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We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. Good morning. >> Good morning.

>> My name is Stan Greer and I'm an alcoholic. >> I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. I'm putting my watch here so I can watch that.

I brought something with me. Um, I'm going to begin by telling you that there's only one place I would last less rather be this morning. And that would be waking up that morning, September 6th, 1976, when I woke up, came out of a blackout, which was my last drink, shortly after my last drink.

I'm going to uh read to you to begin with because I start each day with two meditation books that were given to me the first day I was in the program, 24 hours a day and day by day. And both of these books have been with me for the course of my sobriety. And I try to I try to live my life directed by the thought for the day or the prayer for the day that I get.

So I'm going to read you from the day by day today. It's called sharing opinions. At first really hearing fellow addicts is an exciting experience.

We may charge off explaining our insights at meetings and social gatherings. We truly need to share in this manner, but it should not affect us too much when other people don't accept our pearls of wisdom. What may be a gem for us could be a mere pebble for another.

So when others shoot us down for something we've said, we needn't take it too personally. What is right for one may not be right for another. However, we all have the right to express our opinions.

Do I share my views freely with others? Lord, may my sharing not turn into imposing and may I not take opinions as personal insults or rejections. Today I will share my deepest insights with blank with all of you who have gathered here this morning uh brought here I'm sure by the lure of two tickets to uh uh the roundup in Dallas.

Uh whatever. Thank you for being here. My story begins uh I don't even know how to start.

I don't I don't do this very often and uh so I'm just going to add live it. Uh I grew up in Fort Worth, Texas. I was born in 1947.

I was born into a family, a loving family. I had three older brothers. They were they are were seven nine and up 71 and 13 years older than me.

So I was a late baby. Uh the result of that was by the time I was in the fourth grade I was an only child because all my brothers had left. And uh so I got to uh to have the attention and focus of of my parents uh through my uh schooling years.

Uh, alcohol was not something that really cropped up into my life during during those years. Um, there was something different about me and I didn't know what it was. And I say that in all sincerity.

I had no idea what was with me that I seemed so apart from all the people that that I went to school with that uh uh I I just never seemed to fit in right and I I had this desperate desire to fit and I didn't know how to do it. I was going through those, you know, I was going through all the I was doing all the things that my peers were doing. I was trying to participate at school.

I I was not blessed with the greatest intellect. So, I had A's did not come easy for me. I was uh I went through high school and uh uh I did not graduate with honors because I made two D's in in in freshman uh uh algebra and in freshman chemistry and but I other than that I did very well.

I only I didn't have any C's and only a few B's and the rest A's. But I had to work in school and uh I also worked uh my father had uh started uh when I was uh even younger. Uh, I had started going with my mom and dad owned a a a pie shop and cafe in Fort Worth and I would go with them to work in the morning before I went to school and uh helped get the shop opened, make coffee, do things like that.

And I ended up working in some form or another part-time all the way through school. And uh I just never seemed to have time to get into a lot of trouble. But I also I was also very apart from all the people that that I was surrounded by in school.

It's like I was living two lives. I had a fantasy life in my head where I was it if anybody knows what that is. And then I had this this reality side.

And uh at that time, you know, I went through I was very unsure. Sometimes I enjoyed it, sometimes I didn't. I seem to always want more and I could never get enough.

And so I graduated from high school and I went to college. And the uh first semester that that I went to school, I was at U Arlington State College in in Arlington, Texas, which is now the University of Texas at Arlington. And I made the deans list.

And that was a miracle because at the same time all of these feelings that I had started to uh manifest themsel when I got into college. I started to meet other people that were sort of like me. Um, and sort of like me was being gay and I really didn't know that there were other people in the world that felt like that.

So, I went away. I went to school and I worked full-time and some friends of mine wanted me to uh my my best friend was uh gay and I didn't really know it. I I found out and and it was, you know, was that was cool.

And uh he and several other friends decided to take me to Dallas for New Year's Eve, which would be in 1965, 1966. And uh I had occasionally had a drink. I I didn't drink during high school.

And when I got out, it was it was something that was fun because I I felt like I was I was older at last, you I was really I was grown up now. I could really do this. And uh so we went on New Year's Eve and uh to this party in Dallas and there were all these people drinking.

The bar was you know going full tilt and uh and I met someone um actually it was kind of a setup. some another friend of mine had brought a friend and uh and I met this fellow named Phil and we hit it off together and uh for the next um nine months we became very close and I I sort of I I I fell in love and he was still in high school. I was a year older than you.

And that summer, um, it's really interesting. That summer, I had I saw something, uh, something happened to me. Um, we were we both worked and I got off from work one Saturday night and and I went to to meet up with him even though he had his own car.

I met up with him at at his job which got off a little later than mine and we were going to go to Dallas and and uh do our thing and party. and we left uh we left this shopping center and we were driving down the street and he was following me and I was going on this this street in Fort Worth called Seminary Drive. It has a big scurve in it.

And I was just starting off from this light and all of a sudden there was a truck in front of me and I hit it square head on. And it was a fella who was drunk. And I went through the windshield, the front one, and I went through the back one because guess who hit me from the back?

>> Bill. and I ended up in the hospital and uh in a of course an insurance lawsuit that went on for months and months and months and and I never wanted to be like that. I was angry at that man because he scarred up my face which is kind of gone now.

And but you know that kind of thing couldn't happen to me. It wasn't long after that that Phil went away to school and he said those words, uh, I want to just be friends. And that was the ignition.

I was so hurt inside. I couldn't find anything to fix that and alcohol sort of worked. It sort of filled up that hole and that was in 1966 and I went on to school for another two semesters.

Actually, I went to TCU that fall and I didn't do very well. I was premed and then I decided I needed to get out of town. I needed to get away.

So, I went to Stephen F. Austin and acidosis for a semester. That didn't work either.

That didn't work at all. But as things happen, I met someone when I was came to Houston for a weekend and I met this fellow Jimmy Rockbower. Jimmy's funny because I'll stop right now and tell you that for those of you who are from Houston, um uh Jimmy was the first person I ever lived with because Philip and I had never we both lived at home.

I I I moved to to Houston that summer after school was out to live with Jimmy. And uh years later, I run into Sunny. And uh this is a this is a pattern in my life, my drinking life.

I I I met Jimmy and I moved to Houston. And two weeks after I was here, his ex came back and all of a sudden I was in the extra bedroom and they were together and I was by myself again. And after that one, Jimmy married Sunny.

>> Sunny and I have something in common. Um, we have an ex in common. Um, I was working at that point.

As I said, I was premed in school. Well, I decided to quit school. I was a I was a licensed medical technologist at that point.

I'd been grandfathered in because of the loving care of a lot of people in Fort Worth, a lot of doctors who had who had helped me along and and encouraged me. And uh so I was out there working. I worked three jobs that year.

I lived in Houston for a year. I moved here in 1967. I moved away in 1968.

I lived here. I worked at Kelsey Seabbo full-time during the day. I went to work at Ventab in the emergency room when I got off from that job.

And on weekends, I worked at a series of bars from uh first uh downtown at the Red Room and then later at the Plantation Club. Um, drinking wasn't a big issue. I didn't have a lot of time.

I was working most of the time. Had a lot of, you know, short relationships. Um, went to finish my first year.

Got my first twoe paid vacation and decided to go visit some friends from Fort Worth who had moved to Los Angeles. Well, did it again. met somebody in LA the last day I was there.

Came home two weeks later I quit my job and I moved to Los Angeles. Two weeks later I was on my own. I did have a job.

I was intelligent enough to arrange a job before I did this. So that was in the 60s in Los Angeles, late60s, ' 68, 69, and uh into uh 1970. And it was party time.

I only had to have one job there because they paid so well. And uh I lived with my friends, my two dearest friends from Fort Worth. And uh it was okay.

It was it was it was okay. Uh little drugs here and there came into play. Tried LSD once, didn't like it.

Um but I drank, but it was not really an issue at that point. Uh then I just didn't like what I was doing. I was I was in this field in this medical field and you know I'd wanted to be a doctor but I wasn't going to go back to school.

I wasn't going to do that. So I just wanted a clean break and I just wanted to to do something entirely different. So, I moved back to Houston and I moved in with my old roommate and I went to work at Sacowitz in the men's department and I began to uh drink a little more enjoyed developed a taste for scotch and after a few months of of doing that job.

Um, I decided to uh I had met a number of people and I was fascinated with uh jewelry and Tiffany and company was fixing to move from the store they had here in Houston in the downtown area in an office building out to the Galleria because the Galleria was fixing to open. and I uh applied for a job as a stock boy and I got it. And so I moved across the street from Sackitz into the Galleria and I started to work at Tiffany's and and it was uh I was I was in heaven.

It was just wonderful. Here I was in this big fancy store, this crazy little kid from Fort Worth and and it didn't matter to me that I was packing stuff and unwrapping stuff and I wanted to uh I wanted to be a part of that. So I worked hard and a year after I started to work there, well a few months after I started to work, my boss noticed that that I had away with the the stock and the inventory and they were instituting an inventory control system which they had not ever had before.

And I sort so I sort of set that up and uh did well and uh soon I was uh a year after I I started there in 1970 I became uh the assistant store manager and that was a title and I had a business card and it said assistant manager Tiffany and company and oh it was really hot stuff then. And of course made a little more money, a little more money, a little more drinking. So for the next three years, I made a little more money each year.

And I drank a little more each year. And I was still trying to fill this hole up. And you know, it just wasn't working.

And uh I was still with my same roommate, the one I'd lived with after I'd gotten thrown out back in the 60s. And uh Lyman had a a brother and uh this brother came he was he was going off to he'd been off in Vietnam. He was home on leave and he was going back.

He was in the Navy and he came to visit for a week. Guess what? He was getting out of the service in 6 months and he was going to live in San Francisco.

So two weeks before he got back to San Francisco, I quit my job that I love so much and moved to San Francisco and set up house. and he got home and guess what? >> No, it wasn't two weeks.

It was only one. So, here I am, a Navy widow. Living in this godforsaken place and San Francisco was across the bay.

I was in Alama looking at the city and so I I have to go across to San Francisco and find an apartment and and move in and oh dear I went to work at I Magnum. Um and that was an experience. I worked with a man who was an alcoholic.

He was a real alcoholic. He often didn't show up for work. He would be gone for three or four days in a row on a binge and he would come back looking bad.

And he had this very peculiar habit which I found was very very good habit. He put sanitary napkins under his arms inside his jacket so the perspiration wouldn't go through his jackets at work. Well, I was starting to have that problem.

I was a sweater. >> And of course, when you consumed as much scotch as I did at night, you had a tendency to to expel it the next day at work. And so this was very convenient.

And it kept your, you know, your your sleeves from rotting out on the inside. You could stuff those in there and, you know, you could make it. So, I learned something from this man.

Well, Tiffany was still in the back of my mind and my old boss called one day at the urging of a couple of other friends. I had been forewarned, uh, and asked me if I wanted to come back. And so I said, "Sure, I'll come back." So I came back.

Nine months after I moved off to San Francisco, I moved back to Houston again. That's in 1973 in November. It was just about just about now, just about at Thanksgiving.

I moved back to Houston. Now, I I got here and you know, I had some bad experiences in San Francisco. I was I was searching for something.

I'd become an Episcopalian in high school. I was I was raised in the Baptist church and I had become an Episcopal because I sang in the choir. And during Lent in 1973, I crawled up Knobill to Grace Cathedral every morning of Lent.

And I would go in at at at 7:00 service and and I would sit there and I was I was talking to God and I wasn't hearing anything. I wasn't hearing anything. I was calling and the line was busy.

But but I did it and I would, you know, sometimes in a haze and I would stumble back down the hills. I had a terrible blackout experience in San Francisco and I don't know how I survived that but I did. I came back to Houston and got this job back that I love so much and proceeded to go along for the next couple of years 73 to 75 of drinking a lot.

1974 something incredible happened. I decided with a good friend of mine who still works with me today that I was through with boyfriends. I wasn't interested.

I was just going we were both going to just be single the rest of our lives and be happy. And I made that decision. Oh, I don't remember.

It was sometime in the summer. It was on a trip down to Galveastston for the after Saturday at work. And uh oh, I don't know if I think it was a Monday, but it could have been a Friday or a Thursday.

I don't remember what day it was. Uh but uh we decided after work one afternoon to go to uh Dirty Sally's and uh went to Dirty Sally's and I met this guy and he was nice. His name was Al.

Met old Al. And uh he came home with me and we watched the football game among other things. And uh very unusual.

And uh a week later I called him see if he wanted to go out again. And uh I happened to call him on his birthday and there were a bunch of people. he was having a birthday party and he'd have time to talk to me and that he'd get back to me later and kind of blew me off and uh Oh, so back at Dirty's Sally's I run into him again.

Well, that was nice. I was a little mad that I'd been blown off, but uh it's all right. And that began a courtship, if you will, that lasted for just short of a year, about 10 months.

And in 1974, in the in the in I'm sorry, in 1975, we moved in together, got an apartment together. And uh by now, my drinking had uh had reached the point where I tell you one little story. I was in New York.

I was now the associate manager of this store and had 40 48 employees I think. And I was in New York for my annual visit which was always capped off with the last day with a meeting with the chairman of the board to discuss the state of the store in Houston. And this particular night, I went to dinner with a friend and I embarrassed myself monumentally with him throughout the whole evening.

And uh I'm not going to go into great details, but uh let us say that I woke up the next morning with three broken ribs. Uh I'd had a lamp slammed into the side of my face. I was monumentally uncomfortable and I didn't know why.

I didn't know why that happened, but I couldn't possibly go see Walter Hoving that morning. So, I went in and I told everybody I slipped in the shower and hit the corner of the bathtub and they all felt sorry for me. Of course, I I realized today that they all knew what had happened, but I you know, I didn't think so.

I thought I covered it up very well. And I I went to the airport early and it's still in a haze and I got on the plane to Houston. I thought >> it wasn't.

It went to Atlanta and it was a rough flight. and I've got three broken ribs. And so it I had to lay over there and get another plane to Houston.

And I got back and and and Mr. Al picked me up at the airport. And that was in the summer, I believe, of 1975.

And u soon after that, he he went to my doctor. He had talked to my doctor and suggested that I might have a problem with my drinking. And my doctor being the wonderful man that he was told him that no no no no he just didn't understand the stress that I was under at work and that you know this was normal for the course of things.

And so um nothing happened but I continued to kind of go downhill. We were trying to have a relationship and I was getting drunk virtually every night, going to bed with, you know, bottle with a iced tea glass of scotch or an iced tea glass of brandy or, you know, whatever and thinking, you know, what a gracious life we lived. uh making great plans for great dinners and going places and not getting there because my scotch was too important before I got started out.

So I could I had to get loaded before I could go. And then by the time I was ready to go, there wasn't any point in going because our dinner was burned or, you know, it was over, the show was over, we were late or what, we didn't do anything. And then in the summer of 1976, my my last drunk, the last weekend was uh um sweet Al decided he was going to go to Brownsville and visit his parents.

And I all of my friends were going to California and uh for the weekend, a flying weekend in in in Los Angeles, for any of you know what that is. And I decided I was going to go do that. And I made the decision very rash, you know, just on the spur of the moment.

And uh and so off I flew to to Los Angeles and uh back to LA. And that was the weekend of my last drunk. I started drinking on that plane on a Friday afternoon.

And I think I had my last drink at Dirty Sally's on Labor Day morning, probably about 6:00 or 6:30. I don't remember. I don't know how I got from the airport.

I don't know how I found my car in the parking lot at the airport. That's a miracle. I don't know how I got into the city.

I don't know how I got home and not alone. But I had been entrusted with something rather expensive for my store. And when I woke up in that haze, it was a watch.

And it was a diamond watch. Quite expensive diamond watch. It was gone.

>> And my first reaction was to jump in the car and start trying to find who had taken my watch. And I was driving all over the mantros and I didn't know what they looked like. I didn't know who they were.

And I went into Sally's and and I'm shaking a bartender who wasn't even working when I was there that morning, demanding that he tell me who had my watch. I was driving home and for the first time in my life, I realized that this chain of events would not have occurred if I'd not been drunk, if I'd not been blacked out. And that was a moment.

Al came home a few hours later to find me a perfect mess. Took me to Alfred's for moatza ball soup. You have a drink.

The next night, the uh office manager at the store and a lovely woman who lives out in California now, as a matter of fact, she and her husband had me over for dinner, had Al and I over for dinner. And uh when we arrived um it was a Tuesday night of she and her husband drank wine but she had gone and bought a bottle of Chevvis Regal for me and I had to say Margene I can't drink anymore. It I just can't do that.

and she and her husband were so sweet. They they encouraged me. They they had a friend who was an alcoholic and uh and they knew that it was possible for someone not to drink.

And so they encouraged me and and at at that point as we were leaving dinner that night, we we called my doctor on the phone and he lived very close by, just short half a mile maybe. and uh he said, "Come on over." And it was probably 10:00 or so at night and Al and I went over to his house and I told him, "I I think I have a problem with my drinking." And he whipped out his prescription pad and he started writing and I thought, "Oh, he's there can fix it." You know, it's great. Well, he gave me this phone number on this prescription pad.

and it was inner groupoup. And he said, "Stan, when you get up in the morning before 10:00, I want you to call this number. And if you can't do it, you call me and I'll do it for you." At 9:59, I'm at my desk at Tiffany's.

Now, you understand I' I have this horror thing that's happened. you know, I've I've lost this very valuable piece and I'm hysterical that I'm going to lose my job and I'm willing to do anything now to save my job. Anything.

And I I made that call and u spoke to this young woman in her group who was charming, told me somebody would call me back. this nice man named Don B called me back about 11 o'clock and he said, "You want to go to lunch?" And I said, "Well, sure, sure." He says, "I'll pick you up at 11:45." So, off I go to lunch. And it's a nice looking man.

He's dressed up and he starts telling me about his drinking. He grew up in the same place I did. Went to the same high school that I went to, was a few years ahead of me, but actually went to school with an ex-sister-in-law of mine.

And uh in the uh process uh he he told me a lot of his story and we went into the cathedral group downtown. I thought I was going to lunch. It's funny looking restaurant.

Um, I was in a I was in navy blue suit and I found out I was going to an AA meeting and I thought, "Oh, dear God, I'm going to be so overdressed." And we went into this place and there were there were there were a lot of people there back in those days. That that meeting was a big meeting. uh the noon meeting at the cathedral group was probably one of the bigger meetings in the city.

And there were, you know, over a hundred people there, I'm sure. And I sat on the back row and I sat next to Don and this other man sat next to me whose name was Jerry D. And I shook and I sweated and I felt terrible.

I didn't want to be there. all those people, but they look so different. They all look so good and they weren't shaking.

And the end of the meeting, they offered chips and uh these two guys punched me when it was time for a desired chip and they said, "That's you. go get it. And uh I didn't know what I was doing.

I got up and I walked to the front of the room and all these people were clapping and they put this chip in my hand and I closed my hand on it and I walked back to my seat and something happened. Something happened. It was incredible.

the hole was sort of gone. I felt like maybe I was in the right place at the right time for the first time in my life. Don was wonderful.

I don't know where Don is today. I think he lives in Colorado. But Don was wonderful.

He he took me back and I blabbered all the way back, told him my story all the way back to to work. And I got home that night and he was sitting in the driveway of my house with these two books and a big book. And he told me that uh he'd be back at 7:30 to pick me up to take me to another meeting.

And so 7:30 he picked me up and we went downtown to the Texas house at the time. And uh Don just happened to be telling his story. So I heard his whole story that night and next morning he called me before I left for work and came by and took me to that noon meeting again and proceeded to do that for the next two weeks.

I went through DTS at work. I came off of all that alcohol. And on Saturday night, that first Saturday night, he took me to the 24-hour club uh to the speaker meeting, which I think was at 10:30 at the time or 11 somewhere along in there was late.

And uh I heard someone speak, little black woman, little short tiny shriveled up thing. And she introduced herself and she said, "You know, my name is such and such and I don't remember it now, but she said, "I'm a commode hugging drunk." And I knew exactly what she was talking about. I knew exactly what she meant because that's what I did.

I got sick when I drank. I threw up a lot. Well, I heard a lot of things in those first few weeks that that I was around this program, going to a lot of meetings, at least two a day.

And uh I heard that, you know, that I I I began to see that uh I might be able to save my job. Might was kind of unclear at that point, but I found out that it was possible to not drink one day at a time. It was a new concept for me.

Um, before I knew it, I had two weeks and I was hearing people in meetings talk about sponsors. And this pres presented the first great dilemma for me in sobriety. I had this wonderful man, Don B, who was straight, who had uh shepherded me through 12step me through this meeting.

And I had this other man, Jerry D, who was gay, who had this remarkable twinkle in his eye, as did most of the people that I saw in this program. This twinkle, I don't know. They laughed.

I hadn't done that in a long time. I hadn't laughed. I hadn't felt good in a long time and I started gradually to feel a little better and I I had to make this decision about, you know, about this sponsor thing.

And so I was really torn and finally I decided that, you know, I was I was gay. I was okay with that, but I was not okay with talking about that to to a straight man. So I asked Jerry to be my sponsor and he was wonderful.

He was a wonderful man. He sponsored me for a little over 16 years. And he uh he knew he had a real mess on his hands.

I think he wanted me to I think he wanted to uh I don't know what he wanted. He told me I was he told me I was gonna I was I was talking about things. I got him as a sponsor and I was immediately talking about doing the the fourth step and but I was already doing the ninth step but I wanted to do the fourth step.

And this is when he told me I was going to do one step a year. And a lot of you have heard me talk know that that's that's the way I was brought into this program was you work one step a year. And I didn't know what that meant.

I thought I was I didn't know. But I said, "Okay, I'm willing to do it. I'm I'm willing to do that." You see, what happened was sometime in those first few months, uh, the the alcohol cleared out of my system and and I found out I could live without drinking.

Now, when I got here, I didn't think that was possible. I'd never been able to stop for any, not even for a day. I would swear it off at, you know, in the morning.

I wasn't going to have another hangover like that. I was not going to drink that night. And then 5:36, well, just one.

Just one. And that just didn't work. Jerry took care of me.

A lot of people took care of me in this program early on. Uh, I was able to, uh, I had been left an inheritance that year, small, but it was really strange. There was just enough money in the savings account to pay for that bloody watch.

And so, instead of getting fired, I bought a watch that I didn't have that somebody else had who's out there wearing it today, which is wonderful. It's the biggest gift I ever gave anybody in my life. Um, What can I tell you?

I stayed sober that first year. I, you know, my my sobriety, uh, you know, I I drank for 11 years. I've been sober for 24 years and two months now.

So, I've been sober a lot longer than I drank. And I'm sorry I spent so much time on the drinking part because the recovery part is is the part that's uh that the most. I'm not I don't you know that stuff that all happened.

If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be here today. So that's okay. I didn't like it.

I didn't like me. But you know, things are different today. Things are different.

Uh the first well at at at just about in the third year I was um at still at Tiffany, still had this job. Um and I got mad at my boss for a number of reasons and other things happened and I'm not going to go into that because it's too detailed a story, but but I decided to to leave that job and Um, so I quit and I'd asked for a transfer and it didn't come through and I just quit. And I uh had to apply for a new job.

So I decided I wanted to I wanted to make some money. I was tired. Tiffany's was great, but they didn't pay anything.

And there were a lot of people that were working there that made a lot more money than I did. and I was really upset about it. So I I I applied for a job with Gordon Jewelry Corporation, which was one of the largest jewelry corporations in the world at the time.

And I had to go downtown and take a lie detector test. Guess what? Because that's what you do when you're in my business.

You take lie detector tests every time you change jobs. And so I went down and I took this lie detector test. There was this lovely young woman um gave me this test and uh I think she was gay.

I flunked it miserably and they weren't interested. So I was devastated because I had such a high opinion of myself. Now you have to understand I've now been sober for three years, right?

I have a much different opinion of myself than I did three years before. This shouldn't happen. Um, I got madder and matter and matter at everything and everybody around me.

And it suddenly occurred to me that Jerry had told me that it would be time to do my fourth step. I would know because I'd be mad at everybody. And I finally put two and two together.

And I called him on the phone and made an appointment for a week later to do my fourth step, fifth step. And I proceeded to do my fourth step the way he told me to do it, the way it's in the book. Um, he told me that I could only bring four pieces of paper, though.

He was a little he didn't he wasn't interested in a long history. Um, so I got uh so I did that and I went home, sat with my dog in front of the fireplace. Al was out doing something and and I I read the sixth and seventh step and oh, it was a few weeks later.

It was in uh June I got this phone call and this uh young lady that I didn't know called and asked me if she said that I'd been highly recommended and that they were looking for an assistant manager at Cartier. And so if I was interested, they had a plane ticket for me to go to New York the next day and interview with the president of the company. And uh so I did that and I came home and I had to take another lie detector test.

This time now you understand I flunked one. Then I did my fourth and fifth step. Then I took a lie detector test.

And this time I went to Pasadena and he was about 25 and 63 and 220 and a linebacker and uh very straight and I had to tell him about me and I did and I passed all the questions but one asked me if I was married and I said no cuz legally I wasn't married and I kept funking the test and he kept thinking that I was hiding exwives or something or exhusbands or something and the fact of the matter was was that I was in this relationship and uh you know lie detector tests go deeper than just this and uh and I considered myself married so I couldn't pass that question. Well, things moved along. I got that job and then uh four years later when the French bought out the company and took it took it back over again and put it back into one company again.

At the time I worked for them, they were three companies. Um, a real bad day happened in 1983. I went to work one morning and uh I was meeting with uh one of these uh guys from France and uh he fired me uh because I was a dinosaur.

They wanted you I was jeez I trying to figure out how old I was. I wasn't even 40. Um, but I was a dinosaur and uh that was pretty devastating.

That was in 1983. I'd been sober for 7 years and uh oh dear, that was a shock. But I survived it.

But I haven't talked much about my family. I had a young my youngest brother, the one who was seven years older than I was. His name was Michael.

Michael was an alcoholic. And uh one of the reasons I never associated myself with being an alcoholic was because I was so unlike him. He had gone off and done several tours of duty in Vietnam and had come home and alcohol had broken up the marriage and uh he had lived on the streets.

He you know he was he was he was not me. I, you know, was in suits and with fancy people and selling fancy expensive things and he was, you know, on the street. And uh in 1985, my oldest brother, the the hero in my family, um the one who was a great success in life, um retired.

He was 50 years old. And uh actually in in yeah in 1984 he retired. He was 50 and he retired from sold his company and looked forward to a great retirement with lots of money and comforts and that sort of thing.

And uh he had to have a a a test done for u insurance because he was leaving the you know he was getting rid of his company. he had to get a separate insurance policy for he and his family and and uh they found that he had cancer and uh he was 50 and he was given a year to live. Now at the time my younger brother was living in a car under a bridge in Fort Worth and he had tried to get sober many many times.

Uh my mom and dad had I remember once he celebrated a year of sobriety and and he had asked my parents for a you know for a Rolex watch and my parents didn't buy Rolex watches and they bought my brother a Rolex watch and a few weeks later he cocked it and got drunk again. And I wouldn't like him. I just wouldn't like that.

But Mikey, he found out that Bill, the hero, was sick and his wife, his ex-wife, went to see him and and uh in this car and uh he uh I don't know what she told him. She never told me, but he came out. He got out of the car and he went back to her house and she took him back and he got sober and he took u um civil service exam.

He had had a regular job in years and took a civil service exam and and uh became a postman and went to work for the post office. And uh um it he it was u oh I guess it was about 10 months. He hadn't drank 9 or 10 months.

And and he finished his training period and his first day of work was in June. I think it was the 21st of June in 1985. And he went to work that morning for the first time to do his route.

And at 3:00 in the afternoon, his heart stopped in the middle of his route. He dropped dead. A hot day in Fort Worth.

And a very merciful God saw that he was going the right direction. Everything was perfect in his life and he left. I got a call that night that my brother had died.

And of course I was expecting my older brother to die anytime. And uh I was shocked that it was Mikey and I had to go to Fort Worth and help arrange for his funeral. And and then a couple of months later, Bill died shortly after Labor Day.

And so I lost two brothers in two months. And I didn't ever think about drinking. Had a good foundation in this program.

I stopped going to as many meetings. uh my sponsor moved away when I was seven years sober. He moved off to California and so I didn't get to talk to him or see him very much.

And uh I stopped going to meetings as often as I had been going. And uh here I was at, you know, in my 10th year of sobriety and, you know, I'm losing two brothers and trying to, you know, to uh to survive and make sense of all this. And uh when I my 10th birthday came along, I just wasn't even there.

And I felt terrible. I felt a lot like I felt when I first got sober. And oh, so I was 10 years sober and I missed my birthday and I woke up one morning and I got on the phone and I don't know if I don't remember how early in the morning it was, but needless to say, I called my sponsor.

And it was quite early in the morning and he was living in Mendescino at the time and I proceeded to tell him what I was going to do. Someone else earlier today asked me if I knew Norcel and I said, "Yeah, he's part of my story." because at 10 years sober sponsor off in California and not going to very many meetings, uh, I had to start over. Even though I I didn't have to get drunk to start over, but I had to start over.

You see, I wanted what I was told that, you know, when you pick a sponsor, you pick somebody who has something that you want. And Jerry was a good model. I wanted what he had.

And Jerry told me in the beginning that if I wanted what he had that I had to do the things that he did. But I thought I was an exception. I didn't have to do all that cuz that a lot of stuff he did made me horribly nervous and I just didn't think I could do it.

And and people weren't going to like me anyway. And they liked him. Everybody liked him.

He had this great big huge smile. He was always He was always positive with everyone. I never heard him criticize anyone.

Uh I remember when I the first uh when early in my sobriety along the first year or so, somebody in our little group got drunk and I was just beside myself. I mean, how you know what? Ha.

And Jerry told me, he said, "Stan, you know, this program doesn't work if you haven't finished your drinking." He said, "You know, you have to finish it." See, when you're done, then you can start getting it. He said he just wasn't ready. He got here too soon.

You know, he hadn't finished drinking. And don't ever don't ever belittle anyone who's not finished with their drinking cuz you have to have your last drink. You have to be happy with your last drink.

You have to be satisfied with your bottom in order to stay sober. So anyway, I I I told him what I was going to do and I went to a meeting that afternoon and um Norel was sitting across the room and I think Norris had I had 10 years. I think Norris had six.

And uh there wasn't anybody there that were sober as long as I was in that meeting. And I had decided that, you know, the first person who really made sense to me, I was going to ask to be my temporary sponsor while jury was off in California. I I needed somebody at home who was going to be on top of me and help me do it.

And so I humbled myself and asked Norris to to to sponsor me. And he he agreed. And he said, "Okay." and and we started going to a meeting once a week together and I tried to start doing a few more meetings and and uh what I did was I I went to the 515 meeting at Lambda which uh at the time was over on Joannie Street and it was a meeting that only had you know four, five, six, seven people every day and the same person happened to be leading the three meetings one week and bless his heart and uh so I made a commitment.

I made a commitment. I wanted what he had. If I wanted what he had, if I wanted to be like that, if I wanted that sparkle in my eyes, if I wanted I had to do the things I saw him do.

So I adopted that group, the 515 group, Monday through Friday. Peggy, I'm sorry I don't stay for the meeting on Friday nights anymore, but but I did that. And uh that's where I've been since.

Uh I rarely go to other meetings. Uh I uh I live in the 5:15 group and uh the Sunday morning 9:30 group, which is really sort of my home group. Um I've been going to that one for many, many, many years.

And uh I'm very grateful to to be sober. Um it worked. Things smoothed out in my life.

Somebody asked me to sponsor them. I'd never sponsored anybody. 10 years sober.

10 years of taking from this program and being sober and never having been I would ask once but never called but never having sponsored anyone. And all of a sudden somebody asked me to sponsor them, then somebody else. Then somebody else.

And all of a sudden I had these sponsores that were, you know, calling me and and depending upon me for, you know, for pearls of wisdom, which I was searching madly through the books for. You know, I've always felt like I could use people who were, you know, had less sobriety than I have. And and I I can't tell you how many times people have asked me questions and I said, "I'll call you back." And I've called HB.

And uh HB, I know you're in this room, too. I miss him. miss a lot of people, but I'm uh I'm here and I love this program and I love my sobriety.

Um it's a first for me today. Um you know, it's if you've been counting, I met Al in 1974. He's sitting back there in the back today.

26 plus years later, my dad my dad is with us now. And uh my dad's back there. If you want to see what I'm going to look like in 30 years, he's there.

It's exciting. I I I have a very good sober life today thanks to this program and uh you know it's my life has taken a turn in in the last few years and you know there there's stuff comes up and and I I try to be you know positive all the time and I try to encourage people and and I find that you know that sometimes I get depressed. Um, and this has been one of those years when it's it's been really on me.

In uh in March, I was uh I was in a really down spot and I didn't want anybody to know. I have to hide that, you know, cuz you know, all these people that that go to those meetings, you know, they see all this sobriety and they think that, you know, it's uh, you know, we don't have this stuff going on. And the fact of the matter is is that the road gets very narrow.

And I had uh I was feeling really bad one day. I know exactly what day it was. It was March the 3.

The reason I can tell you that it's one of the reasons why I started, you know, I told you I read this little bit from from day by day because I get my direction and you see it told me that I was supposed to do this today. And I got up on March the 3 and I was completely overwhelmed. And I went out on the deck and I sat down and as I do every day, I picked up these meditation books cuz that's what I was told Jerry did.

He did this. I don't know if he did it or not. Don't tell me if he didn't.

Uh cuz as you can well see they're they're pretty worn out now. But you know these are these are treasures for me. But I picked up this this book and it hit me.

So, I'm going to leave you today with the reading the meditation for the day of March 3rd out of the 24-hour day book. And this changed the direction for me this year. This little passage says, "I will try to grow in this new life.

I will think of spiritual things often and unconsciously I will grow. The nearer I get to the new life, the more I will see my unfitness. My sense of failure is a sure sign that I am growing in this new life.

It is only struggle that hurts in sloth, physical, mental, spiritual. There is no sense of failure. But with struggle and effort, I'm conscious not of strength, but of weakness.

Until I am really living this new life. And in this struggle, I can always rely on the power of God to help me. Thank you.

>> Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message. Until next time, have a great day.

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