doing that? But he said, once you take that third step and become orange frog, then he says, let's say you do that on a Monday, then Wednesday you get all pissed off.

It's got nothing to do with the will. He says, "You're just a pissed-off orange frog." Duh. He said, "Then what happens on Sunday if you go get drunk?

You're a drunk orange frog." And somehow where my mind was, click, I got the third step. So I remember I went over to Frank and I was so excited. I said, "I call him up.

I ready to take the third step." And I walked in the door and I said, "Man," I said, "I'm I'm I'm I'm ready. I want to take the third step. I want to become orange frog." And he just, you know, he just drives them nuts, you know, u about that.

But anyway, we did that night. Me and that old man, we got on our knees, opened up that big book, and he read that third step prayer. Turned the book to me, and I read that third step prayer.

And I asked him when we were done. I says, "What's next?" He reached behind his chair and he pulled out a table, a tablet, a pencil, and a ruler. And by the time I left there, I had known how to write a five column resentment inventory, a four column fear inventory, and an 11 column sex inventory.

And what he told me to do was on the top of every page, you write this prayer. God help me to be honest. God help me to remember.

and God give me courage to do this inventory. And so I started writing like I was taught. One thing I didn't know what was going to come up in my first inventory was my sexual abuse.

Back on a reservation, I was sexually abused by an uncle for almost three years. And one night there was a big beer party on arrest and he got in a fight and somebody emptied a gun in his chest to kill him. And I remember the next day when I heard that news, I was very very happy.

That was a secret I kept. Never told nobody. But it affected every area of my life.

affected relationships and risk-taking and make me want to run and all kinds of self-esteem issues and nobody knew. I couldn't even feel the impact of sexual abuse. It's devastating when it happens to you as a I was just a little boy, but it was there and it and it really I didn't know it until I got into inventory and started looking at underlying causes like in relationships.

I used to give two messages like, "Come on, come on, come on, go away, go away. No, no, come on, come on, go. Go away.

Come on. No, no, come on. Go away." I drive them crazy.

And they could feel the walls that I would build, especially if they got close. I could feel them. I knew I was a wall builder.

I was afraid to let them get too close. I I in my mind, if somebody got really close, I create a plan on where I would go when it broke up. That was my commitment.

Now, do you think that person could tell that that I was a runner? Yeah. You see, they could, but I didn't know.

I didn't want to be, but I didn't know that. And so, I went ahead and um I wrote that inventory. And when it was done, I knew it was good.

There was some sick stuff was in there, sexual stuff, legal stuff, court stuff. And I never knew how it was I was to look at myself. I didn't know how to do that until I come to you guys.

And you guys showed me the hurt that I caused other people. And when I inventory was done, I I went and I fifth stepped it. But I did a funny thing with the fifth step was uh I took all the dark crannies of sick and I kept it in another piece of paper and I stuck it in my pocket.

So when I got down to the fifth step, this man I fstepped with, he said, "Is that all?" I said, "Yeah, that wasn't that bad." You know, too bad. He said, "I'm going to make another pot of coffee." And then he started William's making copy. He started telling me about what was on his first fifth step.

He was a sick mother. He was really a sicko. And I remember he said, "You sure you don't have any more?" And I said, you know, I just remembered I got this, you know, and remember I I remember when I was taking that out, I said, "I'm going to read what's on this paper, but if that son tells on me, I'm going to tell on him, too.

He's sick, too." So, I went ahead and I did that. Then I was taught when it was done I was to come home review the proposals withholding nothing. Every odd step has a set of promises but the promises there there's a condition to them.

You ever noticed that withholding nothing you get a cookie. Withhold something no cookie. So it's the same way that freedom in the fifth step.

And I remember he said, "I'll sit by the phone. You got something comes up, you call me." And when I was done, I withheld nothing. I told the creator, I told myself, I said out loud some really sick stuff.

Then I started to read those promises. You can look the world in the eye. And I started to cry.

First time ever I knew what that meant. I could look the world in the eye. Getting rid of those secrets.

The secrets had a power. As long as I kept them a secret. Soon as you share the secret, the the secret loses its power.

It doesn't have power over you anymore and going and telling that. And so I did. And I claimed those promises.

Then they taught me how to take the information out of the resentment, fear, and sex inventory and bring that in for steps six and seven. Steps are all interconnected with each other. And then eventually I got into the amends.

And in the amends, I started to learn about forgiveness. And I learned that when I say I'm sorry, there's a difference between say I'm sorry and there's difference between that and forgiveness. When I say I'm sorry, it means I take the responsibility for my actions.

And forgiveness is an act that I go and try to set the world right. I learned in that process along with the help of the elders, there's four directions of forgiveness. There's a normal forgiveness.

In the south, there's forgiving the unforgivable. That one's hard. In the west, there's forgiveness of self.

That can be harder than forgiving the unforgivable. You ever just do something stupid? Then only you know it.

And then in the north is the forgiveness. This is a forgiveness that you do to set a another person's spirit free. You don't have to forgive them, but you do it to allow them to go to go on.

You allow them to do that. Then I got in 10, 11, and 12 where I started to get some of the the balance. I didn't take right away.

I do go through a set of steps every year. That's how I was taught. Not everybody has to do that.

There's there's different ways that people look at it, but I was taught to go through them every year. And I have done I made 32 passes through those 12 steps. >> >> Eventually I run into another sponsor.

His name was Johnny Looking Cloud. He was both a traditional man. He was sober around 40 years then.

And what he taught me was to take the steps and put them in a circle. Steps one, two, three in the east. That's like a new sun, new day.

That's the direction that you find your relationship with the creator. In the south is steps four, five, six. That's where you find your relationship with you.

You know your strengths. You know your weaknesses. Step seven, eight, nine.

In the west, that's where you go in the forgiveness direction like sunset. let it go and you go back and make yourself right with all other human beings that you hurt that you went out of harmony with. Then 10 112 is in the elers's direction.

It's in the north. And so througha is where I really started to return to my native culture and I started to understand the true spirituality of native culture. I didn't know that before, but you taught me.

You gave me back the culture, understanding the ceremonies, understanding the powers in that spiritual world. You guys taught me that seems like of anything that I know that is of any value, I learned from you. My family is all sober.

My grandbabies, we have broken a cycle of addiction in my family. My grandbabies don't know NAA is uh you know there's 12 steps like I'm going close with this but when uh Indian culture when something is uh sacred then what you do is you're supposed to stand up like when veterans walk in in your uniform with the eagle feathers. Everybody stands up out of respect.

Where certain elders they walk in, you stand up out of respect. I have such respect for these 12 steps when I hear them being read. Like in a meeting, I have to tell myself, don't stand up.

Just sit down because that's a group conscience how they do it. But if I had my brothers, I would stand up out of respect every time I hear them. They're the most powerful powerful thing that I know.

And I think what really made my heart smile is u walking around. I never thought I'd stand in front of such an honored group of young people. Bill Wilson said AA is going to be in good hands.

I I I think that's true. I think uh you guys got it. So I want to just I I want to tell you what that feeling was very very first meeting what that feeling was.

I remember one time I was back to a reservation. I was drinking and I was raised in hell and I was I was doing a lot of bad things there and my family they took me in a car they took to the edge of the reservation line where they catch the bus and they said we want you to get out of here. They said don't come back here no more.

We don't want you here. You're too destructive. Don't ever ever come back.

And so I I did. I got on the bus and I left. Some years later, I came to you guys.

And what you fools said was, "Keep coming back." That's why you feel like a tribe. You're like tribal to me. When I walk in here, I feel like that feeling was like I come home.

I found my tribe. I found where I belong. The other ones, they said, "Don't come back." You said, "Keep coming back cuz you love me.

like how you guys say it. And I and I love you too. Um so I'll close with this prayer that I got from you guys.

But his prayer goes, it says, "God, thank you for what you've given me. God, thank you for what you've taken from me. And God, thank you for what you left me, Ikipa.

Thank you very much. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day. >>