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Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. Well, good afternoon everyone and welcome to the Saturday afternoon meeting of the 20th annual Big Deep South Convention.

My name is Hyel and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since October 1st, 1982. And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

Alcoholic Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problems and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for AA membership.

We are self-supporting through our own contribution. A is not at allied with any sex denomination politics organization. A is not uh politics organization or institution does not wish to engage in any controversy.

Neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay over and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. We'd like to remind you of our 11th and 12th tradition.

Tradition 11. Our public relation policy is based on attraction rather than promotion. We need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and film.

Tradition 12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our tradition. Ever reminding us to pledge principle personalities.

Therefore, if there is anyone here from the media, we request that you do not use the last name or pictures of anyone present. Before I introduce the speaker, I'd like to remind you that the speaker's remarks or his own interpretation and opinions and not necessarily those of the alcoholic or alcoholic anonymous. I met Paul the other day for the first time and last night matter of fact I told him when I met him and he told me how many years of sobriety he had and uh I told him about the tradition that we had here of lighting the candle and I told him I said I'm quite sure you would you will be the one to light the candle and as it turned out last night Paul did light the candle and uh in talking with him also He mentioned a part of the big book that I had read the big book in several occasions and uh and reread it and read passages from it and but there was one quarter in this in the uh big book that the page wasn't even numbered.

Matter of fact, it's it's sandwiched between uh pages uh 164 and 171. They just for some reason didn't number these pages, but I thought I'd like to read it to you because Paul was is could be classified as one of the pioneers and should be classified as one of the pioneers of AA. And uh it goes like this.

Dr. Bob and the 12 men and women who here tell their stories were among the early members of AA's first group. All have now passed away of natural causes having maintained complete sobriety.

The period of sobriety attained by these 13 AA range from 15 to 46 years. Today hundreds of additional AA members can be found who have had no relapse for more than 30 years. All of these then are the pioneers of AA.

They bear witness that release from alcoholism can be really permanent and I think B uh Paul is one of the ones who can attest to that with 46 years of sobriety. you know in uh and another thing I think in with Paul's presentation here today there are he will probably dwell on the some of the four absolutes of AA and just as a reminder uh Ed both Ed and uh has tapes on the four absolutes and the related subjects Now, uh it to me introducing Paul is just like introducing the pope to uh the Catholics. So, but Paul, so I don't think Paul needs too much introduction.

So, Paul, it's all yours. Thank you. Good afternoon.

And you folks here back there. Before I get into my dog and pony show here, uh, I would like to thank the committee, all of the trusted servants that uh, put this thing together and the invitation to come down here and participate in this beautiful conference. Several years ago I was contacted and uh given an invitation and at that time through a lot of circumstances I was unable to attend and I was quite flattered when they called me again and uh said they hadn't forgotten me and uh wanted me to come down and I suspect they kind of scheduled me in and forced me in this thing but I don't care how I got here just how I got here and I want to thank everybody because I'm sort of a non-resident member of Mississippi in this area and I come down in this area I get a chance to visit with some old friends obviously to have an opportunity to meet some new people and share in this beautiful experience that we call Alcoholics Anonymous and I am delighted and thank you very very On a personal note, if you'll indulge me, in the last few months, I have had some traumatic experiences, which I think has put me in a different dimension.

And I think I'd like to share that with you before I get into my presentation. I just got out of the hospital. I had a bout with the devil all last month.

And I wasn't sure I was going to make it, but here I am. And uh for that I thank God. And along with this, some of you know that uh my wonderful and beautiful wife passed away.

And had she lived till this area this year, she would have enjoyed 48 years of sobriety. Between the two of us, we would have had 95 years of sobriety. How about that?

And along with this, since I'm now alone, I decided to get out of the corporate wars and commercial wars. So, I retired. And let me tell you, that's that's a scary deal.

I remember when the phone used to ring and I would say, "Screen it and tell me who it is and I'll call later." When the phone rings now, I got it by the second ring. I'm afraid they might hang up. So, it's a new world.

It's a new dimension. And I think in the main and in all honesty, I think that I am here at this moment perhaps happier and better off than I've ever been in my life. And for that I am indeed grateful.

And so again, thank you very much. Let me introduce you to Paul Kever, the alcoholic. My group refer to me as a bald-headed bleeding deacon with the sex appeal of a wet noodle.

Some of the newer people think my fundamentalism puts me to the right of Genghask Khan and Jerry Farwell. Recently, I heard it whisper when I mounted a podium like that. They said, "There by the grace of God goes God." Now, these expressions were by my admirers.

So you can imagine what my powder room is gives with the great unwor. But nevertheless, we all take our positions. Thank God.

And among my group and among you people, I am here sharing and getting the best of all worlds. And I want to tell you how proud I am and happy I am to be here and to participate in this conference. Now the program says that I am to share some experiences as a pioneer and I hasten to tell you that I was not there at the beginning of AA are the birth socalled but I was sure in hell there at the christristening and I say that because I think I'm probably one of the most fortunate people in AA the few of us that are still left from my original group of 59 because at the time I came in it was in place and It was no longer an experiment.

It was no longer an idea. For the first time in history, spiritual concepts had used to address this awful malady disease of alcoholism. And here were these beautiful people that were taking these new ideas, these new concepts and putting them into their lives and into their families.

And uh it was working. And I was privileged to know both the founders of course coming into Akran. Bob Smith was my mentor and the early people of those days were I think the epitome of the spiritual essence of this group.

And I was privileged to get not only their their close association and but also to participate in the family. In those days it was a family disease. Everybody went to the meetings.

Dogs, cats, kids, everybody. We didn't have any of this detached nonsense, whatever the hell that is. Everybody went.

And so if you're if you will indulge me, let me see if I can't set the stage of the scenario which I hope will help me and perhaps you understand some of the things I'm going to try to offer by way of explanation and from my own experience. I think you'll join me in saying that I think the proliferation of books that have been written by Pete sees it, Joe sees it, whether it's commercial overtones or not, but I think we've been inundated with all this nonsense. And so I'd like to talk to you about the things that I know of as the truth, the things that I experienced to be there firsthand.

And I will if you will let me set the stage that if you were in Akran or Cleveland this evening and this afternoon to a meeting in back of me would be a big sign placard would say but for the grace of God and in the front would be four placards the absolutes honesty unselfishness purity and love. These were the spiritual concepts by which we found sobriety, a guideline to a power greater than ourselves, the pathway to a higher understanding. And the six steps which are now our 12 was a philosophy for change.

The system for removing the obstacles between God and your fellow man so that you could participate and get rid of this awful, awful disease, the compulsion obsession to drink. And so with that in mind, let me uh they're after me already. So with that in mind, let me uh try to lay this out.

Some of you have heard me say this before, and I I believe that the Bible people tell me the first drunker record was Noah. He got drunk and God called him the task for getting drunk and Noah said, "I don't know the strength of the grapes." So he put in the first denial system we've been using ever since. And so down through the history and through the series of hundreds of years, the alcoholic was washed out.

Sting of derision, no position. There was no way you could deal with him. And that was it.

And even in my era, you died in drunk tanks or you certainly found a way to either get well or die. It was a pretty damn bleak picture. Real sad.

And I think as time went on and the things that I want to talk to you about are not necessarily the people, places, and things in the chronological order of which you're very familiar with. But in these past months, I begin to think about these things and I think when I go back, there seems to be a significance to the spiritual events that happened. This is a development that I want to talk with you about, not only including AA development, yours and mine, the benchmarks, the recovery system as it was practiced then and perhaps now.

And so in thinking about these things, it seems to me that the first glimmer, the first attempt at doing something about this malady was brought into being sometime the early part of this century. There was a group called the Washingtonians. Now, this group in something like a few months got together over a 100,000 alcoholics working with each other and found sobriety.

And they became so exuberant and and and enthusiastic and zealous about this new system that they went up to Boston and had a convention. Got to watch these conventions. They marched around the commons and invited the people to join their fellowship, their society.

The people who joined were the abolitionists, the prohibitionist, the vested interest, and the first thing you know within 6 weeks they were gone. Working with another alcoholic was fine. The absence of the spiritual concepts, they were vulnerable and nothing happened.

Now along about this time and I moved on the few years we had a man in New York a very beautiful young man he's gone now I don't think there's any reason why I shouldn't mention his name his name is Roland Hazard he was connected physic socially financially his family were well connected this guy was an alcoholic he was one of those kind of alcoholics we talk about in the big book the real alcoholic He had tried everything in every human agency, everything that could possibly could to find a way to stay sober and he just flat could not make it. Someone suggested that he go to Europe to see the great Dr. Young.

Here was this brilliant scientist that for many many years had been treating mental aberrations with a great deal of success and worldrenowned reputation. So Roland went over there and went into treatment. and I suppose something like we have today.

And he got into analysis and he got physically set up and mentally and it was just doing beautifully and he stayed there for a year and he left Switzerland to go back to New York to come back into his social stream and within a couple of weeks he tested his new cure crashed in flames. And I think Roland brought to us the first universal truth of this disease that it is a physical addiction. It's progressive.

We never never have it repaired. And so Roland to his despair, despondent, thought, "What the hell goes on now?" So we went back to Europe to see the great doctor and he said, "Look, I was there for a year and look what happened." And I repeat this because I think it's so significant. Here's this great scientist who said to Roland, "Roland, you are one of those people.

We don't know why or how, but you have a susceptibility to this disease called alcoholism. We can't help you. Psychiatry can't help you.

Medicine can't help you. What you are in need of is a religious experience. You must find a pathway to a higher understanding.

You must find a oneness with God. And I suppose that Roland took this information with a great deal of of concern and I think wonder. And I look back at this beautiful scientists.

Think of the integrity of this man. One of the first scientists to recognize the disease concept of alcoholism by which today our recovery system begins. The acceptance of the disease concept.

Roland went back to New York. Without getting into a whole lot of detail, there was a beautiful fellowship called the Oxford Fellowship. They had a chapter in New York.

One of the prime movers was a Dr. Shoemarker, which you've heard a lot about. Harvey Firestone put in a chapter out in Akran.

All of our people went to the Oxford Fellowship. They dealt with all kinds of mental aberrations, including alcoholism. And the system was six steps, which are now our 12.

But the spiritual concepts were this honesty, unselfishness, purity, and love by which they're synonymous with a god of love. And this is what they were exposed to. Now, I didn't know Roland personally, but there's enough evidence that I'm sure that this did happen.

Somehow, through Dr. Schumacher and some of the other people in the Oxford chapter, Roland went through what I'm going to say is a spiritual experience, if nothing else, and acquired some sobriety. He found that he had to give it away to keep it primitive.

one of the things that we talk about. And so he took it to a boyhead friend of his by the name of Abby Thresher. We all know and Abby got a hunk of this spiritual concept.

He said, "This is great. Let's take it to Bill Wilson. He's a nut." They had all gone to school together.

So they took it to Bill Wilson. and Bill and all of them went back to the Oxford Fellowship for the next six months or so involved in getting these spiritual goodies and finding out something about this disease concept. I won't go into the details except all of you know about Bill Wilson's trip to Akran.

He went out there to con somebody out of some money or something. I don't know what the hell he went out there for, but he had a list of names, some six or eight names. They were Oxford people, but he was trying to find someone who was a boozer.

And I'll tell you, I stood in the Mayflower Hotel, the exact spot where Bill stood. The telephones are about 10 ft over here. The gin mills up here about in the mezzanine.

And you could hear the glasses tinkling and the girls giggling and all the good things. And I'm glad it was Bill and not me cuz you wouldn't be here. So he began to call and he couldn't raise anybody.

Now, this is a series of unrelated events that if you review and think about, there's only one conclusion that I have and I think you'll agree that the hand of God was in this thing from the very beginning. A B Couldn't be anything else. So in his frantic calling trying to find someone he found a minister who referred him to Henrietta Cyberling who was one of the prime movers in the Oxford group there and she and Anne Smith were very close.

They are the grand dames I'm sure of AA and so he talked with it and she said this she said I've got a doctor of Dr. Bob Smith and he's a pistol. You tell him to get over to see the Smith's residence and they clean Bob up.

He'd been on a drunk and he's bean and nasty when he was on a hangover. He agreed to see this Yankee for a few minutes and that was it. So, Bill arrived on the scene and the 10-minute meeting turned out to be 3 months.

And what happened was that Bob had been going to the Oxford fellowship for some two years. And he knew all about these spiritual concepts. He was a biblical student.

He was a scholar. He was not only a medical and turn scientist, but he he was he was a a real biblical student. But the ingredient that was missing was one alcoholic sharing with another.

And so this meeting between Bob and Bill took came off and that mystical course, this sharing process came into being. So they both went back to the Oxford Fellowship and the people met down there at Henry T. Williams.

There were about 60 of them. Now these people were not alcoholics all of them. There was some that were, but they agreed that the way to treat this thing was through public admission, inventory and catharsis, adjustment of personal relationships, prayer and meditation, working with others, our 12 steps, but practicing those absolutes.

And so they all went down and got this thing together. And so ultimately through a whole series again of unrelated events, Alcoholics Anonymous was born in a very casual way without anybody really thinking that this name was the name to use. It was decided to be anonymous because of the stigma at that time and there was a hell of a lot of stigma particularly for the women.

So you can imagine my wife coming in as a youngster she was the second or first and two girls and I said you can come in and sit down don't say anything we'll let you know when you can talk and that was her initiation into the fellowship but nevertheless that's the way it was born now every once in a while when I look back at the this fledgling group this tremulous this very very narrow. The possibilities of this thing succeeding are just unbelievable. But this beautiful power of love took over.

And so Bill and Bob put into action an act of love that's been going on ever since. And I think it's significance to say that here is this act of love that's been going on ever since. And believe me, even the people in AA can't destroy it.

Even with our counterproduction of things in volatile natures and so on, it still prevailed and it's still going on. But I can tell you firsthand that AA did not grow through unity. It grew through dispute, hostility, anger, and a great deal of resentment.

The elders owned the group. If you didn't do it the way they wanted, you took your coffee plot and resentment, went down the street, and opened up another group. We didn't have any traditions.

The only thing which to be sure is that we didn't want Bill Wilson coming out from New York getting in the act. And there were two kinds of AA. And I still think there is today.

Bill Wilson and I believe this to be true felt that he was the messenger to take this message to any place that he possibly could and through promotion he did this and I think that at the time it was indicated that he should do this and he did a beautiful job of it but his effort was in this direction that AA was for people who needed it in Akran we said no it was for people who wanted it whether you needed it or not was in not consequential So we were busy interested in saving lives and not concerned about promoting. And so this thing went on. We also used the basic elements they're using today, the four absolutes, the six steps which are now 12 together with of course those beautiful traditions without which we had nothing.

And so we had nothing but open what you call open meetings. If we had no closed meetings, what the hell could you do in a closed meeting? There was no such thing as discussion.

The first guy that walked into the meeting that had a problem, they said, "Leave. We don't need problems. You want to talk about solutions, we'll talk about it.

If you have a problem, take it to your sponsor. Don't take it to us. You're not unique.

No way." So, there were no discussion. We had a big book study meeting in which we read the word by word by word and it was discuss word and it was structured but the meetings were what we call today speaker meetings. We did not have speakers we had leaders.

The leader was chosen and he would stand up as I am standing here use his full name and dry date or you didn't talk and he would talk about his recovery and his interpretation of the of the program and so on. And when he was through, you could have heard a pin drop 20 mi. There was no acknowledgement of any kind.

Everybody went into deep meditation. If there were 20 people there or 200 or whatever it was, everybody went into meditation. You got up and made a comment when the spirit moved you.

And I've seen people get up and make comments that hadn't intended to get up. And it was a phenomenon of a type and kind in which we felt that through this mass meditation that God spoke to us through the people who felt that the spirit moved them and they got up. It was a wonderful wonderful experience.

Sometimes we sat there for 5 10 15 minutes and then all of a sudden a whole bunch of people would get up. I never quite knew how we knew the meeting was over but ultimately it was sort of a I don't know. We got up and said the large prayer and went out and had some fun.

And I think when I look back at those beautiful, beautiful periods of meditation and to hear some of these people get up and when they made their comment and sat down and suddenly realized they had been up to look at the to see the consternation on their faces and they look around to see what's going on. It was a beautiful thing. It was a beautiful thing.

And so that was the type of of meetings we had, I suppose you would call them. And the theory was that you were taught to listen. If you could go to these meetings and sit and make a comment or something, but uh you were you were taught to listen.

And the only time you ever deviated from that was in the big book study which you read word for word. No discussion meetings. It was not uh it was not the least bit interesting to them.

And when I look back at some of the meetings I attend now and I go in and this secretary says, "Well, I don't have anything to talk about. Anybody got a problem?" Somebody said, "My mother-in-law is coming to town." And then 40 idiots get in it and talk about mother-in-laws. You know, I know that story.

I don't need that. I want to hear about recovery. Now I think one of the most interesting things in that era was the presentation and the way that we went about taking the message to the suffering alcoholic.

Now obviously I'll have to depend on my own experience and talk to you from my own experience about some of these things but I'll say to you and I'll honestly this was the method in my own experience I had come on off the street and I'd been on the street for a long time and I was mentally in bad condition and physically shot and I'd reached the point where I couldn't exist any longer on purple death which was a drink of the wos up in that area and I was in this saloon and I'd been there for some time and I think all I can say is that it it seemed to me I had an intuitive thought I better get the hell out of there. If I didn't I was going to die and if I did I was going to die and it was kind of up to me. It was below zero.

I had no clothes, no money, no nothing. I go up the street. Seemed to me I had an out of body experience.

I think they call it. Seemed to me I could see myself. I could hear the hallucinating and I could hear the bells and the people talking.

But some were hostile. Some were friendly. But I kept moving.

And understand this. I had no logic to this. I had no money.

I had no place. There was no agency that I knew of that would help me. And yet here I am moving up the street.

Zero. I moved into a reasonably modest hotel and I got in there and the assistant manager saw me and put me in a room, believe it or not. Now, here is the series, as I say, of these unrelated events that sometimes I I'm just overwhelmed.

I'm not sure that it's an illusion. Sometimes when I look like I write today and I see you people and think of me and the others, I wonder when the other shoe's going to drop. But it's not going to drop.

It's real. You are real. The program is real and this was real.

This youngster, this man was an in-law, one of the boys who was from Akan on his way back to Akan that stopped in this little town and he said, "I got a rummy over in the place. You better go over to see him." They said, "No way. We don't do that." And he said, "You go see this guy.

He's in trouble." Now, I don't know what happened, but I'm going to tell you, I have almost total recall even in the hallucinating, even in the shape I was in. And soon the door opened and here two beautiful guys, brighteyed, bushy tail came in. They said, "We understand you're in trouble." I said, "Oh, Christ, am I in trouble?" And he said, "We got some good news for you." And what in the hell would that be?

Hey, we used to drink like you. We don't have to drink anymore. We want to tell you about some of our experiences.

Now, I don't know. There was something about these guys. I knew they were pros.

I had been before the magistrates. I'd been screened for commitment and everything. I had never admitted they're drinking more than two beers any time in my life.

And here these guys were talking about booze in a way that I had never heard anybody talk about it. And they began to tell me about their drinking experiences and I began to share with them and they completely disarmed me. Their honesty was was overwhelming.

And as we talked and talked and talked and I became closer and closer and I listened to these people and I thought, "My god, this is beautiful." And every once in a while in would come a something uh aa or acron alcoholics anonymous. And finally it got around to the $64 question. And I said, "Fellas, I'm not like you.

I'm nuts and I'm I'm a drunk. He said, "Yeah, that's right. You are, but you are an alcoholic." And I said, "What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?" And I think this bit of information saved my ass, if you'll excuse me, and perhaps yours or other people if they understand and accept this disease concept.

They said, "You are one of those people that may or may not have a predisposition for this disease. Over a period of time, under certain conditions, you do irreparable damage to yourself physically, not mentally, physically. You will never recover.

It'll never be repaired. It'll be with you the longest you live. Like Roland progressive, you'll never be able to drink successfully." And I said, "Well, my god, what chance have I got?" And they said, "None.

Now, unlike a lot of you people who had options, I didn't have any. I didn't want to die. So, I said, "If I don't have any options, what the hell am I going to do?" And they said, "Did you go to your high school counselor and tell them you wanted to be a drunk?" I said, "No." They said, "Did you marry a woman in your family in your country and embarrass everybody and so on?" I said, "No." Said, "Why did you do that?" I said, "I don't know." And they said, "That's right.

You're an alcoholic. you don't have possession of your sanity, you can't function. And I thought, my god, that's right.

How many times I'd gotten up in the morning, I'm only going to have two drinks, be drunk, no drinks, be drunk. I couldn't think of anything that I ever got engaged in that I brought into fruition that booze or something didn't get in the way. And I fell on my ass again.

There I was. And I said, "Well, guys, I guess I'm a drunk and I guess I'm nuts and an alcoholic, too." And they said, "That's it." And I said, "What do you want me to do?" They said, "We want you to come with us. You look bad, you smell bad, and you ain't much, but we'll take you, Watson." Now, again, I want you to think about something.

Here was a guy off the street, physically, mentally shot. no future, no nothing to work with. I knew there were no human agencies that would do anything for me.

I also knew that there were the people who could have probably been interested but didn't have the tools to help me. And there's nothing in the world more hopeless or let's say disconulate despondent than an alcoholic who'd like to live instead of dying. And I'll tell you, when they said, "Come with us," I said, "I'll do whatever you want." But they said, "It ain't going to be that easy.

If you come with us, we want a commitment." And I said, "What kind of a commitment?" They said, "You're going to do what we tell you." No qualifications to that. It was real simple. I'd agreed to anything.

I didn't want to die. So, I went with him. Now, this is an area here that I think is wonderful.

When I got down and got into this family, it was a family disease. It was a family unit. I had had abscess mers that had been my face was always swollen.

Look at the full thing. And they said, "Do we just want you to do one thing?" Now, this is an area here that I think is wonderful. When I got down and got into this family, it was a family disease.

It was a family unit. I had had absess mers that had been my face was always full and I was always the only time that I well I thought everybody was sick. I didn't know you could live without being sick.

I had a strap infection. I'd had it for weeks. I didn't know when when I was going to the bathroom and what not.

I don't have to tell you what this thing is about. So think these people said come with us and they took me down to the fellowship and I met all the people and the way they did it was they took you around to everyone's homes and you sat and shared your experiences and we ate in their homes and it was a beautiful thing. And they said, "Do we just want you to do one thing?" And I'd like to emphasize this if I can.

We don't pay too much attention to that these days. And I think a lot of our relapses, if there are such a thing as a relapse, are directly due to our violating this halt, hunger, anger, lonely, tired. Manageability.

They said, "All we want you to do is to not be too hungry, too angry, too lonely, and tired." And they saw to it that I was not lonely. Oh, every day evening somebody was picking me up, taking me somewhere. That was never never a moment when I felt alone.

They gave me some paralahhide. Four or five fingers arrived two or three days and they got me over the convulsions and they filled you full of tomato juice and sauerkraut juice and said, "Don't cough." And so I got through that and I began to brighten up a little bit. I found out I could get out of the bed and go to the bathroom.

It was a it was quite a deal. And so as time went on, I was exposed to these beautiful people. And while I didn't understand one damn thing that was going on, there was a spiritual affinity.

I knew that these people were not only sober and full, but they were full of goodwill. Goodwill. Now, I went to the meetings and I listened to these people talk.

I saw and heard from people that were just unbelievable. I hate to use such a term, but they were spiritual giants in my from my viewpoint at that time. And I listened to these beautiful people.

And the more I listened to him, the more discouraged I got. And I finally went to Paul Stanley who was a fourth man who become my sponsor. I said, "Paul, I can't make this thing.

You and Bob and Dodson and Ernie and all are you're all so arodite. You have this classical information. Your students, your Bible." I said, "Hell, I can't find my ass with both hands and back of me.

I have no classical information. I'm just a athlete. I have no religious orientation or classical information.

How the hell am I going to do this?" And I'll never forget Paul as long as I live. And he said, "That's great." And I said, "Why do you say it's great?" He said, "You don't have to unlearn anything." Now, I'm going to lay this on you. I can get out of town before you get next to me.

I thought about this a thousand times, and I'm sure here's what he's saying. If you come to AA with some preconceived ideas that you're special, that you have some credentials that you're unique and different, leave it at the door. We don't need it in here.

And that's what he was telling me. And thank God I did not have any credentials. I didn't have any preconceived ideas.

Mine had been left at the bar and on the street. And so they took me into their homes and they took me into their hearts and they took me into their minds. And Paul said to me, I am going to take you on a spiritual journey.

I'm going to take you on a series of spiritual experiences. I will be your sponsor. I want a commitment that you will do these steps to the best of your ability in my time, not God's time or somebody else's, in my time, the sponsor's time.

And so he put me into this beautiful recovery system. We didn't pay much attention to the first two steps. I never heard the first two steps discussed at all.

If you didn't take the first two steps when you had a 12step call, you weren't in the fellowship. problem with the insanity of the unmanageability. If you were manageable, you were still drinking.

And so into this fellowship, we came. Now, with your indulgence, I want to get in a little detail about this because I think it was so important. And I said, Paul, do you think I can make this thing?

He said, without question. He said, just do what I tell you and I will share my experiences and that's all. He said, don't read any books.

Don't go to people. Don't don't talk to anybody. I'm your sponsor.

And he said, "We'll begin with the third step." I had no problem. I read it. He said, "What?" I said, "I read it." Two hours later, I had a different idea in the context of what that step was all about.

And I said, "Paul, how can I take the third step and turn my will in life over to the care of God? I don't know anything about God. God's an abstract idea.

How would and why would God have an interest in me or anything else? It's ridiculous. He said, "That is to you." And I said, "Well, how can I turn it over?" He said, "The operative word is decision.

You're going to make a decision to go through this thing." And he said, "You may not know anything about God now, but you will if you do what we tell you." And I said, "Well, how do I do this?" He said, "It's simple. you come down to the group tonight and you read the third step prayer and you do it on your knees in front of the group. I said, "You're out of your mind." He said, "You either do it or I said, I'll do it." So I went down and I knelt before the group and put me little hands together and closed me little eyes and I said, "My father, I turned my will of my life into your care that you remove the bondage of self." Said, "I do your will and your service." No one laughed.

No one said a thing. And I got up and I can tell you that there was a feeling that since I had complied to this request and to this message that I now felt that I was a member of the group. And I said, Paul, why did you make me do a thing like that?

He said, we wanted a demonstration of your sincerity and your humility. You go to God, you surrender. You do it on your knees.

It's a first act. It begins with a physical act, not mental. And I look back and I see this beautiful experience of a public admission like the Oxford people said, begin with a public admission.

You surrender. And I went through this beautiful experience and that didn't come to me until a little later what had happened. But I noticed a different feeling towards my fellow man and the people in AA.

It was a beautiful thing. And I thought my god maybe this will work for me to turn my will and life over to the care of an abstract alica. I app what I do now.

He said we take your inventory. Said don't tell us who you are. Take the inventory.

That's who you are. You are the sum total of your experiences. Nothing more left.

And I said how do I do this? And we didn't do it like you do it in that big book with that psychological crap. that you make a list of your anticedants, your immediate family, your social life, your business life, your citizenship, the whole human ecology.

There's two things, shortcomings and defects. You put down the things that you're ashamed of that you did that you're it's on your conscience. But you put down also the things that you did that you should have done and didn't do on your conscience.

Omissions and commissions. And I did this. I had a string of crap and I said, "Paul, look at this." And he said, "Don't you know the nature of the wrong?" I said, "I don't even know how to spell nature.

What do you mean?" He said, "We have something called the four absolutes. Honesty, unselfishness, purity, and love. They're the criteria.

That's the nature of the wrong. A lie is a lie is a lie. Selfishness is selfishness is selfishness.

You can't love and hate at the same time. So the nature of the disease is that if you're not loving, what are you doing? Envy, slander, I could go on.

And when I use these four absolutes as the criteria for the nature of the disease, out came the flagrant things, the things that were in my conscience. And I said, Paul, what the hell do I do? He said, this is the beginning of your recovery.

The steps are so designed that they have an overlapping ongoing spiritual momentum. And when you get into these things, the third takes you to the fourth, the third, fourth, and the fifth. And what's happening is that you are removing the obstacles between you, God, and your fellow man.

He said, "Find somebody to surrender these things to. Find another human being." And I said, "My God, I got to talk to someone about this." He said, "Absolutely." I said, "Why?" He said, "The other human being is a surrogate for humanity. You don't live in a vacuum." He said, "It doesn't God bear your fellow man.

It's all one." So, I went out to St. Louis and I found a kid that did caddy for him. We were very close.

And I said, "Rowdy, I need about 10 minutes." 3 hours later, I'm laying this on this kid. And when I got through with that thing, I really and truly did feel. And I think I found the difference between confession and compars.

And I'll tell you how ingrained my dishonesty was. There were two things I wasn't going to tell him. Would you believe that?

After going through all that painful analysis, I was going to hold out. Think of that. I wasn't fooling with me.

I was fooling with my soul. But as I went through this cuz I was out of pot, God didn't want me to be a liar, I guess, and that was it. So I got rid of that and I got back to Akran and I said, "Paul, I've had a spiritual experience." He said, "Hell, you're just beginning." I said, "What now?" Said, "Look at that inventory." He said, "Every one of those wrongs has an attending shortcoming and a defect.

Let's look at it. He said, "Down here is where your real problem lies. These are the deep-seated underlying things that until you get rid of them, you haven't got a chance.

There is no spiritual regeneration." So, we examined it again and my whole recovery system was in the four step. The shortcomings, the defects, the wrongs, everything, people, places, and things. And I said, "What do I do?" He said, "Get down on your knees again.

The sevenstep prayer." And he said, "This time you surrender it to God. Surrender the good and the bad to the whole thing. Give it to him." And I said, "You mean that if I do that, God will remove those shortcomings and defects?" He said, "Yes, but when?" And I said, "When's he going to do it?" He said, "When you make a list of people that you have harmed and willing to make restitution and amends, until you're ready to do that, there is no redemption.

There is no spiritual regeneration. There isn't anything. You're just merely punching at windmills." And I said, "My God, you mean I've got to make restitution amends to all these people?" He said, "Absolutely." Took me two and a half years to go through that amendment and that restitution process.

Each time I went in to see someone, I took those four absolutes with me and I said a prayer not to to keep me honest, not to go in and flim flam and not to manipulate, stand up like a man and tell him what the hell was going on. Amazing things. Each time I did this, I was received and kind, believe it or not.

And I'm going to repeat this. It's a little personal, but I hope you'll accept it. And I was talking today about some of the results of some of these things in my industry.

We had a guy who was our leader. He was a pompous bastard and I didn't like him. We would have a meeting and everybody would say Dave this.

What about it Dave? Okay Dave. They never said Paul, you know.

So I didn't like this dude and we'd have a meeting, marketing meeting or something and I couldn't wait till I got on the phone. I broke the market. I lied about this guy.

I slandered him. I did everything I possibly could to denigrate him. Here he shows up in my amendment program.

So they said, "Go to Cincinnati and make I said I wouldn't go down there and see that bastard for a million dollars." He said, "You want to get drunk?" I said, "No." They said, "Go down." So I did. I walked into here in a big company. And I walked into his office and they didn't let me sit down.

Took me in the director's room. He's sitting at one end, I'm at the other. And he said, "What can I do for you?" I said, "Dave," I said, "I hate your guts.

I don't like you. I never liked you. I got a personal problem.

Maybe you're part of it. Maybe you're all of it. I don't know.

But I said, I've done a lot of things and said a lot of things. I've lied about you and slandered the I'm ashamed of this. I don't want to do this anymore.

And I want to tell you why I'm here. And if it's possible to make restitution and amends, I'll do it. But if I don't, what I want to do is be sure that from this moment on that you can trust me that I will come clean and I'll do it for the good of the industry, you, me, and everything else.

His eyes got about that big. He said, "You know, I was always afraid of you." I said, "I'll come." He said, "You got drunk over in Pittsburgh. You're going to push me out of a nine-story window in a hotel.

I don't remember it, but I guess there's two sides to this restitution thing. And so we began to talk. He called in his union people, his salespeople, his organizers, his operating people, and so on down the line.

I stayed there all day and we talked about this fledgling operation, this ACA crowd of doing it. And he put in what we call today an EAP program, along employees assistance program. And as God is my judge, I think in the next 45 years that people in in northern Tennessee, Ohio, southern Ohio, and Kentucky, about 10,000 people got sober through their efforts.

So my God, don't ever try to duck out of this with restitution and amends. The same kind of thing, the act of love that Bill and Bob put into being was what we were putting in there this afternoon. And it goes on and on and on and it'll never be destroyed.

And I look back and I see how close I came to missing the boat. That would have been a terrible thing. As it is, I can stand up here today and say how fortunate I was to be an instrument.

It says in that sixth and seventh step, surrender it all. And that's what I was doing. I was surrendering it all.

But each time that I made restitution and amends, things were beginning to happen. There were things beginning to happen. In the meantime, I'd met this lovely girl.

As I said, she was early first meeting. We were the youngsters. And incidentally, I've been asked this, and I might as well clean it up right now.

I know some of you mathematicians are wondering how old I am. since I've been around 46 years and I came into fellowship when I was 8 years old. I'm in my early 50s.

I hope that satisfied. So I met this lovely girl and they said, "Paul, you take K or K, you take Paul." And we were thrown together. I didn't know anything about women.

John's heard me say this before. I sure hell didn't know much about love. I thought love was a 400 horsepower blonde, a case of scotch in a rainy week.

But this was not the way it was. And we got acquainted and I found out I liked her. I had never had a platonic relationship with a woman.

I didn't understand it. But I found also that when I was around her, I was happier. And she did something else.

She knew something about these spiritual concepts and she reinforced and showed me the things that could be accomplished if we addressed this. And so she was my black belt sponsor for 42 years. And I miss her.

But I can tell you that in her low-key in this beautiful tolerance and understanding, not only for me and my family, but for all of those people that were in touch with us. And so I decided to go back to East and go to work and I didn't want to leave this lovely girl. And so we talked about it.

She didn't want to either. So we decided to get married. In those days, you got married.

So, we got married, four lovely kids, a fine home, and a God-directed life. So, I look back at that again as one of those unrelated things that happen. But it seems that when we go about things in a wholesome way with these these absolutes things happen like the promises like the promises it says it will happen sooner or later we will find that God is doing for us the things we can't do for ourselves we will comprehend the word serenity no peace freedom freedom and a new way of life and so I went through that experience having this wonderful family and I think in general when I look back she was one of those people that could convey this basic rudiments the basic elements that we talked about that work so beautifully in those days and I think today that they still work and I'm going to mention this because I think it also was an event that will one day be looked back on and the significance of this event will come into focus and we'll find the depth to it.

It isn't recently but in those days and 50s we were bombarded with all kinds of alien influences as we are today. We have people who believe in elitism. You can't get sober unless you go to a young people or a gay group or just all that crap.

And so we have those things we have to deal with. Had it in those days, too. But along came the traditions.

Everybody looked at the traditions and said, "The hell with the traditions. We're going to run our group the way we want. We ain't going to have New York tell us anything." And so there was chaos and disorder.

So for four years, the traditions were tested in the crucible of reality. And most of the groups found that in in time these traditions carried with it spiritual significance. It made it possible for people relating to each other group to group and the the fellowship as a whole.

And so the concepts, the traditions, the steps came into being. And there we were for the first time in history now with some kind of unity. and the next international and fifth five these traditions were adopted.

So we now had a tested and true system not only for recovery of the individuals but the group as a whole. And you take a look at that and look at what happened to the Washingtonians and you can easily see where the spiritual concepts and the hand of God was back in this thing again. And so I look back and I thank God for those traditions and we were led to the altar kicking and screaming saying that we won't do it but we did it and what a beautiful thing it was.

Now along about that time there was some division divisiveness along the fellowship and I think the person who saw this coming more than anyone was Bob Smith. The eastern people were running with the ball their way and we were running with it we meaning the people in that area in another way. And Bob sent word to us that he wanted to have a meeting over at the public square building.

And some 4 or 500 at that time, which was a hell of a crowd, got over there and they wheeled Bob in in a wheelchair. He was terribly sick. He was terminal.

And he tried to get up and couldn't make it and sat out. and he looked around at the group and he said how grateful he was that he had this opportunity to see us personally and to think he had a small part that he had played in our recovery imagine this guy small part that's the way he was and he said I wanted to have this meeting today because I wanted to bring you a message and he said the message is to keep this program simple Don't louse it up with the Freudian complexes that are of interest only to the scientific mind. God, I can remember this.

Watch that errant member of the tongue that has caused us so much trouble in the past. If we use it, let us use it with forbearance and tolerance, always remembering that as new people, we needed a pat on the back as they do. and our steps and traditions simmerred down.

Come up with two ideas. Love and service. Love and service.

Keep those two ideas in mind and dealing with our fellow men, our groups and so on. He died later. And I think that as time goes on, the wisdom, the spirituality, the profound depth of this man will be ultimately recognized as going on and on and on.

I never heard him use a medical term. I never heard him use a scriptural phrase, but I sure hell heard a lot about the realm of the spirit, the realm of the spirit. And he admonished us time after time after time, we are not a secret society.

There is no anonymity within the group. You have a last name and you have a sobriety date and you are available and responsible when you leave the meeting. put on your mantle of valuity, protect it, but share and be with one another.

Somehow it brings to mind the chairman of the Galilee group came down. He said, "All your laws and everything are fine." He said, "I've mastered sent word. I got a new idea.

You love one another as your father in heaven has loved you." Think of that. I think that's what Bob is telling us. And I don't know of any other time, and this is probably going to go over like a lead balloon.

I hope not. But right now, we don't need divisiveness. We don't need elitism.

We've got a lot of the older people that are floating away. Their wisdom and experience is needed. We got the young people with the enthusiasm.

We all need each other. This idea of being detached is crap. All of us are important to each other.

If you go to a group that's a leader, then go to a home group. But don't deny your experience and your exuberance and your experience with those who can share it. God speaks to you through other people, too.

I don't know of anything to be more boring than go to a sales convention of nothing but salespeople listening to salespeople and thus it's going to a preaching speech. And so I say today if we can return to these basic elements we got a chance to save a lot of lives and that's what I think it's all about. saving lives, bringing about the recovery system as it worked in those days, as it can work this day.

I'm going to close this if you will. And I've heard the young ladies today, everybody talks about the serenity prayer. And another thing I think we've overlooked, the two stanzas of the serenity prayer don't tell us anything.

It just says the wisdom and know what it takes out of context. The serenity prayer in its five stanzas is the epitome and the essence the inner essence of our group and recovery. Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.

Living one moment at a time, enjoying one day at a time. trusting he will take this world as it is, not as I would have it. And if I surrender to his will, he will make all things right, that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with him forever in the next.

Thank you. Thank you for listening to Sober Sunrise. If you enjoyed today's episode, please give it a thumbs up as it will help share the message.

Until next time, have a great day.