I Forgot the Inside Job After 12 Years Sober – AA Speaker – Wesley P.
AA speaker Wesley P. shares how he lost his program after 12 years sober by neglecting the inside job. A cautionary talk on ego inflation, complacency, and finding recovery through the 12 Traditions.
Wesley P. from Papa Beach had built a solid recovery over 12 years—spiritual abundance, a successful business, two educated children, freedom from the obsession. Then ego crept back in. In this AA speaker tape, Wesley walks through how he inflated again, nearly lost everything, and discovered that the inside job doesn’t stop at Step 12—it continues through the 12 Traditions and requires constant spiritual maintenance.
Wesley P., an AA speaker with 12 years sober, describes how he forgot the principle of deflation and allowed ego to slowly creep back into his life, leading to complacency, apathy, and dependence on self. He shares his journey back to the program through discovering that the 12 Traditions are the continuation of the 12 Steps, designed to keep the alcoholic spiritually deflated and living in unity. Wesley emphasizes that recovery is an inside job—a constant practice of getting rid of self and living the complete program of recovery, unity, and service.
Episode Summary
Wesley P. has 12 years sober when he takes the stage at this Lakeland gathering, but his talk isn’t about celebration—it’s a confession about how he nearly lost it all by forgetting the inside job.
He opens with a deep lesson on what Bill W. understood from William James’s *Varieties of Religious Experience*: the spiritual experience is defined as “deflation at depth.” This isn’t a onetime event. It’s the entire architecture of the 12 Steps—each one designed to get rid of self, ego, the “big I” that blocks God out. Wesley breaks down the steps one by one: admission of powerlessness, the unmanageability of life, restored to sanity, turning it over, the searching and fearless inventory, the Fifth Step, asking God to remove defects, making amends—all of it is deflation. Getting smaller so God can get bigger.
For the first 12 years, Wesley lived this. He got abundance. Not just spiritually—materially too. Two cars in the garage, a new business, people wanted to do business with him because he was honest. He was part of something larger than himself. He had freedom.
Then one day, sitting in his chair, his mind wandered to his retirement plan. He wasn’t trusting God anymore. He’d educated his two children—and he started taking credit for it. His business was good. He’d spent time with AA, but what about Wesley P.’s future? The weeds started growing. Old drinking thinking crept back in. And the devil saw his opening.
When his family asked him to stay home to discuss air conditioning for the house on a Wednesday night—his meeting night—he negotiated with himself. He’d make up the meeting Thursday night in Fort Lauderdale. He went. He made the sale. It felt good. Really good. So good he forgot about Thursday. A whole week went by with no meetings.
When he returned to his home group the following Wednesday, not one person said a word about his absence. And his thinking flipped: *If that’s all I mean to this group, to hell with them.* He’d become an “elder statesman.” He didn’t need to go so much.
From there, the descent was fast. Complacency set in. He’d look around the room and see someone in a nice suit, someone whose wife had transformed since getting sober—and he’d feel that quiet pleasure. *They owe this to me.* He was playing God again. Then came apathy. He doubted he was even an alcoholic. Maybe he’d wasted his time. He’d come once a month, sit in the back, offer a few pearls of wisdom to the newcomer, and then get back to his retirement plan.
But the worst part came next: dependency. He turned his life back over to himself. He forgot his sponsor, his group, his God. Just the big eye. He’d lost everything in 12 years of knowledge. All that abundance—spiritual and material—was evaporating because he’d started inflating again.
Then his sponsor grabbed him by the bootstraps.
Wesley didn’t know what to do, so one day he picked up the Grapevine and read the 12 Steps on the inside front cover. He flipped to the back and read the 12 Traditions. A question hit him: *What’s the difference between “we” and a group?* The Steps are written in the plural. The Traditions are written at the group level. But the Third Tradition says any two or three members gathered for the purpose of discussing AA are a group. If it takes two to make a group, doesn’t it take two to use the plural “we”?
He went deeper. He found in *Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age* that Bill W. said the 12 Traditions were the continuation of deflation after the 12 Steps. Wesley decided he’d try applying the Traditions at the individual level—not to change them, but to see what they could teach him.
The first Tradition: “My common welfare comes first.” What is his common welfare? Staying sober. He’s one drink away from a drunk. He needs AA more today than 35 years ago. His personal recovery depends on his AA unity—not on someone else living in unity with him, but on him loving others whether they love him back or not.
The second Tradition: an unlimited authority is a loving God, expressing himself in his conscience. The same loving God from Step 3. This whole program is built on the divine love of God—spontaneous, unlimited, unmotivated. Wesley came to AA because someone showed him this love without judgment, without taking his inventory, without condemnation.
He works through Tradition Five: each group’s primary purpose is to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Even after 35 years sober, Wesley still suffers from the disease. He takes his medicine every time he sits in a room. And if this is true, then his responsibility is to 12-step every person he sees—to carry the message through love.
Tradition Seven: AA groups should be self-supporting and decline outside contributions. Wesley shares about sitting next to a millionaire who dropped a dime in the basket—and Wesley’s resentment made him drop nothing, which meant he wasn’t meeting his responsibility as a member.
The practice of the Traditions at the individual level brought Wesley back. Back in “hornets” (as he says)—back in the thick of it, sober, part of a fellowship, loving everybody. He’d only learned to love Wesley P. and God through the Steps. The Traditions taught him to love his fellow man, to live in unity.
He’s seen brilliant, successful members—people sober 37 years—commit suicide because they never learned to live in unity with others. They had recovery but not the full package: recovery, unity, and service.
In closing, Wesley offers a warning he’s given many times: members come to him saying they’re losing their program. They’re attending meetings, doing service, reading self-help books, spiritual books, books on meditation. But when he asks, “What are you reading?” they go on for 30 minutes. Then he asks, “What about the Big Book?” And the answer comes back: “We haven’t read that in three or four years.”
Wesley’s final word: the Big Book and the four basic texts are for alcoholics. Everything else is for normal people. If you want your program back, get back into these four books. The program works—if you work it.
Notable Quotes
The 12 Steps are so designed that if you go through them in sequence, you’ll go through a process of deflation at depth. You’re getting rid of your greatest enemy, and that’s self.
The more that you deplete or deflate yourself, the more you let God in.
When you get abundance of this program, this is when you got to work the hardest. When God is doing for you what you cannot do for yourself, this is where you got to work the hardest.
I had only loved Wesley P. The 12 Steps taught me to love Wesley P. and to love God. But if I’m going to have a rounded life, I’ve got to love you. I’ve got to love my fellow man and live in unity with my fellow man if I want to be happy.
The program works if you work it. It will not work unless you work. It’s an inside job for every human being that’s a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
Self-Pity & Ego
Sponsorship
Long-Term Sobriety
Topics Covered in This Transcript
- Step 3 – Surrender
- Step 4 – Resentments & Inventory
- Self-Pity & Ego
- Sponsorship
- Long-Term Sobriety
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Full AA Speaker Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated and may contain minor errors. For the best experience, listen to the audio above.
Welcome to Sober Sunrise, a podcast bringing you AA speaker meetings with stories of experience, strength, and hope from around the world. We bring you several new speakers weekly, so be sure to subscribe. If you'd like to help us remain self-supporting, please visit our website at sober-rise.com.
Whether you join us in the morning or at night, there's nothing better than a sober sunrise. We hope that you enjoy today's speaker. >> He's a very good friend of mine.
He's meant a lot to my sobriety. So, will you please help me welcome Wesley P from Papa Beach. >> Hi everybody.
My name is Wesley Parish and I'm an alcoholic. Let's give CE another big hand because he deserves it. >> Thanks for bringing that message to my friends.
Cease. Well, you know, for the last two years, I miss this this Lakeland trip on uh every year. I I I one the first year I had a heart attack up in Ce's hometown.
He drove me to, you know, he drove me to a heart attack. When you get up there, you never get through. And then last year I I had a a case of flu and I couldn't come over.
And you don't know just how happy I am to be here because I love you people and and uh you're my kind of people and and I want to tell you about this program of Alcoholics Anonymous and what it's done for me. I I want to share with you because I care about you. Sharing and caring is the name of this game.
And you know, Cecus gave us a beautiful interpretation of the 12 steps and he carried you right through his his uh his life and how he he how he found and how he worked the 12 steps. And it reminds me of of Bill W. Before I get in my talk, you know, when Bill had his spiritual uh experience, it scared him to death.
And next day, Ebie came in and gave him a book called Variety Religious Experiences by William James. And uh uh Ebie told Bill to read it and Bill couldn't get interested in the book because it was too heavy for him. But finally he realized that this book was trying to tell him what had happened to him the day before and he got so excited about the book he just consumed the book.
He got he knew what every word meant in the book. And this book came uh came up with a with a with a meaning that Bill understood a definition of what he had had the day before. He had had a spiritual experience in the most minut measure of a time.
And this uh this book went on to tell him what a what a what a spiritual experience was. And it was deflation at death. Deflation at death.
Now this is a a little cliche is that's not heard too much about ina but the 12 steps are so designed when Bill Wilson wrote them he so he so designed these 12 steps where if you go go through them in the in in the sequence that that cease brought to you tonight will you go through a process of deflation at depth In other words, you're getting rid of your greatest enemy, and that's self. S E L LF. And that's what the AA program is all about.
They say this is an inside job. Well, the inside job is getting rid of self. S E LF.
You can blame your alcoholism on everything in the world, but it's one thing that caused it, and that was alcohol. And the reason alcohol caused it is because you drank alcohol for the effects of alcohol and that's all it's in your life. Most alcoholics I find that to be true.
You just like what alcohol did for you. Does anybody disagree with that? And so therefore the whole the whole entire program of alcoholic synonymous is based upon deflation at death.
Getting rid of the ego. Edging ego. Eg o means edging God out.
Easing God out. When you have ego, when you get to be of the big shot, the big eye, you edge God out of your life. Well, the more that you deplete or or deflate yourself, the more you let God in.
And the first thing that Bill did to start this thing off with are both let let me say this both co-founders was blessed with the same thing. Now the reason I know that is this little book here called uh aa as Bill sees it on page 212 it says Dr. Bob did not need me for his spiritual uh uh instructions.
He had already had more than I. What he did need when we first went met was deflation at depth and the understanding that only one drunk can give to another. You see, Bill and Dr.
Bob both had had ego. And until they eliminated that, them too they they themselves had this phenomenal craving for alcohol. And the more that you deflate, the more you get away from self, well, the the less you will be bothered with with alcoholism the ism.
In other words, that's why when when you talk about the 12 steps, the first half of the 12 steps is only uh the first half of the first step is the only time you ever see alcohol mentioned in the 12 steps. The rest of it is on the ism is and that's self. So what cease told me tonight as I sit in that chair was that Bill told him that in the 12 steps or his friend Ernie told him that he was powerless over alcohol and she says he was and so therefore he started the deflation because who ever heard of telling a drunk that he was powerless over anything?
It's it's unheard of. All your life when somebody told you that you were powerless over something, well, you just show them by God you wasn't powerless over it. You just get drunk.
That's all. Well, then he says your life is unmanageable. Well, those two statements are completely deflating.
And then he said you are insane because he said you have to be restored to sanity. Well, if you have to be restored to sanity, where you come from? You come from insanity.
have to. That's deflation. Then he tells you that you made a decision to turn your life and your will over the care of God as you understand him.
That's that's you telling God it's your way is the wrong way. That you cannot run your own life. And if you're going to have what these other people have in Alcoholics Anonymous, you have to make a complete change.
You've got to do God's will, not your will. Because your way has got you in all this mess. Now, can anybody in here say to me that the first drink of alcohol that you took, you said to yourself, "Well, now I would like to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm going to drink this alcohol until I become qualified to be a member of Alcoholic Synoptics." Did anybody do that?
Uh-uh. You couldn't help yourself. You couldn't help yourself.
You are totally you see alcoholism in my opinion and all these are my opinion these are my interpretations of the program no one else's and what these four books tell me alcoholic synonymous 12 and 12 a hea comes of age and bill sees it tells me that alcoholism is a self-inflicted disease now now the the big book calls it a selfimposed disease I don't see no difference in being a self-inflicted and self-imposed To me it sounded the same. Uh and so the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a self imposed program. No one can no one can make you impose into you the program of alcoholic synonymous.
You have to do it yourself. The simple ABC says A that we're alcoholic and we cannot manage our own lives. B that probably no human being can relieve us like alcoholism.
I don't care what your group does. I don't what care what Chris say a cease says. I don't care what your mother says or your father says or your children says or your minister says or your church says or whatever it might be in your life.
No one can relieve you of your alcoholism. No human being. That's what the program says.
It says these are three pertinent ideas. But it says in C, it says that God could a definite promise. God could and would if he was so.
And this is what this program is all about is you seeking God and placing God into your own individual life, which no one else can do for you but yourself. And to do this, you have to get rid of self. You got to get away from selfishness, self-centerness, because that's the root of all of our troubles.
Instead of being self-reliant, you've got to be God reliant. And this is what the big book says it's all about. This is what the big book is all about.
Just teach you how to do this. That is the first 164 pages. And that's why you never hear an AA member that's been in a any length of time and enjoyed the sober riding fruits of this program without them telling you that the answer lies right in here.
The first 164 pages because this is the truth. This is the truth. Well, that's deflation when you tell God that your way is the wrong way and you got to do his ways, right?
And then you've got to make a searching and furless moral inventory. For the first time in your life, you've got to look at yourself exactly the way you are, not the way you pretend to be. All my life I pretended to be something that I wasn't.
That's deflation. The next thing you have to do is to to admit to yourself to God and another human being the exact nature of your wrongs. That's deflation.
Anybody disagree with this? Next thing you have to do is is ask God to uh become willing to God to remove all your defects of character, your sins of commission s things that you do every day that you know that you shouldn't do. And the next thing you have to do is humbly ask him to remove your shortcomings, your sins of omission, not doing the things you know that you should do every day.
That's all deflation. And the next thing you have to do is to make amends. Make a list of people that you've harmed and become willing to make amends to them.
That's depression. This is all an inside job. And then after that, you have to you have to take other people in consideration.
If you're going to harm anybody about making these amends, you have to take them into consideration. You don't be a bull in the China closet anymore. And that's deflation.
You got to get rid of self. And then after you've done all this, it says you continue to take a personal inventory. Not somebody else's inventory, but your inventory.
And when you're wrong, promptly admit it. That's deflation. And then it says you'll never have a perfect contact with God.
that you that through prayer and meditation you have to listen and talk to God every day and ask him for his will not your will and the power to carry it out because your will is wrong God's will is right and then after you have done this it says having had is that what it says having had a spiritual awakening as the results of these steps What steps? The previous level. You have received a God conscience.
You have received a personality change. You have changed 180 degrees. And then you have a story to carry and you try to carry this message to other alcoholics.
It doesn't say that you that you that you have to go out and beat some body over the head with it. It says you try. That's all.
Just try and to practice these principles in all your affairs. Well, you know that a word affairs. Did you ever stop to think?
Did you ever have an affair by yourself? It wasn't much fun, was it? Huh?
Well, it's no part of the 12 steps. I mean, I just bringing this out. It's funny why he put that word affairs there.
You know that he it must have meant that he's going to bring something else in our lives, something outside of us. Well, the 12 steps is is entirely for me for an inside job, right? For this deflation.
All right. Now, I'm sober. And in good graces of a I'm making the epitome here.
What have I done? I started off in the state of bondage. I was living to drink and drinking to live.
I was addicted to alcohol. I was in bondage. I was a slave to alcohol.
And from the bondage I got and from there I got into the program and I received faith that this program would work for me. And from faith I received courage because courage is without fear. And I started trusting God.
And I got and I got courage because I had to have courage to take the fourth step because it says fearless. And the word fearless means without fear. Courage to look at myself like I was.
And from this courage, I had the courage to sit down and and write out the fourth step and to take the fifth step immediately thereafter. And I had the courage to look at step the house cleaning steps. I had courage to do those.
And through these house cleaning steps, I got free. I got the freedom of living. If anyone should know what freedom is, is an alcoholic that is free of his old self.
The old stinking, drinking, thinking. I got freedom. And from this freedom, what did I get?
I got abundance. I got the spiritual abundance and I got material abundance because I became part of the universe. I became part of the world.
My pockets jingled. I had money in the bank. I had two cars in the garage.
I'd build a new car. I had a new business. And everybody wanted to do business with me because I was honest.
I was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I wasn't a grouch. I I did what I said I was going to do because the probe had taught me that I was in the I was in the epitome of life with the spiritual abundance and God was doing for me what I could not do for myself.
Have you ever been in that position? Well, I'm 12 years the program of alcoholic. Well, you would think that would be enough but enough.
But you know the human mind is like a garden. If you don't keep that hole in your hand, it's going to get full of weeds. And those weeds are the negative thoughts.
That old drinking thinking can drop right into you just as fast as it let you. And you know what I started to think about one day? My retirement plan.
I wasn't satisfied what God was doing. I wasn't trusting God anymore. I was I was said, "Well, here I am.
Here I am. Uh I've educated my two children. Uh I've got rid of that.
Uh now I've done a good job there." I started taking credit. I sent them through college. My wife and I didn't have any college education, but I did for them what I didn't have an opportunity to do myself.
I was taking credit for it. My business has been good and I've spent a lot of time with Alcoholics Anonymous, but I just haven't done nothing about Wesley Parishes in retirement plan. And that's a simple way of thinking, isn't it?
Well, you see, I had stopped growing when I had had a spiritual awakening. I had stopped growing. I thought that was all necessary for me just attend meetings and be part of alcoholics anonymous make through 12step calls and I forgot about this inside job and these weeds started growing inside.
I didn't realize that I had to have more to fulfill my life and keep this keep this this bag or this deflation going in my life because once that you start deflating, you start inflating. I didn't know that the 12 traditions were the continuation of the 12 steps in the program of alcoholics and others. I didn't know that the 12 that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is is in three parts.
When you tell me that you are a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, I would assume and you are living the program of AA, I would assume that you are living the 12 steps. I assume that you're living in unity. I assume that you are rendering service to your father.
That is the program of alcoholic survival. recovery, unity, and service. That's it.
And this is what these four books here, these four basic textbooks of Alcoholics Anonymous teach us about is recovery. That's number one. That's the foundation.
Unity and service. And I didn't know this. And so therefore, I started getting squirly.
I started thinking about, well, you know, I'm really doing too much for Alcoholics Anonymous. I I just I don't know why I've spent as much time as I have with it and and denied my the things that I know that's important to me, getting taken back over again, not being satisfied with God's for me when he's doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. And I started working on this and that and thinking about this retirement plan, what I was going to do.
Oh, it could be a hundred other things, but I'm just using the retirement plan just for example. And you know, all of a sudden the old devil took over. You know, we talk about the higher power in this program, but what about this lower power?
We have a lower power in AA2. Don't you ever kid yourself. I was his best second lieutenant and I run off and left him and he he's been trying for years to try to get me back.
Well, he saw the opportunity and so he got up there and he started talking to me and he said, "Wesley, you're right. I go, you need a good retirement plan. you just ain't going to make it on social security and deflation's coming along and my god you're going to starve to death and you don't have nothing to go on and I got thinking about this and one day the telephone r says to me he says Wesley I'm I I'm going to be home tonight it was Wednesday night and my my group met on Wednesday night and he says tonight is my my night at home and I want air conditioned my house.
You come on out here and let's see what we're going to do about it. Knowing good and well I that it was it was a a meeting night. I I I said to myself, you know, real fast like I said, well, I'll go out there tonight.
I've been wanting to go to this meeting in Fort Lauderdale on Thursday night for a long time and I just never have had the opportunity. And I said, I'll make that meeting up tomorrow night down in Fort Lauderdale. So I went out and I went to the meet I went out and sold the air conditioners and how sweet it was.
It was so sweet that I forgot about Thursday night going to Fort Lauderdale. Well, for a whole week I didn't go to a meeting and the next Wednesday night I went back to my meeting and you know not one person said one word about me not being to that meeting the night before or Wednesday before and I hadn't missed a meeting on Wednesday night in years. And you know what I say?
Well, if that's all I mean to this group, to hell with them. Now, this gives me the opportunity to turn this over to the new com to the new member. I'm just going to become an elder statesman.
Telly, you know what I'm talking about. I was going to be an elder statesman. And so and so I I uh I I uh see I I started down the ladder.
You see when you get abundance of this program, this is when you got to work the hardest. When God is doing the for you what you cannot do it for yourself and you're getting abundance of this program, this is where you got to work the hardest, you know, to stay on top because it's just absolutely a fact in life. if you're on top, somebody's always trying to knock you off, you know.
And so I I didn't know this. And so, you see, I got knocked off the top and I started going down. I started getting complacent.
I started getting that quiet pleasure inside of me. Complacency. I look over there and I'd see somebody in my group and I'd say, "Look at that guy dressed up in that $300 suit tonight." I knew him and he didn't have a pair of pants to his name.
I had to give him a pair. Wear stickers. Look at his wife.
My god, what a hag she was when he first come in. They hadn't been for me, he'd have never made it. Oh, and I just look all around and I would just quiet pleasure inside.
I was just eating it up, you know. I started playing God all over again. You know, I didn't stop there.
I I I I I I went to the complacency and then I went to then to to apathy. I became indifferent. I saw that they didn't need me around there and and and I didn't know why I was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Anyway, I doubted whether I was an alcoholic. I I thought I just wasted my time around anyway. You know, I said, "I'll come around once a month and get busy on my retirement plan.
I'll come around once in a month and I'll sit down on the back row and if the newcomer wants a few pearls of wisdom, I'll I'll stay there 5 10 minutes, let him have it, you know. And I kept that up for a month or two. And then I went to the worst part of it all.
I start I went to dependency. I started depending upon me. Oh, that's the worst thing an alcoholic can do.
You know, I turned my life and my will over the care of God because my way was a wrong way. And here I was want some more of that wrong way. And so therefore, I took my life over again.
I started dependent upon me. I forgot about my wife. I forgot about my family.
I forgot about my sponsor. I forgot about my group. I forgot about my God.
I forgot about everything but the big eye. I was just completely inflated all over again. I had lost everything that I had gained in alcoholic knowledge for 12 years.
The big eye and this is the this is just being a human being. I didn't know this. And through the grace of God, I had a good sponsor.
And this good sponsor knew it. And he grabbed me up to the bootstraps and he straightened me out. And he says, "What?
I don't know what you're going to do, but you better do something. Well, I didn't know what I was going to do. And one day, just by chance, I picked up the grape vine.
And I I read the front inside cover of the great vine. There's 12 steps. I read them and I leave through and finally I got to the back page on the inside and there was the 12 traditions.
I started reading the 12 traditions. Then I turned back over and I read the 12 steps and I said, "Well, I can't use the 12 traditions in my life because they're written at the group level." And I can't really re use uh uh because uh uh I can well I said I don't know why I can't use them. I says the the 12 steps are written at the Wii level in the plural.
And I said to myself, what's the difference between we and a group? It's a good question. What's the difference between we and a group?
The 12 steps is written in the at the Wii level, the group level or the 12 tradition. And I went over to the third tradition in a long forum in the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and it told me that any time that two or three members of Alcoholics Anonymous got together for the purpose of discussing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and and they had no other activity besides that that they were called a group. So it only takes two to make a group.
Well, how many does it take to take we to to make we? It takes two, doesn't it? Well, it takes the same amount to use use the 12 steps in the plurals it takes to to use the 12 traditions.
And I said, well, I never use the 12 traditions at the at the Wii level. I use them at the eye level. I said, "Why can't I start using the 12 traditions at the eye level?
Maybe if I understand the 12 traditions myself and use them, maybe I can transmit those to my group after I learn something about them." And so I said, you know, I think I'll try this. I was just stumbling in the dark. I didn't know.
And then I was reading eight comes of age one day and I and I noticed that well Bill said that the 12 the 12 traditions were the continuation of deflation after the 12 steps and I started and I started reading the 12 traditions and all about it in these books and I found out this was true because I started practicing these 12 traditions in my everyday life and I started along with the 12 steps and you'll be amazed what happened to me in no time because I was back in Hornets again and a member in goodstead in Alcoholics Anonymous loving everybody. You see, I had only loved Wesley Parish. The 12 steps taught me two things.
To love Wesley Parish and to love God. That's all. But if I'm going to have a rounded life, I've got to love you.
Did you know that? I've got to love my fellow man and live in unity with my fellow man if I want to be happy as Cece was talking about tonight. But then I lose it all.
You know, I've seen so many members. I hate to say this because this just happened two weeks ago. I saw a man that had been the total succession in business life and alcoholics anonymous for 37 years.
I saw him commit suicide. You know why? because he never tried to live in unity with his fellow man.
He just didn't try that. And this is part of the a program. Now, I'm going to go through a few of these 12 traditions and show you how I live.
These are my responsibilities. The first one says my I'm going to read them at the eye level so that so that I'm not trying to change them, but I'm going to try to get something out of them for me. I still got to do this inside job.
You know what I mean? Now, this is why I've been sober 35 years is that I found these 12 traditions that hadn't have been those outside people that have beaten me to death. But I found how to control those outside people within here.
I learned how to not react to their act and let them destroy me. I have I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do.
And so it says my common welfare comes first. What is my common welfare? My common welfare is staying sober.
I am an alcoholic. I don't care. I'm one drink from a drug.
One's too many and a thousand is not enough. I need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous more today than I need it 35 years ago. 35 years ago I had nothing to lose.
Today I've got everything to lose. Everything. And so this is my common welfare is to stay sober.
Make it my biggest business every day of my life. This is ceased to talk about My personal recovery depends upon my aa unity. My personal recovery depends upon me living in unity with you, not you live in unity to me.
That ain't got nothing to do with it. Uh-uh. No.
I've got to love you whether you love me or not. What did the great teacher once said? The great teacher once says this, "What is it to love those who love you?" That's nothing.
But to love those who hate you is something. Now if I want to lose what I have gained in alcoholics anonymous, the only thing I have to do is to react to your act and try to change it and get in a personality clash with you and you getting a person a personality clash from me. Well, at the end of the situation, who's going to be the winner?
Both of us are going to be the loser. And so why should I then let you destroy me? Does that make sense to you?
It makes sense to me. Because you see, I'm in this thing for one thing and one thing only, and that's to find a way to live and be happy without alcohol. I was born with a personality that wanted to be happy.
And alcohol, I drank it for the effects. If castor oil would have had the same effect on me as alcohol, hell, I'd have been a castorolic. It wouldn't have made a better difference.
Just that way. I'm not going to let you get into my life and ruin my life. No sir.
I'm going to love you whether you love me or not. And you can bet your boots on that. That's the way it is.
I have a one unlimited authority, a loving God as he expresses himself in my conscience. Me, the same loving God that I found back there in the third step. Same loving God.
You know this whole thing in alcoholics is based upon this loving God. The the divine love of God. This attracted you the first time you was ever approached by alcoholics.
The person that came up to see you was something about him or her that you knew that they meant every word that they said. It was something about them that that that that attracted you. It was something about them that that that you knew that that that that they wanted you to be part of what they are part of.
And it seemed that whatever they wanted to do, it was just an unlimited thing that they wanted to give you. And you knew that it was nothing about you or that's the way I was. I knew it was nothing about me that would motivate this type of love or this type of feeling in another human being.
I didn't know at that time that this was the divine love of God working in my life at that particular moment through another human being. in this 12step job. I came to AA because this man said, "We need you." I came to AA because this man did not take my inventory.
I came to AA because he didn't he didn't tell me about what a sorry so and so I was. Why didn't I drink like a man? Why did I do this?
Why didn't I do that? He didn't try to take away from me the rights and the privileges to do whatever I wanted to do. And whatever I wanted to do, he didn't condemn me for it.
He showed me that he loved me because love is tolerance and love is patience and love is understanding. He loved me. It's the divine love of God.
The divine love of God is spontaneous. It's unlimited and it's unmotivated. And this is what we have in our policy.
This is the divine. This is the this is the ultimate authority that I have. And he's taught me that I am not a governor.
Only thing I do is I'm a servant. I'm a servant to you. This is my responsibility to serve you to to whatever I know about this program is to transmit it to you where you can have what I have received in this program.
Tell you about my mistakes where if you want to if you want to hound yours by through through my my trial and error well you can do it and to tell you where I found my answers. That's me being a servant to you. I came to get, but I hope I can say to give.
And I've never seen a servant yet that was a boss. I never have. The only requirement for AA is a membership.
Uh AA is a membership. AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. The only thing I have to do to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous is have a desire to drop stop drinking every day of my life.
That's it. It's not about anything else. I don't get all confused about these outside issues, these things that we bring into Alcoholics Anonymous as human beings.
It's not necessary. I don't care about she wolves or he wolves or or Little Red Riding Hood or none of that stuff. Not interested in it.
That's their damn business. If they want that kind of stuff, that's all right. I don't care whether they take pills or not.
That's their business. I don't care whether they smoke grass or not. That's their business.
That's an outside issue. As far as alcoholics and novice is concerned, we are interested in one thing and one thing only. You can't drink pills or you can't drink grass.
And it says right here, it says the only requirement is the desire to stop drinking. That's it. I don't get confused about all this stuff.
Somebody comes in my group and starts talking about pills and all that stuff. I said, "You're out of place. You ain't got no business here, buddy." I said, "We we are for one thing and one thing only.
We we we we got a one single mind. If you've got a drinking program, we are here to help you. Period.
If you don't have a drinking problem, there's other places. There's 202 fellowships using the program of Alcoholics Anonymous helping other people." Now, we've been very generous with this program. 202.
This one, the newest one is called Prostitute Anonymous. And their slogan is don't take that first book. See, we've got to be single of mind.
We know this. We can't be everything to everything. If you read the history of aa, if you read the history of Washingtonians, you can see why this is absolutely 100% necessary.
We have nothing against these other people. We are just single of mind. That's all.
One purpose. Stop drinking. That's all.
I should always be autonomous except in matters affecting me as a whole. I've got a doctor's degree in negative thinking. I can out lie, out, cheat, out, steal any so-called normal person.
Well, I got I know how. I made a living that way for years. I know right from wrong.
But I'm going to tell you something right now. I've got to make a decision every day of my life on this little simple piece of philosophy. Anything just about right is wrong.
Anything just about right is wrong. And that's the way it is. Now, if you want to hear the hounds of heaven bark in the morning, all you have to do is to do something wrong and your conscience is going to get at you.
Well, you see, you're the one that's going to pay the penalty. No one else. and you know right from wrong or you wouldn't become a member of our college because you come to AA because you know that you were wrong or you wouldn't want to be a member.
I never saw a person in my life want to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous but here we are and so therefore we know and so we have to be autonomous. We have to make our own decision. We have to stand on on our own two feet and for the first time in our lives meet our own responsibilities.
toward ourselves to be honest with ourselves for the first time in our lives regardless of what other people do. Don't be led by the nose just because at that particular time it's a little convenient and it will help you in a social activity or something like that. You're only hurting yourself when you do it.
I'm going to drop down to to seven. AA groups ought to be fully self-supported in declining outside contributions. You say, "Well, what's that got to do with being happy?" That's got everything in the world of being being happy.
I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have to support AA because I am a member of AA and AA is supported by its membership only. We decline all outside contributions.
And so therefore, who is left to support it but you and I as members and if you're not supporting it and if I'm not supporting it, we are not meeting our responsibilities as individuals. Does anybody disagree with that? I don't.
You know, I used to sit by millionaire when I first come in Maya and I had a resentment that I re that that I let be reborned every every meeting night. because I I just I just like to, you know, he just aggravated the hell out of me. And so one he he would he would sit there and wait till the meeting was over and to start passing the basket and he'd wait till the basket got to him and he'd reach in his pocket and put the basket on his lap and he'd snap this little pocket book open and you could hear it all over the room and he'd reach in there and run his finger around in it and come out with a Texas half.
That's a dime. Drop it in there. And I'd say that tight sunk will fit you.
If he don't put but a dime in there, I ain't going to put nothing. Now, I didn't put nothing either. Now, who was I hurting?
I was hurting me because I wasn't meeting my responsibility. You see, you and I have the most perfect program known to man. Did you know that when Bill left when Bill left us, he left us a perfect program?
He didn't left he didn't left leave it stone unturned. He gave us the 12 tradition, the 12 steps. He gave us the 12 traditions.
He gave us the third legacy. And he gave us the 12 concepts. In other words, that is recovery, unity, and service, and the perpetuation of Alcoholics Anonymous as long as human life.
So, what else could you ask a man? And these things belong to you and I as members, and they are mine and yours as long as you and I support Alcoholics. There is no stranger attached.
As long as you and I meet our responsibilities, I don't say give till it hurts. I say give and it feels good. You know, you know what I'm talking about.
That's all there is to it. Well, I'm going back to one more and then I'm going to let y'all people go. I'm going to go back to number five.
It says each group ought to have a one primary purpose to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. Carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers. I've been sober 35 years and I still suffer from disease of alcoholism every day of my life.
I'm here tonight to take my medicine for my disease. What about you? >> Are you here tonight for your disease, Charlie?
>> Everybody, you've been sober 25, 30. Everybody here, I hope they take medicine for that disease. Get in the prescription field.
I don't know about the doctor, but the prescription is good. Well, if this be true, then it's my responsibility every time I see you is to carry the message to you. It's my responsibility to 12step you every time I see you.
And it's your responsibility to 12step me every time you see me. How about that? To carry the message to each other.
There's no stronger thing in the world than love. Love. L O V E.
And when I come to Alcoholics and I saw love to me was a physical thing. It's not that anymore. It's a spiritual thing.
I love you just because you're you. And I want you to have the best of everything. I want I want to I want to transmit things to you, my experiences and hope with you that this program works and I want you to be sober 35 years and and you might say, "Well, that's a braggados sake." No.
Uhuh. I go to these conventions all over the world and they they let people stand up and it's very few people ever stand up. a few people once in a while you get a 35 year old man to stand up and after that they you know we we just peter out about that long you know we just wear out but this program you can if you put it to to practice within yourself if you take and hold the total package recovery unity and service it works if you work it will not work unless you work.
It's an inside job for every human being that's in a memo of Alcoholics Anonymous. Here is here is the key. Number one parties is the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
Here's where you find the probe. Remember, it says no human being can relieve you of your alcoholism. So, you got to go to where you find out what will.
And this book tells you in the prefix that this was written by a hundred men and women and this is precisely not suggestively but precisely how they recovered. So this ain't no bunch of malarkey. This is the truth.
This is 45 years old and alcoholics have never changed it. So you know it's got to be right. Are we the change?
Alcoholics anonymous. Aa comes of age. This is a history of alcoholics anonymous.
You know why your children study American history in school? Because they want to teach your children to love their country. The more that they know about the history of their country, the more they love it.
Well, I can tell you the more that you know about AA, the more you'll love it. And I strongly suggest AA aa comes of age read it and digest it and become part of it. This was written 17 years after Bill had written a big book his interpretation of the 12 steps and 12 traditions and it's extremely good.
And the last but not least is as Bill sees it. This is Bill's writings and inserts of his letters and so forth. And this is strictly aa you know I I want to say this one thing in closing.
In going all over the country every once in a while I a person will come up to me and says Wesley I'm losing my program. I don't know what the trouble is. And I and I said well let's go and have a cup of coffee.
So we got going and get a cup of coffee. And they tell me what a great thing they're doing. But they said we are attending meetings.
We're going here. We're going there. We're talking.
Hey. We're doing all of that. But it's just something happening to our program.
And I said, 'Well, what are you reading? Oh, we are reading these these good books. Uh, Sermon on the Mount, Emitco, uh, uh, a lot of these self-improvement books they got today.
and this one the little yellow spot on the wall by Hoofl Dong and and uh all this thing and and they go on for 30 minutes telling me what wonderful books they'll read and I said well it's funny you haven't said anything about the big book oh well we haven't read that last three or four years the last time we've written to that I said well when did you become a normal person when did you when did you jump from a an alcoholic to non-alcoholic calling me. They said, "What do you mean?" I says, "Well, the stuff you've been reading is for alcoh for non-alcoholics, not alcohol, not not for alcoholics." I said, "There's not four books for alcoholics." And I poured out these four books and I said, "If you get into these books, maybe you'll get back with your program." And I have never seen one of this program works that we work. Thank you.
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