A Belly Full of Fear and a Head Full of AA – AA Speaker – Pat P.
Pat P., an AA speaker with 34 years sober, shares his story of homelessness, jail, and finding peace through intensive step work and sponsorship in recovery.
Pat P., sober 34 years from Cleveland, spent years on the streets, lost his family, and cycled through jail multiple times before a sponsor named Eddie Sullivan brought him to the rooms. In this AA speaker tape, Pat walks through how a relentless meeting schedule and brutal honesty from old-timers at the Angle helped him work through the steps and finally understand what recovery actually meant—moving from a life consumed by fear to one built on self-respect and service.
Pat P. shares 34 years of sobriety, describing his descent from a promising apprentice to homelessness and repeated arrests, and his turning point when a sponsor committed to taking him to meetings every single day for eight months. This AA speaker discusses how working the steps and the example of tough men in the program taught him to pray, trust God, and rebuild his marriage and family. Pat’s talk emphasizes that recovery isn’t just about not drinking—it’s about learning to be honest with yourself, changing character defects, and finding the self-respect that makes sobriety worth keeping.
Episode Summary
Pat P. comes from a good family—his father was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, sober ten years before he died. But knowing the difference between a drunk father and a sober one didn’t protect Pat. He drank anyway, and drank harder than his father ever did. By his own accounting, he became a drunk because he drank too much too often. That simple truth matters to him.
He graduated near the top of his class in printing at John Marshall High School in Cleveland and had real ambition. Then came the service, the GI Bill, steady work, a pocket full of money—and the slow, predictable unraveling. He stopped showing up. Lost the job. Lost his apartment. His mother told him to stay away from the family because he was like a cancer. He was on the streets for over a year. A year and a half passed before he saw his mother again. Five years before he saw any of his family.
The trouble with the law came next. Multiple arrests. Three thirty-day stays in the workhouse, one for ninety days. Each time, a man named Eddie Sullivan would visit him inside. Eddie was an old-timer, about thirty-two years sober, retired from the City of Cleveland with a paid-off house, a family, and a genuine love for Alcoholics Anonymous. Eddie didn’t just talk at Pat—he shared his story. Bottle gangs. Lost jobs. Lost family. Financial and spiritual bankruptcy. Then he showed Pat what sobriety could look like: a home, a good job, trips with family, material stability, and something deeper—a life that meant something.
When Pat got out and called Eddie, he got more than a sponsor. He got a schedule. Eight straight months of meetings. Monday morning. Monday night. Tuesday morning. Wednesday morning and night. Thursday morning and night. Friday morning and night. Saturday daytime with his family, Saturday night date night with his wife, then the midnight group. Sunday: three meetings. Every day. Every week. Every month. For eight months straight.
Pat didn’t trust anyone but Eddie. The rooms were full of happy, smiling people, and he thought they were phonies. How could anyone be that happy? But he spent twenty-two hours a day with Eddie, and Eddie was real. The hard part wasn’t the meetings—it was the honesty. Pat couldn’t trust anybody, including himself, because he wasn’t capable of the brutal honesty you need to really work the steps and get the benefits.
For months, Pat was sober but miserable. He had a belly full of fear and anxiety, churning in his stomach. His wife was relieved he wasn’t drunk, but he found fault with everything she did. She wasn’t changing the baby’s diapers right. She was doing yesterday’s dishes too much. He stayed out until two, three, four in the morning, shooting pool with other guys from the program, coming home sober but distant.
It wasn’t until he got into a Step discussion group that things shifted. The guys at the Angle took him under their wing. They put their fingers in his chest and told him what a creep he was—in language much harsher than that. They exposed him. They didn’t have to be kind; they were busy being honest. But they didn’t just tear him down. They showed him how to change. They welcomed him into their families. They played softball, bowling, did everything together. And they lived the Big Book without him having to read it first.
The first and second steps came next. The first step was easy—he knew he was crazy and couldn’t control his actions once he drank. But the second and third steps were brutal. Pat had no relationship with God. He figured he was going to hell anyway, so why not have a good time until it happened. But watching those tough guys—truck drivers, construction workers—talking openly about loving another human being, about praying in the morning and thanking God at night, changed something. Real men cared. Real men prayed. It wasn’t soft. It was strength.
The fourth and fifth steps freed him from his past. As he went deeper into the program, the ball of fear in his stomach started dissolving. Today, if that anxiety comes back, he knows it’s something he’s doing wrong. He can fix it with the steps and the people around him. What a blessing—to have something to fall back on.
His life rebuilt piece by piece. His wife got that look of love and respect in her eyes again. He became the father he was supposed to be. He walked his daughters down the aisle. He was there when they had children. One daughter found sobriety herself after being around the program her whole life, soaking it in at meetings and functions. His son, at eleven years old, wrote in a school autobiography that his dad’s greatest strength was helping other people. Pat still has that paper. You can’t buy that. All you have to be is present.
Pat worked many jobs—foundries, steel companies—whatever it took to support his family. He and his wife built their life stick by stick, from early Stella Mars furniture to homeownership. He scored number three on a test for truck driver with the power company, got hired, and then took on more responsibility than he planned. Financial secretary for the local for eighteen years. Treasurer of the athletic association. President of the PTA. Eventually, manager of an employee assistance program for seven thousand city employees.
None of it would have happened without sobriety and AA. But more than the jobs, the houses, the material gains—Pat values something simpler and harder to get. Self-respect. He knows the feeling of degradation. He remembers running through doorways when he was on the streets, too embarrassed to look friends in the eye. He remembers that feeling like it was yesterday. Today he doesn’t have to live that way. And he knows exactly what would take it all away: a five-ounce shot of whiskey and a beer. It would be gone just like that.
Notable Quotes
I came to Alcoholics Anonymous some 34 years ago because I wasn’t welcome anywhere else.
I became a drunk because I drank too much too often. You know, the other stuff is irrelevant to me.
I didn’t trust any of you. I thought you were phonies. There’s no way in hell anybody could be that happy. But I knew Eddie was for real because I was spending 22 hours a day with him.
I was walking around with a ball of fear and anxiety in the pit of my stomach and I don’t know why. It’s like a football just churning and turning.
Real men care about other human beings. They love their families. They pray to God for help in the morning and they thank him at night. There was nothing non-masculine about that.
The most important gift that I got from Alcoholics Anonymous and staying sober was my self-respect. Without that, we’re nothing.
Sponsorship
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. If you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-rise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. To the grace of God and Alcoholics Anonymous, I've enjoyed 34 years of sobriety.
Um, and I'm not saying that to impress you. It just if you do what your sponsors tell you and uh embrace the AA program and practice those called steps to the best of your ability and trust God, you know, the sky's the limit of what you can accomplish. Um, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous, like I said, some 34 years ago because I wasn't welcome anywhere else.
And I can honestly tell you that. Um, and today, uh, it's a little different. Um, I have a family that depends on me and I enjoy being around.
Uh, and you know, like Laura was saying, there's just no, it's amazing the people you meet in this program how, uh, uh, they get involved in your life if you, if you let it. And, uh, uh, a lot of the things I became, I wasn't raised to be. I come from a good family.
Uh we all, you know, hear a lot of those leads. Uh my dad was sober 10 years when he passed away. So I knew the difference between a drunk father and a sober father.
He's a member of the Newberg group. Uh and but I was going to do it differently and I was going to be all right. And not only did I become a drunk like him, I became a worst drunk.
And uh I don't know if alcoholism is a family disease other than it affects u my wife when I drank and my the rest of I don't know if it passed on generation generations but there's enough uh proof of my family that none of us should have drank from after we got out of the womb. But uh I don't think that's why I became an alcoholic. I didn't become an alcoholic.
My dad was a drunker. My uncles are drunks. Uh, I became a a drunk because I drank too much too often.
You know, the the other stuff is irrelevant to me. Um, I graduated near the top of my class uh in industrial arts, not the top my class at John Marshall High School and I chose printing as my trade and I was going to be the best president in the city of Cleveland. That was my goal.
And I had goals back then and I strived towards that goal the first year that uh I I worked in that apprenticeship and I never miss a day's work and I was never late. I got drafted into the service and the act I brought home nobody recognized and again I would have became you know it would have happened to me whether I was in the army or whether I went to college or whether I would have continued that apprenticeship. I was well on my way becoming a drunk long before I went in the service.
I served two years and I come home. Um any scrapes were minor uh and I was able to get out with an honorable discharge and but my uh my drinking uh my drinking had changed. My attitude had changed and none of my friends and none and none of the relatives recognize that act and it didn't get any better from that day on.
Um uh I went from somebody that was uh look uh they for looking forward for me to coming back from the service uh to to work for him to somebody that ended up firing about 3 years later. Um I got here I got back with the GI Bill. I was making a lot of money because uh they made up the difference between uh your apprentice wages and journeyman wages and you know as long as you're going to a legitimate school.
So, I went from having almost no money to having a pocket full. And uh and I didn't save any of it. I I was drinking every night.
Uh um and the problems are starting to happen. I'm starting to get trouble and uh um not accepting my responsibilities on the job and having trouble getting to work. And so, I thought the best thing I could do is sign up for steady midnights.
That way I can drink all day and drink all night and go to work. But around, you know, nine o'clock the the taverns the the lights would be starting to get dim and about 10:00 the uh the girls would come in, the music started playing and some of the Irish joints we hung around it and uh it became almost impossible sometimes for me to go to work. And like I said, I I went from a guy with a lot of potential uh to a guy that lost his job.
They I put my union in a position where they couldn't protect me. And I was to do that for many, many times over the next few years, putting myself in positions where people couldn't help me, whether it be relatives or friends or uh my union. Uh I, you know, I was consumed uh with drinking.
Uh everything I did revolved around drinking. And uh I you know I'd start off uh every night that it was going to be a good time and and most of the time towards the end especially there wasn't too many good times left. uh progressively got worse and uh I'm living in a cesspool and and I'm I'm constantly in trouble now and uh first time uh I got arrested was and I ended up in the workhouse 30 days out in Lensville and uh I got counsel on alcoholism uh for the first time out there.
John Mikley, a longtime member of the Angle, was a uh was the uh counselor out there, and he was going to talk to me about my alcoholism. And I told him I was too young. I played sports.
I chased women. And I skied. I didn't have enough time to be one of those alcoholics.
And you know, I'll just do this 30 days stand on my head. And I did the 30 days. And I left.
and the boss uh where I uh before all this happened though uh there was a lot more other trouble. I mean I after I got fired from that that uh printing job I ended up uh couldn't pay the rent so they changed the locks on my apartment and I ended up in the streets for over a year. I know what it is uh to be a bum in the streets.
Uh my mother told me to stay away from the family because I was like a cancer and it was the toughest thing for her to do to tell her older son that you know to hit the bricks that uh she was trying to raise the rest of my brothers and sisters my brother and sisters. So you know I lost that family and it's over a year and a half before I went back to see my mother and that was uh there was a fiveyear stretch where I didn't see any of my family. So alcohol was robbing me of a lot of the things all along, but I, you know, it wasn't enough of a price to keep you from drinking.
So, and then the trouble with the law started and, you know, once you uh serve one term in the workhouse, if you spit on the ground and get arrested, you're going back out there. And that was no different. I I ended up with two two more stays out there for 30 days and one for 90.
and the uh company that I was employed by. Um still in the printing trade was um he was getting tired of my uh my act, but uh during that period of time was very busy. So I got away with a lot more than I normally would have.
And um he'd come out every time I ended up in that workhouse, he'd come out, he'd leave a couple bucks in the commissary and he'd tell me, "This is it. You're going to get fired if you get in trouble again." And uh after the 90day stay, uh he come out and he said, "This is absolutely the last time." And I was on a $15 a week plan paying back all this money cuz he used to bail me out of jail. He'd send a certified check to this, you know, to the to the jail or to, you know, to the city of Cleveland or wherever I was arrested and but he put it in my name and then I'd sign it over.
And so I I owed a lot of money, you know, to him. I was on a $15 a week plan. So I, you know, He talked to me one day.
He says, "You know, you got to be more responsible and and come to work every day." So, I took that to me. Well, maybe if I got married, that'd be all right. You know, I get married and that's good enough responsibility.
I'd go to work every day. And so, I took this lovely woman out on a Sunday night. I took her out on a Monday night.
I proposed her on a Tuesday night at the AA bar 95th in Dennis and nothing but the, you know, high class places. And uh to my surprise, I guess she said yes. I had this is I pieced this together over the years after we were married because I had no very little recollection of that twoe period.
I was on a twoe wine bender and uh now it was all right for me to do something like we got married the following Thursday and and the only reason why we waited a week was because you had to have blood tests back then and and you know and there was a week waiting period on that. So, the following Thursday, we did get married by Mayor Perk and uh that was uh 36 years ago, this past October. Uh best thing that I ever did, but the worst thing she she could ever done.
You know, I'm a drunk, so I had an excuse for that kind of act actions, but my wife didn't. She her big man night out of town is uh a half a glass of shabi and uh you know, in a dinner. It was no different back then either.
So, um, I thought, uh, and I still think, you know, if there's a mis misunderstanding, it's all her fault because I didn't know what I was doing when I got in a relationship anyway. It had to be all her fault. So, but I I destroyed that relationship with my wife.
uh six, you know, she looked at me with a a look of love and respect in their eyes that I cherish because like I said, it been so long since anybody looked at me with love and respect in their eyes. Uh you know, everybody kind of uh either was not committal in their looks, you know, you get the blank stairs or uh you know, they just didn't like you at all. They just walk away.
So that's that's what I was used to. But she was different. I'm not going to get up here and tell you that I love my wife because I didn't know what love was back then.
I really didn't. And it wasn't until we had the the two girls that, you know, I I I learned from my daughter's what love was all about. Uh but I knew she was special.
Uh she just had a you know, the part of that brain with common sense was missing from her because otherwise she wouldn't have married me. And um but I destroyed that look uh to the look that uh you know when you look in someone's eyes and it's just like a blank stare. And I did that in six short months.
Uh she didn't know when I was coming home, if I was coming home, who uh was following me or who I thought was following me. You know, I had all kinds of problems and I dragged her into my ces pool and her friends and her family and u and it didn't get any better. Uh, so we thought, well, maybe if we had a kid, that'll help shake me out, you know, a little more responsibility.
And we had a daughter, Kelly, and that didn't do, you know, I now I have two women at home. And uh, and I'm still not, you know, owning up to being a father or a husband. I'm doing everything that I always did and and not with good success either.
So, uh, but she put up with that and she got pregnant with her second child and things were really getting bad. Uh, again, you know, what a surprise, the progression of the the drunkenness and, uh, the trouble kept getting worse every time I got in trouble. And, um, I got fired from that job with the with the printers.
And I, like I told you, I put my union in a position where they couldn't help me. And um about two weeks later, two or something like that, I got hired by Ford Motor and I got fired there too. So So you know that I was in uh had all kinds of problems when you get fired by Ford Motors.
It was during that period of time that I I had my last bit of problems. Uh it started off to be a good time like every other time I went out and got drunk. We had won a championship on the softball team I played on and uh as it turned out like every uh every time we played a championship game and and we celebrated that night I ended up in jail and it you know that night was no exception.
But this time when I started coming around and uh the door the the jail door was locked and it wasn't a dunk tank. I was in a locked cell and it seemed for like forever before they told me what what kind of trouble I was in and and I went through all that uh business that the criminals go through with bond reduction hearings and and the like of that and um uh I made a decision uh that maybe I shouldn't drink not even beer anymore and again some those three times I was in the workhouse I got counsledled by Nikla some of the stuff he was telling me during that period of time started to make some sense. Uh, a lot different in the workhouse that I was in the old county jail was you're you're stuck in that cell and there's no moving out, you know, like like uh in the workhouse, you know, you had a little job you did outside of the uh the dormatory and but when in that lock up you you didn't move out of the cell only go to the day room and back uh after a couple hours.
I had a whole lot of time to think and uh that's when I came to that decision. I shared that with my wife and she thought that was a real good idea and uh she got a hold of um a friend of mine whose dad was an AA for a long time and uh and he told my wife I can't help him. He's too close to the family.
Um, but there's a guy named Eddie Sullivan and uh Eddie, you know, he works with losers like your husband. Uh, and it's and you have to be a loser before he work, you know, working with you in the program. Eddie was uh sober about 32 years.
He was 72 years old. He was retired and he just loved Alcoholics Anonymous. And he came to that county jail to uh see a drunk and talk to a drunk, share a story.
He told me about bottle gangs. I was in bottle gangs. He told me about loss of jobs.
I lost jobs. He told me about losing his family. I lost family.
He told me about uh being uh financially and spiritually bankrupt. There was no doubt I was there. And uh then he told me how good this Alcoholics Anonymous was, how he's able to get sober, hold a job at the city of Cleveland, uh retire, have a nice house in the uh um West Park area was, you know, he paid it off and uh went on trips with his family.
All these material things he talked about is stuff that I wanted for myself and my my my family. Um, so he told me that if if you're serious about staying sober, give me a call and get out of here. And if I didn't want to go to uh AA meetings, I should have never called Sullivan because the the typical week was and this was this for eight straight months.
It was uh this was our our uh our meeting schedule. We Monday morning was the Monday morning 12step group in Lakewood. Uh Monday night was Lorraine Mondays.
Tuesday morning was a Ford 1250. Uh Wednesday morning was the West uh the um uh the Chevy group and then Wednesday night young people's. Thursday morning was the Westside Morning Group and the Angle Thursday night.
Friday morning we go to Harvard Broadway Club for the 10:30 in the morning meeting there. And then Friday night we went to West Clifton. Saturday he let me spend time with my two daughters and now we got a little girl, another one.
And uh so I spent time with the the women in my life uh and on Saturdays during the day. Then Saturday night was date night. We take our wives to Madison Saturday and then uh stop for a sandwich and go to the midnight group.
And then Sunday uh Sullivan had the habit of you know he got excited to talk about AA his hands would go 500 miles an hour. He rub his hands raw on Sunday because uh we go to the 1:00 pole group and then we have just enough time to get to the Kaiser group that was just starting at 4:00 out in Pharma. Then we go to the yard discussion group which is on lower Detroit stop for a quick sandwich and we then we go to the armory at 9:00 and we did that every day, every week, every month for eight straight months.
I can't sponsor like that. I couldn't sponsor anybody like that. Uh but that's what we did.
And we come in with a group of people like this at any of those meetings and you know you shake hands when you come in and everybody's happy and smiling. Uh I didn't trust any of you. I thought you phonies.
There's no way in hell anybody could be that happy, especially a whole bunch of. I didn't know what your game was, but I was going to figure it out before I uh before I took a powder or whatever. And um the only guy I knew was for real was Sullivan.
S because I was spending 22 hours a day with him and I knew he was screwed up during that 8month period if uh if if he wasn't for real. I know why today why I couldn't trust anybody but Sullivan. And the reason was I couldn't trust myself.
I was incapable of that brutal honesty you need to really uh get into the steps of alcoholics and honors and you know to reap some of the benefits and and um you know to and the ability to dedicate yourself to this program and you know it's not an easy thing to do and and I the results were in my my guts because I'm I'm walking around um with a ball of fear and anxiety in the in the pit in my stomach and I don't know why. It's like a football just churning and turnurning and I'm not happy. Uh, you know, my poor wife, I'm sober now and she still isn't doing things right.
She changes the baby's diapers too much, not enough. You know, she did yesterday's dishes too many times and I was kind enough to let her know what her shortcomings were. And um but again she all that uh she cared about was uh her husband was sober and even though I was staying out till 2 3 4 in the morning and uh I was coming home sober and uh I had to do uh get sober the way I got sober because you know I my hours were screwed.
I I never went to bed before 3:00 or 4 in the morning then I get up and go to work. And um we used to come out here when the the club was over on the other side uh and shoot pool. Uh couple guys, Steve, myself, and about seven guys that we hung around with, we used to come out here and shoot pool uh you know because it was open all night at that time.
And uh so but we were doing sober things and so and my wife didn't mind because I was coming home sober and she didn't have to worry about me, you know, getting in trouble. So um things progressed and and I'm I'm just beside myself because I'm not happy. And you know, I heard it described once as having a a belly full of beer and a head full AA.
Well, I didn't have a belly full of beard, but you know, I you know, I had a head full AA and I don't know why that the painting going away. Everybody else is happy. And then I started going to a 12step discussion group that uh you know that they went to they worked with the 12 and 12.
And it wasn't until I did that that I I started uh you know to embrace this program and and you know there was guys at the angle that uh took me under their wing and and I I had this bruise right here you know right in my chest and uh because from them putting their finger in my chest telling me what a creep I was but they didn't use that nice of language to me and they kept exposing me for what I was. I didn't have that capability, you know, the brutal honesty like I talked about. Uh so they they were more than happy to to uh let me know what my shortcomings were.
But they also were telling me how to change that. And even though I didn't read a big book at that time, I was seeing it in action every day when I was hanging around with those guys. You know, they they uh welcome me into their families.
They uh you know, we did everything. We played softball. We played I was in AA bowling league.
We did everything. you know, they uh and that's how I learned about what ADA was all about. And then when I finally did get those steps, uh the first and second step, the first step was easy cuz I knew I was uh crazy and I couldn't guarantee my actions if I drank.
So, the first one was easy to take. I was uh I stayed sober on that first step for a while. Second and third step were tough for me because I had no relationship with God.
And I just knew that at the end I was going to pay the price, so I might as well have a good time until, you know, the end came. And uh it was the example of those guys down at the angle that uh that helped me get past that. And they convinced me that God wasn't a punishing God because that was really the issue.
Uh because I like I said, I thought I was going to hell anyway, so I might as well just enjoy myself. uh but it was their example and the way they live their lives that enabled me to see you know that uh without a god in your life you know you know you're wasting your time here uh you're not going to reap the full benefit of being here and so I was able to go on to that second and third step and the fourth and fifth step did what it was supposed to do for me and it kind of freed me from all that stuff that uh from my past and you know the deeper I got in the program uh the more uh that that ball fearing anxiety in the pit of my stomach started going away and you know today if that ball fearing anxiety starts coming back into my stomach again it's that's something I'm doing wrong and today I got the 12 steps uh and people I hang around with that to help keep me straight and again you know if I make the corrections it's not there anymore so I'm the guy that puts it there and I'm the guy that can take it away through this program and with the people I hang around with. What a what a blessing that is to have something to fall back on.
You know, some something that we can keep uh continually uh continually feeling good about ourselves and it's just all we have to do is do the 12 steps and uh practice those u principles in all our affairs and you give it a good shot every day. Um praying was another problem I had. Uh, and we were out at a football game in the we went to championship football games for the high schools and we stopped at a uh, it was an Ankum and we stopped halfway in the 76 uh, restaurant and a bunch of those guys from the angle, big tough guys or truck drivers.
They were, you know, they were construction workers and we're sitting in the middle of people like here in that restaurant and they were talking about loving another human being. They were talking about love of God, trusting God, praying, and that was just embarrassing the hell out of me. I was really embarrassed because, you know, only sissies and girls talked about God or, you know, all that stuff about loving another human being.
You know, that's that's how worked I still was. And uh again, their example helped me get over that hump because I'm telling you, these guys were tough guys. I really looked up to them and he they taught me that real men care about other human beings.
They love their families. Uh they pray to God for help in the morning and they thank them at night. And there was nothing non-masculine about that.
And again, thank God for their example because if they would have sat down and told me to read the book instead of, you know, really pushing me to do the things they thought I should be doing, I don't think I'd be here today. So, and because they're pretty tough guys, I listen to them because uh you know, I'm not going to get beat up over uh you know, something small like changing my life. So, uh but it was it was a good experience and and as as time uh uh progressed, I started feeling better and that transferred to the home and my wife's happy and she's got that look and love and respect in her eyes again and uh we're starting to do things.
Um, my girls are out of diapers, you know, their house broke down. So, I take them everywhere with me and I was rotating shifts on jobs that I had uh where I was laid off a lot because of the economy. And so, I spent a lot of time with them.
And uh by the time that they hit about uh 12 years old and 11 years old, it wasn't cool hanging around with dad. Uh so my wife had one of those immaculate conceptions and uh you know Pat Jr. was born and um and about the time she had him house broke was when the transition happened and he started hanging out and we go on weekend trips.
Uh like I said was rotating shift so I did a long weekend Friday, Saturday, Sunday and a Monday and uh I call my wife at work and I tell her I said I've got Pat and we're going to West Virginia. We're going to play some golf or I take him into Pennsylvania. We hit the ball around and Pat was only about 5 years old.
He wasn't in school yet, so he wasn't quite five and I had some cut down clubs for him and and we go play golf out of town and stay at a hotel and you know, got the biggest kick out of it. And as he got older, you know, he played every sport known to man and uh I was able to be there and enjoy that. I wouldn't have been there for this program.
you know, I I've met the same fate that a lot of guys and ladies that don't pay attention when they're here, you know, meet. And so, AA literally gave me back my uh uh my family and I was able to be the father that I should have been and I was able to be the husband again that my wife thought she married. Um, jobs were many.
I know I put a lot of business jobs out of business, a lot of companies out of business. I, you know, I worked for four city foundaries. I worked for uh, uh, couple of small steel companies and they all went belly up and, uh, I got a job at Republic Steel.
They went about belly up. So, you know, uh I had I had to be real flexible in my ability to work and but whatever it took to to support the family. If I had to work two jobs making seven bucks an hour, I did two jobs working seven bucks an hour and I still went to meetings, I still spent time with my family and I still enjoyed the baseball games and the softball games and the bowling and all that other stuff.
I just uh you know cut down and sleep a little bit. whatever it took, you know, to keep going, that's what we did. My wife went back to work and uh during the earlier period in our sobriety, my sobriety, and uh she told me she's going back to work and we're going to build our lives stick by stick, you know, and we did.
And uh something we're very proud of as both of us. uh you know uh we started off uh with early Stella Mars furniture when our friends had French provincial and early American or whatever. Uh ours is early Stalom Mars and uh you know through hard work and and uh not drinking and uh uh you know we were able to buy our first house and we were able to then sell that house and buy another one.
you know, you know, all these things that Solomon was telling me about. You know, we were able to step up to better housing here and there. And um and then I took a test for uh uh truck driver with the city uh line helper driver with the power company.
And I scored number three on the test and got hired. And I wasn't going to get involved in union crap anymore. Nothing.
No more apprenticeships. thought I'm just going to drive that truck every day, go to work every day, and that's all I was going to do because I'd had it with that and and you know, so I'd be working that straight day shift, I'll be just fine. And I I don't know how, you know, when opportunities present themselves to alcoholics that are sober, we seem to be, you know, it's almost inherent that we have to go and take advantage of that.
And so I did. I I I ended up taking an apprenticeship and I ended up financial secretary for the local for 18 years. Uh I didn't want those responsibilities, you know, when I started there, but you know, things happen.
And then as the kids got older, they were in in grade school and I I was uh treasure of the athletic association at St. Thomas Moore for 18 or 20 years, something like that. I was also president of PTU and my girls were there.
So you can understand how bad a shape that uh St. Thomas Moore was when I ended up president of PTU. So but I tried to stay involved with the things that were happening with my children and accepting some of those responsibilities that I used to learn from over the years.
Um then I uh uh was asked to take over a program with the city uh uh employee assistance program. And so I I run a I'm a manager of a uh employee assistance program for 7,000 city employees. I couldn't have done these things if it wasn't for uh sobriety in AA.
Uh that's some of the stuff that I was able to accomplish just by not thinking and doing what I was told. Some of the coupons I cut out was uh walking both girls down the aisle in marriage. um being in the neighborhood when they had their children.
Uh you know, we got a little uh granddaughter that's uh five. She's a kindergartener and we got a 2-year-old that that hangs around up here on Uklid. Um uh what a gift.
And another thing was uh because of what happened during my sobriety, uh my second oldest daughter, you always have one that takes after you. No, no, my daughter Katie is the one that takes after me. And u she's been sober 7 and 1/2 years now or almost 8 years, something like that.
Uh but she felt there's a comfort level for her coming in this program because of all the time she spent with me down to Stella Mars. And so she'd had AA uh you know her whole life hanging around the house uh going to EA functions. you know, we dragged the family, you know, to the functions.
So, it was really easy for her to accept this way, you know, the people because she'd been around them a long way. It was tough for her to get sober, but it made it easier that she had been a part of this for so many years. That was another coupon, you know.
Um my son when he was in the fifth grade he wrote a letter or they were asked to uh uh you know they did a bio autobiography during the course of the year and each chapter was different. One of the chapters was uh who to who had the most influence in their life and and that they looked up to and most of the guys in uh his class wrote about Bernie Kosar, you know, Albert Bell and uh and stuff like that, the sports figures and her him and his buddy Louie wrote about their dads and you know like he was only in the fifth grade, what was that 11 or 12, whatever they are and I was surprised the insight he had. uh he wrote about his dad uh being proud of his dad because he helped other people.
Even at that young age, he seemed to realize that it was an important thing to do and he's very proud about that. And I still got that piece of paper that part uh you know the bio the autobiography that uh you know I cherish that like I cher a bar of gold because uh you know you can't buy that you know all you have to be is around you know and that's what I was I was wrong and I wasn't part of the problem I was a part of the solution you know after I sold it off what a blessing that is I know the feeling of degradation I know what it is to run in doorways when I was on the streets for that that over that year. Uh being too embarrassed to to look my friends in the eyes.
I I I know that and I and I I can feel that uh how bad I felt to this day. You know, I remember it like it was yesterday. And I also know that today I don't have to be that way because the most important gift that I got from Alcoholics Anonymous and staying sober was my selfrespect.
and not you know without that we're nothing and um so a lot of good things have happened and uh I know it's true as I'm standing here today that uh the only thing that will take away that selfrespect that I have today is a 5 oz 5/8 uh ounce of whiskey and a bottle of beer and it'll be gone just like that and I know if I keep hanging around with people like you and practicing those 12 steps to the best of my ability and trust in God and uh you know I won't have to uh deal with that. >> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.
Until next time, have a great day.