“Where The Hell Did My Problem Go?” – AA Speaker – Sandy B.
AA speaker Sandy B. shares how her sponsor taught her to reframe problems by changing perspective, a skill she now uses sponsoring others in recovery.
Sandy B. learned early in recovery that most of her problems weren’t actually problems—they were situations she was viewing through fear and catastrophizing. In this AA speaker tape, she walks through how her sponsor shifted her perspective during those early panicky months, and how that simple reframing technique became the cornerstone of how she sponsors others today.
AA speaker Sandy B. describes how her sponsor helped her realize that changing perspective changes the problem itself, using stories from early sobriety when she felt like “the sky was falling.” She explains how this approach—looking at situations differently rather than solving them—became central to her sponsorship work. Sandy reflects on whether problems are real or if they’re created by how we choose to see them.
Episode Summary
When Sandy B. got sober, everything felt like a disaster. Six months in, she was calling her sponsor in a panic about losing her job, about the Marine Corps, about her marriage—the usual spiral of a frightened newcomer convinced the sky was falling. Her sponsor’s response wasn’t to problem-solve or reassure her. Instead, he’d listen, then gently redirect her attention to what was actually going well: she had six months sober, she’d made real friends in the program, people were counting on her to make coffee at the group, and they had something exciting planned—a week together going over the steps.
By the end of the conversation, Sandy’s problem had vanished. Not because anything changed externally. Because she was looking at it differently.
That conversation stuck with her. Over the past ten years, as Sandy has sponsored others, she’s noticed the same pattern repeating itself. Someone comes to her in crisis, convinced they’re facing catastrophe. And her job, as she sees it, isn’t to fix the situation—it’s to help them see it correctly. To show them the pieces they’re missing while they’re drowning in fear.
What strikes Sandy about this approach is how radical it is, and how simple. She’s not minimizing anyone’s experience or telling them to “just think positive.” She’s doing what her sponsor did: acknowledging what they’re seeing, then expanding the frame. You’ve got six months sober. You’re trusted in your home group. You’ve got relationships that didn’t exist before. You have a plan for next week with your sponsor. Now—what’s the actual problem?
The genius of this, Sandy observes, is that it works because problems aren’t always what we think they are. They’re often stories we’re telling ourselves based on incomplete information and the lens of our disease. When you change the lens, the problem changes. Sometimes it disappears entirely.
Sandy even jokes about taking this idea to the extreme: what if every home group had a committee of three elders whose job was simply to determine whether a person actually had a problem or not? The humor is there, but so is the serious point. How many of the things we’re convinced are disasters are actually just situations we’re viewing through fear?
This is what sponsorship can be in its truest form—not advice-giving or rescuing, but helping another person see clearly. And that clarity, Sandy knows, came from someone who took the time to show her a different angle. One week, one problem, one reframed perspective at a time.
Notable Quotes
My job is to convince them that they don’t have a problem, that they saw the situation incorrectly.
You’ve got six months sobriety now and you’ve made a lot of new friends. Matter of fact, you’re the coffee maker now in the group that people are counting on you.
If you look at it that way, it’s not so bad. Well, where the hell did my problem go?
He just chose to look at it differently.
Maybe we ought to have in our home group a committee of three elders who get to determine whether a person has a problem or not.
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Sponsorship
- Early Sobriety
- Fear & Anxiety
People Also Search For
▶ Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
And I've noticed maybe over the last 10 years that the people I sponsor when they have a problem, I ask them to come over and we're going to talk about the problem. And my job is to convince them that they don't have a problem, that they saw the situation incorrectly. And I got that idea early on with my sponsor when I would run to him.
You know how when you're new, the sky is always falling and I'd call him up. Skyy's falling, sky is falling. All right, come on over and tell and then I'm going to get fired.
And then the Marine Corps's going to do and then my wife and then he'd go, "Well, okay. Yeah, I see what you're talking about, but you know, you've got six months sobriety now and you've made a lot of new friends. Matter of fact, you're the coffee maker now in the group that people are counting on you to go there and we're scheduled to talk, you and I, in a week.
That's pretty exciting. We're going to be going over there. And then he starts on this long rattly story.
And when he gets through, I go, "Well, if you look at it that way, it's not so bad." Well, where the hell did my problem go? He just chose to look at it differently. And I actually was joking around and I said, "Maybe we ought to have in our home group a committee of three elders who get to determine whether a person has a problem or not.