God Canceled My Flight for a Twelve-Step Call – AA Speaker – John A.

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My name's John Allred and I am an alcoholic. Uh well, it's been great, hasn't it? >> I uh we had a ball.

I want to thank the committee before I get into my story. Uh they've just been more than gracious. We've had uh Michael's wife Kada picked us up and just chauffeered us around and it's very distressful today for my wife.

Uh they took her over to the mall. Very she's a native Texan and uh very discouraging to realize that everything's not bigger than Texas. You know, that's a hard pill to swallow for a Texan and and uh but she handled it all right and it's just but it's been wonder.

We got a great fruit basket and the flowers and I really want to thank them. That's uh you can tell a lot of how successful a conference is going to be by the committee and uh and this committee you got is very well organized and very functional AND THAT'S >> >> AND I I got to tell you that countdown is pretty impressive, isn't it? I think we had like three or four people with a day.

You know, the thing I love about Alcoholics Anonymous is that is the uh it's a paradox. You know, we got the only disease around here where where you apologize for not being sick longer. Oh, I've only got a day.

Some guy 40 years. I've been sick for 40 years. It's just everything's a paradox.

Go to a meeting on Saturday night. Saturday night, right? All the Baptists, all the drunks are in here talking about God and all the Baptists are out there talking about the drunks.

It's just amazing. Think and the thing is so hard about this program is you can't do it. I mean, you come in, what do they tell you?

First time I'm in there, they say, "Uh, well, you know, you got to change everything. You're going to have to change your playmates, change your playgrounds, change your play pens, change it all. Then you get a sponsor.

What's the first thing your sponsor says? Don't make any major changes the first year. You know, how are you supposed to do that?

You know, I don't know how to do that. And I don't do this very well. I mean, I don't know anybody that does this a thing very in fact, I love the meeting after the meeting when you're out having coffee, you know, and you're trying to help another alcoholic who's who's usually not there.

you're just talking about him a little bit, you know, and somebody inevitably will say, "Oh, yeah. Yeah, he talks the talk, but he can't walk the walk." Who are we kidding? None of us can walk the walk.

I mean, if I could walk the walk, I wouldn't come to AA. I come here cuz I can't walk the walk, you know? That's why I come here.

And isn't that what our big book says? Then after they get through reading how it work, they read it tonight. How it works, you know, and they get through reading those 12 things and then it says, "Uh, wow, what an order.

Can't go through with it. Don't be discouraged. No one among us can maintain perfectly." See, nobody can do that.

They don't exclude anybody. They don't exclude Bill Wilson. They don't exclude Dr.

Bob, they certainly don't exclude John Alred. Nobody can do this deal. And so those of us that can't do it like talk about the rest of you that can, you know, I don't do it better.

He don't do it. You know, it's just an amazing thing. But I'm uh I'm tickling.

I love that. Haven't the speakers been great. >> Just been wonderful.

I love it. That's a strong lineup that they got. And I'm looking forward uh for the rest of the week.

And the uh and even the Yanons, they they did a good job. They did. I love the Alanon.

I mean, they they need to be here, you know. I tell you, I never used to go to those Alanon deals and uh and I'd go to these conferences and they and a lot of times they have these Allenon lunchons, you know, so they give you the little lunch ticket and I'd never go and uh and then I was single and I thought, well, that's where the women are, you know, so So, I went to my first Allenon lunch night in California and it was a man, they got a lot of women there. You guys don't go, you're missing them.

And uh some of them even wear high heels instead of those popular Allenon flats, you know, but they're uh I'm sitting there in this in this uh Allenon lunch there and I'm looking around and and this friend of mine from Canada's talking. Allan I have known for a while. I never heard her story.

And she's talking and she's talking about trying to stab her husband in the back. and and she was in Alen. She shared that with her sponsor and her sponsor shared with her how she tried to suffocate her husband.

I'm looking around the meeting all the women. I'm going to stick with the alcoholic women. Thank you.

I mean, my god, never heard that. Was a weird convention. I mean, it really was.

I was sitting out there and and it was a tie to a convention center and they had the shopping mall, you know, and uh so I'm out there on Saturday just in between me. It's just people watching, eating some frozen yogurt. I'm sitting there.

Here come these two punk rockers. Y'all, y'all got punk rockers up here in Minnesota. Yeah.

And they're in a They got their name badge, John. So they're in AA. Guy's got a green spike going out here and he's got a purple spike straight up in the air and he's got a blonde spike going out here and he's with his girlfriend.

They're holding hands. They're in love. And uh they're dressed kind of like well kind of like I used to dress when I lived under the bridge, you know.

And right next to me is the sunglass boutique. They got sunglasses in there. Guy goes up and puts on these sunglasses.

And his girlfriend looks at him and she says, "Take those off. They make you look stupid. That's just a distorted perception of reality.

That's all. We're not the only ones that got that. Normies are distorted in their reality.

They're right next to that sunglass boutique is this accessory joint. They got access earrings and stuff in there for women. You know, they got a big sign in the window says ears pierced while you wait.

Okay. What's the alternative to that? I mean, really, what are you going to just distorted perception?

We got that distorted perception in Dallas. They really unbelievable. They got a new boutique down there.

They got about a chain of them now. There must be 10 of them down there. It's called uh condoms to go.

You can't use them there. You It's against allowed to use them there. You got to take them and go.

You know, just distorted perception of reality, you know. Bizarre on it. I got that distorted perception of reality, you know, but that's not my fault.

Uh-uh. No. I It's not I I'm an adult child of non-alcoholics, you know.

That's a I mean, you got nobody to blame. Nobody in my family drinks. My dad never drank.

Brother don't drink. Sister don't drink, brother. I never drank drunk.

I grew up in a very normal environment. And I'm not going to spend a lot of time on my drunk life. I just You all know that I I I must like to drink.

drinking. God, I love to drink, you know. I I started drinking when I was 25, you know, had my first drunk and God, it was wonderful.

And I never drank socially. I just drank alcohol and visited with people. I get drunk.

I I get drunk and I I I like to drink and I get drunk. And uh in fact when I and I'm getting drunk and pe 3 weeks after that first drunk I remember pulling up to the liquor store at 10:00 in the morning cuz cuz they open at 10:00 so I'm on time and and I go in there to liquor store and I'd buy three little mini bottles of vodka like the kind you get on the airplane those little mini bottles of vodka cuz they told me you couldn't smell vodka. Okay.

So I buy those three little mini bottles and I crack those and I'd suck that down. And that's hard. Ho's only that big in those little bottles.

You got a hernia sucking on those puppies. you really well. So, I drink and then I I go to work, you know, and I'm getting in all kinds of trouble and my wife's changing and and uh right at that time, the mothers were really getting mad about drunk drivers and and they were just putting out a lot of press stuff and uh they put out this this press stuff and one of the articles I read said that only one in 2,000 drunk drivers gets picked up.

And I read that and I thought, well, that's pretty good odds. If I get drunk every night, you know, I go four or five years before I need to really I've been drinking 6 months. I get my first DWI.

I like what are the odds of that, you know? So, I'm sitting in the drunk tank and then I I figured out real quick. I thought, well, okay, got that out of the way, you know.

I can go for like now 13 years before I got to worry about my next one, you know. And and people are starting to tell me that I'm an alcoholic. I mean, I've been drinking a year and they're telling me I'm I'm I said, "Well, what's an alcoholic?

How do you know you're an alcoholic? What?" And they said, "It's a disease." I said, "Okay, then let's go uh let's go to the doctor." So, I know we really can't. How do you know you're an alcoholic then?

If you can't go to the doctor, get a Can't we go get like some blood analysis? No, you can't do that. Well, how do you know you're an alcoholic?

I mean, what's an alcoholic? Can't Can't we go get like a CAT scan, MRI, something like No. Yeah.

Well, how do you know you're an alcoh Oh, yeah. Here's the deal. Y'all want me to quit drinking?

What happens 20 years from now, I find out I'm not alcoholic. I have 20 years I could have been drinking. I'm not willing to take that kind of risk.

Not going to do it. >> >> So they give you that little that little 20 questions, right? I can I can take that test and pass it non-alcoholic.

I did it three times. Okay? Cuz I lie.

I mean, fact, I'm so good at lying, I don't know. I'm lying. I could pass lie detector test.

I could lie and pass the test cuz I don't know I'm lying. I think it's real. It's just distorted perceptuality.

And uh in fact they say, "Well, you drink too much." Soon as they told me I drank too much, I know I'm not an alcoholic cuz I never drank too much in my life. There's not an alcoholic in this room that ever drank too much. See, I am an alcoholic.

Not cuz I drank too much. I'm an alcoholic cuz I couldn't drink enough. That's the problem.

>> Well, did did you ever drink enough? >> I can see somebody from this group. You know, you go into the bar, you have a couple cocktails.

Bartender says, "Uh, you have another cocktail?" Oh, golly. Uh, no. I think I've had enough.

I got church tomorrow. I don't want to go back. I've had enough.

Yeah. Never had enough. I go to the bar store.

We get to the bar at noon, right? We start drinking at noon. It's now midnight.

We've been drinking 12 hours and we're drunk. Hell we know it. We're talking about it.

Stuart. God, I'm drunk. This is me, too.

Can I buy another drink? >> Hadn't had it. Well, if you can't drink enough, it's impossible to drink too much.

You'll never see normal drinkers. You know who you are. Normal drinkers can drink enough and so occasionally, but but not very often.

They might drink too much, but if you're an alcoholic like I'm an alcoholic and you can't drink enough, you never drink too much. It's in five. In fact, I'll tell you a quick story.

I got I got to keep talking because I'm running out of time. But, uh, I'll tell you 10 10 12 years ago, a buddy of mine invited me over to his house to this pool party on Sunday. We're He wanted me to meet this gap and he's not an alcoholic.

And so, I go to this pool party Sunday about 12:30 and they're barbecue. I go in, they're in the kitchen fixing, have barbecue, and we're going to lay around the pool. And I notic one bucket of ice and one bottle of champagne in the bucket.

I said, "Steve, what what's this?" He says, "Oh, that's our uh that's our champagne." Said, "What what are you going to do with it?" He says, "Well, the girls wanted to have mimosas. They're going to mix it with orange juice. Okay.

So, I said, "How how many bottles y'all got?" He gets a funny look on his face and he says, "Just the one. Why?" I said, "Hell, it's your party." You know? So, we barbecued.

We lay in the pool. We had a great afternoon. About 6:00, everybody's leaving.

They're getting ready to go home. They're cleaning up. I go in the and in the kitchen, all three of them are fussing with this bucket.

And I said, 'What are you all doing? Steve looks up and he says, 'Oh, John, you're an alcoholic. You'll know how to do this.

How do we recor this bottle? I don't have a clue how to record that bottle. Did you ever have to record A BOTTLE IN YOUR LIFE?

NO. UNBELIEVABLE. SEE, they I'm embarrassed for these guys.

I mean, three of them drinking what can't knock out one measly bottle. I drank a 12-pack of Diet Coke in that meantime, you know, they can't knock out one bottle of champagne. Unbelievable.

See, they had had enough and they were done. Okay, but if you're like me, once I start drinking, I can't drink enough. In fact, when I drink an incredible thing, it's like a little bomb goes off inside, man.

It fills every pore I got. And I am I am happy, joyous, and free >> when I'm drinking. And you want me to quit?

God, why would you quit? In fact, when I'm drinking every time this works, man. You know those promises in the book after step nine, we got we got now a lot of promises in the book, but I'm talking about the books after step nine where it talks got 12 promise.

Those promises when I drink the illusion of those promises comes true in my life every time. It's an amazing deal. I don't know about you, but after that first drink, I begin to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

And after about three or four drinks, I don't know about you, but that fear of financial insecurity just kind of slips away. Hell, I got checks. We're okay, you know?

And I don't know about you, but after 12 after about six drinks, I would intuitively know how to handle situations that were bad for me. It was amazing deal that happens when after about 12 or 30 drinks, I don't know about you, but it became clear that alcohol was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. Now, here's the reality of that whole deal.

I have always my whole life insisted on those promises. I have demanded and when I first came into A and they read me those promises I thought what kind of Mickey Mouse deal is that what I really want is the promises like a job and a car place to live those are promises and then they read me those but I have always the truth is I've always needed demanded insisted on having those promises in my life my whole life I've insisted on those promises and if I don't find a way to have those promises in my life today without drinking, I will drink again. Alcohol gave me the illusion of those promises and I'll have to have them.

And if I don't get them, I'll drink. So, I have to have a program that's going to give me those promises without drinking. If I'm going to stay sober because you will go get those promises.

You're either going to get them drunk or you're going to get them sober, but you'll get those promises. And the only way I know how to get them sober is to work the steps. because you're not going to get that stuff coming in your life till you go through that process of working these things.

I didn't know any of that then. All I know is that it was giving me what I needed, you know, and I got a lot of problems. I start moving around.

End up in Reno, Nevada. I wasn't doing anything in Reno, Nevada. Just playing a little poker.

Uh best time to gamble is when you're unemployed and uh doing a little drinking. And a buddy of mine invited me to go back. I grew up in Salt Lake.

I guess I did most my drinking till I started moving around and uh so went back to Salt Lake to visit. These guys invited me over to go out. So I went over there.

We got out there on Friday night. Went out to a place called the One More Time Club. It's a great club.

And uh I found her. She was sitting at the bar waiting for me. Fell in love.

I want to take her out Saturday. She couldn't go out Saturday. Couldn't go out Sunday.

Had to wait till Monday. Supposed to go back to Reno Sun. Should have gone back to Reno.

stayed in Salt Lake till Monday. Take this guy out on Monday. That Monday was October 6th, 1981.

And uh we got on the date. It was a bad date. You know, you got a bad date when you invite them to dinner and then they really want to eat, you know?

I mean, I never eat when I'm drinking, you know? And uh so she's eating, I'm drinking. And so, and the woman ain't keeping up.

I'm a gentleman. Every time I order me a whiskey, I order her a glass of wine. Well, she's busy eating.

She ain't drinking her wine, you know. Now I got to drink my whiskey and drink her wine. And it's just a bad deal.

She wanted me to take her home and I wanted to take her home. So I dropped her off. It was 10:30.

I went by Price. I was staying at Price's house and I knocked on his door. He opens the door and he says, "It's 10:30.

I thought you had a date." I said, "That damn woman." I bought a gallon of wine cuz she said she liked wine. She didn't even drink any of my wine. And uh so we went in there and I drank that wine all night.

And I said, "Now, tomorrow night, Tuesday, October 7, 1981, we're going to hit this town. Then I got to get out of here. I I get in trouble in Utah.

It's altitude. High altitude. I got to get back to Reno.

High altitude drinking get you in trouble. It really does. Well, it does.

It's a blood thing. Your blood is thinner at high altitudes than low altitudes. And my blood was real thin.

I've been living in Utah my whole life. I had thin blood. I You party hard on thin blood.

You have a problem. I need to stay at sea level. And uh so I went back to Reno.

I was going to leave back to Reno on Wednesday. So we were out Tuesday. We started at a place Joker Club.

Then went over to see the fashion at the Hilton. I remember the fast show at the Hilton and I blacked out. I blacked out a lot.

Some people don't black out. I blacked out a lot. And some blackouts are real scary.

Some aren't too bad. It depends on how long you're blacked out. The longer you're blacked out, the scarier they are.

And and what you're doing when you come out of your blackout, that determines how scary it is. And I came out, I wasn't blacked out very long, but I came out of my blackout at the worst time. And those of you that blacked out know this, the worst time to come out of a blackout.

No question. The worst time to come out of a blackout is when you're talking to the cops. I mean, you don't have a clue what they're doing.

You don't know what they stopped you for. You don't know what you've already told them. You don't know nothing, man.

And and it makes it real hard cuz you got to figure out now what is it they want? You can't, you know, cuz you can't ask them like, "Oh, what are we doing?" You know, cuz you may have been talking to them for 30 minutes and you don't know. And it's just a and you got to figure all that stuff out without out letting on that you don't know what you're doing.

And um I finally figured out they wanted my driver's license. And I didn't have a driver's license. They're taking that three DWIs earlier, you know.

And uh so I told the guy, I'm just going to I said, "Listen, I'm leaving my car parked right here. I appreciate I'm going right over there. I'm going over there.

That's where I'm going. And I'll leave it here. Pick it up tomorrow.

No problem." And uh he wouldn't let me go. They finally ran my license plate, found out who it was, arrested me, and I'm in jail. And and this time they're they're ticked, you know, and I came bonded out.

See, I knew the system. You get arrested, you plead not guilty. No matter what you're rested for, not guilty, you know.

And then back then, you you get out on your O. If it's just drunk stuff, you get out on your O and then they set a court date. You get your attorney and then you start that postponing process, right?

Postpone postpone postpone postpone that thing for a year. Then when you can no longer postpone it and the and the attorney says, "Now, tomorrow we go to court. You want to be sure in the day before court, move." Okay?

Because that's what I did. I moved. I never went to court.

I just moved. you know, so I had I had a lot of failure to appear. Okay.

So So they said, "No, we're not letting you out. You don't come back. So you're going to go to court this time." All right.

So and I don't like lockup. I I hate lockup. I don't know anybody likes lockup.

So I'm in jail. Can't get finally a buddy of mine named Stan comes down to get me. And Stan had a lot of money.

I grew up with Stan and we played ball together. And he had a lot of influence, knew some people. So uh he said, "I've talked to some friends.

I can get you out if you're in my custody, but the only way I'll do that is if you promise me you go to treatment cuz you're sick. I Oh, Stan. Bless you.

Well, you are so right. I don't know what it is. I guess I'm an alcoholic stand.

I get this overwhelming potion. I get drunk. I get in all kinds of trouble and I really need help, but I can't get any in here.

He says, "I'll get you out." So, I got out of and I had no intention of not drinking. I didn't want to quit. I'm not gonna quit.

I'm just getting out of jail. And I'll do or say anything to get out of jail. So I had to stay with Stan that night.

So next day we get up. He throws me the yellow pages. Says, "You going to know where you want to go, but you got to go to treatment." So I'm 81.

191. I'm looking in the yellow. They got a lot of treatment places in 81.

And I find a treatment center. I call this the treatment center. I said, "I need to uh come in for a little treatment." And the gal said, "Do do you have any insurance?" No.

No. I hadn't worked for three and a half years. I don't have any insurance, you know.

She said, well, it's $12,000. I said, I I'm not that sick. I really don't need that much treatment.

And I couldn't believe it. I said, I just need a little treatment. She said, that is a little treatment.

You know, it's very frustrating. I I one place they wanted $18,000. I couldn't believe.

I said, "Honey, listen. If I had $18,000, I wouldn't need your goddamn treatment." You know, that solved any problem I had. Amazing.

It's very I finally called this one place and I said, "I need to come in for a little treatment." G says, "Okay." And I said, "Well, uh, you know, I don't I don't have an insurance." She says, "Okay." I said, "How much is it?" She says, 'Well, when you check in here, you get room, board, and therapy, both individual and group therapy, and it's nine bucks a day. And then you apply for food stamps when you check in here, and that subsidizes us. And then if you work around here, we pay you a buck 50 a day, and you can get down to probably about five bucks a day.

I couldn't believe it. I said, "How long is your waiting list?" See, those other places that wanted 12 18,000, they had a 30 to 60 day waiting list. said, "How long is your waiting list?" She said, "Well, we got a bed for you tonight." I don't really need to come tonight.

She says, "I think you need to come tonight." Now, I got a problem with this place. Think about that. They got bargain rates.

Nine bucks a day. Room board therapy. They can't fill their beds.

Okay. Now, they're high pressure me to get me to come in down there. I'm the consumer.

I got my rights. I said, "Honey, listen. You make reservations for Saturday.

Just forget the whole damn deal." That's what she did. She made reservations for Saturday. And I didn't drink.

I don't know why. I just didn't drink. Staying with Stan.

And I got up Saturday, drove down. I sat in that parking. I sat in that parking lot for hours watching going.

I wanted to see, you know, those guys going in and out of there, in and out of there. Want to see what kind of person goes to a $9 a day jitter joint, you know? So, and you know what those guys went?

They they were alcoholics. They look like alcoholics. They really did.

I thought, no wonder the guy's going there. Look at him. My god, he's an alcoholic.

You can tell. Look at that guy. He needs to be there.

You know, they didn't look like y'all look. Y'all do not look like alcoholics. Okay, those guys going in there look like alcoholics.

And I was an alcoholic, but it fit my budget. So, I checked in. You know, nothing happened.

Saturday, just filled out a bunch of papers. Nice place, clean place. And uh uh Sunday, I had my first exposure to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Two guys went outside came in. They chaired this meeting. There were 36 of us there.

All men. We sat around banquet tables like this. It was discussion meeting.

These two guys talked for a long time. I paid no attention all to what they said, okay? Cuz I'm watching everybody else.

figure out what Okay, what do we do in AA? So, I'm gonna watch you figure out what we do in AA and then I'm gonna copy you. I'm I'm a real chameleon.

Okay, I'm gonna watch you figure out what you do and then I'm gonna copy you. And uh so they talk for a while and then they started down the row. First guy in treatment center, he said, "Well, my name's Joe B.

I'm an alcoholic. I'll pass." Second guy said, "My name's Jim S. I'm alcoholic.

I'll pass." Hell, I caught on real quick. You know what they do in AA is they give their first name, last initial, admit to the group you're alcoholic, and then you pass. You know, there's something magical.

There's magical. If you admit to this group you're alcoholic, it'll just like take that burn out alcoholism off your shoulders. That must be the deal.

They had it printed on the wall, admitted you're powerless over alcohol. It got to me. I did it right.

Said, "My name is John A. I'm an alcoholic and I'll pass." Nothing happened. I thought, well, I guess I'm not alcoholic.

Or if I am an alcoholic, I guess alcoholics anonymous is just for simple-minded people. Nobody with any brains for Pete's sake. I mean, you know, now as distorted a perception that is of alcoholics, that was my perception about it.

Ain't for me, you know. That was on Sunday. Monday got me and my counselor Dell.

Dell's a lovely lady. We're talking. She's going to counsel me.

She wanted me to stay two months. I said, Dell, Dale, Dell, Dell, Dell. I have been here all weekend.

Okay, I've been talking to these folks. They're alcoholics. They've told me they were.

I have no reason to doubt it. They look like they probably are alcoholics. I don't know whether I'm an alcoholic or not, but I uh I know that that they told me that first month that I'm here, you're going to break me down.

You're going to teach me how to get open and honest. I said, "Let me save a month right there." I've always been open and honest. Never been you know, and I've got a great mind.

I remember everything. I did real well in school. You can get my transcripts.

It'll show you. I did real well in school. It's like my mind's photographic memory.

It's like a steel trap remembers everything. And and I read fast and I'm too busy to stay. I can't stay 2 months.

She said, "You're too busy." Said, "Yes." She says, "Well, where are you working?" Well, I'm not working, but I'm busy. You know, is that true about alcoholics? Alcoholics are the most busy unemployed people you ever want to meet in your life.

They really are. Go to the meeting Monday, right? Go to the meeting Monday.

Now, the guy's unemployed. He's got nothing to do but get to the meeting and he's late. And you say, "Where you been?" "Oh, hell, I've been busy." You know, I don't know what we do, but we're busy doing it.

You know, we really are. So, I said, "I'll give you two weeks, Dale." Cuz see, I'm not going to quit drinking. That's not what I'm doing there.

I'm I'm just getting out of jail. And I figured treatment time is better than jail time. And I don't tell anybody that, but that's what I'm doing.

And I figured two weeks is enough time to fulfill my obligation to stand. Now I can leave, go back to Reno, and get on with my life cuz I'm not going to quit drinking. I'm just getting out of jail.

And so she is all that stuff. She finally says, "Well, we'd better hurry with you." Damn right. That was on Monday.

Tuesday, I got to go to group therapy. Love group therapy. Love group.

Caught on to the group lingo real quick, you know. Oh, come on, man. Get on.

I love that group. That's fun. Man, you're in denial.

I love that kind of That was on Tuesday. Wednesday was alcoholic education seminar. They're showing a movie.

I don't like movies about drug addiction, alcoholism. I find them boring. Even today, I don't watch them.

They're boring to me today. But I'm sitting there in all my ego and all my contempt and all my pride prepared not to like this movie. They're showing this movie.

The name of the movie they're showing was called uh I'll quit tomorrow. Okay. I'm watching this movie.

Man, it tore me apart. I mean, it tore me apart. I I identified with everything that guy did.

It's like they'd made a movie of my life and they were showing it to the group. I mean, I did everything. I dressed the way that guy dressed.

I talked the way that guy talked. I acted the way that guy acted. I drank the way that guy drank.

I related to everything that guy did. And I knew the gig was up. That was my moment of clarity when I knew the gig was up.

as I'm watching that movie. See, what happened to me that night is I quit looking for that definition. What's an alcoholic?

How do you know you're an alcoholic? Later found out in AA. See, we don't have a definition of an alcoholic.

I couldn't define an alcoholic for you tonight. I don't know how to define that. What we have in Alcoholics Anonymous is a description of an alcoholic.

See, you can't argue with the description. You can argue with the definition. That's why Webster's got 10 definitions for every word, right?

But you can't argue with the description. The most powerful tool God has given alcohol synonymous is our description of the alcoholic because it's that description that seems to have the power as you relate to it to strip everything that separates the alcoholic from himself. And I can see me that night like I never seen me.

I could see me that night like my mother saw me as I watched that guy and identified with that guy. I could see me that night like Max's wife saw me. Difference was I could see me and I knew the gig was up and I wasn't happy about it.

Sometimes you'll hear from the podium people will say how when they found out they were alcoholic how relieved they were and how they felt at home. That was not my experience. Okay.

I was pissed. Okay. And I was scared.

I cried all night. I was scared to death cuz now I know I'm an alcoholic. My god, what am I going to do?

I'm an alcoholic. How am I going to function in a world I don't know how to function anymore? Now I got to go like get a job, you know, and how am I going to meet people?

How am I going to meet girls? I don't know how to do any of that. And that was the stuff that was important to me back then, you know?

And I cried all night. And I stayed there uh 6 weeks. Couldn't stay two months.

Too busy. But I did stay six weeks. And I left there.

And they said, "Now you're living in Reno. That's 800 miles from Salt Lake. That's too far to you need after care.

You need afterare, but you're living you can't come back here three times a week for afterare. That's too far. So, here's what we're going to prescribe for you for your afterare.

You go to AA. That's your afterare. And they gave me Intergroup's phone number in Reno.

That's your afterare. AA in group. Call them when you get there.

So, I drove back to Reno. Got back there. I knew two things when I got back to Reno.

I knew I was alcoholic and I didn't want to drink. I knew that. The second thing I knew was a he's got nothing to offer.

I mean, you go there, you give your first name, last initial, admit to the group you're alcoholic, and then pass. Okay. My god, why do we got to do that every week, you know, but I don't want to drink.

So, I call IA first time back in town. Guy answers the phone. I did it right.

I said, "My name is John A. I'm an alcoholic." Guys, I'm Bruce. I'm alcoholic.

What I do for you, John? I said, "Well, listen. I just got out of treatment over here in Salt Lake City.

I'm living here in Reno, Nevada, and I wanted, you know, to call and report in. >> >> I I thought they had me on computer, you know, and if you don't if you don't check in, you get a failure to appear one more time out there. So, he says, "Well," he said, "I'm glad you're here.

Do you want to go to a meeting tonight?" It was Thursday. "You want to go to a meeting?" I said, "Yeah, you're probably going to want to meet me." He said, "No, I'm not going tonight, but there's a men's stag at the Holton Riverside Casino, third floor room. It starts at 8:30." I said, "I don't know right where that is.

I'll be there. I'll be there a little early so we can meet." He said, "I'm not going." I said, 'Well, call them and let them know that I'm he. They'll be there.

So, I show up quarter after 8. First resentment. I'll call anonymous.

He never called him until come. They didn't. Nobody there to say, "Oh, you must be John A.

Here's your seat. Coffee. Welcome." No.

Just some guy smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, waiting for a meeting. I got my coffee, sat down. Pretty soon, an old guy named Red got up to chair the meeting.

Red looked like an alcoholic. He only had 18 years then. And he he tal he talked for a long time.

Paid no attention to what Red said cuz I'm watching what these guys are doing. And pretty soon he he quit talking. It was discussed me.

They started down the row. These guys were talking. They didn't pass now.

I don't know what they were talking about. It was nothing we talked about in treatment. And they didn't even introduce themselves.

Right. Some of them when they introduce themselves did not give their last initial. They said, "My name's John.

I'm alcoholic." Guy didn't give his last initial. Some of them gave their last name. He said, "My name is John Allred.

I'm alcoholic." Jesus Christ. Doesn't he know this is an anonymous program? Man, was first and last.

I could look him up in the phone book if I wanted to. So, I thought if those guys won't respect their I will. I didn't look at those guys.

I just Don't know who they are. Don't want to know what you look like. If anybody asked me who's at the meeting, I don't know.

Don't know who you are. You know, they're talking about stuff. I have no It became real clear to me.

I mean, I sat halfway through that meeting. Nobody mentioned we got an XY chromosome deficiency. How are they going to stay sober?

It became clear these guys have not been to treatment, you know. So, it got to me, I thought I'd help. I did and I qualified.

I I did it right to I said, "My name is John A and I'm an alcoholic." And I qualified. I said, "Listen, I just got out of treatment over here in Salt Lake City and I want you all to know I have the latest, most up-to-date medical and psychological information." Second resentment. Red cut me off.

Said, "Thank you, John." Went on to the next guy. I thought, "Son of a is jealous. You know, I know stuff he don't know.

It's his problem. After me, some guys come up, shook my hand, and they said, "We hope you come back." And damn right you do. You need me down here.

Now, Chuck Chamberlain used to always ser my teacher. Some people teach me what to do. Some people teach me what not to do.

Okay? Keep in mind, most of what I share is what not to do. Okay?

Cuz I've done this deal all wrong. I don't know where I was when they said 90 meetings in 90 days. Not the way I did it.

I did one meeting a week. every Thursday down in my M stack. Now they will not let me share.

But I keep going back. I figure I'm a hell of a lot younger in red. He's going to die than I get to share.

Now let me tell you what happens when you go to one meeting in a week if you haven't tried that. One of the things they told me in treatment, which is true. They said, "John, don't drink." Okay, man.

If you just don't drink, you'll feel better. Just don't drink and you'll feel better. But see, they did not explain to me what that meant.

If you don't drink, you will feel better. You're going to feel all the pain, all the anger, all the resentment. You'll feel that a whole lot better.

You know, that's why I drank. I'm walking around Reno. I'm walking around Reno feeling better, going nuts, you know.

I drink that way. I said, like watching paint dry, you know. Oh god, it's Thursday.

We get to go back down to the men's stag and not share one more time. So I'm down there. It was it was Christmas Eve at my men's stag group Christmas Eve.

And they said, "Now tomorrow, Christmas day, you got nowhere to go. Christmas dinner. You can go to the Dryer's Club, Skidro Clubhouse over on Wall Street in Reno.

Still there. You can go to the Dryer Club and it's free dinner and uh anyone's welcome. Well, I had nowhere to go Christmas day.

So, I go to the Dryer's Club. I ate. It was good.

I'm sitting there smoking s drinking a cup of coffee. Here comes a guy. You can see him.

They start at the other side of the room. They look at you and say, "Oh, a newcomer." So, they start walking over, oh god, what's this guy want? You know, and this guy, he's he's not my kind of guy.

He's an old guy. Fat old guy. Real funny hair.

Nothing cool about the guy at all. Nothing cool. Not my kind of guy.

Comes over and he shakes my hand. His name's Don. He's a coordinator of intergroup.

And we're talking for a minute. I'm talking Don for just about five. It became clear to me after 5 minutes.

Don has not been to treatment, you know. So I started tell Don all the stuff they all talk about in my group. He gets a funny look on his face and he says, "Would you like to go to a meeting with me tonight?" I said, "Well, hell, Don, it's Friday." I go, "Thursdays and stack." He says, "We got a meeting every night in Reno." And in that month I've been going to AA, I'd heard this is a spiritual deal.

This spiritual program I thought, "Okay, spiritual. It is Christmas. I can go twice this week.

Won't hurt. Sure. This guy I don't like comes picks me up, takes me to a meeting.

We got to state hospital. They got to meet at state hospital out there at 7:00. We got a state hospital.

Walk in there. I love it cuz they gamble. They give you a raffle ticket when you get out there.

And they mean they raffle off at Big Bookers. Bill sees it. Every week they do that.

So I got a raffle ticket walked in the meeting. There were women. Huh?

Women in the meeting. I didn't know they let them in. I've been to a men's ra joint men's stag meeting.

They got women in the meeting. First time I I thought it was a men's immediately adopted in the home group. Huh?

Why would I go Thursdays? Why come here Friday? You know, this is incredible.

Incredible. So, they had a meet where they talked about cuz I'm I got my raffle ticket. I'm busy praying.

See, cuz although I have this great mind, I read real fast. Okay. I forgot to get a big book.

All right. So, this is it, man. I'm winning.

It's Christmas. I'm winning the book. You know, everybody in here's got a big book with me.

It's Christmas day. God is going to give this book to me. This is good.

This is going to be a Christmas gift to me directly from God. I'm praying for my book. I prayed all meeting for that book.

By the time that meeting is over, God give that book over to me. Nobody's been praying like I've been praying for that book. I want the book.

And the mean went to have the raffle raffle off the big book. Third reason anonymous. Some little gray hair lady 25 years sober.

When's my book? I thought what's she doing winning my book? She got five of them like can't see read woman so old, you know.

When's my book? I'm storming out before I get out of there. That little lady comes up and gives me that book.

That's where I got my big book. And and I used to say that I took that book home that night and I read it from cover. Okay.

So, if if you ever heard me say that or uh if you ever get hold of an old old tape or I said that on the tape, please believe me that that when I said that, hell, I believed it. You know, I really did. And then I got involved in a big book study.

You wouldn't read the chapters they got in that book. It's incredible. I got a chapter in the book chapter to the wives.

Okay. Well, I wasn't a wife. Didn't have a wife.

Didn't want a wife. Didn't read that chapter. Okay.

They got a chapter in that book, you know, chapter to the employer. Hell, I'm not an employee. Okay.

Didn't read that chapter. Okay. They got a chapter in the book, we agnostics.

Well, I was agnostic. I knew God. Didn't read that chapter.

Well, I want to tell you, if you just read chapter 3 and chapter 5, you can read that book and it won't take that long to do it. We won't. We won't.

Next day, this guy calls me on the phone, takes me to ANOTHER MEETING. EVERY DAY, Don is calling me on the phone and taking me to a meeting, you know, and I don't really want to go, you know, but he doesn't ask. He just says, "I'll pick you up in 20 minutes.

Click things up." I'm thinking, "God, I don't I got other things to do tonight. I don't want to go." But, you know, he's the only guy talking to me. What's he going to talk about me behind my back if I don't go?

I better go. You know, interesting happened to me. Interesting happened.

Now, at that time, I hadn't worked any steps. Didn't have a sponsor. The only change in my life is I was going to a meeting every single day.

Interesting thing happened. I not only feel better, but I feel good. And I hadn't felt those two things at the same time in years.

The only change is a meeting every single day. And all of a sudden, sobriety started to put on flesh and bones. And I started to meet other alcoholics.

And I started hanging out in group drinking coffee and going to meets with th that night and it was embarrassing. It really was. I got to tell you it was I wasn't I was embarrassed because I'm I'm excited about going to ice cream, you know, and I feel like a little kid.

We get in the car and I'd look at Don and I say, "Don, do you think we can go to ice cream tonight?" You know, and it was just a bad time. And I knew what was coming. I knew what was coming.

Sooner or later these guys are going to ask me to go bowling, you know, and the real sad thing is I'm going to go, you know, just amazing. I'm So I'm I'm I'm getting pumped up on this AA deal. It's only a week later, New Year's Eve, Thursday night.

I'm an intergroup getting ready to go to my menag meeting. Thursday night, New Year's Eve, I'm in group. I'm talking to Don.

I'm pumped up, man. The phone rings. I grab the phone.

young kid named Glenn. Glenn was 17 years old. Want to know how to stay sober New Year's Eve?

I said, "Why?" I mean, God, Glenn, you're 17. It's New Year's Eve. Come on, man.

Don't whip out. Call tomorrow. We're going to be here tomorrow.

Nobody grabbed that phone away from me. That's when he passed the rule of central office. You have to have 6 months or more sobriety to answer the phone.

It's still a rule down there. So Don talked to him. I know what he said.

Gave me his phone number. He didn't give him my phone number. But the next day, Don calls me, says, "Hey, Glenn stayed sober last night.

Wants to go to a meeting today." I thought, "Great. 12step work." So Don gets me. We go get Glenn.

We're taking Glenn out to state the hospital. So we're driving out there and and Don's just driving the car. He's not preparing Glenn for AA.

He's not telling Glenn what to expect. The hell I got to do it all. You know, I I've never been on a 12step call, but I can do better than just keep my mouth shut, you know?

So, I started telling them all about it. I said, "Glenn, you're going to love this, man. You get women your very first meal." Okay.

A lot of women come to this thing. It's co-educational. You're going to have a lot of women here.

It's going to be great. You're going to want to come back here every Friday night. And then when we get there, Glenn, they're going to give us a raffle ticket.

All right? And at the end of the meeting, they're going to raffle off a big book or his bill season. And if God loves you, you'll win the book.

Don does where Don just drives to the meeting, you know. So, we get to the meeting, we get a raffle tickets, we sit down, they have I don't know what they talk about cuz I'm busy praying for Glenn. I thought, man, this is if Glenn could just win this book, God, after I have prepared him.

I mean, that'll be proof of God working and he'll stay sober forever, you know. And not that it really matters, but you know, I would have 100% 12step call success rate. And that's what I'm going to do.

Everybody at 12step is going to come to this meeting and win the big book. I'll write articles in the grapevine about how to have 100% 12step go successful. It'll be great.

So, I'm praying for the meeting. Meeting got over. They went to raff off the big book.

I won the book. Don turned to me and says, "See how that works?" I said, "Yeah, I signed it, gave it to Glenn." That's where Glenn got his big book. Okay.

Glenn's sober today by the way cuz I gave him that book. That's why now that little experience early in my sobriety taught me a lot cuz it taught me how God works. See, God works through people.

>> He works through See, by working through people, it's a win-win situation. Always two winners when God works. See, I could have won the big book that first night.

There had been one winner, me. But that little old lady won by being able to share with me. And I won by being received from her.

Two winners. God works through people. See, by working through people, he magnifies his effort.

He gets twice the result for the same effort. He's very, very functional. You know, he's efficient.

God is very efficient. Gets twice results, same effort. I wish I'd have thought of it.

That's why he's God. He thinks of those things, you know. Week later, two winners.

I win by being able to share with Glenn. Glenn wins by being received from me. TWO GOD WORKS THROUGH PEOPLE.

IT'S A win-win deal when God works. It also taught me how Alcoholics Anonymous works. Alcoholics Anonymous is one drunk sharing with another.

And see, when that happens, guys, that's a magic deal. And there are two winners. The drunk doing the sharing and the drunk doing the receiving.

See, I've told that story thousand times. I guess 19 and a half years. Every time I tell that story, I remember that moment of clarity when I knew the gig was up.

I'm convinced that all of us here tonight anonymous have had that moment of clarity. When you knew the gig was up. I'm equally convinced that those that come to AA for a while and leaving or out there drinking and dying tonight had that moment of clarity when they knew the gig was up.

What's the difference between those of us that are here sober and those that have left and are drinking again? I think that what happens in alcoholics is really pretty simple. What we do in here is we keep that moment alive.

We keep it alive. See, as I've shared my moment of what it was like and what happened, I remember like it happened yesterday. And as you related to it, what have you thought about?

And when I'm on that side of the podium, one of y'all is up here and you're remembering your moment of what it was like and what what happened? I'm so selfish and self-centered. What am I thinking about?

By the way, this is the perfect program for people whose root problem is they're selfish and self-centered. Cuz when you're up here remembering your moment, I'm so self-centered. What am I thinking about?

My moment. Screw your deal. You know, we keep it alive.

And nowhere can you keep that moment alive but when one alcoholic shares with another. You can't keep the moment alive by sharing with your therapist. They don't need to hear it.

It ain't a win-win deal. I need to hear it. My very life depends on your sharing your moment with me.

You can't keep your moment alive by sharing with your doctor. They don't need to hear it. But when one alcoholic shares with another, it's a win-win deal.

And we keep that moment alive. And what happens when you lose your moment? You take drunk.

And the amazing thing about God's gift because God's gift is that moment of clarity. That's not us. That's God's gift.

And all we do in here is we keep it alive when one drunk shares another. And the proof that it's God's gift is that most times that moment of clarity happens before aa happens before you get here. And the proof of that statement is your last drunk.

I'm willing to bet a lot of money that you didn't know your last drink was going to be your last drink. Hell, I didn't. If I if I'd have known that, I'd have done it different.

You know what happened? I don't know. You know, we keep it alive.

And my experience in alcoholics has just been an incredible ride. I moved uh from Reno, Nevada to uh Dallas, Texas in ' 83. I was a year and a half sober.

February one of ' 83, I moved and I moved by UPS. Uh, I've been living in my car and I I boxed everything I owned. My car threw a rod through the engine and I boxed everything I opened three boxes.

I called UPS. They picked up my three boxes and shipped it to my sister and then I hitched hype from Reno, Nevada to Salt Lake City, Utah. And I flew for $99 one way to Dallas, Texas.

And I landed in Dallas, Texas, February 1, 1999. And man, my whole life just uh in Dallas, Texas, my whole life just came together in about nine months. I found my sponsor that I'm going to take the fourth step.

I hadn't taken a four step in a year and a half. Found my sponsor in uh Dallas. They help me take the fourth step.

I uh got back into the insurance business that I'd been in in Dallas. I got married in Dallas. Got real active in aa in Dallas.

I got divorced in Dallas. And uh I want to talk about that for a minute. That was a that was a devastating time.

I was about nine years sober and uh and got divorced and it was just devastating to me because that wasn't supposed to happen in sobriety. You know, now nobody told me that wasn't supposed to happen in sobriety. I just assume that doesn't happen in sobriety.

You know, I'm practicing my program. Must be something wrong with me. And don't you love it?

I tell you, one of the other fallacies you'll hear in Alex Anonymous is uh when somebody will fight and say, "Well, you know what? I would rather have quality sobriety over quantity sobriety." Yeah. You ever notice those people say that never have any quantity?

Usually they got about two years when they say that, you know, and uh I want to tell I'm so appreciative of the old-timers say I'm more impressed with a guy with 30 years sober today than I was when I got here cuz I know that guy has been 30 years living life and didn't drink. That's an amazing fact, you know. And I was going through that divorce and I was working with these old-timers.

They were helping me. And I found out one thing right off the bat. Uh be prepared.

If you do get divorced in AA, you're not going to do it right. And and a third of the group will tell you that. You know, no matter what you do, a third of the group will tell you you're doing it wrong.

Like I you may say, "Okay, I'm not going to date anybody. I'm just going to work on myself. I'm going to get well, work on myself, and I'm going to see anybody.

I'm going to" And then after a while, the guys will say, "You know what? Look at John. He's never accepted that divorce.

He's isolating. He's not going out there and getting with people. He's just having a real hard time with this.

He's never accepted that divorce. Look at him. He's So you think, "Okay, I'll date somebody." So you start dating somebody.

The other the third will say, "Look at this guy. He's getting involved way too quick with one girl. He's on the rebound here.

It's just terrible. It's just all terrible." So you think, "Okay, down. I'm going to date a bunch of people." The other third say, "My god, he's screwing the whole group.

Look at this guy. He's out here running through the whole group. He's just really twisted off, you know." So So how you going to just do it every damn well, please?

that's going to be fine, you know, cuz you can't you can't please them all. And uh I'm going through that divorce and and they told me they said, "Now, John, you need to get involved with others. Start working with others.

Get out of South." So, I started go to a lot of these newcomer meetings. I'm working these newcomers and I give me a business card and they call start calling you and uh thank God they would call me up and I had to expose this many newcomers and they said, "I need to make an appointment with you to come over and discuss some of my core issues. I didn't know what that I said.

What what do you mean your core issues? I said, 'Well, you're going to have to understand my family of origin. I didn't know.

I thought I don't know what what is your family of origin. Well, I come from a very dysfunctional family. And because of that dysfunction, I never had any proper role models to teach me how to set proper boundaries.

And I have an abandonment issue because of this dysfunctional family. It's an abandonment issue. Every proper role models and setting these boundaries which has led me to a terrible sex addiction.

It's just driving me crazy. I mean, I'm exhausted. My god, we got I have You better get over here now.

Yeah. So, they come over and they bring you these books, you know, and they were on their latest designer uh uh drug that they got them on and and I'm no doctor. I can't say that's not a good deal.

I don't know anything about that. And they have these books and u I'm going to tell you what happened. You want to start reading those books?

Let me tell you what'll happen. You'll relate because what they've very conveniently done is they've compartmentalized the disease of alcoholism. And I'll tell you how that happened.

In the United States, the insurance companies got tired of paying for us. They'd put out $28,000 and have no success. And after a quarter of a million dollars of treatment, the guy's still drinking.

And so they said, "Okay, I tell you what, man. We've done this now for 40 years. We're done with it.

We're not going to do it anymore. You got $5,000 psychiatric limitation for alcoholism. Lifetime $5,000." Treatment center said, "My god, we can't get them well on $5,000." But they're not quitters.

They They're very ingenious. Would you pay uh maybe 5,000 for depression? Oh, yeah.

We'll pay another five for depression. How about some, you know, uh compulsive disorders? Oh, yeah.

We pay 5,000 for compulsive disorders. Good. Now, we're getting there, you know.

So they have compartmentalized the disease and that's I was in insurance business when they did it, you know. And so I'm sitting there and I don't know anything about this stuff and I'm getting sick and these guys are getting drunk and I don't know anything about it. I'm not going to get into their stuff cuz I'm not a doctor about that stuff.

And I go to my sponsor and I'm I'm just exhausted. I go to my sponsor. I said, "MY program is not working.

I've been going through this divorce. I've been working these others. My program is not working.

I'm in more pain now than I ever was. My program isn't working. He looked up and he said, "Well, why don't you try ours?" Then he asked me some key questions.

He says, "How many guys under a year you sponsor?" I said, "14." He said, "Any of them getting well? I said, 'N no, and I'm getting sick. Then he asked me a key question.

He said, John, he said, 'Are you passing on to them the same simple program of AA that was passed on to you and I wasn't. And I had to go make amends to those guys knowing that most of them would leave and go find other sponsors and maybe they could get the deal, but not with me. And I don't want anybody to leave here tonight after you've been so gracious to Paty, my lovely wife, and myself all weekend and uh not know the program that was passed on to me because that's what I'm responsible for.

I'm responsible to pass on the program that was passed on to me. And the program of Alcoholics Anonymous was passed on to me doesn't say a damn thing about me learning to deal with any issues at all. None.

Doesn't say that I have to learn to control or handle any of that stuff. In fact, it says just the opposite. The program that was passed on to me says, "You can't do it.

If you could have done it, you'd have done it and you wouldn't be here today. You're going to have to find a power greater than yourself that will solve your problem." That's the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, finding that power. I don't call my sponsor to learn how to manage my life better.

I call my sponsor to learn how to surrender my life. And there's a big difference between surrendering your life and managing your life. I had to have guys calling me want to know, well, how should I tell her about this?

Well, why don't you tell her the truth? What am I going to tell my boss about that? Let's see what the truth is.

Oh god, he'll fire me probably. Then what am I going to do for a living? I have no idea.

We'll find out. You know, AA is not a fire station. We don't come running in here with our hair on fire screaming, "My god, she just left me." You know, we don't come running here with all these problems to dump on the group looking for a solution.

We have a design for living that doesn't start the fire. You know, my sponsor is not the fire chief that's going to put out the fire that I just started. You know, he's going to let me burn that fire up until I get tired of it.

And then I'm going to surrender my matches. You know, see 1935 everything changed. Everything changed.

In 35 it changed. before 1935, this was the standard treatment for alcoholism. They said, "Okay, let's find out why this guy's doing that.

Let's find out." That's what Carl Young was doing, you know, when he was trying to find out why does this guy think that way. And once we know why he thinks that way, then we can change his thinking, then he'll feel better and he won't have to drink. So, let's go back in his past and find out what kind of abusive natures happened in his childhood.

And then we can change his thinking and then he won't have to drink. 1935 180°ree turn. Bill Wilson, Dr.

Bob said, "Hell, we don't care what you think. We know you're crazy." So, you think that stuff all you want. It don't matter.

But while you're thinking about that, TAKE THIS ACTION. GO DO THIS. And if you will do this, if you will do this, you'll feel better and eventually you'll think different.

We're going to change our action. That's 180°ree change. Changing your thinking first for alcoholism didn't work before 1935.

It doesn't happen in 2001. We have a program of action. A program that if we take these simple steps will change our thinking.

It will be a spiritual ride that'll propel us into a new dimension. Now, that all only applies if you believe in God. If you believe that God really cares about you personally.

Yeah, maybe there's a God. John, you know, there's a God. Okay, I believe in God, but he's not personally going to get involved in my recovery.

He's not personally going to get involved in my dayto-day activity. I mean, there's a lot of us. There's only one God.

How's he going to do all that for everybody? I mean, come on, man. He's not going to do all that.

Not personally. Maybe this whole thing is just a coincidence. You know, it's worked like it has.

We've all I tell you, years ago, 17 years ago, I was only a couple years sober. I'm at Dallas North, my home group, Dallas North. Jerry started that group and uh birth.

Now, it's a big group. There are 200 people at the party, birthday party, and I'm getting ready to leave after birthday night. And Joanne's work at the front desk.

Joanne comes up and she says, "Hey, listen. This little old lady from San Antonio called. She's got a son lives up here in uh Dallas that's suicidal.

He's going been drinking for two weeks. He's going to kill himself. You want to take this 12step call?" I said, "Well, let me call her first, you know." So, I called her in San Antonio.

She says, "My son called me. He's been drinking and drugging for two weeks. He's real disoriented.

He wants help. He was so disoriented, he couldn't find a phone number, but he knew his mama's number. He called his mama said, "Would you call AA?" She called information, asked for a They gave her Dallas North.

I got a 12step call. She's crying. She said, "Would you go help my son?" I said, "Yeah." So, I called him on the phone, told him who I was.

I said, "You want some help?" He said, "Yeah, I want some help." Want some help? I said, "What's your address? We'll come see you." He says, "Well," he says, "You'll never find me, man.

It's a new street. It's only two blocks long. It's not on Maps Go yet.

I can't tell you how to get here. I'm too disoriented to tell you how to get here. You'll never find me.

I said, ' Give me your address. We'll find you. So, I live on Dome Street.

Now, I've told this story for 17 years. Every month in Dallas, Texas, when I do the steps, that's thousands of alcoholics that live in Dallas. I've asked, "Does anybody know where Dome Street is?" In 17 years, nobody knows where Dome Street is.

Okay? But, see, I know where Dome Street is. I know right where Dome Street.

I have a client that lives on Dome Street. He not only lives on don't street, he is literally the next door neighbor of the guy making the phone call. >> I said, I don't know right where you are.

We'll be there in 10 minutes. I grabbed Tom, a guy sponsor. We went and made that telephone.

That's just a coincidence, isn't it? God ain't going to do that. Come on, man.

You know the odds of that. Lady living in San Antonio calling information, asking for AA. We got 200 groups in Dallas.

They give Dallas north. 200 people at Dallas North. I'm only two years and Joanne gives me the 12step call and I know where Dome Street is.

You know the odds of that? I'm a gambler. Okay.

Well, y'all want to bet on that deal? That'll happen a lot. Yeah.

That's just a coincidence. God ain't going to do that. God ain't going to put just the right person at just the right time with just the right information in our lives to help us, is he?

Since God works through people. That's just a coincidence, isn't it? >> You know, few years after that, I'm getting ready to go out to California on a business trip.

My plane leaves at 9:00. I'm out at DFW. There's a big sign up there says plane's been delayed an hour.

No problem. I get my coffee. I sit down and read the newspaper.

They come back an hour later. Said, "We can't fix the plane. The flight's been cancelled, but there's a plane two gates down leaving for California.

There's 17 seats left on it." Well, 100 of us run down there, you know, and get on the I'm the second to the last guy that on the plane. Okay. So, I get on the plane.

I go back there. This is when you can smoke on airplanes. Show how long ago it was.

So, I go back there. There's one seat left in the smoking section. Right next to the window.

Right next to that window is this good-looking guy in red dress. Never get that red dress. God is working in my life today.

>> >> So, I sit down and this guy's a bad this guy's a chatterbox. Chatter. I have not had enough coffee for this woman, you know.

Finally, the plane takes off. She shuts up. I look over.

She reaches her back, pulls out her needle point. She's needle pointing. And she's needle pointing the serenity prayer.

My turn. So, I said, "What are you doing?" She's embarrassed now. She says, "Oh, nothing.

I'm needle pointing." I said, "I know you're needle pointing, but what are you needle pointing?" She just I said, "What is that?" So, she finally holds up. She says, "Well, they call this the serenity prayer." And I said, "Oh my god." I said, "Are you one of those Jesus freaks?" She said, "No, no, no, no. I'm not." And she said, "But I'm trying to be spiritual." I said, "Really?" She said, "Yeah." She said, and she's going now her hands are She knows I'm watching her.

Her hands are sweaty. She's going 100 miles an hour. I thought, "Man, alive.

I better stop this girl before she breaks a finger." And uh so I said, "Wait a minute, honey. If that's the serenity prayer, you're trying to be spiritual." I said, "You mind if I ask you, are you a friend of Bill Wilson's?" Boy, she stopped and sighed and nothing. She said, "Yeah." "Are you?" I said, "NO." She gets a funny look on her face, you know.

And I said, "He died years before I got sober." I mean, he really did. Come to find this two years sober. And this was her first trip outside of Dallas in sobriety.

And she was scared to death. She was going out to California, being out there on two weeks on a training thing for her company. She had had her first drunk dream the night before.

Didn't know what that was about. Hadn't had time to talk to her sponsor yet. Was scared.

Didn't know it. Sold out in California. We had a great three-hour meeting flying out there.

You know, we cried a little bit. She cried a little bit. I gave her some names of people I know out there.

She said to me, she said, "Can you believe I've been trying to quit smoking." I sitting up in the non-smoking section. Can you believe God when they announced that we could move because there were more people coming on if we wanted to change seats. Can you believe God had me move back here to sit by you?

I said, "Hell, he cancelled my old plane to get me to come over here and sit by you." That's just a coincidence. And God ain't going to do that. Come on, man.

He's not going to cancel a flight for you to make a 12step call. Come on. That's not God.

That's just a coincidence. You know, God ain't going to put just the right person at just the right time with just the right information in your life to help you. >> You know, that's just a coincidence.

I'll never forget 1990. I'm down there at Del Rio, California, little border town, little teeny conference, 100 people maybe at the conference in Del Rio. And I'm down there and Saturday I meet this gal.

She's got Doy E written on her badge from Connecticut. I said, "My god, Die, what are you doing here from Connecticut in Del Rio, Texas?" She said, "Well, I'm on my way to see my husband. He's in the Navy in San Diego.

We got up this morning. We're going to go on." Spent the night here last night. And then I thought, you know, let's just spend the day in Del Rio and go on tomorrow.

And uh so I called a and they told me I had my kids with me. They told me about this conference. So we came over to the conference and I said, "Well, great.

Welcome to uh Texas." So I spoke Saturday night getting ready to leave. She comes up to me. She heard me my talk.

She comes up. She says, "So you grew up in Utah?" I said, "Yeah." She says, "Well, by any chance, do you have any relatives in Orm, Utah?" I said, "Well, I I grew up in Orm, Utah." She said, "Well, by any chance, would you be related to Mark and Betty Joe?" I said, "They're my parents. And then Dorothy, that daddy starts to cry and she throws her arms around me and hugs me and tells me what her last name is.

And she said, "Tom, he's my husband." Well, see, Tommy's my first cousin. He's three days older than me. Three days older than me.

We grew up together, ripping and running. Anyway, I got out of high school. I went on to college and Tommy joined the Navy and they'd met Alaxon.

had seen Tommy one time in 18 years. I didn't know he's in AA and they'd met an alcoholics anonymous and got married and she was on her way to see him because after they've been married for two years, Tommy took drunk and she was going to divorce them. He was drunk that night.

We called him. He couldn't get back. He had a real God problem.

We grew up in the same faith and he had a real problem. And that little that had open a little crack for us to make a 12step call. And Tommy's coming up this August.

He'll celebrate 9 years. That's just a coincidence, isn't it? God ain't going to do that.

Can you imagine the odds? She lives in Connecticut. He's in San Diego.

I live in Dallas. And we meet in Del Rio because she decided to spend the day. Nobody wants to spend the day in Del Rio.

Nobody. Nobody does that. That's just a coincidence, isn't it?

God ain't going to do that. God ain't going to put just the right person at just the right time with just the right information in our lives to help us. Just coincidence, isn't it?

About five years ago, I've been invited to go over to uh Hawaii at the state convention over there and we got over there. Pat and I went over there in the day after we got there on uh Thursday, I guess Thursday or Thursday night, we got a phone call and my dad had died in Utah and uh so we started calling around see how we get off the island and when we get off and and and we couldn't we couldn't get off till Saturday and uh so we had to take a funny way home. We had to go from Hawaii to San Francisco and have a four and a half hour layover in San Francisco and then fly back to Dallas, then change planes and fly to Houston and then go from Houston back to Salt Lake.

And it took us 24 hours, but we got there Sunday afternoon when we buried my dad Monday. And then I had to come back to Dallas on Tuesday to wrap some things up. And my son dropped me off at the airport.

And that was the first time I'd been alone. And I was tired. And I'm sitting there at the airport.

I had about He dropped me off because he had to go to work. So I had about an hour and a half, two hour wait before my plane left and I'm sitting there alone and I'm tired and I'm lonely and I started into that valley and I started questioning a lot of my stuff and I started saying, you know, John, what were you doing in Hawaii? You know, my dad had had a heart attack two months prior to that and he wasn't well and I knew he wasn't well and I called my mom the day before we left.

She said, "Yeah, he's eating. He's fine. Go ahead and go." But I should have gone home.

I should have been with my dad when he died. What kind of son was I to my mom when I wasn't supporting her? And I started in that valley really beating myself up.

Question is, is this just a eagle kick I'm on here? And right about that time, they came over the intercom system and they said, "What a friend of Bill W's pick up the white paging phone." I started laughing. I thought that son of a thinks he needs the 12step call, you know.

So I p I met this guy from Chicago whose dad had died a year earlier. We had a great little talk. He had about an hour before his plane left.

We had a great little talk there. I said, "Man, you do this a lot." He said, "I've never done it before." Cuz I was just sitting here and thought, "Well, I'll see if there's any other drunks in the room." You know, that's just a coincidence. I'm sure you all heard a lot of pages for Friend of Bill W's in the airport.

I never heard that before, you know, and he helped me a lot cuz he doubted a year earlier. You know, that's just a coincidence, isn't it? God ain't going to do that.

He's not going to put just the right person at just the right time with just the right information in our lives to help us, is he? That's just a coincidence. You know, now I share that with you because I know that tonight in this conference, there's some people in a lot of pain.

And it doesn't seem to matter whether you've been sober 30 days or 20 years. Sometimes you it's like you've crawled over the edge of the precipice and you're looking into the abyss and you're scared to death and you don't know does this deal really work or is this just aa podium rhetoric. Does God really love me?

Is God personally going to help me or do I need to go do something else? And if that's where you are, then you need to know tonight that I know more than ever that God loves us. He loves us.

And if you need to borrow my God until you can find a power of your own that will solve your problems, then do it. Because I've borrowed yours lots. And the God of my understanding today is willing to go to any lengths to see that you make it.

I used to think that was a one-way street that I had to be willing to go to lengths to get sober. But I've come to find out that the God of my understanding today that he will go to any lengths to see that you get it. He loves you that much.

And what I need to do is I need to let God be God and let me be his son and have him take care of me. And if you need to borrow that God, you can find a P your own, do it. cuz I borrowed yours a lot and it's an incredible experience to belong to an organization whose recovery from a a disease is so complex and so devastating that only God himself can do it.

We are beyond human power. We have a disease whose recovery was designed by God himself. the only disease out there which is solely based on that relationship between his children and himself.

And that's an incredible ride and I appreciate you letting me share that. Thank you. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise.

If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day. >>